Speaker 1: Welcome to thrilling threads. Get comfortable, lock your doors, maybe
maybe check your lamps for listening devices. I am kidding
mostly it is.
Speaker 2: Really good to be here, and honestly, after what we
are about to unpack today, checking the lamps might not
be the most irrational thing you do.
Speaker 1: Exactly. I mean, we all love a good conspiracy theory, right,
and I do not mean the tinfoil hat flat Earth
kind of stuff you hear shouted on stream corners. I
am talking about the ones that hit you at three
in the morning, when you are scrolling through your phone
in the dark and suddenly you stop and go, wait
a minute, that actually makes a terrifying amount of sense.
Speaker 2: The kind that sits right on that razor edge of plausibility,
the ones that align just enough with human psychology or
corporate incentives or historical precedent to make you genuinely question
your daily reality.
Speaker 1: And today we are pulling on some major loose threads
from the internet's biggest discussion board, Reddit. These are not
just wild, random guesses. We have got a curated stack
of yes thirty theories that range from why your genes
do not have pockets to why we might literally be
living in a parallel universe, and.
Speaker 2: We should state our mission clearly right up front for you.
We are looking at these thirty specific theories and we
are going to categorize them into logical buckets. So we
have consumer conspiracies, pop culture, secrets, government history, and the unexplained.
Speaker 1: But, and this is highly important before we start, we
have to drop a quick disclaimer here.
Speaker 2: Yes, we are impartially reporting on these Reddit theories exactly
as they were presented in our source material. We are
not endorsing them as absolute fact. We are exploring the
what ifs. We are just looking at the logic behind
the theory itself.
Speaker 1: So if we say the moon is a giant speaker,
which is not on the list today, thankfully, do not
come for us. We are just the messengers.
Speaker 2: We are the investigator.
Speaker 1: Let us jump right in Segment one is what we
are calling consumer conspiracies. This is the stuff that hits
your wallet and your daily routine. And I think we
have to start with the one that makes every woman
I know absolutely furious, the pocket conspiracy.
Speaker 2: This is a textbook example of creating a problem to
sell a solution. The theory from the thread is incredibly
straightforward fashion companies intentionally make women's pockets useless, fake or
totally non existent, or they.
Speaker 1: Actually sew them shut. You buy a nice blazer and
the pockets are literally sewn shut.
Speaker 2: Why do they do that well, According to this theory,
it is strictly to force the sale of purses. Think
about the mechanics of it. Men's clothing almost always has
functional pockets. Deep pockets. You can fit a wallet, a phone, keys,
maybe a small water bottle if you are really ambitious.
Men generally speaking do not buy purses.
Speaker 1: That is true. If I have my keys in my phone,
i am completely good to go. But my partner, if
she does not have a bag, she is handing me
her phone, her lip bomb, her keys.
Speaker 2: Yes, I end up becoming the purse exactly. If women's
clothing had functional utility, the multi billion dollar handbag industry
would face a massive catastrophic collapse overnight. It is a
symbiotic relationship between the clothing manufacturers and the accessory manufacturers,
which by the way, are often owned by the exact
same parent conglomerates.
Speaker 1: It is totally diabolical. You deny half the population the
basic ability to carry things on their person so you
can sell them a leather sack to carry the things
they should naturally be able to carry in their own pants.
Speaker 2: It is the pure definition of a manufactured dependency. And
you know, speaking of manufactured issues in the home, let
us talk about.
Speaker 1: Lighting, light bulbs, lamps, and landlords. This one hit really
close to home for me because I moved into an
apartment a few years ago that had zero overhead lights
in the living room or the bedroom. I just thought
it was terrible design.
Speaker 2: The thread suggests it is not bad design at all,
It is collusion. The idea is that modern apartments lack
overhead lighting specifically to force tenants to go out and
buy lamps. This heavily benefits the landlord, who saves a
massive fortune on electrical fixtures and internal wiring during the
construction phase, and at obvious benefits the lamp manufacturers, who
get a guaranteed massive customer base.
Speaker 1: But is that really a coordinated conspiracy or is it
just cheap construction.
Speaker 2: Well, historical context matters here. We have to look back
at the Phoebus Cartel. The Phoebus Cartel, this is a
very real, documented historical conspiracy from the nineteen twenties and thirties.
Major light bulb manufacturers basically formed a global cartel to
standardize the life expectancy of light bulbs. They secretly agreed
to shorten the life span of bulbs to ensure people
had to buy them.
Speaker 1: More frequently, so literal planned obsolescence.
Speaker 2: Precisely, they actually find their own members whose bulbs lasted
too long. So when you look at that verified history,
the idea that real estate developers and lamp companies might
have some tacit agreement to strip apartments of built in fixtures,
it really does not seem so far fetched.
Speaker 1: It is the big lamp lobby coming for us. Okay,
sticking with retail weirdness, let us talk about the mattress
firm monopoly.
Speaker 2: Uh. Yes, the mattress firm phenomenon.
Speaker 1: If you drive through any suburb in America, you see them.
Sometimes there's a mattress firm on one corner and literally
another mattress firm across the exact same street, and there
is almost never anyone inside shopping.
Speaker 2: It completely defies traditional retail logic. The theory that exploded
across Reddit is that mattress firm is a massive front
for money laundering. The underlying logic is that you have
a high inventory, low foot traffic business that deals in
fairly expensive, bulky items. It seems like the absolutely perfect
setup to wash dirty cash.
Speaker 1: I feel like something straight out of a crime show.
You do not actually need to sell the physical mattresses,
You just need to say you sold them on paper
to legitimize the cash.
Speaker 2: However, the reality presented in the source material has a
fascinating twist. It actually was not drug money laundering, but
it was absolutely fishy. Back in twenty sixteen, Mattress firm
was bought by Steinhoff International. Later, Steinhoff was embroiled in
a massive corporate accounting fraud scandal, so.
Speaker 1: They were basically cooking the books on a global scale.
Speaker 2: Massive fraud. And on top of that, firm actually sued
its own in house real estate team and outside brokers.
They alleged that these specific employees were taking illegal kickbacks
from developers to open stores and terrible locations or wildly
inflated rents.
Speaker 1: Wait, so the reason there were two stores across the
street from each other was not to wash cartel money,
but because some mid level real estate guy was getting
a bribe to sign a bad lease.
Speaker 2: Exactly, it creates the exact same visual symptom for the consumer,
way too many stores in one place, But the disease
was actually corporate corruption and greed, not a criminal syndicate.
Speaker 1: That almost makes it more annoying. Honestly, it is just
bureaucratic grift. Speaking of annoying retail experiences, let us talk
about Trader Joe's parking lots.
Speaker 2: This is a deeply universal experience. If you go to
a Trader Joe's, the parking lot is basically a gladiator arena.
It is always too small, The spaces are tiny, and
it is absolute chaos.
Speaker 1: I have genuinely seen people fighting over spots. I have
personally circled the block for twenty minutes just to get
some peanut butter pretzels. The Reddit theory here is that
this is entirely intentional.
Speaker 2: Correct. The theory posits that Trader Joe's intentionally selects retail
locations with aggressively inadequate parking to create artificial scarcity and
the powerful illusion of popularity.
Speaker 1: It totally makes the store look booming. If there is
a line of cars spilling into the street, you think, wow, that.
Speaker 2: Must be the place to be, and psychologically, once you
finally fight for a spot. You are deeply committed. You
were going into that store, and you were absolutely buying
something to justify the battle you just survived.
Speaker 1: I almost lost my bumper for this parking spot. I
am buying three jars a cookie butter.
Speaker 2: There is an alternative view presented, which is simply urban
planning and basic cost cutting. Smaller lots equal significantly lower
rent in high density areas. But the psychological effect of
a chaotic busy store is a very real documented marketing tactic.
Speaker 1: Let us move to the grocery isle itself. Do you
remember the Great egg crisis a little while back.
Speaker 2: It is hard to forget. Prices tripled, even quadrupled in
some regions.
Speaker 1: We were all told it was due to the Avian flu.
But the theory here is a concept called greedflation.
Speaker 2: Which is becoming a widely discussed economic term. The theory
from the threads is that while the bird flu as
a real biological event, major corporate EGX suppliers used it
as a massive smoke screen to price scouge the public.
They raise prices far, far beyond what was actually necessary
to cover their lost inventory.
Speaker 1: Because if the general public believes there's a natural shortage
we just sigh and accept the high price at the register, and.
Speaker 2: The evidence discussed is compelling. The Justice Department actually started
looking into this. Yeah. Remember major ex suppliers have paid
tens of millions in damages for very similar price fixing
and collusion behaviors in the past. When you see a
company posting record breaking profit margins during a supposed crisis,
that is usually a flashing red light for greedflation.
Speaker 1: It is the perfect crime because they have a built in,
unarguable excuse the poor chickens. Meanwhile, the corporate shareholders are
throwing a yacht.
Speaker 2: Party, precisely and finally rounding out our consumer section. Let
us talk about a very different kind of food deterrent.
The happy Birthday song at Shane restaurants.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, the clapping, the forced off key singing, it
is terrible.
Speaker 2: Why do they really do it? The theory is that
restaurants explicitly instruct staff to sing Happy Birthday loudly, awkwardly,
and aggressively, not to celebrate you, but to deeply embarrass.
Speaker 1: You, to totally weaponize the cringe.
Speaker 2: It is a brilliant deterrent if you know that asking
for the free birthday brownie comes with a highly public
shaming ritual that disturbs the entire dining room and makes
you the center of unwonted attention. You may just quietly
skip the free dessert.
Speaker 1: It absolutely works. I have definitely declined free food because
I did not want six strangers awkwardly clapping at me
while I was carried a candle. It is a psychological
fence built around the free dessert.
Speaker 2: It relies entirely on basic human social anxiety to protect
the restaurants bottom line.
Speaker 1: Incredible, Okay, let us shift gears entirely. We are moving
from the grocery store to the screen. Segment two is
the entertainment complex, pop culture secrets.
Speaker 2: This is where the threads get really creative and fun.
Speaker 1: We absolutely have to start with the big one, the
one that Star Wars fans have been violently debating for years.
Speaker 2: Darth jar Jar a legendary internet theory. For those who
are not deep in the lore, generally everyone hated jar
Jar Binks in the Phantom Menace. He was clumsy, annoying,
basically a walking cartoon joke. But this extensive theory argues
that was entirely an act that jar Jar Binks was
originally written to be a supreme, powerful Sith lord.
Speaker 1: So the phantom menace was not Palpatine at all, It
was jar Jar.
Speaker 2: Think about the narrative structure. He is meant to be
a dark counterpart to Yoda. Yoda appears to be a frail, silly,
annoying little swamp creature in Empire strikes back right before
revealing he is actually a legendary Jedi master. Jar Jar
acts the total fool, but if you closely watch the
background of the fight scenes, he is incredibly impossible lucky.
He takes out heavily armed droids with these clumsy accidents
that look suspiciously like advanced martial arts moves or subtle
force manipulation.
Speaker 1: There's that one specific scene where he does a weird
little hand wave while talking to a general and suddenly
people just seem to agree with him, like a Jedi
mind trick.
Speaker 2: Highly possible. Yes, and look at his actual role in
the overarching political plot. Who is the specific senator who
proposes giving emergency dictatorial powers to Palpatine? Jar binks he
is the exact key that unlocks the totalitarian Empire. The
theory argues that George Lucas fully intended a massive mind
blowing reveal in the second movie, but the fan backlash
against the character was so universally toxic that he chickened
out and frantically rewrote the script to minimize him.
Speaker 1: So we potentially missed out on the greatest villain reveal
in cinema history just because we were all too mean
to the Cgi Gungin.
Speaker 2: It is very likely it changes the entire texture and
rewatchability of the prequel trilogy if you view him as
a master manipulator who is just playing the fool the
whole time.
Speaker 1: I genuinely love that. Now, speaking of changing public narratives,
let us talk about Disney and the movie Frozen.
Speaker 2: This one is a masterclass in modern search engine optimization
or SEO.
Speaker 1: So for decades there was this massive, persistent rumor that
Walt Disney had his head or his entire body cryogenically frozen.
Speaker 2: After he died, right the Walt Disney Frozen rumor. It
was a massive Reuben legend. If you google the words
Disney frozen back in the day, you got pages of
sketchy articles about chronic societies, secret vaults under the pirates
of the Caribbean ride, and Walt's frozen head. It is
obviously not the pristine brand image the family company wants.
Speaker 1: So what did they strategically do? They make a massive
animated movie about a snow queen.
Speaker 2: They title a billion dollar cultural juggernaut blockbuster Frozen. Now,
if you type Disney Frozen into Google, what is the
very first thing you see?
Speaker 1: Elsa holl Off Just endless pages a let ago.
Speaker 2: You would have to dig through twenty pages of merchandise
and song lyrics to find a single mention of the
rumor about Walt's head. They effectively and brilliantly buried a
damaging conspiracy theory by overwriting the specific search terms with
overwhelming pop culture.
Speaker 1: That is just genius. Truly corporate evil, but absolute genius.
Speaker 2: It is pure information warfare using animated princesses.
Speaker 1: Let us go from high level corporate strategy down to
low level pizza grossness. Chuck E Cheese.
Speaker 2: This one gained massive mainstream traction a few years ago
thanks to creators like Shane Dawson. The theory is that
Chuck E Cheese employees in the back gather up uneaten
slices of pizza left on tables, reheat them, and physically
arrange them into quote unquote new pizzas to serve to
the next batch of.
Speaker 1: Customers recycled frank and pizza, And the primary evidence for
this is entirely visual. Right you order a fresh pizza,
they bring it out and the slices are wildly different sizes.
The crust lines do not match up at all to
form a perfect circle.
Speaker 2: The visual evidence shared online is definitely compelling. If you
use a standard cutter on a fresh round pizza, the
cuts should perfectly align across the center. In many many
user submitted photos, they simply do not. The pepperoni is
cut in half on one slice, but does not continue
onto the neighboring slice. The geometrical angles are completely wrong.
Speaker 1: Now, obviously Chuck E Cheese Corporate has denied this aggressively
and repeatedly.
Speaker 2: Of course they have, And from a practical logistical standpoint,
the massive health code violation risk and the sheer effort
required to jigsaw puzzle pizza together would be astronomical. But
when you look at those specific photos, it is incredibly
hard to explain away why that one slice of cheese
pizza is magically twice the size of the one right
next to it.
Speaker 1: I am officially never eating there again, just to be
totally safe. Okay. Next up in entertainment is Home Alone.
Speaker 2: Kevin McAllister, a charming, resourceful child who defends his family
home from burglars. But this dark Reddit theory suggests that
Kevin grows up to become Jigsaw, the infamous killer from
the Saw horror franchise.
Speaker 1: The tricycle riding horror movie villain.
Speaker 2: The very same. Look closely at the deep psychological parallels.
Both characters take immense delight in crafting intricate Rube Goldberg
style mechanical traps. Both characters specifically target and punished individuals
who they feel have violated some strict moral Coder boundary.
Both have a very, very twisted sense of retributive justice.
Speaker 1: When you think about it, Kevin really does seem to
enjoy inflicting the pain a little too much. The glowing
hot iron falling directly on the face, the actual blow
torch to the top of the head. That is not
just panic self defense, that borders on sadism exactly.
Speaker 2: The theory maps out that the severe psychological trauma of
being abandoned by his family, combined with his terrifyingly natural
aptitude for engineering torture devices slowly leads him down a
very dark path. As an adult, he graduates from dropping
paint cans on petty thieves to putting reverse bear traps
on people's heads.
Speaker 1: It is a really dark unofficial prequel. I kind of
live it. Here's another wild movie connection from the threads
snow Piercer and Willy Wonka.
Speaker 2: This might be my personal favorite on the entire list.
The theory proposes that the gritty dystopian sci fi train
movie snow Piercer is actually a direct chronological sequel to
the nineteen seventy one film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Speaker 1: How does that timeline even begin to work?
Speaker 2: Okay, So, the core idea is that Wilford, the mysterious
and eccentric creator of the apocalyptic train in snow Piercer,
is actually an older, hardened Charlie Bucket.
Speaker 1: The kid who inherited the Chocolate Factory.
Speaker 2: Right, think about the overarching structural themes. The Chocolate Factory
is a massive, self sustaining, closed loop ecosystem where a
specific group of people tour the facility and are slowly
methodically whittled down one by one due to their own
personal vices and flaws.
Speaker 1: Which is exactly like the violent class rebellion in Snow Piercer.
They brutally fight their way forward, moving through the distinct
train sections one car at a time, and it goes deeper.
Speaker 2: Wilford uses tiny, small statured people to crawl inside and
manually work the dangers engine machinery. This is a very dark,
practical echo of Wonka using the umpa lumpus, and the
whole underlying philosophy of the train is about ruthlessly maintaining
population balance and keeping the engine eternal. It is the
eccentric industrial madness of Willy Wonka taken to its absolute
apocalyptic conclusion. After the world freezes over, so.
Speaker 1: Little Charliebucket grew up, saw the global climate disaster coming,
built a massive train and decided to run it exactly
like a candy factory from Hell.
Speaker 2: I fit surprisingly well when you map the plot points
over each other.
Speaker 1: Okay, the last one in our entertainment Bucket the true
identity of Banksy, the.
Speaker 2: World's most famous elusive street artist. Supposedly nobody knows who
he really is, but the dominant Reddit theory is that
Banksy is actually Jamie Hewlett. The artist and co creator
of the animated band Guerrills.
Speaker 1: I actually love Grills. Their art style is.
Speaker 2: Iconic, and there's real forensic evidence backing this up. A
data expert actually traced the complex business ownership of several
Banksy related shell entities directly back to Hewlett. But the
real smoking gun that the Internet latched onto was a
live interview with a music pr agent who seemingly slipped.
Speaker 1: Up What exactly did she say on tape?
Speaker 2: She was being asked about Banksy's cultural impact, and she
casually said Jamie's and then immediately stopped herself, looked panicked,
and pivoted. She later released a statement claiming it was
just a typo in her notes, or a momentary misspeak.
Speaker 1: That is an incredibly specific name to accidentally drop when
talking about an anonymous graffiti artist.
Speaker 2: And when you analyze the artistic styles, the heavy anti
establishment themes, the locations of the art dropping right when
Guerrillas happened to be touring in those exact same cities,
the timeline aligns perfectly.
Speaker 1: It really does. Okay, let us get a little darker.
We are moving into segment three, the tech dystopia. This
is where we talk about how our phones, are apps
in our computers are subtly controlling us.
Speaker 2: She control surveillance and data harvesting.
Speaker 1: Do you remember the T year challenge? It was everywhere
on social media. Everyone was eagerly posting a photo of
themselves from two thousand and nine right next to one
from twenty nineteen.
Speaker 2: It just seemed like a fun, nostalgic viral trend. But
the prominent theory is that this was a highly calculated
data mining operation initiated by tech giants to perfectly train
their AI facial recognition algorithms on exactly how humans age
over a decade.
Speaker 1: Because if you just scrape random photos from the Internet,
you do not always know the exact dates or ages right.
Speaker 2: Data is messy, Exactly the AI needs clean data. This
viral trend gave the algorithm a perfectly labeled, user verified
data set. Here is my face at age twenty. Here's
my exact same face at age thirty. It completely filters
out the background noise. It immensely helps the algorithm predict
biological aging, which is absolutely crucial for long term surveillance
tracking and security software.
Speaker 1: So we all just happily voluntarily hand it over our
biometric aging data to the machine for some lights great, as.
Speaker 2: We usually do with mo most viral trends.
Speaker 1: Honestly, speaking of algorithms running our lives, let us talk
about dating apps, specifically Hinge. Their entire brand slogan is
designed to be deleted.
Speaker 2: Which is a brilliantly manipulative marketing lie according to this
very popular theory. The theory states that Hinge and frankly
most wipe based apps like it, are algorithmically designed to
be terrible on purpose. They actively hide the best, most
compatible matches from your feed.
Speaker 1: Just to keep you hopelessly swiping.
Speaker 2: It is the fundamental paradox of their entire business model.
If the app works perfectly and you find your absolute
soulmate on day two, you delete the app. They instantly
lose a daily active user, They lose the AD revenue,
They lose the chance to sell you a premium monthly subscription.
Speaker 1: They need you to be just single enough to stay profitable, right.
Speaker 2: So the proprietary algorithm is finely tuned to give you
just enough hope, maybe one good match a week, to
keep you completely engaged, but not enough actual success to
let you permanently leave. The ecosystem is a digital slot
machine where the supposed jackpot is true love, but the
house is mathematically rigged to ensure you mostly just pull blanks.
Speaker 1: That is profoundly depressing, but from a boardroom perspective, it
makes total business sense. Okay, what about the dead Internet
theory and the coding conspiracy.
Speaker 2: This one takes a hard look at the massive cultural
push over the last decade to quote unquote teach everyone
to code. Remember that massive movement. Learned to code was everywhere.
It was sold as the ultimate path to modern economic salvation.
We had programs trying to teach five year old's basic Python.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember that. Clearly, every politician, every celebrity, every
tech CEO was pushing it.
Speaker 2: The theory is that this was not about education at all.
It was a calculated corporate strategy by big tech cartels
to intentionally saturate the highly skilled labor market.
Speaker 1: Basic supplying demand economics.
Speaker 2: Exactly when software coding was a niche, almost wizard like skill,
senior developers commanded massive, untouchable salaries and incredible leverage. By
a pressively pushing the narrative that coding is for absolutely everyone,
you increase the supply of entry level developers exponentially. This
naturally drives down the average wages and makes individual developers
totally expendable to the company.
Speaker 1: It effectively turns a high paying specialized craft into a
mass produced, blue collar commodity.
Speaker 2: And it directly massively benefits the bottom line of companies
like Google, Meta, and Amazon. They do not have to
pay three hundred thousand dollars a year to a senior engineer.
If there are ten thousand desperate kids fresh out of
coding boot camps willing to do the exact same work
for sixty thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: And now with AI basically writing code instantly, it is
even worse for that job market.
Speaker 2: The corporate plan is basically complete.
Speaker 1: Okay, let us get really weird for a minute. The
Large Hadron Collider.
Speaker 2: The LHC in Switzerland the biggest, most complex machine ever
built in human history. It smashes subatomic particles together at
near the speed of light.
Speaker 1: The theory from the Reddit thris is that when they
turned this massive thing on, they literally broke our reality.
Speaker 2: Specifically, that the immense energy generated actually shifted our entire
consciousness into a parallel universe or an alternate, slightly degraded timeline.
Speaker 1: And this is primarily used to explain the Mandel effect right.
Speaker 2: The psychological phenomenon where large, unconnected groups of people distinctly
remember a fact, an event, or a brand differently than
how it currently exists in a record of history. The
absolute most famous example is the Berenstain Bears children's books.
Millions of people vividly remember it being spelled stein Stein,
But if you look at the books in this current reality,
it is stain Stai.
Speaker 1: N I swear on my life it was Stein. I
vividly remember reading the covers as a kid. I swear
it well.
Speaker 2: The collider theory says it actually was Stein in our
original native timeline. But when the LHC first fired up
and smashed those particles, it created a microscopic anomaly that
nudged our entire existence into a neighboring dimension where it
has always been stain. So the reality we are sitting
and right now is slightly subtly off from where we
actually started.
Speaker 1: So we are essentially living in the staying timeline. Honestly,
that explains why the news has felt so weird and
chaotic lately. We're on the wrong track.
Speaker 2: It is the pseudoscientific version of saying we are currently
in the darkest timeline.
Speaker 1: Okay, let us move to segment four, government history and
the state. This is where we get into the heavy
stuff that might actually get us put on a watch list.
Speaker 2: We are probably already on a few lists just for
researching this true.
Speaker 1: Let us talk about the connection between the military and
higher education.
Speaker 2: The central theory here the United States government will never
ever make public college free for its citizens because doing
so would completely destroy military recruitment numbers.
Speaker 1: When you really think about it, this makes total sense.
The GI Bill is the absolute biggest caret they have
to offer.
Speaker 2: Exactly for millions of low income or working class individuals,
Joining the military is the only realistic, viable path to
obtaining a debt free higher education is it's a massive
systemic leverage point. If you suddenly make public college free
and accessible for everyone, regardless of service, that powerful leverage
completely evaporates.
Speaker 1: Overnight recruitment would absolutely plummet. So the government actually has
a deeply vested strategic interest in keeping civilian tuition artificially
high and student debt completely crushing.
Speaker 2: It perfectly preserves the necessary pipeline of economic volunteers. It
is a very cynical dark view of domestic policy, but
purely from a strategic military standpoint, the logic absolutely holds water.
Speaker 1: Speaking of terrifying military operations, do you remember the Hawaiian
missile false alarm back in twenty eighteen.
Speaker 2: A horrifying day, everyone on the island's got a blaring
emergency text on their phones Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii,
Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill.
Speaker 1: And then for thirty eight agonizing minutes, people thought the
word was ending. And then they finally sent a follow
up saying, Oops, my bad, someone pushed the wrong button.
Speaker 2: The prominent Reddit theory is that it was not an
accident or a UI error at all. It was a deliberate,
highly classified test run. The government specifically wanted to see
exactly how the modern public would organically react to an imminent,
unavoidable nuclear threat in the smartphone era.
Speaker 1: Would we riot in the streets? Would we hide quietly
with the cellular networks crash from everyone calling their moms.
Speaker 2: They desperately needed the real world behavioral data, and the
emergency employee who actually sent the alert claimed afterward that
he was one hundred percent sure the threat was real
at the time he sent it, and strangely enough, Japan
had a very similar emergency aler error just a few
days later.
Speaker 1: Too, massive unprecedented false nuclear alarms in two different countries
in the exact same week. That is a whole lot
of coincidences to swallow.
Speaker 2: It feels very much like a coordinated global stress test
of the civilian population.
Speaker 1: Absolutely terrifying to think we are just lab rats in
that scenario. Yeah, okay, let us go back in time
of it.
Speaker 2: dB Cooper the only unsolvedmmercial skyjacking in American history. A
guy in a suit hijacks a plane, demands two hundred
thousand dollars, jumps out the back with a parachute somewhere
over Washington State, and completely vanishes forever.
Speaker 1: The theory on Reddit, he did not even exist, right, D. B.
Speaker 2: Cooper was the crew. The theory posits that the actual
flight crew, the pilots, the flight attendants, completely concocted the
entire story from scratch. They literally invented a phantom hijacker, and.
Speaker 1: They just threw a few bundles of money out the
back door to make it look real to the investigators.
Speaker 2: Maybe they threw a little out or maybe they just
quietly hid the bulk of the cash on the plane
they safely landed, sat down, told the FBI a really spooky,
detailed story about a polite man in a dark suit
and sunglasses, and then later quietly split the cash among themselves.
Speaker 1: That perfectly explains why the guy was never found. He
was not found because he never actually jumped, because he
was never actually there to begin with.
Speaker 2: It cleanly removes the most impossible variable of the entire case,
which is a middle aged man surviving a parachute jump
into a freezing thunderstorm in the dead of night, wearing loafers.
The absolute simplest explanation applying Oukham's razor is usually the
right one. It was an inside job.
Speaker 1: I really liked that one. It is incredibly clever. What
about the lost cosmonauts?
Speaker 2: This one is deeply chilling. We all know the official
history that Uri Gagarin was the first human being in space.
Speaker 1: Here was he.
Speaker 2: The persistent theory is that Gagaran was just the first
cosmonaut to actually survive the trip and make it back.
The Soviets were secretly launching multiple people into orbit long
before him, but they died horribly. Their capsules burned up
on reentry, or the life support failed, or they just
drifted off into deep.
Speaker 1: Space, and because it was the height of the Soviet
Union's propaganda machine, they just brutally erased the records of.
Speaker 2: The failures exactly, and there is physical evidence. There are
officially released Soviet photos that have been clearly airbrushed, where
an unknown cosmonaut stands in the background of a group shot,
and then in later published versions of the exact same
photo he has been completely painted out of existence. Plus
there are the infamous Tory Burt recordings, two Italian amateur
radio operators claim to have picked up horrifying distress calls
from Russian spacecraft drifting away from Earth, specifically a woman's
panicked voice complaining about rising heat, followed by dead silence
that is.
Speaker 1: Pure, unadulterated nightmare fuel, drifting off into the freezing void,
screaming for help, and then being officially erased from human
history like you never existed.
Speaker 2: It perfectly aligns with exactly how the Soviet state apparatus
operated during the Cold War. Failures absolutely did not exist,
only glorious successes were permanently recorded.
Speaker 1: Speaking of erasing history, let us talk about handwriting, the
death of cursive right.
Speaker 2: The death of curses.
Speaker 1: Public schools basically do not teach it anymore. My nephew
literally cannot read his own grandmother's birthday cards because it
is incursive.
Speaker 2: The conspiracy theory is that this systemic removal is not
just about modernization or keyboards. It is is a deliberate,
long term educational strategy to ensure that future generations cannot
independently read primary source historical documents.
Speaker 1: Like the original Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, old treaties.
Speaker 2: They're all written in looping persiv. If the general populace
cannot physically read the original raw documents, they are forced
to completely rely on the digital translation, the modern summary,
or the specific interpretation provided by the current authorities and power.
Speaker 1: It creates a massive, invisible barrier between the citizen and
the fundamental source code of their own country.
Speaker 2: It is an insidious form of linguistic gatekeeping. If you
cannot read the original text with your own eyes, you
fundamentally cannot verify what it actually says or what was promised.
Speaker 1: That brings us to probably the most meta theory of
the entire bunch today. The FBI on Reddit.
Speaker 2: The theory states that federal intelligence agencies, specifically the FBI
and the CIA, actively and routinely start conspiracy threads on
sites like Reddit.
Speaker 1: Why would they spend tax payer money to do that?
Speaker 2: Primarily two reasons. One is active monitoring. They throw a
topic out there to see who responds, who knows what,
and how fast information spreads. Two, and more importantly, is
deliberate disinformation. If you want to effectively hide a real,
actual conspiracy, the absolute best way to do it is
to flood the public zone with incredibly crazy ones.
Speaker 1: Right If you seamlessly mix a sliver of actual truth
in with wild stuff like lizard people and the flat earth,
the truth automatically looks completely crazy just by.
Speaker 2: Association exactly, It perfectly dilutes the signal with overwhelming noise.
If an FBI agent starts a massive thread saying aliens
are hiding in the deep ocean, and then years later
it turns out there actually is strange military tech hiding
in the ocean, the public instantly dismisses it because, oh,
that was just that crazy Reddit thread from years ago.
Speaker 1: We are literally doing their public relations work for them
right now, are we not. By grouping all these together.
Speaker 2: We are potentially active participants in the disinformation.
Speaker 1: Luke, Yes, well, let us just keep happily helping them.
Then we are moving to our final section, Segment five,
the unknown aliens, cryptids, and the truly bizarre.
Speaker 2: Let us start with the grandaddy of them all, Area
fifty one.
Speaker 1: The theory. Area fifty one is entirely a decoy.
Speaker 2: Think about it. We all know about Area fifty one.
We talk about it in movies constantly. There were guided
bus tours. People literally camp out in lawn chairs outside
the perimeter gates.
Speaker 1: If you possessed a genuinely top secret military installation holding
paradigm shifting alien technology, you absolutely do not want tourists
camping outside the front gates taking selfies.
Speaker 2: Exactly. It is basic magicians logic. You make the audience
look intently at the right hand waving the bright flag.
Area fifty one is the loud distraction. The government deliberately
keeps it somewhat active. Flies a few weird looking experimental planes,
and let's the curis take blurry photos. Meanwhile, the actual
world changing alien tech is being quietly tested at the
Dugway Proving Round in Utah or some unnamed black site
in Alaska that is completely off the public map.
Speaker 1: It makes total rational sense. You cannot permanently hide a
massive secret the pop culture already knows about, so you
cleverly weaponize it to hide the real secret somewhere else.
Speaker 2: Now, what about what they allegedly found to begin with Roswell, the.
Speaker 1: Classic nineteen forty seven crash in the desert flying saucers aliens?
Speaker 2: Right, this specific theory says absolutely no, it was not extraterrestrial.
It was Soviet wait a Soviet flying software, a highly
experimental Soviet aircraft, possibly designed specifically to look confusing and futuristic,
sent intentionally by Joseph Stalin to crash and cause mass
hysteria and panic in the United States.
Speaker 1: And what about the famous bodies, the supposed Little Green Men.
The witnesses talked about.
Speaker 2: The extremely dark part of this theory, which has been
explored in books by journalists, is that the bodies were
actually surgically altered humans, possibly adolescents or children, horrifically engineered
by Soviet doctors to look like deformed alien beings.
Speaker 1: That is just deeply prof horrific.
Speaker 2: And according to the theory, the US military rapidly covered
it up. They pushed the whole weather balloon narrative not
because they were hiding intergalactic visitors, but to hide the
terrifying reality that the Soviets had successfully deeply penetrated sovereign
American airspace with an advanced craft and the US radar
totally missed it.
Speaker 1: They absolutely did not want to admit to the American
public that they were militarily vulnerable during the dawn of
the Cold War.
Speaker 2: Precisely, it was a massive geopolitical cover up, not an
interplanetary one.
Speaker 1: But if there actually are aliens out there, maybe we're
just aggressively looking in the completely wrong place. Aliens in
the ocean.
Speaker 2: We spend billions constantly looking up at the stars with telescopes,
but the theory argues they are actually right here, deep underwater.
Speaker 1: We have literally explored more of the surface of the
Moon than the bottom of our own oceans.
Speaker 2: And there is compelling physical evidence pointing this way. The
Baltic Sea anomaly, for instance, that massive, strangely geometric structure
see on the seafloor that looks exactly like the Millennium falcon.
But much more importantly, look at the recent declassified US
Navy pilot reports, the infamous tic tac Ufo videos, the.
Speaker 1: Ones on radar that casually dropped from eighty thousand feet
in the air down to sea level in a fraction
of a second.
Speaker 2: Yes, and those craft have been visually observed seamlessly entering
the rough ocean water, without creating a splash and without
slowing down it all. The military classifies them as trans
medium vehicles. They operate in space, air, and water equally.
Speaker 1: Well, if you were an advanced scouting party and you
wanted to secretly hide on Earth to observe us, the
bottom of the Mariana Trench is the absolute best place. Literally,
nobody goes down.
Speaker 2: There and noticed NASA's sudden historical shift. In their early days,
they actually did a lot of deep ocean exploration. Then
they abruptly totally stopped and focused entirely on outer space.
The conspiracy asks did they find something terrifying down there
and officially decide it was better to just leave it alone.
Speaker 1: We are just going to pivot to Mars. Now, let
us completely forget the fish. Okay, here's a massive conceptual
twist on the whole alien thing. UFOs are future humans.
Speaker 2: This elegantly solves a lot of biological problems with the
standard alien theory. Why do the typical grays always look
vaguely like us? Two arms, two legs, a bipedal stands,
a big head, two forward facing eyes. That exact morphology
is highly statistically unlikely for an organism evolving on a
completely different planet with a different evolutionary tree.
Speaker 1: But it makes absolute perfect sense if they are actually
just us a million years from now. We simply evolve
significantly bigger brains and smaller, weaker bodies because we rely
on technology and space travel, and maybe lost our hair
due to artificial.
Speaker 2: Environment exactly, and it perfectly explains their bizarre behavior. Why
do they never just land on the White House lawn
and say hello? Why do they just zip around quietly
scan things, and silently watch us?
Speaker 1: Because they are time traveling tourists or futuristic historians.
Speaker 2: They are on an academic safari to their own ancient past.
The absolutely cannot interact with us or share technology because
doing so would completely break their own timeline. It is
the classic Grandfather paradox. They are just here to passively observe,
or maybe to record the crucial moments right before some
massive global catastrophe hits.
Speaker 1: So when you are looking up and you see a
glowing UFO, it is basically just a bored teenager from
the year four thousand taking a mandatory class field trip
to see the stupid ages.
Speaker 2: Pretty much. Yeah, just taking temporal notes.
Speaker 1: I really love that perspective. Okay, let us talk about
ancient history the pyramids.
Speaker 2: Pyramids as power plants.
Speaker 1: So not royal tombs for pharaohs, massive machines.
Speaker 2: The engineer Christopher Dunn wrote a very detailed book extensively
outlining this. He argues that the Great Pyramid of Giza
was specifically engineered as a g mechanical machine to generate
wireless microwave energy.
Speaker 1: How does a pile of stone blocks generate electricity?
Speaker 2: It involves pouring chemical solutions down the specific interior shafts
to create volatile hydrogen gas. Then the massive granite beams
in the King's chamber act as a giant resonator. Granite
has a very high quartz crystal content, which means it
is highly piezoelectric. It generates a charge under physical stress.
The theory claims the pyramid was built to precisely capture
and amplify the natural seismic vibrations of the Earth.
Speaker 1: So the entire massive pyramid was physically vibrating and shooting
a beam of energy out into the atmosphere to power what.
Speaker 2: Interestingly, Nikola Tesla strongly believe the pyramid's conducted ambient power.
The overaging idea is that this was a global wireless
power grid for a highly advanced ancient pre Ice age civilization,
not just an oversized place to bury a dead king.
Speaker 1: That would neatly explain why modern engineers still cannot definitively
figure out exactly how they move those stones. Maybe they
were not using copper chissels and ropes. Maybe they had
advanced power tools physically plugged into the pyramid's grid.
Speaker 2: It totally flips the standard view of history from primitive
people slowly learning to stack rocks to a highly advanced
civilization that was wiped out, leaving only their forgotten technology behind.
Speaker 1: Right, we are down to the final theory on our list,
and honestly, this one just makes me profoundly sad. Museum fakes.
Speaker 2: The theory posits that the world's major museums display high quality,
immaculate replicas of their most famous works, like the Mona
Lisa or the original Declaration of Independence, specifically to protect
the priceless originals from vandalism or decay.
Speaker 1: So when I spend thousands of dollars to go to
the louver in Pairs and I fight through a sweaty
crowd of three hundred tourists just to get a glimpse
of the Mona Lisa, I am essentially just looking at
a really nice poster.
Speaker 2: A very expensive, masterfully hand painted photocopy, but yes, a replica.
The deeper fear behind this theory is are the actual
originals even in the building anymore? Or are they locked
away in a dark, subterranean, climate controlled vault, or even worse,
were they secretly sold off to sit in the private,
guarded collection of some tech billionaire.
Speaker 1: So the general public is paying premium admits prices to
see the showroom display model, while the ultra elite are
hoarding the real, authentic pieces of human history all to themselves.
Speaker 2: It is the absolute ultimate form of cultural gatekeeping.
Speaker 1: Wow, okay, let us just take a collective breath. There
was a lot of information to.
Speaker 2: Process, thirty incredibly dense threads pulled and examined.
Speaker 1: And my brain is genuinely vibrating right now. Is it
the granite effect.
Speaker 2: It might actually be the piezoelectric effect kicking in.
Speaker 1: When you take a step back and look at all
thirty of these entirely different theories together, what is the
underlying pattern? What are we actually seeing about human nature here?
Speaker 2: I think the deeply common thread connecting all of them
is a profound pervasive lack of trust.
Speaker 1: Trust in who, exactly.
Speaker 2: Absolutely everyone, massive institutions, faceless corporations, the federal government, even
standard history books. Every single one of these theories, from
the trivial to the terrifying, stems directly from the fundamental
idea that the official narrative is a carefully constructed lie,
a lie designed specifically to control us, to financially exploit us,
or to hide the real truth from us.
Speaker 1: Whether it is literally removing pockets from pants just to
aggressively sell more purses, or staging fake nuclear missile alerts
to secretly test our psychological panic response, it is all
fundamentally about manipulation from the top down.
Speaker 2: And what I find most fascinating as a researcher is
that the scariest theories on this list are not the
wild ones about underwater aliens or time travelers. The genuinely
scariest ones are the ones that require absolutely the least
amount of imagination.
Speaker 1: Right gre inflation with the egg prices, Yeah, planned obsolescence
with the light bulbs, the dating app algorithms, those are
not sci fi movies. Those are just modern capitalism operating
with the gloves completely.
Speaker 2: Off, exactly analyzing a sith Lord jar Binks is a
really fun thought experiment, But a dating app scientifically designed
by psychologists to keep you chronically lonely just so a
tech company can reliably extract a monthly subscription fee from you.
That is not a fun theory. That is grim reality.
Speaker 1: And I think that leads perfectly to the final provocative thought,
the one that is really going to mess with me tonight.
Speaker 2: The FBI disinformation theory.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if the FBI or the CIA or whoever is
actually out there intentionally starting wild reddit threads just to
distract the public, are we, by doing this deep dive
right now, actively part of the distraction.
Speaker 2: By loudly discussing the fun cinematic conspiracies like snow Piercer
and Wonka. Are we collectively ignoring a boring, deeply terrifying
truth that is happening right under our noses in the
real world.
Speaker 1: Maybe, or maybe that is exactly what they want us
to think, so we stop looking.
Speaker 2: We are firmly stuck in a paranoid loop.
Speaker 1: We really are, and listener, we want to drag you
right into the loop with us. I have a direct,
serious question for you. We covered thirty distinct threads today.
Which one of these do you believe is one hundred
percent undeniable fact?
Speaker 2: Is it the Pocket conspiracy, is it the lost drifting cosmonauts?
Or do you firmly think we are living in the
misspelled stained universe right now thanks to the large Hadron collider.
Speaker 1: I genuinely want to know exactly where you draw the
line between crazy Internet fiction and obvious reality. Leave a
comment below tell us your definitive answer, and if you
have a favorite weird thread that we miss today, drop
that in there too.
Speaker 2: Just please do not openly mention the GPS location of
the real alien base. We really do not want the
black SUVs showing up at our recording studio tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Very good advice. Keep pulling the threads everyone, You honestly
never know what will completely unravel when you do.
Speaker 2: Stay curious out there, we will see you in.
Speaker 1: The next deep dive, or, depending on the collider, we
will see you in the next timeline. Bye.