Speaker 1: This is an Unspoiled Network podcast. This is spoil Me
covering Dungeon Crawler Carl Book eight, A Parade of Horribles,
chapters fifty five through sixty. In these chapters, Michael is
here in the chat saying, if you didn't listen to
chapter fifty seven on audiobook, then you missed out. And
let me tell you kids, he's right. If you didn't,
you missed out. I did. Welcome to spoil Me. Welcome
to the show everyone, and I am Natasha. Thank you
very much to Michael for commissioning this episode. Michael is
here in the chat with me today. Appreciate you, sir
as usual. Yeah, y'all. The way that I was reveling
in the production of you Know Which scene cannot be overstated.
It's pretty impressive, actually, considering that they've begun releasing full
cast like productions of the books, that they even go
this hard with the audiobook itself, Because one would think
that they would sort of be like, well, we can
do this at like minimum and then save all of
the folly work and sound and what not for the
actual production. And I wouldn't even be mad about that,
would I would completely understand. But they decided to go
for it. And I gotta say I have mentioned this
to more than one person because I just really did
find it to be. So it was not just how
fun it was, it was also the fact that it
was so unexpected. And I had a suspicion that the
karaoke scene was going to be fun, but like a
very specific fun, you know what I'm saying. But I
did not think they were going to do something almost
entirely new. I'm trying to remember if they ever have
used music in other parts, because they have used sound
effects like we get the Big Shot Chicken actual sound
effect from the horn. So a part of me was
just not even remotely guessing that we would have actual music,
and another part of me was like, but it would
be cool, though, And I think my main hang up
was simply, how are we going to be getting the
rights for anything? Which I am still like. They had
to have paid to include this, I'm assuming, and I
I don't know. Maybe they didn't have to because it's
the karaoke version. I don't know, but anyway, I'm getting
ahead of myself, as I am prone to do. Let's
begin with chapter fifty five, The Fucking Casino has changed
it up because I didn't I didn't think about the
fact that the nothing having been compromised as it has been,
might result in there being different things on the roulette.
And so evidently all of those spots are gone, and
it's been replaced with things like you get your ass
curb stomped and something called the dirty tea bag, which, uh,
I have to admit a some probably pretty fucking horrible
the dirty tea bag, guys. I mean, ah, I don't
even want to think about it, Okay, And this is
when Carl says, Okay, make your way back to the
base and keep an eye on Dong and splash them. Says, wait,
you didn't ask for him. He said, you asked for
him to go back to the bar. I think he's
on his way to you. Now, look, I don't you
ever have a moment we're about to say something and
then you're like, oh, man, am I really telling on myself?
And then you kind of go, well, if I am,
I really need to know that I'm telling on myself,
so I may as well actually go through with it
and just say it. But there is a point later
on in this section where Carl is thinking about how
he has been more of a dick about the mission
they have been on than he wanted to be, and
that he just was seeing it too much as yeah,
it's our mission, and and whether or not like Dong
is actually involved, like if you know, regardless of how
personally it affects him, we need to make sure that
we have everybody handling it who doesn't have a vested
interest to ensure that it goes as smoothly as possible.
And he is just really trying to keep Dong out
of the equation, but feels later that he has been
like unfair somehow or just as he puts it, a dick. Now,
I don't you, guys, I'm talking about telling on myself.
He really feels that he has been too difficult and
like it. It's obvious that in his head this is
a realization that rings totally true. There's no guessing like,
oh my god, have I been. It's just a sudden
moment of clarity that like, oh, I've been a dick
and that's it, and I have to be honest that
I I can see in a way how that might
be seen. But another part of me is like you
have been ensuring that this actually gets done, and so
I have a really hard time blaming him, especially in
light of the fact that later when he has to
convince Porky to come out, there is one final thing
that Porky says about how he wants to fight Dong
and beat the shit out of him that I think,
had Dong been more involved, might have completely ruined getting
Porky out here to participate. I'm feeling like it really
could have actually scuppered everything. And I don't know. I
just think Carl's he's such an interesting character because I
am very tempted to say that Carl is too hard
on himself, but I don't really know that's true actually,
Like I don't think I believe that. I feel like
there are times when he might be hard on himself,
but I think for the most part, he is pretty
even handed in the way he sees himself. So I
don't I don't know, you guys, like, what all is
your thoughts on this? It just seems I feel like
I am supposed to agree with his conclusion, and I
can't quite get myself to really do that. I don't know.
Michael says maybe the band are fans of the series
that would be awesome, or maybe it was fair use
in some way since it don't only parts of the
song could be heard. Well, that's the thing, is like
it's it's only parts of the song in a way,
but it's genuinely really the whole song. We like hear
all of the verses that he has to sing this.
The music never actually goes away in the background. It's
on the whole time, so like you could kind of
say it, but not really, you know. Anyway, I just
really am curious about all of y'all's perspective on this,
and we'll get to this whole thing later. But like
I said, Dong feels like he actually his presence could
have been a hindrance, and I just think that I
don't know, I don't know. Maybe the fact that his
presence could have been a hindrance is like immaterial and
it's very much Yeah, well maybe it could. But also
we're trying to like see the NPC's as actual people
here and not as just like pieces on a board
to be moved around, and you're still treating them like that,
and that's the problem. And being as efficient and practical
as possible to the degree that they are cut totally
out of the plot line that involves them is like
kind of fucked up. I think is kind of the
conclusion that he's coming to. I don't know, Michael says,
ideally speaking, it would have been better for him to
have trusted Kirky Porky and done with their literal lives
around the line, and hard to judge when emotions are
that intertwined the world sadly is an ideal it's not,
but I really think Carl would probably just respond with
it's not, but we can still try our best, you know,
And I do think that's true. But I don't know.
Maybe this is one of those cases where I think
he might be being too hard on himself, even though
I don't think that's necessarily something that comes up all
the time. M I don't know, Okay, this, Uh, it's
very clear there's some writing on the wall as this
whole scene begins that this isn't going to go smoothly.
Dwight the Unicorn shows up and he has a d
buff over his head that says shit faced, and he
comes up and just shoves Prepotente, who is about to
kind of like mix it up until he sees that
everybody around him is really not wanting things to pop off,
which I have to point out is some real growth
for Prepotente because Bro doesn't usually give a fuck, like,
he doesn't stop and check he is. He does the
thing he thinks his best and really tends to assume
that what he thinks is best is just objectively the
correct choice because he's the most intelligent, and I feel
like he's sort of finally beginning to show signs of
realization that this kind of intelligence is different than the
kind of intelligence that he has. So I just want
to really give him a little bit of a kudos,
because that is growth, and I'm noticing. I like to
show people that I can see when it's like there
attempts to be better people or regulate their behavior actually
paying off. Then we get a message from Mordecai and
I am so sorry, kids, but I don't know if
I'm supposed to know what's happening here. I'm going to
I'm gonna say something that might upset some folks. I
am beginning to think we may have a few too
many plot plates spinning. I am taking my time reading this,
and it like I'm not trying to say I'm perfect
at it. Or anything. But there are so many times
where I'm really not certain what I'm supposed to know
or not know in a moment of dialogue or internal
monologue from Carl, that I really begin to doubt myself
in a way that doesn't happen often with other series,
or when it does, it's like a very specific circumstance.
I just feel that I am what's the word I want?
I feel like I don't have a certain level of
confidence in this book that I have had in the past.
And even in the past, there have been a few
times where I was like, am I supposed to know
what this is? So I'm losing even that And I
think it just might be that we have a few
too many things going on, a few too many variables
to keep track of as audience members. And if I
am the only person who has this issue, it's a
me problem. I don't know how many other folks have
felt this way, but I it's a really this is
one of those things that it's a lot of times
I can be like, who, what was your experience when
you were reading Listener? You know, and I will be
able to take their experience as an example. But what
I do is so different than what most people do
in terms of the way that I consume media, and
that means the average person is sort of tearing through
books that they are reading for fun, and they don't
have to get exactly what they know or don't know,
like definitively lined up for them, because they are letting
things wash over them in a way that's really okay. Well,
that's obviously something I don't know if I am supposed
to know or not, and so but it doesn't matter
because I'm going to keep listening and I will find
out soon enough. And so this is something that I
ran into with The Witcher, where in those books, a
lot of this the world building is really poorly done,
and I was extremely invested in the scenes with garyl
and monsters and training and that, but when it came
to the political aspects of this universe, the author was
super confusing in the way he set it up, and
it made it really frustrating because I felt like I
was supposed to care about the machinations of things and
I wasn't able to really even keep try track of it.
And when I was talking to the person who commissioned it, Melanie,
she was like, yeah, it is very confusing, but because
I was reading so quickly, it didn't matter, because I
was able to just you know, push forward and find
the answers to my questions. And that tends to be
like the stopping and discussing things is something that a
lot of folks enjoy about series that they like because
it's often very rewarding. Taking your time and chewing over
everything makes it so that you see details that you
didn't notice before, or there's like nuanced to scenes that
you hadn't caught the first time around, or whatever. But
there are times where slowing down can hinder the experience
in certain ways. Sometimes it's just a matter of plotting
and timing. But I feel like here, there's there in
this book specifically, there is all a lot that's happening
that is sort of like either the author, assuming that
we're going to put things together, is actually being hidden
from us as readers, or involves things that are like
abilities or rules or whatever that occurred that were stated
to us like a few books ago, and the author
is like, well, you don't need to put two and
two together. I will just tell you what's happening. But
this information would be enough for you to put too
and two together if you were really really paying attention.
And I like to think I'm really paying attention. But
I also don't have a great memory anymore, and there
is so much to track. So all this to say,
I am beginning to feel a little overwhelmed. I'm beginning
to feel like we are going to have to pare
things down by the end of this book, and it
doesn't seem like we're heading in that direction. It feels like,
if anything, we're adding more on. As all of these
different like bits of intrigue and revelation are happening and
making the world bigger and bigger and bigger. I'm beginning
to worry about like the sustainability of that and whether
or not I'm going to be able to even follow it. Now,
I will point out I'm only about like, I'm a
little over halfway through the book, so it just may
be that this is what's happening as things ramp up,
because I'm halfway through the book. But I can only
express as this is, you know, what I'm being paid
to do, how I'm feeling as I'm reading, and the
response that I'm having, and I actually listen to this section,
I listened to it twice. I think I listened to
parts of it three times, and I still had moments
of like, and you know what I'm saying. So anyway,
Michael says, the plan and what Mordecai was testing isn't
quite clear yet. We only know that it involves Harrot
buying every cleaner bot he can get his hands on. Apparently.
I'm pretty sure that feeling overwhelmed was Matt's aim here.
She has always been going down, but with only two
books left after this one, sit is really really going down.
And that's the thing. I think that's Michael. I think
that you're probably mostly correct in that this is what
Matt's aim was. But I also think that there is
a way to establish how much is happening without and
get across the feeling of overwhelm without necessarily the audience
actively actually personally feeling overwhelmed. Does that make sense. It's
a fine, and it is a difficult like needle to thread,
so I'm not mad about it, but I do grow concerned.
Since I'm being paid to cover the books, I grow
concerned about whether or not I'm doing a decent job,
whether or not people listening are getting frustrated with the
fact that I'm not putting certain things together and connecting
dots because I don't want to let folks down, and
I don't want to give the impression that I'm not
paying attention. Like I said, I read this section twice.
I am very much paying attention. I'm trying to pay
extra attention. But I just want I want to be
doing a good job. And it's not always easy to
tell if that's what I'm doing or not. It's a
there's a lot, so I want to I'm a people pleaser.
I want to do a good job. It's just that
that simple. It's fine, But thank you, Michael. I do
appreciate knowing that. So. And the cleaner bot thing is
so funny because, like I actually I had mentioned when
he got the when he took the cleaner bot from
the medical room, the like what do they call it,
like the operating theater, that I wondered about it storing
a bunch of blood in it or something that it
could be like kind of a container. And then we
get like very specifically the description of how this cleaner
bot is able to uh like essentially disintegrate things is
what it looks like on the outside. So I am
sort of beginning to wonder, is it possible for a
person to be scooped up by the cleaner bots? Is
is that the way that we're like achieving this that
there's a storage that all the cleaner bot containment goes
into where it's sucking up things, and it just gets
put into the centralized sort of dumpster system, and if
you're a person that got put in there, you can
be retrieved from there. And that's how we can transport
people between floors without it being like difficult, you know. Ooh, oh,
there was a there's a deleted comment Michael carl avoided
doing an erin and acknowledged his cleaning bot. Michael's referring here,
I believe to the wandering in a book series which
I am currently in the middle of just for my enjoyment.
But I'm talking about in the discord on a sub thread,
and there is a character that is a cleaner for
Aaron that I felt from the start she was not
appreciating or treating correctly. And this was very much born
out and it remains for me one of the more
irritating aspects of her as a character. Anyway, that definitely
wanting to know what that deleted message is, Michael. But
we'll just move on, shall we. So I just wanted
to share with you guys about this because you know,
I've I've talked a lot about this book, in particular
making me feel anxious in a way that the others didn't,
And a lot of that is due to the stakes
being high and the way that the races work and everything,
but I've also started to see that it's just fucking
sheer anxiety over me personally being able to do my
job well and keep track of the plot. So Mordecai says,
the test actually worked, but Samantha also can't die, and
she's not the most reliable test subject. So we tested
it again on some slug alows. It works, but there's
a few wrinkles. We have some solutions I'm working on
right now, which the fact, like if it were we're
putting people somehow, like storing them in the cleaner bots,
testing it on Samantha as a first move would make
some sense. And then Rosetta chimes in here with none
of this means this next part will work. You can't
even test the shop interface part because of that standing
purchase order with the cleaner bots. It requires us to
trust that the warm Age isn't lying, and Carl says, oh,
I'm sure he was lying, but not about the cabaret.
The fact that purchase order is even there suggests part
of it is true. And don't forget Eris also said,
this will work if we can talk Lean into doing this.
I'll make sure she knows the full story and is prepared.
This isn't something we can force on her because she's
too strong and she's too smart to be tricked, and
I wouldn't want to do it anyway. I wouldn't want
a trick her anyway. This will keep her alive, keep
sayg alive, and keep her from killing more crawlers. It'll
also let us test Harrett's theory. I think she'll go
for it now. The mention of we can't test the
shop interface part is like part of me wondering, can
you take a bot that's full and like put it
up for sale? Or is like is there a central
you know if we're going with this theory? I don't know.
I there's a point later where a bunch of the
strippers are gone, and I am sort of wondering like,
did we do something with them? Was I would be
surprised if that was done without warning and Carl wasn't
notified that we were going to be doing this. It
also seems like they were kind of needed to stick
around for the remainder of this whole plot point, but
perhaps not so I don't feel like that's likely, but
I don't. I don't have a better explanation. And talking
about how Aras said this would work that once got
me because I don't remember. Is he talking to Eras
separately from what we've seen of the interactions between him
and Ras so far. Is there a different conversation that
I didn't get to be privy to, or am I
just utterly forgetting a question that he asked about what
will work and what won't work? Because this is not
ringing any bells at all, and let's see. Uh. Mordecai says,
we don't know if the system will allow her to
do this, and if it does, it's possible she could
still die when your floor collapses. So don't know again,
is it perhaps a liminal space sort of thing. Maybe
it's like putting her in like a little pocket dimension.
So he goes and tells everybody that it's a go
with the theory. Like things have seemed to have worked
out with the tests they're doing. I could feel it.
A wave of relief swept over everyone. It was like
a dark curtain had been pulled away from everything. Tran
clasped his hands together and bowed deeply. This was a ridiculous,
probably not going to work plan, but that was okay.
It was something, and that's what we'd been missing ever
since the previous floor. Several crawlers had been complaining the
cleaner bought upgrade was no longer available in the Personal
Space Shop due to overwhelming demand. We'd figure it was
because of faction wars and the warlords buying them up.
That was part of it. As it stood. The cleaner
bot that architects Uston the Viceroy had in a surgical theater,
the white one Eyed Looted, was an old model. It
was literally the last available one in the store. That
was because Harrot had a standing order to purchase every
cleaner bot that showed up. Minerva was apparently on the
seventeenth floor in charge of NPCs who were building and
occupying the backstage Death Maze. This was where the AI
had plucked Growler Gary from when he'd used his body
as an avatar. It was also why Gary's level had
been so elevated. They were training, getting stronger and stronger
in preparation for the impossible eventuality that crawlers would make
it that far. This whole seventeenth floor was just something
built into the dungeon, invisible to the showrunners, who were
just happy to have a box ticked. It had been
going like this for hundreds and hundred of seasons, completely ignored. Harrot, however,
was not backstage. He was trapped on the other side
of the portal. He was in the Pineapple Cabaret itself,
the secret to Mension they'd built to hide the npcas
and keep them safe. He had limited powers to control
that world, but he did have a shop interface. Honestly,
I didn't know how all this worked when the AI
could literally create stuff with the virtual snap of his fingers,
but we'd seen these sorts of artificial shortages before, like
with the food after the flooding of Larroccos. The cabaret
was currently overrun. A Kuma had been a little fuzzy
on who the bad guys were. He mentioned something called
the Ogre Imperium, which was the long forgotten plot line
that got binned because the Ogres were made too intelligent
and they had immediately figured out they were trapped in
a dungeon and there was a shadow mimic infestation which
was just as bad, but something more too. The warm
Mages wanted our help to clear the place out. We
had two options, the casino plan and the cleaner box plan.
It sounded like the casino plan was a bust, so
we were going with the cleaner bought option. This plan
was complicated, but Rosetta and Mordecai had been on it
since we first heard the idea, and they were now
semi confident it was feasible, but only if a Kuma
was telling the truth about Herod. Lena was dying of
poison her left to fester. D buff would not go away,
and in fact it would get worse because one's health
automatically topped up when they moved to the next floor.
That would stop if she managed to get to the
Pineapple Cabaret. However, warm Ages also claimed there was a
possible exit from the cabaret to the Earth's surface that
would in theory cure left to fester. Maybe there was
so much to chance and on faith. If Akuma hadn't
dropped the name herot, if Eris hadn't said it might work,
I wouldn't have believed any of it. If we did
this now with Lena, like now, now before the race
even started, we'd have a good idea if it would work,
before we tried it with several crawlers at once, which
we'd have to do after this fifth heat. We just
needed to talk Lena into going along with it. Michael says,
I think it is based on Ris telling him the
Pineapple Club was a real alternative for crawlers. So Carl
knows she said the warm age wasn't lying about the
cabaret being away crawlers could skip floors. But of course
Eras doesn't necessarily have to tell him the truth. She
just tends to do so because it's more fun for her.
I see what you mean, just a way that he
says like Aris. If Aris hadn't said it might work,
I wouldn't have believed any of it. Doesn't just feel
like is the cabaret real? She said it might work,
which feels like she was responding to a specific question
about a mechanic that he is about to exploit that
just feels like it means something really, really s specific.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just you know, possible, so
we shall see, but I just don't. I feel like
there are probably people listening who are irritated at the
fact that I'm not seeing it and that they saw it.
So apologies, it's all of you. So this is when Carl.
First of all, we have a moment with fucking Linus
who is petting Donut and sucking on his fingers and
it is really distressing. And he also calls her a
fuzzy little pussy, which I just excessive, no extreme, no.
The way that he is like truly doing the most
to be the pervert everybody thinks he is. This is
quite a fucking performance. I am impressed, actually, Like I
would not doubt for a moment. There is no suspicion
in my mind at all if I don't know the
other thing. So that's alarming to know, to realize, like
how thoroughly fucking tricked I'd be, you know, sorry, Michael,
just as this guy is committed. He also didn't think
much of his brother apparently. Yeah, this is the thing.
It's like you could say he didn't think much of
his brother. It's also possible he's just leaning into like
a pervert character, and it doesn't like he doesn't actually
know how his brother was behaving, but it's believable enough
who knows. But either way, he is very much willing
to humiliate himself to get the job done. And I
can't help but respect that because I don't know if
I could do it. So anyway, this is when Donut
is explaining about the fact that you know, first of all,
she's deciding whether she wants to go on stage with
or without the sunglasses, that Carl is going to be
taking all these potions. Apparently she is taking them as
like she doesn't make say anything about let's see, I
know I'll be able to hit the right key. But
Mordecai made a few special potions compounded together for us
to make sure Carl and I are in proper sink.
So what it sounds like is that nobody had the
heart to tell Donut that she is wildly off key
all the time, and they made her drink the potion
and said, if you both drink it, then it'll make
you two be in sync with each other, and they
did not mention that it was actually like a performance
enhancing drug that she desperately needed, and that was how
they appealed to her ego and got her to actually
drink it, because, like I was concerned about the idea
of trying to get her to drink it when she
has never once in a million years admitted that she
is off key and can't sing. Has never happened, so
I just didn't know how they would manage to convince her.
And I think that's you know, Carl, for his part,
is actually getting a little bit of stage right here,
which is great. There comes a point later where he
sees his reflection in her glasses and his cheeks are
really pink and he is like, is that the potion
or is that me? And I'm like, no, I think
that's you, dude. I think you're just you've got a
little stage fright. It's an interesting thing how different we
all are with the things that frighten us, because I
just I understand stage fright. I actually like do get it,
but it's just not I don't have that really the
same way. And then there's things like you know, mountain
biking in like Cliffy areas and I can't understand how
a person could do that to themselves. And then there
are folks who were just like, why don't you want
to do this? I don't understand why you're so boring,
and we just simply do not understand each other. And
I'm like, well, I have a profound fear of falling
to a horrible death, that's why. And they're just like,
I can't relate to see you later, so anyway, sorry.
There's this like I'm just thinking now because there's this
video circulating and it's a woman who I think she
uses a GoPro or something to film herself when she's
mountain biking. But she is on a cliff edge and
she falls and it's like just enough of an angle
on this cliff that she doesn't completely fall to her death,
but the GoPro like spins a few times in such
a manner that you can see how sheer. The fall
is below her, and it's very startling because the camera
had been on her and so it would be very
easy to not really have a grasp of how steep
the area is that she's biking in, and when the
camera spins around, you see the fall and You're just like,
oh my god, because she has fallen off of her
bike and is sliding precipitously down like this shale and
scree hill toward the actual cliff edge. And it is
one of the most harrowing videos I've ever seen in
my life because it's so startling. You don't know how
close a call it is at the start until the
camera flips around. And every time that I think about
there being people who do this sort of shit for fun,
it just really is to me an indicator that, like,
I don't know, you need more hardship in your life,
maybe to be seeking this out to create the cortisol
that I just experienced living day to day, Like I'll
give you some of mine if you're really that in need.
Just you don't need to do all this I don't
know anyway. So we have Carl taking his potions and
getting up there, and then the song begins and it
plays underneath I love Imani being like Ellie is gonna
be so pish she missed this, and later Ellie is like,
I am so pissed I miss that. And let's see,
I saw don Quixote in the entrance looking at me.
He gave me a sheepish smile. He started walking toward us,
his giant sock over his shoulder like Santa's bag. Bucket
Boy rushed in and grabbed him by the shoulder, and
again Carl is like annoyed himself. Later but you were
about to go on stage, So what was this? I
don't know, you know anyway, So here we go. He
begins to sing, and I can't. I really really want
an interview with the audiobook narrator, I really really do.
I want to ask him, did you rehearse this or
are you just able to go for it? Did you
play this up? Or is this about how you'd do
it if you were in a karaoke bar? And like
and not only there's a very funny moment when Carl
starts talking because he's drunk the potion gelded choir boy,
and he's talking like he's not like he's on helium,
Like it's you know. He's like, yeah, we're gonna do it, oh,
and like sort of stops and realizes his voice has
changed when it comes out of his mouth. And later
on there's a point where he's talking and his voice
still sounds like that, but then slowly changes back to
his own voice, and I was just like, this fucking
narrator is too good. He has too much power. So
a fight breaks out. Dwight kills the DJ. Now what
this is set up is he's killed the DJ, so
we only have one chance to get this song right.
I couldn't help but kind of be like, wait, we
can't just get another DJ. We can't have somebody else
set it up. I assume they know and that no,
they can't. But it definitely did not occur to me
that it was like, Okay, we're doing this. We're because
earlier Doughnut said I even signed us up for a
second round, so in case this one doesn't work, we
get another try. And so the author was just like, well,
we have to make the stakes higher than that. And
this fight breaking out, there's things being thrown at both
of them so that they could very easily lose their
place in the song, and they have to get a
fucking hundred percent or else the door doesn't open for them.
Oh my god. The way the way we have this
like as just sentences in here. I was expecting it
to sort of be bits of centered text like song lyrics,
but it's really being put out there just as like
regular dialogue and take on me. Doughnut echoed, singing her part,
her auto tuned voice high and thankfully in key. The
sound pierced through the chaos like a knife. She shot
a low powered magic missile and it blew the axe
out of the hand of a draconian who was about
to sink it into the back of Dong's head. I
love karaoke, singing and shooting magic missiles at the same time,
I be gone inner day tune. There was a chime
from the performance gauge floating by my head, and digital
sparkle showered off it. Half the crowd stopped fighting at that.
I caught eyes with Florin, who'd stopped dead in midpunch.
He looked at me and mouthed, wow. Really cackled at
that part. I really really laughed, Flora, just being like,
oh shit, yeah, yeah, I can understand why we were
needing to take some potions for that note hit. Considering
the range of Carl's voice most of the time, he
weren't going to be hitting that note. Not even there's
no real reason why he has to sing that part either.
He could very easily be the one that's just going
take on me after Donah sings it. But I think
they are so certain that Donah is going to be
better than Carl at convincing Porky that they give her
the easier part purposely as a gimme, so that she
will If either of them messes up, it will almost
definitely be Carl and that's of a disaster because she's
going to be able to accomplish this mission no problem.
So that's my assumption, is like he's just got the
bigger part because there's more room for error and Donut
getting in there is what they really want, which, as
it turns out, is not what happens. We hit the
middle part of the song, which was mostly music. This
is such a funny thing this, and then later on
they reached the end of the song and he says
like something like that. In real life, the song fades out,
but the karaoke version just goes on and on and y'all,
this is one of those things that I think a
lot of people like don't when they choose a song
for karaoke. They think of a song that has a
chorus that they know really really well and they feel
confident in. But the problem is a lot of times
you know the chorus really really well because you have
to sing it so many times for this song, and
that is because it is really, really fucking repetitive. So
the repetitiveness is what you like, makes you remember, but
once you're performing, it is like agonizing because you just
have to repeat yourself. And depending on who you are
as a performer and how you handle it, that might
be like exactly what you want. You may love the
repetition of it because it gives you a chance to
really fucking show boat, you know, and I totally see that.
But sometimes you picked a song that you felt was
going to be easy, that you could just jump in
there and do it and get out, and then suddenly
you're stuck and you find yourself in this awkward position
of really wanting to leave the stage, but the music
is still going and you're technically not done and you
should really just at least finish, and it is hard
to watch, it's hard to experience. So in these middle
moments where there's a bunch of fucking music and you
just have to hang out, when you're on stage and
you're not singing and you're kind of not doing anything. Oh,
my god, it's so awkward again, unless you are a
real performer who is going to showboat during the musical parts,
which I have gone to karaoke with friends who are
amazing at that. I always intend to do that, and
then I get up there and forget, and I just
feel very awkward. But the people who manage it really
go for it, and I admire it a great deal.
Let's see, I'm trying to find a mantis like creature.
Sliced it dong, and he countered with his enormous sock.
The mantis went flying, but not before she tore a
hole in the weapon, which caused coins to fly everywhere,
one pinged right off my forehead. They were Nichols, I
saw all of them, even though he'd been putting actual
gold pieces in there. Seeing there was money all over
the dance floor, those who hadn't been fighting pounced, jumping
into the skirmish, grabbing handfuls of the coins, and I
was a little surprised because I was just like, Nichols,
is that valuable? Here? Are you actually going to be
able to even spend that? It feels like not why, Like, yeah,
it's money, but it's a very particular type of money
and is that going to have any value? I don't know, U.
This is when Doughnut gets hit with a paralyzed kappa.
He got hit with a spell and he like falls
backwards into her. The twin screen sparked as they burst
a flame. Louis was in there spraying something out of
his hand stopping the fire, and Brittany a drink in
one hand, was also putting out the fire as most
of the NPCs fled. Congratulations, Carl, you have been granted
permanent access to the stage performance Guild Nich sing for
your supper. You're a proper musician. You're saying something and
you've been rewarded for it. The next thing you know,
you'll be earning a third of ascent per stream on
Spotify and bragging to your friends and family and fellow
kitchen staff that you're a professional and I am, he
says reward. From now on, hidden guilds with entrance requirements
will appear on your map if you are in close proximity,
which is really interesting. They will appear on his map,
but I don't know if that will come with like
details on exactly how you access them or not. Probably
if you can see them. You can find that out
fairly easily, but uh, I don't know, maybe not, so
he has to go in there by himself. I really
felt bad because, like, we've got a lot of casualties
in this fucking bar fight here. And the bartender collects
the DJ and just like crying as he runs away,
and I just really felt for him, Like this sucks,
you know. So let's see. The others all started grabbing
nickels and were helping Dong put them back in the sock,
though dozens of NPCs had grabbed some and run. There
was a nasty tear in the fabric of the sock,
but it was mending itself. The sock, however, didn't seem
to be going back to its giant size no matter
how many nickels people put back in. The coins were
absolutely everywhere. Later on, we find out that there is
a result from this that could potentially kill Dong, which
really is awful, and the most reliable way to counter
it is by getting all of the coins back, which,
as Doughnut points out, there were a billion MPCs in
here grabbing them, so it's just there's no way, you know.
Let's see, I the bar stank like smoke, and I
didn't know if we were going to get kicked out,
so we had to do this quickly. Prepotente was in
the middle of raiding the bar while Dong, the skeletons
from the Black Bleak Congregation, and a few of the
other regulars finished cleaning up the nickels. I eyed Dong warily,
I gotta read the room first, but I don't want
Dong screwing this up. If I say the word, you
gotta get him out of here. And you know, I
think it's like moments like this that he's referring to.
A little bit later, trying to find this bit, I
spied Jurgen trying to come speak with me, but Florin
held him back, and finally he pushes past, and it's like,
I'm joining you in the guild, and Carl says it's important.
We need this if we want to deal with the
problem with the kids. He talks about the Goddess and
Carl is like, yeah, I know, but the only thing
that we can do for them is talk Lucia into
taking a deal. And he says, I need to get out,
send me out via the Pineapple place. You can't. I'm sorry,
you worship donut, they said you can't go if you
worship a god. They said those of us who worship
gods can't go, or they say they don't want us
to go, And honestly, I was like, oh shit, because yeah,
that's exactly like A Kuma was just like, that'll bring
the gods down on us and we don't need that.
And there is not really a good reason to assume
A Kuma was sharing the entire truth when he said that,
it makes sense. I tend to believe him simply because
that logically does follow, But there could be all kinds
of weird, little like fine print about that that I
wouldn't think of. So when he asked that, I was
sort of oh shit, and like, is it possible that
somebody who worshiped the god going there might actually just
hurt the warm ages somehow and they're trying to prevent that.
I don't know. And this is when he asks him
about Donar and he's like it's he's like thor very
close but manlier, which I'm like, how has he given
you any lightning spells? A few? It doesn't matter. I'm like, dude,
it clearly like Carl doesn't ask these questions for no
reason in the moment, just because he's curious. That's donah,
who does that? If he's asking you, it doesn't matter,
just like you know. And this is when Jurgen says,
I got to tell you something. It's Heidi. I used
to be able to talk to her, but I haven't
heard her in a while. I think something's wrong. She's
in danger. She's all I have. She's pregnant. I have
to get to her. And it has been assumed that
he kind of cracked and the Heidi that he's been
talking to isn't really there. But there was something about
the way that he behaved that made me not take
that at face value when they said that about him,
And I was like, I don't know, man, I think
he sees something. I think there's just been too many
instances of folks having like a totally different perception of
things for various reasons, and we know that can happen,
and I just really felt like there is something going
on here. So Carl does not take this very seriously here,
But to me, I found that kind of arresting and
I really stopped and was like distracted by it for
a minute, Like what could that possibly fucking mean, you know.
So this is when Carl goes in to see Porky. Now,
I'm not going to like go through all of this
because most of it is him having to fix a
zipper that is caught on Porky's guts, which is the
worst thing I've ever heard of my entire life. I
hate it. I hate it. Porky greets him, but doesn't
I don't think that he introduces himself at all. And
when Carl calls him Porky, he's like, uh, nobody's called
me that in a while, and kind of on zips
to like use one of his actual eyeballs to look
at him and be like, so, who are you? And
Carl tells him the entire truth, and I was so relieved.
I was really worried that he was gonna try and like,
I don't know, play some weird game with him or
like make up something to convince him, and I just
don't have a lot of patience for that at this point.
So yeah, he just tells him like, we you have
your other half out there and he is being dominated
by these woman tars and is close to death and
you will never be able to see him again. Unless
you guys unite with each other. And it turns out
if Quirky dies, Porky dies, which was not ever mentioned
by anybody at any time, which is sort of surprising
because I feel like, you know. So finally he agrees
to go with Carl, and he says, you have to
hire me as a temporary mercenary, or you can just
man handle me out of here. But I'll help, especially
if that means I'll get reunited with my other half.
It's been so long it would be nice to not
have to lean against everything again. And I want you
to help me find and kick the ever living tar
out of this stripper. I know his name is Don Quixote,
which later on it is revealed that Dong is in
the mix. I thought it was gonna be a lot
more of a thing in the moment than it turns
out to be, And like a part of me was
sort of at the at first when he doesn't flip
out and he's just like, oh yeah, you conveniently left
out that he's involved, I was sort of like, okay,
so are they acting like it's like they can deal
with each other, But then the moment they're left alone,
they're gonna get into like a fistfight or something, but
it seems like they're actually going to be able to
like coexist at least for a little while. So fifty
nine Ellie says, Nah's in. She's still being creepy as
fucking not actually talking, but she sort of nodded, and
Mani says, don is being a problem. He doesn't want
to leave. He's picked up all the nickels we could find,
but the sock is back to the size it was
when he first got it, and he's complaining that it
stopped talking to him and Donut like dms Carl and
says something about how he is upset at being left
out of everything. This is a very emotional time. This
is when Carl tries to message splash Zone and is
notified he's not on this floor, and then same to
Gluteas and doctor Bones and it's just like, wait, what
the fuck, And everybody else tries messaging them and they
are everybody's hearing they're not on this floor anymore, and
Bucket Boy says they were going to see the new
boss guy jamed Anaconda and Damascus Steele's dad, which the
fact that they are not described as dead and simply
not on this floor. I really don't know exactly what.
Could they have been removed against their will or did
they get offered and they wanted to go? Is just
the meeting taking place technically off the floor, but they're
going to be back, I don't know. So let's see.
Ten minutes later, a group of us stood outside the
garage door with a number two. We were currently in
a safe area, but the garage itself wasn't a safe zone,
so the rules were a little weird about what we
could and couldn't do to break in. My original plan
was to blow the whole thing off the tracks, but
instead got to used on a tole spell to get inside.
And their plan is to disable Genesis and Rapture and
grab Corky. And they they do not foresee that Genesis
and Rapture are not idiots and are going to see
this coming. They are idiots, but they're just like a
very specific type, and it doesn't it doesn't help us
in this situation. Let's see, there's a oh, right, and
Carl talks with Grigory the flesh mancer for a while,
who reveals that he has never actually done this before
because nobody who gets split up like this actually survives
almost ever, and that he is really interested to see
once he manages to connect them if he can, which
seems somewhat confident what happens regarding their personalities, you know,
and he says, in the case of meld, which is similar,
the party instituting the spell is the dominant personality When
a creature consumes and joins with another, some versions are
permanent and some aren't. When it is permanent, but they
don't want it to be anymore, that's when they look
for someone like me. I specialize in fixing other people's mistakes.
It's not always successful, but I assure you I'm the
best there is. He brings up Samantha, and this dude
is just like, yeah, I've heard about it, but he
doesn't seem interested at all. I would like to examine
this so called withering spirit as what you describe is
quite impossible. So I'm feeling like maybe he's dismissive because
he just doesn't believe that they actually are accurate in
the way they're describing what's going on with Samantha. So
let's see, uh oh right, don'nut talking with Porky about
performance stuff. You, guys. I love this so much. Doughnut
is talking about how like, oh, yeah, I'm definitely able
to hit the notes, which no, you're not, but let's
set that aside. She's like, I want to be a
showstopper though, and Porky says, well, yeah, you want to
connect with the audience and whisk them into the clouds.
A truly transcendent experience requires one to know their fans intimately.
You want them to limp out of the theater after
you're done with them, gasping for breath, as if you've
just made love to their very soul. You want everything
they experience after the fact to be stale and taste
like ash, because they know they'll never experience joy like that. Again,
I love this so much because so he's just describing
like the absolute pinnacle and sort of talking about how like,
of course that's what we all want to accomplish, like
we can all do that. But also it's like it
there's a moment in The Golden Girls where Blanche's gonna
go out on a date and she's feeling a little
nervous and she's got this outfit on and she comes
out and Rose and Dorothy are there, and she asks
them what do you think? And Rose is the one
answering initially, and she's just like, you look great. And
she's like, okay, I mean, do you think is it feminine? Yeah?
But what about sexy? Yes? And she keeps started asking
leading questions and finally Dorothy puts her hand on Rose's
shoulder and pulls her back and says I'll handle this
and steps forward and says, Blanche, no woman has ever
looked better than you look right now, and no woman
ever will. And Blanche says, thank you, Dorothy. Honestly, Rose,
it's like pulling teeth just to get a little compliment
out of you. And honestly, I relate to that so much,
like I don't just want a compliment. I want it
to be a definitive ranking and to be at the top,
and if not at the very top, at least in
like the top five percentile. I want a very specific
type of validation. And if I don't get that, you
may as well just fucking save your breath anyway. Okay,
this is when Tippid chimes in and is like, hey, guys,
I think you might need to beat things up because
Dong is sick. His health is dipping and he has
a d muff that says negative ROI. Bucket Boy, he says,
lost the sock, which we find out a moment later.
It was a weapon that is sentient, so as like
almost a creature. It was about to attack Bucket Boy,
but because it was in a safe zone, it got
teleported away, probably with like the naughty naughty being yelled
at it, so it's being treated like a mob. And
so because I was like, he lost it? How did
he lose it? And then when Mordecai chimes in, I
was just like, oh fuck, and the fact that it's missing,
you know, we need the thing, probably to solve this problem.
So so it's not Bucket Boy's fault, it's the fucking sock.
And it may be that the sock did this on purpose,
tried to attack because it knew that it was going
to get transported away, and it doesn't want to be
here anymore. So Imani says, if it's a curse, we'll
need to bring him to a temple to cure him.
We come back to the present, our whole plan, and
this is when don Quixote chimes in, I forgot about this,
so you know, what this is also what Carl's referencing.
This is unbearable. Carl, you are doing this without giving
me a chance to even say goodbye. He is the
love of my life and what you're doing is going
to change him forever. I am dying. He is being
taken from me. I'm right here on the other side
of the door, and I can't even see him. I paused, God,
damn it. I suddenly felt like a huge asshole. I
spent half a second considering it. But no, this was
too important. We couldn't risk something going wrong. I'm sorry, Dong.
I wish I could go it could go another way,
but if Porky sees you, he's going to go ape
shit and none of this will work. As soon as
we're done with this, I promise we'll get you to
a temple to get that curse removed. And it's I
understand what Carl's saying, but he's not really addressing anything
that Dong is concerned about, you know. And this is
when the garage door begins to open. They had been
gonna cast hole and break in, but because the garage
is opening and they are heading out towards the next heat,
they can't be attacked. They are safe right now, and
they have Quirky with them and are just like, yeah,
you fuckers, you really thought you were gonna get the
drop on us. Get out of here, and they take off.
Bucket Boy, he's getting worse and he's really upset. I
don't know how much time he has or what to do.
Mordecai says, Okay, guys, we're busy prepping for the Lena exit,
but we just took a look at Dong. I think
we know what this is. It's called negative ROI for
some reason, but mister Tiatha believes it's really a curse
that's called separation anxiety. If that's the case, a temple
isn't going to help him. It's not good. We'll need
the sock back and we'll need every single coining loss otherwise,
and you know, we don't have the sock, we don't
have the coins. It will get transported where another NPC
or crawler will pick it up. That's what sapient weapons do.
They use their owners until they can't anymore, and then
they move on to someone else. I'm sorry, guys, even
I didn't see it coming. That was a particularly insidious one.
Its danger was masked by its stupid origin story. And
I just really hope that we're not doing a death
of one of these characters, because you know, I know
that we're not trying to fall into the barrier gaze trope,
but we might be falling into the barrier gaze trope,
so let's just do that. And this is when Carl
sits down and just starts thinking through if Don was dead,
the quest would fail. And I'm the one who gave
him that fucking sock, and he is just thinking about
how Lee not has lost her humanity, but in a
way he himself has as well. Dong is an NPC,
but we've also become friends, and I was just not
considering him with any of this at all. And again,
it's just really hard for me to like fault Carl
because everybody's life is really relying on this. But also
these NPC's lives are in danger now for other reasons,
so it's I don't know, I don't know. Carl says, Porky,
you're gonna have to put your big boy pants on. Yes,
Dong is here, Yes I understand you do. You too
don't like each other, but you're gonna get over it.
This is to save your life, Gregory. You're going to
spend the next half hour learning how to drive, just
in case we need you. And then come on, everybody,
let's say goodbye to Lena and we go into the
safe room. Dong is sitting on the couch sobbing with
Bigs on his head and glaring at me. Biggs completely
covered the old man's head and it took me a
moment from my mind to figure out what I was
looking at, which I'm sure that is a really weird sight.
Imani has tried things and it hasn't worked. His health
dips again, and Biggs has been listening to what's going
on with Dong and comes over and is just like, hey,
what the fuck to Carl, which I actually quite appreciate
a lot, and she says all of this makes him
a bitch, and Carl just says, you're right, I'm sorry,
and it's lovely. I've been a dick. I'm doing my best.
A long long time ago, I said something like, we
need to help each other otherwise, what's the point when
we stopped doing that, that's when we stop being real Gee's,
Biggs asked. I smiled. Real Gee's does that mean we're
going to slaughter. Lean on, laugh as she drowns in
her own blood. Oh bigs. For the first part of
the floor, I began as I pulled a towel from
my inventory. I was happy we were on rails, that
we didn't have a choice about what we were doing.
It was so much easier than before. But I've realized
this floor was a deliberate trap. It's a drain decided
to catch those of us who'd been spat out of
the bottom of faction wars and dared to go on
That spins faster and faster the closer we get to
the hole, and suddenly we're just gone. And it happened
so fast we don't even realize it until it's too late.
I know we don't have much time, but I need
to say this. I've been trying to keep you out
of this quest because I'm scared it's not gonna work,
and I'm scared that you'll mess it up. Not because
I don't trust you, but because you're too close to it.
The fact that you're in love with this guy is
a complication, not an asset. The smart thing to do
is to keep you away while we get this done,
but that's not what we're gonna do. I'm going to
have to attempt this Corkunda reunion during the race. I
can bring three mercenaries. It's gonna be the flesh Mancer Guy,
Porky and you. We're gonna do our best to save
your friend. And Dong says I'm dying. Jefferson said I
was a bad investment, which is really, honestly, kind of
a devastating line. And now I'm weak and my health
is seeping away. I will not be able to help,
maybe not, but I'll make sure you get to say goodbye.
I won't lie. We're gonna have to do some awful
things to get through this. Sometimes we can't take a
moment to spare the feelings of a friend because there
simply isn't time. But if it's worth anything, I want
you to know, I'm sorry I tried to keep you
two apart. I'm sorry I've been a jerk about it.
Survival has more than one meeting, and I'm trying so hard.
But sometimes and this is when he turns and looks
over at Lena and is thinking about like all the
voices in his head trying to tell him other things
to do, and how he is falling into the same
place as Lena, that it looks different for him, but
it's kind of the same anyway. And there's a really
sweet moment where Don talks about falling in love with
him because they were together during this fight, and how
he said, you don't it's not a sad ending as
long as you're with the person who makes you happy
when you die, and at least we're here together, and
it is a really sweet moment. So let's see. Okay,
there's the last bit, because I'm overtime here. Dong looked up,
acknowledging the other presence for the first time. Hello, Porky,
said his voice quiet, sad. I remember that day when
the club was under siege. I soon thereafter left. I
thought running a guild would be safer. Dong looked him
up and down. Good, sir, that's my scarf. I know
my other half let me have it when I went off,
he said I'd want it. I told him I was
going to throw it out because it was really yours,
and he said, no, you won't, and I didn't. Why
did you hate me, Dong finally asked, And then we
have to walk away and don't get to hear this answer,
and I was just like, wow, rude, my god. Sorry.
There's a bit here with of course Samantha talking about
if Porky had sex with Dong, does that count as cheating,
because it's another half of the same being. It's actually
a kind of a fun question and thought exercise that
I rather liked. And then we have a lovely moment
with the fucking cleaner bot. You know, I said, you
take a lot of abuse. I'm sorry for that. If
this works out with your friend in there, we'll be
needing you to do the same thing. You're a goddamn hero.
And if I don't get a chance to say it
before we need you, I just want you to know
that I appreciate it. The robot let out a long beep.
And this is why I don't give any quarter to
Aaron Solstice in The Wandering Inn, because this is literally
a bot, and Carl is nicer to it than she
ever was to tour In. And that's just facts, So
that's not on that anyway. Michael says Porky and Corky
both loved Dong. I think Quirky left because Quirky got him.
That's interesting. That would make sense. I like to think
Matt read the wandering and and was thinking, no way,
Carl's can screw this up, like Aaron. Yeah. Like, look, guys,
I say thank you after I have asked Syria a
question that Siria has answered. So I'm just an automatic,
like inanimate object or not. I treat it like it's
real because that's just like instinctually what I do, and
I just I just appreciate it. I just appreciate it.
That's all, all right. I have got to wrap way
over time. Thank you guys for listening. Appreciate you all
so much. Until next time to the Lue motherfuckers. That
was an Unspoiled Network podcast