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Speaker 1: The red numbers on the dashboard clock tick past two

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thirteen a m. I'm sitting in my cab behind an

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empty Denny's Light's humming overhead, the only real glow for

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twenty miles in any direction. The recorder on my dash

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is life. It's little red led blink, steady, listening for

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anything I decide to say. The radio is turned down low,

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catching drips of music and static from a country in

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music station somewhere east. Sometimes that sound grounds me, But

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tonight it's a hollow comfort outside. A winter wind flicks

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flex of gray against the glass. Low continues through the winter.

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A sea shadowed figures millioneer, the island of bright safety,

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where the diesel rigs huddle like cattle against the night.

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That's where the world draws. In exs at seventeen, if

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you stand beyond the circle of halogen lights, he might

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as well not exist at all. I don't usually do

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these logs in the open, but tonight demands an exception.

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At our slams up front for a second, everyone goes

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del I thumb the recorder half out of habit sean

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a Holt Shift three hundred sixty three, Lane six, Exit

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seventeen Log at two fifteen eight m. The usual faces

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are gathered out on the bleafed up red nodding with

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the simmering restlessness. Grace arms cross under her apron, pretending

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not to watch. Jesse uniform wet up to the shins,

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pushing a yellow mup bucket. But the focus is a

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cap park cricket alongside the gas island, Big Mike's Kenworth

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white cap with faded, scripped spotlights up top, one busted

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blinker looping through its own Morse code. Mike is conspicuously

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not part of this crowd. His truck's engine is left idling,

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a rolling cough, then smooth, then cough again. Headlights facing nothing,

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thor hanging wide, every indicator that someone just stepped out,

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maybe to grab a coffee, maybe to smoke. There's a

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thermos on the running board. His cap is spun off

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and a small brain swam of steam flits above it.

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That tea's too fresh for a long absence. Nobody wants

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to be the first to step closer. There is an

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odd hush. This isn't panic, but Nurse Carrod under the ropes,

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I recognize it, the kind that comes after seeing a

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car on the shoulder with its hazard lights, blinking window

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rolled half way down. Instinct urages caution, but red never

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good at patience. Mutters could be a prank, too loud,

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like he needs to hear himself freezing. Jesse keeps moving

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his mop pinenda circles, never speaking, gaze fixed at the drain,

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as if afraid to meet any one's eyes. I catch

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his reflection, watching us all passively in the store front window.

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Frace looks right past me, thumb marking her place in

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one of her tattered Roman's paperbacks. She's staring at Mike's cap,

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but would step toward it. Someone tries the obvious Mike pitch,

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louder than necessary. Only the wind answers, what's the hold up?

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Someone asks behind me, trying for board, but not succeeding.

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No one jooks, not even quietly. I slide out of

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my seat, boots scraping down the steps. The cold is

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sharper than it should be. I hesitate at the edge

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of the light, half expecting Mike to reappear out of

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the dark, looping his belt, embarrass he worried any one.

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It doesn't happen. Instead, there is a feeling like the

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entire scene holds its breath. Usually there are options. He

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step in, check for keys, call a name, hear the

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gruff comeback. But tonight the air is heavy with something unacknowledged.

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The routine is broken, and that care is weight. Jesse

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is the only one who doesn't bother, pretending this is normal.

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He pushes his mop close to the curb and stops,

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arms hanging. I think about asking him, but he's never

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volunteered much more than a grunt in older years. I've

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stopped here. His stillness to night is the loudest thing

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in the lot. I circle the chemera. The door swings

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wider in the breeze. Mike's coat dangles from the seat

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inside radio on thermos, still half full, sitting vulnerable and misplaced.

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Nothing about the cap suggests hates papers neatly stat lord

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Brook open to the right date one of Mike's battle

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bulkup's tossed in the dash. Gray slides up behind the

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counter door and calls out, you're looking for Mike, Like

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she already expects the answer. The wind yanks her words

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for itself. Yes, I answer, voice disappearing in the wind.

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She shrugs, not coal, just resigned. No One surprised. The

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usual crew is holding back nobody crowding the scene, but

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no one's leaving Aida. There's a kind of fixed attention

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in their face. This is a thick awareness riding underneath,

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not confusion, something more like recognition. I lean in, turning

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my head so the others would hear he ever, just

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walk off, leave her running. Grace only shakes her head,

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staring at the steam from the thermos as if it's

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got the answer. Jesse pushes past us, his mop bumping

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awkwardly against my boot, and mutters not to night. Then,

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as he passes, he adds, more quietly, shouldn't be anyone surprised.

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For a moment, the entire rest stop feels stage lit.

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The sharp cold, the hum and rattle of engines, the

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unblinking ring of lights keeping whatever is outside at bay.

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All the truck is clustered, yet no one steps forward.

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I press the recorder in my pocket, mostly for myself.

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I want there to be a record of this, if

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only so I can play back later and remind myself

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it really happened. I'll find out what happened to Mike.

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I whisper. The words sound offensive, like a promise to myself.

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More than anyone listening. The wind picks up, and in

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its howl, I fancy I hear something else far off,

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an engine or a cryo. May be just the land

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itself answering back. It's that kind of night. People voundish

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on highways all the time. I've always believed you can

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track any mystery back to something stupid or simple, a misturn,

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a rivalry, the day stumble, But to night. Eggs at

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seventeen seems carved out of the usual order, holding a

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silence I can't quite ignore. That's what I try to

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tell the recorder as I get back in my car.

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Something's wrong out here. I'm going to keep looking. The

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cab warm slowly, I stare into the dark outside the

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circle of safety, turning the keys over and over in

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my gloved hands, and somehow tell myself that Mike is

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out the summer, waiting for someone to come looking, or

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maybe trap to just past where these lights give out.

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I have to know the difference. In the daylight, this

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life always feels less haunted. The fields outside Eggs at

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seventeen scrub out as featureless as a snow drifting could

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be Kansas or Iowa, or any of a dozen states.

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They promise more than the offer. I'd drive mostly knights,

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switching out day for sleep, ordered in slices behind the

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CAB's seat. You develop ritchels, two mugs of coffee before

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the sun's missed, an iro of muscle ache to wage

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against the stretch most days, to solve into white lines,

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and AM radio with the drone of tires and the

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beat at rind despatch messages if there's a code to

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running them, and west at night it's never written down.

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Folks like to jerk the highway each time and spit

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out old men with none left out here. Irregulars become

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as much a part of the circuit as the mile

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markers and dot stations. You know, faces from silhouettes, voices

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from a single static blood ping on the sea. Bee

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Grace's fixture at eggs of seventeen. She favors purple sweaters,

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keeps the register moving, smiles only when it costs her nothing,

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and reads cheap paperbacks like they're the missing element of

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her DNA. Buy coffee, use the damn bathroom, and let

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me finish my chapter, She'll say, all in a single breath.

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If you're polite, she'll slip you an extra doughnut. Sometimes

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that's all it takes to anchor a knight. Red's the

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kind of driver who'd make a killing of storers, could

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be sold by the pound. He walks the circuit cargo

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to Omaha and back, always with a hat pulled down,

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scarf from along a go chain bind or scraped tight

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along his cheek. He's the one whole starden with what

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if for a living, the same one over and over

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without even a hint of irony. More than once he's

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s nudged a table conversation with been here before, but

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not like this. Some stops they loop you ever get

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that de javus Dante the brand of gum in the

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bathroom vending machine. He rarely buys the same coffee twice.

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Jesse is the invisible kind of mid fifties, never missed

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a shift, never as a fresh shirt soaks the floor,

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whether it's nod or not. I've never heard a false

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sentence from him in all my time, but I'm certain

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he knows more about the night than any five truckers combined.

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He is always mopping, never standing still, eyes that don't

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blink so much as passover on boring night. We'd all crowd,

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the cheap vinyl tables, swapping jokes and warnings, bad weather

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in Illinois, waste stations, running hot, rare cop with a grudge,

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who flaggy for a cracked reflector. Stores get traded like currency.

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Most of them have remembered, all of them exaggerated. Still

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there's comfort and repetition. I log it all for posterity,

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call signs, stray CODs. What music made the ires pass easier?

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Some part of me creates the predictability. Every four iyres

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the same truck in the same norf lock, the same

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loan musting that never seems to have a driver, the hovering,

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or of those regulars you only know by their sea

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beach hatter or their favorite kind of pie. The logic

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of the road is simple, stay awake, trust the routines

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play your role. Some truckers get existential read especially once

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he told me. You ever feel trapped in a pattern

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like time breaks at eggs at seventeen throws, you back

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him with the same crowd night after night. He acts

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like it's a joke, but his eyes don't laugh when

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he says it. Most nights, there's nothing stranger than the

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hum of tires and a miscoal from Despatch. Sometimes, though,

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small things build a traveler who's never seen by daylight,

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a lost iron, the low book forces on the seabed

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that fade before you can answer. I keep notes of

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private log for oddities, pages of nothing, punctuated by weird

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coll signs, staticky warnings, the occasional sense of conversations already

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happened before. I remember one particular night months ago when

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I pulled in and found Red starring at the sky instead

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of his phone. How come I always parks in the

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same spot, even when it's open everywhere, He mused, like

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he don't trust he's got a right to be anywhere else.

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Mike just grunted and finished his sandwhich we all laughed.

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That's how it usually goes until it doesn't. For me,

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the road is equal pot's chronic boredom in sudden alarm,

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you have to live half way between knows extreme or

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you won't make it through. Boredom is a comfort. Alarm

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means something has gone long, freight dumped, a col mist,

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or maybe something more subtle than Midwest swallowing another secret.

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There are stores about drivers who just fade. The circuit

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loses a rake, a person a slice of life as

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if it was never there. Usually the others fill in

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the gap with an easy tail. He retired or she

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took an early drop off, or a bad road easpan.

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You know how it goes. Files closed, faces, quickly forgotten.

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But lately more than one regular has vanished without any

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explanation that halts. I'm no romantic about danger, but you

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notice pathens if you run this road long enough, unexplained

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static time networks square with the log books. Places that

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look r on by daylight, as if night builds them

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from scratch every dusk and dissolves them come down. Still,

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you keep driving because you have to. We could stop

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in too long while looking too closely, leazy places you

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are not meant to be. Sometimes I think the Highwa's

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biggest trick is convincing you nothing out of the ordinary

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ever happens at all. But last night at Ekesit seventeen

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wasn't just another of highway weirdness. It was the point

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where routine broke and something else crept in, something I

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still can't name. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe Michael walk in

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tomorrow cursing a busted phone and a lost wallet, and

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all of this will be another story to pass around.

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The truck is table. The part of me may be

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the wiser part knows better. The Midwest swallows more than

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just memories out here. I can only hope it spits

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us back out when it's done. By the end of

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my shift the following week, the taste of worry still

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hasn't faded. The circuit repeats two more nights of winter

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Field's freight check point routine, and careful watching from Mike's

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camoth that every gas stop up and down the line.

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By the time I slide my rig up against the

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pumpsed eggs at seventeen, again, my eyes are trained for

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anything out of place. The first odd thing is that

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Mike's rig hasn't moved. The second is in a marked tetruck,

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idly nose to tail with it. No insignia, no license plates.

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I can see, just squat bat of vickal paint, mottled

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like storm clouds in a single eli destrobing amber behind

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tinted glass. Inside, the mood is warped. The tables, usually

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crowded with familiar faces, are half empty. Those present hunch

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tight over the coffee, studiously avoiding mention of anything except

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whither or traffic. I greet Red at the counter. He

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only gives a thin humus, a smile. One shift, I ask,

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trying to sound normal. He picks a crack MiG circuits thin.

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Lately he doesn't elaborate. I scan the lot through the window,

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try and spot something as simple as Doug's blue Peterbilt,

233
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usually third in from the trash bins, always with an

234
00:11:22,639 --> 00:11:25,679
orange dice hanging in the mirror. Red follows my gaze,

235
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:29,279
voice dropping low. The Doug's gone rig two. Nobody saw

236
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,600
him leave. Then, in a rare flicker of nervousness, we

237
00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:35,799
don't ask Shauna. Grace slides him with a coffee pot,

238
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,120
filling my cup, lips pressed tight. Only when Red looks

239
00:11:39,159 --> 00:11:41,919
away to Shilly Nin whispering, you see who's missing. It's

240
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,360
not just Mike and Doug. Others haven't checked in. No cops,

241
00:11:44,759 --> 00:11:48,240
no chatter, no word, no mess. I take a breath,

242
00:11:48,879 --> 00:11:53,639
security tape. She shakes her head. Once Curt failed static.

243
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:57,960
Then sawt of oz again. Somebody's lugging it though. Grace's

244
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,840
eyes flicked to Jesse, who continues mopping in his ceaseless orbit,

245
00:12:00,919 --> 00:12:03,799
eyes on his own shoes. There's a brittle, paranoile, lacing

246
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,679
every action in the room, regular jokes go and said

247
00:12:06,799 --> 00:12:10,159
handshake when they pass sugar orster coffee. You feel watch,

248
00:12:10,279 --> 00:12:12,879
but not by any one person. Rather, there's a sense

249
00:12:12,919 --> 00:12:16,039
the entire place is turning in on itsself. Later, as

250
00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:17,879
I refill at the pumps, I see the tourred truck

251
00:12:17,919 --> 00:12:20,960
driver drop something under my wipeer blade of folded dirty flier.

252
00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:24,840
He moves away without acknowledging me. The flier reads in

253
00:12:24,879 --> 00:12:29,399
blocky pen Watch the signs truss nobody Egsit seventeen isn't safe.

254
00:12:29,799 --> 00:12:32,399
Beneath the messages a rough looping map of the interstate.

255
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:36,159
Little X's mark certain rest stops. One of them is

256
00:12:36,159 --> 00:12:40,600
circled looped in red Exsit seventeen inside a corner grace

257
00:12:40,639 --> 00:12:43,559
with the flare. She goes rugid, keeps her face neutral.

258
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,960
She'll let that alone. Shauna, free your own good. Who's

259
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:51,399
putting these out? She shakes her head. Don't know, don't ask.

260
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,639
Her voice is just a thread. They'll notice if you

261
00:12:54,759 --> 00:12:58,480
keep poking around. I pocket the flyer out in the lot.

262
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:02,759
I passed Jesse, you've seen this, I ask. He does

263
00:13:02,799 --> 00:13:06,279
not break stride, only glances sideways. His voice is so soft,

264
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,759
I almost miss it. You weren't supposed to see that.

265
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,320
Then he pushes through the automatic doors, leaving behind on

266
00:13:12,399 --> 00:13:14,960
it a faint odor of bleach and something burnt. The

267
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:18,080
next view, I was dropped like stones into water. Conversations falter.

268
00:13:18,399 --> 00:13:20,759
No one looks up from their food. Several regular rigs

269
00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:23,480
disappear before and notice them go. I try not to

270
00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:25,759
let its woog me, but every routine feels hollow. Now

271
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,320
the usual see Bee radio break around is a haze,

272
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,679
a static punctuated by bursts I can't quite make out.

273
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,159
I start to think I'm piecing to get a pattern's

274
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,320
voices that drop out the moment you say hello, Chunks

275
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,360
of dial love that don't belong to any driver I know,

276
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,360
No police chatter, no missing persons alert, nothing. At the

277
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,919
close of my window, I try dialing Mike's personal number,

278
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:47,480
rusty from lack of use. It rings and rings and rings,

279
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:51,440
no voicemail, no answer. It feels staged, as if the

280
00:13:51,519 --> 00:13:54,159
ringing is the only pot left in tact forture. Other

281
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,720
drivers stop whispering about thinning out how they've seen the

282
00:13:56,759 --> 00:13:58,720
same a Mark til truck at other stops. Always when

283
00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,879
someone's vanished are due to leave. I hear about signage

284
00:14:01,919 --> 00:14:04,440
too high, wags at signs that look slightly different or

285
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:07,120
give wrong distances. Rest stock markers where the color is

286
00:14:07,159 --> 00:14:09,799
off by a shade. The kind of thing red gives

287
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,360
a hollow laugh says distance a chiff on you in

288
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,480
the dark. Don't trust what you see. Another flower turns up,

289
00:14:15,519 --> 00:14:17,600
tucked into my CAB's mirror. Look for what moves The

290
00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:20,720
forgotten rests on forgotten. There's another hand draw map, this

291
00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,399
time with little hatches beside route numbers, and once bought

292
00:14:23,399 --> 00:14:26,600
with a double circle around it. That night's sleep evades me.

293
00:14:27,279 --> 00:14:29,799
The cab windows frost, the dieselok cileery hea to hops

294
00:14:29,799 --> 00:14:32,320
and hiccups, blurring my view until the rest stop feels

295
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,639
like a snow globe you can't put down. I half

296
00:14:34,639 --> 00:14:36,919
think I see figures by Mike's rigg well after closing,

297
00:14:37,159 --> 00:14:39,399
but when I peer closer, is nothing but swells of

298
00:14:39,399 --> 00:14:43,039
grit a moonshadow. By early morning, I've watched the security

299
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:46,080
tape myself, sure enough, the footage gaps right at the

300
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,360
moment mike' chemworth turns into the lot, a three minute

301
00:14:48,399 --> 00:14:50,919
leavn He's just not there. I replay it until the

302
00:14:50,919 --> 00:14:54,039
color is washed together. I don't want to admit I'm afraid,

303
00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:58,159
but I've been through most kinds of trouble on the circuit, grease, fires, low, theft,

304
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:02,720
angry ex's with a hunting rifle. This is different. Whatever

305
00:15:02,879 --> 00:15:05,279
is happening here hides and plain sight visible only in

306
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:09,200
what isn't there? The missing pieces. The next evening, as

307
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,919
the wind needles against the rigside panels, I scroll through

308
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,600
my dash and footage. I find a three minute gap

309
00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:17,519
recorded at two seventeen a m. The same time I finished.

310
00:15:18,279 --> 00:15:21,440
After that, everything returns to normal, except the world feels tilted,

311
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,000
like I'm a wrong answer in a quizen never agreed

312
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:27,960
to take sleep is a stranger Tonight, fifteen years later,

313
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,039
a small victory. I get a sliver of a clue.

314
00:15:30,519 --> 00:15:32,519
I keep up an old sea Bee channel, hoping one

315
00:15:32,519 --> 00:15:34,480
of the veterans would check in and found a reply.

316
00:15:34,639 --> 00:15:38,200
Not when I expected, Belinda, anyone got a twenty on Mike?

317
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:43,120
That's my call, voice steady as I can manage crackle hesitation.

318
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:47,639
Then who's asking for Mike? I am SHAWNA exit seventeen

319
00:15:47,759 --> 00:15:50,840
you still running for a long beat, Only wind noise

320
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,759
then through sheets of static. Don't say my name on

321
00:15:53,799 --> 00:15:56,799
this channel again. I pause, caught between relief and fresh

322
00:15:56,799 --> 00:16:00,919
banck Linda, what's happening at exit seventeen? People are vanishing,

323
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,759
Mike Doug, a handful of the old crowd. Nobody's seen them.

324
00:16:03,759 --> 00:16:06,279
There's flyers showing up, Security tapes get lost in the

325
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,960
wrong night. Do you know anything? Linda gives a kind

326
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,639
of sigh. You need to stop. People are listening. If

327
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,960
forgetting the warnings, it's probably too late to back out.

328
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:19,240
They're watching you. My stomach titens Hoape, Trucker's staff, lots

329
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:23,480
of static, then not people, not exactly. The network runs deeper, operators,

330
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,120
Traveler's staff, all circles in the same pool. At every

331
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,279
few years, a rule shift. Some get picked, some come

332
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,679
back different, most don't come back at all. Mike's not dead?

333
00:16:31,799 --> 00:16:34,919
Is he silent? Churches? Then a clip reply. If I

334
00:16:34,919 --> 00:16:37,360
say anything more, I'll be gone again. Don't trust the staff,

335
00:16:37,399 --> 00:16:40,679
don't trust the regulars Iffy push, You'll disappear too. A

336
00:16:40,759 --> 00:16:43,919
lng pause, then her voice thinner breaking through static. It's

337
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:46,679
not just people missing now, the circuit's broken. Something's changing

338
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,919
the rules. With a burst of static. The line goes dead,

339
00:16:50,519 --> 00:16:54,879
no click, no signough, just gone. I blink, staring at

340
00:16:54,879 --> 00:16:57,559
the cow's ceiling. Linda was thought to be clean, dropped

341
00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:59,960
off the circuit after retirement. Nobody had seen or heard

342
00:17:00,039 --> 00:17:02,559
from her in months. I don't breathe for a moment.

343
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,240
Daph Her warn me off like that. It's a difference

344
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:08,519
between a rumor and a reckoning. Sunrise stains to world Violet.

345
00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:11,880
I checked the lot bridge. Struck two based down from

346
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,240
mine the night before is gone. I know he was

347
00:17:14,319 --> 00:17:17,359
right behind me in convey No sign of his rig,

348
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,559
No key's in the bin, and the last coffee cup

349
00:17:19,599 --> 00:17:23,400
still steaming by the trash inside. Grace isn't behind the counter.

350
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,759
Jesse's mopping, working circles so tight he might wear a

351
00:17:26,759 --> 00:17:29,599
hole in the floor, his shoulders tighter than usual. I

352
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,640
set my jar, my handshake as I pushed the recorder's

353
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:36,359
button again. Voice roll from lack of sleep. Last check in.

354
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,799
Maybe Linda's alive, behiding, Red's gone. The network isn't just

355
00:17:39,839 --> 00:17:41,880
a rumor. I'm going to dig until I find the truth,

356
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,920
even if it costs me that promise. Lingers in the cap,

357
00:17:45,039 --> 00:17:47,079
cold tight as a Daila turns raw and bright against

358
00:17:47,079 --> 00:17:50,000
the frosted windshield. If Eggs at seventeen really is a

359
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,160
cross roads, it's made its pick, and I have made mine,

360
00:17:53,599 --> 00:17:56,319
and I have made mine. The midpoint between making up

361
00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:58,440
stories to pass the miles and taking the next breath

362
00:17:58,519 --> 00:18:01,119
is thinner than I'd ever realized. I let the cab

363
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:03,759
idle for a good five minutes, half expecting red shrugged

364
00:18:03,759 --> 00:18:06,279
silhouette to materialize in my mirrors, or lend his voice

365
00:18:06,279 --> 00:18:08,240
to break in on the seabe with the correction a joke,

366
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,599
anything to bring back the rhythm of regular knights. Instead,

367
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,279
the radio refuses to tune, dumping me into an endless

368
00:18:14,279 --> 00:18:17,039
feet of soft, sharp static, like a brush drag to cross,

369
00:18:17,079 --> 00:18:20,079
and the lot outside is bleak less populated than it

370
00:18:20,079 --> 00:18:22,799
should be For this ire just a motto of mechanics,

371
00:18:22,799 --> 00:18:24,880
and the far off slap of shoes on frozen grit.

372
00:18:25,559 --> 00:18:27,680
Rough shapes at the edge of vision resolve into nothing

373
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:29,720
every time, I, folks, even the silhouettes are wrong to

374
00:18:29,839 --> 00:18:32,880
night close, pressed and hunched faces hidden under balcpsil lost

375
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,599
in the amber spill of the sodium lamps. I push

376
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:39,160
the door open, letting colder, bram my cheeks even after

377
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,359
the night inside the sleeper, my mind is too wide

378
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:43,759
to feel fatigue. Or maybe I'm just scared to admit it.

379
00:18:44,279 --> 00:18:47,440
There's a psychology to these rural lemon IROs. The rolls

380
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,119
are simple. If you pretend everything is fine, most things

381
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,960
will remain so. If you ask too many questions, the

382
00:18:53,079 --> 00:18:56,000
night answers back. I step into the fluorescent haze of

383
00:18:56,039 --> 00:18:58,720
the rest station shop, boots squeaking as melting snow collects

384
00:18:58,759 --> 00:19:01,960
critty crescents beneath my ste The bell over the door

385
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,599
is silent. The only warning Grace, if she's here at all,

386
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:07,559
gets of my presence. She's not at her usual seat,

387
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,480
and that makes me uneasy. Jesse slides out of the

388
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,559
men's room with his mop and toe, pausing just long

389
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,920
enough to look at me. You working late, Jess. I

390
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,839
try to phrase it light, but my tone betrays me.

391
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,759
He leans them up against the wall. Someone's always working late,

392
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,799
he says, voice flat. He doesn't ask how I am. Instead,

393
00:19:25,839 --> 00:19:27,680
he fidgets at the cuffs of his jacket, peeling the

394
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,599
damp edge of his sleeve with thick, reddened fingers. For

395
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,759
an instant I catch all look in his eye's resignation

396
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,200
something practice, as if he's rehearsed ate for years and

397
00:19:35,279 --> 00:19:41,519
finally it fits grace around. I press. He shrugs, diner shut.

398
00:19:41,519 --> 00:19:44,720
Tell six, she's in back inventory. I let the logic

399
00:19:44,759 --> 00:19:46,960
of that settle. Nobody does inventory at four thirty in

400
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,480
the morning if they don't want to avoid people. At

401
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,759
the Countess. It's a half filled ledger, a faded cover

402
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,839
torn at the spine, open to a page of rows

403
00:19:53,839 --> 00:19:57,640
and slash numbers. It's only half completed. I drum my

404
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,839
finger against the laminatee trace in the pen lines. Something

405
00:20:00,839 --> 00:20:03,359
about the notation is ought. Names highlighted with sticky tabs,

406
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,480
some crossed off, some knot. I slide the book closed,

407
00:20:06,799 --> 00:20:10,759
Nervous under Jesse's gaze, A caffeine headache throbs behind my eyes.

408
00:20:10,839 --> 00:20:13,640
So I duck into the diner hatch, expecting either confrontation

409
00:20:13,759 --> 00:20:17,519
or Hollow's MolTalk. Gray stands by the industrial'spresso machine, her

410
00:20:17,519 --> 00:20:20,160
hair in a loose braid, counting caps and avoiding the window.

411
00:20:20,799 --> 00:20:23,119
She jumps slightly as I enter, hiding a slip of

412
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,799
paper behind her palm, then exhales and forces a smile.

413
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,400
Shouldn't you be catching sleep? I can sleep when it's light.

414
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,599
If I'm late to the next drop, dispatch'll clock me.

415
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:35,240
I lower my voice. Did ye see who took Red's rick?

416
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,440
She hesitates, glancing over her shoulder, as if weighing whether

417
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,440
the Jesse or some phantom might be listening. Nobody took it,

418
00:20:41,559 --> 00:20:44,480
she murmurs. Finally, he just was thirt shift lock is

419
00:20:44,519 --> 00:20:48,720
still clean. No note, She sighs. It's like a rotten tooth,

420
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,480
thunder the gum, that kind of absence. I take another

421
00:20:51,519 --> 00:20:55,640
step in. You're inventorying drivers now. I nod at the ledger.

422
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,240
Bryce keeps him mouth a hard line. It's for lost prevention,

423
00:21:00,039 --> 00:21:04,559
loss prevention. My skepticism is almost comical. But Grace doesn't laugh,

424
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,240
just looks long in level at me. Everybody keeps a

425
00:21:07,279 --> 00:21:09,759
lost book around here. Now helps to remember who's gone

426
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:13,480
when they went Otherwise. She doesn't finish the sentence, just

427
00:21:13,519 --> 00:21:17,160
strokes tiny. Defeated, I decide to push my luck. The

428
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,880
flier is fished from my pocket, unfolded and laid quietly

429
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,359
on the counter before her. He said, some one was

430
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,359
logging this. You know whose hand draws these maps. Her

431
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:29,160
eyes flick to the lines, then away put that away, Shanna,

432
00:21:29,799 --> 00:21:32,119
She seems smaller in the fluorescent light, skin washed pair,

433
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,920
as if she bled herself into the fixtures. I don't

434
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:38,359
have names people who leave these sometimes staff, sometimes other drivers,

435
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:40,240
more often folks who've lost someone to think they have.

436
00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:43,559
Our conversation draws a boundary around itself, carved out from

437
00:21:43,599 --> 00:21:46,319
the bigger world. I look for the usual tension, a

438
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,799
familiar posture of people hide in their fears from each other.

439
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,160
But what I see in Grace is more like exhaustion.

440
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,759
I clear my throat Linda and the c B. She

441
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,599
told me there is a network at group covering up

442
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,359
these vanishings. Brace presses, trembling fingers to the countertop, gazed,

443
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,440
dropping to the faded lamnae. Her voice comes up, raspy,

444
00:22:03,559 --> 00:22:07,240
full of all gravel. There's something there, always is, What

445
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:11,960
is it? I press, She snaps, suddenly intense, Stop, asking

446
00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:15,640
show on for your own good. Stop. The edge catches

447
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,400
me off balance. I back down, holding in the next

448
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,519
question instead, I set my pump flat on the fake marble.

449
00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:24,559
If nobody says anything, the lot's just going to get empty.

450
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,119
I won't let my Conrad be erased. Grace's mouthpincher's shut.

451
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,000
She looks at the clock, then up at me. I

452
00:22:31,039 --> 00:22:33,440
hope you're right, she murmurs, then scoops. I put coffee

453
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:37,200
pots and stalks away, footprints squeaking against linoleum. I step

454
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,759
back outside, feeling the cold bite as much as before,

455
00:22:39,839 --> 00:22:41,680
but now it seems to sink deeper, as if the

456
00:22:41,759 --> 00:22:45,079
knight recognizes I've crossed some invisible line. My next stop

457
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,200
is a fuel island, where the memory of Mike's CHEMMI

458
00:22:47,279 --> 00:22:50,039
sits like a bruise. The tow truck, still around, idling

459
00:22:50,079 --> 00:22:52,799
knows to nose with its silent twin. I circle the cab,

460
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:54,960
daring the driver to open a window, to nod or

461
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,519
wave or even scall, so I can get a look

462
00:22:56,519 --> 00:23:00,160
at his face. Instead, the glass eats every reflection, oeing

463
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:04,880
me only my own confusion multiplied upward. The vehicle is dull, utilitariant,

464
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,720
too new for this route, yet battered in a way

465
00:23:06,759 --> 00:23:09,319
that suggests it's not meant to last. In a bid

466
00:23:09,319 --> 00:23:11,440
to see nonchalant, I squat near the curb and tap

467
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,759
out a message on the cbe calling for anyone who's

468
00:23:13,759 --> 00:23:16,640
cross takes at seventeen in a past hour. Only the

469
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,559
soft segmented hiss of carrier aways comes back, plus a

470
00:23:19,599 --> 00:23:21,880
brief clicking buzz that doesn't fit any of the static

471
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,839
I know. I try again, this time swinging to Linda's

472
00:23:24,839 --> 00:23:26,960
frequency risk, but it feels like that's all I have.

473
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:31,279
The radio comes alive, but not with Linda. Instead, I

474
00:23:31,279 --> 00:23:34,519
get a jumble of voices, coded and brief, slipping between channels,

475
00:23:34,559 --> 00:23:37,480
like water trickling through gravel. We bleed the signals Jesse,

476
00:23:37,559 --> 00:23:40,519
Cobby it an extransit. Numbers don't mash if they are

477
00:23:40,599 --> 00:23:43,759
changing again. I clamp down my finger on the transmit button,

478
00:23:43,799 --> 00:23:46,119
the heat of my palm leaving a moist print. Is

479
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,680
anybody actually out there? I'm looking for Mike, for Read,

480
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,480
for anyone who isn't afraid to talk. The line breaks

481
00:23:51,519 --> 00:23:54,319
for a second, then crackles out. But get back in

482
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:57,759
your cab, Shauna. I stand up fast, scanning a lot.

483
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,960
Jesse's face is visible again in the glass doors, half

484
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,079
mirrored and half reol giving away nothing. A nurse rises

485
00:24:04,079 --> 00:24:06,079
in me to get up, dry yasts without stopping, let

486
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,720
someone else try to entangle this fraying section of highway,

487
00:24:09,279 --> 00:24:12,160
but fear and stubborness keep me in place. I decide

488
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,000
I've had enough, of dancing in circles. I walk up

489
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,680
to Jesse as he leans against his mop in the vestibule.

490
00:24:18,279 --> 00:24:20,200
I know what's happening, isn't right. You don't want to

491
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:21,640
be in the middle of it. Either are you going

492
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,839
to help or just keep mopping blood? I can't see.

493
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:28,599
Jesse doesn't WinCE. He stutters me, lid's half closed. You

494
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,480
want to know. His voice is nearly inaudible, but the

495
00:24:31,559 --> 00:24:34,319
hush makes it more real. Here's what I know. Someone's

496
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:36,960
always missing. It's the same every year. Weeks of quiet,

497
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,920
then a run of bad nights. Never see who goes,

498
00:24:39,039 --> 00:24:41,039
Just find the coat, their cup, their log wick opened,

499
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,200
yesterday's date. Staff says to call it in, make a

500
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,799
note forget. He sets the mop down. They tell us

501
00:24:46,799 --> 00:24:49,759
what to see, not who to remember. As he turns,

502
00:24:49,799 --> 00:24:52,200
the slant of the lights draws fat shadows beneath his eyes.

503
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:56,839
Jesse slides back toward the genitor's closet, but before he disappears,

504
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,640
he says, so low, I'm not sure if it's from

505
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:00,359
me at all. Keep your eyes in the side. They

506
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,000
don't change for nothing. His words thud around my head

507
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:07,839
as I turn them over. Signs the maps quiet adjustments.

508
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,720
I wander the lot while dumb pushes up in stubborn

509
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:14,079
streaks behind the far line of grain silos. The signage

510
00:25:14,079 --> 00:25:16,119
at the states It always seemed routine. One blue and

511
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,599
white rest stop symbol, then a battered green mile marker

512
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,599
to day. The blue is wrung, subtly faded at the edges,

513
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,039
the background more gray than indigo. The logos roads I

514
00:25:24,079 --> 00:25:26,119
tree replaced with what looks almost like a looping key.

515
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,880
I draw closer, scraping at the edge of paint. Something

516
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,559
is hidden below the top layer of spray of half

517
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,599
raised ladders, may be a cote. My heart picks up

518
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,519
on a hunch. I check the other direction on foot,

519
00:25:37,759 --> 00:25:40,319
moving out past the short fence where trucks sometimes sneak

520
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:44,039
a smoke. Another sign, This one has a tiny mark

521
00:25:44,039 --> 00:25:46,720
at the lower right, nearly invisible even in full daylight,

522
00:25:46,799 --> 00:25:49,200
or jagged edged symbol, a sideways V with a cross

523
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,920
cut through it. Every sign within fifty yards of the

524
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,160
lot has something similar. I photograph them all with my phone,

525
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:58,119
storing each as evidence. My finger tips numb as I

526
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,960
swipe away road dust and condensation, then walk fast back

527
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,319
toward my rake. A new flier has appeared beneath my wiper.

528
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,480
This one is smaller, almost opposed it with only two

529
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:11,160
words trust, no signals underneath a rough rendering of a

530
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:14,279
Sebe radio surrounded by exclamation marks, drawn in dark blue

531
00:26:14,319 --> 00:26:18,000
ink with shaky fingers. I pocket the flyer. There's a

532
00:26:18,039 --> 00:26:20,200
new quality to the air now, electricity, as if every

533
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,400
idle secret is about to sleep from some one's mouth.

534
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:26,000
The regulars returning to the lots seem different. Two hunch tighter,

535
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:29,400
hands downed, and pockets voices low and short. I spend

536
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,519
the next hours in my cab, skyring my dash and

537
00:26:31,519 --> 00:26:33,720
footage for more than the three minutes missing last night.

538
00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,880
I go back a week, reviewing every approach to eggs

539
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,599
at seventeen every arrival and departure three times at three

540
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,960
different tires. The footage jumps first by a minute, in

541
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,559
eighteen seconds, another time nearly five. Sometimes objects in the

542
00:26:46,559 --> 00:26:48,960
frame move subtly between what should be linear shots, a

543
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,480
pick of vanishes, a s dam by the pump switch's color,

544
00:26:51,599 --> 00:26:53,960
lights that should be off or blazing, then gone again,

545
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:59,119
patterns not illusions that comes reluctant and stretched thin over

546
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,119
the flatlands. I feel a weight between my shoulder blades

547
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:03,880
as I climb into the dinah for what could pass

548
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,079
his dinner. The ritual has thinned, regulars missing. Even the

549
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,480
rowdy table near the window is half as loud as before.

550
00:27:10,079 --> 00:27:13,480
Conversation dulls whenever I sit, I force myself to eat,

551
00:27:13,519 --> 00:27:15,119
to comment in the pie, to trail my knife in

552
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,000
the syrupy mess, as if I am still just another

553
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:20,400
night holler. Avoiding the clock. Pray serves brittle as ever.

554
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:23,160
I try to catch Fred's eye if he were here,

555
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,400
but that realization sits on my tumb like a loss.

556
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,759
Back in the cab, exhaustion clamps over me. I recline

557
00:27:28,839 --> 00:27:31,319
eyes open to the frostish glass and fight for sleep,

558
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:35,680
knowing how likely lose. When it comes. Is full of dreams, dense, circular,

559
00:27:35,759 --> 00:27:37,960
the kind thatts bit you out exactly where he started.

560
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:42,200
Sometimes I see Jesse mopping endless black corridors, sometimes grace

561
00:27:42,279 --> 00:27:45,160
stacking plates that blur into rows of bank faces, sometimes

562
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,200
mix Kenworth light stem radio flicking through stations that only

563
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:51,640
know my name. Somewhere between all this, the highway receives

564
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,359
from routine into something else, something tune to a frequency

565
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:57,079
and just beginning to hear before the sun breaches the

566
00:27:57,079 --> 00:27:59,240
bones of the horizon. My radio kicks to life with

567
00:27:59,319 --> 00:28:02,119
a squall of status. The sound shakes may awake so

568
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,400
violently I have to steady my hands before reaching for

569
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,920
the receiver. It's no coalsign, no familiar code, just the

570
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:11,440
snatch of a voice cut with static, barely human. They

571
00:28:11,519 --> 00:28:14,200
see you, Shauna, get up to get it. The last

572
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,440
word is swamped in background rower, then silence, heavier and

573
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,200
denser than any I've ever felt on the road. I

574
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:25,039
turned the radio off, then on again. No signal, just myself, called,

575
00:28:25,039 --> 00:28:27,160
and suddenly aware I may not be alone, even with

576
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,039
every trucker I know gone from the circuit. I rubbed

577
00:28:30,039 --> 00:28:33,720
the fatigue from my neck, mouthgundry as old cardboard. At

578
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,640
the windshill, the Grimmadnite ritual continues, the silent ur truck

579
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,039
iidling in weight, the gas island bathed, the merciless Halogen

580
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:42,000
Jesse disappearing behind mob and bucket, Grace attending to her

581
00:28:42,039 --> 00:28:44,480
ledger in a diner that's less than half lit. In

582
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,759
the space left by the missing the air seems to constrict,

583
00:28:46,759 --> 00:28:49,599
as if the Midwest itself contracts, folding over the secret.

584
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:51,519
But now I see a shape from the edge of

585
00:28:51,519 --> 00:28:53,599
the exit ramp. A pair of head lies paused where

586
00:28:53,599 --> 00:28:55,480
the rest stop merges with the main highway card that

587
00:28:55,519 --> 00:28:58,000
shouldn't be there at this IRA engine running. The silhouette

588
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,559
and side are moving a surge of determined and flipped

589
00:29:00,599 --> 00:29:02,240
something in me. I tossed the log book on too,

590
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,680
the empty seat beside me, punch the record button and

591
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,319
talk into the dash day night. What difference does it make?

592
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,160
The rules are broken, and I'm going to find out

593
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,079
who's breaking them. I won't just drive through this like

594
00:29:11,079 --> 00:29:14,279
everyone else. There's still a little time before dawn, enough

595
00:29:14,279 --> 00:29:16,559
silence on the lot to move unoticed, enough hush in

596
00:29:16,599 --> 00:29:18,880
the air to make inquiry a weapon. And clipping my

597
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,119
flask light, I duck from the cow boots, bitting through

598
00:29:21,119 --> 00:29:23,480
wet grid, and head toward the odd car at the exit.

599
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:27,200
When I get close, the shapes inside resolve. Nobody behind

600
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,240
the wheel, just an open notebook and the passenger seat

601
00:29:29,279 --> 00:29:32,039
and a coffee cup crusted over the note on the dash,

602
00:29:32,079 --> 00:29:34,400
reads and pencil don't go looking as if left for

603
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,079
someone in a hurry were too desperate to listen. Every

604
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:39,799
muscle in my back draws tigh I closed the door

605
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,559
quietly and scanned the empty road, nothing but distance and

606
00:29:42,599 --> 00:29:44,720
the certainty that I'm far from the only one playing

607
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,759
I detective in a game where the rules change minute

608
00:29:46,759 --> 00:29:49,640
by minute. I make my way back adrenaline, turning my

609
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,799
hands cold, and take up position in my sleep or

610
00:29:51,799 --> 00:29:53,960
open notebook in my lap. The first page genty but

611
00:29:54,039 --> 00:29:57,079
for two names. Mike read Underneath, I write, if I

612
00:29:57,119 --> 00:29:59,119
go missing, something took me. Let the record show I

613
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,559
was here and didn't walk away by choice. With the

614
00:30:01,599 --> 00:30:04,039
new dawn, the horizon stains pink over a marching line

615
00:30:04,039 --> 00:30:06,920
of silent rigs, half as many as before. Even the

616
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,559
Dennis seems dimmer, as if subtracting itself bit by bit

617
00:30:09,599 --> 00:30:13,359
from the world. But I'm still here, lockbook open, penn steady, waiting.

618
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:17,119
It's my turn to drive the story forward. Frostshifts across

619
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,599
the inside of my windshield and raise of patterns, catching

620
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:22,279
what little light eaks through the law. The morning after

621
00:30:22,319 --> 00:30:24,799
Red vanishes, I can't shake the scentse and trespass in

622
00:30:24,839 --> 00:30:27,599
my own routine. Trucks cluster in a half assembly, at

623
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,160
least four empty slots where last week's regulars should sit.

624
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,640
No kemor no Peterbille, not even the battered old box

625
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:35,960
truck whose guy always spilled fries in the diesel lay.

626
00:30:36,559 --> 00:30:39,839
The sense of absence is sharper, more deliberate. I let

627
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,880
the engine run whilst sleep fights with adrenaline and my

628
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,880
body insists in the mediculous sorting lob books, counting empty

629
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,599
coffee cups, flipping through last night's handritten rad notes for

630
00:30:47,599 --> 00:30:50,799
the third time. I keep replaying Linda's warning, the way

631
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,039
the line snapped off like afraid cable. It tooks me

632
00:30:53,079 --> 00:30:55,920
with a pressure I can't shake. The rules have changed,

633
00:30:56,559 --> 00:31:00,279
and I'm on someone's watchless now. Jesse is already at there.

634
00:31:00,839 --> 00:31:03,240
I spot him through the wiper streaks, face set tight,

635
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,079
mop in one hand, had a battered kin of blue

636
00:31:05,079 --> 00:31:07,519
paint in the other. He's working the sign near the

637
00:31:07,519 --> 00:31:10,759
on ramp, painting over something, a kind of choreographed avoidance

638
00:31:10,759 --> 00:31:13,599
of the honest business of cleaning. I climb out boots

639
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,640
meeting ground with a dull crackle. Air burns the inside

640
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:19,279
of my nose from the cold. The diner is shuttered

641
00:31:19,319 --> 00:31:21,319
for deep cleaning. A lie if I ever saw one.

642
00:31:21,799 --> 00:31:24,000
Even the Dennis signed throws a glow at a warped angle.

643
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,000
Two bulbs burnt and humming like bad wiring. I wonder

644
00:31:27,079 --> 00:31:29,519
the perimeter clipboard forgotten in the cab, every hair on

645
00:31:29,559 --> 00:31:32,319
my neck, a live wire, a see bee spit static

646
00:31:32,359 --> 00:31:35,200
in my pocket. My hand darts for it reflects more

647
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:37,640
than hope, but there's only the scratchy swish of channel debris.

648
00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,000
I try Linda's frequency again, staying keyed up for lunder,

649
00:31:41,119 --> 00:31:45,440
trying different intervals. She's gone back dark in the trucker's lounge,

650
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:48,000
a perfab cube that smells of old sweat and burn plastic.

651
00:31:48,039 --> 00:31:51,000
I sat myself by the window. I count faces stop

652
00:31:51,079 --> 00:31:53,960
plate numbers in my phone. My tally of regulars is

653
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,640
down by more than a third. No one looks up.

654
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:00,720
Conversation when it happens, is clipped until silence cl in again.

655
00:32:01,319 --> 00:32:03,640
Movement up past the diesel islands catches my eye the

656
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:06,640
same toe track idling at an oblique angle for a tick.

657
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,079
I see a driver in profile, pale, unreadable, with a

658
00:32:09,079 --> 00:32:11,839
thick jaw that never quite finishes its chewing motion. He

659
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,279
glances on me through his mirror, not really seeing, but

660
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,599
registering my presence all the same. The engine rattles, then

661
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:21,440
slips into quieter harm like its waiting for its cue. Enough,

662
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:24,480
I gather up a day's flyers, torn notes, my maps.

663
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:27,599
Back in my sleeper, surrounded by the evidence, I start

664
00:32:27,599 --> 00:32:31,920
the slow work of comparison. Classes appear, every disappearance, every

665
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,599
mark sign, every night with lost video or radio skips,

666
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,559
the all can ground, a handful of rest stops, always

667
00:32:37,599 --> 00:32:41,119
at night, always after at least one sign changes, sometimes shade,

668
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:44,880
sometimes code, sometimes placement. There is intent in the pattern.

669
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,400
My second trip out that morning, I prowled a lot

670
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:50,440
on foot at the far edge, I catch Jesse, no mop,

671
00:32:50,559 --> 00:32:52,799
no paint now, just his hands jammed in his jacket,

672
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:56,039
staring at the wind tilted welcome sign. I fallen step

673
00:32:56,079 --> 00:32:58,599
beside him. I saw you on the sign, ear layer.

674
00:32:58,799 --> 00:33:00,799
I say it as easy as I can arrange my voice.

675
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,880
He doesn't blink. Sometimes things get covered up because it's

676
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,559
easier than having to repaint the whole thing. He's saying

677
00:33:07,559 --> 00:33:10,000
more than he lets on. I flake my eyes down

678
00:33:10,599 --> 00:33:12,759
a thin etching at the science corner, the sideways V

679
00:33:12,839 --> 00:33:15,839
cross mark. It's only visible in certain angles of the

680
00:33:15,839 --> 00:33:20,039
early light. What's it mean? I press? He tips his

681
00:33:20,079 --> 00:33:22,759
head slightly, barely a nod he used to stand for

682
00:33:22,799 --> 00:33:25,200
save transit. Now it just marks which dobs go quiet

683
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:27,559
for a while. I can't decide if he wants to

684
00:33:27,599 --> 00:33:30,799
help or just erase himself from the blame. Inside the diner,

685
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,279
Grace appears. After I tap twice in the lock door.

686
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,079
She lets me in, reluctantly shutting it behind us with

687
00:33:36,119 --> 00:33:39,480
a heavy click. You're pushing too hard, shaw not, she says,

688
00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:43,000
voice scratchy thin around the edges. People who poke disappear

689
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:46,839
will come back wrong. Help me. Then, I insists you've

690
00:33:46,839 --> 00:33:49,119
got a less I saw it. Who else is keeping track?

691
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,079
She says, pulling a twisted scrap of receipt from her

692
00:33:52,079 --> 00:33:55,599
apron columns of name states what must be plate numbers,

693
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:58,200
cross hatch and rewritten. Some of the names are new

694
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,640
to me, others I know too well. This is just

695
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,559
the one sick of wrisk logging, she whispers. I copy

696
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:05,680
the fires when I can. Staffs to rest in the

697
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:10,239
lost and found, but if they catch meat, she doesn't finish. Instead,

698
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:13,000
she pushes the note towards me. You want to last

699
00:34:13,039 --> 00:34:15,760
out here, Drop this before it's too late. When I

700
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,679
ask her who they are, she only shakes her head.

701
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:20,920
I starting to the kitchen. Some are staff, some are disregular,

702
00:34:21,039 --> 00:34:23,440
paying off something old. Some are not like us at all.

703
00:34:24,039 --> 00:34:26,719
I took the slip into my glove. The air is grinding,

704
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,519
tension forming bridges between gazes. When a deliver himent steps in,

705
00:34:30,559 --> 00:34:33,599
someone new, face slack as glassy. I ask after his route,

706
00:34:33,599 --> 00:34:37,039
try to draw him into small talk. He answers in monosyllables,

707
00:34:37,079 --> 00:34:39,480
gaze fixed beyond me, then leaves his package in the

708
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:42,519
counter and drifts out without signing. The staff don't even

709
00:34:42,599 --> 00:34:46,199
remark on it. I feel exposed to watch cataloged potentially

710
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:49,599
already written out of some one else's ledger. That afternoon,

711
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,079
I'll lay my findings out across the cab mattress twenty

712
00:34:52,119 --> 00:34:54,559
nine rest stop names for cristrass of hand mark maps,

713
00:34:54,599 --> 00:34:56,880
recordings of the laughter and background noise from a week

714
00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:00,159
ago next to new heavy silences. I compare the your

715
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:02,639
timing's tape skips, dash cam jumps, and note they cluster

716
00:35:02,639 --> 00:35:05,119
her tightly with the flyer's appearance, with weather shifts at

717
00:35:05,159 --> 00:35:07,000
above all with the arrival and departure of that a

718
00:35:07,079 --> 00:35:10,960
Marteau truck. I've got dates, signals, spicious routines, but no

719
00:35:11,079 --> 00:35:13,639
proof any one ever goes missing outside of this closed circuit.

720
00:35:14,199 --> 00:35:17,480
No media, no despatch calls, not even the online memorials

721
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,440
truckers usually make when one of their own is kill.

722
00:35:20,039 --> 00:35:23,599
Panic is a present, gnawing animal, but nursia winds. I

723
00:35:23,639 --> 00:35:26,480
can see now how the logic works. If nobody ever

724
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,480
pushes too hard, if regilars swallow the cost, the disruption

725
00:35:29,519 --> 00:35:32,719
doesn't leak out. I secure my phone, back up the footage,

726
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,440
and pocket my best map. The longer I keep moving,

727
00:35:35,559 --> 00:35:38,400
the more I convince myself I'm buying time. But time,

728
00:35:38,519 --> 00:35:40,880
like the Midwest, isn't always honest about what it takes.

729
00:35:41,599 --> 00:35:43,719
I forced the cab heater on and close my eyes,

730
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:45,920
listening for any trace of Linda's voice in the blank

731
00:35:46,039 --> 00:35:49,079
roar of night. The only reply is the wind lifting

732
00:35:49,079 --> 00:35:50,960
bunners of frost from the edge of the window and

733
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,280
blow that soft shoffin on the black up shape shifting

734
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,880
between the hoods of rigs, never quite coming close enough

735
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,719
to name. I know now I can't let this go.

736
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:01,519
The cost is rising, and I'm already on a list

737
00:36:01,519 --> 00:36:04,360
I never signed up for. Something inside tells me not

738
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:07,960
to sleep at all. But exhaustion is inevitable even in dreams.

739
00:36:08,079 --> 00:36:10,400
I circle the rest, stop chasing voices that skip and

740
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,239
blur at their edges, wake to the sense that some

741
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:14,920
one has entered and left without a trace. By the

742
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:17,400
third morning of counting, the circuit is a skeleton of

743
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:20,280
what it was. My reflection is gaunt in the mirror.

744
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:22,840
When I try to eat, I can't stomach the fruit.

745
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:25,239
Grace sneaks me a diet soda and a cold sandwich,

746
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:27,840
but her kindness is narrow to a pin. Just go,

747
00:36:28,079 --> 00:36:30,760
she hisses as she presses it into my hand. Don't

748
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,920
make yourself another number. I drive out past the exit,

749
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,480
pull over under the top bridge and snap photos of

750
00:36:36,519 --> 00:36:39,719
each sign in both directions. On the northbound side, I

751
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:41,760
catch Jesse with a fresh kin of spray, adding a

752
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,440
new mark quick as graffiti. When he sees me, he

753
00:36:44,519 --> 00:36:47,039
drops the can and speeds back towards the lot fase,

754
00:36:47,039 --> 00:36:50,199
emptied of anything like camaraderie. Back in the calf, I

755
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:53,159
study the mark signs It's always the same cross for you,

756
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:56,280
always covered then repainted, Always face toward the direction most

757
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:58,960
missing truckers last drove. I stare at the map so

758
00:36:59,039 --> 00:37:01,880
long that when my phone buzzes, I nearly jump an

759
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:05,840
unknown caller block number. Hesitation passes, then as whip answer,

760
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:09,280
a burst of digital static. Then Linda's voice clear down.

761
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:13,159
But rush pressure. You got too close, didn't you? I

762
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,920
need answers, Linda, what is the network? Is it really

763
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:20,360
staff or something bigger? Her voice falters. They can use anyone.

764
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,480
It's easier with staff. They have the keys, the codes,

765
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:24,559
but the real power moves in the space between shifts.

766
00:37:24,559 --> 00:37:28,320
Don't trust worth. You see a beat of silence. I whisper.

767
00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:31,440
I have proof, signs, recordings, names. If I disappear, someone

768
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:35,079
will find it. Linda replies, almost ad. They're not scared

769
00:37:35,119 --> 00:37:37,599
of evidence. They're scared of people who don't forget their rules.

770
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,920
When rattles my window, as she continues, you want the truth,

771
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,800
meet me outside Old Stop twenty two after dark. Come alone.

772
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:46,360
Don't mention this in the radio, and don't bring those maps.

773
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,400
They always listen. The lango is dead before I can answer.

774
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:52,599
I'm unable to sit still. The next ire is a

775
00:37:52,599 --> 00:37:55,039
fever second guessing shit. I run just gun the rig

776
00:37:55,079 --> 00:37:57,280
for Chicago and hope a city can swallow the weirdness

777
00:37:58,079 --> 00:38:00,360
or keep pressing. Honor the silent promise to Mike and

778
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,719
red and whoever comes next. By sunful and driving a

779
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,559
ghost highway. Each restop I pass more suspect than the last.

780
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,920
Artificial signs lean at odd angles. Mileage is too short

781
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,800
for real geography, pittograms that shimmer if I stare at

782
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:15,360
them too long, Net piles him before I reach the

783
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:18,480
age of stop twenty two floodlights. The paved lot here

784
00:38:18,599 --> 00:38:22,119
is abandoned, no rigs, no attendant, just a glimmer in

785
00:38:22,119 --> 00:38:24,719
my mirrors every time I squint at the shadows. I

786
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,280
park behind an old coc coal truck engine idling in

787
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:29,960
case I need to bolt. Lynda the steps into view

788
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,840
from the Farsailles. Her figure smaller than I remember, but brisk.

789
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:34,360
Her park is zipped up to the chin in a

790
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:37,559
battered backack on one shoulder. Her face is drawn, cheeks

791
00:38:37,559 --> 00:38:40,360
salt pale in the sodium vapor light. She walks up,

792
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:43,320
scanning the shadows as she speaks, you need to see

793
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:46,199
for yourself before it's too late. Come on, we skirt

794
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:48,920
the boundary fence away from prying cameras or motion sensors.

795
00:38:49,599 --> 00:38:52,360
Behind a stack of pallettes, Linda drops her backpack and

796
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,800
pulls out a ragged folder thick with dogg eared notes

797
00:38:55,559 --> 00:38:58,960
inside names hundreds, group by date, by incident, by rest stop.

798
00:38:59,559 --> 00:39:02,360
Some are crossed out, a few circled and read. They

799
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:04,559
call it the network because it's everyone who keeps quiet

800
00:39:04,559 --> 00:39:07,880
long enough, she whispers. When the rules change, people start

801
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:11,199
tracking each other, pic who stays, who goes. It's not supernatural.

802
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:14,960
It's mechanism, old, layered, ruthlessly maintained. Every so often the

803
00:39:15,039 --> 00:39:18,400
operators choose. Sometimes people go missing. Sometimes they come back,

804
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:20,880
claiming to be the old selves. But nothing sticks. You've

805
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:23,239
seen the faces, the ones who survive. Don't you notice

806
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:25,679
how they never remember the ones who left? A chill

807
00:39:25,679 --> 00:39:29,239
needles my robs A flipped through Linda's folder, matching lines

808
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:32,920
with names from Griss's scrap. Those overlap, Mike rare dug

809
00:39:33,079 --> 00:39:36,480
others who disappeared years before. I point a set of plates.

810
00:39:37,079 --> 00:39:39,679
But where do they take them? The field, the back roads?

811
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:44,280
Linda hesitates, then nods. The exit seventeen is just the portal.

812
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,480
They use it her truck to collect those marked for transit.

813
00:39:46,559 --> 00:39:48,920
Where they go depends on what the staff mark those

814
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,480
v crosses their cos sunposts for collection. If your trucks

815
00:39:51,519 --> 00:39:53,440
left the two lawn or you break a rule, ask

816
00:39:53,519 --> 00:39:56,079
too many questions, try to help he get selective for crossing.

817
00:39:56,599 --> 00:39:58,559
I feel the sick pulse of being included among the

818
00:39:58,639 --> 00:40:03,480
dand selective for what. Sometimes they just vanish, Linda murmurs.

819
00:40:04,199 --> 00:40:06,880
Sometimes the ones who come back are ron stiff, silent,

820
00:40:07,039 --> 00:40:09,599
always watching. It's like something crawls inside and keeps the

821
00:40:09,599 --> 00:40:13,559
circuit moving. Her face screws up. Lately there's less restraint.

822
00:40:13,599 --> 00:40:15,760
The original net requanted only those who broke the rules.

823
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:18,519
Now it's anyone too curious, too loud, too stubborn, like you.

824
00:40:19,079 --> 00:40:20,960
The weight of it almost falls me in half. Names

825
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,920
on a ledger, transformed prayer, and the whim of a

826
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:26,320
few and seen operators. As we skirt the fence, Linda

827
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,039
points out the signs, each esched with new symbols. That's

828
00:40:29,039 --> 00:40:32,360
careful now, sometimes a crude painted X, sometimes old blue tape,

829
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:35,199
half peeled. If you find yourself boxed in by these,

830
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:38,960
don't stop. That's when they're watching. Her tone darkens a shade.

831
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:41,320
If they know you know you can't unsee the pattern,

832
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:43,280
they'll come for you. For me, That's why I've never

833
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:46,800
stopped long. I nod resolve darkening, even as fearer threatens

834
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:50,159
my pulse. What do I do? Linda presses a key

835
00:40:50,199 --> 00:40:53,559
into my palmmerasted tagle skeleton key. If they catch you,

836
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:55,639
keep this hidden, only use it. I feel left alone

837
00:40:55,679 --> 00:40:57,840
in the lot and the staff vanish fits the gray door.

838
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:00,119
You'll know which one. Never open it unless you have to,

839
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:02,679
Never tell any one you have it. As she darts

840
00:41:02,679 --> 00:41:05,199
out of sight, her shadow alongates in the sodium player.

841
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:08,320
She's gone before I can thank her. I returned to

842
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,079
my cab and locked the doors, the key heavy in

843
00:41:10,079 --> 00:41:13,440
my jacket. I barely sleep, waking to every engine backfire

844
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,960
and brush of wind in a cat's skin. Every traveler

845
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,000
who polls is too long at the door, becomes suspect

846
00:41:18,039 --> 00:41:20,320
of Every staff glance is a measure of patience lost.

847
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,199
The next night, the tow truck is back park near

848
00:41:23,199 --> 00:41:25,599
a new rig whose plates I don't know. I scam

849
00:41:25,639 --> 00:41:28,239
for Jesse, for grays, but see only shapes floating behind

850
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:32,119
windows half present. I can't stay idle. I tuck Linda's

851
00:41:32,159 --> 00:41:34,239
key inside my boot and throade my phone through my sleeve,

852
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:36,079
ready to record all last Jeane if I have to,

853
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:38,480
I wait for a shift in the rhythm. Any hint

854
00:41:38,519 --> 00:41:41,440
of movement out of phase. Around midnight, as the lounge

855
00:41:41,519 --> 00:41:43,960
jewels empty and even the vending machines were lower. I

856
00:41:44,039 --> 00:41:48,079
hear voices brief coded crackling through the seebee A transit

857
00:41:48,119 --> 00:41:51,199
tonight east lot ready at three hit a collection marked

858
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:55,440
confirms sign swalpole. I ready myself the regular's work as

859
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:57,719
gently boxed and by the tow truck, as if nobody

860
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:00,159
wants to make a scene. I see two shapes walk

861
00:42:00,199 --> 00:42:02,480
out of the shadows. Staff jackets by their movements are

862
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,199
too smooth, too practice to be mere cleaners or desk clerks.

863
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:08,880
The diner lights blink off one by one. I circle

864
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:11,480
the lots, taking close to shadows, watching as the driver

865
00:42:11,599 --> 00:42:14,000
of the box and rigs stepped out, face blank, steps

866
00:42:14,039 --> 00:42:17,119
measured like a man reciting a memorized script. As the

867
00:42:17,159 --> 00:42:19,639
staff usher him toward the toe, the radio chirrups again.

868
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:24,199
Proceed One figure flushes something a badge maybe, or just

869
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,320
an old business card. The man climbs wordlessly into the

870
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:30,440
passenger seat. The tow truck pulls out behind the pumps,

871
00:42:30,679 --> 00:42:33,960
light kept low. Crawling toward the service row. I trail

872
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:37,440
them from a distance, risking curiosity. Balanced the road they

873
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:39,760
take is one. Nobody else uses a back access route,

874
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:41,639
the kind you'ed miss in daylight unless you knew to

875
00:42:41,679 --> 00:42:44,280
look for it. The truck turns down a gravel tongue

876
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:46,920
and slits out of sight. My breath hitches, but I

877
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:49,719
drive slow, head lights off, every muscle bristling with dread.

878
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,199
When I crest the low rise, I see it at

879
00:42:52,199 --> 00:42:54,440
the edge of the highwayslight bleed. There's a muddy clearing

880
00:42:54,559 --> 00:42:56,639
once a gravel pad, now chewed up by weather, and

881
00:42:56,679 --> 00:43:00,280
all tires abandoned, rigs former loose, half ering, basted and

882
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,920
half stripped, windows fogged so thick they reflect only moonlight.

883
00:43:03,639 --> 00:43:06,159
In the center, a tight gathering, a half dozen staffers,

884
00:43:06,199 --> 00:43:09,039
a few truckers I half recognize, and alone hooded figure

885
00:43:09,119 --> 00:43:12,800
standing a little apart beside them, Mike's Kenworth. The cab

886
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,119
door is open, is bat a cap on the dash.

887
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:17,880
I slip close enough to hear ducking behind a stack

888
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:19,880
of tires. Phone at my thigh, thumb on the record.

889
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:23,079
The hooded's leader speaks, voice carrying in the brittle air.

890
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:26,119
Those who are chosen as cross for the road demands it.

891
00:43:26,119 --> 00:43:28,840
It is our stewardship, our responsibility. The old patterns hold

892
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:31,360
only if we let them. A pair of staffers circle

893
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:34,800
the cab, checking lock, brooks, radios, GPS unit, stripping out memory.

894
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:38,159
A flucker of unease worms up my spine. One of

895
00:43:38,199 --> 00:43:40,800
the glassy eye drivers joins them, reciting a list in

896
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:45,239
his soft, wooden voice. It's ritual, not bureaucracy. One Mike's

897
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:47,960
name is uttered. The leader lifts a hand, his time

898
00:43:48,039 --> 00:43:51,079
is owed. The network accepts the offering. No record shall remain.

899
00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:54,239
I watch frozen as they pass a battered lock, The

900
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:56,800
pages removed, torrent thrown into the portable fire pit. At

901
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,599
the clearings are a smell of burnt paper and old

902
00:43:59,679 --> 00:44:03,679
leathers diffuses there at my feet, a stone slips. A

903
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,400
face turns. A woman, sharp featured lit by the parking

904
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:10,679
lot gleam. It's grace. Her mouth forms my name, just barely.

905
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:14,320
I realize I've pushed past every point of subtlety. They

906
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,159
spot me easily now and two step forward, arms out.

907
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:20,199
I back up, fumbling for Linda's key, But before I

908
00:44:20,199 --> 00:44:23,079
can move, strong hands grip my arms. They hold me

909
00:44:23,119 --> 00:44:25,920
toward the firepit. The hooded leader limit hole over the scene,

910
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,559
shoon a holt. The voice intones masculine, rough hewn with

911
00:44:29,639 --> 00:44:32,199
the vowels of the upper Midwest. Here you have seen

912
00:44:32,199 --> 00:44:34,599
what cannot be unseen. The newerk preserves the road. Do

913
00:44:34,679 --> 00:44:37,760
you deny your place? My voice shakes, but I spit

914
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:40,519
up where the hell is mic in red tug anyone

915
00:44:40,599 --> 00:44:43,440
left behind. A ripple of a niece travels the circle.

916
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,719
The leader gestures behind and to staff is produce about

917
00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:49,360
a journal. My low book, pages thin and rewritten. We

918
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:52,239
do not erase. We cross over, some serve, some are released,

919
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:54,199
but all are remembered by the road, if not by

920
00:44:54,199 --> 00:44:56,719
the world. A flash the leader holds may record a

921
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:58,760
thumb pressed hard on the delete switch a moment longer

922
00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:02,039
than needed, then tosses it in the dirt. Cheers Shanna,

923
00:45:02,079 --> 00:45:04,679
forget or join us and carry this on? Is for

924
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:07,440
the circuit's safety. All oats may when the highway was young.

925
00:45:07,559 --> 00:45:09,920
If you resist, well, ask yourself where your memory? When

926
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,239
last time you saw Mike's cap? Did you lose time?

927
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:14,800
Did you remember why you pulled in? My mouth is

928
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:17,880
bone dry. I clutch at the key, willing my hands

929
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,920
to steady grace. As now bright and harsh halogen glow

930
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:24,239
steps closer. If you want to survive this, She breathes low.

931
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,559
Say you'll comply. You can run if you get the chance,

932
00:45:26,679 --> 00:45:29,079
but you have to act like you've forgotten. The leader

933
00:45:29,119 --> 00:45:33,239
addresses the odds. No trucker leaves unchanged. No memory persists

934
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:35,400
unless the circuit allows. We are the ones that keep

935
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:37,079
the road safe from what travels with you or what

936
00:45:37,159 --> 00:45:39,119
you might become. Do you choose the old way hall?

937
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,880
Or must you be crossed too? Every face presses in

938
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:44,679
in a basin of cold night, under a sky the

939
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:47,280
color of a swollen bruise, surrounded by emptiness. I took

940
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:50,000
out the only words I can. I'll forget, I'll leave.

941
00:45:50,519 --> 00:45:53,119
The leader studes me, then nods, as if grunting a

942
00:45:53,159 --> 00:45:56,360
childhood wish. A drive. Don't look back the next time

943
00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:58,159
you stop. Don't speak of this, not to any one,

944
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:01,079
especially not your lod book. The warmth in my limbs

945
00:46:01,119 --> 00:46:03,840
returns in a wave, like a fever breaking. I'm guided,

946
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:06,320
washed back to my truck. Gray, silent Jesse a few

947
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:10,199
steps behind. The tow truck blocks the road out. Its

948
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:13,760
driver glares unreadable. The field darkens behind us, as if

949
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:16,719
a cuttain's drawn. I feel eyes boring holes from behind

950
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:20,039
the rigs my GPS green boots. As I start the

951
00:46:20,079 --> 00:46:24,519
engine unit white directions, reset, all address history gone my recorder.

952
00:46:24,559 --> 00:46:26,719
When I try to power it flashes a blank signal,

953
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:31,239
then cycles to factory settings. They've covered every angle Before

954
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:33,800
I turn onto the ramp. Jesse leans in, no longer

955
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:36,719
hiding a shake in his hands. If you valley living,

956
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:39,000
don't stop at any rest that bears the mark trust

957
00:46:39,039 --> 00:46:42,119
nothing further. They are always watching. He presses my knuckles

958
00:46:42,159 --> 00:46:45,239
until I not, then disappears again into the cold. The

959
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:47,920
rideway is water color white. The world blow to abstraction.

960
00:46:48,519 --> 00:46:52,039
The radio skips every channel but brassy static. What's gone

961
00:46:52,039 --> 00:46:55,320
doesn't return, what replaces it pretends to fit The next

962
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:57,679
days of all weeks, I don't track them, become an endless,

963
00:46:57,679 --> 00:47:00,880
bullyinge of asphalt beneath ties, some mizes fractured by sleep

964
00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:03,920
and deepening paranoia. I try, just once to hit a

965
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:06,639
different exit for fuels. Doth they stare through me? Conversation

966
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:10,000
winding backward or bleeding into silence Back in the circuit,

967
00:47:10,039 --> 00:47:13,199
The stretch feels both lonelier and more artificial. No one

968
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:16,360
references Mike, nor Red, nor even the diner's best jokes.

969
00:47:17,039 --> 00:47:19,880
Trucks fill in, unfamiliar but carrying the same numbers, as

970
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,880
if they're playing roles left behind. The few old phases

971
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:26,239
left turn away at my approach. Even Gray's, when caught

972
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:28,920
at a side stop, keeps her head down, never acknowledging me.

973
00:47:29,519 --> 00:47:32,159
I replay my dack am on long runs, always searching

974
00:47:32,159 --> 00:47:36,239
for skip minutes, misplaced riggs, wrong signs. Sometimes, when I

975
00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:38,079
turn too quickly, I see a blue peat built and

976
00:47:38,159 --> 00:47:40,320
horizon always vanishing the minute I make out a plate.

977
00:47:41,039 --> 00:47:42,559
I try to pick up Linda on the sea bee,

978
00:47:42,599 --> 00:47:45,920
but I only catch garbled bursts. One time, a voice

979
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:49,519
impossible to mistake, shaddows through, overwhelm, vastatic. Don't let them

980
00:47:49,559 --> 00:47:53,559
see you, drive on overnight. The entrance to Egsitt seventeen brands,

981
00:47:53,639 --> 00:47:56,559
new sign, new symbol, nothing bearing the old cross fee.

982
00:47:57,199 --> 00:47:59,320
As I pass out of pure habit, I glance at

983
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:02,360
the field beyond the umps, there's nothing but fresh gravel,

984
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:05,639
as if the clearing never held anything at all. Sleep returns,

985
00:48:05,719 --> 00:48:08,559
but it's thin, patchy, a lattice work of half remembered faces,

986
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:11,960
lost highways, the stench of burning love books. My phones

987
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:15,519
map at cant find my location for days at the stretch. Sometimes,

988
00:48:15,639 --> 00:48:17,760
waking from a dream, I think I hear Mike's voice

989
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:19,360
in the wind or sea read at a turn off

990
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:22,360
with no Wiggs a sign. I double my logging, redundant

991
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:25,800
Coby's notes, recording myself each night. Yet in the morning

992
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:28,559
the new stinchers are always gone, swallowed by the either

993
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,119
or wipe from the hardware, replaced only with silence and

994
00:48:31,159 --> 00:48:33,440
time stumps that don't square with any reality. I know

995
00:48:34,079 --> 00:48:36,840
the names of the loss fade subtly, like stains scrubbed away,

996
00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:39,760
But I force myself to remember Mike's drawl, Grayce's worried eyes,

997
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:43,280
the whelander tucked her hands and her sleeves were nervous. Still,

998
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,960
each mile makes those recollections feel more like our facts

999
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:49,039
crawled up from some one else's life. Sometimes I catch

1000
00:48:49,079 --> 00:48:51,679
myself fearing awake in the cab well, twitching into focus.

1001
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:55,039
I was missing no matter how tightly I clutched the wheel,

1002
00:48:55,079 --> 00:48:57,400
how many times I mark my progress, there's always a

1003
00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:00,519
section of highway that dissolves beneath the rig. I feel

1004
00:49:00,519 --> 00:49:03,760
watched index were remembered only in the margins. It's not

1005
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,440
just me. The whole circuit's thinner patch air, as if

1006
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:10,280
reality itself runs low here, renetting around its gaps. Even

1007
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:12,320
the coal feels different now, a deeper kind of chill,

1008
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,159
unconnected to season, woven into whatever bargain keeps the rest

1009
00:49:15,199 --> 00:49:17,320
of us moving, still, pretending not to see the vanish

1010
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:20,360
shapes in the mirror. One morning, pausing at a shoulder

1011
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:22,239
to check a loose strap, a spot of flier under

1012
00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:25,559
my wiper. I haven't stopped anywhere near Exit seventeen since

1013
00:49:25,599 --> 00:49:27,719
that night. The first thing I see is the same

1014
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:31,599
looping map, the fixes and corrections growing denser, but now

1015
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:34,079
a red X marks a new location, right over where

1016
00:49:34,079 --> 00:49:36,960
I should be at the bottom. Someone is scribbled in

1017
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:39,679
a different pen. Sometimes the ones left behind are chosen

1018
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:42,639
for something worse. I crumble the flyer, but keep it.

1019
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:46,079
I can't say why. As I pull back onto the highway,

1020
00:49:46,159 --> 00:49:48,519
my radio hisses and pops. A band of static rise

1021
00:49:48,559 --> 00:49:52,079
into an old, impossible frequency. A voice, low and familiar

1022
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:54,960
reads through the noise. You can't leave the road. There's

1023
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:57,800
no inflection, but I know it's Mike. I clutch the

1024
00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:00,599
cea bee, but the signal fuses to silence, cut so clean,

1025
00:50:00,639 --> 00:50:02,920
I think I imagined it. I click the lock to

1026
00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:05,079
record a note, but the memory slips away as soon

1027
00:50:05,119 --> 00:50:07,119
as I begin to speak. The owner sounds. Left is

1028
00:50:07,119 --> 00:50:09,760
the hum off wheels and the blank horizon. My hands

1029
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:12,639
steady on the wheel, light shivers over the asphalt, and

1030
00:50:12,679 --> 00:50:15,559
the world as always rolls forward, a featureless, silent waiting.

1031
00:50:16,039 --> 00:50:18,880
I keep driving, somewhere between the weight of miles and

1032
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:20,840
the chill that won't leave the cap. I realize I'm

1033
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:23,079
tapping out a pattern, and the wheel unconsciously echoing the

1034
00:50:23,079 --> 00:50:25,559
side where his veal in, the silent warning, the map

1035
00:50:25,639 --> 00:50:28,039
under my wiper, the new ex the handwriting jagget is

1036
00:50:28,039 --> 00:50:30,119
a heartbeat. I haven't thrown it away, though, I keep

1037
00:50:30,199 --> 00:50:32,880
telling myself to Each night's drive and falls like a

1038
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:35,599
tape loop. Reach a truck stop, Scan for marks, void

1039
00:50:35,639 --> 00:50:38,039
signage with the rasures or fresh paint, Keep heads down,

1040
00:50:38,119 --> 00:50:41,119
speak little. I try to kick the habit of lingering

1041
00:50:41,199 --> 00:50:43,599
at any exit for more than fifteen minutes. Even then,

1042
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:47,559
faces flick past the windows, shady and blurred. Sometimes I

1043
00:50:47,599 --> 00:50:49,679
think I'm seeing double two versions of the same rake,

1044
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:53,159
one faded, one too bright. Under the sodium fixtures, my

1045
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:56,920
log books, now doubled in quantity, rarely match I scratch

1046
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:58,880
notes on slips in my boots and the backs over

1047
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:02,440
seats anything my hand unsfined. In the morning, the ridden

1048
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:04,719
words are gone, now re arranged page is crumpled, as

1049
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:07,760
if smoothed and tucked by another's hand. Sometimes a whole

1050
00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:10,320
rout drops away. One night there is a field outside Peoria.

1051
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:11,880
The next it's a mall, the next a notion of

1052
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:14,840
unlet frost. I've started adjusting only what I can feel

1053
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:18,840
under my fingers. Smart devices stop sinking, I mail want them,

1054
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:21,880
drive of dash can skips, simple photos and voice nippets

1055
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:24,320
to a peel box. I don't intend to jack. Then

1056
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:27,239
on a runney spound highway, twenty four buckles in my mirror,

1057
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:31,079
mile markers out of sequence, My stomach flips the trall

1058
00:51:31,119 --> 00:51:33,800
men losing time over and over means my thoughts run

1059
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:37,320
in anxious ruts, never quite circling a plan. Still, my

1060
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:40,840
body keeps choosing forward. Sometimes late I see the tow

1061
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:43,760
truck pulled over in the distance. Its lights don't blink

1062
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:45,960
any more. They burne with a steady intensity, blue as

1063
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:49,360
a glacier, never flickering. I stay wide, sneaking past on

1064
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:51,599
the shoulder, but I know it marks me. The new

1065
00:51:51,639 --> 00:51:54,039
faces at the diner keep their voices low overrey Gills

1066
00:51:54,039 --> 00:51:56,239
watch by reflection in the window glass, frowning as if

1067
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:59,599
they almost remember, almost recognize, but something always stops. Short

1068
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,760
grayces know where I can find her. On the road

1069
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:04,880
east of Jolliet. The radius bursts with the start of

1070
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:07,480
a soalm, But the lyrics are wrong, raw melody, wrong voice,

1071
00:52:07,559 --> 00:52:10,239
familiar only in that it's narrating my week. Road eats

1072
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:12,880
road rigg EAT's rig. The wheel turns, the signal fades.

1073
00:52:13,519 --> 00:52:15,920
I turn the volume down, but the cap vibrates, as

1074
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:18,760
if the speakers were inside my own chest. At another

1075
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:21,199
rest stop, I can't say how far from Eggs at seventeen,

1076
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:23,239
but the stations are the same. I see Jesse painting

1077
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:26,519
out one of the old cross marks. He finishes, glances

1078
00:52:26,559 --> 00:52:28,400
at me, and for the brief a second, the mask's

1079
00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:32,199
slips panic desperation. Then he's wiping the smile back, leaving

1080
00:52:32,199 --> 00:52:35,239
the brush behind and vanishing under the awning, which shoulders hunched.

1081
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:38,000
If the network wants me out, they have odd ways

1082
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,480
of showing it. I feel less like a target and

1083
00:52:40,519 --> 00:52:42,519
more like a paroled convicted, free to move, not free

1084
00:52:42,519 --> 00:52:45,559
to speak. Track, but not questioned unless I slow. I

1085
00:52:45,639 --> 00:52:48,159
check my phone steps every few hours. It always reads

1086
00:52:48,199 --> 00:52:51,280
the same number. Sometimes my reflection in the cab window

1087
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:54,320
moves half a second behind me. The next evening stretches

1088
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:57,400
into something worse than routine and accident. Clogs are two lane,

1089
00:52:57,440 --> 00:53:00,559
and I'm stranded just outside a newer rest enclave. To

1090
00:53:00,639 --> 00:53:03,239
kill the engine would be to make myself vulnerable. I

1091
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:05,440
keep the rig running, stirring out of the shapes, moving

1092
00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:08,400
between pump's faces, sharp in reflection but indistinct in life.

1093
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:11,199
A man in a driver's jacket circles my cab twice.

1094
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:14,000
In the mirror. His muff forms you see me that,

1095
00:53:14,039 --> 00:53:16,920
but no sound comes out. I blink, and his eyes

1096
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:20,039
are empty, black as struck tires. He moves on, stops

1097
00:53:20,079 --> 00:53:22,039
by the toe, leans to confer with the driver, who

1098
00:53:22,039 --> 00:53:23,719
looks my way and tips a hand in a gesture

1099
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:27,199
of final warning acknowledgment. I grip the wheel so hard

1100
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:30,679
my knuckles loosen, then stiffen again. Head Lights sweep past

1101
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:33,199
my own face floats in the glass, and for a

1102
00:53:33,199 --> 00:53:34,840
moment I think I see Mike's cap on my head,

1103
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:38,039
lends jacket on my seat, voices on the seabee brick

1104
00:53:38,079 --> 00:53:41,119
with a short digital scream, then revert to silence. The

1105
00:53:41,159 --> 00:53:43,840
pressure mounts. If I don't do something, some active step,

1106
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:46,800
I'll be washed out entirely. But I have no destination

1107
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:50,400
except motion, and no method accepts scrutiny. That night, hunch

1108
00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:52,360
in a trucker's lounge, with the machine silent and the

1109
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:54,920
windows too dark, I angle my phone's camera at every

1110
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:57,639
entry in wait, I see a shadow approach a woman

1111
00:53:57,719 --> 00:54:01,639
bress familiarly gray, sits cross, folds her arms and doesn't

1112
00:54:01,639 --> 00:54:04,599
touch the table top. Why are you here, she mutters,

1113
00:54:04,639 --> 00:54:07,679
eyes darting, because no one else feels real any more.

1114
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:10,239
Because I still remember Mike and you, I remind her.

1115
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:13,639
She swallows. I tried to do what they ask. I

1116
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:15,960
try to forget. It's not enough. The ones who left,

1117
00:54:16,039 --> 00:54:17,760
they are not the ones I see behind the glass

1118
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:20,440
any more. We're all changed by now. I slide the

1119
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:24,039
ex mark fire across. They say, sometimes what's left is worse.

1120
00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:27,440
She hesitates before answering, the fear deepening the lines at

1121
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:30,320
her mouth. Each year, some one comes back different. The

1122
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:32,599
road keeps us until it doesn't. I keep a record,

1123
00:54:32,639 --> 00:54:35,760
but it's never safe. Not here. A shape passes behind

1124
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:38,599
her in the glass. Jessee, peering in half, deranged, like

1125
00:54:38,639 --> 00:54:42,119
he's caught between two coats. He meets my gaze, then vanishes.

1126
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:45,719
Will you help me, I ask, not knowing what help

1127
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:48,400
means any more. Is there any way to break this?

1128
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:52,000
Brice shakes her head to spare heavy. They own the

1129
00:54:52,079 --> 00:54:54,639
road shun. All we can do is keep moving or

1130
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:59,440
her eyes water slightly, or maybe make one last stand.

1131
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:03,239
A tremor runs through the floor. The PA system chines

1132
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:06,199
mechanical of voice, paging a name I don't know. I

1133
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:08,760
realize the staff behind the counter stare directly at Grace.

1134
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:11,639
She goes pale and stands. If I don't see you again,

1135
00:55:11,920 --> 00:55:15,239
keep the receipts they roll you have. She disappears, shoes

1136
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:18,400
squeaking softly. I glance at my phone. It's rebuted to

1137
00:55:18,400 --> 00:55:21,559
its welcome screen. There's nothing left to collect. Accept mystery

1138
00:55:21,599 --> 00:55:24,119
and the cold comfort that, even as reality rewrites itself,

1139
00:55:24,199 --> 00:55:27,760
some soborgn trace of memory survives When the next flier appears,

1140
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:29,400
tucked in my coat pocket while I sleep in the

1141
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:31,559
locked cow. Though I check the doors twice, I study

1142
00:55:31,599 --> 00:55:34,880
it carefully, layer upon layer of rut lines more circles,

1143
00:55:35,079 --> 00:55:38,039
more notes in three different hands. A next where I

1144
00:55:38,079 --> 00:55:40,960
am now at the bottom. If you find the great door,

1145
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:44,360
ease the key ev but I look for it everywhere.

1146
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:49,559
That instant, the radial flickers stadek. Then tron feels open.

1147
00:55:49,679 --> 00:55:53,639
This is your last chance. It's Mike's voice. I joled awake,

1148
00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:56,840
realize the passenger seat is empty. The lord becusque. I

1149
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:59,079
start the engine, drive a circuit compelled by a force

1150
00:55:59,119 --> 00:56:01,920
that may be hope, may be exhaustion, tracking back on itself,

1151
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:05,000
the rude a hedgehind's just enough to suggest possibility. At

1152
00:56:05,039 --> 00:56:07,320
the first exit, I keep both hands tight to the wheel,

1153
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:09,719
slowing as I scan for a door. Ash gray somewhere

1154
00:56:09,719 --> 00:56:13,159
between the diner and the faw pumps a shudder. My

1155
00:56:13,199 --> 00:56:16,119
foot hovers the side server shed is open, a door

1156
00:56:16,159 --> 00:56:19,920
I've never seen before, standing ajar, the skeleton, key heavy

1157
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:22,119
in my boot, now colder than the rest of my body.

1158
00:56:22,719 --> 00:56:25,360
I park open a cat step down, each motion, deliberate

1159
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:27,960
half outs at myself. The lot is dead quite no

1160
00:56:28,039 --> 00:56:30,519
sound but the ticking of cooling engines, not even wind.

1161
00:56:31,119 --> 00:56:33,920
The key fits the lock in a gray door. It turns.

1162
00:56:34,559 --> 00:56:36,400
The hinge has grown and admit me to a space.

1163
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:39,239
I count map wide, too tall for the profob inside

1164
00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:42,280
our walls of receipts, of flyers, driver's hats hung on pegs.

1165
00:56:43,159 --> 00:56:45,159
A log book sits on an alto like shelf, page

1166
00:56:45,199 --> 00:56:48,039
open to a name I almost recognized. Saw crossed out

1167
00:56:48,719 --> 00:56:51,719
from the dark behind me, a presence. You want to

1168
00:56:51,800 --> 00:56:54,559
know that the leader's voice flat with authority and fatigue.

1169
00:56:55,159 --> 00:56:59,280
Turn around, I obey. He stands in the pulled half light.

1170
00:56:59,559 --> 00:57:03,000
Neither will coming nor threatening, just factual. Nobody leaves the

1171
00:57:03,039 --> 00:57:05,440
circuit unaltered. Those who persist carve out of duty. You're

1172
00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:07,119
here because you try to break the pattern? Will you

1173
00:57:07,199 --> 00:57:09,679
keep trying? My chestakes with the pressure of all the

1174
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:12,880
names I should not cannot forget. If I give this up,

1175
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:16,719
it just goes on. He nods, But with you it changes,

1176
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:19,599
maybe not for better. For a split second, I consider

1177
00:57:19,679 --> 00:57:24,119
running instead, I ask what happens now? He stepped aside?

1178
00:57:24,639 --> 00:57:27,880
The door out shows the highway empty and open. You drive.

1179
00:57:28,039 --> 00:57:30,880
Leave the records in here. You'll remember even when others don't.

1180
00:57:31,519 --> 00:57:33,760
The temptation to sit among the hats to catalog every

1181
00:57:33,760 --> 00:57:37,079
lost soul is nearly overwhelming. Yet another urge urges me

1182
00:57:37,119 --> 00:57:39,920
out on to the road again. I back out, slowly,

1183
00:57:40,119 --> 00:57:42,519
forcing my memory to imprint this the room, the log book,

1184
00:57:42,519 --> 00:57:45,280
what I count en to. My hands splay over the keys,

1185
00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:47,920
feeling the ridges of metal, one last reassurance. The world

1186
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:51,800
still spars. The night pulls me in. The truck warms up,

1187
00:57:51,880 --> 00:57:55,280
the engine, blurring, regret and resolve. I drive, unsure whether

1188
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:57,400
I'm part of the pattern or a brief aberration. Before

1189
00:57:57,440 --> 00:58:01,079
the circuit resets, no one overtakes me, No one lags behind.

1190
00:58:01,840 --> 00:58:03,519
Somewhere on the edge of the bent. The voice on

1191
00:58:03,559 --> 00:58:06,840
the radio starts up again, gentle and unheard. It's your mile, Shona.

1192
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:09,519
I let the head lights chase the darkness until morning.

1193
00:58:10,119 --> 00:58:12,039
I know I'll love the night's events. But when I

1194
00:58:12,119 --> 00:58:14,760
check again, the entry is gone, replaced by a blank

1195
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:17,360
time stamp, and my own silencetare reflected in the screen.

1196
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:20,800
As long as I'm rolling, part of me survives, As

1197
00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:23,599
long as the circuit circles, there is a record somewhere

1198
00:58:23,639 --> 00:58:25,760
in the miles. Even if no one else remembers or

1199
00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:28,239
dares to ask. And if the day comes when I

1200
00:58:28,239 --> 00:58:30,360
slow for a stop and nothing looks back, and no hats,

1201
00:58:30,639 --> 00:58:33,440
no signs no, faces on no, I've finally driven clear.

1202
00:58:34,039 --> 00:58:36,480
But for now the road rolls on beneath me, featureless

1203
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:39,599
and endless, and my own memory, however fraried, remains the

1204
00:58:39,599 --> 00:58:42,679
only thing truly mine. Then the world turns slowly bright,

1205
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:45,119
just enough for the worst doubts to retreat just a little.

1206
00:58:45,639 --> 00:58:47,440
I don't know how long I'll hold on to this ferry,

1207
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,880
to this fleeting hard one, knowing strung alawn in the circuit,

1208
00:58:49,920 --> 00:58:51,880
through cold rain and hum of endless ties. But as

1209
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:54,360
long as the rig moves forward, the record, in some form,

1210
00:58:54,440 --> 00:58:54,960
moves with me.