Speaker 1: This is the audio from Recovery Stories Message of Hope,
Speaker 1: Part four, recorded on October seventeenth, twenty twenty four, in
Speaker 1: Traverse City, Michigan, courtesy of Months and Behavioral Help with
Speaker 1: a grant from hrssay Held Resources and Services Administration. Here's
Speaker 1: Marnie Winfield with her Message of Hope.
Speaker 2: My name's Marnie and I'm a grateful person in recovery.
Speaker 2: I say that and not because I'm not Marnie and
Speaker 2: I'm an alcoholic, because that's very much so true. I
Speaker 2: check all the boxes of that and an addict, but
Speaker 2: I choose to say I'm Marnie and I'm a grateful
Speaker 2: person in recovery because I'm blessed to be able to
Speaker 2: live every single day of my life without the use
Speaker 2: of drugs or alcohol. It's good stuff. Yeah. So, so
Speaker 2: those of you who know me, I wear a lot
Speaker 2: of hats. I kind of always have worn a lot
Speaker 2: of hats, and so I've just not recently it feels
Speaker 2: like recently, But I've recently graduated with my master's and
Speaker 2: social work. So I am a clinical therapist. Don't be scared,
Speaker 2: thank you. Yeah. And also I was working for Addiction
Speaker 2: Treatment Services. I worked for that agency will still actually
Speaker 2: technically do for four and a half years, and I
Speaker 2: was interning as an intern for Mental Wealth at Mental
Speaker 2: Wellness Counseling into private practice and also working alongside my
Speaker 2: wonderful husband launching to seventeen Recovery, and it required me
Speaker 2: to go to a lot of seminars and workshops and
Speaker 2: conferences and consortiums because he doesn't know how to say consortiums.
Speaker 2: And at these I noticed that they would ask this
Speaker 2: question a lot. It was very popular but very powerful,
Speaker 2: and it was what is your why? And so I'm
Speaker 2: sitting in these trainings and they say, what is your why?
Speaker 2: And so I'm like, okay, I can think about that.
Speaker 2: I'm like, because I signed up for it, and like why, Well,
Speaker 2: because I need the credits and I need to learn
Speaker 2: the material. Why because I need to pass a class?
Speaker 2: Why because I need to graduate? Why? Well, because I
Speaker 2: want to get my degree and vi a clinical therapist.
Speaker 2: Why because I want to help people? Well? Why because
Speaker 2: people help me. I'm a person in recovery and I
Speaker 2: want to give back. And that's what's passion. That's my passion.
Speaker 2: That's where I'm at right now. So what is your
Speaker 2: guys' is why, like, why are you here tonight? Right?
Speaker 2: Some of you are in treatment? And I say this
Speaker 2: with the almost sincerity I am so freaking proud of you,
Speaker 2: guys and ladies. Oh my god. Like swhere it starts.
Speaker 2: So I was a Phoenix lady myself and a lot
Speaker 2: of different capacities and throughout my lifetime. But that's I started,
Speaker 2: you know, I started here, and I'll get into that
Speaker 2: in a second. So my story is there different chapters?
Speaker 2: I don't know, for those of you who've ever done
Speaker 2: open talks and you're like thinking about what you're going
Speaker 2: to say, and you're like, oh my god, I don't
Speaker 2: even know how. I don't even think I want to
Speaker 2: go back there, Like I don't think I even really
Speaker 2: want to sift through the chaos that was my life
Speaker 2: to figure out what to share and what not to share.
Speaker 2: But this is messages of hope, so I'm going to
Speaker 2: try to veer in that direction. I grew up in Saline,
Speaker 2: which is near ann Arbor, downstate, and I had a
Speaker 2: really good, really good childhood. I had a really good upbringing,
Speaker 2: good core values. Alcohol was present in our household. My father,
Speaker 2: who is now sixteen years sober who actually is present
Speaker 2: here today in the back. So, I mean, he's got
Speaker 2: sixteen years he's like, I don't know, one hundred and twelve.
Speaker 2: So now I'm just kidding. There was use in our
Speaker 2: home through when I was growing up, and actually my
Speaker 2: dad was like my party buddy. We drank together and stuff.
Speaker 2: So later in life, but anyhow, but for the most part,
Speaker 2: everything was good, you know, no know, negativity, no physical
Speaker 2: abuse or emotional abuse in the household. Like I grew
Speaker 2: I had a really good upbringing. I had a lot
Speaker 2: of culture. I had a lot of travel, I had
Speaker 2: a lot of experiences. I was a very privileged child.
Speaker 2: I grew up and went to grew up and went
Speaker 2: to Michigan State. Is that is that a real thing?
Speaker 2: Went to Michigan State for my undergraduate degree. And I
Speaker 2: didn't really know. I never was one of those people
Speaker 2: that knew exactly what I wanted to be when I
Speaker 2: grew up. And it is not where I'm going with
Speaker 2: this that I didn't want to be an alcohol because
Speaker 2: I didn't want to be that either. But I didn't
Speaker 2: want to be a doctor. I didn't want to be
Speaker 2: a you know, a cop. I didn't want to be
Speaker 2: a firefighter. I didn't want to be a veterinarian. I
Speaker 2: didn't want to be an accountant. I didn't want to
Speaker 2: be a hairdresser. I like all these things. I knew
Speaker 2: my limit, I knew my skill set, let's just say that,
Speaker 2: and I knew it. But I knew I was good
Speaker 2: with people. So a lot of that had to do
Speaker 2: with showing me into My jobs that I chose were
Speaker 2: in the service industry. It's for those of you that
Speaker 2: know the service industry, it's very there's a lot of
Speaker 2: substance use in prevalence in the service industry. But I
Speaker 2: met Michigan State and I'm doing really well. I got
Speaker 2: my head on pretty straight. I'm working at a restaurant
Speaker 2: called the Rivi or a cafe, which is not a cafe,
Speaker 2: it's a bar. And I got a really good education.
Speaker 2: But junior years when I really started noticing my relationship
Speaker 2: with alcohol was not normal, even though at Michigan State
Speaker 2: and partying things were acceptable, right Binge drinking is acceptable,
Speaker 2: hangovers are acceptable, drinking during the day is acceptable, drinking
Speaker 2: in the morning is acceptable. Being smelling like booze at
Speaker 2: eight o'clock in the morning at your class is acceptable
Speaker 2: because you know you're in college and people don't really care.
Speaker 2: But it ended up catching up with me and my
Speaker 2: grades started slipping end of junior year into senior year.
Speaker 2: But I graduated with honors. I did great. I did
Speaker 2: get my first UI. When I was in college, ran
Speaker 2: through a stop sign. Slap on the wrist, No big deal.
Speaker 2: I didn't really even think it was a thing. I
Speaker 2: just thought I was a college student who got caught.
Speaker 2: After I graduated, I wasn't really sure what I wanted
Speaker 2: to do. I was in I took a bunch of
Speaker 2: different jobs in sales positions, lived a bunch of different places.
Speaker 2: Nothing really set nothing really set in. I kind of
Speaker 2: was like a nomad, but was doing okay everywhere I
Speaker 2: went until I wasn't. I don't want to spend too
Speaker 2: much time on the negative stuff that happened to me,
Speaker 2: or like the chaos and the detriment that was my
Speaker 2: life for a lot of years, because not that it's
Speaker 2: not important, it is important. It's important for you to
Speaker 2: explore those things and deal with those things and not
Speaker 2: sweep everything under the rug in terms of what you've
Speaker 2: dealt with and what you've had to go through. But
Speaker 2: in the time that makes sense, and always with the
Speaker 2: idea that you want to keep what you're doing strength
Speaker 2: based and forward focused. Those are the two things that
Speaker 2: are really important and what I think of now in
Speaker 2: terms of recovery. After I graduated Fast Forward, I went
Speaker 2: to a bunch of rehabs. People always ask like, when
Speaker 2: is it that you actually when it clicked, Like, when
Speaker 2: is it when you actually it stuck? And for me
Speaker 2: it was it was for when it was my idea,
Speaker 2: it had to be my idea. The treatment center that
Speaker 2: I went to, I went there on my own terms.
Speaker 2: It wasn't because of the judge. It wasn't because of
Speaker 2: my parents. It wasn't because of a boyfriend. It wasn't
Speaker 2: because of an employer, it wasn't because of a roommate.
Speaker 2: It was because I knew I needed to go or
Speaker 2: I wasn't going to die that point, I had already
Speaker 2: been hospitalized multiple times for detox, had been septic at
Speaker 2: one point, and it was just terrible relationships, abuse, physical, emotional,
Speaker 2: and it was time for me to turn things around.
Speaker 2: And I knew if I was going to do that,
Speaker 2: I couldn't do it by myself. And I needed to
Speaker 2: take this seriously. So I went into treatment and went
Speaker 2: to Bear River, and I went in with full intentions
Speaker 2: of just doing the work and doing exactly what our
Speaker 2: friend Kim talked about earlier, keeping things real right, getting
Speaker 2: honest with myself, honest about why I was there, getting
Speaker 2: honest about the things I had been through, getting honest
Speaker 2: about who I'd hurt, getting honest about the PEOPLEHOO had
Speaker 2: hurt me, doing my four step stuff right, getting it
Speaker 2: all out, and really realizing like what do I need
Speaker 2: to do to move forward now? And the advice that
Speaker 2: they give you is say you need to change everything.
Speaker 2: That's exactly what I did. There were very, very very
Speaker 2: few people except for pretty much my family that I
Speaker 2: actually kept contact with after I left that place and
Speaker 2: I started over, and I did everything different than what
Speaker 2: I had done before. It's one of those things where
Speaker 2: I just knew it I needed to readjust my life
Speaker 2: and like refocus and have it be real this time.
Speaker 2: For me to do that, I got a job at
Speaker 2: Addiction Dream and Services, and I was making like eleven
Speaker 2: dollars an hour. So here I was like with this
Speaker 2: bachelor's degree, and I'm just like I just need I
Speaker 2: need to be around people that know what I am
Speaker 2: and know what I'm doing and be okay with it.
Speaker 2: And that was where that's where I ended up and
Speaker 2: so and I could help other people along the way,
Speaker 2: and that's where I got lined up doing my coursework
Speaker 2: for my master's degree. And you know, now I'm on
Speaker 2: that route right now and it's it's going amazing. The
Speaker 2: one thing I do want to talk about, so people
Speaker 2: always ask me how I met Corey. We are we
Speaker 2: are an exception to the rule. All right, We're just
Speaker 2: gonna say that. So I, uh, they say not to
Speaker 2: get in relationships within the first year and what have you.
Speaker 2: This was totally unintentional, mind you. The treatment center that uh,
Speaker 2: that I was talked just speaking of, he actually was
Speaker 2: working there at the time as a tech. Now this
Speaker 2: there was not any sort of weirdness when I was there.
Speaker 2: I promise you that I handed God we literally I
Speaker 2: was like this, this guy's funny and he's serious about
Speaker 2: his recovery, and I'm going to listen to what he
Speaker 2: has to say, because that's what I'm supposed to do,
Speaker 2: is listen to what people have to say that you know,
Speaker 2: are actually legit about their own recovery and so you know,
Speaker 2: so I actually tracked him down afterwards on Facebook and
Speaker 2: I was like, where's the meet Where's there a meeting?
Speaker 2: And he's like, I don't think I can go to
Speaker 2: a meeting with you. And I was like, well, you
Speaker 2: said for to stick with the people who stick with
Speaker 2: the winners, and so anyway, from that point on, we
Speaker 2: ended up we ended up getting together later down the line,
Speaker 2: and I can now call him my husband, and it's
Speaker 2: amazing and he's an amazing man. When they say that
Speaker 2: the promises come true, that's for real. Maybe not overnight,
Speaker 2: you know, not as fast as you want them to,
Speaker 2: but they definitely do. Of all the trauma that I've
Speaker 2: been through, Like, that's not the stuff that I focus
Speaker 2: on today. I focus on what I need to do
Speaker 2: for myself to stay sober, and that's making sure that
Speaker 2: I am refilling my own recovery tank, as I call it, right,
Speaker 2: doing the things that I need to do to make
Speaker 2: sure that I have less of a chance of picking
Speaker 2: up today. Whether it's meetings, whether it's talking to somebody
Speaker 2: at the office, Uh, maybe it's to maybe it's touching
Speaker 2: bees with my family, you know, maybe it's exercising no
Speaker 2: me you know, all these promises and all these miracles
Speaker 2: come true, and the biggest miracle in my life, as
Speaker 2: most of you guys know, and if you don't, I
Speaker 2: am a new mom and it is. I know it
Speaker 2: is the ultimate blessing, and that I can guarantee you
Speaker 2: is the work of a higher power. So I know
Speaker 2: that my higher power is on my side, always has been.
Speaker 2: It's just sometimes I wasn't listening. My husband, my best
Speaker 2: friend Corey today he's my why. And my little baby
Speaker 2: back there who's crying, he's my why. All you guys
Speaker 2: in this room today, you guys are all my why.
Speaker 2: So keep doing what you're doing. Stay clean and sober.
Speaker 2: You're doing amazing. Give yourself hat on your back, give
Speaker 2: yourself some grace. Thank you for coming tonight. Take care, everybody,
Speaker 2: have a good evening.
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