WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.360 --> 00:00:07.320 On the day we found the first one. I was 2 00:00:07.400 --> 00:00:09.960 kneeling on a sagging foam pad in the back basement 3 00:00:09.960 --> 00:00:13.679 aisle of Tilney Public Library, fatefully wedged between a mildew 4 00:00:13.720 --> 00:00:17.280 stained atlas and a box of nineteen eighty four utility bills. 5 00:00:18.039 --> 00:00:21.120 Dust tickled my nose as I reached overhead, shoving my 6 00:00:21.280 --> 00:00:24.640 arm deep into the tangle of unclaimed folders, hunting for 7 00:00:24.679 --> 00:00:27.839 the source of an ancient, almost spicy whiff that seemed 8 00:00:27.839 --> 00:00:31.920 intrinsic to that corner of the building. Cedar shavings spilled 9 00:00:31.960 --> 00:00:36.520 ink and faintly the ghost of old apples. Megan, the 10 00:00:36.600 --> 00:00:39.600 new high school volunteer, worked on her haunches a few 11 00:00:39.600 --> 00:00:43.679 shelves down, her neon glitter sneakers, kicking against the exposed 12 00:00:43.719 --> 00:00:48.039 heating pipe. She de offered her time, partly because it 13 00:00:48.079 --> 00:00:52.280 looked good on college applications, and partly, I suspect because 14 00:00:52.280 --> 00:00:55.320 her mother thought the library was a better hangout than Duncan. 15 00:00:56.479 --> 00:01:00.520 She sneezed and muttered, Miss Clare, what's with these weird covers? 16 00:01:00.840 --> 00:01:03.920 I glanced around. She held up a squat little volume 17 00:01:03.920 --> 00:01:06.200 whose fabric binding looked like the after birth of a 18 00:01:06.239 --> 00:01:11.159 home Economics project patchwork, squares of faded, flowered chintz, neat 19 00:01:11.280 --> 00:01:14.480 but uneven lines of white thread, and a title running 20 00:01:14.480 --> 00:01:18.079 diagonally in what looked like stubborn hand printed block letters. 21 00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:20.879 The pie that s DO O, P P D A 22 00:01:20.959 --> 00:01:25.079 parade that can't be from our rotation, I told her, 23 00:01:25.319 --> 00:01:28.079 climbing to my feet and brushing grit from my palms. 24 00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:31.319 I peered at the spine, its faded ink and the 25 00:01:31.400 --> 00:01:35.719 lack of a library sticker, no dewy number, no plastic sheathing. 26 00:01:36.719 --> 00:01:39.040 With the practiced move of some one whose paged through 27 00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:42.200 tens of thousands of books, I thumbed it open. The 28 00:01:42.280 --> 00:01:46.519 handwriting inside shifted without warning between neat cursive practiced for 29 00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:51.719 an audience, to a tumbling, diary like scrawl. November Parade 30 00:01:51.840 --> 00:01:56.400 was canceled, bakery windows steaming up against early snow. Mam 31 00:01:56.439 --> 00:01:59.599 said the pie contest would go on even without a crowd. 32 00:02:00.719 --> 00:02:03.200 Mister Davis and I stood by to see it the 33 00:02:03.239 --> 00:02:06.840 first time since Clare catalog the cider mill crate. My 34 00:02:06.920 --> 00:02:09.879 mouth opened as my eyes snagged on my own name, 35 00:02:10.280 --> 00:02:14.479 buried like an acorn in soft loam. I hadn't cataloged 36 00:02:14.479 --> 00:02:17.560 a cider mill crate, at least I didn't think I had. 37 00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:22.120 The passage continued, Missus Petell's daughter sang through her stage fright, 38 00:02:22.439 --> 00:02:24.960 and we all ended up in the Mayor's office, laughing 39 00:02:24.960 --> 00:02:28.639 at the spilled pumpkin pie. The script grew more casual, 40 00:02:28.879 --> 00:02:31.960 a running account of names and faced events, plausible but 41 00:02:32.080 --> 00:02:36.120 unstuck from recall. A tapestry of almost memories arranged around 42 00:02:36.120 --> 00:02:38.879 a version of the annual harvest parade that, to my 43 00:02:38.960 --> 00:02:43.719 long sharpened recollection, never unfolded that way. Is this some 44 00:02:43.879 --> 00:02:47.479 local kid's prank, some one trying their hand at historical fiction. 45 00:02:48.000 --> 00:02:50.520 Megan broke my spell by holding up a different book, 46 00:02:50.840 --> 00:02:53.960 this one bound in faded navy cloth and sporting the 47 00:02:54.039 --> 00:02:58.360 hand scrawled label Boden's Run. Flipping through it, she frowned 48 00:02:58.400 --> 00:03:01.319 and looked up. Did mister Bowden ever run for mayor? 49 00:03:01.800 --> 00:03:05.960 Wasn't he only the baker? No? Never, I said, but 50 00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:09.039 even as I answered, I felt a twinge of uncertainty. 51 00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:12.560 Bakers didn't typically run for office, but in a place 52 00:03:12.719 --> 00:03:16.960 like this population nine thousand and five, counting the feral 53 00:03:17.039 --> 00:03:21.039 dog that adopted Main Street as a personal promenade, nothing 54 00:03:21.159 --> 00:03:25.039 was ever truly impossible. We sat back on our heels, 55 00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:31.280 exchanging nervous, amused glances. I rationalized aloud. Probably donations people 56 00:03:31.319 --> 00:03:34.919 never properly processed. Sometimes things get slipped into the drop 57 00:03:34.960 --> 00:03:39.000 box without any paperwork. Still, I was reluctant to move 58 00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:42.719 on so quickly. There was something in these patch together volumes, 59 00:03:43.000 --> 00:03:47.120 some uncannily intimate familiarity with the mundane details of our 60 00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:51.639 slow turning town, that nagged. I asked Megan to slide 61 00:03:51.639 --> 00:03:55.199 them onto the work table for now. She smiled, shrugged, 62 00:03:55.479 --> 00:03:57.879 and we drifted out of the basement into the regular 63 00:03:57.919 --> 00:04:00.719 bustle of the library. For the rest of that day, 64 00:04:01.000 --> 00:04:04.520 as I scanned through returns or gave directions to the lost, 65 00:04:04.919 --> 00:04:07.240 the image of that page with my name in it 66 00:04:07.560 --> 00:04:10.360 flickered at the edge of my thoughts, as potent as 67 00:04:10.360 --> 00:04:15.560 an unsolved riddle. For most people, libraries are public, communal 68 00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:19.839 rows of facts, stories, and dusty certainties, stacked together under 69 00:04:19.839 --> 00:04:24.279 the perpetual hum of fluorescent lights. To me, especially post retirement, 70 00:04:24.560 --> 00:04:27.519 it's quietly magical. Over the years since I left the 71 00:04:27.519 --> 00:04:30.759 class room for good, the library became both my retreat 72 00:04:30.800 --> 00:04:34.319 and stage, a place for familiar jokes, the sorting of 73 00:04:34.399 --> 00:04:38.600 volunteer schedules, the subtle ballet of hosting poetry nights and 74 00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:41.720 keeping the chess Club's antics contained to a single table 75 00:04:41.800 --> 00:04:46.079 near the window. Megan returned on Saturdays, breezing in with 76 00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:49.319 tangled hair and a kind of permea restlessness, ready to 77 00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:53.480 wrangle with the shifty piles of unsorted donations. Carol, my 78 00:04:53.600 --> 00:04:58.079 contemporary and fellow Retarry, came most Tuesdays and Thursdays, always 79 00:04:58.079 --> 00:05:01.240 with a plastic tupperware of pastry and a running commentary 80 00:05:01.240 --> 00:05:05.360 on the latest committee meeting. Up front. Lana, our imperious 81 00:05:05.399 --> 00:05:08.839 but sharp eyed director, monitored reports with the vigilance of 82 00:05:08.839 --> 00:05:13.120 a byzantine vizier guarding temple accounts. She lived for the 83 00:05:13.120 --> 00:05:18.560 flourishes of archival organization, bar coding, cross referencing, form filling, 84 00:05:19.199 --> 00:05:22.439 yet was known to stash chocolate behind the microfilm reader 85 00:05:22.720 --> 00:05:25.839 and laugh so hard at my old school stories that 86 00:05:25.920 --> 00:05:29.519 she had to take her glasses off. Every so often, 87 00:05:29.759 --> 00:05:33.600 we played host to mister Greenbaum, the town's unofficial oral 88 00:05:33.720 --> 00:05:37.240 historian and a font of trivia. He floated through with 89 00:05:37.279 --> 00:05:40.399 a fisherman's vest full of pens and tiny note pads, 90 00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:43.600 always looking for a footnote to correct or a forgotten 91 00:05:43.639 --> 00:05:47.439 photo to slip into our town album. Despite the many 92 00:05:47.480 --> 00:05:52.040 hands and eyes. Our basement, officially the archive stax. Unofficially 93 00:05:52.199 --> 00:05:56.000 the dungeon, was a place both remembered and neglected. Clock 94 00:05:56.079 --> 00:06:00.160 stopped at odd times, Fluorescent lights shivered, sometimes refusing to 95 00:06:00.199 --> 00:06:02.399 turn on at all, forcing us to work by the 96 00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:05.839 rose tinged glow of old reading lamps. Every footstep was 97 00:06:05.879 --> 00:06:09.639 cushioned by generations of dust. Over ancient linoleum. Where the 98 00:06:09.680 --> 00:06:12.560 farthest shelf met the outer wall, you could always catch 99 00:06:12.600 --> 00:06:15.920 the tang of wood smoke, or, on lucky days, rich cedar. 100 00:06:16.879 --> 00:06:21.040 The library itself is the town's Touchton Heritage Day, the 101 00:06:21.079 --> 00:06:24.240 only day we relieably outdraw the Bowling Alley sees nearly 102 00:06:24.279 --> 00:06:27.680 everyone show up in their best, bearing pies or scrap books, 103 00:06:27.720 --> 00:06:31.399 or mysterious objects found in attics, a carved whistle, a 104 00:06:31.439 --> 00:06:35.399 glass doorknob, even a first draft of the town's incorporation charter, 105 00:06:35.519 --> 00:06:38.800 once stained with cider. And every new book we add 106 00:06:38.879 --> 00:06:42.879 is logged, notated, and relabeled with an almost priestly thoroughness. 107 00:06:43.519 --> 00:06:47.519 Rogue volumes, then are rare. Any that appear are either 108 00:06:47.560 --> 00:06:51.519 quickly cataloged or if unclaimed or out of place, sent 109 00:06:51.560 --> 00:06:55.279 to the community lost and found shelf in the reading room, 110 00:06:55.480 --> 00:07:00.120 where people sometimes find more than keys or sunglasses. I 111 00:07:00.160 --> 00:07:03.480 suppose that's why those odd books unsettled me. They weren't 112 00:07:03.519 --> 00:07:07.199 in the system. Their spines didn't match anything tracked by Dewy. 113 00:07:07.680 --> 00:07:10.920 There were no donor forms, no property of stamps, no 114 00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:14.199 local authors that I recognized, not even the penciled in 115 00:07:14.319 --> 00:07:17.759 price marks from the countless book sales. And yet there 116 00:07:17.759 --> 00:07:21.079 they were, nestled tight among the ledgers, as if they'd 117 00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:27.040 always belonged. Every town has its ghosts, rumors, and untold stories. 118 00:07:27.560 --> 00:07:30.720 Some say our secrets are shelved behind glass under a 119 00:07:30.800 --> 00:07:35.399 hundred different number codes. But this this felt different, nudging 120 00:07:35.399 --> 00:07:38.879 at the edge of memory rather than history. A few 121 00:07:38.959 --> 00:07:42.439 days passed before the next real jolt. Megan arrived a 122 00:07:42.439 --> 00:07:46.319 little late that Saturday, sheepish, carrying a backpack and a 123 00:07:46.360 --> 00:07:49.639 book wrapped in a plastic bag. She waved me into 124 00:07:49.639 --> 00:07:52.759 the basement, away from Carroll, who was fussing over a 125 00:07:52.879 --> 00:07:57.279 jammed return slot. Miss Clare. This one was wedged between 126 00:07:57.319 --> 00:08:00.519 the pipes behind the old furnace. She said, I thought 127 00:08:00.519 --> 00:08:04.399 it was junk, but well you should look. She handed 128 00:08:04.439 --> 00:08:08.600 me another hand bound mystery, this one and ungainly rectangle, 129 00:08:08.839 --> 00:08:11.959 the color of tea stains with bits of gold foil 130 00:08:12.199 --> 00:08:14.319 and a waxy patch of what might have once been 131 00:08:14.360 --> 00:08:20.079 a book plate. Its title Lucinda's Ingenious Stage. The first 132 00:08:20.079 --> 00:08:22.920 few pages were written in a hand I almost recognized 133 00:08:23.160 --> 00:08:26.639 barrock loops, the kind only achieved by a ruler slapping 134 00:08:26.680 --> 00:08:30.120 elementary school teacher. But the phrasing was what snagged me. 135 00:08:30.920 --> 00:08:35.000 In spring, Lucinda finally said yes to the play. Orchestrating 136 00:08:35.039 --> 00:08:38.120 the costumes was beyond her, but with Clayre's help, the 137 00:08:38.159 --> 00:08:41.159 class made a stage with borrowed bed linens and old 138 00:08:41.240 --> 00:08:47.399 Christmas lights. Details followed, songs chosen, which children sang, the 139 00:08:47.440 --> 00:08:50.440 way the gym smelled of floor polish and cut grass. 140 00:08:50.799 --> 00:08:54.519 How Evan Talbot's voice cracked during the final refrain, How 141 00:08:54.519 --> 00:08:59.320 the principal cried at the curtain call all believable, stubbornly 142 00:08:59.399 --> 00:09:02.720 rooted in what one might expect of a nineteen seventy schoolhouse. 143 00:09:03.159 --> 00:09:07.240 Only I never said yes. The play never happened, but 144 00:09:07.320 --> 00:09:10.639 I could picture every scrap vividly, what color sheets we 145 00:09:10.720 --> 00:09:13.600 might have used, the light glinting on dust motes above 146 00:09:13.600 --> 00:09:17.960 the stage. The supporting cast included real names, mister Hernandez, 147 00:09:18.039 --> 00:09:21.559 the English teacher, Donna from the lunch staff, gossiping about 148 00:09:21.559 --> 00:09:25.480 the love of theater, down to the snacks served lemon bars. 149 00:09:25.600 --> 00:09:28.759 The recipe from the PTA newsletter copied in the margin 150 00:09:28.840 --> 00:09:32.840 in a small, practical hand, all real people, real recipes, 151 00:09:33.120 --> 00:09:37.240 yet fundamentally misplaced in my own memory. With a sense 152 00:09:37.279 --> 00:09:41.519 of half shameful fascination, I read further. The closing lines 153 00:09:41.600 --> 00:09:44.960 referenced the end of year assembly, when Claire found that 154 00:09:45.039 --> 00:09:48.240 old percussions set in the closet so Lucinda could add 155 00:09:48.320 --> 00:09:51.519 music to the play, and a victory photo pinned up 156 00:09:51.519 --> 00:09:54.720 in the principal's office, none of which I was sure 157 00:09:55.000 --> 00:10:00.440 ever occurred. Heart pounding, excited, not afraid, I home through 158 00:10:00.480 --> 00:10:04.519 the digital catalog on the old staff computer, searching every keyword, 159 00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:08.840 title and author. Nothing. None of these books existed in 160 00:10:08.879 --> 00:10:13.039 any database. I called up Lena, who materialized beside me 161 00:10:13.120 --> 00:10:16.879 with her ever present clipboard and an eyebrow arched in amusement. 162 00:10:17.919 --> 00:10:21.240 She read a page, then shook her head. Maybe someone 163 00:10:21.519 --> 00:10:24.519 es playing with us, like those painted stones that turn 164 00:10:24.639 --> 00:10:28.039 up on Main Street. Who would go to this much trouble, 165 00:10:28.200 --> 00:10:31.919 I asked, look at these details. The writing almost sounds 166 00:10:31.960 --> 00:10:34.360 like Lucinda could have written it herself if we'd had 167 00:10:34.399 --> 00:10:38.639 her over for Tea. Lena, whose religion is skepticism, joked, 168 00:10:39.000 --> 00:10:41.879 maybe this is a late gift from missus philpot back 169 00:10:41.879 --> 00:10:45.080 from the beyond. But she didn't really believe it, and 170 00:10:45.159 --> 00:10:49.279 neither did I. Nevertheless, once she left, she gave me 171 00:10:49.320 --> 00:10:52.840 a look, half mirthful, half frowning, the look she wore 172 00:10:52.879 --> 00:10:57.159 whenever some mystery threatened her vision of archival order. I 173 00:10:57.240 --> 00:11:00.240 slipped the book into my own bag that evening, telling 174 00:11:00.360 --> 00:11:04.320 myself I'd read with a fresh head at home. At dinner, 175 00:11:04.360 --> 00:11:07.639 my husband John, more charmed than troubled, read a page 176 00:11:07.720 --> 00:11:10.120 and said, you know, if you ever did put on 177 00:11:10.200 --> 00:11:14.000 that play, I'd believe it. You organized half the school calendar. 178 00:11:14.600 --> 00:11:17.399 He pointed out the truth, anyone who knew me could 179 00:11:17.399 --> 00:11:20.320 have invented a book like this as a nostalgia prank. 180 00:11:21.320 --> 00:11:25.320 But something gnawed. The details weren't generic. They were precise, 181 00:11:25.720 --> 00:11:28.960 covering things even I'd forgotten until I read them, the 182 00:11:29.000 --> 00:11:32.320 way the gym's window rattled, the old cane chair in 183 00:11:32.360 --> 00:11:35.679 the music room, little jokes I hadn't shared with anyone, 184 00:11:36.000 --> 00:11:40.360 simply because they felt small and private. That night, lying 185 00:11:40.399 --> 00:11:43.320 in bed, I flipped through the book again under the lamplight, 186 00:11:43.679 --> 00:11:47.559 tempted to believe in some elaborate hoax, but finding no anchors, 187 00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:53.000 no signature, no clue. The next week, curiosity won out. 188 00:11:53.600 --> 00:11:56.720 Meghan and I came early and began combing every cranny 189 00:11:56.759 --> 00:12:00.799 of the basement, section by section. Sometimes Garrel joined us, 190 00:12:01.039 --> 00:12:03.879 grumbling about time better spent on the new non fiction. 191 00:12:04.320 --> 00:12:07.279 But secretly, as hooked as we were, we found more 192 00:12:07.320 --> 00:12:10.840 odd volumes, each a different patchwork of binding and script, 193 00:12:11.240 --> 00:12:15.840 none cataloged by anyone in living memory. One chronicled Megan 194 00:12:15.879 --> 00:12:18.720 as a violinist, winning a scholarship at the county fair, 195 00:12:18.840 --> 00:12:21.559 playing a solo in the music tent. She gawked at 196 00:12:21.600 --> 00:12:25.799 the first page, then laughed, blushing. I always wished i'd learned, 197 00:12:25.960 --> 00:12:29.200 but Mom got me a clarinet instead. She trailed off, 198 00:12:29.320 --> 00:12:32.879 searching the margins, and frowned at a penciled line. Maybe 199 00:12:32.879 --> 00:12:37.320 next year, try again, em Another book put Lana behind 200 00:12:37.320 --> 00:12:40.200 a microphone at a grand one hundred twenty fifth Library 201 00:12:40.200 --> 00:12:43.879 anniversary ceremony, her name emblazoned on a program for a 202 00:12:43.919 --> 00:12:48.360 gala that never happened. Lana snorted, but a hand lingered 203 00:12:48.360 --> 00:12:50.919 on the page where someone had written to l R. 204 00:12:51.440 --> 00:12:56.840 For services noble and unnoticed. Mister Greenbaum's book The Return 205 00:12:56.879 --> 00:13:00.000 of Elia's described his father coming home from the water 206 00:13:00.039 --> 00:13:03.279 to reopen their family store. He shook his head and said, 207 00:13:03.679 --> 00:13:08.080 father never stayed. He wrote post cards, but never more. Still, 208 00:13:08.440 --> 00:13:12.679 it could have happened if only we compared notes. None 209 00:13:12.679 --> 00:13:16.399 of the described events was obvious fantasy. Every story could 210 00:13:16.440 --> 00:13:18.960 have been true if a handful of choices had gone 211 00:13:18.960 --> 00:13:23.799 another way. Some books were visions of plausible futures, for example, 212 00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:27.200 The Flood of twenty thirty four, a harrowing account of 213 00:13:27.240 --> 00:13:31.240 sand bags an impromptu shelter at the school featuring children 214 00:13:31.320 --> 00:13:35.799 not yet born. Meghan took the Violin book home that weekend, 215 00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:39.919 initially as a joke, but returned Monday with a tentative smile. 216 00:13:40.440 --> 00:13:43.720 The handwriting on the inside cover. She turned the book 217 00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:47.000 so I could see a tiny em Stewart scrawled in 218 00:13:47.039 --> 00:13:50.440 a slow cursive that, on reflection, almost matched a note 219 00:13:50.440 --> 00:13:54.399 Megan once jotted during inventory in the corner, a margin 220 00:13:54.480 --> 00:13:58.720 note in her own handwriting, be brave, you fool, I 221 00:13:58.799 --> 00:14:01.639 found oddities in the fissical make up. A book with 222 00:14:01.799 --> 00:14:07.080 nineteenth century marbled end papers pasted alongside pages obviously laser printed. 223 00:14:07.399 --> 00:14:11.039 Another with fragments of math homework transposed as fly leaves. 224 00:14:11.559 --> 00:14:14.840 Sometimes passages had faint erasures, as if some one had 225 00:14:14.879 --> 00:14:19.320 started a memory then changed their mind. Evans solo, is 226 00:14:19.360 --> 00:14:23.919 this what I wanted? Or try again to morrow. Carrol 227 00:14:23.960 --> 00:14:26.720 found a book about her late husband traveling cross country 228 00:14:26.759 --> 00:14:29.639 by train, something he'd only hinted at wishing to do 229 00:14:29.720 --> 00:14:33.000 in their courtship. Its margins were underlined with her own 230 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:37.279 favorite blue lines, like don't wait for another time, go now. 231 00:14:38.159 --> 00:14:40.440 When she asked her grown daughter if her father ever 232 00:14:40.480 --> 00:14:43.879 traveled out west, the answer was no. But he always 233 00:14:43.879 --> 00:14:47.440 had that far away look, didn't he, mam. When I 234 00:14:47.519 --> 00:14:50.919 showed my own unwritten book to John again, he pointed 235 00:14:50.919 --> 00:14:53.519 to a spot on a back fly leaf, a phrase 236 00:14:53.600 --> 00:14:56.159 scrawled in a wobbly script that echoed one of my 237 00:14:56.200 --> 00:15:00.600 habitual sayings, no book too small to mend. It gave 238 00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:03.480 me goose bumps. I'd said it all my teaching life, 239 00:15:03.720 --> 00:15:07.000 but never written it anywhere. And yet not all the 240 00:15:07.000 --> 00:15:10.600 books had the same voice. Some seemed decades old, pale, 241 00:15:10.679 --> 00:15:14.320 ink and brittle foxed paper, but referenced recent events or 242 00:15:14.360 --> 00:15:17.360 people who'd moved here only in the last few years. 243 00:15:17.759 --> 00:15:21.480 A handful were partly in German Polish, or slipped awkwardly 244 00:15:21.480 --> 00:15:24.360 into a code neither I nor any one else could read, 245 00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:28.440 sometimes even written in a hybrid, as though switching dialects. 246 00:15:28.519 --> 00:15:33.399 Mid thought the pattern was there, intimate, plausible, and shifting, 247 00:15:33.879 --> 00:15:36.879 a tapestry made not of truth or phantasy, but of 248 00:15:36.919 --> 00:15:40.399 the possible. I thought for a time that maybe these 249 00:15:40.440 --> 00:15:44.200 were some local writer's secret project. But how was that possible? 250 00:15:44.480 --> 00:15:47.159 And why would the stories match our inner wishes or 251 00:15:47.240 --> 00:15:52.039 half forgotten regrets. One Thursday, as winter's first sunlight cut 252 00:15:52.080 --> 00:15:55.159 across the reading room skylight, I found myself turning a 253 00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:58.559 battered volume over in my hands, thumb tracing a newly 254 00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:02.879 glued spine. The label was faded almost to obscurity. If 255 00:16:02.919 --> 00:16:07.159 I had stayed inside. The introduction was written in a precise, 256 00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:11.120 slanting hand for those who linger at the doorway, wondering 257 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:15.200 what if the door stayed open? A familiar name appeared 258 00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:18.440 on the next line, my own mother's best friend, who 259 00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:21.200 had left town for New York in nineteen fifty seven, 260 00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:25.440 and as far as anyone knew, never looked back. I 261 00:16:25.559 --> 00:16:29.559 rang her, feeling faintly ridiculous. Did you ever regret leaving? 262 00:16:29.840 --> 00:16:35.080 Did you ever wish? She laughed a touch wistful, before answering, oh, 263 00:16:35.240 --> 00:16:39.639 hundreds of times. But life's are River Clare, I'm content. Yet, 264 00:16:39.639 --> 00:16:42.519 she was charmed and sighed softly when I recounted the 265 00:16:42.519 --> 00:16:46.600 book's particulars the imagined year she ran the hardware store herself. 266 00:16:46.919 --> 00:16:49.399 The lyrics to a song she'd written in college but 267 00:16:49.480 --> 00:16:53.240 never performed sounds like something I would have done if, well, 268 00:16:53.639 --> 00:16:57.519 if if, The word echoed as I trailed the stacks 269 00:16:57.559 --> 00:17:01.080 once more, searching for some signature, hoping for a slip 270 00:17:01.120 --> 00:17:03.840 of paper or a lost note that would explain things. 271 00:17:04.359 --> 00:17:08.480 But nothing fit. The more I pressed, the more uncanny 272 00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:12.839 the anomaly became. The books were evasively intimate mirrors, showing 273 00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:15.640 not ourselves as we were, but ourselves as we might, 274 00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:18.559 with only a little nudge, have been, As if the 275 00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:22.880 library shelves had become a borderland for maybe's unclaimed futures, 276 00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:27.640 alternate yesterday's almost but not quite memories, bound and left 277 00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:31.279 for any one with the curiosity or courage to find them. 278 00:17:31.680 --> 00:17:35.640 Still my mind refused to settle. I convinced myself there 279 00:17:35.720 --> 00:17:40.000 must be a prosaic explanation, a creative writing project, run, 280 00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:44.119 a mock, an ambitious librarian, loss to retirement, boredom, a 281 00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:49.839 nostalgia fueled mischief. Then in early December, the puzzle splintered again. 282 00:17:50.839 --> 00:17:55.480 I had just finished re arranging the annual teacher recommendations display, 283 00:17:56.000 --> 00:18:00.559 complete with paper snowflakes carelessly stuck to author photos, when 284 00:18:00.559 --> 00:18:03.519 Meghan called me down to the basement with an urgency 285 00:18:03.559 --> 00:18:07.319 that bled through the floorboards. She stood by the heating 286 00:18:07.359 --> 00:18:10.240 pipes holding a pastel blue volume the size of a 287 00:18:10.279 --> 00:18:14.799 photo album, its cover stitched with thick yellow thread. Red 288 00:18:15.160 --> 00:18:20.480 Second act Missus Weatherley, inside a detailed diary chronicling the 289 00:18:20.519 --> 00:18:23.640 life of our old neighbor, Missus Weatherley, who'd retired from 290 00:18:23.640 --> 00:18:27.240 teaching decades ago, and, according to this book, gone on 291 00:18:27.400 --> 00:18:31.200 to manage the town's historic bed and breakfast, a dream. 292 00:18:31.279 --> 00:18:35.079 I remembered her voicing during coffee hours, but never pursuing. 293 00:18:36.119 --> 00:18:39.119 Flipping to the back, a single library slip fell out. 294 00:18:39.640 --> 00:18:42.839 It was yellowed with a nineteen seventy three date stamp 295 00:18:43.039 --> 00:18:46.480 and borrowed by Weatherley j M. In spidery blue ink. 296 00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:50.359 My heart hammered. We never used that slip style after 297 00:18:50.400 --> 00:18:55.319 the late nineteen sixties. Is that real? Meghan asked, eyebrows 298 00:18:55.400 --> 00:18:59.799 drawn tight. It can't be, I replied, but my voice 299 00:18:59.839 --> 00:19:03.799 did convince even me. The next week, I arranged a 300 00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:07.039 visit to missus Weatherley at the assisted living apartments on 301 00:19:07.119 --> 00:19:11.000 the edge of town. She answered the door, herself, fragile 302 00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:14.079 and plucky, her cloudy blue eyes as sharp as ever. 303 00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:17.559 When I handed her the book and explained its appearance, 304 00:19:17.880 --> 00:19:20.440 she pressed trembling fingers to her lips and read in 305 00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:23.200 silence for a long minute. It's as if someone was 306 00:19:23.240 --> 00:19:26.559 eavesdropping on my day dreams, she said softly. She wiped 307 00:19:26.559 --> 00:19:29.160 her eyes. I did long for it, but I never 308 00:19:29.240 --> 00:19:32.200 told any one. Not really. Some things just aren't meant. 309 00:19:32.480 --> 00:19:35.680 She thumbed a page. Even my late husband he used 310 00:19:35.680 --> 00:19:38.640 to say, why not try it, Mary, But I never did. 311 00:19:39.720 --> 00:19:42.759 She ran her hand along the book's edge. It feels 312 00:19:42.880 --> 00:19:45.200 right in some way. If I had run the bed 313 00:19:45.240 --> 00:19:48.680 and breakfast, I think this is how it would have gone. Here. Look, 314 00:19:49.000 --> 00:19:52.000 she pointed to a margin. Note Remember the blue china. 315 00:19:52.400 --> 00:19:54.720 They say it breaks, but I saved one for luck. 316 00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:58.240 She smiled. I had a little bowl like this in college. 317 00:19:58.599 --> 00:20:00.599 I broke it, you know, didn't tell tell a soul. 318 00:20:01.759 --> 00:20:04.519 We agreed, after a cup of weak tea, that maybe 319 00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:08.400 these books were kindnesses, a reflection of our private of Foneli's. 320 00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:11.880 But she looked at me hard, her hands squeezing mine. 321 00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:15.319 Don't tell me who wrote it, Claire, I'd rather not know. 322 00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:19.720 Some mysteries are gifts, not puzzles. I left with the 323 00:20:19.720 --> 00:20:23.400 book unsettled but warmed. I wondered aloud to Meghan and 324 00:20:23.480 --> 00:20:26.839 Lana had they ever seen anything like these before last month? 325 00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:30.880 Both stared at the ceiling. Lana replied, you know, I 326 00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:33.960 saw some odd volumes in that annex before. I thought 327 00:20:33.960 --> 00:20:37.359 it was just mistakes. They never lasted, gone by the 328 00:20:37.400 --> 00:20:41.960 next week. Maybe I wasn't looking closely enough, Meghan said, 329 00:20:42.359 --> 00:20:44.599 I feel like I found a blue notebook once with 330 00:20:44.680 --> 00:20:48.519 my name on it, but it disappeared. Maybe I was dreaming. 331 00:20:49.599 --> 00:20:52.160 Was it possible that these books slipped in and out 332 00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:55.519 of our world, with the seasons, fading when ignored and 333 00:20:55.599 --> 00:20:59.079 returning when some one was ready to find them. I 334 00:20:59.119 --> 00:21:00.839 had to let go of the idea that there was 335 00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:04.480 some secret author behind it all. This wasn't a single 336 00:21:04.559 --> 00:21:08.559 flash of inspiration, but an ongoing phenomenon that the library 337 00:21:08.599 --> 00:21:13.160 itself participated in, almost as if possibility seeped out whenever 338 00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:17.839 our attention wavered or hearts ached. That week, I resolved 339 00:21:17.880 --> 00:21:20.960 to try a test, something a bit reckless for my careful, 340 00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:25.640 retired librarian self. While shelving donated books with Carroll, I 341 00:21:25.720 --> 00:21:29.440 recognized a stitched title on the cart three summers passed, 342 00:21:29.799 --> 00:21:32.920 one of the unwritten books Meghan had declared she'd taken 343 00:21:33.000 --> 00:21:37.279 home and recycled, thoroughly embarrassed by its uncanny story of 344 00:21:37.319 --> 00:21:42.000 reconciliation with her mother after a parent teacher spat. Yet 345 00:21:42.000 --> 00:21:44.759 there it was, once again, with a fresh cover, now 346 00:21:44.839 --> 00:21:48.240 bounded in purple gingham and the title written in silver pen. 347 00:21:48.799 --> 00:21:54.000 I glanced at Carroll. Wasn't this just? Carrol shrugged, peering 348 00:21:54.039 --> 00:21:58.440 at the inside. Isn't that Megan's Mother's handwriting? She handed 349 00:21:58.480 --> 00:22:03.119 it off for closer inspection. Inside, the story described Meghan 350 00:22:03.160 --> 00:22:06.119 and her mother, after a terrible argument the previous month, 351 00:22:06.359 --> 00:22:08.599 sitting on the porch steps with a kettle of tea 352 00:22:08.839 --> 00:22:12.519 and slowly working through their differences, an event that hadn't happened, 353 00:22:12.680 --> 00:22:15.440 but which Meghan had mentioned with some bitness as a 354 00:22:15.480 --> 00:22:19.559 hope when recounting their last spat in the margins. Try 355 00:22:19.559 --> 00:22:23.000 the song you heard at Grandma's. She might remember. That 356 00:22:23.119 --> 00:22:25.279 was a line only Meghan, as far as I knew, 357 00:22:25.559 --> 00:22:29.200 had uttered. At a Wednesday lunch, Half joking, half wistful, 358 00:22:30.200 --> 00:22:33.880 I watched Meghan discover the book that Monday. Her cheeks flushed. 359 00:22:34.440 --> 00:22:37.160 What did you write this, she asked me, eyes narrow, 360 00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:42.000 almost angry. I told her no, it had simply, unmistakably reappeared. 361 00:22:43.039 --> 00:22:45.400 We went to Lena, who was working late that night 362 00:22:45.480 --> 00:22:48.559 and willing to humor me. She checked the security camera 363 00:22:48.640 --> 00:22:51.519 footage from the staff room, focusing on that shelf, hour 364 00:22:51.559 --> 00:22:54.880 by hour over the last week. Each night the corridor 365 00:22:54.920 --> 00:22:57.920 appeared empty. No one, not even a shadow, moved the 366 00:22:57.920 --> 00:23:00.000 book on to the shelf, and yet there it was 367 00:23:00.599 --> 00:23:04.640 arrived between two thirteen and two fourteen a m exactly 368 00:23:04.680 --> 00:23:08.119 when the camera suffered a sudden, five second blank glitch. 369 00:23:09.119 --> 00:23:12.359 The books are playing tricks, Lena said, trying to keep 370 00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:15.839 things light but failing to hide her amusement. Maybe we 371 00:23:15.920 --> 00:23:19.559 need to check for poltergeists. Then she shrugged, or it's 372 00:23:19.599 --> 00:23:24.480 faulty wiring and your story baking subconscious at work. Still, 373 00:23:24.640 --> 00:23:28.920 even Lena became invested. By midweek, I asked her, Carol 374 00:23:29.119 --> 00:23:31.680 and Megan to join for coffee in the staff lounge, 375 00:23:32.079 --> 00:23:35.400 along with mister Greenbaum, who wandered in half way through 376 00:23:35.480 --> 00:23:39.839 our speculative accounting. Described what we'd found, the way the 377 00:23:39.839 --> 00:23:43.960 books reappeared, the shifting stories, the haunting specificity of the details. 378 00:23:44.359 --> 00:23:48.200 Every one offered a perspective. Megan insisted, it's creepy, but 379 00:23:48.279 --> 00:23:50.839 I don't know, it's not scary. It feels like an 380 00:23:50.839 --> 00:23:55.319 invitation instead of a trick. Lana, half skeptical, half enchanted, 381 00:23:55.599 --> 00:23:58.960 posited a rotating writer's group or a secret legacy of 382 00:23:59.000 --> 00:24:02.440 former staffers, but trailed off when reminded that the handwriting, 383 00:24:02.599 --> 00:24:07.839 the materials, and even the margins were unmistakably personal. Carol, 384 00:24:07.880 --> 00:24:10.920 after some pastry and two cups of tea, confessed, you 385 00:24:10.960 --> 00:24:12.920 all think I'm losing it, but I took one of 386 00:24:12.920 --> 00:24:16.279 those books home once, a story about Byron, my husband 387 00:24:16.319 --> 00:24:18.599 and his brother. It had this bit where they make 388 00:24:18.680 --> 00:24:21.319 up after their big falling out and Byron bakes him 389 00:24:21.319 --> 00:24:25.039 his favorite cake. That never happened, but After reading, I 390 00:24:25.119 --> 00:24:27.440 called his brother for the first time in years to 391 00:24:27.559 --> 00:24:30.440 check in. Next time I peeked at the book, the 392 00:24:30.599 --> 00:24:34.559 ending had changed. They planned a trip together. Now I 393 00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:39.079 half expect to find the itinery in my mail, Greenbaum, 394 00:24:39.240 --> 00:24:43.440 hand to his chin, smiled. Sometimes a story finds its 395 00:24:43.440 --> 00:24:46.000 way to the shelf precisely when some one needs to 396 00:24:46.039 --> 00:24:49.960 read it. Maybe we're all secret writers, and the libraries 397 00:24:50.160 --> 00:24:54.279 just more alive than we notice. Meghan's face opened in 398 00:24:54.319 --> 00:24:57.759 a way I'd not seen before. I actually enrolled for 399 00:24:57.880 --> 00:25:01.039 music classes last week. I wouldn't have dared if not 400 00:25:01.079 --> 00:25:05.720 for that book. The conversation turned from confusion to quiet awe. 401 00:25:06.200 --> 00:25:09.200