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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the Trauma Therapist podcast. My name is Gaming Person.

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<v Speaker 1>I interview incredible people who've dedicated their lives to helping

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<v Speaker 1>those who've been impacted by trauma. A big thank you

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<v Speaker 1>to our sponsors and our guests who are supporting this show.

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<v Speaker 1>So vive to pinion one our folks. Welcome back to

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<v Speaker 1>the podcast. Super excited to have as my guest today,

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<v Speaker 1>Adrian Bender. Adrian, welcome.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. I

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<v Speaker 2>look forward to the opportunity to speak with you today.

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<v Speaker 1>Awesome. Adrian is a licensed therapist, practitioner, and researcher devoted

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<v Speaker 1>to healing at the intersection of identity, dignity, and human experience.

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<v Speaker 1>As a founder of Restoration Resources, she specializes in helping

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<v Speaker 1>individuals heal from trauma, abuse, and relational wounds. Drawn from

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<v Speaker 1>both professional expertise and personal experience, she equips individuals, families,

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<v Speaker 1>and organizations with practical tools for healing, resilience, and restoration.

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<v Speaker 1>Her work is centered on fostering hope and helping people

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<v Speaker 1>move toward lasting, emotional and relational well being. All right,

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<v Speaker 1>just a little bit about you before we go in

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<v Speaker 1>share with the listeners. Where you're from originally and where

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<v Speaker 1>you are currently.

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<v Speaker 3>Awesome. So one quick correction.

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<v Speaker 2>I am a trauma educator, so my background is in

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<v Speaker 2>trauma healing and education, and I do therapeutic work that's

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<v Speaker 2>through art, and I am not a licensed professional counselor,

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<v Speaker 2>so I just wanted to put that ahead of time

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<v Speaker 2>as my disclaimer. And I am from Houston, Texas. That

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<v Speaker 2>is where I have been for many years. I was

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<v Speaker 2>born and raised south of here in a very small

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<v Speaker 2>town called El Campo. So I am a sixth generation

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<v Speaker 2>Texan and that is where I currently reside.

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<v Speaker 1>Awesome. All right, so let's get started. How does all

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<v Speaker 1>this start for you?

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<v Speaker 2>So for me, I would say where education is so

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<v Speaker 2>important for me is I will never forget the day

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<v Speaker 2>where I learned the word emotional abuse. And it was

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<v Speaker 2>a moment in time that I needed it in a

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<v Speaker 2>really incredible way. And when I heard that word, a

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<v Speaker 2>light turned on that changed me for the rest of

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<v Speaker 2>my life. And I think that that's where my passion resides,

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<v Speaker 2>is turning.

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<v Speaker 3>On that light for others.

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<v Speaker 1>All Right, you just you buried the lead here. How

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<v Speaker 1>did you come to learn that word? We got to

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<v Speaker 1>go back?

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, So I learned that word. I was in a

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<v Speaker 3>moment of time.

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<v Speaker 2>I was nine months pregnant and in a situation that

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<v Speaker 2>was really really scary for me. And in those moments,

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<v Speaker 2>I would grab a phone or grab an iPad and

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<v Speaker 2>I would kind of just like start googling. I was

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<v Speaker 2>very confused. I was living in a fog. I knew

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<v Speaker 2>something wasn't right, and so I would just ask questions

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<v Speaker 2>trying to get to the answers of what was going

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<v Speaker 2>on in my relationship at the time. And it was

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<v Speaker 2>that word emotional abuse that when it flash up on

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<v Speaker 2>the screen that I knew in my situation that there

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<v Speaker 2>was something that I did not understand. And I think

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<v Speaker 2>that that's where my pursuit started and where it came from,

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<v Speaker 2>was that that particular moment.

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<v Speaker 1>So you were married, Was this your first child? Yes?

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<v Speaker 2>Married, first child, beautiful home baby about to be born?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, Okay, how long have you been married when this

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<v Speaker 1>first started?

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<v Speaker 2>So it was the very first day of my honeymoon

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<v Speaker 2>that this first started, and it was very shocking and

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<v Speaker 2>it was very confusing, and that's when my world turned

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<v Speaker 2>upside down in a way that I I've definitely have

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<v Speaker 2>never been the same from but I've also used it

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<v Speaker 2>in a way to give me purpose for the rest

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<v Speaker 2>of my life.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so you're nine months pregnant. About that?

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<v Speaker 3>How pregnant?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, this amazing kid. And you said you you googled?

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<v Speaker 1>What did you google that word? Or No, I was.

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<v Speaker 3>Googling at the time.

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<v Speaker 2>I was very confused, and I was googling, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>how do you respect your husband when he hates everything

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<v Speaker 2>about you or something along those lines, Because he was.

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<v Speaker 2>He was very angry, and that was kind of the

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<v Speaker 2>norm at that point. And I really thought at that

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<v Speaker 2>point in my life that if I, if that was happening,

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<v Speaker 2>I wasn't loving enough, I wasn't being respectful enough, I

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't being kind enough, I wasn't honoring enough. I wasn't

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<v Speaker 2>I was doing something wrong if that was happening.

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<v Speaker 1>So what did you do? So?

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<v Speaker 3>What did I do?

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<v Speaker 1>So?

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<v Speaker 2>I definitely I'd been in therapy at that point in

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<v Speaker 2>time with a really amazing therapist and he was so

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<v Speaker 2>kind and patient and letting me kind of discover things

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<v Speaker 2>and kind of pointing me in the right direction. And

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<v Speaker 2>I went on a deep dive. I went on a

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<v Speaker 2>deep dive educating myself. I went on a deep dive

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<v Speaker 2>really understanding where this kind of started.

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<v Speaker 3>And I did leave it nine months pregnant.

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<v Speaker 2>So I left the situation and took one hundred dollars.

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<v Speaker 3>And I rebuilt my life.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so, but at the time I was an educator,

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<v Speaker 2>so like that was my background at that.

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<v Speaker 1>Time, being an educator at that time.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so I had been I got into education, I

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<v Speaker 2>was in business before that I left. I'd been in education,

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<v Speaker 2>and at that point in time, I was just to

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<v Speaker 2>stay at home wife. But that was my background. So

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<v Speaker 2>I that's my natural go to if I don't understand something,

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<v Speaker 2>I need to learn right right, So, and I needed

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<v Speaker 2>that language, so.

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<v Speaker 1>Correct me if I'm wrong here, there's there's It can

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<v Speaker 1>be two different things to know something, in your case,

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<v Speaker 1>to be an educator and to actually have the being

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<v Speaker 1>going through the experience and say, WHOA, this is happening

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<v Speaker 1>to me? Is this happening to me? I must be nuts.

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<v Speaker 1>It can't be happening to me. Was any of that

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<v Speaker 1>going on for you?

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<v Speaker 3>My question was what is happening to me?

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<v Speaker 2>Because I did not I did not understand emotional abuse,

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't understand manipulation.

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't have language. I did not.

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<v Speaker 2>I truly was living in a fog of I just

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<v Speaker 2>I was clueless of what this was, and so I

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<v Speaker 2>was really searching for answers at that point in time,

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<v Speaker 2>and I really truly did not have the language or

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<v Speaker 2>the awareness of what this was. And so that's why

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<v Speaker 2>like to see emotional abuse. It was just such a

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<v Speaker 2>moment of like what is this? What like there is

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<v Speaker 2>some that's a real thing, Like it was just not

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<v Speaker 2>even in my vocabulary at that point in time, and

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<v Speaker 2>I was, you know, older.

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<v Speaker 1>Were you sharing this with friends?

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<v Speaker 2>No, I did not discuss this with anyone in my family,

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<v Speaker 2>any of my best friends.

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<v Speaker 1>Because I'm like some if some of your friends were like, girl, no,

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<v Speaker 1>you got to get out.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, No, I really did. It was it was I

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<v Speaker 3>did not share it.

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<v Speaker 2>I was something that I was definitely walking through alone

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<v Speaker 2>because I felt at that point in time that I

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<v Speaker 2>would be like dishonoring to like my husband or my

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<v Speaker 2>marriage or I think.

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<v Speaker 3>There was a lot of.

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<v Speaker 2>A lot of I'm from a person that I come

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<v Speaker 2>from the Christian Church, and that was I think that

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<v Speaker 2>there's a lot of things within that that are inherent

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<v Speaker 2>in that that.

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<v Speaker 3>Kept me silent.

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<v Speaker 2>So that was another part of things that were kind

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<v Speaker 2>of woven in both historically, just through the history of

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<v Speaker 2>how that's been embedded into the church, and then just

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<v Speaker 2>my own personal experiences with it. I think I was

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<v Speaker 2>kind of it was kind of ingrained at that point

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<v Speaker 2>in time that to speak would have been not respectful

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<v Speaker 2>and not honoring for sure.

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<v Speaker 1>Sure, I'm wondering if there was ever a point where

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<v Speaker 1>you were like, you know, of course he's acting this way,

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<v Speaker 1>he's having a baby, he's freaking out like a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of them.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yes, Oh I justified everything, yes, And everything was

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<v Speaker 2>always it must be the stress or I always had

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<v Speaker 2>excuses for that.

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<v Speaker 3>From the moment it first happened. Oh my gosh, you

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<v Speaker 3>just got married.

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<v Speaker 2>This is a massive change, and so I would always

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<v Speaker 2>justify it for sure.

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<v Speaker 1>So how did you differentiate?

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<v Speaker 3>So how did I differentiate?

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<v Speaker 2>I think just knowing what it was, and then I

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<v Speaker 2>went on a deep dive onto like at that point

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<v Speaker 2>in my life, I did not know, like this is

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<v Speaker 2>healthy and this is unhealthy, and so I really I

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<v Speaker 2>think started with diving into what is a healthy relationship

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<v Speaker 2>and ship look like and really getting a.

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<v Speaker 3>Good framework for what that was.

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<v Speaker 2>And that was really the starting point to be able

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<v Speaker 2>to say that to differentiate between the two.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I did what and we'll talk more about this,

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<v Speaker 1>but what were some of the qualifiers in that sense?

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<v Speaker 1>The differentiators in that sense?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh wow?

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<v Speaker 2>So the differentiators like am I respected?

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<v Speaker 3>Is my voice heard? Can I speak without fear? You know?

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<v Speaker 3>Do I have freedom to choose without retaliation? You know?

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<v Speaker 2>I just do I feel safe in my skin? Does

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<v Speaker 2>my nervous system feel at peace?

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<v Speaker 3>You know?

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<v Speaker 2>So really learning because I went into it pretty strong

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<v Speaker 2>and like who I was and my identity. I just

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<v Speaker 2>come back from working overseas and I had a strong

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<v Speaker 2>sense of self and so to feel so I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know at that time, just so not safe in my body.

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<v Speaker 2>I think that that was a big indicator for me,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, to get back to like something is wrong here?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so what do you do? You see these amazing therapists?

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<v Speaker 1>You said you left at some point from from the

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<v Speaker 1>time where you were like how long was that time

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<v Speaker 1>where you were like some what the heck is going

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<v Speaker 1>on here? Till the time you left? How long was.

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<v Speaker 2>That from the very first moment that it was scary?

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<v Speaker 2>So the time I left was fifteen months. So I

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<v Speaker 2>was not in it for very long, and there would

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<v Speaker 2>be moments where things would be all of a sudden

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<v Speaker 2>better and I'm like, oh, okay, like this is better,

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<v Speaker 2>Like we communicated through this, like this is this has

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<v Speaker 2>been resolved, we processed this right, and then it would,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, circle back around, which is the cycle of violence.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, Like that's pretty common.

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<v Speaker 1>So how do things unfold for you? What did you do.

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<v Speaker 3>So after that?

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, so I left two weeks before my tried

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<v Speaker 2>was born. I was homeless at the time. I did

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<v Speaker 2>stay with some family for a little bit. I stayed

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<v Speaker 2>in a hotel and I called my old job and

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<v Speaker 2>luckily they were hiring for exactly what I was in

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<v Speaker 2>that moment. And so two weeks after giving birth, I

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<v Speaker 2>was interviewing at my old school and it was the

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<v Speaker 2>most amazing community ever in my life to walk back

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<v Speaker 2>into it at that point in time.

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<v Speaker 3>And I've since reached out, like not too long ago.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, these people probably think I'm nuts, like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>because I just to communicate my gratitude. I don't even

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<v Speaker 2>know if people really understood the community that they were

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<v Speaker 2>for me in that moment, and it was so special

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<v Speaker 2>and yeah, I eventually was able to get into an

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<v Speaker 2>apartment later that fall and moved on from there. But

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<v Speaker 2>that was a very big turning point in my life

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<v Speaker 2>and for the next I was single for five years

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<v Speaker 2>after that, and I spent years really unraveling, like how

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<v Speaker 2>did I not see? Where did this come from? Because

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<v Speaker 2>something was going on in me that I didn't see

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<v Speaker 2>those red flags?

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<v Speaker 1>What what was that? So?

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<v Speaker 2>What was going on in me? I was definitely not

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<v Speaker 2>raised in an abusive household. I did not I was

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<v Speaker 2>never beaten, I was never abused. But I did not

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<v Speaker 2>see healthy relationships. I did not understand what boundaries were,

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<v Speaker 2>the fact that I could set them. I didn't know what,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, really resolving things and repair was in a

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<v Speaker 2>relationship in my family. I think that we were just

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<v Speaker 2>I was specifically raised to be very passive, and when

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<v Speaker 2>a problem happens, you don't speak about it and you

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<v Speaker 2>move on.

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<v Speaker 1>So that's why I think of stereotypical passive female.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, so I was kind of set up with that,

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<v Speaker 2>just with the dynamics that I was I was raised

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<v Speaker 2>in for sure.

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<v Speaker 1>So okay, so how do you get going here? I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>you're started restoration studio? How does it start.

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<v Speaker 2>So for years, I think I really started doing a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of what I would consider trauma healing, even from

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<v Speaker 2>my early twenties, and whenever I would kind of go

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<v Speaker 2>through a season of healing, I would write and write

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<v Speaker 2>and write, and you know, different seasons would come and go,

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<v Speaker 2>and I really started to see a pattern in.

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<v Speaker 3>Kind of my healing journey, and.

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<v Speaker 2>So the way for me best to heal a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of times is to write and really articulate what that is.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think that that's where my very first curriculum

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<v Speaker 2>that I ever wrote is called Restored Foundations, and it

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<v Speaker 2>really kind.

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<v Speaker 3>Of walks through what that restoration.

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<v Speaker 2>Journey has been for me, and it's just been on

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<v Speaker 2>repeat in my life over and over. And then part

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<v Speaker 2>of that, you know, what is healthy and not healthy

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<v Speaker 2>is a piece of my course that I give away

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<v Speaker 2>to free for anyone in the entire world, just to

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<v Speaker 2>be able to turn that light on for someone else.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's just something important to me. I truly believe

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<v Speaker 2>that ninety percent of all trauma it does come from,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, relationships where there's an unhealthy dynamic. And if

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<v Speaker 2>everyone on the planet truly would know what was healthy

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<v Speaker 2>and not healthy and make a choice for themselves to

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<v Speaker 2>heal from that, the relational trauma that exists would be

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<v Speaker 2>radically changed. Like if you want peace on earth, teach

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<v Speaker 2>people what's healthy and not healthy and see if those

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<v Speaker 2>that would be committed to it, would it changes things

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<v Speaker 2>for generations?

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>So let's talk about your what you offer the curriculum.

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<v Speaker 1>As you said, how did you begin to put things down?

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<v Speaker 1>You said, when you were healing, you were always writing

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<v Speaker 1>up down right? What does your your curriculum look like.

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<v Speaker 1>What's the structure of it, how do you bring people

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<v Speaker 1>through it? What's important for you to share with them?

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<v Speaker 2>For sure, Well, for my healing curriculum, the most important piece.

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<v Speaker 3>Is snippets of information.

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<v Speaker 2>And a very small short teaching a word of wisdom,

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<v Speaker 2>and then places for people to really look at things

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<v Speaker 2>critically through just different questions, different journaling activities, different exercises

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<v Speaker 2>to give the tools and give the reflective space that's needed.

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<v Speaker 2>Because most people, when they have the time to really

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<v Speaker 2>or they take the time because they truly want to heal,

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<v Speaker 2>really look at things through that reflective lens. It gives

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<v Speaker 2>them the insight that they need to be able to understand.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, how your story contributes, you know, like my

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<v Speaker 2>story before this reallylationship with such a big part of

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<v Speaker 2>what brought me to that place of being this high achieving,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, goal oriented strong woman to be in homeless,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, in an.

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<v Speaker 3>Abusive situation, like there's.

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<v Speaker 2>Something going on reflectively that I had not done or

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<v Speaker 2>I had not discovered about my story yet there was

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<v Speaker 2>an important piece.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>Other pieces are really, like I said, understanding what's healthy

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<v Speaker 2>and what's not.

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<v Speaker 3>Understanding what boundaries are and how to set them.

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<v Speaker 2>Understanding you know, what tools that you need in your

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<v Speaker 2>life to be able to cope and cope in a

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<v Speaker 2>healthy way that when stress comes and these relationships come,

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<v Speaker 2>how do you get stronger, you know, and handle it

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<v Speaker 2>in a way where you don't crumble? How do you

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<v Speaker 2>build that resilience. So that's a lot of what my

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<v Speaker 2>work really stems around.

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<v Speaker 1>Which is easier said than that.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh absolutely.

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<v Speaker 1>Lay it all out in a nice curriculum. But you

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<v Speaker 1>got to go through I mean when you were when

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<v Speaker 1>you I.

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<v Speaker 4>Can't imagine Adrian like being married, nine months pregnant and

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<v Speaker 4>you're even contemplating like I got to get out of

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<v Speaker 4>this frigging relationship. I mean, what is going on for

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<v Speaker 4>you and looking back at it now, kind of what

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<v Speaker 4>do you wish someone? I mean maybe if you had

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<v Speaker 4>been able to tell someone what do you wish, maybe

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<v Speaker 4>they could have offered to you or shared with you,

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<v Speaker 4>or told you or advised you, or maybe you wish this,

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<v Speaker 4>They would have said, get the heck out? What was it?

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<v Speaker 3>Well?

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, what my curriculum is basically what I wrote

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<v Speaker 2>to my eighteen year old self that if someone would

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<v Speaker 2>have taught me at that age, it would have spared

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<v Speaker 2>me years of suffering.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, let's get specific here, give me some of

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<v Speaker 1>those items. What did you write down? So?

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<v Speaker 3>What did I write down? So?

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<v Speaker 2>And I guess there's there's two different things that you're

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<v Speaker 2>asking here, because one was what would it be in

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<v Speaker 2>that moment that someone could have said to you?

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<v Speaker 1>Was that?

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<v Speaker 3>Can I clarify that question?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Yeah, let's do that.

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<v Speaker 2>So in that moment, honestly, the kindest thing that anyone

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<v Speaker 2>could have done would be to gently insert the language

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<v Speaker 2>that I was looking for, right, so for my therapist

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<v Speaker 2>to he would ask these really amazing questions that would

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<v Speaker 2>kind of point me towards things. Because where I was,

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<v Speaker 2>I was so devoted and so dedicated. I was the

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<v Speaker 2>woman that would have never gotten divorced like I was loyal.

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<v Speaker 2>So in that moment, to be a listening ear and

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<v Speaker 2>to just ask curious questions and to allow me to speak,

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<v Speaker 2>I think that that's one of the most helpful things

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<v Speaker 2>that you can offer to anyone that's walking through it,

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<v Speaker 2>because you can't, you know, force someone to come to

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<v Speaker 2>those conclusions.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you remember kind of what some of those questions were.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't remember the questions necessarily. I do remember that

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<v Speaker 2>he would not give me advice, and I wanted it.

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<v Speaker 2>The other thing I remember very specifically is some of

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<v Speaker 2>the analogies, So he would give me these little analogies,

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<v Speaker 2>these little metaphors, these little things that would paint these

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<v Speaker 2>pictures for me.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, he's great.

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<v Speaker 2>He's great, and I went I saw him. Not it's

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<v Speaker 2>been years now, but the last time he's gotten a

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<v Speaker 2>lot older, and I don't know, I don't know if

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<v Speaker 2>he's with us now, but he was such a godsend

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<v Speaker 2>at that point in time.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, absolutely so, in.

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<v Speaker 1>The best way I think that a therapist might. He

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<v Speaker 1>didn't give you advice. He kind of allowed you to

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<v Speaker 1>kind of realize what was going on and that can

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<v Speaker 1>be a tough thing to do, to experience. I'm wondering,

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<v Speaker 1>was there any feelings of shame for you? Was there

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<v Speaker 1>any feelings of embarrassment? How could I let this happen?

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<v Speaker 1>Et cetera is going on?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I think that that's one of the reasons

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<v Speaker 2>why I was silent is because, like, I'm not someone

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<v Speaker 2>like I'm pretty tenacious, you know, I don't really fail

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<v Speaker 2>at things. Well, so I think to have such a

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<v Speaker 2>new marriage and to have it failing, I think that

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<v Speaker 2>that's why I was probably silent. That and this deep

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<v Speaker 2>loyalty that I have that once I stand by someone,

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<v Speaker 2>that's just kind of like my nature. But I do

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<v Speaker 2>think that there was a certain amount of that, and

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<v Speaker 2>I think that when a therapist would uncover that too quick,

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<v Speaker 2>I think that it probably would make someone want to

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<v Speaker 2>run in that moment.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, Well well all right, so more specifically, you

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<v Speaker 1>said you created this program talking to your eighteen year

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<v Speaker 1>old self. Yes, let's get talk a little specifically about

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<v Speaker 1>what you said, what you felt you needed to say

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<v Speaker 1>to that eighteen year old self.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, the things that I would have taught and I

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<v Speaker 2>hope that the next generation is something I teach my

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<v Speaker 2>kids all the time. Is really having them rooted in

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<v Speaker 2>that sense of identity of knowing who they are, that

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<v Speaker 2>they're valuable, and that sense of self worth, I think

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<v Speaker 2>is something really important. And knowing themselves, not who I

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<v Speaker 2>want them to be or who the world wants them

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<v Speaker 2>to be, but who they truly are. You know, what

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<v Speaker 2>they love, what they hate, what they want, what they

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<v Speaker 2>don't want, you know, and really finding that sense of

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<v Speaker 2>voice and rootedness, because when people do come across your

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<v Speaker 2>path and they don't align with that, it really helps

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<v Speaker 2>you to kind kind of sort through different relationships that

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<v Speaker 2>you want to invest in that you don't, and then

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<v Speaker 2>knowing those red flags of what's not healthy. You know, like,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know if a lot of things like in

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<v Speaker 2>the world today, they're really they can be really toxic,

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<v Speaker 2>And I don't know if unless it's being taught somewhere,

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<v Speaker 2>how people really are able to Unless you just see

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<v Speaker 2>by example of what you're raised with and you happen

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<v Speaker 2>to come from a really healthy family, what that looks

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<v Speaker 2>like in terms of what you allow into your life

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<v Speaker 2>and what you don't, there's not a whole lot of

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<v Speaker 2>clarity on that, So you just kind of go with

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<v Speaker 2>the flow and you let people in and it gets crazy,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's like, how do you handle that? How do

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<v Speaker 2>you address that when you have people in your life

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<v Speaker 2>they're not supportive and they don't respect you, or they

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00:22:49.279 --> 00:22:53.480
<v Speaker 2>cross your boundaries, you know, really giving real life language

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<v Speaker 2>to that for the next generation. I wish I would

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<v Speaker 2>have known, you know, if someone's not kind you said

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<v Speaker 2>a boundary, how do you do that? You know, like

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<v Speaker 2>that would be an important tool that I wish I

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<v Speaker 2>would have had.

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<v Speaker 1>All Right, just reminder, I'm speaking with Adrian Bender Restoration Resources.

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<v Speaker 1>So who is your program for Let's get an idea

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<v Speaker 1>here more specifically of what you're offering to people.

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<v Speaker 2>For sure, I'm offering it to anyone that needs that

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<v Speaker 2>sort of clarity in their life, whether they're looking for

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<v Speaker 2>just a foundation after going through a lot of different

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<v Speaker 2>tumultuous relationships that have been confusing, if someone is, you know,

434
00:23:39.000 --> 00:23:42.880
<v Speaker 2>for that next generation young adults, I think it's really

435
00:23:42.920 --> 00:23:47.039
<v Speaker 2>important to be able to have good clarity moving forward.

436
00:23:47.160 --> 00:23:51.119
<v Speaker 2>That's just something that I truly believe that we need

437
00:23:51.160 --> 00:23:56.039
<v Speaker 2>to have educationally within our universities and within our schooling.

438
00:23:56.240 --> 00:23:59.920
<v Speaker 2>And if that's not something that's part of a regular curriculum.

439
00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:02.720
<v Speaker 2>I think that it would be important that people individually

440
00:24:02.759 --> 00:24:05.680
<v Speaker 2>that want to have a healthy foundation in their life

441
00:24:06.079 --> 00:24:08.160
<v Speaker 2>to be able to have those skills and tools and

442
00:24:08.200 --> 00:24:10.119
<v Speaker 2>to know how to really love themselves well so they

443
00:24:10.119 --> 00:24:12.599
<v Speaker 2>can go out and do great and amazing things and

444
00:24:13.279 --> 00:24:15.559
<v Speaker 2>live a life that's full of purpose and joy and

445
00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:17.240
<v Speaker 2>not constantly caught up in chaos.

446
00:24:17.920 --> 00:24:20.400
<v Speaker 1>So is this an online course? I know you have

447
00:24:20.440 --> 00:24:25.279
<v Speaker 1>a community also talk to us specifically about what each is.

448
00:24:26.319 --> 00:24:26.759
<v Speaker 3>For sure.

449
00:24:26.839 --> 00:24:29.240
<v Speaker 2>Yes, this is an online course. You can access it

450
00:24:29.240 --> 00:24:35.319
<v Speaker 2>anytime by going to my Restoration Resources Org website and

451
00:24:35.359 --> 00:24:39.640
<v Speaker 2>it's the Healthy Relationships course I offer for free. Anyone

452
00:24:39.680 --> 00:24:42.839
<v Speaker 2>can download it today, tomorrow, at any point in time.

453
00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:46.519
<v Speaker 2>It is available for anyone in the community. And then

454
00:24:46.599 --> 00:24:50.480
<v Speaker 2>my community that's attached to that is called Restoration Conversations

455
00:24:50.599 --> 00:24:54.000
<v Speaker 2>and you can find that on Instagram, and that is

456
00:24:54.160 --> 00:24:55.680
<v Speaker 2>just a place for people to be able to come

457
00:24:55.720 --> 00:24:59.640
<v Speaker 2>together and have conversations about these things and learn really

458
00:24:59.720 --> 00:25:01.799
<v Speaker 2>how to if you've been through some of these things

459
00:25:01.839 --> 00:25:05.400
<v Speaker 2>and getting them what I consider I like to educate

460
00:25:05.519 --> 00:25:05.920
<v Speaker 2>and then.

461
00:25:05.839 --> 00:25:07.240
<v Speaker 3>Point people to the therapist.

462
00:25:07.359 --> 00:25:09.319
<v Speaker 2>So once we turn the light on and we give

463
00:25:09.359 --> 00:25:12.200
<v Speaker 2>some language to some of these things. That's where I

464
00:25:12.240 --> 00:25:16.000
<v Speaker 2>really play a part in this ecosystem is really providing

465
00:25:16.039 --> 00:25:20.000
<v Speaker 2>that language, providing some of that basic information so that

466
00:25:20.079 --> 00:25:22.319
<v Speaker 2>people can get the help that they need if they

467
00:25:22.359 --> 00:25:25.200
<v Speaker 2>haven't been in healthy situations in the past, and how

468
00:25:25.240 --> 00:25:28.559
<v Speaker 2>to move forward through that. I just I consider myself

469
00:25:28.559 --> 00:25:29.759
<v Speaker 2>someone that turns the light on.

470
00:25:31.480 --> 00:25:34.920
<v Speaker 1>Now are you working? You said it's for anyone, but

471
00:25:35.759 --> 00:25:39.720
<v Speaker 1>is it more for women or doesn't matter men? Women?

472
00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:43.359
<v Speaker 2>It absolutely does not matter. Yeah, No, it's anyone. It's

473
00:25:43.400 --> 00:25:46.480
<v Speaker 2>it's not gender specific by any means.

474
00:25:46.920 --> 00:25:52.279
<v Speaker 1>When you when you find yourself, let's talk specifically about

475
00:25:52.319 --> 00:25:55.240
<v Speaker 1>your community. Are those online discussions?

476
00:25:58.400 --> 00:26:02.319
<v Speaker 2>Yes, So, like there's a there's a platform that anyone

477
00:26:02.359 --> 00:26:05.160
<v Speaker 2>that takes the course they can join. There's resources at

478
00:26:05.160 --> 00:26:07.960
<v Speaker 2>it every week, and we're slowly gathering different voices from

479
00:26:07.960 --> 00:26:11.240
<v Speaker 2>the community because I just think that there's so many

480
00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:16.160
<v Speaker 2>powerful voices out there for those that are having resources

481
00:26:16.200 --> 00:26:19.279
<v Speaker 2>Like I just my goal over the long term is

482
00:26:19.319 --> 00:26:21.000
<v Speaker 2>to really have a place where it's more of a

483
00:26:21.079 --> 00:26:24.480
<v Speaker 2>collective of all of the voices that are really speaking

484
00:26:24.519 --> 00:26:26.720
<v Speaker 2>into this in this moment in time, because I think

485
00:26:26.799 --> 00:26:29.680
<v Speaker 2>that there's it's just kind of a powerful shift I

486
00:26:29.720 --> 00:26:32.559
<v Speaker 2>think from the previous generation to where we are today,

487
00:26:32.960 --> 00:26:35.599
<v Speaker 2>and there's so many people right now that are contributing

488
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:38.160
<v Speaker 2>to this conversation and just over time, I want to

489
00:26:38.200 --> 00:26:41.039
<v Speaker 2>pull all of the resources together so people can find

490
00:26:41.400 --> 00:26:44.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, trauma informed therapist, and if you're struggling within

491
00:26:44.720 --> 00:26:47.960
<v Speaker 2>eating disorder, or if you're struggling with you know, relationships,

492
00:26:48.079 --> 00:26:51.200
<v Speaker 2>or whether you're struggling with depression or anxiety, just a

493
00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:54.359
<v Speaker 2>general place for people to go and find the curriculum

494
00:26:54.400 --> 00:26:57.240
<v Speaker 2>and the tools that they need and find that clinical

495
00:26:57.279 --> 00:26:59.880
<v Speaker 2>help as well that partners with that, so that people

496
00:26:59.839 --> 00:27:02.680
<v Speaker 2>can get not only the educational side, but the clinical

497
00:27:02.759 --> 00:27:05.000
<v Speaker 2>side that's so important for people to heal.

498
00:27:05.960 --> 00:27:11.960
<v Speaker 1>Now, I think you said you're currently in a relationship. Yes, yes, okay,

499
00:27:13.079 --> 00:27:19.519
<v Speaker 1>So when that started, were you like putting stakes in

500
00:27:19.559 --> 00:27:21.880
<v Speaker 1>the ground. These are my boundaries. I'm going to get

501
00:27:21.880 --> 00:27:25.400
<v Speaker 1>this right this time. You know what was that like

502
00:27:25.480 --> 00:27:26.640
<v Speaker 1>for you? Yeah?

503
00:27:26.759 --> 00:27:30.480
<v Speaker 3>It's so funny. I always say, it's like, you know how.

504
00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:31.920
<v Speaker 2>You're like you're in medical school and you learn all

505
00:27:31.920 --> 00:27:33.799
<v Speaker 2>the head knowledge and then you actually have to.

506
00:27:33.720 --> 00:27:35.799
<v Speaker 3>Go practice and surgery as a restaurant.

507
00:27:35.960 --> 00:27:39.359
<v Speaker 2>Right, That's exactly how it's always felt for me because

508
00:27:39.400 --> 00:27:42.279
<v Speaker 2>I spent five years like really healing from all of

509
00:27:42.279 --> 00:27:45.960
<v Speaker 2>this and like getting the education and then to actually

510
00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:49.119
<v Speaker 2>apply it with a real life human being was such.

511
00:27:49.720 --> 00:27:52.599
<v Speaker 3>It was so interesting. And yes, now, I mean the.

512
00:27:52.519 --> 00:27:55.160
<v Speaker 2>Beginning, there were some moments of there was a lot

513
00:27:55.160 --> 00:27:59.319
<v Speaker 2>of communication and a lot of problem solving and really

514
00:27:59.359 --> 00:28:02.119
<v Speaker 2>talking through. But yeah, now I've been married for eight

515
00:28:02.200 --> 00:28:05.200
<v Speaker 2>years and he's amazing, and it's wonderful.

516
00:28:04.680 --> 00:28:06.680
<v Speaker 3>And it's so good and it's so.

517
00:28:06.759 --> 00:28:08.799
<v Speaker 2>Cool to see how like when you have the tools,

518
00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:11.839
<v Speaker 2>how quickly you can repair and the connection that you

519
00:28:11.880 --> 00:28:14.759
<v Speaker 2>can form and the dreams that you can build together.

520
00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:19.279
<v Speaker 3>It's really really beautiful. So it's wonderful.

521
00:28:20.200 --> 00:28:22.440
<v Speaker 1>As we kind of close out here, I'm wondering how

522
00:28:22.799 --> 00:28:29.440
<v Speaker 1>this experience has altered impacted your relationship with your faith.

523
00:28:32.480 --> 00:28:37.279
<v Speaker 2>I've done a lot of deconstructing. I've done a lot

524
00:28:37.279 --> 00:28:40.240
<v Speaker 2>of deconstructing, and I have a lot more to say

525
00:28:40.359 --> 00:28:44.319
<v Speaker 2>about that and a lot more work that I will

526
00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:46.839
<v Speaker 2>be releasing on that in the future. That's definitely the

527
00:28:46.880 --> 00:28:51.680
<v Speaker 2>next step of what I definitely look forward to discussing

528
00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:52.160
<v Speaker 2>with the world.

529
00:28:53.599 --> 00:28:56.160
<v Speaker 1>Is that another podcast episode, It's.

530
00:28:56.039 --> 00:29:00.359
<v Speaker 2>Another podcast, it's another curriculum it's another entire world. Like

531
00:29:00.400 --> 00:29:02.799
<v Speaker 2>I'm wrapping up my doctorate right now, and whenever I

532
00:29:02.920 --> 00:29:06.000
<v Speaker 2>finish that, that is my next assignment.

533
00:29:05.559 --> 00:29:07.119
<v Speaker 3>Because there's a lot to stay and.

534
00:29:07.079 --> 00:29:12.319
<v Speaker 2>There's so much history and theology and tools that women need.

535
00:29:12.480 --> 00:29:14.240
<v Speaker 2>I think some of the most oppressed women on the

536
00:29:14.279 --> 00:29:16.720
<v Speaker 2>planet are people in the pulpit or people behind the

537
00:29:16.759 --> 00:29:19.480
<v Speaker 2>pews in some of these churches.

538
00:29:19.559 --> 00:29:21.319
<v Speaker 3>So I definitely have a lot to say about that.

539
00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:25.079
<v Speaker 1>So is it safe to say it has shifted impacted

540
00:29:25.079 --> 00:29:25.880
<v Speaker 1>your relationship?

541
00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:30.279
<v Speaker 2>Well, I still have my faith. My relationship with the

542
00:29:30.400 --> 00:29:33.319
<v Speaker 2>church is very, very different. And being in the South

543
00:29:33.960 --> 00:29:38.279
<v Speaker 2>and seeing a lot of that perpetrated in the society

544
00:29:38.319 --> 00:29:41.400
<v Speaker 2>and in culture and in churches, it is something that

545
00:29:41.920 --> 00:29:42.839
<v Speaker 2>it needs to change.

546
00:29:43.240 --> 00:29:47.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, okay, Yeah, Well all right, Adrian. What's the best

547
00:29:47.160 --> 00:29:49.440
<v Speaker 1>way for people to learn more about you and your

548
00:29:49.480 --> 00:29:50.240
<v Speaker 1>incredible work?

549
00:29:50.799 --> 00:29:53.720
<v Speaker 3>Sure, I'm at Restoration Resources dot org.

550
00:29:54.440 --> 00:29:58.200
<v Speaker 2>And if you do forward slash and podcast, you will

551
00:29:58.240 --> 00:30:02.599
<v Speaker 2>find a page specifically dedicated to all the things.

552
00:30:02.359 --> 00:30:03.359
<v Speaker 3>That we discussed today.

553
00:30:03.799 --> 00:30:04.720
<v Speaker 1>Oh I love it.

554
00:30:05.440 --> 00:30:07.039
<v Speaker 3>You have a special landing page.

555
00:30:07.519 --> 00:30:09.680
<v Speaker 1>We'll help all that link up here at the show

556
00:30:09.720 --> 00:30:13.119
<v Speaker 1>notes page at the Trauma Theravist podcast dot com. Adrianna.

557
00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:16.799
<v Speaker 1>Love it. I mean, come on, super inspiring. Appreciate you

558
00:30:16.839 --> 00:30:17.279
<v Speaker 1>being here.

559
00:30:17.720 --> 00:30:20.000
<v Speaker 3>Awesome. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

560
00:30:20.079 --> 00:30:24.839
<v Speaker 1>All right, take care, uh huh, thank you. That is it.