Speaker 1: What's up? What's up? Everyone? Welcome back to another episode
of your Manifesting Bessie podcast. I'm your host, Flora, and
we are diving into all things mindset and manifestation like
we always do. I'm really excited about this week's episode.
I just came back from vacation not long ago, and
right after vacation, I was offered a cover shoot for
a huge publication which is going to come out next month.
I actually have two magazines coming out next month, which
is so freaking exciting. I cannot wait for you guys
to see those images, the interviews and everything. I'll be
sharing it all over my Instagram, like you know I do.
And when I was traveling, I've been like in and
out of flight so much. I got into a lot
of reading and a lot of thinking and connecting more
with the clients I have within my membership and just
having a lot of deeper conversations. And there's another theme
that I've been picking up on, another theme that really
hits close to home for me, and I feel like
a lot of people are going through this. So I
wanted to talk about this topic because I feel like
in this community, people who are into manifesting people who
are maybe into spirituality or personal development. A lot of
us as a whole, as a collective, are highly empathetic,
and this can be a superpower, but it almost seems
like for most people, their heightened empathy is almost like debilitating.
It slows them down, and it causes them to pick
up on a lot of energies that they're not meant for,
that they shouldn't be like absorbing from others, and it's
hindering them. It's hindering their own personal growth. It's hindering
their desires from flowing in, it's hindering how they feel
on a daily basis. And I resonate so close to
this because I have somebody who in my family who
I love dearly and I spend so much time with her,
who's exactly like this. They are somebody who take on
every single person's problems as if it's her own and
absorbs them and cannot enjoy her day if she feels
like someone else around her that she loves is having
a bad day, or if they're dealing with a problem,
she feels so so much sorrow, so much deep sadness
for them, that it throws off her energetic balance her mood,
and it almost I wouldn't say depression, but it make
it turns into like depressive episodes where she's feeling lousy
about herself because of the energy of other people. So
she's so highly empathetic, which could be again a superpower,
but it is, it becomes debilitating. It becomes like it
leaks out her own energy. It's like the people that
come in contact with her are leeching out her energy
because she's so highly empathetic. So if that sounds like you,
if you are deeply empathetic, you always just you know,
you're like, damn, I feel for people, and I just
want to help everyone, and I feel sorry for them.
I feel bad for them. They're a victim. And it
throws off your mood, It throws off your balance, it
throws off your ability to feel good for that day.
This whole episode is going to be dedicated to you,
because I want us to get better at being able
to stabilize our energetic state and not let other people,
like externally in the external world overall throw us off
our pedestal, and throw us off our game, and throw
us off of our good mood attitude. And because it's
not our job. You know, it's not my job to
absorb everyone's problems. Well, me personally, it is my job
because I'm a mentor in the space in personal development,
so I'm actually absorbing people's problems all day long. But
if you're not in that space, it's not your job.
It is not your job to take on everyone's freaking
problem and be sad about it and feel debilitated by
it and feel powerless because other people in the world
maybe are struggling, or maybe someone in your family is
struggling and you just cannot feel good because of them.
So we're going to talk about this today. First, I
want to preface this by saying, the world has taught
you that you need to be so selfless to be
a good person, and that is incorrect. Okay, that is
an incorrect way to determine your value. If I am
super selfless, that doesn't necessarily make me a good person.
That just means I'm an easy person to get access to,
and it's very easy to drain me of my energy
and I'm likely always tired and pessimistic and worn out
because of other people. Does that make me a good person? No,
it doesn't. Wanting to be a people pleaser. Does that
make me a good person? Wanting to make sure everyone's
good and everyone's set to where I am not pouring
into myself but I want to pour into everyone else.
Does that make me a good person? Unfortunately? Not? Why
Because ultimately, in the end of the day, somebody who
just gives and gives and gives and has to feel
for everyone and is just so overly selfless and just
you know, such people pleaser needs to make sure everyone
else is good around them. That individual not only is
creating self harm, but there is not enough energy for
you to make everyone else happy anyway. You can't. You
can't do it. You cannot take that on. So the
people you're trying to make happy, all those people that
you're trying to please all the time and make sure
that they're having a great day, you don't have enough
energy to make sure that they can do that because
it's not your job anyway, that's an inside job for them. Okay,
So they don't. They don't really see you necessarily as
a good person because it's not fixing them. Okay, they're
just looking at it as like, damn, I have all
these problems. They might not even notice how you're bending
over backwards to help them. Okay, I want you to
stop being so selfless and so empathetic and always trying
to put yourself into everyone else's shoes, and so overly
understanding of other people's bad behaviors. I want you to
become selfish, Yes, selfish, self centered. I need you to
believe that the world revolves around you. Okay, why do
I want that, oh, Flora, you just want me to
be selfish. That's a bad characteristic to have. That. That's
not what I was taught when I was growing up
by my parents and my teachers and society always told
me to be selfish. And being selfish is horrible. It
makes me a mean person, a bad person. No, it doesn't. No,
it doesn't, because when you learn how to control your
energy and control your emotions and focus on everything that
feels good for you, you're actually changing the world. You're
changing the environment, You're changing every single room that you
walk into for the better. You're changing every single person
who comes across your amazing energy. That is where real
change occurs is when you're selfish. And I don't mean
selfish in a narcissistic way. I mean a selfish and
a Am I going to engage with this? And is
it going to make me feel better? No, it's not
going to make me feel better that I'm not engaging
with this. I need to be select and protective of
my energy, okay, because my energy is so fucking expensive,
and I'm not putting it on sale for anyone. I
don't care how bad of a day they're having. Okay,
I need to make sure first that I'm maintaining my
own energy and my own feel good state, because when
I show up that way in the world, I can
change the world. I can make every environment better, every
person better, every conversation better because I pour into me
and my cup is full. Okay, it has to start
with me. And people experience this all day long, like
they're gonna go into work and their boss is having
a bad day and they take it upon themselves to
try to make their boss happy and kiss their ass.
Is that your job? Nope? Okay, so tell yourself, you
know what, that's not my job. My boss is unhappy,
that's not my job. I'm just trying to do my
work and clock out. That's not my job. Okay. Stop
taking everything upon yourself. Your husband or your wife came
home and they've been in a pissi ass mood. Maybe
they had a bad day at work or a bad
week at work, or whatever they're battling with. Is it
your job to try to fix that person and energetically
come down to their level. It's actually not okay. You
can be a good partner, you know, give them a
back massage, order their favorite meal if you want, put
a smile on their fees. It's not your job to
fix them, though, And it's not your job to absorb
their negative energy and take it upon yourself as your
own problem that they're having a bad day. So when
they come in through that door and they're pissy, say
it to yourself. That's not my job. That's not my job.
My job is to maintain might feel good attitude within
myself because that is actually the only way I can
make that person have a better day anyway. It's if
I'm in a good mood, if I'm in high spirits,
if i feel joyful, if I have good energy, if
I've poured into myself that then I'm the best partner
I can be. But I'm not here to bend over
backwards and fix everyone around me. That just makes me exhausted,
and ultimately I'm going to become resentful for all these
people that I'm always trying to fix, all these people
that I need to feel responsible for. Why am I
doing that? And I see this mostly in women obviously. Right,
women are brought up and taught to take on their
family's problems, their parents' problems, their cousin's problems, their spouse's problems,
and they're taught to be people pleasers. You have to
please everyone. You have to be polite, you have to
put a smile on your face. You can be too loud.
You should be more submissive. You need to make everyone comfortable.
You need to make everyone happy. Don't be too bold,
don't be too assertive. Right, We're supposed to make everyone happy,
but not ourselves. That's fucking crazy. Everybody who wants you
to be that way is actually selfish in their own way,
because they just want you to please them and please
them and please them and please them, impoortant to them
and break your back for them. That's not how it works.
You'll never be happy being a people pleaser. So every
time you see someone struggling with a problem, can I
fix their problem. No, okay, that's not my job. Say
it with me, that's not my job. I had a
woman in my membership who was telling me her child,
who is a teenager. You know, she's coming to terms
with the fact that she wants her own career choices.
She wants her daughter to be a lawyer. Her daughter
wants to be a musician, she wants to play music.
And she's like, how can I manifest from my daughter
to become a lawyer. I'm like, babe, what it's your
daughter's life, it's her route to happiness. Let her choose
her own career path. Why are you trying to force
her into what you do for a living. It's not
your job, So say it with me. That's not my job.
I'm not here to force people to fix things, to
change everyone. It's not my job. If it's so relieving
and it's so freeing to realize that you don't have
to carry everyone's problems on your back, and you don't
have to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders,
you can just let it go and tell yourself that's
not my problem, because it's not. It actually never was
your problem, and I'm sorry, not your problem. Your job
is to fulfill yourself. That is when you are the
best partner, the best parent, the best employee, the best
business owner and CEO, the best friend you can ever be.
Is when you're always pouring into yourself. Okay, And when
we talk about pouring into ourselves, it's ensuring that I'm
checked in with my emotions. It's ensuring that I'm self
aware of how I feel throughout the day and what
I'm engaging with and what type of thoughts I'm offering,
any emotions I'm offering to make sure I'm feeling good
most of the time. I'm checking with my feelings they
most of the time, to make sure I'm okay, and
I'm joyful and I'm blissful and I'm feeling content and
I'm feeling satisfied with myself. Because the more that people
drain me, the less energy I have to pour into myself.
I eventually become resentful, bitter, anxious, depressed, and empty. And
I cannot serve anyone that way, right, I can't show
up as my best self when I'm empty and dried
up and everyone has used me for all my positive
energy and my kindness. What the fuck? I can't keep
doing it. How does that even like logically make sense
to anyone? Right, And people pleasers have this tendency to
like they think they think that if they break their
back and drain all their energy to give to someone else,
that person will someday thank them. They probably won't, like
point blank, Pier, the person's probably not ever gonna fucking
notice how much you're doing for them. Okay, so stop it,
Stop hurting yourself. Stop doing so much for everyone and
not for you. And this whole not my job thing
it can go into so many different areas of your life.
For example, I create content, right, and being in the
online space, you get comments, you get attacked by people,
You get so much feedback, ones that are great and
ones are awful. Right. It just comes with the territory
of being a content creator, and you have to kind
of accept that. And when I see that people say
things under my posts that are totally incorrect, blatantly incorrect,
I used to be like, I need to prove them wrong,
I need to give them a piece of my mind.
I need to tell you off. And I used to
be really fucking snarky, and I would get under people's
skins so bad and It was kind of fun at first,
but now I'm realizing it's not my job. It's not
my job to make someone understand who I am and
what I teach. It's not my job to make everyone
like me. It's not my job to gain everyone's approval.
It's not my job to seek out everyone's validation. That's
not my fucking job. So now that when I see
people I like, oh, I just like their comment, I'm like, Okay,
that's great. You think what I'm doing is wrong, wonderful,
good for you? Like I have absolutely no response on
It's not my job to convey into them. Otherwise, that's
their personal growth that they got to work on. Okay,
if someone's mean to me, that's their problem. Is it
my job to fix them and prove that I'm worthy
of kindness? Nope, not my fucking job is sure as
hell is not my job. I'm not dealing with that shit.
Are you serious? I got better things to do, like
making myself happy. I was talking to somebody in my
membership program and she was like, Flora, I want to
create content, but I'm afraid of like my family seeing it,
my aunt's seeing it, people from my hometown seeing it. Like,
what are they gonna say? What are they gonna think?
And I'm literally like speaking to her, like, Babe, is
it your job to receive validation from all these people?
Do you even care like what they think? Are they
going to blow up your brand? Nope, they're not. They're
just people who have judgments and opinions anyway, No matter
what you do, no matter what job you have, what
career role you have, whether you stay quiet like a
little mouse, or you're bold and loud and proud with
what you do, doesn't matter. They're gonna have opinions. So
is it your job to get every single person to
like you and to validate you and to even support you. Nope,
say with me, that's not my job. It's not my
fucking job. I got other jobs. Okay. My job is
making sure I live in my authenticity. My job is
making sure I show up passionately. My job is making
sure I follow my bliss and my happiness. My job
is ensuring that I am proud of what I do.
My job is ensuring that I love who I am
and what I'm sticking to and how I show up
and the energy that I carry and carrying out my
own success that's my job. All these other people that
I'm worried about, it's not my fucking job. Allow that
to fall off of your shoulders. You're like walking around
with this with you know when people go jogging and
they wear like a weighted vest and that vest is
like forty pounds, sixty pounds, one hundred pounds, like a
weighted vest so that they get a heavier workout in Babe,
take the fucking vest off. You're carrying everyone's opinions and
problems on top of you. It's not your job to
carry it. Let them carry their own shit. Let it go.
Release it. Like every time you come you come into
contact with things and you feel like this is going
to throw off your energy, you feel that pinning your
something like, oh this doesn't really feel good or I
don't want to engage in this conversation. Ask yourself, can
I fix this right now for this person? Nope? All right,
it's not my job. It's just not And we just
take on so much more than we need to, and
we don't do a good job at ensuring that we're okay,
that we're feeling good, and then your vibration is out
of whack, your feeling state is low, and you're living
in fear. You're living in anxiety all the time. You're
wondering why you never feel good, you're never happy, You're
always in panic mode, you're always in fight or flight mode,
you're always on your chronic stress, and you're always fatigued,
and you don't have energy for things. What are you
engaging with and what are you absorbing from the people
outside of you, and why are you allowing them to
lead your energy like that? Okay, it's time to stand
up for yourself and take yourself out of situations, out
of conversations and out of events and environments that just
don't feel good. And there's a time and place to
be empathetic, but you're being empathetic to a point of
self destruction. That's where we got to nip the shit
in the butt. That's where it's not okay. You're literally
acting like you're alive for others and you're not. You
need to be alive for yourself. Okay. So, now that
we got that conversation out of the way, what do
we want to do moving forward? Well, we want to
be a little bit more selfish, we want to be
a little bit more tuned in with self. We want
to be more self aware. We want to be like, Hey,
how does this make me feel? Do I want to
engage with this? Okay? Do I want to absorb this?
Do I want to give my focus and my precious,
expensive ass energy to this. If the answer is no,
then I need to make that choice. Okay. Whether it's
with friendships with familylessen family can be very fucking draining.
Another conversation I had with somebody in our academy, she
was like, Flora, I'm thirty one years old, you know,
and I live with my parents and my dad is
super narcissistic. He drains me. He takes a lot of
my money for paychecks. Da da D. What do I do?
I was like, Babe, you move out, You find a solution,
and you move out. You're already working full time, get
out of your parents' house. You tell me your dad's
a narcissist and they're draining you of your energy, and
you're trying to manifest a better outcome. Why don't you
just leave? Why do you feel like you need to
take on your parents' burdens. It's going to destroy your life.
You're alive for your own fulfillment. For your own happiness
and overall, this is what turns people bitter, hateful, resentful, drained,
you know, depressed, anxious, all these things, because they're just
constantly trying to make everyone else happy but themselves. They're
constantly taking on everyone else's burdens as their own. They're
absorbing everyone's negative energy all the time. So I want
you to be a little bit more selfish. It's so
good to become self centered in this way. It's so
good to just be aware of Am I feeling good?
Does this resonate well with me? Is this aligned with
how I want to feel? Can I fix this person's
problem anyway? Probably not. Can I fix the whole state
of the world, Probably not. Can I fix people suffering
in a different country, probably not. I probably can't do
much about it. But am I going to sit here
and destroy myself every day and feel lousy about myself
every day because I just want to fix everyone else?
It's not worth it, okay, But it is worth it
to pour into you and to be so fixated on
your emotional state, your vibrational state, and to feel good
and to feel high energy, to feel positive, or even
to just feel content, because that is how you start
to change the world. Okay, when you start feeling good,
you know what happens. You know what a magnetic shit happens,
and the energy shift that starts to occur. You become
the example. You become the prototype of the god frequency.
You become so fucking magnetic that everyone looks at you
as like, wow, how do they do it? I want
to be like them. They're always in a great mood.
They don't let anything bother them, They're so not worried
about anyone else's problems. They're just so joyful. I want
to be like that person. You turn into like a
miracle magnet. You become somebody that is the example that
people look to when they say I want to feel better.
I want to use them as an example. Okay, So
they look at you and they look at how you
handle life. They look at the fact that you don't
let little petty shit bother you. They look at the
fact that you're non reactive to things, and you're so
stable and you're so in control of your emotions. They
look at you and they just see that you're blissfully
happy just because you feel like it, not because any
external circumstance makes you happy. But because you choose to
be happy, because you just want to be happy, you say,
to hell with everything else. I don't give a fuck
about anything else. I care about being happy. I care
about feeling good today. I care about loving myself today.
Even though my hair is a little bit messed up,
or maybe I'm not wearing my best outfit, I still
want to feel good about myself today. Maybe I didn't
put makeup on this morning, but I still want to
feel good about myself today. Maybe my boyfriend was being
a fucking dick to me, but I still want to
feel good about myself today. Maybe my boss was an
asshole to me at work yesterday, but I still want
to feel good about myself today. That's who you start
to become. You become someone who dominantly feels good about
who they are. You become the example. You become the
person who sets the tone in every single room that
they walk into, where people gravitate to your good energy.
People fall in love with your energy and they want
to be like that. Okay, your positive energy, your good vibes,
your kindness, your love, your self centeredness rubs off on
them in a positive way. butN that they don't tell you. Okay,
even if they're a little bit jealous of you, for
that doesn't really matter. You're going to start changing people
by your energetic state because as within so without, who
you choose to embody internally is how the external world
will start to reflect themselves back to you. Anyway. So
guess what happens? Then you stop attracting all these broken
ass people anyway, You stop attracting all these broken situations
and environments all the time, and the people who are
broken in your life somehow find a way to fix themselves,
somehow find a way to become successful, to find happiness,
to stop self loathing, to become more positive, to find
love in their lives, to become joyful. Somehow, someway, they
actually fix themselves. Oh my god, guess what. You didn't
have to fix them. You didn't have to take on
their burdens. You just exemplified amazing fucking energy. You just
exemplified the God frequency for them. You became the example
for them, and that inspired them to fix themselves. You
didn't have to do it, and you didn't have to
take it on. But now you're not drained, and you're
not resentful and You're not a fucking people pleaser trying
to bend yourself backwards for everyone else to be happy. No,
they're finding their own happiness because you set an example,
because you walked into a sad room and chose to
be happy anyway. Because maybe you were born into a
broken household and you chose to make yourself whole. And
now you inspire your parents and your siblings and everybody
else in your fucking lineage to do better, to become better,
to heal themselves too. Okay, but it's not by fixing
everyone around you and being so overly empathetic that it
ruins you and you have to absorb everyone's problems. That's
not how you fix the world. You first have to
just work on yourself and become the example. Okay. And
I had this conversation with somebody. She she's a part
of a church, and she was telling me how she
wishes she could manifest, you know, her friends joining her
church so that they can be saved and all these things,
and I was like, listen, the only way you can
convince someone of something right that you want for them
is not by force. It's not by pressuring them. It's
not by undermining them or telling them that your belief
is better than theirs. The only way you're going to
get these people to come to your church is by
being an example of being the byproduct of that church.
Do you represent it well? Do you serve that church properly? Okay?
Are you a blessed individual because everything is working out
so well for you because of your faith and your belief.
If you become the example your friends will follow, They're
going to be like, oh my god, you handle everything
so well. You're always so blessed with miracles and new opportunities,
and you're so successful, and you're so happy, and you're
so full of love and full of life. I want
to be like you. Okay, then they're going to turn
to whatever your faith is. That's the only way you're
going to bring people together and start to change them.
It's like another example is like, let's say you have
a certain diet that you follow, maybe your fully plant
based vegan or maybe you're on a high carnivore diet,
and you see that the effects of this diet have
such a great impact on you. You don't need to
force anyone in your family right to try it out.
You just need to be the leading example of the
benefits of that perfect die, that amazing diet that you
so wholeheartedly believe in, and then people will start to
see you as the example. They're going to ask you questions,
what are you doing, what are you eating? You look
fucking amazing, you look so ripped, you look so fit,
you have so much energy, your skin is glowing. Babe,
what are your diet secrets? They're going to be begging
you for the information. But if you were like, oh,
you need to become vegan. The way that you eat
is wrong, you think they're going to give a damn
about what you're saying. No, you need to become the
example for people. Okay, you want to help change someone
to become better, Be the example, Be the testimony for them,
Be the individual that changes their perspective because of your actions,
because of your energy, because of the way that you
handle life, because of how fucking blessed you are and
how amazing things are going for you. Okay, that's what
turns people into a great coach, a great mentor, a
great teacher, a great friend, a great lover, a great
business owner, a great whatever. Okay, it's not by trying
to change anyone. It's by changing yourself and becoming who
you want to be and how you wish the world
operated as well. Right, So, every time you come across things,
be like, is this my problem to fix? Nope, Nope,
it's not. Can I fix on how I feel about it? Yep,
that's the only thing that's my job, that's my job.
Fixing people is not my fucking job. Okay, fixing myself
being self aware, being selfish, turning inward and directing my
energy towards self so that I can feel good. I
can be the example. I can lead by example. I
can have a positive impact on people by my incredible energy.
I can become magnetic. Listen, the whole world will follow
your feet. Literally, they'll be bowing down like, oh my god,
you're so amazing. Whatever you do, they're gonna want to follow.
They're gonna want to listen, they're gonna want to be
a part of it. You can sell them a fucking
use pair of socks and they'll buy it because they're like,
I want to be like you, I want your secrets.
If I need to buy a used pair of socks
from you, that's what I'm gonna do. Okay, And this
goes into like my entrepreneurs, A lot of people who
are in business, they're like they're so heavily focused on
what everyone thinks of them. What is someone thinking of me? No,
it's how do I feel about the way I show up?
How do I feel about my offers, my services, my
products that I give people? Do I feel ecstatic about it?
And am I insanely passionate about it? Right? That's what matters?
And am I the example of what I teach and
what I share and what I talk about? Am I
the living result? Am I the testimony of what I'm
trying to get other people to also believe in? Right,
that's what you need to worry about. That's your job.
It's you. Everything is an inside job. Everything is all
about you. Nothing, nothing in your life that you deem
as a problem is actually an external issue. The negative
people around you, they're not your jobs to fix, none
of them. Okay, The only thing we got to start
focusing on is how do I feel? What is my
energy today? What am I doing to uplift myself? How
am I going to pour into me today to have
a great day? What perspectives am I going to have
today to have a great day. But what am I
going to start assuming into my reality and to have
a great day? That is where my energy needs to go.
That's my job. That's my one and only job every
single day. How do I feel? Not only are you
going to stop attracting like super narcissistic people and people
who drain you and negative relationships into your life? Oh
that's going to end when you fix this right, when
you work on this area that it's all about how
you feel, but you're also going to open the door
for so many people to want to make the right
change in their life too. You're going to have such
a positive impact on people that without trying to please anyone,
you're literally pleasing everyone. You're saving them. You're the light
in their life. You become like Heaven sent to people,
you know what I mean? Like your energy just saves them,
It improves them, It uplifts them, and you don't have
to do anything but just be yourself and focus on
how good you are feeling. Isn't that incredible? The more
selfish that you are, the better your life gets, And
the more selfish that you are, the better everyone else's
life gets around you too. So why are you being
so selfless all the time? Right? Why are we always
thought to be so selfless? All we're really doing is
giving our power away to everything and everyone in every
circumstance and draining ourselves and then being sad about it,
and then being helpless and hopeless and tired and angry,
and then we hate the world and we're like, oh
my god, I'm so bad at this, I can't manifest changes.
No your problems that you're too fucking empathetic and you're
taking on everyone else's negative energy. Twenty four to seven.
It's time to cut the cord. It's time to stand
up and put yourself first in every situation. Not only
are you going to change your life, but you're going
to change the whole world around you. And that is
an incredible thing to start to witness. Thank you guys
so much for tuning in to this week's episode of
your Manifesting Bessie Podcasts, and we will be back again
next Wednesday.