WEBVTT 1 00:00:15.919 --> 00:00:49.920 Hi, I'm Karen MARCIONI your host for the Hope Show, 2 00:00:50.439 --> 00:00:54.320 inspired by my book Hope How Other People Endure, which 3 00:00:54.359 --> 00:00:59.679 is about everyday people overcoming life's challenges. Today on the 4 00:00:59.719 --> 00:01:04.799 Hope Show, I am honored to have and to welcome 5 00:01:04.920 --> 00:01:09.159 a woman whose life is a testament to resilience, courage, 6 00:01:09.640 --> 00:01:15.640 and unwavering service. Francisca Uanz was born in Puerto Rico 7 00:01:16.040 --> 00:01:19.760 and raised right here in Patterson, New Jersey. She is 8 00:01:19.799 --> 00:01:23.280 the proud mother of three grown children and a joyful 9 00:01:23.319 --> 00:01:27.680 grandmother to three beautiful grand babies. And I just learned 10 00:01:27.719 --> 00:01:32.560 one more on the way. Francisca has dedicated her life 11 00:01:32.599 --> 00:01:36.840 to lifting others up. She is a passionate community activist, 12 00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:41.480 a domestic violence coach, and a certified counselor in Drug 13 00:01:41.519 --> 00:01:48.719 and Alcohol Awareness. She also received specialization Specialized certification in 14 00:01:48.840 --> 00:01:55.599 Human Trafficking Coach, doing the most work that people can't imagine, 15 00:01:55.879 --> 00:02:00.719 standing in the gaps where hope is needed most. Alongside 16 00:02:00.719 --> 00:02:03.760 her full time role as an LPN nurse, she is 17 00:02:03.799 --> 00:02:09.520 also the CEO and host of her podcast, No Longer Silent, 18 00:02:10.520 --> 00:02:14.120 a space where she empowers others to speak their truth 19 00:02:14.919 --> 00:02:19.599 and reclaim their voice. In her spare time. I don't 20 00:02:19.639 --> 00:02:22.960 know when she finds it, but she finds comfort in 21 00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:27.159 reading and listening to music, and she continues to pursue 22 00:02:27.199 --> 00:02:32.000 more education, driven by her desire to help others overcome 23 00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:36.360 the darkest chapters of their lives. Her motto is I 24 00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:39.560 don't look like what I've been through, And today she 25 00:02:39.680 --> 00:02:45.280 is here to share her story, her strength, and her hope. Francisco, 26 00:02:45.400 --> 00:02:46.840 welcome to the Hope Show. 27 00:02:48.319 --> 00:02:52.520 Here with you is ready to honor. Thank you so much. 28 00:02:54.080 --> 00:02:59.159 Well, thank you, Franciscott. Your motto is powerful. I don't 29 00:02:59.159 --> 00:03:02.479 look like what I've been through. When you say that, 30 00:03:02.560 --> 00:03:06.000 what part of your journey rises to the surface. 31 00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:13.120 First, surviving domestic violence, Wow, Saviban domestic violence. I went 32 00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:17.840 through a very and I can call it a horrifying situation, 33 00:03:18.120 --> 00:03:22.120 nothing that I wish on any woman. So when I 34 00:03:22.199 --> 00:03:25.840 truly I stand by that model very strongly. 35 00:03:26.479 --> 00:03:31.159 Wow. And people can that you're working with that have 36 00:03:31.280 --> 00:03:34.919 been in that same situation, you can totally relate to 37 00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:36.199 what they're going through. 38 00:03:36.479 --> 00:03:42.639 Well, absolutely absolutely, Because I came from violent which was 39 00:03:42.800 --> 00:03:47.120 physical and verbal, you know, unimaginable things that I would 40 00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:51.400 never think would be done to me, you know, my 41 00:03:51.879 --> 00:03:52.599 seventeen years. 42 00:03:52.599 --> 00:03:53.199 He raped me. 43 00:03:53.840 --> 00:03:54.599 Oh, you know, he. 44 00:03:54.639 --> 00:03:56.360 Knocked me down the stairs. 45 00:03:56.680 --> 00:04:00.280 And you know, I'm permanently with pain on my right 46 00:04:01.080 --> 00:04:05.879 right ankle holding it up with nails, black guys, scars, 47 00:04:06.039 --> 00:04:09.919 scars that you can name anywhere in my body. So 48 00:04:10.759 --> 00:04:13.199 when I talk to somebody that's going through that, I 49 00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:16.399 let them know that I'm sorry. It's always going to 50 00:04:16.439 --> 00:04:19.639 be the same thing, and the verbal and the physical 51 00:04:19.680 --> 00:04:21.000 abuse is not going to stop. 52 00:04:22.480 --> 00:04:25.240 Wow, that's horrible and I'm so sorry you had to 53 00:04:25.319 --> 00:04:29.040 live through that, but I'm glad you're here and helping others. 54 00:04:31.480 --> 00:04:35.480 You've dedicated your life to serving the community. What moment 55 00:04:35.800 --> 00:04:39.639 or experience first ignited that passion within you. 56 00:04:40.319 --> 00:04:47.079 For the community activists, the injustice, the injustice. I'm against 57 00:04:47.160 --> 00:04:51.000 guns and we are losing our use to the streets 58 00:04:52.079 --> 00:04:55.240 and seniors that are lacking a lot of services and 59 00:04:55.360 --> 00:05:00.959 also abuse, and I also advocate for autism to Oh, 60 00:05:01.720 --> 00:05:04.240 if they're non verbal, they're also abused. 61 00:05:04.160 --> 00:05:08.959 Right right, Well, those are amazing things that you're doing. 62 00:05:09.519 --> 00:05:15.920 Unbelievable growing up between Puerto Rico and Patterson. What pieces 63 00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:18.720 of your upbringing shape the woman you are today? 64 00:05:19.639 --> 00:05:24.120 I love my heart is I love the food and 65 00:05:24.199 --> 00:05:27.120 the climate. I gotta say, I'm a Caribbean woman. I 66 00:05:27.199 --> 00:05:30.759 love thee I love Patterson, but right now it's like 67 00:05:30.839 --> 00:05:35.279 too cold. Yeah, it's too cold for me. So I 68 00:05:35.319 --> 00:05:39.240 love my average. I love it anywhere words hot all right? 69 00:05:39.399 --> 00:05:43.160 Wow, Yes, I think now everyone's thinking of the Caribbean. 70 00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:47.360 Yeah. 71 00:05:47.399 --> 00:05:52.120 Was there a specific turning point where you realized my 72 00:05:52.360 --> 00:05:56.120 pain is going to become someone else's hope? Oh? 73 00:05:56.199 --> 00:05:56.879 Absolutely? 74 00:05:57.079 --> 00:06:00.560 I like that, Yeah absolutely, because before in the past, 75 00:06:00.560 --> 00:06:01.319 I was ashamed. 76 00:06:01.560 --> 00:06:03.000 You know, I can admit that I was a shame. 77 00:06:04.519 --> 00:06:06.839 I didn't want to admit what was being done to 78 00:06:06.879 --> 00:06:09.360 me because somebody would actually think, oh, how can your 79 00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:12.160 husband rape you when it's not consensual? Yes, it's rat 80 00:06:12.720 --> 00:06:15.319 Oh how can you, you know, tolerate so many years 81 00:06:15.319 --> 00:06:16.079 of that abuse. 82 00:06:16.800 --> 00:06:18.920 There should have been a way out, but there wasn't. 83 00:06:18.920 --> 00:06:19.879 No resources. 84 00:06:20.480 --> 00:06:22.959 And now I'm glad to say that I'm speaking up 85 00:06:23.000 --> 00:06:25.879 and more and more are coming out saying I was 86 00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:29.879 verbally abused, I was physically both. And when they see 87 00:06:29.959 --> 00:06:33.199 me come out of that situation like with a smile 88 00:06:33.399 --> 00:06:36.000 and doing what I'm doing now, I give them a 89 00:06:36.040 --> 00:06:38.199 hope that you can change because I really don't look 90 00:06:38.240 --> 00:06:39.000 like what I went through. 91 00:06:39.160 --> 00:06:43.120 Right now, you don't traumatize. I'm not damaged, and you 92 00:06:43.160 --> 00:06:44.120 look beautiful. 93 00:06:44.959 --> 00:06:47.000 So they see them and be like, oh my god, 94 00:06:47.079 --> 00:06:48.920 it was ready for meal. I said not one time, 95 00:06:49.000 --> 00:06:52.240 several times, so they were like, you would probably be damaged, 96 00:06:52.360 --> 00:06:56.160 bitter and no. 97 00:06:55.079 --> 00:06:59.839 And not and that's that's what keeps you you going. 98 00:07:00.120 --> 00:07:03.319 And you had mentioned earlier that your faith had a 99 00:07:03.519 --> 00:07:07.360 big part of helping you. 100 00:07:07.920 --> 00:07:08.600 Absolutely. 101 00:07:09.079 --> 00:07:11.199 Can you talk a little bit about your fig. 102 00:07:12.759 --> 00:07:15.839 Well, the six years were wonderful in the marriage, but 103 00:07:16.000 --> 00:07:18.560 after that, when I started seeing the verbal and physical abuse, 104 00:07:18.680 --> 00:07:22.560 I started going to people and you know, weren't believe 105 00:07:22.600 --> 00:07:24.839 in it or telling me to fix it. I started 106 00:07:24.879 --> 00:07:28.160 always praying, something I didn't do before, but I started praying. 107 00:07:28.240 --> 00:07:29.560 I said, God, you know what, get me out of 108 00:07:29.560 --> 00:07:32.879 this situation. No one should be living this way. And 109 00:07:32.920 --> 00:07:35.240 I could say that, you know, in twenty thirteen, he 110 00:07:35.360 --> 00:07:38.240 did do it and got me out of that situation. 111 00:07:38.879 --> 00:07:42.560 And I'm just grateful that. You know, I'm not encouraging 112 00:07:42.600 --> 00:07:45.279 nobody to not get counseling. I didn't and because I 113 00:07:45.439 --> 00:07:47.560 just my faith grew with him and he got me 114 00:07:47.759 --> 00:07:48.279 out of it. 115 00:07:48.839 --> 00:07:49.120 You know. 116 00:07:49.319 --> 00:07:50.000 So right. 117 00:07:50.439 --> 00:07:52.800 Faith does work, and he is amazing and he still 118 00:07:52.920 --> 00:07:54.240 keeps being amazing in my life. 119 00:07:54.600 --> 00:07:59.199 Yeah. Absolutely. We do have one comment from the chat box. 120 00:08:00.800 --> 00:08:06.319 Let's Antonia Davis said, you are amazing her love and 121 00:08:06.360 --> 00:08:10.639 compassion for others. It's incredible and I can see that 122 00:08:10.759 --> 00:08:15.279 and hear it in your voice. Many people who experienced 123 00:08:15.319 --> 00:08:19.360 trauma never speak out. A friend of recently, a friend 124 00:08:19.360 --> 00:08:26.040 of mine, you know, with with ice arresting people, it 125 00:08:26.160 --> 00:08:29.560 seems that they're going after, you know, someone that just 126 00:08:29.600 --> 00:08:32.559 doesn't look like them, so to speak. And a friend 127 00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:37.399 of mine is really embarrassed to talk about it because 128 00:08:37.440 --> 00:08:43.200 her son was was arrested and detained for hours and 129 00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:46.279 they had to hire a lawyer. And you know, luckily 130 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:51.759 they were able to do that. However, in other situations 131 00:08:51.759 --> 00:08:55.720 where there are there are traumas and or you know, 132 00:08:55.919 --> 00:09:00.799 arrests are made. You create a podcast called No Longer Silent, 133 00:09:02.080 --> 00:09:10.000 whether it's regarding domestic abuse or injustice. What helped you 134 00:09:10.080 --> 00:09:12.200 reclaim your voice? 135 00:09:13.480 --> 00:09:16.759 Knowing that I'm not the only one, Oh for sure, 136 00:09:16.960 --> 00:09:22.960 I'm not only one, and talking about your testimony is 137 00:09:23.960 --> 00:09:27.519 it's powerful because when someone knows that you went through, 138 00:09:27.639 --> 00:09:30.000 you would reach out to many and say, listen, I 139 00:09:30.039 --> 00:09:31.960 went through that, and I got to say, it's not 140 00:09:32.039 --> 00:09:35.360 just women. I've had men now coming out, which is 141 00:09:35.399 --> 00:09:37.799 amazing because the stigma of the men is that they're 142 00:09:37.919 --> 00:09:40.200 mantra and they can't go through that, how can they 143 00:09:40.200 --> 00:09:44.080 get abused? But yeah, men can be abused too. So 144 00:09:45.039 --> 00:09:48.000 you lot are coming out and through my no longer 145 00:09:48.480 --> 00:09:52.519 that it was rebirthed in twenty twenty three. I'm grateful 146 00:09:52.519 --> 00:09:54.960 for the opportunity because now we do. I touch on 147 00:09:55.000 --> 00:09:57.759 domestic bondents, for the red flags, how to get out 148 00:09:57.759 --> 00:09:59.120 of a toxic relationship. 149 00:09:59.480 --> 00:10:03.320 I tap child abuse also to educate you know. 150 00:10:03.279 --> 00:10:06.559 The no, the signs, no touching, or why not to permit, 151 00:10:06.919 --> 00:10:09.320 don't even with your boyfriend if you're starting, you know, 152 00:10:09.360 --> 00:10:13.240 because it's not their children. So alcohol, addiction, I tap 153 00:10:13.320 --> 00:10:14.039 on everything. 154 00:10:15.039 --> 00:10:22.759 Wow, that's wonderful. As a domestic violence coach, you sit 155 00:10:22.799 --> 00:10:27.240 with people in their darkest moments. How do you hold 156 00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:32.639 space for others while taking care of your own heart? Oh? 157 00:10:33.120 --> 00:10:33.759 Good question. 158 00:10:35.399 --> 00:10:40.200 Sometimes it's heart wrenching because you can hear something from 159 00:10:40.200 --> 00:10:44.600 someone else far worser than your testimony, far worse, and 160 00:10:44.840 --> 00:10:47.840 when you hear it, it can be a death of 161 00:10:47.879 --> 00:10:50.080 a child and they're coming out of it. So I 162 00:10:50.120 --> 00:10:53.480 had one case like that where the boyfriend killed the. 163 00:10:53.519 --> 00:10:55.480 Two year old, Oh my god. 164 00:10:55.440 --> 00:10:58.080 Drown them out the window, and she had it come 165 00:10:58.120 --> 00:11:00.960 to terms to live with the law of our child 166 00:11:01.799 --> 00:11:03.519 and to forgive. 167 00:11:03.200 --> 00:11:03.919 Him to move on. 168 00:11:04.159 --> 00:11:08.000 But once you told me that, listen, I got kids 169 00:11:08.120 --> 00:11:10.320 and they're growing in I got grandkids. 170 00:11:10.639 --> 00:11:12.279 I don't think that. 171 00:11:12.879 --> 00:11:15.519 It could be such a hur or profound to get 172 00:11:15.519 --> 00:11:16.679 over something like that. 173 00:11:16.840 --> 00:11:17.200 Wow. 174 00:11:17.720 --> 00:11:21.159 Wow, that and resonates in the stays with me. 175 00:11:21.960 --> 00:11:22.399 Wow. 176 00:11:23.440 --> 00:11:29.200 Yeah. Oh, I just I can't even imagine. You know, 177 00:11:29.320 --> 00:11:34.519 your children are blessed, blessed and sacred to us, and 178 00:11:35.759 --> 00:11:41.600 to have that happen. Wow. So you have certifications in 179 00:11:42.120 --> 00:11:48.240 drug and alcohol awareness, substance counseling, and human trafficking coaching. 180 00:11:49.080 --> 00:11:53.759 What led you to pursue such emotionally demanding areas of 181 00:11:53.919 --> 00:11:56.120 service because some. 182 00:11:56.080 --> 00:11:59.000 People think it's not happening and believe it or not, 183 00:11:59.519 --> 00:12:02.759 there is right, you know, not too long ago, a 184 00:12:02.759 --> 00:12:05.480 couple of weeks ago, there was a house where they 185 00:12:05.559 --> 00:12:10.679 had you know, children, teenagers that were being trafficking recently 186 00:12:11.120 --> 00:12:15.360 and locally, yeah, locally, So you would think it's not happening, 187 00:12:15.480 --> 00:12:18.399 but it is and you have to be very careful. 188 00:12:18.840 --> 00:12:19.720 And as for our. 189 00:12:19.639 --> 00:12:23.480 Children, one of the main reasons I thought that is 190 00:12:23.559 --> 00:12:28.120 because I caught a thirteen year old smoking cigarettes. And 191 00:12:28.200 --> 00:12:30.720 it starts with and I asked her, what are you 192 00:12:30.720 --> 00:12:32.720 doing smoking ciga? Are you're supposed to be in school 193 00:12:32.960 --> 00:12:35.759 right right now? Something happened at home. I don't feel 194 00:12:35.759 --> 00:12:38.159 good and I didn't feel going. There was an argument 195 00:12:38.200 --> 00:12:40.639 between the parents and they didn't feel like going to school. 196 00:12:40.919 --> 00:12:43.759 But instead she was in front of a facility smoking 197 00:12:43.799 --> 00:12:45.200 cigarettes and that was thirteen. 198 00:12:45.519 --> 00:12:50.000 Wow. So and she's lucky you came by. 199 00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:50.759 Yeah. 200 00:12:50.879 --> 00:12:53.440 I told her to go to school, and I mentored 201 00:12:53.399 --> 00:12:55.159 it a little bit, and I told her this that 202 00:12:55.240 --> 00:12:58.360 whatever's happening at home, you know, you can get help. 203 00:12:58.679 --> 00:13:01.559 There's a counseling in this school reach out. You know, 204 00:13:01.679 --> 00:13:04.559 parents can't get mad if you if your child seek 205 00:13:04.600 --> 00:13:06.120 that because they have to have an outlet. 206 00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:09.639 Of course, of course, because of some of the things 207 00:13:09.679 --> 00:13:13.120 that are happening in our schools, you know, the gun violence. 208 00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:17.399 Hopefully they don't have guns, but you know, some of 209 00:13:17.440 --> 00:13:26.080 these troublesome years of childhood lead to students doing other things. 210 00:13:28.159 --> 00:13:32.279 When you hear someone say I don't think I'll ever recover. 211 00:13:33.200 --> 00:13:38.559 What do you tell them It's possible. It's possible because 212 00:13:38.600 --> 00:13:42.519 you do recover. But it's your mindset that has to change. Well, 213 00:13:42.559 --> 00:13:47.360 you can't stay stuck in that. I'm a domestic violence survivor. 214 00:13:47.879 --> 00:13:50.159 I could have stayed stuck in my trauma, right, I 215 00:13:50.200 --> 00:13:53.600 could have won another avenue, and I chose to rebuild 216 00:13:54.399 --> 00:13:56.200 and reinvent myself. 217 00:13:55.720 --> 00:13:58.320 And say this and I can do this. I can 218 00:13:58.360 --> 00:13:58.960 really do this. 219 00:13:59.240 --> 00:14:03.039 So for someone to say to me, I can't recover, 220 00:14:03.159 --> 00:14:06.200 you gotta tell me why, give me your reasons? Okay, 221 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:09.399 and we'll have a conversation. Because if I can do it, 222 00:14:09.440 --> 00:14:11.840 I see many do it. You can do it. 223 00:14:12.360 --> 00:14:14.519 So you just got to get words of encouragement. 224 00:14:16.039 --> 00:14:19.440 Yeah, and it's so much of it is a mindset 225 00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:23.960 and it may take a long time. It doesn't happen overnight. 226 00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:28.919 I am sure, but there is the possibility you can do. 227 00:14:29.080 --> 00:14:33.600 It can be done, and you're an example of it. Wow. 228 00:14:34.399 --> 00:14:38.919 So you're a mom and a grandmother. What do your 229 00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:42.360 children and grandbabies mean to you in this season of 230 00:14:42.399 --> 00:14:43.000 your life? 231 00:14:43.759 --> 00:14:45.360 A hold on a whole lot. 232 00:14:46.080 --> 00:14:50.679 They're my motivation, really, my motivation and now to see 233 00:14:50.720 --> 00:14:55.840 the new generation is an impact for me because I 234 00:14:55.879 --> 00:15:01.399 gotta say, my first grandson, who's Don ten, whenever he 235 00:15:01.480 --> 00:15:03.960 sees me out there doing stuff, he just tells me, 236 00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:04.840 I want to be like you. 237 00:15:05.000 --> 00:15:08.960 Oh I love what you're doing. Oh how precious is that? 238 00:15:09.240 --> 00:15:09.799 So when you. 239 00:15:09.759 --> 00:15:13.320 See that, it encourages you more and more and more 240 00:15:14.399 --> 00:15:16.759 to just go out there and continue when you have 241 00:15:16.919 --> 00:15:20.960 that support and motivations. So they are really you know, 242 00:15:21.399 --> 00:15:24.480 my air, the air that I breathe and anything that 243 00:15:24.559 --> 00:15:28.480 I do. And basically I'm leaving them like the legacy 244 00:15:28.559 --> 00:15:31.080 to continue on what I'm doing. 245 00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:35.799 Oh that's so wonderful. Oh my, to have your grandchild 246 00:15:35.919 --> 00:15:39.960 say I want to be like you. How wonderful. We 247 00:15:40.039 --> 00:15:45.759 have another conference. A comment from Latona trafficking is very bad, 248 00:15:46.279 --> 00:15:50.000 and they are after our children even though it doesn't 249 00:15:50.039 --> 00:15:55.039 matter now, they are after everyone. Oh, out said, and 250 00:15:55.279 --> 00:16:00.919 trust the process, Trust the process. It's what she's said, and. 251 00:16:00.840 --> 00:16:03.799 She's right, she's absolutely, because we just can't say it's 252 00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:04.399 just children. 253 00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:06.360 We have teenagers, we have women. 254 00:16:06.720 --> 00:16:11.200 We also have men becomingly when I'm coming across as 255 00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:13.879 children and teenagers. 256 00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:20.000 Right right when life feels heavy, what do you personally 257 00:16:20.440 --> 00:16:25.120 turn to for comfort, A book, a song, a quiet moment. 258 00:16:26.320 --> 00:16:29.960 I do three things because what I do is like 259 00:16:30.399 --> 00:16:32.720 I have the weight of the world, and I honestly 260 00:16:32.759 --> 00:16:34.320 have to say I have the weight of the world 261 00:16:34.360 --> 00:16:38.440 on me with a lot of responsibilities. So one of 262 00:16:38.480 --> 00:16:43.360 the things I started doing was meditating. I turn on 263 00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:47.720 candles and I meditate. I'll listen to gossip of music 264 00:16:47.799 --> 00:16:52.039 because that really winds me down. And I love reading. 265 00:16:52.679 --> 00:16:53.360 I love reading. 266 00:16:54.360 --> 00:16:59.000 That's great, that's great. Meditation is it's so great for 267 00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:02.360 any of us. I took a course, you know, and 268 00:17:02.399 --> 00:17:06.359 it's you know, when things get really difficult, if we 269 00:17:06.559 --> 00:17:12.000 just take some time to quiet ourselves and to breathe, 270 00:17:12.440 --> 00:17:13.720 it can make all the difference. 271 00:17:14.839 --> 00:17:16.799 I signed on that with you. Absolutely. 272 00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:21.960 Yeah. So people might not realize how much courage it 273 00:17:22.160 --> 00:17:26.720 takes to start healing, like the like a person who 274 00:17:26.799 --> 00:17:30.599 doesn't think they can heal. What was one small step 275 00:17:31.039 --> 00:17:34.640 and a small brave step that you took early. 276 00:17:34.400 --> 00:17:40.240 On knowing the fact that I wanted to divorce from 277 00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:45.279 the individual, and later on it happening and thinking of 278 00:17:45.359 --> 00:17:50.839 the responsibility, the financial, the children, and I got scared, 279 00:17:51.279 --> 00:17:53.799 you know, I really got scared. Because I was like, Okay, 280 00:17:53.920 --> 00:17:56.240 now it's not to win comes. Now it's just me 281 00:17:57.839 --> 00:18:00.480 and we have to survive. So you guess I'm not 282 00:18:00.480 --> 00:18:03.680 even to tell anybody that's not scary. But then I thought, 283 00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:07.319 do I want to go back to that situation? Do 284 00:18:07.400 --> 00:18:10.279 I want to go through all that stuff that he 285 00:18:10.440 --> 00:18:13.480 made me go through? And I just said, you know what, God, 286 00:18:13.519 --> 00:18:16.160 you got me out of that situation. Let me take 287 00:18:16.200 --> 00:18:18.319 on another job or something. I was like, but I 288 00:18:18.359 --> 00:18:20.559 am gonna do it, and I'm gonna show people that 289 00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:25.480 you can after the trauma, move forward and do succeed. 290 00:18:26.039 --> 00:18:27.079 You know, I paid my. 291 00:18:27.119 --> 00:18:33.319 Rent, I took on another job several I modeled cash 292 00:18:33.480 --> 00:18:35.880 was coming in from that, so I went into a 293 00:18:36.240 --> 00:18:40.039 radio station. Advertisement came into that. So when I started 294 00:18:40.039 --> 00:18:42.880 realizing that you can do it? 295 00:18:42.920 --> 00:18:44.039 Is it possible? 296 00:18:44.519 --> 00:18:46.799 I encourage people don't be afraid, don't stay in a 297 00:18:46.880 --> 00:18:49.640 relationship because of financials, and don't stay because of. 298 00:18:49.599 --> 00:18:51.480 The children, because you can do it. 299 00:18:51.960 --> 00:18:55.440 Something in here and your gut will say you can 300 00:18:55.599 --> 00:18:57.200 do this and not be afraid. 301 00:18:57.359 --> 00:19:02.759 Right right, Oh, that's really great advice. I mean, I 302 00:19:02.839 --> 00:19:06.759 can imagine how scary it would be, but knowing God 303 00:19:07.000 --> 00:19:10.640 helped you get out of a relationship. He will continue 304 00:19:10.680 --> 00:19:18.799 to help things continue on. Wow, so your story reaches 305 00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:25.799 survivors of trauma, addiction, violence, and silence. What message do 306 00:19:25.880 --> 00:19:31.319 you hope they hear in your voice today. 307 00:19:30.519 --> 00:19:34.920 That I turned my pain to purpose. Yes, and I 308 00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:35.839 really don't. 309 00:19:35.599 --> 00:19:37.519 Look like what I went through. 310 00:19:39.160 --> 00:19:43.160 I'm proud of myself to have overcame so much that 311 00:19:43.240 --> 00:19:46.599 should have destroyed me right, you know, inside and out. 312 00:19:47.640 --> 00:19:50.720 And I can just say that it took a whole 313 00:19:50.759 --> 00:19:54.519 year for me to love myself, reinvent myself, and find 314 00:19:54.559 --> 00:19:57.960 myself and to actually be able to look in the 315 00:19:58.039 --> 00:20:01.759 mirror and see what I like looking. 316 00:20:01.400 --> 00:20:03.039 Back at me because I couldn't. 317 00:20:03.079 --> 00:20:06.680 He used to say I was ugly worthless, And it 318 00:20:06.759 --> 00:20:08.640 took a while for me to look at the mirror 319 00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:12.720 and actually see if there was an imperfection. 320 00:20:13.480 --> 00:20:21.119 Wow, so many things that are not true. But I 321 00:20:21.119 --> 00:20:25.000 don't understand how some can be so mean. But it's 322 00:20:25.039 --> 00:20:27.759 the same thing as we were talking earlier. You were 323 00:20:27.799 --> 00:20:31.960 speaking to some children yesterday and I was a teacher, 324 00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:36.640 and we would have some parents come in and talk 325 00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:43.480 about the bullying of young girls some boys today and 326 00:20:43.519 --> 00:20:48.599 how it can lead to suicide and how dangerous. You know, 327 00:20:49.880 --> 00:20:54.359 these things that go on with young kids today possibly 328 00:20:54.400 --> 00:20:58.799 because of social media. It has a lot to do 329 00:20:58.920 --> 00:21:04.880 with it. How do you try to reach these young 330 00:21:04.960 --> 00:21:09.000 girls that get so caught up in their social media 331 00:21:09.079 --> 00:21:10.559 and what other people think. 332 00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:14.359 Well, social media has it's not going away. 333 00:21:14.480 --> 00:21:19.440 Unfortunately, it has a very impact, especially these challenges, right, 334 00:21:19.519 --> 00:21:25.160 you know, which I don't agree with, But sometimes I 335 00:21:25.160 --> 00:21:28.880 gotta say, as parents, we put the limits, you know, 336 00:21:28.960 --> 00:21:31.119 we have to be I was a parent that was 337 00:21:31.240 --> 00:21:34.359 very involved with my children, knowing what they were doing. 338 00:21:34.440 --> 00:21:37.359 I was involved with school. I sheltered them a. 339 00:21:37.279 --> 00:21:41.559 Little bit from being outside because my mindset was, like, 340 00:21:41.720 --> 00:21:44.599 you get in trouble, it falls back on me. So 341 00:21:45.119 --> 00:21:48.799 basically in the home you have to notice set the limits. 342 00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:52.039 Like back then, they really didn't have social media like now. 343 00:21:52.680 --> 00:21:55.720 So with the younger generation you have to like put 344 00:21:56.000 --> 00:21:59.440 parental control, you know, because it has a lot of influence. 345 00:21:59.440 --> 00:22:02.480 They'll tell you certain things that I'm not you know, 346 00:22:02.799 --> 00:22:03.720 I don't approve. 347 00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:08.680 Right. It's hard. And I have a twenty eight year 348 00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:13.880 old son and as he was growing up, social media 349 00:22:14.000 --> 00:22:17.000 started to become you know, really important. It didn't really 350 00:22:17.000 --> 00:22:21.640 affect him, but I also know that you know. Hopefully 351 00:22:22.119 --> 00:22:28.200 the parental challenges, parental controls can work because I have 352 00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:32.279 to ask him about things with technology in today's world, 353 00:22:32.799 --> 00:22:36.640 and it's important, and I've always told him be careful 354 00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:40.519 with what you post because a lot of that can 355 00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:44.039 come out, and when you're older and looking for a job, 356 00:22:44.759 --> 00:22:48.799 your employer can check those that your email or your 357 00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:53.799 social media page. People look people up on social media, 358 00:22:54.200 --> 00:22:56.839 and you always want to have your best foot forward 359 00:22:57.359 --> 00:23:01.880 and or not even go on them so that there's 360 00:23:01.920 --> 00:23:05.200 not anything negative that can come from it. 361 00:23:05.559 --> 00:23:08.920 And I'm gonna pig youback on that with you what 362 00:23:09.000 --> 00:23:14.039 you just said. Sometimes when you're coming out of colleges 363 00:23:14.200 --> 00:23:16.000 or applying for colleges. 364 00:23:15.599 --> 00:23:18.039 They really look at that as your resume. 365 00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:22.160 They see what you're doing, and sometimes that affects you. 366 00:23:22.599 --> 00:23:27.319 Yes, especially if you're taking pictures while you're drinking or 367 00:23:27.359 --> 00:23:29.680 at a party, it's. 368 00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:33.319 Throughout of craziness. They look at that. So you have to. 369 00:23:33.240 --> 00:23:37.279 Be very careful what you pose right, very careful because 370 00:23:37.279 --> 00:23:39.440 it's out there for the whole world to see, and 371 00:23:39.480 --> 00:23:42.240 that's the image you're bringing and they don't want that 372 00:23:42.319 --> 00:23:45.880 into college or they definitely they want that for their company. 373 00:23:46.039 --> 00:23:48.400 So you have to be very mindful. 374 00:23:48.319 --> 00:23:52.519 Right right, And going back talking about the younger children, 375 00:23:54.440 --> 00:23:58.720 parents need to really be involved in their children's lives 376 00:23:58.759 --> 00:24:02.880 because there's a lot of stuff that goes on out there. Absolutely, 377 00:24:02.880 --> 00:24:09.839 and I think sheltering them is better than not being involved. 378 00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:14.359 Absolutely parents. Really, I emphasize. 379 00:24:13.759 --> 00:24:16.680 That I talk a lot on my podcast on lots 380 00:24:16.680 --> 00:24:21.000 of stuff, but I know sometimes we live like a 381 00:24:21.079 --> 00:24:23.039 hectic life with work and stuff. 382 00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:25.880 But you have to you know, there's twenty four hours 383 00:24:25.880 --> 00:24:26.319 in the day. 384 00:24:26.359 --> 00:24:28.160 I say, if you've worked from a nine to five 385 00:24:28.200 --> 00:24:31.000 eight to five, you still have like an hour or 386 00:24:31.039 --> 00:24:32.559 two before they go to bed. 387 00:24:32.359 --> 00:24:35.519 To ask them how it was school. You know, let 388 00:24:35.519 --> 00:24:38.200 me check your homework, right, You know, if they. 389 00:24:38.079 --> 00:24:40.720 Have phones, you're entitled, if you're paying the bill, you're 390 00:24:40.839 --> 00:24:44.440 entitled to look through their phone to see if you 391 00:24:44.559 --> 00:24:47.920 see anything weird. Because we have to step up to 392 00:24:48.000 --> 00:24:51.440 the plate and acknowledge the fact that our kids cannot 393 00:24:51.519 --> 00:24:56.200 be you know without us, right right, No, without us, 394 00:24:56.240 --> 00:24:59.079 because some have grown and think that you can't tell 395 00:24:59.079 --> 00:25:01.920 them nothing. Now as long as you're under my room, 396 00:25:04.519 --> 00:25:07.519 different story right there, you gotta listen to me. 397 00:25:07.599 --> 00:25:15.880 Still, Yeah, absolutely, Latona has another question statement that she said, 398 00:25:15.920 --> 00:25:20.359 how did you gain your and it didn't finish something. 399 00:25:21.039 --> 00:25:23.880 She is amazing with youth. You are amazing with youth. 400 00:25:23.960 --> 00:25:26.279 I saw her being interviewed by a ten year old 401 00:25:27.559 --> 00:25:32.279