WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.040 --> 00:00:14.240 Enogy, s cancel, I'm so high, sage cansage, it's not 2 00:00:14.519 --> 00:00:17.600 sorry and energy. 3 00:00:19.519 --> 00:00:22.879 Oh me, I'm just isolating myself in the corner and 4 00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:26.760 not talking to you, literally anyone. And my face looks 5 00:00:26.760 --> 00:00:28.960 like it's about to bite your head off because I'm 6 00:00:29.000 --> 00:00:36.799 just totally fine and chill. Nothing's bothering me ever. Oh yeah, 7 00:00:36.880 --> 00:00:41.119 does that sound familiar. So many of us have tried 8 00:00:41.159 --> 00:00:45.359 to act like we're all fine and dandy. Everything is 9 00:00:45.439 --> 00:00:48.799 just sunshine and rainbows and nothing ever bothers me. Let 10 00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:51.439 me just tell you right now, all that's going to 11 00:00:51.600 --> 00:00:57.799 get you is low level relationships with people who need 12 00:00:57.960 --> 00:01:02.719 mothering and who cannot see you. Recently, in Taylor Swift's 13 00:01:02.960 --> 00:01:06.599 new album, she has a song eldest Daughter, and she says, 14 00:01:07.359 --> 00:01:10.879 I said I didn't believe in marriage, but that was 15 00:01:10.920 --> 00:01:16.319 a lie. Right. That hit home with me because so 16 00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:20.239 many of us want to be seen, want to be heard, 17 00:01:20.680 --> 00:01:26.319 want to be loved. Yet we're lying to ourselves and 18 00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:30.359 in lying to our partners and still expecting for them 19 00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:36.040 to somehow break the mold beyond the millions of masks 20 00:01:36.120 --> 00:01:39.159 that we're wearing, and somehow they're gonna know us, know 21 00:01:39.159 --> 00:01:42.920 what to give us know how to make us happy. 22 00:01:43.159 --> 00:01:45.640 That doesn't really make any sense. In fact, if we're 23 00:01:45.719 --> 00:01:48.159 lying to ourselves and lying to them about what we need, 24 00:01:48.359 --> 00:01:50.680 we actually don't even know how to make ourselves happy. 25 00:01:51.239 --> 00:01:55.400 So let's start there. Remember, no man is your friend, 26 00:01:55.439 --> 00:01:58.200 No man is your enemy. Every single man is your portal. 27 00:01:58.719 --> 00:02:01.400 So if you feel like no one is meeting your needs, 28 00:02:01.480 --> 00:02:03.359 no one is seeing you, no one's there for you, 29 00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:07.959 perhaps you're not giving them space to see you, know you, 30 00:02:08.439 --> 00:02:12.240 and be there for you. Why do we lie to 31 00:02:12.360 --> 00:02:15.960 ourselves to others. It's not because we are these dark 32 00:02:16.039 --> 00:02:21.000 demons trying to manipulate everyone. No, we are trying to 33 00:02:21.240 --> 00:02:27.479 protect ourselves. We have convinced ourselves, through our human experience, 34 00:02:28.039 --> 00:02:32.319 that we don't need so much. That we're fine, We're 35 00:02:32.439 --> 00:02:37.319 low maintenance, we're so chill, we're so cool. We allow 36 00:02:37.439 --> 00:02:41.080 ourselves to get disrespected by our friends, by our partners, 37 00:02:41.080 --> 00:02:44.479 and we slap on a happy face. We allow people 38 00:02:45.159 --> 00:02:49.439 to completely disregard our emotions and we act like it's okay. 39 00:02:50.599 --> 00:02:54.960 For what might I ask? The truth is, we are 40 00:02:55.000 --> 00:02:57.560 so scared, and we are scared to admit that we 41 00:02:57.719 --> 00:03:01.360 are scared. We are scared to need we are scared 42 00:03:01.400 --> 00:03:05.439 to be disappointed. We are scared to be too much. 43 00:03:06.479 --> 00:03:10.280 But here's the thing. When we lie to ourselves about 44 00:03:10.319 --> 00:03:14.599 what we need and therefore cannot be honest and communicate 45 00:03:14.639 --> 00:03:19.159 what we need with our partners, we block the entire 46 00:03:19.680 --> 00:03:24.039 channel for those needs to ever be met. If you 47 00:03:24.159 --> 00:03:27.800 ask for the chicken caesar salad, how the hell are 48 00:03:27.800 --> 00:03:31.400 you going to get the chicken palm. If you can't 49 00:03:31.479 --> 00:03:35.560 communicate to yourself what you need, it's going to be 50 00:03:35.639 --> 00:03:39.960 near damn impossible to get your partner to understand what 51 00:03:40.039 --> 00:03:43.840 you need. To your coworker, your friend. I don't care 52 00:03:43.960 --> 00:03:47.800 what relationship you are in. You need to know how 53 00:03:47.800 --> 00:03:51.599 to be in touch with yourself and therefore communicate to others. 54 00:03:52.120 --> 00:03:55.439 This recent librot new Moon is calling us to be 55 00:03:55.520 --> 00:04:00.680 erotically honest. Can we take off the mask? Can we 56 00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:04.240 stop being shameful about what it is we need. I 57 00:04:04.439 --> 00:04:08.319 used to feel embarrassed, embarrassed to say, hey, you know, 58 00:04:08.400 --> 00:04:11.800 I actually do need you to text me in the morning. 59 00:04:12.599 --> 00:04:15.319 And why did I feel embarrassed Because other people made 60 00:04:15.360 --> 00:04:18.040 me feel like it was a big deal. Other people 61 00:04:18.160 --> 00:04:20.399 made me feel like I was asking for too much. 62 00:04:20.519 --> 00:04:22.800 I was not asking for too much. I was asking 63 00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:26.000 the wrong person and maybe there is a difference. There 64 00:04:26.079 --> 00:04:30.000 is a difference. This Libra new Moon is inviting us 65 00:04:30.079 --> 00:04:34.319 to intend how we want to feel in relationship, what 66 00:04:34.360 --> 00:04:39.839 we want to receive in relationship, what we want in relationship. 67 00:04:40.399 --> 00:04:45.040 This is all about asking ourselves. Are my relationships balanced? 68 00:04:45.639 --> 00:04:47.920 Do I feel seen and heard? And if I don't, 69 00:04:48.199 --> 00:04:50.519 am I giving them space to even show up for me? 70 00:04:50.639 --> 00:04:55.800 Am I being honest about my truth? So we're going 71 00:04:55.879 --> 00:04:58.600 to talk about it. What's a positive bitches? How are 72 00:04:58.639 --> 00:05:01.240 you doing today? You're hearing this episode. You are meant 73 00:05:01.279 --> 00:05:03.800 to be here, So keep listening on that Bitch is 74 00:05:03.879 --> 00:05:06.839 Positive podcast. Sometimes we're gonna laugh. Other times, baby, we're 75 00:05:06.839 --> 00:05:10.319 gonna cry, but we will always walk away feeling our 76 00:05:10.360 --> 00:05:13.240 most empowered, positive bitchself. That is Babe in true connection 77 00:05:13.319 --> 00:05:16.279 with herself, himself, human self. I don't care if you 78 00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:19.360 identify ask cucumber. If you want to step into your 79 00:05:19.480 --> 00:05:22.480 most magnetic timeline, then you have simply come to the 80 00:05:22.560 --> 00:05:26.120 right place. This podcast is all about unbecoming who we 81 00:05:26.160 --> 00:05:29.120 are not so we can fully step into exactly who 82 00:05:29.120 --> 00:05:32.160 we came here to be. Can I get an eight men? 83 00:05:32.759 --> 00:05:36.199 If you are wanting to really in this season, place 84 00:05:36.240 --> 00:05:40.040 yourself on a pedestal. Your pedestal to be specific, get 85 00:05:40.240 --> 00:05:42.600 the pedestal path course. The link will be in the 86 00:05:42.639 --> 00:05:46.720 show notes. It is the perfect pairing for this episode. Also, 87 00:05:47.000 --> 00:05:49.959 if you want a track to help you get that 88 00:05:50.560 --> 00:05:54.839 mind right, then make sure to rewire your mind and 89 00:05:54.920 --> 00:05:58.480 make your mind with my very own affirmation track. Link 90 00:05:58.519 --> 00:06:00.519 will be in the bio. If you want step by 91 00:06:00.519 --> 00:06:05.360 step guide to unlocking your most magnetic self, my books 92 00:06:05.399 --> 00:06:09.879 Show Up as Her is the perfect book for you. 93 00:06:10.399 --> 00:06:13.079 It is ten laws of positive biology to help you 94 00:06:13.800 --> 00:06:17.959 magnify your energy to attract exactly what you want, feel 95 00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:21.439 your best, look your best, and get your best results. 96 00:06:21.800 --> 00:06:26.240 Without further ado, let's get into today's episode. I have 97 00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:30.279 some team. Recently, my friend is going through something with 98 00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:36.800 her partner and she has had that canon moment. I 99 00:06:36.839 --> 00:06:39.480 swear every single one of us women have this moment 100 00:06:39.480 --> 00:06:41.959 in our life where we realize we're in a long 101 00:06:42.040 --> 00:06:45.040 term relationship and we're giving so much more than we're getting. 102 00:06:45.920 --> 00:06:52.199 We feel underappreciated, undervalued, we don't feel seen, we feel overlooked, 103 00:06:52.839 --> 00:06:57.360 and that moment in a woman's life is truly initiation 104 00:06:57.800 --> 00:07:02.480 into her power where Damn, I've been told that I 105 00:07:02.600 --> 00:07:05.959 have to perform in order to get love. I've been 106 00:07:06.000 --> 00:07:08.279 told I have to be a certain way in order 107 00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:11.360 to attract a partner. It's been all about them, But 108 00:07:11.839 --> 00:07:16.800 what about me? And once we pass that threshold of 109 00:07:16.839 --> 00:07:21.560 feeling undervalued, there is no going back. It's like the 110 00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:25.040 feral feminine wakes up within us and oh, you don't 111 00:07:25.040 --> 00:07:27.120 want to be around when it happens, But damn is 112 00:07:27.120 --> 00:07:30.879 it a beautyful thing? So this has been happening in 113 00:07:30.879 --> 00:07:34.920 my friend's life, and her partner kept asking her, Okay, 114 00:07:34.959 --> 00:07:37.480 I hear you, but what do you need from me? 115 00:07:38.199 --> 00:07:40.920 What do you need? That was the question over and 116 00:07:41.000 --> 00:07:44.199 over and over again. And I swear the masculine energy, 117 00:07:44.920 --> 00:07:48.439 when it is healed enough anyway, does want to give 118 00:07:48.439 --> 00:07:51.439 to the feminine, because the masculine is the giver. So 119 00:07:51.560 --> 00:07:56.480 there is, when it's healthy enough, this natural inclination. I 120 00:07:56.519 --> 00:07:58.560 want to give to you. What do you need? Can 121 00:07:58.600 --> 00:08:03.680 I give it to you? And so forth. She is 122 00:08:03.800 --> 00:08:07.560 upset that he doesn't know what she needs, and we've 123 00:08:07.600 --> 00:08:10.759 all been there, and she communicated to him, to me, 124 00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:13.240 you should know what I need. You should know what 125 00:08:13.319 --> 00:08:19.560 I need by now sound familiar. We've all had that experience. 126 00:08:20.240 --> 00:08:22.720 We're looking at this person we've been dating for so long, 127 00:08:22.839 --> 00:08:25.639 we're able to into it. Would they need? Why the 128 00:08:25.680 --> 00:08:28.800 hell can they not into it what we need? And 129 00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:31.439 there could be multiple answers here. Could be the wrong person. 130 00:08:32.000 --> 00:08:35.080 It could also be they've never been in this type 131 00:08:35.080 --> 00:08:38.159 of relationship. It could be they weren't taught by their 132 00:08:38.200 --> 00:08:40.639 mother how to give to the feminine. It could be 133 00:08:40.679 --> 00:08:44.440 so many different things. But here's what I want to 134 00:08:44.480 --> 00:08:48.759 bring to you. We cannot I don't care how long 135 00:08:48.840 --> 00:08:51.559 you have known them. We cannot expect people to read 136 00:08:51.639 --> 00:08:54.080 our minds. My own mother doesn't know what I need 137 00:08:54.120 --> 00:08:58.240 sometimes and says the worst sentence I could possibly conceive 138 00:08:58.320 --> 00:09:00.600 to me where my brain wants to fall out of 139 00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:05.159 my head and bury itself into the ground for seventy 140 00:09:05.200 --> 00:09:09.519 two years, And I wish I could unhear. If my 141 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:12.120 own mother doesn't know what I need sometimes, if I 142 00:09:12.159 --> 00:09:15.639 don't even know what I need sometimes, how could I 143 00:09:15.679 --> 00:09:20.960 expect someone else to know what I need? We expect 144 00:09:21.000 --> 00:09:25.600 people to into it what we need before we even 145 00:09:25.720 --> 00:09:29.919 know what we need, and when we don't, we label 146 00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:34.559 them as emotionally unavailable, as disconnected as bad. But the 147 00:09:34.600 --> 00:09:40.320 truth is people aren't mind readers. And the reason we 148 00:09:40.399 --> 00:09:45.200 don't say what we need most often is because we 149 00:09:45.240 --> 00:09:47.440 think it's gonna make us sound needy. We don't want 150 00:09:47.440 --> 00:09:50.559 to sound like a spoiled brat. We feel like in 151 00:09:50.600 --> 00:09:52.799 the past when we did say what we needed, we 152 00:09:52.799 --> 00:09:55.639 were disappointed because someone couldn't rise to meet our needs, 153 00:09:55.759 --> 00:09:57.919 or we were told we were being too much. So 154 00:09:58.240 --> 00:09:59.720 we don't even want to say it. We just want 155 00:09:59.759 --> 00:10:03.960 them to to know. Listen, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. 156 00:10:05.000 --> 00:10:07.840 If you have a need, you can't expect someone to 157 00:10:07.960 --> 00:10:10.799 just know what that need is. You need to communicate it. 158 00:10:11.399 --> 00:10:14.080 And she was saying to me, maybe it's because he's young. 159 00:10:14.159 --> 00:10:17.799 It's not an age thing. I have dated men from 160 00:10:18.080 --> 00:10:23.399 twenty seven my age to forty one. Let me tell you, 161 00:10:23.519 --> 00:10:26.159 it's not an age thing. It's not an age thing. 162 00:10:26.440 --> 00:10:30.360 You have to communicate what it is you need. I 163 00:10:30.480 --> 00:10:35.200 literally work as an intuitive channel, and sometimes I might 164 00:10:35.320 --> 00:10:40.960 misread what my partner's going through, what they need because 165 00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:45.080 I am not them, and I can be as intuitive 166 00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:47.559 as I want, and usually I can kind of sense 167 00:10:47.559 --> 00:10:50.080 it out, but I'm not one hundred percent correct. Because 168 00:10:50.679 --> 00:10:54.720 I'm not them, and sometimes they don't know what they 169 00:10:54.759 --> 00:10:58.279 even want or need. I do think we need to 170 00:10:58.320 --> 00:11:04.039 give our partners great simultaneously, we need to be willing 171 00:11:04.080 --> 00:11:06.960 to speak up for ourselves. If no one has told 172 00:11:07.000 --> 00:11:11.360 you thus far, you are not needy because you have needs. 173 00:11:12.080 --> 00:11:19.679 That's called being a human, that's called existing. That's actually amazing. 174 00:11:19.799 --> 00:11:23.879 If you're able to identify and communicate your needs, that 175 00:11:23.919 --> 00:11:30.960 makes you highly emotionally intelligent. It also makes your partner's 176 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:35.399 job so much easier. I've had so many men tell me, Ceci, 177 00:11:35.519 --> 00:11:38.120 you are the best communicator. I'm so happy you just 178 00:11:38.159 --> 00:11:39.559 tell me what you need so I can give it 179 00:11:39.600 --> 00:11:42.960 to you. I recently have that happened to me. Literally, 180 00:11:43.039 --> 00:11:44.840 a man telling me, I just need you to tell 181 00:11:44.879 --> 00:11:46.519 me what you need and I will do it. And 182 00:11:46.639 --> 00:11:48.360 whatever it is, just let me know and I can 183 00:11:48.360 --> 00:11:51.120 do it for you. I wasn't insulted that I had 184 00:11:51.120 --> 00:11:53.559 to tell him what I need. I thought, great, I 185 00:11:53.600 --> 00:11:55.279 can say what I want, I can speak up for 186 00:11:55.360 --> 00:11:58.559 myself and he's just gonna do it. Perfect works for me. 187 00:11:59.759 --> 00:12:03.519 There is nothing wrong with expressing yourself. There's nothing wrong 188 00:12:04.120 --> 00:12:06.639 for saying what you need, and that doesn't mean that's 189 00:12:06.639 --> 00:12:09.600 a bad partner or that there's something wrong with them. 190 00:12:09.960 --> 00:12:15.519 It means this is a healthy relationship where communication must 191 00:12:15.639 --> 00:12:20.600 be had. The less you communicate your needs, it's a 192 00:12:20.639 --> 00:12:25.039 direct correlation, the more likely they're going to go unmet. 193 00:12:26.039 --> 00:12:31.519 Resentment will grow. Silence will not help you. I know 194 00:12:31.639 --> 00:12:34.440 there's an urge to jump ship before they can jump ship. 195 00:12:34.480 --> 00:12:36.440 I know there's an urge to just be the cool girl, 196 00:12:36.440 --> 00:12:40.120 acts like it doesn't bother you. What does that get 197 00:12:40.200 --> 00:12:43.000 you so you can go home and cry into your 198 00:12:43.039 --> 00:12:45.960 bed later that no one loves you, that no one 199 00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:50.960 can see you. Baby, be honest. Are you seeing yourself 200 00:12:50.960 --> 00:12:53.399 if you're unwilling to even communicate what you need? Are 201 00:12:53.399 --> 00:12:56.879 you seeing yourself if you're unwilling to just speak up 202 00:12:58.080 --> 00:13:03.759 to me? That sounds like self? But try let's start here. 203 00:13:04.960 --> 00:13:08.600 Do you even know what you need? Sometimes we don't, 204 00:13:09.440 --> 00:13:13.080 And that's okay. We have been so busy protecting ourselves, 205 00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:15.919 pretending to be easy going, pretending to not care, that 206 00:13:16.360 --> 00:13:19.120 a lot of us have lost touch with our intuition, 207 00:13:19.240 --> 00:13:22.759 with our truth. I do want to say there are 208 00:13:22.879 --> 00:13:27.080 basic human needs that every human should have an understanding about. 209 00:13:27.679 --> 00:13:35.159 I'm talking about respect, kindness, honesty, safety, consistency, not cheating, 210 00:13:35.200 --> 00:13:37.320 like those are basic things that should not have to 211 00:13:37.360 --> 00:13:40.799 be said. I mean, come on, now, I know to 212 00:13:40.799 --> 00:13:44.279 not lie to my friend, to not hurt my friend. 213 00:13:44.320 --> 00:13:48.120 Everyone should know that basic human needs. Okay, fine, those 214 00:13:48.120 --> 00:13:50.600 are non negotiables. If you don't have those, what are 215 00:13:50.639 --> 00:13:52.960 you even doing in that dynamic? But beyond that, you 216 00:13:53.120 --> 00:13:57.519 might need to communicate specific needs. A good morning text, 217 00:13:58.039 --> 00:14:01.360 a phone call once a day time on the weekends, 218 00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:06.480 verbal reassurance, physical affection, someone to pray with, laugh with, 219 00:14:06.720 --> 00:14:10.759 plan with. I tell men straight up, I like more 220 00:14:10.799 --> 00:14:14.159 so traditional gender roles. It's not going to be exact 221 00:14:14.320 --> 00:14:16.960 because we live in a modern world. But I'm not 222 00:14:17.039 --> 00:14:18.679 going on a date and splitting it with you. To 223 00:14:18.759 --> 00:14:24.399 me voltaile discuss grotesque. I won't be able to look 224 00:14:24.399 --> 00:14:30.120 at you. Some may say that's extreme. I'm just being honest. 225 00:14:30.919 --> 00:14:34.399 If someone tells me that's too much, okay, baby boo, 226 00:14:34.799 --> 00:14:38.679 love peace and uh wish you well, I have other 227 00:14:38.759 --> 00:14:45.240 things to do. Begone, begone. That's it. I have expressed 228 00:14:45.240 --> 00:14:48.759 what I've needed to some people. For example, I've needed 229 00:14:48.759 --> 00:14:52.480 a good morning text because it was long distance and 230 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:58.679 he was forty You think he could do that, right, Well, 231 00:14:58.720 --> 00:15:02.720 you're wrong. He could, he couldn't. And when he said 232 00:15:02.720 --> 00:15:05.159 he couldn't, I said, okay, well this just doesn't work 233 00:15:05.200 --> 00:15:07.240 for me. I don't feel like you're pursuing me. I 234 00:15:07.240 --> 00:15:09.279 don't feel like you're in your mask and energy creating 235 00:15:09.320 --> 00:15:12.720 a safe space. This is important to me. I have 236 00:15:12.879 --> 00:15:17.639 made sure that whatever you needed you got, so you're 237 00:15:17.639 --> 00:15:20.080 not reciprocating that same energy. I don't want to do 238 00:15:20.120 --> 00:15:23.320 this anymore, and I didn't. There have been other men 239 00:15:23.320 --> 00:15:25.639 who said a good morning text, I could totally do that. 240 00:15:25.639 --> 00:15:27.919 That's not a big deal at all. That's nothing. That's 241 00:15:28.120 --> 00:15:31.320 light work, and therefore they got the opportunity to get 242 00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:35.200 to know me on a deeper level. You have to 243 00:15:35.279 --> 00:15:37.759 have non negotiables, you have to have boundaries to even 244 00:15:38.320 --> 00:15:41.120 let these people in your life. I mean, you cannot 245 00:15:41.159 --> 00:15:44.200 be allowing just any Joe schmil and their father into 246 00:15:44.279 --> 00:15:47.600 your orbit. You gotta vet these people out of love 247 00:15:47.639 --> 00:15:49.960 for yourself and them. I'm not wasting their time, and 248 00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:53.639 I'm certainly not going to waste my own. If something 249 00:15:53.759 --> 00:15:57.600 isn't someone's style, we don't hate them, we don't blame them. 250 00:15:57.639 --> 00:16:02.919 We just say awesome, cool, not for me next. If 251 00:16:02.919 --> 00:16:06.039 you don't like the ice cream flavor Rocky Road, you're 252 00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:08.399 not mad at the ice cream flavor, you just don't 253 00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:11.000 eat it. If you don't like the flavor chocolate, you're 254 00:16:11.039 --> 00:16:13.519 not mad at it, you just don't eat it. If 255 00:16:13.600 --> 00:16:16.159 you don't like the flavor that someone's bringing to your table, 256 00:16:16.240 --> 00:16:18.679 you don't have to be mad at it, you just 257 00:16:19.200 --> 00:16:22.399 don't eat it. You do not fill in their silences 258 00:16:22.600 --> 00:16:25.759 with your own imagination. You do not romanticize them. You 259 00:16:25.799 --> 00:16:27.519 do not see who they could be. You just see 260 00:16:27.519 --> 00:16:31.120 them for who they are and allow that to be it. 261 00:16:31.519 --> 00:16:35.240 Thank you so much, Thank you so much. Instead of 262 00:16:35.240 --> 00:16:38.879 me trying to decode someone, they can just tell me 263 00:16:39.080 --> 00:16:41.120 if they can provide what I need or not, and 264 00:16:41.159 --> 00:16:43.919 I can move on, and so can they. Speaking your 265 00:16:43.960 --> 00:16:46.440 needs is never going to push away the right person. 266 00:16:47.000 --> 00:16:50.120 It's only going to attract them closer to you. It's 267 00:16:50.159 --> 00:16:52.559 going to show you who you should remove, and please 268 00:16:52.720 --> 00:16:57.200 be my guest and do so. It's a filter. It 269 00:16:57.279 --> 00:16:59.679 filters in what and who is for you, and it 270 00:16:59.679 --> 00:17:04.720 filter out what can never rise to meet you. Sometimes 271 00:17:04.799 --> 00:17:07.279 when you're in this season of trying to discover what 272 00:17:07.319 --> 00:17:10.920 it is you need I want you to not just 273 00:17:10.920 --> 00:17:13.759 have grace with them, have grace with yourself. Okay, this 274 00:17:13.799 --> 00:17:17.279 is the first time you're being this human. Yes, you 275 00:17:17.319 --> 00:17:19.880 may have been to Earth a plethora of times, but 276 00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:22.640 this is the first time that you are you. So 277 00:17:22.759 --> 00:17:26.920 it might take some seasons, some relationships, some time alone 278 00:17:26.960 --> 00:17:30.720 to figure out what do I need. Even asking yourself 279 00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:34.359 this simple question, intending to know what do I need, 280 00:17:34.920 --> 00:17:38.160 it will start to show you what you want and 281 00:17:38.200 --> 00:17:42.200 what you need. I was talking to someone and one 282 00:17:42.319 --> 00:17:44.920 night he told me, look, I'm super exhausted, and I 283 00:17:44.960 --> 00:17:47.039 knew he had a long day. He asked me, do 284 00:17:47.079 --> 00:17:49.359 you mind if we don't FaceTime tonight. I'm just gonna 285 00:17:49.400 --> 00:17:52.079 head to bed and I said, yeah, yeah, that's fine, 286 00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:55.240 don't worry about it. And in the moment that was 287 00:17:55.279 --> 00:17:58.680 true for me. It was fine. I didn't mind go 288 00:17:58.759 --> 00:18:01.519 to sleep. I was busy. I still had like an 289 00:18:01.519 --> 00:18:03.279 hour and a half of things I had to get to. 290 00:18:04.799 --> 00:18:12.480 And when about two hours passed, I realized, I feel 291 00:18:12.519 --> 00:18:16.160 something in my body that I don't like. I fell off. 292 00:18:16.200 --> 00:18:21.160 I felt weird, I felt upset, and I realized, oh, 293 00:18:22.119 --> 00:18:26.440 what I thought was okay, wasn't I missed hearing his voice. 294 00:18:26.680 --> 00:18:30.279 I missed having that time to just chat. What often 295 00:18:30.400 --> 00:18:34.880 happens with the masculine energy is when there's distance, the 296 00:18:34.920 --> 00:18:40.440 masculine energy wants to grow closer for a lot of them, 297 00:18:40.519 --> 00:18:42.279 not all of them, but for a lot of them. 298 00:18:42.680 --> 00:18:46.039 But for the feminine energy, when there's distance, we tend 299 00:18:46.200 --> 00:18:49.880 to yeah, we'll miss them, but if there's too much 300 00:18:49.920 --> 00:18:53.640 of it, we tend to kind of unplug. It's an 301 00:18:53.720 --> 00:18:58.359 opposite effect. Some distance for the masculine, they want to 302 00:18:58.400 --> 00:19:03.079 come closer, some distance. For the feminine, we tend to 303 00:19:03.759 --> 00:19:06.559 plug a bit. And that was happening to me. I 304 00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:09.160 felt it. I felt the oh, there's too much space here, 305 00:19:09.160 --> 00:19:12.720 and I don't like how this feels. The next day 306 00:19:12.839 --> 00:19:16.839 I said, hey, I misjudged the situation. I thought I 307 00:19:16.920 --> 00:19:18.680 was going to be fine with the no phone call thing, 308 00:19:18.759 --> 00:19:21.640 but I really felt off. I felt kind of sad, 309 00:19:21.799 --> 00:19:26.440 and I missed you. There is so much beauty in 310 00:19:26.559 --> 00:19:30.279 not only learning as you go. You're allowed to change 311 00:19:30.319 --> 00:19:33.480 your mind, you're allowed to misjudge a situation, but then 312 00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:36.599 expressing it. When you express what you need, it's a 313 00:19:36.680 --> 00:19:39.880 sign not only of high emotional intelligence, but of confidence. 314 00:19:40.359 --> 00:19:42.359 You're saying, I'm willing to say what it is I 315 00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:46.200 want and what I need because I'm willing to be 316 00:19:46.440 --> 00:19:48.920 brave and go out on a limb and make sure 317 00:19:49.039 --> 00:19:51.440 I get what I want and what I need. I'm 318 00:19:51.480 --> 00:19:53.880 not going to siphen myself or act like I'm fine 319 00:19:53.880 --> 00:19:56.240 when I'm not. I'm not going to betray myself for another. 320 00:19:56.880 --> 00:20:00.200 I know that I'm valuable enough to speak on what 321 00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:04.319 I need and therefore get it. This process doesn't have 322 00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:07.119 to be perfect. It's not gonna be perfect. You're gonna 323 00:20:07.119 --> 00:20:11.680 be learning yourself in real time, and that's okay. There 324 00:20:11.720 --> 00:20:13.400 are gonna be times where you know you need and 325 00:20:13.440 --> 00:20:17.759 there's gonna be times where you misjudge it. So allow 326 00:20:17.880 --> 00:20:22.920 some trial and error to happen and give yourself grace. 327 00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:24.880 I really feel like that is the name of the 328 00:20:24.920 --> 00:20:30.920 game this season, giving ourselves grace, Let yourself learn yourself, 329 00:20:31.240 --> 00:20:35.960 give yourself time, and if you're not sure where to 330 00:20:36.079 --> 00:20:40.559 start with what you need, you can ask yourself some questions. 331 00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:44.519 What situations strained me? Okay, maybe I need less of 332 00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:48.559 those and more of what fills me up. When do 333 00:20:48.640 --> 00:20:52.759 I feel unseen or unsafe? Is it because my partner 334 00:20:52.839 --> 00:20:56.440 isn't seeing me or is it because I'm not expressing myself. 335 00:20:57.160 --> 00:21:00.119 I would literally get so mad at people for not 336 00:21:00.559 --> 00:21:03.400 knowing how I was feeling. But I wasn't telling them. 337 00:21:04.359 --> 00:21:06.960 And I'm a real good actress when I need to be. 338 00:21:07.839 --> 00:21:12.920 Most women are anyway, as I was saying, I would 339 00:21:12.920 --> 00:21:15.319 get so mad, and I was keeping myself in a 340 00:21:15.319 --> 00:21:18.680 cycle of self rejection because I was emotionally addicted to it. 341 00:21:19.319 --> 00:21:22.599 I felt abandoned by friends, by family, by partners, and 342 00:21:23.559 --> 00:21:27.359 I wouldn't allow myself to break the cycle, and I 343 00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:30.119 would allow myself to feel rejected once again when they 344 00:21:30.119 --> 00:21:33.480 couldn't realize what I was feeling. But I had more 345 00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:36.720 control than I was allowing myself to take. I could 346 00:21:36.720 --> 00:21:38.839 have expressed myself. I could have said I wasn't happy. 347 00:21:38.839 --> 00:21:40.680 I could have said I needed more, but I didn't. 348 00:21:41.599 --> 00:21:43.839 I didn't because I didn't think maybe I was worthy 349 00:21:43.839 --> 00:21:45.640 of more, or because I didn't want to be alone, 350 00:21:45.720 --> 00:21:49.440 because because because it doesn't matter. Though, What matters is 351 00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:53.119 you learn yourself, because you came here first and foremost 352 00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:57.480 to exist and know the energy you incarnated as you 353 00:21:57.519 --> 00:21:59.960 can ask yourself, what did I crave as a child 354 00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:03.359 wile that I still long for? Is it a safe space. 355 00:22:03.519 --> 00:22:05.799 Is it someone who listens? Is it someone I can 356 00:22:05.839 --> 00:22:09.400 share my wildest dreams with and not be judged for them? 357 00:22:09.880 --> 00:22:13.519 What is it? Self? Reflection is going to help you 358 00:22:13.599 --> 00:22:17.079 a lot more than scrolling on TikTok all day. I 359 00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:20.599 recently have been thinking a lot about relationships through my 360 00:22:20.640 --> 00:22:25.359 own experiences, but also just seeing my friends experiences and 361 00:22:25.880 --> 00:22:34.400 hearing the online narrative, and okay, concerned, concerned. I recently 362 00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:37.599 channel that there are three levels to love, and a 363 00:22:37.640 --> 00:22:41.359 lot of what I'm seeing, unfortunately, is level one and two. 364 00:22:42.480 --> 00:22:46.400 Level one is when we're acting from our wounds. We're codependent, 365 00:22:46.480 --> 00:22:48.720 We're anxious, We're so afraid to be alone, so we 366 00:22:48.839 --> 00:22:52.839 just give, give, give, give give. We're attracting narcissistic personalities, 367 00:22:53.640 --> 00:22:58.720 people who need mothers, those with addictions, because we ourselves 368 00:22:59.319 --> 00:23:02.839 are so wounded and we cannot identify with anything but 369 00:23:02.880 --> 00:23:05.720 the people please are the mother. So we attract those 370 00:23:05.759 --> 00:23:09.039 who want to be a parasitic energy and feed on 371 00:23:09.160 --> 00:23:13.119 our light rather than love us. We are attracting people 372 00:23:13.359 --> 00:23:17.920 who are our wound mates, not our soul mates. And yes, 373 00:23:18.039 --> 00:23:20.759 is this valuable because hopefully we can learn from it 374 00:23:20.799 --> 00:23:23.279 and break out of it. But do we want it? No, no, 375 00:23:23.400 --> 00:23:27.160 we don't. But so many people online leave them before 376 00:23:27.160 --> 00:23:29.240 they can leave, you, get them before they can get you. 377 00:23:29.319 --> 00:23:33.759 Use them as an ATM. What I'm sorry. I resonate 378 00:23:33.799 --> 00:23:38.319 more with a Disney narrative to love, which I believe 379 00:23:38.359 --> 00:23:40.559 is closer to divine union than most of what we're 380 00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:44.279 seeing on the planet. Does art imitate us or do 381 00:23:44.319 --> 00:23:46.519 we imitate art? I don't know. I don't know. Isn't 382 00:23:46.519 --> 00:23:49.000 that the question of the freaking century? I don't know 383 00:23:49.160 --> 00:23:52.200 the answer. What I do know is that these Disney 384 00:23:52.200 --> 00:23:55.440 fairy tales light something up within us for good reason. 385 00:23:55.960 --> 00:23:59.359 Perhaps they're actually the divine design to divine union, and 386 00:23:59.359 --> 00:24:02.640 that's why we feel so deeply for them. And whatever 387 00:24:02.680 --> 00:24:09.039 we're experiencing in our simulation is the BS. Our life 388 00:24:09.079 --> 00:24:11.720 is pretty much a movie anyway. It's just a simulation, 389 00:24:11.839 --> 00:24:15.119 is a bunch of particles. Who's to say which is 390 00:24:15.160 --> 00:24:20.279 the real divine design. Most of us are living at 391 00:24:20.400 --> 00:24:23.720 level one, acting from our wounds, attracting people who remind 392 00:24:23.799 --> 00:24:27.319 us of our caregivers, rather than allowing ourselves to open 393 00:24:27.440 --> 00:24:31.240 up to a new definition of love. Then there's level two, 394 00:24:31.319 --> 00:24:34.119 which is transactional love. Tit for tat. I'll do this 395 00:24:34.200 --> 00:24:37.799 if you do that keeping score. I see a lot 396 00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:40.960 of this. I think Shira seven or whatever her name is, 397 00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:45.119 is really funny, but a lot of it is, Yeah, 398 00:24:45.640 --> 00:24:48.079 use them for what they have and they'll give you this. 399 00:24:48.720 --> 00:24:51.839 And maybe sometimes you'll do that, but you're really just 400 00:24:51.920 --> 00:24:55.440 doing it so they give you this. I don't feel 401 00:24:55.519 --> 00:24:58.440