Speaker 1: This is not.
Speaker 2: Don't exclaim to be.
Speaker 1: On your life.
Speaker 2: Down your us.
Speaker 1: Turn a straight from the.
Speaker 2: Because you'll find no.
Speaker 3: Be s f side courast.
Speaker 2: Hi there, Welcome to Orphans and Dragon side Quest. As
Drew would say, it's a fucking side quest. We should
really know the deal by now. I'm not going to
get convoluted about it. Sometimes we play games. Sometimes we
talk ship. I guess which one this is. Fuck out.
Speaker 1: It feels like a talking ship day.
Speaker 2: It feels like a talking ship day. We've all had
a rough week. Sometimes we just want to blow off
some steam. Sometimes we just want to blow up another dude.
But that doesn't make for great audio. No, no, and
with me today is Robert Beffin. Hello friends, Hello Robert Bevan.
We don't have anyone else with It's Friday night. I've
had a long fucking week. I want to blow off
some steam on a fucking side quest. We've already demonetized ourselves,
probably with blowing a dude noise of it. Also to swear,
so you know, I don't know what to eat tube
algorithm is about these days, Bevan. I'm not switching on,
but yeah, we're recording this. This is not for our
secret patreons. That's the recording for us up in less
recording folks up in which case, because we already did
one of these how do you do side quests and
it was a rare Steve era actually is why the
broader audience didn't get that. But the two people who
actually join us on the discord, and you can join
us on the discord whenever you like, if you just
sign up to our patron. I'm sure they had a
great time. I had a great time. Thank you for
showing up. Guys. We've got Zachabel Trades with us in
the chat at the moment. He's having a great time,
I'm sure.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, talking about mud and drywall.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're talking about drywall. And now it's come to
this Jesus fucking Christ anyway, Ausme Dragons the Entertainment sometimes
weekly show, sometimes fortnightly. Sometimes we'll chuck in a random
side quest when Steve's had a hard week and he
needs to blow off some steam with his fellow podcasters,
by which I mean the only one that's actually available
right now, Like.
Speaker 1: I wanted nothing else to do on a Friday.
Speaker 2: Night, good old reliable Bevin.
Speaker 1: It's uh huh, I don't know how how deeply we
delve into our personal lives there. But it's been been
a few rough weeks for me and my wife's been
in uh in Korea for I guess a month now,
and uh yeah, I've been holding down the ford here
learning that I can't cook for shit.
Speaker 2: I'd love it if you just lost all concept of times, like, mate,
she's been away for three days? Come on, you did
to write the same Bevin.
Speaker 1: No, it's been a month. I've got two more weeks
to go. Ah.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm hold out for you, mate, I'm there with you.
Speaker 1: I did I mean spaghetti last night, which actually came
out good.
Speaker 2: That's great. My wife's been absent for about six years. Mate.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how's your cooking?
Speaker 2: Spaghetti's pretty good? Spaghetti's fucking men? Doing well with a
spaghett you know what? Uh? God, day job doing a
day job. I'm done with day jobs, mate, tell you what.
It's fort of fucking birds. If somebody would like to
buy a million of my books right now, please do Yeah,
that's why I've already bought them. If you don't have
a million books, just buy a million copies and I
shouldn't have to spell this out. You're reading Steve Weaverell books.
So yeah, a nice Friday night beer. I'll tell you what.
I went down to my local pub today, so I
did some overtime. Ship Chat is saying, Christmas is coming up,
give them to all your friends. You know what, you
can get fucked, Zach. It's not about charity. This is
about me retiring steep Step.
Speaker 1: You're missing what he's saying. He's saying for you to
tell people to give buy your books to give to
all their friends.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you've got a million friends, please do by
them each the Steeve Weatherall book that really fucking helped
me out, or Chat says, or in the case of shingles,
give them to your enemies. And if you've got a
million enemies, well done. Nice. Yeah. I went down to
my local to right as I worked late in my
fucking day job doing my best my Dolly Parton did,
and they'd closed it down for a sixty six birthday pie,
which is annoying to me because that's my local and
I shouldn't be kicked out of that because they've hired
it out to someone. And also if it's a sixty
six year old birthday pie, I've got a great chance
of getting late, So I was really annoyed that having
a bad day.
Speaker 1: Ah well, on the bright side brought you home so
we could do this fun recording.
Speaker 2: Yes, that is the bright side. I could be getting
a toothless blow job right now. Ah yeah, what a world.
Politics keeps happening, People still at war. I'm still largely
indifferent to the whole shit personally. What's going on with television?
Speaker 1: Television? It exists, man, it.
Speaker 2: Does, just like war and politics. Largely indifferent to it.
Speaker 1: I've run out of shit to watch. I can't find
anything that looks remotely interesting. I watched I Think You
Should Leave. That was fun, but I only had three seasons.
Speaker 2: And also I Think You Should Leave is fucking brilliant
for one in free sketches. It's very money.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, no, because when Miley Python was boring, it
was like really boring, and then the standout once. But
I think you should live. I mean, even though you know,
shittier ones aren't that bad, I think.
Speaker 2: The shitty ones are still massively awkward. Yeah yeah, just
supremely all. Yeah, so I can relate to that ship,
so yeah, yeah, I agree with you.
Speaker 1: There.
Speaker 2: I don't get there. I think that guy's a genius.
I'd love to be his roommate. They say you should
never eat never say you should never eat your heroes.
Never eat your heroes. Fuck it, eat your heroes, go nuts,
do what you like. It's nearly Christmas. You should never
meet your heroes. I imagine if I was that guy's roommate,
he turned out to just be like a really sensible,
quite nice guy. And also he'd be living with me.
He's just like, you know, the appeal of me wears
off like pretty quickly. I don't think it would be
quite the wacky sitcom vibes I'm accepting. I think we'd
just be kind of arguing about loading the dishwasher correctly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, you're here for like about a week and
we had fun.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I should. They're gonna put this up front.
We already did a recording about my time in America.
A dragon can't but I fucked it up and it's
gone now. So yeah, I went to America to go
to dragon Com, which is conveniently in the same city
where Bevan lives, so he graciously allowed me to live in.
It's wonderful. Its wonderful family, and I only once got
really drunk and accidentally wandered into his son's room, and
that could have.
Speaker 1: Happened, actually take a pee in my son's room. Yeah,
it didn't even pull your dick out right.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, no not at all, So it could have
It could have went a lot worse. But yeah, I
had a wonderful time. And you were saying about me
being a wacky sitcom room mate.
Speaker 1: Now I'm just saying and when you know, like but
heads or anything. It was a fun time.
Speaker 2: All time we are, You're very accommodating. You let me
sleep in, yeah, big sleeper, So that was that was
more a case of like jet lag and also staying
up with you drinking till four a. Yeah, the fact
that you get up a reasonable time after doing that,
that's not a me proper. That's like most people need
more than four hours sleep, Like I was getting a
good you know, I'm the kind of guy who needs
a good eight hours, and I was like getting up
after seven. I think that's you know, I did my
part to.
Speaker 1: Be I don't know, I don't know what to do.
It's his vacation. Sure should I let him sleep in
or and like miss out on doing things or should
I wake them up? I don't know, Mum, I don't know.
I think like schedule wise, we still have to do things. Yeah,
I mean I definitely miss breakfast, but you know, I
was therefore kind of I guess an hour late for lunch. Ah,
it was, it was kind of. It was great. I
got to go to dragon Con, ticket to dragon Con. Graciously.
Speaker 2: I was allowed to stay at your house and you
didn't You weren't that keen on going to dragon Conn.
Speaker 1: No, Steeve's coming over. But the price I have to
pay is going to dragon Con. I It's not something
I typically enjoy. I don't really like conventions, unless you know,
with the one exception, authors and dragons Con, because with
the best convention, well, and that, I'm like, I am
one of the centers of attention. People are there to
see me, so I know my place, I know what
I'm supposed to be doing, and I'm having fun. I'm drinking,
I'm talking to people, and that's good. I'm thriving dragon Con.
Nobody gives a ship about me. I don't give a
ship about them, Like what what? What? What's the point
of going? I don't I don't want to see any
of the panels.
Speaker 2: Like, I think this is a a delve into your
idea of what socializing is because we were there with
my friend Alan, who, to be fair, Alan's a bit
much for me. But Alan was kind of like, Okay,
we're making friends with this guy.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're talking about we're gonna we're going to learn
everything about his life. And Alan, I don't care about
people this much. I didn't even care about you this much.
But once he kind of in that mindset where you're
just talking to everyone because you haven't you kind of
are to cend him attention.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm not. I'm not Alan, I'm not gonna
do that. Yeah, but I did enjoy myself this time.
Another part of it, all right, well, you know a
bigger difference that I didn't really realize until now. It's
a yeah, having something to do, having somebody to talk to.
Anytime I've gone and try and conn in the past,
it's like I did so because I was on a panel.
So outside of that, I didn't know what to do.
I didn't have any friends there I was with or anything.
So like, all right, don't have my panel, got some
going home, there's nothing else here. I want to do.
But uh, this time I went with you. We got
ship faced, had a great time. I had a great time.
Speaker 2: I had a great time.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, but you wanted to go in the first place.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah. I think people are right, they're all right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's fine. But I don't approach people. Well, I don't.
I don't start up conversation with the strangers.
Speaker 2: That's weird to me, because that's why I drink. So
I can do that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I drink because it's cool to quiet the demons.
I guess I don't know.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm a naturally shy person, So get a couple
of booze in me, and then I like the leveling
effect of alcohol and social situations because if you're at
the right level. Don't get me wrong, I get to
the wrong level pretty fucking quickly. But if you're at
the right level, it's like everyone's equal. This is like
the English pub mentality. You can go to a pub.
There could be a landed gentry there. There could be
a fucking air rest, there could be a drug dealer,
there could be somebody who's just a very violent, stabby person.
On the same page, we're just there to get wasted.
That's kind of the British way. Yeah, I don't know idea.
Speaker 1: If I had a friend, then that would solve a
lot of the issues.
Speaker 2: But oh yeah, don't get me wrong.
Speaker 1: I like, I'm fine talking with other people too. As
long as you know the guy i'm with initiates these
new conversations, I'm not going to do it. But uh,
you know, I had fun with you, and you'd chat
up you know, some other people, and then I'd get
into that conversation and have a good time. But I
can't appreciate that sort of thing. I need an Australian friend.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and yeah, absolutely, a really good English one. I'm
not a great I'm not a great example of an Englishman.
Speaker 1: You are. You're fine for me because even if we
don't talk to anybody else, that's fine. I'm talking to you,
m It's what I wanted to do in the first place.
Speaker 2: As long as he got the old default Steve Dad,
this is like.
Speaker 1: I mean, as good a time I had in Atlanta,
the best part of the con my porch.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, that was great, but that's because I know you.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when I'm out and about, I do need like
I'm much better of a wing man. You know, if
I've got like a much better bounceing off of people,
I'm not a great initiator.
Speaker 1: This is you have no idea you are. You serve
that purpose for me. You think you're not good at it,
but I'm fucking shit at it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but even just just having someone in your corner man,
you know it helps helps.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I guess we talked to a few
other people, but like I kind of regret buying a ticket.
Speaker 2: Because yeah, well you could have got a free ticket back.
If I got a fucking ticket, you can get.
Speaker 1: No, that's not the point.
Speaker 3: I didn't.
Speaker 1: Well, we only did one thing where the ticket was
even required, and that was not great. You know, the well,
this is true.
Speaker 2: It's like I fucked up the logistics on this because
I was thinking, like, obviously I'm going to go there.
I need to see my friend Alan, and obviously I'm
staying with Bevan, and you know, I want like proper
porch time with Bevan, but I also want to experience
you didn't know.
Speaker 1: About porch time until you got here.
Speaker 2: Oh what we do porch time digitally all the time.
I wanted that person, and I think I was kind
of like I don't know why this didn't click for me,
but I was like, maybe I'll get a hotel for
one of the nights in dragon Con so we can
just stay over and get fucked the Dragon. I didn't
realize how ridiculous that request was. I was talking to
John Hards was like, I was thinking, maybe I'll get
like a hotel. It's just like good luck, and you.
Speaker 1: Know what, It's probably for the best because the alternative
was the uber there and back, and that's probably less
expensive than a hotel would have been.
Speaker 2: No, it turned out to be like really fucking convenient.
It's like it was just like, oh oh, or we'll
get an uber in for much less money, much less responsibility,
and also the option of fast traveling on the way back.
Because on the way back I got into that uber
and I just like blinked and then I was home.
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't remember anything about that ride.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's brilliant, fantastic, is exactly what you want. I
normally hate getting taxes home because I'm conscious, but that
I was just like, take me home, fast traveling. MHM.
Didn't piss myself or nothing. Yeah, I don't think of no,
but we only did that once. We should have done
that a couple of times. Yeah, well next time, because
we can do the porch thing around other people. That's
the thing. The porch thing was great, But we can
take that shot on the road. Yeah, we can do
a Frost Nixon with a bunch of like really ungrateful people.
We do not know what they're in for.
Speaker 1: Ah, that was a plan we had. This just didn't happen.
Speaker 2: We were supposed to record a live for us Nixon.
But every time I woke up in the morning like
I am I'm wait, my hands are shaking. Didn't wake
up in the morning every time I woke up in
my version of the morning as I'm sorry, mate, but
I'm a frail old man. This ain't happening. But we
should have just took that ship live. We should just
took a mic out with us getting it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we should have just warned like a GoPro and
then let the night.
Speaker 2: Happen live on the road. FROs Nixon, it's like, nice
to meet you, fellow WARFA. How do you feel about Hitler?
Speaker 1: We did have some fun that would have been fun
to record.
Speaker 2: One of my standout memories of it is this some
people came him over and started talking to you about shingles,
and you were like, I'm going to be like quite
disparaging about Americans, but he's something. He's what I think
of as the typical American because you were talking about
shingles and this guy came over and went, oh, hey, guys,
how are you doing. I've just come over from Panama.
I was like, what if my bro was just making
a fucking pitch there? Man? What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, I've come over from Panama and now
I want to start a conversation now. And I was like, oh,
how do you do? It's like, where are you from?
Speaker 4: You?
Speaker 2: Oh? England? He went, oh, I'm sorry about that. I
was like, how do you enjoy your fucking vaccines? You
Panama motherfucker? But he didn't see the funny side of that,
and you shouldn't have because he was rude. That kind
of person who like gets into your circle is annoying.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, unless you're Allen. You're talking to that guy
for like forty five minutes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a Panama I'm also an expert in that. Yeah. Ale,
you can just fucking talk to anyone for anyone so
I don't talk to him. We were about to fucking
sell some child molestation. But man, that's why we're here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember that now, it doesn't It didn't matter
that I was, you know, pitching my books, Like it's
just rude to jump into somebody else's conversation and I start.
Speaker 2: I was more interesting than all of you, And he
was not an interesting guy at all. I've met some
I've met some barbles in my time. That guy took
the fucking cake. But yeah, we only did that once,
so I think we probably should have done that every night.
Speaker 1: Well, it didn't even occur to me. I'm locked in
this like like old man from the Depression kind of thing,
like where we're terrified of enjoying myself. If it's a yeah,
I need, I need to be like working or doing
something to move ahead constantly, like and I just feel
guilty if I'm run. But you know, we're at that
Korean bakery mm hmm, and like a light switch snapped
on and like wait a second, Steve's fucking here from England.
I should enjoy myself one night.
Speaker 2: I've very much enjoyed the Korean baker. Yeah right, but
that's the thing if we because I was locked into
a strange mentality of like, well, we can't get an
uber there and back. That's insane. I'll have to get
a hotel room if we're gonna go out and drink
and socialize with our fucking peers and try and sell
ourselves on our product. And I thought after I came back,
it's like we could have just uber debt every fucking day,
had a great time, gone home honestly for a twelve hours.
Speaker 1: Walking up for me at least wake up in my
own bed and you know, yeah, yeah, everything that's comfortable.
I don't have to check in, check out or anything.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I was so certain, like I've
got to get a hotel room, because.
Speaker 1: No, it's ridiculous and you think about it in retrospect.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, but we're all learning. Yeah, yeah, next time,
next time, Yeah, just camp up at your place. I'll
get the Uber. We'll talk to some strangers, because you know,
you've got to go out there and fucking meet people.
How dare you? How dare you keep Robert Bevan from
the masses.
Speaker 1: Ah yeah, well if you're here, you can ease be
in because I'm not good at it. Yeah, I'm meant
it to sound dirty.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I know you. If I was just going,
if I didn't know you and I just met you
in a bar as I, what do you do? He'd like,
I just I write a bunch of dick jokes around
D and D and also this wildly inappropriate horror series.
I'd be like, that's fascinating, tell me more about that ship.
Speaker 1: That's never how it goes, though, Like, because I do
a lot of uber driving and uh. I talked to
some people when they initiate conversation and they you know,
I'll ask you you do this full time? I said, no,
I'll do this, but I also write a series of
fantasy novels. And they'll be like, oh, that's interesting, and
that's it. Nobody gives a ship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because they're in an uber Guess how much I
give a shit about my uber driver. I don't care
if it was fucking Barrack Obama, give a fucking shit.
It's like, mate, I want to go somewhere. I want
to zone out until I get I want to fast travel.
Fuck you, I don't care how interesting you are. I'm
sure you're lovely, but we're talking about going to bars
with our ears and people who adore those peers stealing
their fans or at least alienating their fans, which I
find just as satisfying. Zach in the chat says there
is a rough plan in the discord to get an
Airbnb house and make the unofficial A and D cabin.
If that's a thing, then maybe all could do a
Frost Nickson at that cabin. That sounds a little bit misery,
escue mate.
Speaker 4: But.
Speaker 2: We all just go to a cabin. We just show
up to a fucking cabin in the woods, and Zach's
there and he just forces to record a Froust Nixon,
I assume.
Speaker 1: So is this like a plan for like an A
and D con Oh all right, No, for the next truck, for.
Speaker 2: The next ah. Yeah, like a little sub section where
the A and D fans can go.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was was privileged to run into a couple of
A and D fans there. That was great. It was
always great to see you guys, Great see your But
it was also kind of like I was. I had
a load of spare Brandon Frimester books, so I was
kind of just putting on the tables and I can't
recall his name at a minute. Please forgive me, mate,
I know who you are. We bumped into each other
a few times. He kind of picked them up. I
was like, you're not my target audience, you're already a convert.
Just leave them.
Speaker 1: I want them to stealing ship that he should be buying.
Speaker 2: So that's not how this works, right, I'm trying to
expand the fandom. But no, it was great. It was
he was lovely seeing A and d Is at this
massive event. And it's weird as well because I just
kind of bumped into them naturally, which I thought, how
many people are there, like fucking thousands.
Speaker 1: Of nerds, tens of thousands, tens.
Speaker 2: Of thousands of nerds. Yeah, it's wonderful to bump into
some old faces. And also so the old crew as well.
I mean, I haven't seen John or Drew in a while.
Speaker 1: I didn't actually see John well John still.
Speaker 2: Johnny was in working the crowd, doing what he does best,
telling writers what they're doing wrong. That's his like a
that's his his skill set. The amount of people just
queuing up to talk to John so he could tell
them what they're doing fucking wrong. Yeah, he's also he's
got a YouTube channel now, please do look that up
if you haven't already. John Hartness, if you're one of
those people who follows A and D for writing advice,
he realizes that like about fifty percent of his aren't
really into the writing advice. But John's really good on it,
so you can get that on his YouTube channel. Please
do like and subscribe. Smash that fucking button.
Speaker 1: I also have a YouTube channel where I write dirty
country songs.
Speaker 2: That's true, not quite as useful, but it is a
lesson for its fucking comedy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Devon country.
Speaker 2: Yeh, Heaven Country yeha. That is good. Bevan's still putting
reliable comedy out there onto the YouTube's for those of
you who are needing a comedic redneck fix. But anyway, yeah,
Dragon Con was great, but I know I was not
prepared for the scale of that at all. I tried
to get into the vendor area queuing up for about
an hour and a half and the vendor To be honest,
the vendor area just had ninety percent all the same
ship I'd expect that any other con, but also some
really cool shit, and uh no, it was good. It
was just it's always nice to just be surrounded by
nerds in the weird costumes being showered at by angry
Jesus followers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're force.
Speaker 2: Yeah, why are you trying to save these These are
the most harmless people on the fucking planet. If the
world was made up of these nerds, there'd be no
wars arguments.
Speaker 1: About these particular people. It's like, all right, here's the
highest concentration of people that we can reach right now,
So we're going to change zero minds, but we're gonna
annoy them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's the thing. They weren't kind of like,
you know what, guys, Jesus is pretty cool, and he was.
He was pretty cool. They were just like, ah, you
all need to be saved. Well, it's like they look
like they're don't fine. Mate. One he's dressed as her,
He's doing fine. He's a seven foot black dude dressed
as a Japanese school girl. He's living his best life.
What are you saving from perfection? Fuck you? Jesus would
have loved that guy. Jesus would have touched that guy's feet.
Speaker 1: I think my favorite costume I saw was a getting
off with massive tits. Wow, there's anything perfect mixture though
she's got the full long gray Beard and jow wizard robes.
Speaker 2: But low Cut's ah well, I said this on the
previous recording, but I'm going to say again, I did
see my sluttiest speak at you ever. Has anyone's been
following the journey of me at conventions? My first convention
was Charlotte, and I was shocked to see a very
slutty Pikachu. But I've been taking note of it from them,
just collecting slave Pokemon. Got to catch them are obviously,
and no DragCon had the sluttiest one wearing the Pikachy.
One's a zip down to just above clip, I think,
and you know, fair play, that's a winner.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but the difference. I remember the one from Charlotte,
and she was actually good looking.
Speaker 2: He said this people she wasn't good look yeah, not
at all. Not to be judgmental, I'm not good looking,
but if I would, I would have been the sluttiest people.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I've got to put a little bit more, get a
bit more of a cup size going on, maybe to
compete with that. But no, it's not about how attracted
they are. Instead, it is for me, No, not for me. Yeah,
I'm fucking professional about this.
Speaker 1: Different strokes for different folks. The one in Charlotte gets
my strokes.
Speaker 2: We're on different levels here of judging. I'm just I'm
all about the brazenness, the pure confidence of taking a
children's carts in and making it as awfully sexual as possible.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess that's how I felt about the the
giant titted gaind after not something I'm attracted to, but
yeah I was impressed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean you try, you try to have one
after rest of that, just out of respect. But you
had a wonderful time. I had a wonderful time in
christ what's the name of Swani swany brilliant, lovely place.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like it here.
Speaker 2: M hmm. Yeah. Everywhere I go in in England is
always like a bit ship. It's kind of like it
looks it's either like a Hobbit town or it's a
bit ship.
Speaker 1: I thought, like your neighborhood was perfectly charming when I
was there.
Speaker 2: It's lovely, it's like a Hobbit town. Of all the
Hobbits were like, uh, always slightly angry, blue collar hobbits.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I didn't I mean I didn't meet many people.
But your dad jumped out of fucking nowhere into cost
to me on the streets, which was weird because I
had never met him before. Uh, but uh, yeah, he
knew the who the fuck we were bevin.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna lay you a little little secret. There aren't
many fucking seven foot Americans with Korean families in my village.
Speaker 1: That came out of nowhere though. And uh and there
was a woman that sounded like Lord Lord Farnsworth butter biscuits.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was always one who lets the fucking side down.
Speaker 1: Mate.
Speaker 2: Ah, you know what I'm gonna I'm going to take
a brief editing pause, edit, and I'm going to take
a piss. You can even fill this gap with entertaining
things that I don't have to edit.
Speaker 1: I'm no, I'm gonna go take a piss to and
then take the dog out, Zach.
Speaker 2: We're going to go take a piss. The dog's got
a piss. You can have a pisce whof you want. So, Yeah,
Dragon Con it was an experience, and it does. It
baffles me. You don't try it more al To be fair,
I don't think I made shit all out of that experience.
Speaker 1: That was certainly a loss lot of profit.
Speaker 2: Yes, financially, you know, maybe we spread the good word
as shingles. I think I came in because I did
some panels and it doesn't have to be fun. And
I met some other offers and they were like, really funny.
I was on a comedy panel a dating show, and
the team I was with were really funny. I was
really nervous about holding my own, but luckily I was
with a good team and that always makes it a
lot easier. So it was nice to meet them. And
I went on a panel and I just had a
couple of books left. So I said to them, like,
so I got I got two books left. Everyone you
level be and by wolves any once, and please come up.
One guy came up and took it. Another guy came
up and took him was like, can you sign it?
I was like, you don't know me, motherfucker, but sure.
He was like, can I take a photo? Can I
take a photo of you? I was like, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Forgetting the author's book, I mean, and is there.
Speaker 2: I'm glad. I'm glad you had a great time. Massively
fucking hungover for talking about ship. I do not understand
at all. I was on apocalyptic fiction and the guys.
I was on the panel with my God. They were
super prepped about apocalypse. They knew every single week point
in the whole fucking Western structure of supply. They're like,
did you know that these chips are produced in this
factory in this place. If that factory explodes, we are fucked.
I was like, man, this is a depressing panel. I
was really trying hard to make some yucks in that panel.
I think I did a couple of them.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I had an experience like that on a panel
with Rick. Once I forgot what convention it was, I
forgot the subject of the panel, but it was something
like in retrospect. I should have known better, like maybe
kind of like a problematic topic or something. And he
and I both for some reason thought it would be funny,
but it was not.
Speaker 2: You know, I did my best. I was on comfort Reading,
which I thought was going to be dire, but it
was actually really good and I got a couple of laughs.
And I was on the Falstaff one. I only got two.
I was annoyed about the file Staff one because it's
basically all the fal Staff actors and as what it's like, Jack,
they are Hartley or something, and he is British and
I suspect funnier than me, which was really fucking annoying.
And he went on before me.
Speaker 1: To say, yeah, yeah, I wouldn't say you wait, smarter
than you, but I don't know if it's funnier.
Speaker 2: Oh, he's definitely smarter than me. I think I could
take him in a fist fighter, but he was. He was, yeah,
he's like, oh I have the fun British guy. It's like,
what have I got?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 2: Have I got out? JR? Fuck you a lovely guy.
Know obviously wouldn't fist fight him unless it came down
to it. So yeah, that the false stuff one was fun.
But I had like comfort reading and a popult fiction.
I'm like, not about comfort reading and apocalyptic fiction. I
know fuck all about that genre when it comes to
really precise genres. I'm not your man. And but I
did all right. I know I got a few lefs
in both them, so I felt good about it. It
was nice to be kind of like in a fucking
panel again. You know it's good. Yeah, I say now,
acting like I know what a funk I'm talking about
winging shit. It's basically I think that's my speed.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: I can wing shit.
Speaker 1: I've had a few good panels over the years, but uh,
most of them nothing special. One oh good last I
think maybe two years ago or something, I was invited
to be in the uh the Southern Fried Gaming Expo.
H and I was invited to be on a panel
for that. Now I was invited like two years prior
to that, and I had a good time. I was
on a panel, did my part, got some laughs. But
then so I was invited back two years later. So
I show up at the panel. It's just me. There's
no moderator, no other panelists. I like because when I
go I don't prepare for anything. I go there and
I'm ready to answer the moderator's questions to the best
of my ability.
Speaker 2: But welcome to the rubbit of an experience.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I and like, you know, there was nobody
in the room for like until like twenty minutes beforehand,
or maybe nobody's going to show up.
Speaker 1: And then they started coming in. So I was up
front with them, guys, I got nothing.
Speaker 2: Real up close and pass I.
Speaker 1: Was I mean, I and I did my best. I
said as much as I could. I filled like ten
minutes and then uh, I guess we'll open it up
to questions now.
Speaker 2: But yeah, but you could have just been like, you know,
why you guys here, what do you want out of this?
Speaker 1: You could have done that. I Oh, we have this
talk so many times. I'm not good at thinking on
my feet and speaking to people.
Speaker 2: Well, the thing with me is, and I think most
people have listened to the podcast realized this is I
only have the option of thinking on my feet because
I'm fucking dumb. I've got no I can't recall any
information at any time. I like no power recall whatsoever.
All I can do is just fucking wing it. When
people I ask me writing advice, I'm like, dude, you
think I know how to write something? Just let my
fingers do the walking. Hope for the best, and if
I can do it, you can do it. That's the
only positive message I have. I've been hitting ahead a
lot in my time. I'm not a bright guy. I
have to ever since I as a kid kind of
learned to just kind of pretend I know what the
fuck is going on.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's necessarily true because we're talking and
stuff and uh, like you know, with other people, and
you're talking about your little Marvel shows or whatever, like
you know what's going on, you make insights and things,
and like I got nothing.
Speaker 2: I observe and report maintenance. Everything else is winging it.
This is always the thing about being funny as well.
I'm not sure if I am funny. There are so
many people out there who I like comedy. I like
the technicalities of comedy. I can sit there and deconstruct
the stand up and like understand why it works. But
I can't retain that and you know, blurt it out
with people. Whereas there are people out there who can
remember a joke and remember what's funny and know what's
funny on the internet, absorbed that and just blurt it
out when it's appropriate, and they are way more successfully
funny than I am. Like five times out of ten,
when I try and be funny, it's just fucking awkward.
It's just weird.
Speaker 1: I haven't found that to be the case.
Speaker 2: They'll tell you about the time, they'll tell you my
last girlfriend, they'll tell you about my killer opening move.
Speaker 1: I went to.
Speaker 2: We're all being made redundant at work, right and they're
all out in the smoking area, and I was just
kind of going out and I saw them. They're like, oh, Steve,
we're all talking about the redundancy. It's like, oh, can
you keep a secret? I was like, yeah, I can
keep a secret. It's like, are you sure? It was like, yeah,
I once killed a dog with my bear hands, and
it's just like I thought I was fucking hilarious when
I said it, but when I said it, it's like
five people just went that's like, sorry, guys. In my
head that sounded hilarious. But obviously I've made things very
awkward now. But then again, I did get a girlfriend
out of it.
Speaker 1: So did you think it was funny?
Speaker 2: Yeah? And she had dogs. I don't think she thought
it was funny. I don't know she pity of it
if she hates dogs. I don't know. I don't know
how people work, man, I don't know what they fucking want.
Just winging it, which I hope is inspirational to our listeners.
You too, can be a dick on a podcast whenever
you want. There's really no trick to it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I don't know if that's necessarily the case.
That's a there are people that are not funny. I
won't I won't mention your names. Yeah, but uh they're try,
it's just not happening.
Speaker 2: That guy who came fucking interrupted your shingles pitch thought
he was charming as.
Speaker 1: Charming, Yeah, but I don't think he thought it was funny.
Speaker 2: I think funny and charming go hand in hand.
Speaker 1: They can.
Speaker 2: It's like that. It's like into interpreting the charisma stat
in D and D. Everyone's like, well, what is charisma?
I think a part charisma is landing a joke, no
matter how fucking you know, ugly or awful you are.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I mean that's different than funny. That's a
I mean, it takes charisma to do both things. But
that guy thought he was fascinating with the world traveler
exploits and whatever.
Speaker 2: But also it's a little bit drunk when he made
that fucking English remarcus.
Speaker 1: I don't remember what English remark.
Speaker 2: He's just like, oh, where are you from? So why
I'm English? And he went, oh, I'm sorry about that.
I was like, oh, yeah, nice retort, dude. You want
to go outside. There's fucking a load of people dressed
as peek at you out there. No one's going to
notice if I beat the ship. Yeah, that a few
bits I know, you're right, there are different ways of
being funny. I don't. I don't. I don't know how
much I coast on this podcast just buying your weird voice.
I think thats just it holds so much fucking water
with with you people.
Speaker 1: Ship My mute button was on the whole time I
was talking, but I was saying, I was saying, what's
the joke there? Like, I'm sorry, it's just offensive.
Speaker 2: It's just kind of like, well, no, I.
Speaker 1: Mean, there's no there's no like reputation to get behind there,
Like if you said, if you said, oh, I'm from
Canada and I'm sorry, okay, that's you know, I've got
nothing against Canada or Canadians, but uh, you know a
lot of people look at that as like America light
or something. But so there's something there.
Speaker 2: It was a lot of people hate English.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: I grew up in Coolby, which is full of like
Scottish and Irish and growing up and just going like, yeah,
I got two Scottish grannies, but I'm English. It's like
that's enough sometimes for someone to have a fucking goue,
Like all right, what about a potato family? All right?
Speaker 1: What about it? Man? Coming from the point of view
of an American though, where is it? What's there? If
this was two hundred years ago, sure.
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, well you guys are definitely kind of the winners,
so it is kind of punching down. I'd be like,
imagine I was there and like a guy came up
and went, hey, how you did. I'm like, hey, man,
where are you from? Oh? India. I'd be like, oh,
sorry about that. Wow. But I would get it, I know,
because yeah, I'm apologizing. No, that makes more sense of like,
sorry about that, dude. Oh no, I'm sorry from India.
Speaker 1: That's what I would get. It wouldn't be funny, it
would be mean, but it would make sense as well.
Speaker 2: Incredibly mean. Yeah, what fucking same person would do? How
do you do? Yeah? Fuck you and your people? All right, okay,
enjoying your vaccines? You English speaking motherfucker? I do you
know what I do? Worry about it sometimes. Maybe I'm
not that funny. Maybe these Americans just been like, oh,
he has a charming accent that I learned from fucking No,
I've known Mary Poppins movie. Look, he's a chimney sweep.
Speaker 1: I've known a few Englishmen in my time. And they're
not all charming, they're not all funny. There's a reason
I still talk to you.
Speaker 2: Well. I have the unusual experience of going out in
my home town and people asking me where I'm from.
My motherfucker here, like literally five minutes away. I've always
been a bit of an odd ball. I guess basically, chat,
I can't give you any writing advice. You can only
be who you are. Try and write it down. Maybe
if you're like really good at it, you can be better.
But I'm not really good at it. Transpose my weird
little thoughts onto a page for you to enjoy.
Speaker 1: I'm funny.
Speaker 2: You are funny. You are mechanically very funny. You're more
mechanically funny than I. Definitely you'll set up, build up,
and pay off. It's fucking incredible. It's kind of to me,
it's like Benny Hill. I'm not saying you are like
Benny Hill, but it's like Benny I've said, actually her,
I asked loads of people.
Speaker 1: No, Benny Hill's sexually.
Speaker 2: That was like a huge part of his act was
in the time Benny Hill was kind of music. Yeah,
just kind of like, oh this is you think, like
looking at it, like this is dumb, and it's like
one of those bell curve things. You think this is dumb,
and then as you kind of like go through, it's like, actually,
this is genius. And then when you think about more,
you're like, no, this is dumb, but that is the
fucking genius about it.
Speaker 1: That's what I strive for, because yeah, anyone could just say, like,
you know, just interject he firted, but oh.
Speaker 2: No, I've read loads of people who try and do
what you do and it's just kind of like, yeah,
great mate, you fired and a fucking elevator, Well done,
but no, you do it again. It's that bell cuve.
It's just like this scope of genius and then slam
dunking it back into never had that pretension that when
it lands, it's kind of like that is cleverer than
a lot of people who are trying to not go
in that kind of vein of humor could be.
Speaker 1: Great. Yeah, you see, you're a lot better at articulating
things than I am. What I would say is I've
read unfunny shit that was trying to be funny, and
I don't know my shit's better than that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've read clever shit. There's trying to be clever,
and I'm like, h don't really that clever. The Pillsbury
dough Boy Jean Jesus thing was just like so.
Speaker 1: Fucking Salisburg dough child.
Speaker 2: So fucking stupid.
Speaker 5: Like if we were just drinking and he said that,
I'd be like, Ah, that's fucking stupid. That's great, but
you put it on the page, that's fucking stupid. It's
like it goes all the way up to genius, but
you don't leave an age.
Speaker 2: You're like, no, this is fucking stupid. It is great.
Speaker 1: Well, that only worked because you know that there was
enough to build up to it. You know, there's there's
a reason for it. You know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, notice it's foundationally structurally perfect.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like that's like a random thing. That would
have been hacky.
Speaker 2: But uh, exactly would have been hacky. If anyone else
had tried that ship, it would have been hacky.
Speaker 1: But all right, that's I'm done sucking my own dick.
Speaker 2: No, I'm not done sucking your dick. No. I just
I think this is I think the listeners need to
be reminded about this. You've read comedy authors. They're probably funny,
are they Robert Bevin fucking taking it to the next level. No,
buy more of his books and buy some of mine,
or you know, all right, well we probably recorded.
Speaker 1: Whoa, whoa, we're funny as well. The reason I met
you is because you are a talented comedy writer.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. The first time I bet you at that forum
and you were calling me a wide little bitch, like
I'm going to read this guy's books, and I bet
this guy is half as funny as me. I ready back,
I'm like, ah shit, I guess now I need to
be friends with this asshole.
Speaker 1: Oh, Chat chants asking for the story. Out did the
two of you meet?
Speaker 2: Oh, we've gone through this before in the crank forums. Yeah,
we've talked about this before. We'll go through it again.
Speaker 1: Chat.
Speaker 2: Since you asked, Since you asked the a tale two
kindred spirits meeting in unlikely circumstances, I shall recount it
to you again. Yeah, we're in the cracked forums, which
crack was a mecha of written comedy back when written
comedy was his peak.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and man, don't even go there today. You won't
have any idea what we're talking about. It's a change.
Speaker 2: Well written comedy is gone well.
Speaker 1: Because that was the only one. No, no, no, because
you had articles on a couple other places.
Speaker 2: But there were plenty of people trying to do what
Crack was doing, but Crack was a mecha of that.
And I've very lucky to be great friends with Brenda McGinley,
who was one of the Cracked writers who spun off
into CBS Local and wanted to do what Crack did
in this heyday, which was to take individual voices and
make funny articles from individual voices. But even when he
was trying now it was still going. It was all
this just kind of like, here are five facts that
you didn't know that are surprising, and that is most
Internet comedy you'll get now, especially.
Speaker 1: That is fine if you make it funny. I mean,
most of the Cracked articles I loved were here are
five interesting facts you didn't know, but they're fun.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but they had interesting, solid comedic voices about it.
But now you see that ship on social media. It's
just like, here's the fact, here's a picture.
Speaker 1: My biggest influences from writing.
Speaker 2: Well Crank was fucking Wicked Jason Pagen, David Wong, it
was the editor at the time. I followed him from
the ground up and he's such a talented writers, such
a great comedic writer. But now he switched to TikTok
and he's just doing and he's a TikTok star because
he's doing the same ship. He's just saying it to
the camera.
Speaker 1: I probably shouldn't say this, but like one of the
only guests we've interviewed that I gave a shit about.
Speaker 2: Oh, I was so nervous about that. That guy is
my fucking hera. Yeah. I mean we've talked to Matt
Dennerman and everyone's like, Matt dinner is a big deal,
and like he's a big deal. And don't get me wrong,
I've met him in person. He's a lovely guy and
he's fucking great at what he does. But I wasn't
nervous about Matt Dennerman.
Speaker 1: No, and I still haven't. I do intend to read
his books, but I haven't yet. But I've read all
fucking Jason part and Ship.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I tell you, Matt Dinnerman is such a cool guy.
And also Jeff Hazly I want to say the audio guy. Oh,
no Hazily, Jeff hate not Hazley. No, I just I
englished that for no reason Jeff Hayes. Yeah, we met him. Well,
he was good enough to come to an A and
D event, and he was I'm quite big with my
smoking buddies. If I find a smoking buddy, I'm like, yeah,
I'm latching onto this guy. He was a great smoking buddy.
Go to see him again at Dragon Gun. Very cool guy.
I get to meet up with those guys again. But no,
when it comes to actual heroes, Jason is kind of
kind of a hero.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was there from the pointless waste of time days
back in their early two thousands to see somebody evolve
with the landscape of comedy writing to the point where
comedy writing is not as important as saying shit on TikTok. Yeah,
he's very good away.
Speaker 1: Does you know I always thought of him as like
the MCA of the Beast Boys. That's I don't know
how to say that any better, but that was.
Speaker 2: I think about to fucking company.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean, but I always felt like I'd
love to hang around and have next to this guy,
but I know I would get on his fucking nerves
real quick. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, one, he doesn't drink.
Speaker 1: I don't know that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's not gonna work.
Speaker 1: Out with him. I think i'd pits him off really quickly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, probably, But he's not like a hanging out kind
of guy. But two of his big cracked writer buddies
were Shown Baby, who was like basically the father of
internet comedy.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And Robert Brockway, who was good enough to do a
blurb for my book and I think he did a
really solid review of your book. Yeah, And he's just
released a new book called I Will Beat Up Your
Imaginary Friend for five hundred dollars, which I'm definitely going
to fucking buy. And also Robert Brockway his written work.
He's doing really well in podcasts with Shown Baby, but
his written work is not taken off in a way
that he should have because he's a really fucking good writer.
And he was one of the people who was like
took crack from a certain level to the level that
you and I appreciated that. He was like instrumental in that.
And it's bizarre to me that he hasn't had the
kind of Maybe it's not bizarre to me because I
think that was his speed, that was his sweet spot,
and he hasn't been able to go to do the
other thing that writers need to do to be successful now,
which is to be all over social media and filming
themselves with the camera, which Jason Pagin has done really well.
Robert Bogway hasn't really, But yeah, I'm really looking forward
to his next book. He is one of the people.
I think he's possibly a better writer than Jason Pagin
in some respects in terms of crafting a story, but
not in thing. A level about Jason Pergin is sealed.
He will show up little thing that you don't really
think about very much but it's actually integral to your
entire fucking existence and make you like think about it
and just go, hey, this thing that underpends your entire life.
You haven't really thought about that, And then he will
make a dig joke about it, which is great.
Speaker 1: Well, I haven't read either. Well, i've read the first
was it the first Jason Parson book? John does at
the end? John Right? I read that, and it's great,
But it's not like it doesn't compare for me to
his articles like two.
Speaker 2: Oh, keep keep reading if you read any of his
other stuff.
Speaker 1: No, no yet, but oh no.
Speaker 2: Just just keep reading because he gets he gets better
and better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm what I'm saying is that it doesn't
need to like that's the articles were what I you know,
what I'm worshiping for.
Speaker 2: I would say his his more recent stuff is so
he Punch is the Future in the Dick Is futuristic
sci fi series, and I'm starting to worry about this.
Black Box of Doom is very much about his kind
of social observations put into a narrative story. Definitely read them.
But Brockway is what I would have consider to be
more of a hardcore writer. You will do like solid
sci fi concepts and just much more solidly conceptual than
Jason Pajin. But he's still got that old cracked fuck
you attitude in it. So yeah, you listen to this now,
and for whatever my opinion is worth, do check out
those writers. Robert Brockway. I will beat up your friend,
your imaginary friend for five hundred dollars. I am definitely
gonna check that out.
Speaker 1: You should do, Yeah, I probably will. Anyway. That's how
we met. We both aspired to be.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah. We we met in the forums.
Now I'm going to lay this down again once again.
We met in the forums and I was bitching back
in the self publishing boom about how hard it was
to get people to take you seriously, and Bevan was like,
I was like, well, of course they're not going to
take you seriously. You know, a big name and blah
blah blah. And I was like, fuck you, let's see
what Let's see what you've got.
Speaker 1: Book. I wanted to say that, like I was a
big name. Yeah, I know, all right, you don't.
Speaker 2: Have to be unreasonable for me to be. But I
was like, fuck this bitch, I'm going to read his book.
I got to see what bitch is about five pages
and it's like I like this, Actually, this is good,
this is good, this is enjoyable. But I got to
the end of it, I was like, ah, ship, I
don't how do I haven't let this stand? I wanted
to hate this guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but of the two of us, you're you're the
only one that actually got an article up on Cracked True.
Speaker 2: I had some help then Brendan McGinley again. Also check
out Brendan mcginley's stuff. He was such a unique crancked voice,
and he's gone into more kind of like a serious
writing of reviewing things, and that's great, but such a
waste of a comedic talent. He came along to an
author's dragon's convention, not once, but twice, and such a
funny guy.
Speaker 1: I remember him in Nashville. I don't remember the other one.
Speaker 2: Was the other one Portland?
Speaker 1: Was that in Portland?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't remember Portland because there were so many
homeless people's but holes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard to think of anything else.
Speaker 2: It's hard to remember what else happened at that convention.
And on that note, we shall, we shall wind down
this introspection. I don't know what a theme with this.
Speaker 1: No, we're all over the map.
Speaker 2: Well, well over the map, that mate, hold over the map.
I'll think of a title. And in the meantime, I
hope you join us for our continuing adventures. I hope
you by a book. So we see you at convention
in the future. Yeah, nice to see you. Goodbye, goodbye friends.
Speaker 4: Uncors and Dragons brought to you under Creative Commons license,
meaning you were free to share this material so long
as credit is given to those who created it, which
is us.
Speaker 1: People.
Speaker 4: You just heard to play the game opening and closing
themes performed by the Gore Core four