Speaker 1: Hey, hey, Tony Gassin's here popping in another episode. Now,
Speaker 1: want to talk to you about setting standards, because this
Speaker 1: is one of the things that I see a lot of,
Speaker 1: is the lack of standards. Because if you don't take
Speaker 1: the time to set your standards before going into a
Speaker 1: relationship or going on to a job, or going into anything,
Speaker 1: then you'll be presented with some things that are beneath
Speaker 1: you and you'll end up accepting it because you never
Speaker 1: established in your own mind that this is not okay.
Speaker 1: So you have to sit down and really take the
Speaker 1: time and think about how you want to be treated.
Speaker 1: So often I get these questions about, you know, why
Speaker 1: the men do this, why the women do that? How
Speaker 1: do you get somebody to do this? How do you
Speaker 1: get somebody to do that? The answer is, you got
Speaker 1: to know what you want. You gotta set your standards,
Speaker 1: and you can't let the world tell you what you
Speaker 1: can not have. And that's one of the things you'll see.
Speaker 1: There are people who say, hey, I want someone who
Speaker 1: is attractive. I want someone who is responsible, I want
Speaker 1: someone who is ambitious. I want someone who is faithful,
Speaker 1: who is caring, who is kind, who is compassionate, who
Speaker 1: is understanding who is loving and devoted?
Speaker 2: I want that package.
Speaker 1: And guess what that.
Speaker 3: Was Tony Gaskins, the voice of reason has returned to.
Speaker 4: The scene of the conversation. And somebody was asking me.
Speaker 3: Recently, and this leads to me right into our topic tonight.
Speaker 3: You know, who are you and why does your voice matter?
Speaker 5: In?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 3: The landscape of relationship content creators? And I thought that
Speaker 3: was a very interesting and fair question, and I can't
Speaker 3: planet any better. I had no idea that Jill Monroe
Speaker 3: would have Kendreck g.
Speaker 4: As the closing.
Speaker 3: Interview of her episode, and it's just a perfect lead
Speaker 3: in for me, cause I'm gonna tell you right now,
Speaker 3: I'm not like any of these folk.
Speaker 4: And that doesn't.
Speaker 3: Mean I'm better than the rest of them or but
Speaker 3: I'm in it for a different reason. You know, a
Speaker 3: lot of self help is strategy based. How to get
Speaker 3: the person you want in ten steps, or how to
Speaker 3: heal your attachment style in sixty seconds. A lot of
Speaker 3: this stuff is strategy based. My work is totally different,
Speaker 3: and I thought, man, today, I need to reintroduce myself
Speaker 3: to my listening audience. I'm different than what anybody else
Speaker 3: got going on who is Zoe Williams and why does
Speaker 3: my or his voice matter?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: A comparative investigation into what fundamentally distinguishes me and my
Speaker 3: philosophy of intimate relationships from the dating strategy, gender politics,
Speaker 3: mate market economics, trauma, healing, self worth, faith based, clinical
Speaker 3: and pop psychology frameworks, dominating black relationship media, and whether
Speaker 3: my work asks a fundamentally different question. I think the
Speaker 3: question my work is asking is not simply how do
Speaker 3: we find, keep, fix, survive or leave relationships? But what
Speaker 3: do our relationships reveal about the consciousness, conditioning, culture, history, wounds, beliefs, perceptions, desires,
Speaker 3: and definitions of love we bring into them. I'm listening
Speaker 3: to Kendred G talking about how love is unconditional man,
Speaker 3: and this is no disrespect to Kendred G.
Speaker 4: Shout out to her.
Speaker 3: Much respect to her. She's building a brand and it's amazing.
Speaker 3: But listening to that, I can say I respectfully disagree.
Speaker 3: There were some things that I agreed with, but the
Speaker 3: love piece I totally disagree with.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, you know it sounded like.
Speaker 3: A business plan for love, a marketing pitch for love.
Speaker 3: Love is conditional. Love is based on conditions. Well, let
Speaker 3: me just say this quite simply. I always defer and
Speaker 3: default back to when one of my favorite people in
Speaker 3: the world was on the show, Doctor Joshanna Johnson, when
Speaker 3: she was talking about, you know the love languages and
Speaker 3: how they are born out of attachment wounds.
Speaker 4: Well, so are the conditions and the expectations.
Speaker 3: That's one of the things that separates me from other
Speaker 3: content creators. And I say separate. I didn't say elevate.
Speaker 3: I didn't say that makes me better than But I'm different.
Speaker 3: I'm coming from a different perspective. I say need is
Speaker 3: the original sin Adam and Eve kicked out of the garden.
Speaker 3: That was the first time they felt separation from God,
Speaker 3: when the need and the yearning for God possibly was born.
Speaker 3: D you see this is the work I'm doing. Relationship
Speaker 3: is a spiritual environment that reveals you to yourself. A
Speaker 3: lot of people have strategies for how to get what
Speaker 3: you want from the person you're with. I tend to
Speaker 3: see that as a type of or maybe a form
Speaker 3: of manipulation. They're not giving it to you willingly did
Speaker 3: they ever want to give it to you? Tonight's topic,
Speaker 3: who is Zoe Williams and why does his voice matter.
Speaker 4: Now I look at relationships, or look.
Speaker 3: I look at the relationship content world, and I see
Speaker 3: something that should make all of us a little uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: We have never had this many people telling us how
Speaker 3: to love. Men are being taught what women want, Women
Speaker 3: are being taught what men fear. We have experts on standards, boundaries,
Speaker 3: red flags, attachment, masculine leadership, feminine energy, high value behavior, healing, marriage, submission, narcissism, emotional, intelligent,
Speaker 3: biblical order. So why are we still this confused about
Speaker 3: one another? Everybody's an expert, right. That question bothers me
Speaker 3: because I suspect the problem may reach deeper than just
Speaker 3: bad advice. Every piece of relationship advice carries an invisible
Speaker 3: philosophy inside of it. Somebody has already decided what love means.
Speaker 3: Somebody has already defined a successful relationship. Somebody has already
Speaker 3: determined what makes a man valuable, what makes a woman desirable,
Speaker 3: what healing should produce, what marriage proves right, what leadership
Speaker 3: looks like, and what a healthy person should want.
Speaker 4: I want to know.
Speaker 3: Who gave those definitions permission to become truth. Kevin Samuels
Speaker 3: could make you confront your position, right in the romantic
Speaker 3: market place. Do you know many people when I first
Speaker 3: came to KBLA confused my philosophy with Kevin Samuel's philosophy.
Speaker 3: Totally different because of my Andy said, because of my aggression.
Speaker 3: How I speak with definitive certainty and passion. Oh, he's
Speaker 3: Kevin Samuels. Well, listen deeper. Didn't they teach you to
Speaker 3: listen in school?
Speaker 4: Right? Well, let me say it again.
Speaker 3: Kevin Samuels could make you confront your position in the
Speaker 3: romantic marketplace. Tony Gaskins can challenge your standards and choices.
Speaker 3: I fundamentally disagree with both of those positions. Right, wounds
Speaker 3: are choosing, unwitnessed unhealed wounds are doing the choosing, But
Speaker 3: I digress. Steven speaks Right can ask you whether unresolved
Speaker 3: pain keeps interfering with the love you say you want.
Speaker 4: Hell, we even got doctor Cheyenne Bryant.
Speaker 3: Let me go to another doctor, Brian doctor Thelma Bryant.
Speaker 3: Right can bring trauma, culture, authenticity, and liberation into the conversation.
Speaker 3: Ejan levan ZANDT can walk you toward the spiritual root
Speaker 3: of things. R. C. Blake's can bring your identity before
Speaker 3: God into the room. Those are serious contributions. My question
Speaker 3: usually starts acting up after the answer arrives. I'm sorry,
Speaker 3: I woo Tell me to choose better, and I want
Speaker 3: to investigate the chooser. Tell me to know my worth?
Speaker 3: And I want to know whose currency are we using.
Speaker 3: It is type of questions I'm asking. Tell me a
Speaker 3: man needs to lead, and I want leadership to show
Speaker 3: me its identification.
Speaker 4: Who taught you what leading means? Is it service? Is control?
Speaker 3: Is it responsibility? Is it a combination of all of it?
Speaker 4: Is it fear? Wearing authorities clothes? I want to know.
Speaker 3: These are the type of questions I'm asking. Tell a
Speaker 3: woman to raise her standards, and I want to know
Speaker 3: who built them? Wisdom, pain or humiliation? Who built your standards, ma'am? Wisdom,
Speaker 3: pain or humiliation? Who built your boundaries?
Speaker 4: Wisdom? Pain or humiliation?
Speaker 3: Discernment, social comparison, fear of ever being embarrassed again? Who
Speaker 3: are the architects of your boundaries? Of your standards? What
Speaker 3: if your expectations are built from a secret desire to
Speaker 3: have your partner regulate your emotions? I'm asking the questions
Speaker 3: of who's the author of the expectation who's the author
Speaker 3: of the boundary? Tell me somebody is toxic, and quite
Speaker 3: possibly they might be. But I still want to know
Speaker 3: what happened inside you when you met them, What made
Speaker 3: their behavior recognizable to you, what kept you anchored in
Speaker 3: the situation, what made leaving difficult? And what meaning you
Speaker 3: attached to the entire experience. These are the type of
Speaker 3: questions Zoe Williams is asking. This is where my work lives.
Speaker 3: I am interested in the question underneath the question. The
Speaker 3: relationship may begin as the subject, but it rarely gets
Speaker 3: to remain there. A conversation about cheating can become an
Speaker 3: investigation of identity. Attraction can expose culture hiding inside of chemistry.
Speaker 3: I'm asking the questions, how did you build this intellectual
Speaker 3: architecture that makes you think you know what you're doing?
Speaker 3: When we come forward, the voice of reason will continue
Speaker 3: to introduce himself to you. Storytime with Zoe Williams. That
Speaker 3: song matters to me.
Speaker 4: This was the first.
Speaker 3: Time that I've recognized that I was afraid of love.
Speaker 3: I was with a young lady. She was a couple
Speaker 3: of years older than me. I was around eighteen or nineteen.
Speaker 4: She was like twenty one and she was really serious
Speaker 4: about me.
Speaker 3: She was locked in, she was tapped in, like she
Speaker 3: was pouring into Zoe, and it frightened me. I literally
Speaker 3: played that we we on our way somewhere. She's driving
Speaker 3: and she had a I think it was a nineteen
Speaker 3: ninety Nissan CenTra. It was red with the black windows. Yeah,
Speaker 3: like she had her stuff together. She wasn't from Pasadena,
Speaker 3: she was a little further out.
Speaker 4: She was from West Covina, oh Man. But she was
Speaker 4: a sister. She was pouring into me.
Speaker 3: But I was young, I was foolish, and I was cute.
Speaker 3: So I can remember us going to the movies. I
Speaker 3: want you guys to get to Nuzo. I remember us
Speaker 3: going to the movies and Andy, I want you to
Speaker 3: start this from the top. I was going to the movies.
Speaker 3: We were going to the movies. And because she made
Speaker 3: me uncomfortable, because of how much she cared about me.
Speaker 4: It scared me. There was one time.
Speaker 3: It was Christmas and I think my mother and I
Speaker 3: were at a like a family Christmas get down right,
Speaker 3: it was a family Christmas party. This girl knew that
Speaker 3: I never locked my back door, because this is how
Speaker 3: she would come in and hang out with me.
Speaker 4: This girl.
Speaker 3: Came into the crib. I was still living with my
Speaker 3: mother at the time. She came into the crib, brought
Speaker 3: a tree, decorated the tree, put a gang of gifts
Speaker 3: under the tree for myself and my mother, and it
Speaker 3: frightened me. I'm just giving you the insight of what
Speaker 3: got me on my journey. Andy, play it from the top.
Speaker 4: Let's go. I want you guys to do it.
Speaker 3: This is the reason why I'm playing the record. Wait, wait,
Speaker 3: hold on, hold on, hold on, Andy, Dan, we on
Speaker 3: the way to the movies, and I tell you, I
Speaker 3: put this record on on purpose. And I told her,
Speaker 3: like I'm like eighteen nineteen.
Speaker 4: I tell her, I dedicate this to you. And she
Speaker 4: listened to it and she was like, what let it play? Andy,
Speaker 4: I'm sorry.
Speaker 6: Let's that a man's deans man, oh man, I'm not
Speaker 6: that a man would be bound to dog his.
Speaker 7: Es. How many victims in here, how many people say
Speaker 7: he did this, he did that, he left me, he
Speaker 7: took that, he did that, you know, and when you
Speaker 7: do that, you deified the.
Speaker 4: Problem that I guess, in my opinion, the trust comes
Speaker 4: in that I'm like, oh, everyone's a great person.
Speaker 6: I can give them whatever they want.
Speaker 8: And what about boundaries?
Speaker 7: People violate you when you don't have clear boundaries because
Speaker 7: you don't tell them how to behave in your life,
Speaker 7: and they run the mark.
Speaker 4: They run the.
Speaker 7: Mark because you don't have clear boundaries. Now, Venus, you
Speaker 7: just said on the tape that you'd rather be in
Speaker 7: a dead end relationship than be alone.
Speaker 4: Yeah, how are you defining alone? Not having somewhere to
Speaker 4: go on Friday night? Why can't you go out with
Speaker 4: your girlfriend? Get get it out of here?
Speaker 7: I did.
Speaker 3: I love Iyanla. I would love to have Yanla on
Speaker 3: so we could discuss this. Do you remember the scene
Speaker 3: in the Matrix when Neo becomes the one after he
Speaker 3: is shot several times by Agent Smith and he effectively dies.
Speaker 3: Do you remember the scene he's blasted on a few
Speaker 3: times and then it's over. When we come forward, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna give my counter thought to Yana Vanzette.
Speaker 9: Hey, Hey, good morning, How y'all doing well? Good afternoon.
Speaker 9: I know people will be tuning in all over the world. Hey,
Speaker 9: how you doing. Yeah? I know that h as a
Speaker 9: Kyle Walker and John p Key doing a you know,
Speaker 9: a holy ghost battle today, So I thought I would
Speaker 9: play Hezekiah Walker's better today?
Speaker 2: Hey, Christina, what's up?
Speaker 5: John?
Speaker 2: Yes, it's gonna get better because God is in control.
Speaker 2: What's up, Honey? Be me, what's up missus? What's up Jessica? Hey,
Speaker 2: how y'all doing this morning?
Speaker 8: Saying Hi?
Speaker 4: Everybody?
Speaker 2: Welcome?
Speaker 4: Hey Devon Franklin. I want him to get to the meeting. Potatoes,
Speaker 4: don't ever depart.
Speaker 2: Hey, Hey, my sister Lisa in the house. What's up?
Speaker 2: What's up? Let's how you doing? Get better?
Speaker 10: I know it may not be better right now, but
Speaker 10: you're declaring it's gonna get better.
Speaker 2: Hey, tricks from the ton of Daytona.
Speaker 10: Be took the man and put him in the garden
Speaker 10: of Eden to work it and take care of it.
Speaker 10: The Lord God took the man, put the man into
Speaker 10: the garden of Eden to work it and take care
Speaker 10: of it. All right now, this this is before there
Speaker 10: was the creation of the woman.
Speaker 2: So here we are.
Speaker 10: The garden of Eden has been created, and God creates man,
Speaker 10: puts man into the garden of Eden. What was the
Speaker 10: man's responsibility to take care of it and work it?
Speaker 2: Hmm.
Speaker 10: It's interesting that the introduction of man in the Bible,
Speaker 10: in the word of God is synonymous with work, responsibility,
Speaker 10: accountability too.
Speaker 3: Often no disrespect myself in Devon Franklin, we went on
Speaker 3: a trip together man down to Steve Harvey's. Steve Harvey
Speaker 3: had an event in Houston or yes, I think it
Speaker 3: was Houston Dallas, one of those places where Steve actually lives,
Speaker 3: and he had a huge event for single mothers and
Speaker 3: myself in Devon Franklin, which we went down there. We
Speaker 3: were chosen to go down there to speak to the
Speaker 3: young boys that Steve was mentoring. But I played Devon
Speaker 3: Franklin to say, you got content creators out there that
Speaker 3: use the religious framing, the hierarchical framing. God put man
Speaker 3: here for responsibility and d D. I'm not here to disagree.
Speaker 3: My job here is totally different than Devon Franklin. I'm
Speaker 3: here to tell you what the purpose, the spiritual purpose
Speaker 3: of relationship is, not the societal, not.
Speaker 4: The agricultural, not the gender base.
Speaker 3: But the psychological, spiritual side of it, the metaphysical side.
Speaker 3: That's Zoe's point. Who is Zoe willing? This is what
Speaker 3: Zoe does right that love saw it record, I was
Speaker 3: with the same girl. It's a wonderful record. She was
Speaker 3: such a sweetheart.
Speaker 4: I was cheating. I just wasn't tapped in. I was
Speaker 4: cheat eating, but she was serious. She was playing Karen
Speaker 4: White and Babyface singing together. Ah.
Speaker 3: This is when I realized something is wrong with me.
Speaker 3: And it was that young lady that got me on
Speaker 3: my spiritual journey.
Speaker 4: Right. I was like eighteen nineteen. I didn't even know myself.
Speaker 3: But it was that relationship that served as the catalyst.
Speaker 3: Later I figure out attachment styles. Oh, I'm anxious preoccupied.
Speaker 3: I'm always running after the woman that's running. The women
Speaker 3: that run to me, I tend to ignore them because
Speaker 3: they're there. That's the dichotomy of the anxious preoccupied attachment style.
Speaker 4: If you chase the anxious, they don't really respect it DC.
Speaker 4: And that was the first time that was triggered in me.
Speaker 3: She was there, she was present, she wanted to love
Speaker 3: on me, and I felt triggered.
Speaker 4: I felt awkward. D See Zoe Williams's work is a
Speaker 4: little different.
Speaker 3: I merge the philosophical, the psychological, the metaphysical. I don't
Speaker 3: merge the dogmatic, the social constructs. I don't merge those.
Speaker 4: DC.
Speaker 3: Once I got on my spiritual journey, I started to
Speaker 3: see Oh, this is what relationship is really about. That's
Speaker 3: why I don't do the strategy ten steps to get
Speaker 3: her to see you in a different light, ten steps
Speaker 3: to get anything you want from anybody.
Speaker 4: I don't do.
Speaker 3: Self help disguised as influence, like how to influence anybody
Speaker 3: to pick up artist stuff.
Speaker 4: I don't do that.
Speaker 3: We've got callers on the line. I want to get
Speaker 3: him in here right now. We got Lamont from Akron, Ohio. Lamont,
Speaker 3: what are your thoughts on tonight's topic? My friend, no profanity, Lamont, Yes.
Speaker 11: Sir so.
Speaker 12: So, I just wanted to say the first time I
Speaker 12: saw you he was on Black Men Revealed and back
Speaker 12: in the nineties, mid nineties whenever it was.
Speaker 3: Man two thousand and four, two thousand and five, actually
Speaker 3: was that.
Speaker 12: Was oh four?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 12: Oh wow, yeah that was Yeah, that was a long
Speaker 12: time ago. So, uh, like what brought you to no,
Speaker 12: how like to uh to get on your journey to
Speaker 12: become the scholar that you are, Because like when I
Speaker 12: saw you on that show a couple of times, and
Speaker 12: you like you knew it. It's like you knew what
Speaker 12: you were talking about, Like when you were talking to
Speaker 12: the one pastor and the other guy. But like you,
Speaker 12: like you knew everything, that not everything. I guess you
Speaker 12: could say you knew everything, but you knew what was
Speaker 12: going on no matter what they came at you with
Speaker 12: on the shows that I seen you on, Like, like,
Speaker 12: what what motivates you to do that?
Speaker 3: Pastor Singleton was on that show with me initially and
Speaker 3: we're still good friends to this day.
Speaker 4: Uh, let me do this.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna answer your question. You stay right there, don't
Speaker 3: go anywhere. When we come forward, because we're up against
Speaker 3: the clock. I want to answer Lamont's question about what
Speaker 3: motivated me to go on this journey when we come
Speaker 3: forward more from the VR.
Speaker 4: Good morning.
Speaker 13: I am so excited to be here, and in the
Speaker 13: spirit of revival, I am reminded about what happens on
Speaker 13: the third day, and so it is a divine setup
Speaker 13: that we are here for resurrection. It is a divine
Speaker 13: setup that everything that was meant to dismantle and to
Speaker 13: destroy and to diminish you did not get the final say.
Speaker 13: And so here we sit because the blood still works.
Speaker 13: I am, in my spiritual eyes even more excited to
Speaker 13: see you than I am in my natural eyes, because
Speaker 13: in our natural eyes We can only see what we
Speaker 13: chose to wear today, and if you decided to put
Speaker 13: on a little lip glass, but in the spirit, to
Speaker 13: know that you're spirit has gone from the fetal position
Speaker 13: to sitting here today. I am especially on assignment for
Speaker 13: those who could not sleep last night. This is the
Speaker 13: answer to prayers. And so I am glad and thankful
Speaker 13: for the tradition of starting with poetry, and in that spirit,
Speaker 13: I'll start with are we on Andy?
Speaker 4: Who was that young lady that was doctor tholm'brien.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love her work.
Speaker 4: Anyway.
Speaker 3: People think because people are Christians or whatever, that I
Speaker 3: don't still.
Speaker 4: Rock with them, but I do.
Speaker 3: Come on, I'm from Chattanooga Baptist Church, Chattanooga, Like, come on, now.
Speaker 4: Listen to me.
Speaker 3: It's all together, It's all one thing.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: Lamont from Akron, Ohio was asking me a question and
Speaker 3: I wanted to answer him. It's tied into that first
Speaker 3: relationship when she broke up with me. Right when that
Speaker 3: young lady broke up with me, Man, my attachment wounds
Speaker 3: were triggered, and it literally sent me on a spiritual
Speaker 3: journey after I crashed out, sent me on a spiritual
Speaker 3: journey like my friends who grew up with me knew like, oh,
Speaker 3: this broke up. This breakup was heavy on him. It
Speaker 3: flipped him inside out. And as I started to study
Speaker 3: and read, and I mean I'm a voracious reader everything philosophy, psychology,
Speaker 3: quantum mechanics, consciousness systems. I started reading everything This is
Speaker 3: me at nineteen, I started.
Speaker 4: Consuming at all because.
Speaker 3: When she was pouring in, I was uncomfortable, didn't know
Speaker 3: how to receive. And then when she took it away,
Speaker 3: DC's need as the first sin manifested itself in me, like, oh,
Speaker 3: this feels like my mother not being available, because my
Speaker 3: mother wasn't available emotionally. So it triggered a whole bunch
Speaker 3: of stuff and I went on a religious like. I
Speaker 3: started reading the Bible, studying religions. I just like really
Speaker 3: dove into knowledge, all types of esoteric knowledge, spiritual knowledge.
Speaker 4: And that's what got me on the journey. I hope
Speaker 4: I answered your question.
Speaker 12: Brother, I just wanted to say I can be grief.
Speaker 12: You said that, and you said, like mother wasn't there
Speaker 12: for you, you know, emotional understand that that's just me, you know,
Speaker 12: in my life. But like I said, man, I just
Speaker 12: wanted to you know, see what understand how you got
Speaker 12: on the journey that you got to. Like I said,
Speaker 12: that's the first time I saw you, and you know,
Speaker 12: I saw you doing other stuff and that's what brought
Speaker 12: me to you know, you know other see other people
Speaker 12: that you've been around, so you know, but absolute to you.
Speaker 12: So for real, like and I wish that like the
Speaker 12: like Black Men revealed, I wish that they had that
Speaker 12: show againment or something you know close to that, you know,
Speaker 12: to to open people's minds on book the things.
Speaker 3: Man, Well, I appreciate it, brother, but I got a
Speaker 3: question for you. Guess what you just did?
Speaker 12: What's that?
Speaker 3: Come on, Laman, I gotta tell I tell you. When
Speaker 3: I say guess what you just did? You say I
Speaker 3: brought Akron Ohio in the building.
Speaker 4: Let's do it. Guess what you just did? Lamont.
Speaker 12: I brought Akron Ohio in the building.
Speaker 3: Whoop, Akron Ohio is on the board. If you want
Speaker 3: to bring your city in the building. No you got
Speaker 3: to do is call me on one eight hundred nine
Speaker 3: twenty fifteen eighty. Were gonna jet to Detroit, Michigan. Reggie
Speaker 3: is on the line. Reggie from Detroit, Michigan.
Speaker 4: What are your thoughts on tonight's topic.
Speaker 5: So what's up? Man? I've heard you maybe at least
Speaker 5: fifteen years. It was back in the Fox Whole days
Speaker 5: when I started listening to you. And one I guess
Speaker 5: the biggest gift you've probably given us is the gift
Speaker 5: of perspective. You know, it's not you never tell us
Speaker 5: what to think. You just give us tools to look
Speaker 5: at an issue and look at ourselves in a different way.
Speaker 5: And so you never tell us what you think. It's
Speaker 5: only that we are thinking. And I think that's the
Speaker 5: lasting thing. It doesn't just last, it out last because
Speaker 5: you keep asking the question of yourself, Okay, how am
Speaker 5: I looking at this thing? Is my vision correct for
Speaker 5: the time that I'm in? And that's that's really valuable
Speaker 5: to me. You know, some of the things that you
Speaker 5: ask it are you know, what are you afraid of?
Speaker 5: And usually the situation just stops with you identifying the
Speaker 5: thing that you're afraid of. You just kind of shy
Speaker 5: away from it. But you you're like, okay, you you
Speaker 5: identified this thing, all right? What about it scares you?
Speaker 5: And you just keep asking those questions, just you know,
Speaker 5: unwrapping that onion that's there and you get to a
Speaker 5: deeper sense of yourself. That's something you can take away
Speaker 5: from this, from this program, and it's something that you
Speaker 5: can apply to your life every day. So I've done
Speaker 5: this for goodness at least it's he is now. So
Speaker 5: I mean, that's the gift that you've given me, and
Speaker 5: I just appreciate you for it.
Speaker 4: Man, Man, I appreciate you, man, Thank you. Man. It's
Speaker 4: all love.
Speaker 3: And it's been a long time since we heard from
Speaker 3: Reggie from Austin, Texas. It's no longer Austin, Texas is
Speaker 3: d Detroit.
Speaker 4: What up though? Hey, guess what you just did.
Speaker 5: Reggie brought Detroit in the building.
Speaker 4: Detroit is in the building.
Speaker 3: We hey, man, we miss you. I hope to get
Speaker 3: you back in here sometime soon. Listen, I want us
Speaker 3: to understand I come from a different perspective. That's what
Speaker 3: I want us to understand. I'm never trying to sound
Speaker 3: like anybody else. And when I do mention other people's work,
Speaker 3: I like to cite them. But I know the way
Speaker 3: we view relationships is broken and it needs to be fixed.
Speaker 8: Right.
Speaker 4: Love is not enough, but God is love. Wow.
Speaker 3: I need somebody to fulfill my needs needs, One of
Speaker 3: my fundamental beliefs is that need.
Speaker 4: Is the first sin. Right, a mother.
Speaker 3: In many anthropological research and cultural research, you will find
Speaker 3: that the mother.
Speaker 4: Was a deity figure, a god figure, the mother. So
Speaker 4: imagine when the mother.
Speaker 3: Is inconsistent with regards to the child's need, and then
Speaker 3: the child develops a strategy. This is what people are
Speaker 3: teaching in a relationship today is strategy.
Speaker 4: Why because the.
Speaker 3: Wound that was created needs a strategy in order to
Speaker 3: be satiated. And if you never unchecked that, never turn
Speaker 3: that switch off. As you transition into adulthood. The strategy
Speaker 3: is to all operating. Well, this is how you show
Speaker 3: up in relationship in order to get what you want? Oh, well,
Speaker 3: you don't. Love is not enough. You don't necessarily need love.
Speaker 3: I mean it's all conditional. I can love you based
Speaker 3: on what you do. Well, if it's conditional, how can
Speaker 3: you stop the doing and transition into the being? That's
Speaker 3: one of the fundamental thoughts, right that Zo brings to
Speaker 3: the relational.
Speaker 4: Field right when we come forward, Just no, I haven't
Speaker 4: even touched the surface.
Speaker 14: Maybe continue, It's what we were talking about yesterday evening.
Speaker 1: Who was seeing.
Speaker 14: That this is not a lecture.
Speaker 4: With a view to.
Speaker 14: Convey information. We are together having a conversation, you as
Speaker 14: a separate human being who are separate at all, with
Speaker 14: the speaker. We are walking down a day and gooded,
Speaker 14: plenty of shadows and birds singing. We sit down together
Speaker 14: and talk about the whole problem of existence, which is
Speaker 14: very complex. And as we are friends for a long time,
Speaker 14: we have many days to talk over these things. And
Speaker 14: we are neither convincing each other about any subject. We're
Speaker 14: not trying to persuade each other, We're not trying to
Speaker 14: overcome the other through arguments or sticking dogmatically to one's
Speaker 14: own opinion prejudices, but rather together and I hope you
Speaker 14: are doing the same with me. Together, we are going
Speaker 14: to look the world as it is on the world
Speaker 14: that is within us.
Speaker 3: So from the very beginning I brought Christiana Meriti right
Speaker 3: to the forefront these shows because his philosophy, his philosophical approach,
Speaker 3: his style of questioning right socratic in nature. It inspired me.
Speaker 3: I discovered him in the nineties. Every time I got
Speaker 3: into a relationship there was a wreckage. I realized the
Speaker 3: acquisition of knowledge was not enough. People are asking, how
Speaker 3: does Zoe get to talk about this kind of stuff,
Speaker 3: because in order to gain any modicum of insight, there
Speaker 3: were pieces of me that had to be confronted. And
Speaker 3: in that confrontation there was a recontextualization of who I
Speaker 3: thought I was. In other words, an actual destruction of
Speaker 3: an old, old architecture, an old belief system, an old
Speaker 3: structure that lived within me. And just when I thought
Speaker 3: I was starting to understand things intellectually articulately, I started.
Speaker 4: To realize, Oh, you just only know the words. You're
Speaker 4: not embodying the words though. I started to understand that.
Speaker 3: Many broken hearts, many disappointed people in my life because
Speaker 3: I was still trying to figure.
Speaker 4: It out right.
Speaker 3: But that initial serious relationship when I was in my
Speaker 3: teens set me on this journey of the acquisition of information.
Speaker 3: It didn't come until my mid to late thirties that
Speaker 3: I recognized that, yes, you have accumula a lot of knowledge,
Speaker 3: but you have not downloaded any of it. You can
Speaker 3: speak it with eloquence, but you cannot live it. It
Speaker 3: was a guru that I was studying in the nineties
Speaker 3: by the name of Sethya Sai Baba.
Speaker 4: Who said these three things.
Speaker 3: He said they must be an alignment or it's not real.
Speaker 4: Thought word.
Speaker 3: Indeed, they must be integrated the thought, the word, and
Speaker 3: the deed, the action, the behavior, the embodiment thought word. Indeed,
Speaker 3: if those three are misaligned, there's more to learn, There's
Speaker 3: more to know about oneself. I'm trying to give you
Speaker 3: an understanding of my.
Speaker 4: Approach, my philosophical approach to relationships. I do not.
Speaker 3: Believe the crisis in modern relationships begin with people lacking information.
Speaker 3: We may possess more relationship information today than any generation
Speaker 3: before us. We have dating coaches, therapists, pastors, psychologists, masculinity teachers,
Speaker 3: femininity teachers, marriage experts, attachment specialists, social media commentators, red
Speaker 3: flag lists, compatibility tests, communication formulas, and endless instructions about
Speaker 3: what men and women should expect from one another. My
Speaker 3: question begins somewhere else, entirely, what if the person consuming
Speaker 3: all of that information has never seriously investigated the consciousness
Speaker 3: interpreting the information.
Speaker 4: That question sits at the center of my work.
Speaker 3: I am not primarily interested in teaching people how to acquire, manage,
Speaker 3: keep control, or correctly perform in a relationship.
Speaker 4: That is not what I do.
Speaker 3: Although the majority of folk in this field will try to,
Speaker 3: you know, make it seem like they can teach you
Speaker 3: how to do this in thirty quick steps in the
Speaker 3: six week masterclass.
Speaker 4: No disrespect to them, get your money.
Speaker 3: I want to know what intimacy reveals about the human
Speaker 3: being who entered it entered into it?
Speaker 8: Right?
Speaker 3: What does your attraction reveal about the essence of who
Speaker 3: you are, the substrate beneath your mask? What does your
Speaker 3: idea of intimacy reveal about that portion of you?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: What does rejection disturb within your spirit? What does betrayal
Speaker 3: expose to you, within you, to you?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: What does commitment threaten inside of you? What architecture does
Speaker 3: it threaten? And philosophical architecture, psychological architecture. What does commitment
Speaker 3: threaten within you? Why does one person feel like safety
Speaker 3: while another produces panic? What part of your history participates
Speaker 3: in what you presently call chemistry?
Speaker 4: Did you hear the question.
Speaker 3: What part of your history participates in what you presently
Speaker 3: call chemistry? Compatibility, masculinity, femininity, loyalty, disrespect, abandonment, love, or God.
Speaker 3: This does not make my work superior to Tony Gaskin's work,
Speaker 3: or Steven Speaks or doctor Thelma Brien or Kevin Samuel's
Speaker 3: Eon Levanz and RC Blakes.
Speaker 4: Or anybody else.
Speaker 3: This doesn't threaten anybody's platform or work.
Speaker 4: My work doesn't do that.
Speaker 3: Many of them address dimensions of relationship life that deserve examination,
Speaker 3: and in certain areas, have expertise that I do not.
Speaker 3: They possess an expertise that I do not. Right, the
Speaker 3: distinction lies in the question I refuse to stop asking
Speaker 3: what sits underneath your answer? If someone tells you to
Speaker 3: know your worth, I want to investigate the architecture that
Speaker 3: taught you what worth meant?
Speaker 4: Who established the value? Do you understand? I want to know.
Speaker 3: If someone tells you to choose better, I want to
Speaker 3: invent instigate the chooser. My philosophy begins where relationship advice
Speaker 3: often ends. Typically, the relationship advice world is giving advice
Speaker 3: to a person who wants to then use it to
Speaker 3: change a circumstance, to change a situation, to get ultimately
Speaker 3: what they want from something. Typically, the advice is not
Speaker 3: centered on becoming the authentic true self or finding self
Speaker 3: resonance resonance within this? How do you resonate within you?
Speaker 3: Without judgment, without verdict, without self prosecution DC They come
Speaker 3: to you and say how do I get this? How
Speaker 3: do I do that? I don't do that. That's why
Speaker 3: I say my philosophy begins where relationship advice ends. I
Speaker 3: use intimate relationship as a doorway into higher consciousness, identity, culture, psychology, spirituality, perception,
Speaker 3: and the hidden assumptions through which human beings experience one another.
Speaker 3: This is why I believe my voice matters in this space.
Speaker 3: I am not asking people to merely become better at
Speaker 3: intimate relationships. I am asking whether relationships can make us
Speaker 3: more conscious of the person who keeps creating them.
Speaker 4: That's what my work is about. We got callers on
Speaker 4: the line. I want to get him in here right now.
Speaker 4: Lee Roy from.
Speaker 3: Inglewood, California, Legendary Inglewood with legendary Leroy.
Speaker 4: He has returned to the scene of the conversation. What
Speaker 4: are your thoughts on tonight's topic?
Speaker 8: Well, first and foremost, can you hear me clearly?
Speaker 4: Yes, sir, all right, wonderful man.
Speaker 8: While everybody was giving you your eulogies, I said, let
Speaker 8: me chime in and give.
Speaker 5: Him my right.
Speaker 4: A eulogy for real.
Speaker 8: Yes, you know you were Jesus kind words you know,
Speaker 8: good word you know, and these people are they're calling in.
Speaker 15: Like you know, so I remember you were twenty five
Speaker 15: years ago, so you know when I found you, it
Speaker 15: was fifteen years ago. And you know, and I remember
Speaker 15: when I first found you as well, and it was
Speaker 15: like the first time ever I saw.
Speaker 8: I felt this negro thought he was fine, here we
Speaker 8: go and you and you were and you are you
Speaker 8: wiser now? You were smart then, but you're wiser now,
Speaker 8: and you so much kinder. Shitler, No, you are man.
Speaker 8: You know, you used to go a hard body. You
Speaker 8: used to go in I mean blazing, and now you
Speaker 8: be treating you know, the religious people that the NFS
Speaker 8: a lot kinder. And when I was listening to you
Speaker 8: share about how this young lady in your teenage years
Speaker 8: ignited you towards this journey, I got sensitive inside, you know.
Speaker 8: I started thinking about lyone or Ritchie another, breakups on
Speaker 8: what now hello, yeah, no, you know what I mean,
Speaker 8: And it was like, you know, it's painful oftentimes when
Speaker 8: we get on these Johnnys, and then it leads to
Speaker 8: a certain type of loneliness until we learn how to
Speaker 8: come back to ourselves. And sadly, most of the people
Speaker 8: that I know for a fact that I deal with
Speaker 8: They haven't done that much work. They would rather argue
Speaker 8: with me than the sources that I share, and they
Speaker 8: would get mad because me acknowledging that I'm incomplete. But
Speaker 8: yet it's still qualified to give them answers to question
Speaker 8: that they've had for ten or fifteen years, and they
Speaker 8: ain't getting answers for from the places that they're going
Speaker 8: to get them from. All I said. I said all
Speaker 8: that to say, brother, fail your journey. I love yourself
Speaker 8: definition being issue in real time right and acknowledging that
Speaker 8: up front so that the adepts can get what they
Speaker 8: need and the ns can get their bells wrong without
Speaker 8: you beating up on them like you used to. You
Speaker 8: kind of pulling the people's hands and moving them along
Speaker 8: in a better way now. And I just want to
Speaker 8: thank you for being a very good, thin thing and
Speaker 8: a kind individual with the teaching. Appreciate you.
Speaker 4: Guess what you just did, good brother man.
Speaker 8: We brought Inglewood, City of Champions in the building.
Speaker 4: Yes, sir, Inglewood in the building. If you want to
Speaker 4: bring your city in the building, all you got to
Speaker 4: do is call me.
Speaker 3: One ain't hundred nine twenty fifteen eighty Listen There's more
Speaker 3: to come when we come forward.
Speaker 4: Await, hold on, hold on story time, the music. Oh
Speaker 4: my goodness, Faith Evans, what is this night?
Speaker 3: Ninety four ninety three, I'm just becoming a music executive.
Speaker 3: Loud RCA Records Senior VP of West Coast an R
Speaker 3: Steve Rifkin, hired me man oh Man as Chevitz. This
Speaker 3: is when I was dating the Laker girl. She was
Speaker 3: already in a relationship Scorpio. She had been in this
Speaker 3: relationship for about.
Speaker 4: Six years. I met her in a club in Pasadena.
Speaker 4: I was there to see an artist. She was with
Speaker 4: her friends. She was playing pool. She had a some
Speaker 4: type of brace on her knee because she injured herself
Speaker 4: on the court. Right.
Speaker 3: Gorgeous, beautiful little scorpio. Oh five, my god.
Speaker 4: I was twenty four, she was twenty seven going on
Speaker 4: twenty eight, and.
Speaker 3: We locked eyes. I gave her my card, Yeah, she
Speaker 3: took it. She told me she had a dude. I said,
Speaker 3: it's cool, and then I received a call at my desk.
Speaker 3: The next day, I was at Loud listening to demos.
Speaker 3: I think at the time the demo had was ras
Speaker 3: Cast and I love Rascast. I was like, oh, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna sign this guy. But I got this phone call
Speaker 3: and it was the young lady.
Speaker 4: She told me she was in a relationship. It was serious,
Speaker 4: and I was like, all.
Speaker 3: Right, that's cool. But then she asked me to go
Speaker 3: to the movies, and that's when I knew, yeah.
Speaker 4: I'm in here.
Speaker 3: And then she tried to play the older woman thing
Speaker 3: on me, like, oh, you don't know what to do
Speaker 3: with this, you young you, and I.
Speaker 4: Told her, I said, be careful, be careful. She didn't
Speaker 4: believe me. And what's interesting about this relationship.
Speaker 3: I don't want to go into the details, but this
Speaker 3: song found out the girl could sing.
Speaker 4: She put this record on.
Speaker 3: In the car and she was singing like she was
Speaker 3: literally killing it. I was like, Wow, this girl is amazing.
Speaker 3: Until her dude found out, Hey.
Speaker 4: Play the record. Let's go play it from the beginning Farocian.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's one of the best times of my life.
Speaker 3: She lived in the back house, you know, and I
Speaker 3: would just slip in, slip out. And then one day.
Speaker 4: Her father saw me walking up and he told me.
Speaker 4: He was like, hey, man, let me talk to you
Speaker 4: for a second.
Speaker 3: And I go talk to him and he says, what
Speaker 3: do you see in my daughter. I was like, oh wow,
Speaker 3: here we go.
Speaker 4: He said, what do you see in her?
Speaker 3: He said, she's twenty seven, she's still watching Disney movies.
Speaker 3: He said, but I watched you at an event we
Speaker 3: were at. He said, you didn't interact with none of
Speaker 3: the people, none of the family members.
Speaker 4: He said, I saw you.
Speaker 3: You went into the line library and grabbed three or
Speaker 3: four books and sat down the entire time. I went
Speaker 3: somewhere with her with her family, and he was like,
Speaker 3: I need to know who you are, and when I
Speaker 3: tell you, the relationship with me and the girl went away.
Speaker 3: Even though she was she was wrapped around me like
Speaker 3: an anaconda down in the Amazon.
Speaker 4: Man. She was whoo, she was bad whoop.
Speaker 3: But the relationship went away because she was already with
Speaker 3: someone but her. Her father and I became friends because
Speaker 3: he was fascinated by my mind, and we stayed friends.
Speaker 4: Until he died. Me and the girl's father became road dogs.
Speaker 16: He was older and he was wild, but he saw
Speaker 16: something in me, and he was like, He told me, literally,
Speaker 16: you can't be with her, but because she's beautiful, and maybe.
Speaker 4: The sex, he's got to be the sex.
Speaker 3: He was talking to me raw He was like, Yo,
Speaker 3: it can't be nothing else because I saw what you
Speaker 3: was reading.
Speaker 4: Man.
Speaker 3: When we come forward, it's not over. You're gonna learn
Speaker 3: some more about Zoe William Hello.
Speaker 17: I'm Howard Steele. I was privileged to study and work
Speaker 17: in England for eighteen years, beginning my doctoral studies at
Speaker 17: a time when doctor John Bowlby still kept office hours
Speaker 17: at the Tavistalk Clinic, where he spent most of his
Speaker 17: working life.
Speaker 11: Tachment is an integral part of human nature, from the
Speaker 11: cradle to the grave. It may be it's very prominent
Speaker 11: in early childhood about it's true of you today.
Speaker 17: Doctor John Bowlby was a psychiatrist whose life spanned most
Speaker 17: of the twentieth century. He devoted his life to understanding
Speaker 17: and promoting mental health, seeing the origins of such health
Speaker 17: as being the ability to rely on another person when
Speaker 17: we are distressed.
Speaker 13: It's kind of hard for me because I didn't know
Speaker 13: at first how to treat.
Speaker 17: My children so ch and to share joys with them
Speaker 17: as well.
Speaker 4: You know she's gonna become with somebody, you know.
Speaker 3: That Gosh, that attachment piece is heavy. That troop record,
Speaker 3: that's a sleeper record.
Speaker 4: A lot of people slept on that deeper album. Only
Speaker 4: When I Laugh is the name of the record. Tonight's
Speaker 4: topic is deep.
Speaker 3: I'm sharing so much about myself and my journey and
Speaker 3: what distinguishes me from a lot of the social media.
Speaker 3: First off, I'm in school for psychology. I've written books
Speaker 3: before I was in school that people who were in
Speaker 3: school used to write their dissertation to. If you don't know,
Speaker 3: you better ask somebody. The Relationship Dismount how to stick
Speaker 3: the landing when exiting a toxic relationship. Last week we
Speaker 3: had a young lady shout out to Jasmine up in
Speaker 3: Washington State. She caused the Relationship dismount book to go
Speaker 3: viral because of an impromptu conversation she had with an
Speaker 3: African American couple in a park and randomly the couple
Speaker 3: suggested my book. That video when she came on the
Speaker 3: Voice of Reason, what was it last week? And it
Speaker 3: was last week Monday, I believe she came on and
Speaker 3: that video was at eight hundred thousand views. She dropped
Speaker 3: at August sixth, That Monday was the ninth or the
Speaker 3: eleventh or tenth or something.
Speaker 4: Four days later it was at eight hundred thousand views.
Speaker 3: It's now at one point three million views, and that
Speaker 3: caused the relationship dismount.
Speaker 4: My book, The Skyrocket. Doctor Joshawna.
Speaker 3: Johnson says she even used my book as a lightweight textbook.
Speaker 4: All right.
Speaker 3: I had a friend down in Kentucky, went to Kentucky State.
Speaker 3: He used my book to write his dissertation. We have
Speaker 3: a brother that used to come on the show quite frequently,
Speaker 3: Tony Massey. He wrote his dissertation to the Relationship Dismount.
Speaker 4: This is all before I went to school for this stuff.
Speaker 3: Doctor Alan Berger, who just wrote the forward to my
Speaker 3: latest book, he too, ooh, you're a natural therapist. I've
Speaker 3: got fifty years in the game, and you're a natural therapist.
Speaker 4: But I don't claim any of that.
Speaker 3: The only reason why I went back to school is
Speaker 3: because my uncle, who's eighty years old, convinced me. He said,
Speaker 3: you've already done the work. Just go back and get
Speaker 3: the paper.
Speaker 4: Just finish it up.
Speaker 3: I'm sharing who I am, why my voice matters. But
Speaker 3: I'm here to tell you I created load bearing mind
Speaker 3: shifting concepts like the Holographic Relationship, the Shrouded Lighthouse, and
Speaker 3: the relationship Dismount books well before I decided to go
Speaker 3: back to finish up right, But just in case you
Speaker 3: need further distinctions, here's some concepts that I'm pushing on
Speaker 3: this platform. You already know need as the original sin,
Speaker 3: the belief in lack before the relationship even begins, like
Speaker 3: I need this person to fulfill my needs. I know
Speaker 3: it's psychologically counterintuitive, and I'm trying to upend and turn
Speaker 3: over every apple cart that these old, dead white men created.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to destabilize all of those theories. My radical
Speaker 3: move is to ask whether psychological need begins with a
Speaker 3: metaphysical mistake. I lack something essential, therefore somebody outside of
Speaker 3: me must provide it for me.
Speaker 4: So I've framed it as need as the original sin. Right.
Speaker 3: Sure, we need in a developmental sense when we're children,
Speaker 3: but we don't have to need as adults. We have
Speaker 3: the capacity to fulfill our own needs internally self esteem,
Speaker 3: self worth, self approval, self validation, self satisfaction, happiness, self acceptance.
Speaker 3: We have the power to do that, but we outsource it.
Speaker 4: Why.
Speaker 3: That's why I've I've pushed and leaned into need as
Speaker 3: the original sin.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 3: Once that premise gets installed, the premise of I lack
Speaker 3: something essential therefore somebody outside me of me must provide it.
Speaker 3: Once that premise gets installed, love can mutate into acquisition, validation, possession, control, reassurance,
Speaker 3: and dependency. Right, the partner becomes responsible for repairing an
Speaker 3: alleged absence in the soul Oh My Shrouded Lighthouse book
Speaker 3: repeatedly distinguishes inner revolution from external desire and asks whether
Speaker 3: we can love without requiring another person to conform to
Speaker 3: our expectations. Right, I've got more concepts that I want
Speaker 3: to share.
Speaker 4: Are you ready?
Speaker 3: Because I'm trying to distinguish my voice from everybody else's.
Speaker 3: I know everybody A sam relationship is a mirror. But
Speaker 3: they're not telling you that's Christianna Murti. They're not linking
Speaker 3: Ross Rossenberg, right, the human magnet syndrome. They're not linking
Speaker 3: it to attachment theory.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 3: The avoidance and the anxious folk are typically attracted to
Speaker 3: each other. Like ross Rossenberg points out that the narcissists
Speaker 3: and the codependent are attracted to each other. They just
Speaker 3: throw it out there superficially, relationship is a merriat. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but what does that mean and how does that show
Speaker 3: up clinically psychologically metaphysically spiritually, they don't go that deep.
Speaker 3: I'm not here to crucify. I'm not here to pathologize.
Speaker 3: We need every voice.
Speaker 4: But I'm distinguishing mine.
Speaker 3: Tonight when we come forward more from the VR ladies
Speaker 3: and gentlemen, we rolling down.
Speaker 4: PC right now. My playlist has always been my co host.
Speaker 3: Come on, man, y'all know we in here cooking the
Speaker 3: night this last time you heard this John B record,
Speaker 3: we turned up tonight the Voice of Reason sharing a
Speaker 3: bit of himself. I've been on one lately and this
Speaker 3: is like a primer. Who is Zoe Williams? What is
Speaker 3: his philosophy? Why should we even listen? Why do we
Speaker 3: even care?
Speaker 5: So?
Speaker 3: I was sharing, you know, need as the first relational sin.
Speaker 4: I don't believe.
Speaker 3: We're supposed to fulfill each other's needs. I believe our
Speaker 3: needs were supposed to be fulfilled in childhood, and when
Speaker 3: they weren't, a survival system kicked on, and then we
Speaker 3: carried that into adult relationships, and then we normalized it.
Speaker 3: I think we're I think that's what spiritual evolution, self
Speaker 3: actualization or self realization as para Mahanza Yogananda called it
Speaker 3: the Buddhists call it moksha or nirvana. I believe when
Speaker 3: there's this transcendence of the small ego, you understand that
Speaker 3: there is communion with the source of all that is
Speaker 3: the source, the foundational reality of existence. Quantum physicists call
Speaker 3: God consciousness right infinite consciousness. I believe these ancient spiritual
Speaker 3: practices could teach us how to get there. Some people
Speaker 3: go ayahuasca, or they lick the frog, but they get
Speaker 3: outside of the broken, fragile, little ego that needs. I
Speaker 3: believe love is a conduit, or intimate relationships is a
Speaker 3: conduit for that. I believe it's a spiritual conduit that
Speaker 3: ends needing, but it may end the relationship too. And
Speaker 3: I believe many of us are okay with need. So
Speaker 3: long as we're needed, here we go.
Speaker 4: Another concept I have.
Speaker 3: I added on too Krishnamerti's work in my Holographic Relationship
Speaker 3: book the relationship as a holographic event rather than a
Speaker 3: two person transaction. Krishnamurti gives relationship as a mirror. I
Speaker 3: deliberately say the mirror is the mirror. Metaphorm is insufficient.
Speaker 3: Your relationship becomes a multi dimensional return of history, trauma, belief, environment, identity, culture, god,
Speaker 3: and accumulated experiences. In my Holographic Relationship book, I explicitly
Speaker 3: argue that relationships represent your whole story rather than an
Speaker 3: isolated present interaction.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 3: I believe that the intimate holographic connection has lineage.
Speaker 4: Right, its systemic.
Speaker 3: Relocation into intimate relationships is part of your distinct or
Speaker 3: part of my distinct architecture for relationships. I also use
Speaker 3: quantum mechanics as a relational questioning language. Right, This is
Speaker 3: one of This is one of my little tricks.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 3: I love quantum mechanics, I love quantum physics in general.
Speaker 3: And I built an entire relationship vocabulary around collapse, entropy, entanglement, uncertainty,
Speaker 3: fine tuning, and information.
Speaker 4: Again, that is the.
Speaker 3: Holographic Relationship book where I took these scientific principles and
Speaker 3: applied them to intimate relationship.
Speaker 4: This was my twenty nineteen book.
Speaker 3: Right, And like I said, it separates me from you know,
Speaker 3: conventional dating content.
Speaker 4: Right. Kevin Samuels is.
Speaker 3: Not organizing mate market analysis through uncertainty and entanglement. Gaskins
Speaker 3: is not instructing boundaries through holographic information theory. Thelma Bryant
Speaker 3: thema Bryant is not her clinical framework, which is amazing
Speaker 3: work does not depend on quantum relational analogy. That isn't
Speaker 3: to say their information is more important than mine and
Speaker 3: mine is less important than theirs. Like I said, I
Speaker 3: believe every voice, every perspective has value, and that has
Speaker 3: been part of the culture of the Voice of Reason show.
Speaker 3: In terms of the callers, I don't tell you how
Speaker 3: to answer, and I don't push back on your answer.
Speaker 3: I allow you to share your perspective. Right, That's important
Speaker 3: to me. Another concept that I talk about that differs
Speaker 3: from everybody else, the observer is inside the relationship experiment.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 3: Of course, I'm interested in the wave function collapse of
Speaker 3: quantum mechanics. Right, and it becomes psychologically important when joined
Speaker 3: to bias, perception, and observation. Again, my Holographic Relationship book
Speaker 3: explicitly places personal history and bias beside the observer question
Speaker 3: and ask how judgment participates in the experienced relational reality?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: Can you objectively diagnose a relationship while your history constitutes
Speaker 3: part of the apparatus performing the diagnosis? I ask these
Speaker 3: types of questions, right.
Speaker 4: A lot of people are not asking.
Speaker 3: These questions, right, And that's Okay, I just want you
Speaker 3: guys to understand we are different and we are valuable.
Speaker 3: I also talk about relational fine tuning. Rather than asking
Speaker 3: merely why did I choose this terrible person, my metaphorical
Speaker 3: or metaphysical inquiry asks why this particular person activates this
Speaker 3: particular thing in you at this point in your development.
Speaker 3: I ask that that's part of my philosophy. Of course,
Speaker 3: I have merged Western attachment theory with Buddhist non attachment.
Speaker 3: Right most relationship content creators inhibit one side of this
Speaker 3: apparent contradiction. Western psychology ask how attachment organizes relationship. Buddhism
Speaker 3: investigates howluces suffering.
Speaker 4: I've merged the two.
Speaker 3: You put Boby or I put Boby and Buddha in
Speaker 3: the same room. Of course, we talk about duka. Do
Speaker 3: you understand what I'm saying duka, which is suffering? So
Speaker 3: I just wanted to reintroduce myself to people who might
Speaker 3: be new to the channel spirituality, psychology, metaphysics, quantum mechanics, consciousness,
Speaker 3: right Eastern traditions, African traditions, the collectivistic society and their traditions.
Speaker 4: I merge them all right.
Speaker 3: We don't leave out psychology. Psychology is welcomed as well,
Speaker 3: but I'm merging it all because we need a broader,
Speaker 3: more expansive answer for some of the questions that maybe
Speaker 3: just psychology alone can't answer. Listen, I start the conversations.
Speaker 3: It's up to you to finish them. It's not my
Speaker 3: job to convince you what to think, but I do
Speaker 3: want you to think about what we talked about tonight.
Speaker 4: When we come forward, it'll be a new week and
Speaker 4: I'll have four new slappers for you. I'm Zoe Williams,
Speaker 4: and I'll holler