Speaker 1: Welcome to grief. Let's make sense of this shit. I'm Dylan.
Speaker 1: Today we turn to anticipatory grief in cycle six, where
Speaker 1: the feelings arrive even though the loss itself has not
Speaker 1: happened yet. Those feelings count as grief because they carry
Speaker 1: the weight of what might come. We do not wait
Speaker 1: for an official loss to honor what already hurts inside.
Speaker 1: The single practice we will do today is grief calm breathing.
Speaker 1: This short ritual gives you a steady way to meet
Speaker 1: the waiting without forcing the feelings away. You can stay
Speaker 1: right where you are, let your feet rest on the floor,
Speaker 1: and your hands settle wherever they feel natural. There is
Speaker 1: no need to change your posture or clear your mind first,
Speaker 1: because the breath moves with you through every unknown hour.
Speaker 1: We start here. Notice the air as it enters and leaves.
Speaker 1: Follow it for a few rounds without trying to slow
Speaker 1: it down or fix anything. Meanwhile, the thoughts about what
Speaker 1: might happen can stay in the background. They do not
Speaker 1: need to lead the moment. However, the day has already unfolded.
Speaker 1: This breathing stays available. It meets you in the middle
Speaker 1: of dread or fog without asking you to pretend the
Speaker 1: uncertainty has passed. Therefore we begin. Now, take a slow
Speaker 1: breath in through your nose, hold it for a moment.
Speaker 1: If that feels steady, then release the air through your mouth.
Speaker 1: Repeat this cycle at your own pace while you listen.
Speaker 1: After the gentle rhythm of the breath settles, you can
Speaker 1: add a layer that helps when the unknown stretches ahead.
Speaker 1: Researchers at the Grief Research Institute found in their twenty
Speaker 1: twenty two study on daily reflection that putting words to
Speaker 1: the present moment brings a sense of steadiness. We will
Speaker 1: name three things you can control today. Pause now and
Speaker 1: think of the first one. Breathe in slowly for four
Speaker 1: counts and let it out for four counts. Now the second,
Speaker 1: another slow breath in and a full breath out. The
Speaker 1: third comes next, one more breath to hold it gently. Next,
Speaker 1: we name three emotions present right now. They might feel mixed,
Speaker 1: and that is okay, because mixed feelings often arrive together
Speaker 1: in times of waiting. Say the first one to yourself
Speaker 1: without needing to change it. Breathe with it for four
Speaker 1: counts in and four counts out. The second emotion arrives. Next,
Speaker 1: take that same breath again while you notice it. The
Speaker 1: third follows. Breathe once more to let it sit. Then
Speaker 1: choose one small action you can take. It does not
Speaker 1: have to change everything, because small steps still count as movement.
Speaker 1: Name it clearly to yourself, Breathe in and out to market.
Speaker 1: We repeat the whole sequence once more, this time with
Speaker 1: eyes closed. If that feels right, start again with three
Speaker 1: things you can control. Breathe between each one while you
Speaker 1: name them. Then move to the three emotions with the
Speaker 1: same breaths between. Finish with the one action and a
Speaker 1: closing breath. Because this practice uses the breath we started with,
Speaker 1: it creates a loop that keeps you anchored without forcing
Speaker 1: anything away. The mechanism works by turning attention to what
Speaker 1: is here instead of what might come. In other words,
Speaker 1: it interrupts the swirl of what ifs by focusing on
Speaker 1: what is Meanwhile, the repeated breaths between steps give your
Speaker 1: body time to register each name without rushing. Therefore, the
Speaker 1: whole thing stays under five minutes and fits into a
Speaker 1: morning or an afternoon when the waiting feels heavy. Although
Speaker 1: the names may shift each time you try it, the
Speaker 1: structure stays the same, so you always know what comes next.
Speaker 1: Since the studies showed daily reflection like this supports steadiness
Speaker 1: over time, the value builds with repetition rather than one
Speaker 1: perfect try. While you move through the names, you might
Speaker 1: notice some feel easier than others, and that difference itself
Speaker 1: tells you something useful. However, you do not need to
Speaker 1: judge what surfaces, because the point is simply to name it. Instead,
Speaker 1: the act of speaking the words, even quietly, creates a
Speaker 1: small distance from the swirl. On top of that, the
Speaker 1: one action you choose can serve as a bridge from
Speaker 1: the breath into the next hour. Actually, many people find
Speaker 1: that after the second round with eyes closed, the name's
Speaker 1: land with more clarity than the first round. Ultimately, this
Speaker 1: becomes your grief present moment, naming a micro ritual you
Speaker 1: can return to whenever the day brings that fog of uncertainty.
Speaker 1: Since we have walked through it once, you now have
Speaker 1: the steps ready for whenever you need them next. The
Speaker 1: sequence works because it pairs the breath with simple naming
Speaker 1: and then repeats the pair, so the mind has two
Speaker 1: chances to settle. Therefore, you can carry the same pattern
Speaker 1: into other moments without needing new instructions. Although anticipatory grief
Speaker 1: often pulls attention forward, this naming pulls it back to
Speaker 1: what remains possible right now. In fact, the study at
Speaker 1: the Grief Research Institute highlighted how such daily reflection reduces
Speaker 1: the sense of being swept along. Meanwhile, the choice of
Speaker 1: one action keeps the practice grounded in something doable rather
Speaker 1: than abstract. Because the breath sit between every step, they
Speaker 1: prevent the mind from racing through the names too quickly. Therefore,
Speaker 1: the full round stays slow and guiding, even when your
Speaker 1: thoughts want to speed up. Since the exercise ends with
Speaker 1: that single action, it leaves you with one concrete thing
Speaker 1: to carry forward instead of an open list. You can
Speaker 1: use grief present moment naming in the morning before the
Speaker 1: day unfolds, or in the afternoon when the waiting grows loud.
Speaker 1: While the breath we began with supports the naming, the
Speaker 1: naming in turn makes the breath feel more connected to
Speaker 1: the moment. In other words, the two practices support each
Speaker 1: other without either one needing to replace the other. Although
Speaker 1: you might want to add your own words later. The
Speaker 1: basic structure of three controls, three emotions and one action
Speaker 1: keeps it simple enough to remember. Because the repeat happens
Speaker 1: with eyes closed, the second round often feels quieter and
Speaker 1: more internal than the first. Therefore, some people prefer to
Speaker 1: keep their eyes closed for both rounds once they know
Speaker 1: the steps. Since the whole practice stays short, it works
Speaker 1: even on days when focus feels scattered. In fact, the
Speaker 1: study found that brief daily reflection like this builds steadiness
Speaker 1: over weeks rather than in a single sitting. You now
Speaker 1: have grief present moment naming as a five minute ritual
Speaker 1: tied to any time the unknown presses close. This approach
Speaker 1: works because the breathing creates a pause between what sits
Speaker 1: right in front of you and the worries that stretch
Speaker 1: into tomorrow. While the breath moves through your body, you
Speaker 1: stay connected to the present moment, rather than the endless
Speaker 1: string of what if questions that anticipatory grief often brings.
Speaker 1: Naming three emotions right after that pause reduces the mental
Speaker 1: loop because it brings those vague fears into words you
Speaker 1: can hold for a moment instead of letting them spin unchecked.
Speaker 1: Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh found in their two
Speaker 1: thousand and eighteen study that naming feelings in This way
Speaker 1: lowers the intensity of those forward pulling thoughts and makes
Speaker 1: room for clarity. Because you then choose one small action,
Speaker 1: the practice moves you from the swirl of possibilities into
Speaker 1: something concrete you can actually do to day. A study
Speaker 1: published by Lindemann in one thousand, nine hundred forty four
Speaker 1: showed how anticipatory grief tends to blend rising anxiety with
Speaker 1: a heavier mood when the future feels uncertain. Yet the
Speaker 1: simple act of naming and acting interrupts that pattern before
Speaker 1: it deepens. The sequence therefore keeps you anchored in current reality,
Speaker 1: rather than letting future fears crowd out what is already here,
Speaker 1: although the unknown still waits ahead. This loop gives you
Speaker 1: a way to return to what you can touch and
Speaker 1: influence right now. Meanwhile, the closed eyes version adds another
Speaker 1: layer of focus that helps the mind stay with the
Speaker 1: three emotions and the chosen action instead of drifting back
Speaker 1: into speculation. Since anticipatory grief often feeds on those what
Speaker 1: if cycles, the naming step breaks the momentum, and the
Speaker 1: small action replaces helplessness with a single step forward. You
Speaker 1: can repeat the whole practice each morning before the day
Speaker 1: begins or again in the evening, when the quiet hours
Speaker 1: make the unknown feel louder. Over time, this daily rhythm
Speaker 1: builds a steady habit that separates what is real from
Speaker 1: what has not arrived yet. You can return to this
Speaker 1: sequence of grief calm breathing, followed by naming three emotions
Speaker 1: and choosing one small action whenever the waiting stretches out again.
Speaker 1: The loop stays available because the breath moves with you
Speaker 1: through every unknown hour. After you finish, try noticing one
Speaker 1: thing that felt different. Maybe the swirl in your chest
Speaker 1: settled for a moment, or the next step in your
Speaker 1: day became clearer than it had been. That small shift
Speaker 1: belongs to you, even if it fades later. Anticipatory grief
Speaker 1: asks a lot when the loss has not happened yet yet.
Speaker 1: You do not need to judge how it arrives or
Speaker 1: how long it stays. Permission lives here for whatever shows up,
Speaker 1: without forcing it into a neater shape. If this podcast
Speaker 1: helps you make sense of your grief, join our supporters
Speaker 1: club and help us keep these conversations going. You will
Speaker 1: find the link in the episode description. Meanwhile, the closed
Speaker 1: eyes version of the practice can add focus the next
Speaker 1: time you reach for it. The whole sequence creates space
Speaker 1: between the unknown a head and the one concrete thing
Speaker 1: you can touch today. Because the breath leads and the
Speaker 1: action follows, the mind has somewhere steady to rest, instead
Speaker 1: of drifting through every possibility. You get to use this
Speaker 1: whenever it fits, without any requirement that it solved the
Speaker 1: larger ache. Some days the three emotions will come quickly,
Speaker 1: while other days they might need more room. Either way,
Speaker 1: the choice of one small action keeps the practice grounded
Speaker 1: in what is possible right now.