WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:03.439 Imagine the place where you can escape for a day, 2 00:00:04.280 --> 00:00:08.800 get immerged in a world of rooms, inspiration and expertise, 3 00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:14.480 where you can lay in luxury, accommodation and kids cam 4 00:00:14.560 --> 00:00:20.320 Fees from ninety five sets. Tickets are free to everyone 5 00:00:20.559 --> 00:00:25.559 and include all the attractions you've just imagined a day 6 00:00:25.719 --> 00:00:29.640 out at the Kia, The Kia, the Wonderful every day. 7 00:00:31.280 --> 00:00:34.200 Enjoy tasty great value meals perfect for meal prep at 8 00:00:34.280 --> 00:00:37.880 dumb stores like Boozely Penny and Spaghetti Pasta range just 9 00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:41.439 seventy five cent each. Mix and match any three tasty 10 00:00:41.479 --> 00:00:44.679 meats for ten euros like fresh Irish beef and pork mints, 11 00:00:44.960 --> 00:00:47.399 and top it off with stirring sauces like garlic and 12 00:00:47.479 --> 00:00:50.439 chili and tomato and basil for only one euro seventy 13 00:00:50.479 --> 00:00:53.200 five each. Plus save more with your five of twenty 14 00:00:53.200 --> 00:00:58.000 five Bytcher. Dumb stores always better value. Terms and conditions apply. 15 00:00:58.079 --> 00:00:59.719 Facts can be used in the next grocery shop. 16 00:01:01.399 --> 00:01:06.200 Oh boy, wow, Okay, here we go. So from the 17 00:01:06.239 --> 00:01:08.760 moment I heard that this ology existed, I knew I 18 00:01:08.760 --> 00:01:12.719 wanted to run as far away from it as humanly possible, 19 00:01:13.200 --> 00:01:16.159 which then made it obvious that I should dive into 20 00:01:16.200 --> 00:01:19.079 it sooner rather than later. So in fact, when I 21 00:01:19.159 --> 00:01:21.359 sat down with this week's guest, the first thing I 22 00:01:21.400 --> 00:01:24.519 said was that I'm a little anxious about mortality. And 23 00:01:24.840 --> 00:01:28.760 she said she'd listen to other episodes, and I picked 24 00:01:28.840 --> 00:01:29.120 up on. 25 00:01:29.120 --> 00:01:31.599 That, and I was like, Oh, we have this locked 26 00:01:31.640 --> 00:01:32.159 and loaded. 27 00:01:32.680 --> 00:01:35.920 She had my number now. I've wanted to do a 28 00:01:35.959 --> 00:01:40.000 project about ologies for over a decade, and each time 29 00:01:40.159 --> 00:01:45.000 I write out ologies, my computer autocorrects it to eulogies 30 00:01:45.239 --> 00:01:48.480 and I get a little shiver. I get a little scared, 31 00:01:48.760 --> 00:01:53.719 and then the wind whispers at me, Ellie, one day, 32 00:01:54.159 --> 00:01:56.280 everyone you know and love will be eaten by a 33 00:01:56.319 --> 00:01:59.959 fungus and rotting back into the earth. And so I, 34 00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:02.879 I guess, guess why I don't like it? Even just 35 00:02:02.920 --> 00:02:07.920 the word eulogies heby Geebi's okay, I can tell you though. 36 00:02:08.120 --> 00:02:13.479 After recording this episode, I felt way better. It's weird, 37 00:02:14.159 --> 00:02:17.000 so you're gonna have to listen to figure out how 38 00:02:17.039 --> 00:02:19.039 and why that worked. It's probably gonna be a long 39 00:02:19.080 --> 00:02:20.800 ass episode. I don't know. I haven't put it all 40 00:02:20.800 --> 00:02:23.000 together yet. I'm just starting to edit it. But it's 41 00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:27.280 gonna be worth it. Listen when you're like cleaning out 42 00:02:27.719 --> 00:02:30.560 the shed, or I don't know, bathing an elephant when 43 00:02:30.599 --> 00:02:32.520 you've got a lot to do. Or you can break 44 00:02:32.560 --> 00:02:35.360 it up and listen to the last half after, but 45 00:02:36.039 --> 00:02:39.439 listen the whole thing, because it might seriously change the 46 00:02:39.479 --> 00:02:44.240 way you live. Okay, First things first, panatology etymology, now 47 00:02:44.319 --> 00:02:50.280 the word straight up Greek mythology thanatose just being the 48 00:02:50.319 --> 00:02:54.080 god of death and dying. What a god. Apparently he 49 00:02:54.159 --> 00:02:57.879 was referred to often but seen seldom, kind of like 50 00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:00.120 one of those weird x's that everyone talks about but 51 00:03:00.120 --> 00:03:02.759 you hope you never run into a brunch. So not 52 00:03:02.840 --> 00:03:05.439 only was he the bringer of mortality, but he also 53 00:03:05.759 --> 00:03:11.199 he had super shitty siblings, like the whole family sucked. 54 00:03:11.840 --> 00:03:15.919 Among them, one sibling the God of old age, another 55 00:03:16.439 --> 00:03:20.039 the God of Retribution, the God of suffering, the God 56 00:03:20.080 --> 00:03:24.400 of deception, the God of doom, another sibling the God 57 00:03:24.439 --> 00:03:28.360 of strife, and yet another one of his homies, the 58 00:03:28.400 --> 00:03:31.039 God of blame. So, first off, I come from a 59 00:03:31.080 --> 00:03:34.199 really big, large Catholic family and that is still a 60 00:03:34.240 --> 00:03:38.960 lot of kids. Secondly, they sound awful, so humans fear 61 00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:41.120 death much. I wanted to come to grips with it. 62 00:03:41.560 --> 00:03:44.240 A few months ago, I wound up doing some light 63 00:03:44.800 --> 00:03:49.919 Instagram stalking of the hashtag thanatologist, and up popped the 64 00:03:49.960 --> 00:03:55.199 feed of this fresh faced mohawk woman in Cincinnati, and 65 00:03:55.240 --> 00:03:58.319 I followed her big case I ever wound up in Cincinnati, 66 00:03:58.719 --> 00:04:01.319 and I wanted to talk about it death. Wouldn't you 67 00:04:01.360 --> 00:04:04.039 know it? A few weeks before Halloween, I flew in 68 00:04:04.520 --> 00:04:07.280 to shoot Innovation Nation, which is my other job, and 69 00:04:07.360 --> 00:04:09.560 I was able to coerce this woman to meet me 70 00:04:09.759 --> 00:04:12.360 in the hotel lobby of a Hampton end at nine 71 00:04:12.520 --> 00:04:16.240 thirty pm on a Tuesday, where we chatted about mortality 72 00:04:16.680 --> 00:04:19.360 and the best way to be buried, and what people 73 00:04:19.560 --> 00:04:22.759 regret on their deathbeds, and why you shouldn't shit talk 74 00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:25.160 anyone in a hospital and why we're also scared. But 75 00:04:25.160 --> 00:04:29.600 more importantly, we talked about just being alive. And that's 76 00:04:29.720 --> 00:04:32.240 kind of where I was shocked, because this guest, in 77 00:04:32.279 --> 00:04:35.879 just over an hour, stripped a lot of the darkness 78 00:04:36.120 --> 00:04:38.879 from death and honestly helped me a shitload. I felt 79 00:04:38.920 --> 00:04:40.439 like I should have paid her at the end of it, 80 00:04:40.439 --> 00:04:43.160 and I didn't. Maybe I still should. Anyway, We talk 81 00:04:43.199 --> 00:04:47.120 about disposition methods, do you get buried or do you 82 00:04:47.120 --> 00:04:51.879 fling yourself via catapult into a pile of burning mattresses. Whatever. 83 00:04:52.360 --> 00:04:54.360 But I didn't want to make this all about fear 84 00:04:54.439 --> 00:04:56.480 and gore of death. You can get that somewhere else. 85 00:04:56.639 --> 00:05:00.199 This episode is about death and dying as much as 86 00:05:00.199 --> 00:05:03.319 it is about being alive. Now it's getting released on Halloween, 87 00:05:03.439 --> 00:05:07.319 so I hope as you listen, you remember that you 88 00:05:07.560 --> 00:05:12.079 are sitting on a subway full of human skeletons, and 89 00:05:12.160 --> 00:05:15.480 you are a big bag of blood and atoms in 90 00:05:15.519 --> 00:05:19.240 a skin suit, and more importantly, you are alive. So 91 00:05:19.319 --> 00:05:22.279 please let your mind and heart get blown away by 92 00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:49.399 phanatologist Cole and Perry. Okay, all right, let's get right 93 00:05:49.439 --> 00:05:55.600 down to some real bare bones questions. What is thanatology? 94 00:05:56.120 --> 00:05:58.600 So, first of all, it's the study of death and dying, 95 00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:02.839 And to me, death is the easy part. The dying 96 00:06:02.959 --> 00:06:06.839 part is much more fascinating and rich and deep and 97 00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:09.600 intense than the actual death part. 98 00:06:11.439 --> 00:06:11.879 Anyway. 99 00:06:12.319 --> 00:06:15.519 There is also no such thing as a job of 100 00:06:15.639 --> 00:06:18.639 like just being a panatologist, Okay, because I've looked, and 101 00:06:18.680 --> 00:06:20.920 nobody will pay me to just walk around and know 102 00:06:21.000 --> 00:06:24.399 about death and dying. So what I have found is 103 00:06:24.759 --> 00:06:28.480 thanatology is an enhancer. It is something that enhances whatever 104 00:06:28.519 --> 00:06:29.399 you already are. 105 00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:32.199 And that will help you with whatever your other job is, 106 00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:36.399 like a school counselor who's also a panatologist something like that. 107 00:06:37.279 --> 00:06:41.519 There's actually thousands of panatologists that are certified. I'm an 108 00:06:41.519 --> 00:06:44.759 intense and like a very intense individual, so I had 109 00:06:44.759 --> 00:06:47.839 to get not only one panatology certification, I had to 110 00:06:47.839 --> 00:06:49.879 get two, which is all of them as far as 111 00:06:49.879 --> 00:06:50.120 I know. 112 00:06:50.399 --> 00:06:55.560 So one of her certifications is an integrative panatology. Now 113 00:06:55.800 --> 00:06:56.639 I don't know what that was. 114 00:06:56.920 --> 00:06:59.600 Apparently we looked at in that program more of the 115 00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:03.040 like esoteric stuff, funky stuff. 116 00:07:03.439 --> 00:07:06.000 What would you count as funky death stuff. 117 00:07:06.480 --> 00:07:12.160 Well, one of my most favorite pieces of that training 118 00:07:12.160 --> 00:07:16.199 program was about the use of psilocybin and other hallucinogenics 119 00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:17.959 at the end of life, because we're. 120 00:07:17.759 --> 00:07:21.399 Finding that those can help your death. 121 00:07:21.639 --> 00:07:23.800 Like it can be great, it can mitigate a lot 122 00:07:23.839 --> 00:07:25.839 of pain, but it can also help with things like 123 00:07:26.600 --> 00:07:31.879 existential pain. Keyword existential pain, if you don't know, is 124 00:07:31.920 --> 00:07:33.800 something like where usually. 125 00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:34.600 Happens on your deathbed. 126 00:07:34.639 --> 00:07:37.279 It's when you're confronting all this stuff from your life, 127 00:07:37.360 --> 00:07:38.920 like am I a good person? 128 00:07:39.600 --> 00:07:41.759 What is a good person? Or where do I go 129 00:07:41.839 --> 00:07:42.560 after I die? 130 00:07:42.720 --> 00:07:45.639 Those can be actually very very painful things to think 131 00:07:45.680 --> 00:07:48.439 about because they're all attached to all kinds of junk 132 00:07:48.519 --> 00:07:49.839 from the life that we lived. 133 00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:50.920 Religious stuff. 134 00:07:50.920 --> 00:07:53.199 Think about how you were raised religiously all the way 135 00:07:53.199 --> 00:07:55.199 to your end of your life, and all the baggage 136 00:07:55.199 --> 00:07:56.399 you pick up with that stuff. 137 00:07:56.920 --> 00:08:00.399 What happens if you have those thoughts all day, every day. 138 00:08:00.920 --> 00:08:04.439 Welcome to my life. Yeah, I think about this stuff 139 00:08:04.480 --> 00:08:08.160 a lot, and a lot of people do. One of 140 00:08:08.199 --> 00:08:10.639 the problems I see socially in the United States is 141 00:08:10.680 --> 00:08:15.759 that these big questions, they're not uncommon, but the problem 142 00:08:15.839 --> 00:08:18.480 is we don't really have containers for them. It just 143 00:08:18.519 --> 00:08:23.319 doesn't exist, and it's not necessarily appropriate party conversation or 144 00:08:23.399 --> 00:08:25.759 water cooler conversation. So we don't have a place for 145 00:08:25.800 --> 00:08:29.759 these big conversations to live, So we end up keeping 146 00:08:29.800 --> 00:08:30.800 all that inside. 147 00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:31.839 And I think that that. 148 00:08:32.120 --> 00:08:35.840 Is sad, because talking about death it's one of the 149 00:08:36.720 --> 00:08:39.120 It's a great easy way to be really intimate with 150 00:08:39.159 --> 00:08:41.720 somebody and to really connect with someone on a deeper level. 151 00:08:41.759 --> 00:08:43.600 And I find that when you talk about something like 152 00:08:43.639 --> 00:08:46.759 death and dying, you leave feeling like way more connected 153 00:08:46.799 --> 00:08:49.039 to the world, and it can actually be very positive 154 00:08:49.039 --> 00:08:49.600 and freeing. 155 00:08:50.360 --> 00:08:53.600 Well, take me back a little bit to how you 156 00:08:53.639 --> 00:08:56.480 grew up. When did you have an interest in death 157 00:08:56.519 --> 00:08:58.519 and dying and when did you decide that you weren't 158 00:08:59.159 --> 00:08:59.960 terrified of it? 159 00:09:01.080 --> 00:09:02.840 Yes, interesting question. 160 00:09:03.159 --> 00:09:11.000 So growing up, I never had a crazy death experience 161 00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:13.960 as a child, So I never had anything crazy happen, 162 00:09:14.519 --> 00:09:17.240 but it is something that I've always been immensely comfortable 163 00:09:17.240 --> 00:09:22.120 with and really interested in and really enjoyed. Anyway, several 164 00:09:22.159 --> 00:09:25.519 months ago, the mother of my best friend in grade 165 00:09:25.559 --> 00:09:29.320 school mailed me a card that I made for my 166 00:09:29.399 --> 00:09:32.120 best friend in third grade when her dog died, and 167 00:09:32.159 --> 00:09:35.639 it was full of me writing about the meaning of. 168 00:09:35.559 --> 00:09:36.879 The loss and grief. 169 00:09:37.000 --> 00:09:39.200 And it was really interesting to look back and see 170 00:09:39.600 --> 00:09:43.600 my thoughts and stuff on death and dying as a child. 171 00:09:43.919 --> 00:09:45.960 And I don't know where I picked that up, because 172 00:09:46.159 --> 00:09:48.440 I didn't grow up in a funeral home. I didn't 173 00:09:48.440 --> 00:09:51.240 grow up around around that at all. I just kind 174 00:09:51.240 --> 00:09:54.720 of entered the earth with that sort of like software 175 00:09:54.720 --> 00:09:57.600 expansion pack already in Do. 176 00:09:57.559 --> 00:10:00.159 You think you carried it over from a past life? 177 00:10:00.200 --> 00:10:04.480 Science people? I was kidding, Actually, what does science say 178 00:10:04.559 --> 00:10:07.919 about the afterlife? Well, I read a whole article by 179 00:10:08.200 --> 00:10:12.799 lauded cosmologist and physics professor Sean Carroll. He said, the 180 00:10:12.879 --> 00:10:17.519 laws of physics underlying everyday life are completely understood, and 181 00:10:17.559 --> 00:10:20.679 there's no way within those laws to allow for the 182 00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:25.759 information stored in our brains to persist after we die. 183 00:10:26.080 --> 00:10:30.759 So in short, wamp wamp says science, shrug say some 184 00:10:30.879 --> 00:10:31.480 other folks. 185 00:10:31.840 --> 00:10:37.960 Anyway, looking into death and dying opens up thoughts and 186 00:10:38.039 --> 00:10:41.799 ideas and just it makes you question so many of 187 00:10:41.799 --> 00:10:44.200 the things that you think that you know. And it's 188 00:10:44.240 --> 00:10:47.039 only when you're pushing yourself to these different areas where 189 00:10:47.080 --> 00:10:50.960 things are uncomfortable, that you can really grow. And that's 190 00:10:51.000 --> 00:10:53.320 the purpose of life, right is to grow, is to 191 00:10:53.360 --> 00:10:56.960 just continue to expand until you die, Until you die. 192 00:10:57.159 --> 00:11:00.679 What about what about your schooling? At what point did 193 00:11:00.679 --> 00:11:06.120 you start steering your your like academics, toward death and dying. 194 00:11:06.679 --> 00:11:12.080 So, I don't know. I've always kind of been into it. 195 00:11:12.240 --> 00:11:14.879 I mean even in high school I wrote about death 196 00:11:14.879 --> 00:11:17.720 and dying a lot, and I had it in a 197 00:11:17.759 --> 00:11:20.879 bunch of my papers, so I've always had it in there. 198 00:11:22.320 --> 00:11:26.559 My purpose in life is to positively change the way 199 00:11:26.559 --> 00:11:28.679 that we die in the United States in my lifetime. 200 00:11:29.600 --> 00:11:32.360 That's my goal, just putting it out there. And I 201 00:11:32.399 --> 00:11:35.000 have felt that way for a very very long time. 202 00:11:35.399 --> 00:11:39.440 And there's no magic thing I can say that was like, 203 00:11:39.480 --> 00:11:41.799 oh well, like I almost died and then this thing happened. 204 00:11:41.840 --> 00:11:44.279 It's like no, I've just this is what I'm supposed 205 00:11:44.320 --> 00:11:46.240 to do, so I'm trying to do it. It's hard, though. 206 00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:50.240 What does your job entail, Like what's a typical day 207 00:11:50.320 --> 00:11:52.279 like or typical week like for you? Are you involved 208 00:11:52.279 --> 00:11:57.039 with like funeral planning or ebombing or speaking to the public, 209 00:11:57.080 --> 00:11:58.080 Like what kind of stuff do you do? 210 00:11:58.559 --> 00:12:00.879 Okay, So I do not have a traditional nine to 211 00:12:00.879 --> 00:12:01.360 five job. 212 00:12:02.159 --> 00:12:07.000 I own a small consulting firm called DOTH and we 213 00:12:07.039 --> 00:12:09.200 specialize in death care. So one of the ways that 214 00:12:09.240 --> 00:12:11.279 I'm changing the way that we die is people like 215 00:12:11.360 --> 00:12:15.440 funeral home, cemeteries, crematories, those businesses. I know those businesses 216 00:12:15.480 --> 00:12:18.120 really well, how they work, and they'll hire my company 217 00:12:18.159 --> 00:12:19.240 to help make them better. 218 00:12:19.639 --> 00:12:23.679 Cole also travels overseas speaking about death and death care, 219 00:12:23.799 --> 00:12:29.039 and also overseas a local cemetery making cool events like 220 00:12:29.399 --> 00:12:32.759 movie screenings. I imagine there's a lot of cute hipsters. 221 00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:36.679 Was really really good picnic game. Are you afraid of 222 00:12:36.759 --> 00:12:39.240 dying or are you excited about it? To see what happens? 223 00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:43.039 So, okay, let's talk about death and dying. 224 00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:43.480 Right. 225 00:12:43.519 --> 00:12:46.559 So death, death is like just when you die, like 226 00:12:46.639 --> 00:12:50.480 you're dud. The light switches off. The dying process leading 227 00:12:50.559 --> 00:12:54.039 up to the death. That is the thing that I 228 00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:56.759 am most concerned with and the thing that tends to 229 00:12:56.919 --> 00:12:59.600 cause the most issues for people, because you could be 230 00:12:59.720 --> 00:13:04.799 dying for months or years. And then there's this whole 231 00:13:04.840 --> 00:13:07.799 question about when do you start dying. I mean, some 232 00:13:07.840 --> 00:13:11.120 would argue you start dying at birth technically, right, But 233 00:13:11.200 --> 00:13:13.799 then you get into actively dying, which is when your 234 00:13:13.799 --> 00:13:16.480 body is in the shutdown process, which there is kind 235 00:13:16.519 --> 00:13:17.960 of an order of things that happen. 236 00:13:18.639 --> 00:13:21.519 First, let's get all up in death's business and define it. 237 00:13:21.679 --> 00:13:25.639 Death is the cessation of all vital functions of the body, 238 00:13:25.720 --> 00:13:30.480 including the heartbeat, brain activity including the brain stem, and breathing. 239 00:13:31.000 --> 00:13:34.320 Some researchers say that there is an evidence to suggest 240 00:13:34.360 --> 00:13:39.399 that there's a burst of brain energy as someone dies. 241 00:13:40.159 --> 00:13:42.799 I was reading this article about near death experiences, and 242 00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:47.200 about eighteen percent of people who had them reported being 243 00:13:47.240 --> 00:13:50.440 able to recall some portion of what happened when they 244 00:13:50.480 --> 00:13:54.519 were clinically dead. So, according to some researchers, the conditions 245 00:13:54.559 --> 00:13:58.360 that make you have near death experiences like low oxygen 246 00:13:58.360 --> 00:14:00.960 and low blood flow and low blood sugar, those can 247 00:14:01.120 --> 00:14:03.840 kill your brain cells and then the brain just doesn't 248 00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:07.279 know what to do. It responds by having this flood 249 00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:12.200 of chemicals. And it's apparently very similar to the drug ketamine, 250 00:14:12.360 --> 00:14:15.000 and that is what they think produces out of body 251 00:14:15.039 --> 00:14:18.080 sensations and hallucinations and all the cool shit that happens 252 00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:21.279 when you die. Now, this info was from an article 253 00:14:21.480 --> 00:14:26.320 written by author and science journalist Jennifer Willett. Now, remember 254 00:14:26.320 --> 00:14:30.399 that physicist Sean Carroll I mentioned earlier. They're married. That 255 00:14:30.559 --> 00:14:34.159 is a lot of good brains in one relationship. I 256 00:14:34.240 --> 00:14:36.960 went ahead and emailed them both and I said, Hey, 257 00:14:37.080 --> 00:14:38.879 do you guys talk about cool stuff like this over 258 00:14:38.879 --> 00:14:41.799 dinner or while you're grocery shopping. Jennifer wrote me back 259 00:14:41.840 --> 00:14:43.799 and said, we actually do talk about things like this, 260 00:14:44.240 --> 00:14:48.840 but not always. Other times we talk about our kiddies. Yeah, 261 00:14:48.919 --> 00:14:49.559 what happens? 262 00:14:49.759 --> 00:14:52.519 Okay, So what happens when you're actively dying from sort 263 00:14:52.519 --> 00:14:57.000 of a medical viewpoint, your body shuts down. It has 264 00:14:57.039 --> 00:15:00.399 a process, and there's kind of an order that it follows, 265 00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:00.759 just like. 266 00:15:00.720 --> 00:15:02.320 When you're born. 267 00:15:02.679 --> 00:15:05.519 Birth and death are actually very very similar, and a 268 00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:07.320 lot of people ask me like, oh, I'm so afraid 269 00:15:07.320 --> 00:15:09.639 to die, like is it going to hurt? And I 270 00:15:09.679 --> 00:15:12.360 always ask, I'm like, you know, I haven't died, so 271 00:15:12.399 --> 00:15:15.960 I can't tell you, but I'll ask, do you remember 272 00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:18.879 your birth? Did it hurt when you were born? They'll 273 00:15:18.919 --> 00:15:21.840 be like, well, no, no. The word on the street 274 00:15:21.919 --> 00:15:25.480 is it's pretty similar. So the last sense that remains, 275 00:15:25.480 --> 00:15:28.720 because your senses will shut down, Oh they go hearing, 276 00:15:29.080 --> 00:15:32.120 they go in order. They don't necessarily go in order. 277 00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:36.200 There are people who would argue probably that they do. 278 00:15:36.480 --> 00:15:39.639 But I'm also a hospice volunteer. I've been with people 279 00:15:39.679 --> 00:15:43.840 as they're dying, and everybody's death is different. As you're 280 00:15:43.879 --> 00:15:47.279 actively dying, hearing tends to be the last sense that 281 00:15:47.440 --> 00:15:50.679 is there. So like, imagine that you're the dying person. 282 00:15:50.799 --> 00:15:53.240 You can't see, you can't smell, you can't taste, and 283 00:15:53.320 --> 00:15:57.320 your sense of feeling is kind of like, okay, have 284 00:15:57.399 --> 00:15:58.879 you ever gone to the dentist and they put that 285 00:15:59.000 --> 00:16:00.799 lead thing over top of you and you get an 286 00:16:00.919 --> 00:16:03.399 X ray like, imagine that that is the feeling that 287 00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:05.279 you have. That's kind of a good way to describe 288 00:16:05.320 --> 00:16:07.480 when you start to lose your sense of feeling, so 289 00:16:07.559 --> 00:16:11.000 everything's dark, you can't talk, but all you can do 290 00:16:11.080 --> 00:16:14.759 is here. That's kind of where you go plus your 291 00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:16.679 foggy That's a good way that I can kind of 292 00:16:17.279 --> 00:16:21.360 describe the shutdown process, which not everybody has that. That's 293 00:16:21.360 --> 00:16:23.799 a disclaimer, but that's kind of how it kind of 294 00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:24.440 can go. 295 00:16:24.720 --> 00:16:26.720 So you should never shit talk someone while they're on 296 00:16:26.759 --> 00:16:27.559 their deathbed, that. 297 00:16:27.559 --> 00:16:30.879 Is right, because they can hear y Yes, they can yep. 298 00:16:31.080 --> 00:16:32.960 And that's why one of the things that if you're 299 00:16:32.960 --> 00:16:36.200 ever with someone who's dying, you need to always talk 300 00:16:36.440 --> 00:16:40.200 to them and say what you're doing. Their body may 301 00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:42.279 be reacting in a way that makes you think that 302 00:16:42.360 --> 00:16:45.000 they're long gone, but they may not be, because a 303 00:16:45.039 --> 00:16:47.720 lot of times when you're dying, you lose control, but 304 00:16:47.759 --> 00:16:48.720 you're still hearing. 305 00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:51.960 But we know that the hearing is there. Another sign 306 00:16:52.039 --> 00:16:56.759 of active death is it's often called the death rattle, 307 00:16:57.440 --> 00:16:58.320 but it has to. 308 00:16:58.240 --> 00:17:00.919 Do with usually when you're actively dying, your mouths open 309 00:17:00.919 --> 00:17:04.200 and you're breathing out of your mouth and it's like 310 00:17:04.279 --> 00:17:07.079 it's sort of congestion. And that can be really scary 311 00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:11.039 for people to hear who are not dying, because it's like, oh, 312 00:17:11.119 --> 00:17:14.160 this has getting real, but it's not something that the 313 00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:18.680 dying person necessarily feels or is aware of, because you remember, 314 00:17:18.759 --> 00:17:20.039 they're kind of shutting down. 315 00:17:20.599 --> 00:17:22.799 I feel like that would be scary to hear even 316 00:17:22.839 --> 00:17:25.720 if you were another dying person. It'd be scared to 317 00:17:25.799 --> 00:17:27.920 hear if you're not dying, and as well if you 318 00:17:27.960 --> 00:17:30.319 are happen to be dying next to them, like are 319 00:17:30.319 --> 00:17:31.440 you going A I going? 320 00:17:31.599 --> 00:17:32.880 Yeah, who's going first? 321 00:17:33.119 --> 00:17:36.640 Is this okay? Is a lot of the work you 322 00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:40.319 focus on in terms of dying usually the death as 323 00:17:40.359 --> 00:17:43.319 a result of an illness, or what about traumatic deaths 324 00:17:43.440 --> 00:17:45.880 or more sudden perishing. 325 00:17:46.599 --> 00:17:50.200 So in my work, so I am not I'm not 326 00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:53.200 a counselor I'm not like a medical professional, but I 327 00:17:53.279 --> 00:17:56.440 do have the opportunity to be brought into or involved 328 00:17:56.519 --> 00:18:02.640 with specific death situations and scenarios. Man, humans can die 329 00:18:03.400 --> 00:18:07.839 in all kinds of ways. Statistically, my PROSOL number is 330 00:18:08.039 --> 00:18:10.640 twenty percent of all people will die in an ICU, 331 00:18:10.880 --> 00:18:14.440 an intensive care unit. Really, yes, but ninety percent of 332 00:18:14.480 --> 00:18:17.359 Americans want to die at home, so keep that in mind. 333 00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:21.240 You want hospice, It is good, it is next level care. 334 00:18:21.720 --> 00:18:24.680 But the problem in the United States is we don't 335 00:18:24.720 --> 00:18:26.599 deal with death. We don't like to think about it 336 00:18:26.680 --> 00:18:29.200 or talk about it. So we will do these last 337 00:18:29.240 --> 00:18:32.319 ditch efforts, like things that put you in an intensive 338 00:18:32.359 --> 00:18:35.079 care unit when we know the outcome is you're going 339 00:18:35.119 --> 00:18:37.480 to die from this, when you really should have just 340 00:18:38.279 --> 00:18:40.920 gotten on hospice and just rode out the last few 341 00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:44.039 months really comfortably, not in pain, and not with tubes 342 00:18:44.039 --> 00:18:47.000 and all kinds of junk coming out of your body if. 343 00:18:46.920 --> 00:18:48.839 You're wringing your hands convinced that you're going to be 344 00:18:48.839 --> 00:18:52.319 eaten by a shark. Let's look at statistically, what causes 345 00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:56.000 deaths at least in the United States. Number one heart disease, 346 00:18:56.240 --> 00:19:02.039 two cancer, three respiratory disease is accidents, And that kind 347 00:19:02.039 --> 00:19:03.880 of threw me off because I thought it would be 348 00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:08.400 another illness, but who knew. Essentially, the fourth biggest threat 349 00:19:08.440 --> 00:19:12.440 to each of us is just gravity in a nutshell, 350 00:19:12.839 --> 00:19:16.000 I mean, brush up on physics, make sure you wear 351 00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:18.559 a bike helmet, maybe don't climb the roof on a 352 00:19:18.599 --> 00:19:22.599 snowy day, trying to hang like an illuminated candy cane 353 00:19:22.720 --> 00:19:24.920 or something. It's not worth it, So. 354 00:19:24.839 --> 00:19:26.880 That's most likely probably going to be what you die of. 355 00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:30.799 So not of embarrassment like I've oftentimes thought would be 356 00:19:30.839 --> 00:19:31.720 the cause of my death. 357 00:19:31.920 --> 00:19:36.759 Yes, and from all my work with death and dying 358 00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:40.599 and seeing all kinds of stuff over the years, the 359 00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:44.319 thing that makes life life, that makes it special, that 360 00:19:44.359 --> 00:19:47.200 makes it meaningful, is the fact that we die. 361 00:19:48.119 --> 00:19:53.440 If we didn't die. 362 00:19:52.039 --> 00:19:55.519 Like, the whole reason it means anything is because it ends, 363 00:19:56.200 --> 00:19:59.240 and so it's difficult for me to I mean, that's 364 00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:01.720 awesome because of for science, we need to understand. 365 00:20:01.400 --> 00:20:02.839 What makes us die, what makes us live. 366 00:20:03.319 --> 00:20:07.440 But death is very important and it's critical and an 367 00:20:07.480 --> 00:20:10.240 important life cycle event that happens to all of us, 368 00:20:10.279 --> 00:20:12.319 and it is what makes life meaningful. 369 00:20:12.880 --> 00:20:16.079 I guess if you lived at Disneyland, you wouldn't be 370 00:20:16.119 --> 00:20:19.240 as excited about going to Disneyland, you know what I mean? 371 00:20:19.319 --> 00:20:19.680 That's right. 372 00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:23.119 Yeah, life is kind of like a short term stint 373 00:20:23.119 --> 00:20:24.799 at a theme park. You know it's going to end, 374 00:20:24.839 --> 00:20:29.279 so you better enjoy it. I suppose, yes, But you personally, 375 00:20:29.519 --> 00:20:32.720 how is your work and your focus on death and 376 00:20:32.799 --> 00:20:35.160 mortality changed the choices that you make on. 377 00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:39.319 A day to day basis just being exposed and around 378 00:20:39.519 --> 00:20:42.920 even just stories and things like that. I am so 379 00:20:43.000 --> 00:20:46.119 grateful for my life day to day, but it's made 380 00:20:46.160 --> 00:20:48.559 me hyper aware that it ends, because I've seen people 381 00:20:48.640 --> 00:20:52.920 on their deathbed who are facing a lot of regrets 382 00:20:53.000 --> 00:20:56.599 about the stuff they didn't do. Not the stuff they did. 383 00:20:57.000 --> 00:20:59.480 It's all the stuff they didn't do, really like what 384 00:21:00.160 --> 00:21:03.559 just businesses that they didn't start, or girls they didn't 385 00:21:03.640 --> 00:21:06.279 chase after, or the kids that they didn't have, or 386 00:21:06.319 --> 00:21:08.200 the risks that they didn't take. 387 00:21:08.640 --> 00:21:10.599 It's the stuff that you didn't do right. 388 00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:16.240 And sometimes it's more painful to see someone who's dying 389 00:21:16.400 --> 00:21:19.079 grappling with those questions than it is to see someone 390 00:21:19.119 --> 00:21:20.799 who's dying in physical pain. 391 00:21:21.519 --> 00:21:26.400 To be honest, the anguish emotionally is worse than the pain. 392 00:21:26.640 --> 00:21:30.519 Yes, wow, deep, we're getting heavy that I tend to 393 00:21:30.519 --> 00:21:31.559 bring that with me wherever I go. 394 00:21:31.680 --> 00:21:33.200 I mean, this is about dad and dying. I think 395 00:21:33.240 --> 00:21:37.279 about this stuff like all day every day. I'm I 396 00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:40.440 used to have nightmares about graveyards. I had this recurring 397 00:21:40.519 --> 00:21:44.400 nightmare that I was walking through a graveyard and coffins 398 00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:49.079 were overturned, and I had a crippling fear of graveyards 399 00:21:49.079 --> 00:21:50.960 where I would get I would start panicking when I 400 00:21:51.000 --> 00:21:53.160 was a kid just driving past them. So I've always 401 00:21:53.200 --> 00:21:57.680