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Speaker 2: Welcome to Softcore History.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Softcore History. I'm your host for the week,
Dan Regester, joined us always by Rob Fox.
Speaker 2: What's up?
Speaker 1: How are we doing?
Speaker 2: I'm doing great. I'm drinking some beers already, just chat
about history on this Sunday night. I'm feeling good. I
only feel happy on the mic. I only feel happy
when I'm getting attention.
Speaker 1: You turn it up.
Speaker 2: So when I'm at home and I'm the one that
has to give all the attention you did.
Speaker 1: Come into the studio and you're like, I need a beer.
Speaker 2: Like I was walking like Charlie Brown with a six
pack in my hand, and I was like, guy's got correct,
It's over. But now I'm on the microphone. People are
paying attention to me on the internet, and I'm getting
drunk because I'm an alcoholic.
Speaker 1: Maybe not Charlie Brown, but Linus dragging his blankie.
Speaker 2: No, it's Charlie. Yeah, I guess because I had I
was dragging a six pack. Yeah, either way, the music
was playing.
Speaker 1: Today, we're gonna talk about something that's kind of in
the news. Okay, try to make it as topical as possible,
because those seem to do better.
Speaker 2: People like a little. It's the whole reason I like
history is because it allows me to look at something
happening and be like, as, this happened before, and.
Speaker 1: Also it calms me down. It's just like, why why
am I get upset about this?
Speaker 2: Like people have.
Speaker 1: Lived through this type of bullshit before. Whether history doesn't
repeat it rhyme, I honestly seems like it just repeats
a lot too. It might just repeat it.
Speaker 2: It's a little bit, a little bit of a little
bit of b but yeah, so it just allows you
to look at something could be like, yeah, whatever, all.
Speaker 1: Right, we'll make it through this. Yeah, what about China?
Speaker 2: What about them?
Speaker 1: What about China?
Speaker 2: Going back to back China's I guess you did China
on the Patreon but still yeah, on Patreon, we did
some Battie that killed her entire family like ten times
over to take power. A lot of that or not,
mattris side uh in fanticide.
Speaker 1: I guess, so check that out. It's good episode. Yeah,
so we'll just get into a post revolutionary war. England
is in a bit of a bind. Not only are
they cash poor, having spent a meaty portion of their
national treasury on the conflict with the colonies. Take that
l you.
Speaker 2: And by the way, a long revolution war was like
eight or nine years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like it was not.
Speaker 2: I feel like Americans have a view of war that's
like kind of short because our two most famous wars
were basically four years long, right, you know, you wrap
it up in four years World War two, Civil War.
We're only in World War one for like I guess, yeah,
really a cup of coffee, and like Mexican War two years.
I mean all all, we've fought a lot of short wars,
but the Revolution and Vietnam were the two super long ones.
I guess guatt was too, but that was kind of
like not the same. I feel like I put that
in a different category than like nam or.
Speaker 1: Yeah, anything, we don't necessarily lose, but we kind of
give up on I'd just check out. I'm like, it
doesn't count.
Speaker 2: It just was not a real war. It wasn't the same.
Speaker 1: We took over Iraq in like.
Speaker 2: Three weeks, all right, and then it were just like
popping off on insurge. I mean there were big battles
after that, like Fallujah and shit like that. But even honestly,
Fellusiah was a brutal battle, but like in the grand
scheme of things, not big.
Speaker 1: If we aren't coming out clean, I don't want to
acknowledge it. Yeah, we fought a lot of cut and
dry wars too. Yeah, I guess I don't want any nuance.
I want us to either win or not acknowledge it.
Speaker 2: The Marvel movie, that's what you want. Yeah, good guy win,
bad guy lose.
Speaker 1: And there's clearly a bad guy in the Middle East.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a couple.
Speaker 1: The Crown also lost one of its most reliable sources
for both goods and revenue. New economic opportunities were essential,
so the Brits went east.
Speaker 2: It were East, it was, yeah, because it wasn't. The
colonies weren't just a production house like they made money
trading with the colonies, like it was like you sold
things to a pretty big population old things considered, and
a population that was like yours and was happy to
deal with you.
Speaker 1: And they're also growing your cotton, your tobacco.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, and it's like in cut So imagine if
like you, just like people with tariffs now are constantly
like we got micings in America, you know, like, but
so England. If stuff was getting made in the colonies,
things were kind of getting made in England, right, and
now they're not.
Speaker 1: Let's say you bought a house just to runt out,
you know, make it a little extra income. You're on the
entrepreneur grind. Yeah, then all of a sudden they have
vict you from the house you bought the people that
were renting from you.
Speaker 2: That doesn't compute because if you're on grind culture, you
never get evicted. Yeah. Eviction is Latin for opportunity.
Speaker 1: But I'm saying the people that were renting from you, yeah,
are just like, this is our house now, and then
legally they win the process, I mean, and now you're
out the house.
Speaker 2: It's kind of like it's you own the house, but
they built it and have been living in it the
entire time. You just owned it. Yeah, but they did
everything they did all the work.
Speaker 1: Do you not respect landlords?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I always tip my landlord. You have to change out.
I have a landlord, so but I always tipped the bank.
Speaker 1: Did it insane? Actually, every apartment I've lived in in
Austin or like the Austin area has an additional like
service feeded pedant. It's insane. It's asinine.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you have to a processing fee for paying rent.
Speaker 1: I have no other option but to pay online, right,
and they tack on all these little extra fees.
Speaker 2: Yea, this is why there's ups and downs, but to both.
But this is why it always cracks me up when
people shit on small landlords, you know what I mean,
like guys who are just own a couple of houses
or like condo or which is.
Speaker 1: What I was talking about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, dude, those are the best fucking places to live.
Speaker 1: You can pay mp the stary cash. I remember in
college two hundred ninety dollars cash. It's magical.
Speaker 2: I miss my college rent, which was I would get
my refund check from my loan and it would be like,
however much money, and I would take the whole like
I would pay a whole year's rent upfront and then
just never have to worry about it. I would just
like write them a check for it. Not very much either.
It's like two thousand dollars for the year or maybe
like twenty five hundred for the year, and it was
just like done.
Speaker 1: We're attacking thieves and tips on everything. Yeah, my friend
shay I went in and like paid or like put
some money on her son's lunch account. Yeah, they had
like a four dollars service.
Speaker 2: For what for no reason, just call it twenty four dollars.
Speaker 1: But doesn't even go to him like being able to eat. Yeah,
I know that's the paying of the cooks. They're not
paying the cooks, they're paying the online service.
Speaker 2: The online service is just like that's like drop shipping almost,
you know what I mean. There's just like an online
broker that's.
Speaker 1: Like you don't have to sit on anything. Yeah, it's
better go buy a shirt at software history. Rip drop
shippers if this China stuff sticks. Sorry, you had this
like four to five year window where if you just
got in on the right trends, you kind of made out. Yeah,
made some you know, creating gummies. Sorry, you lost access
to your slaves. You're just a middle man, like you
said you don't own anything. Really, you don't sit on anything.
You probably used AI tools to make your logo your website.
Oh yeah, that's the dream.
Speaker 2: And then you want to sit back when all your
income is passive income, you put up.
Speaker 1: A bunch of tick ducks that link to your product.
Speaker 2: Love it.
Speaker 1: Direct trade with China from Europe was paved by the
Portuguese fifteen fifty seven, when an outpost was leased from
the Ming dynasty in Macau. Trade with the rest of
Europe was only accelerated after the Spanish conquested the Philippines
in fifteen sixty five in exchange for porcelain, silk, and tea.
Spanish trading ships would bring over silver from South American mines,
as the Imperial Government of China would only take payment
for their goods in precious metals.
Speaker 2: Smart, they don't want to buy on credit.
Speaker 1: They're also starting to create a deficit, what with who
with everybody like a They're like, we don't want your goods,
we want fucking straight cash, homie.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh, they didn't want to trade X for Y.
They wanted silver. Yep, silver, all right, that's it. Tobacco
or any.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, no thanks, straight cash, homie, none of your
clocks give us the silver. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we already know how to tell time. I don't
care what you made. I know what time it is.
Give me money. I mean that that makes sense to me.
Maybe it didn't work out for them so well. It
sounds like it's not gonna work out for them so well.
Speaker 1: China, like they had been throughout their entire history, was
still very suspicious of their new networks and business partners.
They set up specific ports where foreign trade could take
place and put strict control measures on those locations so
Europeans could not step foot anywhere else in the red
dragging Kingdom. So they're like, you can stand these.
Speaker 2: Ports, dude, I'm telling you. Historically, like people talk about
when people talk about isolationism in America, they talk about
basically like the the main thing in like history textbooks
is the US not wanting to get into World War
one and World War two. World War one makes sense,
that was fuck World War One, but isolationism was big
running up to World War Two because World War One
was pretty brutal even for the Americans, even for the
two years we were there, coffee were there. So they
talk about isolationism and why it's bad and why if
we didn't get into World War two specifically, things could
have gone very badly. And that's true. And isolations and
isolationism is bad if like for the most part, like
you can't be everywhere at once, that's stupid, But isolationism
broadly bad.
Speaker 1: Isn't that a Chinese film Everything Everywhere?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I think so, it's Asian. It's probably Chinese, yeah,
I guess. But the best argument for why isolationism is
bad is China. Like China missed the boat and missed
their opportunity for like five hundred fucking years because they
were just crazy and didn't want to open up. Like
they were easily the most put together kingdom in the
world in the fifteen hundreds in terms of population and
raw goods and everything else.
Speaker 1: They weren't totally isolationists though they had the Silk Road.
I guess they didn't let people the least, they didn't
let people in. Sometimes you don't let people into your heart, China.
Speaker 2: You do, you know, they could have been great. They
could have been great, and now they're completely behind the
eight All the entire time, they fucked themselves by being
too protectionist, too isolationists. It's fine to distrust a random
country that's rolling up to your port with cannons, and
you're like, who are these fucking people? And they are
fucking other places they've found for sure, But China was
strong enough to push back. But they just didn't do
it right, and they did a really isolationist, protectionist way
that fucked them economically and technologically, and they paid the price.
And I guess we're gonna learn about that today.
Speaker 1: All trade also had to go through the Chinese officials
known as the Hang, who would tax and regulate Europeans
as they saw fit. British ships began popping around the
Chinese coast by the sixteen thirties, and after the rise
of the Qing dynasty in the sixteen forties, the British
East India Company gradually became the power in the area
for Sino European relations. Okay, love the Eice, We've done
an episode on them before, Yeah, and we've probably touched
on some of this shit. By the middle of the
seventeen Hunters, trade with Europeans was limited to one port canton.
Speaker 2: That's crazy. You have a huge country. You're like, they're
economic prospect everything that. The other problem with the Chinese
too is that I think their rulers were pretty harsh
and had a tight grip on power. That's they're kind
of like the Russians in that regard, right, You're like, oh, man,
the Soviet Union was crazy. But the thing is, like
the Russians have been ruled like that for a thousand
years more or less. Like the Russian monarchs were assholes too.
China is the way it is now. It's not that
much different. I mean, like in a thirty thousand foot view,
it's not that much different than it's ever been.
Speaker 1: They're really creating in a choke point too. Yeah, like
they're all on location. Everybody funnels into it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's always been like that in China, Like they
always just they're just the people in charge have a
tight grip on power. They're really insular or just fucked him.
Speaker 1: You know. Imagine if all world trade was just going
through the Suez Canal only the yeah be a traffic jam.
We just had that one boat block and disrupt that
happened anyway, I know how they never prepare for that.
Speaker 2: Someone was just like, hey, what if about sadeweis in
this bloody canal.
Speaker 1: It would never go sideways.
Speaker 2: They're like, nah, you fuck, it wouldn't happen. How would
that even happen? You idiot, Get out of here. Why
would you say, you know, brought it up like it's
not gonna happen. Nijelt the fuck out.
Speaker 1: Do you think it was intentional?
Speaker 2: No, it was just a shitty captain. Probably. I don't
know how you fuck up going through a canal, like
it's the equivalent of hitting a parked car, Like all
you have to do is just this, But someone was
driving It was like, how.
Speaker 1: Do you hit a bridge? What happened in Baltimore?
Speaker 2: Uh? Well, I guess the power went out on that ship.
I don't know.
Speaker 1: You can say the same thing about the probably the
boat in the Suez Canal.
Speaker 2: Maybe if the power went out fair enough, But even then,
the Seuiz Canal needs a contingency plan.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, there's gotta be some type of manual way.
We're going full auto on these.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's all driven by AI. You just hit that
thing with an EMP and Crabs expands.
Speaker 1: The system in Canton was highly regulated by ching officials
and the twenty or so merchant families that ran the
Kohang monopoly. It's just twenty powerful merchant families, right probably.
Speaker 2: Yeah, corrupt as shit. This is no like no free
market economy. Nobody's you know, no, there's no competition.
Speaker 1: We're cashing. What's the problem.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're they're they're stacking silver. They don't give a
fuck by anybody else.
Speaker 1: Echong Merchant was then responsible for foreign trade partners that
they did business with. Demand for these Chinese goods exploded
in European powers and their militarized trading companies. We're getting
less and less thrilled with the way the Chinese were
strictly or we're restricting them from making insane profits right like, hey,
this is a this is pretty good for us, but
it could be better.
Speaker 2: I don't understand how that. See, that's the thing too,
Like the Chinese they're just assholes and they don't want
to they don't take the pitch like they're not. These
guys are like, hey, you know how much more money
we both could both could be making if you just
opened up more. And the Chinese are just like the
people in charge like now we're making enough and we're
happy where we're at.
Speaker 1: What's wrong with that? What's wrong with appreciating what you have.
Speaker 2: Because most people are getting sucked.
Speaker 1: By not being corrupted by greed.
Speaker 3: Most people are getting fucked by it. They it is greed.
They are corrupted by greed. If they opened it up,
they're afraid that they wouldn't get as much. They wouldn't
they would only be x amount richer than the next
closest person.
Speaker 2: They didn't. They didn't want their people to become wealthy.
They want to build a middle class more than that
already existed.
Speaker 1: Well, an official from the East India company decides, fucking
ton and this corrupt monopoly we've been dealing with, I
want to speak to the manager.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah.
Speaker 1: So he goes to Beijing to seek an audience with
the mper Court. The Shinies were appalled by this brash
move and they end up slapping more restrictions on foreign
trade for such sure, so he goes to seek an
audience with the Emperor and the Imperial Court and they're
just like, the fuck you doing here?
Speaker 2: How does he even get there? They didn't know he
was coming. They're like, hey, there's one white guy in
the country on a wagon coming right at you.
Speaker 1: I mean, they're already in the ports and they're in Canton,
so he can just kind of smuggle his way up there, okay,
and he just like pops out of a I don't know, dude,
it's like, oh a lot too.
Speaker 2: Bat tried a little bit. We don't do it enough.
Speaker 1: At this point, the Brits were tea crazy. The average
household of England spent five percent of their yearly income
on tea.
Speaker 2: It's yeah, yeah, they got the tea, got its hooks
in them real good, yeah, real fast.
Speaker 1: Import duties on tea alone made up for ten percent
of the British economy, and they were at a major
trade deficit with China sending millions of pounds of silver
east between wars with other European powers having restricted access
to those South American silver mines. Now that they have
those conflicts with the European countries and the British East
India Company bleedingdough on their other conquests like India, England
needed this whole China thing to come through.
Speaker 2: Got what years is?
Speaker 1: So this is all like the seventeen hundreds. So they
sent Earl George McCartney on behalf of King George the
Third and the British East India Company to address the
trade deficit by showcasing their own products of technology, including clocks, telescopes, weapons,
carriages and others, to motivate the Chinese to purchase more
British commodities.
Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like, fuck the clocks, but state
of the art muskets might have been of some use
to the Chinese.
Speaker 1: Maybe some upgrades to your ships.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all kinds of things like that, Like, hey, you
can expand your economy too. You want to conquer Japan,
that other closed off place, some of our muskets and
ships might help you do that.
Speaker 1: After explaining to the Chinese officials that they had things
to show the emperor they met in his summer palace
in Jehol, they have trouble right off the bat when
McCartney refuses to kowtow or bow and kneel before the
emperor as was tradition.
Speaker 2: All right, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: Man? He thinks of himself as representing this great, you know,
most powerful nation in the world.
Speaker 2: So he's like, I'm a representative of my Crown of England.
I'm not bowing to your crown. Yeah, play the game, asshole.
Speaker 1: And he ends up coming up with what he believes
is a compromise. He said that he would cow taw
so long as a Chinese official of his own social
rank would do the same. To opinion of King George
the Third Jesus, they laugh in his face.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, play the game, douchebag, you gonna go back
and King George, it's still King. Maybe he was afraid
because it is still King Georgian. By this point, King
George is like violently insane with dementia or herbies or
whatever was rotting his brain.
Speaker 1: I think he just thought the British to be spirit
of the Chinese. He's like, I'm not gonna batle this dude.
Yeah yeah, And if I do, but you gotta return
the favor.
Speaker 2: I I do appreciate that a hefty amount of racism
on both sides was fueling this argument. Uh huh, like
both of them look at the other, right, right, Because
it wasn't just the British that thought themselves superior to
the Chinese.
Speaker 1: Chinese were like kidding me, Yeah, look.
Speaker 2: At this fucking monkey. Yeah, this fucking dirt covered baboon
in his fancy coat walking in here. And then powdered up. Yeah,
and then and then he walks in and.
Speaker 1: Is like, good lord, look at these slanty eyed pieces.
Speaker 2: Fucking they don't even they don't even have guns, Like
fucking yeah, they're both just like racist as ship and
they and they can't get over it.
Speaker 1: Eventually McCartney does the whole song and dance and he
meets with the Emperor. McCartney was showing off all the
things he brought over to entice the Emperor to want
to open up trade for goods and products from England,
but the Emperor believed McCartney was offering up all these
goods as tribute. Ah, well, not an expo.
Speaker 2: That's probably what he's used to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you come to the palace, you're bringing me
goods you get. You're giving me a gift. Right, I'm
getting a little baggy, right.
Speaker 2: It's like me laying out a bunch of toys in
front of my toddler. He thinks they're his, you know
what I mean. Like, there's no there's there's no other
option in his mind. If I show him, like I
lay out a cloth and put some toys on it,
his only thought is, oh, I got new toys.
Speaker 1: You have to go to your toddler and be like, no,
you gotta trade me that. Yeah, yeah, if you want
this toy.
Speaker 2: Well it's like okay, well you can if you get
in the bath, you can take one of these toys
with you. And he's like, no, all five and I'm
going to my room to play.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So it's essentially like dealing with your toddler. I
would imagine, you know, monarchs were like toddlers. So despite
sending back a handwritten letter thanking George for the tribute,
the Chinese emperor rejected the idea of opening more trade
imports to the foreigners.
Speaker 2: Because he's rich enough.
Speaker 1: This convinced that the British and other Europeans that China
need to be shaken up a bit if they truly
wanted to maximize profits.
Speaker 2: I'm telling you he didn't want They didn't want other
influence in their country. Like they were protectionists, they were isolationists.
They wanted to keep It was probably out of racism
too for them that they were like, we gotta keep
China China, right, we got to keep China pure.
Speaker 1: It was also probably a good idea. I mean, look
then dealing with these uh yeah, they were butt fucking India,
These Europeans that were just because you're right about a
person doesn't mean every action you take because you were
right about them is also right.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Like, if you're like, this
person's lying to me, you shouldn't shoot them in the face. Yeah,
that feels like what he took the most drastic measure
possible over his rightful suspicion.
Speaker 1: You just take their word for a lie. You don't
have to necessarily kill them for.
Speaker 2: You can still, by the way, open up trade while
restricting it and setting rules. But they just brick wall.
They have a glory hole of trade. There's a traffic
jam in that glory hole.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I mean you don't want that in a gloryhole.
Speaker 2: No traffic jam sounds like a nightmare.
Speaker 1: You're fitting too many dicks in that gloriole.
Speaker 2: You don't know. You don't want to get an a
fender bender in line.
Speaker 1: It gets messy, real quick, real fast. It all culminated
when the Brits got this wide idea from their struggles
and adaptive nature in India. Someone in the East India
Company figured out, oh wow, poppy grows incredibly well in
these parts. They of course, converted the poppy to opium
and set up a market pushing the drug in Calcutta.
So that's like kind of the closest Indian port to China.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: And since opium was illegal in China, the East India
Company of England could not directly just sling the drugs
on the corner of Canton, Okay. Perfect, So they used
some faceless smugglers to get the ball move in and
the Chinese market in population addicted. God, they had a
bunch of pirates and smugglers go into Canton and just
like drop a shit ton of opium into the public
and get.
Speaker 2: The fucking hooks in. Yeah, oh boy, probably would have
been better to just buy the clocks. Probably just buy
the clocks. Just bow to the emperor, just buy the clocks.
This is a trade war, right, I mean, this is
a trade war.
Speaker 1: At this point is the national trade wark. Private contractors
backed by the East India Company and English government started
flooding the Chinese with some of the most potent opium
in the world. It was a smash hit operation that
only amplified when the Brits got rid of the East
India Company's exclusivity to the opium trade in eighteen thirty three.
Speaker 2: We got to open this up, sweacking to whale boys.
Now you're the bottleneck. We go.
Speaker 1: We need some more at least, you know, enough ships.
By eighteen thirty nine, close to six million pounds of
opium would flood into China a year.
Speaker 2: Good. Yeah, it's a lot of open he said. It
was strong opium too, So you're just like throwing.
Speaker 1: A much stronger than what the Chinese were used to.
Speaker 2: You're throwing like a somebody's I've just to use my
own analogy here. Somebody's you know, rocking three milligrams ins
and you just start jamming.
Speaker 1: Two hundred milligram Yeah. The emperor appointed an official to
try to combat the title wave of drugs wiping out
his kingdom. Len Zashu was the man for the job,
and he went down to Canton and tried to hit
back on the opium trade as hard as he could.
Speaker 2: Probably could have used some new guns for them.
Speaker 1: Thousands were placed under arrests for the distribution of the drug.
Addicts were forced into rehabilitation, and Len showed up to
the foreign warehouses to confiscate every ounce of opium.
Speaker 2: This is not the way to do it. What I
would have done if I was Len she is start
handing out safe, clean opium pipes to all of them. Well,
he saw a pipe, he took it, and no, that's wrong.
You get maybe take it because it's dirty and give
them a clean one. And you give them some safe
areas near schools and places of business where they can
do as much opium as they want. Huh, that's the
smart thing to do.
Speaker 1: I mean, it works well in Kensington.
Speaker 2: All an addict needs is just a little more time
to do their drugs safely, and that don't need you
to do it again, but eventually it might work out.
They're happy, and that's the important thing. M I want
to like if I you know how like in Butterfly Effect,
the guy could like go back in time inside his
own body, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I didn't watch the movie.
Speaker 2: Okay, it sucks, but that's like a thing in the
movie is he can go back in time in like
his own body. He can go back to like previous
times in his life essentially, and he's like his twelve
year old self is eight year old self, is twenty
year old self whatever.
Speaker 1: And it has a butterfly effect when he changes things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So what I want to do with that is
go back to like my seventh grade dear class, and
when the police officers there being.
Speaker 1: Like, can't do cocaine, can't drink too much, don't smoke, reefer.
Speaker 2: I just want to be like h officer Plump.
Speaker 1: I think it was it was ulster plump after plump.
Speaker 2: What if I was allowed to do the heroin but
you just made chaired by needles were clean, had the
place I was doing it, it was safe for that.
I could do as much herowin as I wanted to,
Like watch the reaction yeah to a nineties cop being like,
probably just take his night stick out, Like I don't care.
Speaker 1: They're losing their minds now, Like I don't care. What
has happened in.
Speaker 2: This idea is too fucking stupid to let you not
get smacked in the head.
Speaker 1: At one point, Len had to go to a foreign
warehouse and open up siege for months.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I had to put a he like put
a warehouse under siege.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they just wouldn't give up the drugs, Like I mean,
we're not open enough for you to Yeah, we don't
have to abide by Chinese law.
Speaker 2: All right, this technically isn't China.
Speaker 1: It's like its own foreign port thing.
Speaker 2: They own that like little specific area.
Speaker 1: Yeah kind of, it's it's a gray area, yeah yeah, yeah,
because len is obviously like, no, you're you're on Chinese land.
You go buy Chinese law, give up the drugs. Nobody
gets hurt.
Speaker 2: They just keep the door locked and that. Yeah. If
you come in a we got bad must gets in,
yeah dad.
Speaker 1: Ultimately, though Troy, they finally give up and Lenn at
one point burns twenty one thousand chest of opium.
Speaker 2: Or if anyone allowed near caused British merchants.
Speaker 1: To lose their damn minds over that loss. Yeah, a
lot of money loss there.
Speaker 2: I'm just wondering if any attics were just like running
towards the fire.
Speaker 1: I don't think they did it in like a open
space poka everyone to inhale it.
Speaker 2: You just do it like on the outskirts of the city.
And an opium, you just get more people addicted. Like
the opium clout, the winds change, and it's just.
Speaker 1: Like goes into like the soil.
Speaker 2: Everyone's the groundwater like everyone is just high as fun.
Everyone's addicted. Now it's like a baby that's born addicted
to crack and it's just like going bananas with withdrawals,
or just like.
Speaker 1: A bonfire for like a high school football team, but
with opium.
Speaker 2: That'd be funny if someone just threw like a brick
of opium or weed or something into a high school bonfire.
It's like spiking the punch, but more twenty first century, Lynn.
Speaker 1: Demanded that all foreign urchins and ching officials sign a
new Bahn promising not to deal opium under penalty of death.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sounds right.
Speaker 1: Around the same time, British sailors got drunk off rice
liquor and beat the absolute life out of a Chinese man,
killed him. Okay, look, Mark Wahlberg, just sailor stuff. Mm hmm.
Charles Elliott offered a reward for the capture of these
two sailors and gave money to the victim's family to
try to ease over tensions.
Speaker 2: I like that that was the international incident, but not
that they had warehouses full of illegal drugs that were
here siege, hooking the citizens on. Like that I would
have been. I would have imagined that would have closed down,
traded me like the Emperor would been like we're done,
We're fucking done. But it was two sales. Two idiots
that just beat the shit out of it.
Speaker 1: I was just like a fucking villager. Yeah, just said nobody.
Speaker 2: Like, hey, you can't do that to our pledges. Only
we can do that to our pledges. So it's I
imagine the Chinese reaction more or less was well.
Speaker 1: When the sailors were caught, Elliott tried to get them
onto the boat and sentence them to hard labor back
in England, much to the dismay of Len as a Shu, Who's.
Speaker 2: Like, what, no, they're gonna die.
Speaker 1: The fuck those dudes.
Speaker 2: Honestly, I again, play the game. Those guys are worthless,
they are murderers. Just let them be executed by the
fucking Chinese.
Speaker 1: Len believed they should answer to Chinese law from crimes
committed on Chinese land.
Speaker 2: I agree completely, Actually, like fuck those guys.
Speaker 1: In response, Len, then stop providing food to English merchants
in China. It's like, all right, you're not gonna give
us these guys. We don't have to provide you with
fucking food.
Speaker 2: Yeah, water, no more rice bowls for you.
Speaker 1: Try to live here.
Speaker 2: Rice wine out of the question.
Speaker 1: Try to live here. We're not gonna provide you with shit, Yeah,
it's gonna be real hard.
Speaker 2: I guess like was the British guy like oh with
the other side of those would be quite mad to
fuck you know, gave him a to these fucking monkeys,
you know.
Speaker 1: I mean it was an international incident when the fucking
American kid in the nineties got lashed.
Speaker 2: Well, he deserved it too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but who was that.
Speaker 2: I don't know. He got Kane was in Singapore, and Singapore.
If you go to Singapore and you fuck around, you
absolutely deserve it. The same way if you're like I'm
in a bicycle through Syria, you don't. You don't deserve
the governments.
Speaker 1: We're a class trip to North Korea.
Speaker 2: Uh, it wasn't even a class trip. He was on
a classroom somewhere else and then booked his own ship
to North Korea or a piano. Also, don't feel bad
at all. It's literally sticking your head in a fucking tigers.
Speaker 1: That Banner would have looked sick in his dorm though
it is I used it a fraternity. Yeah, we looks
sick in his frat house. I know you gonna go
through shoot from North Korea, then some chick still doesn't
fuck him like sad not worth it. It's eleven of
the line.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: I think that's my biggest regret was making a giff
of Auto warm beer just breaking rocks like a Looney tune.
Because it was before he died. It was before he died.
I was under the impression that Trump had worked out
the deal to get him back.
Speaker 2: He was no. He he was getting beaten to death, right,
But we.
Speaker 1: Put it on the radar, right like we're the first
people at the time is me, Jake and Jared on
the TFM podcast and we're like just like bringing national
attention to Auto warm beer, and we're like, hey, get
our baby boy, helme get a And then I don't know,
it picked up steam. Trump was like all right, I'll
do it, and then the news came out like Auto's
coming home. But then news slowly started to Leakone wished
for it on a monkey Paul, Oh yeah, he's brained dead.
Speaker 2: How'd that happen?
Speaker 1: North Korea? Stuffy Korea working in a camp.
Speaker 2: Something, dude. I think they said he got sick, and
I don't buy that at all.
Speaker 1: No bashed over the head.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So so they just like a bunch of dudes
just like a bunch of North Korean dudes. We're just like, oh,
hell yeah, we get to beat the shit out of
an American. Let's go and fair enough, that's their super Bowl,
h which is why you shouldn't go to there.
Speaker 1: I'll go to North Korean. Let's here Denance Robin or
the Harlem Globechotters. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. For whatever reason though,
he loves basketball. As long as you can you got
a little game, you can ball a little bit, Une
will respect you.
Speaker 2: And you have to imagine an auto Konon not ball.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I think Une would like me, obviously.
I've already hyped him up so much and you're getting
views previous Yeah, page's from him, a previous life.
Speaker 2: He invited you. Would you go.
Speaker 1: I'd have to have guarantees in place.
Speaker 2: Guarantees, Yeah, not a thing. He could tell you something
he can be like, I promise, I promise, Dan, I
won't murder you in the country I control completely. I promise.
And you're like, well, okay, but Americas, you to get
me back if you try anything.
Speaker 1: It's like, okay, I'm going with a team of fifty
like special forces dudes. Great, and what are they gonna do.
They could take on the entire North Korea.
Speaker 2: It is technically one of the biggest armies in the world,
not one of the best, but one of the biggest.
Speaker 1: I'm pline with that fifty special op guys.
Speaker 2: Yeah. See now, other people when I we're talking about
this about how oh you deserve that for going to
that country. I do not believe that that is the
case with Brittany Grinder. I think Britney Grinder.
Speaker 1: Was set up for smoking weed to yeah to fuck
to fuck with America and probably I'm still not going
over to Russia to play ball. Yeah, I agree with that.
I'm not the worst country to play basketball. And though
like Marshall Henderson played basketball in Iraq, yeah with that
weird choice.
Speaker 2: Well he didn't and get captured.
Speaker 1: So yeah, they could rather be an insurance salesman than
play basketball.
Speaker 2: Not rack. I guess it depends you just see, that's
that's why you're not currently playing basketball.
Speaker 1: You're right, you don't love ball though, I don't.
Speaker 2: That's how much you have. Like those dudes who play
in euro like Israel and shit, they love ball. There
was a there was a Miszoo player who was like
super mid making it about yourself. Yep. The most mid
fucking dude, Matt Lawrence, God bless him. Good three point shooter,
but pretty mid. He He went to Norway after college
and won their professional league's MVP.
Speaker 1: You can play Greece right now.
Speaker 2: You could start on a Norwegian professional team.
Speaker 1: Probably do it?
Speaker 2: Okay, moved the podcast to Norway. They all speak English.
Speaker 1: Oh they're the best.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll get big there.
Speaker 1: He then ordered the Portugue to project all English trade
and macal. This was all intended for the British to
pack up shop and go home. Instead, they retreat to
a little barren island off the coast known as Hong Kong. Oh.
Elliot still needed food for his men and those on
Hong Kong, so we sent British ships back to mainland
China to buy food. Chinese boats intercepted them on the
way and confiscated all the supplies. Eliot sets a deadline
to give back the food and let the ships through.
That deadline passes and the British ships open fire on
the Chinese vessels.
Speaker 2: And I can't imagine that went well for the Chinese.
Speaker 1: Now, the Chinese war junks returned fire, and Chinese gunners
on land began to fire at the British ships. Nightfall
ended the battle and the Chinese junks with drew and
in what would be known as the Battle of Kowloon,
Yet none of the British ships sink. It's all Chinese junks,
which appropriate name.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Chinese junkers. I mean at that point, like, technologically,
the Chinese, I feel like gunpowder WI like firearm wise
and ship wise are a good one hundred years behind.
Speaker 1: The cotton powder was invented in China.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that doesn't mean they did the best.
Speaker 1: They imperfected. They just created.
Speaker 2: Right. White people invented basketball.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, well Canadian if you want to count even.
Speaker 2: Better, that's an even better example. Canadians invented basketball. I mean,
I guess a Canadian's gonna undeservedly get the MVP this year.
Speaker 1: But otherwise, and so the First Opium War officially begins.
Having driven off the Chinese ships, the British fleet began
to purchase provisions from the local villagers and often with
the aid of bribed Chinese officials. In Kowloon, Elliott ordered
a blockade of British ships in the Pearl River, so
British merchants would not stoke flames with more opium smuggling.
So they're like, all right, we got this area back,
We'll just chill in Hong Kong. We'll have kind of
local deals with these farmers in Kowloon. We don't have
to you know, really escalated too much and we got
to probably stop a lot of these British ships, these
merchant ships coming in and out with the drugs.
Speaker 2: Okay. I actually like, as a I don't know if
this was a strategy, but it's a devious strategy if
it is, which is getting them addicted to drugs and
then cutting it off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's make them go through withdraw Oh my god.
Speaker 2: That's a nightmare. I feel like there's probably a lot
of British at the time that were like, man, we're
doing gnarly shit. In fact, you know who got you
know what colonies got treated the best?
Speaker 1: Not ours?
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were the ones that were like fuck you.
Speaker 1: It'd be like that though we're spoiled us in Canada,
we were the two that were easily treated the best.
In the United States, it was just.
Speaker 2: Like I can't take to s adymore. It's like an
emo kid in a could a sac Yeah, but life
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Speaker 1: November third, eighteen thirty nine, a British merchantship by the
name of the Royal Saxon tries to sail right through
the blockade. The British naval vessels fire a warning shot
so it would not proceed. The Chinese hear that shot
and believe they're being fired on.
Speaker 2: Perfect.
Speaker 1: They send out more war Jonks to confront the blockade,
and four of them get like just immediately sung, yeah,
just absolutely crushed the Britge just wreck their shit. Push
it in. I can't.
Speaker 2: I mean, this is, by the way, when the British
Navy is the best in the world by far. Yeah,
And so any British ships, any ship in the image
of a British ship manned by British people, going to
absolutely fuck you. And if your ship happens to be
with tech, that's too. I mean, it'd be like a
fucking f twenty two Raptor fighting against a goddamn World
War II fighter.
Speaker 1: Like it's not fair, fearing that the Chinese would reject
any contact with the British and eventually attack with fire
rafts because that was like their only option to compete
at night. Yeah, like, all right, let's not waste any
more of our junks. What if we just like throw
in these like little water land mines.
Speaker 2: Yeah, little kamakazi guys. That's how the British, the English,
I guess, helped themselves win the battle with the Spanish armada.
That's it's a it's an old tactic for sure.
Speaker 1: And then Elliott orders all ships to leave to Macau.
He contacted the Portuguese governor Macaw to let the British
ships load and unload their goods in exchange for paying
rents and any duties, but the governor refuses in fear
that the Chinese would discontinue supply supplying food and other necessities.
British government immediately began to assemble an expeditionary force, which
they sent to the Far East in eighteen forty and
arrived in China in June of eighteen forty. The goal
of this campaign was for the British forces to work
their way up the Pearl River until they reached the
city of Canton.
Speaker 2: And by the way, so it's eighteen forty now, and
I just look, I'm not an expert, so I could
be totally wrong on this, but it strikes me that,
like my gut tells me, and listen to your gut always,
my gut tells me that Chinese military technology has not
progressed a ton since the seventeen nineties, and English military
technology has been cutting edge the entire time. So the
gap in military ability just keeps widening in favor of
the British.
Speaker 1: Along the way, they captured or destroyed several Chinese forts
and strongholds. The military assault allowed the British forces to
capture large sections of China, including Canton. While the Ching
forces attempted to recapture significant locations, there were no match
for the superior British weapons and tactics.
Speaker 2: Okay, Nan King is famous for another thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but before babies were getting chopped in half, and
what was.
Speaker 2: The rape of Nan King? Was the before they.
Speaker 1: Raped hundreds of thousands of women probably literally, Yeah, the
British were threatening their way alive and they're like, uh,
we're good, don't fucum Nan King. As a result, The
war ended August eighteen forty two with the sign of
the Treaty of Nanking. Britain had won the war and
secured itself a trade position in mainland China. One of
the main outcomes of the Treaty of Nan King was
the establishment of more opening trading systems for foreign merchants.
China was forced to have at least five trade imports
outside of Canton. There was also special considerations made for
British merchants at this trading post and controls placed on terrafs. Next,
the Treaty of Nan King forced the Chin government to
backpay the British for their losses in the opium crackdown. Yeah, well,
you totally fucked over our population with the opium. Here's
the money for that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, here's the money for the drugs you made them do.
Speaker 1: Also, they were not held accountable to local Chinese law,
so these British ports finally British law.
Speaker 2: A sailor can just beat the shit out of a
peasant without having to worry.
Speaker 1: Not to answer for his crown thing with the Bruce
Springsteen song, shouldn't have to pay for beating the Johnny's
man up in China? Yeah, it is. Yeah. I remember
listening to that song mowing the lawn at my house. Yeah,
because my parents would just always play Bruce and Red
Bandana on whenever I doing chores, So this sounds right
blue collar. I usually checked out on the lyrics, but.
Speaker 2: That was one of the songs. Yeah, beaten up by
John and man report it's English law and he's not
a human under English law.
Speaker 1: Bruce spoke to the working man like no one else.
People don't know this. People refuse to admit this, but
Bruce was always loyal to the Crown, always always. Finally,
Britain controlled the island of Hong Kong as part of
the Nan King Treaty. More formally, Hong Kong was ceded
to Queen Victoria and remained under control of the British
until nineteen ninety seven, when it was then returned to
the People's Republic of China.
Speaker 2: And everyone in Hong Kong was like, no, because uh,
initially they just took Hong Kong in these first Opium Wars.
Speaker 1: After the Second Opium Wars, they make this whole deal
where it's like I will only sit on China for
like or we'll see them Hong Kong.
Speaker 2: For year least. Yeah, year, lease something like that. But
I really can't be stressed enough. How in nineteen ninety seven,
all of Hong Kong was like, God.
Speaker 1: Damn it, We're good with our current situation.
Speaker 2: We like it much better than what's about to happen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, which is.
Speaker 2: Why Hong Kong is still like a hotbed of like
protesting and shit like that, because some of those people
had tasted freedom and they don't much care for what
they're currently dealing.
Speaker 1: With now, but still like the fucking capital of all
their money making operations for the most part.
Speaker 2: China Yeah, yeah, got turned into like their New York
kind of. I feel like like it's there, it's their
like economic center.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's I think a few spots in China
aren't like totally communist. They're trying, they're trying, but they're
also they like a little bit of cap they gotta yeah,
when it pays the bills. When they got to pay
the bills, that's prob Uh what did you learn today?
Speaker 2: I mean, I didn't really know much about the opium wares,
so pretty much everything. Uh, it is funny that that
was I guess I didn't realize how direct of a planet.
Speaker 1: Was that they're just gonna use kind of third parties
to infest China.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this drug. Yeah, I didn't realize how planned it was. Yeah,
I actually I really more thought it was just like, oh,
they brought opium into China and boyd to China like opium.
Speaker 1: There was a bunch of circumstances, like India was costing
the East India Trading Company millions of pounds, like I
think there were like twenty eight million in the hole
on India. On India, why just constant battles and fights
and yeah, that makes sense, and it's just a fucking
night there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, hard place to govern.
Speaker 1: So they get Calcutta all set up, but like, yeah,
they're massively in debt from that. They're like, oh, opium
grows pretty well here because they initially sent up India
as kind of a place to maybe grow cotton, yeah,
to make up for the loss of you know, the US.
Speaker 2: I believe they eventually figured that out in Egypt.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but India cotton does not grow well.
Speaker 2: No. I that was one of the things that fucked
the South in the Civil War, is that England figured
out like oh, oh it's cool, it's cool.
Speaker 1: We can grow Kyptian cotton.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh thank god, Oh, thank god, we don't have
to get into the fucking war.
Speaker 1: Oh no, one's buying India cotton bed sheets.
Speaker 2: No, No, they're definitely not. Yeah, I didn't know how
intentional it was. Not that it doesn't surprise me, but
I didn't realize how planned it was.
Speaker 1: So does it really surprise you? If you know, maybe
China is responsible for the fentanyl crisis in the US.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's a conspiracy that I actually like buy like
a lot of you know whatever, more people built the pyramids,
whatever the fucking people believe.
Speaker 1: But it's part of the trade war.
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah. This Hitler didn't die in World War two. Well,
but China being like just because they do, they hold
a deeper national like they hold on to national trauma
longer than we do. Certainly we barely care about the
people ten years older than us.
Speaker 1: China has a bit of a longer point of view.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think they definitely part of them, is
like yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, which is why they don't allow Chinese TikTok
in their own country.
Speaker 2: China poison or the West poisoned US. So now We're
going to poison the King of the West. It's not
even the UK anymore, so it's us.
Speaker 1: I buy that I'm still doing it probably, I'm sure
they are, but I buy fully that that there's like
some intent behind that, and it's directly related to the
opium Wars.
Speaker 2: Like I, out of doubt, just believe.
Speaker 1: That who was today's hitler?
Speaker 2: Honestly, dude, it's a Chinese emperor. Just do business, bro,
Just do fuck I mean, because the reason this all
happened at the end of the day is because a
few powerful people didn't want to let money flow in
to the rest of their country.
Speaker 1: They didn't trust Whitey. I don't maybe it was more
of a like supremacy thing like we said earlier, they oh, yeah,
this was few like a double racism fight. But part
of it to me seems like the Chinese ruling class
was very happy with their situation and didn't want their
population that they ruled completely to have outside influence or
extra cash flow or anything like that.
Speaker 2: And this is what happened. By the way, the only
the only people that really suffered were the people that
they that were all that they were trying to fuck over.
Speaker 1: Maybe they just fucked with the Portuguese better than the English.
Speaker 2: Portugal is not a serious country, so I assumed they
were much easier to deal with.
Speaker 1: They were a serious country at that point.
Speaker 2: Eh. They had a couple of coffee, as you like
to say, they got Brazil, they had a cup of coffee.
Speaker 1: They ruled the seas for two hundred years.
Speaker 2: I don't know, two hundred seems generous.
Speaker 1: He can't can't sleep on the Portuguese navy.
Speaker 2: I am I'm fucking sound asleep.
Speaker 1: On this circumnavigated the world. I guess Magellan is Portuguese.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well he didn't do it. He only got halfway.
Speaker 1: Just because he got got in the Philippines, wasn't on water.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying his crew did.
Speaker 1: I think only eighteen people survived that trip. Might have
to do a Magellan episode.
Speaker 2: It's a funny story about just how brutal that trip was.
Speaker 1: I also feel like, so he's from Portugal, but he
doesn't sail under portug He's banners. I think he did
under Spanish Spanish flags. I think so the Portuguese when
I was there, they have kind of like a love
hate relationship with Magellan.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean the Italians claimed Columbus because he's Italian,
but well he's Jewish, Yeah he is Jewish, but did
it under a Spanish flag? So but yeah, that's my hitler.
It's the Chinese ruling class.
Speaker 1: Okay, not the drug dealers, the glares of opium yea
to a population, getting them addicted and then make him
go through major withdraws.
Speaker 2: They set the whole thing off. They set the whole
thing off.
Speaker 1: Maybe some of those clocks and carriages sucked.
Speaker 2: It's fine to not trust them, but their motivations, I
guarantee you were to just maintain their power, their power,
not China's power, their power over China. Different thing.
Speaker 1: I mean when we came over, are you gonna blame
the natives descent on not willing to trade with you know,
the Europeans.
Speaker 2: Totally different, totally different. They were like neolithic people like
China was a whole last country. Yeah yeah, I mean
you could have China could have done it right. They
didn't do it right.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, Rob, it's always a pleasure, always a pleasure.
Check out the Patreon Patreon dot com slash softcore History.
We get tw additional episodes every week Wednesday and Friday.
Last week, we did an episode on where the Garden
Eden have been?
Speaker 2: Where it is some hot new theories on where the
Garden of Eden was.
Speaker 1: We also again covered this Chinese baddie from seven hundreds
and her wiping out essentially her entire bloodline. Yeah, to
get power kinda set up her her dynasty for about
two hundred years. Did a pretty good job otherwise, but
she was pretty ruthless.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she was good in between the murders of her children.
Speaker 1: And then we got episodes coming up this week. I
have no idea the top is gonna be. We don't
know yet because Rob hasn't written.
Speaker 2: I don't know yet. I'll right it tomorrow. Yeah, I
mean I have a whole list of stuff, but I
just got to pick one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and perhaps a new sketch coming out son Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I'm doing a final pass on it and then we'll
be ready to record.
Speaker 1: Okay, but was thet on that two weeks okay for release?
Two weeks release, three weeks release, really hitting your quota.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna get twelve year. I'm gonna get twelve hour.
Speaker 1: Year, twelve original sketches this year.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it just part of it.
Speaker 1: Depends on talent availability, because I want to get Jack
in it. Oh okay, I thought that was a subtle
shot at me.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I know you're available. Uh you're in
it too. But I need Jack for it and Boosh
for it as well, I think, and my own wife
for it as well.
Speaker 1: Okay, we always need your wife's mouth, yeah, whenever possible.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, and Gabby actually as well. It's lot of
it's a big it's a big undertaking this one.
Speaker 1: It's a whole ensemble. Yeah. Yeah, this one's a biggin
sign up now. Yeah, it'll be a soon.
Speaker 2: I'm very excited for it.
Speaker 1: But it's a big yeah, plus three years of evergreen
content at this point, you will not be disappointed. There's
no better deal, I don't think in the podcast in realm,
I agree.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The next guesch after that's gonna be a ten
minute radio play that I write in like four days
and record in one.
Speaker 1: But this one, this is like an hour. It's a
whole last thing. Yeah yeah, yeah, all right, Well, Rol Fox,
I'm damn Chester. You just got saw served