Speaker 1: You're watching Chewing the Cud with Lee Robertson and Mike
Speaker 1: Benny and Rome said, I've still got some of her
Speaker 1: horrible left over from octorial bar. Oh, you're watching Chewing
Speaker 1: the Cud, your lighthearted weikly look at the world peaking
Speaker 1: around a sequined curtain. I'm Lely Robertson, and with me
Speaker 1: today is the man who once forcibly removed from a
Speaker 1: sex museum for well pleasuring himself. It's Mike, Bennie and Row.
Speaker 1: You wrote that for yourself, didn't you?
Speaker 2: I did, because it's true it wasn't pleasured myself.
Speaker 1: What were you doing?
Speaker 2: I was making inappropriate comments about the exhibits. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: why are you doing kath and King references?
Speaker 1: Because I just liked him? That was what you'd prepared.
Speaker 1: Don't judge me. So, Mike, what have you got for
Speaker 1: us this week in your big bag?
Speaker 2: Well, I'm bringing a story about a new pill and
Speaker 2: they're going to play a little game and.
Speaker 1: They might will be teaching us a lesson in the
Speaker 1: applet titled Teach Me a Lesson, But on screen now
Speaker 1: you can see our contact details. It's on the Cud TV,
Speaker 1: on social media and if you want to catch up
Speaker 1: with us on previous episodes, you could always binge watch
Speaker 1: us on YouTube look for Chewing the Cud.
Speaker 2: And you can see the names of people reached out
Speaker 2: and touched our souls going on the bottom of the screen.
Speaker 2: But now it's time for Lee in the Shelbys.
Speaker 1: Were you were a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Speaker 1: back in the day, weren't you? I was, you were
Speaker 1: a huge fan.
Speaker 2: I'm not a huge fan. I do remember that the
Speaker 2: hardest thing in the world is to live in it,
Speaker 2: and that you just have to live in it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, massive geek come, yeah, anyway, you know that we've
Speaker 1: spoken before that it's coming back.
Speaker 2: And it has been confirmed it's coming back.
Speaker 1: H And Sarah Michelle Geller is actually going to be
Speaker 1: in it as buffet. Okay, but she's going to be
Speaker 1: like the mentor rather than the Slayer. So, but she's
Speaker 1: not dead. Was she dead in the end program?
Speaker 2: So with the Slayer, the thing of the Slayers is
Speaker 2: that when a Slayer dies, a new one is chosen, right,
Speaker 2: and at the very end one she activated all of
Speaker 2: them because she technically died, right, so she activated them
Speaker 2: all so that they could kill the first, so there's
Speaker 2: normal vampires.
Speaker 1: I don't know logistics. I just know what's written on here. Okay.
Speaker 1: So she has issued a casting call for the reboot
Speaker 1: for actors to come forward an audition. So earlier in
Speaker 1: the year she announced that this was going the rebit
Speaker 1: was going to happen, and she said, we will only
Speaker 1: make this show if we know we can do it right.
Speaker 1: And I will tell you that we are on the
Speaker 1: path there. So she's she's kind of co producing it
Speaker 1: and stuff. So there's been a lot of sort of
Speaker 1: awkwardness around Josh Wheeler, who produce certain stuff. So he's
Speaker 1: not involved in any shape form at all. So she's
Speaker 1: the postery. So she's put a postop on social media
Speaker 1: that says, are you interested in being the new Buffy
Speaker 1: the Vampire Slayer TV show? If you are located in
Speaker 1: the US and over the age of eighteen, submit an audition.
Speaker 1: Twentieth Television, Searchlight Television, and Hulu are conducting an open
Speaker 1: casting call for various roles. So I'm not it's not
Speaker 1: Buffy because Buffy the character has already been cast, but
Speaker 1: it could be for you know, a vampire in the background,
Speaker 1: kid in shop that kind of stuff. So they've confirmed
Speaker 1: that the actress that's going to be playing opposite Michelle
Speaker 1: Sarah Michelle Galla is going to be Ryan Kira, who
Speaker 1: is from Star Wars. Oh yes, a pretty young lady.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen that film because so I don't know
Speaker 1: about it what it is. And she's also revealed that
Speaker 1: several children of her former co stars came into audition
Speaker 1: for roles in the reboot, and she was like, no, now,
Speaker 1: they won't be children, they will be little children. They'll
Speaker 1: be like teens. So I know somebody who was on
Speaker 1: the show who's child auditioned on the show. I know
Speaker 1: a few people from the show. His children came in. No,
Speaker 1: she said, no, So that is that is coming soon.
Speaker 1: It's being filled obviously, got to finalize the cast. It's
Speaker 1: also been as Alison Hannigan is going back as well.
Speaker 1: That's nice. I don't know if it's for a full
Speaker 1: part or a cameo part, but there's been social media
Speaker 1: pictures of them together. I don't think there's any news
Speaker 1: of any other bigger pardon she's sticking flutes. Okay here
Speaker 1: first twenty years ago.
Speaker 2: It is your show business, so it could be from
Speaker 2: you could.
Speaker 1: See I would imagine very much looking forward to that.
Speaker 2: I see, I liked the TV show. I didn't enjoy
Speaker 2: the movie, but the movie was the og. It wasn't
Speaker 2: very good.
Speaker 1: It was Mike. It was camp in a bad way,
Speaker 1: but it just wasn't good. Oh Mike, what? Oh Mike?
Speaker 2: Doesn't change the fact it's not good.
Speaker 1: In your opinion A lot of people. Well, let's hope
Speaker 1: is good and it's not rubbish.
Speaker 2: Dolly still involved in it?
Speaker 1: Who Dolly? Who's Dolly Parton? Yes? Why would Dolly Parton
Speaker 1: be involved in because she was in the original? Right?
Speaker 2: Do you don't know about this?
Speaker 1: What Dolly Parton? Dolly part did not start in the
Speaker 1: original film.
Speaker 2: Helped produce and direct, Okay, not screen credited, funded.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you not know this? Geek? Anyway, let's just
Speaker 1: move on. Okay, let's move on. So now, I wasn't
Speaker 1: aware about Robert de Niro having lots of children. It's
Speaker 1: got about seven Okay, so huh a week. But quite
Speaker 1: a mature gentleman, isn't He's kind of like eighties. I
Speaker 1: don't know where I'm going with this, but you know what,
Speaker 1: so air In de Nero has kind of spoken about
Speaker 1: how she's transgender, and her dad, Robert de Niro, has
Speaker 1: kind of gone to all her appointments, all her aftercare,
Speaker 1: every famous picture of her. There two times us winning
Speaker 1: actual Robert DeNiro. It's a lovely story because at the
Speaker 1: moment it's all very negative about transgender people. It's all
Speaker 1: about just people being horrible and particularly kind of like
Speaker 1: older people. But you know, he's supporting his daughter. He
Speaker 1: hasn't got an issue with it in the slightest, which
Speaker 1: how it should be. They've said that. The first time
Speaker 1: that they came up was on Instagram. I actually sent
Speaker 1: a text message to her older sister first and said, hey,
Speaker 1: guess what I'm going on estrogen, So if you see
Speaker 1: me with tits, you know what that is. So her
Speaker 1: family were very like a siblings and cousins were very
Speaker 1: supportive and with her dad, he said, if you want
Speaker 1: to live your life as a woman, that's fine, there's
Speaker 1: no problem with it. And she said, he's very much
Speaker 1: a love and let live guy, even after to come
Speaker 1: with me to appointments and stuff where I was first
Speaker 1: starting hormones and he was just like, just make sure
Speaker 1: you look after yourself, watch over your health, go to
Speaker 1: somebody who knows what they're doing. Don't we tempted to
Speaker 1: go and do stuff that you're Yeah so, and he said,
Speaker 1: I loved and supported Aaron as my son, and now
Speaker 1: I love and support Aaron as my daughter. I don't
Speaker 1: know what the big deal is. I love all my children,
Speaker 1: he said in a statement, which is lovely, because that's
Speaker 1: what needs to happen.
Speaker 2: I just need more love and compassionate word.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, And he said, I don't know how I
Speaker 1: would present myself to the world, or even present myself
Speaker 1: to myself, if I didn't have that knowledge in the
Speaker 1: back of my mind that I accept my family for
Speaker 1: who they are are. That's a night that's unusually nice.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's gone. Something's horrible now, okay, yeah, it's not horrible.
Speaker 1: Do you now? So you might not remember these people
Speaker 1: considerably younger than you, possibly sea freak Dunroy.
Speaker 2: I do remember seeing you barely.
Speaker 1: So. They were these sort of iconic Las Vegas magicians,
Speaker 1: your King before Tiger King. They were this is them
Speaker 1: back in the heyday. They did caught a lot controversy
Speaker 1: because they use live animals. They kind of bread their
Speaker 1: own tigers and stuff bread as in had sex with them,
Speaker 1: and then that is controversial. They bred them in with
Speaker 1: other tigers, with other tigers. Yeah, So, as with most
Speaker 1: things at the moment, there's going to be a film
Speaker 1: made about that life, and it is rumored that Jude
Speaker 1: Law will star as Seafreed and Andrew Garfield will portray
Speaker 1: Roy Horn. Also it I don't think they'll be fit
Speaker 1: in this though. It's going to be quite It's a
Speaker 1: limited series called Wild Things, The Seagreeed and Roy Show,
Speaker 1: Our Story eight episodes story and it's based on the
Speaker 1: twenty twenty two podcasts of the same name. So, I
Speaker 1: mean the thing with they were very famous for a
Speaker 1: age to that point, well, they never actually ever came
Speaker 1: out clearly we are dealing with homosexuals here.
Speaker 2: I don't know, you can't say that for definite LIBERACEI
Speaker 2: was never officially gay and he was more flamboyant m.
Speaker 1: They There was the there was the infamous incident on
Speaker 1: stage where one of the tigers attacked Horn.
Speaker 2: Slipped his digging. Never came out as gayle all one
Speaker 2: time accidentally gave a blowjob to a lion. No tigers,
Speaker 2: And I mean that's.
Speaker 1: That's as they were. As I mean, they both passed away.
Speaker 1: Now that is the gentle that's the one who got
Speaker 1: attacked with a lion and tigering and it was so traumatic. Game.
Speaker 1: It's very traumatic because he had a stroke just a
Speaker 1: bit because of it. Yeah stroke. Yeah. No, he didn't go, oh,
Speaker 1: thank you for mourning me. Yeah. And also it kind
Speaker 1: of cold about this, like we shouldn't be using animals
Speaker 1: as entertainment on stage shows. It's likely that the series
Speaker 1: will dive into the rumors surrounding the men's personal emotions show.
Speaker 1: And that is the end of this week's show. A
Speaker 1: news tiger.
Speaker 2: Asolutely always nice to hear a story about lots of
Speaker 2: big pussy.
Speaker 1: Anyway, You're welcome Mike for that hilarious reply back to
Speaker 1: my story. So right there, because coming up right after
Speaker 1: this short break, we get up to date with the
Speaker 1: unusual side of the news in the buzz. Welcome back,
Speaker 1: and you're watching Chewing the Card. This is a part
Speaker 1: of the show where've be looking to the fun side
Speaker 1: of the news as it's Mike with the buzz. It's
Speaker 1: a very sick burp, just deep, deep, deeper, belchie one,
Speaker 1: because have you been crisps today. I've just got a
Speaker 1: smell of beef.
Speaker 2: Have you ever been concerned about pregnancy.
Speaker 1: As I can't walk past a spem bank without feeling.
Speaker 2: Nipping for a quick stack.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, okay, Well it's will be useful to
Speaker 3: you then, because you know, contraception wise, there's there's all
Speaker 3: the physical devices and there's medical devices.
Speaker 1: Physical physical like condoms, condominiums. Can the coil the coil? Yeah,
Speaker 1: the just say no, just say no, it's just dull.
Speaker 1: But there's also the medical things like the pill and
Speaker 1: the implant. The implant they get something inside and like
Speaker 1: taking the pill, but it's physically in you for months
Speaker 1: and the end. I don't.
Speaker 2: This is a new contraception, new birth control, and it's
Speaker 2: in the form of a gel specifically for men, a
Speaker 2: gel gel, right, so birth control that you're supposed to
Speaker 2: rub on your back and shoulders, not head and shoulders.
Speaker 2: That's a shampoo. Not that we by the way, that
Speaker 2: used washing girl and it went.
Speaker 4: Very working by Bloody when they used to have the
Speaker 4: little bully that used to come on this and go.
Speaker 2: So it's a reversible and non invasive alternative trasitional contraception
Speaker 2: like the snip okay, and basically do it daily and
Speaker 2: it delivers hormones to reduce sperm production.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm not sure that's what. It's a long way
Speaker 1: from where the sperm is produced there isn't it. Well,
Speaker 1: so how does it do it? What does it?
Speaker 2: How does it stop it? How does it stop it? Basically,
Speaker 2: if you rub it in, it combines testosterone with pro
Speaker 2: estrogen to suppress the sperm production. So you rub it
Speaker 2: in basically increase the whole production. Okay, but which I
Speaker 2: reduces your sperm production.
Speaker 1: So presumably we are talking about heterosexual men here who
Speaker 1: want to have sex with women and not get them pregnant.
Speaker 2: It's for people that generate spum okay, who don't want
Speaker 2: to get someone else.
Speaker 1: Pregnant okay, and don't want to use a condom or
Speaker 1: take the pill. Yes, I don't know how. I mean
Speaker 1: it probably is, it actually works, but I don't know
Speaker 1: how committed men are to actually every day rubbing that on.
Speaker 1: I mean, if they if they said Rebunnie Johnson, they'll
Speaker 1: be there, the.
Speaker 2: Big no baby's ever born ever again of humanity exactly.
Speaker 2: That's why they've not done it right. We'll got on
Speaker 2: your taint, We'll got on your asshole. No, no, no, kids,
Speaker 2: not your pink road. You said that the last time.
Speaker 2: Obsessed with your asshole? Anyway, moving on? Do you ever
Speaker 2: get the shivers?
Speaker 1: I Nataline Broullier, Only when I'm eating a piece of
Speaker 1: toast and I see a ghost. Who get the shifvers
Speaker 1: desertal life? Nice?
Speaker 2: I didn't want musical reference.
Speaker 1: Do I get the shivers? That wholesome? Like? Just get
Speaker 1: the vinegar shakes every now and again?
Speaker 2: What the vinegar shakes like?
Speaker 1: You know, when you've when you've, when you've shut your load,
Speaker 1: and what happens then you go, don't you? It's like
Speaker 1: the little after laughter shocks. You know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: Okay, So psychogenic shivers are involuntary responses triggered by emotional stimulis,
Speaker 2: which is music, are profound thoughts SMR.
Speaker 1: It's about a SMR. It's not about but that is
Speaker 1: included in a SMR. What you've just said there? What
Speaker 1: was that just said? Something about electrical pulses?
Speaker 2: Okay, you don't listen to you no where it fell from?
Speaker 1: When your mouth is moving in my head, it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: the theme tunes I love boat.
Speaker 2: Starring me starring And it's not even like the Golden
Speaker 2: Girls Afraid.
Speaker 1: Guest starring Robertson.
Speaker 2: Hi depressed depressing thought. Golden Girls Blanch was forty one
Speaker 2: in that.
Speaker 1: I know they were considerable, but then that was the eighties,
Speaker 1: wasn't it. Everyone lot older than they were and they
Speaker 1: died right anyway.
Speaker 2: So brother, the reason that we do it is the
Speaker 2: whole walking over your grave kind of thing. It's that
Speaker 2: whole your body is reacting to something emotional mm hmm,
Speaker 2: might or stimulus fingers, So that whole body shaking thing, right,
Speaker 2: it's just your body reacting to a psychological trauma.
Speaker 1: Not actually somebody walking over your grave in the future,
Speaker 1: which is spoiled.
Speaker 2: My ideas of getting very at sea. Oh way to
Speaker 2: people walk up a bit?
Speaker 1: Did you just like burp up a bit of water? Oh,
Speaker 1: somebody's sailed over my grave, my watery grave.
Speaker 2: But if you're having a watery, watery grave, why don't
Speaker 2: share that with us at the TV? On social media
Speaker 2: and therapy and numbers are all about the screen now.
Speaker 2: But that really is nice to our story of the week.
Speaker 1: Ah, you're sorry, No, no, I just really remb myself
Speaker 1: leaft today. I'm really happy.
Speaker 2: The medications kicked in when you're having intimate time, yes
Speaker 2: with your partner. Yes, and the dog comes and cleans
Speaker 2: up afterwards.
Speaker 1: With the story.
Speaker 2: Please, my first day doesn't count. How long do you last?
Speaker 1: What did I had somebody make an offensive remark my
Speaker 1: ear when you said what was?
Speaker 2: How long do you last?
Speaker 1: How do I long? Do my last?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 1: When?
Speaker 2: When you're in for granted? Oh?
Speaker 1: How long does it takes to heat up her hot
Speaker 1: pocket in the microwife?
Speaker 2: Depends on how powerful your microwave is, but about ninety seconds? Yeah,
Speaker 2: half of that four player as well?
Speaker 1: I know. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, A recent survey has come out analyzing the average
Speaker 2: duration across the country, okay, of quital interaction quital what
Speaker 2: do you think the UK averages?
Speaker 1: Well, the average length of a sex session? Are we
Speaker 1: talking about straight here? We're talking about gave you a
Speaker 1: We're talking doesn't it? Just so? Is it penetrate sex? Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm going to say day and a half, possibly.
Speaker 2: The day and a half.
Speaker 1: Oh, and I'm getting confused with those those animals, which
Speaker 1: one is the sex for a long time? I'm going
Speaker 1: to go with about a minute and a half, two minutes,
Speaker 1: possibly if the feeling's sexy.
Speaker 2: Two minutes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, about two minutes. Okay.
Speaker 2: The average UK duration is nineteen minutes per session.
Speaker 1: Oh okay. Did they do other things in that apart
Speaker 1: from the old penetration? No?
Speaker 2: I think they stop and have a cup of tea?
Speaker 1: No are they? Are they counting that entire thing? Like hello, lady,
Speaker 1: I assuldn't say, lady, I'd like to put my penis.
Speaker 2: So I've been to Paradise, lady, you lady? Perhaps straight
Speaker 2: people do sing that spread eagle on my bed?
Speaker 1: Is it all of that? Is it the like this
Speaker 1: poor play or just depending it's that the school boy?
Speaker 1: It's just okay, nineteen minutes. I don't believe that.
Speaker 2: How do you do it? Thirty seconds?
Speaker 1: I don't think any. I think I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't think they do for nineteen minutes?
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, So cities like Bristol and Edinburgh right have
Speaker 2: reported the longest average session, with places like London and Birmingham.
Speaker 1: Sure is there a reason for that? Is it pollution?
Speaker 2: They're just busy, busy people busy around. They can't stand
Speaker 2: unless later wait for it to get to the bottom.
Speaker 2: They've got to run down it because the trains that
Speaker 2: are every three minutes.
Speaker 1: You see for nineteen minutes. That's planned. That's planned sex.
Speaker 1: That's like, don't forget we're having sex tonight. Oh, that's
Speaker 1: not impromptu sex. That's yeah, I didn't tell you. It's
Speaker 1: not impromptu sex. That's not like a quick shot. That's like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're driving along in the car. It's a lovely sunny day.
Speaker 1: All pull over, get your cock out. Sorry, I'm just
Speaker 1: having a fantasy. Whoa, Yeah, nineteen minutes.
Speaker 2: That's all from the buzz this week.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Mike. I'm gonna give a whole fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: this evening, but I'm talking about five two thirty seconds.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you are welcomely, but don't go anywhere as can
Speaker 2: we After this short break, we have a game for
Speaker 2: you to play.
Speaker 1: Along with Welcome back to Chewing the Cord with me
Speaker 1: Lee Robertson and Mike, Benny and Roe. Now, this part
Speaker 1: of the shower is where we play a game, and
Speaker 1: this one is for the person who wants confused asking
Speaker 1: for a small gravy with asking for a baby. It's Mike.
Speaker 1: It's a roll of eyes for then asking for a
Speaker 1: baby little boy comes on then to usher that joke
Speaker 1: out day of the week, so on this week's game,
Speaker 1: Mike is I'm going to give Mike a scenario, and
Speaker 1: he is going to do an impression of a celebrity
Speaker 1: or well known person doing that scenario. You ready, Mike,
Speaker 1: so we're playing who is that? Then? My first scenario
Speaker 1: for you is a celebrity in an an summer shop. Okay,
Speaker 1: other sex shops are available.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't like it. That's why I buzzed it.
Speaker 2: I just told that you're very good my pants around
Speaker 2: my nipples.
Speaker 1: I know who this is, but that was a very
Speaker 1: poor interpretation of the of the situation, was it.
Speaker 2: If you get it right, surely that means it was
Speaker 2: a good.
Speaker 1: Kick on. I can't fit that inside me. I'm going
Speaker 1: to need something smaller and I'm not. I'm going to
Speaker 1: say Simon Callow, No, Simon Powell, not Simon Cowl, Simon Kwow.
Speaker 1: Oh hello Simon Cowl.
Speaker 2: He Simon Cowl. Yes, yes, okay, it's interesting.
Speaker 1: This is going to be. The next scenario is a
Speaker 1: celebrity going into their local hair salon and asking for
Speaker 1: a perm.
Speaker 2: Okay, help me, hairdresser. You're my only hope. I need
Speaker 2: the buns on side of my head made curly frizzy fries.
Speaker 1: You see, you're not actually doing an impression. You're just
Speaker 1: saying words that they say.
Speaker 2: I am doing a breathy voice.
Speaker 1: That is Princess Leia.
Speaker 2: It was Princess Leia.
Speaker 1: The next celebrity scenario I am giving you is a
Speaker 1: celebrity eating in a branch of a well known fast
Speaker 1: food emporium but finding a pube in their burger.
Speaker 2: Okay, oh my god, I found I found approval of owner.
Speaker 2: No no, no, no, no, no, you no celebrity, don't count.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I found it. Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: found a cuban that burger. No no, no, no, no no no.
Speaker 1: Uh is that is that a celebrity?
Speaker 2: Huh? I would if Haley would relate to eat the
Speaker 2: pubies too. No, No, I thought a massive penis Lee
Speaker 2: thinks I'm just in timber Lee.
Speaker 1: Oh I was gonna say, Michael Jackson.
Speaker 2: Did he have a massive Peenis I ate those cubes?
Speaker 1: Justin Bieber?
Speaker 2: Yes, justin Bieber? Remember what is penis pictures leaked?
Speaker 1: No? What can I do?
Speaker 2: No, let's situation please?
Speaker 1: No. The next celebrity situation is a celebrity going through
Speaker 1: customs at the airport and the alarms going up. I
Speaker 1: don't think that's fair.
Speaker 2: It's not my fault. I've got lots of money. My
Speaker 2: father's rich, my brother's rich. I'm one of the best
Speaker 2: people in the world.
Speaker 1: Ever. I nincompoopery nincom poopery. Weeks it's well, it's a politician.
Speaker 1: I am assuming of some hand. It's not Churchill, no
Speaker 1: eaced a little bit. I'm going to go with Bojo.
Speaker 2: It was indeed Boris Johnson.
Speaker 1: Oh wonder. Oh you're very good at these, aren't.
Speaker 2: They I am? And then they're just me saying words.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not actually putting much into the impersonation. It's
Speaker 1: just you know, catchphrases.
Speaker 4: They I'm thinking about the right celebrity.
Speaker 1: The next celebrity situation is a celebrity having to rock
Speaker 1: up at A and E because they've fallen in the
Speaker 1: shower and the scrubbing brush has gone up their bottom.
Speaker 2: Free so someone accuge TV celebrities, right, accuge people on
Speaker 2: TV as well.
Speaker 1: I don't feel like film celebrities you've got on the cards, Okay.
Speaker 2: Just making sure because some of these people are aren't celebrities,
Speaker 2: like your gym teacher. Oh no, don't use those right
Speaker 2: so that's why I'm checking. I can do TV people.
Speaker 2: Get TV people.
Speaker 1: Right. So listen to me right.
Speaker 2: What we're gonna do is a tall story.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: I went, I went to the shower. Want to take
Speaker 2: a basted bag with me just in case of need
Speaker 2: the ship and I fell over. I got the brushed
Speaker 2: up at my arse. Don't tell anyone. Don't put oh
Speaker 2: caught that.
Speaker 1: Don't put that in wholly. I'd like to say that
Speaker 1: that's extremely homophobic. It is also offensive, and HR will
Speaker 1: be notified because you're trying to do me. I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to do you. I just did an impression of you. Wow. Rude.
Speaker 1: They don't have the accidental insertion Clinic my uncle hospital
Speaker 1: for nothing. My name robertson board. That's average situation is
Speaker 1: a celebrity awaking in the night to a ghost stood
Speaker 1: at the end of their bed naked.
Speaker 2: Oh there's a ghost.
Speaker 1: That is so poor. Just using the catchphrase of the person,
Speaker 1: it's Beyonce.
Speaker 2: No oh, okay, yes it was Beyonce.
Speaker 1: Then it was Beyonce.
Speaker 2: Okay, get the next one.
Speaker 1: Then okay, the next celebrity. The situation is a celebrity
Speaker 1: finds themselves abducted by aliens, wakes up on a table
Speaker 1: about to be probed.
Speaker 2: Okay, I hate him control she should be up here,
Speaker 2: not me.
Speaker 1: What a low level joke saying that she looks like
Speaker 1: a horse, because that would be.
Speaker 2: So just a parker because she looks like a horse for.
Speaker 1: Huh, I just come backack, because they're all about aliens.
Speaker 1: You know? Was she marth attacks?
Speaker 2: She died?
Speaker 1: It didn't she?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: They took her head off and put it on the
Speaker 1: dog's body. Yeah. Next celebrity situation is the celebrity turns
Speaker 1: up at an award ceremony to find that not one,
Speaker 1: but two other celebrities are wearing the exact same outfit
Speaker 1: as them.
Speaker 2: It's all very very specific thing.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: It really harms me in what I can do with it.
Speaker 2: When you use a leg and the days of Tuesday
Speaker 2: and it's raining.
Speaker 1: Don't hate the.
Speaker 2: I don't hate the game, hate the player. Rightly, good one, Megan, Meghan,
Speaker 2: they're wearing the same outfit as me. This would not
Speaker 2: have happened if I was still talking to Daddy, but
Speaker 2: I'm not anymore because I want to be independent and
Speaker 2: get lots of money off the Daily Mail because I.
Speaker 1: Can that was Prince Harry because you said Megan at
Speaker 1: the beginning, so I knew.
Speaker 2: I mentioned his daddy.
Speaker 1: Do we need to think of any musceneris because I
Speaker 1: am struggling. Yes, we need to do we need to
Speaker 1: select celebrity. Situation is celebrity. He gets up in the morning, goes, oh,
Speaker 1: look at me, dusty rug, goes to get there, goes
Speaker 1: to plug in their dyson and it doesn't work. Do
Speaker 1: you bet you if I said anythings?
Speaker 2: Okay with all of that are oh that rug's dusty
Speaker 2: bitch cleaning.
Speaker 1: Well, just because of the generic, I'm gonna go with
Speaker 1: chare Yes, mohamad doesn't work, bitch, that's what you should
Speaker 1: have done.
Speaker 2: We've got a clue you've started it with a wall
Speaker 2: as well.
Speaker 1: My god damn grubby rug baker. Anyway, Okay, that's seen
Speaker 1: off for now. Coming up after this break, we get
Speaker 1: learning something I have been told I will enjoy in
Speaker 1: teach me a lesson. Walking back, you are still watching
Speaker 1: Mike and lay and chewing the cud. Now Mike has
Speaker 1: whipped down at his aqutra months and he's ready to
Speaker 1: show us all and teach me a lesson.
Speaker 2: So we're going to do something fun today, right, and
Speaker 2: it's something you mentioned a long time ago about and
Speaker 2: I keep wanting to do it, but we never get around.
Speaker 1: To doing it.
Speaker 2: So first entity, I needed to glove up. Oh so
Speaker 2: can you put it on your your black gloves please, Latex.
Speaker 1: They are a little bit I'm very allergic to. Now
Speaker 1: text did you have the money earlier?
Speaker 2: There? What was that?
Speaker 1: I was just had a little self deprecating joke.
Speaker 2: Okay, cool, there we go. Right, So, because they're handling food,
Speaker 2: so we need to be loved up.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Now, the first thing I want you to.
Speaker 1: Grab I'm god, I'm oh, I've ripped out. Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: Okay, right now, always do you wage to grab your.
Speaker 1: Potato to visit change Jackson impressions? Okay, potato.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So with your scalpel carefully, I want you to
Speaker 2: make small little lithers of potato.
Speaker 1: You're looking at me, understand what you mean.
Speaker 2: So you're going to cut the potato into little strips.
Speaker 1: Chips. Chips.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like chips.
Speaker 1: Okay, starchy, starchy, delicious, tiny little fairy chips.
Speaker 2: Little tiny chips. Now, the reason why we're doing tiny
Speaker 2: little chips is because a while ago you got very
Speaker 2: excited about tiny food. I did, and so today we
Speaker 2: are making tiny food.
Speaker 1: Oh no, you don't know, no.
Speaker 2: Tin food. Yeah, okay, so you went a small portion
Speaker 2: of chips.
Speaker 1: I've got a tiny little portion of chippies.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, you've got a little bit more
Speaker 2: excited about this, and I realized what we're doing, haven't you. Okay,
Speaker 2: so you got some chips, You.
Speaker 1: Got some little chippies.
Speaker 2: Okay, Now these are going to take the longest to cook.
Speaker 1: Oh no, what do you mean? Have we got a
Speaker 1: teeny tiny fryer?
Speaker 2: No, you've got an iron. Oh so I want you
Speaker 2: to greaseproof paper. You're board? Oh, pop your chips on
Speaker 2: m okay, and I'm gonna suggest you put your chips
Speaker 2: at the left hand side of your paper.
Speaker 1: Well, I suggest you mind your own business.
Speaker 2: Because of what's coming in a bit, because I've planned this,
Speaker 2: rather than you go a let's watch it on YouTube.
Speaker 1: Do I have to fold the paper?
Speaker 2: We have to fold the paper in half? Right, But
Speaker 2: the sealed ends you want far to the right, and
Speaker 2: you want your chippies on the left. Chip is near
Speaker 2: the open end.
Speaker 1: The sealed end. Don't want what right? So you don't sigh.
Speaker 2: You're supposed to be a teacher, and this teacher's sighing. Right,
Speaker 2: So chip is on that side, fold on that side,
Speaker 2: fold over, okay, and I'm just gonna move it slightly
Speaker 2: out of the way and pop the iron on top
Speaker 2: of that. Actually want to put up in the side
Speaker 2: that's close.
Speaker 1: Enough, see perfectly?
Speaker 2: Actually right?
Speaker 1: Would you as if you watch, I'm not talking to
Speaker 1: the voices in my head. I'm talking to the annoying
Speaker 1: little gremlin that's head in the in the in the
Speaker 1: in the room where there's buttons. Yeah, I am talking
Speaker 1: to people in my head. Right.
Speaker 2: So, now you've done that, and you've got you've got
Speaker 2: the iron and it started to cook.
Speaker 1: Right, put the iron on the little chippies, on.
Speaker 2: The chippies and just leave them cooking. Oh okay, yeah?
Speaker 2: Is it on full?
Speaker 1: Do I know if it's on when it touches it off?
Speaker 1: Oh no?
Speaker 2: What are we saying?
Speaker 1: Oh no, I turned the switch on. Oh right, that's fine.
Speaker 2: Anyway, next thing we need to do is we need
Speaker 2: to make the bun. Now I've given you an actual
Speaker 2: sized bun that's not a tiny bun, is it.
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: You need to make this bun into a small bun.
Speaker 2: And the way you're gonna do that is you're gonna
Speaker 2: cut the middles out.
Speaker 1: It's very wasteful, isn't it.
Speaker 2: We'll do that on the top hand the botom.
Speaker 1: Squash it down, squash it.
Speaker 2: Down a little bit and cut it you okay, So
Speaker 2: you got your bun.
Speaker 1: Okay, it's like a macaroule.
Speaker 2: I've gone smaller, and now we need to do the
Speaker 2: burglary bit of your bun.
Speaker 1: Okay. Okay.
Speaker 2: So I've given you some prime beef meat meat okay,
Speaker 2: and just works smaller like that and make it too
Speaker 2: like a bun.
Speaker 1: Shape, like a patty, like a Malteser size, like a
Speaker 1: Malteser size, depending on the size of your This is sexual.
Speaker 1: It's what's a very asmr.
Speaker 2: Okay. So I've got ten little piece of patty.
Speaker 1: It is my patty too big.
Speaker 2: I think your patty might be a little large.
Speaker 1: Please Daddy, it's my patty too big.
Speaker 2: And then I've also given you a piece of bacon
Speaker 2: to cut and make the same size as you.
Speaker 1: But nobody has answered my question about my patty.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's too big. I have repeatedly said it is
Speaker 2: too big.
Speaker 1: Make it, make my patty smaller, make it smaller.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's a small piece of bacon as well.
Speaker 1: Then what do I do?
Speaker 2: Okay, so you could a small piece of bacon as.
Speaker 1: Well around my patty.
Speaker 2: Not just a small piece of bacon. Where you've got
Speaker 2: a piece of bacon? Yes, but where do I put
Speaker 2: taste small piece of bacon?
Speaker 1: Where do I put the small piece of bacon?
Speaker 2: Nowhere? Right now? You just need to cut it first.
Speaker 2: Put the patty down on one thing. Cut a small
Speaker 2: piece of bacon.
Speaker 1: Did you know that pepper pigs mom's had a baby?
Speaker 1: Was delicious? As I got into the bacon, it's very exciting.
Speaker 1: Apparently it's a cartoon.
Speaker 2: Who's it exciting for children?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: Never cut those pieces of meat up now?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Okay, you want to put these under iron as well.
Speaker 1: Now the chippies, so you take it off.
Speaker 2: The chip is right the ship to see I started
Speaker 2: to cook quite nicely. That so you've got some chippies
Speaker 2: are cooked quite nicely. You don't want to put the
Speaker 2: meat very close to the chippies.
Speaker 1: Put my meat where might want to put it?
Speaker 2: Okay, and close it up and pop the iron.
Speaker 4: You need cher pease, and hear the single ready is
Speaker 4: it starts to cook?
Speaker 2: So now we're just going to do the toppings for
Speaker 2: the burger. So I've given you a radish, some lettuce,
Speaker 2: tomatoes and onion.
Speaker 1: Oh that's not very typical.
Speaker 2: And it's a it's a different type of bug, just
Speaker 2: being different, right, and some cheese. So I just want
Speaker 2: you to prepare your toppings. So it needs to be
Speaker 2: small pieces of things.
Speaker 1: M m hm.
Speaker 2: M m m m. Okay, now just for forwarding about
Speaker 2: the cheese. So cheese that you out of dates, so
Speaker 2: please don't eat it. It's for display purposes only.
Speaker 1: I just eat a little bit while you'll die.
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna check on the meaty stuff. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: it's almost cooked. How's your burger and meat coming on?
Speaker 1: Let's have a look, shall wait?
Speaker 2: Yea, let's have a look. Yeah, I wasn't on for
Speaker 2: most of it.
Speaker 1: Well, it looks like somebody's shut it out.
Speaker 2: Don't assemble your burger. So you're going to put the
Speaker 2: meaty bits on cheese. That's ratie.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 2: And while while the struggles with fine motor skill, that's
Speaker 2: me teaching you a lesson.
Speaker 1: Shall we need to taste them don't you need to
Speaker 1: taste them because they'll be delicious. I taste one of
Speaker 1: these chippy chips that has the appearance of being cooked
Speaker 1: on the outside, but it's very much still rang.
Speaker 2: Well, mine are cooked and mine are much smaller.
Speaker 1: To Okay, so let's try the burger. I don't know
Speaker 1: if I'm gonna be able to fit it all in.
Speaker 1: You mean your mouth, m am.
Speaker 2: I supposed to buy it and shove it all in.
Speaker 1: That has the consistency of something.
Speaker 2: That's the flavor of a burger.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: What' from with you?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: Why if you're face doing that?
Speaker 1: Face out? Then don't you I don't think that's cooked?
Speaker 2: No, non, spit it.
Speaker 1: Out If it's not, it's Can you get diseases off? Bake?
Speaker 2: Yes? What quite quite strong ones?
Speaker 1: Well, it's my last show, the.
Speaker 2: Last Moments on Earth. Well that's almost the end of
Speaker 2: the show for now and almost the end of Lee
Speaker 2: on screen. There you can see how contact details. It's
Speaker 2: at the coud TV on social media, and if you
Speaker 2: want to catch up with previous episodes, you could binges
Speaker 2: on YouTube look for Chewing the Cud.
Speaker 1: Thank you for watching, and we will see you all
Speaker 1: again next it will. I wor because I'm dead, but
Speaker 1: other people will. Bye.