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<v Speaker 1>Hey, hey, Tony Gassin's here popping in another episode. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>want to talk to you about setting standards, because this

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<v Speaker 1>is one of the things that I see a lot of,

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<v Speaker 1>is the lack of standards. Because if you don't take

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<v Speaker 1>the time to set your standards before going into a

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<v Speaker 1>relationship or going on to a job, or going into anything,

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<v Speaker 1>then you'll be presented with some things that are beneath

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<v Speaker 1>you and you'll end up accepting it because you never

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<v Speaker 1>established in your own mind that this is not okay.

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<v Speaker 1>So you have to sit down and really take the

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<v Speaker 1>time and think about how you want to be treated.

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<v Speaker 1>So often I get these questions about, you know, why

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<v Speaker 1>the men do this, why the women do that? How

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<v Speaker 1>do you get somebody to do this? How do you

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<v Speaker 1>get somebody to do that? The answer is, you got

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<v Speaker 1>to know what you want. You gotta set your standards,

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<v Speaker 1>and you can't let the world tell you what you

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<v Speaker 1>can not have. And that's one of the things you'll see.

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<v Speaker 1>There are people who say, hey, I want someone who

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<v Speaker 1>is attractive. I want someone who is responsible, I want

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<v Speaker 1>someone who is ambitious. I want someone who is faithful,

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<v Speaker 1>who is caring, who is kind, who is compassionate, who

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<v Speaker 1>is understanding who is loving and devoted?

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<v Speaker 2>I want that package.

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<v Speaker 1>And guess what that.

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<v Speaker 3>Was Tony Gaskins, the voice of reason has returned to.

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<v Speaker 4>The scene of the conversation. And somebody was asking me.

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<v Speaker 3>Recently, and this leads to me right into our topic tonight.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, who are you and why does your voice matter?

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<v Speaker 5>In?

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<v Speaker 4>You know?

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<v Speaker 3>The landscape of relationship content creators? And I thought that

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<v Speaker 3>was a very interesting and fair question, and I can't

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<v Speaker 3>planet any better. I had no idea that Jill Monroe

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<v Speaker 3>would have Kendreck g.

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<v Speaker 4>As the closing.

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<v Speaker 3>Interview of her episode, and it's just a perfect lead

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<v Speaker 3>in for me, cause I'm gonna tell you right now,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not like any of these folk.

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<v Speaker 4>And that doesn't.

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<v Speaker 3>Mean I'm better than the rest of them or but

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<v Speaker 3>I'm in it for a different reason. You know, a

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<v Speaker 3>lot of self help is strategy based. How to get

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<v Speaker 3>the person you want in ten steps, or how to

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<v Speaker 3>heal your attachment style in sixty seconds. A lot of

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<v Speaker 3>this stuff is strategy based. My work is totally different,

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<v Speaker 3>and I thought, man, today, I need to reintroduce myself

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<v Speaker 3>to my listening audience. I'm different than what anybody else

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<v Speaker 3>got going on who is Zoe Williams and why does

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<v Speaker 3>my or his voice matter?

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<v Speaker 4>Right?

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<v Speaker 3>A comparative investigation into what fundamentally distinguishes me and my

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<v Speaker 3>philosophy of intimate relationships from the dating strategy, gender politics,

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<v Speaker 3>mate market economics, trauma, healing, self worth, faith based, clinical

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<v Speaker 3>and pop psychology frameworks, dominating black relationship media, and whether

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<v Speaker 3>my work asks a fundamentally different question. I think the

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<v Speaker 3>question my work is asking is not simply how do

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<v Speaker 3>we find, keep, fix, survive or leave relationships? But what

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<v Speaker 3>do our relationships reveal about the consciousness, conditioning, culture, history, wounds, beliefs, perceptions, desires,

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<v Speaker 3>and definitions of love we bring into them. I'm listening

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<v Speaker 3>to Kendred G talking about how love is unconditional man,

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<v Speaker 3>and this is no disrespect to Kendred G.

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<v Speaker 4>Shout out to her.

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<v Speaker 3>Much respect to her. She's building a brand and it's amazing.

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<v Speaker 3>But listening to that, I can say I respectfully disagree.

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<v Speaker 3>There were some things that I agreed with, but the

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<v Speaker 3>love piece I totally disagree with.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm sorry, you know it sounded like.

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<v Speaker 3>A business plan for love, a marketing pitch for love.

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<v Speaker 3>Love is conditional. Love is based on conditions. Well, let

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<v Speaker 3>me just say this quite simply. I always defer and

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<v Speaker 3>default back to when one of my favorite people in

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<v Speaker 3>the world was on the show, Doctor Joshanna Johnson, when

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<v Speaker 3>she was talking about, you know the love languages and

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<v Speaker 3>how they are born out of attachment wounds.

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<v Speaker 4>Well, so are the conditions and the expectations.

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<v Speaker 3>That's one of the things that separates me from other

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<v Speaker 3>content creators. And I say separate. I didn't say elevate.

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't say that makes me better than But I'm different.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm coming from a different perspective. I say need is

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<v Speaker 3>the original sin Adam and Eve kicked out of the garden.

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<v Speaker 3>That was the first time they felt separation from God,

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<v Speaker 3>when the need and the yearning for God possibly was born.

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<v Speaker 3>D you see this is the work I'm doing. Relationship

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<v Speaker 3>is a spiritual environment that reveals you to yourself. A

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<v Speaker 3>lot of people have strategies for how to get what

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<v Speaker 3>you want from the person you're with. I tend to

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<v Speaker 3>see that as a type of or maybe a form

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<v Speaker 3>of manipulation. They're not giving it to you willingly did

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<v Speaker 3>they ever want to give it to you? Tonight's topic,

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<v Speaker 3>who is Zoe Williams and why does his voice matter.

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<v Speaker 4>Now I look at relationships, or look.

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<v Speaker 3>I look at the relationship content world, and I see

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<v Speaker 3>something that should make all of us a little uncomfortable.

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<v Speaker 3>We have never had this many people telling us how

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<v Speaker 3>to love. Men are being taught what women want, Women

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<v Speaker 3>are being taught what men fear. We have experts on standards, boundaries,

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<v Speaker 3>red flags, attachment, masculine leadership, feminine energy, high value behavior, healing, marriage, submission, narcissism, emotional, intelligent,

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<v Speaker 3>biblical order. So why are we still this confused about

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<v Speaker 3>one another? Everybody's an expert, right. That question bothers me

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<v Speaker 3>because I suspect the problem may reach deeper than just

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<v Speaker 3>bad advice. Every piece of relationship advice carries an invisible

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<v Speaker 3>philosophy inside of it. Somebody has already decided what love means.

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<v Speaker 3>Somebody has already defined a successful relationship. Somebody has already

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<v Speaker 3>determined what makes a man valuable, what makes a woman desirable,

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<v Speaker 3>what healing should produce, what marriage proves right, what leadership

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<v Speaker 3>looks like, and what a healthy person should want.

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<v Speaker 4>I want to know.

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<v Speaker 3>Who gave those definitions permission to become truth. Kevin Samuels

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<v Speaker 3>could make you confront your position, right in the romantic

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<v Speaker 3>market place. Do you know many people when I first

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<v Speaker 3>came to KBLA confused my philosophy with Kevin Samuel's philosophy.

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<v Speaker 3>Totally different because of my Andy said, because of my aggression.

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<v Speaker 3>How I speak with definitive certainty and passion. Oh, he's

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<v Speaker 3>Kevin Samuels. Well, listen deeper. Didn't they teach you to

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<v Speaker 3>listen in school?

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<v Speaker 4>Right? Well, let me say it again.

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<v Speaker 3>Kevin Samuels could make you confront your position in the

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<v Speaker 3>romantic marketplace. Tony Gaskins can challenge your standards and choices.

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<v Speaker 3>I fundamentally disagree with both of those positions. Right, wounds

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<v Speaker 3>are choosing, unwitnessed unhealed wounds are doing the choosing, But

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<v Speaker 3>I digress. Steven speaks Right can ask you whether unresolved

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<v Speaker 3>pain keeps interfering with the love you say you want.

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<v Speaker 4>Hell, we even got doctor Cheyenne Bryant.

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<v Speaker 3>Let me go to another doctor, Brian doctor Thelma Bryant.

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<v Speaker 3>Right can bring trauma, culture, authenticity, and liberation into the conversation.

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<v Speaker 3>Ejan levan ZANDT can walk you toward the spiritual root

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<v Speaker 3>of things. R. C. Blake's can bring your identity before

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<v Speaker 3>God into the room. Those are serious contributions. My question

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<v Speaker 3>usually starts acting up after the answer arrives. I'm sorry,

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<v Speaker 3>I woo Tell me to choose better, and I want

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<v Speaker 3>to investigate the chooser. Tell me to know my worth?

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<v Speaker 3>And I want to know whose currency are we using.

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<v Speaker 3>It is type of questions I'm asking. Tell me a

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<v Speaker 3>man needs to lead, and I want leadership to show

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<v Speaker 3>me its identification.

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<v Speaker 4>Who taught you what leading means? Is it service? Is control?

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<v Speaker 3>Is it responsibility? Is it a combination of all of it?

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<v Speaker 4>Is it fear? Wearing authorities clothes? I want to know.

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<v Speaker 3>These are the type of questions I'm asking. Tell a

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<v Speaker 3>woman to raise her standards, and I want to know

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<v Speaker 3>who built them? Wisdom, pain or humiliation? Who built your standards, ma'am? Wisdom,

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<v Speaker 3>pain or humiliation? Who built your boundaries?

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<v Speaker 4>Wisdom? Pain or humiliation?

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<v Speaker 3>Discernment, social comparison, fear of ever being embarrassed again? Who

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<v Speaker 3>are the architects of your boundaries? Of your standards? What

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<v Speaker 3>if your expectations are built from a secret desire to

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<v Speaker 3>have your partner regulate your emotions? I'm asking the questions

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<v Speaker 3>of who's the author of the expectation who's the author

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<v Speaker 3>of the boundary? Tell me somebody is toxic, and quite

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<v Speaker 3>possibly they might be. But I still want to know

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<v Speaker 3>what happened inside you when you met them, What made

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<v Speaker 3>their behavior recognizable to you, what kept you anchored in

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<v Speaker 3>the situation, what made leaving difficult? And what meaning you

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<v Speaker 3>attached to the entire experience. These are the type of

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<v Speaker 3>questions Zoe Williams is asking. This is where my work lives.

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<v Speaker 3>I am interested in the question underneath the question. The

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<v Speaker 3>relationship may begin as the subject, but it rarely gets

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<v Speaker 3>to remain there. A conversation about cheating can become an

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<v Speaker 3>investigation of identity. Attraction can expose culture hiding inside of chemistry.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm asking the questions, how did you build this intellectual

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<v Speaker 3>architecture that makes you think you know what you're doing?

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<v Speaker 3>When we come forward, the voice of reason will continue

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<v Speaker 3>to introduce himself to you. Storytime with Zoe Williams. That

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<v Speaker 3>song matters to me.

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<v Speaker 4>This was the first.

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<v Speaker 3>Time that I've recognized that I was afraid of love.

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<v Speaker 3>I was with a young lady. She was a couple

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<v Speaker 3>of years older than me. I was around eighteen or nineteen.

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<v Speaker 4>She was like twenty one and she was really serious

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<v Speaker 4>about me.

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<v Speaker 3>She was locked in, she was tapped in, like she

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<v Speaker 3>was pouring into Zoe, and it frightened me. I literally

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<v Speaker 3>played that we we on our way somewhere. She's driving

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<v Speaker 3>and she had a I think it was a nineteen

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<v Speaker 3>ninety Nissan CenTra. It was red with the black windows. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>like she had her stuff together. She wasn't from Pasadena,

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<v Speaker 3>she was a little further out.

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<v Speaker 4>She was from West Covina, oh Man. But she was

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<v Speaker 4>a sister. She was pouring into me.

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<v Speaker 3>But I was young, I was foolish, and I was cute.

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<v Speaker 3>So I can remember us going to the movies. I

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<v Speaker 3>want you guys to get to Nuzo. I remember us

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<v Speaker 3>going to the movies and Andy, I want you to

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<v Speaker 3>start this from the top. I was going to the movies.

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<v Speaker 3>We were going to the movies. And because she made

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<v Speaker 3>me uncomfortable, because of how much she cared about me.

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<v Speaker 4>It scared me. There was one time.

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<v Speaker 3>It was Christmas and I think my mother and I

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<v Speaker 3>were at a like a family Christmas get down right,

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<v Speaker 3>it was a family Christmas party. This girl knew that

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<v Speaker 3>I never locked my back door, because this is how

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<v Speaker 3>she would come in and hang out with me.

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<v Speaker 4>This girl.

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<v Speaker 3>Came into the crib. I was still living with my

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<v Speaker 3>mother at the time. She came into the crib, brought

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<v Speaker 3>a tree, decorated the tree, put a gang of gifts

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<v Speaker 3>under the tree for myself and my mother, and it

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<v Speaker 3>frightened me. I'm just giving you the insight of what

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<v Speaker 3>got me on my journey. Andy, play it from the top.

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<v Speaker 4>Let's go. I want you guys to do it.

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<v Speaker 3>This is the reason why I'm playing the record. Wait, wait,

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<v Speaker 3>hold on, hold on, hold on, Andy, Dan, we on

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<v Speaker 3>the way to the movies, and I tell you, I

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<v Speaker 3>put this record on on purpose. And I told her,

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<v Speaker 3>like I'm like eighteen nineteen.

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<v Speaker 4>I tell her, I dedicate this to you. And she

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<v Speaker 4>listened to it and she was like, what let it play? Andy,

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<v Speaker 4>I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 6>Let's that a man's deans man, oh man, I'm not

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<v Speaker 6>that a man would be bound to dog his.

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<v Speaker 7>Es. How many victims in here, how many people say

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<v Speaker 7>he did this, he did that, he left me, he

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<v Speaker 7>took that, he did that, you know, and when you

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<v Speaker 7>do that, you deified the.

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<v Speaker 4>Problem that I guess, in my opinion, the trust comes

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<v Speaker 4>in that I'm like, oh, everyone's a great person.

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<v Speaker 6>I can give them whatever they want.

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<v Speaker 8>And what about boundaries?

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<v Speaker 7>People violate you when you don't have clear boundaries because

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<v Speaker 7>you don't tell them how to behave in your life,

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<v Speaker 7>and they run the mark.

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<v Speaker 4>They run the.

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<v Speaker 7>Mark because you don't have clear boundaries. Now, Venus, you

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<v Speaker 7>just said on the tape that you'd rather be in

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<v Speaker 7>a dead end relationship than be alone.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, how are you defining alone? Not having somewhere to

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<v Speaker 4>go on Friday night? Why can't you go out with

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<v Speaker 4>your girlfriend? Get get it out of here?

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<v Speaker 7>I did.

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<v Speaker 3>I love Iyanla. I would love to have Yanla on

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<v Speaker 3>so we could discuss this. Do you remember the scene

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<v Speaker 3>in the Matrix when Neo becomes the one after he

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<v Speaker 3>is shot several times by Agent Smith and he effectively dies.

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<v Speaker 3>Do you remember the scene he's blasted on a few

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<v Speaker 3>times and then it's over. When we come forward, I'm

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<v Speaker 3>gonna give my counter thought to Yana Vanzette.

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<v Speaker 9>Hey, Hey, good morning, How y'all doing well? Good afternoon.

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<v Speaker 9>I know people will be tuning in all over the world. Hey,

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<v Speaker 9>how you doing. Yeah? I know that h as a

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<v Speaker 9>Kyle Walker and John p Key doing a you know,

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<v Speaker 9>a holy ghost battle today, So I thought I would

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<v Speaker 9>play Hezekiah Walker's better today?

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, Christina, what's up?

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<v Speaker 5>John?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, it's gonna get better because God is in control.

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<v Speaker 2>What's up, Honey? Be me, what's up missus? What's up Jessica? Hey,

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<v Speaker 2>how y'all doing this morning?

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<v Speaker 8>Saying Hi?

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<v Speaker 4>Everybody?

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome?

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<v Speaker 4>Hey Devon Franklin. I want him to get to the meeting. Potatoes,

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<v Speaker 4>don't ever depart.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, Hey, my sister Lisa in the house. What's up?

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<v Speaker 2>What's up? Let's how you doing? Get better?

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<v Speaker 10>I know it may not be better right now, but

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<v Speaker 10>you're declaring it's gonna get better.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, tricks from the ton of Daytona.

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<v Speaker 10>Be took the man and put him in the garden

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<v Speaker 10>of Eden to work it and take care of it.

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<v Speaker 10>The Lord God took the man, put the man into

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<v Speaker 10>the garden of Eden to work it and take care

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<v Speaker 10>of it. All right now, this this is before there

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<v Speaker 10>was the creation of the woman.

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<v Speaker 2>So here we are.

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<v Speaker 10>The garden of Eden has been created, and God creates man,

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<v Speaker 10>puts man into the garden of Eden. What was the

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<v Speaker 10>man's responsibility to take care of it and work it?

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<v Speaker 2>Hmm.

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<v Speaker 10>It's interesting that the introduction of man in the Bible,

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<v Speaker 10>in the word of God is synonymous with work, responsibility,

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<v Speaker 10>accountability too.

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<v Speaker 3>Often no disrespect myself in Devon Franklin, we went on

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<v Speaker 3>a trip together man down to Steve Harvey's. Steve Harvey

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<v Speaker 3>had an event in Houston or yes, I think it

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<v Speaker 3>was Houston Dallas, one of those places where Steve actually lives,

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<v Speaker 3>and he had a huge event for single mothers and

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<v Speaker 3>myself in Devon Franklin, which we went down there. We

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<v Speaker 3>were chosen to go down there to speak to the

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<v Speaker 3>young boys that Steve was mentoring. But I played Devon

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<v Speaker 3>Franklin to say, you got content creators out there that

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<v Speaker 3>use the religious framing, the hierarchical framing. God put man

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<v Speaker 3>here for responsibility and d D. I'm not here to disagree.

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<v Speaker 3>My job here is totally different than Devon Franklin. I'm

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<v Speaker 3>here to tell you what the purpose, the spiritual purpose

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<v Speaker 3>of relationship is, not the societal, not.

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<v Speaker 4>The agricultural, not the gender base.

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<v Speaker 3>But the psychological, spiritual side of it, the metaphysical side.

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<v Speaker 3>That's Zoe's point. Who is Zoe willing? This is what

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<v Speaker 3>Zoe does right that love saw it record, I was

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<v Speaker 3>with the same girl. It's a wonderful record. She was

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<v Speaker 3>such a sweetheart.

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<v Speaker 4>I was cheating. I just wasn't tapped in. I was

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<v Speaker 4>cheat eating, but she was serious. She was playing Karen

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<v Speaker 4>White and Babyface singing together. Ah.

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<v Speaker 3>This is when I realized something is wrong with me.

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<v Speaker 3>And it was that young lady that got me on

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<v Speaker 3>my spiritual journey.

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<v Speaker 4>Right. I was like eighteen nineteen. I didn't even know myself.

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<v Speaker 3>But it was that relationship that served as the catalyst.

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<v Speaker 3>Later I figure out attachment styles. Oh, I'm anxious preoccupied.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm always running after the woman that's running. The women

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<v Speaker 3>that run to me, I tend to ignore them because

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<v Speaker 3>they're there. That's the dichotomy of the anxious preoccupied attachment style.

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<v Speaker 4>If you chase the anxious, they don't really respect it DC.

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<v Speaker 4>And that was the first time that was triggered in me.

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<v Speaker 3>She was there, she was present, she wanted to love

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<v Speaker 3>on me, and I felt triggered.

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<v Speaker 4>I felt awkward. D See Zoe Williams's work is a

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<v Speaker 4>little different.

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<v Speaker 3>I merge the philosophical, the psychological, the metaphysical. I don't

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<v Speaker 3>merge the dogmatic, the social constructs. I don't merge those.

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<v Speaker 4>DC.

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<v Speaker 3>Once I got on my spiritual journey, I started to

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<v Speaker 3>see Oh, this is what relationship is really about. That's

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<v Speaker 3>why I don't do the strategy ten steps to get

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<v Speaker 3>her to see you in a different light, ten steps

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<v Speaker 3>to get anything you want from anybody.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't do.

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<v Speaker 3>Self help disguised as influence, like how to influence anybody

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<v Speaker 3>to pick up artist stuff.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't do that.

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<v Speaker 3>We've got callers on the line. I want to get

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<v Speaker 3>him in here right now. We got Lamont from Akron, Ohio. Lamont,

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<v Speaker 3>what are your thoughts on tonight's topic? My friend, no profanity, Lamont, Yes.

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<v Speaker 11>Sir so.

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<v Speaker 12>So, I just wanted to say the first time I

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<v Speaker 12>saw you he was on Black Men Revealed and back

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<v Speaker 12>in the nineties, mid nineties whenever it was.

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<v Speaker 3>Man two thousand and four, two thousand and five, actually

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<v Speaker 3>was that.

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<v Speaker 12>Was oh four?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 12>Oh wow, yeah that was Yeah, that was a long

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<v Speaker 12>time ago. So, uh, like what brought you to no,

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<v Speaker 12>how like to uh to get on your journey to

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<v Speaker 12>become the scholar that you are, Because like when I

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<v Speaker 12>saw you on that show a couple of times, and

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<v Speaker 12>you like you knew it. It's like you knew what

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<v Speaker 12>you were talking about, Like when you were talking to

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<v Speaker 12>the one pastor and the other guy. But like you,

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<v Speaker 12>like you knew everything, that not everything. I guess you

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<v Speaker 12>could say you knew everything, but you knew what was

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<v Speaker 12>going on no matter what they came at you with

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<v Speaker 12>on the shows that I seen you on, Like, like,

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<v Speaker 12>what what motivates you to do that?

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<v Speaker 3>Pastor Singleton was on that show with me initially and

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<v Speaker 3>we're still good friends to this day.

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<v Speaker 4>Uh, let me do this.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm gonna answer your question. You stay right there, don't

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<v Speaker 3>go anywhere. When we come forward, because we're up against

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<v Speaker 3>the clock. I want to answer Lamont's question about what

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<v Speaker 3>motivated me to go on this journey when we come

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<v Speaker 3>forward more from the VR.

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<v Speaker 4>Good morning.

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<v Speaker 13>I am so excited to be here, and in the

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<v Speaker 13>spirit of revival, I am reminded about what happens on

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<v Speaker 13>the third day, and so it is a divine setup

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<v Speaker 13>that we are here for resurrection. It is a divine

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<v Speaker 13>setup that everything that was meant to dismantle and to

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<v Speaker 13>destroy and to diminish you did not get the final say.

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<v Speaker 13>And so here we sit because the blood still works.

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<v Speaker 13>I am, in my spiritual eyes even more excited to

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<v Speaker 13>see you than I am in my natural eyes, because

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<v Speaker 13>in our natural eyes We can only see what we

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<v Speaker 13>chose to wear today, and if you decided to put

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<v Speaker 13>on a little lip glass, but in the spirit, to

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<v Speaker 13>know that you're spirit has gone from the fetal position

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<v Speaker 13>to sitting here today. I am especially on assignment for

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<v Speaker 13>those who could not sleep last night. This is the

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<v Speaker 13>answer to prayers. And so I am glad and thankful

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<v Speaker 13>for the tradition of starting with poetry, and in that spirit,

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<v Speaker 13>I'll start with are we on Andy?

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<v Speaker 4>Who was that young lady that was doctor tholm'brien.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I love her work.

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<v Speaker 4>Anyway.

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<v Speaker 3>People think because people are Christians or whatever, that I

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<v Speaker 3>don't still.

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<v Speaker 4>Rock with them, but I do.

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<v Speaker 3>Come on, I'm from Chattanooga Baptist Church, Chattanooga, Like, come on, now.

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<v Speaker 4>Listen to me.

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<v Speaker 3>It's all together, It's all one thing.

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<v Speaker 5>You know.

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<v Speaker 3>Lamont from Akron, Ohio was asking me a question and

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<v Speaker 3>I wanted to answer him. It's tied into that first

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<v Speaker 3>relationship when she broke up with me. Right when that

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<v Speaker 3>young lady broke up with me, Man, my attachment wounds

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00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:24.759
<v Speaker 3>were triggered, and it literally sent me on a spiritual

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<v Speaker 3>journey after I crashed out, sent me on a spiritual

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<v Speaker 3>journey like my friends who grew up with me knew like, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>this broke up. This breakup was heavy on him. It

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<v Speaker 3>flipped him inside out. And as I started to study

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<v Speaker 3>and read, and I mean I'm a voracious reader everything philosophy, psychology,

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<v Speaker 3>quantum mechanics, consciousness systems. I started reading everything This is

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<v Speaker 3>me at nineteen, I started.

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<v Speaker 4>Consuming at all because.

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<v Speaker 3>When she was pouring in, I was uncomfortable, didn't know

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<v Speaker 3>how to receive. And then when she took it away,

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<v Speaker 3>DC's need as the first sin manifested itself in me, like, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>this feels like my mother not being available, because my

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00:29:25.279 --> 00:29:29.759
<v Speaker 3>mother wasn't available emotionally. So it triggered a whole bunch

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00:29:29.759 --> 00:29:34.039
<v Speaker 3>of stuff and I went on a religious like. I

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00:29:34.079 --> 00:29:38.880
<v Speaker 3>started reading the Bible, studying religions. I just like really

404
00:29:39.000 --> 00:29:44.000
<v Speaker 3>dove into knowledge, all types of esoteric knowledge, spiritual knowledge.

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<v Speaker 4>And that's what got me on the journey. I hope

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<v Speaker 4>I answered your question.

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<v Speaker 12>Brother, I just wanted to say I can be grief.

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<v Speaker 12>You said that, and you said, like mother wasn't there

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<v Speaker 12>for you, you know, emotional understand that that's just me, you know,

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<v Speaker 12>in my life. But like I said, man, I just

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00:30:10.440 --> 00:30:14.440
<v Speaker 12>wanted to you know, see what understand how you got

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<v Speaker 12>on the journey that you got to. Like I said,

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<v Speaker 12>that's the first time I saw you, and you know,

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<v Speaker 12>I saw you doing other stuff and that's what brought

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00:30:24.119 --> 00:30:28.039
<v Speaker 12>me to you know, you know other see other people

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00:30:28.119 --> 00:30:32.400
<v Speaker 12>that you've been around, so you know, but absolute to you.

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<v Speaker 12>So for real, like and I wish that like the

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<v Speaker 12>like Black Men revealed, I wish that they had that

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<v Speaker 12>show againment or something you know close to that, you know,

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<v Speaker 12>to to open people's minds on book the things.

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<v Speaker 3>Man, Well, I appreciate it, brother, but I got a

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00:30:52.680 --> 00:30:54.920
<v Speaker 3>question for you. Guess what you just did?

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<v Speaker 12>What's that?

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<v Speaker 3>Come on, Laman, I gotta tell I tell you. When

425
00:31:01.400 --> 00:31:04.440
<v Speaker 3>I say guess what you just did? You say I

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<v Speaker 3>brought Akron Ohio in the building.

427
00:31:07.119 --> 00:31:11.079
<v Speaker 4>Let's do it. Guess what you just did? Lamont.

428
00:31:11.440 --> 00:31:13.400
<v Speaker 12>I brought Akron Ohio in the building.

429
00:31:13.480 --> 00:31:16.119
<v Speaker 3>Whoop, Akron Ohio is on the board. If you want

430
00:31:16.160 --> 00:31:17.359
<v Speaker 3>to bring your city in the building. No you got

431
00:31:17.440 --> 00:31:18.720
<v Speaker 3>to do is call me on one eight hundred nine

432
00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:24.160
<v Speaker 3>twenty fifteen eighty. Were gonna jet to Detroit, Michigan. Reggie

433
00:31:24.440 --> 00:31:26.720
<v Speaker 3>is on the line. Reggie from Detroit, Michigan.

434
00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:28.440
<v Speaker 4>What are your thoughts on tonight's topic.

435
00:31:29.839 --> 00:31:34.319
<v Speaker 5>So what's up? Man? I've heard you maybe at least

436
00:31:34.319 --> 00:31:36.599
<v Speaker 5>fifteen years. It was back in the Fox Whole days

437
00:31:36.680 --> 00:31:41.119
<v Speaker 5>when I started listening to you. And one I guess

438
00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:44.359
<v Speaker 5>the biggest gift you've probably given us is the gift

439
00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:48.880
<v Speaker 5>of perspective. You know, it's not you never tell us

440
00:31:49.160 --> 00:31:53.519
<v Speaker 5>what to think. You just give us tools to look

441
00:31:53.559 --> 00:31:56.799
<v Speaker 5>at an issue and look at ourselves in a different way.

442
00:31:57.920 --> 00:31:59.640
<v Speaker 5>And so you never tell us what you think. It's

443
00:31:59.640 --> 00:32:03.000
<v Speaker 5>only that we are thinking. And I think that's the

444
00:32:03.119 --> 00:32:08.599
<v Speaker 5>lasting thing. It doesn't just last, it out last because

445
00:32:08.599 --> 00:32:11.400
<v Speaker 5>you keep asking the question of yourself, Okay, how am

446
00:32:11.440 --> 00:32:15.400
<v Speaker 5>I looking at this thing? Is my vision correct for

447
00:32:15.480 --> 00:32:19.359
<v Speaker 5>the time that I'm in? And that's that's really valuable

448
00:32:19.359 --> 00:32:23.079
<v Speaker 5>to me. You know, some of the things that you

449
00:32:23.200 --> 00:32:26.359
<v Speaker 5>ask it are you know, what are you afraid of?

450
00:32:26.960 --> 00:32:31.440
<v Speaker 5>And usually the situation just stops with you identifying the

451
00:32:31.519 --> 00:32:33.279
<v Speaker 5>thing that you're afraid of. You just kind of shy

452
00:32:33.319 --> 00:32:36.559
<v Speaker 5>away from it. But you you're like, okay, you you

453
00:32:36.720 --> 00:32:40.960
<v Speaker 5>identified this thing, all right? What about it scares you?

454
00:32:41.400 --> 00:32:44.160
<v Speaker 5>And you just keep asking those questions, just you know,

455
00:32:44.319 --> 00:32:47.400
<v Speaker 5>unwrapping that onion that's there and you get to a

456
00:32:47.440 --> 00:32:51.599
<v Speaker 5>deeper sense of yourself. That's something you can take away

457
00:32:52.119 --> 00:32:54.440
<v Speaker 5>from this, from this program, and it's something that you

458
00:32:54.440 --> 00:32:57.720
<v Speaker 5>can apply to your life every day. So I've done

459
00:32:57.720 --> 00:33:02.000
<v Speaker 5>this for goodness at least it's he is now. So

460
00:33:02.160 --> 00:33:04.680
<v Speaker 5>I mean, that's the gift that you've given me, and

461
00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:05.880
<v Speaker 5>I just appreciate you for it.

462
00:33:05.960 --> 00:33:09.480
<v Speaker 4>Man, Man, I appreciate you, man, Thank you. Man. It's

463
00:33:09.519 --> 00:33:10.039
<v Speaker 4>all love.

464
00:33:10.319 --> 00:33:12.440
<v Speaker 3>And it's been a long time since we heard from

465
00:33:12.480 --> 00:33:17.200
<v Speaker 3>Reggie from Austin, Texas. It's no longer Austin, Texas is

466
00:33:17.440 --> 00:33:18.440
<v Speaker 3>d Detroit.

467
00:33:18.559 --> 00:33:21.319
<v Speaker 4>What up though? Hey, guess what you just did.

468
00:33:21.440 --> 00:33:24.440
<v Speaker 5>Reggie brought Detroit in the building.

469
00:33:24.599 --> 00:33:26.240
<v Speaker 4>Detroit is in the building.

470
00:33:26.319 --> 00:33:28.200
<v Speaker 3>We hey, man, we miss you. I hope to get

471
00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:37.359
<v Speaker 3>you back in here sometime soon. Listen, I want us

472
00:33:37.400 --> 00:33:42.319
<v Speaker 3>to understand I come from a different perspective. That's what

473
00:33:42.359 --> 00:33:44.880
<v Speaker 3>I want us to understand. I'm never trying to sound

474
00:33:44.920 --> 00:33:48.519
<v Speaker 3>like anybody else. And when I do mention other people's work,

475
00:33:48.640 --> 00:33:53.200
<v Speaker 3>I like to cite them. But I know the way

476
00:33:53.240 --> 00:33:56.680
<v Speaker 3>we view relationships is broken and it needs to be fixed.

477
00:33:57.640 --> 00:33:57.839
<v Speaker 8>Right.

478
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:03.279
<v Speaker 4>Love is not enough, but God is love. Wow.

479
00:34:05.200 --> 00:34:09.079
<v Speaker 3>I need somebody to fulfill my needs needs, One of

480
00:34:09.079 --> 00:34:11.800
<v Speaker 3>my fundamental beliefs is that need.

481
00:34:11.639 --> 00:34:15.840
<v Speaker 4>Is the first sin. Right, a mother.

482
00:34:16.199 --> 00:34:21.679
<v Speaker 3>In many anthropological research and cultural research, you will find

483
00:34:21.719 --> 00:34:22.480
<v Speaker 3>that the mother.

484
00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:28.039
<v Speaker 4>Was a deity figure, a god figure, the mother. So

485
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:29.480
<v Speaker 4>imagine when the mother.

486
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:35.599
<v Speaker 3>Is inconsistent with regards to the child's need, and then

487
00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:39.840
<v Speaker 3>the child develops a strategy. This is what people are

488
00:34:39.880 --> 00:34:43.800
<v Speaker 3>teaching in a relationship today is strategy.

489
00:34:44.440 --> 00:34:45.519
<v Speaker 4>Why because the.

490
00:34:45.400 --> 00:34:49.400
<v Speaker 3>Wound that was created needs a strategy in order to

491
00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:55.280
<v Speaker 3>be satiated. And if you never unchecked that, never turn

492
00:34:55.400 --> 00:34:59.719
<v Speaker 3>that switch off. As you transition into adulthood. The strategy

493
00:34:59.800 --> 00:35:02.760
<v Speaker 3>is to all operating. Well, this is how you show

494
00:35:02.840 --> 00:35:06.119
<v Speaker 3>up in relationship in order to get what you want? Oh, well,

495
00:35:06.159 --> 00:35:09.159
<v Speaker 3>you don't. Love is not enough. You don't necessarily need love.

496
00:35:09.320 --> 00:35:12.519
<v Speaker 3>I mean it's all conditional. I can love you based

497
00:35:12.559 --> 00:35:16.920
<v Speaker 3>on what you do. Well, if it's conditional, how can

498
00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:21.280
<v Speaker 3>you stop the doing and transition into the being? That's

499
00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:28.400
<v Speaker 3>one of the fundamental thoughts, right that Zo brings to

500
00:35:28.639 --> 00:35:30.280
<v Speaker 3>the relational.

501
00:35:29.679 --> 00:35:37.320
<v Speaker 4>Field right when we come forward, Just no, I haven't

502
00:35:37.360 --> 00:35:39.039
<v Speaker 4>even touched the surface.

503
00:35:41.440 --> 00:35:46.800
<v Speaker 14>Maybe continue, It's what we were talking about yesterday evening.

504
00:35:51.679 --> 00:35:52.920
<v Speaker 1>Who was seeing.

505
00:35:55.039 --> 00:35:57.039
<v Speaker 14>That this is not a lecture.

506
00:35:59.280 --> 00:36:01.239
<v Speaker 4>With a view to.

507
00:36:05.280 --> 00:36:19.800
<v Speaker 14>Convey information. We are together having a conversation, you as

508
00:36:19.840 --> 00:36:24.400
<v Speaker 14>a separate human being who are separate at all, with

509
00:36:24.559 --> 00:36:30.719
<v Speaker 14>the speaker. We are walking down a day and gooded,

510
00:36:32.000 --> 00:36:38.320
<v Speaker 14>plenty of shadows and birds singing. We sit down together

511
00:36:39.199 --> 00:36:45.960
<v Speaker 14>and talk about the whole problem of existence, which is

512
00:36:46.079 --> 00:36:53.400
<v Speaker 14>very complex. And as we are friends for a long time,

513
00:36:54.679 --> 00:37:00.320
<v Speaker 14>we have many days to talk over these things. And

514
00:37:02.440 --> 00:37:09.079
<v Speaker 14>we are neither convincing each other about any subject. We're

515
00:37:09.079 --> 00:37:15.440
<v Speaker 14>not trying to persuade each other, We're not trying to

516
00:37:15.480 --> 00:37:25.000
<v Speaker 14>overcome the other through arguments or sticking dogmatically to one's

517
00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:34.000
<v Speaker 14>own opinion prejudices, but rather together and I hope you

518
00:37:34.000 --> 00:37:39.719
<v Speaker 14>are doing the same with me. Together, we are going

519
00:37:39.760 --> 00:37:46.400
<v Speaker 14>to look the world as it is on the world

520
00:37:47.480 --> 00:37:49.280
<v Speaker 14>that is within us.

521
00:37:51.039 --> 00:37:58.800
<v Speaker 3>So from the very beginning I brought Christiana Meriti right

522
00:37:58.960 --> 00:38:04.800
<v Speaker 3>to the forefront these shows because his philosophy, his philosophical approach,

523
00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:12.920
<v Speaker 3>his style of questioning right socratic in nature. It inspired me.

524
00:38:14.320 --> 00:38:20.960
<v Speaker 3>I discovered him in the nineties. Every time I got

525
00:38:20.960 --> 00:38:26.960
<v Speaker 3>into a relationship there was a wreckage. I realized the

526
00:38:27.039 --> 00:38:32.559
<v Speaker 3>acquisition of knowledge was not enough. People are asking, how

527
00:38:33.320 --> 00:38:36.000
<v Speaker 3>does Zoe get to talk about this kind of stuff,

528
00:38:38.840 --> 00:38:46.159
<v Speaker 3>because in order to gain any modicum of insight, there

529
00:38:46.159 --> 00:38:50.719
<v Speaker 3>were pieces of me that had to be confronted. And

530
00:38:50.760 --> 00:38:54.599
<v Speaker 3>in that confrontation there was a recontextualization of who I

531
00:38:54.679 --> 00:38:59.480
<v Speaker 3>thought I was. In other words, an actual destruction of

532
00:38:59.559 --> 00:39:02.920
<v Speaker 3>an old, old architecture, an old belief system, an old

533
00:39:02.960 --> 00:39:08.320
<v Speaker 3>structure that lived within me. And just when I thought

534
00:39:08.639 --> 00:39:15.920
<v Speaker 3>I was starting to understand things intellectually articulately, I started.

535
00:39:15.639 --> 00:39:19.239
<v Speaker 4>To realize, Oh, you just only know the words. You're

536
00:39:19.280 --> 00:39:23.440
<v Speaker 4>not embodying the words though. I started to understand that.

537
00:39:26.760 --> 00:39:32.840
<v Speaker 3>Many broken hearts, many disappointed people in my life because

538
00:39:32.880 --> 00:39:36.119
<v Speaker 3>I was still trying to figure.

539
00:39:35.800 --> 00:39:36.840
<v Speaker 4>It out right.

540
00:39:41.800 --> 00:39:45.440
<v Speaker 3>But that initial serious relationship when I was in my

541
00:39:45.599 --> 00:39:51.679
<v Speaker 3>teens set me on this journey of the acquisition of information.

542
00:39:52.679 --> 00:39:56.639
<v Speaker 3>It didn't come until my mid to late thirties that

543
00:39:56.719 --> 00:40:01.960
<v Speaker 3>I recognized that, yes, you have accumula a lot of knowledge,

544
00:40:03.199 --> 00:40:08.559
<v Speaker 3>but you have not downloaded any of it. You can

545
00:40:08.599 --> 00:40:16.840
<v Speaker 3>speak it with eloquence, but you cannot live it. It

546
00:40:16.880 --> 00:40:20.320
<v Speaker 3>was a guru that I was studying in the nineties

547
00:40:20.360 --> 00:40:22.760
<v Speaker 3>by the name of Sethya Sai Baba.

548
00:40:25.119 --> 00:40:26.599
<v Speaker 4>Who said these three things.

549
00:40:26.639 --> 00:40:31.239
<v Speaker 3>He said they must be an alignment or it's not real.

550
00:40:32.760 --> 00:40:34.519
<v Speaker 4>Thought word.

551
00:40:34.800 --> 00:40:40.840
<v Speaker 3>Indeed, they must be integrated the thought, the word, and

552
00:40:40.880 --> 00:40:46.440
<v Speaker 3>the deed, the action, the behavior, the embodiment thought word. Indeed,

553
00:40:46.800 --> 00:40:50.760
<v Speaker 3>if those three are misaligned, there's more to learn, There's

554
00:40:50.840 --> 00:40:58.800
<v Speaker 3>more to know about oneself. I'm trying to give you

555
00:40:58.880 --> 00:41:00.280
<v Speaker 3>an understanding of my.

556
00:41:00.320 --> 00:41:05.199
<v Speaker 4>Approach, my philosophical approach to relationships. I do not.

557
00:41:05.239 --> 00:41:11.039
<v Speaker 3>Believe the crisis in modern relationships begin with people lacking information.

558
00:41:12.360 --> 00:41:17.199
<v Speaker 3>We may possess more relationship information today than any generation

559
00:41:17.400 --> 00:41:24.119
<v Speaker 3>before us. We have dating coaches, therapists, pastors, psychologists, masculinity teachers,

560
00:41:24.119 --> 00:41:31.400
<v Speaker 3>femininity teachers, marriage experts, attachment specialists, social media commentators, red

561
00:41:31.559 --> 00:41:37.760
<v Speaker 3>flag lists, compatibility tests, communication formulas, and endless instructions about

562
00:41:38.320 --> 00:41:41.000
<v Speaker 3>what men and women should expect from one another. My

563
00:41:41.159 --> 00:41:46.280
<v Speaker 3>question begins somewhere else, entirely, what if the person consuming

564
00:41:46.320 --> 00:41:50.880
<v Speaker 3>all of that information has never seriously investigated the consciousness

565
00:41:51.000 --> 00:41:52.760
<v Speaker 3>interpreting the information.

566
00:41:54.639 --> 00:41:57.480
<v Speaker 4>That question sits at the center of my work.

567
00:41:59.320 --> 00:42:04.559
<v Speaker 3>I am not primarily interested in teaching people how to acquire, manage,

568
00:42:05.039 --> 00:42:10.239
<v Speaker 3>keep control, or correctly perform in a relationship.

569
00:42:10.280 --> 00:42:11.639
<v Speaker 4>That is not what I do.

570
00:42:12.559 --> 00:42:16.920
<v Speaker 3>Although the majority of folk in this field will try to,

571
00:42:17.440 --> 00:42:19.119
<v Speaker 3>you know, make it seem like they can teach you

572
00:42:19.159 --> 00:42:22.519
<v Speaker 3>how to do this in thirty quick steps in the

573
00:42:22.639 --> 00:42:24.800
<v Speaker 3>six week masterclass.

574
00:42:26.719 --> 00:42:30.639
<v Speaker 4>No disrespect to them, get your money.

575
00:42:31.719 --> 00:42:36.239
<v Speaker 3>I want to know what intimacy reveals about the human

576
00:42:36.280 --> 00:42:39.159
<v Speaker 3>being who entered it entered into it?

577
00:42:39.400 --> 00:42:39.599
<v Speaker 8>Right?

578
00:42:40.519 --> 00:42:45.039
<v Speaker 3>What does your attraction reveal about the essence of who

579
00:42:45.119 --> 00:42:52.599
<v Speaker 3>you are, the substrate beneath your mask? What does your

580
00:42:52.760 --> 00:42:56.320
<v Speaker 3>idea of intimacy reveal about that portion of you?

581
00:42:58.360 --> 00:42:58.639
<v Speaker 4>Right?

582
00:43:01.280 --> 00:43:07.440
<v Speaker 3>What does rejection disturb within your spirit? What does betrayal

583
00:43:07.960 --> 00:43:11.480
<v Speaker 3>expose to you, within you, to you?

584
00:43:11.719 --> 00:43:11.920
<v Speaker 4>Right?

585
00:43:12.880 --> 00:43:18.199
<v Speaker 3>What does commitment threaten inside of you? What architecture does

586
00:43:18.239 --> 00:43:24.239
<v Speaker 3>it threaten? And philosophical architecture, psychological architecture. What does commitment

587
00:43:24.400 --> 00:43:29.159
<v Speaker 3>threaten within you? Why does one person feel like safety

588
00:43:29.199 --> 00:43:34.559
<v Speaker 3>while another produces panic? What part of your history participates

589
00:43:34.559 --> 00:43:36.840
<v Speaker 3>in what you presently call chemistry?

590
00:43:37.400 --> 00:43:38.760
<v Speaker 4>Did you hear the question.

591
00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:43.400
<v Speaker 3>What part of your history participates in what you presently

592
00:43:43.480 --> 00:43:51.840
<v Speaker 3>call chemistry? Compatibility, masculinity, femininity, loyalty, disrespect, abandonment, love, or God.

593
00:43:53.079 --> 00:43:58.039
<v Speaker 3>This does not make my work superior to Tony Gaskin's work,

594
00:43:58.519 --> 00:44:03.239
<v Speaker 3>or Steven Speaks or doctor Thelma Brien or Kevin Samuel's

595
00:44:03.239 --> 00:44:05.719
<v Speaker 3>Eon Levanz and RC Blakes.

596
00:44:05.440 --> 00:44:06.400
<v Speaker 4>Or anybody else.

597
00:44:06.440 --> 00:44:09.800
<v Speaker 3>This doesn't threaten anybody's platform or work.

598
00:44:10.559 --> 00:44:11.599
<v Speaker 4>My work doesn't do that.

599
00:44:13.599 --> 00:44:19.559
<v Speaker 3>Many of them address dimensions of relationship life that deserve examination,

600
00:44:20.880 --> 00:44:25.679
<v Speaker 3>and in certain areas, have expertise that I do not.

601
00:44:26.320 --> 00:44:32.559
<v Speaker 3>They possess an expertise that I do not. Right, the

602
00:44:32.639 --> 00:44:36.440
<v Speaker 3>distinction lies in the question I refuse to stop asking

603
00:44:37.119 --> 00:44:42.880
<v Speaker 3>what sits underneath your answer? If someone tells you to

604
00:44:43.000 --> 00:44:46.280
<v Speaker 3>know your worth, I want to investigate the architecture that

605
00:44:46.440 --> 00:44:49.480
<v Speaker 3>taught you what worth meant?

606
00:44:49.880 --> 00:44:57.239
<v Speaker 4>Who established the value? Do you understand? I want to know.

607
00:44:57.360 --> 00:44:59.719
<v Speaker 3>If someone tells you to choose better, I want to

608
00:44:59.719 --> 00:45:05.360
<v Speaker 3>invent instigate the chooser. My philosophy begins where relationship advice

609
00:45:05.920 --> 00:45:12.280
<v Speaker 3>often ends. Typically, the relationship advice world is giving advice

610
00:45:12.599 --> 00:45:16.840
<v Speaker 3>to a person who wants to then use it to

611
00:45:17.000 --> 00:45:22.239
<v Speaker 3>change a circumstance, to change a situation, to get ultimately

612
00:45:22.320 --> 00:45:26.239
<v Speaker 3>what they want from something. Typically, the advice is not

613
00:45:26.400 --> 00:45:33.079
<v Speaker 3>centered on becoming the authentic true self or finding self

614
00:45:33.119 --> 00:45:38.800
<v Speaker 3>resonance resonance within this? How do you resonate within you?

615
00:45:39.079 --> 00:45:46.800
<v Speaker 3>Without judgment, without verdict, without self prosecution DC They come

616
00:45:46.840 --> 00:45:48.760
<v Speaker 3>to you and say how do I get this? How

617
00:45:48.760 --> 00:45:53.199
<v Speaker 3>do I do that? I don't do that. That's why

618
00:45:53.199 --> 00:45:58.880
<v Speaker 3>I say my philosophy begins where relationship advice ends. I

619
00:45:59.000 --> 00:46:06.400
<v Speaker 3>use intimate relationship as a doorway into higher consciousness, identity, culture, psychology, spirituality, perception,

620
00:46:06.719 --> 00:46:11.000
<v Speaker 3>and the hidden assumptions through which human beings experience one another.

621
00:46:11.239 --> 00:46:14.519
<v Speaker 3>This is why I believe my voice matters in this space.

622
00:46:16.719 --> 00:46:20.000
<v Speaker 3>I am not asking people to merely become better at

623
00:46:20.159 --> 00:46:24.159
<v Speaker 3>intimate relationships. I am asking whether relationships can make us

624
00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:29.760
<v Speaker 3>more conscious of the person who keeps creating them.

625
00:46:30.800 --> 00:46:34.840
<v Speaker 4>That's what my work is about. We got callers on

626
00:46:34.880 --> 00:46:36.119
<v Speaker 4>the line. I want to get him in here right now.

627
00:46:36.239 --> 00:46:38.800
<v Speaker 4>Lee Roy from.

628
00:46:38.760 --> 00:46:44.480
<v Speaker 3>Inglewood, California, Legendary Inglewood with legendary Leroy.

629
00:46:44.559 --> 00:46:46.800
<v Speaker 4>He has returned to the scene of the conversation. What

630
00:46:46.840 --> 00:46:48.480
<v Speaker 4>are your thoughts on tonight's topic?

631
00:46:49.480 --> 00:46:51.400
<v Speaker 8>Well, first and foremost, can you hear me clearly?

632
00:46:51.679 --> 00:46:54.840
<v Speaker 4>Yes, sir, all right, wonderful man.

633
00:46:55.280 --> 00:46:58.800
<v Speaker 8>While everybody was giving you your eulogies, I said, let

634
00:46:58.800 --> 00:46:59.800
<v Speaker 8>me chime in and give.

635
00:46:59.760 --> 00:47:00.400
<v Speaker 5>Him my right.

636
00:47:02.360 --> 00:47:03.920
<v Speaker 4>A eulogy for real.

637
00:47:04.199 --> 00:47:07.119
<v Speaker 8>Yes, you know you were Jesus kind words you know,

638
00:47:07.239 --> 00:47:11.440
<v Speaker 8>good word you know, and these people are they're calling in.

639
00:47:11.480 --> 00:47:14.159
<v Speaker 15>Like you know, so I remember you were twenty five

640
00:47:14.280 --> 00:47:17.880
<v Speaker 15>years ago, so you know when I found you, it

641
00:47:17.920 --> 00:47:21.800
<v Speaker 15>was fifteen years ago. And you know, and I remember

642
00:47:21.840 --> 00:47:25.440
<v Speaker 15>when I first found you as well, and it was

643
00:47:25.480 --> 00:47:28.800
<v Speaker 15>like the first time ever I saw.

644
00:47:32.639 --> 00:47:39.480
<v Speaker 8>I felt this negro thought he was fine, here we

645
00:47:39.559 --> 00:47:43.079
<v Speaker 8>go and you and you were and you are you

646
00:47:43.480 --> 00:47:48.039
<v Speaker 8>wiser now? You were smart then, but you're wiser now,

647
00:47:48.440 --> 00:47:53.000
<v Speaker 8>and you so much kinder. Shitler, No, you are man.

648
00:47:53.039 --> 00:47:54.840
<v Speaker 8>You know, you used to go a hard body. You

649
00:47:54.960 --> 00:47:58.079
<v Speaker 8>used to go in I mean blazing, and now you

650
00:47:58.199 --> 00:48:00.800
<v Speaker 8>be treating you know, the religious people that the NFS

651
00:48:00.920 --> 00:48:04.559
<v Speaker 8>a lot kinder. And when I was listening to you

652
00:48:04.599 --> 00:48:09.039
<v Speaker 8>share about how this young lady in your teenage years

653
00:48:09.760 --> 00:48:14.639
<v Speaker 8>ignited you towards this journey, I got sensitive inside, you know.

654
00:48:14.639 --> 00:48:17.280
<v Speaker 8>I started thinking about lyone or Ritchie another, breakups on

655
00:48:17.679 --> 00:48:22.119
<v Speaker 8>what now hello, yeah, no, you know what I mean,

656
00:48:22.199 --> 00:48:28.360
<v Speaker 8>And it was like, you know, it's painful oftentimes when

657
00:48:28.360 --> 00:48:30.159
<v Speaker 8>we get on these Johnnys, and then it leads to

658
00:48:30.199 --> 00:48:32.320
<v Speaker 8>a certain type of loneliness until we learn how to

659
00:48:32.320 --> 00:48:36.320
<v Speaker 8>come back to ourselves. And sadly, most of the people

660
00:48:36.440 --> 00:48:38.039
<v Speaker 8>that I know for a fact that I deal with

661
00:48:38.719 --> 00:48:42.519
<v Speaker 8>They haven't done that much work. They would rather argue

662
00:48:42.559 --> 00:48:47.440
<v Speaker 8>with me than the sources that I share, and they

663
00:48:47.480 --> 00:48:53.320
<v Speaker 8>would get mad because me acknowledging that I'm incomplete. But

664
00:48:53.440 --> 00:48:55.960
<v Speaker 8>yet it's still qualified to give them answers to question

665
00:48:56.039 --> 00:48:57.719
<v Speaker 8>that they've had for ten or fifteen years, and they

666
00:48:57.719 --> 00:48:59.480
<v Speaker 8>ain't getting answers for from the places that they're going

667
00:48:59.519 --> 00:49:02.639
<v Speaker 8>to get them from. All I said. I said all

668
00:49:02.679 --> 00:49:05.800
<v Speaker 8>that to say, brother, fail your journey. I love yourself

669
00:49:05.960 --> 00:49:13.639
<v Speaker 8>definition being issue in real time right and acknowledging that

670
00:49:13.719 --> 00:49:16.719
<v Speaker 8>up front so that the adepts can get what they

671
00:49:16.800 --> 00:49:21.159
<v Speaker 8>need and the ns can get their bells wrong without

672
00:49:21.159 --> 00:49:23.599
<v Speaker 8>you beating up on them like you used to. You

673
00:49:23.760 --> 00:49:26.960
<v Speaker 8>kind of pulling the people's hands and moving them along

674
00:49:27.000 --> 00:49:28.519
<v Speaker 8>in a better way now. And I just want to

675
00:49:28.519 --> 00:49:32.360
<v Speaker 8>thank you for being a very good, thin thing and

676
00:49:32.400 --> 00:49:34.360
<v Speaker 8>a kind individual with the teaching. Appreciate you.

677
00:49:35.239 --> 00:49:37.840
<v Speaker 4>Guess what you just did, good brother man.

678
00:49:38.079 --> 00:49:40.679
<v Speaker 8>We brought Inglewood, City of Champions in the building.

679
00:49:40.840 --> 00:49:42.800
<v Speaker 4>Yes, sir, Inglewood in the building. If you want to

680
00:49:42.800 --> 00:49:44.159
<v Speaker 4>bring your city in the building, all you got to

681
00:49:44.199 --> 00:49:44.719
<v Speaker 4>do is call me.

682
00:49:44.880 --> 00:49:48.159
<v Speaker 3>One ain't hundred nine twenty fifteen eighty Listen There's more

683
00:49:48.320 --> 00:49:51.599
<v Speaker 3>to come when we come forward.

684
00:49:51.800 --> 00:49:55.960
<v Speaker 4>Await, hold on, hold on story time, the music. Oh

685
00:49:56.039 --> 00:50:01.599
<v Speaker 4>my goodness, Faith Evans, what is this night?

686
00:50:01.800 --> 00:50:07.920
<v Speaker 3>Ninety four ninety three, I'm just becoming a music executive.

687
00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:15.800
<v Speaker 3>Loud RCA Records Senior VP of West Coast an R

688
00:50:16.320 --> 00:50:22.800
<v Speaker 3>Steve Rifkin, hired me man oh Man as Chevitz. This

689
00:50:22.880 --> 00:50:27.400
<v Speaker 3>is when I was dating the Laker girl. She was

690
00:50:27.440 --> 00:50:32.079
<v Speaker 3>already in a relationship Scorpio. She had been in this

691
00:50:32.159 --> 00:50:34.320
<v Speaker 3>relationship for about.

692
00:50:35.280 --> 00:50:40.119
<v Speaker 4>Six years. I met her in a club in Pasadena.

693
00:50:41.000 --> 00:50:43.639
<v Speaker 4>I was there to see an artist. She was with

694
00:50:43.719 --> 00:50:49.480
<v Speaker 4>her friends. She was playing pool. She had a some

695
00:50:49.599 --> 00:50:52.840
<v Speaker 4>type of brace on her knee because she injured herself

696
00:50:53.280 --> 00:50:55.679
<v Speaker 4>on the court. Right.

697
00:50:57.480 --> 00:51:01.800
<v Speaker 3>Gorgeous, beautiful little scorpio. Oh five, my god.

698
00:51:02.760 --> 00:51:08.039
<v Speaker 4>I was twenty four, she was twenty seven going on

699
00:51:08.079 --> 00:51:10.599
<v Speaker 4>twenty eight, and.

700
00:51:12.320 --> 00:51:20.320
<v Speaker 3>We locked eyes. I gave her my card, Yeah, she

701
00:51:20.440 --> 00:51:26.360
<v Speaker 3>took it. She told me she had a dude. I said,

702
00:51:26.360 --> 00:51:32.920
<v Speaker 3>it's cool, and then I received a call at my desk.

703
00:51:33.159 --> 00:51:38.079
<v Speaker 3>The next day, I was at Loud listening to demos.

704
00:51:38.239 --> 00:51:41.239
<v Speaker 3>I think at the time the demo had was ras

705
00:51:41.239 --> 00:51:45.760
<v Speaker 3>Cast and I love Rascast. I was like, oh, I'm

706
00:51:45.760 --> 00:51:49.000
<v Speaker 3>gonna sign this guy. But I got this phone call

707
00:51:49.519 --> 00:51:51.159
<v Speaker 3>and it was the young lady.

708
00:51:53.679 --> 00:51:55.760
<v Speaker 4>She told me she was in a relationship. It was serious,

709
00:51:55.760 --> 00:51:56.320
<v Speaker 4>and I was like, all.

710
00:51:56.320 --> 00:52:01.000
<v Speaker 3>Right, that's cool. But then she asked me to go

711
00:52:01.039 --> 00:52:08.039
<v Speaker 3>to the movies, and that's when I knew, yeah.

712
00:52:07.079 --> 00:52:07.760
<v Speaker 4>I'm in here.

713
00:52:10.599 --> 00:52:13.039
<v Speaker 3>And then she tried to play the older woman thing

714
00:52:13.159 --> 00:52:16.159
<v Speaker 3>on me, like, oh, you don't know what to do

715
00:52:16.239 --> 00:52:20.079
<v Speaker 3>with this, you young you, and I.

716
00:52:20.039 --> 00:52:27.119
<v Speaker 4>Told her, I said, be careful, be careful. She didn't

717
00:52:27.119 --> 00:52:31.000
<v Speaker 4>believe me. And what's interesting about this relationship.

718
00:52:31.039 --> 00:52:33.199
<v Speaker 3>I don't want to go into the details, but this

719
00:52:33.599 --> 00:52:36.480
<v Speaker 3>song found out the girl could sing.

720
00:52:37.239 --> 00:52:38.840
<v Speaker 4>She put this record on.

721
00:52:39.360 --> 00:52:42.480
<v Speaker 3>In the car and she was singing like she was

722
00:52:42.559 --> 00:52:47.840
<v Speaker 3>literally killing it. I was like, Wow, this girl is amazing.

723
00:52:49.719 --> 00:52:51.559
<v Speaker 3>Until her dude found out, Hey.

724
00:52:51.400 --> 00:52:59.920
<v Speaker 4>Play the record. Let's go play it from the beginning Farocian.

725
00:53:01.360 --> 00:53:04.920
<v Speaker 3>Oh, it's one of the best times of my life.

726
00:53:05.280 --> 00:53:10.599
<v Speaker 3>She lived in the back house, you know, and I

727
00:53:10.639 --> 00:53:17.239
<v Speaker 3>would just slip in, slip out. And then one day.

728
00:53:16.239 --> 00:53:20.880
<v Speaker 4>Her father saw me walking up and he told me.

729
00:53:21.079 --> 00:53:22.920
<v Speaker 4>He was like, hey, man, let me talk to you

730
00:53:22.960 --> 00:53:23.559
<v Speaker 4>for a second.

731
00:53:26.079 --> 00:53:29.639
<v Speaker 3>And I go talk to him and he says, what

732
00:53:29.880 --> 00:53:35.519
<v Speaker 3>do you see in my daughter. I was like, oh wow,

733
00:53:35.960 --> 00:53:36.719
<v Speaker 3>here we go.

734
00:53:37.320 --> 00:53:38.599
<v Speaker 4>He said, what do you see in her?

735
00:53:39.679 --> 00:53:43.280
<v Speaker 3>He said, she's twenty seven, she's still watching Disney movies.

736
00:53:43.599 --> 00:53:48.719
<v Speaker 3>He said, but I watched you at an event we

737
00:53:48.719 --> 00:53:53.639
<v Speaker 3>were at. He said, you didn't interact with none of

738
00:53:53.679 --> 00:53:56.079
<v Speaker 3>the people, none of the family members.

739
00:53:57.039 --> 00:53:58.679
<v Speaker 4>He said, I saw you.

740
00:53:58.679 --> 00:54:02.639
<v Speaker 3>You went into the line library and grabbed three or

741
00:54:02.719 --> 00:54:06.199
<v Speaker 3>four books and sat down the entire time. I went

742
00:54:06.280 --> 00:54:09.400
<v Speaker 3>somewhere with her with her family, and he was like,

743
00:54:10.920 --> 00:54:14.519
<v Speaker 3>I need to know who you are, and when I

744
00:54:14.559 --> 00:54:19.199
<v Speaker 3>tell you, the relationship with me and the girl went away.

745
00:54:19.960 --> 00:54:23.880
<v Speaker 3>Even though she was she was wrapped around me like

746
00:54:23.920 --> 00:54:26.760
<v Speaker 3>an anaconda down in the Amazon.

747
00:54:26.960 --> 00:54:29.559
<v Speaker 4>Man. She was whoo, she was bad whoop.

748
00:54:30.159 --> 00:54:33.159
<v Speaker 3>But the relationship went away because she was already with

749
00:54:33.320 --> 00:54:42.079
<v Speaker 3>someone but her. Her father and I became friends because

750
00:54:42.119 --> 00:54:48.199
<v Speaker 3>he was fascinated by my mind, and we stayed friends.

751
00:54:50.320 --> 00:54:57.440
<v Speaker 4>Until he died. Me and the girl's father became road dogs.

752
00:54:57.480 --> 00:55:02.360
<v Speaker 16>He was older and he was wild, but he saw

753
00:55:02.360 --> 00:55:07.480
<v Speaker 16>something in me, and he was like, He told me, literally,

754
00:55:07.960 --> 00:55:13.760
<v Speaker 16>you can't be with her, but because she's beautiful, and maybe.

755
00:55:13.440 --> 00:55:14.960
<v Speaker 4>The sex, he's got to be the sex.

756
00:55:15.039 --> 00:55:17.800
<v Speaker 3>He was talking to me raw He was like, Yo,

757
00:55:18.320 --> 00:55:20.840
<v Speaker 3>it can't be nothing else because I saw what you

758
00:55:21.039 --> 00:55:21.559
<v Speaker 3>was reading.

759
00:55:21.639 --> 00:55:21.880
<v Speaker 4>Man.

760
00:55:24.199 --> 00:55:28.000
<v Speaker 3>When we come forward, it's not over. You're gonna learn

761
00:55:28.039 --> 00:55:30.559
<v Speaker 3>some more about Zoe William Hello.

762
00:55:31.360 --> 00:55:34.639
<v Speaker 17>I'm Howard Steele. I was privileged to study and work

763
00:55:34.679 --> 00:55:38.239
<v Speaker 17>in England for eighteen years, beginning my doctoral studies at

764
00:55:38.239 --> 00:55:41.119
<v Speaker 17>a time when doctor John Bowlby still kept office hours

765
00:55:41.159 --> 00:55:44.320
<v Speaker 17>at the Tavistalk Clinic, where he spent most of his

766
00:55:44.440 --> 00:55:45.159
<v Speaker 17>working life.

767
00:55:46.119 --> 00:55:49.440
<v Speaker 11>Tachment is an integral part of human nature, from the

768
00:55:49.440 --> 00:55:55.880
<v Speaker 11>cradle to the grave. It may be it's very prominent

769
00:55:56.039 --> 00:56:02.320
<v Speaker 11>in early childhood about it's true of you today.

770
00:56:02.440 --> 00:56:06.719
<v Speaker 17>Doctor John Bowlby was a psychiatrist whose life spanned most

771
00:56:06.760 --> 00:56:10.440
<v Speaker 17>of the twentieth century. He devoted his life to understanding

772
00:56:10.480 --> 00:56:13.960
<v Speaker 17>and promoting mental health, seeing the origins of such health

773
00:56:14.159 --> 00:56:16.800
<v Speaker 17>as being the ability to rely on another person when

774
00:56:16.840 --> 00:56:17.679
<v Speaker 17>we are distressed.

775
00:56:18.599 --> 00:56:22.039
<v Speaker 13>It's kind of hard for me because I didn't know

776
00:56:22.159 --> 00:56:23.519
<v Speaker 13>at first how to treat.

777
00:56:23.239 --> 00:56:25.639
<v Speaker 17>My children so ch and to share joys with them

778
00:56:25.639 --> 00:56:26.079
<v Speaker 17>as well.

779
00:56:26.239 --> 00:56:29.239
<v Speaker 4>You know she's gonna become with somebody, you know.

780
00:56:29.679 --> 00:56:40.440
<v Speaker 3>That Gosh, that attachment piece is heavy. That troop record,

781
00:56:40.800 --> 00:56:41.960
<v Speaker 3>that's a sleeper record.

782
00:56:42.000 --> 00:56:48.239
<v Speaker 4>A lot of people slept on that deeper album. Only

783
00:56:48.280 --> 00:56:54.719
<v Speaker 4>When I Laugh is the name of the record. Tonight's

784
00:56:54.719 --> 00:56:55.639
<v Speaker 4>topic is deep.

785
00:56:57.480 --> 00:57:01.800
<v Speaker 3>I'm sharing so much about myself and my journey and

786
00:57:02.480 --> 00:57:08.719
<v Speaker 3>what distinguishes me from a lot of the social media.

787
00:57:09.840 --> 00:57:16.679
<v Speaker 3>First off, I'm in school for psychology. I've written books

788
00:57:17.960 --> 00:57:21.440
<v Speaker 3>before I was in school that people who were in

789
00:57:21.519 --> 00:57:26.440
<v Speaker 3>school used to write their dissertation to. If you don't know,

790
00:57:26.559 --> 00:57:29.599
<v Speaker 3>you better ask somebody. The Relationship Dismount how to stick

791
00:57:29.599 --> 00:57:33.360
<v Speaker 3>the landing when exiting a toxic relationship. Last week we

792
00:57:33.400 --> 00:57:35.400
<v Speaker 3>had a young lady shout out to Jasmine up in

793
00:57:35.559 --> 00:57:41.960
<v Speaker 3>Washington State. She caused the Relationship dismount book to go

794
00:57:42.199 --> 00:57:47.599
<v Speaker 3>viral because of an impromptu conversation she had with an

795
00:57:47.599 --> 00:57:52.000
<v Speaker 3>African American couple in a park and randomly the couple

796
00:57:52.559 --> 00:57:57.840
<v Speaker 3>suggested my book. That video when she came on the

797
00:57:57.920 --> 00:58:00.599
<v Speaker 3>Voice of Reason, what was it last week? And it

798
00:58:00.639 --> 00:58:05.159
<v Speaker 3>was last week Monday, I believe she came on and

799
00:58:05.199 --> 00:58:11.480
<v Speaker 3>that video was at eight hundred thousand views. She dropped

800
00:58:11.480 --> 00:58:15.559
<v Speaker 3>at August sixth, That Monday was the ninth or the

801
00:58:15.840 --> 00:58:17.599
<v Speaker 3>eleventh or tenth or something.

802
00:58:17.880 --> 00:58:20.440
<v Speaker 4>Four days later it was at eight hundred thousand views.

803
00:58:20.480 --> 00:58:26.840
<v Speaker 3>It's now at one point three million views, and that

804
00:58:27.159 --> 00:58:29.039
<v Speaker 3>caused the relationship dismount.

805
00:58:29.079 --> 00:58:32.280
<v Speaker 4>My book, The Skyrocket. Doctor Joshawna.

806
00:58:32.360 --> 00:58:37.519
<v Speaker 3>Johnson says she even used my book as a lightweight textbook.

807
00:58:40.360 --> 00:58:40.800
<v Speaker 4>All right.

808
00:58:42.519 --> 00:58:46.440
<v Speaker 3>I had a friend down in Kentucky, went to Kentucky State.

809
00:58:46.519 --> 00:58:51.079
<v Speaker 3>He used my book to write his dissertation. We have

810
00:58:51.119 --> 00:58:54.159
<v Speaker 3>a brother that used to come on the show quite frequently,

811
00:58:54.400 --> 00:58:58.960
<v Speaker 3>Tony Massey. He wrote his dissertation to the Relationship Dismount.

812
00:58:59.000 --> 00:59:01.519
<v Speaker 4>This is all before I went to school for this stuff.

813
00:59:03.519 --> 00:59:06.320
<v Speaker 3>Doctor Alan Berger, who just wrote the forward to my

814
00:59:06.559 --> 00:59:12.800
<v Speaker 3>latest book, he too, ooh, you're a natural therapist. I've

815
00:59:12.840 --> 00:59:16.039
<v Speaker 3>got fifty years in the game, and you're a natural therapist.

816
00:59:17.280 --> 00:59:18.840
<v Speaker 4>But I don't claim any of that.

817
00:59:20.599 --> 00:59:22.440
<v Speaker 3>The only reason why I went back to school is

818
00:59:22.480 --> 00:59:27.679
<v Speaker 3>because my uncle, who's eighty years old, convinced me. He said,

819
00:59:27.719 --> 00:59:31.199
<v Speaker 3>you've already done the work. Just go back and get

820
00:59:31.239 --> 00:59:32.079
<v Speaker 3>the paper.

821
00:59:33.360 --> 00:59:34.199
<v Speaker 4>Just finish it up.

822
00:59:36.360 --> 00:59:40.559
<v Speaker 3>I'm sharing who I am, why my voice matters. But

823
00:59:40.599 --> 00:59:43.719
<v Speaker 3>I'm here to tell you I created load bearing mind

824
00:59:43.760 --> 00:59:50.480
<v Speaker 3>shifting concepts like the Holographic Relationship, the Shrouded Lighthouse, and

825
00:59:50.559 --> 00:59:56.320
<v Speaker 3>the relationship Dismount books well before I decided to go

826
00:59:56.480 --> 01:00:02.159
<v Speaker 3>back to finish up right, But just in case you

827
01:00:02.280 --> 01:00:11.719
<v Speaker 3>need further distinctions, here's some concepts that I'm pushing on

828
01:00:11.840 --> 01:00:16.719
<v Speaker 3>this platform. You already know need as the original sin,

829
01:00:18.480 --> 01:00:22.400
<v Speaker 3>the belief in lack before the relationship even begins, like

830
01:00:22.480 --> 01:00:25.599
<v Speaker 3>I need this person to fulfill my needs. I know

831
01:00:25.639 --> 01:00:29.800
<v Speaker 3>it's psychologically counterintuitive, and I'm trying to upend and turn

832
01:00:29.880 --> 01:00:34.360
<v Speaker 3>over every apple cart that these old, dead white men created.

833
01:00:35.159 --> 01:00:40.239
<v Speaker 3>I'm trying to destabilize all of those theories. My radical

834
01:00:40.280 --> 01:00:43.800
<v Speaker 3>move is to ask whether psychological need begins with a

835
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:49.599
<v Speaker 3>metaphysical mistake. I lack something essential, therefore somebody outside of

836
01:00:49.760 --> 01:00:52.079
<v Speaker 3>me must provide it for me.

837
01:00:52.519 --> 01:00:57.639
<v Speaker 4>So I've framed it as need as the original sin. Right.

838
01:00:58.719 --> 01:01:04.000
<v Speaker 3>Sure, we need in a developmental sense when we're children,

839
01:01:05.000 --> 01:01:10.000
<v Speaker 3>but we don't have to need as adults. We have

840
01:01:10.039 --> 01:01:14.400
<v Speaker 3>the capacity to fulfill our own needs internally self esteem,

841
01:01:14.440 --> 01:01:21.320
<v Speaker 3>self worth, self approval, self validation, self satisfaction, happiness, self acceptance.

842
01:01:21.800 --> 01:01:24.480
<v Speaker 3>We have the power to do that, but we outsource it.

843
01:01:24.559 --> 01:01:24.840
<v Speaker 4>Why.

844
01:01:26.199 --> 01:01:31.199
<v Speaker 3>That's why I've I've pushed and leaned into need as

845
01:01:31.239 --> 01:01:32.199
<v Speaker 3>the original sin.

846
01:01:33.800 --> 01:01:34.039
<v Speaker 4>Right.

847
01:01:35.719 --> 01:01:39.880
<v Speaker 3>Once that premise gets installed, the premise of I lack

848
01:01:39.960 --> 01:01:44.559
<v Speaker 3>something essential therefore somebody outside me of me must provide it.

849
01:01:45.000 --> 01:01:51.920
<v Speaker 3>Once that premise gets installed, love can mutate into acquisition, validation, possession, control, reassurance,

850
01:01:51.920 --> 01:01:57.480
<v Speaker 3>and dependency. Right, the partner becomes responsible for repairing an

851
01:01:57.519 --> 01:02:02.360
<v Speaker 3>alleged absence in the soul Oh My Shrouded Lighthouse book

852
01:02:02.599 --> 01:02:08.880
<v Speaker 3>repeatedly distinguishes inner revolution from external desire and asks whether

853
01:02:08.960 --> 01:02:14.239
<v Speaker 3>we can love without requiring another person to conform to

854
01:02:14.360 --> 01:02:22.880
<v Speaker 3>our expectations. Right, I've got more concepts that I want

855
01:02:22.920 --> 01:02:23.320
<v Speaker 3>to share.

856
01:02:24.800 --> 01:02:25.440
<v Speaker 4>Are you ready?

857
01:02:25.800 --> 01:02:29.280
<v Speaker 3>Because I'm trying to distinguish my voice from everybody else's.

858
01:02:29.280 --> 01:02:31.559
<v Speaker 3>I know everybody A sam relationship is a mirror. But

859
01:02:31.599 --> 01:02:36.679
<v Speaker 3>they're not telling you that's Christianna Murti. They're not linking

860
01:02:37.239 --> 01:02:42.599
<v Speaker 3>Ross Rossenberg, right, the human magnet syndrome. They're not linking

861
01:02:42.639 --> 01:02:44.480
<v Speaker 3>it to attachment theory.

862
01:02:45.559 --> 01:02:45.840
<v Speaker 4>Right.

863
01:02:45.960 --> 01:02:50.400
<v Speaker 3>The avoidance and the anxious folk are typically attracted to

864
01:02:50.480 --> 01:02:55.599
<v Speaker 3>each other. Like ross Rossenberg points out that the narcissists

865
01:02:55.599 --> 01:02:59.400
<v Speaker 3>and the codependent are attracted to each other. They just

866
01:02:59.519 --> 01:03:03.280
<v Speaker 3>throw it out there superficially, relationship is a merriat. Yeah,

867
01:03:03.320 --> 01:03:06.000
<v Speaker 3>but what does that mean and how does that show

868
01:03:06.079 --> 01:03:12.559
<v Speaker 3>up clinically psychologically metaphysically spiritually, they don't go that deep.

869
01:03:12.599 --> 01:03:16.159
<v Speaker 3>I'm not here to crucify. I'm not here to pathologize.

870
01:03:16.199 --> 01:03:18.440
<v Speaker 3>We need every voice.

871
01:03:18.599 --> 01:03:20.159
<v Speaker 4>But I'm distinguishing mine.

872
01:03:20.199 --> 01:03:25.119
<v Speaker 3>Tonight when we come forward more from the VR ladies

873
01:03:25.159 --> 01:03:28.760
<v Speaker 3>and gentlemen, we rolling down.

874
01:03:28.639 --> 01:03:35.559
<v Speaker 4>PC right now. My playlist has always been my co host.

875
01:03:35.679 --> 01:03:37.920
<v Speaker 3>Come on, man, y'all know we in here cooking the

876
01:03:38.039 --> 01:03:41.760
<v Speaker 3>night this last time you heard this John B record,

877
01:03:43.400 --> 01:03:48.280
<v Speaker 3>we turned up tonight the Voice of Reason sharing a

878
01:03:48.280 --> 01:03:54.559
<v Speaker 3>bit of himself. I've been on one lately and this

879
01:03:54.719 --> 01:03:57.480
<v Speaker 3>is like a primer. Who is Zoe Williams? What is

880
01:03:57.519 --> 01:04:00.960
<v Speaker 3>his philosophy? Why should we even listen? Why do we

881
01:04:01.000 --> 01:04:01.599
<v Speaker 3>even care?

882
01:04:04.039 --> 01:04:04.119
<v Speaker 5>So?

883
01:04:05.119 --> 01:04:12.320
<v Speaker 3>I was sharing, you know, need as the first relational sin.

884
01:04:13.239 --> 01:04:14.440
<v Speaker 4>I don't believe.

885
01:04:14.400 --> 01:04:19.519
<v Speaker 3>We're supposed to fulfill each other's needs. I believe our

886
01:04:19.599 --> 01:04:23.079
<v Speaker 3>needs were supposed to be fulfilled in childhood, and when

887
01:04:23.079 --> 01:04:28.039
<v Speaker 3>they weren't, a survival system kicked on, and then we

888
01:04:28.119 --> 01:04:31.480
<v Speaker 3>carried that into adult relationships, and then we normalized it.

889
01:04:31.519 --> 01:04:37.119
<v Speaker 3>I think we're I think that's what spiritual evolution, self

890
01:04:37.159 --> 01:04:43.000
<v Speaker 3>actualization or self realization as para Mahanza Yogananda called it

891
01:04:43.239 --> 01:04:47.599
<v Speaker 3>the Buddhists call it moksha or nirvana. I believe when

892
01:04:47.639 --> 01:04:52.039
<v Speaker 3>there's this transcendence of the small ego, you understand that

893
01:04:52.119 --> 01:04:55.159
<v Speaker 3>there is communion with the source of all that is

894
01:04:55.199 --> 01:05:00.280
<v Speaker 3>the source, the foundational reality of existence. Quantum physicists call

895
01:05:00.559 --> 01:05:06.159
<v Speaker 3>God consciousness right infinite consciousness. I believe these ancient spiritual

896
01:05:06.239 --> 01:05:09.199
<v Speaker 3>practices could teach us how to get there. Some people

897
01:05:09.239 --> 01:05:13.119
<v Speaker 3>go ayahuasca, or they lick the frog, but they get

898
01:05:13.159 --> 01:05:17.519
<v Speaker 3>outside of the broken, fragile, little ego that needs. I

899
01:05:17.599 --> 01:05:21.079
<v Speaker 3>believe love is a conduit, or intimate relationships is a

900
01:05:21.119 --> 01:05:23.960
<v Speaker 3>conduit for that. I believe it's a spiritual conduit that

901
01:05:24.360 --> 01:05:30.639
<v Speaker 3>ends needing, but it may end the relationship too. And

902
01:05:30.719 --> 01:05:34.320
<v Speaker 3>I believe many of us are okay with need. So

903
01:05:34.480 --> 01:05:37.960
<v Speaker 3>long as we're needed, here we go.

904
01:05:39.519 --> 01:05:41.039
<v Speaker 4>Another concept I have.

905
01:05:43.039 --> 01:05:46.559
<v Speaker 3>I added on too Krishnamerti's work in my Holographic Relationship

906
01:05:46.599 --> 01:05:53.880
<v Speaker 3>book the relationship as a holographic event rather than a

907
01:05:53.920 --> 01:06:02.159
<v Speaker 3>two person transaction. Krishnamurti gives relationship as a mirror. I

908
01:06:02.360 --> 01:06:06.880
<v Speaker 3>deliberately say the mirror is the mirror. Metaphorm is insufficient.

909
01:06:07.320 --> 01:06:16.199
<v Speaker 3>Your relationship becomes a multi dimensional return of history, trauma, belief, environment, identity, culture, god,

910
01:06:16.639 --> 01:06:22.000
<v Speaker 3>and accumulated experiences. In my Holographic Relationship book, I explicitly

911
01:06:22.239 --> 01:06:28.880
<v Speaker 3>argue that relationships represent your whole story rather than an

912
01:06:29.000 --> 01:06:31.639
<v Speaker 3>isolated present interaction.

913
01:06:33.159 --> 01:06:33.360
<v Speaker 4>Right.

914
01:06:34.920 --> 01:06:40.519
<v Speaker 3>I believe that the intimate holographic connection has lineage.

915
01:06:40.679 --> 01:06:42.599
<v Speaker 4>Right, its systemic.

916
01:06:44.440 --> 01:06:48.840
<v Speaker 3>Relocation into intimate relationships is part of your distinct or

917
01:06:48.880 --> 01:06:54.639
<v Speaker 3>part of my distinct architecture for relationships. I also use

918
01:06:54.760 --> 01:07:05.800
<v Speaker 3>quantum mechanics as a relational questioning language. Right, This is

919
01:07:05.840 --> 01:07:11.519
<v Speaker 3>one of This is one of my little tricks.

920
01:07:11.599 --> 01:07:11.760
<v Speaker 4>Right.

921
01:07:11.880 --> 01:07:16.519
<v Speaker 3>I love quantum mechanics, I love quantum physics in general.

922
01:07:20.239 --> 01:07:27.480
<v Speaker 3>And I built an entire relationship vocabulary around collapse, entropy, entanglement, uncertainty,

923
01:07:27.599 --> 01:07:29.559
<v Speaker 3>fine tuning, and information.

924
01:07:30.239 --> 01:07:31.119
<v Speaker 4>Again, that is the.

925
01:07:31.079 --> 01:07:35.440
<v Speaker 3>Holographic Relationship book where I took these scientific principles and

926
01:07:35.480 --> 01:07:37.679
<v Speaker 3>applied them to intimate relationship.

927
01:07:37.920 --> 01:07:39.639
<v Speaker 4>This was my twenty nineteen book.

928
01:07:41.559 --> 01:07:47.320
<v Speaker 3>Right, And like I said, it separates me from you know,

929
01:07:47.679 --> 01:07:49.280
<v Speaker 3>conventional dating content.

930
01:07:49.480 --> 01:07:52.280
<v Speaker 4>Right. Kevin Samuels is.

931
01:07:52.199 --> 01:07:58.840
<v Speaker 3>Not organizing mate market analysis through uncertainty and entanglement. Gaskins

932
01:07:58.960 --> 01:08:05.360
<v Speaker 3>is not instructing boundaries through holographic information theory. Thelma Bryant

933
01:08:05.960 --> 01:08:11.159
<v Speaker 3>thema Bryant is not her clinical framework, which is amazing

934
01:08:11.280 --> 01:08:18.359
<v Speaker 3>work does not depend on quantum relational analogy. That isn't

935
01:08:18.399 --> 01:08:21.159
<v Speaker 3>to say their information is more important than mine and

936
01:08:21.239 --> 01:08:24.079
<v Speaker 3>mine is less important than theirs. Like I said, I

937
01:08:24.119 --> 01:08:28.880
<v Speaker 3>believe every voice, every perspective has value, and that has

938
01:08:28.960 --> 01:08:32.520
<v Speaker 3>been part of the culture of the Voice of Reason show.

939
01:08:32.760 --> 01:08:35.399
<v Speaker 3>In terms of the callers, I don't tell you how

940
01:08:35.399 --> 01:08:40.119
<v Speaker 3>to answer, and I don't push back on your answer.

941
01:08:40.800 --> 01:08:46.960
<v Speaker 3>I allow you to share your perspective. Right, That's important

942
01:08:46.960 --> 01:08:51.560
<v Speaker 3>to me. Another concept that I talk about that differs

943
01:08:51.600 --> 01:08:57.560
<v Speaker 3>from everybody else, the observer is inside the relationship experiment.

944
01:08:58.680 --> 01:08:58.920
<v Speaker 4>Right.

945
01:09:00.479 --> 01:09:04.520
<v Speaker 3>Of course, I'm interested in the wave function collapse of

946
01:09:04.600 --> 01:09:12.279
<v Speaker 3>quantum mechanics. Right, and it becomes psychologically important when joined

947
01:09:12.279 --> 01:09:17.279
<v Speaker 3>to bias, perception, and observation. Again, my Holographic Relationship book

948
01:09:17.600 --> 01:09:24.359
<v Speaker 3>explicitly places personal history and bias beside the observer question

949
01:09:24.880 --> 01:09:34.880
<v Speaker 3>and ask how judgment participates in the experienced relational reality?

950
01:09:35.600 --> 01:09:35.840
<v Speaker 4>Right?

951
01:09:37.520 --> 01:09:42.960
<v Speaker 3>Can you objectively diagnose a relationship while your history constitutes

952
01:09:43.079 --> 01:09:47.359
<v Speaker 3>part of the apparatus performing the diagnosis? I ask these

953
01:09:47.399 --> 01:09:50.439
<v Speaker 3>types of questions, right.

954
01:09:51.640 --> 01:09:53.119
<v Speaker 4>A lot of people are not asking.

955
01:09:52.840 --> 01:10:00.960
<v Speaker 3>These questions, right, And that's Okay, I just want you

956
01:10:01.039 --> 01:10:06.159
<v Speaker 3>guys to understand we are different and we are valuable.

957
01:10:06.920 --> 01:10:11.800
<v Speaker 3>I also talk about relational fine tuning. Rather than asking

958
01:10:11.920 --> 01:10:17.760
<v Speaker 3>merely why did I choose this terrible person, my metaphorical

959
01:10:18.039 --> 01:10:24.039
<v Speaker 3>or metaphysical inquiry asks why this particular person activates this

960
01:10:24.079 --> 01:10:30.359
<v Speaker 3>particular thing in you at this point in your development.

961
01:10:31.600 --> 01:10:36.800
<v Speaker 3>I ask that that's part of my philosophy. Of course,

962
01:10:36.920 --> 01:10:43.159
<v Speaker 3>I have merged Western attachment theory with Buddhist non attachment.

963
01:10:45.199 --> 01:10:50.560
<v Speaker 3>Right most relationship content creators inhibit one side of this

964
01:10:51.640 --> 01:10:57.920
<v Speaker 3>apparent contradiction. Western psychology ask how attachment organizes relationship. Buddhism

965
01:10:58.039 --> 01:11:01.720
<v Speaker 3>investigates howluces suffering.

966
01:11:01.760 --> 01:11:02.720
<v Speaker 4>I've merged the two.

967
01:11:04.319 --> 01:11:08.720
<v Speaker 3>You put Boby or I put Boby and Buddha in

968
01:11:08.800 --> 01:11:15.760
<v Speaker 3>the same room. Of course, we talk about duka. Do

969
01:11:15.800 --> 01:11:21.760
<v Speaker 3>you understand what I'm saying duka, which is suffering? So

970
01:11:22.880 --> 01:11:26.520
<v Speaker 3>I just wanted to reintroduce myself to people who might

971
01:11:26.560 --> 01:11:37.159
<v Speaker 3>be new to the channel spirituality, psychology, metaphysics, quantum mechanics, consciousness,

972
01:11:38.000 --> 01:11:45.359
<v Speaker 3>right Eastern traditions, African traditions, the collectivistic society and their traditions.

973
01:11:45.680 --> 01:11:48.720
<v Speaker 4>I merge them all right.

974
01:11:48.960 --> 01:11:53.880
<v Speaker 3>We don't leave out psychology. Psychology is welcomed as well,

975
01:11:53.920 --> 01:11:57.279
<v Speaker 3>but I'm merging it all because we need a broader,

976
01:11:57.800 --> 01:12:02.560
<v Speaker 3>more expansive answer for some of the questions that maybe

977
01:12:02.600 --> 01:12:09.039
<v Speaker 3>just psychology alone can't answer. Listen, I start the conversations.

978
01:12:09.079 --> 01:12:11.119
<v Speaker 3>It's up to you to finish them. It's not my

979
01:12:11.359 --> 01:12:14.479
<v Speaker 3>job to convince you what to think, but I do

980
01:12:14.560 --> 01:12:16.720
<v Speaker 3>want you to think about what we talked about tonight.

981
01:12:17.319 --> 01:12:19.239
<v Speaker 4>When we come forward, it'll be a new week and

982
01:12:19.319 --> 01:12:22.000
<v Speaker 4>I'll have four new slappers for you. I'm Zoe Williams,

983
01:12:22.439 --> 01:12:23.159
<v Speaker 4>and I'll holler