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<v Speaker 1>The Unfortunate Mister Ebbsmith from Mister Punch's Dramatic Sequels by

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<v Speaker 1>Saint John Henkin. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox

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<v Speaker 1>recordings are in the public domain. For more information or

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<v Speaker 1>to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. The Notorious Missus Ebbsmith.

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<v Speaker 1>Those persons who have seen Missus Patrick Campbell's magnificent performance

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<v Speaker 1>in The Notorious Missus Ebbsmith will have probably gone away

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<v Speaker 1>with a quite false impression of the gentleman with whom

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<v Speaker 1>Agnes Ebsmith spent her eight years of married life. For

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<v Speaker 1>the first twelve months, she declares bitterly in the first act,

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<v Speaker 1>he treated me like a woman in a harem, for

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<v Speaker 1>the rest of the time like a beast of burden.

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<v Speaker 1>This is not quite just to poor Ebsmith, who was

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<v Speaker 1>a good sort of fellow in his commonplace way, and

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<v Speaker 1>it is manifestly unfair that the audience should have no

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<v Speaker 1>opportunity of hearing his side of the question. An attempt

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<v Speaker 1>is made to remedy this justice in the following prologue,

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<v Speaker 1>which all fair minded persons are entreated to read before

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<v Speaker 1>seeing mister Pinero's very clever play The Unfortunate Mister Ebsmith.

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<v Speaker 1>Trematous Personae Mister Ebsmith fad.

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<v Speaker 2>By by Lah Agnes Ebsmith read by Capricia Page.

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<v Speaker 1>Narration by Todd. Scene the dining room of the Ebsmith's

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<v Speaker 1>house in West Kensington. Agnes and her husband are at breakfast.

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<v Speaker 1>They have been married seven years. She looks much as

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<v Speaker 1>we see her in the early acts of the play, gaunt, pale,

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<v Speaker 1>badly dressed. He is a careworn man, with hair slightly

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<v Speaker 1>gray at the temples, an anxious forehead, and sad eyes.

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<v Speaker 1>He is glancing through the standard in the intervals of

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<v Speaker 1>eating his bacon. She is absorbed in the Morning Screamer,

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<v Speaker 1>one of the more violent socialist radical organs of that day. Presently,

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<v Speaker 1>Ebsmith looks up.

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<v Speaker 2>You won't forget, Agnes, that we are expecting people to

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<v Speaker 2>dinner tonight.

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<v Speaker 1>Agnes, putting down her paper with an air of patient endurance.

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<v Speaker 1>Ah Ebbsmith mildly, I.

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<v Speaker 2>Was saying, dear, if you will give me your attention

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<v Speaker 2>for a moment that I hoped you would not forget that.

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<v Speaker 2>Sir Miles Jawkins and his wife, and the Spencers and

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<v Speaker 2>the Thornton's were dining here tonight, Agnes contemptuously.

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<v Speaker 3>You seem very anxious that I should remember that lady

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<v Speaker 3>Jawkins is honoring us with her company.

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<v Speaker 2>I only meant that I hoped you had told Jane

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<v Speaker 2>about dinner. Last time the Jorkins came. You may recollect

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<v Speaker 2>that you had omitted to order anything for them to eat,

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<v Speaker 2>and when they arrived there was nothing in the house

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<v Speaker 2>but some soup, a little cold mutton, and a rice pudding.

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<v Speaker 1>Very well returns to her paper.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you, a Agnes. If you could manage to be

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<v Speaker 2>dressed in time to receive them, I should be very

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<v Speaker 2>much obliged. I of course, I suppose you will be

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<v Speaker 2>here to entertain our guests. Your guests, you mean, my

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<v Speaker 2>dear Agnes. Surely my guests are your guests also, Agnes

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<v Speaker 2>breaking out.

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<v Speaker 3>As long as the present unjust and oppressive marriage laws

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<v Speaker 3>remain in force.

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<v Speaker 2>Absmith interrupting, I don't think we need to go into

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<v Speaker 2>the question of the alteration of the marriage laws. Ah.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, you always refuse to listen to my arguments on

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<v Speaker 3>that subject. You know they are unanswerable.

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<v Speaker 2>Absmith, patiently, I only meant that there would hardly be

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<v Speaker 2>time to discuss the matter at breakfast, Agnes, vehemently.

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<v Speaker 3>A paltry evasion.

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<v Speaker 2>Still, I assume that you will be here to receive

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<v Speaker 2>our guests, my guests, if you prefer it tonight.

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<v Speaker 3>Do you make a point of always being at home

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<v Speaker 3>to receive my guests?

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<v Speaker 2>Those anarchist people whom we are constantly asking to tea

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<v Speaker 2>certainly not.

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<v Speaker 1>Agnes with triumphant logic.

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<v Speaker 3>Then may I ask you why I should be at

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<v Speaker 3>home to receive the Jokinses.

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<v Speaker 2>My dear, you surely realize that the cases are hardly parallel.

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<v Speaker 2>The only time I was present at one of your

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<v Speaker 2>revolutionary tea parties, the guests consisted of a hyde park

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<v Speaker 2>orator who dropped his heatches, a cobbler who had turned

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<v Speaker 2>socialists by the way of increasing its importance in the

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<v Speaker 2>eyes of the community, three ladies who are either living

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<v Speaker 2>apart from their husbands or living with husbands of other ladies,

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<v Speaker 2>and a Polish refugee who had been convicted quite justly

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<v Speaker 2>of murder. You cannot pretend to compare the Jokinses with

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<v Speaker 2>such people.

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<v Speaker 3>Indeed, I can, rhetorically in a properly organized society abstine.

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<v Speaker 2>Testily, I really you can't stop to reorganized society. Now

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<v Speaker 2>I'm due at my chambers Enafernova, Agnes, solemnly.

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<v Speaker 3>As you decline to listen to what I have to say,

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<v Speaker 3>I may as well tell you at once that I

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<v Speaker 3>shall not be at home to dinner tonight.

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<v Speaker 1>Absmith, controlling his temper with an effort.

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<v Speaker 2>May I ask your reason?

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<v Speaker 3>Because I have to be at the meeting of the

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<v Speaker 3>Anti Marriage Association.

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<v Speaker 2>Can't you send an excuse, Send.

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<v Speaker 3>An excuse, throw up a meeting called to discuss an

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<v Speaker 3>important public question. Because you have asked a few barristers

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<v Speaker 3>and their wives to dine, you must be mad well.

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<v Speaker 2>I must put them off. I suppose what night next

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<v Speaker 2>week will suit you to meet them? Thursday.

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<v Speaker 3>On Thursday, I am addressing a meeting of the Society

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<v Speaker 3>for the Encouragement of Divorce.

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<v Speaker 1>Friday, Agnes, coldly.

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<v Speaker 3>Friday, as you know, is the weekly meeting of the

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<v Speaker 3>Agamist League.

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<v Speaker 2>Saturday.

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<v Speaker 3>On Saturday, I am speaking on free union for the

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<v Speaker 3>people of majesty.

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<v Speaker 2>Can you suggest an evening, Agnes, firmly, no.

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<v Speaker 3>I think the time has come to make a stand

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<v Speaker 3>against the convention which demands that a wife should preside

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<v Speaker 3>at her husband's dinner parties. It is an absurdity.

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<v Speaker 2>Away with it, Ebbsmith alarmed, But Agnes, think what you're doing.

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<v Speaker 2>You don't want to offerend These people Spencer and thought

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<v Speaker 2>and are useful men to know. And Jorkins puts a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of work in my way.

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<v Speaker 1>Agnes, with magnificent scorn, how like a man?

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<v Speaker 3>And so I am to be civil with this Jowkin's

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<v Speaker 3>person because he puts a lot of work in your way.

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<v Speaker 2>Ebbsmith meekly, Well, you know, my dear, I have to

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<v Speaker 2>make an income somehow.

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<v Speaker 3>I would sooner starve than resort to such truckling, Absmith.

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<v Speaker 2>Globally we are likely to do that sooner or later.

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<v Speaker 2>In any case, what do you mean, Absmeth? Diffidently you're

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<v Speaker 2>ahem somewhat subversive. Tenets, my love, are not precisely calculated

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<v Speaker 2>to improve my professional prospects.

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<v Speaker 3>What have I to do with your prospects?

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<v Speaker 2>The accounts of your meetings which appear in the newspapers

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<v Speaker 2>are not likely to encourage respectable solicitors to send me briefs.

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<v Speaker 1>Agnes indifferently.

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<v Speaker 2>Indeed, here's the report in today's Standard of a meeting

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<v Speaker 2>addressed by you last night which would certainly not have

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<v Speaker 2>that effect. Shall I read it to you.

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<v Speaker 3>If you wish.

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<v Speaker 1>Absmith reads.

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<v Speaker 2>The meeting which was held in Saint Luke's Parish last

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<v Speaker 2>night under the auspices of the Polyandrous Club, proved to

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<v Speaker 2>be of an unusually exciting description. The lecturer was missus

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<v Speaker 2>John Ebsmith, wife of the well known barrister.

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<v Speaker 1>Of that name, breaking awe, really.

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<v Speaker 2>Agnes, I think my name need not have been dragged

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<v Speaker 2>into the business go on. As soon as the doors

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<v Speaker 2>were opened, the place of meeting, the Iron Hall, Carter Street,

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<v Speaker 2>was filled with a compact body of roughs assembled from

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<v Speaker 2>the neighboring streets, and that seemed every prospect of disorderly scenes.

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<v Speaker 2>The appearance of Missus Ebbsmith on the platform was greeted

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<v Speaker 2>with cheers and cries of mad agnes. Surely, my dear,

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<v Speaker 2>you mist recognize that my professional reputation is endangered when

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<v Speaker 2>my wife is reported in the newspapers as addressing meetings

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<v Speaker 2>in discreditable parts of London, where her appearance is greeted

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<v Speaker 2>with shouts of mad agnes.

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<v Speaker 3>Nonsense. Who was likely to read an obscure paragraph like.

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<v Speaker 2>That obscure paragraph, My dear Agnes. The Standard has a

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<v Speaker 2>leading article on it. Listen to this Missus's crusade against

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<v Speaker 2>the institution of marriages, again attracting unfavorable attention. Last night

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<v Speaker 2>in Saint Luke's she once more attempted to ventilate her

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<v Speaker 2>preposterous schemes, crack brained crusade, belowing revolutionary nonsense on obscure platforms.

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<v Speaker 2>This subservutionary, whom our audience is not inappropriately nicknamed Mad Agnes.

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<v Speaker 2>Ultimately the meeting had to be broken up by the police.

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<v Speaker 2>We cannot understand how a man in mister E. Fsmith's

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<v Speaker 2>position can allow himself to be made ridiculous, almost weeping.

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<v Speaker 2>I do think they might leave my name out of

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<v Speaker 2>it in a leading article two.

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<v Speaker 3>Is there any more of the staff.

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<v Speaker 2>Another alph column too, My dear to oblige me find

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<v Speaker 2>some less ostentatious method of making known your views on

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<v Speaker 2>the subject of marriage.

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<v Speaker 1>Agnes, anticipating a remark subsequently made by the Duke of Saint.

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<v Speaker 3>Alfred's ostentatious immodesty is not part of my program.

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<v Speaker 2>Absmith, humbly, could you not, for my sake consent to

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<v Speaker 2>take a less prominent part in the moment agnes enthusiastically.

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<v Speaker 3>But I want to be among the leaders, the leaders

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<v Speaker 3>that will be my hour.

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<v Speaker 2>Abysmith, huzzle your harvur. I don't think I quite understand you.

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<v Speaker 3>There is only one hour in a woman's life when

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<v Speaker 3>she is defying her husband, wrecking his happiness, and blasting

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<v Speaker 3>his prospects. That is her hour. Let her make the

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<v Speaker 3>most of every second of it.

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<v Speaker 2>Abs Smith wearily, Well, my dear, when it's sober, you

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<v Speaker 2>will have this satisfaction of counting the departing footsteps of

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<v Speaker 2>a ruined man departing. Certainly you and your crusade between

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<v Speaker 2>them will have killed me. But I must go now.

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<v Speaker 2>I ought to be at my chambers in ten minutes,

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<v Speaker 2>and I must go around and make excuses to Jawkins

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<v Speaker 2>some time this morning. Tell Jane not to bother about dinner.

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<v Speaker 2>To night, I shall dine at the club

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<v Speaker 1>Exit curtain, And of the unfortunate mister Epsmith