1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,720 Speaker 1: I like asking questions. The fun begins when you start 2 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:06,599 researching for answers such as, how can we convince a 3 00:00:06,679 --> 00:00:12,279 constant taker to start giving? Plus when plans go wrong, 4 00:00:12,759 --> 00:00:15,160 why do we let it affect us? My name is Erro. 5 00:00:15,279 --> 00:00:17,960 I'm a daily writer, a silent wolf. I stand on 6 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,199 the sidelines into nothing but watch, listen, study, then activate. 7 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,440 I call it the daily mess, a chronological walk through 8 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:27,440 an everyday world. Yeah, it's my morning writing as a 9 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,960 receiver of thoughts and ideas. We as people tend to 10 00:00:30,039 --> 00:00:31,800 throw it to the side because we think we're going 11 00:00:31,879 --> 00:00:34,240 to deal with it later on. Well, when a subject 12 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,439 arrives inside of me, I know it's time to dig in. 13 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:41,240 It's still keeping that daily journal, But by doing the research, 14 00:00:41,479 --> 00:00:45,920 the picture becomes clearer. This is the daily mess. How 15 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:50,000 can we convince a constant taker to start giving? Wow? 16 00:00:50,119 --> 00:00:53,200 Even the experts in mental health are kind of stunned 17 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:56,640 by this one. Convincing a constant taker to start giving 18 00:00:56,799 --> 00:00:59,719 is very tough to achieve, mainly because they don't see 19 00:00:59,719 --> 00:01:02,439 a pro problem in their behavior. But that doesn't mean 20 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:05,879 change is impossible. The goal is to get inside their 21 00:01:05,879 --> 00:01:11,000 emotional intelligence with clarity and physically seen boundaries. It starts 22 00:01:11,079 --> 00:01:15,480 with awareness. Takers don't realize they're taking too much. One 23 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:18,319 mental health professional suggests that we should be gentle in 24 00:01:18,439 --> 00:01:21,680 letting someone know, Hey, you've taken too much. Do all 25 00:01:21,719 --> 00:01:24,439 you can to avoid blame. The strength of the moment 26 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,359 sits in the decision to focus in on the imbalance 27 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:31,920 and how it's affecting your relationship. People respond to fairness. 28 00:01:32,079 --> 00:01:35,560 It's okay to bring up give and take rules. Both 29 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:39,040 sides should feel supported. If they find value in you, 30 00:01:39,719 --> 00:01:44,040 they will support everything you are. Hey, coming up next, 31 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:50,959 When plans go wrong, why do we let it affect us? Hey? 32 00:01:50,959 --> 00:01:53,079 Thanks for coming back to the daily mess? We all 33 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,959 experience it. Why do people let it affect them in 34 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,400 a very negative way? First, it's very human to be 35 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:03,719 poisoned by disappointment. It's a sudden loss of your control 36 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,239 when things fall apart. It makes us feel like that 37 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:10,639 we're powerless and or not really worth anything. That discomfort 38 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:14,080 can show up as frustration and sadness. But we need 39 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:17,680 to locate the truth behind the expectations and reality. It 40 00:02:17,759 --> 00:02:22,199 helps our brain to justify the violation of expectation. The 41 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:26,000 bigger we hope, the bigger the emotional crash when things 42 00:02:26,039 --> 00:02:29,680 go wrong leads to personal loss and disappointment. It's not 43 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:33,680 about logistics, it's about meaning. It's connected to our natural 44 00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:37,439 fear of letting people down. That's when guilt and embarrassment 45 00:02:37,479 --> 00:02:41,599 set in. Suddenly we're thrown into a mindset of ooh uncertainty, 46 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,840 steps become unclear, and predictability serves as a trigger to 47 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:50,960 ignite anxiety. To get around it requires flexibility, be nice 48 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,520 to yourself and focus in on the things that you 49 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:59,000 can control. Do all you can to stay grounded. I'm Merril, 50 00:02:59,159 --> 00:03:00,800 and that's the daily mess.