Speaker 1: Section six of the Awful German Language by Mark Twain.
Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by
Speaker 1: Kirsten Webber, section six AZZO. If I have not shown
Speaker 1: that the German is a difficult language, I have at
Speaker 1: least intended to do so. I have heard of an
Speaker 1: American student who was asked how he was getting along
Speaker 1: with his German and who answered promptly, I am not
Speaker 1: getting along at all. I have worked at it hard
Speaker 1: for three level months, and all I have got to
Speaker 1: show for it is one solitary German phrase, zweiglass two
Speaker 1: glasses of beer. He paused for a moment reflectively, then
Speaker 1: added with feeling. But I've got that solid. And if
Speaker 1: I have not also shown that German is a harassing
Speaker 1: and infuriating study, my execution has been at fault and
Speaker 1: not my intent. I heard lately of a worn and
Speaker 1: sorely tried American student who used to fly to a
Speaker 1: certain German word for relief when he could bear up
Speaker 1: no longer under his aggravations. The only word whose sound
Speaker 1: was sweet and precious to his ear and healing to
Speaker 1: his lacerated spirit. This was the word damit. It was
Speaker 1: only the sound that helped him, not the meaning footnote three.
Speaker 1: It merely means in its general sense herewith end of
Speaker 1: footnote three. And so at last, when he learned that
Speaker 1: the emphasis was not on the first syllable, his only
Speaker 1: stay and support was gone, and he faded away and died.
Speaker 1: I think that a description of any loud, stirring, tumultuous
Speaker 1: episode must be tamer in German than in English. Our
Speaker 1: descriptive words of this character have such a deep, strong,
Speaker 1: resonant sound, while their German equivalents do seem so thin
Speaker 1: and mild and energy less. Boom, burst, crash, roar, storm, bellow, blow, thunder, explosion, howl, cry, shout, yell, grown, battle, hell.
Speaker 1: These are magnificent words. They have a force and magnitude
Speaker 1: of sound, befitting the things which they describe. But their
Speaker 1: German equivalents would be ever so nice to sing the
Speaker 1: children to sleep with or else, My awe inspiring ears
Speaker 1: were made for display and not for superior usefulness in
Speaker 1: analyzing sounds. Would any man want to die in battle
Speaker 1: which was called by so ta aim a term as
Speaker 1: a schlacht, Or would not a consumptive feel too much
Speaker 1: bundled up? Who was about to go out in a
Speaker 1: shirt collar and a seal ring into a storm, which
Speaker 1: the bird's song word gevita was employed to describe and observe.
Speaker 1: The strongest of the several German equivalents for explosion, auspore.
Speaker 1: Our word tooth brush is more powerful than that. It
Speaker 1: seemed to me that the Germans could do worse than
Speaker 1: import into their language to describe particularly tremendous explosions with
Speaker 1: the German word for hell helle sounds more like helly
Speaker 1: than anything else. Therefore, how necessarily chipper, frivolous and unimpressive
Speaker 1: it is. If a man were told in German to
Speaker 1: go there, could he really rise to the dignity of
Speaker 1: feeling insulted? Having pointed out in detail the several vices
Speaker 1: of this language, I now come to the brief and
Speaker 1: pleasant task of pointing out its virtues. The capitalizing of
Speaker 1: the nouns I have already mentioned. But far before this
Speaker 1: virtue stands another, that of spelling a word according to
Speaker 1: the sound of it. After one short lesson in the alphabet,
Speaker 1: the student can tell how any German word is pronounced
Speaker 1: without having to ask, Whereas in our language, if a
Speaker 1: student should inquire of us. What does b O W spell?
Speaker 1: We should be obliged to reply. Nobody can tell what
Speaker 1: it spells when you set it off by itself. You
Speaker 1: can only tell by referring to the context and finding
Speaker 1: out what it signifies, whether it is a thing to
Speaker 1: shoot arrows with, or another of one's head, or the
Speaker 1: forward end of a boat. There are some German words
Speaker 1: which are singularly and powerfully effective. For instance, those which
Speaker 1: describe lowly, peaceful and affectionate home life. Those which deal
Speaker 1: with love in any and all forms, from mere, kindly
Speaker 1: feeling and honest good will toward the passing stranger, clear
Speaker 1: up to courtship. Those which deal with outdoor nature in
Speaker 1: its softest and loveliest aspects, with meadows and forests and
Speaker 1: birds and flowers, the fragrance and sunshine of summer, and
Speaker 1: the moonlight of peaceful winter nights in a word, those
Speaker 1: which deal with any and all forms of rest, repose
Speaker 1: and peace. Those also which deal with the creatures and
Speaker 1: marvels of fairyland. And lastly, and chiefly in those words
Speaker 1: which express pathos is the language surpassingly rich and affective.
Speaker 1: There are German songs which can make a stranger to
Speaker 1: the language cry that shows that the sound of the
Speaker 1: words is correct. It interprets the meanings with truth and
Speaker 1: with exactness, and so the ear is informed, and through
Speaker 1: the ear the heart. The Germans do not seem to
Speaker 1: be afraid to repeat a word when it is the
Speaker 1: right one. They repeat it several times if they choose
Speaker 1: that is wise. But in English, when we have used
Speaker 1: a word a couple of times in a paragraph, we
Speaker 1: imagine we are growing tautological, and so we are weak
Speaker 1: enough to exchange it for some other word which only
Speaker 1: approximates exactness, to escape what we wrongly fancy is a
Speaker 1: greater blemish. Repetition may be bad, but surely in exactness
Speaker 1: is worse. End of Section six