Speaker 1: Hey, hey, hey, bad with something for you? You, you, you,
Speaker 1: and you to think about how do you survive in
Speaker 1: abusive relationship? The best way to survive is.
Speaker 2: By never getting anyone.
Speaker 1: Never getting involved with an abusive person. If by chance,
Speaker 1: you get in a relationship with someone and you realize
Speaker 1: that this person has abusive tendencies and you don't run.
Speaker 2: It falls on you. I want you to think about that.
Speaker 1: There are always signs and red flags, always, always, always, always,
Speaker 1: And when you ignore those signs in red flags, when
Speaker 1: you ignore your intuitions, it leads to problems. It leads
Speaker 1: to major issues in your life. Many people are so
Speaker 1: desperate for love that they overlook things that they should
Speaker 1: see when seeking love. The things that you see with
Speaker 1: your eyes, the things you can touch and feel.
Speaker 2: Those things are superficial things.
Speaker 1: So when I say superficial, I mean they hold no
Speaker 1: substance when it comes to building a solid foundation for
Speaker 1: a relationship to work. I talk about all of this
Speaker 1: in my new upcoming book should be out here very shortly,
Speaker 1: and I will come back and tell you about it.
Speaker 1: But you have to be able to accept the truth
Speaker 1: for what it is. Stop looking at things based on
Speaker 1: what you want them to be and accept things for
Speaker 1: what they truly are. Many people, millions could avoid bad
Speaker 1: situations if they would only.
Speaker 2: See and accept the truth for what it is.
Speaker 1: Every single relationship that you get in, it's by choice.
Speaker 1: Every individual you open the door to in your life
Speaker 1: is by choice. I don't think anybody is going around
Speaker 1: with a gun or a knife forcing you to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship with them. Now, once you get in one,
Speaker 1: I won't say it's not happening because people are doing
Speaker 1: some extreme stuff, But to get in a relationship, I
Speaker 1: don't think that's happening. So every relationship, every individual that
Speaker 1: enters your life, you are the one who opened the door.
Speaker 1: I mean that's anybody, your coworkers, whomever, your bosses, whomever
Speaker 1: you open the door to.
Speaker 2: In your life. You did it because I want you
Speaker 2: to think of it like this.
Speaker 1: You can go to work every day and be cordial
Speaker 1: with your work people, but you don't have to have
Speaker 1: a relationship with them. You don't have to develop a
Speaker 1: friendship with them.
Speaker 2: You just go to work, do your job, be cordial.
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes that may even mean going out to
Speaker 1: functions or whatever. You're just being a part of the team.
Speaker 1: But you don't have to develop a relationship outside of that.
Speaker 1: So whoever you open yourself up to, it falls on you.
Speaker 1: People open the doors to different things and people in
Speaker 1: their lives depending on the mindset that they have and
Speaker 1: depending on what they're seeking.
Speaker 2: You get in a relationship with.
Speaker 1: Someone, I don't know how many times I've told you,
Speaker 1: and I will never stop telling you until I'm no
Speaker 1: longer on this platform and I'm in my grave. You
Speaker 1: are the person who is responsible for who and what
Speaker 1: you're allowing to your life. You are the responsible party.
Speaker 1: If you get in a relationship with someone and that
Speaker 1: person shows you in any kind of way, any kind
Speaker 1: of way at all, that they have abusive tendencies, and
Speaker 1: you stay because you think, oh, they love me so much,
Speaker 1: that falls on you. Many many people are in relationships
Speaker 1: where they're afraid to go.
Speaker 2: They're afraid to stay.
Speaker 1: Now, that's horrible, but many people are in this situation
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 2: And I've said it many times.
Speaker 1: If you are afraid to stay, if you are afraid
Speaker 1: to go, you have stayed far too long. The only
Speaker 1: way to avoid abusive relationships is avoiding abusive people, never
Speaker 1: getting in those relationships. You have to be able to
Speaker 1: see past your heart, that unhealed heart, because a person
Speaker 1: of a healed heart is not standing for that. They're
Speaker 1: not going to get in a relationship with someone who's abusive.
Speaker 1: There are some people who start out abusive, but there
Speaker 1: are people which are most people who do it in
Speaker 1: subtle ways. It's start off with disrespect, them talking to
Speaker 1: you file or them doing foul things you in subtle ways, but.
Speaker 2: They are enough.
Speaker 1: That you should know better. You should know that person
Speaker 1: isn't any good for you. People are slick, like Greece.
Speaker 1: They are slick. So if you're not in the mindset
Speaker 1: to be able to see the things that they're doing,
Speaker 1: you'll miss all the signs of red flags.
Speaker 2: They're there. I mean they're always there.
Speaker 1: Signs of red flags are always present in every single situation.
Speaker 1: Do you have the eyes, the heart and the mind
Speaker 1: to see it and accept it for what it is?
Speaker 2: Because they are always present.
Speaker 1: When a person have an attitude, are they quickly catching attitude?
Speaker 1: They are disrespectful, They try to control you. They seem
Speaker 1: obsessive or possessive, or most times it's both obsessive possessive
Speaker 1: controlling in any way, you have to.
Speaker 2: Be very very careful.
Speaker 1: If you keep going forward in a relationship and you
Speaker 1: see any sign or red flag of any of it,
Speaker 1: and you continue with that relationship, it falls on you.
Speaker 1: People treat you how you allow them to treat you.
Speaker 1: Let me give you some examples so you fully understand
Speaker 1: what I'm trying to convey here. If you're in a
Speaker 1: relationship with someone male or female, and that person is
Speaker 1: telling you where you can and can't go, you shouldn't
Speaker 1: go over there, you shouldn't be with this person, You
Speaker 1: shouldn't do this, you shouldn't do that. You better watch
Speaker 1: out because if you agree, if you go alone, if
Speaker 1: you let that happen, more is coming.
Speaker 2: More is coming.
Speaker 1: If you're with someone and you try to talk to
Speaker 1: that person and they quickly go off they have an attitude,
Speaker 1: and you oh, okay, it's okay, it's okay, we'll talk
Speaker 1: about it later, we don't have to talk about it,
Speaker 1: or whatever the situation may be, you are showing them
Speaker 1: how they can treat you. You are letting them know
Speaker 1: that they can get angry and you will be quiet.
Speaker 2: So that's the ploy that they will enhance in the relationship.
Speaker 2: If you're in communication with.
Speaker 1: Someone and they're saying mean, hurtful things to you, and
Speaker 1: you just love them so much that you overlook it.
Speaker 1: You've overlooked who they really are, and it will come
Speaker 1: back to hunt you.
Speaker 2: It will come back to bite you.
Speaker 1: If you're in a relationship with someone and you started
Speaker 1: off buying them this, buying them that, trying to make
Speaker 1: them happy, thinking it's going to make them love you.
Speaker 2: You messed up.
Speaker 1: Because soon as you don't do it, you're gonna see
Speaker 1: the monster that you created.
Speaker 2: When people disrespect you.
Speaker 1: In any way and you let it slide, Believe me,
Speaker 1: more is coming, because disrespect leads to or can lead to,
Speaker 1: abusive behaviors. When a person is angry all the time,
Speaker 1: what you think is gonna happen eventually? What do you
Speaker 1: think is going to happen?
Speaker 2: A lot of problems that people face.
Speaker 1: Is because they want so desperately to be with that
Speaker 1: individual that they tend to overlook everything that's staring them
Speaker 1: right in the face. You have the signs, you have
Speaker 1: the red flag. You got your intuition telling you things.
Speaker 1: People sometimes tell you things, but no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: everything is a lie. You can't believe it. You can't
Speaker 1: believe what you see you can't believe what you've heard,
Speaker 1: you can't believe what people tell you. You want to just
Speaker 1: be with that person. Then you're with that person and
Speaker 1: you find out everything is the truth. Now you're in
Speaker 1: the relationship and you're afraid to leave. An abusive person
Speaker 1: knows exactly the state of mind you're in. They are
Speaker 1: far worse off mentally than you, but they know the
Speaker 1: state of mind you're in because you show your vulnerability.
Speaker 1: You've shown them and they've used it against you. Abusive
Speaker 1: people are controlling, they're obsessive and possessive, and they will
Speaker 1: take advantage of you. They will take advantage of your weakness.
Speaker 1: You have empowered them and made them appear as strong
Speaker 1: as you have become more weak, more vulnerable. So when
Speaker 1: you let things go on and on, you're giving them
Speaker 1: more power, more power, more power.
Speaker 2: That's why it is detrimental, crucial to be aware of
Speaker 2: the people you open yourselves up to, because.
Speaker 1: Sometimes when you open yourself up to and you allow
Speaker 1: an abusive person in your life, you.
Speaker 2: May not get rid of them. You may go to
Speaker 2: your grave.
Speaker 1: Because of them, either they killed you or you killed yourself.
Speaker 1: Because some people are in such bad situations, such volatility,
Speaker 1: toxic situations that they would rather kill themselves than to
Speaker 1: remain in those situations.
Speaker 2: It is horrible. It is absolutely horrible.
Speaker 1: When you always can leave, I don't care what they say,
Speaker 1: I don't care what they do. You can always leave,
Speaker 1: even if it means leaving the entire country. You can leave,
Speaker 1: do what's necessary to protect yourself.
Speaker 2: And I'm telling you this from experience.
Speaker 1: If you've listened to some of my episodes I talk
Speaker 1: about it, I physically ran away from a whole country
Speaker 1: when I was there living there because of the military,
Speaker 1: ran away from the whole country because I left that
Speaker 1: person right over there. He's an American citizen like me,
Speaker 1: but we were over there because of the military, and
Speaker 1: I left him right on over.
Speaker 2: There and never looked back. Never.
Speaker 1: And yes, I did see the signs, but I was
Speaker 1: very very very young, in my late teens, very young.
Speaker 2: But I got smart and real quick. I saw the signs.
Speaker 1: I saw the anger, I saw the temper, but it
Speaker 1: wasn't that directed at me, so I thought.
Speaker 2: I was safe.
Speaker 1: But anytime someone is that way, it eventually will be
Speaker 1: directed towards you.
Speaker 2: It will be directed towards any children you have. It
Speaker 2: will be.
Speaker 1: Directed towards other people in your life that comes around
Speaker 1: because that's who that individual is.
Speaker 2: I should have ran and never looked back.
Speaker 1: But you live and you learn. But when I felt
Speaker 1: like this is really really out of control.
Speaker 2: I ran. Never look back. Don't be like me. Don't
Speaker 2: even let it get that far.
Speaker 1: Run at the first time, because I promise you it
Speaker 1: will only get worse. You start off seeing it in
Speaker 1: other people, them doing it to other people, then eventually
Speaker 1: it comes to you. Sometimes people do it to you
Speaker 1: right out. You see it right away, you are the
Speaker 1: butt of it right away. And sometimes people, oh, he
Speaker 1: didn't mean it, she didn't mean it, she just was mad,
Speaker 1: or she's going through things because of childhood issues.
Speaker 2: No, you can't fix same or change anyone. You will feel.
Speaker 1: The consequences guaranteed. So the best way to avoid or
Speaker 1: get out of an abusive relationship or an avoid one
Speaker 1: is never to get.
Speaker 2: Into one, because.
Speaker 1: No one is ever, ever, ever, ever ever going to
Speaker 1: treat you any way other than the way you've taught them.
Speaker 1: If you show that you're afraid, that empowers them. If
Speaker 1: you let them call you out your name, that empowers them.
Speaker 1: If you let them hit on you. That empowers them.
Speaker 1: If you let them spit on you, that empowers them.
Speaker 1: If you let them push you around, that empowers them.
Speaker 1: If you let them be obsessive and possessive over you,
Speaker 1: that empowers them. If you let them isolate you from
Speaker 1: your friends and family, that empowers you. If you let
Speaker 1: them tell you where you can and can't go, who
Speaker 1: you can and can't be, with, what you can and
Speaker 1: can't where, that empowers them.
Speaker 2: And the list goes on.
Speaker 1: You empower them to make them strong as you are weakened.
Speaker 2: So again, the way to avoid it is.
Speaker 1: By never getting into the relationship in the first place.
Speaker 1: You have to love yourself enough to be able to
Speaker 1: walk away, and that's the problem for most people.
Speaker 2: Most people don't love themselves.
Speaker 1: They're seeking love desperately, and they don't love themselves. Therefore,
Speaker 1: they will allow these things because they think the man
Speaker 1: or the woman is going to change, they are going
Speaker 1: to be better. They think that they can love the
Speaker 1: hell out of people. They think that they can make
Speaker 1: a person change by loving them so much or by
Speaker 1: giving to them. People think that they can fix and
Speaker 1: save and change other people. You can love them out
Speaker 1: of their addictions. Only to find yourself lost. You've lost
Speaker 1: your sl elf in these toxic relationships, in these loveless relationships,
Speaker 1: you've lost yourself. Some of you hate yourselves even more
Speaker 1: than before you started the relationship.
Speaker 2: You hate yourself for being in that.
Speaker 1: Relationship, but you don't have to strength or the courage
Speaker 1: to leave. It's awful, devastating, and now you are an
Speaker 1: individual full of fear, anxiety, depression, all kinds of things
Speaker 1: because of the stress and the hell you're going through
Speaker 1: when you should have walked away long ago. Many men
Speaker 1: and many women are in their grains because of their relationships,
Speaker 1: because of the people that they were with. Men doing
Speaker 1: far more than women, but women do it as well.
Speaker 2: You always, always.
Speaker 1: Always teach an individual how they can treat you. You
Speaker 1: always are the one who empowered them. When you empower them,
Speaker 1: it gives them power to have control over you.
Speaker 2: That's what happens.
Speaker 1: And never ever ever think you're trapped because you're trapped
Speaker 1: in your mind.
Speaker 2: You're not trapped.
Speaker 1: The only way you're trapped is if they have you
Speaker 1: locked up and chained physically, and believe me, that does happen.
Speaker 2: But you should never let it get that far.
Speaker 1: See a lot of problem is people don't want to
Speaker 1: tell because they are embarrassed, they're ashamed, they're afraid, so
Speaker 1: they don't want to tell. They're afraid of what the
Speaker 1: person would do to them. They're afraid of what the
Speaker 1: person would do to the people they love and care about.
Speaker 1: It's horrific at that point. So a lot of times
Speaker 1: people don't tell. I know, I didn't tell. I didn't
Speaker 1: tell until I got out. The day that I left
Speaker 1: is the day I told someone, and that is the
Speaker 1: person who helped me leave. And I didn't tell because
Speaker 1: I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. People thought this this
Speaker 1: guy was all of this, you know, all of the
Speaker 1: listen to means, this is all of the things.
Speaker 2: You know, the old saying.
Speaker 1: A person you think they are a bag of chips
Speaker 1: and some That's what people thought of him.
Speaker 2: Because of the games that this person played.
Speaker 1: People thought he was all of that. He was a
Speaker 1: stellar soldier. So I didn't tell for many reasons. But
Speaker 1: that was the mindset of an immature young lady, because
Speaker 1: that's what I was very immature at that time. So
Speaker 1: I endured it by myself. I went through it alone.
Speaker 1: But I got the heck up out of there, thank God,
Speaker 1: because I could have been in my grave, or I
Speaker 1: could have been in a situation where I had to
Speaker 1: defend myself and spend life in prison.
Speaker 2: It's not worth it. It is not love.
Speaker 1: A person being obsessive and controlling and possessive.
Speaker 2: Is not love, no way, no how. It is not love.
Speaker 1: A person disrespecting you, calling you out of your name,
Speaker 1: being abusive emotionally, verbally, physically, mentally, it is not love.
Speaker 1: That person has issues, unresolved issues, and you have issues
Speaker 1: for allowing it. I'll be the first one to raise
Speaker 1: my hand. I had issues. I wanted to be away
Speaker 1: from home. I wanted a better environment, a better life.
Speaker 1: And now that I'm grown and much more wiser and
Speaker 1: mature and knowledgeable, I had the best childhood ever. We
Speaker 1: wasn't rich with money, but my god, we were so
Speaker 1: rich with love and wisdom and knowledge about self love
Speaker 1: and not letting people. I mean, we were taken care of.
Speaker 1: But you know, when you were a child, you're thinking, oh,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to get away from home. Parents too strict,
Speaker 1: not knowing they're doing the best for you. There are
Speaker 1: many factors to a person who is immature age, life,
Speaker 1: multitude of things unhealed hearts and minds because of past
Speaker 1: hurt and pain. It doesn't matter how you got the
Speaker 1: mindset that you have. What matters is you change it
Speaker 1: to become the best you that you can be for yourself,
Speaker 1: and in that you will know that you can't change
Speaker 1: anybody else. It's not your responsibility to try to change, fix,
Speaker 1: or save someone. But when you're broken, when you have
Speaker 1: an heart and mind, you desperately try to fix, save,
Speaker 1: and change that person you're with because you want to
Speaker 1: be with him or her. When love is nowhere in
Speaker 1: the equation, you just think it is because of your
Speaker 1: version of what you think is love. Many people have
Speaker 1: lost their lives thinking it was love. I often think
Speaker 1: of a couple, two couples in particular, and I didn't
Speaker 1: know either one of them, and I saw both incidents
Speaker 1: on social media.
Speaker 2: One was when a guy.
Speaker 1: Found out his girl had been talking to someone and
Speaker 1: he saw it on her phone. He beat the crap,
Speaker 1: He beat the.
Speaker 2: Crap out of that lady like she was a man.
Speaker 2: He beat her with.
Speaker 1: Candles, those big fat candles, the glass that's in.
Speaker 2: The He threw them at her, and I mean, it
Speaker 2: was horrible.
Speaker 1: And when it was all said and done, she eventually
Speaker 1: went back to him. I don't know anything else about it,
Speaker 1: but I do remember that. And then not so long
Speaker 1: ago last year, matter of fact, several months ago, the
Speaker 1: couple in Atlanta on social media just toxic, always cussing
Speaker 1: each other.
Speaker 2: And telling each other's business.
Speaker 1: That's toxicity that is not healthy for them, children, or anyone.
Speaker 1: And they were going at it live on social media
Speaker 1: and he ended up killing her. I mean, this has
Speaker 1: happened so much. You have to have courage to get
Speaker 1: out of abusive relationships. Seek help from people who's not
Speaker 1: gonna tell your business. Because sometimes you go to people
Speaker 1: and tell, they end up telling someone and.
Speaker 2: It gets back to your significant other and it makes things.
Speaker 1: Worse for you. So you have to move in silence.
Speaker 1: But you gotta get out of toxic, unhealthy, abusive relationships
Speaker 1: before it's too late, and you can't because you're in
Speaker 1: your grave. I'm not trying to scare anyone. I'm just
Speaker 1: telling you fact. And the way to avoid all of
Speaker 1: this is by never getting into it in the first place.
Speaker 1: Leave at the first sign.
Speaker 2: Of abuse.
Speaker 1: Don't let people know where you live right away, don't
Speaker 1: let them know where you work right away.
Speaker 2: Don't do any of that when you're getting to know someone.
Speaker 1: Watch for the signs and red flags, the cues your intuition.
Speaker 1: You got to see past your once, your desires, your
Speaker 1: heart because the signs and red flags are always there.
Speaker 2: And that's it. That's all I'm saying. I'm leaving it there.
Speaker 1: Listen, please, please, please please share this episode.
Speaker 2: Thank you for listening. Much love Mom to each and
Speaker 2: every one of you.
Speaker 1: I in all episodes the same, and I pray, in
Speaker 1: the name.
Speaker 2: Of Jesus did you do it? Faith on it.