Speaker 1: Welcome to grief. Let's make sense of this shit. I'm Dylan,
Speaker 1: and if guilt has been sitting heavy after your loss,
Speaker 1: you are in the right place. We are focusing today
Speaker 1: on the guilt that shows up after death, especially those
Speaker 1: stubborn what if thoughts that keep circling back. Many people
Speaker 1: find these thoughts arrive without warning, pulling them into loops
Speaker 1: that feel impossible to step out of for even a moment.
Speaker 1: The practice we will use here targets those what if
Speaker 1: thoughts directly. It offers a short way to notice them,
Speaker 1: name them gently, and create a little space so the
Speaker 1: day does not get swallowed whole. You do not have
Speaker 1: to fix anything or push the feelings away. You simply
Speaker 1: give yourself permission to try something small when the thought
Speaker 1: feel loudest. Because grief moves on its own timetable, this
Speaker 1: exercise meets you wherever you are right now. There is
Speaker 1: no rush and no required outcome. The goal stays simple.
Speaker 1: We acknowledge the thought, place it in a brief container,
Speaker 1: and return to the present with a bit more room
Speaker 1: to breathe. Let's begin the exercise now. So now name
Speaker 1: that what if thought out loud. Speak the words even
Speaker 1: though they sting. Because grief often brings these loops without warning,
Speaker 1: The simple act of naming them starts to loosen their
Speaker 1: grip while you say it. Notice how your body responds.
Speaker 1: Although it may feel uncomfortable at first, this step creates
Speaker 1: a small space between you and the spiral after you
Speaker 1: name it, pause and ask yourself, what do I know
Speaker 1: for certain? Right now? Take a full minute here. Listen
Speaker 1: for whatever answer arrives, even if it feels small or uncertain,
Speaker 1: because this question pulls attention back to the present moment
Speaker 1: instead of the endless replay of possibilities. Since grief moves
Speaker 1: without a schedule, the answer might shift each time you ask. Now,
Speaker 1: ask the question again, what do I know for certain?
Speaker 1: Right now? Give yourself another full minute to sit with
Speaker 1: whatever comes up. Meanwhile, your mind may wander back to
Speaker 1: the what if thought. Yet the repeated question helps anchor
Speaker 1: you because it reminds you of facts that remain steady.
Speaker 1: Although the pause lasts only sixty seconds, it offers enough
Speaker 1: room for a single clear thought to surface. Ask the
Speaker 1: question one more time, what do I know for certain?
Speaker 1: Right now? Allow a full minute once more, Because repetition
Speaker 1: strengthens the shift away from guilt, The third round often
Speaker 1: brings a slightly different answer, or at least a quieter mind.
Speaker 1: While you wait, notice any change in your breathing or shoulders.
Speaker 1: Since this sequence stays under five minutes, it fits into
Speaker 1: moments when functioning feels impossible. When the third minute ends,
Speaker 1: place your hand on your chest, Take three slow breaths.
Speaker 1: Let each breath fill and release without forcing anything. Because
Speaker 1: this final step reconnects you with your body, it closes
Speaker 1: the practice gently. A survey from the Grief Recovery Method
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty found that naming difficult thoughts reduce their
Speaker 1: intensity for many people dealing with loss. Bonano and colleagues
Speaker 1: reported in the Journal of Traumatic Stress in twenty seventeen
Speaker 1: that simple, repeated questions can interrupt patterns of rumination after bereavement. However,
Speaker 1: these findings describe general patterns rather than guarantees for every person.
Speaker 1: Because the sequence meets you in the fog of guilt,
Speaker 1: it avoids promising any quick end to the pain. Instead,
Speaker 1: it offers a brief return to what remains known right now.
Speaker 1: While some days the answers feel obvious, on others, they
Speaker 1: stay quiet, and that difference stays acceptable. Although the practice
Speaker 1: ends here the connection to what you know for certain
Speaker 1: can continue through the rest of your day. Here's why
Speaker 1: this short sequence helps interrupt the guilt loop. Naming the
Speaker 1: what if thought out loud and then anchoring yourself to
Speaker 1: what you know for certain right now interrupts the cycle
Speaker 1: because it moves your mind from speculation to something concrete
Speaker 1: you can hold on to instead, while the thoughts still
Speaker 1: arrive without warning, the sequence gives you a clear next
Speaker 1: step because you repeat the fact question two more times
Speaker 1: before moving on. That repetition matters because it reinforces the
Speaker 1: shift away from the loop, rather than letting the mind
Speaker 1: wander back into the unknown. The hand on your chest
Speaker 1: at the end pairs with those breaths to create a
Speaker 1: brief self soothing response because the physical contact and steady
Speaker 1: breathing send a signal that you are present with yourself
Speaker 1: in this moment. Although grief does not follow any set order,
Speaker 1: this small action meets you where the fog feels thickest,
Speaker 1: since it requires no special setting or extra time time.
Speaker 1: Researchers using the Self Compassion Scale developed by NEF in
Speaker 1: twenty nineteen found that people who practice naming difficult thoughts
Speaker 1: and offering themselves this kind of steady presence reported lower
Speaker 1: intensity in their self critical loops over time. Because the
Speaker 1: practice stays short, it fits into those moments when functioning
Speaker 1: feels out of reach, while still offering something you can
Speaker 1: return to later in the day. The truth is, the
Speaker 1: rumination does not disappear overnight, yet each time you complete
Speaker 1: the steps, you build a small bridge back to the
Speaker 1: present instead of staying stuck. Meanwhile, the chest touch adds
Speaker 1: a layer of reassurance because it connects the words you
Speaker 1: spoke with a physical reminder that you are here now.
Speaker 1: Since the sequence already includes the naming and fact questions,
Speaker 1: the breaths simply extend that same grounding without introducing anything new.
Speaker 1: You can try the same approach first thing in the
Speaker 1: morning when the dread shows up, or right before bed,
Speaker 1: when the thoughts tend to surface again. The grief guilt
Speaker 1: after death practice stays under five minutes, so it works
Speaker 1: even on days when concentration feels limited. Take one slow
Speaker 1: breath now while your hand rests on your chest, and
Speaker 1: notice how the facts you named earlier still hold true
Speaker 1: in this moment. When those what if thoughts return later
Speaker 1: today or tomorrow, try naming them out loud once more,
Speaker 1: and then asking what you know for certain. That quick
Speaker 1: return to the steps you just practiced can help break
Speaker 1: the loop before it gains too much strength. Because grief
Speaker 1: does not follow a schedule, these moments may show up
Speaker 1: at unexpected times. You can always come back to this
Speaker 1: conversation whenever you need the reminder of how to move
Speaker 1: from speculation towards something more solid. The practice remains available
Speaker 1: whenever guilt after death pulls you into those questions again.
Speaker 1: Taking that pause with your hand on your chest offers
Speaker 1: a steady point, even in the middle of an ordinary afternoon.
Speaker 1: Over the next twenty four hours, notice how the thoughts arrive,
Speaker 1: and choose to eat them with the same naming and
Speaker 1: anchoring steps. This builds a gentle habit that supports you
Speaker 1: without demanding much time or energy. If this podcast helps
Speaker 1: you make sense of your grief, join our supporters club
Speaker 1: and help us keep these conversations going. You will find
Speaker 1: the link in the episode description. You're doing the work
Speaker 1: by showing up for yourself today.