Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell. I am Chris and I am dead,
and my eternal punishment is to do this podcast where
we interview everyone in Hell. And I'm joined as always
by my co host Clayton, the younger brother of Satan.
Speaker 2: Clayton, how are you doing today? No, so good, so good,
so good, doing great.
Speaker 3: I'm actually looking through our store. It looks like you've
been selling the pretty decent amount of merchandise. And I
also noticed that people can send us keut little messages.
Oh yeah, like what Yeah. Mostly it's like where's the gold?
Where can I buy you guys's gold? Do you guys
sell bitcoin? People are asking for feet pictures. Some people
just want to buy feet, that's strange.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then there's actually a Q and A, So, Chris,
if you won't actually just read those off to men,
we can answer those together.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, we like to prioritize people who support
us on our Hatreon or support us with getting merched,
so the kid first priority on a Q and A.
Speaker 3: Sorry, unlike you freeloaders. You freeloaders are just listening and
not doing anything. You can be buying, you can be
spending your money, but it said you just listen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know you're supporting us too. We appreciate you
for listening. This is a question from Spencer. Spencer love
your gifts. Yes, what do you ask? Does Hell have
a sun or orbit some other celestial body that provides light?
Oh that's a great question.
Speaker 3: I love when they asked us these nerdy asked physics questions. Well,
as we've established in previous episode, I believe it was
the Lance Armstrong or Neil Armstrong.
Speaker 2: Which one was the biker and which one's the guy
that went to space?
Speaker 1: Might be the same.
Speaker 3: One went to space and one has one testicle and
bikes Armstrong Armstrong? No, no, no, they're both last names Armstrong. Oh,
Neil Armstrong?
Speaker 1: All right, Neil confirming Neil Armstrong is in fact the biker.
Speaker 2: So then Lance Armstrong is the space man either way?
Speaker 1: What was I saying?
Speaker 3: So the Spaceman episode we established that the Earth is flat,
but we are still underneath the Earth.
Speaker 2: It's a whole thing.
Speaker 3: I actually don't remember. You could go listen to the episode.
You'll know more about it than I would.
Speaker 1: You know, we sit on the core of the planet,
right and it's just hot in the middle magma, just
like real steamy.
Speaker 2: That's why we got all these lakes of lava. That's
of our like sun down here.
Speaker 3: It's like the reverse though, because you know, all the
heat and the light is coming from below us, and
it gives us this nice like underlighting. You know, everything's
really creepy and everyone looks sinister, like they're standing around
a campfire.
Speaker 1: And there's of course mountains of fire, yes, which extend
you know, thousands of feet up yeah, which then kind
of give a cascading flickering a flame. You get the
reflection of the lava from the ceiling. Yeah, you know,
Hell is obviously hell. It's bad.
Speaker 2: It's not good to be down.
Speaker 1: Here, is it, Chris, No, no, no, no.
Speaker 2: But the one good part, the one good thing is
it's always golden.
Speaker 1: Now, it's always yeah. Yeah, you can come down here.
Speaker 3: You can take your Instagram Selfie's got a lot of
influencers down here.
Speaker 2: That's the first thing that comment on, is it. Wow,
look at the.
Speaker 1: Quality of the lighting. Let me take a selfie. Take
that selfie. No, you still look like shit, Now, you
still look bad. We have another question from Alex. They
also got it. Let's see a good morning from Hell shirt?
Speaker 2: Cool cool, Thank you.
Speaker 1: They asked, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Con text there was a period of time in which
me and Clayton were in heaven.
Speaker 3: Uh alex Aha, did it hurt when we fell from heaven?
Speaker 1: Ha ha? Yes, yes, it hurt very badly. You know
those scenes in the movies where like the shit is
re entering the Earth's atmosphere and all the shell and
the armor of the ship just starts melting away. Imagine that.
But it's just skin. It's closed, it's skin, it's muscle tissue. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean it looked like a music video, like it
was super metal, but it was also incredibly painful.
Speaker 1: And then what you do is you hit so hard
you just hit through the earth. Yep, there's not even
a crater because it hit so hard that it just
fills in it just it really just looks like, i
don't know, like a mount of dirt.
Speaker 3: And to explain the speed in the velocity which we're flying,
Heaven shot us from essentially a rail gun.
Speaker 2: So I mean we're going like light speeds.
Speaker 1: Fast as fuck. You don't fall, no, you're being shot.
Fortunately I was able to land some lava. You know,
it's nice but Chris, where did you landed right on
Isaac Newton? Yeah, oddly enough, like I just barreled through him.
He split in half, and he's like, ah, I discovered
gravity once again.
Speaker 3: But then for a while there, you guys, you guys
just mushed right into each other.
Speaker 2: You split, Isaac Newton.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then when you guys reformed, you know, because
in hell you don't die, you just kind of come
back to life a little bit. You guys like kind
of have like bits of body parts in each other.
Speaker 1: Yeah. There's a period of time where I loved apples.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you had a beard. Yeah, yeah, that was
your beard phase.
Speaker 1: But anyway, Yes, it was incredibly painful when we fell
from heaven.
Speaker 2: Really cool looking, though very traumatic.
Speaker 1: Well, probably won't talk about it again. No, no, So
who's there?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 1: Who's yes?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, who's who's the guest? Who got this week?
Speaker 1: Who is the guest?
Speaker 2: Who's all right? Who's next?
Speaker 1: Here we go? Who is the guests? Who do we got?
Go ahead? Chris, I'm okay, hold on, ready to go? Okay,
all right, hold on, we need to bring him in. No, no, no, no, no,
it's your week. Remember we've talked about this did you
check the schedule? Did you check the schedule? Kay, I'm
pulling up the schedule here. Okay, who's just says? Okay,
it's this Clayton. Okay, that's my bad, My bad. He
was he was my week. We don't have a guest Okay, hey,
audience at home. Sorry, we had a bit of a snaphoo.
Chris's fault. We didn't have a guest booked this week.
So who should we bring? Who could? Are you drinking?
What is that anti freeze that you gave me this morning?
Anti freeze?
Speaker 2: Can you and taste of that?
Speaker 1: Yeah? It's good, keep you from getting too cold in hell?
Speaker 2: Wait, wait, don't do that again. Oh my god, wait Chris.
That plastic that's so bad for the environment.
Speaker 1: Yeah. The straw, the straw, So like, whoever invented the straw?
They have to be down here right. Let me pull
up the hell intranet. Hold on, inventor of straw? Hold on?
Speaker 3: Okay, we got him, all right, I think I got
a guess I can I can get this guy in here.
His name is Leopold Cornelias Straws, and apparently he invented straws.
Speaker 1: And then named it after himself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, what else are we going to do?
You blew through Isaac Newton. He's not in any position
to interview. We can't just teleport this guy in here.
I don't know if he's busy or not, but fuck it,
I mean, we we gotta, we got to interviews to
get through.
Speaker 2: So okay, well all right, I'm gonna teleport Leopold.
Speaker 4: Then, and we were sucking them dry down to the bat.
Speaker 1: Whoo who are you boys? Hello? Hello, Hello, I'm Chris
and I'm Clayton. Oh you're on a podcast. Welcome.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's called Good Morning from Hell. You've heard of it,
right you?
Speaker 4: Maybe you've heard of it? Oh no, no, this is
above my grade. You see, this doesn't suck. And I
am a sucking man, you see. I'm Leopold Cornelia Strawson,
the first. I'm sure you've heard of me. I have
quite the name about me. Down here in Hell.
Speaker 1: We have heard of you. We were just reading about.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, oh what was it saying? Tell me tell me.
Speaker 1: In the red pages. Yeah, we looked you up. Tell
me about it. It just says you suck. That's all
it said. That's simply all it said, is you suck So,
I mean, we had to know more exactly, Chris, Chris
was using one of your inventions.
Speaker 2: Actually is this?
Speaker 1: Is this your handy word? Oh?
Speaker 4: I remember every straw I've ever built, mister Clayton.
Speaker 1: And that one.
Speaker 4: Oh that is a fine straw. Indeed, Chris, I please
use it for me. I want to see my invention.
Kiss your lips.
Speaker 1: Not like wands, the straw chooses.
Speaker 4: The demon, mister Clayton. It's always been known to those
of us in the sucking world.
Speaker 2: What is the sucking world? Can you tell us more
about this?
Speaker 4: I mean, so I presume that my name, my reputation
precedes me, and I see that I'm with two established morons.
So let me back up a bit. Okay, I am
hailing from the straws and family. We're an aspiratory family,
you see, paratrophic sectorial sucking, right, Okay, a long line
of inventions.
Speaker 1: Family of suckers.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, yeah, big bunch of suckers.
Speaker 3: So lay it on us, like, what are some of
the inventions that we would know of that come from
the straw?
Speaker 4: Well, let me tell you. You know, we've got everything
from straws to shop vacs. Oh, absumption cups, breast pumps,
all sorts of things. Now it all started. I need
to take you back. Okay, a little tale. My great grandfather.
You see, he was terrible at basketball. You know, he
was just terrible. He was hideous at it. And they said, boy,
you suck. Well that's stuck with him for quite some time.
And well, my grandfather after him, he knew he needed
to make a name out of himself, and so he
took sucking to a whole different level.
Speaker 2: Wow, a livelihood out of it. Then it's crazy.
Speaker 4: We were sucking oil reserves dry. We've been known to
suck the wealth from the pockets of common men. But
now we give back by making gentle inventions like straws
that can give to everyone around the world.
Speaker 3: Actually, I'm looking you guys up, and I'm seeing some
other stuff you got, like suction cups.
Speaker 2: That's that's y'all's.
Speaker 4: Right, therapeutic.
Speaker 1: Multipurpose. You mentioned giving straws to get back so that
everyone can suck. Technically, unless it's like a you know,
a metal straw, they're kind of bad for the environment.
Speaker 4: That's true.
Speaker 1: Is that why you're down here? Ye?
Speaker 4: Straw? So I couldn't tell you that. I have no idea.
I'm not an accounting man, you see, I don't know
anything about the charmatic equations and why people do and
go wherever they go. But you see this place, I
look around it. It is suiting of us, you know,
our whole family.
Speaker 1: The suckers.
Speaker 4: I mean, it really sucks down here. We have fire lakes.
I'm thinking about bottling that up. You know, might make
nastily start selling bottled fire Okay, you know, if you
don't mind giving that to me, I can then sell
it to the demons abroad. And you know when I
say giving back, I say giving back to the family name.
Speaker 1: Oh Strawn's right enriching.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, that's a good term. I like to think
of the milkshake. You know, if you have a milkshake,
and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw
because I've invented it, you see, and my straw reaches
across the room.
Speaker 1: Okay, I sucked.
Speaker 4: Try every milkshake that has ever been made since nineteen
eighty five.
Speaker 1: That's a good line.
Speaker 2: You should put that in like a script. That's a
really I love the delivery.
Speaker 4: It don't make me hit you with a bowling pit.
Speaker 1: Where did you get that? Why do you just have
that on hand? Are you carrying that? God?
Speaker 3: Okay, well, I'm actually you know, I'm looking at your
family tree. You guys even did the fucking tubes that
go to and fro banks those sucker?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: Yes, the pneumatic devices. You know, ever since the child
first saw these devices, we knew they would go far.
How many things can we port in these futuristic tubes?
And honestly, we've been lobbying hard ever since to get
rid of the vehicle, to burn down evs whatever these
things are. We have pneumatic tubes. We live in the future,
you see.
Speaker 3: So you want to have like like a jets in
situation where you put people inside the tubes.
Speaker 1: Have you tried that?
Speaker 2: Has it been tested yet?
Speaker 4: We've tried it, but the pressure differential might rip the
flesh from any living entity that enters the tube. But
it's still in development.
Speaker 1: You see. Okay, okay, but they do get there, huh.
Speaker 4: And it does suck as an invention, so it's kind
of working for the family name.
Speaker 3: So Leopold Contras in the first the first Oh sorry,
actually we were talking about your family line.
Speaker 2: How many how many kids?
Speaker 4: You have no no, no, no, no no no no, yes,
no children.
Speaker 2: Oh you don't have kids.
Speaker 4: No, I don't find anyone sucking dry my wealth. You see,
that doesn't make any sense. If I have a straw
and they have a straw, then it's an equal equation,
you see.
Speaker 3: So they pulled Cornelie Straws in the first. Yes, okay,
you don't have kids. Uh, let's talk about some more
ever been one like me? Okay, let's talk about some
more conceptual things that you know, relate to sucking.
Speaker 2: So like, were you.
Speaker 3: Guys in charge of like kickies, you know, like when
someone kisses your neck and you leave the little bruises?
Speaker 1: Was that you guys?
Speaker 4: That was Maria Scarlet Straws and oh she had a
reputation playful. Last that was my cousin, oh second removed.
Speaker 1: Yes, how playful was your relationship with? Yeah?
Speaker 4: It was so playful. Such a rumpush she was never matter.
Oh only zoom calls?
Speaker 1: What did you die?
Speaker 2: I mean it sounds like you're from like the late
eighteen hundreds.
Speaker 4: Yes, that would be when I made the straw.
Speaker 2: Yes, when did you die?
Speaker 1: Though?
Speaker 4: Twenty sixteen?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, how old were you How did you
do that? How dare you?
Speaker 4: I was a youthful one hundred fifty six. Oh my god, yes,
see watch this. See I only broke two ankles.
Speaker 1: That's that's incredible. How did you live for so long?
Did you just suck the life out of someone else?
Speaker 4: Are we talking about Nosferatu?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 4: Gosh, I'll never forget. It was my uncle's story. It
was a brilliant story, and it's been torn asunder by
the likes of many artistes.
Speaker 1: No, but really they are How did you live for
so long? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Skincare?
Speaker 1: Oh you say you don't have any kids? True, but
you keep saying the first.
Speaker 4: Yes, I am the first.
Speaker 1: Did you have kids at any point?
Speaker 4: Not that I'm aware of, surely? No? No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I've heard this thing where rich old
people are using the blood of their children to live longer.
Speaker 2: Is that I've heard of this too?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're talking about the farms.
Speaker 2: Can't elaborate, that's.
Speaker 4: All I know. They won't tell me much more about it.
Speaker 2: You see they or you? Are you licking your lips
so much?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 4: You see, I've met this young five year old demon
monster vampire boy. There was a doctor, okay, and he
bequeathed upon me the gift of eternal youth.
Speaker 2: What was that guy's name again?
Speaker 4: Mitchell?
Speaker 2: Mitchell Mitchell.
Speaker 1: We had him on the show.
Speaker 2: It's great callback. People should go listen to that episode.
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Speaker 2: Okay, So I have a question.
Speaker 3: This might be inappropriate, but I just I'm dying to
know blowjobs. What's the deal with that? Because that's sucking,
that's not blowing.
Speaker 1: So what's going on?
Speaker 4: Yeah, this goes back further than i'd like to count.
A feud beyond feuds. Oh one for the history books,
suck versus blow a family story.
Speaker 3: Oh so there's like another family, the Blowfords.
Speaker 4: Yes, oh, terrible family. I hope they're not down Honestly,
I do hope they're down here. This place sucks and
it's heinous, but I don't want to see them.
Speaker 2: So it's the suckers versus the blowers. What can you
tell us about the Bloffords.
Speaker 4: No, they misappropriated the straw, put their name all over.
You see the blow gun shooting darts this way and that.
Oh no, that's not what it was for harm to others.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, it's supposed to be to
the planet exactly.
Speaker 4: That's not alive there's no feelings. That doesn't matter to anyone. Yeah,
destroy the planet, It's fine. There's many others countless. In fact,
I'm not an astronomer. And somebody blew asunder Isaac Newton
as I was talking with him, but so I wouldn't
know any better. But yes, no, I don't like talking
much about them, And I don't even really want to
talk about Gloria and well the initial and of the
whole act, because it was kind of a star cross
lover situation. You've heard of Romeo and.
Speaker 1: Juliet, Yes, yes, we've had them on the show.
Speaker 4: Yeah, my great grandmother Gloria. Well, it was a glorious act,
to be sure, but then something went wrong, and I
believe that there was a murder, and the Blowfords took
the act of their own, named it and ran off
into the sunset.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm not usually one for defending rich, evil capitalists, but.
Speaker 4: Here's five dollars.
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you. I agree one hundred percent. It's just sucking.
I don't see blowing in any way. And you know, honestly,
it's just it's made a lot of like teenagers really confused.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sure there's been some real balloon animal situations
going on out there, if you know.
Speaker 1: What I mean?
Speaker 4: So like, I don't know what you mean.
Speaker 1: They took this name. What happened?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we know that this is a touchy subject, Leopold
Cornelie Strawson. But we should address this so that the
people can know.
Speaker 4: You went all the way to the Supreme Court. If
you ever heard of Blawford versus Straws and you would know.
But listen, I don't want to get too much into it.
You see the heinous, hideous, sadistic act that is the
confusion of the youth.
Speaker 1: I hate this.
Speaker 4: Why did the Brawfords have to put blow all over
a sucking primary act? I don't know, but they're confusing
the youth, and I think it's just demonstrative of their evil.
Speaker 2: You know you're saying evil.
Speaker 3: But I'm looking up their inventions here, and they've got
some pretty kick ass inventions.
Speaker 2: I mean, powerwasher. Who doesn't like the power wash?
Speaker 4: You ever d glove a hand there, Clayton, You ever
miss fire a powerwasher and accidentally clip your finger? No, boom,
off goes the fingertip your men in black. You've got
no fingerprint?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, but look how pristine my driveway is.
Speaker 3: I honestly could take a powerasher to Chris and you know,
make them look like a weird old baby thing, just
featureless and hairless. Anyway, So sorry, that's the thing for later.
Leaf blowers. That's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: They're fun.
Speaker 2: It doesn't like a good leaf blower.
Speaker 4: Why don't you just use the lawnmower and suck it
top and mulch it to spread it across the lawn.
It's a much better alternative.
Speaker 1: But what if you just want to push it to
your neighbors? Yeah, oh, that's pretty evil. That's pretty fun.
You know.
Speaker 4: You see here the little psa to your whole audience whatever.
What do you call them? Hellers? Yes, hellers? Okay, listen up.
Mulch the leaves and leave it on the grass. It
will neutrify the grass and therefore grow back stronger. Therefore
you'll have to mow your grass even more often, buying
more lawnmowers helping. I've lost the thread.
Speaker 2: That idea sucks straight up. It's perfect, that's the point.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay. They also did T shirt cannons.
Speaker 4: Okay, I'll be honest, that one's pretty nice.
Speaker 1: I do like that one. It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool. Yeah,
And it's a lot better than those machines that just
suck the T shirts off of people, right, yeah, I
mean that's just awkward.
Speaker 4: That never got off the ground.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but they got some you know, air compressors, fans.
Speaker 2: You know, they got a lot to their name.
Speaker 3: It looks like you guys are kind of neck and neck,
So like, what's the next move? Like, how do the
straw Sins get over the Bloffords?
Speaker 1: I mean, what's what do we do?
Speaker 4: I think Gloria had an idea to merge the families
into one power unit, and once under the fold, you
crush them under your grip, get rid of them. You
use their blood for eternal youth.
Speaker 1: No, when you first met the Bloffords, where you're always
you know, enemies, where you're always rival families.
Speaker 4: I believe if you go back far enough, you'll see
that there are two loving colleagues each at Ivy Tech
Community College, just uh huh, going about their day studying
mechanical engineering. Okay, it must have been a rivalry, something
to the nature of a suck job, as it were,
something of that ilk that drove a wedge between the
two roommates just blew them apart, just sucked them dry
of any love.
Speaker 1: This rivalry has been going wet for how many generations?
Speaker 3: Well, Chris, I'm actually looking this up, you know, I'm
so interested in Strawson's ancestry that I'm looked it up
and it actually goes back to Cain and Abel. I
mean those are the original Strawson's and Blofford's. Whoa, so,
I mean this has been as long as man has
been around, he still have been at each other's necks.
Speaker 4: We're a biblical family, you see.
Speaker 1: Just at each other's necks, some of them sucking, some
of them blowing raspberries and then sucking hickeys.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just a back and forth.
Speaker 1: It's a weird thing for brothers to do. But you know, yeah,
not a normal family.
Speaker 3: Strawston, if you could actually just tell us, you know,
this has been an ongoing feud, tell us some of
the events. You know, have there been any big climactic
encounters between the Strawsons and the Bloffords.
Speaker 4: Well, there was one afternoon where the Blaffords were sat
on their balcony looking over their illustrious pool, and well,
as a small prank, we sucked the pool empty down
to the deep end.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: What we didn't know was that little Tommy Blowford was
swimming around.
Speaker 1: Oh and all.
Speaker 4: That was left was little floaties.
Speaker 1: Oh no, you killed their son in a pool hit
and there was an accident.
Speaker 4: You see, we were just trying to do a little
tip for tat, just a little ha ha he he
giggle time. That's what you did back in the day,
suck each other's pool.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 4: Place it somewhere else, maybe fill it into their basement. Whatever.
Speaker 1: How did they retaliate you.
Speaker 4: Ever wake up to fifty teen thousand hot air balloons
blowing heat in your backyard, surrounding your house. Think of
the uncomfortable temperatures.
Speaker 1: So you killed their child and then they made a
hot air balloon festival for you in your honor.
Speaker 4: Well that's when things went south. So well, you would
have thought it was glorious, But the minute you started
hearing the foundation crack at the seams and your house
goes up five thousand feet of the air like it's
a Pixar film.
Speaker 1: Oh, they upped, you upped us.
Speaker 4: One by one, they dropped the sandbags off and off
we went. And then we were cut loose at altitude.
The house came crashing down. Grandmama was in there. It
was a retaliation, but this time they intended harm, and
that's where it all really kicked off.
Speaker 3: Keep going, continue, I'm so interested that this gang war
between the suckers and the blowers.
Speaker 2: It's fascinating.
Speaker 4: Well, then you know, we went into their house and
started putting leeches in every crevice, nook and cranny. Ah
you suck yes, yes, And then they started filling our
water tanks, water heaters, and showers and baths with blowfish
of the kind too.
Speaker 1: Man, I'll do it.
Speaker 4: Do you ever see a blowfish angry?
Speaker 2: No, can't say that I have. What does it look like?
Speaker 4: Be grateful? Every now and then if we walk into
a blowford, we just reach into our pocket filled with
the casual amount of mosquitos and just chuck it. Oh,
you could chuck mosquitos and we say welcome to the jungle,
and then we run off.
Speaker 2: Mosquitos is a normal amount.
Speaker 4: Oh, we've got deep pockets stretched by the girths of
our wallet's uh about fifteen.
Speaker 1: Oh all right, I'm honestly surprised. This isn't something that's
already in hell. I'm surprised it was invented on earth.
That's actually, yeah, very impressive.
Speaker 2: I had to take that.
Speaker 1: That's great.
Speaker 2: Have you guys ever considered making peace?
Speaker 3: Has it ever been a serious thing on the table
outside of that that Romeo and Juliet like situation where
someday you could see yourself perhaps blowing kisses?
Speaker 4: It is possible. You see, there is ancient tell of
an old tone that speaks of a ritual that can
combine and unite the families once more, written in blood
of our ancestors. I pray not tell much of what
is in this ritual, but it consists of a lot
of blowing and a lot of sucking, and it must
be agreed upon by the matriarch patriarch all the way
to the youthist of the families. You see. So there's
an awkward time window that this needs to happen in
for it to be both legal and buying from a
government perspective, but also from a familiar perspective. And we've
constructed deep below the earth a catacomb where this ritual
can take place. I actually believe it might just be
the attic of this place here that we are it
might not be too far up from where we are now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not rich people. Man, you guys just do whatever
the fuck you want.
Speaker 1: Here's five dollars.
Speaker 2: Thank you appreciate that.
Speaker 1: I guess at a certain point you're just so bored
you have nothing else to do but feud and make
tomes in ritualistic caverns. The ritual is it like some
sort of like family orgy. Don't be so crass.
Speaker 4: Everyone gets naked, they all wear masks, there's a password,
we pass out our derves, and then we just blow
and suck.
Speaker 2: Okay, So Chris, yeah, you were on the money on
that one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, So I was talking earlier about how the Suckers,
the Strawsons, and the Blaffords go back to canaan Abel. Well,
I actually can see the family tree up until the
present day. And I've got some news to break to you,
Leopold Cornelias Strawson.
Speaker 4: News a development in the family. It's been centuries since.
Speaker 3: Go ahead, Well, you have a child one that I
assume you did not suck the life out of that
got away. Do you remember the December fourteenth of eighteen
ninety three.
Speaker 4: The day after the invention of the device.
Speaker 2: Yes, that day.
Speaker 4: Oh, I don't remember that week. It was such a party.
We were in and out and odd memories are completely wiped.
And I say we, I don't even know who we are.
Speaker 3: Well, you were doing a lot of celebrating. You were
using your straw to drink a lot of vodkas.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you were very drunk, and you actually.
Speaker 1: Blew something out of you. Yeah, you blew your load
into a Blaford.
Speaker 4: Oh fact, I's bled onto a Yeah, and we ordered
a baby from the store.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well they had that delivery, and I see here as
the first of their kind. It was a Blofford straws
and crossover baby, and they carried on the family legacies.
Speaker 1: They are an inventor themselves.
Speaker 4: Pray, tell what do they make? Does it fall on
the straws in side of the Blofford side?
Speaker 1: What's this baby cast out by the Bloffords or what?
Speaker 2: You know? That shittier version of the super soaker.
Speaker 3: It's like a score gun that you hold into water
and then you suck it up and then you blow
it out.
Speaker 1: They made that.
Speaker 2: They made the dollar General water gun.
Speaker 4: The perfectly acceptable merger. It has been told, if you
flip past the ritual just a few sticky pages written
in sheer oil. A fortune was told a sub section
B clause fuh. If a child is born of the
families and unites with a device that can do both
sucking and blowing, the feud is off.
Speaker 2: Oh just like that, just like that.
Speaker 1: Well, that's wonderful news.
Speaker 4: I've brought together the families, me hy, Leopold Cornelia Strass
the have brought together the families. I've done what I
have set out to do. Now, where is this the second.
Speaker 3: Well, he's uh, he's actually right outside the door, Leopold.
Oh wow, going out there, go say hello. His name
is William Ignacious Alexander Blowford strass In the first wonderful day.
Speaker 4: Yes, oh, I must see this boy. Oh there you
are so beautiful, just like your papa.
Speaker 3: Oh ye, so, listeners at home, I don't know if
you could catch this. It is off, Mike, But we
sent out Leopold Cornelius strass In the first to see
his son. Oh they're embracing, they're embracing. Wow, and oh okay,
hold on now. Leopold seems to be chiding his son.
He seems to be yelling at him reclaim the glory.
Speaker 4: That is the Strawson family. How dare you put Brawford first?
Speaker 1: Okay, all right.
Speaker 3: He seems to be upset about the naming convention because
he took on the Blowford hyphen Strawssen.
Speaker 2: There's never been another the first.
Speaker 4: But me, I've heard you've made a device that blows
and suck. Do you realize you activated the pause?
Speaker 1: But is that? Is that an ivy?
Speaker 4: What have you got? You ruined the family?
Speaker 1: Give me, oh, it looks like an ivy.
Speaker 3: It looks like some sort of tube, some sort of
sucking tube.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right.
Speaker 2: And he's sucking him dry.
Speaker 1: He's taking his blood, draining the blood out of his.
Speaker 2: Body's connected it to his own body, and he is.
Speaker 1: Taking his strength. His wrinkly knobby body is like filling
out a little. He does look healthier. I can't deny.
It looks good. He looked really good. It's kind of
like light posunction, which I'm sure he invented. But the reverse. Wow,
the skin Tony went from like a deathly pallor to
just like wow, yeah, and the kid just passed out.
Speaker 2: He's dragging his body way into the shadows right now.
Speaker 3: Wow, that was a great episode, you know, for an
episode where you messed up and you didn't bring a
guest on.
Speaker 2: That was a pretty good That wasn't bad, Chris.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a weird family man.
Speaker 2: Rich people, right, yeah, rich people.
Speaker 4: You know, here's five dollars.
Speaker 1: Oh oh okay, oh thank you. Wow.
Speaker 3: Leopol just snuck us another five. Well that's been another
episode a good Morning from Hell. I guess thank you, Leopold,
wherever you are sucking your dry for being on.
Speaker 1: Speaking of sucking people dry, if you want to support us,
please go to good Morning from Hell dot com, please
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you get everything everything in the world. You know it's
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and supporting the show. But also if you just want
to sign up for a free membership, we got a lot.
Speaker 3: Of stuff coming out here in the new year that
we're super stoked about and it's going to be going
up on Patreon first, so be the first to find
out about it.
Speaker 2: To sign up for a free membership. Okay, yeah, hell Clayton.
Speaker 1: Hello, Trevor Collin. Thank you for coming back on the show.
Speaker 4: Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: Tell everyone what you're up to and where they can
find you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm working on a podcast called red Web. If
you like unsolved mysteries, true crime, the supernatural. You can
find us anywhere. You listen to this podcast and you
can support us at redwebpod dot com.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is your third time on the show. I
think you were doing red Web back then as well.
Speaker 1: Well. Yes, because the last time we had we had
a really good like true crime episode of the show
when red Web was launching, which is it's a great episode.
All your episodes have been.
Speaker 4: Thank you. Thanks for having me. I really enjoy being
on this show and it's a lot of fun. It's
a lot of good space to just play around in.
But yeah, I was Cliffhanger and then before that, I
was Mitchell the five year old whatever immortal vampire. But
with Fredo, my co host on Red Webb, who was
Data the vampire hunter Hunter.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so those were a lot of fun.
Speaker 3: Well, you also were on a live show and I
think you were playing like.
Speaker 4: Was that what I was? Caesar?
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
Speaker 2: Which do we have that on our Patreon?
Speaker 1: No, but we should put as a Patreon exclusive. We
do have that, we.
Speaker 4: Should I forgot about that. That was fresh out of quarantine.
Speaker 2: We'll have to post that.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, were happy to be breathing and sucking, blowing
air into each other's faces.
Speaker 2: Speaking is sucking and blowing.
Speaker 1: Though.
Speaker 3: We got why we're going to hell. Typically we asked
people questions why they're going to hell related to the
episode that they recorded. So we're gonna have to navigate
how to ask you why you're going to hell for
sucking and blowing on.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna have to reach for this one or maybe
I don't know, to tune in and find out. Maybe
there's something very on brand, just very specific.
Speaker 1: Well, go listen to Red Web if you haven't listened
to it. It's the best of the best as far
as true crime mystery stuff. It's a really good show.
I love it.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Fredo.
Speaker 3: And you have such a good dynamic and so you
cover a lot of interesting stuff. Early on, I was
like texting you guys NonStop, like my theories, and I
was like, I should stop, I should stop.
Speaker 1: Trevor doesn't. You should do it, You should keep doing No.
Speaker 4: I appreciate that. Thank you to
Speaker 1: Join us next week for why we're going to help,
and bye bye bye