Speaker 1: You're watching Chewing the Cud with Mike beny Row.
Speaker 2: And Aaron Twitching, And I said, as sweet as the
Speaker 2: offer was, that's not what I envisioned when I said,
Speaker 2: a what twelve dozen rosebuds? Hello, and welcome to Chewing
Speaker 2: the Cud and our Valentine's theme show. This week, I'm
Speaker 2: joined by someone who wants to describe himself as geriatric millennial.
Speaker 1: It's Aaron Twitching.
Speaker 3: Hello. Once, I think it was like literally last week,
Speaker 3: you love it. I love being a geriatric millennial.
Speaker 1: What is a geriatric millennial?
Speaker 3: Someone who because the millennial bracket is so big that I'm.
Speaker 1: An early millennial.
Speaker 3: What is that?
Speaker 1: Sorry at the very beginning of the millennia.
Speaker 3: No, you're a geriatric millennial. Then, yeah, that early makes
Speaker 3: it sound like you're younger.
Speaker 2: That's why I've chosen that I'm an early millennial.
Speaker 3: No, Jerry, Actually, Millennia is like I'm still trying to
Speaker 3: be cool, but I just can't handle tiktoks. It feels
Speaker 3: like young people shouting at me. I can't bear it.
Speaker 1: So what have you got for us?
Speaker 4: This week?
Speaker 3: This week? I am talking about a celebrity who's checking
Speaker 3: in on our mental health and having a romantic theme
Speaker 3: game to play along with.
Speaker 2: It's not me saying that's so, that's interesting. And that's
Speaker 2: before we get up close and personal with Aaron the
Speaker 2: spotlight on screen. Now you can see all of our
Speaker 2: social media. Just search for at the cud TV.
Speaker 3: And as people who have popped up in our comments
Speaker 3: go along the bottom of the screen, it's time for
Speaker 3: Mike in the.
Speaker 1: Buzz Children, do you have children in your life?
Speaker 3: You're asking me if I had children, not that I've
Speaker 3: accidentally known. I'm yeah, I'm I have my two nibblings,
Speaker 3: so I have like a niece and a nephew.
Speaker 1: Cute.
Speaker 3: But I really love being an uncle. I don't want
Speaker 3: to be a gun call or like a funk call.
Speaker 3: I want to be a huncle. Okay, I want to
Speaker 3: be like a hunky uncle. That's my aim. I'm obsessed
Speaker 3: with the kids because I get to be fun and
Speaker 3: crazy and all the Yeah, all the kids in the
Speaker 3: family love me because I'll get drunk and go on
Speaker 3: a trampoline and think I'm a hero and then nearly
Speaker 3: break my neck and I don't know, they go crazy
Speaker 3: for that they're doing.
Speaker 1: I've got some nephews in my life.
Speaker 2: But so a seven year old get a seven year
Speaker 2: old giving you a drawing. It can be sweet, it
Speaker 2: can it can? Is it of you?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: No, this isn't me, thankfully, Okay.
Speaker 2: This is a story of someone who's child brought home
Speaker 2: a lovely Valentine's Day card written for them for her
Speaker 2: and a husband.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: And there's been a bit of a controversy about this.
Speaker 1: What do you see There's a dog on a lead.
Speaker 3: With a hat on, yeah, and jumping over Henry Hoover.
Speaker 3: And then I'm you're one on the far right with
Speaker 3: the yellow short and has has got something that I
Speaker 3: don't want to assume the gender of this person, but
Speaker 3: they have something that might suggest a dog tree. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's a well, it's a treat for all of us.
Speaker 3: If I saw someone walking down the street with that,
Speaker 3: I'd be like, what a tree. Those shorts are shorting,
Speaker 3: And I'm happy about it. Good for you, Han, you
Speaker 3: go put your tree out to.
Speaker 1: The message panting and wanted to.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'd be more inclined to think it was
Speaker 2: a print if it were gray sweatpants.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but yellow shorts. Yellow shorts are the new gray sweatpants.
Speaker 3: Everyone's doing it. Yeah, I did not know that above
Speaker 3: the knee, this is a queer person people down to
Speaker 3: the knee. Look where those knees are. That has been
Speaker 3: put in there, deliberately showing it all. I actually also
Speaker 3: think this is fake fake news. You think this is
Speaker 3: f it's conspiracy. I think people are doing this now,
Speaker 3: aren't they? Where they can see that? Like if you
Speaker 3: draw a picture or something, it can go all over
Speaker 3: the internet. I think that tree is too biologically accurate.
Speaker 3: The lining that is. I've seen that treat before. I
Speaker 3: know that was lockdown.
Speaker 2: Seems like a distant memory.
Speaker 3: What what is lockdown? What is this?
Speaker 2: It's where they stopped people leaving the house.
Speaker 3: I don't recall anything. I don't I missed that one. Yes,
Speaker 3: we'll remember. Well, are you still going on about it?
Speaker 1: Did you do any baking during lockdown?
Speaker 3: Was that? I was absolutely terrible at it? And they
Speaker 3: look like they've been absolutely jeersed on. Yes, I do
Speaker 3: vaguely remember.
Speaker 2: Some people got a pet during lockdown?
Speaker 1: Right, which was a different choice.
Speaker 2: This is Jessica okay, basically got a little hampstead called
Speaker 2: her Hammington.
Speaker 3: Oh that's cute Hammington. What a regal hamster?
Speaker 2: Suddenly after Hammington died because they did not last long,
Speaker 2: she had stuffed and turned into a pole dancer.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, she's killing it. Look at the money
Speaker 3: she's getting. This is like j Loh Hustler's.
Speaker 1: All over, think g string pole dollar bills.
Speaker 3: Also, she is skinny, like look at that hand. She's
Speaker 3: a right, she's Mariah Levels said for a while, do
Speaker 3: you know what as so? I used to be in
Speaker 3: a circus and I've done a bit of pole and
Speaker 3: like what I will say about this is great idea
Speaker 3: reasonably well executed, but disappointing that she's just on her feet,
Speaker 3: like where's the invert, where's the hook? Where's the you know,
Speaker 3: sexy little Martini glass got one form? I mean I
Speaker 3: think she you.
Speaker 2: Go, if you go in go, Okay, there is only
Speaker 2: five pounds for that monstrosity.
Speaker 3: What do you think that's a reasonable or unreasonable?
Speaker 1: You think that's an unreasonable amount?
Speaker 4: What to hi?
Speaker 2: It's too high?
Speaker 3: No, look at the craft in there.
Speaker 2: If the quality was higher, Yeah, but that.
Speaker 3: No, that is good? That will I mean it's being
Speaker 3: like hey, hair, that's like present. You could then easily
Speaker 3: dress it up in a nightgown. And she can be
Speaker 3: miss worlds miscongeniality, which walks with the tropole. No, not
Speaker 3: the trophy. The I am the I'm the lady. I'm
Speaker 3: in New York, I burn brightly all the time. Who
Speaker 3: am I? Who am I? Lady Liberty?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: Is that what she's called?
Speaker 1: Statue?
Speaker 3: Statue of liberty? I know that ship. I think this
Speaker 3: is good. I actually now think we should have more
Speaker 3: taxi dermid small animals, okay, like I would like to
Speaker 3: see taxidermid snakes. I want to see just if you
Speaker 3: find a pigeon on the road, then that should be
Speaker 3: done up to be more character base. Okay, animals. I
Speaker 3: think this is good. And are those real dollar bills
Speaker 3: as well? Because it adds up the value. I think
Speaker 3: it's good. Look how gorge and shiny her eyes are
Speaker 3: like this is I mean, if you look at the
Speaker 3: facial expression, it's slightly like it's trapped forever. It's the
Speaker 3: glossy of the eyes like this is this is? This
Speaker 3: is this hamster young in its use being celebrated. My
Speaker 3: granny recently passed, and I'm getting ideas.
Speaker 2: Okay, And if you feel like stuffing a loved one,
Speaker 2: why not share it with us on at the coud
Speaker 2: TV on social media, and that takes us to our
Speaker 2: story of the week. Now Valentine's Day is upon us.
Speaker 2: Do you have any exciting plans?
Speaker 3: I think I'm doing a radio record actually, which maybe
Speaker 3: I should have kept it free. Or do you think
Speaker 3: maybe that radio presenter is trying to seduce.
Speaker 1: Maybe they're trying to seduce.
Speaker 3: That would be good forward to it. No, not particularly Now.
Speaker 3: I do love Valentine's I love love me too.
Speaker 2: I've got a bottle of wine.
Speaker 3: Plant are you kingering or.
Speaker 2: Not?
Speaker 1: Until laughter?
Speaker 2: But yeah. And this is a story about a gentleman
Speaker 2: in America who was a bit bored on his Valentine's
Speaker 2: Day and founders a small alligator, basically, and so we're
Speaker 2: playing with the small alligator and just just playing with
Speaker 2: his mouth. There is alligator playing with his mouth, just
Speaker 2: like you do with a dog, and heeds like play fight.
Speaker 2: He's play fighting with an alligator. And then he got
Speaker 2: a bit bored with doing that and said, wonder what
Speaker 2: would happen.
Speaker 1: If I did that with a testicle?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: No, and there he is an alligator, went nibbel, libbel, No,
Speaker 3: why would you? Why would you do that? Why would
Speaker 3: you film that people like that? I don't understand, what
Speaker 3: is it? No, I absolutely am terrified of alligators. I
Speaker 3: absolutely We went to Florida on holiday, and my sister
Speaker 3: loves alligators. I just felt like I was just being
Speaker 3: traumed for the whole week. Well, the one thing I
Speaker 3: said while we were on holiday was like, I do
Speaker 3: not want to see an alligator. I was too scared
Speaker 3: to running around the holiday camp that we were at
Speaker 3: because I was pretty sure one of them would get
Speaker 3: me even though there was no water. Like, I just
Speaker 3: did not want to see an alligator. I got taken
Speaker 3: to Alligator Crazy Gold where there were the classic ones
Speaker 3: and baby ones, so like ones like that and do
Speaker 3: you know what the evil little shit and I could
Speaker 3: see in their eyes because there are any babies at that,
Speaker 3: but they're looking you like if you mock them or whatever.
Speaker 3: I'm thinking they're going to get you later on.
Speaker 2: And five years time, I'm going to eat you little.
Speaker 3: That's why I'm not going back. Like they've got grudges
Speaker 3: and I'm not. I'm not bearing that. I've got enough
Speaker 3: grudges where I'm where I live right and like they
Speaker 3: just and then not only that, she then wanted to
Speaker 3: go to Alligator World. I had to drive her to allegate.
Speaker 3: I didn't want to see an alligator, and I had
Speaker 3: to drive her to alligate a World. I didn't get
Speaker 3: out of the car. I'm not risking it. Oh no,
Speaker 3: I'll meet you around the back. You can get out
Speaker 3: and you can get back in when you're ready. I'm not.
Speaker 3: I don't want anything to do so people like this.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 3: I think fair game.
Speaker 5: I hope that.
Speaker 3: Alligator got the whole thing. It was juicy, open popped.
Speaker 3: I hope it was as painful as possible for that
Speaker 3: man because he doesn't know. You don't get to tease.
Speaker 3: I hate them. They're evil. I don't want to ever
Speaker 3: see one again. I'm glad that this picture is awful quality,
Speaker 3: because otherwise I'd be struggling. But I hope. I hope
Speaker 3: that alligator remembers and stalks and hunts down. I would
Speaker 3: like to see that. Yeah, exactly like that. I want
Speaker 3: to see that movie, and I want the alligator played
Speaker 3: by Octavia Spencer. I wanted to be like mar but
Speaker 3: she's an alligator chasing this one man to get the
Speaker 3: other testicle. What was hook getting the other hands? Well?
Speaker 3: Now we go. This is the adult version that will
Speaker 3: be all over Pornhub before the end of the week. Now,
Speaker 3: Alligator porn. You've always got to think of news story
Speaker 3: like I was. I was going to say it was friends,
Speaker 3: and then I was going to say I read an
Speaker 3: article and actually realized I saw a TikTok, or like
Speaker 3: I read a tweet about a girl. I think she
Speaker 3: was a comedian and her day job was writing script
Speaker 3: for pornos. She said. The hardest part is coming up
Speaker 3: with new stories. So if you look at Alligated Paul,
Speaker 3: I think that could be a big one.
Speaker 2: That is very niche indeed. But that's all from the
Speaker 2: buzz this week. Well thanks for that, Mike. I can't
Speaker 2: get over Alligator Paul. I'm coming up after this shortbreak.
Speaker 2: Aeron brings us a look at some celebrity news in
Speaker 2: the showbiz. It's so disturbing watching blood come out of
Speaker 2: a TV screen. You're watching you in the cud with
Speaker 2: Aeron and Mike. Now, let's get ready for the showbiz
Speaker 2: with Eron.
Speaker 3: Welcome to the showbiz section. How are you with body
Speaker 3: contour underwear?
Speaker 2: What you're trying to say, I'm.
Speaker 3: Just saying that that's my natural body. Surely that is
Speaker 3: of course.
Speaker 2: There's one wire girls and will all deny all right, right, yeah,
Speaker 2: bottoms flying off everywhere.
Speaker 3: Are you familiar with Kim Kardashian's skims range.
Speaker 2: I am aware of her trying to make people feel
Speaker 2: better about the bodies by making money.
Speaker 3: You wanted to say that I am aware of her work,
Speaker 3: and then you realize she doesn't really work.
Speaker 1: That's what I was going to say. She doesn't do it.
Speaker 3: It's hugely successful her skims. She's an underlying where that
Speaker 3: comes in a range of colors, and like body, it
Speaker 3: nips you in, it pushes you out, It makes you
Speaker 3: look however you want to look.
Speaker 2: Six foot?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I don't know if it does make
Speaker 3: you six foot. But I keep getting adverts on Instagram
Speaker 3: for socks that have got an extra inch in the heel.
Speaker 2: Don't do them?
Speaker 4: Why me?
Speaker 3: I'm a perfect height, like I never hit my head
Speaker 3: on doors, but old ladies always ask me to take
Speaker 3: things off shelves. Okay, why would I mean? I don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm just like that Mary popping things. I stand next
Speaker 3: to the thing and goes quite simply. Yeah, not in
Speaker 3: every way, just that way. I'm humble enough. Even though
Speaker 3: my website is I love aeron dot co dot UK,
Speaker 3: it's humble thause it's not dot com because I'm not worldwide,
Speaker 3: I'm just national. Cand there's a new model spokesperson for
Speaker 3: the Valentine's Limited Edition range, and it's Lana del Rey.
Speaker 3: Look at her the snack you didn't know you won,
Speaker 3: giving absolutely nothing in the face.
Speaker 1: Dead behind the eyes.
Speaker 3: I believe the phrase is I'm surprised that Lanceelre is
Speaker 3: doing this because she's I didn't think she was a
Speaker 3: big one for promotional stuff, going out there talking about
Speaker 3: her wares. And isn't she working in like a burger joint?
Speaker 3: What have you heard that?
Speaker 2: Though?
Speaker 3: Oh, she works in like a Wendy's just part time,
Speaker 3: not even not even making this up, just because she
Speaker 3: she wanted to. So yeah, and like her fans sometimes
Speaker 3: go and she yes, she she just serves burgers and stuff.
Speaker 2: She's not a well renowned recording artist.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she doesn't do it for the money, and that
Speaker 3: she just does it because she thinks it's nice. It's
Speaker 3: a bit of a lark. So why she's done this,
Speaker 3: I don't really know, but it's very good timing. On
Speaker 3: the Cardastrian's part, because it was announced two days after
Speaker 3: she'd been nominated for a Grammy or two. I mean,
Speaker 3: she looks very lovely. I'm just very surprised. I didn't
Speaker 3: think Lana del Ray was the one who'd be selling underwear.
Speaker 1: Why has she been shot?
Speaker 3: Because it is Ham Valentine, she's been well. What happened
Speaker 3: was she knew she was coming in for this section,
Speaker 3: but she accidentally walked in during the opening VT and
Speaker 3: that was her blood that you saw there a Lana.
Speaker 2: I mean, it looks very nice, lingerie type thing. I'm
Speaker 2: not sure why she's wearing a black veil. Is that
Speaker 2: considered sexy for hertero sexuals?
Speaker 3: Death to the body shape that's not yours.
Speaker 2: I just don't. I don't get body shaping underwear.
Speaker 3: I can get it, I see it.
Speaker 1: I mean I've tried. I've tried it to just work for me.
Speaker 3: It might start buying shop mannequins, cutting them up and
Speaker 3: then just putting them underneath my clothes, because then he
Speaker 3: doesn't have to pick a poke at you, and you
Speaker 3: can have the perfect bottom, perfect chest. I think it's
Speaker 3: a market for that.
Speaker 1: I do too.
Speaker 2: That would be much better, better than my thirty percent
Speaker 2: offer of gym memberships.
Speaker 3: Keep just put it on, take it off, and then
Speaker 3: at least like if they're having a feel underneath, it
Speaker 3: will still feel good rather than just feel like elastic.
Speaker 3: And it is Valentine's celebrity couples, so people who are
Speaker 3: coupling up. So our first couple, well, do you know what?
Speaker 3: This is a good one. We'll see whether you actually
Speaker 3: know who these people are. Okay, I did know these
Speaker 3: first two. So we've got Barry Keegan and Sabrina Carpenter.
Speaker 1: Heating drinks come out of bus stops.
Speaker 3: I haven't seen it.
Speaker 1: Have you watched not watched Saltburn?
Speaker 3: No? But I feel like I have because everyone goes out.
Speaker 3: I'm very happy for Sophie Ellis Beets. She seems like
Speaker 3: the only real winner in this.
Speaker 1: I know we all win, do we? We all win?
Speaker 2: Especially you get to see him dancing around in the
Speaker 2: nude with a very lovely penis too murder on the
Speaker 2: dance floor.
Speaker 3: I don't think it does it for me. What I
Speaker 3: will say is this man's stylist has been working over
Speaker 3: to Sabrina Carpenter. Are you familiar? I know Karen Carpenters
Speaker 3: no relation. Sadly Sabrina Carpenter. She's a bit like she's
Speaker 3: a bit She's kind of like Taylor swifty, but maybe
Speaker 3: like a bit more poppy. She's a big song riding
Speaker 3: up the chants at the moment called Feather just finally
Speaker 3: made it into Top forty and billboard. It is a bob.
Speaker 3: She murders men in the video she's serving Christina Aguilera
Speaker 3: ten years later. No memory in this. The thing that
Speaker 3: surprises me most about this is is not gay. No dress.
Speaker 1: Other stylist might be straight.
Speaker 3: Men have got to stop tricking us. It's not fair. Okay,
Speaker 3: if you don't want to be seduced by me, don't
Speaker 3: dress this. It's a public I cannot be responsible for
Speaker 3: my actions. If you're out here baiting. Although he's dating
Speaker 3: Sabrina Carpet, it makes me think you might be gay
Speaker 3: even more. Joe Jonas, famous, everyone's fourth favorite Jonas brother.
Speaker 1: I only know that one.
Speaker 3: I think, no Nick Jonas. You know Nick Jonas. He's
Speaker 3: the hot one.
Speaker 2: Okay, I think they're all go, not the other one.
Speaker 3: Jonas is hot, but he's not a nice person, is he?
Speaker 3: He's dating this lady here, Stormy bris whoever she may.
Speaker 1: Be Stormy Bri.
Speaker 2: I don't believes she related to angry Cheese.
Speaker 3: No, she's next week's storm coming in. Actually, she will
Speaker 3: be making her way through Languaghire and taking trampolines with
Speaker 3: the storm Bree.
Speaker 1: Like your cheese are like the references.
Speaker 3: Thank you. She's dating Joe Jonas well. Good luck to
Speaker 3: her because he's still going through his divorce with that
Speaker 3: bird that used to be in the X Men. And
Speaker 3: maybe what's the one that everyone loved with the Diners,
Speaker 3: not the dinosaurs Dragons. I couldn't better watch it Thrones.
Speaker 3: I think she might have been in that Sophie Turner
Speaker 3: that's her name. Anyway. He said she was a terrible mum,
Speaker 3: that she was always running off. But how he knew
Speaker 3: that because he was on tour for a year, who knows.
Speaker 3: So he's still trying to get custody his kids. Meanwhile,
Speaker 3: banging this lady.
Speaker 2: If they have a child, can we call the child bell?
Speaker 2: You feel the cheese? Baby bell?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: I didn't get that for the longest time, and it
Speaker 3: was a very clever joke, So I apologize for my
Speaker 3: ignorant That's okay. Do we call a baby bell? A
Speaker 3: cheese or is it merely a plastic.
Speaker 2: It's a cheese. It's in the cheese isle. You're allowed
Speaker 2: to eat twelve of them, vieing cheese.
Speaker 3: I saw the other day. This isn't related to this. Sorry,
Speaker 3: this show, this section is very much going of course.
Speaker 3: I know someone that's got a non baby bell, like
Speaker 3: a huge bell, and apparently that's the size that they
Speaker 3: used to be like massive, like the size of an ass, right,
Speaker 3: and then they and then they were better more consumable small,
Speaker 3: so they made them babies and like, but you can
Speaker 3: get a big bell. I'm not like a Belen. It's true.
Speaker 3: Good to it, you know. I don't know where you
Speaker 3: got it from.
Speaker 1: It was just the fact you can get a huge bell.
Speaker 4: Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 3: We got one final couple of We've got time, Selena
Speaker 3: Gomez and Benny Blanco.
Speaker 1: Who is Benny Blanco?
Speaker 3: I think he's a DJ. I don't know. It's not
Speaker 3: for us, he's not Jerry. Selena Gomez I can still
Speaker 3: get on board with because she's a Disney girl. She
Speaker 3: does make the occasional bop. What I love most about
Speaker 3: Selena Gomez is she's in that murd only murders in
Speaker 3: the building, which's very good. And they keep referring to
Speaker 3: her constantly as young and hit but she's over thirty,
Speaker 3: Like I don't know how she is still playing the
Speaker 3: young and hip one, but there she is, justin Bieber.
Speaker 3: Didn't she oh she did?
Speaker 6: She was very.
Speaker 3: And the weekend she stated all the bad douches and
Speaker 3: another couple homos. We've got Troy Savan and man U Reus.
Speaker 3: They have been seen groundbreakingly having dinner. This was a
Speaker 3: news story. There they are. Look at Troy Savan, don't
Speaker 3: you look lovely? They're with those eyelashes a good impression
Speaker 3: of well attitude man. Attitude magazine very unkindly called it
Speaker 3: battle of the Twins, which I'm pretty sure Troy Savan
Speaker 3: is nearly middle aged. But exactly when is twink deaf?
Speaker 3: When you look like that? Who cares?
Speaker 1: Exactly?
Speaker 3: They've only actually had dinner. I don't know how Attitude
Speaker 3: magazines spun this into a huge story, but maybe they
Speaker 3: were just surprised at gaye eight but looking at that.
Speaker 2: Not even eating, there's just bottles, grape and wine.
Speaker 1: I was going to say that they're doing that whole
Speaker 1: necklace flirty thing.
Speaker 3: Though, Oh that is very necklace, fir th. I like
Speaker 3: this person here, who's doing there? What shadow dinosaurs going?
Speaker 3: I want that bottle of wine? I mean, yeah, they're
Speaker 3: just having dinner. Let them. I don't actually think they're dating.
Speaker 3: I think they're just bitching about lads. Do you know
Speaker 3: what I mean? They're sharing details of the many many
Speaker 3: cocks they've ads or not ads. I don't know what
Speaker 3: that was felt sluts shaming as many cocks as you want. Kids,
Speaker 3: don't worry about.
Speaker 2: It, neither of them not eating though, so so it's
Speaker 2: not yeah, so can't work out who's bottomy?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that's not the most important thing, isn't it?
Speaker 3: They can I don't know you picked these stories, Mike.
Speaker 3: I don't know why I'm pretending that these are things
Speaker 3: I was interested in this week. These are what you
Speaker 3: sent me and I read in the gym this morning,
Speaker 3: and I've formed an opinion about it. I hadn't even
Speaker 3: seen that picture because it wouldn't downloads because there was
Speaker 3: no signal in pure GM Manchester, So why don't you
Speaker 3: sort that out? Actually, Puerg in Manchester. So I'm not
Speaker 3: there screaming and I can listen to a Hollywood Arts
Speaker 3: album in peace is that time' still got fifty seconds?
Speaker 3: And another thing, Pure Jim, Actually, why are your showers
Speaker 3: fifteen seconds at a time? Like, what are you expecting
Speaker 3: to happen there? They just time out.
Speaker 1: After fifteen seconds.
Speaker 3: Yeah, most of my workout actually is saving energy so
Speaker 3: I can keep slamming that. I actually improved my flexibility
Speaker 3: massively because I can have one foot behind me locking
Speaker 3: up on the thing as I wash so that it
Speaker 3: doesn't go off. What's the point You're not saving water?
Speaker 3: I actually deliberately spend more time using up the water
Speaker 3: to punish you of thanks words and then that celebrity
Speaker 3: show business for this week. Screw you, Pure Jim. Actually
Speaker 3: don't because I'm really like being a member and I
Speaker 3: want to use all of them like a metal thanksfully.
Speaker 3: I'm open for sponsorship opportunities.
Speaker 2: Let's stick around because we have apparently a game coming up.
Speaker 2: In our game of the week, welcome back, you're watching
Speaker 2: you in the cud This week we're playing a romantic
Speaker 2: uza kazoo and this one is for my very own
Speaker 2: love book.
Speaker 4: I'm excited.
Speaker 3: Day of the week.
Speaker 2: So Aaron's got a kazoo and he's going to sing
Speaker 2: or kazoo. Did play kazoo some lovely romantic songs for me?
Speaker 3: I am do I use okay wat and these are
Speaker 3: my songs. I don't. I don't know if we do includes.
Speaker 3: But the first song is by a man, so I
Speaker 3: might not know it because I don't. I don't listen
Speaker 3: to men. Prob I just don't like the male voice.
Speaker 3: This is why I sound like this. You never know,
Speaker 3: prepare my instrument. Okay, I'm sorry. I can hang on.
Speaker 1: So you put the big end in your mouth.
Speaker 3: You put the big the big end of your mouth
Speaker 3: to That's what she said. I prefer to work my
Speaker 3: way up. To be honest, I find you get much
Speaker 3: better results.
Speaker 1: You want to holm a little bit into it.
Speaker 6: Oh you don't just blow, No, you don't just blow.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry that last note though, that.
Speaker 2: Was Oh darn me.
Speaker 1: Do you need any sort of assistance?
Speaker 3: No, I am living. I'm giving romance. I'm giving. This
Speaker 3: is the wedding song that every basic white bitch.
Speaker 2: Has all of me, John Legend, Yes, there we go.
Speaker 1: So yeah, let's let's try another one.
Speaker 3: Okay, right, this one is Oh God, you really picked
Speaker 3: the basic ones? Okay, right? I can do this again.
Speaker 3: So I tried to beg end and then I was
Speaker 3: told little End. You know what, ignore them, it's all rubbish.
Speaker 3: What okay, I'll hang on. We'll do that one. Then
Speaker 3: this one. I know, this one, I know right, Okay.
Speaker 7: Oh my god, it takes so much breath. I feel
Speaker 7: like I'm really doing my breath work here.
Speaker 3: I feel like the dancing and the moment I understand Beyonce.
Speaker 2: Now, okay, So I think this is possibly one of
Speaker 2: the best girl great groups of the nineties.
Speaker 3: No, I'm sorry it's not. But I couldn't think of
Speaker 3: Atomic Kitten. I tried to think really quickly of a
Speaker 3: band that. Yeah, I'm sorry, I screwed up that joke myself.
Speaker 3: I shot on your line.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's perfectly fine.
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna it is the best girl group of
Speaker 2: the nineties.
Speaker 3: Banana Rama, It's absolutely yes, that was Banana Wama walk
Speaker 3: like an Egyptian the most romantic song. That's what I
Speaker 3: was Venus.
Speaker 1: Is a romantic song, is it?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I thought it was just a shaving commercial.
Speaker 1: No, no, do you.
Speaker 3: Know that Jennifer Lopez actually did a recover cover of
Speaker 3: Venus and Four Gillettes for a raiser.
Speaker 2: That's disturbing me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't really think Jalo should be a covers artist.
Speaker 3: I personally I always seen Jennifer Lopez songs at karaoke
Speaker 3: because like I can't hit the notes, but the difference.
Speaker 2: I think the only time I enjoyed of hers was
Speaker 2: when she dueted with Cool.
Speaker 3: J Oh yeah, control myself, hang on. That one was
Speaker 3: a freebie. I wasn't even on the list. I'm not
Speaker 3: saying I'm not going to take up the casoo full time,
Speaker 3: but I'm pretty sure music is not the genre for me.
Speaker 3: And now I understand why I became a comedian.
Speaker 2: Okay, Cool, I've forgot another song for you to get
Speaker 2: through them?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Is you on one more?
Speaker 5: Really? This is an exhaustic game.
Speaker 3: The whole tour.
Speaker 2: I don't know that the only person does does it?
Speaker 2: Most people say they were do do do do do
Speaker 2: do mate.
Speaker 3: I'm an all round perform I will not do the
Speaker 3: one at the bottom there because someone has spelled heart wrong.
Speaker 3: They've spelt it hart and it says the heart will
Speaker 3: go on and it just sounds like a dodgy nineties
Speaker 3: sitcom comedy about a couple called the hearts that are
Speaker 3: on a long journey, but they they've divorced and spill up,
Speaker 3: and it's about how they then suddenly start falling in
Speaker 3: love with each other while they're stuck in the the
Speaker 3: Indian desert. I don't know if there is a desert India.
Speaker 3: I do know that my boyfriend broke up with me
Speaker 3: while I was in India and it was brutal. Anyway,
Speaker 3: this one goes out to him.
Speaker 4: H yeah, imagine me bold.
Speaker 3: I like nding on the big notes.
Speaker 2: Okay, I want to say dada condor nothing compass to you?
Speaker 2: Was that right?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: I didn't know that was a complete segment because you
Speaker 3: said I want to say I want to say connor.
Speaker 3: It compares to you as if but you were going
Speaker 3: to say something else.
Speaker 2: That was That's just what I want to say.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you should want to say it because that's that
Speaker 3: was an identical That was exactly what it is. Okay, cool, Okay,
Speaker 3: Bruno Mars, I don't know anything by him. I refuse
Speaker 3: to indulge this next one. I do know this, Okay,
Speaker 3: how does it go?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 3: I do know it. It's it's a big hit. I
Speaker 3: know it. Okay, hang on, you know what it is.
Speaker 3: It's one of those ones.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 3: All I can think is and you'll get this when
Speaker 3: you get the reference. I can't picture the song. All
Speaker 3: I can think of is the artist typing a text
Speaker 3: message into an Excel spreadsheet and wondering why she's not getting.
Speaker 5: Is a very good one, okay, oh.
Speaker 2: Oh, I've already guessed it because you told me the
Speaker 2: texting Excel that's their book in it.
Speaker 3: While to think of a time, like what people don't
Speaker 3: realize is Kelly Rowland releasing that song and it being
Speaker 3: so big was such a big moment that Beyonce had
Speaker 3: to delay the release of her debut album by a
Speaker 3: year so it didn't clash with Kelly Rowland because they
Speaker 3: thought it would affect the sales and that it would
Speaker 3: be the fans would be split, like people always talk
Speaker 3: about like Kelly. Oh, Kelly Rowland is nothing, But at
Speaker 3: one point in this world, Kelly Rowland had the power
Speaker 3: to derail and delay Beyonce, and I just think Kelly
Speaker 3: Rowland is really the true icon of our time. That's
Speaker 3: the dilemma that Beyonce.
Speaker 1: Has, as I say, but the other one wasn't.
Speaker 3: Oh no, let's put some Machet's. Some put some respect
Speaker 3: on poor Michelle's name, right. There was nothing poor about Michelle.
Speaker 3: She came into a band that were already selling out.
Speaker 3: She didn't have to do all of the hard work,
Speaker 3: singing in mauls and going around shopping centers and signing
Speaker 3: loads of stuff. She came in when the hits were
Speaker 3: already there. She'd had to write them. She'd have to
Speaker 3: write any of the late hits. Beyonce did that. She
Speaker 3: came in. She sang. She wore a little slit up
Speaker 3: leopard pink dress in the jungle for Survivor. She sang
Speaker 3: her little heart. She didn't even need to sing the verses.
Speaker 3: She only ever came in at the bridge. She was
Speaker 3: absolutely banging. Nothing poor about Michelle.
Speaker 2: She made money and on that from Rant stick around,
Speaker 2: because come out next, we're gonna get all up and
Speaker 2: close with Aaron in spir Welcome back to you in
Speaker 2: the cud. So we've tested this show bus knowledge and
Speaker 2: his blody's instrument without any assistant for anybody. So now
Speaker 2: let's get into his dinner workings. As we talked he
Speaker 2: and in spotlight. So you're a comedian, I am.
Speaker 3: They know that now all this time you've been going
Speaker 3: who is this clash?
Speaker 4: Is this guy? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I am, and you're known for being hilarious on stage.
Speaker 3: It's very kind if you.
Speaker 1: I've been to a couple of your gigs. Yes, I'm
Speaker 1: over many years.
Speaker 3: I've been going so long. Do you know what I remember?
Speaker 3: When I started, Like the dream was always to be
Speaker 3: like remember like when we were going up, it's all
Speaker 3: like the hot, hot, hot, thirty under thirty hot, and like,
Speaker 3: I don't know. I always thought you had to make
Speaker 3: it big, like really really quick, otherwise you's completely failed.
Speaker 3: And now I am just a relic on the scene.
Speaker 3: I'm a relic of the comedy industry that goes around
Speaker 3: like a wise and old crook, just with all these
Speaker 3: new ones around all or you could do it that way.
Speaker 3: But I remember in that day when we used to
Speaker 3: have a four where you've got your gigs on the website.
Speaker 3: Really yeah, so much has changed. When I started gigging, you.
Speaker 5: Didn't have maps.
Speaker 3: I don't know what we got to like, you know,
Speaker 3: obviously I had, we had the Internet and stuff. I
Speaker 3: don't know how people were giging in the nineties. They
Speaker 3: should drive around with maps. He got to gigs Okay,
Speaker 3: I don't know either. But yeah, so you've been going
Speaker 3: for let's say a while. Oh yeah, I mean we
Speaker 3: don't count years, but you know, I was started when
Speaker 3: Mariah was still having hits that were on a Christmas.
Speaker 1: When she was on the first boobs.
Speaker 3: What what Maria has not had boobs?
Speaker 1: Are you telling me that Maria has not had boobs?
Speaker 3: I thought she just had a very sturdy.
Speaker 1: Bra very silicon and surgeons. I don't like Mariah.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 3: I will stand Mariah till the day. She's given us
Speaker 3: so much much. This is what my comedy falls on, really,
Speaker 3: is picking women and just refusing to let them go.
Speaker 2: Okay, like the Sugar Babes.
Speaker 3: The Sugar Babes, I can't let go the Everyone is
Speaker 3: mad about the og three, but I only care about
Speaker 3: the final three. They're like the fiver is of a
Speaker 3: Scream movie. I'm like, make sure Heidi and Jade are fed.
Speaker 3: I don't care too much for a mel but I'm
Speaker 3: sure she's fine.
Speaker 2: But I don't know who any of those people are.
Speaker 3: Why am I on this show? You know, I said
Speaker 3: to myself, Aaron, the audience for you is out there.
Speaker 3: I don't think they're in this room.
Speaker 1: I remember the original Sugar Babes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that means you are kinds of my audience. Well
Speaker 3: they're not the original now they're the back ones, aren't they.
Speaker 3: Why are we talking about the Sugarbabes. I'm here to
Speaker 3: promote myself, twitching. This is why I'm terrible. It shows
Speaker 3: like this because I meant to be promoting me, and
Speaker 3: all I do is be like, do you remember to
Speaker 3: Lisa she was robbed?
Speaker 1: Oh she was. So you do a lot of gigs
Speaker 1: up in the other country.
Speaker 3: I do.
Speaker 1: Have you got anything coming up soon?
Speaker 3: I do. I have a new show. So my new
Speaker 3: show is going on tour comedy festivals and arts festivals.
Speaker 3: It's called Himbo because that's what people think I am.
Speaker 3: They think I'm just this dumb, pretty handsome, kind humble person,
Speaker 3: and I guess it is. I wanted to do a
Speaker 3: fun show. I think comedy's got very serious. I haven't
Speaker 3: done like a full length show since before the Pandemics
Speaker 3: And what was that like twenty nineteen when I was
Speaker 3: us in Edinburgh. It's obviously a lot's happened. And I
Speaker 3: had written a show about love, like I'd written a
Speaker 3: big show about love because I love love like I
Speaker 3: love love the way gay's love taking a picture of
Speaker 3: three middle aged women and being like, that's my favorite
Speaker 3: lineup of the sugar babes. I love it and I
Speaker 3: was in love. And I think it's supported as well,
Speaker 3: especially like in the queer community. It's a very gay show,
Speaker 3: Like if you're not gay, that's fine, you won't notice.
Speaker 3: I will, like there is a lot of case, but
Speaker 3: it's also like it's me being accessible to people. I think,
Speaker 3: like especially in the community, Like you don't see a
Speaker 3: lot of role models of like people in long term relationships,
Speaker 3: do you, I think, And especially like if you grew
Speaker 3: up in the ear like we did. And it's particularly
Speaker 3: the generations that came before us, people maybe didn't live
Speaker 3: that long to be able to have those sort of
Speaker 3: relationships as well. Which I wrote this show and then
Speaker 3: he left me, so I thought, p I shouldn't do that,
Speaker 3: really pibit in sincere not on the entire show and
Speaker 3: going oh, by the way, it would have just been
Speaker 3: a really crazy way to try winning pact. I think
Speaker 3: there would have been a law suit.
Speaker 5: So like, he.
Speaker 3: Shattered my heart. So I thought, what I'm going to
Speaker 3: do is just shatter the show. So the show is
Speaker 3: in pieces, which doesn't sound very organized, but it's like
Speaker 3: the audience get to choose their own adventure with it. Really,
Speaker 3: so there's like lots of different topics on stage and
Speaker 3: then well then the audience get to choose which ones
Speaker 3: we talk, So it's like kind of different every night,
Speaker 3: and like it's fun. We're all gonna have fun. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but I'm not allowed to legally say that. Actually, so
Speaker 3: it's not it's definitely not a choose your own advent.
Speaker 3: It's definitely not like that. It's a picture path comedy.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's a picture path comedy. Yeah, that's fine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I'm pretty sure legally I'm not allowed
Speaker 3: to say that, Okay, just like I'm not illegally allowed
Speaker 3: to talk about Muchiboer anymore. Now, that's fine. I'm friends
Speaker 3: with her aunt.
Speaker 1: That was a really bad name.
Speaker 3: Who's the most select you've got in your phone? I've
Speaker 3: got much aunts? Yeah, yeah, look, but I like That's
Speaker 3: what I think I like most about me is that, Yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm like low level, but I'm that's good. And I've
Speaker 3: been around this industry for ages, like I know all
Speaker 3: of the little secrets. But like at the lowest level.
Speaker 3: I don't care about the people at the top. I've
Speaker 3: got other more famous people on my phone, but I'm
Speaker 3: more excited about muchI boy Up. I think it's hilarious.
Speaker 2: Yes, and you're not just a comedian on stage, You're
Speaker 2: a woodsmith tool.
Speaker 3: Oh, I've just written a book. You written book. I
Speaker 3: have written as many books in the last year as
Speaker 3: I've read. I'm very much like Victoria Becker. The only
Speaker 3: book I've read is my own.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 3: Well, I did a podcast a few years ago during
Speaker 3: the Lockdown Times. I did a podcast about sort of
Speaker 3: like queer issues, and I was really excited about it,
Speaker 3: and we tried to sell it to the BBC, but
Speaker 3: the BBC didn't want a bloody no so I thought,
Speaker 3: screw you, BBC, We'll do it on my own. Like everything,
Speaker 3: I've got to be a hustler. So we did the podcast.
Speaker 3: It was very successful, got in the top ten on
Speaker 3: Apple podcast Wedge between Michelle Obama and Nicole Bayer. Thank
Speaker 3: you very much. That was a lovely little threesome and
Speaker 3: I really enjoyed. I don't know about you, but I
Speaker 3: found like when I was growing up, like we both
Speaker 3: grew up under section twenty eight where you weren't allowed
Speaker 3: to talk about gay or homosexual things in school, so
Speaker 3: we didn't have any education about that, and I think
Speaker 3: we talk about queer culture is like a culture like
Speaker 3: with any other culture, like say you're like Jamaican or
Speaker 3: you're Jewish, like that culture is handed down through your family,
Speaker 3: isn't it, because that's probably why you're in that, and
Speaker 3: so you sort of learn about it as you're growing up.
Speaker 3: It's sort of passed down and we don't normally find
Speaker 3: our sort of culture families until till we're older and
Speaker 3: we've come out, and then that's when you meet like
Speaker 3: the older people and you make friends and then you
Speaker 3: share it that way. I just get so difficult if
Speaker 3: we miss out on so much stuff, And I think
Speaker 3: I don't know about other people, but I was really
Speaker 3: embarrassed to us about things. If you don't understand what
Speaker 3: section twenty eight is, you don't understand what stone wall is.
Speaker 3: So this podcast was all about making that really accessible
Speaker 3: but keeping it really fun. So it's like talking about
Speaker 3: these issues and I love a little deep dive, Like
Speaker 3: I'm dead into gossip and like I want to find
Speaker 3: out all the little stories about it, and also find
Speaker 3: out how celebrities were involved. So it's sort of social
Speaker 3: issues made fun. And then lots of sugar babes in it,
Speaker 3: all six of them, all six of them. I actually
Speaker 3: don't know if that's true. I can't it for a while.
Speaker 3: You write these things, then you part them, then they
Speaker 3: go to the editor and they have to rewrite them.
Speaker 3: I can't remember what a bloody said anymore. I was
Speaker 3: gonna say, I don't remember what ad for breakfast, but
Speaker 3: I have an ad breakfast because it shows me going
Speaker 3: on forever. I'm loving it. I'm having a lovely time.
Speaker 1: Cool. So when's the book out?
Speaker 3: The book is out for pre order now, so you
Speaker 3: can pre order the e book. I hate the publishing world.
Speaker 3: You can pre order the e book now.
Speaker 4: Woo.
Speaker 3: That's the bit that we promote. Go and get yours now.
Speaker 3: It's only two ninety nine. That's less than the price
Speaker 3: of a coffee depending where you go, and then the
Speaker 3: paper bag that comes out.
Speaker 2: Get the pre order from.
Speaker 3: From Amazon or best go to my website because Amazon
Speaker 3: are trying that. Right. This is hilarious. My name is
Speaker 3: Twitching tw It's like kitchen with a tw right, not
Speaker 3: like bitchin ig so t w I t h e N.
Speaker 3: You put that into Amazon and they're like, no, I
Speaker 3: think you got that wrong. They aught to correct it
Speaker 3: to okay, so I wouldn't try and google it. So
Speaker 3: you can get it from my website, very humbly titles
Speaker 3: as we said, Www Dot I Love erin dot co
Speaker 3: dot UK, never dot com. I don't want to go global. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and you can order and then the paperback is out
Speaker 3: May fifth, just in time for Pride Month.
Speaker 2: Nice.
Speaker 3: I was thinking of releasing in Pride Month and then
Speaker 3: I thought crowded market. So I'm doing what Victoria Beckham
Speaker 3: did with her solo singles and just leaking it in
Speaker 3: that last week, that first week of January where no
Speaker 3: one's selling, and then just trying to get it. Then
Speaker 3: we know what, there's no competition.
Speaker 2: And if people want to see you on stage, where
Speaker 2: are you going to be?
Speaker 3: I am all over the country. I'm definitely Brightened Brighton
Speaker 3: Festival and a Cambridge restaurant. I'm in Glasgow and then
Speaker 3: there's lots of other dates and you can find all
Speaker 3: of them, would you believe at my website Www dot
Speaker 3: I Love erin dot co dot UK.
Speaker 1: Perfect well, thank you very much.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 2: I'm sure that we'll be hitting up your your website
Speaker 2: quite soon for some pre orders.
Speaker 3: Yes, please do, because I checked the pre order sales
Speaker 3: yesterday and they are at zero. But I think that's
Speaker 3: because Amondon does an update. But it was a depressing
Speaker 3: moment because I knew I bought it. Well, no, that's
Speaker 3: a problem with the book. I can only buy one,
Speaker 3: can't I can't wait till the publish income. I don't
Speaker 3: know why I'm buying them. I've got them, I wrote
Speaker 3: the bloody I'm not gonna read cool.
Speaker 1: Thank you very much.
Speaker 3: That's almost the end of the show. Just remember to
Speaker 3: join us on our social media at the cud TV.
Speaker 2: Thank you for watching and we'll see you all soon.
Speaker 1: Bye bye