Speaker 1: In the year two thousand and seven fourteen, a new
squad of operatives was chosen by the College of Illusion.
These fools promptly went on to frustrate their DM at
every opportunity. Today, still working together because really, who else
would work with them? They survive as adventurers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help,
and if you can find them, maybe you can hire
the Second Breakfast Club.
Speaker 2: Tony Kinney as Eddie.
Speaker 3: FELSONI, Jess Owen as a deer a Glow, Michael Cole
as Urag.
Speaker 4: And Jesse Wicks as Bill Cuilance, Nico Rodriguez as your DM.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the continuing Tales of a Fool's Quest.
Speaker 3: When last we left our heroes, the fools had decided
to leave the illusination again and make their way toward
the Way of Hotesh. They came of the same path
that they've taken twice now, and the last time they
went through they cleared.
Speaker 5: Wow super early.
Speaker 2: Only one.
Speaker 3: There's only one.
Speaker 4: It's a premature dice drap.
Speaker 6: It's ok.
Speaker 4: It happens to everybody, tell me it happens.
Speaker 5: It's gonna happen again.
Speaker 3: Ready, somebody get him a red bull so he can
rally give me a minute work.
Speaker 2: Anyway, it was just a D twelve that we don't
even use in this.
Speaker 5: Game, not once, not for anything.
Speaker 3: I use it for damage sometimes. Anyway, you you did
not have to fight any one along the path. But
then we did our travel role and you got the
jump on a group of evokers that had made camp,
and you spend some time strategizing how are you going
to take them all out? And Eddie went invisible, went
up and made a monster hit with burning hands, a
new spell he just learned, and roasted all of them
at once. And then you decided that instead of taking off,
you would just kick the pashes and of the corpses
to the side, take their tents, and spend the night
here on your way to Hotest.
Speaker 1: And left a note.
Speaker 3: Yet and left a note blame me on the necromancy Nations,
welcome evokers to the Oh yeah, yeah, that's right, that's right. Yeah,
you didn't blame it on anyone.
Speaker 1: I had to listen to the last little bit before
I came in today.
Speaker 4: Someone all right, wait we record these ship.
Speaker 1: One question before we start, is his best best still
the big floppy?
Speaker 3: You know he took it off and shoved it into
his pack. Okay, and he put on I could remember.
I think he put on something else. I don't remember
what it was, but he didn't want to get more
attention else.
Speaker 5: Because he'd naked and that ain't happening.
Speaker 3: I think he put on one of the actual evoke
or uniforms. They sewed up.
Speaker 4: The rainy hat stuck somewhere else.
Speaker 5: For somebody.
Speaker 4: It's got real weird. It's perpetually, it's self washing.
Speaker 3: It's just so you moved along, all right, So you
camped there, everybody went to sleep. You wake up with
no issues at all.
Speaker 1: What I'm scared weird?
Speaker 3: Right? And then you continued your way toward or are
you continuing your way toward the way of hot Yes,
we are as ye. So you were taking the highway.
Speaker 2: We did purchase torches, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, we.
Speaker 5: Made them out of them from Alex's house.
Speaker 4: Borrow.
Speaker 5: We'll give them back to.
Speaker 2: Floorboard, pretend or slowly.
Speaker 5: Reome of the house. He doesn't need that, right.
Speaker 3: So you were following a highway, but you were not
going on the highway itself. You were just kind of
following the map that took you along that same direction,
so you could get up to the mountain range and
go to the Way of Hotesh. As you travel, it
takes you exactly three days to get there, because everything,
everything takes always three days. But you are able to
get to the Way of hotage I. And as you
get there you do find uh. The entrance of the
way Otesh is one small wooden door. It's not guarded.
The evokers didn't leave anyone here to guard it. But
you heard that this was the way that they went in.
But it looks like almost like a shed door, the
kind that like lead into a cellar that's flat, almost
flat across the ground, just a little bit of a
slant across the ground, and you pick it up, and
that's the entrance to the Way of Hotush that you see.
Speaker 5: Well, we have that alarm set on Siri two for
mail about word from Eddie or Uncle Eddie? Was that
Frederick Frederick Frederick? So yep, that's important.
Speaker 4: According to my notes, that's kill uncle. What's it's.
Speaker 1: That's my daddy.
Speaker 5: No, he's not doesn't necessarily need to be killed.
Speaker 4: It's not that No one why note I wrote last
week disagrees we're not last week. Whatever last time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I guess we're ready to go in, right,
we got seven torches. I have a note that says.
Speaker 6: We've got Hobbs with us too. Oh yeah, he's got
that fucking crossbow. Yes, even though I've tried to get.
Speaker 5: It from him.
Speaker 2: He's quick.
Speaker 5: He's quick like a tiger.
Speaker 3: So you just just walking in, or just you strategize
we knock on the door.
Speaker 1: It's stands to reason they wouldn't guard it because as
far as they know, it's a one way trip. So
for them, this is just an exit you can't go
back through.
Speaker 3: But your trailer and the egg will not fit in
this passage way.
Speaker 5: But we got our torches, so we don't get stuck.
What are we doing here?
Speaker 2: What's the terrain like? Is it like like Rocky?
Speaker 1: Isn't it like the base of the mountains?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Yep?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Let's see if there's somewhere we can hide the wagons,
the wagon, and the egg. Yeah, the wagons, the egg,
and uh, I think we should go in.
Speaker 3: Are you wanting to craft an illusion for them? Or
are you wanting to get somewhere?
Speaker 1: It's a place of power of old camouflage it and yeah,
didn't you learn alert.
Speaker 2: Also, I learned alarm, but a lot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, alarm.
Speaker 2: I think it only works like overnight.
Speaker 4: Basically you could ritual with the place of power, though,
couldn't you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I suppose I could, just as fun.
Speaker 4: I don't want anything to happen to the I'm gonna
put my You said that like it wasn't serious, but
it was. I'm gonna put my vest back on. H
Has it been twenty four hours since I last you said? Yeah,
we slept, so I'm not. I'm gonna I'm gonna turn
it into very like splunking gear, but like fashionable.
Speaker 3: All right, make your roll fashionable splunking gear. Yeah, this
is from like r E I.
Speaker 4: It's silk splunking.
Speaker 1: Gray spandex like tomb Raider.
Speaker 4: I forgot what I was doing your Yeah, yeah no,
I mean like I was, like I was on my phone,
like what am I using this for? But I need to.
Speaker 5: Roll get off Facebook?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 3: Well you're rolling that. It can take us way longer
than it ought to, Eddie. I will let you. I
will let you turn this because it is a place
of power. I will let you make the role to
turn this completely hidden however way you want. If there
are other attributes you want to give to it. Your
compatriots will have to make a help action roll. I
can't what it's called, but like an assist role yep.
And so if you want to put an alarm on it,
or if you want to make it like fully invisible,
or you want to last you know, I'll let you
put it on here. And your illusion that you'll have
will last one month. If you want it to last
longer than that, you can do that that sort of thing. Also,
you have animals, you know, so that you would need
to kind of either have an illusion or put them
in some kind of pen or tie them up for something.
Speaker 1: I may have some help with that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yep.
Speaker 1: While he's camouflaging and doing the illusion part of it,
I'm going to uh get a feel for the wildlife
and fauna in it, for in fauna in the area
and see if I can talk them into helping us
guard the the carts.
Speaker 3: Okay, So I'll have Eddie make his role for disguising that,
and you'll have to make an assist role for helping
him out.
Speaker 4: I got a ten for my best best and I
can I can help you out with giving you the
sound that the alarm should make hmmm, it's a symbol. Yes,
I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't think the alarms really necessary because I mean
we're going.
Speaker 4: To be are you sure you just don't want me
to clash my symbols in your ear?
Speaker 2: I'm sure of that as well, But we don't. We
won't have an ability to respond to it.
Speaker 4: That's true.
Speaker 3: You can shadow walk if I have that prepared, but
I don't usually prepare that because it's such a high
level spell.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a nine on the assist.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, So.
Speaker 2: I think I'm just going to camouflage it as I'm
going to get it like right up near you know,
the base of the hill, maybe like fifty or seventy
five yards from the door here, and make it look
like a rock fall. Okay, just scattered boulder. There's not
really anything interesting at all. Is that a spell casting role? Then? Right? Yep?
Speaker 3: And plus one from who rag.
Speaker 2: Fourteen? I think, yeah, that'll do it.
Speaker 1: Nailed it.
Speaker 2: So, yeah, it's going to look like a rock fall
for a month. The two wagons and then we'll show
the animals where the boundary is so that they can
sleep inside there safely and whatever. But they're going to
have the forage. We'll show them where the egg is
so they can sleep curled up with it.
Speaker 1: I'll tell something larger. Take care of my little buddy.
Speaker 3: You find a giant mountain rabbit with sharp, pointy teeth.
Speaker 1: We'll do it. It's dangerous.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there we go.
Speaker 4: He's a sharp.
Speaker 2: Look at.
Speaker 4: Such a good movie.
Speaker 1: Okay, well that's well protected.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yep, so the we go, I guess.
Speaker 3: All right, So in you go and you walk down
that you open it up, and there's some steps that
go down, some steep steps that descend down into the
tunnel system that's down there. And as you get down
to where the steps break away and you hit flat land,
you get pretty rocky terrain. You know. The ground is
well well traveled, so there's not like loose rock or
any thing along those lines there. It's pretty flat and solid.
But the walls look kind of it almost looks like
a natural maid versus a man made passage.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we just got the just the tunnel or
so far.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, is it it's not lit.
Speaker 3: It's not lit.
Speaker 2: All right. I'm gonna cast light on the heavenly staff, Okay,
and that'll do it all right, it's nine on the dice,
so yeah, that's gonna be lit up. I know we
have the torches, but I have in my note something
about eight altars and seven should be lit, but don't
light the one that we choose, So I feel like
we might need the torches at a specific spot.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I've also got an oil lamp that we can use
for light if we need it.
Speaker 2: Perfect, So yeah, so we have some light then and onward.
Speaker 4: Did you have something I was trying it's two eight
to the dolls. Think it's splunking gear. And then all
of a sudden the perfect picture popped into my head
and it was the shoveler for mystery men. I don't
know it came so late, but because I was like,
I was like, I probably have a flashlight on my helmet.
Speaker 2: We fight crime.
Speaker 1: Call it what you will. You did it a couple
episodes ago.
Speaker 3: Wait a minute, your eyes, Wait a minute, lazier, God
gave me a gift. I shovel well, I shovel very well.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, my eyes are also just glowing.
Speaker 3: All right. So you guys walk into the tunnel and
you travel for a little ways and that actually opens
up into a big network of caves, but you can
tell it's still kind of unidirectional, right, so you there's
really only one path. You can see some places where
it looks like it's about to branch off, but then
there's just a solid walk rock wall there. So there's
not a lot of traversing that you have to do
throughout this this cave system as you're traveling through, though,
I want wisdom roles from everyone.
Speaker 2: Seven seven.
Speaker 1: Six, Come on, you gotta come and clutch.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Sorry, when I get a footpen, I guess I'll roll
for Hobbs too. Yeah, that's a natural eleven.
Speaker 5: Hey, I got a NAT ten.
Speaker 3: So okay, so Hobbs and Adira. You start to notice
along this network small footprints in little places, and I
guess that the footprints themselves aren't small, but you're seeing
like partial footprints in places that you can kind of
pick out. And it looks as if you are probably
you are probably not alone down here. It looks like
there are some kind of inhuman creatures that are also
a part of this cave network.
Speaker 6: Al Right, somebody else say those footprints footprints?
Speaker 2: Oh, oh interesting, yes, those our footprints.
Speaker 1: Does it look like anything I've seen before.
Speaker 3: Maybe, uh, now that you've seen them, I guess that
would probably still be another well, either intelligence role or
wisdom role, whatever is better.
Speaker 1: Ten.
Speaker 3: So it looks like some goblin footprints mixed with some
fire beetle footprints.
Speaker 1: Fire ooh, goblins and fire beetles.
Speaker 3: Fire.
Speaker 5: You say, oh, there it goes. That's fine.
Speaker 3: How familiar with fire beetles, I would say with a ten,
I'd say, you're pretty familiar.
Speaker 1: What if I can pile shape into one?
Speaker 3: You can try?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm gonna try. Oh hell yeah, that's eleven on
the dice. Twelve thirty fourteen fourteen.
Speaker 5: Okay, you probably made it.
Speaker 3: So yeah, you definitely turn into a fire beetle. And
something you would know about these fire beetles is that
they can also burrow into the ground. So where there's
rocky terrain right now you are feeling pretty safe. But
where you're seeing these little footprints as little spots of
mud and little you know, clay and stuff. And you
notice that while you've traveled there have been little spots
throughout the network of cave where there is a big
large patch of just dirt ground, So ouag you would
know that that would probably be a good ambush point
going forward.
Speaker 1: Okay, watch your step, there's probably ambush points from these
other beetles.
Speaker 5: What are we watching for?
Speaker 2: Are you.
Speaker 1: Point out the loose dirt stuff like that? And as
a fire beetle, I can make my butt glow rate?
Speaker 2: Yes, nice, I want to cast minor illusion on Adira
and make her look like a goblin?
Speaker 5: Wait? Is it because I'm little?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 5: Do you want to fight?
Speaker 1: You're up?
Speaker 5: I learned some new moves.
Speaker 2: What were you doing while you were gone?
Speaker 5: We've we've found some basements. I learned some new combat.
So bring it on, buddy.
Speaker 2: That's an eleven on the spell cast role.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, so the illusion goes and you are a
fire goblin.
Speaker 5: I'm not pissed off, so am I.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just like a steam.
Speaker 6: Sizzling, simmering, let's say simmering.
Speaker 2: She's just hot and then don't. Yeah, we have a rope,
and pull out my rope, and I'm gonna hand an
end to Bill m and am gonna hand an end
to Mike, who who is a fire beetle. And we're
just gonna pretend that we're prisoners. You and I just
by holding onto this rope Okay, nice, I should have
made you the goblin?
Speaker 4: Why would I be a goblin?
Speaker 1: Can you? Can you twin it? Yes?
Speaker 2: Thank you, Quizno's beetle. I'm gonna recast it. I'm gonna
twin it and make a Bill end it, Derek goblins.
Speaker 3: Okay, just don't make me, I'll do it, all right.
So in a Goblin and a is he still wearing
the fancy splunking outfit?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 6: Yes, so at you're just the prisoner then, yes, okay.
Speaker 3: All right, all right, carryon, okay, our heroes will return
after these messages. Hey there, it's Nato again. If you'd
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And now that the commercials are out of the way,
it's time to dive back into the foolishness.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: So just for.
Speaker 3: Just to make sure I have this right, We've got
Bill who looks like a goblin, so I assume the
glowing eyes are disguised.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, as the light on the mining helmet.
Speaker 3: As the light on the mining helmet.
Speaker 2: That's why he's so tall for a goblin. It's like
a really big helmet.
Speaker 4: It's like one of those furry It's.
Speaker 2: Like the Goblins and the Labyrinth, how they had those
giant helmets.
Speaker 3: A deer is also a goblin. Mike is a fire beetle.
I mean, who eggs a fire beetle? And then Eddie's
a prisoner. But Eddie, you're holding the rod still with
the light on it. It's on my back, it's on
your back.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, there we go.
Speaker 2: I'll put it on my back, all right. And yeah,
so I'm holding out of the rope with both hands
and got the other end of his mandibles or something, right, yeah,
or no, we'll just wrap it around an antlers draped
across the.
Speaker 5: Antlers again leashed.
Speaker 1: Yep, it's kind of used to that.
Speaker 3: So the cave is no longer a single files, you know,
with you can march in whatever order you please. So
what's your marching order? As you go?
Speaker 1: I can go first with my glowing yes please, Okay.
Speaker 4: I'll walk like alongside the rear end of.
Speaker 6: Reg carry up the rear or carry up the Yeah, yeah,
bring up that's what I meant.
Speaker 5: Yep, it's the same thing.
Speaker 1: Ye.
Speaker 2: Holding the rope right behind your egg.
Speaker 1: So the most complacent prisoner we've ever had.
Speaker 3: As you're walking through, you notice a patch a couple
patches of smaller dirt areas, and you can kind of
wind around them. But then you come up to a
very large patch of dirt that takes up the entire
path for a good probably thirty feet.
Speaker 1: Okay, do I get a sense that they're here waiting
for us? Or is it is there anybody there or
is it just aftermath of them digging and whatnot.
Speaker 3: The role that you had before gives you a sense
that this could be a good ambush spot, But you
don't have a sense of whether there are actual fire
beetles beneath the ground or not. But it's large enough
that a group of fire beetles could be laying there hunting.
Speaker 1: Okay, watch out for the beatles, guys. It should be
a good spot or an ambush.
Speaker 2: Can we skirt it? Can we go around it is
Abbey Road?
Speaker 3: No, you can try and find a way over it
if you choose.
Speaker 5: Would my wide wanderer thing be any good.
Speaker 6: In Helpingigure out, like how they would attack, because it's
a kind of like what he already use, but it's
I ask you about important traditions, rituals and so on.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, yeah, you would know if they're going
to attack. They would have like a tremor sense that
they can feel people walking on the dirt, and when
they do, they all shoot up rocket out of the
of the ground and attack.
Speaker 6: Okay, so Hobbes I think would Oh yeah, Hobbs is
with us somewhere.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 5: I feel like he.
Speaker 6: And you would be the best to ura to get
us across in a way, like show us a way
to get across, because cats are nimble and you are
also a fire beetle.
Speaker 1: Now as I'm a fire beetle, they would sense the
way that I walk and maybe recognize me as a
fire beetle and not go off.
Speaker 3: Yeah for you for sure?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, or have everybody.
Speaker 2: I'm going to cast Tenser's disc that's eight on the
spell cast, so I will forget the spell. But okay,
I'm just standing on it and just start floating across.
Speaker 1: Okay, how many people can I carry?
Speaker 5: And uh yeah, but what tremor sense? You don't want
to be heavy.
Speaker 2: I'm already getting you carry one more under.
Speaker 1: I'm like a I'll jump on.
Speaker 4: I'll jump on the tensor's disc with Addie. Because a
deer is probably lighter than me.
Speaker 1: I'll take hobbs and a deer on me.
Speaker 3: Okay, So if you take hobbs and a deer on you,
if you're big enough for that, we are going to
make a dexterity roll to see if you are, to
see if you are heavy enough to set it off.
Speaker 5: Okay, that's what I said. He's gonna get heavy.
Speaker 3: He definitely got heavier an eight. Huh, all right, four
and eight. I will give you the option. Okay, either
you are too heavy and the things are going to
burst up from the ground and attack you three as
a whole. Or you are not too heavy, but you're
skittering so fast to create that skidder noise or that
sensation that they make one of your passengers, and we
will do a role to see which one it is
balls off of.
Speaker 1: You guys do that?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: All right? Do you want high or low?
Speaker 1: Adira?
Speaker 5: Always high?
Speaker 3: It is low, so Adeira falls off. You want to
lance flop right on the thing. Nothing happens yet.
Speaker 5: Everybody freeze.
Speaker 3: Everybody freeze. There is no attack yet, so I will
let you all take a moment to figure out what's next.
You're about halfway there. You are dead smack in the
center of this large patch of dirt. So you're fifteen
feet in.
Speaker 6: And we are all frozen like statues except for Eddie.
You can do whatever you want because you floated on
over to the other side.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you too, are good. I still got hobs
on on back.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: Do you want to get back on or no?
Speaker 5: No, no, no. I will nimbly like follow behind you.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll carry on.
Speaker 5: The step where you step follow the glowing butt. Yeah,
take full advantage of that.
Speaker 2: But what I try to get all the way across
and drop Bill off and then go back for her.
Speaker 3: Okay, So here's what we're gonna need. We're gonna need
a dexterity check from Adira.
Speaker 4: Do you still have the unmovable rod?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's what's glowing on.
Speaker 3: My well twelve okay, right, so that's good enough. You
are able to goblin foot across. It was easy, just fine,
and you make it to the other side just as
Addie Eddie meets you about halfway with the disc tensor
sloating disc and he pulls you up onto it, and you, guys,
are able to turn around and head back with that,
and you avoided the fire beetle phone.
Speaker 2: Does make up for turning you into a goblin.
Speaker 5: I'm fine being a goblin.
Speaker 6: I don't like being short, but morning next time, I'm
not going to kick your ass if that's.
Speaker 5: What you mean, I mean.
Speaker 3: All right, So we continue. You on, dead the can
skitter skitter skitters, as that's the sound that the Beatles
make while.
Speaker 1: So it's just like a candy bag.
Speaker 5: Blowing on the breeze.
Speaker 3: As you continue on.
Speaker 2: What's weird? Does all fire beetles have a quizno's mouth
and that's how they make the sound.
Speaker 3: Not their feet or their carapace. You begin to get
closer and closer to a commotion, you would say in
the distance. You can tell that you're getting nearer and
nearer to it, clanging noises, shuffling noises. Eventually you start
to hear speech as you get closer. Common no you
goblin goblin goblins?
Speaker 5: Ahead, guys, will I am a goblin?
Speaker 2: Back to our you know, traveling formation there and me
holding the rope and whatever what is it? Bill? And
Rag in front and be holding the role because then
a deer in back? Or do I have a deer
in Bill? Bashers?
Speaker 3: It was a deer was in the back? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeahs and uh speak that's gonna be awkward. Yeah, I don't.
I don't know what languages I speak.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't think I reported anymore.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: So I would say, Bill, if you have a good
reason why you'd be able to speak goblin goblin as
educated as you are, we would make a role for
it and see how successful that is. I would say, Eddie, two,
with as many books as you've studied, if you've taken
up another, so you have to add your intelligence and
a dera have less reason to know goblin. But also
I would still let you make a role if you
can come up with a reason why your character would there.
They're not prevalent in the illusionation.
Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't.
Speaker 2: Ten on the dice.
Speaker 1: I'd be more prone to speak fire.
Speaker 6: Beetles the probably Yeah, I'm sure I would have picked
up Goblin somewhere, depending on how we run into you know,
traveling across.
Speaker 1: Like enough to order something in a restaurant.
Speaker 3: So go ahead and make an intelligence role. See if
you know it? What'd you get? Bill?
Speaker 4: Sorry, then, Marian, I was trying to think of a
reason I would know, But it's really just because that's
a natural twelve. Check out the big brain on bread,
A smart.
Speaker 1: Motherfucker on the dice you can translate for all of us.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I got Yeah. So I mean the biggest reason
I would know it is just because I learn as
many languages as I can, because communicating is kind of
my thing. Yeah, I can learn work well.
Speaker 2: And you had heard other great Goblin hero Elmer the
glue Father.
Speaker 3: Can't come from all right, So here's how the here's
how it's kind of go. Jesse's as bad with his
candy bag as Tony is with the dice bag.
Speaker 4: I don't know why, but every time I thought it
would be quieter than the last time, I.
Speaker 5: Was perpetually same bag.
Speaker 3: So Bill, you are absolutely fluent, can read, write, tell stories,
dialect everything on point. Eddie, you are not as fluent,
but you are also comfortable with the language enough to
be able to speak it. Yeah, like you've taken five
years in university.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well I took it because you know, we're often
called on as spies, and goblins are often like around
and might be useful allies sometimes. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So you definitely can speak it, but you're not as
as fluent as I've.
Speaker 2: Just got book learnings.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't enough to interrogate one if we capture.
Speaker 3: Him, dear, you know, enough to like ask someone how
to get to the bathroom, where's the where's the library?
Speaker 1: Why is the hat on the cat in the castle? Right?
Speaker 3: You can order another beer that sort of thing. UHG,
you're still a fire beetle and you're walking all right,
So you're walking along, and what's your plan you have?
You've got the rope, Yeah, you've got the rope tied
to the beetle. You've got the prisoner.
Speaker 1: Should I roll to see if how well I speak
fire beetle?
Speaker 3: I would say you're pretty fluent. I think you rolled
really well for fire Oh yeah, yeah that one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Bill, so you are, Yeah, talking I merge with antlers,
king fire beetle.
Speaker 5: What about Hobbs? Does he know any goblin?
Speaker 3: Hobbs definitely knows goblin. Yeah cool, Yeah, but he's also
a tobacxis looking person. So is he tied up to.
Speaker 2: Grab und of the rope? Okay, tend to be tied up.
Speaker 4: Will do your crossbar?
Speaker 1: He loves playing with string.
Speaker 5: Yeah, give me that.
Speaker 3: Hands over.
Speaker 5: Finally I have that power and I run and I
shoot everybody.
Speaker 2: It's fun. She's never had a crossbow before.
Speaker 4: Never once I said hide it, not give it to
a dear and ow do you mind?
Speaker 3: I've got the crossbow a deer. For some reason, this
crossbows feels so comfortable in your hand. It's like, yeah,
it's deja yeah, undred percent. You feel like you've had
just this connection with this crossbow.
Speaker 5: Oh this is threshious. It's just like wow, it just
like forms to my hand.
Speaker 2: Y'all.
Speaker 5: I gotta use this.
Speaker 3: You can feel the hum of energy from the explosive bolts.
See absolute power.
Speaker 1: It does flamey things.
Speaker 3: And you march along. I take it toward the camp.
Speaker 6: I just got knife fucking crossbow aimed at these two fools,
ringing up the rear, sauntering in.
Speaker 3: Let's go all right, see you guys, head on up
and you come across an encampment of goblins and there
are probably just from the way you're looking at it
and this is a big open area in the cave,
like this giant section of the cave. It's just kind
of been opened up to this big cavern. And if
you were guessing, you'd probably say this is a colony
of maybe seventy sixty to seventy goblins in here, and
some of them just hammering away making some armor. Other
ones are like, you know, pulling some fish and stuff
that they've got cooking. Yeah, that's what you see their
bedrolls all over, but no real tents or anything.
Speaker 6: If anybody stops that POKEM in the back with the crossbow.
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna keep walking like I belong here and
start making my way towards is there are their exits?
Speaker 5: L Is there a door somewhere?
Speaker 3: There are a few exits.
Speaker 4: Yeah, do I see like a clear way that seems
to lead towards where we're going or where? I have
an idea of that even uh, you, it's kind of
hard to determine.
Speaker 3: I'll let you make a wisdom roll for it. He'll
have to get a ten or higher to really narrow
it down.
Speaker 4: Well, it's a tent on the dice suck.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 3: Okay, jeez, you guys are on fire tonight. Yes, yeah,
so you see one way that you feel like, is
it kind of matches the cave you just left. So
other cave paths look like maybe they've been carved out
by these goblins a little bit more man made or
goblin made. But this one looks like it's a solid
continuation of the original path. And again this looks more
like it's naturally formed, so.
Speaker 5: Like the natural way through all.
Speaker 3: Right, like eventually at some point in history water ran
through here, carving through this cave system.
Speaker 4: All right. So yeah, I'm gonna start making my way
that way and the and while we're walking that way,
I'm gonna be shouting at the prisoner's move, you know,
just uh normal goblin, angry goblin in a hurry to
go get my job done.
Speaker 1: Stuff.
Speaker 6: Okay, so one goblin comes up and I try to
imitate that for youback no lollygagging.
Speaker 3: While you're walking through, one of the goblins comes comes
walking up towards you with a spear in his hand.
He's like, hey there, what do you what's going on?
Speaker 4: I have to have a prisoner, I have to I
have to take to sell. What do you think?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: I see that? Where'd you catch this one. He looks
meaty and he pokes at you with a spear. Eddy,
I grunt.
Speaker 4: Uh, I ain't catch him. He was given to me.
I'm just supposed to deliver him through back to the
evocation nation. And they're gonna pay us.
Speaker 3: The evokers. Yeah, oh, how much are they paying you?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 4: Well, they're supposed to give me a chest full of
shiny bits.
Speaker 3: Oh that's strange. How many shiny.
Speaker 4: Bits they said the chest would be full.
Speaker 3: Well, i've got a prisoner here from the evocre nation
from the time they came through. You want to take
this one and give me some shiny.
Speaker 4: Bits If they'll give me shiny bits.
Speaker 3: For him, you know, well whatever you're splitting like, you know,
well how much you don't know how many you're getting.
Speaker 4: I'm supposed to get one chest full, So anything they
give me more than a chest will split for that one.
Speaker 3: Oh how about you give me a half a chest
full for this prisoner, and then you'll get the full
chest full for transporting.
Speaker 5: Take it.
Speaker 1: We don't have it.
Speaker 4: That sounds like good math. Take Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 5: We never said how big the chest was.
Speaker 4: I'll bring the chest back as soon as I deliver them.
I have to come back through this way.
Speaker 5: Somebody have a little No, no, no, I want to check.
Speaker 3: I want my half chest full before you take him.
Speaker 4: I have no shiny bits right now, I have prisoners.
Oh what do I have?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 5: Then maybe I'll just come with fancy ass robe.
Speaker 4: Yeah that sounds good. You should come with us. We'll
all go deliver them together.
Speaker 3: All right? Uh quialoupe, you want to come with us.
We're gonna transport the prisoner for shiny bits.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Another goblin comes up with a spear. Yeah good, she's like, yeah,
I'll go with you. Let's do it.
Speaker 4: Awesome. Yeah, where's the prisoner?
Speaker 2: Split it? Three ways?
Speaker 3: Oh? One, No, we're not splitting it? Who like you
could talk now? If we have to transport too, we're
just keeping our fair share. We'll give you like a
tenth of the shiny bits, ten percent of the shiny
bits for introducing us to your contact. Is that is that.
Speaker 4: Good for for what?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 3: I don't want to split the chest in half. If
I have to transport the prisoner too, I'm gonna keep
ninety percent of the shiny bits.
Speaker 4: That doesn't make sense.
Speaker 3: Why would it make sense?
Speaker 4: What they're my shiny bits. Why would I bring you
along at all?
Speaker 3: No, for the for our prisoner, Oh, your prisoner. You
keep your shiny bits for your prisoner, and I want
the shiny bits for my prisoner. Ninety percent of them.
You can get a ten percent finders feet.
Speaker 4: Fine, but you have to keep watch at night so
that I don't have to.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, let's go, all right, Guadalupe, let's go
all right, Constantine, I'll grab the prisoner. She goes walking off,
jogging off towards this cage that's on the ground, and
she pokes as somebody that's inside the cage with her staff,
and then she opens it up and puts a rope
around their hands behind their backs and starts pushing them forward.
This is all in Goblin, by the way, so Bluag
doesn't understand any of this.
Speaker 4: When I I'm gonna go ahead. And when they bring
them forward, you can you can tie them to the
back of our beetle if you want.
Speaker 1: Okay, I growl or hiss or whatever fire beetles do
at their prisoner, shitter.
Speaker 3: I think.
Speaker 5: Like they pinch your mandibles at him.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: You keep it down or I'll turn you in down.
I'm like, I'm going to reuse the the other spider
Noises gets prey expire. Funny story about that, hum, but
I'll get into that later.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so let's let's continue on our way. I'll I'll
let you lead the way so I can keep an
eye on my prisoner. He can. He better not get away.
Speaker 3: Before we leave. I am going to need a charisma
roll from you to see how well this interaction is
going to play out. I mean, they're a green to
come along, but I want to find out a couple
other things.
Speaker 5: Six what, oh my god, come on.
Speaker 3: Wonderful, You're on fire the inspiration.
Speaker 5: Now I'm going to set you on fire for real.
Speaker 3: So not only is this six you believe that they
are totally bought in. There is not a doubt in
your mind that you are the cleverest motherfucking gul.
Speaker 1: They probably think we're just full of shit, all.
Speaker 3: Right, all right, So it starts you guys start walking
and uh the one prisoner leans over toward uh Eddie
and hobbs and says, they uh where they where they
catch you?
Speaker 2: Oh? Uh?
Speaker 5: What is this prisoners? A human?
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's a human and he's wearing an evoker soldier outfit,
not an actual like evocation mage, but just a soldier.
Speaker 2: Pepperville.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: You guys made it through.
Speaker 2: Though, Yeah, you guys didn't make it through.
Speaker 3: No, we got captured on our way in. We're the
last last detachment, were ambushed while we were camping in
the way, O hotush.
Speaker 2: What was your objective going through?
Speaker 3: Oh? Well, for us, we just need to get through
and then we would be given orders for which city
we were going to siege. Once we made it through
to the nation, did we did we capture the page?
Do we get the page back? No? No?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 3: Did we lose the fight?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Well I would. I mean I knew the abduration nation
was tough. I knew they had strongholds. But are our
forces just obliterated?
Speaker 2: Yeah? See what happened is the illusionists came and there's
no fight in the illusionists. You can't resist the illusionists.
Whatever the illusionists want, they get, whatever they want you
to do, they'll make you do it. No one can
win against the illusionists, So it's hopeless.
Speaker 3: Is everyone dead?
Speaker 2: Everyone but me? In this?
Speaker 3: He looks at the tobacsi up and down. He's like, eh,
that's some wicked stuff.
Speaker 2: It's completely hopeless. Tell tell whenever you get reassigned, because
they're going to ransom you off. Whenever you get reassigned,
tell everyone in the in your unit. It's helpless run
from the illusionists.
Speaker 3: So you're lucky to become a prisoner of war.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why I'm not trying to escape or nothing.
Oh wow, same with the TOBACSI.
Speaker 3: H well, I appreciate you letting me know. My name
is Flanagan.
Speaker 2: Flaning again. Nice to good. It's shame about the circumstances.
Speaker 3: Yeah, those sons of bitches. Hadn't stolen our infinite page,
none of this would have happened. Yeah, shut up, all right.
So you guys travel for the better part of the day.
It's kind of handy having the goblins on in front.
They do know their way around. They get to a
certain point though, later in the day, where the one
goblin comes back. Constantine comes back and says, hey, uh,
we're getting to a point where you know, we're outside
of our territory and there's a gonna be a few
monsters up ahead. I would I'd recommend we can't for
the night, maybe get some rest before we move too
much further past this, I don't know what we're going
to come across, and I, you know, I think it
might be best for us to save our energy and
some strength. I brought some goblin cheese for us to eat.
Speaker 4: It sounds wonderful and just like.
Speaker 2: It's a mate from goblin milk.
Speaker 3: From a goblin teat.
Speaker 4: It's just it's just month old man.
Speaker 1: There's just somebody out there for milk and goblins.
Speaker 3: All of our cheese comes from this one chest, the
Mayo chest. It's it's just a yellow, crusted scrape it
off the edges.
Speaker 4: It just takes me back, just like Bomb used to
pick from her toes.
Speaker 3: Oh God's toasting jam my favorite that every Sunday morning.
Speaker 4: Toast.
Speaker 3: What monsters, Well, there's one particular one that comes up
and down here quite a bit. It's this giant cube
looking thing. Heats up a lot of the ship that
comes along the different path. But the biggest one that
lives down here is it's this elemental that can mold
into the actual sides of the wall and ambush things.
And that's a mate of the earth. Pretty terrifying stuff.
Speaker 4: How much longer do you think the walk is to
the Evocation Nation from here. I've kind of been you
guys and having a right and paying attention.
Speaker 3: I've never really gone to the evocation nation from here,
but I know this path is about another day and
a half from here of us traveling.
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, well, if we're gonna have to make camp now,
it's as good as time as any I suppose.
Speaker 3: Okay, here, I'll help you guys set up. And you
got your bed rolls? Yep, none for you, all right,
and here's a good place to take a quick break.
Speaker 1: This concludes this episode of a fools Quest, and join
us next time for more fun and daring adventure. Thank
you for listening, and don't forget to like, subscribe, review,
and comment on your favorite platform to listen to a
fools Quest.