1 00:00:10,839 --> 00:00:16,600 Speaker 1: The hat Man by Rebecca Lee Wesson. South of Julesburg 2 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:22,079 is a stretch of vacant and unspoiled American frontier. Unique 3 00:00:22,079 --> 00:00:25,039 to this place is the way it subtly displays the 4 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,719 untapped potential we so often read about in the journals 5 00:00:28,719 --> 00:00:33,560 of the pioneers who crossed it. There are no bright flowers, 6 00:00:33,799 --> 00:00:39,560 chirping insects, or gentle rains flagrantly boasting these promises. There 7 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,920 are no great rivers or snowcapped mountains in the distance 8 00:00:43,039 --> 00:00:47,039 to serve as a finish line. Instead, one gets the 9 00:00:47,119 --> 00:00:52,200 distinct impression that underneath the deceiving layer of melancholic emptiness 10 00:00:52,759 --> 00:00:59,439 draped across its unremarkable terrain is an indescribable richness. This 11 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,880 hand is remiss in attempting to describe it with words, 12 00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:07,680 knowing that a proper explanation could only ever be accomplished 13 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:12,760 by a skilled paintbrush or eldritch bird song. There is 14 00:01:12,799 --> 00:01:16,959 something innately mysterious and wonderful about it all. And in 15 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:21,280 this terrain, permanently washed by deluded blues and grays, no 16 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,280 matter the season or position of the sun in the sky, 17 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,719 we know deeply in our hearts that the land has 18 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,719 a voice, and we desperately beg of it to tell 19 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:34,879 us the thousands of colorful stories at Hydes just under 20 00:01:34,879 --> 00:01:43,799 the surface, Signed Claude Eugene shaw nineteen forty. My teacher 21 00:01:43,879 --> 00:01:47,000 made me stand up and read that article for smarting off, 22 00:01:47,359 --> 00:01:50,000 and I humiliated myself in front of the rest of 23 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:54,319 the sixth grade trying to say words like eldritch and melancholic. 24 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,719 I had no idea what it meant, but I liked 25 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:01,879 the photograph that it came with. It wasn't anything remarkable, 26 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,760 just a dead tree looking out over the low rolling 27 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,640 hills of open land, as big and wide as the 28 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:11,280 eye could see. But there was something special about it. 29 00:02:11,319 --> 00:02:15,520 To me. It felt familiar. It felt like I had 30 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:19,360 belonged there all this time, and only by some divine accident, 31 00:02:19,599 --> 00:02:22,879 ended up in the dumpy little town of Price, Missouri. 32 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,000 On the right side of the picture was the front 33 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:32,680 of mister Claude Eugene Shawl's old nineteen thirties Chevrolet. I 34 00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,879 knew it was a Chevrolet because it looked like the 35 00:02:34,879 --> 00:02:39,000 one resting in the junkyard behind Mama's trailer, except the 36 00:02:39,039 --> 00:02:42,159 one in the picture still had its bullet lights and 37 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:47,479 fenders and didn't have a family of raccoons living in it. Later, 38 00:02:47,599 --> 00:02:51,159 I asked my friend Tina what the article meant. She 39 00:02:51,319 --> 00:02:55,159 was the smartest person I knew. She said that the 40 00:02:55,199 --> 00:02:59,520 place mister Shaw was talking about in northeastern Colorado was 41 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,800 special and had a lot going on under the surface. 42 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:06,719 She was just as taken with the articles as I 43 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,439 was with the picture, and we decided to see it 44 00:03:09,479 --> 00:03:13,280 one day with our own eyes. That was a big 45 00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:16,719 deal for two girls from the world's worst small town. 46 00:03:17,439 --> 00:03:19,400 We may as well have made a pack to fly 47 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:24,120 to the moon. Nobody got out of price not alive anyway. 48 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,840 That was the same day the hat man started showing 49 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:32,240 up in my life. He wasn't the first ghost I 50 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:35,759 had seen, but he was definitely the only one in 51 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:40,439 a pin striped suit and bowler hat. There wasn't anything 52 00:03:40,479 --> 00:03:44,879 particularly scary or mean about him except that he was dead, 53 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,439 except that nobody else could see him, except that I 54 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,520 knew he was waiting on me, and that meant I 55 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:57,319 wouldn't grow old like my best friend. Seven years and 56 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:01,159 two months later, there we were driving through Nebraska on 57 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:06,159 our way south of Julesburg, Colorado. Tina Duck taped the 58 00:04:06,159 --> 00:04:09,840 photograph from mister Shaw's article to the dashboard of her car, 59 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,680 and we high tailed it out of Price, like two 60 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,639 inmates busting out of jail, going as quickly as Tina's 61 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:20,879 old red hatchback would take us. In my lap was 62 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:25,800 a wooden box with my name, Francis Brenda Hooper stamped 63 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:29,639 over a hand painted cardinal. I tapped the top of 64 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,079 it with my fingers like a drum to the song 65 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,240 on the radio, looking from the picture on the dash 66 00:04:35,319 --> 00:04:39,519 to Tina and smiling my ass off. It was the 67 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,399 first time in our lives we had left Price, and 68 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:46,360 it felt good. It felt gooder than good. Even my 69 00:04:46,439 --> 00:04:51,480 mama's relentless, blistering voice had stopped berating me. The hat 70 00:04:51,519 --> 00:04:54,720 man was still following me, though I could see him 71 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,720 in the field, standing there watching me from a distance. 72 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,720 A disco song came on the radio, and I tried 73 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:05,040 to change the station, but it crackled and garbled under 74 00:05:05,079 --> 00:05:09,519 my clumsy fingers. I couldn't even get that right. Tina 75 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:13,360 cursed and slammed her fist on the dashboard, eventually getting 76 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:17,199 the radio to work again. She glanced at me sideways, 77 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,079 and I tried to keep my blundering hands to myself. 78 00:05:21,639 --> 00:05:24,600 Five hours into our escape, we passed by the first 79 00:05:24,639 --> 00:05:28,240 sign for the town of Oglala and I laughed out loud. 80 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:32,399 Oh my lord, it's real, I said, wide eyed and 81 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:36,319 looking at Tina. When we mapped our way to Colorado, 82 00:05:36,439 --> 00:05:39,399 we saw Oglala on the map, and I told her 83 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:42,560 there was no way that place really existed, And each 84 00:05:42,639 --> 00:05:45,720 time I tried to pronounce it, I gagged and swallowed 85 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:49,480 my tongue, embarrassing myself and desecrating the name of what 86 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:55,399 was probably an honorable historic town. Tina nearly peter Pants 87 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:59,399 laughing at me. She smiled in the driver's seat and 88 00:05:59,399 --> 00:06:01,839 shook her head. Now I guess she was having the 89 00:06:01,879 --> 00:06:05,279 same memory as me. She was still mad at me, though, 90 00:06:05,319 --> 00:06:08,319 and I knew why. I wanted to bring it up, 91 00:06:08,319 --> 00:06:11,600 but I couldn't. She wasn't talking to me anyway, not 92 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:16,120 after what I did. Twenty minutes later, we were in 93 00:06:16,199 --> 00:06:18,959 line at the most wonderful place in the world, the 94 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:24,160 Oglalla Walmart. Tina may have been giving me the silent treatment, 95 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,800 but I knew she liked me because she was buying 96 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,839 me my favorite jerky and a brand new roll of 97 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:33,240 duct tape. It was all I ever bought there. I 98 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,879 felt there were a few other things you needed in life. 99 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,680 The guy ahead of us was wearing scrubs, and the 100 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:43,759 lady behind us smelled like a craft store. Behind her 101 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,839 was the hat man. He looked at me and nodded, 102 00:06:46,879 --> 00:06:49,959 and I turned around quickly, pretending I didn't see him. 103 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:54,279 Tina and I stood there in silence and waited our turn. 104 00:06:54,879 --> 00:06:58,680 The checkout lady wasn't particularly friendly, but I liked her. 105 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:04,120 I had long gray brown hair, silver rings on every finger, 106 00:07:04,519 --> 00:07:07,639 and one of those nothing surprises me anymore looks on 107 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,639 her face. When we got closer, I saw she had 108 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:15,199 a tattoo of a cardinal on her arm. That was 109 00:07:15,279 --> 00:07:19,240 my favorite bird. I elbowed Tina and pointing to it, 110 00:07:19,279 --> 00:07:23,240 but her reaction wasn't what I wanted. She looked away 111 00:07:23,279 --> 00:07:26,000 from it and sniffled, and when it was our turn, 112 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:31,199 the checkout lady eyed me suspiciously. I shrugged and stood 113 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:34,199 off to the side, and when our stuff was bagged, 114 00:07:34,519 --> 00:07:38,639 she eyed me again and looked at Tina sympathetically and 115 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:43,040 wished her a nice day. I didn't take it personally, though, 116 00:07:43,639 --> 00:07:46,519 in my whole life, Tina was the only person who 117 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,879 had ever liked me? In the car again, Tina looked 118 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,600 at me in the box in my lap, wanting to 119 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:56,920 say something, but having too many words and none at 120 00:07:56,959 --> 00:08:00,959 all at the same time. She opened her glove compartment 121 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,000 for the tissue, but instead found the envelope a note 122 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,319 I had put there for her before we left on 123 00:08:06,399 --> 00:08:10,319 this trip. She paused for a second when she saw it, 124 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:13,879 and then took it out and opened it. Inside were 125 00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:17,360 three hundred bucks I had saved up for her. She 126 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,920 tried to read the note I wrote on the envelope, 127 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,000 but couldn't make it out. I leaned over and tried 128 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:27,160 to read my handwriting, but it was pointless, something about 129 00:08:27,199 --> 00:08:31,040 apologizing for hurting her and thanking her for her friendship, 130 00:08:31,319 --> 00:08:36,000 if I remembered it correctly. My appalling lack of vocabulary 131 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,919 made my feelings difficult to describe. Though maybe it was 132 00:08:40,039 --> 00:08:44,080 better an illegible scribble than her witnessing my failed attempt 133 00:08:44,159 --> 00:08:49,600 at being poetic. I sighed at my atrocious penmanship. It 134 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:52,600 looked like a squirrel had gotten a hold of a crayon. 135 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:56,600 I know it isn't much, I said, but it'll help 136 00:08:56,639 --> 00:09:01,240 you get settled. Tina stared at her steering wheel, leaned 137 00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:04,440 her head against it and cried. I hung my head 138 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:08,399 and looked at my hands. Mama was right. No matter 139 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:12,759 what I did, I messed everything up. And yet after 140 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,879 all that I put Tina through, there she was still 141 00:09:15,919 --> 00:09:20,279 taking me to Colorado. I didn't deserve her. I wish 142 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,759 she'd get mad and yell at me and get it 143 00:09:22,799 --> 00:09:27,240 all off her chest. But she didn't. She wiped her 144 00:09:27,279 --> 00:09:30,480 eyes and put her sunglasses back on, over the mess 145 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:35,360 and got us back on the highway. Two weeks earlier, 146 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,840 Tina and I were walking down Main Street and Price 147 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:43,440 gathering everything she needed for school. She had gotten accepted 148 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,720 into college all the way over in Colorado, which was 149 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:50,039 unheard of for a kid from our town. She was 150 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:54,960 actually going to leave. Nobody did that. If you weren't 151 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:58,559 pregnant by sixteen, you were either dead or in jail 152 00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:03,799 by twenty. Not Tina, though she was going places. She 153 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,039 had this innate ability to get through hell with grace 154 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,759 and acceptance. While the rest of us wallowed in our 155 00:10:10,799 --> 00:10:13,919 pitiful fates. Tina found a way to roll up her 156 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,600 sleeves and thrive When we felt stuck in the bubble 157 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,360 of our pitiful town she found a way to get out. 158 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:26,200 She was just built different, unlike Tina, whose wits and 159 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,919 sensibility never could rub off on me. I knew i'd 160 00:10:29,919 --> 00:10:33,960 never leave Price alive. It didn't bother me though. It 161 00:10:34,039 --> 00:10:37,399 was just one of those things. Some people were meant 162 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:41,200 to go places, but not me. I had accepted that 163 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,480 fact since I was a kid. There was something wrong 164 00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:48,519 with me anyway. I saw people no one else could, 165 00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,600 and the last time I had to spend living with 166 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:57,600 that unfortunate talent, the better. I waited outside mister Wallace's 167 00:10:57,679 --> 00:11:01,320 computer store while Tina looked for a cord he probably 168 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,879 didn't have a stopped. I watched several cars go by 169 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,080 and waved at people who didn't like me, and squinted 170 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,679 in the hot sun. But as I waited, the noise 171 00:11:11,799 --> 00:11:15,320 slowly faded and the hairs on my arms went rigid, 172 00:11:15,799 --> 00:11:18,200 and I looked down the block and saw the hat 173 00:11:18,279 --> 00:11:21,840 man in his old bowler in suit waiting for me. 174 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,879 I ducked into the narrow alley next to the store 175 00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:28,759 and peeked out, relieved to see that he was gone. 176 00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:32,039 But just as my heart beat went back to normal, 177 00:11:32,399 --> 00:11:35,960 I felt someone in the alley behind me. It wasn't 178 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:40,480 the hat man, though, it was Mama. Her strain, breathing 179 00:11:40,799 --> 00:11:44,399 in the wreek of stale cigarettes assaulted my senses, turning 180 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:48,759 my stomach and making my hands quiver. She walked her 181 00:11:48,799 --> 00:11:52,759 fingers up my arm and clutched her lifeless, bony hand 182 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:56,799 around my shoulder. Give the hat man what he wants, you, twit, 183 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:02,240 she whispered hatefully into my ear. The smell of her 184 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:06,519 rotting skin filled my nose, and tears welled in my eyes. 185 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,440 As if her presence in my life when she was 186 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:14,320 living wasn't hellish enough, she had dedicated her death to torturing 187 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:18,240 me too. The bell on the door of mister Wallace's 188 00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:22,320 shop rang, and Tina stepped out, looking for me. I 189 00:12:22,399 --> 00:12:24,519 ran out of the alley as fast as I could, 190 00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:28,960 startling her. What's going on, she asked me, worriedly. I 191 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,799 watched Mama's pale, twisted face creep back into the shadow 192 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,440 of the alley, and then looked at Tina, and I 193 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,360 shook my head. I think there's a dead rat in there. 194 00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:41,919 Scared me as all, I said, rubbing my neck and 195 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:48,200 praying for a subject change. Squeak, squeak, squeak, by miracle, 196 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:51,480 the most annoying sound in the world filled the air. 197 00:12:52,159 --> 00:12:56,200 We heard Rodney, the deep enemy of women, everywhere before 198 00:12:56,200 --> 00:13:00,440 we saw him. He drove a rustling old Alchemy with 199 00:13:00,519 --> 00:13:04,720 a squeaking suspension and serpentine belt that sounded like it 200 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:08,799 was ready to snap off. The passenger window was missing, 201 00:13:08,879 --> 00:13:11,480 and there were still old cigarettes in the ash tray 202 00:13:11,519 --> 00:13:15,000 from the previous owner that Rodney refused to throw away 203 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:20,519 because they quote added to the vibe. He pulled that 204 00:13:20,639 --> 00:13:23,960 beater up next to us on the sidewalk and squeaked 205 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,720 slowly down the parking lane with one hand on the 206 00:13:26,759 --> 00:13:30,080 steering wheel and his head bent low over the passenger 207 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:33,120 seat to get a word in with Tina, and to 208 00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:36,000 her horror, he had a crush on her since the 209 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:40,679 eighth grade. Tina, Hey, Tina, He shouted over the wine 210 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:45,000 of his rustbucket, wearing flaming orange wayfarers and a baseball 211 00:13:45,039 --> 00:13:49,279 hat with the rim bent upward. When he swerved dramatically 212 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:53,039 back onto the main stretch to avoid mister Wallace's park truck, 213 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:58,440 Tina took cover in Miss Patty's boutique. Rodney steered back 214 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,519 toward the sidewalk and crept up the parking lane, and 215 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,759 when he looked for Tina again, he got Francis Brenda 216 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:09,360 Hooper and all her husky goodness instead. I slammed my 217 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,759 hands on the roof of his car and squatted down 218 00:14:11,799 --> 00:14:16,080 next to the passenger door. Hey, I shouted, quickly wedging 219 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:19,519 my thick torso into the frame of the window before 220 00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:23,639 he could drive off. Rodney screamed like a gopher. What 221 00:14:23,679 --> 00:14:27,159 the hell's wrong with you? Hoop? He said, as my 222 00:14:27,279 --> 00:14:30,000 wide behind stuck out the window and got a free 223 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:33,000 ride down Main Street. I slapped the hat off his 224 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,759 head and finished his warm coke and the cup holder 225 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:39,159 for him. I crinkled the can and tried to throw 226 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:42,080 it out the driver's side window, but I realized too 227 00:14:42,159 --> 00:14:44,799 late that it was rolled up, and the can hit 228 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,639 the glass, hit his knee and fell to the floor 229 00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:50,559 at his feet, and he groaned and rolled his eyes. 230 00:14:50,919 --> 00:14:53,960 Damn it, Hoop, he said, putting his hat back on 231 00:14:54,039 --> 00:14:58,000 his head. My bad, tell me ride, I said, with 232 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,200 one hand on the dash and the other on the 233 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,039 head rest of the passenger seat. You gonna drive yourself 234 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:07,120 to prison? Or is your mullet gonna take you? Shut up? 235 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:11,480 Friz Whizz Rodney sneered, it ain't a mullet. Get out 236 00:15:11,559 --> 00:15:15,240 of my car. No way, this is kind of comfortable, 237 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:19,759 I said, looking around the dusty, cigarette stained cloth interior 238 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:23,080 and nodding my approval like the real estate people did 239 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,679 on TV. I tried to adjust my stomach to the 240 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:31,279 window sill, but I couldn't. Anyway, I'm stuck. Where's Tina? 241 00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:34,440 All I wanted to do was tell her goodbye? While 242 00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:36,919 you always got a butt in when I'm talking to her, 243 00:15:37,159 --> 00:15:41,039 he asked, looking like my presence afflicted him in every way. 244 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,519 He veered back onto Main Street again to avoid the 245 00:15:44,519 --> 00:15:48,519 blue sedan. As my feet dragged slowly along the pavement 246 00:15:48,799 --> 00:15:52,000 and pleasantly in tow, one of my flip flops fell 247 00:15:52,039 --> 00:15:55,120 off and my butt knocked into Miss Betty, who was 248 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:58,679 loading groceries in the back seat of her car. She 249 00:15:58,799 --> 00:16:00,840 dropped a bag of food and hurst at me, and 250 00:16:00,879 --> 00:16:04,440 then through my flip flop at Rodney's bumper. Sorry, Miss 251 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:08,360 b I shouted over my butt and turned back to Rodney. 252 00:16:08,919 --> 00:16:11,879 You're not allowed to talk to Tina because friends don't 253 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:15,759 let friends talk to guy's name Rodney driving El Caminos, 254 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,320 I said, grimacing at the old cigarettes I'm pretty sure 255 00:16:19,399 --> 00:16:23,440 had started to decay. Plus, man, you look like this 256 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:27,120 car smells. I can't let you tarnish the reputation of 257 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:31,519 Prices star child with your vibe. Shut up, Hope, you 258 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:36,279 look like an eighties Walmart greeter. I patted my short 259 00:16:36,279 --> 00:16:39,600 and frizzy blonde hair that refused to grow longer than 260 00:16:39,639 --> 00:16:42,120 a couple of inches and tried to figure out what 261 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,120 he meant by that. I guess it was supposed to 262 00:16:45,159 --> 00:16:48,360 be an insult, but it didn't work on me, because, 263 00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:52,200 first of all, the eighties had the best music. Is 264 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:55,240 this kid really gonna insult me by saying I look 265 00:16:55,399 --> 00:16:59,759 like I'm from the era of def Leopard m Hell? Yes, 266 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:04,240 and thank you? And second of all, I love Walmart. 267 00:17:04,759 --> 00:17:07,359 Where else can you buy emergency beef jerky and duct 268 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:11,920 tape at ten pm on a Tuesday? Anyway, since Rodney 269 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,799 gave me a compliment, I returned the favor. Oh yeah, Rodney, 270 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:19,680 I said, well, you look like you're great President mister 271 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:24,240 George Washington. Rodney scrunched his nose up and scowled at me. 272 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:27,680 Why do you always got to be so weird? Who? 273 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:32,039 He said? I shrugged and looked at my stubby nails. 274 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:36,200 I don't know, just lucky, I guess, I said, picking 275 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,960 off the last chunk of blue polished Tina put on 276 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:45,960 the week before. Rodney sighed, still leaving on Saturday, He asked, yeah, 277 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:49,960 and you're sorry as better stay away from her until then. Hey, 278 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,480 run me into that mirror there, I said, pointing to 279 00:17:53,559 --> 00:17:56,240 the side of view mirrors sticking out of an old, 280 00:17:56,279 --> 00:17:59,119 abandoned Ford that had been parked on the side of 281 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:03,480 Main Street for the last year. Rodney obliged and steered 282 00:18:03,519 --> 00:18:07,119 toward it. As the mirror hit the side of my butt, 283 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,279 it pushed on my hips and unwdged me from the window. 284 00:18:11,079 --> 00:18:13,400 I stood up and dusted the vibe of the El 285 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:17,440 Camino off my shirt, and before I could harass him anymore, 286 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:21,839 Rodney hit the gas and flip me the bird. Peace out, loser, 287 00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:27,920 he said, as he drove away. Squeak, squeak, squeak. I 288 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,680 slapped his bumper with my palm and waved my hand 289 00:18:30,759 --> 00:18:33,759 high in the air. Thanks for the ride, Ridney. Say 290 00:18:33,799 --> 00:18:36,319 hi to your mom for me in jail, I shouted 291 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,880 as loud as I could. Tina caught up with me 292 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,519 and handed me my flip flop and a stick of 293 00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:46,759 fruity gum. Thanks for saving me, she said, what the 294 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:50,680 rat king want this time? I slid my sandal back 295 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,400 on and shoved the gum in my mouth and bobbed 296 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,000 my head to side with my hands on my hips, 297 00:18:56,559 --> 00:19:00,200 trying to sum up the long winded a philosophical conversationation 298 00:19:00,559 --> 00:19:04,720 Rodney and I had. Oh, you know, his majesty told 299 00:19:04,759 --> 00:19:07,599 me that I'm the coolest person he ever met, and 300 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:10,279 he wanted to tell you goodbye. Do I smell like 301 00:19:10,319 --> 00:19:13,480 cigarettes now? I asked, holding the front of my t 302 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:18,000 shirt up to my nose. Tina laughed, It was a joe. 303 00:19:18,559 --> 00:19:21,440 Mama used to smoke inside, and there wasn't a thing 304 00:19:21,519 --> 00:19:25,000 in the entire trailer that didn't smell like newport menthols, 305 00:19:25,279 --> 00:19:28,599 including all the old clothes in her closet. It was 306 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,039 like she went on a shopping spree one time in 307 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:36,079 nineteen eighty seven, and ever again after that. The day 308 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:39,559 I turned sixteen, she took a ride on the cowcatcher 309 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:44,160 of a southbound locomotive, leaving her broken down trailer and 310 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,079 a whole closet full of eighties clothes for me as 311 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:51,839 a parting gift. Her suicide was kind of a birthday present, 312 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,160 I guess, since she was a frightening person and her 313 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:59,799 clothes were all that fit me. Anyway, are you coming over? 314 00:20:00,039 --> 00:20:03,920 I want to show you something, Tina said. Ahead of me, 315 00:20:04,279 --> 00:20:07,720 I saw the hat man again. He had a toothpick 316 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,640 in his mouth and his hands in his pockets. I 317 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:14,519 didn't dare tell Tina about him. I didn't tell her 318 00:20:14,559 --> 00:20:18,359 about any of them. She was my only friend and 319 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:22,359 I couldn't lose her on account of my being haunted. Yeah, 320 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,519 let's go, I said, turning my head away from the 321 00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:29,599 hat man. As we passed by him, I brushed his 322 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:33,799 shoulder with mine and felt a sickening chill cascade down 323 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,960 my back. I put my hands in my pocket so 324 00:20:37,039 --> 00:20:40,359 Tina wouldn't see them shake, and pressed my lips together 325 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:44,480 hard against the feeling of nausea that bubbled up. We 326 00:20:44,519 --> 00:20:47,880 turned down the block to the neighborhood behind Main Street 327 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:51,680 and walked the broken sidewalk toward Grandma's little bungalow at 328 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:55,200 the end, and like me, Tina's parents were out of 329 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,680 the picture. Her mom passed away when she was a kid, 330 00:20:59,039 --> 00:21:02,319 and her dad died in a car accident. It wasn't 331 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:07,960 a unique story, though not for price. Tina's new Hatchback 332 00:21:08,039 --> 00:21:12,240 was in Grandma's driveway. It was probably fifteen years old, 333 00:21:12,519 --> 00:21:15,920 but it had all four wheels. It was painted cardinal 334 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,680 red too, and that's all that mattered. Is this your 335 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:25,559 getaway car? I asked excitedly. When Tina got accepted into college, 336 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:29,759 the whole town seemed to celebrate. Kids around here barely 337 00:21:29,799 --> 00:21:33,640 finished high school, much less even attempted to do something 338 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:37,160 with their lives. She was the star child in our 339 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,920 pitiful little town, and to celebrate her, Grandma bought her 340 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:45,000 a car. Yep, Tina said, running her hand on the 341 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:48,119 hood as we walked past it. That's what I wanted 342 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,759 to talk to you about. She sat on the front 343 00:21:51,799 --> 00:21:54,680 porch step and looked at her hands, and I sat 344 00:21:54,759 --> 00:21:57,079 down next to her and waited for her to speak. 345 00:21:58,079 --> 00:22:01,240 Sometimes it took her a minute to compile all her thoughts. 346 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,559 Maybe all smart people were like that. I wouldn't know. 347 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,400 I'm thinking about selling it and getting Grandma her money back, 348 00:22:10,599 --> 00:22:14,200 she said. The hell is all I managed to say. 349 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,400 Why on earth would you do that? You have a 350 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:21,119 ride out of here? This is all we've ever talked about. 351 00:22:21,839 --> 00:22:24,559 She looked at me and rolled her eyes and stared 352 00:22:24,599 --> 00:22:28,160 at her hands again, because we were supposed to go together, 353 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:32,279 she said. I looked at my hands too. I knew 354 00:22:32,279 --> 00:22:35,599 i'd never leave Price, and I felt guilty about it. 355 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,680 My heart sank at the thought of saying goodbye to Tina, 356 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,119 and part of me wanted to cry and beg her 357 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,920 to stay. But I couldn't do that to my best friend. 358 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:50,519 I smiled and elbowed her playfully. You're not staying in 359 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,640 Price for my sorry ass, I said. You know me, 360 00:22:55,039 --> 00:22:59,039 I always find my way. She picked a weed growing 361 00:22:59,079 --> 00:23:01,559 up through the wooden words of the porch and started 362 00:23:01,599 --> 00:23:04,559 fussing with it. You could get a job out there, 363 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:09,920 she offered. I laughed, what and leave all this, I said, 364 00:23:10,079 --> 00:23:14,680 presenting the Rundown neighborhood around us. Besides Price needs me, 365 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,920 who else is brave enough to protect the neighborhood kids 366 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:21,519 from the rodneys of the world. Tina threw the weed 367 00:23:21,599 --> 00:23:25,240 on the ground and crossed her arms. Price isn't the 368 00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:29,480 end of the road. Who hell, maybe Julesburg is. Don't 369 00:23:29,519 --> 00:23:32,960 you want to find out for yourself, she said. I 370 00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:35,400 chewed on my lip and pretended to think about what 371 00:23:35,559 --> 00:23:40,079 she said, If I were anyone but me, I would 372 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,119 have said yes. But the funny thing about having a 373 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:48,200 physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic mother is at some point 374 00:23:48,279 --> 00:23:50,799 you start to believe all the terrible things she said 375 00:23:50,839 --> 00:23:55,359 about you. I was an ugly, overweight, good for nothing, 376 00:23:55,559 --> 00:23:58,839 waste of a child who ruined the motherhood she thought 377 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,960 she deserved. And she let me know what every chance 378 00:24:02,039 --> 00:24:06,000 she got. And as if her feelings about me weren't enough, 379 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:10,039 everyone in town seemed to share her sentiments about me too. 380 00:24:11,319 --> 00:24:13,759 When I dropped out of school, I don't think my 381 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:18,279 teachers noticed. That's how it was in price though. If 382 00:24:18,319 --> 00:24:20,240 you fell out of school, there was no one there 383 00:24:20,279 --> 00:24:22,759 to pick you up and put you back. If a 384 00:24:22,839 --> 00:24:27,359 kid liked me disappeared, nobody noticed, and nobody cared. I 385 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,559 sighed heavily and looked at the tattered brown grass in 386 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,880 Grandma's yard. And when the train on the west side 387 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,519 of town cut its horn through the air, I caught 388 00:24:36,519 --> 00:24:38,759 a glimpse of the hat man again at the end 389 00:24:38,839 --> 00:24:41,960 of the block. He looked in the direction of the 390 00:24:42,039 --> 00:24:46,319 train back at me, and rocked on his heels. My 391 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,279 stomach turned again, and I put my hands in my pocket. 392 00:24:49,319 --> 00:24:53,599 Before I started to shake. I felt the folded envelope 393 00:24:53,599 --> 00:24:56,119 in my pocket and thought about giving it to Tina 394 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,759 before it was too late. A few weeks earlier, I 395 00:25:00,079 --> 00:25:03,279 cash my last welfare check and put it in an 396 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,359 envelope with a TOAT scribbled on it. Now, I kept 397 00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:08,799 it in my pocket, waiting for the right time to 398 00:25:08,839 --> 00:25:12,519 give it to her. I wouldn't be needing the money anyway. 399 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,599 I wasn't ready to give it to her yet. Though 400 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:20,640 I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I made an excuse 401 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,799 to get out of there, and I told Tina i'd 402 00:25:22,799 --> 00:25:26,519 see her tomorrow. I didn't go to Mama's trailer though 403 00:25:27,039 --> 00:25:30,480 I hadn't been there for weeks. The power and water 404 00:25:30,559 --> 00:25:32,640 had been shut off for mines, and the food and 405 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:36,960 the refrigerated had long since spoiled. I'm pretty sure the 406 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,119 family of raccoons living in the old Chevrolet had moved 407 00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:44,599 in too, But that's not what kept me away. Every 408 00:25:44,599 --> 00:25:47,759 time I tried to sleep, Mama's ghost would appear next 409 00:25:47,759 --> 00:25:52,839 to me in bed, spitting insults and threats. Sometimes other 410 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,119 folks would come around, too, desperate for someone to talk 411 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:59,319 to who could actually see them, and then dump all 412 00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:03,759 their terrible regrets on me. When the hat man started 413 00:26:03,799 --> 00:26:07,160 showing up more frequently, I gave up ever being able 414 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:11,680 to sleep again. I walked through the woods to the 415 00:26:11,759 --> 00:26:15,599 railroad tracks. I spent more time there than anywhere else. 416 00:26:16,799 --> 00:26:19,559 I'd stand off to the side, wait for the general 417 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,079 vibration of the rails, and then close my eyes and 418 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:27,279 guess which way the train would be coming from. When 419 00:26:27,319 --> 00:26:29,799 it would whip by, i'd savor the wosh of air 420 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:33,720 hitting my skin and get high off the adrenaline rush 421 00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:37,599 of being a little too close. The drivers would hank 422 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,039 their blaring horns at me and yell as they sped by, 423 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:45,039 but I waved anyway, wondering where they were from, where 424 00:26:45,079 --> 00:26:48,559 they were going, and what it felt like to go places. 425 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,359 When the trees cleared, I walked past my sleeping bag 426 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,440 and cooler full of food and stood next to the rails, 427 00:26:56,039 --> 00:26:58,480 and I closed my eyes and waited for the metal 428 00:26:58,559 --> 00:27:01,920 to start rumbling. It didn't take long until I heard 429 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:06,319 it north to south, I thought to myself, and crossed 430 00:27:06,319 --> 00:27:10,039 my fingers. I waited till the sound got closer, and 431 00:27:10,079 --> 00:27:13,839 then opened my eyes. It was going in the opposite direction, 432 00:27:14,319 --> 00:27:17,960 and I clicked my teeth and frowned at myself. I 433 00:27:18,039 --> 00:27:22,279 never once had gotten it right. When the blaring horn sounded, 434 00:27:22,599 --> 00:27:24,920 I took a couple of steps back and waved at 435 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,920 the driver as he yelled at me for being too close. 436 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,640 You have a good day, sir, I yelled back, knowing 437 00:27:31,759 --> 00:27:36,359 he couldn't hear me. I watched the box cars speed 438 00:27:36,519 --> 00:27:40,119 by and breathed in the wind and clanging metal rushing 439 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:45,039 past my face. When several flat cars passed by, I 440 00:27:45,079 --> 00:27:48,400 saw the hat man. He was standing on the other 441 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:52,640 side of the tracks. Several more box cars passed by, 442 00:27:53,079 --> 00:27:57,240 and he disappeared behind them. When another flat car passed, 443 00:27:57,319 --> 00:28:02,440 I saw him again, this time much closer. I smelled cigarettes, 444 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:06,279 and the future stench of rotting skin and in chill 445 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:10,799 exploded up my spine. I clenched my fist and braced 446 00:28:10,799 --> 00:28:15,079 myself for the drawl of mama's nasty voice. Well go on, 447 00:28:15,599 --> 00:28:19,039 she said, ushering me toward the moving train with a 448 00:28:19,039 --> 00:28:24,200 weak nudge. Get it over with. When another set of 449 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:27,599 flat cars passed by, the hat man was only feet 450 00:28:27,599 --> 00:28:29,920 away from me on the other side of the tracks, 451 00:28:30,519 --> 00:28:34,440 toothpick in his mouth and hands in his pockets. Mama 452 00:28:34,599 --> 00:28:39,240 was behind him. Now, her face twisted into a horrible grin. 453 00:28:40,119 --> 00:28:42,799 She started to cackle, and my legs began to shake. 454 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,519 Even if I could run, I wouldn't. I knew I 455 00:28:46,519 --> 00:28:50,680 couldn't escape the hat Man. I knew Mama's vicious, hostile 456 00:28:50,799 --> 00:28:54,039 voice would be in my head until the day I died. 457 00:28:55,759 --> 00:28:58,519 I clenched my fist even harder and held back a tear. 458 00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,240 And when the last the box cars passed by, the 459 00:29:02,279 --> 00:29:07,440 hat Man and Mama were gone. The next day, I 460 00:29:07,519 --> 00:29:11,680 lied to Tina and I told her I'd come to Colorado. 461 00:29:11,799 --> 00:29:13,599 I knew it was the only way to get her 462 00:29:13,599 --> 00:29:17,240 to finish packing. We spent the next couple of days 463 00:29:17,279 --> 00:29:20,200 moving her things out of Grandma's house and squeezing it 464 00:29:20,279 --> 00:29:24,720 all into her hatchbag, taking occasional breaks to meander around 465 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,559 the town for the last time and hide from Rodney. 466 00:29:29,279 --> 00:29:32,440 The hat Man had gone from occasional visits to walking 467 00:29:32,519 --> 00:29:36,920 with me wherever I went, and Mama's voice was a relentless, 468 00:29:37,079 --> 00:29:40,759 horrible ringing in my ears, reminding me that my time 469 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:45,480 was running short. When the end of the week rolled around, 470 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:48,880 Tina addressed the elephant in the room and asked where 471 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:52,440 my stuff was and I told her I didn't have anything, 472 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:56,400 and she accused me of lying to her. She said 473 00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:59,119 I had never planned on coming and slammed the door 474 00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:03,559 in my face. That was the last interaction I had 475 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,480 with my best friend, a fight. I wanted to explain 476 00:30:07,559 --> 00:30:10,359 everything to her, but the words came out all wrong. 477 00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:14,240 I had a thousand things to tell her, but too 478 00:30:14,359 --> 00:30:18,200 few words to do it. I once read about something 479 00:30:18,319 --> 00:30:23,359 called a Stockholm syndrome. My relationship with my mama and 480 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:27,400 Price sort of felt like that. I stood there with 481 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:31,200 my head against the door, knowing I ruined everything and 482 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:34,319 that Tina wasn't going to leave now. And then I 483 00:30:34,359 --> 00:30:38,720 felt my chaperone behind me. I dug the envelope of 484 00:30:38,799 --> 00:30:41,480 cash out of my pocket and glassd at Tina's car. 485 00:30:42,079 --> 00:30:45,079 And when I turned around to finally acknowledge the hat man, 486 00:30:45,519 --> 00:30:49,319 I saw a cardinal land on Grandma's bird feeder behind him. 487 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,279 I realized something, and I let out a quiet laugh. 488 00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,759 The only way to get Tina out of Price now 489 00:30:57,039 --> 00:31:00,680 was to give the hat man what he wanted. As 490 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:03,960 I walked toward the railroad tracks, a song came into 491 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:07,079 my head. It was one of the few country songs 492 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,799 I couldn't find a way to make fun of It 493 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,000 was about a guy who came back home from the 494 00:31:12,039 --> 00:31:14,440 war and found out the love of his life had 495 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:18,400 gotten married. He was heartbroken over it, and no matter 496 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:21,000 how hard his friends tried to get him to move on, 497 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,960 he gave in to his demons and he took his 498 00:31:24,079 --> 00:31:29,039 own life. Lately, I was feeling sympathetic to the lyrics. 499 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,640 Friends tried to brighten healed the heart in his chest, 500 00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:39,799 but death offered comfort, so he joined him instead. I 501 00:31:39,839 --> 00:31:42,240 walked to the train tracks with a hat man by 502 00:31:42,279 --> 00:31:46,079 my side. I heard my mamma heckling me from the trees, 503 00:31:46,559 --> 00:31:50,440 but this time I tuned her out. I stood in 504 00:31:50,519 --> 00:31:53,759 the center of the rails, closed my eyes and waited 505 00:31:53,759 --> 00:31:57,640 for the subtle vibration of the metal north to south, 506 00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:02,799 I thought to myself. As the locomotive's blaring horn sounded 507 00:32:02,839 --> 00:32:06,200 in my ears, I smiled, and for the first time, 508 00:32:06,359 --> 00:32:09,039 I was about to get something right, and for the 509 00:32:09,119 --> 00:32:11,920 life of me, Tina and I were finally going to 510 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:18,680 leave Price. When Tina and I crossed the border into Colorado, 511 00:32:19,279 --> 00:32:22,200 I pushed my luck and fussed with the radio, but 512 00:32:22,279 --> 00:32:26,559 the knob gurgled and crackled under my fingers. Tina hit 513 00:32:26,599 --> 00:32:29,160 the dash with her fists and cussed at it and 514 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:33,240 found a station again. I smiled an awkward apology and 515 00:32:33,319 --> 00:32:36,359 looked at the scenery out the open window that had 516 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:41,319 changed from wide open Nebraska planes to wide open Colorado planes. 517 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:46,079 I felt excitement creep up from my stomach, and as 518 00:32:46,079 --> 00:32:49,160 if it shared the feeling, the damn radio crackled again, 519 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:52,759 and in the field outside my window, I saw the 520 00:32:52,799 --> 00:32:57,720 hat man. When we passed the sign for Julesburg. Tina 521 00:32:57,839 --> 00:33:01,039 pulled off the road on an unmarked exit and made 522 00:33:01,039 --> 00:33:04,839 her way down an old westbound gravel path until it ended. 523 00:33:05,759 --> 00:33:08,200 She put the car in park and we stared out 524 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:11,920 at the scenery ahead of us. There it was the 525 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:16,519 same dead tree looking out over the same low rolling hills. 526 00:33:17,359 --> 00:33:20,200 I looked at the picture on the dash and smiled. 527 00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:24,240 We had actually made it. It really is the end 528 00:33:24,319 --> 00:33:29,039 of the road, I said, with a smirk. Tina didn't respond. 529 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,319 She grabbed a jerky and duct tape in one hand 530 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,400 and the cardinal box in the other and got out. 531 00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:38,000 I followed her to the front of the car and 532 00:33:38,119 --> 00:33:42,039 stood behind her with my hand on her shoulder. She 533 00:33:42,119 --> 00:33:45,079 took her sunglasses off and stared ahead at the wide 534 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:49,519 open terrain, thinking something to herself and coming to a 535 00:33:49,559 --> 00:33:53,240 conclusion or two that she didn't share with me. And 536 00:33:53,279 --> 00:33:57,759 then she opened the box. The funeral home had crewmated 537 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,880 my remains for free because I had had no family, 538 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:04,400 and Tina paid with her own money for the cardinal 539 00:34:04,559 --> 00:34:08,199 to be handpaided on the urn. She let the wind 540 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,679 spread my ashes for her and cried as the millions 541 00:34:11,679 --> 00:34:16,280 of pieces of Francis Brenda Hooper spread across the plains. 542 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,360 I wanted to comfort her and tell her it wasn't 543 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:24,079 me and those ashes, that I wasn't bound to that urn. 544 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,679 But she needed to say goodbye to me. She needed 545 00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:31,360 to say goodbye to price. If that's how she needed 546 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:33,639 to do it, then that was all right with me. 547 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,760 When the box was empty, Tina put the jerky and 548 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:42,719 duct tape inside and closed it again. She ran her 549 00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,840 thumb over the cardinal, and with all of her strength, 550 00:34:46,119 --> 00:34:48,440 she threw that thing as hard as she could into 551 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:53,280 the grass ahead of her. Then, to my unfathomable relief, 552 00:34:53,639 --> 00:34:57,559 she finally spoke to me. He was writing about you, 553 00:34:57,559 --> 00:35:02,079 you know, Tina said, her voice brake king clawed Eugene Shaw. 554 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,440 He didn't know you, but he was writing about you. 555 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:10,599 I squeezed her shoulder and felt kind of proud. My 556 00:35:10,679 --> 00:35:14,039 best friend thought mister Shaw's big old words could describe 557 00:35:14,159 --> 00:35:18,800 simple old me. To our right, the hat man appeared, 558 00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:22,920 toothpick in his mouth, hands in his pockets, leaning against 559 00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:26,639 his old Chevrolet with the big fenders and bullet lights. 560 00:35:27,519 --> 00:35:30,039 He stared into the open plane and then looked at 561 00:35:30,079 --> 00:35:33,840 me and tipped his hat. Tina stared at that spot 562 00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:37,159 ahead of her for another minute and sniffled, and then 563 00:35:37,199 --> 00:35:39,880 she wiped her eyes and put her sunglasses on over 564 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:44,039 the mess. Not a girl. I thought, if any kid 565 00:35:44,039 --> 00:35:46,639 from Price had a chance of making it in the world, 566 00:35:46,679 --> 00:35:49,639 it was her. And when she walked back to the car, 567 00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:54,360 I let her go alone. And then I grinned. Jewelesburg 568 00:35:54,639 --> 00:35:57,440 wasn't the end of the road, it was the beginning. 569 00:35:58,559 --> 00:36:01,239 I let my eyes get lost in the scenery ahead 570 00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:04,719 of me at all sage and slate colored grass had 571 00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:08,239 suddenly erupted in color, and the ground under my feet 572 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:11,519 was warm and familiar, as if it had been waiting 573 00:36:11,559 --> 00:36:14,440 on me all that time. And I looked at the 574 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:18,320 hat man. You hear that mister shaw, I asked him, 575 00:36:18,559 --> 00:36:22,079 with a big goofy grin on my face. He took 576 00:36:22,079 --> 00:36:25,000 the toothpick out of his mouth and shook his head curiously. 577 00:36:25,679 --> 00:36:28,440 The only sound was of the light breeze blowing over 578 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:33,280 the rolling hills. Mama's voice was finally gone. I closed 579 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:39,679 my eyes and savored the silence. Exactly, I said. Back 580 00:36:39,679 --> 00:36:42,880 in her car, Tina turned the engine on and looked 581 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:46,280 one last time at the dead tree and rolling hills. 582 00:36:47,199 --> 00:36:50,159 Then she narrowed her eyes and leaned forward over the 583 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,960 dash to see better. Sitting on a branch in the 584 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:57,239 middle of the tree was a cardinal. It hopped from 585 00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:00,880 branch to branch, higher and higher in the tree until 586 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:05,599 it reached the top. She heard its hauntingly beautiful trill 587 00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:09,159 and watched it fly toward her. It leaped over the 588 00:37:09,199 --> 00:37:12,440 hood of her care and then took off into the sky.