Speaker 1: And energy. Cancel hard ECTAG cancelge.
Speaker 2: It's not Sorryenogy. What's up? Positive bitches?
Speaker 1: How are we doing today? If you're hearing this episode,
Speaker 1: then you are meant to be here? So keep listening
Speaker 1: on the Bitch's Positive Podcast. Sometimes we will laugh. Other times, Baby,
Speaker 1: we're gonna cry, but we will always walk away feeling
Speaker 1: our most empowered, positive bitch self that is Babe, but
Speaker 1: in true connection with herself. On this podcast, we unbecome
Speaker 1: who we are not so we can fully step into
Speaker 1: exactly who we came here to be. Today's episode is
Speaker 1: going to have absolutely no structure, but we're going to
Speaker 1: talk about how we can love ourselves. I feel like,
Speaker 1: as I've grown up on this planet, there have been
Speaker 1: so many messages of people screaming in my face to
Speaker 1: just love myself, but they don't actually tell you how
Speaker 1: to do that.
Speaker 2: I do help you.
Speaker 1: Gain and harness tools to like yourself, trust yourself, respect yourself,
Speaker 1: and therefore love yourself.
Speaker 2: In my book show Up as.
Speaker 1: Her, So if you do want prompts and examples and
Speaker 1: you want it in written form, you can get my
Speaker 1: book Show Up as Her in the description in the
Speaker 1: show notes. Also, if you do want to magnetize your mornings,
Speaker 1: you want to call in abundance or guidance or even peace,
Speaker 1: you can get a magnetizing mug. I recently went on
Speaker 1: a retreat and all the girls on a retreat had
Speaker 1: their own magnetizing mugs with their favorite angel number, and
Speaker 1: it was so cute and amazing to just see everyone
Speaker 1: every morning put their little palms over their coffee and
Speaker 1: call in what it is that they want to experience
Speaker 1: in this reality. One of the ceremonies we did, Bart
Speaker 1: who was leading us through that ceremony, was telling us
Speaker 1: how in the mornings, we're so quick to just go
Speaker 1: on our phone or just to listen to the news,
Speaker 1: and how this completely takes us out of our own
Speaker 1: vessel and distracts us. It's so important that we are
Speaker 1: with ourselves in this body to experience this incarnation. And
Speaker 1: one of the ways to ground yourself is to get
Speaker 1: one of these magnetizing mugs. You can pick your favorite
Speaker 1: angel number, or just pick the mug that is most
Speaker 1: resonant in what you're wanting to call into your reality.
Speaker 1: At this point, go take a peek. The link again
Speaker 1: will be in the show notes. If you want more information,
Speaker 1: on that I have such a different experience when I
Speaker 1: use my mug versus not using my mug. When I'm
Speaker 1: with my mug, I feel grounded. I feel like I
Speaker 1: am plugged in to my day. I feel more joyful,
Speaker 1: more peaceful, versus looking at social media and getting an
Speaker 1: influx of information from every single platform that we all
Speaker 1: have on our phones. It's so imperative we take a
Speaker 1: breath and we focus. If you want to manifest, you
Speaker 1: don't get what you want, you get what you are.
Speaker 1: So if you want to shift your vibration, it starts
Speaker 1: with well what am I focusing on? Because where focus goes,
Speaker 1: energy flows. Let's get into today's episode on how to
Speaker 1: actually love yourself. As I was on this retreat in
Speaker 1: Joshua Tree, which was hosted by someone I can now
Speaker 1: call a friend, Bianca, who I loved dearly. We had
Speaker 1: one night in Joshua Tree at the retreat where we
Speaker 1: did a sound journey. Now, Joshua Tree, I should just say,
Speaker 1: is very much like Sedona. It's considered to have a
Speaker 1: bunch of vortexes where there are spikes in the electromagnetic
Speaker 1: fields of that area. This means that if you go
Speaker 1: to a place like Joshua Tree, like Sedona. When you go,
Speaker 1: you're expected to have more spiritual experiences. There's more energies
Speaker 1: that are whirling around. You might feel more grounded or
Speaker 1: more spacey, but overall your vessel will be more open
Speaker 1: to receiving the messages you need right now in your life.
Speaker 1: So I knew going into this retreat, I was going
Speaker 1: to have downloads. I was going to uncover parts of
Speaker 1: myself that maybe I wasn't sure about. I really had
Speaker 1: the intention of diving deeper into what am I on
Speaker 1: this planet to really do. I have an idea. I'm
Speaker 1: on the journey. I'm doing a lot of things, but
Speaker 1: I wanted to get a clearer vision. I wanted clarity
Speaker 1: on why I'm here and how I can expand what
Speaker 1: I'm already doing. And there was one specific night where
Speaker 1: we did a sound journey. I've done sound journeys with
Speaker 1: crystal bowls before.
Speaker 2: We literally did one the day before.
Speaker 1: I know what to expect from a sound journey, but
Speaker 1: we're all laying together. I'm in Joshua Tree, so there
Speaker 1: is a spike in the electromagnetic field. It's something that's measurable.
Speaker 1: And while we're in the sound journey, and the woman
Speaker 1: is using the sound bowls. She starts to weave in
Speaker 1: her voice and just sing.
Speaker 2: And she started to do that.
Speaker 1: My consciousness started to connect to my lineage, and I
Speaker 1: started to see my maternal bloodline, where we were all
Speaker 1: connected to one another by our hair being braided to
Speaker 1: one another's heads. It's as if I was standing right
Speaker 1: here and my hair was braided into my mother, and
Speaker 1: my mother's hair was braided into her mother, and my
Speaker 1: grandmother's hair was braided into her mother.
Speaker 3: And so on.
Speaker 1: And it went back, and it went back, and it
Speaker 1: went back, and it went back, and I see all
Speaker 1: of us women standing together, and then I have goosebumps.
Speaker 2: Right now.
Speaker 1: I see this shadowy figure, and I knew this shadowy
Speaker 1: figure was a love being. It looked a little, I
Speaker 1: guess you can say scary, because it wasn't an angelic
Speaker 1: looking thing. It wasn't a pink, puffy, marshmallow looking thing. No,
Speaker 1: it was a shadow being. So that's not the most
Speaker 1: comforting thing to see. However, I knew in my heart
Speaker 1: that this was a loving being trying to show me something.
Speaker 1: And the shadow said to me, you have to follow me.
Speaker 1: You must follow me, follow me, come with me, because
Speaker 1: at first I definitely was resisting a little bit. I
Speaker 1: take a couple of steps towards the shadow, and the
Speaker 1: shadow says, okay, it's time that we go through this tunnel.
Speaker 1: So we're walking through this tunnel and I can already
Speaker 1: feel in my body that I'm about to see something.
Speaker 1: I didn't know what I was going to see, but
Speaker 1: I could start to feel momentum building. I started to
Speaker 1: feel my body tightening a little bit because I knew
Speaker 1: I was going to see something that I had to uncover,
Speaker 1: because here's a shadow.
Speaker 2: And what a shadow have to do with but shadow work.
Speaker 1: We're going down this long, shadowy tunnel. We're walking and
Speaker 1: we're walking and we're walking, and eventually we're in this
Speaker 1: space where it's dark out and there's just a bunch
Speaker 1: of hills. I guess you could say it kind of
Speaker 1: looked like Joshua Tree in a way.
Speaker 3: At night.
Speaker 1: It was hilly, it was a lot of dirt, and
Speaker 1: the shadows said.
Speaker 2: Start digging.
Speaker 1: So I get on my knees and with my bare hands,
Speaker 1: I start just digging. I'm digging, I'm digging, I'm digging.
Speaker 1: And this goes on for a while, or what felt
Speaker 1: like a while from my own perception. And again, this
Speaker 1: is all happening during the soundbath. My eyes are closed
Speaker 1: and I'm totally plugged into this other place, this other dimension,
Speaker 1: and I'm digging and I'm digging, and I'm digging, and
Speaker 1: I'm getting tired. I'm getting frustrated because i am hands
Speaker 1: in the dirt, digging, digging, digging, and I start to
Speaker 1: hear whimpers and I'm thinking, is that a dog? What
Speaker 1: is that sound? And so I dig faster because I'm thinking, Oh, no,
Speaker 1: is there a dog down there that I'm digging for.
Speaker 1: So I dig faster, and I'm getting more frustrated and
Speaker 1: I'm feeling more momentum building. And then I hear again
Speaker 1: a whimper and I go, no, that that's not a dog.
Speaker 1: It goes that and then I hear a little cry.
Speaker 1: It sounds like a human cry. Is there a human
Speaker 1: down there? So I'm digging, I'm digging, I'm digging, I'm digging,
Speaker 1: I'm digging, and finally I uncover. And I'm probably going
Speaker 1: to get emotional here because in my head when I
Speaker 1: was perceiving this, it felt very real and it looks
Speaker 1: very real. And I'm experiencing this as if I'm recording
Speaker 1: this podcast right now, right here. That's how real it feels.
Speaker 1: I see this little baby in the mud and in
Speaker 1: the dirt, and it's all messy and dirty, and it
Speaker 1: looks like someone just left it in the dirt, but
Speaker 1: they buried it because it was under piles and piles
Speaker 1: and piles of mud. And so I reach down and
Speaker 1: I'm shocked, and I'm holding this baby and I'm just
Speaker 1: crying because of the image of a baby buried under
Speaker 1: dirt was horrifying to me. And I'm thinking, who would
Speaker 1: leave this baby? No, not, who would leave this baby?
Speaker 1: Who would bury this baby? Who buried this baby underneath
Speaker 1: all of this, this dirt and this mud. And I'm
Speaker 1: looking at the shadow and I'm asking, and the shadow goes,
Speaker 1: you did.
Speaker 2: You buried that baby.
Speaker 1: You buried this part of yourself a long, long, long
Speaker 1: time ago, and it's time that you reclaim her. You
Speaker 1: reclaim the essence that you came onto this planet. As
Speaker 1: you reclaim who you are, not who you think you
Speaker 1: have to be, not who you have been, not the
Speaker 1: parts of you that get along great with society. You
Speaker 1: reclaim who you are.
Speaker 2: So I'm at this point bawling my.
Speaker 1: Eyes out because I have come to the awareness, oh wow,
Speaker 1: I've buried so much of myself, so many parts of myself,
Speaker 1: so far underneath the dirt. And who did I actually
Speaker 1: bury but this innocent baby, this innocent energy, my inner child,
Speaker 1: the parts of me that are just authentic and kind
Speaker 1: of honestly weird and just real and me. So I'm
Speaker 1: holding this baby, I'm looking down at myself as this infant,
Speaker 1: and I just start apologizing. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: And the shadow figure is telling me, you have to
Speaker 1: give yourself grace.
Speaker 2: You made key decisions growing.
Speaker 1: Up that in order to survive, you had to downplay
Speaker 1: certain traits and highlight other ones. This is not a
Speaker 1: time to get mad at yourself or be upset with yourself.
Speaker 2: Give yourself grace.
Speaker 1: For doing the best you could with what you knew
Speaker 1: because you were a child just trying to survive.
Speaker 2: The next thing I saw was me in.
Speaker 1: The delivery room and my mother was giving birth to me,
Speaker 1: and I saw her, and I saw my father, and
Speaker 1: instead of the doctor being there to deliver me, I
Speaker 1: was sitting down and I delivered myself. And this was
Speaker 1: metaphorically a rebirth for me, and as my mom was
Speaker 1: delivering me, I took the infant and I said, I'm
Speaker 1: going to take care of you. I'm going to protect you.
Speaker 1: I'm going to love you. I'm going to feed you
Speaker 1: nourishing foods. I'm going to make sure that you uphold
Speaker 1: your authenticity. I'm going to be the person that helps you,
Speaker 1: heals you, guides you. I'm going to be with you
Speaker 1: here day in and day out. So the first thing
Speaker 1: I want us to do is actually, if you can
Speaker 1: close your eyes and take a deep breath and through
Speaker 1: your nose and just let some of that go with
Speaker 1: an audible sigh and another deep breath in Theora knows
Speaker 1: and release with an audible sigh. I'm one more deep
Speaker 1: deep breath. I'm releasing with an audible sigh. I want
Speaker 1: you to just envision what it might have been like
Speaker 1: when your mother was giving birth to you. Who is
Speaker 1: in that room, what was the energy like? And even
Speaker 1: if you're driving and your eyes are open, you can
Speaker 1: still think about this, Or if you're taking a walk
Speaker 1: and your eyes are open, just envision it in your
Speaker 1: mind's eye. See who is there in the delivery room.
Speaker 1: Whether it's in a hospital, a house, a tub, And
Speaker 1: as your mother's breathing deeply and about to give birth,
Speaker 1: sit right in front of her, and as a baby's
Speaker 1: coming out of the birth canal, as you are coming
Speaker 1: out of the birth canal, I want you to reach
Speaker 1: into your mother's room and I want you to take
Speaker 1: this baby out. And as you're holding this baby, which
Speaker 1: is you, look down at this beautiful God creation, this
Speaker 1: infant that has beautiful, authentic essence, energy, magnetic energy, powerful energy,
Speaker 1: this little infant that will be a master, masterful creator,
Speaker 1: this miracle, this magical being looking down at you as
Speaker 1: an infant. I want you to tell yourself that you
Speaker 1: are going to love you, that you are going to
Speaker 1: protect you, that you are going to be there for you,
Speaker 1: that you are going to guide yourself to where you
Speaker 1: need to go. And in this moment, reclaim your essence.
Speaker 2: I you can say this with me.
Speaker 1: I reclaim my true essence. I reclaim my true essence.
Speaker 1: I reclaim all that that is my true essence, this
Speaker 1: authentic frequency that I was born with. I give myself
Speaker 1: permission to exist within this now, this authentic frequency.
Speaker 2: That I was born with.
Speaker 1: I give myself permission to exist within this Now we
Speaker 1: are reclaiming what we were born onto this planet with,
Speaker 1: and in tandem with that, we are giving ourselves permission
Speaker 1: to exist within that frequency, that energy, that place. And
Speaker 1: take a moment here, sitting with this infant self, sitting
Speaker 1: with this energy, remembering your true authentic energy. Before you
Speaker 1: had friends who made you feel unworthy, before the coach
Speaker 1: made you feel like you weren't good enough, before your
Speaker 1: parents made you feel like you had to be perfect
Speaker 1: in order to be loved. Go back to that authentic energy,
Speaker 1: that authentic frequency, that is you. It's not your fault
Speaker 1: what has happened to you, but it is your responsibility
Speaker 1: to reclaim your energy. It is your responsibility to do
Speaker 1: the healing. If you want to love yourself, how can
Speaker 1: you love who you are not? If you want to
Speaker 1: love yourself, you have to reclaim yourself. You have to
Speaker 1: reclaim your essence, your energy, your power that you were
Speaker 1: born with that you might have buried a long, long,
Speaker 1: long time ago. I know that I have buried parts
Speaker 1: of myself because they were not allowed to be engaged
Speaker 1: with growing up. I grew up going to Catholic school.
Speaker 1: I was in a very Catholic family, and there were
Speaker 1: parts of me that were very mystical.
Speaker 2: Growing up.
Speaker 1: I slept in my parents' bedroom till I was about
Speaker 1: in fifth grade because I would feel so many different
Speaker 1: energies around me, and I just remember every night, and
Speaker 1: I still do this sometimes, looking around my room, looking
Speaker 1: around my room, so afraid to just see a person
Speaker 1: at the end of my bed. And you know, it
Speaker 1: was night after night after night after night that I
Speaker 1: was so scared in my room to see something because
Speaker 1: I could feel it. And I would just sleep in
Speaker 1: my parents' room night after night after night because I
Speaker 1: could not. There was too much energy in my room
Speaker 1: for me to sleep. And as a child, I didn't
Speaker 1: know I could have boundaries with spirit. So I was
Speaker 1: kind of lost in the sauce for a while, and
Speaker 1: I really turned off those parts of me, partly because
Speaker 1: I was scared and didn't know how to control it,
Speaker 1: and no one was teaching me how to control it,
Speaker 1: and partly because that was deemed the devil, that was
Speaker 1: deemed that wasn't something I was supposed to be engaging with.
Speaker 1: And so.
Speaker 2: I now am really opening.
Speaker 1: Myself up to my gifts that I've tuned away from
Speaker 1: because I was number one scared and number two thought, well,
Speaker 1: I'm not allowed to do that because my mom's gonna
Speaker 1: get mad at me. I'm not allowed to engage with
Speaker 1: that really psychic part of me because that might be
Speaker 1: of the devil. And now I'm learning it's of God.
Speaker 1: This ability that I have is of God.
Speaker 2: It is God given.
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of us turn away from
Speaker 1: our intuitive abilities because we're so programmed into a certain
Speaker 1: institution and something that is tied to the shadow. Yeah,
Speaker 1: our shadow is the weirder parts of ourselves or the
Speaker 1: parts of ourselves that we deem.
Speaker 2: Unworthy or not good enough.
Speaker 1: But it's also our gifts and our talents. Our golden
Speaker 1: shadow are parts of ourselves that we have pushed down
Speaker 1: because well, if we're that smart, maybe we're going to
Speaker 1: be called a nerd and then we're gonna have no friends. Well,
Speaker 1: if I tap into my psychic ability, then my mom's
Speaker 1: gonna get mad at me and say that it's satan.
Speaker 1: There are parts of ourselves that are gifts that we
Speaker 1: are meant to embody in this lifetime that we are
Speaker 1: pushing down, and this is something called our golden shadow.
Speaker 1: If you want more guidance with a golden shadow. I
Speaker 1: really encourage you to join my Shadow Alchemy course. In
Speaker 1: this course, we work with the golden shadow, of course,
Speaker 1: the actual darker shadow, and I give you somematic healing meditations,
Speaker 1: journal prompts, and it will take you through everything you
Speaker 1: need with the shadow. I highly recommend that because the
Speaker 1: shadow is the key to us unlocking all the parts
Speaker 1: of ourself. If you are listening to my words right now,
Speaker 1: it's because you too are being called to unlock your
Speaker 1: golden shadow. You two are being asked. You're being guided
Speaker 1: to look at the parts of you that you may
Speaker 1: have buried a long time ago. Now, why would we
Speaker 1: bury parts of ourself? The first night when we did
Speaker 1: a cacao ceremony, I went into a meditation and I
Speaker 1: went pretty deep.
Speaker 2: Again.
Speaker 1: Why is it so easy to go so deep in
Speaker 1: Joshua Tree. It's because it has that energy vortex that
Speaker 1: spike an electromagnetic field.
Speaker 2: So I when I was in meditation, you.
Speaker 1: Know, I've been talking about how uh here it comes
Speaker 1: here it comes more crying and releasing who Okay, this
Speaker 1: is part of the integration process, but I want to
Speaker 1: share it with you because it did you know, shed
Speaker 1: a lot of light on myself and what I'm going through.
Speaker 1: I'm in this new relationship, okay, and this dude is
Speaker 1: just amazing, the best person ever.
Speaker 3: And I'm noticing that is hard some tis for me
Speaker 3: to be receptive of so much love coming from another
Speaker 3: human being.
Speaker 1: And I was talking about this with some of the girls,
Speaker 1: and they too have experienced this, so I'm bringing it
Speaker 1: to you. In addition to me reclaiming parts of myself
Speaker 1: and loving parts of myself and learning how to actually
Speaker 1: do that, I also realized that in loving myself that
Speaker 1: would have to mean I allow myself. I give myself
Speaker 1: permission to accept in positive energy and love from other people.
Speaker 1: And in the first night I I'm looking at my journal,
Speaker 1: if you're seeing me, have looked down.
Speaker 2: I realized this is what I wrote.
Speaker 1: The only thing I'm creating and love is limitation. Because
Speaker 1: I remember that love and even abundance and positive energy
Speaker 1: it's not something we create. It's something we allow in
Speaker 1: because there's always an everflow of love and abundance and positive.
Speaker 2: Energy and light.
Speaker 1: We don't create these things, we allow them in. We
Speaker 1: don't create these things, but we do sometimes create limitation
Speaker 1: and I realized that even in my own relationship, I
Speaker 1: have to sometimes take breaks from him and his energy
Speaker 1: because he is so much beautiful, loving energy, and I'm
Speaker 1: not used to accepting all that in and I have
Speaker 1: to actually right now expand my threshold for how much
Speaker 1: love I can be receptive too.
Speaker 2: Growing up, whether this was.
Speaker 1: Real or perceived, I felt like there was a lot
Speaker 1: of conditions on who I had to be in order
Speaker 1: to be loved, from family, from friends, just everyone. And
Speaker 1: it's not because they maybe said something, but that's how
Speaker 1: I felt. I felt like I had to be really perfect.
Speaker 1: I had to look perfect, I had to have perfect grades,
Speaker 1: and I really tried to do everything to be.
Speaker 2: Perfect.
Speaker 1: In my book, I talk about this how I was
Speaker 1: always called the can do girl, and I was in
Speaker 1: girl Scouts, I had every ap class, I was in
Speaker 1: student counsel, I was varsity tennis. I was doing kipboxing.
Speaker 1: Everything you could do, I was doing and I burnt
Speaker 1: out so badly because I wasn't living.
Speaker 2: From love and wholeness and allowance.
Speaker 1: I was living from fear that if I didn't do
Speaker 1: all these things, that I wouldn't be loved.
Speaker 2: I wasn't loving myself.
Speaker 1: I was trying to create someone to get low quality
Speaker 1: love from other people, and in doing that, I buried
Speaker 1: so much of just me. There was no time for
Speaker 1: me to have fun.
Speaker 2: There was no time for me to be silly.
Speaker 1: Because I was always hyper vigilant of how I was
Speaker 1: being perceived, and I was always hyper vigilant of being
Speaker 1: perceived as perfect creating love. I was creating a block.
Speaker 1: And in real love, there are no conditions. Love is
Speaker 1: unconditional in its truest form. And I felt Mother Isis
Speaker 1: come in that night, and I just felt like love
Speaker 1: from a divine, feminine energy like Mother Earth Isis, whatever
Speaker 1: you want to call her, the Blessed Mother, but that energy,
Speaker 1: and I feel like I felt what love was for
Speaker 1: the second time in my life. The first time I
Speaker 1: felt it for my spirit guides. But I just realized
Speaker 1: that how I've been loving myself and.
Speaker 2: How I've been receiving.
Speaker 1: Love is not to my fullest capacity. This episode is,
Speaker 1: I know, a little different than the other episodes, but
Speaker 1: I'm just sharing with you what I'm experiencing because I
Speaker 1: know that when I hear what other people experience, it
Speaker 1: helps me understand myself better. Something I wrote down is
Speaker 1: I've not experienced love, experienced conditions, yeah, and I'm ready
Speaker 1: to be receptive to love instead. Why am I talking
Speaker 1: about any of this. I'm bringing this up because loving
Speaker 1: ourself means we have to drop the conditions. I'll love
Speaker 1: myself if I do this workout, I'll love myself. If
Speaker 1: I look perfect, I'll love myself if I finish X
Speaker 1: amount of whatever it might be that day. That's not love,
Speaker 1: that's conditions. And if I'm gonna be a human being,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it like maybe how I've
Speaker 1: been doing it. I don't want to do it based
Speaker 1: off of conditions. I want to do it based off
Speaker 1: of love.
Speaker 2: So I'm really.
Speaker 1: Recommitting to a practice of love, and I'm calling it
Speaker 1: a practice because we're human and some days it's just
Speaker 1: easier to love ourselves than others. Some days it's easier
Speaker 1: to have than others. We're not here to be perfect,
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to put a condition on myself
Speaker 1: where I feel like I have to do that. Instead,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna enter into this newfound practice of love where
Speaker 1: regardless of how I feel in my body that day,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna choose to try to love myself anyway, regardless
Speaker 1: if I go as hard as I did yesterday in
Speaker 1: my workout class, I'm going to choose to love myself anyway,
Speaker 1: regardless of how I feel I did in work that month,
Speaker 1: or how much money I have in my bank account
Speaker 1: that month. I'm going to choose to love myself anyway
Speaker 1: because real love. What Mother isis was showing me, is
Speaker 1: that real love is unconditional. It's not focused on the
Speaker 1: three D, because that is that's three D love. That's
Speaker 1: low quality love. It's if then statements. If I do this,
Speaker 1: then I can love myself. If I do this, then
Speaker 1: I can love myself. But if you exist like that,
Speaker 1: you're never going to escape the three D because you're
Speaker 1: base saying your relationship to yourself on external matters instead
Speaker 1: of basing your relationship to yourself in the spiritual world, realm,
Speaker 1: in the five D.
Speaker 2: Regardless of what shifts in.
Speaker 1: My external world, because it's always gonna be shifting, it's
Speaker 1: always going to be changing, I have to just decide,
Speaker 1: because it's a decision to love myself anyway. I can
Speaker 1: simply make a decision of well, I'm just gonna try
Speaker 1: to love myself through this anyway. I'm gonna try to
Speaker 1: be gentle with myself through this anyway. The voice we
Speaker 1: hear the most is our own, and I think a
Speaker 1: lot of us copy and paste the narrative that our
Speaker 1: coaches had, our parents had, and then we say.
Speaker 2: Those words to ourselves all day.
Speaker 1: Our parents maybe made us feel like we were never
Speaker 1: good enough, we had to be the perfect child, and
Speaker 1: now we're telling ourselves that wasn't good enough. You're not
Speaker 1: good enough, You're not perfect enough. I saw this a
Speaker 1: lot when I was creating content. At first, I would
Speaker 1: always think, Oh, this is it's not perfect, this is
Speaker 1: not how it's supposed to be. I was such a
Speaker 1: perfectionist with it. And I realized, you know what, if
Speaker 1: I love creating, If I'm going to create, but I'm
Speaker 1: going to create in this space where nothing is good
Speaker 1: enough and I feel stressed out every single day, it's
Speaker 1: not worth it. I love to create, I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: make my art a prison. I'm going to focus and
Speaker 1: value creation over perfection. And even that little mindset shift
Speaker 1: made such a change for me, and I'm reminded of
Speaker 1: that in this season.
Speaker 2: I'm going to.
Speaker 1: Value creating a beautiful life for myself from love over
Speaker 1: being perfect. I'm still gonna eat clean, I'm still gonna
Speaker 1: work out, I'm still gonna give to my vessel. I'm
Speaker 1: still going to want to be successful and do all
Speaker 1: these amazing things, but I'm going to do it from
Speaker 1: love from the five D. Maybe ask yourself where am
Speaker 1: I creating from? Am I creating from three D conditions?
Speaker 1: I'll love myself if I do X, Y and Z?
Speaker 1: Or am I creating from wholeness from the five D?
Speaker 1: And when we're in the five D, it's not so
Speaker 1: much even about creating, but about allowing what am I
Speaker 1: allowing in problems, stress, worry, or am I allowing in
Speaker 1: the everflow of love and abundance and peace and happiness
Speaker 1: and joy. Another thing I realized about love is not
Speaker 1: only was I living from the three D conditions of
Speaker 1: I love myself if I do X, Y and Z,
Speaker 1: but I was.
Speaker 2: Also doing that kind of to my partner.
Speaker 1: I would be a little bit strict and have a
Speaker 1: lot of restrictions when it came to how I was
Speaker 1: going to love him. Make sure that you remind yourself
Speaker 1: that your relationship to yourself is going to be projected
Speaker 1: into your relationships with others. So if you're having restrictions
Speaker 1: on how much love you're allowing yourself to give to yourself,
Speaker 1: you might also be doing that to your partner.
Speaker 3: Have a check in.
Speaker 1: I found myself thinking he has to be like this
Speaker 1: and like this and like this in order for me
Speaker 1: to give him my love, and really that's not love.
Speaker 2: That is once again conditions.
Speaker 1: Now this doesn't mean you have no standards. Of course,
Speaker 1: you need standards in your life.
Speaker 2: Life. Hello, please have standards. The higher your standard, the
Speaker 2: higher quality life are going to have. But also.
Speaker 1: Don't go so far where it's just conditional. There's a
Speaker 1: difference between a standard. I'm not going to be mistreated.
Speaker 1: I'm only going to allow in positive loving energy versus conditions.
Speaker 1: Oh this person's so kind to me, they're so nice
Speaker 1: to me, they're giving me all their love. Well you're
Speaker 1: still not good enough. Like that's that's conditions. When everything's perfect,
Speaker 1: but you're still trying to look for a threat. Something
Speaker 1: I wrote down was that it's safe for me to
Speaker 1: open fully to love, it's safe for me to love myself,
Speaker 1: and it's safe for me to accept love from others.
Speaker 1: And this is kind of tied to this, but I
Speaker 1: find myself always asking what else can I do with
Speaker 1: my body? Should I go for a walk, Should I
Speaker 1: do the workout, Should I do yoga? Should I eat
Speaker 1: this or that? What's healthier? But I never actually asked
Speaker 1: my body, what do you need from me? And I
Speaker 1: realized that a lot of the time I'm fighting against
Speaker 1: my body or facing my body rather than existing within
Speaker 1: my body and working as a team. So something I'm
Speaker 1: now doing like this morning. I've had a protein shake
Speaker 1: every single morning for breakfast for years and years and years,
Speaker 1: but I recently after this retreat, because on the retreat
Speaker 1: I was having avocado toast with fruit. I felt better
Speaker 1: in my body. So today I asked my body. Instead
Speaker 1: of me saying this is what you're going to have
Speaker 1: so you look a certain way, I asked my body,
Speaker 1: what do you need to perform your best? What do
Speaker 1: you need to feel your best? And then I just
Speaker 1: allowed whatever came to my mind to be the answer,
Speaker 1: and that was avocado toast and berries. So I went ahead,
Speaker 1: got some avocado toasts and berries, made it for myself.
Speaker 1: And there's something about making yourself a meal that feels
Speaker 1: so loving. I in that vision during the meditation of
Speaker 1: me taking myself out of my mother's birth canal and
Speaker 1: saying I'm going to take care of you. I'm now
Speaker 1: realizing I really want to take care of myself through
Speaker 1: the meals I make for me, and I really want
Speaker 1: to give love to this food and really take time
Speaker 1: to prepare nutrition and for my body. And that was
Speaker 1: just another thing that came up, never asking what my
Speaker 1: body needed, but instead telling it what it should want
Speaker 1: to exist in a certain form. Now, I'm going to
Speaker 1: make a commitment to asking my body, what do you
Speaker 1: need from me? Regardless of who was your caretaker, your mother,
Speaker 1: you get to remother yourself every single day in your
Speaker 1: own thoughts, in how you react to the external world,
Speaker 1: in how you exist within your body. I'm committing to
Speaker 1: remothering myself. As much as our inner child lives on
Speaker 1: within us, we also have this in our wise adult.
Speaker 1: And I'm committing to speaking to myself with love, speaking
Speaker 1: to myself in a way that's allowing me to practice
Speaker 1: opening to love rather than creating fear in my body
Speaker 1: every single day. Because think about it. If you're saying
Speaker 1: I'll only love myself if I do X, Y and Z,
Speaker 1: you're creating from fear you're going.
Speaker 2: To close it down.
Speaker 1: You're going to feel restrictive versus, what does my body need?
Speaker 1: How can I love myself right now? If love was
Speaker 1: personified in front of me, what would she say to me?
Speaker 1: It's gonna be hard to feel safe in your body
Speaker 1: if you're constantly telling yourself that you're not good enough,
Speaker 1: that you can't do this, that you have to exist
Speaker 1: within a certain form in order to be loved. So
Speaker 1: pay attention to that inner narrative. So pay attention to
Speaker 1: that inner narrative. I think it's in chapter one, two
Speaker 1: or three in my book where I give you something
Speaker 1: called the four R System to help you literally detangle
Speaker 1: any of your negative thoughts. So it's on page sixty
Speaker 1: nine of my book, My four R System, and it
Speaker 1: will really help you release all of these negative thoughts
Speaker 1: that you're having about yourself and release this outdated narrative
Speaker 1: that is not yours and never was yours. You adopted
Speaker 1: this narrative, but you didn't birth it, and it's time
Speaker 1: to release that story that has never been you. I
Speaker 1: hope this episode has helped shed some light on how
Speaker 1: you can begin to reclaim your own energy and love yourself.
Speaker 1: I'm sharing this because it helps me to hear other
Speaker 1: people's experiences, so I wanted to share mine. This felt
Speaker 1: really special to me, so I just wanted to share
Speaker 1: that with you. I love you so much, and as
Speaker 1: always a sparkle in me honor as a sparkle within you.
Speaker 1: I will see you in the next one.
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