WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.280 --> 00:00:09.800 And energy. Cancel hard ECTAG cancelge. 2 00:00:13.720 --> 00:00:20.600 It's not Sorryenogy. What's up? Positive bitches? 3 00:00:20.719 --> 00:00:23.359 How are we doing today? If you're hearing this episode, 4 00:00:23.399 --> 00:00:25.320 then you are meant to be here? So keep listening 5 00:00:25.879 --> 00:00:30.280 on the Bitch's Positive Podcast. Sometimes we will laugh. Other times, Baby, 6 00:00:30.359 --> 00:00:33.479 we're gonna cry, but we will always walk away feeling 7 00:00:33.520 --> 00:00:37.960 our most empowered, positive bitch self that is Babe, but 8 00:00:38.159 --> 00:00:42.039 in true connection with herself. On this podcast, we unbecome 9 00:00:42.119 --> 00:00:44.520 who we are not so we can fully step into 10 00:00:44.719 --> 00:00:47.799 exactly who we came here to be. Today's episode is 11 00:00:47.840 --> 00:00:50.799 going to have absolutely no structure, but we're going to 12 00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:55.960 talk about how we can love ourselves. I feel like, 13 00:00:56.320 --> 00:00:59.200 as I've grown up on this planet, there have been 14 00:00:59.359 --> 00:01:03.280 so many messages of people screaming in my face to 15 00:01:03.479 --> 00:01:06.760 just love myself, but they don't actually tell you how 16 00:01:06.799 --> 00:01:07.319 to do that. 17 00:01:08.120 --> 00:01:09.239 I do help you. 18 00:01:09.680 --> 00:01:14.239 Gain and harness tools to like yourself, trust yourself, respect yourself, 19 00:01:14.560 --> 00:01:15.719 and therefore love yourself. 20 00:01:15.840 --> 00:01:17.200 In my book show Up as. 21 00:01:17.159 --> 00:01:20.719 Her, So if you do want prompts and examples and 22 00:01:20.879 --> 00:01:23.319 you want it in written form, you can get my 23 00:01:23.319 --> 00:01:26.480 book Show Up as Her in the description in the 24 00:01:26.560 --> 00:01:30.519 show notes. Also, if you do want to magnetize your mornings, 25 00:01:30.560 --> 00:01:34.680 you want to call in abundance or guidance or even peace, 26 00:01:35.239 --> 00:01:38.959 you can get a magnetizing mug. I recently went on 27 00:01:39.040 --> 00:01:41.079 a retreat and all the girls on a retreat had 28 00:01:41.120 --> 00:01:43.840 their own magnetizing mugs with their favorite angel number, and 29 00:01:43.879 --> 00:01:47.200 it was so cute and amazing to just see everyone 30 00:01:47.319 --> 00:01:50.680 every morning put their little palms over their coffee and 31 00:01:50.879 --> 00:01:53.920 call in what it is that they want to experience 32 00:01:54.040 --> 00:01:57.840 in this reality. One of the ceremonies we did, Bart 33 00:01:57.879 --> 00:02:00.920 who was leading us through that ceremony, was telling us 34 00:02:01.000 --> 00:02:03.359 how in the mornings, we're so quick to just go 35 00:02:03.519 --> 00:02:05.560 on our phone or just to listen to the news, 36 00:02:05.680 --> 00:02:08.439 and how this completely takes us out of our own 37 00:02:08.639 --> 00:02:12.400 vessel and distracts us. It's so important that we are 38 00:02:12.520 --> 00:02:17.280 with ourselves in this body to experience this incarnation. And 39 00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:19.599 one of the ways to ground yourself is to get 40 00:02:19.639 --> 00:02:21.960 one of these magnetizing mugs. You can pick your favorite 41 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:25.000 angel number, or just pick the mug that is most 42 00:02:25.159 --> 00:02:28.520 resonant in what you're wanting to call into your reality. 43 00:02:28.639 --> 00:02:31.479 At this point, go take a peek. The link again 44 00:02:31.520 --> 00:02:33.479 will be in the show notes. If you want more information, 45 00:02:33.719 --> 00:02:36.120 on that I have such a different experience when I 46 00:02:36.240 --> 00:02:38.759 use my mug versus not using my mug. When I'm 47 00:02:38.800 --> 00:02:41.919 with my mug, I feel grounded. I feel like I 48 00:02:42.080 --> 00:02:45.120 am plugged in to my day. I feel more joyful, 49 00:02:45.199 --> 00:02:48.800 more peaceful, versus looking at social media and getting an 50 00:02:48.879 --> 00:02:52.560 influx of information from every single platform that we all 51 00:02:52.639 --> 00:02:55.360 have on our phones. It's so imperative we take a 52 00:02:55.439 --> 00:02:58.080 breath and we focus. If you want to manifest, you 53 00:02:58.159 --> 00:02:59.879 don't get what you want, you get what you are. 54 00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:03.159 So if you want to shift your vibration, it starts 55 00:03:03.199 --> 00:03:05.840 with well what am I focusing on? Because where focus goes, 56 00:03:06.039 --> 00:03:09.479 energy flows. Let's get into today's episode on how to 57 00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:15.439 actually love yourself. As I was on this retreat in 58 00:03:15.599 --> 00:03:18.120 Joshua Tree, which was hosted by someone I can now 59 00:03:18.240 --> 00:03:22.680 call a friend, Bianca, who I loved dearly. We had 60 00:03:22.800 --> 00:03:26.360 one night in Joshua Tree at the retreat where we 61 00:03:26.479 --> 00:03:29.560 did a sound journey. Now, Joshua Tree, I should just say, 62 00:03:29.719 --> 00:03:32.280 is very much like Sedona. It's considered to have a 63 00:03:32.360 --> 00:03:36.319 bunch of vortexes where there are spikes in the electromagnetic 64 00:03:36.400 --> 00:03:39.400 fields of that area. This means that if you go 65 00:03:39.520 --> 00:03:42.919 to a place like Joshua Tree, like Sedona. When you go, 66 00:03:43.360 --> 00:03:47.840 you're expected to have more spiritual experiences. There's more energies 67 00:03:47.919 --> 00:03:51.520 that are whirling around. You might feel more grounded or 68 00:03:51.599 --> 00:03:55.840 more spacey, but overall your vessel will be more open 69 00:03:56.080 --> 00:03:59.639 to receiving the messages you need right now in your life. 70 00:04:00.199 --> 00:04:03.680 So I knew going into this retreat, I was going 71 00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:07.000 to have downloads. I was going to uncover parts of 72 00:04:07.159 --> 00:04:10.560 myself that maybe I wasn't sure about. I really had 73 00:04:10.599 --> 00:04:14.680 the intention of diving deeper into what am I on 74 00:04:14.840 --> 00:04:17.680 this planet to really do. I have an idea. I'm 75 00:04:17.720 --> 00:04:19.800 on the journey. I'm doing a lot of things, but 76 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:23.439 I wanted to get a clearer vision. I wanted clarity 77 00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:26.879 on why I'm here and how I can expand what 78 00:04:26.959 --> 00:04:30.319 I'm already doing. And there was one specific night where 79 00:04:30.399 --> 00:04:33.040 we did a sound journey. I've done sound journeys with 80 00:04:33.160 --> 00:04:34.120 crystal bowls before. 81 00:04:34.240 --> 00:04:36.439 We literally did one the day before. 82 00:04:37.199 --> 00:04:40.000 I know what to expect from a sound journey, but 83 00:04:40.120 --> 00:04:43.439 we're all laying together. I'm in Joshua Tree, so there 84 00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:47.639 is a spike in the electromagnetic field. It's something that's measurable. 85 00:04:48.759 --> 00:04:52.800 And while we're in the sound journey, and the woman 86 00:04:53.279 --> 00:04:56.600 is using the sound bowls. She starts to weave in 87 00:04:56.720 --> 00:04:59.079 her voice and just sing. 88 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:01.160 And she started to do that. 89 00:05:01.759 --> 00:05:07.319 My consciousness started to connect to my lineage, and I 90 00:05:07.439 --> 00:05:13.199 started to see my maternal bloodline, where we were all 91 00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:17.759 connected to one another by our hair being braided to 92 00:05:18.000 --> 00:05:20.560 one another's heads. It's as if I was standing right 93 00:05:20.600 --> 00:05:23.639 here and my hair was braided into my mother, and 94 00:05:23.720 --> 00:05:26.199 my mother's hair was braided into her mother, and my 95 00:05:26.279 --> 00:05:28.759 grandmother's hair was braided into her mother. 96 00:05:28.759 --> 00:05:29.480 And so on. 97 00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:32.040 And it went back, and it went back, and it 98 00:05:32.120 --> 00:05:34.360 went back, and it went back, and I see all 99 00:05:34.560 --> 00:05:38.519 of us women standing together, and then I have goosebumps. 100 00:05:38.600 --> 00:05:38.879 Right now. 101 00:05:39.000 --> 00:05:43.120 I see this shadowy figure, and I knew this shadowy 102 00:05:43.240 --> 00:05:49.399 figure was a love being. It looked a little, I 103 00:05:49.560 --> 00:05:52.839 guess you can say scary, because it wasn't an angelic 104 00:05:52.920 --> 00:05:57.639 looking thing. It wasn't a pink, puffy, marshmallow looking thing. No, 105 00:05:57.920 --> 00:05:59.839 it was a shadow being. So that's not the most 106 00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:03.600 comforting thing to see. However, I knew in my heart 107 00:06:03.720 --> 00:06:06.879 that this was a loving being trying to show me something. 108 00:06:07.639 --> 00:06:10.279 And the shadow said to me, you have to follow me. 109 00:06:10.399 --> 00:06:13.480 You must follow me, follow me, come with me, because 110 00:06:13.480 --> 00:06:16.800 at first I definitely was resisting a little bit. I 111 00:06:16.920 --> 00:06:19.839 take a couple of steps towards the shadow, and the 112 00:06:19.920 --> 00:06:22.800 shadow says, okay, it's time that we go through this tunnel. 113 00:06:23.199 --> 00:06:26.639 So we're walking through this tunnel and I can already 114 00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:30.879 feel in my body that I'm about to see something. 115 00:06:31.600 --> 00:06:33.680 I didn't know what I was going to see, but 116 00:06:33.800 --> 00:06:37.360 I could start to feel momentum building. I started to 117 00:06:37.439 --> 00:06:41.240 feel my body tightening a little bit because I knew 118 00:06:41.519 --> 00:06:45.879 I was going to see something that I had to uncover, 119 00:06:46.480 --> 00:06:48.040 because here's a shadow. 120 00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:50.839 And what a shadow have to do with but shadow work. 121 00:06:51.319 --> 00:06:54.879 We're going down this long, shadowy tunnel. We're walking and 122 00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:57.920 we're walking and we're walking, and eventually we're in this 123 00:06:58.120 --> 00:07:01.279 space where it's dark out and there's just a bunch 124 00:07:01.360 --> 00:07:03.199 of hills. I guess you could say it kind of 125 00:07:03.319 --> 00:07:05.560 looked like Joshua Tree in a way. 126 00:07:05.680 --> 00:07:06.079 At night. 127 00:07:06.240 --> 00:07:09.079 It was hilly, it was a lot of dirt, and 128 00:07:09.199 --> 00:07:10.199 the shadows said. 129 00:07:10.600 --> 00:07:11.240 Start digging. 130 00:07:12.199 --> 00:07:15.879 So I get on my knees and with my bare hands, 131 00:07:16.759 --> 00:07:19.720 I start just digging. I'm digging, I'm digging, I'm digging. 132 00:07:20.279 --> 00:07:23.399 And this goes on for a while, or what felt 133 00:07:23.560 --> 00:07:26.680 like a while from my own perception. And again, this 134 00:07:26.839 --> 00:07:29.120 is all happening during the soundbath. My eyes are closed 135 00:07:29.120 --> 00:07:32.720 and I'm totally plugged into this other place, this other dimension, 136 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:34.680 and I'm digging and I'm digging, and I'm digging, and 137 00:07:35.000 --> 00:07:38.720 I'm getting tired. I'm getting frustrated because i am hands 138 00:07:39.319 --> 00:07:43.399 in the dirt, digging, digging, digging, and I start to 139 00:07:43.560 --> 00:07:51.519 hear whimpers and I'm thinking, is that a dog? What 140 00:07:51.800 --> 00:07:55.199 is that sound? And so I dig faster because I'm thinking, Oh, no, 141 00:07:55.360 --> 00:07:57.279 is there a dog down there that I'm digging for. 142 00:07:57.879 --> 00:08:01.279 So I dig faster, and I'm getting more frustrated and 143 00:08:01.399 --> 00:08:05.079 I'm feeling more momentum building. And then I hear again 144 00:08:05.160 --> 00:08:07.519 a whimper and I go, no, that that's not a dog. 145 00:08:07.600 --> 00:08:10.319 It goes that and then I hear a little cry. 146 00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:14.959 It sounds like a human cry. Is there a human 147 00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:17.000 down there? So I'm digging, I'm digging, I'm digging, I'm digging, 148 00:08:17.000 --> 00:08:22.240 I'm digging, and finally I uncover. And I'm probably going 149 00:08:22.319 --> 00:08:25.759 to get emotional here because in my head when I 150 00:08:25.920 --> 00:08:29.519 was perceiving this, it felt very real and it looks 151 00:08:29.680 --> 00:08:33.159 very real. And I'm experiencing this as if I'm recording 152 00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:35.879 this podcast right now, right here. That's how real it feels. 153 00:08:36.639 --> 00:08:40.519 I see this little baby in the mud and in 154 00:08:40.600 --> 00:08:43.159 the dirt, and it's all messy and dirty, and it 155 00:08:43.799 --> 00:08:46.720 looks like someone just left it in the dirt, but 156 00:08:46.840 --> 00:08:49.799 they buried it because it was under piles and piles 157 00:08:49.879 --> 00:08:54.879 and piles of mud. And so I reach down and 158 00:08:55.399 --> 00:08:58.720 I'm shocked, and I'm holding this baby and I'm just 159 00:08:58.840 --> 00:09:01.879 crying because of the image of a baby buried under 160 00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:05.919 dirt was horrifying to me. And I'm thinking, who would 161 00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:08.279 leave this baby? No, not, who would leave this baby? 162 00:09:08.279 --> 00:09:11.279 Who would bury this baby? Who buried this baby underneath 163 00:09:11.279 --> 00:09:13.759 all of this, this dirt and this mud. And I'm 164 00:09:13.799 --> 00:09:16.200 looking at the shadow and I'm asking, and the shadow goes, 165 00:09:17.120 --> 00:09:17.600 you did. 166 00:09:19.759 --> 00:09:21.399 You buried that baby. 167 00:09:22.320 --> 00:09:26.279 You buried this part of yourself a long, long, long 168 00:09:26.440 --> 00:09:34.679 time ago, and it's time that you reclaim her. You 169 00:09:34.919 --> 00:09:39.039 reclaim the essence that you came onto this planet. As 170 00:09:39.799 --> 00:09:45.559 you reclaim who you are, not who you think you 171 00:09:45.679 --> 00:09:48.440 have to be, not who you have been, not the 172 00:09:48.519 --> 00:09:51.320 parts of you that get along great with society. You 173 00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:54.840 reclaim who you are. 174 00:09:56.799 --> 00:09:58.639 So I'm at this point bawling my. 175 00:09:58.720 --> 00:10:02.960 Eyes out because I have come to the awareness, oh wow, 176 00:10:04.320 --> 00:10:09.480 I've buried so much of myself, so many parts of myself, 177 00:10:09.600 --> 00:10:12.360 so far underneath the dirt. And who did I actually 178 00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:16.879 bury but this innocent baby, this innocent energy, my inner child, 179 00:10:18.000 --> 00:10:20.120 the parts of me that are just authentic and kind 180 00:10:20.200 --> 00:10:26.039 of honestly weird and just real and me. So I'm 181 00:10:26.120 --> 00:10:29.519 holding this baby, I'm looking down at myself as this infant, 182 00:10:30.600 --> 00:10:34.799 and I just start apologizing. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 183 00:10:35.000 --> 00:10:37.200 And the shadow figure is telling me, you have to 184 00:10:37.279 --> 00:10:38.279 give yourself grace. 185 00:10:38.919 --> 00:10:41.240 You made key decisions growing. 186 00:10:41.039 --> 00:10:45.159 Up that in order to survive, you had to downplay 187 00:10:45.320 --> 00:10:48.360 certain traits and highlight other ones. This is not a 188 00:10:48.440 --> 00:10:51.799 time to get mad at yourself or be upset with yourself. 189 00:10:52.039 --> 00:10:53.759 Give yourself grace. 190 00:10:53.519 --> 00:10:56.559 For doing the best you could with what you knew 191 00:10:57.120 --> 00:10:59.639 because you were a child just trying to survive. 192 00:11:01.919 --> 00:11:04.639 The next thing I saw was me in. 193 00:11:06.240 --> 00:11:09.960 The delivery room and my mother was giving birth to me, 194 00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:12.279 and I saw her, and I saw my father, and 195 00:11:12.480 --> 00:11:14.919 instead of the doctor being there to deliver me, I 196 00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:18.519 was sitting down and I delivered myself. And this was 197 00:11:19.679 --> 00:11:23.279 metaphorically a rebirth for me, and as my mom was 198 00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:26.840 delivering me, I took the infant and I said, I'm 199 00:11:26.919 --> 00:11:29.600 going to take care of you. I'm going to protect you. 200 00:11:30.240 --> 00:11:32.360 I'm going to love you. I'm going to feed you 201 00:11:32.519 --> 00:11:36.399 nourishing foods. I'm going to make sure that you uphold 202 00:11:36.480 --> 00:11:40.320 your authenticity. I'm going to be the person that helps you, 203 00:11:40.480 --> 00:11:42.600 heals you, guides you. I'm going to be with you 204 00:11:42.759 --> 00:11:46.399 here day in and day out. So the first thing 205 00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:50.159 I want us to do is actually, if you can 206 00:11:50.519 --> 00:11:53.200 close your eyes and take a deep breath and through 207 00:11:53.240 --> 00:11:56.639 your nose and just let some of that go with 208 00:11:56.679 --> 00:12:01.960 an audible sigh and another deep breath in Theora knows 209 00:12:04.960 --> 00:12:09.440 and release with an audible sigh. I'm one more deep 210 00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:17.279 deep breath. I'm releasing with an audible sigh. I want 211 00:12:17.320 --> 00:12:20.759 you to just envision what it might have been like 212 00:12:21.240 --> 00:12:24.600 when your mother was giving birth to you. Who is 213 00:12:24.679 --> 00:12:28.879 in that room, what was the energy like? And even 214 00:12:28.919 --> 00:12:30.720 if you're driving and your eyes are open, you can 215 00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:34.039 still think about this, Or if you're taking a walk 216 00:12:34.080 --> 00:12:36.440 and your eyes are open, just envision it in your 217 00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:41.480 mind's eye. See who is there in the delivery room. 218 00:12:41.519 --> 00:12:45.840 Whether it's in a hospital, a house, a tub, And 219 00:12:46.320 --> 00:12:49.519 as your mother's breathing deeply and about to give birth, 220 00:12:49.720 --> 00:12:53.399 sit right in front of her, and as a baby's 221 00:12:53.440 --> 00:12:55.480 coming out of the birth canal, as you are coming 222 00:12:55.519 --> 00:12:57.840 out of the birth canal, I want you to reach 223 00:12:57.960 --> 00:12:59.919 into your mother's room and I want you to take 224 00:13:00.080 --> 00:13:03.840 this baby out. And as you're holding this baby, which 225 00:13:03.960 --> 00:13:09.240 is you, look down at this beautiful God creation, this 226 00:13:09.679 --> 00:13:17.519 infant that has beautiful, authentic essence, energy, magnetic energy, powerful energy, 227 00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:22.399 this little infant that will be a master, masterful creator, 228 00:13:23.279 --> 00:13:28.840 this miracle, this magical being looking down at you as 229 00:13:28.840 --> 00:13:32.600 an infant. I want you to tell yourself that you 230 00:13:32.759 --> 00:13:35.399 are going to love you, that you are going to 231 00:13:35.480 --> 00:13:38.480 protect you, that you are going to be there for you, 232 00:13:40.279 --> 00:13:42.559 that you are going to guide yourself to where you 233 00:13:42.679 --> 00:13:48.639 need to go. And in this moment, reclaim your essence. 234 00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:51.480 I you can say this with me. 235 00:13:51.639 --> 00:13:58.360 I reclaim my true essence. I reclaim my true essence. 236 00:13:58.799 --> 00:14:04.799 I reclaim all that that is my true essence, this 237 00:14:05.399 --> 00:14:10.519 authentic frequency that I was born with. I give myself 238 00:14:10.600 --> 00:14:15.679 permission to exist within this now, this authentic frequency. 239 00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:16.440 That I was born with. 240 00:14:17.519 --> 00:14:26.159 I give myself permission to exist within this Now we 241 00:14:26.279 --> 00:14:30.600 are reclaiming what we were born onto this planet with, 242 00:14:32.039 --> 00:14:35.639 and in tandem with that, we are giving ourselves permission 243 00:14:35.720 --> 00:14:42.399 to exist within that frequency, that energy, that place. And 244 00:14:42.519 --> 00:14:47.159 take a moment here, sitting with this infant self, sitting 245 00:14:47.279 --> 00:14:52.120 with this energy, remembering your true authentic energy. Before you 246 00:14:52.320 --> 00:14:55.000 had friends who made you feel unworthy, before the coach 247 00:14:55.080 --> 00:14:57.279 made you feel like you weren't good enough, before your 248 00:14:57.360 --> 00:14:59.399 parents made you feel like you had to be perfect 249 00:14:59.440 --> 00:15:03.360 in order to be loved. Go back to that authentic energy, 250 00:15:03.399 --> 00:15:11.639 that authentic frequency, that is you. It's not your fault 251 00:15:11.720 --> 00:15:14.960 what has happened to you, but it is your responsibility 252 00:15:15.039 --> 00:15:18.799 to reclaim your energy. It is your responsibility to do 253 00:15:18.919 --> 00:15:22.639 the healing. If you want to love yourself, how can 254 00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:27.200 you love who you are not? If you want to 255 00:15:27.279 --> 00:15:30.759 love yourself, you have to reclaim yourself. You have to 256 00:15:30.840 --> 00:15:35.279 reclaim your essence, your energy, your power that you were 257 00:15:35.320 --> 00:15:39.039 born with that you might have buried a long, long, 258 00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:44.039 long time ago. I know that I have buried parts 259 00:15:44.080 --> 00:15:50.679 of myself because they were not allowed to be engaged 260 00:15:50.720 --> 00:15:53.919 with growing up. I grew up going to Catholic school. 261 00:15:54.080 --> 00:15:59.159 I was in a very Catholic family, and there were 262 00:15:59.360 --> 00:16:01.919 parts of me that were very mystical. 263 00:16:02.039 --> 00:16:02.559 Growing up. 264 00:16:03.759 --> 00:16:05.960 I slept in my parents' bedroom till I was about 265 00:16:06.440 --> 00:16:09.720 in fifth grade because I would feel so many different 266 00:16:09.840 --> 00:16:14.039 energies around me, and I just remember every night, and 267 00:16:14.159 --> 00:16:16.399 I still do this sometimes, looking around my room, looking 268 00:16:16.480 --> 00:16:19.519 around my room, so afraid to just see a person 269 00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:22.639 at the end of my bed. And you know, it 270 00:16:22.759 --> 00:16:25.080 was night after night after night after night that I 271 00:16:25.360 --> 00:16:29.360 was so scared in my room to see something because 272 00:16:29.360 --> 00:16:32.600 I could feel it. And I would just sleep in 273 00:16:32.639 --> 00:16:34.879 my parents' room night after night after night because I 274 00:16:34.919 --> 00:16:38.039 could not. There was too much energy in my room 275 00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:41.159 for me to sleep. And as a child, I didn't 276 00:16:41.159 --> 00:16:44.159 know I could have boundaries with spirit. So I was 277 00:16:44.240 --> 00:16:46.759 kind of lost in the sauce for a while, and 278 00:16:47.120 --> 00:16:49.960 I really turned off those parts of me, partly because 279 00:16:49.960 --> 00:16:51.759 I was scared and didn't know how to control it, 280 00:16:52.360 --> 00:16:55.120 and no one was teaching me how to control it, 281 00:16:55.279 --> 00:16:59.320 and partly because that was deemed the devil, that was 282 00:16:59.399 --> 00:17:04.160 deemed that wasn't something I was supposed to be engaging with. 283 00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:05.559 And so. 284 00:17:08.000 --> 00:17:10.720 I now am really opening. 285 00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:13.920 Myself up to my gifts that I've tuned away from 286 00:17:14.079 --> 00:17:17.640 because I was number one scared and number two thought, well, 287 00:17:17.680 --> 00:17:19.759 I'm not allowed to do that because my mom's gonna 288 00:17:19.759 --> 00:17:21.680 get mad at me. I'm not allowed to engage with 289 00:17:21.759 --> 00:17:24.480 that really psychic part of me because that might be 290 00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:28.680 of the devil. And now I'm learning it's of God. 291 00:17:29.160 --> 00:17:31.839 This ability that I have is of God. 292 00:17:32.039 --> 00:17:33.240 It is God given. 293 00:17:34.319 --> 00:17:36.160 And I think a lot of us turn away from 294 00:17:36.200 --> 00:17:40.559 our intuitive abilities because we're so programmed into a certain 295 00:17:40.680 --> 00:17:46.119 institution and something that is tied to the shadow. Yeah, 296 00:17:46.200 --> 00:17:49.079 our shadow is the weirder parts of ourselves or the 297 00:17:49.119 --> 00:17:50.640 parts of ourselves that we deem. 298 00:17:50.519 --> 00:17:51.759 Unworthy or not good enough. 299 00:17:52.119 --> 00:17:56.559 But it's also our gifts and our talents. Our golden 300 00:17:56.640 --> 00:17:59.880 shadow are parts of ourselves that we have pushed down 301 00:18:00.160 --> 00:18:03.519 because well, if we're that smart, maybe we're going to 302 00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:06.400 be called a nerd and then we're gonna have no friends. Well, 303 00:18:06.480 --> 00:18:09.160 if I tap into my psychic ability, then my mom's 304 00:18:09.160 --> 00:18:10.880 gonna get mad at me and say that it's satan. 305 00:18:11.559 --> 00:18:14.920 There are parts of ourselves that are gifts that we 306 00:18:15.039 --> 00:18:17.440 are meant to embody in this lifetime that we are 307 00:18:17.519 --> 00:18:20.119 pushing down, and this is something called our golden shadow. 308 00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:24.519 If you want more guidance with a golden shadow. I 309 00:18:24.759 --> 00:18:28.640 really encourage you to join my Shadow Alchemy course. In 310 00:18:28.759 --> 00:18:31.880 this course, we work with the golden shadow, of course, 311 00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:36.279 the actual darker shadow, and I give you somematic healing meditations, 312 00:18:36.720 --> 00:18:39.079 journal prompts, and it will take you through everything you 313 00:18:39.160 --> 00:18:41.839 need with the shadow. I highly recommend that because the 314 00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:45.200 shadow is the key to us unlocking all the parts 315 00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:48.599 of ourself. If you are listening to my words right now, 316 00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:51.480 it's because you too are being called to unlock your 317 00:18:51.559 --> 00:18:55.759 golden shadow. You two are being asked. You're being guided 318 00:18:55.880 --> 00:18:58.480 to look at the parts of you that you may 319 00:18:58.680 --> 00:19:03.960 have buried a long time ago. Now, why would we 320 00:19:04.559 --> 00:19:07.559 bury parts of ourself? The first night when we did 321 00:19:07.559 --> 00:19:12.839 a cacao ceremony, I went into a meditation and I 322 00:19:12.960 --> 00:19:14.079 went pretty deep. 323 00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:14.400 Again. 324 00:19:14.519 --> 00:19:16.839 Why is it so easy to go so deep in 325 00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:19.960 Joshua Tree. It's because it has that energy vortex that 326 00:19:20.079 --> 00:19:22.079 spike an electromagnetic field. 327 00:19:22.680 --> 00:19:25.759 So I when I was in meditation, you. 328 00:19:25.799 --> 00:19:28.960 Know, I've been talking about how uh here it comes 329 00:19:29.119 --> 00:19:34.359 here it comes more crying and releasing who Okay, this 330 00:19:34.519 --> 00:19:36.559 is part of the integration process, but I want to 331 00:19:36.559 --> 00:19:38.720 share it with you because it did you know, shed 332 00:19:38.759 --> 00:19:41.400 a lot of light on myself and what I'm going through. 333 00:19:42.119 --> 00:19:47.279 I'm in this new relationship, okay, and this dude is 334 00:19:47.839 --> 00:19:54.039 just amazing, the best person ever. 335 00:19:55.279 --> 00:20:00.920 And I'm noticing that is hard some tis for me 336 00:20:01.160 --> 00:20:04.759 to be receptive of so much love coming from another 337 00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:05.480 human being. 338 00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:08.960 And I was talking about this with some of the girls, 339 00:20:09.079 --> 00:20:11.519 and they too have experienced this, so I'm bringing it 340 00:20:11.640 --> 00:20:15.920 to you. In addition to me reclaiming parts of myself 341 00:20:16.039 --> 00:20:18.759 and loving parts of myself and learning how to actually 342 00:20:18.920 --> 00:20:23.000 do that, I also realized that in loving myself that 343 00:20:23.160 --> 00:20:25.920 would have to mean I allow myself. I give myself 344 00:20:25.960 --> 00:20:29.240 permission to accept in positive energy and love from other people. 345 00:20:30.720 --> 00:20:34.160 And in the first night I I'm looking at my journal, 346 00:20:34.160 --> 00:20:35.599 if you're seeing me, have looked down. 347 00:20:37.759 --> 00:20:39.960 I realized this is what I wrote. 348 00:20:41.319 --> 00:20:48.079 The only thing I'm creating and love is limitation. Because 349 00:20:48.119 --> 00:20:52.079 I remember that love and even abundance and positive energy 350 00:20:52.720 --> 00:20:55.359 it's not something we create. It's something we allow in 351 00:20:55.799 --> 00:21:00.240 because there's always an everflow of love and abundance and positive. 352 00:21:00.039 --> 00:21:00.720 Energy and light. 353 00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:04.799 We don't create these things, we allow them in. We 354 00:21:04.839 --> 00:21:07.799 don't create these things, but we do sometimes create limitation 355 00:21:09.039 --> 00:21:12.960 and I realized that even in my own relationship, I 356 00:21:13.119 --> 00:21:16.079 have to sometimes take breaks from him and his energy 357 00:21:16.160 --> 00:21:19.400 because he is so much beautiful, loving energy, and I'm 358 00:21:19.440 --> 00:21:22.920 not used to accepting all that in and I have 359 00:21:23.160 --> 00:21:26.839 to actually right now expand my threshold for how much 360 00:21:26.920 --> 00:21:28.640 love I can be receptive too. 361 00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:33.559 Growing up, whether this was. 362 00:21:33.599 --> 00:21:36.960 Real or perceived, I felt like there was a lot 363 00:21:37.039 --> 00:21:40.000 of conditions on who I had to be in order 364 00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:45.400 to be loved, from family, from friends, just everyone. And 365 00:21:45.839 --> 00:21:48.440 it's not because they maybe said something, but that's how 366 00:21:48.519 --> 00:21:55.759 I felt. I felt like I had to be really perfect. 367 00:21:55.880 --> 00:21:58.319 I had to look perfect, I had to have perfect grades, 368 00:21:58.480 --> 00:22:01.680 and I really tried to do everything to be. 369 00:22:03.799 --> 00:22:04.240 Perfect. 370 00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:07.480 In my book, I talk about this how I was 371 00:22:08.519 --> 00:22:13.200 always called the can do girl, and I was in 372 00:22:13.279 --> 00:22:16.880 girl Scouts, I had every ap class, I was in 373 00:22:17.000 --> 00:22:21.119 student counsel, I was varsity tennis. I was doing kipboxing. 374 00:22:21.319 --> 00:22:27.039 Everything you could do, I was doing and I burnt 375 00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:29.160 out so badly because I wasn't living. 376 00:22:29.000 --> 00:22:30.680 From love and wholeness and allowance. 377 00:22:30.759 --> 00:22:33.319 I was living from fear that if I didn't do 378 00:22:33.400 --> 00:22:35.400 all these things, that I wouldn't be loved. 379 00:22:35.480 --> 00:22:36.720 I wasn't loving myself. 380 00:22:36.839 --> 00:22:39.960 I was trying to create someone to get low quality 381 00:22:40.039 --> 00:22:43.599 love from other people, and in doing that, I buried 382 00:22:43.680 --> 00:22:46.319 so much of just me. There was no time for 383 00:22:46.400 --> 00:22:47.039 me to have fun. 384 00:22:47.119 --> 00:22:49.079 There was no time for me to be silly. 385 00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:53.440 Because I was always hyper vigilant of how I was 386 00:22:53.480 --> 00:22:56.200 being perceived, and I was always hyper vigilant of being 387 00:22:56.240 --> 00:23:02.160 perceived as perfect creating love. I was creating a block. 388 00:23:02.839 --> 00:23:06.400 And in real love, there are no conditions. Love is 389 00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:11.759 unconditional in its truest form. And I felt Mother Isis 390 00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:16.960 come in that night, and I just felt like love 391 00:23:17.680 --> 00:23:22.640 from a divine, feminine energy like Mother Earth Isis, whatever 392 00:23:22.720 --> 00:23:25.240 you want to call her, the Blessed Mother, but that energy, 393 00:23:26.519 --> 00:23:29.880 and I feel like I felt what love was for 394 00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:31.960 the second time in my life. The first time I 395 00:23:32.039 --> 00:23:35.119 felt it for my spirit guides. But I just realized 396 00:23:35.160 --> 00:23:36.880 that how I've been loving myself and. 397 00:23:39.039 --> 00:23:40.359 How I've been receiving. 398 00:23:40.079 --> 00:23:43.759 Love is not to my fullest capacity. This episode is, 399 00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:45.880 I know, a little different than the other episodes, but 400 00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:50.799 I'm just sharing with you what I'm experiencing because I 401 00:23:51.240 --> 00:23:53.559