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Speaker 1: Made destange. Thanks Sonny sun On. I Haturdasion.

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Speaker 2: Nice too.

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Speaker 1: Rich. Hey, everybody, welcome to for crying out loud. This

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feels weird, Caitlin, This is weird, right, It is not normal,

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that's for sure. I don't think I've ever opened the show.

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But poor Lynette Corolla is in the hospital as we speak,

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hopefully not bleeding anymore. But she just had some surgery,

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which she'll tell you about when she gets back. So

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she's recovering. And I'm the Lynette today. And guess who's

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the me who Robin was in Ski? It's me, or

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as Lynette would say, Robin. Guess who Robin? Robin? Why

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do you think Lynette hates you so much?

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Speaker 2: It's I mean, I think there's a little jealousy there,

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and I don't it's kind of weird to say that

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on her podcast, you know, that probably is what it

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comes down to.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Lynette is a pretty what do you think, Kaylin,

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that's a good that's a good word for it. Some

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fear maybe one day she might take her spot a

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little vindictive, Maybe she's a pretty angry person. Those are

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all words that would never in a million years just gribe.

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I knownetete. Lynette is amazing and uh, oh my god,

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she's amazing. I'm really excited to have you on the podcast.

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You're my friend. We've been spending a lot of time together.

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We have we have a lot to talk about. Hi guys. Yeah,

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they're all awesome, all right. So you know, I had

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a good Christmas leading up to this week's podcast. Lynnette

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and I were have to fake that it was after Christmas.

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Speaker 2: I know, that was kind of funny, and yeah, I

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kept thinking like, well when was this because I obviously

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had talked to you in between, and I kept waiting

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to hear stories, but they hadn't actually happened yet.

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Speaker 1: So right, It's a little bit confused because oftentimes I

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tell you stuff and then I, huh, should I say

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this on the podcast? Yeah? Seven, everything, everything right? I

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knew you as you know. I'll tell you a story

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and then I have to retell it on the podcast,

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and sometimes stuff has to sound more dramatic.

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Speaker 2: Than maybe maybe you embellish a little bit, but are

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you calling me a liar?

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Speaker 1: Maybe logical. So I told the audience on the relitant

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page that you were going to be my guest, and

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people had a lot of questions for you. Well, first

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of all, I was just going to say, had a

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great Christmas. It was really fun. How was your Christmas?

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Arts was awesome.

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Speaker 2: It's very low key but nice, and my family is

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soupero so we had fun. And then I just celebrated

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my twenty fifth wedding anniversary, so yeah, that was really nice.

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We went spent the night at the Langham and just

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kind of lived in the lap of luxury for twenty

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four hours.

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Speaker 1: Now that sounds really fun. But after twenty five years,

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is there any spark left?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, did you feel This was my

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question that I didn't ask you actually over the phone,

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And I know Wade will be listening, but I don't care.

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I've warned to him.

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Speaker 2: It's like, I know you're going to listen and I'm

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probably going to talk some shit about you, so just

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be worn.

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Speaker 1: He's like, that's fine, okay, So did you feel like which,

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because I know I would feel this way knowing that

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you're going away to a hotel, I can't imagine that.

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You're like, yes, I can't wait to have sex because

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you know you're married for a long time. You can

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have it anytime you want. So did you feel like

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a little bit of extra pressure, like, Okay, for sure

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we're gonna be getting down.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, not pressure, but it is kind of weird when

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you actually know it's going to be happening. Yeah, but

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he set the stage just it was really lovely. And

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I usually don't use so when I call something special,

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I'm usually being sarcastic that it was actually really special

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because I told you about when we first got to

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the hotel room. He hands me this letter that he's written.

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I thought, oh shit, I didn't I posted on Facebook

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like that's that's like normal people.

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Speaker 1: Hello.

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Speaker 2: And inside of the letter drops out this little plastic

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pouch that he's kept two letters from me that I

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wrote him when we first started dating, that had been

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in his wallet for twenty five years.

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Speaker 1: And did you have any idea?

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Speaker 2: I knew he kept those letters and we would occasionally

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read them together, and they were just, I mean, we

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were so raw and just we were.

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Speaker 1: So in love.

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Speaker 2: And so his letter to me about that was that

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he thought, after twenty five years he would have to

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pull those out to remind himself what he loved about me,

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or what we loved about each other, to get back

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to a place because we were angry or fighting, and

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I just wept reading this letter because he was really

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saying he's never had to do that, and it's been

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this twenty five years where you know, it ebbs and

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flows and that doesn't any relationship, but the connection is

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always there. And it was just it was such a

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great way to start our night that I mean, like

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I actually wanted to have sex. Really, yeah, can you

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believe it? So that's so sweet?

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Speaker 1: It was. It was awesome. I think every couple needs that, right,

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You need like to get away, You.

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Speaker 2: Need to get away, and it it's some more fun

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going out and going to the movies and we went

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shopping and we drank and not going home makes it

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a treat, right, you know. Right, it was great, So reconnect,

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that's that's yeah.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes I think that people put this pressure on

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themselves to have date night and then they're disappoined when

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date night doesn't work. But oftentimes it's difficult, I think,

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to really let go of your life. Just you know, Okay,

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you ran out to a movie and had some sushi,

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but you're paying the babysitter, you know, especially people with

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younger kids, you're like, okay, you know, yes, the babysitter's there,

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but they're waiting to go home, and you know, maybe

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you might get a text from them like hey, how

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late are you guys going to be here? You know. Yeah,

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there's like that extra pressure.

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Speaker 2: And I mean we obviously didn't have that because our

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kid is seventeen now and he's pretty self sufficient. But

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what we've started doing because we don't have a kid

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that we have to get a babysitter for it. But

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we're both kind of realizing that he's not going to

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be around much longer. He goes to college next year

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and that's where all your focus is. So we've realized

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we need to figure out how to be with each

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other again, and silly things like now we run errands

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together like things we used to do separately.

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Speaker 1: He'll be like, do you want to go to Costco

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with me? Yeah? And we spend two hours.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, isn't that bizarre? And it's actually kind of fun.

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I got a hot talg at Costco. I got a

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dollar fifty lunch on.

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Speaker 1: But did you get sex trafficked?

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Speaker 2: Well barely, Well it wasn't at Target, Stephanie said Costco.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think that's nice, although I think it's a

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little weird to spend that much time together. It's not

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that much time. It's well because he works full time.

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He got a house. Yeah, yeah, okay, I can totally

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see that.

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Speaker 3: Let's say hi to our peeps. I'm doing it this week.

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Stephanie's out. Let's say I had a dick. He's still frolicking,

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and Kelly is Stu still ooh lah lying, and Katie

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Murphy is rolling on E and Nikky still calling her girls.

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Elizabeth Williamson, we love all your kids. Rita Bassiette, you

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know they are all her kids are in your Basiete.

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Polly Butterfields, We love your pancakes. Valerie Bubba Fenwick hits

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it out of the park, Katerina Girl, check those Molers. Gabrielle,

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Gabrie and Missy. Gabrielle says I'm here, Gabrielle Fonseka and

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Missy Schaeffer, Gaby and Missy those bitches. E Shan voshpe

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that hot ass. Rebecca Lubin, You're so cute. Kelly Brandt,

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We love you. You take us anywhere. Alicia Escalante, Leslie

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stop with the coughing, Aaron Sanchez, Jennifer falls, get up, Sandra,

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it's not even easy being green. Athena get insured, we

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love your makeup, Stephanie's a stinker rinker, and Ashley is

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so chic.

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Speaker 1: Okay, you know what I was just thinking when you

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were saying this is that Isn't it funny that every

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stage of having kids is a stage where it's hard

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on marriage. Really, they should just say having kids is

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hard because they say a lot of couples break up

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in the first year, right, because the you start getting fights, right, Kaylin,

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you with me on this. Uh, yeah, I've heard that before.

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It's yeah, it's hard that first year. Now you're Kayln,

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your situation having a baby is different than a lot

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of people's situations. Correct, But you can get very into

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you know, women can get extremely overwhelmed with the breastfeeding

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and you know, the just the incredible responsibility that comes

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with being a new parent, especially your first one. But

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then when you add another one in then that creates

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double the pressure. You two wouldn't know about that right now.

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But yeah, I mean, you're pregnant. But it's a big anouncement.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, not really in fifty four.

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Speaker 1: So I guess there's this. I guess there is sort

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of a. I don't know if it's a honeymoon period,

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but I guess when your kids are young. But then

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when your kids get older and then you've been putting

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all your attention into having into your kids, and then

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your kid leaves, I think a lot of people go, oh, well,

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I don't have anything to talk to this househole about exactly.

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Speaker 2: It's true, though, I mean that's what I always get

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kind of scared of because I saw my parents went

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through that, you know where. I think they struggled when

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all of us became adults, but then really chose to

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reconnect and like they almost had to recreate their life

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together because they had four kids and we were all

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close together.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know, it's you just you just do it. Yeah.

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I think sometimes that, you know, the having a baby.

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You and I talked about this the other day. Having

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a baby is so hard that you think, like, this

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is the hardest thing I've ever done. I want the

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baby phase for me. I know some people love having

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a baby, no shade, I mean, you're weird. But I

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wanted that part to be over. I wanted to have

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a child. I liked being a mother, but I wanted

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then I didn't like the incredible twenty four to seven.

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I have a barnacle attached to me responsibility. But now

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that that's past, and now my twins are twelve and

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I'll be's fifteen, of course, I'm I'm there's a part

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of me. I don't wish back the babyface, but I

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wish there was more time in front of me.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I can understand that, but there is nothing I

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miss about the baby face.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 2: No, it was exceptionally hard though, And I mean so

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many people asked about that. Yeah, let's talk about it Facebook. Yeah, like, well,

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how did I know something?

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Speaker 1: So your son Jack is seventeen now and he has autism.

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Speaker 2: Yes, autism, and he was diagnosed at twenty months, so

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he was little.

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Speaker 1: So take us back to the to the it was different.

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You told me that it was different from the start,

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from the very beginning.

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Speaker 2: I would say, like I started having legitimate concerns when

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he was like six weeks old, six week uh huh, because.

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Speaker 1: He wouldn't look at me.

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Speaker 2: He would actively turn his head away from me, and

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every milestone was missed, Like he didn't smile, he didn't point,

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he didn't he was almost like.

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Speaker 1: Hypnotized.

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Speaker 2: You know, if we went on a walk, he would

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just stare straight ahead when he was in the stroller,

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and I used to call him my far away boy

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because that's what he would always just sort of be

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looking away and not at anything. And aside from that,

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and I would say the first eight months, if he

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wasn't eating or sleeping, he was crying and he was

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so unhappy. And I remember notice saying that when he

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would wake up from a nap he would be happy

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like he The only pictures I have of him smiling

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as a baby were because I waited for him to

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wake up to take a picture, and this was pre

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cell phone, so like I had to be ready with

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a real camera. And then within two minutes his little

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body would start squirming and he'd start crying. And I

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realized now the world would just overwhelm him, the sound

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and the light, and it was too much for him

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because he couldn't filter it out.

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Speaker 1: So at eighteen months, so when he was really young,

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did you feel like, maybe it's me, Maybe I just

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don't have experience. I could be wrong, maybe I'm just

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being paranoid. Like did people around you when you would

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express concerns like to Wade, would people be like I'm

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sure he's fine.

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Speaker 2: Yes, they would try to reassure me, but I knew

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that I because I'm just not a neurotic person, and

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so I knew I was seeing stuff.

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Speaker 1: But every bring it up to the pediatrician.

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Speaker 2: I did, and I would never use the word autism,

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but I would always tell him what I saw was

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going on. And it actually really pisses me off when

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I think back on it, because he would say things like, oh,

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you know, boys are aloof and that's how my oldest

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son was, and there were really and this is a doctor,

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this is a pediatrician.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so by and I.

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Speaker 2: Would google all the time, and I had like these

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little rules for myself. So I would sit down and

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I would never type in the word autism, like that

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was my rule. But I would type in what I

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saw going on, like no eye contact, doesn't smile, no words,

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and then of course the search result would be.

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Speaker 1: Autism, autism, autism.

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Speaker 2: And so at eighteen months, I told Wade, you know,

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I want you to go to the next appointment with

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me because I'm going to get a referral and I

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want you to be there with me. And he was like,

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at that point he knew something was going on too,

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So he didn't fight me at all. He was just

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like okay. And he had been saying like, I think

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you worried too much. You know, he's just a baby.

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And you know, within days of getting the referral and

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having the appointment, he was diagnosed.

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Speaker 1: So it was really really obvious. Wait, so you got

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the referral in the appointment and then he went on

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the appointment.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So the appointment involved an interview with us, and

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then she the doctor, observed Jack and he had no language,

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so there was like no speech assessment. But I remember

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in the interview it was so weird. Wade was still

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kind of in denial, I guess, even though we didn't

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have a diagnosis yet. But she would say things like

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does he ever ask for milk? And I'd say no,

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and Wade would have to back it up with, well,

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we haven't taught him to We didn't teach him to

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ask for milk, And I get but he wasn't talking. Oh,

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he wasn't talking. But also I'm like, you don't have

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to teach somebody how to ask for something that's acquired.

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Speaker 1: Language is acquired.

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Speaker 2: You know, you're not giving babies language lessons, right, so

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he would sort of try to explain away everything the

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pediatrician would ask about, and I just sat there thanking God,

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I'm the only one who knows what's happening, you know,

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and I just it was like this dread waiting for it.

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Speaker 1: But it was a relief. And did it happen that day?

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Speaker 2: No, of course not. You have to wait and suffer.

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It was probably a week later and they called you

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back in. Yeah, you go back for another appointment and

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sit there and wait while they like read through.

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Speaker 1: All these reports, and I'm just like, just tell me.

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Speaker 2: And of course then she tells us he has autism

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and I cried.

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Speaker 1: And how did she say it? God? I mean, did

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you already feel that was coming from everything she was

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saying in the report? Yeah? Like were they like, okay,

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so we noticed that this, this this m hmm, yeah,

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like talking about the difference is it? Were there like

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criteria that had to be checked off? Were they like

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and then we noticed this and this fits into or

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I just don't remember that right. That day is kind

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of a blur.

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Speaker 2: And I think she got to the diagnosis pretty quick

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because she knows you're sitting there with your stomach and knots,

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but she just said, we are, you know, quite certain

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that Jack has autism? And I say okay, and I

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the first question I asked her was can you tell

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me why? And you know, why does he how did

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he get this? And well, no, we don't know. I said,

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is it something I did? And that's my first h

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and of course she was able to say, no, this

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is a neurological disorder, and so that was it was

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because you asked, did I think it was in my

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mother or with him? But ultimately I guess I did.

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And I needed to hear that it wasn't my fault

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that this was happening. And I remember on the drive

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home because it happened in Pasadena. Our doctor was in Pasadena.

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We're driving back to the valley and Wade said, you know,

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you need to remember that we're going home to the

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same kid that we left two hours ago, right, Like,

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the only thing that's changed is information and now we

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can get help, which is true. It was like liberating

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in a way because I had so many little secrets

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and lies and tricks and excuses for what was happening.

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Speaker 1: So we're I have this question about autism. So there

383
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:36,119
are I mean, obviously there's a spectrum, but is there

384
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,119
any way that they can they can tell you at

385
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:42,160
the beginning, like we think he's going to be able

386
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,319
to do that. You know, he's going to be fine,

387
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He's going to have language. It's just going to be late.

388
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Like cause I know some people who have children with

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autism that never speak and never can ever be on

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their own. I mean, did you have that fear like

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what course? Yeah, is my kid going to be nonverbal

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not potty trained at eighteen? Yeah? And I mean right,

393
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,079
there's no way to tell.

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Speaker 2: And because he had no language when he got diagnosed,

395
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of course, that was my biggest fear.

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Speaker 1: Will he ever talk?

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Speaker 2: And it's the scariest part of it is the uncertainty

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because you have no idea where it's going and what's

399
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going to happen. And so I always you know, because

400
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at the time he was diagnosed, everyone was talking about

401
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:33,039
the diet the diet, you know, gluten free, caseine free,

402
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and that's the first thing I wanted to try. And

403
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our doctor said, you know what, let's introduce one variable

404
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at a time. She said, start with therapy and then

405
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if you aren't satisfied with the progress, then introduce the diet.

406
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Like do it scientifically, so if you're seeing progress, at

407
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least you know what to attribute it.

408
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Speaker 1: Okay, I bet you. The doctors see a lot of

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people that are just like, throw everything. All you want

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to do is try stuff, right.

411
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Speaker 2: And she was a big four time advocate, which is

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a play based therapy, and Jack was so little, that's all.

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Speaker 1: It made so much sense.

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Speaker 2: So we always did full time and speech and OT

415
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and physical therapy and feeding therapy. I mean, we had

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every therapy under the sun.

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Speaker 1: So you know, that's it's speaking as someone who had

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a kid who had full time seven days a week.

419
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You know, therapy, that's it's a lot. It is on

420
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your on your stress, it is.

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Speaker 2: But at the same time, it was it was a

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place to go, you know, with this kid that I

423
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really didn't know how to make happy. It was actually

424
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a relief to be able to go to therapy right right,

425
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because there was someone to help me and.

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Speaker 1: Tell me about the first bit of progress you saw.

427
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Speaker 2: It was in ot in occupational therapy. He really liked

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the little swing.

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Speaker 1: I remember.

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Speaker 2: Brianna was our physical or occupational therapist. She was amazing

431
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and so every time she'd pull him up in the

432
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swing and say.

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Speaker 1: Ready, set go.

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Speaker 2: And probably I don't know how many weeks it was

435
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into it, but she would pull the swing up and

436
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say ready, and Jack would say set and set was

437
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his first word.

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Speaker 1: Oh really it was? And were you there when it happened.

439
00:24:26,599 --> 00:24:29,519
I'm not the first time, but she called me in

440
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:33,759
to show me. They videotaped it. No, but oh did

441
00:24:33,799 --> 00:24:36,559
she have him do it again? You know? Did you cry?

442
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:40,200
Of course? Oh my god, yes I wept. Did you

443
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:42,960
know as soon as he said a word, were you like, okay,

444
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then he's going to talk? No, because aren't kids who

445
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have our kids? I mean, I'm showing my ignorance right now.

446
00:24:49,519 --> 00:24:51,400
I don't know that much about it. So kids that

447
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are nonverbal, are they truly nonverbal? Or are there kids

448
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that have a couple words?

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Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean the communication can look really different.

450
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Some kids are verbal, but they're always scripting, meaning they're

451
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repeating something they've heard or seen, or kids who have utterances,

452
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so they're asking for things, but maybe in one or

453
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two words and there's not a back and forth.

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Speaker 1: Some kids become conversational.

455
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Speaker 2: It's it's such a crapshoot, you just don't know.

456
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Speaker 1: And some kids have a.

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Speaker 2: Praxia where it's physically the brain isn't communicating with the

458
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muscles of the mouth to form words, and you just

459
00:25:35,559 --> 00:25:39,519
don't know until you start therapy and start walking through

460
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the process.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so what was your therapy called. I've heard of

462
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,319
this ABA? Is that what it's called? We didn't do aba?

463
00:25:46,519 --> 00:25:48,559
Speaker 2: Okay? So what is a b ABA? Is a PI

464
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:50,079
behavioral analysis?

465
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Speaker 1: Okay, what is that? And it basically means tell me

466
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everything happened. Okay, let me just dig in.

467
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Speaker 2: It's sort of regimented where they're teaching one skill at

468
00:26:03,079 --> 00:26:08,319
a time, and it's so maybe they're teaching the kid

469
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:11,480
the colors, and so if they're learning the colors, they're

470
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sitting across from the therapist, and if you say point

471
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to orange and the kid points to orange, they get

472
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:21,519
some sort of reward. It's sort of a token economy

473
00:26:21,599 --> 00:26:25,000
and a reward system. So they're getting some sort of

474
00:26:25,039 --> 00:26:30,359
feedback for learning the skills, and it's like training a

475
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:35,839
pet a little bit, I mean, because that works, you know,

476
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:41,000
positive reinforcement works. Jack I felt was too young for

477
00:26:41,079 --> 00:26:45,720
that because he wasn't even too he got diagnosed. And

478
00:26:46,839 --> 00:26:52,279
four time is based on the notion that to attain

479
00:26:53,000 --> 00:27:01,279
cognitive skills, you have to reach emotional milestones. It's about connecting.

480
00:27:01,599 --> 00:27:05,240
And once a kid can connect, then they sort of

481
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:09,640
see the value in communicating, and it just it made

482
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,920
more sense for Jack. But it kind of depends on,

483
00:27:13,039 --> 00:27:15,680
first of all, what's being offered to you as services. Right,

484
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,519
Although anybody in California with a young kid, you don't

485
00:27:19,559 --> 00:27:22,039
have to do a BA. They'll tell you that's what

486
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,920
you have to do. But you can find clinics that

487
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:25,960
still do flour time.

488
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,039
Speaker 1: So that's what your therapy was called floor time four

489
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:34,079
time and it didn't have to trans transition into ABA.

490
00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:37,079
You could do floor time and that could just Yeah,

491
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:38,799
what's it called then when your kid gets a little

492
00:27:38,799 --> 00:27:40,519
older and even like playing on the floor.

493
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,640
Speaker 2: Oh God, that's such a good question, because there is

494
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,359
a word for it, and I can't remember what it

495
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:50,160
is because it does transition into something kind of different.

496
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,079
Speaker 1: But Jack got I don't want to use the word

497
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:57,920
got better, but he started. He made once he started

498
00:27:57,920 --> 00:27:58,559
offoking our.

499
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:03,839
Speaker 2: Progress, he made it quickly and his language really developed.

500
00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:06,599
Speaker 1: Did he go to normal preschool?

501
00:28:07,039 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 2: He went to a special at preschool he went to

502
00:28:10,279 --> 00:28:13,519
They called it a preschool mix, so it was mixed disabilities.

503
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:18,720
And I really fought that in the beginning until I

504
00:28:18,799 --> 00:28:21,680
realized I wanted him to go to a regular preschool

505
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,880
for me and not for him.

506
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,400
Speaker 1: It's you have to check, like.

507
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,160
Speaker 2: Your ego at the door, because you have all these

508
00:28:30,279 --> 00:28:33,200
visions of what you thought having a kid was going

509
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:38,519
to be like. And then it's you have to reevaluate.

510
00:28:39,079 --> 00:28:42,960
Because we visited preschools and I there was one that

511
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:47,160
was mostly typical kids and then five kids with IEPs,

512
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,559
and I thought, well, that's what I want him to

513
00:28:50,559 --> 00:28:53,200
go to. And then we visited and it's like, oh,

514
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,720
he would be lost in here. He could not be

515
00:28:56,799 --> 00:29:00,039
among twenty five kids and get what he needs. And

516
00:29:00,119 --> 00:29:02,519
then we visited the preschool mix and there were like

517
00:29:03,079 --> 00:29:05,400
seven or eight kids and when we walked in, they

518
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,759
were all sitting around at kidney table, you know, like

519
00:29:07,799 --> 00:29:10,960
the half circle table. They're drinking apple juice out of

520
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:15,240
Dixie cups. And I stood there thinking, oh my god,

521
00:29:15,359 --> 00:29:19,799
Jack will never do that. The idea of him sitting

522
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:23,799
somewhere for one and drinking out of an open cup,

523
00:29:23,839 --> 00:29:27,279
It's like, are you fucking insane? It's like, it's not

524
00:29:27,319 --> 00:29:30,279
going to happen. And of course, within a week of

525
00:29:30,319 --> 00:29:32,279
being in that class, it was happening.

526
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:33,079
Speaker 4: Wow.

527
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 2: And it's just even it's so funny because I'm a teacher,

528
00:29:38,079 --> 00:29:41,079
so I know stuff happens at school that doesn't get

529
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,039
learned at home, right, But it still surprised me every

530
00:29:44,119 --> 00:29:47,119
time he came home with a new skill, and.

531
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:52,599
Speaker 1: So then it just kept progressing. I remember, just to

532
00:29:53,039 --> 00:29:57,759
identify with you that when Sadie was really little and

533
00:29:57,799 --> 00:30:00,599
she was not hitting milestones and she was behind Xander,

534
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:05,759
I just remember that with that comparing it that with Lbie.

535
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,440
There was so much competition among moms of just like

536
00:30:08,799 --> 00:30:12,400
I remember feeling like, what other kids are walking, Elbie's

537
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,160
not walking yet, you know when's elbe gonna walk? And

538
00:30:15,359 --> 00:30:17,200
just getting caught up in that. And by the time

539
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,720
I had Sadie, who was not doing anything at any

540
00:30:19,759 --> 00:30:23,000
time close to when and having all this therapy, I

541
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,720
remember just getting so mad at the whole concept of

542
00:30:26,799 --> 00:30:30,079
competing and whose kid is doing what when? And I

543
00:30:30,119 --> 00:30:33,559
remember thinking this has nothing to do with parenting. This

544
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,680
is and I want to get off of this carousel

545
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,279
and just live my life with my kid. And then

546
00:30:40,279 --> 00:30:43,119
I remember just having smart ass responses when people would

547
00:30:43,119 --> 00:30:45,160
ask if you know, I think I talked about this

548
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,359
where people would say like, oh, is she walking? And

549
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:49,680
I would say no, but she reads at a second

550
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:53,319
grade level. I never tell that on the podcast that

551
00:30:53,359 --> 00:30:56,960
people ghost what because that's how people are. They really

552
00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:58,839
believe they don't they can't take any kind of dry

553
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:03,400
humor for sarc. Yeah, that's a hard carousel to hollow off.

554
00:31:03,759 --> 00:31:06,359
Your kid is reading Oh wait, hold on, what where

555
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:11,480
are you doing Kuman? Yeah? Suzuki Method. She's seventeen months

556
00:31:11,519 --> 00:31:15,599
we're doing Kuman Yeah. But I mean, I know it's

557
00:31:15,599 --> 00:31:19,200
an adjustment to just go My kid is unique and

558
00:31:19,319 --> 00:31:22,000
on their own path, and I have to like, well

559
00:31:22,039 --> 00:31:25,799
celebrate that. It's really hard to get to that though.

560
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 2: I mean, you have to surround yourself with people who

561
00:31:30,039 --> 00:31:32,880
are there with you. And I don't even mean other

562
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:36,880
autism moms, but friends who don't give a shit what

563
00:31:37,039 --> 00:31:40,039
milestone's your kid is meeting, right, It's because one of

564
00:31:40,079 --> 00:31:44,359
the moms on the page said, like, I'm a single mom,

565
00:31:44,759 --> 00:31:46,440
I have two kids on the spectrum?

566
00:31:47,279 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 1: What do I do?

567
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 2: And I mean, my first piece of advice is to

568
00:31:51,559 --> 00:31:55,640
find people you can just hang out with with your kids,

569
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,480
who aren't going to judge your kids, who aren't going

570
00:31:58,519 --> 00:31:59,559
to care if you have to leave.

571
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:02,079
Speaker 1: He really, I mean, I can't tell you how.

572
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,079
Speaker 2: Many places I had to leave because Jack was tantruming

573
00:32:05,839 --> 00:32:10,400
or just not I wasn't jiving with what was going on,

574
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,759
and you have to find those people, like if your

575
00:32:14,839 --> 00:32:18,440
kids in therapy, go wait in the waiting room and

576
00:32:18,519 --> 00:32:21,440
meet moms in the waiting room and meet connections because

577
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:25,960
you I mean, that was my survival, was finding other

578
00:32:26,039 --> 00:32:29,359
moms and also old friends who had kids at the

579
00:32:29,359 --> 00:32:33,039
same time, who just accepted who Jack was.

580
00:32:33,799 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 1: And I also want to talk about the autism moms.

581
00:32:37,279 --> 00:32:42,640
So I was so interested in your story about because

582
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:46,440
you would think, you, okay, you think when something's going

583
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:49,799
on with your kid, right, like let's say Sadie was

584
00:32:49,839 --> 00:32:51,920
small for gestational age, So you think I'm going to

585
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,960
hook up in a Facebook group with other parents who

586
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,559
have kids who are small for gestational age, but you

587
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,319
realize within any group, not ever, but he's normal. Oh

588
00:33:01,359 --> 00:33:05,519
Like there's crazy factions of everything that's going on with kids.

589
00:33:05,599 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, okay. That actually is a really interesting point

590
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,079
you bring up. First of all, when Jack was diagnosed,

591
00:33:13,119 --> 00:33:17,279
it was before social media that it didn't exist yet,

592
00:33:17,319 --> 00:33:18,759
so you couldn't connect in that way.

593
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 1: H huh.

594
00:33:19,519 --> 00:33:22,839
Speaker 2: But my neighbor, I remember, right after he was diagnosed,

595
00:33:23,039 --> 00:33:27,440
gave me this pamphlet for a conference to go to him. Like, yes, okay,

596
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:29,480
I get to meet at the parents and.

597
00:33:31,079 --> 00:33:33,519
Speaker 1: You're thinking, it's going to be an oasis of the desert.

598
00:33:33,599 --> 00:33:37,279
Speaker 2: God what I've been dealing with, an ocean of support.

599
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:41,759
So I go and it was I mean, I didn't

600
00:33:41,839 --> 00:33:45,640
know anything about like that. They're kind of different factions

601
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,599
in the autism world. Yeah, tell us what those are.

602
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 1: Okay.

603
00:33:48,079 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 2: So the one I'm thinking is a lot of people

604
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:58,039
take a real biomedical approach, and that's what this conference

605
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:03,440
ended up being. So that's a lot of inventions. Like oh,

606
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:05,839
I'm trying to think of one of the more extreme

607
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,760
things that people tell So tell me what happened, okay, okay, Okay,

608
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:13,079
So I go to this conference, and we're at lunch

609
00:34:13,119 --> 00:34:15,840
and I don't know anybody. I went by myself and

610
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:17,159
so I sort of invited.

611
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:20,239
Speaker 1: So was your neighbor Did she have a kid with autism? No,

612
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:20,840
not at all.

613
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,800
Speaker 2: I think she must have gotten it randomly in the

614
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:24,639
mail or something.

615
00:34:24,679 --> 00:34:25,039
Speaker 1: Okay.

616
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:29,360
Speaker 2: She was like, oh, Robin, exactly, Robin would be interested

617
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:29,679
in this.

618
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 1: And she's like, my kid's totally normal, but you like this.

619
00:34:33,559 --> 00:34:36,719
I have three typical kids, but this might help your child.

620
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:41,000
That's how I would take everything, just the wrong way,

621
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:43,440
would you. I'd be like, oh, is the reason why

622
00:34:43,519 --> 00:34:45,320
you didn't come and ask me to buy a candy bar?

623
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:46,840
Because my kid has autos? Yeah?

624
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:50,800
Speaker 2: Wow, I felt that that's personal. I chose to take

625
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:56,639
everything personally. It was really healthy. So I sit down

626
00:34:56,679 --> 00:35:00,239
at lunch with this group of parents, and I don't

627
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:02,559
want to offend anybody that's listening.

628
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:06,599
Speaker 1: That does matter what Okay, Okay, it doesn't matter, So

629
00:35:06,599 --> 00:35:12,480
fuck y'all. For just a preface. Before I sat down

630
00:35:12,519 --> 00:35:13,559
for lunch, one.

631
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,960
Speaker 2: Of the breakout sessions I went to. The whole thing

632
00:35:17,159 --> 00:35:23,400
was about EPSOM salt baths, okay, and to give them

633
00:35:23,559 --> 00:35:26,400
every night to leach out the toxins.

634
00:35:26,559 --> 00:35:28,800
Speaker 1: I'm smiling because I know I know this story and

635
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:29,400
I can't wait.

636
00:35:30,639 --> 00:35:35,159
Speaker 2: It's so good, and I mean I'm taking mad manic

637
00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:37,880
notes like, oh my god, Okay, all right, I can

638
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:38,199
do that.

639
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:42,159
Speaker 1: I can do an salt bath. And is the Ebsence

640
00:35:42,159 --> 00:35:46,079
salt bath for you or for the kids? For the child? Yes,

641
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:48,679
then you take one after to relax. Thank you for

642
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:52,800
clarifying that. Yes, So, like the reason your kid has

643
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:54,239
autism is because you need to.

644
00:35:54,199 --> 00:35:57,840
Speaker 2: Relax, you need to chill. They're just picking up on

645
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:02,079
your stress. I'm actually thinking, though, now that I'm talking

646
00:36:02,079 --> 00:36:06,360
about this, I should start like EPs and salt bath bombs.

647
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:13,400
Ooh maybe okay take a note. Yeah, I'm all right, so.

648
00:36:13,639 --> 00:36:16,639
Speaker 1: And market them to the autism. Yeah. Absolutely, I can

649
00:36:16,679 --> 00:36:22,239
set up a vendor table. We're always thinking, we are

650
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:32,119
always trying to monetize, monetize that autism monetism. I'm okay.

651
00:36:32,199 --> 00:36:34,800
Speaker 2: So I go to lunch, right, and it's at the hotel,

652
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:37,760
and I sit down with a big table of other

653
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:41,039
parents and they were all.

654
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:44,119
Speaker 1: So far you're not tipped off too, You're like, okay,

655
00:36:45,079 --> 00:36:47,519
I'm getting some valuable information or are you at all

656
00:36:47,599 --> 00:36:49,719
thinking like a little of both, like.

657
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:53,280
Speaker 2: I'm getting information, I'm willing to try, but kind of

658
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,280
getting the vibe that like, I don't think this is

659
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:57,480
my jam, you.

660
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:01,280
Speaker 1: Know, okay, but you're not sure why yet. Yeah it's

661
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:02,639
but it's kind of stirring.

662
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 2: I mean, you're exploring all options when your kid is

663
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:09,559
first diagnosed. And so I sit down at lunch and

664
00:37:09,639 --> 00:37:16,239
all the parents are talking about vaccines and that their child,

665
00:37:16,519 --> 00:37:21,960
that their child got autism from the vaccines. And I'm

666
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:25,519
not even saying that doesn't happen. I know kids who

667
00:37:25,559 --> 00:37:31,719
have vaccine injuries, and but I'm really not a part

668
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,400
of that camp. And I said to them, you know,

669
00:37:35,519 --> 00:37:39,639
I actually know that my child didn't get it from

670
00:37:39,679 --> 00:37:42,840
the vaccines, because I knew he had autism before he

671
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:46,480
even got vaccines. I was seeing signs at a very

672
00:37:46,519 --> 00:37:49,840
early age. And I kind of announced this to this

673
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:54,039
table right twelve people not knowing, and they all I mean,

674
00:37:54,079 --> 00:37:56,519
it's like a movie. They sort of all turned and

675
00:37:56,679 --> 00:38:01,400
stared at me, like confusedly. And one of the dad says,

676
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:06,920
do you have a lot of amalgams? And I'm like,

677
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:12,400
a lot of what is fillings? Do you have a

678
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:17,480
lot of fillings? And it just hit me, Holy fuck,

679
00:38:18,639 --> 00:38:24,519
he's blaming the mercury in my fillings or my kid

680
00:38:24,599 --> 00:38:29,239
having autism, And okay, I need to find a different

681
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:34,199
conference to go to. So that was just sort of

682
00:38:34,199 --> 00:38:36,280
my first introduction to like that.

683
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:38,920
Speaker 1: But I love your response to it too. You didn't

684
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:40,599
even just go, I need to go.

685
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 2: We were like no, no, of course, like, I mean, yeah,

686
00:38:47,039 --> 00:38:47,480
I know.

687
00:38:48,039 --> 00:38:50,559
Speaker 1: Thinks, No, I do. I have a lot of.

688
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:53,920
Speaker 2: Them, but I mean, I guess I've never considered that.

689
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:57,719
That's really interesting. I mean, and inside I'm just saying,

690
00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:59,480
are you fucking kidding me?

691
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:06,199
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692
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693
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694
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695
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696
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697
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699
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738
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Speaker 1: Yeah, so it was.

739
00:41:46,159 --> 00:41:50,159
Speaker 2: There are tribes within tribes, and right you have to

740
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:54,679
find and not not that everybody has to think exactly

741
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,760
the same way. But I needed to find my group

742
00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:00,440
of moms who had a sense of humor about their

743
00:42:00,519 --> 00:42:04,239
kids and got frustrated with their kids. And we're honest

744
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:08,199
about being frustrated with autism and not saying things like

745
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:14,559
autism is a gift. I've never said that, you know,

746
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:19,519
it's autism is hard, and autism looks different for every family,

747
00:42:19,639 --> 00:42:25,559
but it's never easy. And I like parents being able

748
00:42:25,599 --> 00:42:30,039
to acknowledge that it's not easy. And I love this

749
00:42:30,159 --> 00:42:32,920
kid and I'm doing everything I can for this kid,

750
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:36,760
but it's not what I pictured. And I don't think

751
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:40,400
there's any shame in admitting that this isn't what I

752
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:42,880
pictured and this is going to be really different than

753
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:45,320
I thought it would be. And I sort of had

754
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:50,880
that epiphany driving home from the diagnosis and thinking, honestly,

755
00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:54,000
it's like these I can't even explain, like these cards

756
00:42:54,039 --> 00:42:57,360
like falling into place in my brain, like, oh, I

757
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,800
need to restage what I thought this was going to

758
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:05,079
be like and what my priorities are because everything I

759
00:43:05,199 --> 00:43:09,760
wanted for Jack was because I wanted it, and I thought, oh,

760
00:43:10,159 --> 00:43:14,880
I actually just really want him to be happy and

761
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:21,159
to be kind. Those became my two priorities. And we're

762
00:43:21,199 --> 00:43:25,960
still on the fence with the kind hurt. That's still

763
00:43:26,639 --> 00:43:30,039
pretty kind he is. I mean he's sweet. Luckily, he's

764
00:43:30,039 --> 00:43:33,079
sweet out in the world. If he's ever not, it's

765
00:43:33,679 --> 00:43:34,599
with me and his dad.

766
00:43:35,119 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 1: So tell me about some of the challenges though, like

767
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:43,039
been moving forward. He started to he mainstreamed by elementary school, right,

768
00:43:43,119 --> 00:43:45,800
mm hmm, yes, so that must have felt really good.

769
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:46,280
It did.

770
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:49,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, my kindergarten, he had a full time AID in kindergarten.

771
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 1: Oh, he did, he did.

772
00:43:52,199 --> 00:43:57,119
Speaker 2: But his kindergarten teacher, who was, I mean a fucking saint.

773
00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:03,239
She was incredible. Can I say her name? Her name

774
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:08,039
was Brooke Wilkerson, and she was a savior for me

775
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:12,800
and just got Jack. And so she's the one who

776
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,400
suggested maybe weaning off the full time aid, which I

777
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:18,079
didn't want to do because if you let it go,

778
00:44:18,159 --> 00:44:21,519
you never get it back. But by Christmas he was

779
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:23,280
without an aid at all.

780
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:25,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, And.

781
00:44:27,039 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 2: Because she just understood how to kind of make him

782
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:33,119
do what he was supposed to do, even though he

783
00:44:33,199 --> 00:44:37,679
was very resistant. And I would say up until and

784
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:41,480
I tell my parents this all the time. My parents

785
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:46,159
and my students and not even necessarily kids with autism

786
00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:50,199
that up until third grade, every day picking him up

787
00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:52,679
from school, I would have a knot in my stomach

788
00:44:53,119 --> 00:44:55,119
because I would have no idea what I was going

789
00:44:55,159 --> 00:44:57,559
to hear about, Like, what did he do?

790
00:44:58,639 --> 00:45:02,360
Speaker 1: What's going on? Was he doing? Was he getting in trouble? Yeah?

791
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:06,760
Speaker 2: I mean he was always everything from not focusing to

792
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:13,280
you know, just like playing the wrong game on the playground,

793
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:15,880
or because he would always play Star Wars and if

794
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,320
somebody didn't play it the way he wanted to play it,

795
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:21,039
then he would get mad at them, and you know,

796
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:25,880
and it was all very typical for autism kind of

797
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:29,280
stuff that teachers didn't always know how to manage it.

798
00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 1: Right.

799
00:45:30,159 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 2: I remember in first grade, Oh my god, this is

800
00:45:33,519 --> 00:45:37,920
my most angering story. The principal at his school. I

801
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,119
had come to volunteer for something and she kind of

802
00:45:41,159 --> 00:45:46,280
corners me and says, you know, I've been observing in

803
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:52,719
Jack's classroom and he's really having a problem focusing. And

804
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:55,840
I think everybody listening to this can relate.

805
00:45:56,039 --> 00:46:01,639
Speaker 4: Seems really distracted and not really engaged in the learning.

806
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,639
And I looked at her and I said, you know,

807
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:07,079
he has autism.

808
00:46:07,199 --> 00:46:07,519
Speaker 1: Right.

809
00:46:08,199 --> 00:46:11,400
Speaker 2: It's like you basically just read the IEP to me, like,

810
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:12,119
why are you.

811
00:46:12,159 --> 00:46:13,840
Speaker 1: Reporting this right? Right?

812
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,519
Speaker 2: Right? And it was the most bizarre, like should I

813
00:46:16,519 --> 00:46:17,280
get him tested?

814
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:20,559
Speaker 1: Maybe I should get him evaluated.

815
00:46:21,159 --> 00:46:24,559
Speaker 2: That's wow, that's valuable information, thank you.

816
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:28,880
Speaker 1: And that was his first grade. Teacher was such a

817
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,079
hot mess.

818
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:33,559
Speaker 2: And okay, I'm going to say no, but I am

819
00:46:33,559 --> 00:46:37,280
going to talk trash about this particular teacher because she

820
00:46:37,559 --> 00:46:38,719
was so unorganized.

821
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:40,199
Speaker 1: First of all, I just want to say for my

822
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:44,079
in my own defense, when everybody goes crazy when Lynette

823
00:46:44,079 --> 00:46:46,239
and I say anything bad about a teacher. Now I'm

824
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:50,079
sitting with a teacher who's talking about teachers. Okay, So

825
00:46:50,159 --> 00:46:55,000
it's okay, it's it's a case by case situation. In general,

826
00:46:55,039 --> 00:46:58,599
we're not saying that teachers. Secretary saying some teachers are amazing.

827
00:46:59,199 --> 00:47:02,320
And yes, some certain teachers can make your life harder. Yeah,

828
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:04,280
that's just normal, that's just life. Yes.

829
00:47:04,559 --> 00:47:07,639
Speaker 2: And so it was just this very an organized classroom.

830
00:47:07,679 --> 00:47:10,840
I would volunteer in there all the time, and the

831
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:13,559
way she spoke to the kids when I was there

832
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:19,599
was unbelievable. And this was back I was I'm still

833
00:47:19,639 --> 00:47:21,960
teaching halftime a lot of people asked, how do you

834
00:47:22,039 --> 00:47:24,800
balance it. It's like, well, I job share, so I'm

835
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:27,199
that's how I'm sitting here because I don't work on

836
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:31,440
Mondays and Tuesdays. But anyways, she would I remember her

837
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:33,880
telling me that these kids don't pay attention.

838
00:47:34,079 --> 00:47:35,320
Speaker 1: They're always talking.

839
00:47:35,599 --> 00:47:39,639
Speaker 2: And then she was telling me, oh my god, next week,

840
00:47:39,679 --> 00:47:43,880
I'm supposed to teach borrowing in math. I hate teaching that.

841
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,519
I said, Oh, I love teaching math. I said, do

842
00:47:46,559 --> 00:47:49,880
you want me to do a lesson? She's like sure,

843
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:54,639
And so I created this whole very engaging lesson where

844
00:47:54,679 --> 00:47:56,840
the kids were coming up. And so you were a

845
00:47:56,840 --> 00:48:00,679
teacher at that time, Oh yeah, yeah, I yes, I

846
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:04,039
was a classroom teacher and first grade was like totally

847
00:48:04,079 --> 00:48:05,519
in my wheel, right.

848
00:48:05,519 --> 00:48:07,760
Speaker 1: Okay, And so it wasn't just like you were some

849
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:08,559
random mom.

850
00:48:08,639 --> 00:48:08,800
Speaker 2: No.

851
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:12,639
Speaker 1: I love to teach borrowing. God, that's my hobby. I've

852
00:48:12,639 --> 00:48:14,159
never done it, but I have some good ideas.

853
00:48:16,639 --> 00:48:18,559
Speaker 2: Do you mind if I come and workshop it with

854
00:48:18,599 --> 00:48:19,440
your kids?

855
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:22,239
Speaker 1: Right? You were an actual teacher, yeh.

856
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:24,440
Speaker 2: And I'd been teaching for a long time and it

857
00:48:24,559 --> 00:48:28,039
was just something because she complained about what a horrible

858
00:48:28,079 --> 00:48:31,599
class they were behaviorally right right, And you could have

859
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:34,639
heard a pin drop when I taught a lesson in

860
00:48:34,639 --> 00:48:36,519
that class and I came in the whole week and

861
00:48:36,559 --> 00:48:37,199
taught math.

862
00:48:37,559 --> 00:48:39,760
Speaker 1: Uh, Like, when is she coming back?

863
00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:43,440
Speaker 2: And it's like, I don't know what she was doing,

864
00:48:43,639 --> 00:48:47,760
but clearly she didn't enjoy what she was doing, right,

865
00:48:48,079 --> 00:48:51,039
And you kind of have to like what you're doing to.

866
00:48:52,519 --> 00:48:54,639
Speaker 1: Pass that on to the kids. Why are they going

867
00:48:54,719 --> 00:48:57,480
to enjoy it if you And Robin, by the way,

868
00:48:58,199 --> 00:49:02,079
the kids, especially in elementary school, when we're seeing like

869
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:05,639
when we're having problems with our kids in a certain year,

870
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:09,920
they're with the same teacher all day. So in you stop, yeah,

871
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:12,239
you think you're you and the kids are with you

872
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:15,000
seven hours out of their day, and their young kids

873
00:49:15,039 --> 00:49:17,760
like you're basically parenting them. And if you suck at

874
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:20,079
it and you're not enjoying it, they feel that I know,

875
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:22,840
and now you're going to have behavior issues in your classroom.

876
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 2: Well, and there was one time when she Jack got

877
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,679
in trouble and the next day was the Halloween carnival

878
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:31,679
and so I'm picking them up from school and this

879
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:35,920
is in front of me. She bends over and gets

880
00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:39,760
in his face and says, if I had anything to

881
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:41,920
say about it, you wouldn't be allowed to go to

882
00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:47,559
the carnival. Tom and I retell that story and people say,

883
00:49:47,599 --> 00:49:51,599
oh my god, what did you do? And the advocate

884
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:56,840
Tiger Mom and me did nothing. I was frozen. I

885
00:49:57,000 --> 00:50:00,079
was in such shock, and if I had opened in

886
00:50:00,159 --> 00:50:04,639
my mouth, I would have started crying. And this is

887
00:50:04,679 --> 00:50:08,199
how she's treating him in front of me. What does

888
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:12,039
she do when I'm not there? And so it was

889
00:50:12,239 --> 00:50:15,440
just sort of this. I realized I had to rehearse

890
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:19,320
things to say if I'm ever put in that situation again,

891
00:50:19,679 --> 00:50:22,519
because when you're caught off guard in any kind of

892
00:50:22,559 --> 00:50:25,360
situation like that, you better have something in your back

893
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:28,679
pocket to react to it or respond to it.

894
00:50:28,679 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 1: It was so sad. Luckily Jack loved her. He thought

895
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:36,760
she was great. I know, isn't that so interesting? Yeah?

896
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:39,800
But then sometimes kids can tell when the teacher, you know,

897
00:50:40,159 --> 00:50:43,280
sometimes a teacher. Other people might experience a teacher as

898
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:47,559
being a great teacher, but they just don't have a

899
00:50:47,599 --> 00:50:50,639
personality match with your kid. And then it makes you

900
00:50:50,679 --> 00:50:53,079
feel even worse because you're like, but there's nothing wrong

901
00:50:53,119 --> 00:50:55,800
with my kid, but this teacher just doesn't love my kid.

902
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:58,800
And my kid can feel it and then it ruins

903
00:50:58,800 --> 00:50:59,960
their experience.

904
00:51:00,199 --> 00:51:03,760
Speaker 2: Well, And that's something I really have figured out as

905
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:08,960
a teacher, is really finding things to love about every kid.

906
00:51:09,639 --> 00:51:16,559
And because if a kid has behaviors in any way,

907
00:51:16,679 --> 00:51:20,320
they're asking for something like a behavior isn't there for

908
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:24,800
no reason. They either need attention or want more attention,

909
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:27,719
and we're always resistant to giving it when kids act

910
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:28,519
out right.

911
00:51:28,639 --> 00:51:32,840
Speaker 1: Let's give it, you know. It's but are there some

912
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:35,760
kids who are just assholes?

913
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:42,719
Speaker 2: Ultimately, no, there aren't. Actually it's there's always a reason

914
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:45,840
for it. I may not always know the reason, but

915
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:47,599
I can figure.

916
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:49,079
Speaker 1: Out how to.

917
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:55,519
Speaker 2: A kid gets stuck in this role of being the

918
00:51:55,599 --> 00:52:00,239
bad kid in a classroom, and that's the teacher's responsibility

919
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:03,599
to take away. And the way you do that is

920
00:52:03,639 --> 00:52:07,239
by recognizing when they are doing something right, giving them

921
00:52:07,239 --> 00:52:10,800
a job to be a helper, you know. And obviously

922
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:13,679
I teach kindergarten. It probably gets more challenging as kids

923
00:52:13,719 --> 00:52:18,719
get older. But I also when I have a kid

924
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,800
with a lot of behaviors, I actually have a deal

925
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:24,800
with them where we have signals, like if we need

926
00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:26,920
a break, I put up a three and he knows

927
00:52:26,920 --> 00:52:29,280
to go take a break at table three, because if

928
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:33,639
I keep saying their name over and over and over again,

929
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:38,079
they just become the name that's constantly being redirected or

930
00:52:38,119 --> 00:52:43,400
reprimanded right or corrected. And I don't want that label

931
00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:44,559
to be on a kid.

932
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:47,840
Speaker 1: Okay, So before we wrap, I have a couple of

933
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,679
questions I think parents have a couple of questions about

934
00:52:52,239 --> 00:52:57,920
as a parent, what makes you like that mom? Because

935
00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:02,000
and dec for us, like when you have to talk

936
00:53:02,039 --> 00:53:05,880
to a mom about a kid's behavior, when should a

937
00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:08,639
mom read behind the lines of like your kid, like,

938
00:53:08,719 --> 00:53:12,159
go get your kid evaluated. They're really something's really off?

939
00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:16,960
And when are you just like just FYI, your kid

940
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:18,920
didn't have a great day to day? Yeah, I mean, like,

941
00:53:19,039 --> 00:53:21,559
what things do you say that we as parents should

942
00:53:21,599 --> 00:53:23,360
be like? I need to take this seriously and not

943
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:25,519
just get defensive and be like, ah, you don't you

944
00:53:25,559 --> 00:53:26,280
don't like my kid?

945
00:53:26,679 --> 00:53:26,920
Speaker 2: Right?

946
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:30,440
Speaker 1: I think it was. And if that's a convoluted question,

947
00:53:30,519 --> 00:53:32,480
you can change it in your head and say whatever

948
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:33,639
you want. Yeah, I get it.

949
00:53:34,519 --> 00:53:39,280
Speaker 2: I think if I'm really concerned about a kid, one

950
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,159
of the things I will really point out to a

951
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:46,400
parent is that this is unusual behavior. This is not

952
00:53:46,679 --> 00:53:51,400
something I will normally see in kindergarteners. And it's just

953
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:55,800
kind of a diplomatic way of explaining, like, this is

954
00:53:55,840 --> 00:53:58,639
something that we need to look at further. And I'm

955
00:53:58,679 --> 00:54:01,239
not just reporting to you because they had a bad

956
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:04,400
day that this is unusual.

957
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:08,280
Speaker 1: And do parents normally say like, oh my gosh, thank

958
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:13,280
you for telling me, or do they go, wow, I

959
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:15,920
don't need to hear that, Mike, It's fine. I don't

960
00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:18,599
notice that at home at all. Well, it's interesting to mix.

961
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:22,199
I think I've never had that reaction from a parent.

962
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:25,920
But I have to toot my own horn here. But

963
00:54:26,239 --> 00:54:31,599
I'm really professional and really diplomatic and really friendly with

964
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:36,400
parents because I know how hard it is to hear

965
00:54:36,519 --> 00:54:40,559
hard things about your kid. So I really make a

966
00:54:40,559 --> 00:54:43,559
point of letting them know that we are in this together.

967
00:54:44,199 --> 00:54:47,239
So I'm really telling you so you can help me

968
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:50,719
at school and that we can communicate and help each other,

969
00:54:51,039 --> 00:54:52,960
you know, because a lot of times I'm with their

970
00:54:53,039 --> 00:54:55,480
kid more than they are, and if they have any

971
00:54:55,519 --> 00:54:59,239
advice for me, I want to hear it. If I

972
00:54:59,280 --> 00:55:01,920
have a kid who I really think needs to be evaluated,

973
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:07,519
then that involves a phone call, and it involves some

974
00:55:07,599 --> 00:55:11,760
really hard conversations sometimes, but they have to be sort

975
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:14,480
of cloaked because you're not allowed to say, I think

976
00:55:14,519 --> 00:55:17,639
your kid's on the spectrum, right, but you kind of

977
00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:18,440
tell them.

978
00:55:18,679 --> 00:55:23,199
Speaker 2: Usually when I call a parent with concerns of that nature,

979
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:25,559
they've been waiting for my phone call.

980
00:55:27,559 --> 00:55:28,920
Speaker 1: They know something's up.

981
00:55:29,239 --> 00:55:31,159
Speaker 2: And I had a couple of years ago a mom

982
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:34,360
just burst into tears on the phone and she said,

983
00:55:34,599 --> 00:55:37,880
I'm so glad you're saying this because I've been worried

984
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:41,199
for two years and my family tells me I'm crazy,

985
00:55:42,079 --> 00:55:45,320
so and it really helps it. I'm the mom of

986
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:47,239
a kid on the spectrum, right.

987
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:54,800
Speaker 1: So remember when Xander was in the first grade, and

988
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,119
then I had the teacher tell me like, oh, Xander's

989
00:55:57,159 --> 00:55:59,280
really fidgety, and you know, he doesn't want to sit

990
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:01,920
still and he puts his leg he won't sit up

991
00:56:02,119 --> 00:56:07,800
like lay down sometimes and and uh. And then I said, oh,

992
00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:10,239
maybe he's bored, and I know that the teacher's worst

993
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:12,320
thing in eric, right, But then it turned out to

994
00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:15,280
be bored. But then but then I and then she

995
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:17,920
really did tell me I should have him evaluated by

996
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:21,440
the pediatrician. For I was remember I started googling like

997
00:56:21,519 --> 00:56:25,039
crazy like add and then people were like it could

998
00:56:25,079 --> 00:56:27,480
just be the add like the attention type, because I

999
00:56:27,559 --> 00:56:30,679
was like, he's not hyper, he's not really forgetful. I mean,

1000
00:56:30,679 --> 00:56:34,719
he's a little distracted. But and then she created book

1001
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:37,360
club and had the kids at a higher reading level

1002
00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:40,119
read a book and then she was like, oh, problem solved, right,

1003
00:56:40,199 --> 00:56:42,239
And I was like, so he was bored? Yeah, so

1004
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:45,480
do you ever see that where Yeah, well, I will

1005
00:56:45,599 --> 00:56:49,079
rarely or was I being that mom by even suggesting?

1006
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:52,000
I didn't say it, you know me, I wasn't like,

1007
00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:56,079
maybe he's bored. He's super super right, so gifted? Yeah,

1008
00:56:56,119 --> 00:56:58,639
I said, I know, this is probably one of those

1009
00:56:58,679 --> 00:57:01,639
things that people say, but is it possible he's just

1010
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:04,559
his mind is wandering because he's not challenged. Yeah.

1011
00:57:04,599 --> 00:57:07,119
Speaker 2: Well, and honestly, if a parent ever said it in

1012
00:57:07,159 --> 00:57:10,239
that way, I would it would be a good conversation.

1013
00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:14,239
I in kindergarten, I'm rarely reporting to a parent that

1014
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:17,559
their kid is fidgety because they're five, right, It would

1015
00:57:17,559 --> 00:57:20,440
be kind of weird if they weren't. Right, Well, Xander

1016
00:57:20,559 --> 00:57:23,360
was six, Yeah, maybe he is barely seven exactly, And

1017
00:57:23,400 --> 00:57:27,559
you give lots of opportunities for kids to move to switch,

1018
00:57:28,639 --> 00:57:31,960
but I do. I had one kid who he was

1019
00:57:32,079 --> 00:57:33,679
pretty defiant, and.

1020
00:57:36,079 --> 00:57:37,239
Speaker 1: He was very.

1021
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:39,679
Speaker 2: Bright, and so when a kid is that bright, we

1022
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:44,880
really do accommodate and make modifications, okay with the kindergarten curriculum.

1023
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:50,360
But his mom said to me, well, I think he's bored.

1024
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:52,599
And this is the first time I've ever did this.

1025
00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:55,559
I looked her and I said, what do you do

1026
00:57:55,639 --> 00:58:01,079
when you're bored? I was basically saying to Okay, maybe

1027
00:58:01,119 --> 00:58:03,599
he is bored, but this still is not an appropriate

1028
00:58:03,639 --> 00:58:04,719
way to respond to me.

1029
00:58:04,840 --> 00:58:08,480
Speaker 1: Right bored, right right? So, yeah, that is the teacher's

1030
00:58:08,519 --> 00:58:12,639
worst nightmare to hear. Oh my gosh. Well, this has

1031
00:58:12,679 --> 00:58:15,960
been very informative and I loved having you here, and

1032
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:18,679
I know for a fact I can tell you that

1033
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:24,599
everybody loved Well, that's hopes your input, okay, and yeah,

1034
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:29,519
just be kind Robin. Where can we find you? Don't

1035
00:58:29,559 --> 00:58:35,000
friend Robin on Facebook? That's have some boundaries. People working

1036
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:36,719
her on the Facebook relatant page.

1037
00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:39,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, talked to me on the page and well and

1038
00:58:39,559 --> 00:58:41,480
amway right right away.

1039
00:58:41,639 --> 00:58:46,159
Speaker 1: And also you can buy her autism epsom salts math

1040
00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:55,639
bombs her autism bombs to bomb that autism a bomb. Yeah, okay,

1041
00:58:55,639 --> 00:58:58,079
thanks for being here. Thank you, Caitlin, thank you, Robin,

1042
00:58:58,280 --> 00:59:01,440
thank you, Stephanie, your parent. Don't f it up.

1043
00:59:03,039 --> 00:59:05,119
Speaker 2: It's a good thing.

1044
00:59:06,119 --> 00:59:06,880
Speaker 1: Let angle