Speaker 1: This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand
Speaker 1: on the iHeartRadio app k I Am six forty. You
Speaker 1: have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor
Speaker 1: Wendy Waalsh Show. We are on the iHeartRadio app. Just
Speaker 1: download the iHeartRadio app, search Doctor Wendy Walsh and hit
Speaker 1: that little preset button because then you're always going to
Speaker 1: get me, whether you get the show or not. Every
Speaker 1: Sunday from seven to nine. Hey, everybody, good to see you.
Speaker 1: I have been Okay, you can stop that part. Kayla.
Speaker 1: Kayla was putting some of that under Instagram. I just
Speaker 1: got back from a wedding in Mexico and I have
Speaker 1: learned an important lesson. Do you remember last week we
Speaker 1: talked about how Mexico has finally entered the top ten
Speaker 1: list of the happiest countries in the world. America is
Speaker 1: down to twenty four. Okay, Finland's still at the top.
Speaker 1: Nobody threatening their happiness up there. And what I learned
Speaker 1: I went to a place called Morelia. Morelia is one
Speaker 1: of the oldest cities in Mexico. Rose not have you
Speaker 1: been to Morelia. I've been all over every part of Mexico.
Speaker 1: Oh you have. Okay, the buildings are like from the
Speaker 1: fifteen hundred gorgeous. But they must have bought those Spaniards,
Speaker 1: must have brought some like Germans or Swiss with them,
Speaker 1: because it's really organized and it's a big city, a
Speaker 1: million people and every stone building it was just so gorgeous.
Speaker 1: Here's my advice to everybody, Raoul knows. Get out of
Speaker 1: the border towns and get off the resorts and go
Speaker 1: see the rest of Mexico, and you are going to
Speaker 1: meet the happiest, kindest, most wonderful people. We had the
Speaker 1: best time. Well, first of all, I was treated to
Speaker 1: a as a guest at a beautiful wedding that was
Speaker 1: beyond beyond beyond. Go on to my Instagram at Dr
Speaker 1: Wendy Walsh at doctor Wendy Welsh. I made a little,
Speaker 1: you know, a one minute story or something I posted
Speaker 1: that's going to disappear if you don't go now and
Speaker 1: look at it. That is sort of a recap of
Speaker 1: the whole wedding. And yeah, you get to see me
Speaker 1: dancing on a lot of tequila at the end. But
Speaker 1: the thing I learned the most, you know, Raoul. They
Speaker 1: didn't even serve wine with the dinner. They just had
Speaker 1: at the table. They nominated a dude at the table,
Speaker 1: one of the guests, and he wore an armband that
Speaker 1: said Tequila Captain, and he held a bottle of tequila
Speaker 1: and he just kept filling shot glasses for everyone all night.
Speaker 1: So by the time we did start dancing, there was
Speaker 1: a lot of Mexican jumping beans in all of us. Okay,
Speaker 1: I was jumping up and down, and there's video of
Speaker 1: that too if you want to go on my Instagram.
Speaker 1: But but the thing I love the most was the
Speaker 1: you know how a traditionally it was a full mass,
Speaker 1: Catholic Mass. My Julio was so he could not believe me.
Speaker 1: I knew when to sit, I knew when to kneel,
Speaker 1: I knew when to bless myself. I went up, I
Speaker 1: got the eu Christ. He's like, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: I go, you married a Catholic girl. You didn't know that.
Speaker 1: You you know, I may not act like that way
Speaker 1: around you or in the world, but this is my
Speaker 1: formative years, okay, and that is a priest up there.
Speaker 1: I'm going to get me some bread all right. So,
Speaker 1: but you know, at a traditional wedding, when you get to
Speaker 1: the reception, they affter the dinner, the groom dances with
Speaker 1: his mom, and then the bride dances with her dad.
Speaker 1: But they did something I'd never seen before that was
Speaker 1: so spectacular and beautiful to me. The groom danced for
Speaker 1: a few minutes with his mom, and then the two
Speaker 1: of them, holding hands, opened their arms to the rest
Speaker 1: of his entire family, his siblings, his nieces, his nephews,
Speaker 1: his dad, and they all hugged each other and they
Speaker 1: all danced together as one family unit. And the same
Speaker 1: thing happened with the bride. She danced with her dad
Speaker 1: for a few minutes, the you know, prepared perfect steps thing,
Speaker 1: and then they just opened their arms to the rest
Speaker 1: of the family, and everybody was crying the tears, and
Speaker 1: I realized why Mexico is on the list of one
Speaker 1: of the ten happiest countries in the world. Research shows
Speaker 1: that when you have multi generational families, you have social support,
Speaker 1: you have your people, you have your tribe around you,
Speaker 1: you're going to have more happiness. And one of the
Speaker 1: big flaws with America is American capitalism needed to have
Speaker 1: a mobile workforce, and so we ripped people away from
Speaker 1: their villages and their tribes and their families and said,
Speaker 1: you need the jobs. Are there, Go to Detroit. You're
Speaker 1: going to go build cars there. Go there, You're going
Speaker 1: to do that right. And we created this false idea
Speaker 1: of individualism, that individualism was the most important thing, but
Speaker 1: it's not. We are tribes at heart, and we are
Speaker 1: meant to be with our people, right. And it was
Speaker 1: just beautiful to see. I was so happy and honored
Speaker 1: to get to be part of that amazing wedding. So
Speaker 1: Alex and Kathy from Houston. Her family's from Morelia, so
Speaker 1: that's why they are near there. And most of the
Speaker 1: people at the wedding came from Mexico City. And it's
Speaker 1: so funny because nobody's book English, but we all managed right.
Speaker 1: And then there was a young girl at our table
Speaker 1: who was I found out seventeen, and she was sitting
Speaker 1: there clicking on her phone the whole time, and I
Speaker 1: knew she was fixing pictures for Instagram and all that stuff,
Speaker 1: so I knew she would know what to do. So
Speaker 1: I said to her, I was trying to, like in
Speaker 1: my broken Spanish, really broken or saying to Julio, can
Speaker 1: you ask her? Can you please whatever? And she spoke
Speaker 1: to me in perfect English. Right, She's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll go take a picture your table, no problem. And
Speaker 1: then I go, where are you from? She goes, Oh,
Speaker 1: it's this place north of Los Angeles, you know where
Speaker 1: Magic Mountain. It was like, oh, you're from Santa Clarina.
Speaker 1: What are you doing here? I go, are there Mexicans
Speaker 1: up there? She goes, not too many? Not too many? Anyway,
Speaker 1: it was a treat and I'm just blessed. We just
Speaker 1: got back this afternoon, so I still have to kill
Speaker 1: in my veins, just saying I was dancing till wee
Speaker 1: hours last night. The other thing I want to talk
Speaker 1: about briefly, right, well, do I have a few more
Speaker 1: minutes left? Is you know I am a news junkie.
Speaker 1: I can't stop. I doom scroll. Julio's staying away from it.
Speaker 1: He doesn't want to talk about politics. What's going on
Speaker 1: with the stock market? Anith triffs? He doesn't care. He goes,
Speaker 1: just wait, just wait, it's all going to pass. Just wait.
Speaker 1: The midterms are common. Just I know, he's mister calm me.
Speaker 1: I just read and read and read and read. And
Speaker 1: while it was way or just as I was going
Speaker 1: to the airport, I think I got a call from
Speaker 1: a Wall Street Journal reporter asking me if I had
Speaker 1: changed anything in my life because of the tariffs. And
Speaker 1: I jokingly but it was the truth, said, well, I
Speaker 1: did go on Amazon and emptyed my entire shopping cart out,
Speaker 1: and she used the quote in the Wall Street Journal.
Speaker 1: But basically, you know how you have Like some people
Speaker 1: went in their spare time scroll Tinder, Julio scrolls, classic
Speaker 1: Portia sites. There's something called bring a Trailer dot com.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that is, but he's always there
Speaker 1: looking at old cars. Better the old cars than women,
Speaker 1: you know, why not? And I like to go into
Speaker 1: Amazon and cruise around and shop and throw things in
Speaker 1: my cart but not buy them. And then every once
Speaker 1: in a while I go in and I examine my
Speaker 1: cart and then I get rid of things. Oh I
Speaker 1: really didn't want that thing, I just put it in there.
Speaker 1: But when I heard about the terraffs, I just went
Speaker 1: in there and bought everything that was in my cart
Speaker 1: because I was like, oh, it's all made internationally. The
Speaker 1: prices are going to go up. But you know, What
Speaker 1: these tariffs are going to impact our interpersonal relationship are
Speaker 1: romantic relationships. Because of the potential higher cost of goods
Speaker 1: that are coming, We're going to see economic stress in couples.
Speaker 1: We're going to see unemployment uncertainty. I know one couple
Speaker 1: who she lost her job and they have to put
Speaker 1: their house on the market. Right, So it's a it's
Speaker 1: a it's a real thing that's going to impact people's relationships. Also,
Speaker 1: more long distance relationships are going to happen because people
Speaker 1: have to go where the jobs are. That mobility that
Speaker 1: I was talking about. It's going to impact future plans.
Speaker 1: If you were planning on buying a home this year,
Speaker 1: you're maybe being a little careful. Maybe you were this
Speaker 1: is the year you were going to have a baby,
Speaker 1: and you're like, I don't know, can we afford for
Speaker 1: one of us to stay home at this point and
Speaker 1: take care of an infant. Maybe you were planning to retire,
Speaker 1: and now you're because of the stock market dive, your
Speaker 1: pension fund has taken a crash. Right, And then there's
Speaker 1: also these kind of cultural and political strains. Right, you
Speaker 1: might be in a real relationship with somebody who has
Speaker 1: really different political views, and you know it didn't matter.
Speaker 1: You know, opposites a tract. You guys got along just
Speaker 1: fine for a while. But now it's reached a crescendo
Speaker 1: because there are some real world things happening that are
Speaker 1: impacting people's lives. If I can say anything, it's that, yes,
Speaker 1: what happens at the top will have ripple effects that
Speaker 1: will come into all of our lives. We must all
Speaker 1: remember that we are all in this together. I've said
Speaker 1: this before, I'm going to say it again. There's a
Speaker 1: reason why this administration won. There's a huge chunk of
Speaker 1: America who we haven't listened to, who have needs, important
Speaker 1: needs and a voice. And we have to be open
Speaker 1: to hearing each other, understanding each other. And I do
Speaker 1: believe this too will pass. And before we go, producer, Kayla,
Speaker 1: did you see Corey Booker stand there and I go
Speaker 1: to the bathroom for twenty five hours?
Speaker 2: I did?
Speaker 1: Okay, Like, how do you do that? And he didn't
Speaker 1: have a diaper on.
Speaker 2: Not our heroes wear capes.
Speaker 1: Okay, if you don't know what IM talking about, you
Speaker 1: can google it. But he did a filibuster and that
Speaker 1: he had to beat the record of I can never
Speaker 1: say his name, I always say Storm, but it's Strom
Speaker 1: Thermon right, who did a twenty four hour filibuster against
Speaker 1: civil rights. So Senator Corey Booker did the opposite. He
Speaker 1: had fifteen binders. It was a real speech. He wasn't
Speaker 1: stumbling around you to see clips. He streamed it live
Speaker 1: for millions of people on TikTok. But I was mostly
Speaker 1: interested because you know, I'm a professor of health psychology
Speaker 1: and it is not good to not drink fluid for
Speaker 1: twenty four hours. But he he literally dehydrated himself before
Speaker 1: he began, and he fasted for two days. So he's like, uh,
Speaker 1: he's a very fit man to be able to do that.
Speaker 1: That is amazing. Anyway, kudos to Senator Corey Booker for
Speaker 1: getting through that one. Hey, when we come back, there's
Speaker 1: a new kind of romancing. It's called micromancing. Uh huh.
Speaker 1: It's a way to get somebody into you, not in
Speaker 1: a big way, in a little way. And there's some
Speaker 1: interesting things you can do to micromance. When we come back,
Speaker 1: you're listening to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI Am
Speaker 1: six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 3: am six forty.
Speaker 1: I am six forty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: This is the Doctor Wendy Wall Show. All right, micromancing?
Speaker 1: Can we talk about what this is? Do you know
Speaker 1: what micromancing is? Producer Kayla, I don't. Okay, So it's
Speaker 1: like romancing. But you know those gen xyz s or
Speaker 1: whatever they always have think they get this new language
Speaker 1: for stuff, and they think that there's a new way
Speaker 1: to court somebody, right, so they try to change things around.
Speaker 1: It's actually the old stuff done a different way almost
Speaker 1: every single time. Right, So let's talk about what grand
Speaker 1: romancing is, not micro romance. Grand romancing, of course, are
Speaker 1: those big, huge gestures. It tend to happen in heterosexual
Speaker 1: relationships where a male would try to woo a female
Speaker 1: and he would do that by buying her a dozen roses,
Speaker 1: of getting a fancy bottle of champagne, taking her out
Speaker 1: for a cruise in a sports car, of course, nice dinners,
Speaker 1: maybe a three or four or five course dinner. That's
Speaker 1: called romancing. And that's the old fashioned thing. We have
Speaker 1: a problem now, we now have a surging supply of
Speaker 1: women who can bama on flowers. They can take care
Speaker 1: of those needs themselves because they're economically independent. So how
Speaker 1: is a guy going to show a woman that he's needed. Remember,
Speaker 1: a relationship is an exchange of care, right that care
Speaker 1: can take many forms. It can be financial care, sexual care,
Speaker 1: instrumental care when someone's sick. It can be intellectual stimulation.
Speaker 1: Care could be childcare, It can be domestic responsibility care.
Speaker 1: Taking care of each other is what an interpersonal relationship
Speaker 1: is about. So if there are more women in America
Speaker 1: in the workforce right now, there are more women in
Speaker 1: the workforce than men. There are more college educated women
Speaker 1: than men in the workforce. There's a lot of talk
Speaker 1: about men feeling less than like their entire masculine identity
Speaker 1: is linked to how much money they can make, and
Speaker 1: they're just not making what their fathers and grandfathers made
Speaker 1: in comparison to what the women are doing. Right, So
Speaker 1: what can guys do? They can show women how they
Speaker 1: can make their life better. I'm going to tell you
Speaker 1: a story. So I was a single mom for twenty years.
Speaker 1: I was a everything, a nurturer, caregiver, provide everything. I
Speaker 1: had one hundred percent custody, zero dollars child support. And
Speaker 1: I had two people living in my house, my kids,
Speaker 1: who did not very much around the house. Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: a bad single mother, and I'll tell you why I'm
Speaker 1: a bad single mother, rather because I was so exhausted
Speaker 1: from working, rather than me taking the time to insist
Speaker 1: that they do their chores or pick up. No, we
Speaker 1: can't watch TV until we clean up, clean up everybody everywhere.
Speaker 1: That's the party's song. I didn't have the patience for that.
Speaker 1: I was exhausted. I want to get into bed. It
Speaker 1: was like a book bath bed. Let's go. I'll tidy
Speaker 1: it up so I could do things faster and more efficiently.
Speaker 1: As a result, they kind of have two lazy kids,
Speaker 1: all right. They're not now that they're young adults and
Speaker 1: out on their own and it's their own space, they're
Speaker 1: keeping it nice and neat and tidy. But they shir
Speaker 1: didn't in my house, so they didn't bring any income
Speaker 1: and they didn't do any chores. Now, I have a
Speaker 1: husband who pays his share of life fifty percent of
Speaker 1: his life, and he does a ton of domestic stuff.
Speaker 1: Dishes are his favorite, folding, laundry, you know, I always
Speaker 1: try to help, but he tells me I'm doing it wrong.
Speaker 1: So as a result, I sit back after dinner with
Speaker 1: my glass of wine and watch them do the dishes.
Speaker 1: So what are these micromances? They're small ways of romancing
Speaker 1: a woman and letting her know that you can be
Speaker 1: valuable in her life. It's a new dating trend. It's
Speaker 1: called micromancing, and it reflects today's culture of young singles,
Speaker 1: where many women are simply making more money than their
Speaker 1: male peers, and maybe they're exhausted. So it might include
Speaker 1: things like just thoughtfully making a playlist for somebody, or
Speaker 1: just remembering their coffee order and pinging them on the
Speaker 1: way over. Hey, I'm stopping the scar Starbucks, going to
Speaker 1: get you that latte you like right, offering to walk
Speaker 1: their dog right now. I will say that if the
Speaker 1: old fashioned kind of grand romancing involved sacrifice, usually sacrifice
Speaker 1: of money, you have to show that you're sacrificing.
Speaker 2: Bit.
Speaker 1: If you're micromancing right, things might not cost as much
Speaker 1: money as those old fashioned romantic gestures. But maybe it's
Speaker 1: something like driving really far to meet her for a date,
Speaker 1: not meeting halfway. Going no, no, no, I'll meet at
Speaker 1: the little beast show by your apartment. I'll get there. No,
Speaker 1: I don't mind driving, right, That shows the sacrifice. Maybe
Speaker 1: offering to hand wash her car on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Speaker 1: Can I come over. I'd love to wash a car
Speaker 1: for you.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: So many men out there are finding really smart ways
Speaker 1: to show their value to women that they're courting, and
Speaker 1: I do want to say that some of this is
Speaker 1: on women. Women have to understand that micromancing is romancing,
Speaker 1: that micromancing is a way of showing their value, of
Speaker 1: showing sacrifice, of showing that they care.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: And so if you're stuck in the dark ages and
Speaker 1: think like if a dude shows up with some inexpensive
Speaker 1: roses from Trader Joe's. They're good quality roses, Okay, they
Speaker 1: do last good five six days, but they're Trader Joe's,
Speaker 1: so they're twenty bucks, right, and you think that's romance
Speaker 1: compared to the guy who's going to figure out what
Speaker 1: you need? Can I run a few errands where he?
Speaker 1: Can I do your car? Can I? I mean? Which
Speaker 1: really feels more authentic? Right now? One of the things
Speaker 1: when I talked about micromancing earlier, somebody asked me, well,
Speaker 1: isn't that lower the bar? Doesn't that lower the bar
Speaker 1: on love? No, Because if you sacrifice your time, your labor,
Speaker 1: your talents, I think that's an even bigger indicator of
Speaker 1: how a man can be a great partner in the future.
Speaker 1: And again I got to say it's on women. They
Speaker 1: have to understand that this is what men are doing.
Speaker 1: They're doing what they can, so forget about the old
Speaker 1: trappings of love.
Speaker 2: Producer.
Speaker 1: Okay, if you can, you think of the nicest thing
Speaker 1: a guy ever did for you that didn't cost any money,
Speaker 1: but you were really I had a guy once come
Speaker 1: over and just hook up a dryer hose because I
Speaker 1: didn't even know how to hook up that gas hose.
Speaker 1: I thought that was really cool. Another guy asked if
Speaker 1: he could borrow my car so he could upgrade the stereo,
Speaker 1: like he had a friend who did car stereos, and
Speaker 1: he puts some better speaker in it or something.
Speaker 2: I love that those are both of me. I remember
Speaker 2: a man not counting that he flew to La but
Speaker 2: he did cook me breakfast and clean my entire kitchen
Speaker 2: and grocery shop for me.
Speaker 1: That's see, women need to understand that that's not a
Speaker 1: sign of weakness or quote unquote feminine man. My husband
Speaker 1: Julio likes to call himself a feminine man. I don't
Speaker 1: know why we ascribe the words masculine and feminine to
Speaker 1: various roles or behaviors. So, women, I'm really talking to
Speaker 1: you because the guys out there, the nice guys out there,
Speaker 1: are trying to woo you. They might not have the
Speaker 1: money that some of those quote unquote alpha males have
Speaker 1: that you're all, there's this small group of guys at
Speaker 1: the top that all the women are vying for, and
Speaker 1: the rest of the guys are suck. Many of them
Speaker 1: could be such good partners. Not all, you still got
Speaker 1: to audition them in some way, but many of them
Speaker 1: could be such good partners. I just think it's important
Speaker 1: that women open their mind and open up their hearts
Speaker 1: to understand that giving is giving and trying to impress
Speaker 1: a woman is a really big thing. So when we
Speaker 1: come back, there's another trend in dating that's happening a
Speaker 1: lot lately. It's called loud looking, and I want to
Speaker 1: speak again directly to women, and specifically women who are
Speaker 1: looking to have a long term commitment in a heterosexual relationship.
Speaker 2: Heyle is that you?
Speaker 1: By the way, are you looking to have a long term,
Speaker 1: committed relationship.
Speaker 2: In a heteros Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1: And so I'm going to teach you how to loud look.
Speaker 1: Do you know what loud looking is? I will learn today.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be very loud. And then after that I'm
Speaker 1: going to be taking your calls if you have a
Speaker 1: relationship question. Not the next segment, but a segment after that.
Speaker 1: I'm just throwing out the number now so you can
Speaker 1: write it down. It's one eight hundred and five two
Speaker 1: zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred five
Speaker 1: two zero one KFI. But first let's talk about laud looking.
Speaker 1: Right now, you're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show
Speaker 1: on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 3: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty, you have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I'd like to
Speaker 1: welcome my TikTok audience. I'm on TikTok Live now. If
Speaker 1: you'd like to come in the studio and see what
Speaker 1: we're doing here. Come on on to TikTok as long
Speaker 1: as TikTok's around. Looks like TikTok's going to be around
Speaker 1: for a really, really long time. They were a big
Speaker 1: sponsor of President Trump's golf tournament in Florida this week.
Speaker 1: So and also, he now has forty one million followers
Speaker 1: on TikTok, so why would he make TikTok go away?
Speaker 1: And this week he announced that he has extended the
Speaker 1: deadline about when he wants them to have to sell
Speaker 1: out to an American company. So I think we're good. TikTok.
Speaker 1: We're around. So just come on to TikTok at doctor
Speaker 1: Wendy Walsh and you can come on into the studio
Speaker 1: with us.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: I've been talking a lot about the rise of women
Speaker 1: economically and how that has impacted our love lives at
Speaker 1: our dating lives. I mentioned that there are more women
Speaker 1: in the American workforce than men. For the last twenty years,
Speaker 1: we've seen a huge feminization of college campuses. For every
Speaker 1: woman that graduates from for every man that graduates from college,
Speaker 1: there are two or three women I happen to teach
Speaker 1: on a college campus cal State Channel Islands Go Dolphins,
Speaker 1: where we have almost seventy percent female on our campus.
Speaker 1: So it's very obvious to and it's been this way
Speaker 1: consistently for the last decade. So women are surging ahead
Speaker 1: in some ways. But yet many women have this I
Speaker 1: call it patriarchy swimming in their brains. They have this
Speaker 1: Cinderella complex in their brains, which is, I want to
Speaker 1: marry somebody who makes more money than me or has
Speaker 1: more education than me. And as we know, that's a
Speaker 1: dwindling number of men, and within that group, those that
Speaker 1: want to make a commitment are even smaller. Because look,
Speaker 1: if I was a dude and I had so much
Speaker 1: access to so many potential female partners, I would ride
Speaker 1: that wave of free sex too. But there are guys
Speaker 1: out there that they might not be in those women's eyelines,
Speaker 1: and I think they need to open up a little bit.
Speaker 1: So what's happened is we've seen this trend where many
Speaker 1: women have fallen into these undefined relationships often called situationships.
Speaker 1: Situationships it's where you meet, you date, you have fun,
Speaker 1: you get to know each other, but you never have
Speaker 1: the conversation about what are are we are you my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: are we really? It's funny because at the wedding this weekend,
Speaker 1: I had a conversation with a young woman who had
Speaker 1: been with her boyfriend for a year and they met
Speaker 1: on bumble. She lives in Mexico City. She's a successful
Speaker 1: career woman in her early thirties, and she said there
Speaker 1: is a cultural tradition there. Though even though they were
Speaker 1: in a relationship where they were having sex, so it
Speaker 1: was kind of a situationship, it is still expected in
Speaker 1: her culture. She said that a man should say to
Speaker 1: a woman, will you be my girlfriend? Right, So she
Speaker 1: said that whenever she got drunk, she would say to him,
Speaker 1: when are you gonna ask me? When are you gonna
Speaker 1: ask me? She kept saying that to him, and eventually
Speaker 1: he did a few months into their relationship. And so
Speaker 1: it reminded me a little bit of this new trend
Speaker 1: called loud looking, and it is a reaction to the
Speaker 1: fact that too many women are ending up in situationships
Speaker 1: because they're too afraid to have that conversation. They're attached
Speaker 1: to the guy, they're having sex, they like him, and
Speaker 1: many of them fear abandonments, so they think if they say, well,
Speaker 1: what are we and are we actually a couple that
Speaker 1: he's just gonna go running?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: And I was actually listening to a Beyonce song this
Speaker 1: week when I was on the StairMaster, Oh producer Kla
Speaker 1: which song was it? Where she was basically saying it
Speaker 1: wasn't surfboard, it was fun, fun something. Anyway, she was
Speaker 1: basicaying all those other women, I don't even care about
Speaker 1: them tonight because I'm going to be the one for you.
Speaker 1: And she was basically kind of implying like he's gonna
Speaker 1: suddenly pick her because she's so good a bed basically,
Speaker 1: And I was like, this is not a good message.
Speaker 1: I love you, Bie, but that's not a good message. Okay,
Speaker 1: you don't just be the best in bed because men
Speaker 1: don't fall in love through sex. They fall in love
Speaker 1: through trust, and they generally don't trust a woman who
Speaker 1: gives them sex too easily, just saying so, now there
Speaker 1: are a group of women who are on with situationships
Speaker 1: and they have decided to practice a new trend on
Speaker 1: the dating apps called loud looking. You know what loud
Speaker 1: looking is. It's basically before you even have to have
Speaker 1: the conversation about what are we is stating very clearly
Speaker 1: in your profile about what you want. I have been
Speaker 1: saying this for years. The problem with the dating apps
Speaker 1: or many problems, but one of them is that it
Speaker 1: puts people who are looking for a short term relationship
Speaker 1: in the same mating pool as those looking for a
Speaker 1: long term relationship. Sadly, the best way to get a
Speaker 1: short term relationship is to pretend you're looking for long
Speaker 1: term relationships. So you gotta do some period of analyzing
Speaker 1: and checking people out and trying to decide. Right, So,
Speaker 1: what is loud looking? Loud looking is when a woman
Speaker 1: is in her fertility window, if she knows she wants
Speaker 1: to get married, if she knows she wants to have kids.
Speaker 1: And that's not everybody, And that's okay. Look, you might
Speaker 1: have just come out of a long, awful, sexless relationship
Speaker 1: and you just want to get your groove on on
Speaker 1: those apps. Go for it. No moral judgment here. But
Speaker 1: if you are a woman who wants to get married
Speaker 1: and wants to have kids, the new trend is putting
Speaker 1: it right out there in their profile. Right. But here's
Speaker 1: the problem. That means saying I'm looking to get married
Speaker 1: and saying it on first dates. Oh, isn't there too
Speaker 1: much pressure. Doesn't that put a lot of pressure on? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Didn't you know that dating is a high stakes game?
Speaker 1: It really is, and so yeah, you just want to
Speaker 1: put it out there. So here's the thing I want
Speaker 1: you all to be ready for. You're going to have
Speaker 1: to grow some alligator skin and a backbone because a
Speaker 1: lot of good looking lotharios are going to run away
Speaker 1: and you should do the touchdown cheer when that happens. Okay,
Speaker 1: Because when you're honest in your dating profile, when you're
Speaker 1: honest on a first date or second date about clearly
Speaker 1: what you want, that means all the players, the f boys,
Speaker 1: the commitment phobes, they are going to high tail it.
Speaker 1: And that sometimes doesn't feel good. But you can't value
Speaker 1: yourself based on whether someone likes you or not. You
Speaker 1: want to have the backbone inside to like yourself first, right,
Speaker 1: And then it's okay because there is going to be
Speaker 1: the guy, the good, monogamous, moral guy who's gonna Thank goodness,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm looking for right.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 1: I talk about being fearlessly honest in your profile and
Speaker 1: say it really loud, but your behavior has to back
Speaker 1: up your words. And I'm gonna tell you know, my
Speaker 1: books and everything I do is filled with my own mistakes.
Speaker 1: I've learned all these things besides text from textbooks, but
Speaker 1: also experientially. I remember being young and loud looking, and
Speaker 1: then this one guy I remember saying to him on
Speaker 1: this first date, you know, I am looking to get married,
Speaker 1: to have a full time, committed relationship. And then I
Speaker 1: had sex with him that night. That was so dumb
Speaker 1: because my behavior did not back up my words.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: You can't suddenly decide to hook up with a guy
Speaker 1: on a first date. You cash in all your cards,
Speaker 1: you throw in your hand, it's over. That advertises that
Speaker 1: you're looking for short term relationships. Right, Good, healthy, long
Speaker 1: term secure relationships take time to build. Slow love, slow
Speaker 1: it down right. It's the best way to make sure
Speaker 1: that your dreams come true after your loud looking intentions.
Speaker 1: So be real, be honest, just say it and stick
Speaker 1: to your guns. Be it and understand some people are
Speaker 1: going to disappear because of that. That's okay, because you're
Speaker 1: worth it. You are worth it. Hey, when we come back,
Speaker 1: I am going to be taking your calls and answering
Speaker 1: your relationship questions. If you like to call, The number
Speaker 1: is one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's
Speaker 1: one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
Speaker 1: Give me a call and I'll weigh in on your
Speaker 1: love life. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 3: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty. You a Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. Can somebody do
Speaker 1: me a favor? Go onto my Instagram right now and
Speaker 1: look at my live and see if there's any sound,
Speaker 1: because my Instagram followers were watching and said there's no sound.
Speaker 1: There's no sound. We can't hear you. It's funny. We're
Speaker 1: in an audio audio studio and there's no sound. So
Speaker 1: let me know and post a little comments so I
Speaker 1: can see at doctor Wendy Walsh dot com is the Instagram.
Speaker 1: Maybe we're just having a bad connection or something in
Speaker 1: the sound. It's not going through anyway. This is the
Speaker 1: time of the question. The time of the question, time
Speaker 1: of the show where I take your social media questions
Speaker 1: and also answer your phone calls, So if you'd like
Speaker 1: to call the numbers one eight hundred five two zero
Speaker 1: one five three four. That's one eight hundred five two
Speaker 1: zero one kfive. We're gonna start by going to social media. Uh,
Speaker 1: and here we go. Dear doctor Wendy. Oh, if you
Speaker 1: want to send me a social media question, it's at
Speaker 1: doctor Wendy Wols dot com. Just a dm on ig.
Speaker 1: Dear doctor Wendy. Is it okay to ghost someone if
Speaker 1: you're breaking up with them or is it best to
Speaker 1: tell them straight up? My thirty five year old daughter
Speaker 1: is doing this to someone she was dating because he
Speaker 1: was dating other women. So it's interesting the way this
Speaker 1: mother is asking this. She's saying her thirty five year
Speaker 1: old daughter is breaking up with her boyfriend by ghosting him,
Speaker 1: and then because he was dating other women. So it
Speaker 1: sounds like she's doing it as punishment. And there's so
Speaker 1: much research to show that the silent treatment is never
Speaker 1: good punishment. It causes more problems in a relationship than
Speaker 1: anything else. It is never okay to go somebody if
Speaker 1: you've met them in the real world. Okay, that's my rule.
Speaker 1: If you're just texted with somebody, okay, fine, you know
Speaker 1: they're enough fish in the sea. Fine, fine, fine, But
Speaker 1: if you have met somebody, or if this person actually
Speaker 1: is your boyfriend, then yeah, you have to have the
Speaker 1: straight up conversation. You have to talk to them about
Speaker 1: why and hopefully that two of you can learn something
Speaker 1: from it. So no ghosting is not okay? All right,
Speaker 1: dear doctor Wendy, Oh, last night we hooked up for
Speaker 1: the first time. Well it wasn't me and you just
Speaker 1: saying last night we hooked up for the first time.
Speaker 1: Oh oh oh oh. The anatomy was too small for
Speaker 1: me and there was a lot of performance anxiety in
Speaker 1: his end. We do see a future together. My question
Speaker 1: is am I ever going to get over there?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: If we need to stop. If you are reducing any
Speaker 1: human of any gender and their value to a body part,
Speaker 1: then you're not being fair to anybody and you're not
Speaker 1: being a good loving person. You say things like we
Speaker 1: see a future together, what is that future based on?
Speaker 1: I do want to let everybody know by the way,
Speaker 1: that in a new relationship, people place a lot of
Speaker 1: emphasis on the sexual chemistry. They say, like the sex
Speaker 1: is about ninety percent of it. But once you're in
Speaker 1: a long term committed relationship, the sex becomes ten percent
Speaker 1: of it. And have you ever thought about what's going
Speaker 1: to happen to you maybe when you're pregnant or postpartum
Speaker 1: of you know, breastfeeding, and your sex drive goes down.
Speaker 1: What if he judged you that way?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: So I would say that you didn't do your job
Speaker 1: to help reduce his performance anxiety. You probably made it worse.
Speaker 1: I'm just guessing the unconn just knows all. Even if
Speaker 1: you didn't remark on his anatomy, you had an opinion
Speaker 1: about his anatomy, and I think that's really unfair. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I really think that we have to look at people
Speaker 1: as human beings, as whole people, but reducing them to
Speaker 1: just a body part is not fair at all. Okay, Producer, Kayla,
Speaker 1: do we have someone on the phone.
Speaker 2: We have Ashley with a question.
Speaker 1: Ashley, Hi, Ashley, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5: Hi, doctor Wendy. So my question is, I've been taking
Speaker 5: a guy for a year and he travels your work
Speaker 5: and it's like often and so I rarely get to
Speaker 5: hang out with him. But I feel like I'm initiating
Speaker 5: most of it. You know, I do understand he's working inside,
Speaker 5: you know, but he does make time sometimes here and there.
Speaker 5: But I just I don't want to waste my time.
Speaker 1: I just want to know. Yeah, first of all, the
Speaker 1: sometimes word is the word that bothers me. There, Ashley,
Speaker 1: he makes time sometimes, and I'm initiating. I think you
Speaker 1: know what I'm going to say, Ashley. If you're not
Speaker 1: hearing her side of the conversation, by the way, and
Speaker 1: you're looking at me on Instagram right now, you can
Speaker 1: download the iHeartRadio app and listen to both sides of
Speaker 1: the conversation. So, Ashley, you've been dating him a year.
Speaker 1: He travels a lot for work. You find you know
Speaker 1: he's busy, but you're finding that you're doing all the
Speaker 1: initiating and he tries to make time. You know what, Ashley,
Speaker 1: You deserve to be courted, You deserve to be loved.
Speaker 1: You need a guy to be making all the effort
Speaker 1: to see you and spend time with you. Do not
Speaker 1: put up with less, because when you put up with
Speaker 1: less than you are lowering the bar on yourself. I
Speaker 1: want you to value yourself more. I want you to
Speaker 1: know that there's a guy out there who is going
Speaker 1: to chase you, who's going to make the phone calls.
Speaker 1: All right, Ugh, that breaks my heart? All right?
Speaker 2: Roll?
Speaker 1: Should I go to social or do we have somebody
Speaker 1: else on the phone? By the way, the numbers one
Speaker 1: eight hundred five to zero one KFI. That's one eight
Speaker 1: hundred five to zero, one five three four.
Speaker 2: We have Henry with a question.
Speaker 1: Henry, Hi, Henry, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 4: Hi, doctor Wendy calling you from Denver tonight, where it's
Speaker 4: cool but beautiful. I love out there for you as
Speaker 4: well well.
Speaker 1: Starting to warm up here finally, Thank goodness. Okay, what's
Speaker 1: your question? Henry?
Speaker 4: Henry from Denver, speaking of cool and beautiful. I'm seventy
Speaker 4: years old, about to retire from my job. I've been
Speaker 4: a widower for fourteen years and I've finally broken through that. Hey, honey,
Speaker 4: I can we can flirt because I'm a married guy.
Speaker 4: I'm safe. Oh yeah, you are. Well, we can be
Speaker 4: you know whatever. Well, I've overcome all of that. I'm
Speaker 4: comfortable with women.
Speaker 1: Yes, Oh good, you're comfortable with women now the most.
Speaker 4: Oh, I love women. Let's say, what's your question?
Speaker 1: What's your question? Uh?
Speaker 4: How do I where do I go to indulge in
Speaker 4: opportunity to date women and my age say fifty or over.
Speaker 1: Well, let me tell you there are.
Speaker 4: A church guy or no.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, no no. You're going to go
Speaker 1: on those apps, Henry. Everybody's on those apps because you
Speaker 1: put in your real age and people are searching by
Speaker 1: age group. If you want an app that's only for
Speaker 1: people over fifty, it's called our Time dot com. Our Time.
Speaker 1: But there's Match dot com, there's Bumble dot com, There's
Speaker 1: and there are apps that you download onto your phone.
Speaker 1: Put your pictures up, write a few little things about yourself,
Speaker 1: and be honest and authentic. Don't try to to You
Speaker 1: don't want somebody to show up on a date and
Speaker 1: that you don't reflect what you actually are. Right, So
Speaker 1: you just be honest, and I promise you there's somebody
Speaker 1: out there for you. I my suggestion for you is
Speaker 1: that in your profile you should say, uh, my wife
Speaker 1: passed away fourteen years ago. It's take give me this
Speaker 1: long to be ready. I'm about to retire and I've
Speaker 1: got some time and money on my hands, and I'm
Speaker 1: ready to meet a lady. You should just put that
Speaker 1: and you'll be amazed at the wonderful women out there. Henry,
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for calling, and good luck to you.
Speaker 1: All right, we got to run to a break. When
Speaker 1: you come back, give us a call. One eight hundred
Speaker 1: five two zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred five
Speaker 1: two zero one five three four four. You're listening to
Speaker 1: the Doctor Wendywell Show on KFI AM six forty live
Speaker 1: everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor
Speaker 1: Wendy Waalce. You can always hear us live on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday
Speaker 1: and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app.