Speaker 1: It's always the women. I see this so much, the
women that are doing well, that have it, that are
come for money, that are wealthy. I have people in
my life right now that are doing so well for themselves,
and you know what they say. I don't care that
he's not a high earner. I don't care that he cares.
That is the thing. You don't care that he doesn't
have the money. But he cares and he will always care,
which is why you should care. You cannot give a
man a fish who's not a fisherman. You try to
build him a website, he resents you. You try to
help him get a job, you try to give him
six months of figuring him, he's going to resent you.
Let me tell you this. If you build a man up, okay,
he is going to want to see the He's going
to want to be with the woman who never saw
him down. I'm not telling you what I'm I'm telling
you what I know. If you build a man up,
once he's up and he potentially stays up, he's going
to want to be with the woman who never saw
him down. Hey, y'all, welcome back to Dear to See.
You were jumping right into it. We have a couple
of subscription reminders. Follow dear to see you on Apple
and Spotify, leave us a five star review, subscribe to
a relationship restored, and our dear to see a YouTube
channel which is under to see a XBS twenty. We
are trying to get to ten K. I already know
y'all go home again. I'm not even I'm not even
sweating no more. I already know that we're gonna get there. Now.
We're gonna introduce our pinut gallery Guez. Mister Fernando, tell
the people about you to us. Fernando.
Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Fernando. I'm a relationship and finess coach, and
I teach men how finessed women so they don't finesse you.
I ain't telling you what I heard. I'm telling you
what I do, and if I am lying, don't tell
my business people. Between us, I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing.
Thank you for having me here. Appreciate the opportunities to
see you, looking forward to the conversation.
Speaker 1: That means my tagline is working because people know it
the off the dumb okay, that means it's working.
Speaker 3: Who are you all right?
Speaker 2: So, Fernando, I am a frequent traveler, content creator, part
time actor, and one time competitor on Ready to Love Potomac,
and that's where I had the opportunity to meet the
beautiful to see you.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Yes, So y'all know always tell you how
I'm at the Peanut Gallery. Yes, and that we still
have to come up on our name. We're supposed to
give give our guests something a cute little now we
have to figure that out. But Fernando and I are
co castmates. I did the DC season, he did Ready
to Love Potomac and our casts are just locked in.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: The DMV area is just very small and we always
support each other. I just have my ten year d
m V anniversary, Fernando okay to my little pajama party
and just random shows that I'll have and everything. So
we just we just now we're just locked in, locked
in to the area. So anyways, y'all, great post.
Speaker 3: Is know that you do it. The best party is
the best events, so it's always.
Speaker 1: A pleasure, always a time. We on to our listener
review Comfort Show to see uh thank you for the content,
amazing show and my comfort show as a single hopeless romantic.
Your advice is Golden Thank you queen, keep being amazing.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 1: It's Katie, Thank you girl. Okay, voicemail number one, dear
to see you. He left the day after Christmas.
Speaker 4: Dear to see him. I hope you don't mind me
reaching out. I've been following your content for a while
and would really appreciate how direct round on adult for
your advices. So I recently ended up four year relationship
with my fiance. He wasn't my son's father, but he
has been my son's life since the age five. My
son just turned nine last month. We were engaged. We
moved to a different state together, We got an apartment together,
he got my name tattooed. We built a shared life together.
When I say this ended abruptly, I mean literally, like
today is December twenty nine, twenty twenty five. This man
left the day after Christmas. My son and I took
my mother to Disney for Christmas, and I'm looking at
my phone literally on Christmas Day, and I'm seeing like
a lot of notifications from my camera in the house.
I'm like, what is going on? So I go to
my note I go to my camera app and I
see that it's him. He's packing up his stuff and
which is not a lot because it's like a double bag,
you know. So I'm freaking out. I'm like, oh no,
we gotta go.
Speaker 5: We go.
Speaker 4: We come back home the next the day after Christmas,
and I'm like, what is going on? Like why are
you packing your stuff out? And he's like I'm leaving,
Like that's it. That's literally it. So throughout my relationship,
if I can be honest, there's always been a financial
struggle on his end. He's older than me by over
a decade. I'm in my thirties, and you know, he
just felt like he wanted to do him he wanted to,
you know, better himself. He wants to be an actor, writer, producer, writes,
you know, write songs. And he feels like I'm hindering him.
I don't know how because there were times where, you know,
again like I'm successful in my career. I work in
law and I'll leave it at that. And he's kind
of you know, he has a job, but it's not
concrete like mine. And that's no problem. It's never been
an issue.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: There were times where I said, hey, you know, like
for six months, don't even work, start your own business.
You know, do what you need to do for yourself,
and he didn't take an advantage of that, you know,
like I helped him. I created a website, flyers, business cards,
business phones, you know, and he didn't do the max
of what he should have done with an information. So
I said, you know what, I think that you need
to go back to work because this is not going
to work. I cannot keep paying the bills for someone
who's doing minimum effort on something that's maximum when it's
been working for themselves. So there was a lot of
financial struggle on his end. He was laid a couple
of times on rent, and as a man, I can
understand you don't want that, but that just says a
lot like do what you need to do to improve
and make yourself happy. I mean, you knew that when
you met me that you didn't have it and I
didn't have it. I'm not going to come off off
my high horse, you know, like level up. As a man,
you should want to level up. But I never threw
money in his face. It's just the fact that he
knew that I had money come for money bothered him.
So he threw it in my face, like you have money,
you have this. I don't have that, But again, he
knew this when he met me, so I asked him
to stay, you know, like we can still you can
still live here, don't be on the street. He's right
now on the street outside with the Duffel bag. That's it.
No family here in the States. So right now, I'm
just trying to process this in a healthy way and
would love to, you know, really value your perspective on
a few things. What does a decision like this say
about him as a man? Okay, what does it to
say about me and the dynamically created together? How do
I take accountability for my part without care, responsibility for
the part that isn't mine? And most importantly, how do
I move forward intentionally when I still want to partnersh
marriage and possibly another child. I'm not looking to rutch
on anything or repeat patterns. I just want to heal
correctly and date with clarity when the time is ripe.
Any insight would be truly appreciated, And again, thank you
for the work that you do.
Speaker 1: There are so many things here. First, ladies, you never
date older and you make more money than them. This
man is ten years older than you and you were
paying the bills, he had no job, struggling. You thought
you were gonna give him a career, getting building him
a website. That's not why you go older. Y'all are
embarrassing yourselves. You never you got engaged. And I'm gonna
tell you this, it's always the women. I see this
so much, the women that are doing well, that have it,
that are come for money, that are wealthy. I have
people in my life right now that are doing so
well for themselves, and you know what they say. I
don't care that he's not a high earner. I don't care.
That's not he cares. That is the thing. You don't
care that he doesn't have the money. But he cares
and he will always care, which is why you should care.
You cannot give a man a fish who's not a fisherman.
You try to build him a website, he resents you.
You try to help him get a job, you try
to give him six months of figuring him, He's going
to resent you. Let me tell you this. If you
build a man up, okay, he is going to want
to see the He's going to want to be with
the woman who never saw him down. I'm not telling
you what I heard I'm telling you what I know.
If you build a man up, once he's up, and
he potentially stays up, he's going to want to be
with the woman who never saw him down. We talked
about this our last seven when my homegirl Anita was
on here. It was like a couple segments ago, and
she said, the girlfriend of the student is never the
wife of the professional. Y'all are doing life sentences and
time and bids for these men that are never going
to wife you. You don't care about the money, but
the man cares about the money. No man wants to
be with a woman unless he literally has ill intentions
and he's just not well, Okay, he wants to be
with a woman who's constantly pushing him and investing in
him and telling him you can have a big baby.
Just go do what you want to do and go
out there and be great. You try to give him
a life. It never works like that. He's going to
resent you. And I'm telling you, when you build him up,
he's going to want to be with a woman who
never saw him doing bad like that. I'm telling you
I've seen it with my own two eyes. Okay, I've
seen it with my own sel Eyes. Please chime in
on this, Please chime heard.
Speaker 2: Nothing good yet about the person she's talking about, this
man four years and fiance. But what did he bring
to the table Financial struggles, difficulty making rent, issues with
having the buildings own business, didn't keep up with the business,
and had no integrity to try to make the business work.
Why do you care so much? I mean, I'm thank
you for the time and effort in what do you
He don't have it for you.
Speaker 3: He's not the one.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, Fernando. I see this all the time.
It's the women that don't worry about money. They are
the first people to skip through reflax with men. I
am telling you women that don't have financial worries, right,
they're gonna tell you that they dated the men with
the money and they didn't treat them well. And then
they go date men who are not making as much money,
but they treat them better than these other men. But
you know what happened them niggas starting that shit that
they're going through. Living up under you, walking, watching you
be a boss lady, watching you go and provide and
go out and get the you know, get the bacon,
and come back in they start tossing and turning that night.
They start looking at other friends in the face. They
start looking at their homeboys, and they know that they
are not at the standard that they should be and
there's nothing you can do about it. The women that
are high earners that are set in life, they either
come for money, they've built wealth on their own and
they do not care about money. They date men that
treat them well, but they are not a high earner,
and it never ends well. Why because the men end
up resenting them. Men want to feel powerful, they want
to feel in charge, they want to feel like a leader.
And you women, that's saying money doesn't matter. You can't
change him. Internally, he's going to care because guess what
society says. Society, we didn't make the rules, we just
planned by them. And women are trying to change the
side the rules. You're trying to make it seem like
money is not that important. All he has to do
is be a good person. But then the societal standards
hit his ass in the head at night. That's why
his ass got up and left in the dust. Okay,
because it's eating him alive. I'm telling you, even if
you don't care, about the money. They care about the money.
The amount of times, Fernando, that I have met women,
I have coach women. I have women in my chat
that say that they never cared about money, but the
men kept bringing it up. The men made this, were
gas lighting them. The men kept gnack and whining about it.
And also just like kind of like reverse psychology, Well,
I don't have those things. Must be nice that you
don't have to worry about. Must be nice that your
daddy came home. Must be nice that you don't saying
you had a warm meal on the table them because
I didn't grow up in the projects. And you know
what I'm saying, I didn't have to heat my house
with the stole all of a sudden, they have a
problem with it. And ladies, it doesn't matter if you
don't care about it. And I'm gonna tell you this,
you not caring about it is a big problem. I
don't care what nobody says. As a woman, you should
always care about a man's ability to provide for himself.
People could call it you a gold digger, they could
call you superficial, they could call you materialistic as a woman,
And I'm gonna tell you this, let the data show
that every time that you never cared about the money
and the finances, the shit never fucking worked out. It
never works out the moment that you don't care. And
I'm telling you they want to be with a woman
that considers being a provider and a high earner like
a respect thing, because that's the thing. Man's bottom line
is respect, And when you don't care about money, it
in turns communicate to them that you don't respect them.
I'm telling you, I didn't seen this story a million times.
I didn't play this game. Do not pass go, do
not collect two hundred dollars. I didn't personally play this game.
But y'all be cool out there, y'all be safe out Yeah.
I didn't play this guy. Y'all know that's a game
I don't play. Never played it. Even when I was
saying the man that was a ups driver he was
handing his check over, I never played that game. But
I'm telling you this, even if you don't think it matters,
the man always thinks it matters. Is always going to
matter to him, and he's gonna look up and say,
she must really just don't have a lot of respect
for me, that she is going to make the number one,
my number one societal standard just a wash.
Speaker 3: I mean, he feels less than in that situation. He
can't provide what she provised.
Speaker 2: She can't he can't do what she does. And the
fact that he listen to the story, he had a
double bag in the house, that's all he had. So
what did y'all what were 'a building over the past
four years that y'all move out of state and all
he has his duffle.
Speaker 1: Bag and got him up in there with your child.
That's why left say this and huh, let's talk about
it included her nine year old son. Let me tell
you this, sweetheart, you better be glad that man disappeared
and walked his ass out of there because you got
a man. What are you showing your son? Okay, that
you will move a man into the house that can't
provide and that packed up and you saw this nigga
moving out on the ring camera. You women are so
desperate to build a relationship that not only will you
force the relationship like that ponytail, but you also will
force the whole dynamics of the relationship of him getting
a job, him finding his passion, him You have the
relationship is all you doing all the work, and you
have not even given this man space and time to
create a life for himself that he's going to be
proud of, and then you reap the benefits of that.
Let men instead of trying to help them find a job,
instead of trying to give them a job, instead of
calling your uncle and your daddy, instead of writing his resume,
instead of buying him a button down shirt and a tie.
So go to the job interview. Let this man hit
his face on the ground and experience hard times and
build a life that he feels proud of, and you
will automatically reap the benefits of that.
Speaker 2: He's in his forties, financially stable, unwilling me. You're giving
me six months to build a business and he couldn't
do anything with it. He's not what you see in
the future with him. He's never going to be a
person that's going to be reliable, that's going to bring
to the table what you need. You're always going to
be helping him out, getting taking care of him. So
the fact that he left, let him go. He did't
have a heart to tell you. You're spoke about him leaving,
but you should have known leading up to that he
was leaving. Things should have been seen. You should have
recognized signs and clear you've been ignoring all the red
flash from the beginning. But something you should have known
that by the time you got back he was leaving.
All that he's packing up while you're gone. That's crazy.
Speaker 1: And then she said that I asked him to stay.
You are This is with love? Okay, this is pathetic behavior.
I always say, there's a certain type of man that
can do a certain type of thing to me. The
niggas that I was out here heartbroken crying over there
was the specific kind of package that they presented a
man that's ten years older than me, that I'm paying
his bills, I'm doing all the work I am providing,
can get me to ask him to stay. Y'all don't
have enough pride and enough ego and enough wherewithal. This
is embarrassing. You are the breadwinner to a man that's
ten years of Imagine, y'all ain't talking to my good
homeboy a war. He said, if you go white, go rich,
and if you go older, go wealthy. Who the hell
is dating a man ten years older than you? That
you're providing for and then you're trying to give him
a life. I said this on another episode. If you
give a fish to a man that's not a fisherman,
he will come back and ask you for more fish.
You try to give him a life, give him a career,
give him a job, give him passion and determination, which
has to be in you. You try to make a
man a hustler that's not a hustler that is in you.
It can't be bought, it can't be taught. You try
to give him a fish, and what did he do?
Came back and asked for more fish. The man still
ain't got a job, and then got your Dadncy to
move out while you were gone like a coward girl.
You should be glad he disappeared. Glad he disappeared. I've
already read out to you the red flags older than you,
not financially stable, and you talking about something you don't
care about finances. You should care about finance. Stop shaming
what you should care about finances. It's showed there are
people that are successful have tangible skills that people that
are not successful don't have. When you say you care
about how much a man earns, you care about how
smart he is. You care about how disciplined he is.
You care about his ability to problem solve and know
how to get a return on his investment. Those are
tangible skills that people that are not successful do not have,
and we have to stop shaming women for one of
those things. You should absolutely care in your thirties if
a man is doing well for himself, absolutely positively you
and you're not getting no award, baby, I don't know
attention to all the women. You're not getting no award
for loving a man with no money. There's no damn
honoraby award coming your way. Okay, I don't really care
about money. All I care about is love. They're the
ones crying now, All of my friends that married for
and God's relationships for love and not money, they're crying.
You want to cry in the Honda, you want to
cry in the Rose Royce. This is ridiculous. Thirty something
and you're ten years older Fernando, ten years and nine.
Speaker 3: Year old at that. Like he's a poor example.
Speaker 1: That is a poor example. Shaming yourself. Lock the door,
change the locks. Y'all ever seen lean on me? Close
the doors? Lock him down? You need to lock it down.
Do not let this man back in your house. He
I hope he long have left. It's a good thing
for him to be walking around homeless outside of the
double bed. Maybe it'll give him a little bit more hustle,
maybe'll give him some determination. You've been patting it and
and crippling this man this whole time. You should be
glad he disappeared. And I always say, if you talking
to somebody and this person just completely ghost you, sometimes
that's God's way of saying, Oh, you're not gonna listen.
You're not gonna break up with him. You're not gonna
leave that. I'm gonna have him break out of break
up with you out of nowhere. You didn't you never listen.
You gotta get up out of there.
Speaker 3: At the minimum, Why do you want? Somebody don't want you?
Did somebody leave?
Speaker 1: By bye? And you and my shit in my house?
No way, jose y'all gotta stop. Anyways, boys, when I
was told you're to see you, he called me a
gold digger after I said no, we had a lot
of financial powers.
Speaker 5: These Thanks Merry Christmas. First of all, I am a
twenty six year old woman and I recently ended a
relationship with a man my age after we were dating
for about four to five months. At first, he was
really sweet, picking me up from work, getting me flowers,
paying for the dates, doing all the things a girl
would love. Early on in our relationship, his sister passed
and I did my best to support him emotionally without
draining myself. As time went on, though, the dynamic changed.
He became emotionally inconsistent, financially stingy, and he wasn't very
supportive of me, especially when I was in the process
of getting a new job. He also said he wanted
to keep our relationship private and didn't want to post
about us, even though he had posted excess in the past.
He would often get upset if I took random pictures
or videos of us, and over time I realized I
was just shrinking myself to keep the peace. During our
breakup conversation and only after I pressed him, he admitted
that because of past relationship trauma, he was afraid to
fully love and couldn't reciprocate what I needed from him,
and after the breakup, I felt really sad, so I
reached out. In this conversation, I jokingly suggested a parting gift.
His response was saying that we could have sex instead,
and when I declined it and said that I don't
have sex with men that I'm not committed to or
at least with, he then said that he wasn't going
to spend money on a woman he wasn't pursuing. He
called me a gold digger and said that is why
he couldn't commit to me. And after this, I lost
all respect for him. In that moment, I just ended
the conversation for good and got myself together. Now that
I'm focused on myself and moving forward, I really want
some advice on how to avoid emotionally broken men altogether.
How do I recognize the signs when someone hasn't fully
healed yet, even if they seemed kind, sweet and self
aware at first, And how do I stop myself from
staying one I see the signs. Thank you so much
for your insight. I love your podcast and I hope
you get back to me.
Speaker 1: This, to me, is a prime example of man like.
There's a difference between a man not being healed and
that that trauma turning into hatred. Have you seen this
where the men are at the birthday dinner and a
woman is not my birthday, and a man don't even
crack a smile. These men hate you. And when a
man it's not just he's getting upset that you're taking videos.
He doesn't like you, he doesn't want your company, and
he actually has a deep seated hatred towards women. And
it sounds like a very strong statement, but now you're
getting this revealed to you that because of the women
in the past, he's finding it hard to commit and
all of these other things that type of hurts a
and disappointment. Real relationships not working out could very well
turn into like I'm talking about, so like harsh discontent
and hatred for women like his His heart can definitely
soften up, but I feel like he's in a space
where he just literally just doesn't like you. Somebody that's
a joy stealer where you're like, oh my god, baby,
you know, and you're taking a video and this person's
getting upset that you're taking a video. I think that
that is like there's something about the love that you
all are sharing, sharing and the relationship that they have
resentment about, and it stems from hatred. It's not necessarily you,
but it's the companionship it's the failures, it's the disappointment.
It's the women that he loved that didn't that got away.
A lot of men, I'm telling you, a lot of
men are mean to you because the woman that he
fucking won't, he fumbled, or there is a one that
got away, and so they're trying to get over it,
and you're getting the short end and resentment of the
short end of the stick and all the resentment. There
are men that are mean to you because the woman
that he wants to be with he does not have
access to. And he's already talked about his past and
how these women ain't you know whatever. And I think
that that's a big reason why he's just unsettled in
a relationship. I don't think he ever really was fully in.
Speaker 2: It, Like maybe he was even almost in his mind
selling with her because she wasn't a girl that he wanted.
You know, she's trying to get a job and everything else.
So he was like, you know, his ex, so hepy
he was done with before she was this.
Speaker 1: She was that posted them. Did you hear her say
that he posted them?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know if it's a look sting
or if it's a style thing or what is keeping
him from posting you. But that's a clear sign that
he don't want to post you and he don't want
these pictures, he want to have videos.
Speaker 3: He don't want to cherish these moments.
Speaker 1: Yes, so thanks you, and again it's not you like
what you represent is just a place that he does
not want to be. Like you said, a lot of
these men, they the woman that he wants to be
with he's not with, so he's with you to kind
of get over it and to present as he's not
hurt and trying to move forward with another woman. And
you will see so many microaggressions and mean behavior, like
why you taking a video of us? Because he don't
want to be with you. He wants to be with
the woman that either they broke up, that distim that
went on and found somebody else. There's a woman that
he wants access to that he can't have. He's trying
to get over it by being with you, and in turn,
he actually hates you. He hates the whole relationship. And
there's a lot of men out here like that. They
want to be with somebody else, and you are getting
the meanest version of them. Because the woman that he
wants he can't be with.
Speaker 2: And it's the fact that he don't want to have
videos and pictures. Is that those are man memories that
I want to cherish. I want to remember those things.
He don't want to remember you. He don't want to
keep you forever. He don't have idea of you forever.
That's why you don't have pictures and videos.
Speaker 3: She's good.
Speaker 1: It's just like, no, how do you spot emotionally unavailable
or unheald men before you're attached. I think that even
after the breakup, when she reached out, she said, we
could give each other a parting gift, y'all I have
I have never seen such a desperate quest for love, y'all.
And this is with love friend, a parting gift. After
you reached out and you were kind of hurt about
it and he said we can have sex instead, you
took You wanted again, you wanted a memory, You want
a loving, romantic moment with him, and he was like, oh,
we can go to Poundtown on the way out. You've
seen this behavior before and you didn't listen. I'm telling you,
a man, the amount of women that I hear that
say he was so nice, and he was so sweet,
and he courted me before, and he was just and
then all of a sudden, it never was all of
a sudden. You miss the small, minuscule things. It never
was all of a sudden. How do you stop ignoring
red flags in real time and leave when it's time?
I think that you have to have a commitment to yourself.
How do you when you ignore red flag and you stay?
That is just you telling yourself that number one, you're
hoping for a change, or you're hoping for an outcome
that hasn't even you have no inclink of seeing. Never
let your eyes lead you, but never let your mind. No,
Never let your heart lead you to a place your
eyes haven't seen. A lot of women have let their
heart lead them to a place their eyes have never seen.
Your heart is leading you in love and like and
lust and romance with a man who has no rest.
You literally have never seen where your heart is. Already,
you gotta see it. You have to see this person's
behavior and their consistency and how they're showing up for
you before you let your heart go. I always say
I don't like you till you love me. Okay, I'm
a see first where we're going before I get deep
down involved, and a lot of y'all, your heart has
led you to a place. You have no receipts, You
have no actual visuals of what this man is capable
of doing. And again, this is where you went. The
dates and dates aren't enough. You need hard times, You
need grief, You need things happening. You need somebody losing
their job, somebody angry. You need to see them in
road rage. You need to see them when all of
these scenarios and your heart five steps ahead, and you
don't actually have receipts on who this person is.
Speaker 2: Yes, she needs once she knows it, let him know
what her birth is, and then stand on your worth.
If he's not treating you as such, leave That's when
you know. If be so confident in yourself, know what
your work, know what's owed to you, know what you deserve.
If you're not receiving it, let it go and don't
gilt yourself for wanting better for yourself or expecting better,
because you deserve better.
Speaker 3: That's how you should move.
Speaker 1: The amount of women that don't communicate boundaries because they
think that they're going to lose the person. Y'all, the
biggest trick in the book is to actually communicate your
standards and stand on them. I promise you you make
these men more curious about you. The amount of men
that have been like, oh, you know, hey, well can
you meet me at this restaurant, for example, and I'll
be like, hey, you know, it would be nice if
you could either pick me up or send me a car.
I don't ever get a man to say that says no.
But even if they were to come back and be
like you ain't got no car, or you don't drive,
or you know why I gotta why we can't just
meet there, I'll just be like, hey, no worries, that's
just not gonna work for me. The amount of times
I have pulled this scenario where I'm willing to let
it go anything that don't serve me or is not
what I want to do. If I willing to walk away,
I promise you those men always come back when I'm
just like, no, I'm good out there, I'm cool, that's
not something I'm interested in, that's not any something I
want to do. I'm not I'm not gonna deal with that.
They always come back when I stand firm on it,
and I'm literally like, I feel no kind of way
that that what they're presenting would exit my life. They alway,
I promise you. It could be two weeks, it could
be two months, it could be two years. The men
always text me back. Men are curious about women that
stand on what they say and that they just like, okay, cool,
because I think men are used to bullying women with
what they're gonna do, and when you meet a woman
that's just like, no, I'm cool, okay, no no problem,
no problem at all. That's just not gonna work for me.
I always end up getting it anywhere, I always end
up getting it. I'm telling you, if you want to
walk away, that man gonna belying. Who is Wait a
minute now, who is that? I wish more women knew that.
Y'all give up too soon, y'all, do not run the play.
Run the play. You have to run the play. These
men will give you what you They're testing you. It's
just a test, y'all. Just feel the test. Stuff front anyways,
voice my number three, there to see you, the sweet
spot between nice and blunt, There to see you.
Speaker 6: I'm noticing that when I like a guy, I'm usually
very very extremely nice. I mean, at least for the
first few months until I get in really good. But
then I realized, once I get in good, the real
me comes out and I can be kind of mean.
Not mean in a way I'm hitting on them, being
abusive or anything like that, but just very much blunt
boundary setting, which is something I know I should do
from the very beginning. However, I notice when I'm that
mean girl, I can kind of get what I want
out of it. How do I keep that going without
being a bitch all the time? How do I find
a middle ground, kind of like a sweet spot.
Speaker 1: I think that the mean girl thing is a sweet spot.
I genuinely think that it is. I also want to
say that I think that what she's doing is manipulative.
I think that what you're doing is manipulative, and you
have to grow up right. I think that the men
that like the honeysweet person that you're presenting and then
you flip and turn. If this was a man doing this,
y'all would be y'all will be screaming to the mountaintops.
This is very manipulative to present swa girl and then
turn into a bitch overnight. You cannot do that. What
you should do is put on your big girl panties
and if you if you're the real you, is the
see what you catch with the real you. Don't get
somebody hooked on you by being presenting a false representative
and then turn like it's so gas lighty. It's so
manipulative because now you have somebody emotionally involved and they're like,
oh my god, she's so sweet, and then they're waiting
for that person to return. It's very, very, very manipulative,
and you have to stop. I also would implore you
to look at why are you why you present the
sweet girl? First? What is that about? Is it that
you can't be the real you? Is it that you
are subliminately trying to manipulate these mean?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 1: What is it as to why you're not your entire self?
Speaker 3: I mean just I mean what am I missing? Friend?
Because make it make sense?
Speaker 2: If you sit down and say when you're meaning to them,
when you're bold, and when you're that way, they actually
like you more, they do more.
Speaker 3: Then why not just do that? From the jump, Well, that's.
Speaker 1: The real you. Hello with the real eminem still, please,
real slum shiny, please stand.
Speaker 3: Up we want you to come as you.
Speaker 2: I don't want to come at a representative of you,
this nice, sweet girl that ain't really you. And I
got to switch switch and learn this other person. Now
I can do with this other person, the other style
of you. And like you said, waiting to come, wait
for the cute girl to come back, wait for the
nice girl to come back. Sound stuck with this itch?
And I don't want to do it with the itch.
I don't, and I don't, but I don't get why not?
Why don't you want to be yourself from the beginning,
Because it should be easier to be yourself in the beginning,
It should be more comfortable for you, and then you
all can grow organically being each other, being each other's natural,
genuine selves.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I think also too. I think you're right.
It's something there, because if you know that you get
more of what you want when you are your true self,
why aren't you being that person? I personally think to me,
it's that women do that when they can actually get
the caliber of man that they want. And that is
a hard truth to swallow, But a lot of times,
when you can't actually get the caliber of men that
you want, you play sweet and then you big dog them,
and then it seems like, oh, I can get this
man to do whatever. I won't always say it don't
count if it's a lame or a nigga that you
don't like. It don't count that you're getting a man
to fly you out if you don't really like him.
But he got one leg and one eye. So it's
like you plan sweet to these mediocre dudes and then
you coming in and you're like, oh, I'm getting him
to do everything? Well, was he a big fish? I
feel like women do that when it's not really a
big fish, when they know that the guy is kind
of like already like them more than they like. Then
she likes him and then they play sweet and then
kind of one up them, and now it's giving the
illusion that, like, girl, he'll drink my dirty bath. No,
you found a goldfish in a pond that you big dog,
and now you're trying to make it seem like you
just you just got him at your back and call.
I feel like, try that ship with a man that
you actually want to be with. Try that with a
man that you like. Oh my gosh, this is my
entire list that I want on paper. A lot of
women act like that when they know that they're playing
those games on men that they wouldn't really take seriously
or that that's not their ideal men.
Speaker 2: Now you can manipulate mediocre effort in somebody that's actually
like a real man, a real boss, a real leader
with him.
Speaker 4: Them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that it's really comes from women that
literally like these men are not their ideal they're not
the men that they would actually want to be with.
The are like lukewarm contenders, right, they're like, oh, he
ain't half bad, but he's not really my type or
he's not and then they like she said, they're sweet,
flip nice, and then it gives a flip me and
then it gives the illusion that they just got him
doing whatever, and it's like you didn't really go for
the real guy that you wanted, and now it makes
it seem like you have a lot more control and
power than you actually do. I think it's immature. I
think it's very petty. I think it's manipulative. I think
that it is we don't we don't talk enough about
women that are narcissists, But there are, y'all, there are
women that are narcissists and this it's giving real narky,
real narky vibes, okay, narco vibes, And you gotta check that.
You have to check that. I think that I think
that you should go pay the lady about this, and
I think that you really have to Don't be scandalous, okay.
I always say for women, there's a difference from being
a city girl and having fun and running up that
dinner tab when you don't plan on being with them
or whatever. That's just kind of like the nature of
the game. But you don't want to be scandalous to
the point that you're changing somebody's nervous system. And now
other women are meeting this man beat up tatter because
they fell in love with a sweet girl that turned
out to be a bitch that had no intentions on
being with him. Don't be scandalous. City girl and scandalous
is two different things. And I think that a lot
of women have to check theirselves. There are women out
here that are dragging men through stuff that they don't
have to go through. They shouldn't. You have to grow up.
You have to be responsible. Somebody has to have the
social responsibilities to say, hey, I think you're a little
bit more in this than I am. And I've had
to have those conversations men that I you like me
way more than I will ever like them. And I
had to be the one because I have the social
responsibility to say like, I don't think we're in alignment here,
and I don't want to waste your time. And I
want you to find somebody that's the person for you.
Stop faking it if this person is not the one
for you, and you being a mean girl is what
you get the most out. Go find a man that's
in your league.
Speaker 2: Almost like an opportunist, just because he's he's willing to
be manipulated, manipulated him. You played them because you could
play him.
Speaker 1: Don't do that. People. You gotta grow up. System, you
gotta grow up. And it's very manipulousy of what you're doing.
And I'm telling you karma. Karma is a real one.
You gonna find a man that you actually love, love love,
love love, and he gonna do the same shit to
you that you did to the men. I'm telling you
what I heard, I'm telling you what I know. Anyways,
on to my beat. You smell good segments, perfect, thank
you this is by number nine. I don't think I
know this for them number nine. Now y'all know how
I feel about this line. I have some hits and
I have some missus. Okay, I have probably like six
from this collection. I don't have. Oh, I don't have
any fragrance from Bond number nine that if I die
tomorrow I would ask to put in my casket. But
here we are. This is another one that I want
to love. I want to love Bond number nine as
a fragrance house. But I feel like for the price
and the projection, we have a problem. He overpeat, price
over projection. We have a problem. Okay, So, but I'm
a consumer. I want to love it. I like the
way it looks, you know, the reputation of ay here
I am anyway, this is no leader, all right, I've
gotten a lot of compliments from men while wearing this.
I will will say this. This is a fresh floral,
woody musk. The top notes are tangerine freezer, a fresh,
juicy citrus floral burst that feels vibrant and uplifting right away.
The middle notes are Jasmine's sandback lily rose, and the
bass notes are amber sandalwood musk warm, central dry down
with woody and cozy, creamy elements. Okay, I would say
on skull of one and ten, this is like a
six in my collection, like not the worst, not the best,
but I've been spraying it. Okay, let's just say that. Okay,
so Fernando and now I'm gonna try it. Let's see
what we got. Let me use the other arm. The
men love this.
Speaker 3: Honestly, I can definitely see my woman wearing this.
Speaker 1: Again. I think, y'all. I think that it's just you know,
I'm not a fresh, fruity floral girl, but I think
that this actually has depth, Like this is a grown scent.
It's I'm giving bathroom body works. It's not giving like
this has. The scent profile is very intricate, and you
can tell that it has it has been blended. Well. Anyways,
I would actually recommend this fragrance. It's it's pretty low down,
like we kind of low on the it's low down, No, Lita,
I could swing it. I could swing it. I've used
this quite a lot, y'all. I would say again, this
is probably six or seven in my collection. If I
die tomorrow, would I take it with me?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: But while I'm alive. I'm spraying it, y'all, got it?
Speaker 6: You with it?
Speaker 3: They're gonna smell it.
Speaker 1: You walking the room, You're gonna smell. That's what I'm saying.
This skis has be smol This is a cousin of
a b smoll fragrance. Even though it's fresh and floral,
it does have longevity. It does have projection, it does
has ciage, and I do think that it is a
sexy fresh fragrance. There is grown. I would not give
this to my eighteen year old goddaughter. This is I'd
be like, hold on now, who think you are? Step
back like you can this. This is a little bit
out of your league, and that's a good thing for me.
Like I like to wear adult fragrances. So this is
an adult fresh floor.
Speaker 3: That's a good woman smell right now.
Speaker 1: Grown woman smell. Okay, red flag reports, no ring, no paperwork,
Oh my gosh, no real security. I got a glimpse, y'all.
I don't actually like to read and read it before
I get on because I like my raw reaction. Okay,
red flag report, no ring, no paperwork, no real security.
After nearly a decade of presenting as husband, and wife.
When DC's Harris just confirmed when many love and hip
hop fans suspect it, he and Yandy Smith were never
legally married and now they're no longer together. We're not together.
We never legally married. It was Yandy's idea, Mendc shared
on the streets ninety four point five, adding that due
to his legal issues, they had two ceremonies but never
signed the papers. The two first had their lavish televised
wedding in twenty fifteen and for years built a blended family,
co parented and publicly operated as a unit, but in
the end, no documents were ever signed and no divorce
would be required. Even mend C's acknowledged that Yandy changed
him as a man, describing her as someone who helped
him mature, see family differently, and open up emotionally, but
ultimately we just couldn't get on the same page. Meanwhile,
Yandy hasn't commented directly, but her cryptic social media posts
suggests emotional betrayal, disappointment, and boundary setting. Let's unpack it.
Nine years, two kids, public appearances, no legal protection. Was
this emotional commitment with our legal commitment or emotional labor
with our legal recognition. If you're doing all of the
work of a marriage but never make it official, are
you protecting your heart or avoiding true accountability? First of all,
I love Yandy. Paul's fool stop. I love Yandy. I
got Yandy on a text. I've met her many times.
I was just in Ghana with Yandy. I didn't get
to catch up with her, but we both were texting
while we were in Ghana. I have a lot of
respect for Yandy, and I love Yandy. I really wanted
this to work. Okay, let the record show. Let the
record say that I think that we I don't think
I liked how I don't like men that run to
the mic, you know. I think that she kept it.
She kept it hush, you know, And a lot of
the things that he did and how she orchestrated her
union with me in DC's was all because Andy's a
business woman first. I think that that's just in her nature.
I think that she's a business woman first. And it's
not to say that she didn't love him the same
or it takes away for how much she loved him.
But I think that there are women that can see
the can see overarching without getting into the neck of
the woods and weeds. And I'm actually somebody like that,
I don't care how much I love you, miss you,
want to be with you. I'm somebody that's a full
picture kind of person. And I think that the fact
that they didn't have papers and they weren't legally married
makes it seem like they weren't really committed. But I
think that Yandy just saw things overarching. She saw his
legal sticky shit happening with the legalities of Mendc's and
I think it put restrictions on what they thought was
feasible moving forward, in terms of assets, in terms of accounts,
in terms of finances, and things like that. And so
I think that overarching she was she led with her
her brain and not with her heart. Not that her
heart lacked less than her brain, but overarching things just
made more sense, probably not to put things on paper.
And that is just an assumption that I am making.
What I will say is that I don't know exactly
what inspired but I'm gonna tell you this. The day
I married my husband, and we go through ten years,
I pray that there is some type of mutual respect
of some sort that we want to keep the dignity
in the case that it ends. Please don't let me
get a fucking mic master that wants to run and
talk about like you took the first fucking podcast opportunity
that you had. Were not together? Did you see that shit?
Speaker 4: You see that interview?
Speaker 1: Did you see it?
Speaker 3: Watch it?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 1: I did so, so so so what's what's going on
with you and Yandy?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Oh we're not together right now? It's just like he
didn't even there was no couth, right, Like, I want
a man that's like, keep your shit tight, even if
you don't fuck with me, right, you gotta watch the
person that you marry is not the person that you divorce.
I want to be with a man that like, even
on my worst day, that he has a level of
respect for me, that he has a level of tight
lip that that it's like, oh, not not me and
not not on me in mine that's so the mother
your children, right, not not for me and my family. Like,
I want to be with the man that even when
I divorce him, that he handles me with respect and
dignity and he don't want me to be trashed by
the media. Some of this shit be like, were y'all
even married? The way, y'all take it to hell so fast,
pat post and remy scene.
Speaker 2: He said, and like and why are exposed? Like why
is the man coming out? That's just a weird thing.
It's like why the men talking like that's a woman
think women and gospel sort of for the men to
run to do. It's almost like trying to avoid fault
or trying to point to blame first. So before she
can say it, I'm gonna say it first.
Speaker 3: It's like no respect for your units.
Speaker 2: I'll built all these years spent you throwing it down,
You're wasting it like this, you crying about it on nah, bro,
Like keep.
Speaker 3: It to yourself, keep between y'all, y'all together, no more.
That's cool. Why ain't nobody else business?
Speaker 1: It's so there are men out here that walked away
and people didn't know their side of the story, where
people thought that they were the villain, that they were
the bad guy, that they were the one that broke
it off, that they were the one that cheated and lied,
and they never told their story right. And it's automatically
a public empathy for the woman. Lord, please let that
kind of man find me, Like that's the kind of
and again not and I want to be the woman
for him where I'm just like, not too much. I
know we're not together right now. I know that we're
getting a divorce, but not too much. I don't want
to take it to hell. After I've been married and
with somebody for years and years and years and then
we separate and now it's just the gloves are off.
I don't want to be I don't want to be
with that kind of person. And I feel like it
just was a cheap shot for you to go on
a podcast and be like, you know, together right now,
and you told the churches been like and it's just like,
come on, man, like again, I don't know who hurt who.
I don't know what was lost. I don't know who cheated.
I don't know. I don't quite know. But I still like, ma'am,
for better or for worse, I want to be with
somebody that still holds me. You know what I'm saying
with a certain level of respect that they don't want
to they want to burn into hell, even if I
was the one that was wrong, even if I did
them wrong, right that they have a and maybe that's
a really high expectation, right, but man, you gotta watch
who you marry, because that's not going to be the
person that you divorced.
Speaker 2: Like somebody that control their emotions and their feelings, they
don't have to run to the media, to run to
the internet to let people know what happened. They will
to own the break up. They can live in that
break up and be okay with it. But somebody has
to run to tell the whole world. That's why that
you want.
Speaker 1: But that's what I'm saying. Like there, listen, I have
friends who parents are married. They haven't slept in the
same bed for twenty fucking years. But guess what, you
stay run as a unit. You see me, you see her,
you see her, you see And I'm not saying that
that is a healthy way. But again, this new school shit,
well now everybody's a podcaster, y'all still better watch my shit.
Everybody's a podcaster. Everybody got a mic, everybody got a
public platform, and you can release information so quickly and easily.
I want old school love. I want you barely even
knew people. It's people kids now to this day don't
even know that their parents divorced. You know what I'm saying, Like,
they don't even know that this, and even after they divorced,
the man and the husband and wife's still coming around
like it's all cool. You can't even tell that they
send me that. Okay, Please, I don't want the new
school stuff. Lord, please tap me out. I'm not your
strongest soldier. Please put me in with a person that
has like old school og old school values that even
on our worst day, they're not gonna go telling the business.
Speaker 3: And he was honest.
Speaker 2: I appreciate him saying the fact about you know, she
changed him as a man, made him a better father
or family person. Things like that nature Okay cool. But
on the other side, right, I'm just saying, don't beat
me up. I don't like the cryptic post online either,
because you're dropping breadcrumbs to people to question what's going on.
They're like, something's some different between what's going on and
they want to be search and dig into it.
Speaker 3: How't do people the opportunity to do that at all? Done?
Speaker 2: Given that reason, Just if y'all done, y'all done, just
move on, But don't do things to kind of create
this idea that things are wrong to now.
Speaker 3: It brings the public eye to look to see what's going.
Speaker 1: On and he did say that on the show. Again,
I'm just a spectator. I'm watching on everybody else. I'll
have no front row insight to that, to their dynamic
and their marriage, but I did see that he I
do watch Love and Hip Hop, and he said that
Yandy really cares about the public image, and she cares
a lot about what people think.
Speaker 5: And so.
Speaker 1: Maybe she was just trying to clear the air a
little bit after all of that or even before, just
like making sure it didn't you know, it didn't sway
either way, because you know, there were things came out
that like she had had an emotional affair, and then
like you know, they said he was with about five
to other people, and everybody was coming out saying that
he was doing stuff. I don't know either way what
happened with that, but it just seems that, man, you
don't just wish it would go better than that. This
sign note y'all know, y'all know, uh, Christy Sarah, y'awn,
Christy Sarah and Danceman. You know I'm talking about join
you're falling around Christy Sarah and Danceman. Yeah, she said,
it's a real asylible. There's no way some some relations
you'd be like God, damn, I was rooting for y'all.
I was rooting for y'all some and I think Man
Yandy and and DC was one of them. And I
still have hope. He just said we're not together right now.
Y'all could be together in a month or so, who knows.
I'm praying for y'all, and I really do. I really
do hope that. I really do hope that y'all making work.
I truly truly do, and I'm praying for, you know,
reconciliation for them. Man black love Man, y'all could do it,
Yandy and and d C. Just y'all been in too long.
You can do it. You can do it. You can
do it. Just go back to the drawing board and
keep off the Internet and keep people out. Y'all business.
Get y'all a good tribe of people that's solid and
lock in. Anyways, that's all, folks, Thanks for joining us.