Speaker 1: Caloroga Shark Media from Poolside. I'm Johnny mag with your
daily commedy news. Jhanny Mag are ree poolside again. Yeah man,
it's August now. A month from now, you know it'll
be cooler and I'll be teaching my college class about podcasting.
And you know you gotta enjoy these moments while you can.
Trevor Noah is back involved with the South African tourism industry.
They've launched a second international marketing campaign featuring comedian Trevor Noah.
They are seeking to attract more foreign visitors at a
time when the country's global reputation has been dented by
renewed xenophobic tensions and anti illegal immigration protests. The Tourism
Business Council of South Africa and Tourism Marketing South Africa
unveiled the Tourism in South Africa with Trevor Noah campaign.
The campaign is titled didn't Say We didn't tell you.
Let's let Trevor Noah tell you about it. Hi.
Speaker 2: There, I'm Trevor Noah, still South African, still a comedian,
and still getting from all over the world about South
Africa because I guess apparently I'm the only South African
people can ask why not ask black coffee Charlease Elon?
Speaker 1: Okay, maybe don't ask Elon.
Speaker 2: But the point is I've decided to come to our
tourism headquarters to answer your questions head on, questions like this,
Why didn't anyone tell me there were so many climates?
I only pecked for the beach. Well, English been three
to six, then South Africa we have it all.
Speaker 1: You can explore.
Speaker 2: Majestic mountains has skating waterfalls, desert dunes and boundless savannah plains.
Speaker 1: You get the idea. Now, as it turns out, I've
got a whole bunch of travel vacation e type things
to tell you about today. Chelsea Handler laid out her
strict rules for family vacation. She spoke to People magazine
about this, and she said, if you want a vacation
with me, these are the rules. Okay, what are the rules?
Chelsea Handler? By the way, if you want to hear
just how relatable Chelsea Handler is, pay attention here. In
her twenty twenty five book I'll Have what She's having,
she wrote a letter to her extended family establishing proper
vacation etiquette after she paid to take them on a
trip one year. That's nice. She observed a quote shortfall
of manners and left feeling quote embarrassed and taken advantage
of after they visited her homes in this is very relatable.
Los Angeles, okay, fine, Majorca in Spain, and Martha's Vineyard
in Massachusetts, because you know everybody has those kind of places.
Her first request were for her family to say hello
to all the people working in the home. We are
told they didn't need to have long conversations with the housekeepers,
but they do need to acknowledge their existence out of
decency and respect. Chelsea Handler asked that her family be
thoughtful of others when it comes to food and drinks.
Clean your plates after a meal and put them in
the dishwasher, and do not consume copious amounts of alcohol.
Wait until everyone's been served before grabbing more food. And
when I make a picture of Martaritez, don't finish the
picture unless you're willing to make another. She expects her guests,
especially younger relatives, to remain engage during family activities like
a game, movie, or dinner. She says they can sacrifice
their phones and video games to be present for an
hour or two at night. Sounds like a lot of
fun hanging out with Chelsea Handler. She requires a contribution
from her guests. A contribution does not mean financial, it
means what pleasantness are you planning to bring on vacation.
It's not a free for all. I don't care how
much our family annoys you. It's the only one we've
got and we're stuck together for life. She sounds fun. Meanwhile,
Rob Beckett spoke to the Guardian. You know Rob from
last one laughing at uk. Rob Beckett's till the Guardian.
We do a lot of Disney theme park holidays. When
my wife turns into some sort of army sergeant. She's
up at the crack of dawn, backpock on, hair done
and pigtails, hat on. Kids ready to go. That's how
you gotta do Disney, dude. You got to be there
the second the gates open and make a b line
for space mountain. Beckett said, when you have kids, they
basically ruin holidays because you're not relaxing. You're parenting and
more danger hotter, with less sleep. And then they get
to an age where they're big enough to play in
the pool, but they're also having their own separate holiday.
They'll be in the pool playing with each other, so
you're getting in for a bit, but they don't want
you to play, and then they play with some mates
they've met, Whereas when you go to Disney, it feels
like you're on holiday with them as mates because you're
going on the rides together, eating together, you go to
bed at the same time you wake up, so it
feels like you're on holiday with them. A different vacation.
Rob Beckett said, we went to Spain last year after
being really busy five nights in a row. The whole
family slept for ten hours. We just did nothing and
then basically we go to breakfast five minutes before it ends.
He would not like traveling with me. My family makes
fun of me. I have a full day itinerary, and
I mean full day now. Their brains are an autopo
that I'm like, hey, we got to be here, we're
doing this activity. Here's your passes. I have a folder.
If I get hit by an asteroid, somebody else can
run the vacation. It's all laid out. Here's all the vouchers,
here's everything, here's the schedule, Here's where you get the bus,
all that, But I don't go on vacation to see
the hotel room. I want to see the destiny. Also,
as much as I love the beach, I don't go
to the beach on vacation because I'm like eh, and
go to the beach around here, like when I was
in Australia. Believe me, Australia has got awesome beaches. And
I did one one half day on Bandai Beach, which
was just amazing. But I was like, you know, I
could sit on the beach at home. I can't climb
the Sydney Harbor Bridge, which is a real thing I did,
which I highly recommend a lot of fun. I can't
do that at home. I digress. Rob Beckett said, I'd
sleep forever. I was so relaxed that one time I
was on the balcony It's like around five o'clock. The
kids were out of the bath chilling and lou was
getting ready for the night. I was sort of josing
and I said to myself, if I die now, that's fine,
I'm all right. And he laughed at that notion. Different vacation,
I went to Seville with my wife and a couple
of friends and that was amazing. We watched real Ba tiasplay.
I love football, so Ville is amazing for eating and drinking,
so that was really nice. Go in August. If they're
having a bit of a cold week, book a last
minute deal because the hotels will be cheap. It's really
quiet and empty because it's too hot for most people
to go. But if you keep an eye on it,
you get cheap accommodation and cheap flights at the temperature drops.
That's interesting. Spain is awesome. Beckett says, we're going to
do a road trip through Europe, which we've never done before.
We're going to drive through France in the Champagne region
and then end up at Europa Park at theme park
in Germany. I do love a hotel room with the
family because I feel you're just war relaxed, and the
kids love breakfast. They go down and absolutely demolish it,
and then you set them up for the day. Keenan
Thompson has some car buying tips. Now this is an advertorial.
He was being paid to share these tips, but let's
roll with it. Keenan Thompson has some must have car
essentials for parents. Number one hand sanitizing wipes Keenan Thompson says,
definitely wipes. You gotta have wipes when you have kids.
Number Two hand sanitizer. He keeps hand sanitizer nearby for
quick cleanups after snacks, playground trips, and busy days on
the go. He also keeps napkins on hands just in case.
You know. I use the middle console thing in my
car and I always have napkins in there until my wife
gets in the car and boys, she goes through all
the napkins. I don't know what she's doing over there. Shotgun.
A lot of napkins disappear, and then I have to
go to Wendy's and get new napkins. Keenan said, I
try to keep my car pretty clean and not a
lot of clutter, you know. So I've done that. Then
my not the car i'm driving now, my last car,
this Hyundai Tucson that I got out when the kids
were young, and I decided this car I'm not going
to be precious about. There's a line I like that
said that battleships aren't meant to sit in dry dock.
They're meant to go out and get in battle. So
I took that attitude with my Hyundai Tucson, which served
me really well. I got to two hundred and five
thousand miles and then the transmission broke and I wanted
to save it, and my and my mechanic that I've
been using for years look me, and I was like, don't.
So I had to let that one go. But anyway,
with that car, I decided, this is the car that's
going to go to soccer games and to the beach,
and it's going to get sand in it, and it's
gonna get dirty, and that's okay. And that's what that
car did, and I loved it. Before starring on SNL,
Keenan Thompson was saving up for his first car, a
Toyota four Runner. He said it was my prize possession
because I bought it with my own hard earned cash.
It wasn't gifted to me. It was something I earned.
My favorite feature was that the backglass window would roll down.
I thought that was really cool for a hatchback kind
of truck. I thought this was fun. From Deadline, it's
called the laugh List. It is a list of the
year's best unproduced to comedy screenplays. Deadline explains it is
a new ongoing survey recognizing the year's most promising unproduced
comedy screenplays. Unveiled in association with Just for Last Montreal,
The list has ten screenplays that emerge from a field
of more than forty nominated projects. The scripts are in
various stages of development, somewhat studios attached and some not.
Here is the list. Number one. Daniel Bennett Needs a Friend.
The world's richest and loneliest man funnels his near infinite
resources into making one friend. I could see Steve Carell
in that Couldn't You? Yeah? The Flu Game during the
nineteen ninety seven NBA Finals, pretty specific, four desperate Utah
Jazz fans bet their life savings against the Chicago Bulls
and hatch an idiotic plan to poison Michael Jordan, accidentally
creating the infamous and very real Flu Game. That sounds amazing.
Let's get that made right now. Who should we cast
in that as Utah Jazz fans? Maybe like Ben Marshall
from the Police. Don't destroy guys, Marcelo Hernandez. Let's reunite
everybody from the seventy two hours movie. Why not? Next up,
it's I'd like to speak to your manager, Jake, really,
really wants to return those stupid little paper towels. I
don't have any ideas for that one. How about Island Man,
after heroically sacrificing himself to save a hijack plane and
spending five years on a deserted island. This already screams Sandler.
A roguish doctor returns from near death to reunite with
the love of his life, only to discover she's married
a totally normal dude named Jake. But this isn't the
hero story. It's Jake's and Jake is so eft that
could be Sandler right. Next up, it's pistols at three
forty five. After a petty online feud between two local
councilmen goes viral, the politicians are pressured by their small
town into a real life gun duel, leaving them both
desperately trying to figure out how to get out of
it without looking like a woos Well. Ferrell popped into
mind as I read that to you. In Rush, a
college student is sexually assaulted by frat guy that's not funny,
who faces no consequences. She and her best friend rushes
fraternity undercover to get revenge, only to I'm the unlikely
stars of Delta Iota Kappa's pledge class and get in
way too deep, too complicated for me to work out.
How about this could be our night after the release
of a crush list, there is the final night of
high school and a chaos. Two best friends must sneak
out to a wild graduation party so one of them
can hook up with her longtime crush. How about the
accidental scroll. A man is recording his podcast next to
the pool when suddenly his mouse jumps and moves the
script at Now that's not a real movie, although we
could make that where worry the planet is effing awesome,
except they actually use the naughty F word in the title.
Not sure that's going to make it to the theatrical release.
That might be a working title anyway. Twenty years after
their best friend went missing, a group of stoner friends
or zapped to a fun party planet where they find
him alive. They must race across the planet before the
only portloald or home closes forever. I don't know about
that one. That sounds like one episode of Rick and Morty.
Next up, it's untitled erotic teen fan fiction movie eighteen
writing erotic fiction online must collaborate with her schools. Primisky
was quarterback when asked to write about her non existent
love life for a publisher, I'll pass on that. And
then there's Witch Please. Two black wannabe viral ghost hunters
are transported back to sixteen hundreds, Massachusetts to defend a
little white girl's mother who's been accused of being a witch.
That one does have a producer attached Kevin Hart's heartbeat.
That is your comedy news on a summer Sunday. We'll
see you tomorrow.