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<v Speaker 1>Don't be the guy who gives up, who says, well,

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<v Speaker 1>I guess I'm rejected. I guess she doesn't like me.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess I'm going to have to marry a real doll.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't be that guy. Hey, welcome back to be How

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<v Speaker 1>to Get a Girlfriend Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach

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<v Speaker 1>and author Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt

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<v Speaker 1>and get a great girlfriend, and do it by being authentic.

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<v Speaker 1>No tactical, weird, sketchy pickup moves needed. It's all about

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<v Speaker 1>flirting and connecting with women authentically and playfully. Playfulness is

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<v Speaker 1>the secret to flirting. And I have a hot take

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<v Speaker 1>about ghosting. You might think you get ghosted a lot,

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<v Speaker 1>you actually don't get ghosted nearly as much as you think.

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<v Speaker 1>One unanswered text message does not count is ghosting. In

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<v Speaker 1>my book, you're not truly ghosted until you have sent

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<v Speaker 1>three good, playful messages to a woman and she stays

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<v Speaker 1>completely quiet. Okay, that's ghosting, and then it would be

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<v Speaker 1>time to move on. But one unanswered text that ain't ghosting, baby,

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<v Speaker 1>that's just dating. In twenty twenty six, here's a quick story.

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<v Speaker 1>The last time I was single before I met my girlfriend.

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<v Speaker 1>I matched with a woman on Bumble named Jennifer. Jennifer

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<v Speaker 1>very pretty, blonde, about thirty, successful, a successful artist and painter,

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<v Speaker 1>painter and sculptor, and I really wanted to meet her.

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<v Speaker 1>She was what I call a wow girl, meaning wow,

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<v Speaker 1>that is the woman for me, or at least the

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<v Speaker 1>woman to have a date with. So we're messaging back

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<v Speaker 1>and forth on Bumble and she goes quiet unanswered message. Now, you,

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<v Speaker 1>or a lot of men might say, oh, she didn't

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<v Speaker 1>message me back, I guess I'm ghosted. No, women with

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of dating options get a lot of incoming

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<v Speaker 1>texts and guys trying to talk to them. So one

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<v Speaker 1>unanswered message just means she didn't reply to that message,

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't mean she ghost to do so, Jennifer didn't respond

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<v Speaker 1>to my last messaged my last message. I waited a

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<v Speaker 1>day or two, and then I thought, okay, how can

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<v Speaker 1>I get her responding she didn't respond to my last one.

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<v Speaker 1>What I didn't want to do is send some kind

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<v Speaker 1>of needy message like hey, did you get my last message?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you still like me? Hello? You don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>do that, So I asked myself, all right, how can

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<v Speaker 1>I make her smile? How can I make her laugh

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<v Speaker 1>or smile? And I know that she's into sculptors, sculpture, sculpture,

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<v Speaker 1>sculptures and painting and art. So I took a snapshot

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<v Speaker 1>of this art installation and outdoor art installation of a

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<v Speaker 1>cow like a pink and blue cow covered in paper machet,

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<v Speaker 1>and I took a picture of it and I sent

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<v Speaker 1>it to Jennifer. I said, pop, quiz is this a

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<v Speaker 1>a work of art or b just a fucking cow?

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<v Speaker 1>And she wrote back pretty quickly loll Oh my god,

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<v Speaker 1>that's definitely a work of art. I think it's great

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<v Speaker 1>because of xyz reason. And then she said something like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh sorry, I've been really busy lately, but I'm glad

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<v Speaker 1>you wrote me back. She actually said, I'm glad you

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<v Speaker 1>followed up with me. And I've seen this happen a

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<v Speaker 1>lot in my single days. Persistence plus playfulness equals getting unghosted.

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<v Speaker 1>If you have an unreturned text message from a woman,

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<v Speaker 1>don't give up now. Don't send her ten more messages,

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<v Speaker 1>but send her one or two more fun, playful messages,

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<v Speaker 1>and you're going to show her that you're persistent and playful,

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<v Speaker 1>which is really what flirting is all. About and then

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<v Speaker 1>you have a really good chance of getting her to respond,

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<v Speaker 1>just like Jennifer did. Long story short, Jennifer and I

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<v Speaker 1>ended up going on a date, and we actually ended

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<v Speaker 1>up dating for a little while. We had a very

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<v Speaker 1>successful little call it a fling. Wasn't meant to be

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<v Speaker 1>long term, but I ended up connecting with her and

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<v Speaker 1>we really enjoyed each other, And had I not sent

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<v Speaker 1>her that follow up message about the cow, I never

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<v Speaker 1>would have met her. Here's how women look at men

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<v Speaker 1>who are texting them. There are two extremes you don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to be. Oh sorry, I should have plugged promoted

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<v Speaker 1>the good stuff that's coming. So in two minutes, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to give you twenty two fun, playful messages that

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<v Speaker 1>you can send to a woman who has gone quiet,

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<v Speaker 1>who you might think has ghosted you. Twenty two of

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<v Speaker 1>my funniest, silliest messages you can send to any woman. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I've seeded that, I hope, but little lesson here from

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<v Speaker 1>Coach Connell. The two guys you don't want to be.

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<v Speaker 1>You send the text she doesn't respond. Don't be this guy.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't be the guy who gives up who says, well,

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<v Speaker 1>I guess I'm rejected. I guess she doesn't like me.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess I'm gonna have to marry a real doll.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't be that guy. That guy's not going to connect

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<v Speaker 1>with her. She's weeding that guy out, the guy who

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<v Speaker 1>gives up too quickly. But don't be the other guy.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't be the guy who sends ten messages who spams

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<v Speaker 1>her with marketing bullshit. Don't be that guy. And don't

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<v Speaker 1>be a needy guy who sends you know, hey, are

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<v Speaker 1>you there yet? Are you going to respond to me? Hello?

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<v Speaker 1>Why are you like this? Why are women so mean

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<v Speaker 1>to me? You don't want to be that. Here's the

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<v Speaker 1>guy you want to be. You want to be the

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<v Speaker 1>guy who sends a funny, playful follow up at least one,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe even two. And that's the kind of guy who's

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<v Speaker 1>going to get responses. I remember this blew my mind

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<v Speaker 1>when I started following up for a second and sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>a third fun message. I remember a different woman, way

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<v Speaker 1>back on the man in the Obama presidency years tinder match.

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<v Speaker 1>I messaged her, no response. I sent her a funny message,

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<v Speaker 1>no response. Then I sent her a third message, A

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<v Speaker 1>classic old school when I learned from one of my coaches.

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<v Speaker 1>Dear Diary, let's say her name was Amanda. Dear Diary,

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<v Speaker 1>Amanda has gone quiet. Send search party, question mark something

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<v Speaker 1>I heard from one of my coaches years ago. And

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<v Speaker 1>Amanda wrote back to the third message, and she said, Hey, sorry,

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<v Speaker 1>I've been busy and I just wanted to see how

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<v Speaker 1>persistent you are. Winky face. Let's do drinks on Friday.

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<v Speaker 1>She told me straight up, Hey, us, ladies, we want

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<v Speaker 1>to make sure a guy is persistent and doesn't give up.

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<v Speaker 1>So some women are actually testing you, and not every

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<v Speaker 1>woman's testing you. Many and women are just busy, but

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<v Speaker 1>in a way they're still testing us because women are

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<v Speaker 1>gonna notice if you give up. They're gonna notice if

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<v Speaker 1>you act butt hurt, and they're gonna notice if you

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<v Speaker 1>send ten spam messages. Don't do any of those things. Instead,

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<v Speaker 1>send a follow up that's funny and light and playful.

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<v Speaker 1>So I came up with twenty two. These are a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit over the top by design. You do not

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<v Speaker 1>have to be as absurd and silly. These are very

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<v Speaker 1>much connal. These are very much me. But you're welcome

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<v Speaker 1>to use any of these here. So imagine, here's the

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<v Speaker 1>setup you're messaging back and forth with a woman and

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<v Speaker 1>she goes quiet. She just doesn't respond to one of

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<v Speaker 1>your messages. Here are some options. Okay, here we go.

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<v Speaker 1>Twenty two funny messages to get women writing you back.

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<v Speaker 1>Number one, Happy hump Day. I know it's not Wednesday,

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<v Speaker 1>but I have scoliosis. I actually have a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>of scoliosis, so I'm allowed to make that joke. Just

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<v Speaker 1>don't send that on a Wednesday. It's funny if you

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<v Speaker 1>don't send it on a Wednesday. Number two Girl, I

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<v Speaker 1>invented left on red and I would throw a little

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<v Speaker 1>laughing emoji in there. That's number two. Number three, you've

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<v Speaker 1>been quiet for so long that I'm now rooting for

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<v Speaker 1>the other guy. Think of the message that sends. You're

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<v Speaker 1>self aware. You're letting her know that obviously there's other

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<v Speaker 1>guys in the mix. But you're laughing about it. You're

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<v Speaker 1>having fun. And the recurring theme that's running through all

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<v Speaker 1>twenty two of these the thread playful. It's fun. You're

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<v Speaker 1>amusing yourself. You're having fun, and if you're having fun,

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<v Speaker 1>you become more attractive to a woman you're texting, because

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<v Speaker 1>that's sending her the message, Oh hey, he's persistent, and

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<v Speaker 1>he's got a good sense of humor. All right, number four?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh sorry, number three? Number three? Oh no, no, number four,

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<v Speaker 1>I must count number four. Lucky you're cute, because the

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<v Speaker 1>customer service here is terrible goes without saying number five.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey Claude, this girl ghosted me. So you up the

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<v Speaker 1>joke there as you're basically hitting on Claude. Now, I

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<v Speaker 1>like this one. I like meta jokes that make fun

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<v Speaker 1>of that. Pretend you're sending her a message that you

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<v Speaker 1>mean for chat or for claude. And here's where you

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<v Speaker 1>can and should innovate. You don't need to just you

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<v Speaker 1>don't have to just copy and paste these. I encourage

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<v Speaker 1>you to find your own sense of humor. I teach

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<v Speaker 1>my philosophy of dating is authenticity. I have two philosophies.

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<v Speaker 1>Be authentic, be radically authentic, be yourself because that is

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<v Speaker 1>your most attractive view. And also be playful, or learn

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<v Speaker 1>how to be playful if you don't know how. And

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<v Speaker 1>women want to play. That's what flirting is at its core,

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<v Speaker 1>and women want to meet thrail you and the idea

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<v Speaker 1>of hey Claude or hay chat GPT. You can come

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<v Speaker 1>up with your own that make you laugh. These are

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<v Speaker 1>the ones that make me laugh and that are an

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<v Speaker 1>expression of my personality. Number six quote how to get

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<v Speaker 1>laid on LinkedIn end quote. That's the first message you

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<v Speaker 1>send and you immediately follow with whoops, oh shit, wrong

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<v Speaker 1>search bar. Again, that's an accidental text on purpose. Let's

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<v Speaker 1>call that to quote Larry David. There's a Curb Your

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<v Speaker 1>Enthusiasm episode where Larry sends accidental text on purpose. That's

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<v Speaker 1>basically what we're doing here. Number seven, so we're not

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<v Speaker 1>making out. Then number eight, my shrink says, I should

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<v Speaker 1>stop staring at this text thread. What do you think?

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<v Speaker 1>I like that one? Very self aware. Notice again, all

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<v Speaker 1>of these have the same thing in common. They're all

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<v Speaker 1>being a little bit cheeky. They're all being fun and silly.

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<v Speaker 1>Next number nine, So are you intimidated by my looks,

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<v Speaker 1>wit and humility? I like that one. I like that

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<v Speaker 1>one for a couple of reasons. Again, it's it's so

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<v Speaker 1>over the top arrogant that it's actually the opposite. It's

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<v Speaker 1>self aware, it's confident, but not arrogant. There's this concept

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<v Speaker 1>that I teach my clients. Let's call it faux arrogance.

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<v Speaker 1>Cheeky humor. The coach, one of the coaches who turned

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<v Speaker 1>me onto this years ago, called it cocky comedy. Basically,

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<v Speaker 1>you make jokes about how incredibly attractive you are, and

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<v Speaker 1>they're so over the top. She doesn't take it seriously.

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<v Speaker 1>But it takes a really confident man who believes in

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<v Speaker 1>himself to even make these kinds of jokes, and it's

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<v Speaker 1>a really attractive signal to send a woman. So this

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<v Speaker 1>will be an example of faux arrogance. By the way,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not literally telling her I'm witty and handsome, but

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm joking about it, I kind of am, if

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<v Speaker 1>that makes sense. Quick sidebar. One of my best performing

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<v Speaker 1>prompts on hinge is quote if you like tall, handsome, witty, charming,

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<v Speaker 1>financially successful, confident men who love dogs, little kids and

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<v Speaker 1>traveling the world, then you should meet my brother. So

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<v Speaker 1>there's a lot happening there, but the essence that's making

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<v Speaker 1>it work, other than the twist at the end, the

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<v Speaker 1>surprising comedic twist I like to think of at the end,

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<v Speaker 1>is it comes off as me telling a woman I'm

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<v Speaker 1>those things, or making our think I'm talking about me,

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<v Speaker 1>and so it's a fake, faux arrogance. That comes off

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<v Speaker 1>as very confident. Anyway, back to the list number ten,

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<v Speaker 1>So again context here, she didn't answer one or two

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<v Speaker 1>of your messages and you send her this number ten,

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<v Speaker 1>you'd be a terrible hostage. You'd be a terrible hostage negotiator.

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<v Speaker 1>Number eleven, so should I get your name lasered off

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<v Speaker 1>my lower back? That's a good one. And by the way,

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<v Speaker 1>with any of these, feel free to throw in whatever

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<v Speaker 1>emoji makes sense. Basically, this is a tramp stamp joke.

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<v Speaker 1>So you could put a little butterfly emoji with that

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<v Speaker 1>one if you want, or like a pen, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>ink of a tattoo. Make these your own by all means.

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<v Speaker 1>Number twelve. Oh, for number twelve, you could just send

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<v Speaker 1>her the jiff from Dumb and Dumber of Jim Carrey.

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<v Speaker 1>So you're saying there's a chance of it's random, it's

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<v Speaker 1>out of nowhere, Well it's not random. It actually makes sense.

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<v Speaker 1>Part of what makes these work, other than what I've mentioned,

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<v Speaker 1>the playfulness, the confidence it takes, the persistence, is that

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<v Speaker 1>it works because it does make sense. You're calling her

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<v Speaker 1>out on her quiet, her silence, but not in a

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<v Speaker 1>butt her way, not in a why didn't you message

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<v Speaker 1>me back way? You're doing it in a way that's

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<v Speaker 1>just the right tone. But that isn't random. I shouldn't

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<v Speaker 1>have said it was random. It's actually not random. These

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<v Speaker 1>messages make sense to a woman, as silly as they are.

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<v Speaker 1>They make sense because she knows she didn't respond to you,

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<v Speaker 1>and that's why these work. Okay, number thirteen, no answer.

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<v Speaker 1>Let me guess you're busy making a talk tic as

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<v Speaker 1>my grandpa calls them, So talk and tick kind of

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<v Speaker 1>goes without saying, I forget somebody in my family. It

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<v Speaker 1>might have been my dad or somebody older in my

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<v Speaker 1>family said, oh, so, Connor, are you on that talk

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<v Speaker 1>tic talk tic number fourteen, if you're super into me,

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<v Speaker 1>say nothing. I remember sending that to a woman and

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<v Speaker 1>she wrote back saying, oh hey, sorry, I've been so

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<v Speaker 1>busy with blah blah blah. And I wrote back, oh great,

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<v Speaker 1>So you responded to me so clearly you don't like me,

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<v Speaker 1>because you were supposed to go quiet if you really

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<v Speaker 1>liked me. It became a fun little role play that

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<v Speaker 1>she got into. And again, so much of what makes

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<v Speaker 1>us work it's just light playfulness, and you're reminding her

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<v Speaker 1>that you're there, but you're not just any guy who's there.

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<v Speaker 1>You're that rare guy who's playful, who's fun, who teases

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<v Speaker 1>her a little bit perhaps or has a self aware

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<v Speaker 1>of sense of humor. These are such great signals to

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<v Speaker 1>send women. And by the way, a vast majority of

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<v Speaker 1>the time when I sent these messages, it didn't lead

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<v Speaker 1>to a date. Many times. It did many many times,

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<v Speaker 1>but maybe not a majority. But I would say a

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<v Speaker 1>majority of the time I got a response and kept

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<v Speaker 1>things moving forward, just to give me a fighting chance

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<v Speaker 1>for a date. That's all we want, just getting that response.

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<v Speaker 1>And keep in mind one more thing. Women notice everything

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<v Speaker 1>about what we do. They're aware of our behavior very closely.

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<v Speaker 1>They're noticing things like does this guy give up? Is

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<v Speaker 1>he fun? Is he is he joking? Is he sincere?

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<v Speaker 1>Is he whatever? So what I love about these playful,

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<v Speaker 1>fun follow up messages is you're telling her what kind

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<v Speaker 1>of guy you are on some level, persistent and fun

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<v Speaker 1>but not try hard and not insecure. Okay, a few

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<v Speaker 1>more here. I'm number fifteen, Number fifteen. I gave you

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<v Speaker 1>a cool nickname in my contacts, and now that feels premature,

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<v Speaker 1>I use that one A few times and women right back,

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<v Speaker 1>Oh what name did you give me? That one actually

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<v Speaker 1>has a built in curiosity that women like, oh, what's

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<v Speaker 1>my nickname? In your phone? I don't literally mean she's

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<v Speaker 1>in my phone? But now now I'll pretend she is.

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<v Speaker 1>Number sixteen classic. I learned this from one of my

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<v Speaker 1>coaches ages ago. Dear Diary, qte girl is missing, send

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<v Speaker 1>search party question mark. A little flashlight emoji makes it

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<v Speaker 1>work nicely. You can do variations of this. I do

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<v Speaker 1>variations of this all the time. One of my favorites.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't have it on today's list. It's just hey,

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<v Speaker 1>chat GPT this really charming woman from Tender went Quiet?

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<v Speaker 1>Should I message her one more time? Or should I

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<v Speaker 1>just become a priest? So you can do your own

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<v Speaker 1>variations of these? Feel free by all means to make

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<v Speaker 1>it you. I don't want you to sound like connall.

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<v Speaker 1>I want you to sound like you. But if you like,

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<v Speaker 1>if you like these, you're welcome to use any that

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<v Speaker 1>you want. Of course. Number seventeen This is a longer one.

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<v Speaker 1>This is a longer one, but I like it. I've

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<v Speaker 1>started narrating your side of the conversation, and honestly, you're

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<v Speaker 1>being really sweet about it. I like that one. Eighteen

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<v Speaker 1>is good. I just came up with eighteen today. Full disclosure,

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<v Speaker 1>I haven't even tested eighteen, but I think it would

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<v Speaker 1>work really well. Number eighteen bad news. I bet my

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<v Speaker 1>friends that you text me back. They're now taking my TV.

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<v Speaker 1>Look if it makes you laugh, go with it. And

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<v Speaker 1>this one's making me laugh, which is why I'm going

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<v Speaker 1>with it. This one is not tested, but I think

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<v Speaker 1>it would work really well. There's something about the image

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<v Speaker 1>now they're taking my TV that I really like. Number nineteen.

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<v Speaker 1>Here's here's a good one, a recent one that really

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<v Speaker 1>makes women laugh. You have to send number number nineteen.

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<v Speaker 1>You must send it during the day, ideally on a weekday,

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<v Speaker 1>like between eleven am and four pm. Must be sent midday.

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<v Speaker 1>Good afternoon, you up, question mark letter? You up with

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<v Speaker 1>like a tongue out emoji. So you're being that creepy,

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<v Speaker 1>lascivious guy who texts you up. But because you're texting

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<v Speaker 1>it at one pm, it becomes so stupidly funny to

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<v Speaker 1>me anyway, into a lot of women. Okay, we're getting

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<v Speaker 1>really crazy here at the end of the list. Not crazy,

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<v Speaker 1>but extreme. Oh, let me do a quick program note

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<v Speaker 1>or not a program note a quick commercial. I'm a

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<v Speaker 1>dating coach. I don't know how much you know about me,

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<v Speaker 1>but I do one on one personalized coaching with men anywhere.

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<v Speaker 1>I can coach any man anywhere in the world, and

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<v Speaker 1>for guys who ever want to come to New York

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<v Speaker 1>City and work with me. I also do in person

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<v Speaker 1>approach coaching, where I literally go out with guys for

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<v Speaker 1>a whole weekend as their wingman. I call it the

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<v Speaker 1>Wingman Weekend. So if you want to learn about coaching,

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<v Speaker 1>then go to my website, dating transformation dot com. You

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<v Speaker 1>can book a free call and you and I will

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<v Speaker 1>talk in depth about your dating goals. I'll diagnose what's

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<v Speaker 1>holding you back, mindset issues, flirting issues, and how to

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<v Speaker 1>fix them. There's no charge for these consultation calls. If

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<v Speaker 1>we end up working together, we work together, and if

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<v Speaker 1>we don't, that's cool too, So you can go to

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<v Speaker 1>dating transformation dot com to book a call with me.

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<v Speaker 1>If you don't want coaching, that's most guys don't, then

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<v Speaker 1>keep listening to this podcast. I'm here to help as

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<v Speaker 1>much as I can, and the other thing you can

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<v Speaker 1>do is email me book or free book. Email my

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<v Speaker 1>email is Connell at Dating Transformation dot com. Email me

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<v Speaker 1>free book and I will send you a free copy

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<v Speaker 1>of my book Dating Sucks. But you don't. Okay. Back

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<v Speaker 1>to the list. Number twenty Okay, so you've messaged her,

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<v Speaker 1>she went quiet. Couple one or two messages, no response,

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<v Speaker 1>wait a day or two, and then you send her

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<v Speaker 1>this anyway? How's prison any woman who doesn't respond to

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<v Speaker 1>that with a big old lol? I don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>date her. Number twenty one. Hey, I hope your nap

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<v Speaker 1>was incredible. There's something about the word nap that people

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<v Speaker 1>love and women love. And number twenty two, last one,

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<v Speaker 1>you're texting me from a rotary phone, aren't you. The

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<v Speaker 1>joke there, of course, is that a rotary phone isn't

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<v Speaker 1>gonna come to you through text. Okay, I hope does

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<v Speaker 1>help you. One last important thing. God, I should have

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<v Speaker 1>said this at the start your follow up. Playful fun messages.

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<v Speaker 1>They don't have to be silly and funny. Snarky, cheeky

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<v Speaker 1>humor is my personal sweet spot and it does work

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<v Speaker 1>really well. That said, there are lots of ways to

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<v Speaker 1>follow up. You can follow up in a more sincere way.

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<v Speaker 1>You can ask her a question about something she cares about,

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<v Speaker 1>kind of like I did with Jennifer asking her opinion

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<v Speaker 1>about that piece of art. You can ask her a

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<v Speaker 1>good question. Don't ask her how, don't ask how's your day?

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<v Speaker 1>You could ask her a question about something she cares about.

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<v Speaker 1>You could share a cool, interesting update from your life

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<v Speaker 1>if you went on a cool boat ride this weekend

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<v Speaker 1>on the river on the water, send her a snapshot

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<v Speaker 1>of it, saying, Hey, I haven't heard from you, but

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<v Speaker 1>I'll bet my Saturday beats your Saturday and there's a

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<v Speaker 1>picture of you on the boat. Are you doing something

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<v Speaker 1>cool and fun and social? Give her a little window

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<v Speaker 1>into your life. You don't always have to be funny

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<v Speaker 1>and playful. It's just that that's what I found works best.

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<v Speaker 1>But as long as you're being authentic and you're following

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<v Speaker 1>up and showing her persistence plus charm, that equals dates.

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<v Speaker 1>So don't forget one unanswered text. Ain't ghosting, it's not.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not ghosting until she has disappeared and gone quiet

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<v Speaker 1>after three good text messages. And if she still is

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<v Speaker 1>quiet after three, move on. There's a lot more fish

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<v Speaker 1>in the sea, of course, And that's how it works,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, until next time, Thank you for listening,