Speaker 1: This is Pod Popular Podcast for the People, The Great
Speaker 1: Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.
Speaker 2: It's a Great Love Debate.
Speaker 3: Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie. Welcome to The Great
Speaker 3: Love Debate, the world's number one dating and relationship podcast
Speaker 3: since twenty fifteen. I'm back here in the very fine
Speaker 3: studios of Pod Popular Podcasts for the People. It is
Speaker 3: what they call this season down here. It's very festive.
Speaker 3: It's fun, it's nice, sunny, all the good things.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 3: We've been doing this podcast, as you guys know, a
Speaker 3: long long time, and the overwhelming majority of our episodes,
Speaker 3: we always are trying to push that the motivating factors
Speaker 3: when it comes to love, dating relationships are hope and possibilities,
Speaker 3: and we always want to say that things are rooted
Speaker 3: in that, and all the good things are rooted in that.
Speaker 2: Yes, I stand by all that.
Speaker 3: Let's put that over on the on the side here
Speaker 3: for a second, because I want to get into something
Speaker 3: a little deeper, a little more complicated. I got a
Speaker 3: real pro is going to come in and help me
Speaker 3: in a second. But so much of our dating and
Speaker 3: I just talk about this at our live shows back
Speaker 3: in the day. It really put a downer on it,
Speaker 3: so I stopped talking about it, which is a little
Speaker 3: bit dishonest. But so much of how we date, love
Speaker 3: exist in relationships is rooted in fear. It affects how
Speaker 3: we date, it affects who we date, even why and
Speaker 3: when everything is somewhat rooted in fear and fear can
Speaker 3: be a motivated thing, motivating thing, but a lot of
Speaker 3: times it holds us back, not just in dating, but
Speaker 3: in the changes we want to make in our lives
Speaker 3: that's going to lead to, hopefully something better. So I
Speaker 3: want to take a deep dive on that. I hate
Speaker 3: to bring her. She could probably talk about a lot
Speaker 3: of things, but I know I heard her say something
Speaker 3: about this, and I'm going to tell her what she
Speaker 3: said that I thought was so interesting. She is an
Speaker 3: empowerment coach. She's the host of the Bravo Unscripted podcast.
Speaker 3: She knows a lot about a lot of things. Like
Speaker 3: I said, I had to bring a pro when I
Speaker 3: take on the lovely Susanne Bravo, how are you?
Speaker 4: I'm amazing and thank you so much for that introduction.
Speaker 4: I think I might just like have you come around
Speaker 4: with me and just introduce me to people.
Speaker 3: That was really great, except for the fear part. I
Speaker 3: heard you say once and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: that's smart. That The old adage that when you fall
Speaker 3: off a horse, you got to get right back on
Speaker 3: is the way people are sort of told to live
Speaker 3: their lives, and a lot of people do that. They
Speaker 3: jump from relationship to relationship, they jump from experience to experience.
Speaker 3: And I heard you say that before you get back
Speaker 3: on the horse, you got to kind of figure out
Speaker 3: why you're sitting in the mud, Like what am I
Speaker 3: doing down here? Like why do I keep do these patterns?
Speaker 3: Why do I keep? And people are so afraid not
Speaker 3: just to look in to do any analysis on the
Speaker 3: mistake they made, or on the situation they got themselves into,
Speaker 3: I think a lot of times because they don't want
Speaker 3: to take ownership of it. That guy hurt me, he
Speaker 3: was a bad guy, that relationship wasn't right, I did this,
Speaker 3: or whatever, because they're afraid to look too close, which
Speaker 3: is the growth we all need, sort of self analysis.
Speaker 3: I think people are afraid to do that, which drives
Speaker 3: a lot of decisions. When it comes to love, it.
Speaker 4: Is so much easier to blame the other person than
Speaker 4: it is to look within, because that requires vulnerability. That
Speaker 4: requires also debunking the belief that if we made a mistake,
Speaker 4: we did something wrong, and we need to throw that
Speaker 4: belief out the window because it's not true. Like we're
Speaker 4: all we're human beings. We're all humans on this planet
Speaker 4: having a human experience by the time we get to
Speaker 4: this stage in our life when we're dating. I love
Speaker 4: what you said about joy and optimism and hope, but
Speaker 4: let's face it, we've all been burned, and we've all
Speaker 4: been burned more than once. And that requires every time
Speaker 4: you get burned, getting back up and getting out there again.
Speaker 4: And a lot of people do. They just keep repeating
Speaker 4: the same patterns because they don't take that time, they
Speaker 4: don't look within.
Speaker 3: You're right, and we are. You know, we're making a
Speaker 3: lot of decisions based on that. I've always said that
Speaker 3: the men are afraid of being rejected and the women
Speaker 3: are afraid of being hurt.
Speaker 2: But I think there's a little.
Speaker 3: Bit of that on both sides, which is why people
Speaker 3: are so deeply committed now to online dating. Because in
Speaker 3: online dating, before you get to the point where you
Speaker 3: might be rejected or hurt, you get some sort of validation,
Speaker 3: some sort of match, some sort of swipe that lets
Speaker 3: you take that baby step, versus just in real life,
Speaker 3: going for it the way we used to have to
Speaker 3: do it. Even on the fact if you are in
Speaker 3: a relationship, I'm afraid to get out of a bad
Speaker 3: relationship because I don't know what's possible. I'd rather sit
Speaker 3: in a bad seat than no seat. And a lot
Speaker 3: of the decisions are based on the unknown, which is scary,
Speaker 3: or it's based on the fact that I don't want
Speaker 3: anything that might be worse.
Speaker 4: Yes, and that online dating is great, but what online
Speaker 4: dating has also done is it has given people way
Speaker 4: too many options. What is that It means that it
Speaker 4: used to be to find somebody to date, you had
Speaker 4: to go out and mingle in the world, and you
Speaker 4: had to go to restaurants or bars or parks or
Speaker 4: wherever it was that you found your people, and you know,
Speaker 4: at the end of the night, you know, after your date,
Speaker 4: like he went home, you went home, and you know,
Speaker 4: maybe you talked on the phone or whatever. But now
Speaker 4: like everybody's going home and if they're on dating sites,
Speaker 4: you know, maybe they're scrolling the dating site. They've got
Speaker 4: a million other people.
Speaker 3: Or maybe they're going on the date. Okay, I've heard
Speaker 3: that brought up to me. Here's where I counter that.
Speaker 3: Every time you leave your house to go to the gym,
Speaker 3: to go to work, to go get some food, whatever
Speaker 3: you are through the course of a day, any day
Speaker 3: in any reasonably sized city like Boca Raton, Florida, you
Speaker 3: are going to be within ten yards of one thousand
Speaker 3: people of the opposite sex. Every single day. You're going
Speaker 3: to be within ten yards of a thousand men. I'm
Speaker 3: want to be in ten yards of a thousand women
Speaker 3: if that's your preference, unless you're giving yourself a real
Speaker 3: bad case of carpal tunnel syndrome swiping. You're never gonna
Speaker 3: swipe on a thousand possibilities. So I believe that people
Speaker 3: think that is a pool of safer opportunity than looking
Speaker 3: at Oh my god, all these people here. I don't
Speaker 3: know how to engage with them. I don't know how
Speaker 3: to approach them. I don't know how to recognize the
Speaker 3: possibilities that I talked about. You know, and if you
Speaker 3: did the math on that, and you're like, Okay, if
Speaker 3: I had a chance to engage with all thousand people
Speaker 3: for five minutes each. How many do you think you
Speaker 3: could possibly have a spark with that could lead to
Speaker 3: falling in love. I don't know, six seven, something like that.
Speaker 3: And you can kind of look at that like needle
Speaker 3: in a haystack, like that's not a big percentage. But
Speaker 3: if you looked at every single day of your life,
Speaker 3: as long as you in a course of a year,
Speaker 3: if you left your house, there's six or seven a
Speaker 3: day over a course of a year, that's two thousand
Speaker 3: people that you could fall in love with if you
Speaker 3: engaged with them. So the fear that I'm talking about
Speaker 3: is the fear for that that seems overwhelming, that seems
Speaker 3: like I don't even know how to go about finding
Speaker 3: these people. So I'm gonna go I'm gonna narrow my criteria.
Speaker 3: I'm going to go into my online platform and at
Speaker 3: least be like, oh, that's where the options are. We
Speaker 3: didn't use to date that.
Speaker 4: Way, no, And it's it definitely provides much greater opportunities
Speaker 4: than you do because you have access to a lot
Speaker 4: more people. But the key, and it kind of goes
Speaker 4: back a little bit to how you open this conversation,
Speaker 4: is it all comes down to fear and that fear
Speaker 4: of not wanting to be vulnerable, right, Because I don't
Speaker 4: care where you meet somebody, if you meet them in
Speaker 4: the grocery store, if you meet them in a park,
Speaker 4: you meet them online. A successful relationship depends on vulnerability.
Speaker 3: I agree, and I think that there is. I think
Speaker 3: there's a lot of unhappy people. There's a lot, but
Speaker 3: I think there's a larger pool of people now twenty
Speaker 3: twenty three, as we record this Erica doing the work
Speaker 3: and going to especially the men, going to the scary
Speaker 3: place of vulnerability, of asking questions, of trying to find
Speaker 3: answers that has ever existed. And I think, just like
Speaker 3: you said, the lack of judgment is probably gonna take
Speaker 3: a generation for everybody to understand like there's good in
Speaker 3: doing that, especially for the men. The men are so
Speaker 3: used to I have to be strong, nothing wrong with me,
Speaker 3: and they bury all this anger and fear within themselves
Speaker 3: and it manifests itself in a lot of bad ways.
Speaker 3: But the more women that can put out there like
Speaker 3: this is a good thing. I know you're fucked up,
Speaker 3: as long as you know we can work with this together,
Speaker 3: you know. I think there is an environment now where
Speaker 3: more and more women are telling the men. I like
Speaker 3: that you're doing the work. I like that you're going
Speaker 3: to therapy. I like that you're asking questions and you
Speaker 3: are vulnerable, which for generations we weren't taught to do that.
Speaker 4: Yes, and I want to applaud all of the men
Speaker 4: who are looking at themselves and are doing the work
Speaker 4: and are really bucking up against what the system has
Speaker 4: told them their whole life. Because exactly what you said,
Speaker 4: men are supposed to be strong. Men aren't supposed to
Speaker 4: have feelings. Men boys don't cry, right, I mean, and
Speaker 4: it's men shoulder so much responsibility and it's unfair. It
Speaker 4: is patently unfair. And you know, for women, we're supposed
Speaker 4: to be vulnerable and emotional, but men they're not supposed to.
Speaker 4: But they have pain, they have things that they've been through,
Speaker 4: They've been hurt, they've had their hearts broken. Why do
Speaker 4: they have to just suck it up and not deal
Speaker 4: with it?
Speaker 3: You're right, And the women kind of are taught to
Speaker 3: deal with it from the age of fourteen. The guys
Speaker 3: at jerk and you build up a little bit of
Speaker 3: scar tissue and learn how to process, and your friends
Speaker 3: will get the men will, their friends will scatter. There
Speaker 3: are so many men that might be in their thirties, forties,
Speaker 3: fifties who are carrying around either anger or heartbreak from
Speaker 3: some girl in high school who might not have even
Speaker 3: known they existed. You know, some incident, some rejection that
Speaker 3: scarred them and wounded them so badly that who knows
Speaker 3: how this is.
Speaker 2: Going to turn on.
Speaker 3: You can be in a relationship with somebody for eight
Speaker 3: years and not knowing something could trigger him, and then
Speaker 3: it's like ugh, But back to the fear thing. The
Speaker 3: women can't operate that way either, and it's really hard
Speaker 3: for the women to date not knowing is this a
Speaker 3: time bomb? Is this guy a basket case? Is this
Speaker 3: guy angry?
Speaker 2: Is this guy whatever?
Speaker 3: Because you can't read either how much work he's done
Speaker 3: or how much work he needs to do, And you
Speaker 3: don't want to lead on a date with so how
Speaker 3: fucked up are you?
Speaker 4: Can I have the number of your therapists so that
Speaker 4: I can call her.
Speaker 3: And get exactly.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it goes to what I was saying, When
Speaker 4: you fall off the horse, you don't just get back on.
Speaker 4: This vulnerability and this doing the work and this asking
Speaker 4: the questions is sitting in the mud and saying, Okay,
Speaker 4: that didn't work out the way that I wanted it to, Right,
Speaker 4: What can I do differently in the future? Where do
Speaker 4: I need to focus attention? Because it's not When we
Speaker 4: blame the other person, you're putting your control outside of yourself.
Speaker 4: You're trying to change somebody else, and we can never
Speaker 4: do that. And in that you give all of your
Speaker 4: power away. You can't change them. It's about you.
Speaker 3: You can't write and we are trying to always. We're
Speaker 3: either trying to change them for us or we're changing
Speaker 3: them into something that we believe we can handle because
Speaker 3: we're afraid of the unknown. And everybody's different, Every relationship
Speaker 3: is different. And going down that path with somebody and
Speaker 3: all you know is what didn't work out with the
Speaker 3: last people and all the people before, that's scary because
Speaker 3: there's no guide. And even if it's going well for
Speaker 3: a lot of people, this is the first time I've
Speaker 3: ever felt this way, is the first time ever. That's
Speaker 3: scary because you don't necessarily trust it either. You don't
Speaker 3: trust the shoes gonna drop. You're not gonna trust this.
Speaker 3: Good feelings scare people too.
Speaker 4: Right, So in that fear of oh my god, this
Speaker 4: feels really good. When is the next sho you're going
Speaker 4: to drop? What do we try to do? Would most
Speaker 4: of us go to a space of control. Okay, so
Speaker 4: I can control every little thing about this person, everything
Speaker 4: about this environment, everything about this relationship, then I can
Speaker 4: make it successful. And when you try to control that,
Speaker 4: you smother it and probably end up chasing the other
Speaker 4: person away. Because we have no control over anything except
Speaker 4: the only thing we have control over is our response
Speaker 4: to stimulus, right.
Speaker 3: And sometimes we don't have control over that either, or
Speaker 3: which is why a lot of people.
Speaker 4: That's where the work comes in.
Speaker 3: But that's where the alcoholic that works in. Yeah, I agree,
Speaker 3: that's where the work comes in. So you know, before
Speaker 3: you get to know the other person or even know
Speaker 3: the relationship, you really have to spend some time knowing yourself.
Speaker 3: A lot of people really take it for granted that
Speaker 3: they know. No, you only know how you might react
Speaker 3: in certain things that happened before. You might not know
Speaker 3: how you react to good things, bad things, scary things,
Speaker 3: new things. I imagine the first time somebody gets engaged,
Speaker 3: gets married, all of that has kids. The joy is
Speaker 3: tempered by the unknown, the fear. Is this the way
Speaker 3: this is supposed to be? Is this how I'm supposed
Speaker 3: to feel? Is this the way this is supposed to
Speaker 3: look like? And then if you don't get this sort
Speaker 3: of paint by numbers response to the stimuli, then you
Speaker 3: think there's something wrong with you.
Speaker 4: And we tend to project our beliefs and our feelings
Speaker 4: about things onto other people. So if you're somebody that's
Speaker 4: been hurt in a relationship, maybe somebody that you were
Speaker 4: in a relationship with broke your heart, maybe they cheated
Speaker 4: on you, so you walk into every relationship after that
Speaker 4: expecting that to happen again.
Speaker 3: Right, And then a lot of times when you're in
Speaker 3: a relationship, you're you're dating the ghosts of the guys
Speaker 3: who came before you or the girls who came before you,
Speaker 3: and whatever they did, and you don't know what's going
Speaker 3: to either be a trigger or reminder. And all this
Speaker 3: comes down to positive communication. But two people in a
Speaker 3: new relationship aren't necessarily comfortable having that talk, and two
Speaker 3: people in a relationship for a while aren't never a hey,
Speaker 3: can we talk about something? And then everybody's like, wait,
Speaker 3: what I thought? We're fine, We've been together eight years
Speaker 3: and you want to talk about this like scary either way, and.
Speaker 4: Then you bring up something that triggers the other person
Speaker 4: and sends them into you know, they start time traveling
Speaker 4: back into the past and things that came up and
Speaker 4: those feelings and those emotions and they start projecting them.
Speaker 4: And you know, I found for myself, I did a
Speaker 4: lot of work, a lot of therapy, and you can
Speaker 4: think you have all of these things in order, but
Speaker 4: when you get in relationship with another person, that is
Speaker 4: when all your shit will come up, like every bit
Speaker 4: of it while you're in relationship and communication. I love
Speaker 4: what you said about that, because communication is the key
Speaker 4: because you have to talk about these things. I know
Speaker 4: it's really hard, but you have to talk about them.
Speaker 4: You have to know where that person is coming from,
Speaker 4: and you have to figure out a way to come together.
Speaker 3: And you have to be confident that the communication, if
Speaker 3: it's going to occur, and it should occur, will come
Speaker 3: from and to a place of no judgment. That's going
Speaker 3: to come and go to a place of honesty, sharing, growing,
Speaker 3: and hopefully the purpose of the of the conversation shouldn't
Speaker 3: be confrontation that you've been like let's see if we
Speaker 3: can get either through this place or to this place
Speaker 3: together with You bring up that word all the time.
Speaker 3: It's a hard word interpret is vulnerability, you know it is.
Speaker 3: I never take my glasses off because I feel too exposed.
Speaker 3: It's true, it's hard.
Speaker 4: You're putting your heart and soul on the table with
Speaker 4: another person, and you know, having no judgment in these
Speaker 4: conversations is the key and the other thing to understand.
Speaker 4: My therapist actually said this to me a few years ago,
Speaker 4: and it hit me pretty hard. When you're having a
Speaker 4: conversation with the person you're in relationship with and there's
Speaker 4: an issue, it is not you against each other. It
Speaker 4: is not you against him or him against you. It
Speaker 4: is the two of you against the problem. And how
Speaker 4: do you work through that problem together? And how do
Speaker 4: you open up that space of vulnerability where he can
Speaker 4: share and you can share and there's no judgment and
Speaker 4: there's acknowledgment. I hear you, I see you. I want
Speaker 4: to be there for you. How can I support you?
Speaker 2: That's a good point I brought.
Speaker 3: I did a whole episode on that that people don't
Speaker 3: want to necessarily be right, but they do want to
Speaker 3: be heard that's a challenge though, when you're bringing up
Speaker 3: something that you perceive to be a problem or an
Speaker 3: issue and the other person thinks it's no big deal
Speaker 3: and then they're like, oh, it's fine or whatever, but
Speaker 3: it's important to you, and so finding out a way
Speaker 3: to bring that person to the negotiating table. First the
Speaker 3: chore is to get them to even understand that this
Speaker 3: is an issue.
Speaker 2: It's a problem.
Speaker 3: And that's hard too, and that's afrase because when they
Speaker 3: don't react to yeah, I want to talk about that too,
Speaker 3: and they're just kind of like, why do you want
Speaker 3: to talk about that, then you tend to retreat because
Speaker 3: then it's hard to be vulnerable in that spot because
Speaker 3: you're then defending the right to have the conversation before
Speaker 3: you can get the conversation right.
Speaker 4: So the goal you want to be in a place
Speaker 4: where the goal is not to be right. Do you
Speaker 4: want to be right or do you want to have
Speaker 4: healthy relationship, because oftentimes you can have both and there
Speaker 4: is a negotiation, and it is about again vulnerability, saying
Speaker 4: to your partner, I know this might not be a
Speaker 4: big deal to you, but it is very important to me,
Speaker 4: and then ask for what you need in that right.
Speaker 4: So it would be very helpful to me if you
Speaker 4: could X Y Z.
Speaker 3: A lot of people know what they don't want or
Speaker 3: don't like, and they haven't spent nearly as much time
Speaker 3: thinking about what they do want and do like. And
Speaker 3: it's really hard for the other person to know that
Speaker 3: because most people are so rooted in the negative, we're
Speaker 3: going to be rooted in some positive I got to
Speaker 3: take a quick break because we have to pay for
Speaker 3: positive things around here. I'm with Susette Bravo, and we're
Speaker 3: taking a deep dive on some scary shit. But we
Speaker 3: will be back right after this. And we are back.
Speaker 3: So I've heard you talk about this before and it
Speaker 3: fascinated me.
Speaker 2: What was your moment where You're like, I.
Speaker 3: Need to talk to somebody, I need some help. Was
Speaker 3: there a moment or time where like, therapy is an
Speaker 3: option to me? Like, you didn't just come out of
Speaker 3: the womb asking these questions.
Speaker 4: No, it was a I fell in the mud. I
Speaker 4: was sitting in the mud, and I was like, why
Speaker 4: am I in the mud again? Like I keep getting
Speaker 4: up and getting back on the horse, and now I'm
Speaker 4: back in the mud. And there was this moment where
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, it's me, Like, it's me, I'm
Speaker 4: the problem. And that's when I was like, Okay, I
Speaker 4: need to do better. I need to do better for me.
Speaker 2: Right, isn't it better? And people don't want that.
Speaker 3: The one you can work on and change is you.
Speaker 2: It should be a relief.
Speaker 3: To know the problem is you. Right, people don't want
Speaker 3: to take that burden out.
Speaker 2: I can work on me.
Speaker 3: I can't work on society exactly.
Speaker 4: And that's why when you blame and you put everything
Speaker 4: on society and everything outside of you, you have just
Speaker 4: essentially given all of your power away, every bit of it. Right,
Speaker 4: you have no power in the world outside of yourself.
Speaker 4: So look at you and look at how you can
Speaker 4: show up better in the world, because, let's face it,
Speaker 4: lead by example. If you want a healthy, loving relationship,
Speaker 4: create love and creativity within yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the old line, don't worry about things you can't
Speaker 3: control because if you can't control them, don't worry about them.
Speaker 3: And don't worry about things you can control because if
Speaker 3: you can control them, don't worry about them.
Speaker 2: Easier said than done.
Speaker 3: But so let's get into that concept for a minute,
Speaker 3: the concept of self love. It's very nebulous, it's very catchy,
Speaker 3: it's very manifesting, and self love over anything, but it's
Speaker 3: a real thing. I believe that self love is the
Speaker 3: willingness to pull the rock up and let the sun
Speaker 3: shine on all of the bad stuff.
Speaker 2: That you have covered up before. And if you're.
Speaker 3: Willing to do that, it means you care enough about yourself,
Speaker 3: your future, maybe the relationship the people around you to
Speaker 3: recognize it at the real race record. I'm not saying
Speaker 3: fixically recognizing it. I believe that's the first step.
Speaker 4: I agree, And self love is one of my favorite
Speaker 4: topics because the problem is that we learn over our
Speaker 4: lifetime that there are things that we have all done,
Speaker 4: and we tend to label them good or bad, and
Speaker 4: we develop what is often called the shadow self, which
Speaker 4: is the part of yourself that maybe you don't put
Speaker 4: front and center. You know, it's things that you've done
Speaker 4: in your past that maybe you wish you had done differently,
Speaker 4: And it's okay. We all have a shadow.
Speaker 1: We do.
Speaker 4: And when you can incorporate your shadow into your lights
Speaker 4: and accept and honor all of the parts of you,
Speaker 4: the parts that have made good decisions, the parts that
Speaker 4: have made not such good decisions, then you can move
Speaker 4: forward from a space of worth. Because what happens when
Speaker 4: you don't love yourself is you tend to think that
Speaker 4: because you don't love yourself, you don't deserve the things
Speaker 4: that you want. And if you're walking around in the
Speaker 4: world and you want love and you want acceptance, and
Speaker 4: you want all of these things, but you don't believe
Speaker 4: that you deserve them, you will self sabotage.
Speaker 3: Deserve is a good word. What do I deserve? And
Speaker 3: everybody does deserve to be loved and to feel loved?
Speaker 2: Amen, What is the first step.
Speaker 3: To somebody either listening to this or somebody you talk
Speaker 3: to who's like, I cannot get I can't even see
Speaker 3: a possibility of that, Like, is.
Speaker 2: There one step?
Speaker 3: I mean everybody, I'm always like, just go outside for
Speaker 3: a minute, Like that's the first step?
Speaker 2: Get off the couch?
Speaker 3: Is there a first step towards and picking up a phone?
Speaker 3: And finding the right therapist? Is daunting to people too,
Speaker 3: because not only do you have to find a therapist,
Speaker 3: getting in the right relationship with the right therapist is
Speaker 3: almost sometimes as hard as.
Speaker 2: Getting into relationship with a person.
Speaker 3: So what is a step that somebody can can take
Speaker 3: Who's Like, I've heard you talk about self love. I
Speaker 3: think I need to feel about I need What do
Speaker 3: people do?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 4: First of all, I'm a huge fan of therapy, but
Speaker 4: therapy might not be what you need. There's a million
Speaker 4: different modalities out there, So first, have an open mind.
Speaker 4: But the very first thing that you have to be
Speaker 4: willing to do, and I'm not saying this is the easiest,
Speaker 4: but it is the most important, is you have to
Speaker 4: be willing to accept yourself for who and what you
Speaker 4: are now in this moment. You cannot change anything that
Speaker 4: happened in your past, and you have no control over
Speaker 4: anything that's going to happen in your future. You have
Speaker 4: self honesty, right and if you have been kin o
Speaker 4: curs Fuck yeah, Okay, if you've been a shit show
Speaker 4: your whole life, own it. You can't change it. You can't.
Speaker 4: You're where you are today, So accept that you were
Speaker 4: a shit show and accept that you want to do
Speaker 4: better moving forward.
Speaker 3: Well, it's like these women who And again I'm not
Speaker 3: downplaying it your pain or your experience, but statistically, every
Speaker 3: guy you date is not a narcissist.
Speaker 2: It's statistically impossible.
Speaker 3: I hate it.
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's a real.
Speaker 3: Clinical diagnosis, and statistically, it's not that they might not
Speaker 3: have liked you and you might not have been likable,
Speaker 3: and you can't just blame it. And the more you're
Speaker 3: just like, I haven't met the right person or all
Speaker 3: the men's sock or all. You're never going to get
Speaker 3: anywhere if you don't take some degree of ownership around it.
Speaker 4: First of all, we all have narcissistic tendencies, every single
Speaker 4: one of us. We do right, but yeah, narcissist if
Speaker 4: that word gets so overused and it makes me a
Speaker 4: little bit crazy. But when you can accept where you
Speaker 4: are okay, So imagine you're going on vacation, you're going
Speaker 4: on a road trip and you pull up your GPS
Speaker 4: and you want to get to North Carolina. You're going
Speaker 4: to put in the address of where you're going, But
Speaker 4: the second thing your GPS needs is where are you now?
Speaker 4: And if you don't acknowledge and accept where you are now,
Speaker 4: your directions are going to lead you all over the place.
Speaker 4: You have to be okay with who you are. We
Speaker 4: have this tendency to look back at our past, at
Speaker 4: the decisions that we made from the lens of what
Speaker 4: we know now, and we judge ourselves for what we
Speaker 4: did then based on what we know now, and that's
Speaker 4: tragic because at the time you did the best you
Speaker 4: could with what you had. Right, you might do different
Speaker 4: now and that's okay, but except where you are now,
Speaker 4: because you can't change it, and what you have in
Speaker 4: the present moment is the only place that you have
Speaker 4: to do any kind of work, any kind of shifting,
Speaker 4: any kind of changing, any of that.
Speaker 3: So even if you believe it was them, just pretend
Speaker 3: for a second and like, what about me? What would
Speaker 3: I've done differently? And a lot of times the knee
Speaker 3: jerk reaction is you don't want to blame yourself. If
Speaker 3: a reaction a lot of men and women do this
Speaker 3: where they're like, oh, if only I had allowed him
Speaker 3: to cheat on me more, or if only had allowed
Speaker 3: him to bring it up, if only I had done this,
Speaker 3: And that's not right either. It's what do I do
Speaker 3: in behavior that either created a situation or created a
Speaker 3: pattern with this situation repeats itself, and a lot of
Speaker 3: people like, you're not you must be the most unlucky
Speaker 3: person in the world. If you've had fifteen consecutive first
Speaker 3: dates and no second dates, you know, rather than they're
Speaker 3: all jerks, like, mate, what are you doing on the
Speaker 3: first date?
Speaker 2: What are you saying?
Speaker 4: There's a common denominator there. Yeah, I know, and listen,
Speaker 4: it's hard to self reflect for a lot of people,
Speaker 4: Like I said, it's much easier to blame the fifteen
Speaker 4: guys that you went out with that never called you back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, or they think it's easier, it's really easier to
Speaker 3: blame yourself because then you're like, oh, it's me, let
Speaker 3: me fix this. You can't go call the fifteen guys
Speaker 3: and then look at the next fifteen guys, like the
Speaker 3: one thing that you can control to some degree is
Speaker 3: what you're bringing to the table exactly. And if you
Speaker 3: realize that we are all I always say, we're all
Speaker 3: special needs children, we are, and if you figure out
Speaker 3: what those needs are or why you didn't get them.
Speaker 3: It took me a long long time and the right therapist.
Speaker 3: I had to find a therapist who was really out
Speaker 3: on the kookie fringes, like in the shaman world, to
Speaker 3: find somebody, a woman who I wouldn't try to charm
Speaker 3: to get the answer that I wanted. I need somebody
Speaker 3: that I would I could just be so authentic with
Speaker 3: because I'd gone through a series of them and I'm like,
Speaker 3: I just want my therapist to tell me I'm fine,
Speaker 3: And you're wasting a lot of money and you're wasting
Speaker 3: a lot of time and on trying to get an
Speaker 3: answer that you want. So I really had to go
Speaker 3: through to find one who was just a kook, and
Speaker 3: that environment allowed me to go to this scary place
Speaker 3: and childhood and all that kind of stuff to figure
Speaker 3: it out. That took a long time, though, and then
Speaker 3: you beat yourself up. Oh my god, I wish i'd
Speaker 3: this when I was twenty six.
Speaker 4: And that's where acceptance comes in. So at twenty six,
Speaker 4: obviously you weren't ready because you didn't do it, but
Speaker 4: you're doing it now and you are ready. So you're
Speaker 4: in this place and you can beat yourself up for
Speaker 4: not doing it when you were twenty six, and you
Speaker 4: can just accept that you weren't ready. You do but
Speaker 4: you're doing it now, right.
Speaker 3: But then there's a part of you that for once
Speaker 3: is not self centered, and they're like, if I had
Speaker 3: done it earlier, would I have not hurt that person
Speaker 3: or those people or that relationship would have worked out?
Speaker 2: And whatever.
Speaker 3: And you can't call them all back up either and say, oh,
Speaker 3: you know, I went to therapy. You were right in
Speaker 3: nineteen ninety six. Like they don't want, they don't care,
Speaker 3: they don't want to hear it. But recognizing like from
Speaker 3: this path forward, that was.
Speaker 2: Really good that you brought up the GPS.
Speaker 3: In order to get somewhere, you have to figure out
Speaker 3: where where you are, where you're starting, I'm lost, where
Speaker 3: are you? I don't know makes it really hard for
Speaker 3: somebody to give you directions. Right, So being able to
Speaker 3: recognize and that we all have, you know, because you
Speaker 3: bring up that narcissistic social media world. Oh my god,
Speaker 3: she has it so easy, he has it so easy.
Speaker 2: Look at this. You don't have any idea.
Speaker 4: No, the list social media is highly filtered, most of
Speaker 4: it's untrue. And again it comes down to the only
Speaker 4: thing you have any control over is yourself. You cannot
Speaker 4: be comparing your normal, average, everyday life to everybody else's
Speaker 4: highlight reel on social media.
Speaker 2: Now, how do you do it?
Speaker 3: If either you're you're in a relationship, and if your
Speaker 3: partner comes to you and says you know what I
Speaker 3: want and you think everything's fine and they come to
Speaker 3: you and they're like, I want to take this journey
Speaker 3: of discovery and sell exploration therapy, whatever you want to
Speaker 3: call it.
Speaker 2: That's probably scary.
Speaker 3: You're trying to be encouraging of that, because ninety nine
Speaker 3: percent of the time that's a good thing, but you're
Speaker 3: also scared they're like, oh, they're going to come out
Speaker 3: of this a different person and recognize they don't need me.
Speaker 3: How do you be supportive of your partner's journey without
Speaker 3: trying to just maintain the status quo?
Speaker 2: Does that make sense?
Speaker 4: It does? And listen, that can be very scary because
Speaker 4: somebody's going on a journey and you're not sure where
Speaker 4: that journey is going to take them, but where that
Speaker 4: journey is hopefully going to take them. If they're stepping
Speaker 4: out into that journey, they're feeling that they're missing something,
Speaker 4: so they're seeking to grow and love themselves more deeply,
Speaker 4: and as frightening or as scary as that may be,
Speaker 4: part of being in relationship with somebody is encouraging them
Speaker 4: to be the very best versions of themselves and whatever
Speaker 4: outcome that is, whatever uncertainty is there, I get it.
Speaker 4: That can be really scary, but so can being in
Speaker 4: a relationship with somebody who is not being true to themselves.
Speaker 3: Right, and you should want the very best version of
Speaker 3: them right, and you should, And you would think that
Speaker 3: you could be like, oh, the relationship's fine, well if
Speaker 3: they want to take this journey or see because some
Speaker 3: part of it is not fine with them, and then
Speaker 3: you're just kicking the can down the road on whatever
Speaker 3: the issue is. And you want to support and you'd
Speaker 3: be like, you know, I want to do that too.
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying you have to go go to
Speaker 3: therapy to gather or do anything, but if you're both
Speaker 3: on these journeys. You know, we've had people come on
Speaker 3: this podcasts and they're like, it takes two complete people
Speaker 3: to come together, and I'm like, nobody's complete.
Speaker 2: Nobody.
Speaker 3: You should have somebody who's constantly working towards moving in
Speaker 3: the right direction. But if this idea like I'm good,
Speaker 3: I did all the work, Like there's no check please
Speaker 3: on that.
Speaker 2: You know, it's a journey. It's a process.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 4: We grow every day, we take in different stimulus, we
Speaker 4: see different things, we meet different people, our goals change,
Speaker 4: our everything changes, and as humans, it's just like a plant.
Speaker 4: You're either growing or you're dying, Like, we don't ever stop,
Speaker 4: We're never complete. And I want to circle back kind
Speaker 4: of really quickly to this thing that you mentioned a
Speaker 4: little while ago about blaming, because again I want to
Speaker 4: caution everybody be very careful about where you place your blame.
Speaker 4: And the greatest question that you will ever ask yourself
Speaker 4: is how could I have done that better? How can
Speaker 4: I show it better? And the same thing, so, when
Speaker 4: your partner is seeking to grow and is seeking to
Speaker 4: expand themselves, ask yourself, Okay, how can I best support
Speaker 4: her him in this venture of theirs? And hey, you know,
Speaker 4: maybe this is a good opportunity for me too.
Speaker 3: How do you you're in a relationship with somebody, there's
Speaker 3: some you know that there's some issues, trauma, circumstances, feelings
Speaker 3: that preceded you or have nothing to do with you.
Speaker 2: How do you.
Speaker 3: Suggest that you might want to talk to somebody? How
Speaker 3: do you bring that up? It's sort of on them
Speaker 3: to see it. Is there a way to politely say.
Speaker 2: Have you ever seen a therapist? Or would I talk
Speaker 2: to somebody?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: How do you have that converse? That's a rough conversation.
Speaker 4: It's a very rough conversation, and I'll be honest with you,
Speaker 4: I've tried to have that conversation before and it hasn't
Speaker 4: gone well, And that.
Speaker 2: Is a very Are we having that conversation now?
Speaker 4: No, those are very tricky waters because you want to
Speaker 4: be very careful about projecting, about judging, and about putting
Speaker 4: that person in a position where they feel defensive.
Speaker 3: Do you think you have a drinking problem? They're going
Speaker 3: to say, no.
Speaker 4: Well, if there's but there are times, okay, So if
Speaker 4: you're in a relationship with somebody and they just totaled
Speaker 4: their car because they drove home from the bar drunk,
Speaker 4: I think it's perfectly okay to say, hey, listen, I
Speaker 4: think you've got a problem and you need help. Right,
Speaker 4: some things require more nuance. And you know, again it
Speaker 4: goes back to if somebody were having that conversation with you,
Speaker 4: how would you want them to approach you with it?
Speaker 4: Because if you come in a place of again, if
Speaker 4: you come in a place of blame, that person's going
Speaker 4: to get defensive. And once we get defensive, we tend
Speaker 4: to shut down. So how do you open the conversation,
Speaker 4: maybe asking some questions and allow them to come to
Speaker 4: their own But setting ourselves and our partner up for
Speaker 4: success right in a conversation is key.
Speaker 3: That's the challenge though, is clearly there's some leftover issues
Speaker 3: with her second husband, something like that, you're the sixth
Speaker 3: husband and so and so you want to you don't
Speaker 3: want to open that vault that maybe they have sealed
Speaker 3: off because that's how they deal with it. But clearly
Speaker 3: there's something lurking there that I haven't worked on. So
Speaker 3: and I get that early on a relationship. The conventional
Speaker 3: wisdom is you're not supposed to ask questions about like why.
Speaker 2: Did you get divorced? You know what, what's serious relationship?
Speaker 3: What? Like I'm I'm like ask away. I think we're
Speaker 3: you know, we've all had experiences at this point. I
Speaker 3: want to learn, but mostly I want to see what
Speaker 3: they have learned from it. If they're constantly like, yeah,
Speaker 3: this guy was an asshole and this sock and blah blah,
Speaker 3: and then I'm like, oh, you know, I want to
Speaker 3: be like I just didn't give it the attention I
Speaker 3: wanted to. I wasn't emotionally vulnerable, like these are the
Speaker 3: answers I want. It's tough to bring that up and
Speaker 3: just hope they're going to just jump in the game
Speaker 3: over the bondou.
Speaker 4: You know, right, Yeah, I'm I'm all were asking questions
Speaker 4: because I want to know. And you know, if you
Speaker 4: are involved with somebody and you know you're the sixth
Speaker 4: wife and all the other five were crazy red flag
Speaker 4: or died, right, like, I want to know, Like inquiring
Speaker 4: minds want to know, and I naturally ask a lot
Speaker 4: of questions because I'm curious.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think I'm always flattered when somebody asked
Speaker 3: questions of me, chose the care to get to know me.
Speaker 3: Some people are like, why are you asking? Or you're
Speaker 3: prying or you're judging, And I think you have to
Speaker 3: set an environment of ask me anything and hopefully that
Speaker 3: that being forthright and honest and vulnerable we talk about
Speaker 3: before will lead to oh wow, they told me that,
Speaker 3: I'm going to tell him this.
Speaker 4: And when those things come up in us, when somebody
Speaker 4: asks a question and we get triggered by it, the
Speaker 4: best the best thing to do in that moment is
Speaker 4: to take a breath and ask yourself, Okay, why is
Speaker 4: this coming up? What is coming up for me in this?
Speaker 4: You know, because if we if we take a breath
Speaker 4: and we take a moment and we things in our body,
Speaker 4: because our bodies will keeue us in on things before
Speaker 4: our brain does. The emotion comes up and then the
Speaker 4: brain goes to work trying to make sense of it.
Speaker 4: But if you tap into what's going on in the body, okay,
Speaker 4: so wow, my breath is getting heavy, like you know,
Speaker 4: I'm feeling this thing? Am I stomach? Why what's coming up?
Speaker 4: And then a lot of times you can trace that
Speaker 4: back and figure out what's coming up for you. And
Speaker 4: just you know, we when asking questions, that person might
Speaker 4: not be comfortable answering that in the moment, and too,
Speaker 4: like if somebody asks us something that we're not comfortable with,
Speaker 4: it's okay to say, you know what, I'm not comfortable
Speaker 4: answering that right now. I validate your question and I
Speaker 4: want to get back to you, but I'd like to
Speaker 4: take some time to really think about that before I
Speaker 4: respond to you. And that's okay.
Speaker 3: Because my people might not have an answer or they're
Speaker 3: going to feel there's a right or wrong answer, you know,
Speaker 3: want that you don't want to give somebody like they're
Speaker 3: going to feel like they're getting judged on with the response.
Speaker 3: Is you know, a lot of people are like, what
Speaker 3: is the most serious relationship you ever had, or something
Speaker 3: like or who's the love of your life? People ask
Speaker 3: stuff like that that could change depending on where you
Speaker 3: are in life.
Speaker 2: That could change in the moment.
Speaker 3: I could change this, and sometimes that might be too
Speaker 3: painful when you're trying to grow something new. But that
Speaker 3: you're interested in their experiences from you know, birth till
Speaker 3: the appetizer came.
Speaker 2: I think matters. I think that.
Speaker 3: You're open to creating a judgmental space of sharing emotion
Speaker 3: and information.
Speaker 4: Right, yes, and you just hit the right word. It's
Speaker 4: non judgmental. And that's really challenging because we all see
Speaker 4: the world through our own lens of the world and
Speaker 4: it's been very colored by our experience. And you may
Speaker 4: even be on a date with somebody that you've known
Speaker 4: for a long time, but we have no idea what
Speaker 4: people have been through. And kindness is always the first
Speaker 4: route because you don't know. You could have brought something
Speaker 4: up that triggered something deep inside of them that was
Speaker 4: really painful and really hurtful, and it's okay to give
Speaker 4: them some time to move through that. It's okay if
Speaker 4: they don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if they're giving a waight or a hard time
Speaker 3: because it came out medium instead of medium rare, there's
Speaker 3: some stuff there that's not about the steak.
Speaker 4: That's a red flag.
Speaker 2: It is a red flag.
Speaker 3: That's a huge riss.
Speaker 2: I agree with you. And so some guy suggested me.
Speaker 3: He came to our my great love to bat in
Speaker 3: Boston and he goes, I sometimes order something that is
Speaker 3: screwed up so they can see how well I handle
Speaker 3: the situation. I'm like, that's bullshit, but it's actually a
Speaker 3: good move. Like people do notice that I don't worry
Speaker 3: about it. We're good, you know, And I'm like, okay,
Speaker 3: it's game playing with the waiter. They feel like a failure,
Speaker 3: but I get it. People want to know how you react.
Speaker 3: But you know, for the first ninety days, everybody's sort
Speaker 3: of at with each other's publicist. They're sort of presenting
Speaker 3: the best version of something. It's hard to get the
Speaker 3: information you really want and that you really need, and
Speaker 3: that person might not be comfortable enough to share it
Speaker 3: for a long long time. I think your goal, if
Speaker 3: you really want that information, and we should all really
Speaker 3: want that information, is to really set an environment of
Speaker 3: trust and sharing and growing and authenticity and the things
Speaker 3: we need for this to foster.
Speaker 4: Yes, I agree one hundred percent. You can't ask questions
Speaker 4: and draw somebody into becoming vulnerable and then beat them
Speaker 4: up for becoming vulnerable and for what they shared.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, if.
Speaker 4: You're willing to open that door, you've got to walk
Speaker 4: through it with them, and you've got to be okay
Speaker 4: with whatever's on the other side. Allow that person to
Speaker 4: share whatever's on their heart, and then you get to
Speaker 4: decide what that means to you. You know, if they're
Speaker 4: sharing something with you that's a deal breaker for you,
Speaker 4: that's okay, It's perfectly okay.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: And I'm not sure we should judge anybody of how
Speaker 3: they were at nineteen or before they become a parent,
Speaker 3: or three marriages ago, or two jobs to go a
Speaker 3: different city or whatever. I mean, there's things that are
Speaker 3: deep rooted and there's things that might be patterns. But
Speaker 3: you know, if somebody you know shoplifted from target at
Speaker 3: nineteen and they're forty one now and a responsible parent,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to hold that against them. I'm want
Speaker 3: to be like, what was going on in your life
Speaker 3: then that you did that and how have you evolved?
Speaker 3: And what did I do when I was nineteen twenty
Speaker 3: nine or thirty nine exactly, you know, And I'm like,
Speaker 3: you know, nobody wants to be judged on their worst day,
Speaker 3: and I don't think you should judge anybody in their
Speaker 3: best day. It's there how to handle most days? And
Speaker 3: how are you going to handle most days with you?
Speaker 3: And how are they going to handle not the things
Speaker 3: that happen to them, but how are they going to
Speaker 3: handle the things that happened to you. You're not going
Speaker 3: to know that until you're willing to find out, and
Speaker 3: willingness to find out comes with fear, and fear can
Speaker 3: be a good thing. You'd be a motivating factor. Getting
Speaker 3: information can be driven by fear. But once you have
Speaker 3: that and once you can sort of put that in
Speaker 3: your toolbox, you know, I'm not sure that's a bad thing.
Speaker 4: Fear can all. The thing about fear, though, is fear
Speaker 4: can be a liar because, you know, think of your
Speaker 4: brain is kind of like this little yes person who
Speaker 4: lives in your head and whatever belief system you're holding onto,
Speaker 4: your brain is kind of out in the world looking
Speaker 4: for proof on that. So if you go into a
Speaker 4: relationship in fear that they're going to cheat on you,
Speaker 4: or that they're going to lie to you, or that
Speaker 4: they're going to do something to hurt you. Chances are
Speaker 4: you're going to find evidence to support that, whether it's
Speaker 4: valid or not. And the Buddhists have a great philosophy,
Speaker 4: and that is that the majority of our suffering is
Speaker 4: created because we want things to be different than what
Speaker 4: they are. So your wanting the situation to be different
Speaker 4: than what it is and not accepting it for what
Speaker 4: it is is what creates our suffering. And that again
Speaker 4: comes down to that just accepting because it is what
Speaker 4: it is. You can be driving forward, you can want
Speaker 4: to change and grow in all of these things, but
Speaker 4: you are what you are in the moment. The person
Speaker 4: across from you is who they are.
Speaker 2: And people are, you know.
Speaker 3: The number one fear that people have is to do
Speaker 3: things that are outside their comfort zone, whatever that is.
Speaker 3: If you're afraid of heights, you know, jumping out of airplane,
Speaker 3: or get into a relationship. The answers almost always lie
Speaker 3: outside your comfort zone. So first you have to do
Speaker 3: things to inch yourself outside. You have to identify why
Speaker 3: is this a comfort zone? I think, and then do
Speaker 3: things to place yourself, even for a moment, slightly outside
Speaker 3: your comfort zone where you retreat. And the more you
Speaker 3: can do that, the more that feels normal to you.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm afraid to fly. I get on planes
Speaker 3: all the time. I'm not doing it because I'm trying
Speaker 3: to get out of my outside my comfort zone. But
Speaker 3: I notice that I am significantly better than it because
Speaker 3: I'm just like, I have to do this, and I
Speaker 3: have to figure out ways to do it, and you know,
Speaker 3: not just pop thirty zan X to get on a plane,
Speaker 3: like I have to been like, okay, I'm uncomfortable with this,
Speaker 3: so then it could then you change it from fear
Speaker 3: to discomfort and that is a giant step. And if
Speaker 3: I could just make it like I'd rather not versus
Speaker 3: I'm not doing this, I think you open up a
Speaker 3: lot of doors.
Speaker 4: You do, and I love that approach because you do.
Speaker 4: You just keep pushing your outer limit just a little bit,
Speaker 4: you know, and every time you do, you build resilience.
Speaker 4: Every time you step a little outside of your comfort zone,
Speaker 4: you build this belief that you can step outside of
Speaker 4: your comfort zone and you're not going to die. So
Speaker 4: each time you do that, you get stronger and stronger,
Speaker 4: and that's how we build, and that's how we become
Speaker 4: resilient humans.
Speaker 3: We have brought this up almost since the day we
Speaker 3: started this podcast that the three words that people have
Speaker 3: to get rid of and never use again are the
Speaker 3: words not my type. If you're over thirty and you're
Speaker 3: still single, you have no type.
Speaker 2: Your type's not working out for you.
Speaker 3: And what we always mean by that is it's a
Speaker 3: fear of like. I've never been around that dated, that
Speaker 3: experience that before, so I can only date all the
Speaker 3: guys there are six ' four that's my type, and that's
Speaker 3: what I like. It's the fear of the unknown. You've
Speaker 3: tricked your brain into thinking that this is your comfort zone.
Speaker 3: You'd be surprised at what you find out, not about
Speaker 3: the other people, but if you find out about yourself
Speaker 3: when you give this person an opportunity to sit across
Speaker 3: from you for ten minutes.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, And I think that's with a lot of
Speaker 4: things in life.
Speaker 3: When you decide I don't like this, kids do we
Speaker 3: started kids like, I don't eat that right?
Speaker 4: Try it, Just try it.
Speaker 2: You might like it, and at some point you probably
Speaker 2: will like it.
Speaker 4: Right it, and maybe you won't. But what have you lost?
Speaker 2: Right, you'd be surprised. Yeah, all of that stuff.
Speaker 3: All right, I'm gonna let everybody tell where they can
Speaker 3: find you and track you down and get more wisdom
Speaker 3: from you. But first, this is your first time on
Speaker 3: the p I can't this is your first time on
Speaker 3: the podcast. You have a lot of things to say.
Speaker 3: We play something called worst date or first date, So
Speaker 3: you either have to give us the worst date you've
Speaker 3: ever been on or the greatest first date you've ever
Speaker 3: been on.
Speaker 2: Your choice.
Speaker 4: Oh boy, wow, that's a tough one, you know. I
Speaker 4: will say I've been very blessed. I haven't had a
Speaker 4: lot of really awful good dates. Best first date, wow,
Speaker 4: I'm going to go with my actually one of the
Speaker 4: I don't know that it was necessarily one of my
Speaker 4: best first dates, but it was a lot of fun.
Speaker 4: It was my first husband, and this was probably God,
Speaker 4: I'm going to age myself because it was probably thirty
Speaker 4: years ago maybe, and I just we had such a
Speaker 4: good time. He was a musician, and he was a
Speaker 4: solo musician, and you know, we were kind of running
Speaker 4: in the same friend circle and kind of like the
Speaker 4: first night that we sort of connected with each other.
Speaker 4: It was just really really powerful, and I just remember
Speaker 4: like being in this group of friends and kind of
Speaker 4: just looking over at him and just being like, Okay,
Speaker 4: like I think this is going to be something really cool.
Speaker 4: And I can't remember no, but I can't remember the song,
Speaker 4: but it had something to do with quarters, and I
Speaker 4: remember going over to the bar and asking for rollo chords.
Speaker 4: It was something about a quarter to call you or something.
Speaker 4: It was a really long time ago, and I remember
Speaker 4: just going over to him and handing him like this
Speaker 4: roll of quarters, and that was kind of you know,
Speaker 4: we'd sort of been dancing around each other for a
Speaker 4: while and that was.
Speaker 2: Sort of like the moment had some music to the.
Speaker 4: Day connected, Yeah, and it was just really cool.
Speaker 2: What kind of musician he played a.
Speaker 4: Lot of like Jimmy Buffett, James Taylor like.
Speaker 2: That, but he could play the guitar.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, so that's a huge super talented, super talented.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, very Yeah, guys, learn to play the guitar,
Speaker 3: learn a little bit about wine, and take French lessons.
Speaker 3: You'll be a lot better off if you could do
Speaker 3: one of those three things, all right, Tell everybody where
Speaker 3: they can track you down.
Speaker 4: So you can find me on Instagram Susette k Bravo.
Speaker 4: I'm also on Facebook and LinkedIn, and then my website
Speaker 4: is Susette Bravo dot com. And if you go check
Speaker 4: out my website and you sign up for the newsletter,
Speaker 4: I have a I have a program that we're going
Speaker 4: to be launching in January, and you'll get all of
Speaker 4: the insider information about that and even some little goodies
Speaker 4: on goal setting before that. No Fear, no Judgment, No Fear,
Speaker 4: no Judgment, and your podcast Bravo Unscripted.
Speaker 2: There you go. Thank you. This was fun.
Speaker 4: It was fun. We'll have to do this again.
Speaker 2: I like learning stuff. I feel smarter now.
Speaker 3: As far as us like share, follow Please review this
Speaker 3: podcast and Bravo Unscripted your reviews. Still, even after all
Speaker 3: this time, I mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem.
Speaker 3: Shoot us an email Great Love Tobate a gmail dot
Speaker 3: com if you have comments, questions, thoughts, fears that you
Speaker 3: want to share with me or Susette'll pass those along to.
Speaker 2: Great Loovedebate dot com.
Speaker 3: Our big big tenth anniversary show, the Live the Great
Speaker 3: Love Debate Tour that started it all we're having our
Speaker 3: kicking off our eleventh season, if you can believe that,
Speaker 3: with our tenth anniversary show, and it's actually right here
Speaker 3: in Boca Raton, Florida. It is that the Boca black
Speaker 3: Box Center for the Arts. Tickets are on sale now.
Speaker 3: It is February sixth or seventh, or eighth, I don't know.
Speaker 2: It's on the website.
Speaker 3: It's early February twenty twenty fourth. So if you're listening
Speaker 3: to this twenty twenty five, you missed it, come to
Speaker 3: our eleventh anniversary show then Boca Blackbox dot com or
Speaker 3: Great Lovedebate dot com for tickets and info for that.
Speaker 3: It's going to be awesome. Don't miss it because as
Speaker 3: always at the Great Love Debate, we never stopped making love.
Speaker 2: See you next time.
Speaker 1: The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.
Speaker 3: De Great Love Debate.
Speaker 2: It's a great love to be