Speaker 1: Don't be the guy who gives up, who says, well,
Speaker 1: I guess I'm rejected. I guess she doesn't like me.
Speaker 1: I guess I'm going to have to marry a real doll.
Speaker 1: Don't be that guy. Hey, welcome back to be How
Speaker 1: to Get a Girlfriend Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach
Speaker 1: and author Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt
Speaker 1: and get a great girlfriend, and do it by being authentic.
Speaker 1: No tactical, weird, sketchy pickup moves needed. It's all about
Speaker 1: flirting and connecting with women authentically and playfully. Playfulness is
Speaker 1: the secret to flirting. And I have a hot take
Speaker 1: about ghosting. You might think you get ghosted a lot,
Speaker 1: you actually don't get ghosted nearly as much as you think.
Speaker 1: One unanswered text message does not count is ghosting. In
Speaker 1: my book, you're not truly ghosted until you have sent
Speaker 1: three good, playful messages to a woman and she stays
Speaker 1: completely quiet. Okay, that's ghosting, and then it would be
Speaker 1: time to move on. But one unanswered text that ain't ghosting, baby,
Speaker 1: that's just dating. In twenty twenty six, here's a quick story.
Speaker 1: The last time I was single before I met my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I matched with a woman on Bumble named Jennifer. Jennifer
Speaker 1: very pretty, blonde, about thirty, successful, a successful artist and painter,
Speaker 1: painter and sculptor, and I really wanted to meet her.
Speaker 1: She was what I call a wow girl, meaning wow,
Speaker 1: that is the woman for me, or at least the
Speaker 1: woman to have a date with. So we're messaging back
Speaker 1: and forth on Bumble and she goes quiet unanswered message. Now, you,
Speaker 1: or a lot of men might say, oh, she didn't
Speaker 1: message me back, I guess I'm ghosted. No, women with
Speaker 1: a lot of dating options get a lot of incoming
Speaker 1: texts and guys trying to talk to them. So one
Speaker 1: unanswered message just means she didn't reply to that message,
Speaker 1: doesn't mean she ghost to do so, Jennifer didn't respond
Speaker 1: to my last messaged my last message. I waited a
Speaker 1: day or two, and then I thought, okay, how can
Speaker 1: I get her responding she didn't respond to my last one.
Speaker 1: What I didn't want to do is send some kind
Speaker 1: of needy message like hey, did you get my last message?
Speaker 1: Do you still like me? Hello? You don't want to
Speaker 1: do that, So I asked myself, all right, how can
Speaker 1: I make her smile? How can I make her laugh
Speaker 1: or smile? And I know that she's into sculptors, sculpture, sculpture,
Speaker 1: sculptures and painting and art. So I took a snapshot
Speaker 1: of this art installation and outdoor art installation of a
Speaker 1: cow like a pink and blue cow covered in paper machet,
Speaker 1: and I took a picture of it and I sent
Speaker 1: it to Jennifer. I said, pop, quiz is this a
Speaker 1: a work of art or b just a fucking cow?
Speaker 1: And she wrote back pretty quickly loll Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that's definitely a work of art. I think it's great
Speaker 1: because of xyz reason. And then she said something like,
Speaker 1: oh sorry, I've been really busy lately, but I'm glad
Speaker 1: you wrote me back. She actually said, I'm glad you
Speaker 1: followed up with me. And I've seen this happen a
Speaker 1: lot in my single days. Persistence plus playfulness equals getting unghosted.
Speaker 1: If you have an unreturned text message from a woman,
Speaker 1: don't give up now. Don't send her ten more messages,
Speaker 1: but send her one or two more fun, playful messages,
Speaker 1: and you're going to show her that you're persistent and playful,
Speaker 1: which is really what flirting is all. About and then
Speaker 1: you have a really good chance of getting her to respond,
Speaker 1: just like Jennifer did. Long story short, Jennifer and I
Speaker 1: ended up going on a date, and we actually ended
Speaker 1: up dating for a little while. We had a very
Speaker 1: successful little call it a fling. Wasn't meant to be
Speaker 1: long term, but I ended up connecting with her and
Speaker 1: we really enjoyed each other, And had I not sent
Speaker 1: her that follow up message about the cow, I never
Speaker 1: would have met her. Here's how women look at men
Speaker 1: who are texting them. There are two extremes you don't
Speaker 1: want to be. Oh sorry, I should have plugged promoted
Speaker 1: the good stuff that's coming. So in two minutes, I'm
Speaker 1: going to give you twenty two fun, playful messages that
Speaker 1: you can send to a woman who has gone quiet,
Speaker 1: who you might think has ghosted you. Twenty two of
Speaker 1: my funniest, silliest messages you can send to any woman. Okay,
Speaker 1: I've seeded that, I hope, but little lesson here from
Speaker 1: Coach Connell. The two guys you don't want to be.
Speaker 1: You send the text she doesn't respond. Don't be this guy.
Speaker 1: Don't be the guy who gives up who says, well,
Speaker 1: I guess I'm rejected. I guess she doesn't like me.
Speaker 1: I guess I'm gonna have to marry a real doll.
Speaker 1: Don't be that guy. That guy's not going to connect
Speaker 1: with her. She's weeding that guy out, the guy who
Speaker 1: gives up too quickly. But don't be the other guy.
Speaker 1: Don't be the guy who sends ten messages who spams
Speaker 1: her with marketing bullshit. Don't be that guy. And don't
Speaker 1: be a needy guy who sends you know, hey, are
Speaker 1: you there yet? Are you going to respond to me? Hello?
Speaker 1: Why are you like this? Why are women so mean
Speaker 1: to me? You don't want to be that. Here's the
Speaker 1: guy you want to be. You want to be the
Speaker 1: guy who sends a funny, playful follow up at least one,
Speaker 1: maybe even two. And that's the kind of guy who's
Speaker 1: going to get responses. I remember this blew my mind
Speaker 1: when I started following up for a second and sometimes
Speaker 1: a third fun message. I remember a different woman, way
Speaker 1: back on the man in the Obama presidency years tinder match.
Speaker 1: I messaged her, no response. I sent her a funny message,
Speaker 1: no response. Then I sent her a third message, A
Speaker 1: classic old school when I learned from one of my coaches.
Speaker 1: Dear Diary, let's say her name was Amanda. Dear Diary,
Speaker 1: Amanda has gone quiet. Send search party, question mark something
Speaker 1: I heard from one of my coaches years ago. And
Speaker 1: Amanda wrote back to the third message, and she said, Hey, sorry,
Speaker 1: I've been busy and I just wanted to see how
Speaker 1: persistent you are. Winky face. Let's do drinks on Friday.
Speaker 1: She told me straight up, Hey, us, ladies, we want
Speaker 1: to make sure a guy is persistent and doesn't give up.
Speaker 1: So some women are actually testing you, and not every
Speaker 1: woman's testing you. Many and women are just busy, but
Speaker 1: in a way they're still testing us because women are
Speaker 1: gonna notice if you give up. They're gonna notice if
Speaker 1: you act butt hurt, and they're gonna notice if you
Speaker 1: send ten spam messages. Don't do any of those things. Instead,
Speaker 1: send a follow up that's funny and light and playful.
Speaker 1: So I came up with twenty two. These are a
Speaker 1: little bit over the top by design. You do not
Speaker 1: have to be as absurd and silly. These are very
Speaker 1: much connal. These are very much me. But you're welcome
Speaker 1: to use any of these here. So imagine, here's the
Speaker 1: setup you're messaging back and forth with a woman and
Speaker 1: she goes quiet. She just doesn't respond to one of
Speaker 1: your messages. Here are some options. Okay, here we go.
Speaker 1: Twenty two funny messages to get women writing you back.
Speaker 1: Number one, Happy hump Day. I know it's not Wednesday,
Speaker 1: but I have scoliosis. I actually have a little bit
Speaker 1: of scoliosis, so I'm allowed to make that joke. Just
Speaker 1: don't send that on a Wednesday. It's funny if you
Speaker 1: don't send it on a Wednesday. Number two Girl, I
Speaker 1: invented left on red and I would throw a little
Speaker 1: laughing emoji in there. That's number two. Number three, you've
Speaker 1: been quiet for so long that I'm now rooting for
Speaker 1: the other guy. Think of the message that sends. You're
Speaker 1: self aware. You're letting her know that obviously there's other
Speaker 1: guys in the mix. But you're laughing about it. You're
Speaker 1: having fun. And the recurring theme that's running through all
Speaker 1: twenty two of these the thread playful. It's fun. You're
Speaker 1: amusing yourself. You're having fun, and if you're having fun,
Speaker 1: you become more attractive to a woman you're texting, because
Speaker 1: that's sending her the message, Oh hey, he's persistent, and
Speaker 1: he's got a good sense of humor. All right, number four?
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, number three? Number three? Oh no, no, number four,
Speaker 1: I must count number four. Lucky you're cute, because the
Speaker 1: customer service here is terrible goes without saying number five.
Speaker 1: Hey Claude, this girl ghosted me. So you up the
Speaker 1: joke there as you're basically hitting on Claude. Now, I
Speaker 1: like this one. I like meta jokes that make fun
Speaker 1: of that. Pretend you're sending her a message that you
Speaker 1: mean for chat or for claude. And here's where you
Speaker 1: can and should innovate. You don't need to just you
Speaker 1: don't have to just copy and paste these. I encourage
Speaker 1: you to find your own sense of humor. I teach
Speaker 1: my philosophy of dating is authenticity. I have two philosophies.
Speaker 1: Be authentic, be radically authentic, be yourself because that is
Speaker 1: your most attractive view. And also be playful, or learn
Speaker 1: how to be playful if you don't know how. And
Speaker 1: women want to play. That's what flirting is at its core,
Speaker 1: and women want to meet thrail you and the idea
Speaker 1: of hey Claude or hay chat GPT. You can come
Speaker 1: up with your own that make you laugh. These are
Speaker 1: the ones that make me laugh and that are an
Speaker 1: expression of my personality. Number six quote how to get
Speaker 1: laid on LinkedIn end quote. That's the first message you
Speaker 1: send and you immediately follow with whoops, oh shit, wrong
Speaker 1: search bar. Again, that's an accidental text on purpose. Let's
Speaker 1: call that to quote Larry David. There's a Curb Your
Speaker 1: Enthusiasm episode where Larry sends accidental text on purpose. That's
Speaker 1: basically what we're doing here. Number seven, so we're not
Speaker 1: making out. Then number eight, my shrink says, I should
Speaker 1: stop staring at this text thread. What do you think?
Speaker 1: I like that one? Very self aware. Notice again, all
Speaker 1: of these have the same thing in common. They're all
Speaker 1: being a little bit cheeky. They're all being fun and silly.
Speaker 1: Next number nine, So are you intimidated by my looks,
Speaker 1: wit and humility? I like that one. I like that
Speaker 1: one for a couple of reasons. Again, it's it's so
Speaker 1: over the top arrogant that it's actually the opposite. It's
Speaker 1: self aware, it's confident, but not arrogant. There's this concept
Speaker 1: that I teach my clients. Let's call it faux arrogance.
Speaker 1: Cheeky humor. The coach, one of the coaches who turned
Speaker 1: me onto this years ago, called it cocky comedy. Basically,
Speaker 1: you make jokes about how incredibly attractive you are, and
Speaker 1: they're so over the top. She doesn't take it seriously.
Speaker 1: But it takes a really confident man who believes in
Speaker 1: himself to even make these kinds of jokes, and it's
Speaker 1: a really attractive signal to send a woman. So this
Speaker 1: will be an example of faux arrogance. By the way,
Speaker 1: I'm not literally telling her I'm witty and handsome, but
Speaker 1: because I'm joking about it, I kind of am, if
Speaker 1: that makes sense. Quick sidebar. One of my best performing
Speaker 1: prompts on hinge is quote if you like tall, handsome, witty, charming,
Speaker 1: financially successful, confident men who love dogs, little kids and
Speaker 1: traveling the world, then you should meet my brother. So
Speaker 1: there's a lot happening there, but the essence that's making
Speaker 1: it work, other than the twist at the end, the
Speaker 1: surprising comedic twist I like to think of at the end,
Speaker 1: is it comes off as me telling a woman I'm
Speaker 1: those things, or making our think I'm talking about me,
Speaker 1: and so it's a fake, faux arrogance. That comes off
Speaker 1: as very confident. Anyway, back to the list number ten,
Speaker 1: So again context here, she didn't answer one or two
Speaker 1: of your messages and you send her this number ten,
Speaker 1: you'd be a terrible hostage. You'd be a terrible hostage negotiator.
Speaker 1: Number eleven, so should I get your name lasered off
Speaker 1: my lower back? That's a good one. And by the way,
Speaker 1: with any of these, feel free to throw in whatever
Speaker 1: emoji makes sense. Basically, this is a tramp stamp joke.
Speaker 1: So you could put a little butterfly emoji with that
Speaker 1: one if you want, or like a pen, you know,
Speaker 1: ink of a tattoo. Make these your own by all means.
Speaker 1: Number twelve. Oh, for number twelve, you could just send
Speaker 1: her the jiff from Dumb and Dumber of Jim Carrey.
Speaker 1: So you're saying there's a chance of it's random, it's
Speaker 1: out of nowhere, Well it's not random. It actually makes sense.
Speaker 1: Part of what makes these work, other than what I've mentioned,
Speaker 1: the playfulness, the confidence it takes, the persistence, is that
Speaker 1: it works because it does make sense. You're calling her
Speaker 1: out on her quiet, her silence, but not in a
Speaker 1: butt her way, not in a why didn't you message
Speaker 1: me back way? You're doing it in a way that's
Speaker 1: just the right tone. But that isn't random. I shouldn't
Speaker 1: have said it was random. It's actually not random. These
Speaker 1: messages make sense to a woman, as silly as they are.
Speaker 1: They make sense because she knows she didn't respond to you,
Speaker 1: and that's why these work. Okay, number thirteen, no answer.
Speaker 1: Let me guess you're busy making a talk tic as
Speaker 1: my grandpa calls them, So talk and tick kind of
Speaker 1: goes without saying, I forget somebody in my family. It
Speaker 1: might have been my dad or somebody older in my
Speaker 1: family said, oh, so, Connor, are you on that talk
Speaker 1: tic talk tic number fourteen, if you're super into me,
Speaker 1: say nothing. I remember sending that to a woman and
Speaker 1: she wrote back saying, oh hey, sorry, I've been so
Speaker 1: busy with blah blah blah. And I wrote back, oh great,
Speaker 1: So you responded to me so clearly you don't like me,
Speaker 1: because you were supposed to go quiet if you really
Speaker 1: liked me. It became a fun little role play that
Speaker 1: she got into. And again, so much of what makes
Speaker 1: us work it's just light playfulness, and you're reminding her
Speaker 1: that you're there, but you're not just any guy who's there.
Speaker 1: You're that rare guy who's playful, who's fun, who teases
Speaker 1: her a little bit perhaps or has a self aware
Speaker 1: of sense of humor. These are such great signals to
Speaker 1: send women. And by the way, a vast majority of
Speaker 1: the time when I sent these messages, it didn't lead
Speaker 1: to a date. Many times. It did many many times,
Speaker 1: but maybe not a majority. But I would say a
Speaker 1: majority of the time I got a response and kept
Speaker 1: things moving forward, just to give me a fighting chance
Speaker 1: for a date. That's all we want, just getting that response.
Speaker 1: And keep in mind one more thing. Women notice everything
Speaker 1: about what we do. They're aware of our behavior very closely.
Speaker 1: They're noticing things like does this guy give up? Is
Speaker 1: he fun? Is he is he joking? Is he sincere?
Speaker 1: Is he whatever? So what I love about these playful,
Speaker 1: fun follow up messages is you're telling her what kind
Speaker 1: of guy you are on some level, persistent and fun
Speaker 1: but not try hard and not insecure. Okay, a few
Speaker 1: more here. I'm number fifteen, Number fifteen. I gave you
Speaker 1: a cool nickname in my contacts, and now that feels premature,
Speaker 1: I use that one A few times and women right back,
Speaker 1: Oh what name did you give me? That one actually
Speaker 1: has a built in curiosity that women like, oh, what's
Speaker 1: my nickname? In your phone? I don't literally mean she's
Speaker 1: in my phone? But now now I'll pretend she is.
Speaker 1: Number sixteen classic. I learned this from one of my
Speaker 1: coaches ages ago. Dear Diary, qte girl is missing, send
Speaker 1: search party question mark. A little flashlight emoji makes it
Speaker 1: work nicely. You can do variations of this. I do
Speaker 1: variations of this all the time. One of my favorites.
Speaker 1: I don't have it on today's list. It's just hey,
Speaker 1: chat GPT this really charming woman from Tender went Quiet?
Speaker 1: Should I message her one more time? Or should I
Speaker 1: just become a priest? So you can do your own
Speaker 1: variations of these? Feel free by all means to make
Speaker 1: it you. I don't want you to sound like connall.
Speaker 1: I want you to sound like you. But if you like,
Speaker 1: if you like these, you're welcome to use any that
Speaker 1: you want. Of course. Number seventeen This is a longer one.
Speaker 1: This is a longer one, but I like it. I've
Speaker 1: started narrating your side of the conversation, and honestly, you're
Speaker 1: being really sweet about it. I like that one. Eighteen
Speaker 1: is good. I just came up with eighteen today. Full disclosure,
Speaker 1: I haven't even tested eighteen, but I think it would
Speaker 1: work really well. Number eighteen bad news. I bet my
Speaker 1: friends that you text me back. They're now taking my TV.
Speaker 1: Look if it makes you laugh, go with it. And
Speaker 1: this one's making me laugh, which is why I'm going
Speaker 1: with it. This one is not tested, but I think
Speaker 1: it would work really well. There's something about the image
Speaker 1: now they're taking my TV that I really like. Number nineteen.
Speaker 1: Here's here's a good one, a recent one that really
Speaker 1: makes women laugh. You have to send number number nineteen.
Speaker 1: You must send it during the day, ideally on a weekday,
Speaker 1: like between eleven am and four pm. Must be sent midday.
Speaker 1: Good afternoon, you up, question mark letter? You up with
Speaker 1: like a tongue out emoji. So you're being that creepy,
Speaker 1: lascivious guy who texts you up. But because you're texting
Speaker 1: it at one pm, it becomes so stupidly funny to
Speaker 1: me anyway, into a lot of women. Okay, we're getting
Speaker 1: really crazy here at the end of the list. Not crazy,
Speaker 1: but extreme. Oh, let me do a quick program note
Speaker 1: or not a program note a quick commercial. I'm a
Speaker 1: dating coach. I don't know how much you know about me,
Speaker 1: but I do one on one personalized coaching with men anywhere.
Speaker 1: I can coach any man anywhere in the world, and
Speaker 1: for guys who ever want to come to New York
Speaker 1: City and work with me. I also do in person
Speaker 1: approach coaching, where I literally go out with guys for
Speaker 1: a whole weekend as their wingman. I call it the
Speaker 1: Wingman Weekend. So if you want to learn about coaching,
Speaker 1: then go to my website, dating transformation dot com. You
Speaker 1: can book a free call and you and I will
Speaker 1: talk in depth about your dating goals. I'll diagnose what's
Speaker 1: holding you back, mindset issues, flirting issues, and how to
Speaker 1: fix them. There's no charge for these consultation calls. If
Speaker 1: we end up working together, we work together, and if
Speaker 1: we don't, that's cool too, So you can go to
Speaker 1: dating transformation dot com to book a call with me.
Speaker 1: If you don't want coaching, that's most guys don't, then
Speaker 1: keep listening to this podcast. I'm here to help as
Speaker 1: much as I can, and the other thing you can
Speaker 1: do is email me book or free book. Email my
Speaker 1: email is Connell at Dating Transformation dot com. Email me
Speaker 1: free book and I will send you a free copy
Speaker 1: of my book Dating Sucks. But you don't. Okay. Back
Speaker 1: to the list. Number twenty Okay, so you've messaged her,
Speaker 1: she went quiet. Couple one or two messages, no response,
Speaker 1: wait a day or two, and then you send her
Speaker 1: this anyway? How's prison any woman who doesn't respond to
Speaker 1: that with a big old lol? I don't want to
Speaker 1: date her. Number twenty one. Hey, I hope your nap
Speaker 1: was incredible. There's something about the word nap that people
Speaker 1: love and women love. And number twenty two, last one,
Speaker 1: you're texting me from a rotary phone, aren't you. The
Speaker 1: joke there, of course, is that a rotary phone isn't
Speaker 1: gonna come to you through text. Okay, I hope does
Speaker 1: help you. One last important thing. God, I should have
Speaker 1: said this at the start your follow up. Playful fun messages.
Speaker 1: They don't have to be silly and funny. Snarky, cheeky
Speaker 1: humor is my personal sweet spot and it does work
Speaker 1: really well. That said, there are lots of ways to
Speaker 1: follow up. You can follow up in a more sincere way.
Speaker 1: You can ask her a question about something she cares about,
Speaker 1: kind of like I did with Jennifer asking her opinion
Speaker 1: about that piece of art. You can ask her a
Speaker 1: good question. Don't ask her how, don't ask how's your day?
Speaker 1: You could ask her a question about something she cares about.
Speaker 1: You could share a cool, interesting update from your life
Speaker 1: if you went on a cool boat ride this weekend
Speaker 1: on the river on the water, send her a snapshot
Speaker 1: of it, saying, Hey, I haven't heard from you, but
Speaker 1: I'll bet my Saturday beats your Saturday and there's a
Speaker 1: picture of you on the boat. Are you doing something
Speaker 1: cool and fun and social? Give her a little window
Speaker 1: into your life. You don't always have to be funny
Speaker 1: and playful. It's just that that's what I found works best.
Speaker 1: But as long as you're being authentic and you're following
Speaker 1: up and showing her persistence plus charm, that equals dates.
Speaker 1: So don't forget one unanswered text. Ain't ghosting, it's not.
Speaker 1: It's not ghosting until she has disappeared and gone quiet
Speaker 1: after three good text messages. And if she still is
Speaker 1: quiet after three, move on. There's a lot more fish
Speaker 1: in the sea, of course, And that's how it works,
Speaker 1: all right, until next time, Thank you for listening,