WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.120 --> 00:00:05.679 Section seventeen of WE featuring Records thirty four and thirty five. 2 00:00:06.839 --> 00:00:10.080 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in 3 00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:13.919 the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please 4 00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:21.719 visit LibriVox dot org. We by Yevgeny Zemyatin, translated by 5 00:00:21.719 --> 00:00:28.280 Gregory Zilberg. Record thirty four The Forgiven Ones A sunny night, 6 00:00:29.039 --> 00:00:33.759 a radio valkyrie. Oh, if only I actually had broken 7 00:00:33.799 --> 00:00:36.719 myself to pieces, If only I actually had to found 8 00:00:36.759 --> 00:00:39.759 myself with her in some place beyond the wall, among 9 00:00:39.799 --> 00:00:43.200 beasts showing their yellow tusks. If only I actually had 10 00:00:43.240 --> 00:00:46.600 never returned here, it would be a thousand a million 11 00:00:46.679 --> 00:00:51.079 times easier. But now what now to go and choke that? 12 00:00:52.320 --> 00:00:55.960 But would it help? No, no, no, Take yourself in 13 00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:59.159 hand D five O three. Set into yourself a firm 14 00:00:59.200 --> 00:01:02.200 logical hub, at least for a short while. Weigh heavily 15 00:01:02.280 --> 00:01:04.519 with all your might on the lever, and like the 16 00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:07.840 ancient slave, turned the millstones of syllogisms, until you have 17 00:01:07.879 --> 00:01:12.480 written down and understood everything that happened. When I boarded 18 00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:16.439 the Integral, everybody was already there, and everybody occupied his place, 19 00:01:16.920 --> 00:01:20.159 All the cells of the gigantic hive were filled through 20 00:01:20.239 --> 00:01:23.120 the glass of the decks. Tiny ant like people below 21 00:01:23.439 --> 00:01:29.879 at the telegraph, dynamo, transformers, altimeters, ventilators, indicators, motor pumps, tubes. 22 00:01:30.599 --> 00:01:33.840 In the saloon, people sitting over tables and instruments, probably 23 00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:38.000 those commissioned by the Scientific Bureau. Near them, the second 24 00:01:38.000 --> 00:01:40.799 builder and his two aids. All three had their heads 25 00:01:40.799 --> 00:01:46.519 down between their shoulders, like turtles, their faces gray autumnal rayless. Well, 26 00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:51.040 I asked, well, somewhat uncanny, replied one of them, smiling 27 00:01:51.079 --> 00:01:54.159 a gray rayless smile. Perhaps we shall have to land 28 00:01:54.200 --> 00:01:59.560 in some unknown place, and generally speaking, nobody knows. I 29 00:01:59.599 --> 00:02:01.799 hardly could bear a look at them, when in an 30 00:02:01.799 --> 00:02:03.799 hour or so I was to throw them out with 31 00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:06.400 my own hands, to cast them out from the cozy 32 00:02:06.439 --> 00:02:09.599 fingers of our tables of hours forever, to tear them 33 00:02:09.599 --> 00:02:12.840 away from the mother's breast of the United State. They 34 00:02:12.879 --> 00:02:15.879 reminded me of the tragic figures of the Three Forgiven Ones, 35 00:02:16.280 --> 00:02:19.000 a story known to all of our school children. It 36 00:02:19.039 --> 00:02:22.199 tells about three numbers who, by the way of experiment, 37 00:02:22.280 --> 00:02:26.199 were exempted for a whole month from any work. Footnote. 38 00:02:26.479 --> 00:02:30.120 It happened long ago in the third century at after 39 00:02:30.159 --> 00:02:34.280 the tables, go wherever you will, do what you will, 40 00:02:34.439 --> 00:02:37.520 they were told. The unhappy three wandered the whole time 41 00:02:37.599 --> 00:02:40.039 about the place of their usual work, and gazed within 42 00:02:40.120 --> 00:02:43.280 with hungry eyes. They would stop on the plazas and 43 00:02:43.319 --> 00:02:46.120 for hours, busy themselves repeating the motions which they were 44 00:02:46.280 --> 00:02:49.360 used to making. During certain hours of the day. It 45 00:02:49.400 --> 00:02:52.319 became a bodily necessity for them to do so. They 46 00:02:52.319 --> 00:02:55.400 would saw and plane the air with unseen sledgehammers. They 47 00:02:55.400 --> 00:02:59.439 would bang upon unseen stakes. Finally, on the tenth day, 48 00:02:59.479 --> 00:03:02.000 they could bear it no longer. They took one another 49 00:03:02.039 --> 00:03:05.159 by the hand, entered the river, and to the accompaniment 50 00:03:05.240 --> 00:03:07.840 of the march, they waited deeper and deeper until the 51 00:03:07.879 --> 00:03:12.280 water forever ended their sufferings. I repeat, it was hard 52 00:03:12.319 --> 00:03:14.159 for me to look at them, and I was anxious 53 00:03:14.159 --> 00:03:17.080 to leave them. I just want to take a glance 54 00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:20.439 into the engine room and then off, I said. They 55 00:03:20.439 --> 00:03:23.319 were asking me questions what voltage should be used for 56 00:03:23.360 --> 00:03:26.120 the initial spark, how much ballast water was needed in 57 00:03:26.159 --> 00:03:28.960 the a F tank, as if a phonograph were somewhere 58 00:03:29.000 --> 00:03:32.319 within me. I was giving quick and precise answers but I, 59 00:03:32.879 --> 00:03:36.639 my inner self, was busy with its own thoughts. In 60 00:03:36.680 --> 00:03:40.039 the narrow passage, gray units were passing gray faces, and 61 00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:42.879 for a second one face with its hair low over 62 00:03:42.919 --> 00:03:46.159 the forehead. I was gazing from deep beneath it. It 63 00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:50.400 was that same man. I understood they had come, and 64 00:03:50.479 --> 00:03:53.759 there was no escape from it for me. Only minutes remained, 65 00:03:53.960 --> 00:03:57.639 a few dozens of minutes, an infinite tesimal molecular quiver 66 00:03:57.719 --> 00:04:00.879 of my whole body. This did not ceased to the 67 00:04:01.000 --> 00:04:03.840 very end. It was as if an enormous motor were 68 00:04:03.840 --> 00:04:06.439 placed under the very foundations of my body, which was 69 00:04:06.520 --> 00:04:10.919 so light that the walls, partitions, cables, beams, lights, everything 70 00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:14.719 was quivering. I did not yet know whether she was there, 71 00:04:15.120 --> 00:04:17.399 but I had no time. They were calling me quick 72 00:04:17.480 --> 00:04:22.759 to the commander's bridge. Time to go where gray rayless 73 00:04:22.759 --> 00:04:27.279 faces below in the water, tense blue veins, heavy cast 74 00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:30.800 iron patches of sky. It was so difficult to lift 75 00:04:30.839 --> 00:04:32.959 my cast iron hand and take up the receiver of 76 00:04:32.959 --> 00:04:38.480 the Commander's telephone up forty five degrees. A heavy explosion, 77 00:04:38.680 --> 00:04:42.240 a jerk, A rabid greenish white mountain of water aft 78 00:04:42.759 --> 00:04:45.720 the deck beneath my feet began to move soft as rubber, 79 00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:49.759 and everything below, the whole life forever for a second, 80 00:04:49.920 --> 00:04:52.839 falling deeper and deeper into a sort of funnel, becoming 81 00:04:52.879 --> 00:04:56.360 more and more compressed. The icy blue relief map of 82 00:04:56.360 --> 00:04:59.680 the city, the round bubbles of cupolas, the lonely leaden 83 00:04:59.720 --> 00:05:04.560 finger of the accumulating tower. Then instantaneously a cotton curtain 84 00:05:04.600 --> 00:05:07.639 of cloud. We pierced it, and there was the sun 85 00:05:07.720 --> 00:05:12.839 and the blue sky. Seconds minutes miles. The blue was hardening, fast, 86 00:05:12.879 --> 00:05:16.319 filling with darkness, like drops of cold silver sweat appeared 87 00:05:16.360 --> 00:05:21.759 the stars, a sad, unbearably bright, black, starry sunny night, 88 00:05:22.600 --> 00:05:25.079 as if one had become deaf. One still saw that 89 00:05:25.120 --> 00:05:28.759 the pipes were roaring, but one only saw dead silence. 90 00:05:28.839 --> 00:05:32.920 All about. The sun was mute. It was natural, of course, 91 00:05:33.600 --> 00:05:36.959 one might have expected it. We were beyond the terrestrial atmosphere. 92 00:05:37.600 --> 00:05:40.720 The transition was so quick, so sudden, that everyone became 93 00:05:40.759 --> 00:05:44.519 timid and silent. Yet I thought I felt even easier 94 00:05:44.600 --> 00:05:48.000 under that fantastic mute sun. I had bounded over the 95 00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:51.639 inevitable border, having left my body somewhere there below, and 96 00:05:51.720 --> 00:05:54.480 I was soaring, bodyless, to a new world where everything 97 00:05:54.560 --> 00:05:58.360 was to be different, upside down, keep the same course, 98 00:05:58.560 --> 00:06:01.040 I shouted into the engine room. Or perhaps it was 99 00:06:01.079 --> 00:06:04.279 not I but a phonograph in me, and the same machine, 100 00:06:04.279 --> 00:06:07.560 with a mechanical hinge like movement, handed the commander's trumpet 101 00:06:07.600 --> 00:06:11.000 to the second builder, all permeated by that most delicate 102 00:06:11.040 --> 00:06:14.360 molecular quiver known only to me. I ran down the 103 00:06:14.399 --> 00:06:18.920 companionway to seek the door of the saloon. An hour 104 00:06:19.000 --> 00:06:21.879 later it was to latch and lock itself. At the 105 00:06:21.920 --> 00:06:24.959 door stood an unfamiliar number. He was small, with a 106 00:06:24.959 --> 00:06:27.079 face like a hundred or a thousand others which were 107 00:06:27.160 --> 00:06:30.519 usually lost in a crowd. But his arms were exceptionally long. 108 00:06:31.120 --> 00:06:33.360 They reached down to the knees, as though by mistake 109 00:06:33.480 --> 00:06:35.800 they had been taken from another set of human organs, 110 00:06:35.800 --> 00:06:39.160 and fastened to his shoulders. The long arm stretched out 111 00:06:39.160 --> 00:06:41.519 and barred the way, Where do you want to go? 112 00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:45.040 It was clear that he was not aware. I knew everything, 113 00:06:45.639 --> 00:06:48.560 all right. Perhaps it was necessary that it should be so. 114 00:06:49.439 --> 00:06:52.639 From above him, in a deliberately significant tone, I said, 115 00:06:53.360 --> 00:06:55.160 I am the builder of the integral, and I am 116 00:06:55.199 --> 00:06:59.600 directing the test flight. Do you understand? The arm drew away, 117 00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:04.839 The saloon heads covered with bristles gray iron bristles and 118 00:07:04.920 --> 00:07:07.639 yellow heads and bald ripe heads were bent over the 119 00:07:07.680 --> 00:07:11.600 instruments and maps. Swiftly with a glance, I gathered them 120 00:07:11.600 --> 00:07:14.439 in with my eyes off. I ran back along the 121 00:07:14.480 --> 00:07:18.439 long passage, then through the hatch into the engine room. 122 00:07:18.759 --> 00:07:21.720 There it was hot from the red tubes, overheated by 123 00:07:21.759 --> 00:07:25.680 the explosions, a constant roar. The levers were dancing their 124 00:07:25.720 --> 00:07:29.879 desperate drunken dance, quivering ceaselessly with a barely noticeable quiver 125 00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:33.600 the arrows on the dials. There, at last, near the 126 00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:36.519 tachometer a notebook in his hand, was that man with 127 00:07:36.600 --> 00:07:40.399 the low forehead. Listen, I shouted straight into his ear, 128 00:07:40.600 --> 00:07:46.000 because of the roar? Is she here? Where is she? She? There? 129 00:07:46.040 --> 00:07:49.800 At the radio? I dashed over. There. There were three 130 00:07:49.839 --> 00:07:52.800 of them, all with receiving helmets on, and she seemed 131 00:07:52.800 --> 00:07:56.480 a head taller than usual, wingy, sparkling, flying like an 132 00:07:56.480 --> 00:07:59.720 ancient valkyrie, and those bluish sparks from the radio seemed 133 00:07:59.720 --> 00:08:03.639 to em from her. From her, also that ethereal lightning 134 00:08:03.800 --> 00:08:08.600 like odor of ozone. Someone, well you, for instance, I 135 00:08:08.639 --> 00:08:11.680 said to her, panting from having run, I must send 136 00:08:11.720 --> 00:08:14.319 the message down to Earth, to the docks. Come, I 137 00:08:14.319 --> 00:08:17.519 shall dictate it to you. Close to the apparatus there 138 00:08:17.560 --> 00:08:20.600 was a small box like cabin. We sat at the table, 139 00:08:20.680 --> 00:08:24.839 side by side. I found her hand and pressed it hard. Well, 140 00:08:25.160 --> 00:08:28.920 what's going to happen? I don't know. Do you realize 141 00:08:28.920 --> 00:08:32.240 how wonderful it is to fly without knowing where, no 142 00:08:32.360 --> 00:08:35.480 matter where? It will soon be twelve o'clock and nobody 143 00:08:35.519 --> 00:08:39.519 knows what and when night? Where should you and I 144 00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:43.000 be tonight? Perhaps somewhere in the grass on dry leaves. 145 00:08:44.080 --> 00:08:46.720 Loose sparks emanated from her, and the odor of lightning 146 00:08:46.919 --> 00:08:49.519 and the vibration became more and more frequent within me. 147 00:08:50.440 --> 00:08:54.480 Right down, I said, loudly, panting from having run time 148 00:08:54.720 --> 00:08:59.679 eleven twenty speed fifty eight hundred last night. She came 149 00:08:59.720 --> 00:09:02.679 to me with your note. I know, I know everything. 150 00:09:03.200 --> 00:09:07.080 Don't talk, But the child is yours. I sent her over. 151 00:09:07.240 --> 00:09:10.919 She is already beyond the wall. She will live. I 152 00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:13.960 was back in the Commander's bridge, back in the delirious night, 153 00:09:14.039 --> 00:09:17.799 with its black, starry sky and its dazzling sun. The 154 00:09:17.840 --> 00:09:20.120 hands of the clock on the table were slowly moving 155 00:09:20.159 --> 00:09:23.360 from minute to minute. Everything was permeated by a thin 156 00:09:23.559 --> 00:09:28.039 hardly perceptible quivering. Only I noticed it. For some reason, 157 00:09:28.039 --> 00:09:30.399 a thought passed through my head. It would be better 158 00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:33.159 if all this took place not here, but somewhere below, 159 00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:38.960 nearer to earth. Stop, I commanded. We kept moving by inertia, 160 00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:42.159 but more and more slowly. Now the integral was caught 161 00:09:42.159 --> 00:09:45.080 for a second by an imperceptible little hair. For a 162 00:09:45.120 --> 00:09:48.200 second it hung motionless. Then the little hair broke, and 163 00:09:48.240 --> 00:09:51.519 the integral, like a stone, dashed downward with increasing speed. 164 00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:56.360 That way in silence. Minutes, tens of minutes passed. My 165 00:09:56.480 --> 00:09:59.120 pulse was audible. The hand of the clock before my 166 00:09:59.240 --> 00:10:02.200 eyes came close, closer and closer to twelve. It was 167 00:10:02.240 --> 00:10:04.960 clear to me I was a stone. I three point 168 00:10:04.960 --> 00:10:08.759 thirty the earth, and the stone was under irresistible compulsion 169 00:10:08.799 --> 00:10:11.639 to fall downward, to strike the earth and break into 170 00:10:11.679 --> 00:10:16.320 small particles. What if already the hard blue smoke of 171 00:10:16.360 --> 00:10:20.919 the clouds appeared below. What if? But the phonograph within me, 172 00:10:21.039 --> 00:10:23.759 with a hinge like motion and precision, took the telephone 173 00:10:23.799 --> 00:10:28.679 and commanded low speed. The stone ceased falling. Only the 174 00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:31.799 four lower tubes were growling, two ahead and two aft, 175 00:10:32.519 --> 00:10:35.799 only enough to hold the integral motionless. And the integral 176 00:10:35.840 --> 00:10:39.120 only slightly trembling, stopped in the air, as if anchored 177 00:10:39.320 --> 00:10:43.559 about one kilometer from the earth. Everybody came out on deck. 178 00:10:43.840 --> 00:10:46.159 It was shortly before twelve before the sounding of the 179 00:10:46.159 --> 00:10:50.159 dinner gong, and leaned over the glass, railing hastily in 180 00:10:50.279 --> 00:10:53.440 huge gulps. They swallowed the unknown world which lay below. 181 00:10:53.960 --> 00:10:59.200 Beyond the great wall, amber, blue green, the autumnal woods, prairies, 182 00:10:59.279 --> 00:11:02.240 a lake at the edge of a little blue saucer, 183 00:11:02.519 --> 00:11:06.559 some lone yellow debris, a threatening, dried out yellow finger. 184 00:11:06.919 --> 00:11:09.039 It must have been the tower of an ancient church, 185 00:11:09.200 --> 00:11:15.000 saved by a miracle. Look there, Look there, to the right, there, 186 00:11:15.399 --> 00:11:18.919 over the green desert, a brown blot was rapidly moving. 187 00:11:19.440 --> 00:11:21.879 I held a telescope in my hands, and automatically I 188 00:11:21.919 --> 00:11:25.000 brought it to my eyes. The grass reaching their chests. 189 00:11:25.159 --> 00:11:27.879 A herd of brown horses was galloping, and on their 190 00:11:27.919 --> 00:11:34.120 backs they black, white and dark. Behind me, I assure 191 00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:37.039 you I saw a face. Go away. Tell it to 192 00:11:37.080 --> 00:11:41.399 someone else, Well, look for yourself. Here's the telescope. They 193 00:11:41.399 --> 00:11:45.519 had already disappeared endless green desert, and in that desert, 194 00:11:45.720 --> 00:11:49.840 dominating it completely, and dominating me and everybody, the piercing 195 00:11:49.960 --> 00:11:53.639 vibrations of the gong dinner time one minute to twelve. 196 00:11:54.559 --> 00:11:58.159 For a second, the little world around me became incoherent, dispersed. 197 00:11:58.919 --> 00:12:02.080 Someone's brass badge fell to the floor. It mattered little. 198 00:12:02.519 --> 00:12:05.720 Soon it was under my heel a voice, and I 199 00:12:05.799 --> 00:12:09.639 tell you it was a face, a black square the 200 00:12:09.679 --> 00:12:13.799 open door of the main saloon, white teeth pressed together, smiling. 201 00:12:14.559 --> 00:12:17.639 And at that moment, when the clock began slowly holding 202 00:12:17.720 --> 00:12:21.120 its breath between beats to strike, and when the front 203 00:12:21.200 --> 00:12:24.720 rows began to move towards the dining saloon, the rectangle 204 00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:27.279 of the door was suddenly crossed by the two familiar, 205 00:12:27.440 --> 00:12:33.559 unnaturally long arms. Stop. Someone's finger sank, piercing into my palm. 206 00:12:33.799 --> 00:12:35.919 It was I three point thirty. She was beside me. 207 00:12:36.600 --> 00:12:39.159 Who is it? Do you know him? Is he not? 208 00:12:40.200 --> 00:12:44.600 Is he not? He was already lifted upon somebody's shoulders, 209 00:12:45.279 --> 00:12:48.399 above a hundred other faces, his face like hundreds, like 210 00:12:48.480 --> 00:12:52.440 thousands of other faces, yet unique among the rest. And 211 00:12:52.480 --> 00:12:55.120 the name of the guardians. You to whom I talk, 212 00:12:55.480 --> 00:12:58.639 they hear me, every one of them hears me. I 213 00:12:58.720 --> 00:13:02.519 talk to you. We know we don't know your numbers yet. 214 00:13:02.519 --> 00:13:06.039 But we know everything else. The integral shall not be yours. 215 00:13:06.120 --> 00:13:08.080 The test flight will be carried out to the end, 216 00:13:08.120 --> 00:13:12.480 and you, yourselves, you will not dare to make another move. You, 217 00:13:12.559 --> 00:13:14.440 with your own hands, will help to go on with 218 00:13:14.480 --> 00:13:20.120 the test and afterward, well I have finished silence. The 219 00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:24.320 glass plates under my feet seemed soft cotton like my feet, too, 220 00:13:24.639 --> 00:13:29.240 soft cotton like. Beside me, she with a dead white smile, 221 00:13:29.600 --> 00:13:33.440 angry blue smarks through her teeth, to me, Ah, it 222 00:13:33.559 --> 00:13:38.120 is your work, you did your duty well. She tore 223 00:13:38.159 --> 00:13:41.759 her hand from mine. The valkyrie helmet with indignant wings 224 00:13:41.799 --> 00:13:44.000 was soon to be seen some distance in front of me. 225 00:13:44.639 --> 00:13:48.919 I was alone, torpid, silent, like everyone else. I followed 226 00:13:48.919 --> 00:13:53.320 into the dining saloon. But it was not I, not I. 227 00:13:53.320 --> 00:13:57.120 I told nobody save these white, mute pages. I cried 228 00:13:57.120 --> 00:14:01.600 this to her within me, inaudibly, desperately, loudly. She was 229 00:14:01.639 --> 00:14:04.639 across the table, directly opposite me, and not once did 230 00:14:04.679 --> 00:14:08.480 she even touch me with her gaze beside her, someone's ripe, 231 00:14:08.559 --> 00:14:11.759 yellow bald head. I heard. It was I three point 232 00:14:11.720 --> 00:14:16.840 thirty's voice. Nobility of character, But my dear professor, even 233 00:14:16.840 --> 00:14:20.120 a superficial etymological analysis of the words shows that it 234 00:14:20.159 --> 00:14:23.360 is a superstition, a remnant of the ancient feudal epoch. 235 00:14:23.720 --> 00:14:27.279 We I felt I was growing pale and that they 236 00:14:27.279 --> 00:14:31.000 would soon notice it. But the phonograph within me performed 237 00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:34.600 the prescribed fifty chewing movements for every bite. I locked 238 00:14:34.639 --> 00:14:37.679 myself into myself, as though in into an opaque house. 239 00:14:38.159 --> 00:14:40.120 I threw up a heap of rocks before my door 240 00:14:40.200 --> 00:14:44.519 and lowered the window blinds. Afterwards, again the telephone of 241 00:14:44.559 --> 00:14:46.840 the commander was in my hands, and again we made 242 00:14:46.879 --> 00:14:50.639 the flight with icy supreme anxiety, through the clouds into 243 00:14:50.720 --> 00:14:56.399 the icy, starry sunny night. Minutes, hours passed, Apparently all 244 00:14:56.440 --> 00:14:59.480 that time the logical motor within me was working feverishly 245 00:14:59.519 --> 00:15:03.240 at full speed. For suddenly, somewhere, at a distant point 246 00:15:03.279 --> 00:15:05.919 of the dark blue space, I saw my desk and 247 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:08.360 the gill like cheeks of you over it, and the 248 00:15:08.360 --> 00:15:11.639 forgotten pages of my records. It became clear to me, 249 00:15:12.080 --> 00:15:16.559 nobody but she. Everything was clear to me, if only 250 00:15:16.600 --> 00:15:20.519 I could reach the radio room soon, winglike helmets the 251 00:15:20.559 --> 00:15:23.759 odor of blue lightnings. I remember telling her something in 252 00:15:23.799 --> 00:15:26.320 a low voice, and I remember how she looked through me, 253 00:15:26.720 --> 00:15:28.840 and now her voice seemed to come from a distance. 254 00:15:29.679 --> 00:15:32.240 I am busy. I am receiving a message from below. 255 00:15:32.559 --> 00:15:37.000 You may dictate yours to her the small box like 256 00:15:37.039 --> 00:15:40.240 little cabin. I thought for a second, and then dictated 257 00:15:40.240 --> 00:15:45.200 in a firm voice, time fourteen forty going down. Motors 258 00:15:45.240 --> 00:15:50.080 stopped the end of all the commander's bridge, the machine 259 00:15:50.120 --> 00:15:54.000 heart of the integrals stop. We were falling. My heart 260 00:15:54.039 --> 00:15:56.720 could not catch up, and would remain behind and rise 261 00:15:56.799 --> 00:16:00.480 higher and higher into my throat. Clouds, and then a 262 00:16:00.519 --> 00:16:04.879 distant green spot, everything green, more and more distinct, running 263 00:16:04.919 --> 00:16:09.399 like a storm towards us. Soon the end, the porcelain 264 00:16:09.519 --> 00:16:12.559 like white, distorted face of the second builder. It was 265 00:16:12.600 --> 00:16:15.159 he who struck me with all his strength. I hurt 266 00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:18.399 my head on something, and through the approaching darkness, while falling, 267 00:16:18.440 --> 00:16:26.720 I heard full speed aft a brusque jolt upward, record 268 00:16:26.759 --> 00:16:33.600 thirty five in a ring a carrot, A murderer. I 269 00:16:33.639 --> 00:16:36.639 did not sleep all night, the whole night, but one thought, 270 00:16:37.639 --> 00:16:40.919 as a result of yesterday's mishap, my head is tightly bandaged. 271 00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:43.240 It seems to me not a bandage but a ring, 272 00:16:43.720 --> 00:16:47.159 a pitiless ring of glass iron riveted about my head, 273 00:16:47.639 --> 00:16:50.159 and I am busy with the same thought, always the 274 00:16:50.200 --> 00:16:53.360 same thought in my riveted circle, to kill you, to 275 00:16:53.480 --> 00:16:56.600 kill you, and then go to her and say, now, 276 00:16:56.639 --> 00:16:59.879 do you believe what is most disquieting is that to 277 00:17:00.120 --> 00:17:04.039 kill is dirty, primitive, to break her head with something. 278 00:17:04.519 --> 00:17:06.799 The thought of it gives me a peculiar sensation of 279 00:17:06.839 --> 00:17:09.920 something disgustingly sweet in my mouth, and I am unable 280 00:17:09.960 --> 00:17:13.279 to swallow my saliva. I am always spitting into my handkerchief, 281 00:17:13.519 --> 00:17:16.480 yet my mouth feels dry. I had in my closet 282 00:17:16.559 --> 00:17:19.279 a heavy piston rod, which cracked during the casting, in 283 00:17:19.319 --> 00:17:21.319 which I brought home. In order to find out the 284 00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:24.559 cause of the cracking with a microscope, I made my 285 00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:27.039 manuscript into a tube, let her read me to the 286 00:17:27.160 --> 00:17:30.680 last letter, pushed the broken piston into that tube, and 287 00:17:30.759 --> 00:17:36.400 went downstairs. The stairways seemed endless, the steps disgustingly slippery liquid. 288 00:17:36.759 --> 00:17:40.759 I had to wipe off moisture from my mouth very frequently. Downstairs, 289 00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:43.519 my heart dropped. I took out the piston and went 290 00:17:43.559 --> 00:17:47.000 to the controller's table, but she was not there, instead 291 00:17:47.160 --> 00:17:50.559 an empty icy desk with ink blots. I remembered that 292 00:17:50.599 --> 00:17:53.519 today all work was stopped. Everybody was to go to 293 00:17:53.519 --> 00:17:56.160 be operated upon. Hence there was no need for her 294 00:17:56.200 --> 00:18:00.440 to stay here. There was nobody to be registered street. 295 00:18:01.079 --> 00:18:04.119 It was windy, the sky seemed to be composed of 296 00:18:04.160 --> 00:18:07.680 soaring panels of cast iron, and exactly as it seemed 297 00:18:07.720 --> 00:18:10.599 for one moment yesterday, the whole world was broken up 298 00:18:10.599 --> 00:18:14.319 into separate, sharp, independent fragments, and each of these fragments 299 00:18:14.359 --> 00:18:17.359 was falling at full speed. Each would stop for a second, 300 00:18:17.720 --> 00:18:20.400 hang before me in the air, and disappear without trace. 301 00:18:21.000 --> 00:18:23.440 It was as if the black precise letters on this 302 00:18:23.559 --> 00:18:26.359 page should suddenly move apart and begin to jump hither 303 00:18:26.440 --> 00:18:28.880 and thither in fright, so that there was not a 304 00:18:28.920 --> 00:18:34.160 word on the page, only nonsensical ap jum word. The 305 00:18:34.200 --> 00:18:41.640 crowd seemed just as nonsensical, dispersed not in rows, going forward, backward, diagonally, transversely, 306 00:18:42.960 --> 00:18:46.200 then nobody. For a second, while I was dashing at 307 00:18:46.240 --> 00:18:49.599 full speed, suddenly stopping, I saw on the second floor, 308 00:18:49.599 --> 00:18:52.079 in the glass cage, hanging in the air, a man 309 00:18:52.119 --> 00:18:55.119 and a woman a kiss, She standing with her whole 310 00:18:55.160 --> 00:18:59.400 body bent backwards brokenly. This is for the last time forever. 311 00:19:01.079 --> 00:19:04.599 At a corner, a thorny moving bush of heads above 312 00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:08.039 the heads separate floating in the air, a banner, down 313 00:19:08.079 --> 00:19:12.200 with the machines, down with the operation, and distinct from 314 00:19:12.200 --> 00:19:15.440 my own self. I thought, is it possible that each 315 00:19:15.480 --> 00:19:17.680 one of us bears such a pain that it can 316 00:19:17.720 --> 00:19:20.759 be removed only with his heart? That something must be 317 00:19:20.839 --> 00:19:24.599 done to each one before he for a second, everything 318 00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:27.440 disappeared from me, from the world, except my beast like 319 00:19:27.519 --> 00:19:31.200 hand and the heavy cast iron package it held. A 320 00:19:31.240 --> 00:19:34.640 boy appeared. He was running a shadow under his lip. 321 00:19:35.079 --> 00:19:36.960 The lower lip turned out like the cuff of a 322 00:19:37.039 --> 00:19:41.039 rolled up sleeve. His face was distorted. He wept loudly. 323 00:19:41.400 --> 00:19:44.279 He was running away from somebody. Stamping of feet was 324 00:19:44.319 --> 00:19:48.519 heard behind him. The boy reminded me, you must be 325 00:19:48.559 --> 00:19:51.440 in school. I must hurry. I ran to the nearest 326 00:19:51.440 --> 00:19:55.400 opening of the underground railway. At the entrance, someone passed 327 00:19:55.440 --> 00:20:00.920 me and said, not running no trains today. There, I descended, 328 00:20:01.319 --> 00:20:04.880 a sort of general delirium was raining. The glitter of 329 00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:08.960 cut crystal suns, the platform packed closely with heads, an 330 00:20:08.960 --> 00:20:13.759 empty torpid train. In the silence a voice. I could 331 00:20:13.759 --> 00:20:18.279 not see her, but I knew. I knew that intense, living, flexible, whiplike, 332 00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:22.400 flogging voice. I felt that sharp triangle of brows drawn 333 00:20:22.440 --> 00:20:26.599 to the temples. Let me let me reach her. I must. 334 00:20:27.119 --> 00:20:30.680 Someone's tentacles caught my arm, my shoulders. I was nailed 335 00:20:31.160 --> 00:20:34.160 in the silence I heard. No, go up to them. 336 00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:37.200 There they will cure you. There they will overfeed you 337 00:20:37.279 --> 00:20:42.119 with that leavened happiness. Satiated, you will slumber peacefully, organized, 338 00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:45.519 keeping time and snoring sweetly. Is it possible that you 339 00:20:45.599 --> 00:20:50.119 do not yet hear that great symphony of snoring? Foolish people? 340 00:20:50.599 --> 00:20:53.039 Don't you realize that they want to liberate you from 341 00:20:53.079 --> 00:20:57.279 these gnawing, wormlike, torturing question marks. And you remain standing 342 00:20:57.319 --> 00:21:00.759 here and listening to me, quick up to the great operation? 343 00:21:01.279 --> 00:21:04.200 What is your concern if I remain here alone? What 344 00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:07.119 does it matter to you? If I want to struggle hopelessly, 345 00:21:07.200 --> 00:21:10.759 struggle so much the better? What does it matter to 346 00:21:10.839 --> 00:21:13.440 you that I do not want others to desire for me. 347 00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:17.559 I want to desire for myself. If I desire the impossible? 348 00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:24.000 Another voice, slow, heavy, ah, the impossible, which means to 349 00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:27.279 run after your stupid fancies. Those fancies would whirl from 350 00:21:27.400 --> 00:21:30.880 under your very noses like a tail. No, we shall 351 00:21:30.920 --> 00:21:34.559 catch that tail and then and then swallow it. And 352 00:21:34.599 --> 00:21:38.359 fall snoring. A new tail will become necessary, they say. 353 00:21:38.359 --> 00:21:41.160 The ancients had a certain animal, which they called ass. 354 00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:44.039 In order to make it go forward, they would attach 355 00:21:44.039 --> 00:21:46.200 a carrot to a bow held in front of its nose, 356 00:21:46.559 --> 00:21:48.839 so that it could not reach it if it had 357 00:21:48.920 --> 00:21:52.240 caught and swallowed it. The tentacle suddenly let me go. 358 00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:55.359 I threw myself towards the place she was speaking from. 359 00:21:55.759 --> 00:21:58.559 But at that very moment everything was brought to confusion. 360 00:21:59.039 --> 00:22:02.680 Shouts from behind, they are coming here, coming here. The 361 00:22:02.759 --> 00:22:05.920 lights twinkled and went out. Someone cut the cable, and 362 00:22:05.960 --> 00:22:09.480 everything was like a lava of cries, groaning heads, fingers. 363 00:22:10.279 --> 00:22:12.240 I did not know how long we were rolled about 364 00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:15.079 that way in the underground tube. I only remember that 365 00:22:15.160 --> 00:22:19.160 steps were felt, Dusk appeared, becoming brighter and brighter, and 366 00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:23.200 again we were in the street, dispersing fanwise in different directions. 367 00:22:23.720 --> 00:22:28.519 Again I was alone, wind, gray, low twilight crawling over 368 00:22:28.559 --> 00:22:32.000 my head in the damp glass of the sidewalk. Somewhere 369 00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:35.359 very deep there were light topsy turvy walls and figures 370 00:22:35.359 --> 00:22:39.200 moving along feet upward, and that terribly heavy package in 371 00:22:39.240 --> 00:22:41.400 my hands pulled me down to that depth, to the 372 00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:45.799 bottom at the desk again. You was not there. Her 373 00:22:45.880 --> 00:22:48.279 room was dark and empty. I went up to my 374 00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:51.279 room and turned on the light. My temples, tightly bound 375 00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:54.599 by the iron ring, were pulsating. I paced and paced, 376 00:22:54.839 --> 00:22:58.319 always in the same circle. My table, the white package 377 00:22:58.319 --> 00:23:01.440 on the table, the bed, my table, the white package 378 00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:04.119 on the table in the room to my left. The 379 00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:07.400 curtains were lowered. To my right, the knotty bald head 380 00:23:07.480 --> 00:23:11.400 over a book, the enormous parabolic forehead wrinkles on the 381 00:23:11.400 --> 00:23:15.079 forehead like a series of yellow, illegible lines. At times 382 00:23:15.079 --> 00:23:17.240 our eyes met, and then I felt that those lines 383 00:23:17.240 --> 00:23:21.119 were about me. It happened at twenty one o'clock exactly. 384 00:23:21.880 --> 00:23:24.559 You came in on her own initiative. I remember that 385 00:23:24.640 --> 00:23:26.599 my breathing was so loud that I could hear it, 386 00:23:26.640 --> 00:23:28.960 and that I wanted to breathe less noisily, but was 387 00:23:29.039 --> 00:23:32.240 unable to. She sat down and arranged the fold of 388 00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:36.960 her unif on her knees. The pinkish brown gills were waving. Oh, dear, 389 00:23:37.119 --> 00:23:39.240 is it true that you were wounded? I just learned 390 00:23:39.279 --> 00:23:42.319 about it, and at once I ran. The piston was 391 00:23:42.359 --> 00:23:45.599 before me on the table. I jumped up, breathing even louder. 392 00:23:46.079 --> 00:23:48.799 She heard and stop halfway through a word, and rose 393 00:23:49.400 --> 00:23:52.680 already I had located the place on her head. Something 394 00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:56.559 disgustingly sweet was in my mouth, my handkerchief. I could 395 00:23:56.559 --> 00:23:59.599 not find it. I spat on the floor the fellow 396 00:23:59.599 --> 00:24:01.880 with a yellow fixed wrinkles, which think of me. It 397 00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:04.680 was necessary that he should not see. It would be 398 00:24:04.720 --> 00:24:08.000 even more disgusting if he could. I pressed the button. 399 00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:10.160 I had no right to do that, but who cared 400 00:24:10.160 --> 00:24:14.599 about rights? Then the curtains fell. Evidently she felt and 401 00:24:14.680 --> 00:24:17.160