Speaker 1: Test testicle, Chris, baby testicles? What? No, I'm doing plosives.
Speaker 2: I gotta check the test it's working, Chris, Yes, no,
shut up?
Speaker 1: Check? Okay, I'm good. All right? Do I sound different?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: You sound the same. Why are the microphones weird? Why
are they so smelly?
Speaker 4: I had to get them from heaven and they searched me,
so I had to be creative with them.
Speaker 2: You had to put them up your butt? Yes, for
the cavity? Yes, god, they smell awful, Chris, are terrible?
Speaker 1: Well you to.
Speaker 2: We're gonna have to replace all sixteen microphones that you
stuck up your ass.
Speaker 1: How did you even fit that many of them?
Speaker 4: They're said to put the bikes in the cavity. I
thought that was implied.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm missing like fifty feet of excel R cables
that's still up there.
Speaker 1: Oh yep, that's where it was. All right, let's get sorted.
I'll cut all this, I'll cut all this bullshit. Yeah. Ready, Hey,
good morning for Hell.
Speaker 4: Let's be Clayton and I'm Chris, and I'm dead and
my eternal punishment is to record this podcast where we
interview everyone in hell.
Speaker 2: Everybody in Hell, and we're back and we got a
new theme song.
Speaker 1: Ooh, it sounds good, doesn't it sound good? Chris?
Speaker 4: It sounds delicious. That was a weird way to describe it.
I wouldn't describe sound as delicious. That's no, you're you're
creating the audience out already. Sorry, I'm a little russy.
It's been over two years since we recorded.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: We were up in heaven well for a bit. Yeah,
well we'll just leave that in the past. Okay, how
about that, Chris. You know, well, let's just do a reset. Okay,
you know, it's good morning from Hell. It's Chris, It's Clayton.
We're interviewing everybody in Hell. I got a secret mission.
Speaker 1: And then what you have a what what the secret mission?
Speaker 2: I don't know what you're talking about. But hey, we're back.
We're redder than ever, am I?
Speaker 1: Right? Chris? Yeah, you are red, and you know I'm
a bit sunburned. No, no, no, no, no, we are
in the red. We are in debt. Yeah. Yeah, well,
I mean we got a Hatreon because we need money.
Oh yeah, not just a normal patreon. We hate it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're calling it Hatreon. Six dollars and sixty six cents.
That's the only tier we have.
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 2: Actually, you know what, Chris, I'm gonna make it an
official order. What We're gonna add a sixty six dollars
and sixty six cent tier. But why oh, because you
know people want to give us money and whatever, give
us sixty dollars more than six six.
Speaker 1: Sixpence and there's no benefit to this.
Speaker 2: There's no benefit or all you get nothing different. You
just spend sixty extra dollars.
Speaker 1: What a deal.
Speaker 4: I mean, if money's the root of all evil, hey,
maybe you have a better chance to get in heaven.
Speaker 1: There you go. We also got merch. But enough about
that stuff.
Speaker 2: Okay, I want to get back to the core of
what the show is, and that's bringing on crazy guests
that live down here in hell. And you know, we're
restarting the podcast where we were starting a new business.
You know, I was like, we should get like someone
that's like good at starting stuff, right, like a founding father.
Speaker 1: Uh huh oh, which one guess? Well, Hamilton? No, why
would I pick Hamilton?
Speaker 2: He's got it like you would you, lind Manuel Miranda
is gonna start rapping for us and stuff the talk
wrap that everybody hates that they keep putting in Disney movies.
Speaker 1: Fuck that guy.
Speaker 2: Whoy well speak of the double there he is just
been Franklin.
Speaker 1: Benjamin, hi all, good, good to see you guys. What's
going on? Oh ben chest bump, Ben there we go.
Speaker 3: Let me tell you something. I'm a Philly boy. I
am not one of these Virginia fuckers. I cannot stand
this heat and the humidity is fucking brutal in this place.
Speaker 4: Man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's pretty hot. But hey man, you you
do it well. You looking sweaty, you looking slick.
Speaker 1: That's my look.
Speaker 3: Man.
Speaker 1: I never went for the powdered wing thing. Man.
Speaker 3: I always just rocked it natural, you know what I mean.
I had the confidence. You got to project that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you had to skull it, bro. You had like
like bald but long ass hair. It was a weird look,
but hey man, it worked for Hogan, worked for you.
Speaker 3: I'm the original. I put the mail in male pattern baldness, man,
that was my thing.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, brother, yeah yeah.
Speaker 4: So yeah, you invented a lot of things, and including America.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, I mean.
Speaker 3: Absolutely America, Jesus, Jesus ships, all of them.
Speaker 1: I invented everything, name something I'll tell you if I
invented or not. Uh oh my god, vamping. Yeah, I
invented that man, that was me originally. I'm the one
who did that. That's awesome, that's so sick.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean we just wanted to bring you on because,
you know, like, give us some tips, bro, give us
some pointers, like how do we how do we start
this thing?
Speaker 1: What do we do? Yeah? How do we grow? Yeah?
What do we do? Guys?
Speaker 3: I've always been a progressive guy, right, sure? You know,
I know you guys said founding father in the intro here.
I prefer to think of myself as a founding daddy.
Speaker 4: Nice. Uh, Ben daddy has a different kind of like
connotation than father, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, He'll say, Chris, you you making beef with Ben Franklin.
Founding daddy, Bro.
Speaker 4: I mean, I just don't know if you know that
it's like a sexual thing. Do I know it's a
sexual thing. I know it's a sexual thing. Chris, you
know who you're talking to. I mean, what were they
printing in your history books?
Speaker 1: Chris? Do you know anything about Ben Franklin? Well, yeah, Clayton,
give him the resume.
Speaker 2: Founding Daddy. Founding Daddy all right, he like fucked his
way through Europe. He fucked his way through Frank. Hell,
you like signed a bunch of bullshit, But who fucking
cares because you had like fifteen illegitimate kids.
Speaker 3: Wait, so how many kids did you have illegitimately allegedly?
Come on, let's go, let's not come on, it's not
going to that. You know, there's only so many benjamins
to go around. Let's put it that way, am I?
Speaker 1: Right? Guys? That's right? Yeah.
Speaker 2: I remember you having like a bunch of pseudonyms, which
I thought was like sick. You know, they're like alter
egos like Batman, Bruce Wayne, but you're like poor Richard
and like silence do good, Like what's up with that?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think a lot of those got lost of translation.
Speaker 3: Honestly, Poor Richard actually started off as broke Dick because,
as you said, I banged my way across France, you know,
to pore up the equipment.
Speaker 1: Am I right?
Speaker 3: Clayton, oh Man, that pipe is leaking, but you know
it's still working strong, oh Man. The life of a
diplomat back in the days, Man, I gotta tell you,
I live the life, buddy.
Speaker 1: It was great.
Speaker 4: So I just want to get some historical context. You know,
you were born in I think Boston, and then you
went to London to be a diplomat. Right, yeah, how
did you get into politics? It's called playing both sides, Chris.
There's always opportunity. Wherever there's conflict, there's opportunity.
Speaker 1: Right. So you got the columnists, huh, they're getting all
fucking up. Andy.
Speaker 3: You know we're causing trouble because we're Rennegades, we're rebels, right, Yeah,
so we go.
Speaker 1: Over to London. You know, they're looking for a way out.
They want a solution.
Speaker 3: Yeah, go over there, grease some palms, you know, talk
some sweetnesses, some people's ears. It's a great fucking time.
They have to come on their side, come back to
the US. Fuck it, guess what revolution boom there was.
That's the way it works, Pou.
Speaker 2: It's like a sun Zoo couldn't even set it better himself.
That guy's a pussy compared to you, bro.
Speaker 1: It's awesome. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I don't know who that is exactly, but uh yeah,
I'm way better than that guy.
Speaker 4: But I mean you came back and you were like
fired up with the spirit of freedom and starting American revolution.
Speaker 1: Right, I mean, yeah, blah blah blah.
Speaker 4: Well it wasn't just about you know, having a good time, right, well, yeah,
I mean also, you know, we had to throw off
the fucking mantle of taxes, am I right?
Speaker 3: That was getting brutal. I mean they were getting crazy.
They were taking all of our money. Like, who's growing
the tobacco in this relationship?
Speaker 1: That's us? Then they take all of our fucking money away, pal.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And of course you know you're throwing stuff like,
you know, liberty and free speech and all that stuff,
But really the taxes was the.
Speaker 2: Big deal, right yeah, right, right, what's up with all
that tea? You know, get it out of here, throw
it into the river. Who fucking cares?
Speaker 1: Exactly exactly, Thank Clayton understands. He gets it. Man.
Speaker 3: You can't just listen, you can't charge people taxes for
stuff they're using every single day.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: If you want people to operate in an efficient manner,
gotta give him the power to do what you fucking
pay him to do, what you send him halfway across
the world to do, Am I right?
Speaker 1: Leave us the fuck alone. That's right. He's like, dude,
he's like the og sovereign citizen. Right, that's exactly right,
Thank you, Clayton.
Speaker 4: So, I guess it's like you came back to America
after being a London diplomat. What did you do to
start the revolution?
Speaker 1: Like? How did you get everyone all fired up?
Speaker 3: Listen, A lot of things got cut. We all got
in this room. It was sweaty as hell. Everybody wanted
to get the hell out of there.
Speaker 1: By three o'clock every day, So you know, some things
get lost.
Speaker 3: Me personally, I feel like they left a lot of
my best material on the table. You talk about the revolution,
Uh huh, sexual revolution, That's what I was pushing for. Ah, right,
about freedom, I'm talking Laise Fair. I'm talking about sexual freedom.
Speaker 1: Yeah, free love, that's the free I'm talking about. I
did hear a rumor.
Speaker 2: I heard that the United States was originally supposed to
be like the first nudiest country, like enforced by law.
Speaker 1: Everyone's swinging dick and booby.
Speaker 3: You're exactly right, Clayton, no clothes, no morals, this religion stuff,
Get the fuck out of here with that.
Speaker 1: We crossed half of a fucking notion in.
Speaker 3: Order to get over here, to get away from religion,
and now we're gonna put it back into our documents.
Speaker 1: Get the hell out of here, No way.
Speaker 3: I wanted to get that stuff out immediately, out immediately.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: You know what, I heard something that really pissed me
off the other day. Oh, it boiled my blood even
more than usual. So whenever you look at a painting
of you, you know, like you're son of the Degression
of Independence, or you're at some fucking fancy schmancy meeting.
Speaker 1: With powder wwigs.
Speaker 4: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: I heard you were naked at every one of those
meetings and they painted clothes on you.
Speaker 1: Bro. Do you believe that? It's a fucking tragedy, That's
all I gotta say. It's a tragedy. Look, if you
could rock this.
Speaker 3: Bla with confidence, right, I'm as dowey as they come. Yeah,
I got a nice clean scalp ye long hair on
the sides. If I'm rocking that with confidence, how can
you possibly paint a fucking half knickers on me, a
little bodice and a powdered wig?
Speaker 1: Who are you? Who are you?
Speaker 2: Who do you think you are? You could do that
to me? Give me a break, wile they just didn't
want to show your third leg, Am. I right, you know,
that's exactly right, Clayton, That's exactly right. They did not
want to show poor Richard.
Speaker 1: Oh so that's that's where the name comes from. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: So the phrase at Apple Day keeps the doctor away,
that was you right, absolutely, that's a banger. Listen, you
guys got social media today. We did not have that
back in the day. We did not have that kind
of thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, we had pamphlets.
Speaker 3: Thomas Payne, he kicked ass at the pamphlets I got admit,
he was great at it. Right, Yeah, you got a
printing preass and a reef of paper. You were a.
Speaker 1: Fucking king back in those days.
Speaker 3: We were the original influence apple A day keeps the
doctor away. Floating keys on kites. I don't even know
what I was trying to do that day. I was
just trying to keep my kid busy that day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So what was up with that key thing?
Speaker 2: You know, you were out in the storm and you're
flying a kite and it's got like a key on
it or something like that.
Speaker 4: It was a scientific experiment, you know about electricity ience.
Speaker 1: What is that? It's ben tell us what was going on?
What was happening on that day.
Speaker 3: Here's the deal, right, we all wanted electricity, we didn't
know how to get it. There's lightning in the sky.
I figure, I gotta harness this in some way. Okay,
So I thought, what attracts lightning?
Speaker 1: Uh huh? Trees?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: Okay? Sure, yeah, yeah, I'm following.
Speaker 3: What's a kite made out of made out of paper?
So let's float the fucking kite with paper up there.
The lightning will hit the kite with paper. Didn't work.
What's the next thing? Lightning hits.
Speaker 1: Metal metal churches? You're exactly right.
Speaker 3: Oh, there's a lot of metal in churches, right that
crosses at the top. They got medaling them. So I decided, hey,
let's float a key up there. Put the kite with
the paper made out of wood, the key made out
of metal, Bang lightning. Of course, I wasn't gonna do
that myself. I sent my kid out to do it first.
You know, I got an afternoon off, he had something
to do. And everything turned out fine. Oh the problem
was lightning hit the kid. He got a little zapped.
No big deal. Didn't really work out a way to
capture the lightning though and keep the electricity. But I
proved it could be done. I think that's the important thing.
And your kid is totally fine. I mean as far
as kids go.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's fine. Yeah, I mean he's got like what
fourteen fifteen to go around. He's there. They're fine, they're fine.
Who cares? Who's keeping track? After a while? Man, you
fucking lose count, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, they're
all the same.
Speaker 3: You get one out, one gets hit by lightning, you know,
one gets buried in your yard in London.
Speaker 1: Things happen. What are you gonna do? Wait? What? Yeah?
What was that? Well, you know, put yourself in my shoes.
Uh huh.
Speaker 3: You go from the colonies, you go back to London.
You're in London, okay. You have meetings to like four,
four to three. They drink a lot of tea in London.
They take a lot of breaks. You're bored. But then
you're at home you're doing nothing. Of course, you bury
like fifteen sixteen bodies in your garden.
Speaker 1: That's what you do, right what? Oh you guys are
on my side with that? U? This is this news
to me. I'm sorry I didn't hear about the bodies been.
Speaker 3: Oh good, I'm glad. I'm glad you hear about it.
We took we hit him pretty well. It was a
little hole that we had in the garden, a little
secret room down there in the loney. It actually wasn't me.
It was a bunch of dead bodies. I was holding
for a friend of mine. Oh, I had this land lady.
She had a son. He was very into anatomy. I
mean Clayton. I was very into anatomy myself. You know
what I'm talking about. But I had a different methodology there.
So he was a curious kid. I thought, you know what,
I want to encourage this kid. I want to get
him into science. I had already electrocuted one of my
own kids. I thought, I gotta take a different.
Speaker 1: Approach on this.
Speaker 3: So I thought, okay, what do you want to do.
What are you interested in? He said, I'm interested in medicine.
I'm interested in anatomy. I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly.
I don't even know Thomas Jefferson.
Speaker 1: He was the Latin guy. That guy I would fucking
talk and at the drop of a hat, he just
do it to show off. Anyway, we didn't know a
lot about it at the time.
Speaker 3: So I said, hey, you know this apartment, it's between
a couple of graveyards. There's a more nearby. Maybe you
could steal some bodies, study them, and then just you know,
bury him in the garden as one does.
Speaker 1: Okay, this is okay, I just looked this up. This
is real. Yeah, of course it's real. That's uh. Who
its news to me. You've been be a wild man, Ben,
And they were just dead bodies. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, Chris, you know, it's another thing that I invented
public relations, my friends. You know, not everything makes it
into the history books.
Speaker 1: Uh huh yeah.
Speaker 2: And to be clear, Ben, you know, I'm really I'm
really throwing out a life raft here.
Speaker 1: Uh. They were dead when you found.
Speaker 3: Them, right, I mean, they were declared dead. How does
that sound? Is that a nice way to say that
We're listen, guys. Yeah, it was a different time. Okay,
it was a different time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but different time, different time. Well yeah, yeah, of course,
of course, of course. Okay, it's cool man, It wasn't
that different of a time.
Speaker 1: Chris, Just move on to the next question.
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, yeah, Wait, hold up, is that your eyes
and ears do not deceive you?
Speaker 1: Chris? That is indeed a bird. It's the money bird.
Speaker 2: Because we're about to talk about our sponsors this week.
This show is sponsored by Better Help. Hey, Chris, you
look a little down in the dumps.
Speaker 1: You look a little set. Yeah, okay, buddy, I am
a little sad. Well what's going on? Well, I'm in hell.
That's true, that's true.
Speaker 2: Well, maybe you would benefit from the services of better Help.
Speaker 1: They are an online therapy provider. Great.
Speaker 2: You know, I gotta say I've had the experience with
therapy and it's helped me through a lot, you know.
Speaker 4: Like, really, you've taken therapy?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, why is that so surprising?
Speaker 2: I have a lot of family problems going on, you know,
like sometimes I'm walking around my mom Lucy Ferr or
my brother Satan, and you know, I feel like I'm
just kind of wearing a mask, you know, and just
not being my true self.
Speaker 1: But therapy is something that can, you know, help you out.
And if you're thinking of starting therapy, well you should
get better Help a try. And it's completely online, that's right.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suit for your schedule.
Speaker 4: Okay, So, well, what if I matched with a therapist
and I don't like them.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean hopefully that won't happen. You just got
to fill out a brief questionnaire. Then you get matched
with the licensed therapists, and if you want to switch therapists,
you can do it any time.
Speaker 1: For no additional charge, No big deal. Wow. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So if you're like me and you're kind of wearing
a mask around people and you feel like you want
to be a better, more authentic version of yourself, you
want to give a therapy a try, well, you know,
take off the mask.
Speaker 1: With better Help.
Speaker 2: Can visit betterhelp dot com slash good Morning Today to
get ten percent off your first month. Yeah, that's better Help.
H e LP dot com, slash.
Speaker 4: Good Morning, Thanks for sponsoring has Better Help. This episode
is also sponsored by hero Forage. Hero Forage offers fully
customizable tabletop ministures with dozens of fantasy species and thousands
of parts to choose from. Clayton, I know you've been
using Oh that's.
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, you know.
Speaker 2: I mean I would recommend it for any of our
listeners that are like big tabletop RPG players, you know,
or you know, maybe theoretically you know, you've been trying
to work with the government of Hell to erect a
statue in your honor because of all your contributions to Hell,
you know, me being having the number one podcaster in
all of Hell. And then they refuse to do it.
So then I go to hero Forge and then they'll
make me a statue. You know, it's like two inches tall,
but it's still really cool. So yeah, well they have
different sizes, that's true. Yeah, and you're able to completely
customize it. It's like a three D and depth character creator.
I mean you have every detail it looks. I mean,
it looks like identical to you. It's really cool.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, no, it looks just like me.
Speaker 2: I mean I used their online easy to use design
tools that let me build the perfect maniagure it's fully
three D. I even printed it out in color so
you can see the red of my skin in my eyes.
Speaker 1: And you have little accessories. That's cool. Oh yeah, dude,
I mean this thing is covered in stuff.
Speaker 2: I mean he's got like a machine gun, giant sword,
and RPG on his back. He's got a guitar. You know,
I'm huge, I'm muscular, I'm built. You know, it's all
super easy to build.
Speaker 4: And hero Fords is constantly expanding their at aalog. They
have new parts every week and new species and new things,
so like it's something you can always check up on
and see what has been at it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're design tools, super easy, and you can also
just download it, you know, if you want to have
the model files because you have a three D printer
at home, you can do that as well.
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and everyone go check them out because they're awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Thanks for the tiny statue that I get to use,
you know, to honor me. Yeah, and all my cool
wisdom and strength and sword using.
Speaker 1: Oh all right, well there goes the bird. Bye bye
bird bird.
Speaker 2: So okay, alright, talking about like conventions and stuff like that,
you know, going back to that subject. Yeah, I heard
you created like bifocals, Like tell us about all that stuff?
Speaker 3: Well, okay, first we had the monofocal, right, that's the
one less right?
Speaker 1: Where do you go from there? Where do you go
from there? Two?
Speaker 3: Buy focals? Yeah, tryfocals, tryfocal. Let me tell you something, man,
we didn't live as long back then. I did not
get to express all of my genius in the focal
industry before I died. It's one of the great regrets
of my life. Where I was really going. I was
gonna work my way down through the alphabet until I
get to X focals.
Speaker 1: Would you care to guess what those do? I couldn't
tell you, man, I'm not that bad. Where was it going?
Speaker 3: What's the number one deterrent for looking at naked ladies? Uh?
Speaker 1: Clothing? Right? Okay, you're with me so far?
Speaker 3: Sure, pair of glasses they look straight through clothing. X
focals don't steal the idea. Guys, don't steal the idea.
Speaker 1: That's so smart. Who wouldn't want a pair of ex vocals?
Speaker 2: I I mean I'd take five, you know, I mean personally,
that sounds like you just sold. You know, if this
is Shark Tank boom, You're I'm investing. That's awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know you have literal shark tanks down here, right.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, of course I'm talking about the show.
But I mean, yeah, I know Chris, Chris visits the
Shark Tanks constantly, right, Chris, Yay.
Speaker 4: So that was the first place we went to. So
as we got back to do some research on starting
a business.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so tell me, guys, let me ask you guys,
what's your business plan? You guys, you guys came to
the source. I'm one of the original founding fathers started
Banger of a Country. Yep, Hey, Clayton, I'm on the money.
I don't need any more.
Speaker 1: Brother.
Speaker 3: I won't even charge you guys for consulting. Tell me
your business idea. I want to hear it.
Speaker 1: Oh what a steal.
Speaker 2: Okay, So Chris, Chris and I podcasting, all right, yeah, podcasting.
Speaker 1: Jesus, Okay, okay, okay, there's not that many in hell.
Speaker 2: And then and then we're also like, you know, like merchandise,
like shirts, you know, like a web store, and then
and then a hat Treon you know where people like
send us money for stuff.
Speaker 3: Yeah, podcasting, an east or merchandise. All right, Just for clarity, huh,
you guys live in two thousand and eight, right, that's
where you guys are alive.
Speaker 2: Uh last check, I think it's twenty twenty twenty four.
Speaker 3: Yeah, wow, okay, okay, all right, well I'm sure you
guys will do fight.
Speaker 1: Okay, cool. Thanks, you're welcome. You're welcome. Let me give
you an idea. Yeah, this is right off the top
of my head here, okay, right out that dome, right
out that that bald dome.
Speaker 3: You take your podcast, you go across the Atlantic Ocean,
you go to France. Okay, you go to London. Yeah,
you get a bunch of groupies, right, uh huh. Maybe
one of you catches syphilis. Maybe maybe, Chris. I think
you're you're ripe for that. I think yeah. Share now, Clayton,
just to be clear, he doesn't have to have sex
with anybody in order to get syphilis.
Speaker 1: You could just get a jar of it and throw
it in his face. Oh, good to know, Good to know. Okay,
you that for like three or four months. Uh huh.
Speaker 3: You come back to the US. Guess what you've got
at that point in time. Guess what you got in
your hands.
Speaker 1: I mean a lot of syphilis for sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and a revolution, my friends, a media revolution. Oh,
you get five or six thousand backwoods dudes with guns
who are mad about the government and taxes, and you
just go hog fucking wild.
Speaker 4: Let me tell you something from experience. That's a party, pal, Chris,
write that down. So write that down, Chris. So just okay,
just get guns, syphilis, guns and syphilis.
Speaker 3: Let me ask you question. I've been to America in
a long time. I haven't been there in a while.
Are there a lot of people who live in the
country with a lot of land, a lot of guns,
and they're really fucking stupid?
Speaker 4: Well, yes, yes, I mean that would be. It hasn't
changed that much.
Speaker 1: Then, Yeah, it sounds like santastic. Those are my boys
fucking go crazy with her.
Speaker 2: That's awesome, that's awesome. All right, we're we're writing this down.
This is good stuff. Okay, you know your face is
on the one hundred dollars bill, So, like, were you
like the one hundredth president?
Speaker 1: First of all, let.
Speaker 3: Me tell you something. Everyone thinks I'm a president, not
a president. Never was a president. That's by design.
Speaker 1: Pal. Listen.
Speaker 3: They tried to offer it to me. They said, look, Ben,
my friends called me Ben.
Speaker 1: Yeh uh uh huh, presidency. What do you think.
Speaker 3: I was like, no way, man, it's too much responsibility.
Everyone thinks I'm a president. I didn't have to do
any of that stuff.
Speaker 1: You know what. I like to say. I got all
of the booty, none of the duty. That's how I like.
That's good stuff. That's good stuff. Hey, you guys want
to write that down, you guys want to hear it
behind the scenes. But the money thing, give us the scoop. Bro,
let's go.
Speaker 3: We're coming up with this money stuff, right. We're not
gonna go with the pound fuck that. No, we want
the dollar. So who's gonna go on what?
Speaker 1: Right? You know what they offered me to begin with,
I don't know coins.
Speaker 3: I don't know a shilling and not even a full shilling,
a half shilling.
Speaker 1: I was like, get the hell out of here with that.
You know what I did? I said, put me on
the one hundred dollar bill.
Speaker 3: They said, Ben, uh huh, this is seventeen seventy six.
There is no one hundred dollars. Nobody has one hundred dollars.
But I think about the goddamn future. Who's going to
be using a shilling fifty years, one hundred years from now?
Nobody I was thinking ahead. Uh huh, I said, put
me on the hundred thego. We're not even gonna print
that probably for centuries. I'm like, I don't give a shit.
You wait and see. Now, what do you see? Music videos?
Strippers whose name my name all the time? Ben Franklin, everywhere,
who talks about Jefferson, get out of here. Nobody, get
out of here, Nobody, nobody, Lincoln, forget that guy, Johnny
come lately, forget a bottom, No way, Benjamin's that's what
everyone says, Benjamin's.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 4: So the other founding fathers or were they founding Daddy's too,
or was that just you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, give us a scoop on those dudes. I like
to call them the co founding daddies.
Speaker 3: They were there, they had their little pens in the
paper and they had some ideas or whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we were even threw them some bones.
Speaker 3: They got to put some stuff in, everybody got to
sign the document. It was a lot of fun and
everybody had a good time. But yeah, we all know
who was really like lifting the heavyweights.
Speaker 1: We all know.
Speaker 4: And I just want to clarify it because you did
have a bunch of dead bodies in your backyard.
Speaker 1: You said you threw them bones.
Speaker 3: They were literal bones, right, No, they're not literal bones, Chris.
What do you think I shipped over bones from the
fifty or sixty people, maybe seventy that I killed in
my garden in London.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not gonna do that, think of the shipping
pal Okay.
Speaker 2: So okay, well give us some insight, you know, Like,
what's the delio with John Hancock? Why name's so big?
Why first on the declaration? What's up with that dude?
Did he have to like take a shit or something?
Speaker 1: What an asshole?
Speaker 3: Am?
Speaker 1: I right? Just signs his name so gigantic.
Speaker 3: Look, I think the motherfucker couldn't count he knew how
many of us were there. You ever make a poster
and you go to write it, and then the last
five letters you're making super small because you reach the
others the paper. That's that fucking guy. That's what he's like.
He writes his name so goddamn big. The rest of us,
we gotta show up and we gotta squeeze in on
the margins because a fucking Hancock get out of here.
You know, Hancock, that's actually a nickname. Hancock, that's mine.
I came up with that. You know what his real
name is?
Speaker 1: What? John Greenberg? Greenberg? Greenberg? Yeah, guess what we caught
him doing old handcock? Wow? Wow?
Speaker 4: I thought you were about the sexual revolution and freedom itself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you never passed up a chance to give
somebody a good nickname, Chris. I mean, come on, all right,
you know that's fair. Fair's fair, Chris. Let me tell
you something. It's all about showing dominance at all points
in time. That's what people respond to.
Speaker 3: They just want to know that you're confident and you
show dominance.
Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying, Chris? I think so. I
don't think he does. Chris.
Speaker 3: This is why I'm on the highest denied nomination of currency.
This is why this is free information.
Speaker 1: This is gold.
Speaker 3: I'm giving you a gold. This is one hundred dollars
bills lying out of my ass.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, wait, I didn't you literally can do that.
Speaker 2: That's very spending over to the desk right now, and
they're just they're flying fast. Wow, it's like one of
those money booths hit the mall, go like, oh my god,
I'm trying to grab them all. But then they're also sticky.
Speaker 1: But this is good.
Speaker 2: We can use this. This is what I'm talking about.
The down payment, that's that's that's very generous.
Speaker 1: Have you been?
Speaker 3: Wow, my pleasure? And boys, the syphilis is free. I'm
throwing that in for you.
Speaker 2: Oh god, Chris, graddess, Chris, take my bills.
Speaker 1: Take I'm making a joke there. Obvious.
Speaker 4: Obviously I don't have cyppies. Obviously, I don't you know
where that story started. I couldn't imagine I slept with.
Speaker 3: These two women in France, uhh, Sylvia and Phyllis, and somehow,
I think it was fucking handcock turned that into I
have syphilis. Somehow I don't have fucking syphilis. No, that's
not how I roll. See that's two women, Chris, two
women at one time. You know what the French call
that shot. They call it a three.
Speaker 1: Oh, you're such a square. You're embarrassing me in front
of Ben. You know.
Speaker 2: It's like I brought my cool friend in here and
you're just you're such a square Chris, you could learn
a thing from two for this guy.
Speaker 3: No, No, Chris, don't take that for him. Listen, squares
make the world go round? Do you think I could
have gone and been ambassador of France, Ambassaard London possible
serial killer?
Speaker 1: Do you think I could have done all these.
Speaker 3: Things if I didn't have Jefferson back home sitting at
his desk right out all the Declaration of YadA YadA
and the Constitution of the No, I couldn't do that stuff.
Speaker 1: I'd have to do that stuff myself. Man.
Speaker 3: Let me tell you something, Chris, people like you, you
make the world go around. You're the real heroes. Chris,
people like you.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Thank you. I appreciate that. Ben Clayton, I'm
not gonna come to you.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is this is the first comblem that
you've gotten into some time. I'm gonna have to I'll
remember this.
Speaker 2: We're gonna have to gen make sure that I, you know,
knock you down a few pegs via pegging.
Speaker 1: So Hey, Clayton, you know, yeah, dorks, Am I right? Dorks? Dorks?
Dorks the world go around? Am I right? Get to work, pal?
Speaker 2: You know, Ben, this has been eye opening stuff. I mean,
any any last minute bits of advice that you can
give us as we continue on this show and we
start this new you know company fellas.
Speaker 3: As you know down here in Hell, there are a
lot of people who did TED talks. Like it's like
ninety nine percent of people who did ted talks they're
down here.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: There's a great one that I love for building an
audience online, how to start a movement right, And I'm
gonna give.
Speaker 1: You my takeaways on that.
Speaker 3: When you have people who follow you, those first followers,
you have to honor them. You have to realize, Yeah,
those first people in your community, they teach other people
what it takes to follow you. They are the people
who build the community. And they get up to ten people,
then they get to twenty people, Okay, then they get
to one hundred people. That's when the magic starts to happen. Right,
That's when you invite them over to your garden in London.
You can bury all of their bodies in the garden
in London.
Speaker 2: Oh, that is my advice to you. That's wow, And
we got that for free.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Benjamin Franklin, crazy stuff man. Thank you so much for
coming on the show.
Speaker 3: Thanks for having me on, and honestly, I appreciate the
opportunity to set the record straight on me as the
founding daddy of America.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you guys gave me that opportunity to talk
about that today. I really appreciate it. That's you know,
it was an honor and a privilege. Sir. I'm gonna
I'm gonna just stand up and I'm gonna salute you
as you leave the door.
Speaker 4: Chris sum Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a general.
Speaker 1: You guys want another run at the moneymaker? You want it?
Speaker 3: There?
Speaker 2: We got another run they got yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh god, oh oh oh, I'll tell you yet. All right,
I'm out of here.
Speaker 2: Wow, Chris, Baby, we're back, man. We got we got
some good stuff. We got some good stuff from Ben
Franklin there.
Speaker 1: That's wow.
Speaker 2: Wait a second, Yeah, this isn't real money. This is
fake money. Okay, yeah, you know now that I'm looking
at it, it does. This is party city money. Yeah,
son of a bitch, he got us.
Speaker 1: Okay. Well, hey guys, thanks for listening. We're so glad
to be back.
Speaker 2: We couldn't be here without you guys, and we're super
excited to see what the future hold for Good Morning
from Hell?
Speaker 1: Chris hit it with their socials. Where can they find
us at.
Speaker 4: Morning from Hell anywhere on the internet? And then we
have a YouTube now good Morning from Hell, So looks up.
Speaker 1: We got a website too, right, good Morning from Hell
dot Com. It's a thing.
Speaker 2: Now we're gonna have some store stuff. We're gonna be
posting some merge. Hey, future's bright or it's dark for
Chris because.
Speaker 1: He's in Hell. Yeah, and he stuck with me. Yeah, okay, yeah, no, Clayton,
we we are back.
Speaker 4: Thank you so much for tuning in for our first
relast episode. We could not be happier to be taking
the show independent from Rooster Teeth.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you're familiar with what happened our
former parent company Groups do you shut down? Very unfortunate,
but fortunately we were able to reclaim the rights to
a lot of our beloved properties, Good Morning from Hell
included amongst them, and so Chris and I decided that
we love this show so much that we wanted to
bring it back. This has always been a passion project
of ours, and.
Speaker 1: We had time because we lost our jobs. So yeah,
that's a big factor too.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're obviously still working on our other podcast, Tilts
from Sticky Dragon. This is just a Blaine and Chris
project that we're doing because we love doing it and
I don't know, it's just a creative, fulfilling thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So thank you for listening. Yeah, we love Stinky Dragon.
If you haven't subscribed to that or listened to that,
please go check it out. That is like our bread
and butter. But yeah, like Chris said, this is definitely
our baby. You know, this is something that we together birth,
We held hands, we made eye contact. Yeah, So to
come back and to have total control over this and
to be able to bring on all sorts of people,
one hundred episodes you know in the original run.
Speaker 4: And for full transparency, we are completely independent with this
and we're basically funding the show using our severance. We
A big goal of ours was to work with as
many people as we could that also lost their jobs.
So we're trying to support as many people as possible.
So if you're listening and for supporting us on our Hatreon,
that would mean a lot to us, it really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, our hatredon is going to be a fun place
where we're going to post a lot of stuff behind
the scenes, but also like a huge way to support us.
But word of mouth is also stupendous. But yeah, like
we would love to bring in as many people into
the fold for Good Morning from Hell. You know, animators, editors, artists,
all sorts of folks. So yeah, any help on Hatreon
goes towards that.
Speaker 4: Speaking of people who we worked with, we were talking
about the first episode. We were like, we wanted to
have mister Bernie Burns on because we love working with
them is always funny, and we never got him on
the original show, and we reached out and Bernie was
instantly supportive and wanted to do it. So thank you
Bernie for coming on. Where can people find you?
Speaker 3: Yeah, my pleasure after all that shit talking about the
company that I helped start. You can always find me
Monday through Friday on the Morning Somewhere podcast with my
beautiful wife Ashley as we talk about our day and
whatever's going on in the news at that point in time.
Speaker 1: It's Morning Somewhere.
Speaker 2: I'm so stoked to have you back in podcasting, not
just on our show, but like having you guys, you know,
working on that together. You are such a creative Powerhouse.
So I knew that it was going to be a
matter of time until you came back in some big way.
And it seems like that show's going really well.
Speaker 1: Man. Yeah, we're stoked for you. It's really great.
Speaker 3: I think we're all kind of in the same boat,
right Well, everyone's like really happy. I think we're all
doing oddly enough. I feel like more work than ever,
But I think everyone's happy because everyone's doing their own thing.
Like there's nobody that spends any amount of time doing
anything that they're not incredibly passionate about, not a single
minute of the day, and I think that's a great thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm grateful for the times that we all had
a rooster teeth and stuff like that, especially the friendships
that we carried along the way. But like it's a fun,
fun era that we're in, right, exciting, So.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm grateful for ninety five percent of them.
Speaker 4: Well, if you want more, Good Morning from Hell, the
next episode is available right now on our Hatreon, So
if you go subscribe, you can get the next episode
with Eric Badoor as Christopher Columbus. Also, we have another
podcast called Why We're Going to Hell, where we interview
our guests about the terrible things we do in real life.
And let's just say there's a reason we don't want
that publicly available to everyone. But we do have over
thirty episodes of that show from our back catalog available
right now on our Patreon, and the episode with Bernie
will be out next week. That's good Morning from Hell
dot com or patreon dot com slash good Morning from Hell.
Thank you so much for coming back to listen in
after such a long time. It really means the world
to us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, spread the word we're back. Give us a look
at Hatreon however, you can support us. We're just we're
just happy to be here. So yeah, see all over there.