1 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:05,120 Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, welcome back to Drunkish. It's me Stephanie Wilder Taylor. 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,039 And if you listened yesterday, then you know that we 3 00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:12,119 were talking with my friend Christy Tanner her ig handle 4 00:00:12,519 --> 00:00:17,359 Mocktail Mommy. She's a certified recovery coach. And this is 5 00:00:17,519 --> 00:00:20,160 part two of her story. If you did not listen 6 00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:22,920 to part one, I really suggest you go back because 7 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:27,039 her story is pretty incredible. But let us get to 8 00:00:27,079 --> 00:00:49,119 the conclusion and we are back with Christy Tanner Mocktail Mommy. 9 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:53,039 And if you listen to part one, I please go 10 00:00:53,119 --> 00:01:00,399 listen to part one because part one is very, very juicy, 11 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,600 very juicy. So where we left off, where we left 12 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,519 our audience off is things are coming to a head, 13 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:12,159 right because you get two DUI's in seventy two hours. Yes, 14 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,000 your husband, you guys, are are you officially separated? 15 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:19,799 Speaker 2: We have official separation papers. 16 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 1: But he's still taking you to concerts and drinking with you. 17 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:29,400 Speaker 3: Yes, it's great, it's awesome, very confusing, clear, Yes, we 18 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,879 are still living together. 19 00:01:30,719 --> 00:01:32,159 Speaker 1: Crazy making right. 20 00:01:32,439 --> 00:01:35,719 Speaker 2: Yeah. So yeah, so everything's coming to ahead. 21 00:01:35,799 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 3: I get two d us in seventy two hours and 22 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:45,519 the second one I end up in jail in Gary, Indiana. 23 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:50,280 I live in Madison, Wisconsin, but I had gotten blacked 24 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,359 out on the fourth of July, and the next day 25 00:01:52,439 --> 00:01:55,480 my husband was like, I'm taking the kids. We cannot 26 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:58,200 be around you, and quite frankly, I think that was 27 00:01:59,799 --> 00:02:04,400 I hated him at the time, but I'm really grateful 28 00:02:04,439 --> 00:02:09,479 that my children see me that way. But I was like, 29 00:02:09,599 --> 00:02:11,639 I'm not going to be home alone on the fourth 30 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:16,199 of July. So I started driving to South Haven, Michigan, 31 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,800 where you have to drive through Gary, Indiana, and I'm 32 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,960 listening Stephanie, I have just gotten my first UI. I 33 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,159 feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet. 34 00:02:24,319 --> 00:02:26,879 I am telling myself, I'm never ever drinking again except 35 00:02:26,879 --> 00:02:28,960 for last night. I know I drank last night, but 36 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,159 I'm never doing it again. 37 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,759 Speaker 1: So you have a d the first duy, they didn't 38 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:33,800 say that you can't drive. 39 00:02:35,599 --> 00:02:39,759 Speaker 2: Oh, it hadn't even been processed. I mean, were in Wisconsin. 40 00:02:40,039 --> 00:02:44,719 Everyone here has a DUI. Everyone's like, oh, one, two, 41 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:49,960 what else? Like that's like, that's like nobody cares. Everyone 42 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,639 has a DUI here. That's why. 43 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,240 Speaker 3: I don't know if you know this, but Wisconsin is 44 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:57,520 the number one drinking state in the United States. I 45 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:02,120 did not know that, Oh, Stephanie, forty one of the 46 00:03:02,199 --> 00:03:07,680 drunkest counties in the United States are right here. We 47 00:03:07,719 --> 00:03:11,599 are the drunkest state. We drink more alcohol per capita 48 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:16,840 than anywhere else. It's banana zones. So like it was a. 49 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:20,080 Speaker 2: Huge deal to me, but not a huge deal to 50 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:24,199 the police because they do it all the time. 51 00:03:24,479 --> 00:03:28,240 Speaker 3: I don't know anyway, this hasn't even really been processed 52 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,120 because the next day is the fourth of July, and 53 00:03:31,159 --> 00:03:32,800 then I get another duy am. 54 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:37,319 Speaker 2: I supposed to be driving, probably not except for I am. 55 00:03:37,639 --> 00:03:42,039 Speaker 3: And I'm listening to The Bubble Hour, the recovery podcast 56 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:46,960 in McFadden love Her, and I'm like listening to these 57 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,719 people's stories and I'm like, oh my god, this woman's 58 00:03:49,759 --> 00:03:52,599 telling my story. And I'm bawling on the highway and 59 00:03:52,639 --> 00:03:56,800 I'm like, yes, this is so good. And I'm like, oh, 60 00:03:56,879 --> 00:04:01,039 I gotta get gas. And i picked up a bunch 61 00:04:01,039 --> 00:04:03,960 of wine. I told myself it was just for the host. 62 00:04:04,199 --> 00:04:06,719 Speaker 2: It wasn't for the host. I ended up drinking on 63 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:07,360 the highway. 64 00:04:08,159 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 3: My best friend calls me while I'm drinking and driving 65 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,520 and is like, I know that you're drunk driving and 66 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:14,520 I need you to pull over. 67 00:04:14,639 --> 00:04:19,000 Speaker 2: I cannot listen to you kill yourself on the phone 68 00:04:19,199 --> 00:04:19,839 and something. 69 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:24,120 Speaker 3: I was like whatever, but something she said, like it 70 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,680 got through to me right, Like I heard the terror 71 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:34,720 in her voice. And so I stopped driving in the 72 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,600 middle of the highway. I parked my car. 73 00:04:39,399 --> 00:04:42,279 Speaker 2: In the middle of the t Did she meant Christy, 74 00:04:42,759 --> 00:04:46,680 I don't think so. I think it meant pull off. 75 00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:47,319 Speaker 1: Side of the road. 76 00:04:47,519 --> 00:04:50,920 Speaker 2: Side of the road would have been so much better. 77 00:04:51,399 --> 00:04:55,560 But I was like, you're right, I should stop driving 78 00:04:56,040 --> 00:05:02,040 right now, and so it I just parked my car 79 00:05:02,079 --> 00:05:07,399 in the middle of the fucking highway at ten pm 80 00:05:07,759 --> 00:05:11,199 in the middle of a huge rainstorm. 81 00:05:10,879 --> 00:05:16,639 Speaker 3: In Gary, Indiana. And so I don't know how much longer, 82 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,639 not very long. I see police lights in the back 83 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,920 of my thing, and I'm like, my life is now over. 84 00:05:24,319 --> 00:05:26,560 Someone please kill me now, Like I don't even know 85 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,319 how this goes. I don't remember being in jail last time. 86 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:31,199 Speaker 2: So they pulled me over. 87 00:05:31,439 --> 00:05:34,839 Speaker 3: I have a point two five, which is three times 88 00:05:34,879 --> 00:05:37,600 the legal limit to be driving, but not your highest 89 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,360 means no, And I'm like, see. 90 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,360 Speaker 2: This isn't even that bad. 91 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,279 Speaker 1: We're not set records here, folks. 92 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,920 Speaker 2: I'm like, you should have seen it before. This is nothing. 93 00:05:48,399 --> 00:05:51,639 Speaker 3: I tried to show them some yoga posas to prove 94 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,480 that I was really not that bad. 95 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,639 Speaker 2: So I was like, do you believe that I can 96 00:05:55,680 --> 00:06:03,639 do this? What's this you know? And they're like, ma'am right. 97 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 3: So I go to jail and Gary and they call 98 00:06:09,879 --> 00:06:13,079 my parents because my ex husband, we're stuon to be 99 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:17,920 ex husband is not real thrilled, and my parents. 100 00:06:17,519 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 2: Drive six hours to come pick up their thirty four 101 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:28,120 year old mom daughter from jail. And when I saw 102 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:37,079 my parents' faces, I have never seen a look like 103 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,920 that on my father's face, and I hope I never 104 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:46,199 do again. I've never been so ashamed. 105 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:49,480 Speaker 3: They had to pay so much money for me to 106 00:06:49,519 --> 00:06:53,519 get out of jail, they had to get my car unimpounded. 107 00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:57,079 Speaker 2: Blah blah blah, all this stuff. Everyone was furious. Everyone 108 00:06:57,199 --> 00:07:02,160 was furious with me. I was furious with me, And 109 00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:06,839 so we have a six hour, silent drive home in 110 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:11,759 the back of my parents' car, and for the first time, 111 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:17,680 I was like, I do not got this, and I 112 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,759 do not think I'm going to be able to figure 113 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,279 this out, and I'm afraid. 114 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:29,439 Speaker 4: That I'm going to die if I keep drinking, and 115 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:35,120 sometimes I think that's what I want. 116 00:07:37,319 --> 00:07:41,560 Speaker 2: And I said, I can't imagine going to rehab away 117 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:45,079 from my kids, like that's all I want to do 118 00:07:45,199 --> 00:07:50,720 is be a good num. And so I found a 119 00:07:50,759 --> 00:07:52,160 rehab that. 120 00:07:54,519 --> 00:08:00,199 Speaker 3: Is about ninety minutes away from Madison, and they allow 121 00:08:01,639 --> 00:08:07,000 FaceTime with your kids, and they allowed my kids to 122 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:12,279 come see me every Sunday, and so I said, okay, 123 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:17,439 I'm gonna go. My daughter was seven months old. 124 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:21,279 Speaker 2: I had to stop breastfeeding her just like, just like that, 125 00:08:21,879 --> 00:08:25,000 I was like, okay, well that's done. There's like so 126 00:08:25,079 --> 00:08:30,759 many things that ended so quickly kind of I didn't 127 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:36,399 have time to process. So I go to rehab. 128 00:08:36,879 --> 00:08:42,399 Speaker 3: July fifteenth, and I got out of rehab sixty one 129 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:43,120 days later. 130 00:08:45,799 --> 00:08:46,799 Speaker 1: So you didn't stay the whole time. 131 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:47,879 Speaker 2: I was gonna go for a month. 132 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 3: And when I first got there, really it was a 133 00:08:52,639 --> 00:08:56,159 twenty eight day program and I ended up doing a 134 00:08:56,240 --> 00:09:03,000 second month. So I had really gone to rehab thinking 135 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:08,720 Stephanie that if I could figure out my marriage, that 136 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,039 I would figure out my drinking. 137 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:12,960 Speaker 2: In that order. 138 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:22,399 Speaker 3: And in rehab it became really clear that my marriage 139 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,799 was not something I was going to be able to 140 00:09:24,879 --> 00:09:30,279 save I did have an opportunity to save myself, though, 141 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,679 but I was going to have to make a choice, 142 00:09:34,799 --> 00:09:35,879 and it couldn't be both. 143 00:09:37,759 --> 00:09:39,919 Speaker 2: And that's not true for everyone, but that was true 144 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:43,080 for me. They made it really clear to me that. 145 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:49,440 Speaker 3: Going back to my home where I had gotten so 146 00:09:49,519 --> 00:09:52,519 addicted and been so sick and had so many. 147 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,960 Speaker 2: Traumatic experiences. 148 00:09:57,399 --> 00:10:01,200 Speaker 3: Was probably not a great idea and it probably wouldn't 149 00:10:01,279 --> 00:10:02,039 keep me sober. 150 00:10:02,799 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 2: So when I got home from. 151 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:13,039 Speaker 3: Rehab, I moved out. I moved down the street into 152 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:16,840 from our ten thousand square foot home, and I got 153 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:23,519 a one bedroom apartment and I lived there and we 154 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:27,279 had a full time nanny, and my husband and I 155 00:10:27,519 --> 00:10:31,399 changed our separation to a divorce, and we did something 156 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,919 called nesting, so he would stay home with the kids 157 00:10:34,919 --> 00:10:37,600 for two days. I'd be at my apartment. I'd be 158 00:10:37,639 --> 00:10:39,320 at home with the kids for two days, and he 159 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:44,240 would go to his cabin, and that's sort of what 160 00:10:44,279 --> 00:10:46,919 we did. We told our kids at Christmas we were 161 00:10:46,919 --> 00:10:53,200 getting a divorce and I was trying to stay sober, 162 00:10:53,320 --> 00:11:00,960 and they so funny. Now he's twelve, my oldest. When 163 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,799 I was in rehab, theyse come visit, right, and it 164 00:11:03,879 --> 00:11:08,360 was this big it looks like huge mansion. So he 165 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:13,279 has told everyone for five years that my mom lived 166 00:11:13,279 --> 00:11:18,799 at the White House. She lived there, and people are like, no, 167 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:23,200 she did not, and he was like, yes, Paul, she 168 00:11:23,399 --> 00:11:25,559 lived at the White House. So my kids think that 169 00:11:25,639 --> 00:11:29,440 I went to rehab at the White House, and it's fine. 170 00:11:29,799 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 2: But I was. 171 00:11:32,399 --> 00:11:36,679 Speaker 3: Really open with my children about why I was there 172 00:11:36,799 --> 00:11:40,080 in terms that seemed appropriate. 173 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:40,440 Speaker 2: Right. 174 00:11:40,519 --> 00:11:42,879 Speaker 3: I was like, I am here to learn how to 175 00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:46,159 take care of myself a better way so that I 176 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:49,120 can show it better for you. Right, I'm here to 177 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,000 learn how to be a better mom, And that's really 178 00:11:52,039 --> 00:11:52,919 what this is about. 179 00:11:53,519 --> 00:11:55,320 Speaker 2: I'm here to learn how to have. 180 00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:59,879 Speaker 3: An honest connection with myself so that I can have 181 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,759 an honest connection with other people. I'm here to learn 182 00:12:03,799 --> 00:12:07,840 how to look myself in the mirror without hating the 183 00:12:07,879 --> 00:12:10,679 person that I see, because I've never really been able 184 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:11,159 to do that. 185 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:14,679 Speaker 2: I'm here to learn. 186 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:19,559 Speaker 3: What matters in a person that has nothing to do 187 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:25,159 with the outside, because that always seems so important, and 188 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,360 I did a lot of those things. 189 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:33,039 Speaker 1: Was that the last time you drank it was, what 190 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,240 do you think made the difference? Like when you came 191 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,960 home because in the past, all the times you've been 192 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,320 hospitalized or gone to jail, like you went back to 193 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,559 drinking right away. Do you think it was that you 194 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:48,679 were separated from your husband? Do you think you were 195 00:12:48,759 --> 00:12:52,159 in a pattern where it just that's what you knew 196 00:12:52,159 --> 00:12:53,200 to do together? 197 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:58,639 Speaker 3: And you me what it was like our cycle, right, 198 00:12:58,799 --> 00:13:01,360 it was like we drank together, but also I drink 199 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:06,080 at him. I drink at our problems. I wasn't drinking 200 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,240 to like get rid of the problems. I was drinking 201 00:13:08,279 --> 00:13:13,039 because I was mad. There are problems. So without resolving 202 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,279 any problems, how are we gonna res How am I 203 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,360 gonna stop drinking? 204 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,679 Speaker 2: I also. 205 00:13:24,399 --> 00:13:28,080 Speaker 3: When I, you know, the six months before my drinking stopped, 206 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:31,639 I didn't care that I was an alcoholic. And so 207 00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:37,200 this sort of fantastical ending in a fancy neighborhood where 208 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,879 this doesn't happen. And now this mom we don't know 209 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:44,080 who looks pretty normal is like m I A and rehab. 210 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,559 It was a story, right, and so like I didn't 211 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:53,200 have the opportunity to come home and be like, oh cute, 212 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:59,759 I was that like camp. Nobody thought I was at Camp, Stephanie. 213 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:04,080 Everyone knew I was in rehab, so it wasn't like 214 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,360 I could come home and be like, oh, I'm just 215 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:10,919 like turning a new leaf on my health journey, because 216 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,200 it wasn't cool to be sober. I certainly didn't think 217 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,879 it was cool. But that's exactly why when I got home, 218 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:22,480 I did things immediately. I took action immediately. I did 219 00:14:22,519 --> 00:14:27,799 not leave rehab until I had a physical apartment that 220 00:14:27,879 --> 00:14:32,480 I knew why I was moving into within two weeks. 221 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,440 Speaker 2: Because if I didn't. 222 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:38,279 Speaker 3: Have these things set up and actions to take, my 223 00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:42,799 crazy brain will come up with some other solution that 224 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:47,559 won't be good. I didn't trust myself what you said 225 00:14:47,559 --> 00:14:50,240 about rehab like it is the hardest work I've ever done. 226 00:14:50,279 --> 00:14:52,679 Let me be so clear, I've never cried so much. 227 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,919 I've never done so much painful things. I've never had 228 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,159 to check my ego at the door. I've never had 229 00:14:58,159 --> 00:15:01,559 to expose these at me that I've thought I would 230 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,399 take to the grave. 231 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:05,360 Speaker 2: But it also. 232 00:15:06,519 --> 00:15:12,120 Speaker 3: Was so foundational for just learning how to be a 233 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:16,279 person on your own, and how to learn how to 234 00:15:16,519 --> 00:15:19,480 take care of yourself when you're not mom, when you're 235 00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:22,399 not work, when you're not a wife, when you're not a, 236 00:15:22,879 --> 00:15:25,440 this is the first time in ten years I felt 237 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:31,399 like Christy, not somebody's wife, not somebody's mom, not the 238 00:15:31,399 --> 00:15:34,360 caretaker of the home. All of a sudden, I was 239 00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:37,240 just me and it was like, is that ever enough? 240 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,840 Could it be? What would that even look or feel like? 241 00:15:42,159 --> 00:15:46,279 But I was terrified to leave rehab because I had 242 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:49,960 relapsed a billion times before. How is this not going 243 00:15:50,039 --> 00:15:52,720 to have the same ending that my other rehab had 244 00:15:52,799 --> 00:16:01,039 I've already failed before. The difference was I wanted it. 245 00:16:03,159 --> 00:16:08,320 I was tired of living in denial for so long. 246 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:12,000 I was tired of lying to myself. I knew my 247 00:16:12,159 --> 00:16:19,039 lies and they soak me in shame every day, which 248 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:22,519 colors how I show up for the rest of my life. 249 00:16:22,879 --> 00:16:26,720 And so during rehab, I did, I mean just so 250 00:16:26,799 --> 00:16:29,919 much work when we were well, get I'll just that 251 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:36,759 is my rehab timeline. Wow, And you got up and 252 00:16:36,759 --> 00:16:41,159 told your whole story. These are things I had just like, 253 00:16:41,279 --> 00:16:44,399 never admitted and done. And the thing is when you 254 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:52,039 can take accountability for what you've done, apologize when you can, 255 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:56,840 and then do something different about it, it makes you feel. 256 00:16:56,519 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 2: Different about yourself. 257 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 3: And so I get out of rehab and I come 258 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,839 home and I move out. And that's why, that's exactly 259 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:09,079 why I started Mocktail Mommy Stephanie. I didn't start it 260 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:11,759 because I thought it would be cool. I didn't think 261 00:17:11,799 --> 00:17:15,200 I was gonna make friends. I didn't know that there 262 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:19,079 could be like some joyful part of this sober Instagram. 263 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:23,480 I knew that I needed accountability and I needed everyone 264 00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:26,880 to know that I was an alcoholic, because otherwise, if 265 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,759 the checkout person at Target didn't know and they scan 266 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,039 my thing, I could be off to the races again. 267 00:17:32,079 --> 00:17:32,920 Speaker 2: And I didn't. 268 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:37,000 Speaker 3: Trust myself, so I did crazy things like tell the Internet, 269 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:42,319 and I went to ninety meetings in sixty days. I 270 00:17:42,759 --> 00:17:47,200 went to AA three times a day. I joined all 271 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:53,039 the groups. I did yoga. I could not could not, 272 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,480 could not figure out how to mom and wife and 273 00:17:56,799 --> 00:18:00,279 caretake a home and recover. And you know what, I 274 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,200 just want to say, I don't think there's any shame 275 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:06,359 in that. And I think there's so many women, especially 276 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,119 who feel like they cannot go get the help they 277 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:14,319 really really need because of this mom guilt. And I 278 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,680 just want to say, if that's you, or if you 279 00:18:16,799 --> 00:18:20,519 felt like that, that this is the most selfless gift 280 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,519 that I have ever given my children and ever will 281 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:29,160 is that I went away for two months because now 282 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,559 they have a future with me, They have a future, 283 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,359 right and I couldn't guarantee that, and now I can. 284 00:18:38,039 --> 00:18:42,440 It's incredible, but it was hard work. And then I 285 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,440 come home and I'm like, there's this nanny at my house. 286 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,119 I'm getting divorced, Like what is my role at the 287 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:51,519 house now I'm a part time parent and part time 288 00:18:51,559 --> 00:18:54,000 I don't know what I am. And then the pandemic 289 00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:57,720 hits an AA rooms shut down, and I'm nine months 290 00:18:57,759 --> 00:19:01,079 sober and all of my stuff is falling apart, and 291 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,599 I move out of my house the day before the 292 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,799 pandemic is announced, and then. 293 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,519 Speaker 2: All of my children are homeschooled, so right, So then 294 00:19:08,559 --> 00:19:13,519 I'm teaching virtual first grade, virtual four K and have 295 00:19:13,559 --> 00:19:15,640 a two year old and a one year old at 296 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:19,359 home and no one can come over and there's no 297 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:25,119 waya rooms. And the fact that I didn't relapse is 298 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:31,759 a miracle. I cried every single day for eighteen months. 299 00:19:31,799 --> 00:19:34,319 That is not a joke. I cried myself to sleep 300 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:39,559 every single night for eighteen months because I lost everything, Stephanie. 301 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,440 And that is what it took for me. It took 302 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:48,720 me losing the marriage, the house, almost losing my kids, 303 00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:53,559 almost losing my life, losing relationships with people, hating myself. 304 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:55,839 It took everything. 305 00:19:56,119 --> 00:20:01,559 Speaker 3: Because I was I was so scared to just be 306 00:20:01,799 --> 00:20:06,599 me and have to feel real feelings. And now the 307 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,519 fact that I can, I can feel real feelings. 308 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:18,799 Speaker 2: I have this immense sense of freedom and gratitude. 309 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:24,839 Speaker 3: I can only feel sorrow as much as I've felt joy. Right, Like, 310 00:20:25,319 --> 00:20:27,799 if you won't allow yourself to be sad, how are 311 00:20:27,839 --> 00:20:29,799 you ever gonna know what it really feels like to 312 00:20:29,799 --> 00:20:33,680 be so so so grateful? It has changed everything for me. 313 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:38,839 It was not easy. We got divorced and things got worse. 314 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,559 This isn't how I thought it would all play out, right. 315 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:47,000 I was sort of really displaced for a while. I 316 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,039 couldn't figure out, Like what do I do? 317 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:50,839 Speaker 2: I have all these little kids, so I can't go 318 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,319 get a job, But like what am I outside of 319 00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:53,880 this thing? 320 00:20:54,079 --> 00:20:57,640 Speaker 3: And I wrote and I read, I read memoirs and 321 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:04,160 I did yoga. I started traveling by myself regularly, sober 322 00:21:04,559 --> 00:21:09,960 single solo travel is like my love language. I will 323 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:14,680 get on an airplane every six to eight weeks and 324 00:21:14,799 --> 00:21:19,559 go somewhere. I rent an airbnb, I go hiking, I 325 00:21:19,599 --> 00:21:20,359 do journaling. 326 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:25,400 Speaker 2: I really like spending time with myself. Stephanie, I drink 327 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:29,880 because I hated spending time with myself. Before I could 328 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:34,079 not get farther far enough away from myself. And now 329 00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:34,880 it's so weird. 330 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:39,680 Speaker 3: God, I've been single for almost seven years and I'm 331 00:21:39,759 --> 00:21:40,920 raising these kids. 332 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,960 Speaker 2: And for the longest time I thought I need a 333 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,759 man to like fill these voids. 334 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:52,680 Speaker 3: No, No, I need travel, I need journaling, I need sunrises. Dude, 335 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,160 men are not competing with each other. They are competing 336 00:21:55,160 --> 00:22:00,519 with my piece. Like I feel like. 337 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:05,440 Speaker 2: Removing alcohol removed the thing that kept me small. 338 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:10,640 Speaker 3: It removed the thing that kept me scared. It removed 339 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:14,319 the thing that kept me controllable. It removed the thing 340 00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:22,400 that hindered my creativity, my willingness to try. Like it 341 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:26,799 took all my good stuff away, but it was sold 342 00:22:26,839 --> 00:22:29,400 to me like this is a celebration and all the 343 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,680 best people get it. And I'm here to tell you that, 344 00:22:32,839 --> 00:22:37,720 like what alcohol promises is what sobriety delivers. 345 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:42,720 Speaker 1: God is so true. That is really really true. How 346 00:22:42,759 --> 00:22:49,119 do you think sober parenting is is different? You know, 347 00:22:49,279 --> 00:22:53,079 because you still have four young kids. How old is 348 00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:54,279 your oldest? Now you said. 349 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:59,640 Speaker 3: Twelve, Yeah, so he's turning thirteen. So now they are seventh, fifth, fourth, 350 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,279 and forth grade. 351 00:23:01,839 --> 00:23:04,920 Speaker 2: And that's a lot. It is a. 352 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:10,000 Speaker 3: Lot, yeah, yeah, a lot easier than when they were 353 00:23:10,039 --> 00:23:11,319 all in car seats. 354 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,440 Speaker 2: Oh my dear baby, Jesus, that was so hard. 355 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,160 Speaker 1: But how do you like, I have patience and and 356 00:23:19,519 --> 00:23:22,880 you know, well, I guess you get your escape from 357 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:28,640 a little from the traveling, But how do you stay serene? 358 00:23:29,279 --> 00:23:30,240 Speaker 2: I don't always. 359 00:23:30,559 --> 00:23:36,680 Speaker 3: I mean, let's just be honest, Like, I think the 360 00:23:36,759 --> 00:23:40,960 first two years that I was single parenting, I was 361 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:43,559 that's probably pretty rough around the edges. 362 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:45,359 Speaker 2: I think I. 363 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:50,279 Speaker 3: Did a lot of crying. I never I couldn't even 364 00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:53,880 hide it from my kids. I would just burst into tears. 365 00:23:56,119 --> 00:24:01,119 Now I cannot tell you the differences that I see 366 00:24:01,279 --> 00:24:04,559 in my relationships with my children and like the connection 367 00:24:04,759 --> 00:24:08,000 we have. Part of that is age, but a huge 368 00:24:08,039 --> 00:24:12,160 part of that is the environment. There has never been 369 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,400 alcohol in my home that I live in right now. 370 00:24:15,599 --> 00:24:16,440 Speaker 2: That is a rule. 371 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,400 Speaker 3: No one's allowed to have it here. I'm not interested 372 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,200 and I don't care. And why well, my kids know 373 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:27,079 that I'm allergic to alcohol. I'm allergic and it makes me, 374 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:32,240 it makes me do things I'm not proud of, and 375 00:24:32,319 --> 00:24:35,039 I don't feel good about that, and so I don't drink. 376 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:36,680 Speaker 2: Has it. 377 00:24:38,319 --> 00:24:41,640 Speaker 3: Come up in discussion all the time. I don't hide 378 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,839 it from my kids that I'm sober. Drinking is everywhere 379 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:49,799 in Wisconsin. Our families drink. My parents drink wine. Are 380 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,039 That's what we did at every holiday. It's very much 381 00:24:53,039 --> 00:24:56,440 a part of socializing here. So then it's like, well, 382 00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:00,960 are people who drink bad? No, people that drink are 383 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,079 not bad. But here's what I do want you to know. 384 00:25:03,319 --> 00:25:05,880 If someone's been drinking, and I don't care who it is. 385 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:09,160 I don't care if it's grandpa or dad, or mommy 386 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:13,279 or your babysitter. Someone's been drinking alcohol, you don't. You 387 00:25:13,319 --> 00:25:17,359 don't get it in a car with them. No, and 388 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:22,960 you don't have No. We all did that, Stephanie. I 389 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:28,119 don't do that anymore. My kids ask questions now that 390 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,799 they never asked before. My kids are really aware of 391 00:25:31,799 --> 00:25:35,839 what alcohol is. I took my kids out to Mexican 392 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:40,720 place a couple months ago, and it's called uh Ancho 393 00:25:40,839 --> 00:25:47,359 Nagabe and it says tacos tequila and Tamali's or something, 394 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:54,400 and my son says, what's tequila? And I and he's nine, 395 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:56,599 and I'm like, oh, that's alcohol. 396 00:25:57,279 --> 00:26:04,640 Speaker 2: And he's like, oh, Mommy, we cannot go here. They 397 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:09,400 have alcohol. And I was like, oh my gosh, honey, 398 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,519 I don't know if I failed to mention there's probably 399 00:26:12,559 --> 00:26:15,839 alcohol most of the places that we've been. I just 400 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:23,319 don't drink it anymore. And he was like, chesting, Now 401 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:25,480 there's a thought you could. 402 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:30,119 Speaker 3: Go somewhere that has these things, which when I first 403 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,400 got sober, I thought, I'm never gonna go out to 404 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,640 eat again. I'm never gonna go on a trip again, 405 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,359 never gonna get on an airplane again. I'm never gonna 406 00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:40,720 have a girl's night again. I'm never gonna anything ever again. 407 00:26:41,039 --> 00:26:41,759 Speaker 2: That's not true. 408 00:26:41,839 --> 00:26:45,960 Speaker 3: Now I do all of it right, But sober parenting, 409 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,960 I can't tell you how good it feels. Because now 410 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:51,759 that my son is getting older, right, he's gonna be 411 00:26:51,839 --> 00:26:55,240 starting to be around this kind of stuff. And I 412 00:26:55,279 --> 00:26:59,359 can guarantee you that seven years ago I didn't wake 413 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:03,680 up for a fire alarm, much less my phone buzzing 414 00:27:03,799 --> 00:27:07,640 that my child needs a ride home. I will always 415 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:12,039 and forever be available for my children. I will always 416 00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:16,960 and forever offer them a ride home without questions, always 417 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,359 and forever. That was one thing my parents did in 418 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:26,160 high school that I value and appreciate so much. They 419 00:27:27,319 --> 00:27:29,839 besides that one time in sophomore year when they picked 420 00:27:29,839 --> 00:27:31,599 me up and it was a shit show the first time, 421 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:38,680 but they always offered me for my friends their phone 422 00:27:38,759 --> 00:27:44,079 number to come get us from any party that we 423 00:27:44,079 --> 00:27:46,720 were uncomfortable at, and they would drive us home with 424 00:27:46,839 --> 00:27:52,240 no questions. I will offer that to my children. But 425 00:27:52,319 --> 00:27:55,200 I will also make them talk to me about alcohol. 426 00:27:55,759 --> 00:27:58,519 I think it's important. I think it's something we need 427 00:27:58,559 --> 00:28:01,279 to talk about. I think it's thing that became a 428 00:28:01,279 --> 00:28:04,920 problem because generations before us did not talk about it. 429 00:28:05,759 --> 00:28:08,880 Speaker 2: We thought it was okay. I mean, in the eighties 430 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:13,279 people were still like smoking school when you're pregnant, you know. 431 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:18,559 So I think I'm really looking forward to the differences 432 00:28:18,599 --> 00:28:22,519 in like holidays. 433 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:29,920 Speaker 3: My holidays used to be about staying up late with 434 00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:35,839 the champagne to assemble the presence from Santa and blah 435 00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:43,039 blah blah. And now, like I decided last year, we 436 00:28:43,039 --> 00:28:47,599 weren't doing presents and instead we went hiking in Arizona, 437 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:50,200 and we made memories. 438 00:28:52,599 --> 00:28:55,680 Speaker 2: I can't tell you. My kids will not remember what 439 00:28:55,759 --> 00:28:57,640 they got for their birthday this year, but they will 440 00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:03,119 always remember that trip, always, just the five of us. 441 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,559 Did people think I was nuts for hiking alone with 442 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:10,039 four children. Yes, people think I'm insane, But you know what, 443 00:29:10,319 --> 00:29:13,119 I'm only insane enough to do it because I'm sober, 444 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,440 and I can handle it. I can handle anything sober. 445 00:29:17,119 --> 00:29:22,400 I could not handle one wrong move when I was drinking, 446 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:26,279 you know. And now I just feel like, oh my god, 447 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,759 what a gift to live this way and to get 448 00:29:29,799 --> 00:29:33,039 to show my children that there is an option. There 449 00:29:33,119 --> 00:29:36,480 is a choice, Like you can live a connected life 450 00:29:36,599 --> 00:29:40,279 or a disconnected one. You can choose what you want, 451 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:40,960 you can. 452 00:29:41,799 --> 00:29:45,160 Speaker 3: I mean, they'll make their own choices, but I feel really, 453 00:29:45,279 --> 00:29:49,799 really proud that they will have a sober home to 454 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:53,960 compare other places to I didn't have a sober home 455 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:58,240 growing up. You know, it wasn't alcoholic, but wine was 456 00:29:58,279 --> 00:30:01,599 everywhere all the time, and still is. My parents, you know, 457 00:30:02,119 --> 00:30:05,880 live in Naples and drink a cabernet on the golf 458 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,759 cart and play pick a ball all day. Like that's 459 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,839 like what they do. That's never going to be me. 460 00:30:12,519 --> 00:30:14,519 I don't want it to be right. 461 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,920 Speaker 1: Well, I'm a bit ahead of you. So I've been sober. 462 00:30:19,079 --> 00:30:22,279 Uh what's this March? It'll be seventeen years in May. 463 00:30:22,599 --> 00:30:25,519 And I set all the things that you're saying right now, 464 00:30:25,559 --> 00:30:30,079 and then they did come to pass. So it's real 465 00:30:30,119 --> 00:30:34,160 and it's beautiful. And I have been that mom that's 466 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,839 available and gets a text and wakes up when there's 467 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,240 a text in the middle of the night and has 468 00:30:39,279 --> 00:30:42,160 gone to pick up my kids when they did not 469 00:30:42,559 --> 00:30:45,680 chose to not drive the car. I mean, it's real, 470 00:30:46,039 --> 00:30:50,720 and I never stop being grateful for it. And I'm 471 00:30:50,839 --> 00:30:54,880 so so happy I quit when I did, because and 472 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,279 we were talking about this before we started recording in 473 00:30:57,319 --> 00:31:00,480 the first place. But and I think it's really important 474 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,960 to kind of reiterate that just because your story, just 475 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:08,240 because you're drinking, took you to some really dark places, 476 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:12,160 and maybe a person could see that and go, well, 477 00:31:12,319 --> 00:31:15,359 I've never that's never happened to me. I've never gotten 478 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:19,240 one dui. Well, I never got a dui. I've driven 479 00:31:19,319 --> 00:31:23,039 drunk a lot of times. I mean, there but for 480 00:31:23,119 --> 00:31:27,359 the grace of God, I can't imagine anybody who quits drinking. 481 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:31,000 Who can honestly be like, I've never driven drunk, Like 482 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:35,079 if you an alcoholic, you just didn't get caught. So 483 00:31:35,759 --> 00:31:40,559 I think that had I alcoholism is progressive. 484 00:31:41,799 --> 00:31:44,279 Speaker 2: And so as recovery. 485 00:31:44,319 --> 00:31:47,599 Speaker 1: It really is, it really is, And like, the more 486 00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:51,079 you drink, the more there's there are chances for bad 487 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:55,359 shit to happen. It's a very simple equation. So you 488 00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:57,720 could either choose when you start seeing the writing on 489 00:31:57,759 --> 00:32:00,480 the wall, you can either choose to like be done. 490 00:32:00,799 --> 00:32:04,000 It doesn't mean that you are less of an alcoholic, 491 00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,720 or that somebody that doesn't get sober at that point 492 00:32:06,759 --> 00:32:09,400 that they think they should is more of an alcoholic. 493 00:32:09,519 --> 00:32:10,119 Speaker 2: It just is. 494 00:32:10,519 --> 00:32:14,799 Speaker 1: Addiction is just addiction. And I think that somebody like 495 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:20,680 you telling this intense a story and being so so honest, 496 00:32:21,039 --> 00:32:23,359 it doesn't mean that you're the only one. It means 497 00:32:23,359 --> 00:32:26,039 that you're the person who's willing to actually talk about 498 00:32:26,039 --> 00:32:28,759 those feelings and that shame. And I think that that 499 00:32:29,519 --> 00:32:31,519 is the only way that we take away the shame 500 00:32:31,559 --> 00:32:34,880 for other people who are feeling the same way you do, 501 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,160 doing the same things you were doing, but just not 502 00:32:37,279 --> 00:32:40,119 talking about it. So I really thank you. 503 00:32:41,079 --> 00:32:43,960 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, thank you, I mean thank you. Think 504 00:32:44,079 --> 00:32:48,960 like this is happening because we're all sharing. We all 505 00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:51,279 recovery by sharing, right. 506 00:32:51,519 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 3: Only the scariest place to know as an addict is 507 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:55,920 your own mind by yourself. 508 00:32:56,799 --> 00:32:59,960 Speaker 2: Don't do that, right, like tell somebody the crazy thing 509 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:03,200 going on, because somebody else has that same thing too, 510 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:05,920 and they'll be like, oh my god, my addict things 511 00:33:06,079 --> 00:33:08,319 like that too, right, And. 512 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,680 Speaker 1: That's like I think that one of the things that 513 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:12,720 I A lot of people maybe that listen to this 514 00:33:12,799 --> 00:33:16,079 show might be like, wow, I would just never go 515 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:20,039 to like a twelve step meeting, you know. And the 516 00:33:20,119 --> 00:33:24,720 thing is, that's fine, and they don't have to. But 517 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,720 the thing that they're missing out on is this. It's 518 00:33:27,759 --> 00:33:31,119 like this kind of it's people telling their story. It's 519 00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:34,200 hearing somebody else say the thing that you're like, oh shit, 520 00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:38,279 me too. I felt that way, and there's nothing to 521 00:33:38,319 --> 00:33:41,400 me that is just that is a drug, that feeling 522 00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:46,200 of relating, hearing something in somebody who might be so 523 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:48,799 different than you and live such a different life, but 524 00:33:48,839 --> 00:33:51,359 then hear a thought that You're like, I thought I 525 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:55,000 was the only person who's ever thought that or ever 526 00:33:55,079 --> 00:33:59,680 had that kind of shame or ever meant to have 527 00:33:59,759 --> 00:34:02,680 to drinks and then been on a date with your 528 00:34:02,759 --> 00:34:07,279 husband and gotten blackout, drunk and embarrassed. And I mean, 529 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:14,400 for me, a semi regular occurrence was going out for 530 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:16,679 a regular date night on a Tuesday and you know, 531 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:19,679 and and then having a bunch of drinks and not 532 00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:22,480 realizing and then getting really drunk and then picking a 533 00:34:22,519 --> 00:34:27,360 fight and then screaming at him out like walking down 534 00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:30,920 the street. I mean I did that to him on 535 00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:34,639 a vacation. We went to Italy and I got drunk 536 00:34:34,639 --> 00:34:38,000 at like a pizza place. I do not even remember 537 00:34:38,039 --> 00:34:41,280 what I got mad at about, but I was storming 538 00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:46,800 off down like ruining vacations like what, oh is that? 539 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,960 Speaker 2: That was me? Like that, what do you mean? And 540 00:34:50,039 --> 00:34:52,760 that was me? I thought that's what vacations were for. 541 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,480 But like arguing with each other the next morning and 542 00:34:55,559 --> 00:34:58,639 drinking bloody Mary's to make it go away, right right right? 543 00:34:59,519 --> 00:35:05,559 But it's yeah, no, it's like storytelling and connecting. It's all. 544 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,639 It's just releasing of the shame. 545 00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,360 Speaker 3: I think, like the shame and guilt spiral keep so 546 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:15,760 many people stuck, and shame can't survive in the light, right, 547 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:19,840 Like it's shame is allergic to the light, right it. 548 00:35:20,159 --> 00:35:25,719 Secrets can't survive in the light either. So I came 549 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,440 up with this motto a couple of years ago. Keep 550 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:33,360 no secrets, Carry no shame, and that is that is 551 00:35:33,519 --> 00:35:34,719 how I live my life. 552 00:35:35,559 --> 00:35:38,920 Speaker 2: I have it tattoo it on my rib cage. I 553 00:35:39,119 --> 00:35:42,559 love it, and I have it on a big sign, 554 00:35:43,039 --> 00:35:46,199 and that is sort of my filter. 555 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:50,199 Speaker 3: For is this how I am living in alignment with 556 00:35:50,679 --> 00:35:52,559 who I want to be and who I am like, 557 00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:56,920 keep no secrets, Carry no shame. I the number one 558 00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:01,639 person I cannot keep secrets from is myself. I have 559 00:36:01,679 --> 00:36:05,320 a therapist, I have an addiction counselor, because I've been 560 00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:08,039 sober for almost seven years and people are like, aren't 561 00:36:08,039 --> 00:36:10,760 you like done with that? Here's the thing is like, 562 00:36:11,599 --> 00:36:14,039 I think it keeps getting better and more interesting. 563 00:36:14,599 --> 00:36:19,440 Speaker 2: The first year was like physical sobriety, like I had shakes, 564 00:36:19,559 --> 00:36:23,440 I had night sweats, I had post acute withdrawal symptoms 565 00:36:23,519 --> 00:36:25,119 for almost three. 566 00:36:25,559 --> 00:36:30,159 Speaker 3: Years, wow from drinking, Wow wedding through my clothes, changing 567 00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:36,199 meds like it was a brutal, brutal process. The first 568 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:39,239 year was just physical and the second year was like 569 00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:43,440 mental sobriety, like Okay, I'm my clarity. 570 00:36:43,039 --> 00:36:46,159 Speaker 2: Is coming back. I can pause before I have to 571 00:36:46,199 --> 00:36:50,880 like send the email to the principle. I can, you know, 572 00:36:51,119 --> 00:36:52,320 have somebody look it over. 573 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:58,559 Speaker 3: And then the third year was like this spiritual recovery 574 00:36:58,679 --> 00:37:01,199 and it's like, oh my god, wait. 575 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:06,559 Speaker 2: Wait is that? Do I feel peace in my body 576 00:37:06,639 --> 00:37:09,039 right now? What is bad? Wait? 577 00:37:09,159 --> 00:37:13,760 Speaker 3: That is kind of intoxicating right Like I do get 578 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,880 like a high from being like doing yoga. 579 00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:22,960 Speaker 2: It's so fun. But it's like I never would have 580 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,280 believed it. I thought I was missing out. I thought 581 00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,599 all the cool people had something I didn't have. 582 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,440 Speaker 3: And now I don't feel that way. There is nothing 583 00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:34,960 attractive about alcohol to me. There's nothing for me there. 584 00:37:35,039 --> 00:37:38,280 I've tried it, like it was my best friend. 585 00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:41,400 Speaker 2: Tried a little bit. You had a good run. I 586 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:42,239 had a pretty good run. 587 00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,559 Speaker 3: I mean I drank enough for like me and most 588 00:37:44,599 --> 00:37:47,480 of our neighbors, so I just wanted to save some 589 00:37:47,599 --> 00:37:48,480 for everyone else. 590 00:37:48,679 --> 00:37:51,679 Speaker 2: Like you know, it's just like that's how I feel too, though. 591 00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:53,679 Speaker 1: I mean I didn't quit till I was forty two, 592 00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:57,400 But in my mind, I'm like, you know what, like 593 00:37:57,679 --> 00:38:00,480 now I look at that and I go that, well, 594 00:38:00,519 --> 00:38:03,159 I think at the time, I thought that was old 595 00:38:03,559 --> 00:38:06,840 like that, I can't believe I didn't get sober younger. 596 00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:11,119 But now that I'm fifty nine, I'm like, wow, I 597 00:38:11,199 --> 00:38:14,119 was young, like I had but I didn't have much 598 00:38:14,159 --> 00:38:16,719 more drinking to do. Like, I don't have any regrets. 599 00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:18,760 I'm like, I left it all on the table, you know, 600 00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:23,599 drinking all the alcohol that was ever coming my way. 601 00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:26,960 And I know people get sober really young and good 602 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:29,440 for them, but like I had to drink a lot 603 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,559 of alcohol to realize that I was done. 604 00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:35,599 Speaker 3: And that's the thing people say too, is like, how 605 00:38:35,639 --> 00:38:38,920 don't you give up? If I tried and feel one 606 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:42,679 hundred times before it worked one hundred I couldn't string 607 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,679 to get together forty eight hours to save my life 608 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:47,159 for years. 609 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:52,920 Speaker 2: Right, but you can't quit quitting, Right, You're worth it 610 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:56,880 to keep trying to quit. And every day that you 611 00:38:57,039 --> 00:39:00,079 do it is a day of experience. You're never starting 612 00:39:00,119 --> 00:39:03,440 from square one, You're always starting from a place of experience. 613 00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:06,760 I really believe that I. 614 00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:10,519 Speaker 3: Had to drink every single drop of alcohol that I 615 00:39:10,559 --> 00:39:12,159 did to get me to quit. 616 00:39:12,559 --> 00:39:14,239 Speaker 2: That's how much it took for me. 617 00:39:15,159 --> 00:39:18,880 Speaker 3: The limit was I had to find rock bottom you 618 00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:20,320 may not have to please. 619 00:39:20,039 --> 00:39:23,480 Speaker 2: Get off at floor one. Please, you do not have 620 00:39:23,519 --> 00:39:26,280 to ride to the top and then plummet. You could try. 621 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,559 I do not recommend it, right, Christy. 622 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:34,320 Speaker 1: Tanner mocktail Mommy, tell us, like, what are you doing? 623 00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:36,079 Are you? Are you promoting anything? 624 00:39:36,079 --> 00:39:36,360 Speaker 2: Are you? 625 00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:39,760 Speaker 1: So you can follow her on Instagram for you? Have 626 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,639 you got some nice sober content on there? 627 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:48,159 Speaker 2: Oh? Thanks? Yeah, you know, I was doing something for 628 00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:48,760 a little bit. 629 00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:56,320 Speaker 3: So on my five years sober July of twenty twenty four, 630 00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:02,559 I opened Wisconsin's first and only non alcoholic bottle shop 631 00:40:02,679 --> 00:40:08,039 called Sober Social. So I ran it for up until 632 00:40:08,039 --> 00:40:12,599 three weeks ago. It was open for Jeshi of two years. 633 00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:17,199 And I built that space because I felt like sobriety 634 00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:22,519 needed a physical third place that you didn't have to 635 00:40:22,639 --> 00:40:25,719 identify as an alcoholic or in a program to. 636 00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:29,559 Speaker 2: Know that you could go and be welcome. Turns out 637 00:40:29,679 --> 00:40:30,519 like I liked. 638 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:33,239 Speaker 3: I love non alcoholic drinks because I think that's a 639 00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:37,400 really you know, drinking is like the gateway to partying 640 00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:41,159 and socializing. So like, great, give me a champagne glass 641 00:40:41,159 --> 00:40:43,639 with any champagne that's good, and I'm cool to go. 642 00:40:45,079 --> 00:40:48,639 I'm all about the vibe it. I actually don't really 643 00:40:48,679 --> 00:40:52,800 care what's in my glass, which is fascinating, but I 644 00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:57,199 felt like not having something in my hand always led 645 00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,840 back to the first question at every party, being like 646 00:41:00,039 --> 00:41:01,320 what can I get you to drink? 647 00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:03,559 Speaker 2: And bbing, Like do I. 648 00:41:03,599 --> 00:41:05,960 Speaker 3: Tell them that I just got two DUIs and out 649 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,559 of rehab or like should I just be like I 650 00:41:08,639 --> 00:41:12,360 drink water because I'm boring? Like I couldn't figure out 651 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,880 what to do, and I was like, where do people 652 00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:18,360 talk about this? So I opened the store is six 653 00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:21,639 hundred and seventy seven square feet, super adorable. 654 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:25,599 Speaker 2: I had a great year and then you know non 655 00:41:25,639 --> 00:41:29,000 alcoholic products like added such a good job introducing them 656 00:41:29,039 --> 00:41:32,239 that I made my business unnecessary to have its very 657 00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:35,199 own location, and I'm pretty proud of that. But that's 658 00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:40,639 so so it was like, uh yeah, like it's sober social. 659 00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:44,719 Speaker 3: It's about socializing, bridging the gap between sobriety and society. 660 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:51,079 I have that tagline, uh like whatever trademarked, and I 661 00:41:51,159 --> 00:41:55,639 see myself doing something in the sober space right retreats, 662 00:41:55,920 --> 00:42:00,559 weekend events. I have a trailer that I can mobile 663 00:42:00,599 --> 00:42:03,280 mocktails with. I just like have to take a beat 664 00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:05,320 and figure out what I want to do because I 665 00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:08,000 realized I don't really want to run a store. I 666 00:42:08,039 --> 00:42:12,800 really just want to tell stories with people. I'm not 667 00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:15,400 super good at inventory, but I'm really great. 668 00:42:15,159 --> 00:42:18,320 Speaker 2: At talking to people. So I don't know what I'm 669 00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:19,960 going to do for like life and. 670 00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:23,960 Speaker 3: A job and stuff like that, but I'm gonna still 671 00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:28,519 be living, happy, sober and out loud. And it finally 672 00:42:28,559 --> 00:42:35,280 feels foundational and not like uh, not like a description. 673 00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,480 Speaker 2: It's just part of me. It's just part of it's 674 00:42:37,519 --> 00:42:38,239 just who I am. 675 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:42,880 Speaker 1: Well, it's been so nice having you, And for anybody 676 00:42:43,079 --> 00:42:45,320 that just listened to part two, please go back and 677 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,440 listen to part one. Do yourself a favor, and I 678 00:42:48,599 --> 00:42:50,960 just thank you again for sharing your story. And I 679 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:52,920 will see everybody next week. 680 00:42:53,719 --> 00:43:03,639 Speaker 2: Okay, do it's good. It's good. I'm just going. I 681 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:05,119 just calling yet 682 00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:10,960 Speaker 1: Getting my dargist time you come in the