Speaker 1: Please do not let a man run the block back
on you. See, yesterday's price is not today's price. And
I'm telling you that when a man comes back around
after he said, oh, well, I wish you were more ambitious,
or I wish you were you had lost weight, or
I like you more at this size, and then you
go out after he's out of your life and you
achieve those things. When he comes back around and thinks
he can get access to the new you, no, the
price has increased. I promise you the number one in
analogy form. He never has enough money to afford the
new you, right, because when the new U comes, it's
not just the new way, it's the new attitude, it's
the new standard. You're not playing the same little petty
games that they that you used to play with this man,
So he's not gonna really be able to afford the
new look, the new key card that take him to
the new elevator, okay, to the new floor of that elevator.
He's not gonna be able to afford it. He is
literally gonna waste all of your time again because he
just wants to kick the tire and see if you
dumb enough to talk to him again. Hey, y'all, welcome
back to Dear to See You. We're gonna jump right
into it. We have some subscription reminders. We want you
to follow Dear to See a podcast on Apple and
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you to subscribe to my YouTube channel which is at
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also need to subscribe to.
Speaker 2: Also.
Speaker 1: Lastly, we're trying to get to ten thousand followers on
our YouTube channel. Y'allready know how feel about this? Stop
playing with me. I still think we could. We can
do it. We're very very very very close. I'm gonna
introduce our Penis gallery, which is Miss c c Heya Hi, okay,
so let's see. I feel like you're like my spirit animal.
When's your birthday?
Speaker 2: Again?
Speaker 1: It's an Ari Aries cut and I knew, I knew
a fiery right, But I always like to tell how
I met our Peanut gallery guests. And first of all,
random fact, her husband is one of my college besties godbrothers.
So once upon a time, child, we were living in
New York and we would go over to Shane her
husband's apartment that was in Spanish Harlem, and we he
had the coolest artwork and like that was we was
kind of broke, you know. I think Shane was doing
a little bit better than we were.
Speaker 3: That pretty broke when he was in New York too.
Speaker 1: Trying to tell you whatever he did with that apartment,
it was just so artsy and like kept well child.
We were over there riding a to drain. Okay, we
didn't know what was going on. But anyways, Cec is
also in our inner friend circle because she knows Brie
and Dre and all all the girls girls that are
in my circle. So anyway, that's a small world, such
a small world, Okay. Our listener review best podcast for women, period,
Best podcast for women. This is from Shonda oh Love.
I've learned so much from your podcast and reels on Instagram.
I have my notification set every Monday to make sure
I didn't miss any of your content. You're doing the
Lord's work. Never stop. Thank you, Shonda oh Love. I've
been really kicking up the gears with these reels. Gotta
make sure everybody's in line, all right, Okay, Our dear
to see a voicemail number one can you love someone
and still feel nothing? Dear to see you.
Speaker 4: I'm a thirty two year old woman who recently ended
a relationship with a thirty.
Speaker 1: One year old man.
Speaker 4: I'm currently unemployed, having lost my job last year, but
I'm back in school to become a dental assistant. I'm
still living with my parents and it's been a transition.
My former partner has a job and own some businesses,
and he also lives with his parents too, in the basement.
We have been together for three years. This time we
have went on dates and when we would be intimate,
we would go to hotels, but recently the intimacy stopped,
and I mean for a year, and he said it
was because he was depressed and handling bills. He communicated
that he was depressed, and I tried to be there
the best I can, but I didn't know to what
extent the depression was. Depression that he was in and
he's also in therapy. During the three years, I found
it strange that I have never been to his house
and we mostly hung out in the car or went
on dates. He said this was because he was embarrassed
about being in the basement, and during this time he
told me he wasn't attracted to me anymore because of
my weight gain, which hurt. This was in the midst
of us not sleeping together and going on a few dates.
I have lost a little weight, but not for him
to be all up on me like he is now.
I was two hundred pounds and I'm down to one
eighty four. Now, all of a sudden, you like me
like that again.
Speaker 1: It's weird.
Speaker 4: Now that I've ended things, he's all over me asking
me to fix it, saying things like I didn't notice
what I had before until you were leaving and people,
and now he's sending me sweet messages, gifts. I feel
like he's love bombing me, trying to win me back.
He sends me reels of people staying together after conflict,
like our conflict was so small. It seems like he
is selling himself to me, and I don't know. It
just doesn't make sense. The thing is, I broke up
with him because I felt like we waited so long
to be intimate and I wasn't feeling it anymore. Like basically,
I don't think I'm sexually attracted to him anymore. Now
he's trying to fix things, and I'm not sure what
to do. We still talk on the phone every day,
which is something I'm used to, but I'm not googly
eyed over him anymore. I have lost feelings and he
has done a complete three sixty and I'm still not
feeling it. I can now go to his house and
he's trying to be intimate, but it doesn't even feel
the same. Do you think I can come back from this?
Do you think I can get my feelings back for him?
Or should we just give this up?
Speaker 1: First of all, I love that. I know we tell
the people that it can only be like a minute
or something like sixty or ninety seconds, but I love
when it be thorough because I be wanting to call
him back like Groad any more context. I need details.
So first of all, thank you for the Now that
don't mean everybody call in and leave a three minute voicemail, okay,
but I needed that context. There are so many things
going on here. Oh my gosh, there are so many
things going on here. First of all, the lack of
intimacy for a year, and she never been to his house.
Now I have. I have lived a little modest and
I just felt like it never gave invite people over,
if you know what I mean. So I can kind
of see that a little bit. I like to be
proud of my place, and I don't invite people over
if I don't feel like it's hostable. And that's even
my girlfriends. Like probably two apartments ago, it just didn't
give hostess with the mostest, which is my vibe. And
I just never wanted nobody to ever come over there,
Like I may do a Taco Tuesday every now and again,
but it never gave come over to my house shack up,
lay up, you know, you can sleepover type of thing.
So no man ever came over the child. So I
do get that he was ashamed of where he was living,
but having your girlfriend in a hotel is not okay,
Like I feel like that should have been the drive
to get something appropriate for y'all. Right, So that also
kind of puts me off a little bit, Like you
got your girl in a hot and y'all thirty something
in the late twenty to or thirties and you are
going to a hotel to be intimate. Okay, So those
are some things. Now let me tell you this. Back,
I to look at this camera. If am hold on,
let me just this my shit. So I could be
real if a nigga passed up on you because you
two hundred pounds and all you lost is sixteen pounds
of shoes that she was one eighty four now and
now this man is pressing you out. No fucking man,
no go, no way, Jose. Never let a man spend
a block on you like that, because honestly, he's really
trying to reap the benefits of the progress that you
made why his ass wasn't around. You probably made the
progress because his ass wasn't around to begin when you
probably was less stressed out. You probably was less starved
out by his ass. You probably felt more into yourself,
you had found your goals and things like that. And
she said she's lost weight and I think she uh
is going to nursing schools to be a dental assistant
adnal assistant. Okay, So that means your life improved when
his ass fucking left, So you do not need to
spend a block on him. Also, just the whole pressing
you out, the sending you gives, the things like that.
So this is a true story, y'all. I have a
man currently in my life, and I felt like I
always call him not the one that got away, but
the one that I never explored. And the reason why
it's an issue for me because I want to know
why you didn't bite the fucking first time. I never
feel settled with him now because it's like, why didn't
you bite the first time? I'm leary of people who
you had access to me and you didn't do nothing
with it, and then now you come back around, right,
So that is always I don't like stuff like that,
and I'm trying. I think he's trying. It's so funny.
Have I got a ups adulification that somebody is sending
me flowers? And I think it's him. This is like
our first little go around with that. But I think
that the fact that he had so much access to
me and he didn't show extreme interest to me, it's
like an ego thing, like you know, now you're playing
with me. Now this man is trying to spend a
block now that she's doing well for herself, and this
is just a testament. I promise you that men love
happy women. Okay, if you want to get a man
to be attracted to you, if you want to get
a man to spend the block, start living your life,
post your LinkedIn updates. Okay, post you happy, post you
in the streets, post you on vacation. They're gonna start
being cure curious about you again. Men love happy women,
And so I don't know if he's actually serious about
the second chance or he want a second taste. I
don't think he want a second chance. I think he
wants second girl. What do you think about this child?
Speaker 3: Well, first of all, it sounds like she's doing way
better without him. Hello, Okay, so let's just start there,
and you have to listen to your gut. If your
gut is telling you that it's not it anymore, you're
not feeling attracted to him when when he comes around, Like, girl,
listen to that and honestly, just take the time to
do what's best for you. It seems like y'all both
need some time to work on yourselves individually. And y'all
both living with your parents, you know what I'm saying,
like into your thirties. So obviously you guys both have
some work to do. And I'm a firm believer that
when women actually focus on themselves and like do the
hard work on themselves, they read way more benefits. So
It's like, why even try to force going back to
a situation that you're not even feeling anymore when you
could really level up and get something even way better.
Continue to lose the weight, continue to focus on your
new career, on your new path.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Get you a spot by yourself, like have your single
bachelor red path for a little moment, and I promise
you watch your blessings come walking into your life.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I'm gonna tell you this. I'm not telling
you what I heard. I'm telling you what I know.
When you are with somebody and this mancy, this is
the thing too. He actually said that he wasn't attracted
to her because of her weight. So he had enough
guts to actually tell you that your weight, your new weight,
was unattracted to him. And now you didn't get back
in your bed. Please do not let a man run
the block back on you. See, yesterday's price is not
today's price. And I'm telling you that when a man
comes back around after he said, oh well, I wish
you were more ambitious, or I wish you were you
had lost weight, or I liked you more at this size,
and then you go out after he's out of your life,
and you achieve those things. When he comes back around
and thinks he can get access to the new you, no,
the price has increased. I promise you the number one
in the analogy form. He never has enough money to
afford the new you. Right, because when the new you comes,
it's not just the new way, it's the new attitude,
it's the new standard. You're not playing the same little
petty games that they that you used to play with
this man, So he's not gonna really be able to
afford the new look, the new key card that take
him to the new elevator, okay, to the new floor
of that elevator, he's not gonna be able to afford it.
He is literally gonna waste all of your time again
because he just wants to kick the tire and see
if you dumb enough to talk to him again. Also,
the last thing, baby, please get that man off your phone.
All that talking every day where you spend your time,
emotion will grow. If you talk to somebody every day,
you will grow emotion from them. Stop letting these men
drag down your phone call until they hopes and dreams
the life they went to work they were talking to
you on the way to work. They're talking to y'all
fallen asleep on the phone together. I promise you get
these men off of your phone. It's almost like a
portal into your heart. Your ears are a portal into
your heart. And when a man is talking, talking, talking,
you will fall in love just with the presence of
him and the casualty of that. I saw a real
the other day and it said, if he was unable
to talk, would you still fall in love with his actions?
Boot question? If he was unable to talk, would you
still fall in love with his actions? Probably the fuck?
Speaker 2: Not?
Speaker 1: Okay, you probably would be bored. You probably will be unimpressed. Girl.
That's an X. Nay, never give him a key to
the new spot, baby, no, ma'am. Anyways, that's said on
that leave him where he belongs and let him go
and waste somebody else's time, because that's what he gonna
do with yours. There to see a voicemail Number two.
We both we both cheated, so now what.
Speaker 5: Dar to see it. I've been in a relationship for year,
but we've had our ups and downs. He cheated on
me earlier in but I stayed with him. But I
ended up cheating on him back way worse and ten
times harder. After forgiving each other and starting over and
doing better, he usually constantly still reminds me of what
I did and how it haunts him. He always compares
it to each other's as I did worse, but I
was hurting so bad after he cheated on me. Yet
I still never reacted the way he did, controlling my
emotions no matter how much I loved him. I feel
as if it's unfair for him to constantly rub this
in my face whenever he's upset, or even the fact
that he still thinks about it, because I don't let
what he did haunt me, let alone do I bring
it up, but he always downplays it as my response
to it was way worse. It happens so much that
instead of comforting him now is just starting to irritate
me every time he brings it up. I love this
man to death, and I always watch your Instagram reels
and your post about this relationship advice, but it's always
usually the man doing wrong.
Speaker 6: I know he did wrong too, but I did wrong.
I never hear you talk about when a man cheats
on you, and you the response is also cheating. So
I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do from
now because I'm not completely innocent. I'm just upset and
I don't know where to go from here on because
I want to be with him and he says he
wants to be with me. We have a feature together,
we're always talking about it and et cetera, and I
just don't know what to do about this part.
Speaker 1: Okay, So first of all, the reason why you never
hear me talking about the woman cheating back is because
I don't believe in cheating back. Let me tell you this.
If you go out and you dishonor yourself and you
go and disrespect our relationship, I'm not stooping down to
your level and catching another body fucking around trying to
get revenge on you. So this is why you never
hear me talk about it, because I don't believe in
cheating back. That's just number one. Number two is there's
a couple of nuances to healing from cheating. Number One,
you can never change. You can't change the pace of
how somebody heals, right. You can't push the limit on
how long it's gonna take somebody to get over what
you did. Also see the thing what cheating is you
fuck around and find out because she's they're saying that
she cheated worst. She said that she cheated worst, and
he's saying it that he that she cheated worst. Now,
when you dipple in the mud, right, you don't get
to you know what I'm saying. You you just dirty
that It just is what it is. Right. I saw
something the other day and they said, I think Dre
was talking about this. He said that something like if
you I'll come back to that. It was something like,
if you don't want to be what is it, Dre?
When you say you don't want to be in the water,
get you said something like, if you don't want to
be in the water, if you don't want to get wet,
get out the water, or something like. I know it
sounds stupid, but anyways, it was a whole thing. It
was a whole thing basically saying like, you can't just
test it, right, you can't just get in it and
don't expect to be don't expect to be dirty. And
I think that that is the tricky part of cheating
because it's not just the cheating, it's how you cheated.
It's the lies that you told and cheated. It was
the deception. It was me thinking that you were somewhere
that you're not. It's now I don't trust you out
with It's a whole slippery slope, which is why I
don't believe in cheating back, because it creates so much
more nuances. I also think that there's a trauma bonding
with cheating that it's almost like you stay longer because
y'all both did wrong. And I feel like at some
point one person just needs to bow out, especially if
you are not married and not on the trajectory of marriage.
I think that one person should bow out. You're married,
So what are your thoughts about this?
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm not even gonna hold you so with this one.
It honestly, once someone cheats, the trust is broken, and
a lot of the times you never really regain that
trust again. You can do the hard work of going
to therapy, going to counseling, over communicating, trying to build
that back, but usually it's never the same as before
you made those decisions. And at the end of the day,
every single decision has a result or has a consequence,
you know what I'm saying. So these are the consequences
of y'all decision. So for me personally, if I would
ever get cheated on, it's a no go for me
because I'm gonna tell you right now, Like for me, like,
no matter the severity of the cheated now, granted she
says she cheated worse, I'm kind of curious about what
I know.
Speaker 5: I know, you.
Speaker 3: Know what I'm saying, It doesn't really matter for him,
it's still in the back of his mind and he
really can't get over that. And also, I think that
for men, it's a little bit more difficult when the
woman cheats because it takes more for women to cheat
and they'll never get over they'll never get over it.
Like for like women, it's more calculated, it's a little
bit more emotional, it's more thought out typically, and so
you know, there's there's a little bit more involved with men.
They just think with their dick and they're like they can,
you know, go be with somebody and then the next
day not even think about her. So honestly, for me
in this situation, it's really giving that y'all might need
to just take this l and learn from this mistake
when you enter into your next relationship and make cheating
a hard no, like that's that's what I get from this.
Speaker 1: And also I think that when I just personally believe
I don't know if they say how old they were,
I'm curious about that too, but I just feel like
to me personally.
Speaker 3: Being younger just because of like the tit for tad
like you cheat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe in like mid twenties, mid to late twenties.
I think personally that when you when you are younger mean,
but this person's just like a boyfriend. It's just so
much that I'm willing to do right the ride or
die thing in my twenties, I just feel like you
gotta wield that back a little bit. You gotta really
figure out it's this person worth the depths of this
problem and it's not to just fold and not work
through hard times. But I'm gonna tell you this, some
shit I'm just not gonna do. Okay, I am thirty
seven years old.
Speaker 3: It's gonna be a hard no.
Speaker 1: I get with you and you start making a circus
and a mockery or this relationship in this marriage and
hard no, I can't. It's just only certain things I'm
gonna do, and I just personally don't think that people
should spend their twenties dealing with this kind of infidelity.
Like you cheated, I cheated back, and now the person
is keeps bringing it up over and over and over again.
I just think that men don't forgive the same as
you think. Men never think that their woman is gonna
do that type of thing to them, and it's so
hard for them to get over. And it's such an
ego thing. It's such an ego thing. And so she
said he won't stop weaponizing hers. Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 3: For him, it was way deeper than what it was
for her, Like his ego is telling him that, like
what she did was way worse than what he did
to her. And honestly, y'all, like when men get like this,
it's like always going to be like in the back
of their head. So anytime he sees you out having
a good time, maybe you know, being happy, go lucky,
a little bit flirty, he's gonna be like, he's gonna.
Speaker 2: Bring it up.
Speaker 3: He's gonna organize you with that again.
Speaker 1: See that's why even with cheating, like you have to
be with somebody that's mature enough to cheat and cheat back, right,
because there's a certain I think level of maturity and
just compatibility and closeness and connection that you have with
somebody where you sit down grown adult to grown adult
and you just like, damn, I fucked that up, Like
yes I was having an emotional or yes I did
cheat on you, and that is not what I wanted
to do. That's not, you know, a testament to what
I think of you. I would love to repair this.
These are the things that I'm gonna do to start
to rebuild trusting. It's a certain cause of these you
can't play the cheat game with them because again, they're
just not mature enough to handle it, even on the
most minuscule scale, and you're gonna spend more time trying
to repair that than actually moving forward in a relationship.
Some people I know that I've dated, it was never there,
never were mature enough to play the cheat And she ga,
I think I'm personally, like very mature enough to hand
handle cheating, which is why it's not personally a deal
breaker for me. I think people women fear cheating so much.
And I just had a conversation with a young lady
in my girls chat yesterday that she was basically saying
that you know because her parents had never been married
or her Yeah, her parents were never married, her mother,
her grandmother had never been married. That like they she
just saw a whole bunch of rolling stones and men
and women up in in and out her house, and
that they never got a ring. And so that cheating
was a deal breaker to her because all she wanted
to do is get married. Guess what she attracted CC.
Speaker 3: Cheaters, cheaters, cheater cheater, cheater, cheaters.
Speaker 1: I said, let me tell you why, Because what you
fear is what you're going to attract. And if you
relinquish yourself from the fear of being cheated on, I
think energetically you're going to attract people that have better
intentions and they're just not gonna play around with you
in that way. But your aura about like, oh my god,
if you cheat on me, I'm gone, I'm gone. I'm gone.
You're gonna constantly attract men that are there to play
with you, and you will literally attract cheaters. Let go
of being cheated on. To me, cheating is not the
end all, be all, and it's not the I don't know,
it's just not the end of the world. Doesn't say
too much to me about who the person is that
I decided to be in a relationship with. Is it hard? Absolutely?
Will it be tough? Will I have to, you know,
rebuild that trust? Absolutely? But I think that it can be.
I think that it can be healed and fixed. But
if you fear cheating as your bottom line, I promise you,
I promise you, it's coming your way. I promise you
it will find you. So to all the women, relinquish that.
I'm telling you. It's not that you should give it
a pass, but you can't let it be the forefront
of your brain that if he cheats, I'm gone. If
he cheats, I'm gone. Cheating is a deal break. I
promise you you're gonna attract the cheater. Period point of black.
Speaker 3: That's notes for me.
Speaker 1: Listen, period point in the blank. Let it go. Don't
be in cheat on me jail, because you will attract cheaters.
The girl said it. She said, every man she ever
been with cheated on her. I said, because that's that
checks out. Yes, that's what you were the most scared
of AnyWho. Voicemail number three. I love a man who
barely talks to Melia.
Speaker 2: My name is Nay. I'm twenty three years old. I'm
a mom to a four year old little boy, and
I'm currently enrolled in nursing school. I've been dealing with
this guy for about two years now thirty four, and
I've gotten nothing.
Speaker 6: Out of it.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I still feel like I love him so much.
Like it took me a year to get a date.
I constantly spun myself begging for his attention. I do
things to try to make sure him that I'm the
one that he should be chosen, and still I see nothing.
He's at the bar every weekend. There's multiple other girls.
I've had two abortions by him. One of them he
didn't even show up for me that I told him
I kind of needed him at the time, but we
got arguing before and he didn't show up. He never
really talks about making me his girlfriend, but yet talks
about one day having kids. I know I need to
leave it alone. I just don't know how to. I
don't know what I should do. He doesn't talk to
me every day. We don't communicate every day. He may
text me once a week or once every two weeks,
but we do see each other to have intercourse, and
when that's available, He's wide and open for that. I'm
not really sure what I should do. I love him
and I feel like I have a lot of love
for him. If you were to put me in a
room full of men with more money, more cars than him,
I would still choose this person at the end of
the day. That's just how much like I love him
a lot. I have so much love for him. I
don't know if I should leave it alone. I don't
know if I should give him time to try to
find himself. I'm really not sure what I should do.
I feel stuck, and it's sometimes it's hard for me
to focus because I think about this person all day long.
Speaker 6: What did I do wrong?
Speaker 2: How can I love him better? I just need help?
What should I do?
Speaker 1: First of all, this is like really sad to me.
And you know, a lot of times we keep key
about the women that are calling in and it's just like, girl,
leave him alone. But this is actually very sad to hear.
I bet you all the money on my bank account
that if I was to just take a little trip
down memory lane, that you come from a family, whether
it's your parents, your siblings, or household that taught taught
you to chase chaos, right, if you grew up in
a family where you didn't feel seen, you didn't feel protected,
and people didn't show up for you, and you didn't
feel like you can make mistakes, and the list goes
on and on. You will chase chaos. This man has
gotten you pregnant, only shown up for sex, You've gotten abortions.
He never calls, and you're like, what could I do
to get him to like me more? What could I
do to make him feel better to want me. I've
tried to show him that I'm the one that he
should be choosing. And I bet you that you've probably
tried to show your father that's that you're the one
that he should be choosing. Or your mother. A lot
of women have issues with their mom, and that's a
whole broken thing. Even just sibling dynamics where you were
the middle child, or you were the child that didn't
go to college, and it's just some type of weird
you know, black sheep of the family, a dynamic but somebody.
The best thing you can do right now is find
out where is the chaos in your life. And everybody
has a fundamental DNA, right a fundamental social DNA, and
you need to dig back to the bottom of it
and find out where did you learn to chase this
man like this. That's just that when you say that
you are confused, No, you are not. You know exactly
exactly what you need to do. And again, I'm gonna
say this because this is my shit. A man sending
you to get an abortion repeatedly is a form of
sexual abuse. Do y'all hear me? A man sending you
to get an abortion, Yes, it takes to the tango, okay,
But a man sending you to get an abortion over
and over and over again is a form of sexual abuse.
And I have had so many conversations with women that
do not know that even just if you act like
you don't want it, it's a problem that's not consensual.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: There are so many things that I feel like we
miss and it's not just grand things that are happening.
But this is a form of abuse, and please guard
your body, Please protect yourself. He is just not that
into you. He does not like you, and he's never
going to make you his girlfriend. I really pray you
said just at twenty three that you do not spend
your twenties any more of your any more years chasing
this man. Did she say three years and then oh,
she didn't go on a day for one year? One year.
He hasn't taken you out on a date. That lets
you know that your standard was in the pit of
hell because you offered your body, you offered your time,
you offered your heart and emotion, and this man haven't
hadn't even courted you properly. And now you're saying that
if you put him in a room full of other people,
Oh my god today, that is so powerful. That you
put him in a room with other men that had
more money, that looked better, that were taller, probably that
treated you better, you would still choose him. That means
that you have such low self worth that you do
not value yourself or your life. And I know these
are things that you probably already know and resonate with,
but it is just a deep thing to say. Not
that you just are going through something, but if you
could do it again, you would go through it again.
That is a crazy, crazy thing. And this is like
I call this in my group chat a nine to
one one. You gotta get that man out of your life.
You have to really truly leave him alone, and most importantly,
do the work, because this is really this is really bad,
and honestly, you an abusive relationship. This person is manipulating
you emotionally and really just dropping dick off every now
and again and sending you to planned parenthood because he
don't want no kids. He probably got a couple already.
Speaker 3: Okay, you know it's crazy. This reminds me of young CEC. This.
I have had situationships like this exactly minus the abortions,
but almost exactly. Yeah, in my early twenties. This resonated
with me so hard because in my early twenties, I
also didn't really know my self worth. I was parting
a lot. I thought that my value was my sexuality,
the fact that I'm a fun party girl and whatever.
And so there were these two situationships specifically that were
just like this. It was like I was like kind
of like the main girl, but there's always other girls,
and I was always trying to prove to him why
I should be the only girl, and that just was
never going to be the case. They did not want that.
They wanted me to be one of the options, but
they wanted to have fun and do whatever they wanted
to do as well, and I did everything I could.
Speaker 1: I cried.
Speaker 3: I thought, I you know what I'm saying. I yelled.
I tried to make them jealous to like kind of
like see that I was the prize. And it never worked, never,
never ever ever worked out. The only thing that happened
was I became more depressed.
Speaker 1: I became desperate, like you.
Speaker 3: Know what I'm saying, Like, especially like for like these
men that like and I had so many other suitors
that were just like so kind and sweet and was like.
Speaker 1: I'll treat you better, and I was like, noah, she's
not here, you know.
Speaker 3: So it's like I actually really resonate with her and
I read this like it's sad. And it took me
until I was like twenty eight, so like from like
nineteen to twenty eight, like over a decade of going
through this this trauma and like this this cycle of
just you know, rinse repeat with these men who did
not treat me how I should have been treated. And
it took me of getting tired of my own shit.
And honestly, like that's really what it takes. It's like
she's gonna have to get tired of her own shit.
She's gonna have to get tired of being treated this way.
She's gonna have to want better for herself. It took
me to get to that space to actually start to
do some changes. I also had to change my environment.
I couldn't I couldn't see these dudes anymore. Had to
block them from everything. I had to stop going to
places where they frequented, even though that was like where
we met, like that was my place too.
Speaker 1: Like I had to change up everything.
Speaker 3: And when I did that, I put myself in better rooms,
in different rooms. I met my husband by doing those transitions,
Like but you gotta be tired of your own shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you had to like hit the floor rock bottom.
And I remember the pivotal moment where I was like,
I'm never doing this again. I think it literally changed
who I was. I was never the same person after
dealing with this person. And I think that it's just
gonna take a low, low point where she just feels
like this is I'm running to the ground. It's never
gonna change. But I hope that she infuses that as
she's building up her own self worth. Like it at
this day, in this day and age, you have enough
knowledge around you to not like you don't have to
been through what we've been through, you know, like you
don't have to hit rock bottom on the cold concrete
to really start realizing that this has to change. Like
she's in a really bad spot, like this man has
done every only shows up for sex. She says, two abortions,
and she knows even though she knows it is in love,
she can't let go.
Speaker 3: And the wild part is that she thinks that she's
in love, like she thinks that she loves him. Like, girl,
this is not love, trust me, this is not it.
This is not it. As someone who thought also thought
that I was in love with these dudes who treat
me the same way. That's not love. There's love is
so much different. Love is so much better. It's kinder,
it's easier. It's a little like you know, like my
husband has a saying, it's like it doesn't take all
day to recognize sunshine. You know what I'm saying. He
doesn't see the sunshine in you. So that's not your partner,
that ain't him. So why don't you try to see
the sunshine in yourself and then expose that sunshine to
someone else who's going to actually value it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, and chaos can feel. I think that a
lot of times people are attracted to chaos and that
can feel like love, like that can feel exciting, and
then somebody that's regulating your nervous system, you'll feel bored
and you will feel the urge to like shake stuff
up and be chaotic and you know, bring chaos back
to that scene, because that is what you're used to.
And I think there's so many women, oh my gosh,
so many women have never experienced a calm, loving, non
chaotic support horde of mild tone, mild mannered man ever
in their life. Agree with that ever in their life,
They've never experienced it.
Speaker 3: That was almost thirty years old until I experienced it.
Speaker 1: I probably want that far behind you, right listen. I
probably And it's really just a sad and I think
it's a testament too that like black men are also
in the lab as well, working on themselves. But I
think that they're starting to sort out a lot of
their anger issues, a lot of their insecurities, a lot
of mental health things that are really helping them sort
through and be a better partner. And I think now
women are healing properly and are attracting better. And so
it's almost like we all in the same kind of
boats trying to do better. I think black men have
had so much much, so many more spaces to talk
about their feelings, and you know, just I'm not having
a good day. Check on your strong people. You know.
I saw something the other day and it said that
I think seven out of ten men cannot identify having
a best friend. They said, that's so sad. Well, I know,
I know. And so I think that they're getting a
community now where they're able to talk about those things,
and so you'll see that a lot more. I think
it's like almost like a ripple effect.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: Black men are in the lab, black women are in
the lab, and now we're just like, you know, coming together,
you know, figuring it out. But this baby is in
a it's in a bad spot. Hey look, I don't
know if you're listening, write me, send me a DM.
I will glad you put me put you in my
girls chat. I promise you it will change your life
in thirty days. And I mean it. I will glad
you put you in. Put you in my girls chat
for free. This is a nine to one one. Because
this man does not love you, and your self worth
is so low, and I pray that you can track
the trauma and really figure out where was those initial
that initial break, that initial breach of just not feeling protected.
Like I'm telling you, women like this also were taught
to barter, barter for support, barter for love, barter for
And I tell women this all the time. And when
they tell me that, like, girl, yeah I just want
to sleep with him, I just want some deed or whatever,
they think it's like this fine thing. I said, what
did you barter for that? What are you bartering? And
a lot of women who a lot of women that
are in my plus size community right, they are bartering personality.
They're always the funny girl, They're always very nice, they're
a pushover. And I'm like, you're bartering being just easy
going all the time. You can't even stand up for
yourself or even say no, I don't want that or
I don't like that. You're bartering that to be palatable
for other people. And women that let me drop in
and drop out, I promise you, they're always bartering something.
So I'm praying for you, girl, and I pray that
you get out this situation quick quick, anyhaw on to
our fragrance segment, which is one of my phase. Okay,
y'all always say that I don't do affordable, affordable fragrances.
This is one of them. I ain't got that many,
I know how I feel, but this is one of them.
And this is mont Blanc. You have it over there
at CC, Yes, so this is mont Blanc. I like
this is like one of my cozy skin, creamy scents. Anyways,
the top notes are clementine, a bright citrus opening, the
heart is magnolia, pe andy yang lang orchid and vanilla
in the middle heart and then the base notes are
vanilla white musk, benzoin amber, vanilla musky foundation depending on
the version.
Speaker 3: Child.
Speaker 1: Anyways, this is one of my good airport sense I
love an airport.
Speaker 3: I want to see a teacher.
Speaker 1: Something's too good. I feel like it's creamy but grown,
it's fresh but mature. Yes, this this was a popular
pick a couple of years ago, two three years ago,
A lot of people were wearing this. This is not
one that I reached for a lot, and honestly, it's
probably just because it's not in my eye, like in
my view because of you an Adhd Grilly you know,
you gotta see stuff to use it. And so I
was like, oh, poured this out the cut, let me
pour her to the front. I'm I love it. I
think it's fresh grown, mature and also kind of sultrey.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you think of it? I love it.
I think it's very it's very soft, it's very feminine.
Speaker 6: I love that.
Speaker 3: You see, like my my airport said, because you don't
even think about that, Like I'm a stickler, like don't
go don't leave your house with your bonnet on, don't
go to the airport with your boxes. Make yourself look presentable,
sound good, look good, and so yes, yes, highly recko
love it.
Speaker 1: Any of y'all. This is our Red Flag Report. Okay,
no title, but all the vibes. Tiana Taylor an actor,
Aaron Pierre. I don't know why, Aaron Pierre. That's move fossil.
That's gonna always be in my head every time I
say this man man name Okay, that Jennifer Hudson walk
down to our things. Listen. I'm always that's gonna always
be in my head. So Aaron Pierre have been giving
us relationship energy all year long, from red carpets to
matching fists to start in each other's creative work. She
calls him my apple pie, he calls her someone he loves.
They look good together, but apparently they're not.
Speaker 6: Hold on.
Speaker 1: In a new interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Tianna said,
we are each other safe space. What me and Aaron
have is very healthy, and it's very gentle, and it's
very soft, and it's very kind, and it's very sweet,
and it's very warm, and it's one of the best
feelings I've ever had. And most importantly, it's so safe.
Sounds like a relationship, right, But when it comes to
titles like boyfriend and girlfriend, she says, if that's something
that I decide to say, then it's going to be
something that we say together. They've been Instagram official for months,
but still no label. And it's not because there's tension.
It seems intentional. So the question is, if you're doing
everything that looks, feels and sounds like a relationship, isn't
a red flag to not say it's a relationship. Let
me tell you this. To me, if a man take
attention to them actions, Okay, Now, I think that there
are people that put the title on it quick and
they all, that's my man, my man, my boyfriend, and
you seeing pictures of this man out with another celebrity,
out with another Instagram girl. He owned the boat with
somebody else, and these were the people that claimed the
title first. But I think that what she said about
him has so much depth. A title ain't gonna ain't
gonna change all of that. Listen, if you are what
she said, she said it is healthy, gentle, soft kind,
sweet and warm. Bitch. I don't need no title. If
you all of them things to me, maybe I don't
need a title, which I'm gonna be whoopedy do to you, Okay,
if you're giving me all of these things, I don't
need a title. It's about feelings. It's about intentionality, it's
about commitment, connection and actual like somebody's actually pressing the
gas on you. It's not a joke. And I think
you can see it in her face, you can see
it in her eyes. I think we were talking about
this on one of the episodes, Like ever since Men
got with Clay, she's been out of trouble, and I
feel like Teiana Taylor been out the way too. She
been popping out more on the scene, doing more projects,
being in her fashion bag like she used to be. Okay,
and she's just out the way out of trouble. And
that's just of a good man by your side. Okay,
gonna keep you levelhead and keep you harmle, keep all
their rots of tod look down. Okay, you're not gonna
be out here playing around. That's a sign you got
a good man by your side. Okay. I feel like
she don't need the title. I agree.
Speaker 3: And look, the thing is with relationships, it's so it's
about them, if they are good with like how it feels,
how it works, how it flows, and they have made
a commitment to each other and whatever that looks like
for them, and they have agreed that we don't need
to put titles on it right now, but we are
going to be intentional with each other. That's their business.
They feel good about that, and I love that, Like
who are we to be like, oh, they don't got
a title, so blah blahlah blah blah. Like no, they
they're loved on each other, real nice. I mean, come
on out all these other terms, Like I wish someone
would hope my husband talks about.
Speaker 6: Me like that.
Speaker 1: Hello, I'm hello, And I think it's something powerful, and
it's to a few things that's lingering in here, something
so powerful about when she says, if that's something I'm
gonna say, I'm gonna say it together. That means I'm
not claiming a man that ain't claiming me. You're not
gonna catch me out here on these interviews in the streets,
claiming a man that's not claiming me. But also, it's
one band, one sound, And I think the unity, okay,
I think they're gonna handle their highs together and they're
gonna handle their low together. And this is just all
a green flag. This is just all a green fact.
Sometimes you've ever seen couples when you knew that they
didn't rehearse, you knew that they got in their room
that interview and one person thought something, the other person
thought something else, and you could tell that they know
unity in that damn household, okay, that they actually handle
things like that in their household the same way that
they did in the interview. And I just like the
fact that there is a little discretion, it's a little mystery,
and that they are on one accord with how they're
gonna handle shit. The paparazzi the media everything.
Speaker 3: Yep, I agree.
Speaker 1: I think they posted each other at the same time.
Let me tell you this, I love a same minute
Instagram drug. Oh my gosh. I love a hard launch
where both of y'all buy y'all phones and y'all like one,
two three, host baby. That's how I'm launched my husband.
Y'all gonna be like, I'm gonna be pregnant already too. Okay,
I'm gonna tell you that. Y'all gonna be like, what, Yes, girl,
keep a little mystery, but I have been through enough anyways.
Speaker 2: That's all, folks.
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining. That was good.
Speaker 6: H