Speaker 1: You're referring to the charter guest that said go ahead
unpack my back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, feel free to unpack
your bag when you have an instrument that sole purpose
is to rupture your asshole. Yeah, oh that's next to
my socks, right, feel free to put those in.
Speaker 2: And maybe rupture isn't the right word. They're meant to
kind of arouse and stretch the capacity of the rectal cavity.
Now you could ask yourself, I thought that was just
for shitting. Nope, nope, we live in a technicolor wood. Hellai,
Welcome aboard another brands banking new episode of another blow
Deck podcast. It's a new season, it's a new deal,
it's a new.
Speaker 1: Pat Hey permission to come aboard. Hey hey, hey, I
want to get on that fancy elevator.
Speaker 2: It's not fair. I mean, it's like a there's a
facade because it uh, it's kind of like Disneyland where
there's this lovely outside, but in the back there's somebody
who's making like seven dollars an hour being screamed at
for having a mustard staying on their face. You know,
So the elevator doesn't work. Broke down first episode, but
this boat looks great. I like it v too. We
come from the doldrums of the clown car of Parsifal
onto this metropolitan. What is that word? Go ahead?
Speaker 1: Oh I the difference of service of carring was so far.
I'm just comparing Daisy with Lara. Seems like, I hate
to say it. Uh, Daisy had a case of the
uh fuckets and Lara cares. She's very anal. Yeah, she
cares like, hey, spin that glass around, it's not facing
the right to That's.
Speaker 2: An odd word. What was the word anal?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's been like it used to make
sense and then we perverted it. We did feel like
anal had no say in it. Yeah, you know what
I mean.
Speaker 1: It's sad a perfectionist.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Good a Patreon, go to it good Patreon. There's
Traders there. Oh yeah, and uh and Traders is our
favorite show.
Speaker 1: Traders is our favorite show besides possibly this season maybe yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get into my thoughts and knots
too early.
Speaker 2: Well, you can go ahead and get into your thoughts
and knots. We have Traders at Patreon. We have ads tonight,
we'll have ads for this season. So if you want
to add three episodes, go to Patreon dot com.
Speaker 1: I love you, goodbye, Okay Dell. I love the casting.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm seems good, very good.
Speaker 1: Yeah uh, and that really confirms how awful Sailing was.
Captain Glenn, I think you listen.
Speaker 2: I like you, Glenn.
Speaker 1: I love you Captain Glenn, and I can't wait to
see you next season. Your show needs to be fixed.
Speaker 2: And how christ like of us? I mean, he's a
prostitute murder. That's cereal prostitute murderer. But you know there,
what's this line from the Bible about empathy insert here?
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I was just gonna say I like his
easygoing management style. Yeah, well, big improvement. Love the elevator.
I think they should have two, one for service one Fortel,
so work on that. Also. Love the new chief stew Laura.
Speaker 2: What a dickhead huh.
Speaker 1: It seems like a real perfectionist Lara as much as
I loved Kermit, because she's a delightful person. I'm glad
we have some new blood as the chiefs do here.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, we only have one two holdovers. We have Serena.
Speaker 1: We got Hairy.
Speaker 2: Good to see Serena.
Speaker 1: Good.
Speaker 2: Great to see Harry, well, I mean great to see
both of them.
Speaker 1: Also, there's some new production. We have temperatures.
Speaker 2: See, we have a lot of chiruns. We have a
step counter. Oh that's right, we have step counter. We
have temperature as you mentioned. So a lot of great
work from the Chiron department. Love a sous chef, love
that idea.
Speaker 1: Great idea. I think we have like eight people working
on this boat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's crazy that it took what seventy eight seasons
to get to a Sioux chef.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and already the dramas down in the kitchen. I
loved the episode. I think this is going to be
an amazing season. I am going to start off with
one of my highest ratings of knots ever, I'm going
to give it ninety eight knots.
Speaker 2: Wow, that is so foolish.
Speaker 1: Oh you think so.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's going to come back to bite you. You
got to start off with the modest seventy pots because
it was a great first episode. But we don't know
where this season's going to take us. You know, we
could have a new ceiling established, we could have a
new floor established. Who knows. But I really like this episode.
The Greek is awful. Now.
Speaker 1: He called him self Yiannis, but his real name is
Johnny Well.
Speaker 2: No, no, no backwards, sorry, his real name is Giannis. But
you can americanize it or western eze it. I think
is Greece Western. I'm pretty sure it's like kind of
one of the seats of like Western civilization, I think.
But they're still like kind of not that Western because
they're like rolling everything in, like all of leaves and stuff.
Oh great leaves. Yeah. I tried, tried two hacks at it,
and you help me out there. It's great leaves. Yeah, dolds,
I love them. You go to Gelson's they have them there. Fantastic.
Great on the ghost snack huh not for this podcast
seventy pots.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think if there's any uh any other
housekeeping to get.
Speaker 2: Out of the way. No, no, I'm gonna get high. Yeah, yep,
oh go ahead, I think so.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I know it's an important episode, kind of sets the
standard for the season, but you know, I'm kind of
tacked right now.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'll be the This is gonna be the
first announcement for this. We are going to be switching
this feed. You don't have to do anything. I'm gonna
say that right out of the gate. The artwork for
this show in the coming weeks, maybe a month, will
turn to bad TV. It doesn't change anything other than
the artwork in there.
Speaker 2: I'm going to calm down. Okay, we're gonna combine the feeds.
It's gonna be one feed bad TV. If you're listening
on below Deck, it'll just remain the same. You'll just
stay here. You'll listen to below Deck here and other things.
If you want trum bad TV, hop on over to
the bad TV feed. It's gonna be very confusing.
Speaker 1: But that's why I'm like, I'm just like mentioning it. Now,
this is how I you do this with my four
year old Ellie. Bed time is in eight minutes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't mean to infantilize you, but we've just
gotten so many mean comments over the years about really
dumb shit.
Speaker 1: Right right, so I feel like I've talked to you
like your toddler.
Speaker 2: Hey, we say's anthe blydec dan and now let's start
the trailer. Looks great, it did. We've got people get fired,
We've got an elevator on the ship, We've got a
sous chef and we've got bros punching captains. I mean,
everything is here.
Speaker 1: Now, Dyl. One thing that's confusing about this right out
of the gate is the show's called down Under, which
one would assume would then take place in Australia.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, hang on a second. The most, the
foremost announcement, the most important announcement. We've won the war
with Bravo. Oh yeah, I mean, creators are back. You're
gonna get these one. I mean, it's crazy, you know what.
Speaker 1: All right, I'm laying down my weapon now, Bravo. You
finally gave up and gave us back ourselves.
Speaker 2: Our Claymores are leaving our hands and they are hitting
the floor of the Klang. We won the war.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm allowing you to wave that white flag and
just sash at your ass in the opposite direction.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean, listen, never do it again.
You can practice your own religion here. We're going to
need you to pay taxes, but you can really do
whatever you want. Oh and if we go to war
with anybody else, we're going to need to get script you.
But that's pretty much it.
Speaker 1: That's it, okay, Dylan, the show is called down Under. Yeah,
but I believe we're off the eastern coast of Africa,
the Achilles. That's right now, I mean I'll just say this,
Who gives an f? We're Last season we were in
a converted Japanese whaling ship.
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the thing has an elevator. Yeah yeah, yeah, okay, yeah,
we've arrived.
Speaker 2: Last season was a converted whaling ship, which is it's
just crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I remember there was a scene one of
the crew members is like, hey, why are the stairs red.
Speaker 2: And that you know one the Blood of Whales.
Speaker 1: Yeah, He's like, they're they're not red.
Speaker 2: Blood. That's yeah, yeah, yeah, it's we're south of the
mauth Ives and good news, hot Ass. Captain hot Ass
can put his own contacts in. Now. Do we miss Asia?
I know you're not the biggest fan of Kermit. Do
you miss Kermit this season?
Speaker 1: Not at all? Okay, I am tired of her. She
may have gotten married already.
Speaker 2: Scott Scott.
Speaker 1: Lovely couple. I'm sure they're gonna enjoy driving around the
country in a van taking a dump in a bucket.
Good for them.
Speaker 2: And if you're if you're keeping track, that's just called
being homeless. You know, we we really glorify this van
life trend. But it's just being a fucking bum, you
know what I mean. And there are degrees of that, right,
Asians scott are not stabbing at people with shards of
glass for leftover, God knows what these people lead. And
and for those who think that we're a little insensitive
about homeless people.
Speaker 1: Well I don't care what you mean. I've been attacked
by three of these zombies in the last five years. Yeah,
Now you can't let sure homeless mentally ill people roam
around the streets, still.
Speaker 2: Attack They they throw stuff at us, and they stink
and you know we we we live amongst them, so
we have firsthand knowledge. Okay, my god, are they good
at building though? I mean these cities they spring up
out of nowhere.
Speaker 1: Really quick, really quick. Yeah, I'd love to see the
building code office they go in to build a like
a thirty foot Well.
Speaker 2: I would tell the building code that you've got to
get these people in because what they can do with
plastic and twine is like, you guys can't even compete
with this. Give these people actual you know what, just
solve it. All these contractors they're shady characters. Right, give
the contracting licenses to the bums of Los Angeles. Let's
build affordable housing. Let's do it on the cheap. Let's
get back to below deck Danda. Right now, he being
hot Ass. Captain hot Ass has some new mates. He's
got a fish tank. What do you think of the
quality of the fish tank.
Speaker 1: Those aren't even saltwater fish, those are cooi.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I thought. We meet
our fave chef, Serena is back, and good news for her.
She's got a British humorist who's going to be joining her,
and Serena thinks is going to be great. Now. You
and I seeing the show would see that instantaneously and
think impossible. They're setting you up to kill one another
for our entertainment, and we love that kitchen looks absolutely insane.
We'll get to the weavil infestation in a bit, but
for right now, it looks great.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean great in the just in its size.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, yeah, I mean sometimes these chefs are cooking
on hot plates and microwaves. You know, it's like a
fraternity kitchen. And that's why the vacations are so fucking cheap, right,
So let's meet Laura. Sorry, Serena has worked with her before.
Mom named a horse after her. And in the States,
if you have if you're in equestrian it means you're
either you know, probably poor and from the planes, right,
or your Christopher or you're rich. Right. So we'll see
which one she is.
Speaker 1: Now we get a little this is I mean, we'll
see rat history. Well, I'll have to go back to
the the history of below deck, but I think this
is the earliest c rat history that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty sad one.
Speaker 1: Well, she says dad was an aeroplane pilot and she
loved his professionalism, but what she loved more was the
professionalism of the flight attendants. Yeah, and clearly clearly she
was talking about a time long past. Get on a
plane now and see the quality of the service of
the flight attendants. Excuse me? Can I can I have
some pretzels? You'll get pretzels when I feel like it,
and put your mask on. Shut up. Yeah, I think
COVID's over like four years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, put
your mask on. Okay, did you upload the app to
get pretzels? I need an app to get pretzels. Where
do I download. I'm sorry, sir, the WiFi is real
slow here.
Speaker 2: So basically she need to pay for the Wi Fi,
and you need an app to pay for the WiFi,
but you can't get the app to pay for the
Wi Fi with that Wi Fi. So the last five.
Speaker 1: Times I've been on a plane, it has been the
most miserable experience of my.
Speaker 2: Entire Well, you know, I do another show called Conspiracy
Social Club with the lunatic Sam Tripoli, and he is
a conspiracy that they're encouraging us to not fly so
we don't go anywhere, right, And it makes all the
sense in the world, makes all the sense of the
world Southwest. If they're really trying to do this, they
should just show that video of that guy in a
burger king Crown yelling the end word and just be like,
do you really want to do this now? But you know,
it's odd because in the begin you know, it's tough
for us because I think, you know, the sea rats
listen to the show, especially in the beginning. You know,
news they'll stop listening at the fourth episode, I think,
But in the beginning, it's gonna be a little bit
tough to say. Lara's dad probably slept around quite a bit.
He's an airline pilot, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I looked at a list of occupations where there was
the most infidelity. Yeah, and that was up there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, big time.
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't it murder?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the professional with the most pedophilia? Actually, is
that right? Yeah, so we're we're not, you know, we
are trying to offend everybody. Yeah. They really do have
a problem with that.
Speaker 1: Though, Now, dyl you were touching on that. Zorena and
Laura know each other, and yes, will choose to be
roommates clearly though they're I don't think they like each other.
Speaker 2: Well, Serena is like a you know, a golden doodle,
you know what I mean. And Laura is kind of
like a bit of an icy bitch. So she doesn't
want anything to do with Serena really, But it's tough
to navigate these waters right now.
Speaker 1: Well, I think she used an example. She said Zorena
was an acquired taste. Yeah, like vegemite.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: First off, vegemite is not an acquired taste. It's something
that our lovely Aussies have been indoctrinated into because they
ate it at a young age. It tastes like a
beef bullyon after a kangaroo shit on it. It's fucking disgusting.
There's a reason it has zero market share in any
other country but Australia. So it's not an acquir taste.
You've all been.
Speaker 2: Fooled, right, I mean the Brits have like, ma mind
I think, yes, yeah, it's yeast on toast.
Speaker 1: What's our thing?
Speaker 2: We probably eat too much spam.
Speaker 1: Yeah, spam's discoos.
Speaker 2: Well that's Hawaii's thing, But I guess Hawaii is part
of us, right, I don't know what is our thing?
Speaker 1: We have something that must be disgusting.
Speaker 2: The people are disgusting sometimes yea, yeah, military spending.
Speaker 1: Who's that? Uh he's like a version of Anthony Bourdame,
but he's fat. Zimmerman.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: He went up to Alaska and meant, this tribe up
there and they.
Speaker 2: Do you have any gross shit? I can eat it?
Speaker 1: And he almost threw up. Yeah for him, that's a
big deal because he never throws up. It was uh,
whale blubber that had turned into mold.
Speaker 2: Well, the Inuits are funky people, you know. They've They've
got like thirty eight different words for snow, you know
what I mean. And that's beautiful, but it's also a
little ridiculous.
Speaker 1: Well, I know as a viewer, because I was a
fan of bizarre foods that it was truly disgusting. I
saw that guy eat a goat eyeball one time and
not bad a fucking eye.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the thing. What you know, I understand that
you have to cater tenisies, you know, that's what we've done.
But there's a reason why Anthony Bourdain was much more
popular before he hung himself. Oh wow, A very tragic yeah,
but you know he was more broad. You know, Hill
eat normal food. And Andrews Zimmerman has to go around
pretending that fucking intestines and ghana taste you know, a choir. Now,
it doesn't taste acquired. It tastes like disease. Sorry, I mean,
I'm not that's not a commentary in Africa. I'm just
saying eating the intestines of that tastes like disease.
Speaker 1: I went to homes for the Habitat like twenty years ago.
So I'm down in like I don't know, building a
house down there, helping out and the family were building
it for they were cooking something in a pot all day. Yeah,
and I looked at I asked one of the guys like, hey,
what the hell is that. He's like, it's uh, it's
cow intestines. Yeah, and this is food that they're going
to serve us.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I worry that we've been on this for a little
go ahead, probably.
Speaker 1: Their entire week's money to feed all up. Yeah, so
you're gonna fucking eat it? I remember thinking, no fucking way.
Speaker 2: Yea, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean you went to
Thailand where there actually is delicious food, and you requested hamburgers,
so that's right, no way you were going to eat
and you you were Interarexic, so you know, skipping a
meal is heaven to you. Let's meet we On.
Speaker 1: We A yep.
Speaker 2: Yeah. He's the Boson and is obviously from Citi Africa.
His decie is also a stewie that always goes well.
Her name is a Dare. She is from Georgia. She's
used to mudding and punching catfish in the face. I
don't know what they do down there.
Speaker 1: I have some thoughts here and this might get me
in trouble out of the Okay, okay, Adair. She shares
that she thought she was kidnapped at some point, but
then she just thought that and it was just the thought,
it never actually happened. I think she may be an airhead.
Speaker 2: And you usually know if you've been kidnapped.
Speaker 1: That's my point. Yeah, probably too early to call her
an airhead, but she's on notice right now. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's like that scene and Thank You for Smoking, where
he gets thrown into the van and they put the
nicotine patches all over him like there's no real guesswork there.
You've been kidnapped. Yeah, yeah, where that poor lady from?
I think I know you're silence of the lambs. Oh,
somebody asks you to help them with the couch, never
go tail in. I mean now you say no, right.
Speaker 1: It gets you to feel they count on you, feeling
guilty about saying no.
Speaker 2: That that's why you got to say no to these
with the lotion in the basket. Anthony comes aboard as
well as Brianna, who is a model two, works straight
up a little bit and that's why she's a c
rat right now. And that is a tragedy.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I hope she can get back on her feet
and hit those runways in Paris. You know, Cheffy Anthony
tells us that he's ready to showcase his talent. And
I know this from just watching many cooking shows I
have showcasing your talent means cleaning pants and shutting the
fuck up.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, And we'll get to this battle
of wits and wills. But Serena first jokes about having
a model aboard and listen, I didn't mean to call
Lara an icb right out of the gate, but this
was kind of tough for me. She says, you know,
it's nice to have another model aboard. And I don't
know if it's editing, but she responds to Serena in
a very robotic, kind of annoyed kind of way. It's like, Laura,
it's it's stay one. It's not you know, it's not
a gut buster, but it's a it's a humorous thing
to say. So let's not you know, let's just be
not mean.
Speaker 1: Okay, So we've been watching a lot of sea rats
over the last six years of doing this. By the way,
thank you, Chief Stu for doing a love post on face.
Speaker 2: Chief Stu. We got to play the what's that fucking song?
Speaker 1: Called?
Speaker 2: With the bugles.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, chiefs Do are Facebook admint. Let chiefst know
on Facebook if you want to take over the blowdeck
page to admin. He's retiring. I think we love your
Chiefs Do.
Speaker 2: God, Chiefs Do is the best.
Speaker 1: He is the best.
Speaker 2: It's amazing that we've lost a moud, I know, heartbreaking.
Speaker 1: I think we might have done something. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Those are the rifles firing.
Speaker 1: I don't think he's going anywhere. Who wants to lose
that honor?
Speaker 2: You know? No, I mean, listen, you gotta do what
you love. And Stu loves moderating the insane people in
our politic face book group, which I don't have access
to because of hate speech.
Speaker 1: Right yeah, Marina Latina, Marina.
Speaker 2: The Latina are Brazilians Latinas, I think, so yeah, get
in the comments, let us know. But yeah, she's We've
got Anthony, We've got Marina, we've got Harriet, and we've
got them all aboard Katina. I think that that's what
this boat's name is. Katina. Anthony worked with a Michelin
star chef making burgers. I'm gonna be very protective of
Serena in the beginning, So let's just say this now
this guide. They're throwing Michelin stars around like they're you know,
toys at the end of a dentist appointment. I think, so,
you know, let's chill out on that whole thing. Johnny
aka Jannis he is. Do you know what a Huberman
husband is?
Speaker 1: I do not.
Speaker 2: Huberman husbands are people that watch Andrew Huberman and then
form their identity around atomic habits that are very masculine forward.
So he does be jj. He probably cold plunges. He
probably thinks that he's gonna just.
Speaker 1: Trying to be his optimum himself, right, right.
Speaker 2: Optimization and all this shit carnivore diet and you know,
you shit blood, but you're fucking, you know, crushing it right,
So this guy needs to calm the fuck down immediately.
He I think he wrote somewhere that a clear sky
fears no thunderstorms and that was said by I think
a navy seal on a podcast, and he just put
it on his bio. So, yeah, we've got to stop
that just immediately. He also pronounces himself the lead deckhand,
which is.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's a few more layers underneath that douchebag facade.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll see. So we get to Serena and her
suschef doing a little interview before the call for battle.
Serena asks what his weaknesses are, and he's safe to
say has a little bit of a panic attack.
Speaker 1: It's our first little miniature, little dust up. He pushes
back on.
Speaker 2: The questions and he's no different than any young, virulent,
you know, possibly dumb man. He he wants respect immediately,
he wants responsibility, of responsibility on a next generation, and
he definitely doesn't want to take p's and q's from
this kookie broad you know what I mean. That's right,
So we'll see how that goes not good. We get
to the stars of the show at our first team meeting, Josco,
Petar and Nino. These guys are real human traffickers. I mean,
these guys really look like Cole shovelers, and it's good
to see them back because we don't have that. In
sailing Out, we have Daffodil.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that boat starts sinking. The first thing that
gets close is those air locks. Yeah, you saw that
scene in Titanic.
Speaker 2: You can lose Josco because Josco is a lot like Daffodil.
He's a loner, he's experienced the darkest corners of this world,
and he has probably a lot of great tales. But
you can definitely leave him downstairs to drought.
Speaker 1: That's right. So it's sad, it is, but you know,
safety first, all right, all right, So then we get.
Speaker 2: To the crew meeting day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Captain Jason hot, Captain Jason. Which I'm not crazy
about his hair this year. He's got that little little
tail of hair that's like an eighties thing. It's unbecoming,
kind of like a half measure mullet. Yep, Okay, that's
exactly what it is. Jason says. He this is a
direct quote. He says, I want this to feel like
a family. Yeah, that you can have sex.
Speaker 2: With, right, right, right, yeah, right, Yeah, that's.
Speaker 1: The best of both worlds.
Speaker 2: We're brothers and sisters here. We can bang, but just
don't do it in front of the guests, and if
you do, I'm gonna have a t talking to you.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, we're family.
Speaker 2: We split off for two different meetings. We've got Interior
and we've got the deck team. Now we're dealing with
a terrorist already in the Greek He I think I
clocked this correctly. I think he told him boss to
let him lead the crew, and then he assigns himself
lead deckhand, which is absolutely bonkers. I feel as though
he is a great evil aboard this vessel and my
least favorite character so far so far. Okay, we've got
a weavil infestation. Evidently there was, you know, one of
these great builders that we were referring to earlier, a
homeless person I think was living in this kitchen before
they set sail.
Speaker 1: I don't want people to throw up. Maybe you're driving
in your car right now, in whatever country you're in,
and you're eating I don't know, some of that vegamine
or whatever, and I don't want to get into maggots,
but I'm fascinated. Maybe i'll do some recent by old time.
I don't understand you're on a boat, is it? Do
they just show up out of rotting food and just like,
hey here, I am.
Speaker 2: Well. I think if you leave rice kernels alone for
too long, they kind of molt into bugs. So they're
they're kind of imbued with this necrotic life and they
start sliming around. But what they have to do because
of this is bleached the entire kitchen.
Speaker 1: Like a dead body was in that refrigerator.
Speaker 2: M hmm. Yeah. Did OJ use any bleacher? Did you
kind of get out of their bleach? No?
Speaker 1: Yeah, cut two people's heads off of the troll. No
cleanup work. I think that's why he got buzzed.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Had he had a little more time.
Speaker 2: You know, and you know, lesson learned there. If you're
going to kill, leave yourself enough. That's look at what
Dexter did. Do you think Dexter just just you know,
a crime of passioned his way through the serial killers
of Florida. No, he took his time, He put out plastic,
he found syringes, he cleaned his blades.
Speaker 1: I'd argue with OJ a garden hose would have helped.
Speaker 2: Him out a little bit.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, put your thumb in front of the spickack, get
a little water pressure going, you know what I mean,
shave off, uh, you know, a couple of years. But
he was acquitted. Actually, yeah, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 1: The glove didn't fit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, No, he definitely got those people's heads off.
But we get to the primary and our first of
the season. It's time for the pre friendship.
Speaker 1: Matang markin Megan the Vegan, Donkim dyl I have to
tell you something. Tell me these charter guests. Actually I
got this sense they might have paid some money.
Speaker 2: To be honest, me too. That's what I loved the
most about this season. It looks expensive, it looks more expensive.
Speaker 1: I'm not to get at myself, but when breakfast isn't
out with the incorrect time that they thought it was
going to come out, because it was their fault, they
definitely agreed on eight thirty nine, eight o'clock. Yeah, they
got pissy.
Speaker 2: That's what we want. Unreasonable wealth, unfair unethical wealth aboard
these vessels.
Speaker 1: Speaking of which their property investment people or something so
they own properties or manage them or whatever. But anyway,
they got some goddamn money and high standards.
Speaker 2: Yep and way, well not really because they're still tongue blind.
The primary likes well done, meet and their first dinner
theme is going to be our favorite around the world.
Speaker 1: Now this is getting up there with Jugi's status with
themes of nights on these boats, which is the white party, yep,
disco night, seventies or eighties party. Let me make the case,
live aid, Live Aid. Oh yeah, they did that. For
the around the world thing. And I've talked about this before.
All you can eat buffets in Vegas, that disgusting place,
which used to be twenty dollars all you can eat,
I get it. Things cost more, but they still have those,
they do, but now I don't think they're twenty dollars
or even forty dollars. I think they're probably upward of
eighty dollars per person. No.
Speaker 2: I read an article in the New Yorker. The only
thing that wasn't hit by inflation is actually the ninety
nine cent shrimp cocktail deal at the Golden Nugget.
Speaker 1: Is that right? Yeah? Yea, yeah, hotel still standing?
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, Wow.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll stay there next time because every fucking dump
that I stay on it costs me a fortune.
Speaker 2: Well, what you don't know is that you're paying to
actually protect yourself from the sadness on display at the
Golden Nugget, right, because there are a lot of oxygen tanks,
and there's a lot of one dollar blackjack tables, and
you do not want to go around that.
Speaker 1: The audience knows is still in I hate Las Vegas,
you do, yeah? And I hate buffets? Why, No, I
hate buffets because mac and cheese and chowmaine in a
garlic roll should not be on the same plate. They
don't make any sense together. They don't worked with each other.
Speaker 2: Right, all right, Well that's what buffets are for, right,
rule breaking. It's anarchy. Right. If you want a pork
spare rib and an omelet, you can have that and
your feet will swell. But this is America. Well should
we go on vacation.
Speaker 1: I need a vacation.
Speaker 2: We just had one, but you don't have one now
when you're a parent and you have young children, of
vacation is not a vacation.
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I mentioned, I can't stand my family anymore. I had
such a horrible Christmas break. I took a couple gummies
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They even got some for your libido, Dylan.
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every day with Fia. All right, the guests are aboard
this vessel, right, that's right. We uh we sleep off
the weavil uh infestation and my goodness. First I should say,
Big Red, do you have any nicknames for these people?
Speaker 1: So far?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Not yet, not yet? Who's big Red?
Speaker 2: Big Red is? Well, it's a chewing gum, cinnamon chewing gum.
It's it's an acquired taste, but it's the redheaded model.
Speaker 1: Oh, Brianna, Brianna, Okay, I like that big Red.
Speaker 2: I like it. Yeah, she loves her daddy.
Speaker 1: Oh that's right.
Speaker 2: Can you imagine competing with that? M How's Harry going
to compete with daddy?
Speaker 1: Well, I actually like it. I'm trying to instill this
in my daughter that I'm the king, I'm the best guy.
I am the standard. Yeah for what you should allow
in your life.
Speaker 2: Right as a male, you're a mufasa.
Speaker 1: That's right?
Speaker 2: Yeah? All right? Well we wake the next day after
the soux chef goes to sleep staring at fucking ghosts,
wondering what he's done to himselves and ourselves, And we
go through the motions of the morning. Serena micro manages
the crew food, which probably let's not do that, right,
I mean, you could serve these sea rets red barren
microwave pizzas and they'd be fine. So the guests arrive,
get a very romantic tour of the boat. We have
a stair count of the season, as we mentioned, and
a lovely wrought iron bike tower for the raw bar. Yeah,
very fan.
Speaker 1: That was interesting. It looks good. The oysters were displayed nuts.
But then we go to the other spectrum. Then we
get to anal beads being unpacked.
Speaker 2: That's true. So what kind of psycha.
Speaker 1: You're referring to the charter guests that said go ahead
unpack my back Yeah yeah, yeah, feel free to unpack
your bag when you have an instrument that sole purpose
is to rupture your asshole. Yeah oh that's next to
my socks, right, feel free to uh put those in and.
Speaker 2: Maybe rupture isn't the right word, but they're meant to
kind of arouse and stretch the capacity of the rectal cavity.
Now you could ask yourself, I thought that was just
for shitting nop. We live in a technicolor world, a
land of opportunity where you can shove rows of beads
up until it hits your diaphragm and have sea rats
unpack it, not pull it. I'm just saying it's yeah, yeah, yeah,
bad choice of words. So we are going to get
it's hot as balls. Lauren z Areena on the last
boat had a tough job with each other because Laura
was given unilateral control over the quality of everything, including
the food, which is insane. She had the power to
tell the chef that the food was not up to standard.
Speaker 1: Okay, so they're doing separate interviews here. And this is
what's interesting about this dynamic. Both of them talk and
the way they explain their working experience together their past
is that they fucking can't stand each other. They're bumping heads, right.
A great predictor of the future is, of course the past.
Speaker 2: Now we get to dinner, and we have a little
bit of an issue beforehand. The Greek lead deckhand called
plunder Galore, somehow makes his way out into the middle
of the ocean.
Speaker 1: There's no key in that guy, damn.
Speaker 2: But he doesn't have a key in the jet ski
and he forgot his phone, and he forgot his phone,
so I mean, at least George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg
had a key.
Speaker 1: I'm the camera guy sitting next to the lightning guy,
just watching.
Speaker 2: Him float off.
Speaker 1: Ah, hey dad, how long? Yeah? Do you think we
should before we tell anybody?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: All the rules are we don't We don't engage. We
just let the events unfold as they have.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, what if he dies, not my problem. Yeah,
he's like he's like old time, you know what I mean.
He's like, have you ever heard the phrase let the
chips fall where they may? And then before you know it,
and it's something we've been lusting after our first death
on reality television, you.
Speaker 1: Know, And this happened, has it? Oh yeah, and not
in this country. It happened in a version of Survivor
and like and it it wasn't even fun. It's like
someone died.
Speaker 2: A like exposure of a spider bite or something. Oh yeah,
can I tell you something, my buddy.
Speaker 1: I just I'm gonna do a bit on that for PMC.
We'll write that down.
Speaker 2: Oh death's on reality. Yeah, yeah, that's a great idea.
I had a buddy of mine. He was in Thailand
gallivanting around, was on a hike, started running down a clipside,
lost his balance a little bit, put his hand on
a tree to adjust himself. I felt a sting, took
it back. Snake bit him. Oh wow, He's in the
middle of the jungle in Thailand and he's like, okay,
here we go. He had to go to the emergency room.
He was He was driven to an emergency room, had
to do venom treatments on him, had to you know,
all these tests to figure out what he got bit
by cost him one hundred and five dollars.
Speaker 1: Well, I was gonna say imagine if he like went
into a village. Yeah, in their emergency room and there's
literally a machete on the wall.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean listen, two options, Yeah yeah,
you die, or I would say take my hand. You know,
these snakes are nasty, man. So we get to dinner.
First off, Oh, this is gonna be around the world.
Speaker 1: Oh, I can't wait for your thoughts on this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, first off, what are your thoughts?
Speaker 1: Well, my thoughts are is what I said about my
sentiment of all these I mean, Serena is a class
act in schooled, and I'm sure she pulled it off. However, Yeah,
I generally do not like all these different flavors in
the same meal. It's odd to me.
Speaker 2: Right, Serena is very good at cooking. And we know Serena.
She's a friend of the show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we went out with her. We hung out with her.
Speaker 2: But I can't pull any punches.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's right. We can't let our friendship in it
be a part.
Speaker 2: Of our criticism, right, you know Siskel and Ebert. I'm
sure we're friends with Robert Redford.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sure he called me, he said, I sent
the screen roll over. Roger did you get it. Yeah,
And I was just like I got it.
Speaker 2: Bob, Yeah, yeah, Well what'd you think? Two thumbs down. No,
there's a lot of liquid tonight, A lot of liquid,
A lot of liquid, A lot of spoons required, and
that's bizarre, you know, me and gaspacho. Gaspacho has a
very low ceiling. I don't like cold soups, but these
people sopped it up. The first chorus, representing Italy, was
a gaspacho with watermelon and tarragon. The second was an
onion boggy with the mango avocado salsa, representing the country
of India. And then we get a little bit of
a mix up the taie dish. I believe it was
Tom car Guy with chicken. It's another soupy little thing,
and Laura doesn't serve saucy soupy things without spoons, which
means that we, I believe, need a third spoon of
the evening. And we wrap things up with a crembrulet
neading yet another spoon for dinner. Now listen, at some
point we've got to pull out a knife and fork. Right,
we're all adults. It's dinner. Oh, all the flavors. I'm
sure we're very robust. I feel as though the medium
is the method, I think, and I'm gonna have to
give it dupots, two pots, yeah, wowsa yeah.
Speaker 1: I think the guests enjoyed it, Yes they did, kin
I do you a meanwhile?
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely great job, by the way, thank you.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, Adare shares with Harry, who she I think she
thinks he's cute or something. She says that she's seen
a lot of butt plugs today and also a puff
daddy level of lou Well, I thought of butt fucking
going on.
Speaker 2: I think you're talking about Big red Oh Big Redwood
did that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh you know what, You're right.
Speaker 2: I messed that out right right.
Speaker 1: I was thinking, like, what else do you need lub for?
Speaker 2: Well, when you've been married for a long time, pretty
much everything. Oh we're happy, me too. So we rise
for the next more.
Speaker 1: Well, first of before we go to bed. I believe
Zorena comes out when dessert was served, and they all
agree breakfast will be served at eight thirty in the morning,
not between eight and eight thirty. I don't like these
guests for this reason. You can't you can't be a
dick if you're not sure and you were drunk, by
the way, so shut the fuck up. And she also
said they asked about breakfast, and she says, well, normally
I do a special and then a layout, which she
did do. I just want to make sure we got
that right there.
Speaker 2: I know it's important to lay out the framework of
the situation, create some problems next morning. And you can't
build a building without scaffolding unless you're a homeless person.
Then you don't need really anything. You just need rudimentary
ingredients and an imagination that is completely untethered to this world.
I mean, you look at the greats like Goudy. He
was not with us down here. He was with the
gods the way that people who are puning walls are Wow,
you know what I mean. Wow? Till we rise for
the next morning, too much, not at all.
Speaker 1: I enjoyed it.
Speaker 2: Laura will work past death. She says there is nothing
that can kill her in yachting, and that's not true.
There are lots of things that can kill you in yachting.
Jason killed like fifteen people with the boat, but he's hot. Right.
We end with a breakfast timing fiasco. As you mentioned,
we said eight thirty. We did not say eight but
the biggest issue, and my heart sank when Laura did this,
turns the kitchen into a diner. Can't do that, and.
Speaker 1: We'll have three scrambles, We'll have two Bennies holding the avocano.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, the ship. One of the guests asks
if she can whip up a Holidays and she just goes, yeah, sure.
I'm sure that Serena takes a lot of pride in
her food. To whip up a Holidays is no small feet. Okay,
it takes a lot of elbow grease to just do that.
So if she doesn't have holidays, let's not say that
she does.
Speaker 1: Can I say this though? This would have been a
great time to get the sou chef involved.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: You make the eggs there, buddy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And there is a bit of an issue where
I'm with Serena. I don't if I'm Serena, I don't
want him on guest meals until I can see what
he does. But you know, if we're if we're jammed breakfast,
let's let's you know, I mean, there's a reason why
brunch shifts are given to the soux chefs, right, So anyways,
we'll be back next week with another brand spanking new
episode of Below Deck.
Speaker 1: Dan.
Speaker 2: Get in the comments let us know what you thought
about the episode. Chiefs, do.
Speaker 1: I hope we don't lose you.
Speaker 2: Stick around, buddy, Stick around, buddy, we don't. We're not
going to bury you at sea like Osama ben Laden
anytime soon.
Speaker 1: You don't even talk to anybody. I leave everybody alone
and let them do whatever the hell they want. Yeah,
I don't know why you wanted to resign today at
my feelings.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Patty's sad, I am, but also happy because it's
a brand new season. We won the war with Bravo.
I mean, smooth sailing ahead. Love you guys very much.
I'm dying saying good bye, pat say goodbye later. Did