Speaker 1: Made destange. Thanks Sonny sun On. I Haturdasion.
Speaker 2: Nice too.
Speaker 1: Rich. Hey, everybody, welcome to for crying out loud. This
feels weird, Caitlin, This is weird, right, It is not normal,
that's for sure. I don't think I've ever opened the show.
But poor Lynette Corolla is in the hospital as we speak,
hopefully not bleeding anymore. But she just had some surgery,
which she'll tell you about when she gets back. So
she's recovering. And I'm the Lynette today. And guess who's
the me who Robin was in Ski? It's me, or
as Lynette would say, Robin. Guess who Robin? Robin? Why
do you think Lynette hates you so much?
Speaker 2: It's I mean, I think there's a little jealousy there,
and I don't it's kind of weird to say that
on her podcast, you know, that probably is what it
comes down to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Lynette is a pretty what do you think, Kaylin,
that's a good that's a good word for it. Some
fear maybe one day she might take her spot a
little vindictive, Maybe she's a pretty angry person. Those are
all words that would never in a million years just gribe.
I knownetete. Lynette is amazing and uh, oh my god,
she's amazing. I'm really excited to have you on the podcast.
You're my friend. We've been spending a lot of time together.
We have we have a lot to talk about. Hi guys. Yeah,
they're all awesome, all right. So you know, I had
a good Christmas leading up to this week's podcast. Lynnette
and I were have to fake that it was after Christmas.
Speaker 2: I know, that was kind of funny, and yeah, I
kept thinking like, well when was this because I obviously
had talked to you in between, and I kept waiting
to hear stories, but they hadn't actually happened yet.
Speaker 1: So right, It's a little bit confused because oftentimes I
tell you stuff and then I, huh, should I say
this on the podcast? Yeah? Seven, everything, everything right? I
knew you as you know. I'll tell you a story
and then I have to retell it on the podcast,
and sometimes stuff has to sound more dramatic.
Speaker 2: Than maybe maybe you embellish a little bit, but are
you calling me a liar?
Speaker 1: Maybe logical. So I told the audience on the relitant
page that you were going to be my guest, and
people had a lot of questions for you. Well, first
of all, I was just going to say, had a
great Christmas. It was really fun. How was your Christmas?
Arts was awesome.
Speaker 2: It's very low key but nice, and my family is
soupero so we had fun. And then I just celebrated
my twenty fifth wedding anniversary, so yeah, that was really nice.
We went spent the night at the Langham and just
kind of lived in the lap of luxury for twenty
four hours.
Speaker 1: Now that sounds really fun. But after twenty five years,
is there any spark left?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, did you feel This was my
question that I didn't ask you actually over the phone,
And I know Wade will be listening, but I don't care.
I've warned to him.
Speaker 2: It's like, I know you're going to listen and I'm
probably going to talk some shit about you, so just
be worn.
Speaker 1: He's like, that's fine, okay, So did you feel like which,
because I know I would feel this way knowing that
you're going away to a hotel, I can't imagine that.
You're like, yes, I can't wait to have sex because
you know you're married for a long time. You can
have it anytime you want. So did you feel like
a little bit of extra pressure, like, Okay, for sure
we're gonna be getting down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not pressure, but it is kind of weird when
you actually know it's going to be happening. Yeah, but
he set the stage just it was really lovely. And
I usually don't use so when I call something special,
I'm usually being sarcastic that it was actually really special
because I told you about when we first got to
the hotel room. He hands me this letter that he's written.
I thought, oh shit, I didn't I posted on Facebook
like that's that's like normal people.
Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 2: And inside of the letter drops out this little plastic
pouch that he's kept two letters from me that I
wrote him when we first started dating, that had been
in his wallet for twenty five years.
Speaker 1: And did you have any idea?
Speaker 2: I knew he kept those letters and we would occasionally
read them together, and they were just, I mean, we
were so raw and just we were.
Speaker 1: So in love.
Speaker 2: And so his letter to me about that was that
he thought, after twenty five years he would have to
pull those out to remind himself what he loved about me,
or what we loved about each other, to get back
to a place because we were angry or fighting, and
I just wept reading this letter because he was really
saying he's never had to do that, and it's been
this twenty five years where you know, it ebbs and
flows and that doesn't any relationship, but the connection is
always there. And it was just it was such a
great way to start our night that I mean, like
I actually wanted to have sex. Really, yeah, can you
believe it? So that's so sweet?
Speaker 1: It was. It was awesome. I think every couple needs that, right,
You need like to get away, You.
Speaker 2: Need to get away, and it it's some more fun
going out and going to the movies and we went
shopping and we drank and not going home makes it
a treat, right, you know. Right, it was great, So reconnect,
that's that's yeah.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I think that people put this pressure on
themselves to have date night and then they're disappoined when
date night doesn't work. But oftentimes it's difficult, I think,
to really let go of your life. Just you know, Okay,
you ran out to a movie and had some sushi,
but you're paying the babysitter, you know, especially people with
younger kids, you're like, okay, you know, yes, the babysitter's there,
but they're waiting to go home, and you know, maybe
you might get a text from them like hey, how
late are you guys going to be here? You know. Yeah,
there's like that extra pressure.
Speaker 2: And I mean we obviously didn't have that because our
kid is seventeen now and he's pretty self sufficient. But
what we've started doing because we don't have a kid
that we have to get a babysitter for it. But
we're both kind of realizing that he's not going to
be around much longer. He goes to college next year
and that's where all your focus is. So we've realized
we need to figure out how to be with each
other again, and silly things like now we run errands
together like things we used to do separately.
Speaker 1: He'll be like, do you want to go to Costco
with me? Yeah? And we spend two hours.
Speaker 2: Yeah, isn't that bizarre? And it's actually kind of fun.
I got a hot talg at Costco. I got a
dollar fifty lunch on.
Speaker 1: But did you get sex trafficked?
Speaker 2: Well barely, Well it wasn't at Target, Stephanie said Costco.
Speaker 1: Well, I think that's nice, although I think it's a
little weird to spend that much time together. It's not
that much time. It's well because he works full time.
He got a house. Yeah, yeah, okay, I can totally
see that.
Speaker 3: Let's say hi to our peeps. I'm doing it this week.
Stephanie's out. Let's say I had a dick. He's still frolicking,
and Kelly is Stu still ooh lah lying, and Katie
Murphy is rolling on E and Nikky still calling her girls.
Elizabeth Williamson, we love all your kids. Rita Bassiette, you
know they are all her kids are in your Basiete.
Polly Butterfields, We love your pancakes. Valerie Bubba Fenwick hits
it out of the park, Katerina Girl, check those Molers. Gabrielle,
Gabrie and Missy. Gabrielle says I'm here, Gabrielle Fonseka and
Missy Schaeffer, Gaby and Missy those bitches. E Shan voshpe
that hot ass. Rebecca Lubin, You're so cute. Kelly Brandt,
We love you. You take us anywhere. Alicia Escalante, Leslie
stop with the coughing, Aaron Sanchez, Jennifer falls, get up, Sandra,
it's not even easy being green. Athena get insured, we
love your makeup, Stephanie's a stinker rinker, and Ashley is
so chic.
Speaker 1: Okay, you know what I was just thinking when you
were saying this is that Isn't it funny that every
stage of having kids is a stage where it's hard
on marriage. Really, they should just say having kids is
hard because they say a lot of couples break up
in the first year, right, because the you start getting fights, right, Kaylin,
you with me on this. Uh, yeah, I've heard that before.
It's yeah, it's hard that first year. Now you're Kayln,
your situation having a baby is different than a lot
of people's situations. Correct, But you can get very into
you know, women can get extremely overwhelmed with the breastfeeding
and you know, the just the incredible responsibility that comes
with being a new parent, especially your first one. But
then when you add another one in then that creates
double the pressure. You two wouldn't know about that right now.
But yeah, I mean, you're pregnant. But it's a big anouncement.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not really in fifty four.
Speaker 1: So I guess there's this. I guess there is sort
of a. I don't know if it's a honeymoon period,
but I guess when your kids are young. But then
when your kids get older and then you've been putting
all your attention into having into your kids, and then
your kid leaves, I think a lot of people go, oh, well,
I don't have anything to talk to this househole about exactly.
Speaker 2: It's true, though, I mean that's what I always get
kind of scared of because I saw my parents went
through that, you know where. I think they struggled when
all of us became adults, but then really chose to
reconnect and like they almost had to recreate their life
together because they had four kids and we were all
close together.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, it's you just you just do it. Yeah.
I think sometimes that, you know, the having a baby.
You and I talked about this the other day. Having
a baby is so hard that you think, like, this
is the hardest thing I've ever done. I want the
baby phase for me. I know some people love having
a baby, no shade, I mean, you're weird. But I
wanted that part to be over. I wanted to have
a child. I liked being a mother, but I wanted
then I didn't like the incredible twenty four to seven.
I have a barnacle attached to me responsibility. But now
that that's past, and now my twins are twelve and
I'll be's fifteen, of course, I'm I'm there's a part
of me. I don't wish back the babyface, but I
wish there was more time in front of me.
Speaker 2: Yes, I can understand that, but there is nothing I
miss about the baby face.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: No, it was exceptionally hard though, And I mean so
many people asked about that. Yeah, let's talk about it Facebook. Yeah, like, well,
how did I know something?
Speaker 1: So your son Jack is seventeen now and he has autism.
Speaker 2: Yes, autism, and he was diagnosed at twenty months, so
he was little.
Speaker 1: So take us back to the to the it was different.
You told me that it was different from the start,
from the very beginning.
Speaker 2: I would say, like I started having legitimate concerns when
he was like six weeks old, six week uh huh, because.
Speaker 1: He wouldn't look at me.
Speaker 2: He would actively turn his head away from me, and
every milestone was missed, Like he didn't smile, he didn't point,
he didn't he was almost like.
Speaker 1: Hypnotized.
Speaker 2: You know, if we went on a walk, he would
just stare straight ahead when he was in the stroller,
and I used to call him my far away boy
because that's what he would always just sort of be
looking away and not at anything. And aside from that,
and I would say the first eight months, if he
wasn't eating or sleeping, he was crying and he was
so unhappy. And I remember notice saying that when he
would wake up from a nap he would be happy
like he The only pictures I have of him smiling
as a baby were because I waited for him to
wake up to take a picture, and this was pre
cell phone, so like I had to be ready with
a real camera. And then within two minutes his little
body would start squirming and he'd start crying. And I
realized now the world would just overwhelm him, the sound
and the light, and it was too much for him
because he couldn't filter it out.
Speaker 1: So at eighteen months, so when he was really young,
did you feel like, maybe it's me, Maybe I just
don't have experience. I could be wrong, maybe I'm just
being paranoid. Like did people around you when you would
express concerns like to Wade, would people be like I'm
sure he's fine.
Speaker 2: Yes, they would try to reassure me, but I knew
that I because I'm just not a neurotic person, and
so I knew I was seeing stuff.
Speaker 1: But every bring it up to the pediatrician.
Speaker 2: I did, and I would never use the word autism,
but I would always tell him what I saw was
going on. And it actually really pisses me off when
I think back on it, because he would say things like, oh,
you know, boys are aloof and that's how my oldest
son was, and there were really and this is a doctor,
this is a pediatrician.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so by and I.
Speaker 2: Would google all the time, and I had like these
little rules for myself. So I would sit down and
I would never type in the word autism, like that
was my rule. But I would type in what I
saw going on, like no eye contact, doesn't smile, no words,
and then of course the search result would be.
Speaker 1: Autism, autism, autism.
Speaker 2: And so at eighteen months, I told Wade, you know,
I want you to go to the next appointment with
me because I'm going to get a referral and I
want you to be there with me. And he was like,
at that point he knew something was going on too,
So he didn't fight me at all. He was just
like okay. And he had been saying like, I think
you worried too much. You know, he's just a baby.
And you know, within days of getting the referral and
having the appointment, he was diagnosed.
Speaker 1: So it was really really obvious. Wait, so you got
the referral in the appointment and then he went on
the appointment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So the appointment involved an interview with us, and
then she the doctor, observed Jack and he had no language,
so there was like no speech assessment. But I remember
in the interview it was so weird. Wade was still
kind of in denial, I guess, even though we didn't
have a diagnosis yet. But she would say things like
does he ever ask for milk? And I'd say no,
and Wade would have to back it up with, well,
we haven't taught him to We didn't teach him to
ask for milk, And I get but he wasn't talking. Oh,
he wasn't talking. But also I'm like, you don't have
to teach somebody how to ask for something that's acquired.
Speaker 1: Language is acquired.
Speaker 2: You know, you're not giving babies language lessons, right, so
he would sort of try to explain away everything the
pediatrician would ask about, and I just sat there thanking God,
I'm the only one who knows what's happening, you know,
and I just it was like this dread waiting for it.
Speaker 1: But it was a relief. And did it happen that day?
Speaker 2: No, of course not. You have to wait and suffer.
It was probably a week later and they called you
back in. Yeah, you go back for another appointment and
sit there and wait while they like read through.
Speaker 1: All these reports, and I'm just like, just tell me.
Speaker 2: And of course then she tells us he has autism
and I cried.
Speaker 1: And how did she say it? God? I mean, did
you already feel that was coming from everything she was
saying in the report? Yeah? Like were they like, okay,
so we noticed that this, this this m hmm, yeah,
like talking about the difference is it? Were there like
criteria that had to be checked off? Were they like
and then we noticed this and this fits into or
I just don't remember that right. That day is kind
of a blur.
Speaker 2: And I think she got to the diagnosis pretty quick
because she knows you're sitting there with your stomach and knots,
but she just said, we are, you know, quite certain
that Jack has autism? And I say okay, and I
the first question I asked her was can you tell
me why? And you know, why does he how did
he get this? And well, no, we don't know. I said,
is it something I did? And that's my first h
and of course she was able to say, no, this
is a neurological disorder, and so that was it was
because you asked, did I think it was in my
mother or with him? But ultimately I guess I did.
And I needed to hear that it wasn't my fault
that this was happening. And I remember on the drive
home because it happened in Pasadena. Our doctor was in Pasadena.
We're driving back to the valley and Wade said, you know,
you need to remember that we're going home to the
same kid that we left two hours ago, right, Like,
the only thing that's changed is information and now we
can get help, which is true. It was like liberating
in a way because I had so many little secrets
and lies and tricks and excuses for what was happening.
Speaker 3: So hey, guys, let's talk about mixed tiles. Mixed tiles
is really cool. I discovered them a long time ago
before they were our sponsors. They are appeal and stick
photos that seamlessly attached to any wall without leaving any
damage using magnets. They can be adjusted and restuck multiple times,
but simply upload photos from your phone, design your tiles
and choose from various sizes and styles by making the
creation of photo walls that easy, It's really cool, especially
if you're a renter and you don't want to dig,
you know, make holes in the wall. These are really
perfect for that. I love them. I've tried it before.
It's really simple. Their quality is highlight the top notch
frames and picture quality of mixed tiles. You share the
experience with the exceptional material and image quality of mixed tiles,
and how they can bring out the best in your photos.
It's really cool. It's practical. If you're a busy mom,
it's easy. You don't have to hang stuff. Mixed tile
offers more than just decor. They bring comfort, nostalgia, and
a sense of connection. So turn your favorite memories into
stunning affordable wal art. For a limited time, our listeners
get thirty five percent off on all orders above one
hundred and thirty nine bucks. Just head to mixed dot com,
use the code FCLL and you're all set. That's code
f COL at mixtiles dot com. And after you buy,
do us a favor. When they ask where you heard
about Mixed tiles, tell them it was from our show.
Hey guys, let's tell you about one of our new
sponsors called the Skylight Calendar. It's a calendar that helps
keep your family organized. It's beautifully designed. It's a digital
display that syncs with your existing calendars, makes it effortless
to track events, appointments, and reminders in one.
Speaker 1: Easy to see place.
Speaker 3: So I got one in the mail, and it's a
Wi Fi connected digital display that showcases your family schedule
with clarity, color and brilliance and either a ten or
a fifteen inch HD touchscreen. It's all in one smart calendar.
It sinks seaminglessly with your Google Calendar, your Apple Calendar outlook,
and more, giving you the customizable views for daily, weekly,
or monthly planning. So right now, Skylight is offering our
listeners thirty dollars off their fifteen inch calendars by going
to Skylight cal dot com slash fc ol go to
skylightcl dot com slash f c o L for thirty
dollars off your fifteen inch calendar. That's s k y
l I g h T c a L dot com
slash fco L.
Speaker 1: So we're I have this question about autism. So there
are I mean, obviously there's a spectrum, but is there
any way that they can they can tell you at
the beginning, like we think he's going to be able
to do that. You know, he's going to be fine,
He's going to have language. It's just going to be late.
Like cause I know some people who have children with
autism that never speak and never can ever be on
their own. I mean, did you have that fear like
what course? Yeah, is my kid going to be nonverbal
not potty trained at eighteen? Yeah? And I mean right,
there's no way to tell.
Speaker 2: And because he had no language when he got diagnosed,
of course, that was my biggest fear.
Speaker 1: Will he ever talk?
Speaker 2: And it's the scariest part of it is the uncertainty
because you have no idea where it's going and what's
going to happen. And so I always you know, because
at the time he was diagnosed, everyone was talking about
the diet the diet, you know, gluten free, caseine free,
and that's the first thing I wanted to try. And
our doctor said, you know what, let's introduce one variable
at a time. She said, start with therapy and then
if you aren't satisfied with the progress, then introduce the diet.
Like do it scientifically, so if you're seeing progress, at
least you know what to attribute it.
Speaker 1: Okay, I bet you. The doctors see a lot of
people that are just like, throw everything. All you want
to do is try stuff, right.
Speaker 2: And she was a big four time advocate, which is
a play based therapy, and Jack was so little, that's all.
Speaker 1: It made so much sense.
Speaker 2: So we always did full time and speech and OT
and physical therapy and feeding therapy. I mean, we had
every therapy under the sun.
Speaker 1: So you know, that's it's speaking as someone who had
a kid who had full time seven days a week.
You know, therapy, that's it's a lot. It is on
your on your stress, it is.
Speaker 2: But at the same time, it was it was a
place to go, you know, with this kid that I
really didn't know how to make happy. It was actually
a relief to be able to go to therapy right right,
because there was someone to help me and.
Speaker 1: Tell me about the first bit of progress you saw.
Speaker 2: It was in ot in occupational therapy. He really liked
the little swing.
Speaker 1: I remember.
Speaker 2: Brianna was our physical or occupational therapist. She was amazing
and so every time she'd pull him up in the
swing and say.
Speaker 1: Ready, set go.
Speaker 2: And probably I don't know how many weeks it was
into it, but she would pull the swing up and
say ready, and Jack would say set and set was
his first word.
Speaker 1: Oh really it was? And were you there when it happened.
I'm not the first time, but she called me in
to show me. They videotaped it. No, but oh did
she have him do it again? You know? Did you cry?
Of course? Oh my god, yes I wept. Did you
know as soon as he said a word, were you like, okay,
then he's going to talk? No, because aren't kids who
have our kids? I mean, I'm showing my ignorance right now.
I don't know that much about it. So kids that
are nonverbal, are they truly nonverbal? Or are there kids
that have a couple words?
Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean the communication can look really different.
Some kids are verbal, but they're always scripting, meaning they're
repeating something they've heard or seen, or kids who have utterances,
so they're asking for things, but maybe in one or
two words and there's not a back and forth.
Speaker 1: Some kids become conversational.
Speaker 2: It's it's such a crapshoot, you just don't know.
Speaker 1: And some kids have a.
Speaker 2: Praxia where it's physically the brain isn't communicating with the
muscles of the mouth to form words, and you just
don't know until you start therapy and start walking through
the process.
Speaker 1: Okay, so what was your therapy called. I've heard of
this ABA? Is that what it's called? We didn't do aba?
Speaker 2: Okay? So what is a b ABA? Is a PI
behavioral analysis?
Speaker 1: Okay, what is that? And it basically means tell me
everything happened. Okay, let me just dig in.
Speaker 2: It's sort of regimented where they're teaching one skill at
a time, and it's so maybe they're teaching the kid
the colors, and so if they're learning the colors, they're
sitting across from the therapist, and if you say point
to orange and the kid points to orange, they get
some sort of reward. It's sort of a token economy
and a reward system. So they're getting some sort of
feedback for learning the skills, and it's like training a
pet a little bit, I mean, because that works, you know,
positive reinforcement works. Jack I felt was too young for
that because he wasn't even too he got diagnosed. And
four time is based on the notion that to attain
cognitive skills, you have to reach emotional milestones. It's about connecting.
And once a kid can connect, then they sort of
see the value in communicating, and it just it made
more sense for Jack. But it kind of depends on,
first of all, what's being offered to you as services. Right,
Although anybody in California with a young kid, you don't
have to do a BA. They'll tell you that's what
you have to do. But you can find clinics that
still do flour time.
Speaker 1: So that's what your therapy was called floor time four
time and it didn't have to trans transition into ABA.
You could do floor time and that could just Yeah,
what's it called then when your kid gets a little
older and even like playing on the floor.
Speaker 2: Oh God, that's such a good question, because there is
a word for it, and I can't remember what it
is because it does transition into something kind of different.
Speaker 1: But Jack got I don't want to use the word
got better, but he started. He made once he started
offoking our.
Speaker 2: Progress, he made it quickly and his language really developed.
Speaker 1: Did he go to normal preschool?
Speaker 2: He went to a special at preschool he went to
They called it a preschool mix, so it was mixed disabilities.
And I really fought that in the beginning until I
realized I wanted him to go to a regular preschool
for me and not for him.
Speaker 1: It's you have to check, like.
Speaker 2: Your ego at the door, because you have all these
visions of what you thought having a kid was going
to be like. And then it's you have to reevaluate.
Because we visited preschools and I there was one that
was mostly typical kids and then five kids with IEPs,
and I thought, well, that's what I want him to
go to. And then we visited and it's like, oh,
he would be lost in here. He could not be
among twenty five kids and get what he needs. And
then we visited the preschool mix and there were like
seven or eight kids and when we walked in, they
were all sitting around at kidney table, you know, like
the half circle table. They're drinking apple juice out of
Dixie cups. And I stood there thinking, oh my god,
Jack will never do that. The idea of him sitting
somewhere for one and drinking out of an open cup,
It's like, are you fucking insane? It's like, it's not
going to happen. And of course, within a week of
being in that class, it was happening.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 2: And it's just even it's so funny because I'm a teacher,
so I know stuff happens at school that doesn't get
learned at home, right, But it still surprised me every
time he came home with a new skill, and.
Speaker 1: So then it just kept progressing. I remember, just to
identify with you that when Sadie was really little and
she was not hitting milestones and she was behind Xander,
I just remember that with that comparing it that with Lbie.
There was so much competition among moms of just like
I remember feeling like, what other kids are walking, Elbie's
not walking yet, you know when's elbe gonna walk? And
just getting caught up in that. And by the time
I had Sadie, who was not doing anything at any
time close to when and having all this therapy, I
remember just getting so mad at the whole concept of
competing and whose kid is doing what when? And I
remember thinking this has nothing to do with parenting. This
is and I want to get off of this carousel
and just live my life with my kid. And then
I remember just having smart ass responses when people would
ask if you know, I think I talked about this
where people would say like, oh, is she walking? And
I would say no, but she reads at a second
grade level. I never tell that on the podcast that
people ghost what because that's how people are. They really
believe they don't they can't take any kind of dry
humor for sarc. Yeah, that's a hard carousel to hollow off.
Your kid is reading Oh wait, hold on, what where
are you doing Kuman? Yeah? Suzuki Method. She's seventeen months
we're doing Kuman Yeah. But I mean, I know it's
an adjustment to just go My kid is unique and
on their own path, and I have to like, well
celebrate that. It's really hard to get to that though.
Speaker 2: I mean, you have to surround yourself with people who
are there with you. And I don't even mean other
autism moms, but friends who don't give a shit what
milestone's your kid is meeting, right, It's because one of
the moms on the page said, like, I'm a single mom,
I have two kids on the spectrum?
Speaker 1: What do I do?
Speaker 2: And I mean, my first piece of advice is to
find people you can just hang out with with your kids,
who aren't going to judge your kids, who aren't going
to care if you have to leave.
Speaker 1: He really, I mean, I can't tell you how.
Speaker 2: Many places I had to leave because Jack was tantruming
or just not I wasn't jiving with what was going on,
and you have to find those people, like if your
kids in therapy, go wait in the waiting room and
meet moms in the waiting room and meet connections because
you I mean, that was my survival, was finding other
moms and also old friends who had kids at the
same time, who just accepted who Jack was.
Speaker 1: And I also want to talk about the autism moms.
So I was so interested in your story about because
you would think, you, okay, you think when something's going
on with your kid, right, like let's say Sadie was
small for gestational age, So you think I'm going to
hook up in a Facebook group with other parents who
have kids who are small for gestational age, but you
realize within any group, not ever, but he's normal. Oh
Like there's crazy factions of everything that's going on with kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, okay. That actually is a really interesting point
you bring up. First of all, when Jack was diagnosed,
it was before social media that it didn't exist yet,
so you couldn't connect in that way.
Speaker 1: H huh.
Speaker 2: But my neighbor, I remember, right after he was diagnosed,
gave me this pamphlet for a conference to go to him. Like, yes, okay,
I get to meet at the parents and.
Speaker 1: You're thinking, it's going to be an oasis of the desert.
Speaker 2: God what I've been dealing with, an ocean of support.
So I go and it was I mean, I didn't
know anything about like that. They're kind of different factions
in the autism world. Yeah, tell us what those are.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: So the one I'm thinking is a lot of people
take a real biomedical approach, and that's what this conference
ended up being. So that's a lot of inventions. Like oh,
I'm trying to think of one of the more extreme
things that people tell So tell me what happened, okay, okay, Okay,
So I go to this conference, and we're at lunch
and I don't know anybody. I went by myself and
so I sort of invited.
Speaker 1: So was your neighbor Did she have a kid with autism? No,
not at all.
Speaker 2: I think she must have gotten it randomly in the
mail or something.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: She was like, oh, Robin, exactly, Robin would be interested
in this.
Speaker 1: And she's like, my kid's totally normal, but you like this.
I have three typical kids, but this might help your child.
That's how I would take everything, just the wrong way,
would you. I'd be like, oh, is the reason why
you didn't come and ask me to buy a candy bar?
Because my kid has autos? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Wow, I felt that that's personal. I chose to take
everything personally. It was really healthy. So I sit down
at lunch with this group of parents, and I don't
want to offend anybody that's listening.
Speaker 1: That does matter what Okay, Okay, it doesn't matter, So
fuck y'all. For just a preface. Before I sat down
for lunch, one.
Speaker 2: Of the breakout sessions I went to. The whole thing
was about EPSOM salt baths, okay, and to give them
every night to leach out the toxins.
Speaker 1: I'm smiling because I know I know this story and
I can't wait.
Speaker 2: It's so good, and I mean I'm taking mad manic
notes like, oh my god, Okay, all right, I can
do that.
Speaker 1: I can do an salt bath. And is the Ebsence
salt bath for you or for the kids? For the child? Yes,
then you take one after to relax. Thank you for
clarifying that. Yes, So, like the reason your kid has
autism is because you need to.
Speaker 2: Relax, you need to chill. They're just picking up on
your stress. I'm actually thinking, though, now that I'm talking
about this, I should start like EPs and salt bath bombs.
Ooh maybe okay take a note. Yeah, I'm all right, so.
Speaker 1: And market them to the autism. Yeah. Absolutely, I can
set up a vendor table. We're always thinking, we are
always trying to monetize, monetize that autism monetism. I'm okay.
Speaker 2: So I go to lunch, right, and it's at the hotel,
and I sit down with a big table of other
parents and they were all.
Speaker 1: So far you're not tipped off too, You're like, okay,
I'm getting some valuable information or are you at all
thinking like a little of both, like.
Speaker 2: I'm getting information, I'm willing to try, but kind of
getting the vibe that like, I don't think this is
my jam, you.
Speaker 1: Know, okay, but you're not sure why yet. Yeah it's
but it's kind of stirring.
Speaker 2: I mean, you're exploring all options when your kid is
first diagnosed. And so I sit down at lunch and
all the parents are talking about vaccines and that their child,
that their child got autism from the vaccines. And I'm
not even saying that doesn't happen. I know kids who
have vaccine injuries, and but I'm really not a part
of that camp. And I said to them, you know,
I actually know that my child didn't get it from
the vaccines, because I knew he had autism before he
even got vaccines. I was seeing signs at a very
early age. And I kind of announced this to this
table right twelve people not knowing, and they all I mean,
it's like a movie. They sort of all turned and
stared at me, like confusedly. And one of the dad says,
do you have a lot of amalgams? And I'm like,
a lot of what is fillings? Do you have a
lot of fillings? And it just hit me, Holy fuck,
he's blaming the mercury in my fillings or my kid
having autism, And okay, I need to find a different
conference to go to. So that was just sort of
my first introduction to like that.
Speaker 1: But I love your response to it too. You didn't
even just go, I need to go.
Speaker 2: We were like no, no, of course, like, I mean, yeah,
I know.
Speaker 1: Thinks, No, I do. I have a lot of.
Speaker 2: Them, but I mean, I guess I've never considered that.
That's really interesting. I mean, and inside I'm just saying,
are you fucking kidding me?
Speaker 3: Laundry Sauce isn't just about smelling incredible, It's engineered for performance. Now,
we got our own samples in the mail, Stephanie and I,
and we got the Bergamont laundry detergent pods from Laundry Sauce,
and they we are obsessed. The smell is fricking delicious.
And Stephanie is actually bumped because she wanted to do
the ad today because she really was like graving over it.
And then I got it and I love it. And
so ninety percent of customers now enjoy laundry Day because
of Laundry Sauce you can turn your least favorite shore
into a moment of luxury. Laundry Sauce isn't just about
premium laundry pods. It's a full upgrade for your laundry routine.
With their fabric softenir dryer sheets, scent booster, and fabric
freshener spray, you'll have everything you need to transform your
laundry experience from basic to extraordinary.
Speaker 1: And the best part about.
Speaker 3: Laundry Sauce they offer a full money back guarantee so
uh for our listeners. For a limited time only, our
listeners get twenty percent off your entire order when you
use the code f COL at laundrysauce dot com. That's
twenty percent off your order at laundrysauce dot com with
promo code f COL. After you purchase, they'll ask you
where you heard about them. Please support our show and
tell them that we sent you. It's time to make
laundry day the best day of the week. Trust us,
you're gonna love it. Hey, you guys, Spring is in
the air, and you know what's not in the air
of my house? A litterbox stink.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 3: Also, because I got a new kiddy staying with me
and I got the Pretty Litter for our new little
kitten that's been at my house, and I gotta tell you,
it obliterates the odors so we can enjoy all of
the wonderful sense of spring. And the thing about pretty
litter is its non clumping formula. It traps the odor
and moisture. It's ultra absorbent, it's lightweight, low dust, and
one six pound bag works for up to a month.
And Pretty Litter gives you a piece of mind, which
I love about this. It changes the color to indicate
early signs of potential illness in your cat, like a
urinary track, infection, kidney issues, and more. Pretty litter helps
keep my house smelling fresh and clean. Try it and
you'll love it. Go to PrettyLitter dot com slash fcl
to save twenty percent on your first order and get
a free cat toy. That's PrettyLitter dot com slash fcl
to save twenty percent on your first order and you
get a free cat toy That's PrettyLitter dot com slash fcl.
Terms and conditions apply. See site for details.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it was.
Speaker 2: There are tribes within tribes, and right you have to
find and not not that everybody has to think exactly
the same way. But I needed to find my group
of moms who had a sense of humor about their
kids and got frustrated with their kids. And we're honest
about being frustrated with autism and not saying things like
autism is a gift. I've never said that, you know,
it's autism is hard, and autism looks different for every family,
but it's never easy. And I like parents being able
to acknowledge that it's not easy. And I love this
kid and I'm doing everything I can for this kid,
but it's not what I pictured. And I don't think
there's any shame in admitting that this isn't what I
pictured and this is going to be really different than
I thought it would be. And I sort of had
that epiphany driving home from the diagnosis and thinking, honestly,
it's like these I can't even explain, like these cards
like falling into place in my brain, like, oh, I
need to restage what I thought this was going to
be like and what my priorities are because everything I
wanted for Jack was because I wanted it, and I thought, oh,
I actually just really want him to be happy and
to be kind. Those became my two priorities. And we're
still on the fence with the kind hurt. That's still
pretty kind he is. I mean he's sweet. Luckily, he's
sweet out in the world. If he's ever not, it's
with me and his dad.
Speaker 1: So tell me about some of the challenges though, like
been moving forward. He started to he mainstreamed by elementary school, right,
mm hmm, yes, so that must have felt really good.
It did.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my kindergarten, he had a full time AID in kindergarten.
Speaker 1: Oh, he did, he did.
Speaker 2: But his kindergarten teacher, who was, I mean a fucking saint.
She was incredible. Can I say her name? Her name
was Brooke Wilkerson, and she was a savior for me
and just got Jack. And so she's the one who
suggested maybe weaning off the full time aid, which I
didn't want to do because if you let it go,
you never get it back. But by Christmas he was
without an aid at all.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And.
Speaker 2: Because she just understood how to kind of make him
do what he was supposed to do, even though he
was very resistant. And I would say up until and
I tell my parents this all the time. My parents
and my students and not even necessarily kids with autism
that up until third grade, every day picking him up
from school, I would have a knot in my stomach
because I would have no idea what I was going
to hear about, Like, what did he do?
Speaker 1: What's going on? Was he doing? Was he getting in trouble? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I mean he was always everything from not focusing to
you know, just like playing the wrong game on the playground,
or because he would always play Star Wars and if
somebody didn't play it the way he wanted to play it,
then he would get mad at them, and you know,
and it was all very typical for autism kind of
stuff that teachers didn't always know how to manage it.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: I remember in first grade, Oh my god, this is
my most angering story. The principal at his school. I
had come to volunteer for something and she kind of
corners me and says, you know, I've been observing in
Jack's classroom and he's really having a problem focusing. And
I think everybody listening to this can relate.
Speaker 4: Seems really distracted and not really engaged in the learning.
And I looked at her and I said, you know,
he has autism.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: It's like you basically just read the IEP to me, like,
why are you.
Speaker 1: Reporting this right? Right?
Speaker 2: Right? And it was the most bizarre, like should I
get him tested?
Speaker 1: Maybe I should get him evaluated.
Speaker 2: That's wow, that's valuable information, thank you.
Speaker 1: And that was his first grade. Teacher was such a
hot mess.
Speaker 2: And okay, I'm going to say no, but I am
going to talk trash about this particular teacher because she
was so unorganized.
Speaker 1: First of all, I just want to say for my
in my own defense, when everybody goes crazy when Lynette
and I say anything bad about a teacher. Now I'm
sitting with a teacher who's talking about teachers. Okay, So
it's okay, it's it's a case by case situation. In general,
we're not saying that teachers. Secretary saying some teachers are amazing.
And yes, some certain teachers can make your life harder. Yeah,
that's just normal, that's just life. Yes.
Speaker 2: And so it was just this very an organized classroom.
I would volunteer in there all the time, and the
way she spoke to the kids when I was there
was unbelievable. And this was back I was I'm still
teaching halftime a lot of people asked, how do you
balance it. It's like, well, I job share, so I'm
that's how I'm sitting here because I don't work on
Mondays and Tuesdays. But anyways, she would I remember her
telling me that these kids don't pay attention.
Speaker 1: They're always talking.
Speaker 2: And then she was telling me, oh my god, next week,
I'm supposed to teach borrowing in math. I hate teaching that.
I said, Oh, I love teaching math. I said, do
you want me to do a lesson? She's like sure,
And so I created this whole very engaging lesson where
the kids were coming up. And so you were a
teacher at that time, Oh yeah, yeah, I yes, I
was a classroom teacher and first grade was like totally
in my wheel, right.
Speaker 1: Okay, And so it wasn't just like you were some
random mom.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: I love to teach borrowing. God, that's my hobby. I've
never done it, but I have some good ideas.
Speaker 2: Do you mind if I come and workshop it with
your kids?
Speaker 1: Right? You were an actual teacher, yeh.
Speaker 2: And I'd been teaching for a long time and it
was just something because she complained about what a horrible
class they were behaviorally right right, And you could have
heard a pin drop when I taught a lesson in
that class and I came in the whole week and
taught math.
Speaker 1: Uh, Like, when is she coming back?
Speaker 2: And it's like, I don't know what she was doing,
but clearly she didn't enjoy what she was doing, right,
And you kind of have to like what you're doing to.
Speaker 1: Pass that on to the kids. Why are they going
to enjoy it if you And Robin, by the way,
the kids, especially in elementary school, when we're seeing like
when we're having problems with our kids in a certain year,
they're with the same teacher all day. So in you stop, yeah,
you think you're you and the kids are with you
seven hours out of their day, and their young kids
like you're basically parenting them. And if you suck at
it and you're not enjoying it, they feel that I know,
and now you're going to have behavior issues in your classroom.
Speaker 2: Well, and there was one time when she Jack got
in trouble and the next day was the Halloween carnival
and so I'm picking them up from school and this
is in front of me. She bends over and gets
in his face and says, if I had anything to
say about it, you wouldn't be allowed to go to
the carnival. Tom and I retell that story and people say,
oh my god, what did you do? And the advocate
Tiger Mom and me did nothing. I was frozen. I
was in such shock, and if I had opened in
my mouth, I would have started crying. And this is
how she's treating him in front of me. What does
she do when I'm not there? And so it was
just sort of this. I realized I had to rehearse
things to say if I'm ever put in that situation again,
because when you're caught off guard in any kind of
situation like that, you better have something in your back
pocket to react to it or respond to it.
Speaker 1: It was so sad. Luckily Jack loved her. He thought
she was great. I know, isn't that so interesting? Yeah?
But then sometimes kids can tell when the teacher, you know,
sometimes a teacher. Other people might experience a teacher as
being a great teacher, but they just don't have a
personality match with your kid. And then it makes you
feel even worse because you're like, but there's nothing wrong
with my kid, but this teacher just doesn't love my kid.
And my kid can feel it and then it ruins
their experience.
Speaker 2: Well, And that's something I really have figured out as
a teacher, is really finding things to love about every kid.
And because if a kid has behaviors in any way,
they're asking for something like a behavior isn't there for
no reason. They either need attention or want more attention,
and we're always resistant to giving it when kids act
out right.
Speaker 1: Let's give it, you know. It's but are there some
kids who are just assholes?
Speaker 2: Ultimately, no, there aren't. Actually it's there's always a reason
for it. I may not always know the reason, but
I can figure.
Speaker 1: Out how to.
Speaker 2: A kid gets stuck in this role of being the
bad kid in a classroom, and that's the teacher's responsibility
to take away. And the way you do that is
by recognizing when they are doing something right, giving them
a job to be a helper, you know. And obviously
I teach kindergarten. It probably gets more challenging as kids
get older. But I also when I have a kid
with a lot of behaviors, I actually have a deal
with them where we have signals, like if we need
a break, I put up a three and he knows
to go take a break at table three, because if
I keep saying their name over and over and over again,
they just become the name that's constantly being redirected or
reprimanded right or corrected. And I don't want that label
to be on a kid.
Speaker 1: Okay, So before we wrap, I have a couple of
questions I think parents have a couple of questions about
as a parent, what makes you like that mom? Because
and dec for us, like when you have to talk
to a mom about a kid's behavior, when should a
mom read behind the lines of like your kid, like,
go get your kid evaluated. They're really something's really off?
And when are you just like just FYI, your kid
didn't have a great day to day? Yeah, I mean, like,
what things do you say that we as parents should
be like? I need to take this seriously and not
just get defensive and be like, ah, you don't you
don't like my kid?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: I think it was. And if that's a convoluted question,
you can change it in your head and say whatever
you want. Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2: I think if I'm really concerned about a kid, one
of the things I will really point out to a
parent is that this is unusual behavior. This is not
something I will normally see in kindergarteners. And it's just
kind of a diplomatic way of explaining, like, this is
something that we need to look at further. And I'm
not just reporting to you because they had a bad
day that this is unusual.
Speaker 1: And do parents normally say like, oh my gosh, thank
you for telling me, or do they go, wow, I
don't need to hear that, Mike, It's fine. I don't
notice that at home at all. Well, it's interesting to mix.
I think I've never had that reaction from a parent.
But I have to toot my own horn here. But
I'm really professional and really diplomatic and really friendly with
parents because I know how hard it is to hear
hard things about your kid. So I really make a
point of letting them know that we are in this together.
So I'm really telling you so you can help me
at school and that we can communicate and help each other,
you know, because a lot of times I'm with their
kid more than they are, and if they have any
advice for me, I want to hear it. If I
have a kid who I really think needs to be evaluated,
then that involves a phone call, and it involves some
really hard conversations sometimes, but they have to be sort
of cloaked because you're not allowed to say, I think
your kid's on the spectrum, right, but you kind of
tell them.
Speaker 2: Usually when I call a parent with concerns of that nature,
they've been waiting for my phone call.
Speaker 1: They know something's up.
Speaker 2: And I had a couple of years ago a mom
just burst into tears on the phone and she said,
I'm so glad you're saying this because I've been worried
for two years and my family tells me I'm crazy,
so and it really helps it. I'm the mom of
a kid on the spectrum, right.
Speaker 1: So remember when Xander was in the first grade, and
then I had the teacher tell me like, oh, Xander's
really fidgety, and you know, he doesn't want to sit
still and he puts his leg he won't sit up
like lay down sometimes and and uh. And then I said, oh,
maybe he's bored, and I know that the teacher's worst
thing in eric, right, But then it turned out to
be bored. But then but then I and then she
really did tell me I should have him evaluated by
the pediatrician. For I was remember I started googling like
crazy like add and then people were like it could
just be the add like the attention type, because I
was like, he's not hyper, he's not really forgetful. I mean,
he's a little distracted. But and then she created book
club and had the kids at a higher reading level
read a book and then she was like, oh, problem solved, right,
And I was like, so he was bored? Yeah, so
do you ever see that where Yeah, well, I will
rarely or was I being that mom by even suggesting?
I didn't say it, you know me, I wasn't like,
maybe he's bored. He's super super right, so gifted? Yeah,
I said, I know, this is probably one of those
things that people say, but is it possible he's just
his mind is wandering because he's not challenged. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, and honestly, if a parent ever said it in
that way, I would it would be a good conversation.
I in kindergarten, I'm rarely reporting to a parent that
their kid is fidgety because they're five, right, It would
be kind of weird if they weren't. Right, Well, Xander
was six, Yeah, maybe he is barely seven exactly, And
you give lots of opportunities for kids to move to switch,
but I do. I had one kid who he was
pretty defiant, and.
Speaker 1: He was very.
Speaker 2: Bright, and so when a kid is that bright, we
really do accommodate and make modifications, okay with the kindergarten curriculum.
But his mom said to me, well, I think he's bored.
And this is the first time I've ever did this.
I looked her and I said, what do you do
when you're bored? I was basically saying to Okay, maybe
he is bored, but this still is not an appropriate
way to respond to me.
Speaker 1: Right bored, right right? So, yeah, that is the teacher's
worst nightmare to hear. Oh my gosh. Well, this has
been very informative and I loved having you here, and
I know for a fact I can tell you that
everybody loved Well, that's hopes your input, okay, and yeah,
just be kind Robin. Where can we find you? Don't
friend Robin on Facebook? That's have some boundaries. People working
her on the Facebook relatant page.
Speaker 2: Yeah, talked to me on the page and well and
amway right right away.
Speaker 1: And also you can buy her autism epsom salts math
bombs her autism bombs to bomb that autism a bomb. Yeah, okay,
thanks for being here. Thank you, Caitlin, thank you, Robin,
thank you, Stephanie, your parent. Don't f it up.
Speaker 2: It's a good thing.
Speaker 1: Let angle