Speaker 1: When your old career gives you lemons.
Speaker 2: Throwing some ice, mix in some vodka in color a
podcast from the Mac of All Trade Studio in Fairport
and driven by Victor Chrysler Dots Jeep Ram. It's Billified,
the Bill Moran Podcast.
Speaker 1: Hello and welcome. Thanks for getting your pot on. Thanks
for telling a friend. That's how we spread the word
about the pirate ship. Uh, this is a solo it's
just me. You may want to turn it off right now.
I don't know. I hope not. I'm gonna do these
once in a while, just me. I think, like once
a month, thoughts on different things. And if you ever
maybe I'm a fool even say this, but if you
ever have a topic that you'd like to hear my
thoughts on, I would be happy to do that on
these kind of episodes. But we're going to throw these
in every once in a while. Uh. You know, I've
had I've had a lot over the past couple of days,
and my head's been in many different places and you know,
kind of spinning around, right, you know, like all of us,
all kinds of things. But one of the things I see,
and there was a headline that recently grabbed me in it,
and I guess it was focused on Matthew McConaughey, and
it said sometimes the best thing to do is to
step away from a parent, right from your parents. I
think the actual headline is why breaking up with a
parent is sometimes the right choice. And it kind of
makes me sad and I and probably because I just
had yet one more memorial service for my dad that
I'd like to explain a little bit more than I
did on the on the previous episode, but you know,
it kind of brings everything sort of to light, and
I'm having a hard time being a parent myself. It's
fucking hard, man, It is fucking hard to be a parent.
I think it's harder today to be a parent than
it was when I ray, when I was part of
the raising. I guess I can say that of my
older two boys, who are in their early to mid
twenties right now, it's harder. There's more information that is
available to everybody in an instant and I think there's
also some of that shows you, like, hey to your parents.
I don't know what it is, but your parents do this,
tell them that blah blah blah. I have no idea
if that's in my head, but I think that it
just is harder now and I'm having a bit of
a tough time parenting my kid, and I'm trying to
do it in I hate the term gentle parenting, but
almost like I want you to know your heart. You're
a fifteen year old person. I want you to know
you heard, you're heard, and you matter, and whatever you
have will work in consideration, I'll give you one like
you see how I'm dressed today, It's kind of how
I wanted him to dress when we went to the
memorial service for my dad and he was upset, didn't
like it, thought it looked ridiculous, blah blah blah, and
maybe I made the wrong choice, but I said, Okay,
wear that, bring a shirt you would rather wear, and
after dinner on the boat you can change. And that's
what he did. I don't know if that's the right
thing to do or not, but it felt like somewhat
of a compromise. That way, you're heard, We got our thing.
I have no idea, and that's why I think all
this is kind of hitting me. And I think for
anybody who's a parent, it's tough. It's tough in today's
date age, and it used to be my way or
the highway, and that just doesn't seem to work anymore
because there's so much information available and so many different
influences on your kids that they know my way or
the highway is fucking old school and they're not you
know what I mean, They're not having any of it.
It is how I see it, So you know, I
try to more or less be a guide and don't
forget he is his mom and I separated when he
was nine, so there's obviously that would be traumatic, is
what I think. So well, going back to it, because
the memorial service was for my dad a lot of
times the only experience that we have being a parent
right there. You always hear people go there no manual
on how to be a parent. No, there's not, And
I think a lot of it has to come from
gut or what your parents did. And sometimes what your
parents did may not have been the best things, so
you know that doesn't work, or maybe it does work,
or maybe you do the exact opposite of your parents.
I certainly feel like some family members of eye of
mine do the opposite of what our parents did. However,
I will say this I don't think that any parent
is the same to each child. I think that you
parent each kid differently. You just do and and that's
a necessity at times. I think Laura, who's on the podcast,
said at best ones, she worries that her one son
feels like the other kid gets attention. She said, but
he needs it because of this. And she wrote him
a letter that she's going to give him later on
in life. And I go, boy, that to me is like,
that's great parenting, right because I can't explain it to
you now. You're not going to see it, you're not
going to understand it. But I want you to know.
I want you to always know, especially as you look
back on your life, that you were loved and supported.
And I think that's such an important thing to say.
And I say that now because my dad was. He
was a different cat man. He was just a different
dude in certain ways, certainly presented from his exterior, extremely
conservative suits, ties, the whole thing. One of the funniest
mofos I've ever been around in my life. I remember
being at Saint John Fisher College. He comes to visit,
stuffing beers in his socks and walking around and doing
all this and people just laughing and loving him and wanting,
you know, always excited when he would come visit me
at camp. He was just he was the life of
the party in a sense, and he had had this
very very serious side, but he didn't get sports and
he didn't get things. And you know, this past weekend
we had the memorial service, and the reason we did
was he was up in Maine and things transpired in Maine,
and he said, I would like to have a church service,
an open casket, and I want to be cremated. Then
I want when a couple months passed and the dust settles,
I'd like you to have a big party. And we
thought down in the Hudson Valley, where he spent majority
of his life, where he built the home we grew
up in, would be the best place to have it.
And there were a lot of coworkers that he had
and friends that he had, and friends of the family
that still live there or could get there much easier
than they could Maine. So we thought, okay, we'll do this,
and my sister did an amazing job putting this all together,
and it was a lovely weekend. It hit me harder
than it did when it happened in Maine, it hit
me a lot harder, and uh, I wanted to I
was going to tell this story. I was going to
tell this story because of course they have me kick
off the past the mic to tell stories about, you know,
our dad, and there were some wonderful ones, really really great.
So I start, and what I was going to say is,
I'm back at Saint John Fisher University working on a
master's in mental health counseling. I submitted my first paper,
a really simple thing, and I was going to call him,
and I realized, oh my gosh, I can't call him.
And those in the moments that when you see a
headline like the one I shared just a few minutes ago,
why breaking up with a parent is sometimes the right choice,
it just kind of hits me different. I'm not saying it.
If you feel like that's the best thing for you,
you got to do it is the best thing for
you in your life. But either way, so it just
kind of hits me different. And I was about to
tell that story, and I you know, we were on
the boat on the upper deck because it was sunset,
and we were watching the sunset as we did this,
and I look, and right in front of me is
my mother, who was married to my dad for thirty
almost thirty eight, thirty four, somewhere between thirty four, I
don't even know. I gotta think thirty eight years before
they separated. And I did call her after I submitted
my paper Fisher, but I didn't want to say I
don't know why. It was one of these things where
I'm like, I don't want to say I was going
to call my dad, or you were second best is
how I felt she would hear it. So I didn't
do that. But this all made me think a lot
about my parents. Right, You don't want to hurt one's feelings.
Sometimes you felt like you were walking on eggshells. They
are people too, they have feelings, they have stuff, and
as you parent yourself, you kind of draw back on
those memories. My own man, I would always think like,
he didn't understand radio, right, he didn't like that, he
didn't he didn't care for it, he didn't understand it.
So right there, you could kind of go, well, they
never supported me. No. What my dad had was a
love of knowledge, an absolute love of knowledge. Yes, he
went he was highly educated, but I think even if
he wasn't. He had a love of knowledge. He had
words that were just I mean, you would never hear
in your life ort the little bit of food on
your face, which, by the way, I'm hearing his offensive
now in some cultures, I don't know. I think there's
another word. Well, I won't get into it, but it
means too. I think it's lask or lasking or lasking
about adding urineto like the tanning of leatherns things or whatever.
The guy had a love of knowledge, the point being
that that was where his strong suit was. But he
allowed each of us to go find our own way.
We were never forced. It wasn't like why aren't you
going into the family business, not that there was one,
but like teaching, why don't you follow in the footsteps
of your parents? None of us really did, and I
guess the closest would be my sister, but nobody really did.
They all kind of went on their own, and you
were allowed to do that, which I thought was really
really wonderful when I look back. You were not forced
into doing anything. Now, my father didn't would tell me
all the time. When I hear a voice come on
the radio, I pushed the button like you could take
that and it could destroy your confidence or whatever. I
don't know why it didn't. Maybe I kind of knew
inherently that that wasn't That may be true for him,
but it wasn't like he wasn't supporting me. Don't forget
I played football. I look up in the stands he's
doing a crossword puzzle. He didn't get it, but he
was there. There was such love, and I do remember
like the last time I talked to him, and I
always wish I turned around and looked down the hallway
at him as he was there. I said, I love
you so much, and he said, there's so much love
from this end for you. And that was always true.
And I think sometimes we don't feel it. And I
think as the as the child, and I think sometimes
as the parent, we feel misunderstood and maybe we don't
communicate well. Do you see me. I'm starting to tear, uh,
And I think that it's really really hard. But whatever
you're doing as a parent, keep doing it. And if
you and your gut feel like you can do better,
or you should do better, or you should be more present,
then do that. You know exactly that all the answers
to pretty much everything in life is inside all of us.
We have a gut for a reason, and we know
you know what I mean. We just know if there's
anything in what I'm saying, it's go with your gut.
It's not your life, it's theirs. See the flaws in everybody,
you have them to we all do. I do, certainly Jesus,
and do the best you can. And when it all
is over, like it is for my dad at list
on this planet, I look back fondly and I hope
my guys do that, even though it's tough. And when
I think about it, I gave my old man a
run for his money, and not even with the funny
stuff like you know, fart powder and call call when
he burnt his hands like we and that that would
be mild compared to car wrecks and girlfriends and uh
speeding tickets and you know, uh drop mufflers on the
on the side of the highway where I need him
to come out and you know, figure out how the
fuck I'm going to get this wreck home. And like
he did it all. He did it all, and that's
the job of the parent. It is not easy. So
keep going and thank you for listening. This is brief
and uh, we'll be back with the longer one tomorrow
because you know, Danny's got thoughts on the Buffalo Bills.
And I got to tell you about my brother in
this metal musial day. It's changed my life. I know,
I know, I'm Bill Miram, will see you tomorrow. Woke
up in a hotel, didn't know what to do. I
turn a TV on, wrote a letter to you and
this stounding