Speaker 1: Hey, hey, hey, I'm back. It's something for you to
Speaker 1: think about.
Speaker 2: Many many people think because a person does not hit
Speaker 2: them physically assault.
Speaker 1: Them, that it's not abuse. You heard me.
Speaker 2: Many people think that because it's hands free abuse, that
Speaker 2: it's not abuse. The baby, I'm here to tell you,
Speaker 2: it is abuse. So many people do not understand it.
Speaker 2: They think, oh, well, he didn't do this or she
Speaker 2: didn't do that. They don't think it's abuse. A person
Speaker 2: don't have to physically hit you. It's called my definition,
Speaker 2: hands free abuse, but they tear you up mentally, emotionally, verbally,
Speaker 2: and that can be just as bad as hitting you.
Speaker 1: Hands free abuse.
Speaker 2: There are many people who are in hands free abuse
Speaker 2: relationships and they think.
Speaker 1: It's not abuse.
Speaker 2: People who think like that do not understand their worth.
Speaker 2: So often people lose confidence. Some people never had it.
Speaker 2: They lack confidence in self, no belief in self, have
Speaker 2: no faith in self because they chose to empower the
Speaker 2: person that they're with. Some people are so mentally weak
Speaker 2: that they empower individuals that are around them. They let
Speaker 2: people just totally treat them any kind of way. And
Speaker 2: guess what, if you've listened to my podcast, you know
Speaker 2: in many episodes. I tell you people treat you how
Speaker 2: you have taught them to treat you. Some of you,
Speaker 2: your confidence is so low because you've empowered that person
Speaker 2: you're with to do whatever they want to do to you.
Speaker 1: Some of you lose your.
Speaker 2: Children, you lose your friends, you lose your family because
Speaker 2: you want to stay with that individual, and you will
Speaker 2: choose that person over your loved ones.
Speaker 1: Over your children, over your family, over your friends.
Speaker 2: You will choose that abusive person because you think you
Speaker 2: love that person.
Speaker 1: But it's clear.
Speaker 2: People who are this way have no clue what love is.
Speaker 1: None, and neither of you.
Speaker 2: The person who's abusing you, they don't know what love
Speaker 2: is either, because if they did, they.
Speaker 1: Definitely wouldn't be doing any of what they're doing. Abuse
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with love.
Speaker 2: It's about control and possession and being obsessive over you.
Speaker 1: It has nothing to do with love or being in
Speaker 1: love with you. It's about control. Some of you are miserable.
Speaker 2: Right now as I speak, as you hear my voice,
Speaker 2: you are miserable because you are in those hands free relationships,
Speaker 2: just being controlled. They talk about you, they make you cry,
Speaker 2: they put you down, they do everything negative to you
Speaker 2: and you still think you love them, you still want
Speaker 2: to be in a relationship with them. That's because you
Speaker 2: don't love yourself. And that would challenge anyone, because there's
Speaker 2: no way a person loves his or herself and they
Speaker 2: are allowing someone to degrade them. There's no way. You
Speaker 2: don't know what love is. You don't love yourself. When
Speaker 2: you don't love yourself, I'm sorry. You don't understand love.
Speaker 2: Therefore you don't know what it is or what it isn't,
Speaker 2: and you will accept almost anything some people, anything in
Speaker 2: the name of what you think is love.
Speaker 1: You're drained. People around you see it.
Speaker 2: They see the change in you see people when they're
Speaker 2: under distress and they're going through a lot of negativity.
Speaker 2: They don't understand that they change for the worst, especially
Speaker 2: people who are already vulngal and going through things, already
Speaker 2: got a lot of issues unresolved going on inside. They
Speaker 2: get with individuals who are of like minds, and all
Speaker 2: those individuals do is bring all of their drama.
Speaker 1: All of their pain, all of their.
Speaker 2: Negativity into your life and make your life worse. I've
Speaker 2: told you many times.
Speaker 1: The person that you're with is so supposed.
Speaker 2: To enhance your life, not make you struggle more, not
Speaker 2: bring you down, not make you more stress. They should
Speaker 2: enhance your life for the battom. But when you don't
Speaker 2: love yourself, all you're looking for is love, but you
Speaker 2: never receive it because the person that you choose to
Speaker 2: be with don't love his or herself. They don't understand
Speaker 2: love either. That's why they treat you the way they
Speaker 2: treat you, and that's why you allow them to.
Speaker 1: Some of you are so belentled.
Speaker 2: You're called ugly, you're called fat, you're called untalented, you're
Speaker 2: called dumb, you're called stupid, you're called every single thing negative.
Speaker 1: Yet you still think you love that person. It's just
Speaker 1: it's so so sad.
Speaker 2: It's so sad that people subject themselves to this type
Speaker 2: of treatment. The person is only doing it to you
Speaker 2: because you have empowered them too. You've empowered them. Let me,
Speaker 2: let me tell you, a person is not going to
Speaker 2: treat you in any way other than how you have allowed.
Speaker 2: When you sit there and you take it, you only
Speaker 2: empower them, and they talk about you like a dog.
Speaker 2: They treat you like a dog in front of people
Speaker 2: and behind closed doors, and you still want to be
Speaker 2: with that person.
Speaker 1: You need to look at yourself.
Speaker 2: Look at yourself and figure out why what are you
Speaker 2: doing to yourself?
Speaker 1: Why do you not love yourself?
Speaker 2: Why do you feel that this person is so good
Speaker 2: to you when clearly they are not.
Speaker 1: They're calling you.
Speaker 2: Names, You're stressed out, you can't sleep, you're depressed, you
Speaker 2: have anxiety, all types of things because of the stress
Speaker 2: in your life. Yet you still want to be with
Speaker 2: that person because you have nothing to call your own.
Speaker 2: Most times, that's the issue, that's the reason. Rather people
Speaker 2: have nothing to call their own, so they would rather
Speaker 2: stay in an abusive relationship than to move on and
Speaker 2: start over. But that's because you don't love yourself.
Speaker 1: There is no way.
Speaker 2: No one on the face of the earth can ever
Speaker 2: convince me that they love themselves if they are allowing
Speaker 2: themselves to be treated badly by anyone.
Speaker 1: You don't. You can't.
Speaker 2: There's no way, There is no way. But a lot
Speaker 2: of people are dealing with this. A lot of people
Speaker 2: are so broken they can't even think for themselves.
Speaker 1: What the person says to.
Speaker 2: Them, calling them out of their names and being very
Speaker 2: negative to them. The things they say, they believe it.
Speaker 2: They believe they're worthless. People be believe in those things.
Speaker 2: They believe those negative things because because that person has
Speaker 2: a grip on them, they have a hold on them.
Speaker 1: And they know it because you empower them.
Speaker 2: You show them your vulnerabilities and now they are using
Speaker 2: it against you. And some of you think you are
Speaker 2: so in love with that person, but it's not love.
Speaker 2: And I've told you many times in many episodes how
Speaker 2: manipulators they know their manipulators, liars and deceivers.
Speaker 1: They know it, but.
Speaker 2: They become masters because you empower them to.
Speaker 1: You empower them.
Speaker 2: When you let them say whatever they want to say
Speaker 2: to you. Verbally abuse you, emotional abuse you, mentally abuse
Speaker 2: you hands free. Hands free abuse is just as damaging
Speaker 2: as physical abuse. You still have scars and wounds, they're
Speaker 2: just not from physical assault, and they last a long time,
Speaker 2: especially when you have no coping mechanism.
Speaker 1: That's why I tell you all of the time.
Speaker 2: You must love and know yourself before you get into
Speaker 2: a relationship with anyone. And it's always best to have
Speaker 2: your own because when you don't have your own, that
Speaker 2: alone gives whoever you're with the upper hand or you
Speaker 2: they feel that they can talk to you any kind
Speaker 2: of way. They feel they can, they can treat you
Speaker 2: any kind of way because.
Speaker 1: You don't have anything. Everything is theirs.
Speaker 2: People make such a huge mistake or let me say
Speaker 2: bad choice, because it's not a mistake, bad bad choices
Speaker 2: and decisions.
Speaker 1: When they get with people.
Speaker 2: Who have their own and you don't have yours, people
Speaker 2: treat you differently. It's not like a person, Oh, I
Speaker 2: love you so much, I'm so in love with you.
Speaker 1: Whatever I have is yours. That's not normally the case.
Speaker 2: People use and abuse, They manipulate, they take advantage because
Speaker 2: they know you don't have your own. And people subject
Speaker 2: themselves to such cruelty thinking it's love because you get
Speaker 2: those little nipples and nuggets that I talk about, you know,
Speaker 2: just a little bit of showing you some form of
Speaker 2: what you perceive as love. They show you a little
Speaker 2: bit here and there, enough to make you feel good
Speaker 2: and make you smile before they subject you to hands
Speaker 2: free abuse.
Speaker 1: Again.
Speaker 2: People do it all the time because they're master manipulators
Speaker 2: and they know they have the upper hand on you.
Speaker 2: They see your vulnerability, they see your weakness, but you
Speaker 2: don't see theirs. People who do that are weak individuals.
Speaker 2: You empower them. Many people are in such toxic relationships
Speaker 2: that they choose to remain in. And like I said
Speaker 2: in the beginning of this episode, just because a person
Speaker 2: don't knock you upside your head, smack you across your face,
Speaker 2: punch you, spit on you, or whatever, it does not mean.
Speaker 1: That the verbal.
Speaker 2: And the emotional and mental things that you're going through
Speaker 2: are not abused.
Speaker 1: It is abuse.
Speaker 2: It still is a form of abuse that I call
Speaker 2: hands free. Some of you need to sit down, get
Speaker 2: you a piece of paper, and you write the pros
Speaker 2: and the comes of your relationships, or the good and
Speaker 2: the bad of you your relationships, and be honest with yourself.
Speaker 1: What do you see. There's no way the good is
Speaker 1: going to outweigh the bad.
Speaker 2: There's no way when you're receiving emotional and mental and
Speaker 2: verbal abuse, No way when you subject yourself to that.
Speaker 2: It shows what you think about yourself. You don't think
Speaker 2: you're worthy. You don't know your worth or your value.
Speaker 2: You just don't know it.
Speaker 1: You just don't.
Speaker 2: A lot of people think they know. A lot of
Speaker 2: people think they're wise. A lot of people think they're strong.
Speaker 2: A lot of people think they have it together. A
Speaker 2: lot of people think they are mature in all.
Speaker 1: The above is a no, they're not.
Speaker 2: I've always told you, if you want to know the
Speaker 2: truth about yourself, look at your situation.
Speaker 1: What are you allowing in your life life? How are
Speaker 1: you allowing.
Speaker 2: People to treat you, especially the ones who supposedly are
Speaker 2: in love with you. How are they treating you? A
Speaker 2: person who is in love with you is not going
Speaker 2: to abuse you in no kind of way at all.
Speaker 1: They're not.
Speaker 2: So you have to look at what you are subjecting
Speaker 2: yourself to, what you allow people to do to you,
Speaker 2: how you allow people to talk to you. I know
Speaker 2: people want love so bad, they're so desperate for love,
Speaker 2: but what you get.
Speaker 1: Is not love at all. It is not love.
Speaker 2: It is abuse and being taken for granted, used, That's
Speaker 2: what it is. Manipulators do their job. They make you
Speaker 2: think they love you, but they don't if they're abusing you,
Speaker 2: because it's not love. It's hands free abuse, and many
Speaker 2: many people go through this. Many people subject themselves to
Speaker 2: hands free abuse.
Speaker 1: There is no way.
Speaker 2: Now. I've told you early on that I was in
Speaker 2: an abusive relationship when I was young, in my late teens.
Speaker 1: I got married early. I didn't know any better.
Speaker 2: But baby, I grew up fast and I got out
Speaker 2: of it. I literally ran away, escaped from a whole
Speaker 2: different country. No, Lie, I did what I had to do,
Speaker 2: and I never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever
Speaker 2: looked back.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: No, I was never going back for more. I learned
Speaker 2: a great lesson and that was it, because I know,
Speaker 2: even going through my own personal situation, I fought back.
Speaker 2: I fought back, but I was a little something. But
Speaker 2: I still fall back. I've always been, you know, a
Speaker 2: little rough around the collar when it comes to physical.
Speaker 1: But I realized I don't want this for myself. I
Speaker 1: deserve better than this.
Speaker 2: And yes, I literally escaped, never looked back. People do
Speaker 2: to you what you allow. I could have sat there
Speaker 2: for years and years, taken all of that abuse, or
Speaker 2: end up doing something crazy to protect myself.
Speaker 1: None of it is worth it. None it. And any
Speaker 1: person who.
Speaker 2: Is enduring abuse, you deserve better. You deserve much better
Speaker 2: than that. I've always also told you that we create
Speaker 2: the monsters in our lives.
Speaker 1: We create monsters.
Speaker 2: By allowing them to treat us badly, talking to us badly,
Speaker 2: doing whatever they want to do to us. That's how
Speaker 2: you create monsters. In your lives. People do it all
Speaker 2: the time. But when you know better, you should do better.
Speaker 2: But a lot of people don't learn from their previous experiences.
Speaker 2: They just go right on into a new relationship, carrying
Speaker 2: the same baggage mindset and end up going through similar
Speaker 2: or worse abuses. Abuse. There's no other way to slice
Speaker 2: it up, clean it up.
Speaker 1: Abuse is abused, and you.
Speaker 3: Can be abused verbally, emotionally, mentally that has no physical contact,
Speaker 3: but it's just as horrific.
Speaker 2: Because it messes people up mentally. It scars people mentally.
Speaker 2: But people only do to you what you allow. See
Speaker 2: a lot of times people are like, well they never
Speaker 2: hit me, I don't fear them hitting me. You're broken
Speaker 2: because you're making excuses. You're making it seem like it's
Speaker 2: okay because they haven't hit you. They've done everything else.
Speaker 2: It's still abuse. So again I would say, anybody who
Speaker 2: subject themselves to it, you have to look at yourself.
Speaker 2: You have to take a look at yourself. I did,
Speaker 2: and I was a kid basically. I mean I was
Speaker 2: out of high school and on my own and things
Speaker 2: like that, but still I wasn't twenty years old yet.
Speaker 1: But I learned Hey, uh no, I deserve better.
Speaker 2: Than this, and I made moves.
Speaker 1: To get out of there, and I did and I
Speaker 1: never looked back.
Speaker 2: You know, sometimes it's scary starting over, but hey, it's
Speaker 2: better to start over than to end up dead or
Speaker 2: in prison because you have to murder and self defense,
Speaker 2: or you done lost your mind because you're so stressed
Speaker 2: out and strained, or you kill yourself because you think
Speaker 2: that's your only way out. Come on, No, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: no no. No one has to subject themselves to it.
Speaker 2: Learn to love yourself. Whatever's going on inside of you,
Speaker 2: that unheal part of you, allow healing to take place,
Speaker 2: so you can learn to love yourself and know that
Speaker 2: you deserve better.
Speaker 1: Once you understand that, you will.
Speaker 2: Never allow anyone to mistreat you again.
Speaker 1: I want you to think about this. I want you
Speaker 1: to replay this episode over and over and over until
Speaker 1: you get it. You deserve better.
Speaker 2: It is not love. If abuse is a part of it,
Speaker 2: it is not love. And you don't love yourself, and
Speaker 2: you're not wise.
Speaker 1: You just think you.
Speaker 2: Are because a wise person wouldn't take that, A person
Speaker 2: who loved themselves wouldn't take it.
Speaker 1: Because a person treats you how you allow.
Speaker 2: And instead of internalizing it and bringing all of the
Speaker 2: negativity into yourself as if you are the problem. No,
Speaker 2: you have to understand that you are allowing this in
Speaker 2: your life. But you're better than that, and you deserve
Speaker 2: better than that. Don't internalize it and make you hate
Speaker 2: yourself more. No, love yourself and know that you deserve better.
Speaker 2: Know you worth more than being abused. Hands free abuse
Speaker 2: is still abused. I'm leaving it right there. Thank you
Speaker 2: so much for listener. Please share this episode. So many
Speaker 2: people are in hands free abusive relationships.
Speaker 1: That's tearing them up mentally and emotionally. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2: Much much much love to each and every one of you.
Speaker 2: They're only gonna do to you what you are allowing
Speaker 2: them to do. Some people are in relationships and there
Speaker 2: you are fearful. But that's what abuses do. They instill fear.
Speaker 2: They want you to be fearful. Whatever you allow is
Speaker 2: what you're gonna get. I love you all so much.
Speaker 2: Please reach out to me anytime. Share this episode. I
Speaker 2: end all episodes the same, and I hope that God knows.
Speaker 2: I pray you do it.
Speaker 1: Thank on it