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Speaker 1: The second wife by merry, heat and force, more poignant

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than the facts of life, with as much power as

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the elemental needs of the body, The unseen still shapes

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the lives of vast peoples. In some black corners of

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the earth, strange demons still call out for human sacrifice.

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Mysterious and powerful are these voiceless companions of men. We alone,

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of all ages and peoples, have denied them. We have

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cut away our shadows from our spirits. And perhaps that

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is why the spirits of modern men seem unsubstantial, as

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a body would, which could cast no dark silhouette behind

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it around the paths of men. The unseen exists always,

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and it may come to anyone and at any moment,

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as it did to Beta and to Graham. The mellow

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afternoon light shone through the quiet spaces of the room, which,

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simple as it was, bare, almost some would have said,

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had the supreme beauty of proportion. It had an air

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about it, a gracious gravity, which proclaimed it of the

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honorable lineage of lovingly built houses. It gave the effect

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of space, even of elegance, if for no other reason

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than that its three dimensions were in harmony for the

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first time, its charms failed with beta, its beneficent dignity

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mocked at her, affecting her with the same anger that

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the unthinking beauty of a glorious day does to one

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in deep trouble. This room, her room, her creature, How

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dare it breathes peace while she suffered with unrest? If

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there had been any reason for it, she could have

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borne it. She had stood up with gallantry to all

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the blows that fate had handed out to her. No

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matter what had happened, her inner self had been serene

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and unshaken. And now, for no reason, with all the

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surfaces of life fair and smiling before her, a horror, unspeakable, reasonless,

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invaded the secret places of her being. She sat there

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saying to herself, I will not, I will not. I

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will not. They can't make me. They can't make me.

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They can't make me. And with the words once spoken,

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it was as though her spirit cried out against something unknown,

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as though she fought for her own self and for

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something very dear to her, and yet she didn't know

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what she was fighting. The outward symbol of this struggle

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was so trivial, so meaningless, that she shivered at herself,

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as though her reason was failing her. There was a

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bowl of yellow jonquills gleaming out of a dark corner

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of the room, reflecting themselves on the dark floor in

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a splash of color. Beda had been moved with an

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impulse to take these flowers and place them between the windows,

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where the light would shine through them, on a small

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round table on which was inlaid a landscape in mother

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of pearl, a table that might have been hideous, but

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had turned out to be only a charming indiscretion of

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some cabinet maker. This whim so harmless in its outer meaning,

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had come over her like an overpowering wave. Yet it

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had come not as her own wish. It was as

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though it arose from the passionate desire of some will

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outside her own to steady herself. Bada sat down in

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the rosewood chair and said to herself, I will not,

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I will not, as though fighting for her own individuality.

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This impulse, with its meaningless madness, had come as suddenly,

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as shatteringly as some explosion. Dread shook her through and through,

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a dread that left her tense and expectant. Why she

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hadn't felt that way for three years, not since she

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had waited for one of Elaine's terrible, meaningless, heartrending scenes,

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scenes that Graham and she knew were caused by Elaine's illness,

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and yet scenes that gave the effect of wantonness, as

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if Elaine wanted to make them suffer too. Since her

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nerves were diseased, since her soul was poisoned, and god

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knows what mysterious fashion, she couldn't let them off, the

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two creatures dearest to her, but must encompass them also

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in the hell where she lived. In spite of bade

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us care and Graham's devotion, Elaine had got worse and worse,

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until it seemed to them that madness stared from her eyes.

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She had died from an overdose of her sleeping potion,

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an accidental death, the doctor had insisted. This had been

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three years ago. After Elaine's death, Graham had gone abroad,

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and for a year Beta hadn't seen him. Just when

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after his return she had begun to care for him,

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She couldn't now tell. They had drifted into it, gone

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in step by step. She couldn't even remember when he

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had asked her to marry him, so well had they understood.

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She had been married six months now, and until this moment,

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she had been happier than she had ever been in

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her life, happier than she had known it was possible

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to be. The eighteen months that she had spent nursing

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a Lane and the final catastrophe had left her stunned,

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asking of life only quiet. She had had peace and rest,

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and then happiness, and now was broken for no reason.

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Broken for so absurd a thing. It was especially hard

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for Beta to bear. She didn't know how to meet

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moods she had never had any. It was almost her

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first experience with any unhappiness from within, her first experience

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of that overwhelming misery that comes unreasoning from the inner

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recesses of the spirit, something more full of anguish than pain,

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something that makes grief seem God's compassion and sorrow as

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sweet as a gray day in midsummer. She sought for

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some cause of such disturbance, her trained mind running rapidly

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through the events of the last few days as an

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expert might riffle a deck of cards. There was no

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explanatory spot or fleck on the fair surface of the

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kindly and familiar events. I must be sick, she thought,

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and again sought for some symptom that might satisfy her.

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There was nothing. It was as ghostly to have her

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spirit so disturbed as for doors to slam and windows rattle,

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when the trees remain quiet without and while her heart beat,

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and while the tortured nerves of her cry out the

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more torturingly that she did not know the source of

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her pain, her tranquil head thought, I must treat this

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mood as I used to Elanes. At this thought, her

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heart stood still, then leaped, like a frightened animal in

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fear for its very life, and as though in actual

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physical terror of some unseen menace. She fled toward the

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sunshine of the garden, glancing apprehensively behind her, not for

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fear of what she might see, but from a feeling

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as inexplicable as all the rest, that she wished no

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one to see her go, not the servants, not Graham,

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especially not Graham. She heard his voice call to her Beta,

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dear Beda. So happy it was so reassuring that suddenly

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her fear vanished, as though it had wakened her from

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torturing nightmare. She felt her actual body coming back to

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life as one breathes easily for the first time again

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after one has been overwhelmed by a crashing wave. Her

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heart beat freely again, the intolerable racking of her spirit

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passed by color returned to her cheeks. Only as she

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saw Graham coming toward her through the open door. She

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repressed an impulse to throw herself about his neck, as

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though he had really delivered her from herself. That evening,

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the idea of telling Graham flitted through her mind, coming

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and going like a shadow cast by a flickering flame.

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In the end, she decided not to, and as she did,

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a sadness fell over her spirit, while her mind argued,

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poor Graham, why should I tell him anything so vague

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and at the same time so fantastic. Hasn't he had

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enough of the inexplicable in his life? Then, at this

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thought of Elaine, it seemed as if Elaine was there.

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Veda had all the sensation of seeing her without the

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actual visualization Elaine. Sitting her dark rimmed eyes on Graham.

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She watched them fill slowly with tears, watched Elaine's face

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quiver like that of a hurt child that asks, oh,

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why do you so wound me? Beta had sat there

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often enough through what seemed a long lifetime of vicarious pain,

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pretending not to notice Graham's irrepressible discomfort, pretending not to

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notice Elaine's gathering nerve storm which sometimes threatened and threatened,

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poisoning their lives, poisoning the very air, sometimes passing over,

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leaving sunlight behind. Recalling these things, Beta let her eyes

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rest on vacancy. What prevented one, she wondered, from seeing

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with one's actual eyes, anyone whom one could see with

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what is called the mind's eye. There have always been people,

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sick and well, who could project their inner vision into

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space and thus behold their own imaginings and realities. Beta

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dwelt in this way on the image of Elane, absorbed

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as a devotee is absorbed in the contemplation of the

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attributes of deity. After a time, it was as though

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her visualization of Elaine had been projected into space, and

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that this thought of her was there, clothed in form

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and invisible, but existing somehow in another medium. She wondered

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if it were true that the things seen by dreamers

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have their real existence in some fluid which we may

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not perceive. Here Graham's voice broke in upon her, asking

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what are you thinking of beta? So intensely She had

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been plunged so profoundly in her train of thought, The

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crystal mirror of her reflection had been shattered so unexpectedly

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that she jumped nervously. It seemed as if her spirit

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had come swimming up from some far depth in which

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it had plunged itself. She realized, too, that she had

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been looking directly at Graham that threw him and beyond him,

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as if she had penetrated far enough into this land

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which she had so fantastically imagined, so that the things

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of this world had become for the moment nonexistent, as

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are usually the things we cannot see. For a moment,

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her mind and eyes and all of her had dwelt

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in some almost luminous vacancy which had been cleared of

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so called actuality for a new creation of her own.

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Her return to the physical world, to Graham and to

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familiar things in the room was a shock, as of

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physical pain. She had been awakened too abruptly. She looked

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at him, dazed, frowning, at the same time, registering the

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troubled and anxious look on his face, a look of doubt,

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a look of wonder a look of some deeper trouble. Also,

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in answer to his question, came unbidden the words why

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do you look at me like that? Graham? He arose

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and put his arms around her, But before he spoke,

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he swallowed, as though speech came to him. With an effort.

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With his arms around her, his face close to hers,

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something snapped in Beta's mind, like a joint coming back

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into place. She had yet the impression of having been

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away a very great distance. What were you thinking of

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just now? He repeated? She answered, with absolute truthfulness, I

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don't know. I almost seemed to be hypnotized. The shock

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of his voice had, for the second obliterated the object

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of her deep absorption. Graham shook her roughly. Well, don't

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do it again, please, he said, I don't like your looks?

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What do I look like? She was perfectly natural. Now

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The whole phantasmagoria had vanished out of her spirit, as

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though it had not been. I don't like your looks,

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he repeated, That's all. He had, the evasive and uneasy

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air of a man who doesn't like to tell what

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is in his mind. The following day, Bada succeeded in

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overcoming the feeling of distrust with the whole universe, which

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the inexplicable breeds in a direct and common sense temperament,

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she overcame herself. Yet she didn't go into the drawing room,

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and the drawing room was as much lived in by

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her as was Graham's library by him. For the effect

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of that terrible and spectral battle remained with her, as

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though some shadow had been cast across her spirit. Pushed

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into the farthest recesses of her mind, was the question why,

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why why? Nor could she rid herself of the idea

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that there was more to come, nor of a nameless

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and reasonless spear, that in some strange way she had

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given up some of her personality. With the passing of

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the days, the shadow dwindled, until one day Beta went

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again into her room. Yellow flowers, picked freshly, stood in

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a bowl upon her secretary. At the sight of them,

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there hot anger surged up within her, making her tingle

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from head to toe swiftly, and yet with a certain furtiveness,

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as though she were being watched. She picked them up

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and carried them back to their place in the window,

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and placed them on the little inlaid table between the windows,

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where the light would shine through them. As she did so,

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there came over her a very agony of desire to

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see Graham. She wanted him to come home. She wondered

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where he was and with whom, and impatience to go

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out and find him wherever he was plucked at her feet.

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She looked at her watch. It was almost time for

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his return to luncheon, and she posted herself at the

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window before which the flowers stood, and which commanded a

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view of the elm shaded street, to wait for him.

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As she stood there in a fever of impatience and

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longing and affection, she felt as though her whole personality

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had been invaded by an emotion foreign to her own temperament.

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Her love had been from the first deep and profound,

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the surface of it radiant, but without anguish of spirit.

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They knew each other too well for uncertainties or surprises.

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They had been friends so long before they had become lovers.

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The knowledge that he would soon come, that he would

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come when he said he would, had been enough for her.

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Why this impatience, she wondered, where did it come from?

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This passionate agony of longing for the sight of his face.

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She stood there peering out from the window. She was

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so sure he must come down that road, her gaze

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00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,600
so lost in the distance for the first glimpse of him,

239
00:15:51,039 --> 00:15:54,600
that she did not hear his step behind her. His words,

240
00:15:55,159 --> 00:15:58,759
in a tone through which a sharp anxiety pierced Beda,

241
00:15:59,279 --> 00:16:02,320
what are you doing there? Made her turn upon him,

242
00:16:02,759 --> 00:16:06,080
her nervous hand clutching the heavy, old gold drapery of

243
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:10,279
the curtain. For a moment, they stood gazing at each other, startled.

244
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:15,240
Then she laughed with attempted lightness. What's the matter, Graham?

245
00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:18,759
You look frightened. What were you doing in the window?

246
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:25,120
He insisted, why just waiting for you? Come? Let's get

247
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,840
out of here. If you wait staring like that, waiting

248
00:16:28,879 --> 00:16:32,200
for me, good God, one would have thought that you

249
00:16:32,279 --> 00:16:35,399
expected me to be brought home on a stretcher. You'll

250
00:16:35,399 --> 00:16:38,279
be getting yourself hypnotized again, Beda. Before you know it,

251
00:16:39,679 --> 00:16:41,759
he put his arm around her and drew her out

252
00:16:41,799 --> 00:16:45,200
on the piazza. I've just got a letter from mother,

253
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:50,360
he told her. She's coming back. Oh I am glad,

254
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:55,440
Beda cried for some time. During her son's first marriage,

255
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,200
missus Yates had made her home with the young people,

256
00:16:58,799 --> 00:17:02,159
and then on. Under the pressure of Elaine's nervous disorder

257
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,160
and her final illness, she had left their home to

258
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,440
live with her sister. The pressure was too much for

259
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:12,000
her gentle spirit. She couldn't weather the storms which swept

260
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:16,119
and devastated the household. She suffered too, with a keen

261
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,640
inner shame that she hadn't strength enough to help this

262
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:22,559
tormented daughter of hers, whose peculiar loveliness and charm she

263
00:17:22,599 --> 00:17:27,799
had so cared for before illness blighted it. After Graham's

264
00:17:27,799 --> 00:17:31,200
second marriage, she had again made his house her headquarters,

265
00:17:31,599 --> 00:17:35,440
finding in Beda's tranquility something more akin to her own nature,

266
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,359
something nearer to what her own daughter might have been

267
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:41,720
than Elaine's more fascinating personality had ever been able to

268
00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:47,440
give her to Beda's heart felt Oh, I'm glad, Graham echoed,

269
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:52,039
you can believe I am. There was an unmistakable passion

270
00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:55,039
of relief in his tone, as if Bada's cry had

271
00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:58,160
voiced the hope of deliverance, as if the presence of

272
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,039
this beloved older woman would dispelled a shadow that was

273
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:04,559
drifting in upon them, shutting out the sun from their lives.

274
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,039
It was their first recognition of the nameless fear that

275
00:18:08,079 --> 00:18:12,240
had come over them. Now Beta was sure that never

276
00:18:12,319 --> 00:18:15,240
for a moment had Graham failed to recognize this awful

277
00:18:15,319 --> 00:18:20,559
something which was crawling upon them like some dark spiritual tide.

278
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,640
If only he would help her, if he would ask

279
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:26,880
her what was the matter. She felt his anxious look

280
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,359
resting on her. Then he made some excuse and left her.

281
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,240
It was as though he had deserted her in a

282
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:37,279
moment of great peril. Scorn for his cowardice and for

283
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:41,279
his stupidity flashed over her. Then a darkness settled over

284
00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:45,920
her spirit. Perhaps she was going mad, Perhaps her nerves

285
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:49,400
were only shaken. This was what her intelligence kept telling

286
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:54,400
her with irritating, ineffectual persistency, while her heart cried out

287
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,200
that the very springs of life in her had been poisoned,

288
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:01,960
the very depths of her personality shaken. At any rate,

289
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,920
she was adrift in a strange and unfamiliar world, and

290
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:09,720
there was no one anywhere to help her. A great

291
00:19:09,759 --> 00:19:12,880
pity for the stricken soul of Elaine poured over her.

292
00:19:14,039 --> 00:19:16,400
Elaine had put out her hands and had pleaded to

293
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:21,119
be saved from herself, and no one had helped her. Now,

294
00:19:21,599 --> 00:19:24,880
at the first touch of her own distress, Graham turned

295
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:29,160
from her. Graham wasn't going to help her. This thought

296
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:33,319
walked through her mind. Both of us together, we could

297
00:19:33,319 --> 00:19:39,359
have fought it alone. I cannot. She heard the gate

298
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:43,359
click and saw Graham walking down the street. No doubt

299
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,319
he was going to meet his mother, going without her.

300
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:51,519
He is running away from me. She thought. They had

301
00:19:51,559 --> 00:19:55,680
always gone to meet missus Yates together. How many times

302
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,920
they had walked down this street side by side, long

303
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:03,440
before Elaine died. Whenever Graham's mother came, they would go

304
00:20:03,559 --> 00:20:05,759
down and tell her the news and how a Lane

305
00:20:05,839 --> 00:20:09,839
was at that moment. Now she was left behind while

306
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,359
Graham walked down alone to the station to see his

307
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:16,480
mother first, to warn her, no doubt that Beda was

308
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:22,759
not quite well. She went into the house and began

309
00:20:22,839 --> 00:20:26,319
shoving around the ornaments, re arranging them with a sort

310
00:20:26,319 --> 00:20:30,440
of bitter satisfaction, an inward glow quite out of keeping

311
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:35,000
with her trivial occupation. The noise of carriage wheels checked her.

312
00:20:35,039 --> 00:20:39,960
Suddenly she stopped a little dazed, like a person who

313
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,839
has forgotten what he came into a room for. As

314
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:48,000
an actor searches for a cue. Now she remembered Graham's

315
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,759
mother was coming, and she must run out to meet her.

316
00:20:52,279 --> 00:20:54,519
For the next few days, the house was as though

317
00:20:54,599 --> 00:21:00,000
bathed in sunshine. Calm returned to it. Beda was continued

318
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:04,160
with the older woman, sheltering herself in her loving presence.

319
00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,640
It was as though all around with some fog which

320
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:12,119
concealed menacing and terrible shapes, some terror that walked in

321
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,640
the darkness. But for the moment Beda could escape from it.

322
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,559
Though she felt as insecure as if she were living

323
00:21:18,599 --> 00:21:21,680
in a soap bubble. In a moment, the force of

324
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:25,799
the invading shadows or whatever they were, might come upon her,

325
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,599
and the agony of her rent personality would begin again.

326
00:21:31,759 --> 00:21:35,759
They were all touchingly happy, Beda as from a relief

327
00:21:35,759 --> 00:21:40,680
from pain, Graham in his recovered peace, until one day,

328
00:21:41,039 --> 00:21:44,160
when the two women sat sewing in the drawing room,

329
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:49,319
Graham was lounging near them, breathing. Then Missus Yeates raised

330
00:21:49,319 --> 00:21:53,240
her head toward the window and said, there's something different

331
00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:56,880
about this room since I've been away. You haven't moved things,

332
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:02,160
have you. Beda didn't answer her. Her spirit it seemed

333
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:06,319
ceased to breathe the same shock that she had felt

334
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:11,000
communicated itself to Graham, and he arose and walked around restlessly.

335
00:22:12,599 --> 00:22:17,160
I don't quite make out what's changed, she pursued with serenity.

336
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,519
I see you keep yellow flowers in the window the

337
00:22:20,559 --> 00:22:25,200
way poor Olaine did. Why Beda? What ails you? Child?

338
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,960
For Beda had let her sewing fall and was gazing

339
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:33,839
at Graham's mother in fascinated horror. Never once to herself

340
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,559
had she clothed her thoughts in any words. At her

341
00:22:37,599 --> 00:22:42,240
fixed look and hopeless gesture, Missus Yates stared, and for

342
00:22:42,279 --> 00:22:44,680
a moment the two women looked one at the other,

343
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:49,079
horror in the eyes of each Missus Yates broke the

344
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:54,880
silence with are you ill, Beda? What is it? I'm faint,

345
00:22:55,240 --> 00:23:00,319
a sudden pain. The words came without her volition. Her

346
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:05,039
hand sought her heart. There was a second of taut silence,

347
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,960
when the very air of the room seemed to share

348
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:11,440
the suspense while mother and son looked at each other.

349
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:17,279
Then Beda arose, I'm better now, I'm going to lie down.

350
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:21,599
For several days, she remained on a couch in Graham's

351
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,640
library on a pretext of illness, hiding from life by

352
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,799
her inactivity, trying by her very quietness to put off

353
00:23:29,799 --> 00:23:32,640
the next move in the drama, which came like an

354
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:37,279
unexpected verdict of a physician. When Missus Yates announced, after

355
00:23:37,319 --> 00:23:40,720
the mail had come one day, Ella wants me to

356
00:23:40,799 --> 00:23:45,200
visit her. I think I shall go. When does she

357
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:50,759
want you? Beda inquired with that command of herself, which

358
00:23:50,839 --> 00:23:54,279
guileless older woman knows so well how to use. Missus

359
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:59,680
Yates answered, in an irreproachably natural tone, why right away?

360
00:24:00,319 --> 00:24:06,160
I shall go tomorrow, my dear, If you are feeling better, Beda, oh, yes,

361
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:10,960
she replied, I'm perfectly well now. I think I've just

362
00:24:11,039 --> 00:24:15,160
been a little run down for some reason. It's very

363
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:20,680
natural with this heat, Missus Yates replied tranquility. There was

364
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:25,160
not a break in her surface anywhere. After her departure,

365
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,839
they both took her to the train. Beda and Graham

366
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:34,599
turned into the garden. Suddenly she stopped. Why did mother go?

367
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:40,799
She asked him? Why to see Ella? Of course, Graham replied,

368
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:46,519
you know what I mean. What was her real reason? Oh?

369
00:24:46,559 --> 00:24:49,680
How she waited for his answer, how she prayed for

370
00:24:49,799 --> 00:24:55,240
it In his one little second of indecision, You've had

371
00:24:55,279 --> 00:24:59,279
a lot of odd little streaks lately, Beda, he said.

372
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:04,279
Beda wanted to cry aloud to him. You know she

373
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:08,839
won't come back. You know I've driven her away. But

374
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,480
she couldn't speak. She waited for him to help her.

375
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:15,680
She was sure that if she could drag the obscure

376
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,920
events out into the light of day and clothed them

377
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,960
with commonplace speech, it would kill their horror. But what

378
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:28,000
to say? Where to begin, her heart cried out. Now,

379
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:32,920
now her whole being urged her into her vague confession,

380
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:37,319
while her obstinate common sense leagued itself with a shadowy

381
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,559
impulse from without, which placed itself in the way of

382
00:25:40,599 --> 00:25:45,759
her desire. Again, Beda fought the unknown force as of

383
00:25:45,799 --> 00:25:51,039
an awful, voiceless conflict of wills, common sense by paradox,

384
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:55,559
fighting on the side of the unseen. Only now Beta

385
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:59,160
knew she was fighting for her very existence. She no

386
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,880
longer struggled with something that was no more than some

387
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:08,000
strange and shattering nervous attack herself. Her own personality was

388
00:26:08,039 --> 00:26:12,759
her battle. Some mysterious door had been opened that allowed

389
00:26:12,759 --> 00:26:15,519
to flow through it emotions and acts not her own.

390
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,640
She guessed that the very gestures of her hands, the

391
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:23,599
look of her eyes had been used. She had seen

392
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,839
it mirrored in Graham's face. She had seen it in

393
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:32,160
the momentary leaping horror of his glance. But while their

394
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:36,559
troubled eyes looked into each others with comprehension, their obstinate

395
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:40,160
tongues refused to voice their fear of this lurking peril.

396
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:44,880
Peril was what it was, and Beta knew it, peril

397
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:49,920
of their happiness, peril of her own sanity. She looked

398
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:54,200
at him, tears swimming in her eyes, longing to throw

399
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:57,279
herself on his beloved heart and to lie there as

400
00:26:57,319 --> 00:26:59,960
in a safe haven, and to beg him to say

401
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,960
her or at least to give her relief from pain.

402
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:08,920
But he was gazing at her speculatively. To her racked mind,

403
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:12,799
it seemed that his gaze was hostile. She turned and

404
00:27:12,839 --> 00:27:14,960
fled to her room, to give herself up for the

405
00:27:15,039 --> 00:27:17,720
first time in her life, to the sort of weeping

406
00:27:17,799 --> 00:27:20,240
that made her feel that she had wept forth all

407
00:27:20,279 --> 00:27:23,400
the strength of her body. That with her weeping some

408
00:27:23,599 --> 00:27:26,839
virtue had gone out of her. She said out loud,

409
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:32,359
there was no use fighting anymore. A melancholy sense of

410
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:37,039
rest enveloped her. No one would help her, and she

411
00:27:37,039 --> 00:27:41,240
wouldn't fight anymore. She relaxed the muscles of her spirit.

412
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,519
Now let the flood overwhelm her. If it would, let

413
00:27:45,519 --> 00:27:51,000
it drown her utterly. She didn't care. As the last

414
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:56,759
shred of her resistance died, the enveloping shadow receded. She

415
00:27:56,759 --> 00:28:01,359
had expected some sort of cataclysm. Had been fighting the unseen,

416
00:28:01,839 --> 00:28:07,920
whatever it was, Madness visions with all her strength, opposing

417
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:12,039
her puny might to its force. At times it seemed

418
00:28:12,039 --> 00:28:16,960
to her coming near victory with Graham's help, almost sure victory.

419
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:23,519
But now it stood aloof days passed and nothing happened.

420
00:28:24,599 --> 00:28:28,319
The outer surfaces of life were serene, and yet all

421
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:31,599
of life was altered, and beta must go through her

422
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:36,359
miserable treadmill of thought. She would sit long hours staring

423
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:40,599
into vacancy, thinking over the minutest details of the events

424
00:28:40,599 --> 00:28:44,839
of the day. She dwelt on, each small, meaningless act,

425
00:28:45,519 --> 00:28:49,400
half of whose torment lay in its very insignificance, the

426
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,480
fact that there was nothing to tell. That you couldn't

427
00:28:52,519 --> 00:28:56,839
touch or taste or explain, not to anybody, not even

428
00:28:56,839 --> 00:29:00,440
to yourself, without seeming to talk in terms of medness.

429
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:06,799
Such things she would say to herself didn't happen. And

430
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:11,079
yet while nothing happened from one day to another, there

431
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:15,440
was a steady onflow of small details. Whatever it was,

432
00:29:16,079 --> 00:29:19,680
this nameless and faceless thing, was crawling upon her. Beta

433
00:29:19,759 --> 00:29:26,319
realized like some dark tide, unseizing, unresting, while she slept,

434
00:29:26,839 --> 00:29:33,559
while she walked without let up, without rest. Oh, that

435
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:38,359
something would happen to hasten it. Oh, that some tangible

436
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:41,759
event would happen, so that she could cry out, I've seen,

437
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:46,559
I know. The only thing to be seen with the

438
00:29:46,599 --> 00:29:50,440
eyes was that the house her creature, was changing an

439
00:29:50,519 --> 00:29:55,480
aspect under her hand. Her own hand eagerly obliterated the

440
00:29:55,599 --> 00:29:59,640
changes she had made when she had become Graham's wife.

441
00:29:59,759 --> 00:30:05,759
Yet the changes came with terrible and relentless slowness. One day,

442
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:10,000
a shade pulled down, a window shut a picture of

443
00:30:10,039 --> 00:30:15,559
her choosing suppressed. The order of some books changed, nothing more,

444
00:30:16,319 --> 00:30:19,400
but each change accomplished by her hand, and with a

445
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:24,359
sense of fierce inner joy. She would walk up and down,

446
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:29,640
up and down, absorbed in her own emotions, unconscious of

447
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:33,720
the flight of time, and obscurely conscious that time dragged,

448
00:30:34,319 --> 00:30:38,559
that time stood still, that the hours whirled around her,

449
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:43,039
unnoticed and that she and her sick fear alone stood

450
00:30:43,079 --> 00:30:48,920
still in the swirling, shifting universe. Sometimes she would fill

451
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:53,400
hours with balancing up which she would prefer, this nameless horror,

452
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,720
this thing that couldn't be, that was poisoning her, perhaps

453
00:30:57,839 --> 00:31:03,160
killing her, or madness. She would laugh, long, silent laughter,

454
00:31:03,279 --> 00:31:06,160
on the irony of fate that put such a choice

455
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:10,680
before her. Of all people, she who had been praised

456
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:15,160
always for her sanity, she to whom Elaine had turned

457
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:20,039
in her first illness of the spirit as a friend. Meantime,

458
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:23,920
her life with Graham went on with unbroken surface, so

459
00:31:24,119 --> 00:31:27,759
unbroken that she could have screamed at him. Yet she

460
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:31,160
knew with the sickening certainty that he watched her covertly

461
00:31:31,599 --> 00:31:34,799
from around some doors, as it were, that he was

462
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:38,119
always pretending to be doing something else, and yet was

463
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:43,160
watching her. He too, with smiling face and frozen heart,

464
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:47,880
was living in an obscure hell, spying upon her, watching

465
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,359
for a look of the eye, for a gesture of

466
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,200
the hand, while he had let the whole change in

467
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:58,759
the house pass by unnoticed. Anyway, if he watched her,

468
00:31:59,279 --> 00:32:02,480
then she watched him forever. Growing in her was a

469
00:32:02,519 --> 00:32:06,759
curious distrust of him distrust of what she couldn't tell

470
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:11,839
She didn't trust him. That was all her logical mind

471
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,799
that rejected the whole situation, had to go through its

472
00:32:14,839 --> 00:32:18,960
torment and had to ask questions of her tormented heart.

473
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:23,920
Did she distrust his love? There was no reason for it,

474
00:32:24,519 --> 00:32:27,880
and yet he never left the house, But suspicion, nameless

475
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:32,440
and groundless, filled her whole being with an ever increasing anguish.

476
00:32:34,039 --> 00:32:36,920
She suffered when he was with her, suffered from the

477
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:40,519
suspicion of his suspicion that he must read into her

478
00:32:40,599 --> 00:32:44,039
heart and hate and despise her for her ever growing distrust,

479
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:47,759
a distrust that didn't even seek to pin itself to anything.

480
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:52,000
If she could only have accused him of something, if

481
00:32:52,039 --> 00:32:55,240
only for one little moment, there was some real complaint

482
00:32:55,319 --> 00:32:59,880
against him, she herself would cry, even if she watched,

483
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,599
even if she peered from behind a closed blind at him.

484
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,680
Oh my dear, I know you are good and true.

485
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:11,960
It isn't I watching you, It isn't I accusing you,

486
00:33:12,839 --> 00:33:14,759
And yet I must suffer, as though I knew you

487
00:33:14,799 --> 00:33:18,240
were waiting a knife in your hand to stab me

488
00:33:18,319 --> 00:33:23,559
when my back is turned, beta waited as loving women wait,

489
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,480
who know that their hour is come when the beloved

490
00:33:26,519 --> 00:33:30,400
is gone from them, and worse than that that he lies,

491
00:33:32,359 --> 00:33:35,000
they must wait with loving and beating hearts for the

492
00:33:35,039 --> 00:33:37,519
death of their spirits to be dealt out to them

493
00:33:37,799 --> 00:33:41,960
shamefully and coward wise. And since they cannot believe their

494
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:45,839
lover's cowards as well as traitors, they still believe in

495
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:52,119
the face of unbelief. This was Beta's torment. Believing him upright,

496
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:57,319
believing him true, She must suffer for an unbelief, knowing

497
00:33:57,359 --> 00:34:00,640
that he loved her alone. She must watch each mood

498
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,559
as it passed by for corroboration of what she knew

499
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:07,880
was not. She must watch all his comings and goings.

500
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:12,039
She must read dislike and suspicion in his gaze, the

501
00:34:12,119 --> 00:34:14,920
dislike that a man has for a woman whose claims

502
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:20,000
sever him from the beloved. Then, as to thousands of

503
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:25,840
women before her, came the need of knowing certainty. Certainty

504
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,360
was what she wanted, for good or bad, to know

505
00:34:29,519 --> 00:34:34,519
the torment in which she lived. Oh, she would think

506
00:34:34,559 --> 00:34:38,920
to herself, if I could only know, But her mind

507
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:45,159
would answer know what She lived continually, as though on

508
00:34:45,199 --> 00:34:49,199
the eve of some discovery. A little further, and she

509
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:51,880
would know what the monstrous certainty was of which she

510
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:55,679
wished to be sure. If she looked into the black

511
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:59,119
pool of her uncertainty long enough, she felt the answer

512
00:34:59,119 --> 00:35:01,960
would come. There must be an answer to all this

513
00:35:02,159 --> 00:35:04,920
that she suffered, and somehow she felt it lay in

514
00:35:05,039 --> 00:35:09,599
Graham somehow, and Graham she must find it. His very

515
00:35:09,679 --> 00:35:13,079
dumbness was to her the corroboration of his blameless guilt.

516
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:18,360
She hated his smiling face, She hated his pretense. She

517
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:22,679
wanted with all her strength to cry out, say what

518
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:29,559
you think, Say what you suspect. Then one night, as

519
00:35:29,599 --> 00:35:32,760
she sat in his room, and while their lips talked

520
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:37,119
the pleasant commonplaces of happily married people, she realized that

521
00:35:37,199 --> 00:35:40,840
the answer to the riddle lay in his desk. She

522
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:45,239
knew it was there there, intangible form, was the answer

523
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,480
of all her torment and all her suspicion, if she

524
00:35:48,519 --> 00:35:53,280
could only look. She waited, frozen in her own impatience,

525
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:57,039
for the slow moments to drag past on their leaden feet.

526
00:35:58,119 --> 00:36:01,519
She sat waiting until Graham go upstairs and go to

527
00:36:01,599 --> 00:36:04,760
sleep beside her, so she could come down and find

528
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:09,440
out what lay there. There was no fight now, She

529
00:36:10,079 --> 00:36:14,480
Beta Beta with honor like a man's honor, waited with

530
00:36:14,599 --> 00:36:19,000
beating heart, her breath coming short, for the evening to

531
00:36:19,119 --> 00:36:23,239
pass and for Graham to sleep, that she might commit

532
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:29,920
the one unforgivable crime he slept at last Beda got

533
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:32,840
out of bed, put on her dressing gown and slippers,

534
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:37,840
and went noiselessly down the stairs. She made no sound,

535
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:41,840
not a stair creaked. It was as though she went

536
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:45,679
through each of the little acts like some highly trained mechanism,

537
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:48,280
as though all her life had been one rehearsal for

538
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:52,199
this moment. It was as though she had been rehearsing

539
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,480
all her life for this, that without noise she might

540
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:59,760
get up, dress herself, go downstairs, without noise, and light

541
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:03,360
her candle in the library. Then walked swiftly and with

542
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:07,360
the directness of a homing pigeon to Graham's desk, to

543
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:13,920
Graham's desk, where the answer of everything lay. In the

544
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:16,960
strange and painful universe in which Beta had been living,

545
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,920
the only certainty that she had was that there was

546
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,400
the answer, the explanation of the riddle, and that she

547
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:26,639
was about to find it, that she must find it,

548
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:29,440
even at the price of her own honor. At the

549
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,400
breaking down of the things most essential in her nature

550
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:37,760
meant nothing. She went unfalteringly to where the desk stood,

551
00:37:38,079 --> 00:37:41,880
with the candle in her hand. Unfalteringly, she pulled out

552
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,800
a little drawer and took from it a bundle of letters.

553
00:37:45,599 --> 00:37:49,280
They were tied neatly. Graham was exact and methodical in

554
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:53,119
all his ways. As she opened them, a little picture

555
00:37:53,119 --> 00:37:57,840
fluttered down, a snapshot of herself, sent to Graham long ago.

556
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:00,000
And then she recognized in the letters her own head,

557
00:38:00,199 --> 00:38:04,719
writing nothing else. Her letters were what she had come

558
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:09,639
to find. Her letters written to Graham long ago, written

559
00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:13,800
during his brief absences from Elaine, telling of Elaine's change

560
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:16,880
from day to day, written to him when she was away,

561
00:38:18,079 --> 00:38:21,440
Letters for all the world to read, Letters without one

562
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:26,840
word of affection beyond that of a kindly friendship. Her

563
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:31,360
own letters. That was the answer, her friendship and Graham's

564
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:35,400
That was the keynote of this mystery. For a second

565
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:40,119
she stood there, not willing to understand. Then came crowding

566
00:38:40,159 --> 00:38:43,719
on her memories of Elaine's looks and her sudden appearances

567
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,480
in the room where she and Graham sat, talking innocently,

568
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,880
so innocently that no thought of what Elaine meant had

569
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:55,159
crossed their minds. So Bada stood motionless, her own letters

570
00:38:55,199 --> 00:38:58,880
in her hand, a terrible figure, as though she held

571
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:01,840
there a proof of her own blood guilt. And the

572
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:05,320
question now arose to her mind, when did we first

573
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,400
begin to care for each other? And was I here

574
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:13,039
for Elaine? Or was I here for Graham's sake? She

575
00:39:13,159 --> 00:39:16,960
had come for Elaine, but she had stayed for Graham,

576
00:39:17,199 --> 00:39:20,440
and before Elaine's tragic death, she had been the only

577
00:39:20,519 --> 00:39:24,320
comfort that he had had. Then she heard a step

578
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,679
behind her, and then his voice, and instead of her

579
00:39:27,679 --> 00:39:33,119
own name, Elaine, he called, and then with a face

580
00:39:33,119 --> 00:39:36,840
of horror and her hands outstretched in a gesture terrible

581
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:40,119
and tragic, a gesture they knew well, and that was

582
00:39:40,199 --> 00:39:44,679
not her own. She cried, yes, Elaine, if you like,

583
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:48,639
Why did you keep these letters? You who never keep

584
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:54,360
any letters? He tried to recover himself. Are you mad, Beta,

585
00:39:55,039 --> 00:40:00,719
he said, but the sternness of his voice faltered. Oh,

586
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:03,960
she took up. I wish I were. You could shut

587
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:07,920
me up, then madness would be easy. We killed her,

588
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,760
You and I between us killed her. She trusted us,

589
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:17,039
and we killed her. She trusted us and we tortured her. Hush,

590
00:40:17,519 --> 00:40:21,239
said Graham, you don't know what you're saying. Beta. You're

591
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:25,559
not well. You've not been well for a long time. No,

592
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:30,639
she agreed, I've not been well, but you've said nothing

593
00:40:30,639 --> 00:40:34,320
about it. Graham. It's a very strange illness. I've had

594
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:39,920
what's been its name, Graham, what doctor's curate. You've tried

595
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:45,119
not to believe what couldn't be believed. Such things can't happen.

596
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:47,920
That's what you've said to yourself when my face has

597
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,679
frightened you, when you came into the room and thought

598
00:40:50,679 --> 00:40:54,079
Elaine was standing here. But how should I have come

599
00:40:54,119 --> 00:40:57,440
where I am now to find my own letters, my

600
00:40:57,599 --> 00:41:01,000
letters that you kept, My letters that I've been waiting

601
00:41:01,159 --> 00:41:07,760
so long to find. Listen, Beta will go away. You're ill,

602
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:12,320
We'll go away. She saw that he couldn't admit what

603
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:16,639
he had seen in his man's world. Such things couldn't

604
00:41:16,679 --> 00:41:20,599
be But it made no difference to her. Now she

605
00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:24,320
held her proof in her hand. We'll go away and

606
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:29,840
forget these weeks, he repeated. We'll do what you like.

607
00:41:30,559 --> 00:41:37,000
It won't alter anything we know now, Beta answered dully,

608
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:41,079
for she knew as Graham did that there was no

609
00:41:41,159 --> 00:41:44,760
flight possible for them, no refuge that they could take

610
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:49,559
anywhere in the world. Apart or together, they had heard

611
00:41:49,559 --> 00:41:52,719
the voice from the other side of silence. There was

612
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:56,199
no country where they could take refuge, no place to

613
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:59,760
go that would blot out from Graham's memory the picture

614
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:03,840
of Ada leaning over his desk, her letters in her hand.

615
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:08,639
End of the Second Wife