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<v Speaker 1>This is Pod Popular Podcast for the People, the Great

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<v Speaker 1>Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a Great Love Debase. Hi again, everyone's Brian Howie.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's number one

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<v Speaker 1>dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am here

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<v Speaker 1>in the very fine, fancy and brand new updated studios

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<v Speaker 1>of Pod Popular Podcast for the People. I am at

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<v Speaker 1>the one in Palm Beach Gardens and it's a new

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<v Speaker 1>one and I have Travis here, not only on the controls,

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<v Speaker 1>but he's also hanging some shit here. So if you

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<v Speaker 1>hear a drill, he was worried. He's like, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want to make noise during your podcast. And

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<v Speaker 1>I said, my podcast listeners love ambient noise, and some

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<v Speaker 1>of my podcast listeners out there like, no, we do not.

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<v Speaker 1>We don't like ambient noise. But if you hear a

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<v Speaker 1>drill or something breaking, he's hanging stuff. One thing that

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<v Speaker 1>we we touch on, I don't know. Occasionally around here

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<v Speaker 1>we touch on it more, but we haven't quite done

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<v Speaker 1>it in a while is the concept of the five

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<v Speaker 1>love languages. And for those of you who are not familiar,

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<v Speaker 1>it was a book by Gary Chapman. Chapman I think,

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<v Speaker 1>and it basically says that everyone has a certain love

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<v Speaker 1>language that is most important, and that by understanding and

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<v Speaker 1>speaking your partner's love language and having them understand yours,

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<v Speaker 1>somehow you are able to properly communicate and give your

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<v Speaker 1>partner what they want need to be happy, fulfilled, whatever.

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<v Speaker 1>So now, common mistake that people make, whether it's in

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<v Speaker 1>their thought process or in their their dating profile, is

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<v Speaker 1>that they're trying to find someone who speaks the same

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<v Speaker 1>love language. And if you aren't familiar, and just to

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<v Speaker 1>back up forty five seconds, here, the love language in

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<v Speaker 1>the book, the five love languages are acts of service,

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<v Speaker 1>receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch.

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<v Speaker 1>And we'll circle back to those in a second in

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit more detail. But my issue is in

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<v Speaker 1>people trying to find a partner who speaks the same

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<v Speaker 1>love language, which makes no sense to me. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>you both love receiving gifts. You both think that's your

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<v Speaker 1>love language, or you're looking for somebody who also likes that,

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<v Speaker 1>so you just sort of pingpong the massage weekend give

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<v Speaker 1>cards back and forth between you. That doesn't make any

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<v Speaker 1>sense to me. Of course not. Of course that is

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<v Speaker 1>not a recipe for anything. And that kind of mindset

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<v Speaker 1>has you and a lot of people out there looking for,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, a version of yourself. I like this. This

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<v Speaker 1>makes my life easier if they like that. H That's

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<v Speaker 1>like saying, you know, you both need to be Denver

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<v Speaker 1>Bronco fans and people date that way, or fans of

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<v Speaker 1>the Office people date that way. But you need to

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<v Speaker 1>be you know, find a situation rather than that, to

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<v Speaker 1>find one who can sort of compliment and enhance who

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<v Speaker 1>you are and the situation. But I'm not here to

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<v Speaker 1>just dive in all the love languages. I'm here to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about my problem with them, the issue I have

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<v Speaker 1>with them. First of all, I don't think there's only five,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't know. I would love to see Gary

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<v Speaker 1>Chapman's discard list. I would like to see how he

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<v Speaker 1>had fifteen and then narrowed it down, and he's probably like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>these three are kind of the same, let's do that.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a lot easier if you have a group of five.

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<v Speaker 1>I get that. I don't think there's only five, though,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean mazarellisticks are my love language. And I don't

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<v Speaker 1>see them on this list or in his book. Not

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<v Speaker 1>a single maxim mentioned. But maybe that's in receiving gifts.

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<v Speaker 1>I want somebody to give those to me. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>But that's not my issue with the love languages. My

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<v Speaker 1>issue is this, eighty five percent of men have the

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<v Speaker 1>same love language eighty five percent. And you're like, where'd

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<v Speaker 1>you get that stat from? I did the research myself.

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<v Speaker 1>I've done it twice two times. We have done a

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<v Speaker 1>survey of over one thousand men, which makes this the

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<v Speaker 1>single biggest survey ever done on this, and ask them

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<v Speaker 1>what is their love language, and men eighty five percent,

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<v Speaker 1>like eighty four point five came back with the same

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<v Speaker 1>love language. So back to Gary Chapman's book. If you're

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<v Speaker 1>going to break this concept down and say there's only

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<v Speaker 1>there's five and there's only five, that's fine, but they

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<v Speaker 1>better be split at about twenty percent each. You can't

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<v Speaker 1>have one have eighty five percent and then the other four,

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<v Speaker 1>at least on the men's side collectively do fifteen and

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<v Speaker 1>or else it doesn't really make sense. And on the

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<v Speaker 1>women's side, it's not twenty twenty, twenty twenty twenty either,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, but it's it's a little closer on that.

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<v Speaker 1>So when I ask women, which is what I'm getting

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<v Speaker 1>into here today, to guess the love language that eighty

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<v Speaker 1>five percent of men have, about eighty five percent of

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<v Speaker 1>them get it wrong. And the fact that they get

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<v Speaker 1>it wrong really affects everything about how they date and

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<v Speaker 1>who they date and the outcome of them dating. Because

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<v Speaker 1>if you think a guy I wants this or does

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<v Speaker 1>this or has that, and it's not quite right, neither

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<v Speaker 1>of you will be fulfilled. And you hear the drill,

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<v Speaker 1>that's the drill. I told you it was coming. And

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<v Speaker 1>that's a huge problem with all of this and all

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<v Speaker 1>of us. Nobody is fulfilled. So you're probably like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>just get to the point. What is the eighty love

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<v Speaker 1>language that eighty five percent of men have, and some

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<v Speaker 1>of you are trying to guess out there, Well, that

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<v Speaker 1>is called a tease. We will reveal that love lesson

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<v Speaker 1>for you here. Don't be a tease, but we will

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<v Speaker 1>reveal the answer to that and be back right after this.

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<v Speaker 1>And we are back. We're talking about love languages. So

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<v Speaker 1>eighty five percent of women think that men. No, wait,

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<v Speaker 1>that's wrong. Sorry, I almost scare eighty five percent of

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<v Speaker 1>women guess this wrong. Eighty five percent of men have

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<v Speaker 1>the same love language and almost all women and guess

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<v Speaker 1>it to be physical touch. They're like, men are horny,

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<v Speaker 1>primitive creatures. It must be physical touch, and it is

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<v Speaker 1>not and it is not gifts, and it is not

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<v Speaker 1>acts of service. Eighty five percent of men love language

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<v Speaker 1>is words of affirmation, and because they do not get

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<v Speaker 1>words of affirmation, they need the physical touch because in

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<v Speaker 1>some way that is at least a sign that she

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<v Speaker 1>thinks something positive of you. I bring this up a

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<v Speaker 1>lot that a lot of times the women are like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>the men are just trying to get some action on

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<v Speaker 1>the first date. They're always groping at me whatever. It's that.

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<v Speaker 1>It's because they are not hear that drual. It's because

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<v Speaker 1>they are not getting anything back communicatively on these dates.

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<v Speaker 1>They tell you you're pretty, they tell you would you

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<v Speaker 1>like to see a dessert menu, They compliment you, they

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<v Speaker 1>say all these things, and maybe the men is getting

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<v Speaker 1>back thank you. So he's like, well, if I make

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<v Speaker 1>a move and she likes it, well then she doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>think I'm gross. But if he got some positive words

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<v Speaker 1>got it, he would calm down. To the point where

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<v Speaker 1>I've said many times, if the women want the men

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<v Speaker 1>to just calm the fuck down on the first date,

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<v Speaker 1>she has to be like, listen, I find you super attractive.

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<v Speaker 1>I just don't like to do anything until I'm ready.

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<v Speaker 1>But when I'm ready, it will blow your mind, and

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<v Speaker 1>he will calm the fuck down because he knows blow

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<v Speaker 1>your mind is on the menu. I talk about this

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<v Speaker 1>in our live shows a lot that there's three things

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<v Speaker 1>that all men three things at all women need. There's

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<v Speaker 1>three things that all men need, and the women just

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<v Speaker 1>to quick a refresher if you're new around here. The

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<v Speaker 1>women need to feel special, they need to feel safe,

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<v Speaker 1>and they need to feel sexy. Safe is the tough one.

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<v Speaker 1>On the women's side, they need to safe is about

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<v Speaker 1>trust and sharing and oustin and understanding all these things.

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<v Speaker 1>But on the men's side, the men need to be

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<v Speaker 1>admired or respected. The men need to be appreciated, and

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<v Speaker 1>the men need to be needed, and that is the

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<v Speaker 1>tough one, especially as we record this in twenty twenty four.

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<v Speaker 1>The men are not needed much anymore. And I say

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<v Speaker 1>all the time, you know the people some women say no,

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<v Speaker 1>it's about want, not need. No, No, need. I want

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<v Speaker 1>tater touts. I need world peace. Now I screwed up

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<v Speaker 1>my own joke. I need data, I need world peace.

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<v Speaker 1>I want tater tuts. I don't even know my joke

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<v Speaker 1>is anymore anyway. But that's the difference, Like it's about need.

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<v Speaker 1>They want to be needed, and the need is not

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<v Speaker 1>I need physical touch. I need you to need me

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<v Speaker 1>a lot more. A lot more women have a love

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<v Speaker 1>language of physical touch than men do. It's not even close,

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<v Speaker 1>but the men the women sometimes misterpret it. I know

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<v Speaker 1>a girl, and uh, she was really having challenges in

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<v Speaker 1>her marriage, and she couldn't understand why her husband did

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<v Speaker 1>not care about her love her the way she thought

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<v Speaker 1>he should or wanted him to. And she says to me,

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<v Speaker 1>I was talking to her. I barely knew her, so

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<v Speaker 1>I was surprised that she even said this, But she said,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't understand I give him blowjobs. She said that

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<v Speaker 1>about her husband and like that was going to be

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<v Speaker 1>the magical thing that of course he's going to love her,

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<v Speaker 1>like if she's performing these sort of wifely duties, especially,

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<v Speaker 1>the light bulb was going to go off for him.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, she doesn't get it. If she somehow,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, encouraged him or made him feel good about himself,

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<v Speaker 1>or create an environment there he could feel confident or

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<v Speaker 1>any of these other things, or made him feel loved

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<v Speaker 1>or anything. Probably wouldn't need that, and he doesn't even

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<v Speaker 1>need that she's given to him because she's like, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to give him this. This at least has to

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<v Speaker 1>make him happy. No, it will also make him happy,

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<v Speaker 1>but it will not be the core that makes him happy.

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<v Speaker 1>And you and a lot of the women are like,

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<v Speaker 1>I shouldn't have to do that. Happiness as it comes

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<v Speaker 1>from with him whatever. I don't know. It's about an environment,

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<v Speaker 1>and two of you have to create an environment where

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<v Speaker 1>each other can be happy and the trust can flourish

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<v Speaker 1>and the sharing can happen and all these kind of things.

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<v Speaker 1>So if you're just like, oh, I'll just have sex

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<v Speaker 1>with him, that's going to be everything. And the same girl,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, they got divorced later. I know that because

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<v Speaker 1>it didn't work out. And that same girl I know

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<v Speaker 1>her dating now. She she tends to lead with sex. She's like,

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<v Speaker 1>if I give them sex, they're gonna, they're gonna that's

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<v Speaker 1>what they need, and they like me. I'm like they

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<v Speaker 1>also need other things, and a lot of those other

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<v Speaker 1>things they need first, and they need intimacy, and sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>they need to hug, and sometimes they need to hold

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<v Speaker 1>your hand, and sometimes they need to feel like they

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<v Speaker 1>look good, and they need all these things. So, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>men are sometimes very primitive, horny creatures and cave men.

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<v Speaker 1>But a lot of times that's because nothing else is

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<v Speaker 1>getting in or getting through to them. And so I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not trying to like put the burden on the ladies,

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<v Speaker 1>but a lot of this is you're just not understanding

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<v Speaker 1>the men. And if you think that physical touch is

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<v Speaker 1>what is driving him, it's not. It's the words, and

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<v Speaker 1>the men rarely get the words. The very, very best

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<v Speaker 1>partner that I know, the best partner in the world,

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<v Speaker 1>she never misses an opportunity to say, I love you, you're

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<v Speaker 1>the best, You're my guy, I believe in you, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>proud of you, I support you, I'm so happy to

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<v Speaker 1>be with you, all of those things that maybe in

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<v Speaker 1>the twenty years of marriage people have trouble saying to

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<v Speaker 1>each other. And I understand that in the noise of

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<v Speaker 1>a life, in the noise of a family, you might

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<v Speaker 1>forget to do that. But a lot of times he

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't forget to do that, you know. I know there's

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of women out there, like my husband hasn't

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<v Speaker 1>told me I'm beautiful in ten years, maybe because he

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<v Speaker 1>thinks he's not getting anything back, or maybe he thinks

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<v Speaker 1>you won't care, or maybe he thinks you're saying it

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<v Speaker 1>for the wrong reason. I don't know. There's a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of this, and a lot of the women, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>if you ask them, they need physical touch because they

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<v Speaker 1>want to feel desired, and that is the missing element

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<v Speaker 1>out of a lot of the women. They want to

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<v Speaker 1>feel desired, they want to feel close. They want physical

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<v Speaker 1>touch because they need closeness. And sometimes that is just

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<v Speaker 1>a hand on the arm or a or a hug

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<v Speaker 1>or something like that. It's not necessarily sex either. They

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<v Speaker 1>want him to say I've got you, and touch means

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<v Speaker 1>I've got you. Some of this, you know, I know

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<v Speaker 1>we've gotten into before, and some of it we haven't.

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<v Speaker 1>But it comes up a lot, and I'm surprised at

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<v Speaker 1>a concept that really seems to have so much legs

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<v Speaker 1>and people talk about a lot. They rarely talk about

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<v Speaker 1>that sort of blip in his system where it's like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>if eighty five percent of men want the same thing,

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<v Speaker 1>and a big, big chunk of women are getting it wrong.

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<v Speaker 1>We're not doing a good job of communicating what that

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<v Speaker 1>is and why it's getting why it's wrong, and so

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<v Speaker 1>many of the women are like, he's a simple creature.

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<v Speaker 1>He is. I've said before the men are light switches

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<v Speaker 1>and the women are motherboards. And you know, we had

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<v Speaker 1>back in the early days of this podcast, we had

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<v Speaker 1>doctor John Gray, the guy who wrote mars Venus, on

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<v Speaker 1>this podcast, and he was fantastic, and he agreed with

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of the you know, the differences between the

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<v Speaker 1>men and the women and how they've evolved. We always

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<v Speaker 1>say on the Great Love Debate, the women look for

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<v Speaker 1>red flags and the men look for green lights. We

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<v Speaker 1>stand by that. He agrees with that. We're just different

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<v Speaker 1>in what we're looking for. And for him, a green

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<v Speaker 1>light comes from the words, comes from the words. So

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<v Speaker 1>if you think that, you know, well, I made out

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<v Speaker 1>with him, so he knows I like him, not necessarily,

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm saying you shouldn't do that either. Saying you shouldn't,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm saying you got to follow that up with this

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<v Speaker 1>was fun, That was great. I want to do it again.

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<v Speaker 1>You look good. You know, we get the smack on

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<v Speaker 1>the nose as men way more than we get the

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<v Speaker 1>pat on the nose. The pat on the nose means

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<v Speaker 1>so much more because it is rarer. And so if

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<v Speaker 1>you think about it again, as always, I'm never trying

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<v Speaker 1>to defend the men. Most men, including me, suck. But

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<v Speaker 1>if you're getting into this and you're trying to understand,

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<v Speaker 1>what is something very very easy that I need to

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<v Speaker 1>do for him to make him understand not that he

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<v Speaker 1>cares about me, that that I care about him. It's

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<v Speaker 1>not a lap dance. It's not he that for birthdays

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<v Speaker 1>and anniversaries. It's you were amazing today, or you made

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<v Speaker 1>me feel great, or I'm proud of you, or I

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<v Speaker 1>love how hard you work, I love how you take

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<v Speaker 1>care of this family, whatever it is. I love how

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<v Speaker 1>you put me first. Things like that. And then maybe

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<v Speaker 1>even if he's not putting me first, he might realize

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<v Speaker 1>that that matters to you. So your words of affirmation

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<v Speaker 1>will boomerang back to you in a very very positive

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<v Speaker 1>way that it's like, oh, she recognized that I did

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<v Speaker 1>something that made me care more about her, that made

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<v Speaker 1>me love her, that made me want her, that made

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<v Speaker 1>me appreciate her all of that, and so you know,

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<v Speaker 1>this isn't the longest podcast that I can tell that

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<v Speaker 1>Travis has tried to dodge around my sentences to avoid

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<v Speaker 1>the drill. Go ahead and drill, Travis, Drill, Baby drill.

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<v Speaker 1>He's putting acoustic panels up on the wall, so maybe

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<v Speaker 1>there's a little echo. But that's what I want to

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<v Speaker 1>get into today, Ladies, men, don't assume that's what it is,

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<v Speaker 1>because it is not. Give him some words and a

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<v Speaker 1>gift card for some Mutzarelli sticks. As far as us like, share, follow,

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<v Speaker 1>please review not only this podcast, have you guys checked

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<v Speaker 1>out my new podcast yet, My new podcast which has

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<v Speaker 1>become a huge podcast. It is called Dead to Me.

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<v Speaker 1>It is about estrangement, so please check that out. That

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<v Speaker 1>podcast is really doing well. I appreciate everybody who's listened

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<v Speaker 1>to that, and a lot of people who've listened to

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<v Speaker 1>that came from this show because there are a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of through lines between the men and the women in

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<v Speaker 1>broken family relationships and broken real relationships. So you will

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<v Speaker 1>see the synergies between Dead to Me and Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 1>Leave a review for both, shoot me an email mail,

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<v Speaker 1>Great Love Debate at gmail dot com. If you've got comments, thoughts, questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or I don't agree with you, you're wrong, but you

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<v Speaker 1>can agree with me if you want to, go on

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<v Speaker 1>Dead to Me shoot an email. Dead to Me show

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<v Speaker 1>and talked about how you hate your father. Dead to

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<v Speaker 1>Me Show at Gmail. Great Love Debate at Gmail. Go

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<v Speaker 1>to our live tour schedule. Our grand Finale are all

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<v Speaker 1>time finale after ten years of live shows, We're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>still do to The podcast finale is December third in

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<v Speaker 1>Boca Raton, Florida at the Boca black Box Center for

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<v Speaker 1>the Arts. We have all kinds of fabulous guests lined up.

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<v Speaker 1>Is going to be the best show ever. It's the

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<v Speaker 1>last live show ever. I guarantee you it's the four

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<v Speaker 1>hundred and sixty seventh and final, last live Great Love

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<v Speaker 1>Debate show. It's not too far from Fort Lauderdale Airport.

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<v Speaker 1>Book a flight, come on down. You'll have a good

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<v Speaker 1>time because, as always at the Great Love Debate, we

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<v Speaker 1>never stopped making love. See you next time. The Great

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<v Speaker 1>Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a Great Love Debate.