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Speaker 1: Please do not let a man run the block back

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on you. See, yesterday's price is not today's price. And

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I'm telling you that when a man comes back around

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after he said, oh, well, I wish you were more ambitious,

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or I wish you were you had lost weight, or

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I like you more at this size, and then you

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go out after he's out of your life and you

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achieve those things. When he comes back around and thinks

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he can get access to the new you, no, the

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price has increased. I promise you the number one in

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analogy form. He never has enough money to afford the

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new you, right, because when the new U comes, it's

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not just the new way, it's the new attitude, it's

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the new standard. You're not playing the same little petty

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games that they that you used to play with this man,

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So he's not gonna really be able to afford the

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new look, the new key card that take him to

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the new elevator, okay, to the new floor of that elevator.

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He's not gonna be able to afford it. He is

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literally gonna waste all of your time again because he

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just wants to kick the tire and see if you

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dumb enough to talk to him again. Hey, y'all, welcome

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back to Dear to See You. We're gonna jump right

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into it. We have some subscription reminders. We want you

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to follow Dear to See a podcast on Apple and

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Spotify and leave a five star review. We also want

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you to subscribe to my YouTube channel which is at

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dear to See It on YouTube, and then we have

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relationship restort that you also need to sub that you

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also need to subscribe to.

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Speaker 2: Also.

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Speaker 1: Lastly, we're trying to get to ten thousand followers on

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our YouTube channel. Y'allready know how feel about this? Stop

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playing with me. I still think we could. We can

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do it. We're very very very very close. I'm gonna

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introduce our Penis gallery, which is Miss c c Heya Hi, okay,

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so let's see. I feel like you're like my spirit animal.

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When's your birthday?

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Speaker 2: Again?

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Speaker 1: It's an Ari Aries cut and I knew, I knew

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a fiery right, But I always like to tell how

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I met our Peanut gallery guests. And first of all,

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random fact, her husband is one of my college besties godbrothers.

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So once upon a time, child, we were living in

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New York and we would go over to Shane her

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husband's apartment that was in Spanish Harlem, and we he

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had the coolest artwork and like that was we was

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kind of broke, you know. I think Shane was doing

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a little bit better than we were.

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Speaker 3: That pretty broke when he was in New York too.

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Speaker 1: Trying to tell you whatever he did with that apartment,

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it was just so artsy and like kept well child.

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We were over there riding a to drain. Okay, we

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didn't know what was going on. But anyways, Cec is

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also in our inner friend circle because she knows Brie

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and Dre and all all the girls girls that are

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in my circle. So anyway, that's a small world, such

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a small world, Okay. Our listener review best podcast for women, period,

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Best podcast for women. This is from Shonda oh Love.

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I've learned so much from your podcast and reels on Instagram.

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I have my notification set every Monday to make sure

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I didn't miss any of your content. You're doing the

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Lord's work. Never stop. Thank you, Shonda oh Love. I've

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been really kicking up the gears with these reels. Gotta

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make sure everybody's in line, all right, Okay, Our dear

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to see a voicemail number one can you love someone

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and still feel nothing? Dear to see you.

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Speaker 4: I'm a thirty two year old woman who recently ended

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a relationship with a thirty.

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Speaker 1: One year old man.

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Speaker 4: I'm currently unemployed, having lost my job last year, but

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I'm back in school to become a dental assistant. I'm

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still living with my parents and it's been a transition.

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My former partner has a job and own some businesses,

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and he also lives with his parents too, in the basement.

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We have been together for three years. This time we

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have went on dates and when we would be intimate,

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we would go to hotels, but recently the intimacy stopped,

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and I mean for a year, and he said it

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was because he was depressed and handling bills. He communicated

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that he was depressed, and I tried to be there

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the best I can, but I didn't know to what

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extent the depression was. Depression that he was in and

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he's also in therapy. During the three years, I found

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it strange that I have never been to his house

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and we mostly hung out in the car or went

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on dates. He said this was because he was embarrassed

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about being in the basement, and during this time he

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told me he wasn't attracted to me anymore because of

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my weight gain, which hurt. This was in the midst

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of us not sleeping together and going on a few dates.

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I have lost a little weight, but not for him

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to be all up on me like he is now.

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I was two hundred pounds and I'm down to one

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eighty four. Now, all of a sudden, you like me

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like that again.

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Speaker 1: It's weird.

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Speaker 4: Now that I've ended things, he's all over me asking

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me to fix it, saying things like I didn't notice

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what I had before until you were leaving and people,

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and now he's sending me sweet messages, gifts. I feel

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like he's love bombing me, trying to win me back.

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He sends me reels of people staying together after conflict,

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like our conflict was so small. It seems like he

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is selling himself to me, and I don't know. It

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just doesn't make sense. The thing is, I broke up

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with him because I felt like we waited so long

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to be intimate and I wasn't feeling it anymore. Like basically,

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I don't think I'm sexually attracted to him anymore. Now

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he's trying to fix things, and I'm not sure what

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to do. We still talk on the phone every day,

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which is something I'm used to, but I'm not googly

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eyed over him anymore. I have lost feelings and he

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has done a complete three sixty and I'm still not

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feeling it. I can now go to his house and

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he's trying to be intimate, but it doesn't even feel

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the same. Do you think I can come back from this?

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Do you think I can get my feelings back for him?

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Or should we just give this up?

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Speaker 1: First of all, I love that. I know we tell

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the people that it can only be like a minute

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or something like sixty or ninety seconds, but I love

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when it be thorough because I be wanting to call

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him back like Groad any more context. I need details.

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So first of all, thank you for the Now that

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don't mean everybody call in and leave a three minute voicemail, okay,

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but I needed that context. There are so many things

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going on here. Oh my gosh, there are so many

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things going on here. First of all, the lack of

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intimacy for a year, and she never been to his house.

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Now I have. I have lived a little modest and

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I just felt like it never gave invite people over,

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if you know what I mean. So I can kind

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of see that a little bit. I like to be

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proud of my place, and I don't invite people over

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if I don't feel like it's hostable. And that's even

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my girlfriends. Like probably two apartments ago, it just didn't

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give hostess with the mostest, which is my vibe. And

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I just never wanted nobody to ever come over there,

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Like I may do a Taco Tuesday every now and again,

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but it never gave come over to my house shack up,

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lay up, you know, you can sleepover type of thing.

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So no man ever came over the child. So I

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do get that he was ashamed of where he was living,

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but having your girlfriend in a hotel is not okay,

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Like I feel like that should have been the drive

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to get something appropriate for y'all. Right, So that also

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kind of puts me off a little bit, Like you

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got your girl in a hot and y'all thirty something

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in the late twenty to or thirties and you are

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going to a hotel to be intimate. Okay, So those

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are some things. Now let me tell you this. Back,

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I to look at this camera. If am hold on,

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let me just this my shit. So I could be

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real if a nigga passed up on you because you

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two hundred pounds and all you lost is sixteen pounds

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of shoes that she was one eighty four now and

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now this man is pressing you out. No fucking man,

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no go, no way, Jose. Never let a man spend

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a block on you like that, because honestly, he's really

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trying to reap the benefits of the progress that you

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made why his ass wasn't around. You probably made the

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progress because his ass wasn't around to begin when you

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probably was less stressed out. You probably was less starved

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out by his ass. You probably felt more into yourself,

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you had found your goals and things like that. And

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she said she's lost weight and I think she uh

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is going to nursing schools to be a dental assistant

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adnal assistant. Okay, So that means your life improved when

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his ass fucking left, So you do not need to

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spend a block on him. Also, just the whole pressing

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you out, the sending you gives, the things like that.

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So this is a true story, y'all. I have a

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man currently in my life, and I felt like I

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always call him not the one that got away, but

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the one that I never explored. And the reason why

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it's an issue for me because I want to know

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why you didn't bite the fucking first time. I never

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feel settled with him now because it's like, why didn't

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you bite the first time? I'm leary of people who

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you had access to me and you didn't do nothing

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with it, and then now you come back around, right,

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So that is always I don't like stuff like that,

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and I'm trying. I think he's trying. It's so funny.

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Have I got a ups adulification that somebody is sending

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me flowers? And I think it's him. This is like

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our first little go around with that. But I think

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that the fact that he had so much access to

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me and he didn't show extreme interest to me, it's

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like an ego thing, like you know, now you're playing

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with me. Now this man is trying to spend a

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block now that she's doing well for herself, and this

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is just a testament. I promise you that men love

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happy women. Okay, if you want to get a man

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to be attracted to you, if you want to get

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a man to spend the block, start living your life,

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post your LinkedIn updates. Okay, post you happy, post you

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in the streets, post you on vacation. They're gonna start

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being cure curious about you again. Men love happy women,

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And so I don't know if he's actually serious about

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the second chance or he want a second taste. I

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don't think he want a second chance. I think he

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wants second girl. What do you think about this child?

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Speaker 3: Well, first of all, it sounds like she's doing way

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better without him. Hello, Okay, so let's just start there,

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and you have to listen to your gut. If your

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gut is telling you that it's not it anymore, you're

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not feeling attracted to him when when he comes around, Like, girl,

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listen to that and honestly, just take the time to

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do what's best for you. It seems like y'all both

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need some time to work on yourselves individually. And y'all

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both living with your parents, you know what I'm saying,

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like into your thirties. So obviously you guys both have

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some work to do. And I'm a firm believer that

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when women actually focus on themselves and like do the

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hard work on themselves, they read way more benefits. So

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It's like, why even try to force going back to

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a situation that you're not even feeling anymore when you

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could really level up and get something even way better.

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Continue to lose the weight, continue to focus on your

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new career, on your new path.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: Get you a spot by yourself, like have your single

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bachelor red path for a little moment, and I promise

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you watch your blessings come walking into your life.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I'm gonna tell you this. I'm not telling

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you what I heard. I'm telling you what I know.

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When you are with somebody and this mancy, this is

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the thing too. He actually said that he wasn't attracted

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to her because of her weight. So he had enough

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guts to actually tell you that your weight, your new weight,

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was unattracted to him. And now you didn't get back

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in your bed. Please do not let a man run

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the block back on you. See, yesterday's price is not

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today's price. And I'm telling you that when a man

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comes back around after he said, oh well, I wish

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you were more ambitious, or I wish you were you

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had lost weight, or I liked you more at this size,

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and then you go out after he's out of your life,

240
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and you achieve those things. When he comes back around

241
00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:09,559
and thinks he can get access to the new you, no,

242
00:12:09,799 --> 00:12:13,320
the price has increased. I promise you the number one

243
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,679
in the analogy form. He never has enough money to

244
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,720
afford the new you. Right, because when the new you comes,

245
00:12:18,919 --> 00:12:21,480
it's not just the new way, it's the new attitude,

246
00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:23,960
it's the new standard. You're not playing the same little

247
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,320
petty games that they that you used to play with

248
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,840
this man, So he's not gonna really be able to

249
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:32,039
afford the new look, the new key card that take

250
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,559
him to the new elevator, okay, to the new floor

251
00:12:34,759 --> 00:12:36,759
of that elevator, he's not gonna be able to afford it.

252
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He is literally gonna waste all of your time again

253
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,600
because he just wants to kick the tire and see

254
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,240
if you dumb enough to talk to him again. Also,

255
00:12:44,279 --> 00:12:46,679
the last thing, baby, please get that man off your phone.

256
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:50,200
All that talking every day where you spend your time,

257
00:12:50,279 --> 00:12:53,360
emotion will grow. If you talk to somebody every day,

258
00:12:53,519 --> 00:12:56,720
you will grow emotion from them. Stop letting these men

259
00:12:57,159 --> 00:12:59,759
drag down your phone call until they hopes and dreams

260
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the life they went to work they were talking to

261
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:03,559
you on the way to work. They're talking to y'all

262
00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:06,080
fallen asleep on the phone together. I promise you get

263
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,919
these men off of your phone. It's almost like a

264
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,440
portal into your heart. Your ears are a portal into

265
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:15,240
your heart. And when a man is talking, talking, talking,

266
00:13:15,639 --> 00:13:18,159
you will fall in love just with the presence of

267
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him and the casualty of that. I saw a real

268
00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:23,960
the other day and it said, if he was unable

269
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,919
to talk, would you still fall in love with his actions?

270
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:32,000
Boot question? If he was unable to talk, would you

271
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,279
still fall in love with his actions? Probably the fuck?

272
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Speaker 2: Not?

273
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Speaker 1: Okay, you probably would be bored. You probably will be unimpressed. Girl.

274
00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:41,399
That's an X. Nay, never give him a key to

275
00:13:41,399 --> 00:13:44,720
the new spot, baby, no, ma'am. Anyways, that's said on

276
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,039
that leave him where he belongs and let him go

277
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and waste somebody else's time, because that's what he gonna

278
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,279
do with yours. There to see a voicemail Number two.

279
00:13:52,879 --> 00:13:55,320
We both we both cheated, so now what.

280
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Speaker 5: Dar to see it. I've been in a relationship for year,

281
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,600
but we've had our ups and downs. He cheated on

282
00:14:02,639 --> 00:14:05,279
me earlier in but I stayed with him. But I

283
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,799
ended up cheating on him back way worse and ten

284
00:14:07,879 --> 00:14:11,519
times harder. After forgiving each other and starting over and

285
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,440
doing better, he usually constantly still reminds me of what

286
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,200
I did and how it haunts him. He always compares

287
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,679
it to each other's as I did worse, but I

288
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:22,080
was hurting so bad after he cheated on me. Yet

289
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:25,200
I still never reacted the way he did, controlling my

290
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,759
emotions no matter how much I loved him. I feel

291
00:14:27,799 --> 00:14:29,919
as if it's unfair for him to constantly rub this

292
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,399
in my face whenever he's upset, or even the fact

293
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:34,720
that he still thinks about it, because I don't let

294
00:14:34,759 --> 00:14:36,960
what he did haunt me, let alone do I bring

295
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,960
it up, but he always downplays it as my response

296
00:14:40,159 --> 00:14:43,000
to it was way worse. It happens so much that

297
00:14:43,039 --> 00:14:46,000
instead of comforting him now is just starting to irritate

298
00:14:46,039 --> 00:14:47,919
me every time he brings it up. I love this

299
00:14:48,039 --> 00:14:51,679
man to death, and I always watch your Instagram reels

300
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,799
and your post about this relationship advice, but it's always

301
00:14:55,879 --> 00:14:57,440
usually the man doing wrong.

302
00:14:57,559 --> 00:14:59,919
Speaker 6: I know he did wrong too, but I did wrong.

303
00:15:00,519 --> 00:15:03,759
I never hear you talk about when a man cheats

304
00:15:03,759 --> 00:15:07,360
on you, and you the response is also cheating. So

305
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,120
I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do from

306
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:14,360
now because I'm not completely innocent. I'm just upset and

307
00:15:14,399 --> 00:15:16,440
I don't know where to go from here on because

308
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,480
I want to be with him and he says he

309
00:15:18,559 --> 00:15:20,759
wants to be with me. We have a feature together,

310
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:23,720
we're always talking about it and et cetera, and I

311
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:28,039
just don't know what to do about this part.

312
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,360
Speaker 1: Okay, So first of all, the reason why you never

313
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:35,000
hear me talking about the woman cheating back is because

314
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,879
I don't believe in cheating back. Let me tell you this.

315
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:41,279
If you go out and you dishonor yourself and you

316
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:46,679
go and disrespect our relationship, I'm not stooping down to

317
00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:49,919
your level and catching another body fucking around trying to

318
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,000
get revenge on you. So this is why you never

319
00:15:52,039 --> 00:15:54,519
hear me talk about it, because I don't believe in

320
00:15:54,879 --> 00:16:01,360
cheating back. That's just number one. Number two is there's

321
00:16:01,399 --> 00:16:05,679
a couple of nuances to healing from cheating. Number One,

322
00:16:05,759 --> 00:16:09,080
you can never change. You can't change the pace of

323
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:13,320
how somebody heals, right. You can't push the limit on

324
00:16:13,759 --> 00:16:16,519
how long it's gonna take somebody to get over what

325
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:21,399
you did. Also see the thing what cheating is you

326
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:25,519
fuck around and find out because she's they're saying that

327
00:16:25,679 --> 00:16:28,279
she cheated worst. She said that she cheated worst, and

328
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,000
he's saying it that he that she cheated worst. Now,

329
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:36,000
when you dipple in the mud, right, you don't get

330
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,559
to you know what I'm saying. You you just dirty

331
00:16:38,639 --> 00:16:40,679
that It just is what it is. Right. I saw

332
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,159
something the other day and they said, I think Dre

333
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:47,200
was talking about this. He said that something like if

334
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,159
you I'll come back to that. It was something like,

335
00:16:49,159 --> 00:16:50,320
if you don't want to be what is it, Dre?

336
00:16:50,399 --> 00:16:51,879
When you say you don't want to be in the water,

337
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,759
get you said something like, if you don't want to

338
00:16:54,799 --> 00:16:56,639
be in the water, if you don't want to get wet,

339
00:16:56,679 --> 00:16:58,120
get out the water, or something like. I know it

340
00:16:58,159 --> 00:17:00,320
sounds stupid, but anyways, it was a whole thing. It

341
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,159
was a whole thing basically saying like, you can't just

342
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:05,680
test it, right, you can't just get in it and

343
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,279
don't expect to be don't expect to be dirty. And

344
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:11,640
I think that that is the tricky part of cheating

345
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,920
because it's not just the cheating, it's how you cheated.

346
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,759
It's the lies that you told and cheated. It was

347
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,799
the deception. It was me thinking that you were somewhere

348
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:21,960
that you're not. It's now I don't trust you out

349
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,559
with It's a whole slippery slope, which is why I

350
00:17:24,559 --> 00:17:27,240
don't believe in cheating back, because it creates so much

351
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:31,640
more nuances. I also think that there's a trauma bonding

352
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:35,359
with cheating that it's almost like you stay longer because

353
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,920
y'all both did wrong. And I feel like at some

354
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:41,480
point one person just needs to bow out, especially if

355
00:17:41,559 --> 00:17:45,400
you are not married and not on the trajectory of marriage.

356
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:49,400
I think that one person should bow out. You're married,

357
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,079
So what are your thoughts about this?

358
00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:55,119
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm not even gonna hold you so with this one.

359
00:17:55,640 --> 00:18:01,640
It honestly, once someone cheats, the trust is broken, and

360
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,000
a lot of the times you never really regain that

361
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:07,000
trust again. You can do the hard work of going

362
00:18:07,039 --> 00:18:11,359
to therapy, going to counseling, over communicating, trying to build

363
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:16,400
that back, but usually it's never the same as before

364
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:18,519
you made those decisions. And at the end of the day,

365
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:23,119
every single decision has a result or has a consequence,

366
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,480
you know what I'm saying. So these are the consequences

367
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:31,759
of y'all decision. So for me personally, if I would

368
00:18:31,759 --> 00:18:33,720
ever get cheated on, it's a no go for me

369
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,359
because I'm gonna tell you right now, Like for me, like,

370
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,000
no matter the severity of the cheated now, granted she

371
00:18:39,039 --> 00:18:41,440
says she cheated worse, I'm kind of curious about what

372
00:18:41,839 --> 00:18:42,119
I know.

373
00:18:42,319 --> 00:18:43,559
Speaker 5: I know, you.

374
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:47,720
Speaker 3: Know what I'm saying, It doesn't really matter for him,

375
00:18:47,799 --> 00:18:49,440
it's still in the back of his mind and he

376
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:51,920
really can't get over that. And also, I think that

377
00:18:52,039 --> 00:18:54,160
for men, it's a little bit more difficult when the

378
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,799
woman cheats because it takes more for women to cheat

379
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:01,240
and they'll never get over they'll never get over it.

380
00:19:01,319 --> 00:19:03,640
Like for like women, it's more calculated, it's a little

381
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:07,400
bit more emotional, it's more thought out typically, and so

382
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,920
you know, there's there's a little bit more involved with men.

383
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,200
They just think with their dick and they're like they can,

384
00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,480
you know, go be with somebody and then the next

385
00:19:14,559 --> 00:19:17,920
day not even think about her. So honestly, for me

386
00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:22,160
in this situation, it's really giving that y'all might need

387
00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:26,559
to just take this l and learn from this mistake

388
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,960
when you enter into your next relationship and make cheating

389
00:19:30,039 --> 00:19:33,599
a hard no, like that's that's what I get from this.

390
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:38,359
Speaker 1: And also I think that when I just personally believe

391
00:19:38,519 --> 00:19:40,079
I don't know if they say how old they were,

392
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,240
I'm curious about that too, but I just feel like

393
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,559
to me personally.

394
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,519
Speaker 3: Being younger just because of like the tit for tad

395
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:48,119
like you cheat.

396
00:19:48,559 --> 00:19:52,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe in like mid twenties, mid to late twenties.

397
00:19:53,359 --> 00:20:00,119
I think personally that when you when you are younger mean,

398
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,240
but this person's just like a boyfriend. It's just so

399
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:07,079
much that I'm willing to do right the ride or

400
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:10,440
die thing in my twenties, I just feel like you

401
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:14,200
gotta wield that back a little bit. You gotta really

402
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:17,799
figure out it's this person worth the depths of this

403
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:22,400
problem and it's not to just fold and not work

404
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,960
through hard times. But I'm gonna tell you this, some

405
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,200
shit I'm just not gonna do. Okay, I am thirty

406
00:20:28,279 --> 00:20:29,400
seven years old.

407
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:30,440
Speaker 3: It's gonna be a hard no.

408
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,599
Speaker 1: I get with you and you start making a circus

409
00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:35,640
and a mockery or this relationship in this marriage and

410
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,359
hard no, I can't. It's just only certain things I'm

411
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,880
gonna do, and I just personally don't think that people

412
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:47,119
should spend their twenties dealing with this kind of infidelity.

413
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,599
Like you cheated, I cheated back, and now the person

414
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,880
is keeps bringing it up over and over and over again.

415
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,599
I just think that men don't forgive the same as

416
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,039
you think. Men never think that their woman is gonna

417
00:20:58,079 --> 00:21:00,559
do that type of thing to them, and it's so

418
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:02,799
hard for them to get over. And it's such an

419
00:21:02,839 --> 00:21:06,519
ego thing. It's such an ego thing. And so she

420
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:10,279
said he won't stop weaponizing hers. Yeah, I mean.

421
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:13,119
Speaker 3: For him, it was way deeper than what it was

422
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:16,359
for her, Like his ego is telling him that, like

423
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,160
what she did was way worse than what he did

424
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:23,160
to her. And honestly, y'all, like when men get like this,

425
00:21:23,319 --> 00:21:25,440
it's like always going to be like in the back

426
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,400
of their head. So anytime he sees you out having

427
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:33,039
a good time, maybe you know, being happy, go lucky,

428
00:21:33,039 --> 00:21:35,359
a little bit flirty, he's gonna be like, he's gonna.

429
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:35,440
Speaker 2: Bring it up.

430
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:36,920
Speaker 3: He's gonna organize you with that again.

431
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,759
Speaker 1: See that's why even with cheating, like you have to

432
00:21:39,759 --> 00:21:42,880
be with somebody that's mature enough to cheat and cheat back, right,

433
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:46,640
because there's a certain I think level of maturity and

434
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:51,960
just compatibility and closeness and connection that you have with

435
00:21:52,039 --> 00:21:56,079
somebody where you sit down grown adult to grown adult

436
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,240
and you just like, damn, I fucked that up, Like

437
00:21:58,319 --> 00:22:00,920
yes I was having an emotional or yes I did

438
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,240
cheat on you, and that is not what I wanted

439
00:22:03,279 --> 00:22:06,000
to do. That's not, you know, a testament to what

440
00:22:06,079 --> 00:22:08,160
I think of you. I would love to repair this.

441
00:22:08,279 --> 00:22:10,119
These are the things that I'm gonna do to start

442
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,599
to rebuild trusting. It's a certain cause of these you

443
00:22:13,799 --> 00:22:16,880
can't play the cheat game with them because again, they're

444
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,279
just not mature enough to handle it, even on the

445
00:22:19,319 --> 00:22:22,559
most minuscule scale, and you're gonna spend more time trying

446
00:22:22,559 --> 00:22:25,240
to repair that than actually moving forward in a relationship.

447
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,000
Some people I know that I've dated, it was never there,

448
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,599
never were mature enough to play the cheat And she ga,

449
00:22:30,839 --> 00:22:34,200
I think I'm personally, like very mature enough to hand

450
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,000
handle cheating, which is why it's not personally a deal

451
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:42,599
breaker for me. I think people women fear cheating so much.

452
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,599
And I just had a conversation with a young lady

453
00:22:44,599 --> 00:22:48,799
in my girls chat yesterday that she was basically saying

454
00:22:48,799 --> 00:22:51,480
that you know because her parents had never been married

455
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,759
or her Yeah, her parents were never married, her mother,

456
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,640
her grandmother had never been married. That like they she

457
00:22:56,759 --> 00:22:59,000
just saw a whole bunch of rolling stones and men

458
00:22:59,039 --> 00:23:01,000
and women up in in and out her house, and

459
00:23:01,039 --> 00:23:03,720
that they never got a ring. And so that cheating

460
00:23:03,839 --> 00:23:06,359
was a deal breaker to her because all she wanted

461
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,400
to do is get married. Guess what she attracted CC.

462
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,680
Speaker 3: Cheaters, cheaters, cheater cheater, cheater, cheaters.

463
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,559
Speaker 1: I said, let me tell you why, Because what you

464
00:23:14,799 --> 00:23:17,519
fear is what you're going to attract. And if you

465
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:21,599
relinquish yourself from the fear of being cheated on, I

466
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,599
think energetically you're going to attract people that have better

467
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,240
intentions and they're just not gonna play around with you

468
00:23:28,319 --> 00:23:30,880
in that way. But your aura about like, oh my god,

469
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:32,680
if you cheat on me, I'm gone, I'm gone. I'm gone.

470
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,920
You're gonna constantly attract men that are there to play

471
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:38,400
with you, and you will literally attract cheaters. Let go

472
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,839
of being cheated on. To me, cheating is not the

473
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:44,079
end all, be all, and it's not the I don't know,

474
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:46,039
it's just not the end of the world. Doesn't say

475
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,039
too much to me about who the person is that

476
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,880
I decided to be in a relationship with. Is it hard? Absolutely?

477
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,240
Will it be tough? Will I have to, you know,

478
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,480
rebuild that trust? Absolutely? But I think that it can be.

479
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,720
I think that it can be healed and fixed. But

480
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:07,119
if you fear cheating as your bottom line, I promise you,

481
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,160
I promise you, it's coming your way. I promise you

482
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:13,440
it will find you. So to all the women, relinquish that.

483
00:24:13,559 --> 00:24:16,160
I'm telling you. It's not that you should give it

484
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,440
a pass, but you can't let it be the forefront

485
00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:21,759
of your brain that if he cheats, I'm gone. If

486
00:24:21,759 --> 00:24:23,480
he cheats, I'm gone. Cheating is a deal break. I

487
00:24:23,519 --> 00:24:26,799
promise you you're gonna attract the cheater. Period point of black.

488
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 3: That's notes for me.

489
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 1: Listen, period point in the blank. Let it go. Don't

490
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:35,000
be in cheat on me jail, because you will attract cheaters.

491
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,279
The girl said it. She said, every man she ever

492
00:24:37,279 --> 00:24:39,480
been with cheated on her. I said, because that's that

493
00:24:39,559 --> 00:24:42,480
checks out. Yes, that's what you were the most scared

494
00:24:42,519 --> 00:24:46,599
of AnyWho. Voicemail number three. I love a man who

495
00:24:46,599 --> 00:24:49,759
barely talks to Melia.

496
00:24:50,319 --> 00:24:53,200
Speaker 2: My name is Nay. I'm twenty three years old. I'm

497
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,680
a mom to a four year old little boy, and

498
00:24:55,839 --> 00:24:59,200
I'm currently enrolled in nursing school. I've been dealing with

499
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:04,319
this guy for about two years now thirty four, and

500
00:25:04,599 --> 00:25:06,039
I've gotten nothing.

501
00:25:05,799 --> 00:25:06,400
Speaker 6: Out of it.

502
00:25:06,519 --> 00:25:08,799
Speaker 2: But yeah, I still feel like I love him so much.

503
00:25:09,079 --> 00:25:10,799
Like it took me a year to get a date.

504
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:15,519
I constantly spun myself begging for his attention. I do

505
00:25:15,599 --> 00:25:17,559
things to try to make sure him that I'm the

506
00:25:17,599 --> 00:25:19,799
one that he should be chosen, and still I see nothing.

507
00:25:20,279 --> 00:25:23,720
He's at the bar every weekend. There's multiple other girls.

508
00:25:23,799 --> 00:25:26,799
I've had two abortions by him. One of them he

509
00:25:26,839 --> 00:25:29,079
didn't even show up for me that I told him

510
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:30,680
I kind of needed him at the time, but we

511
00:25:30,839 --> 00:25:33,200
got arguing before and he didn't show up. He never

512
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,680
really talks about making me his girlfriend, but yet talks

513
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:38,119
about one day having kids. I know I need to

514
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,160
leave it alone. I just don't know how to. I

515
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,480
don't know what I should do. He doesn't talk to

516
00:25:42,519 --> 00:25:45,279
me every day. We don't communicate every day. He may

517
00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:48,119
text me once a week or once every two weeks,

518
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,200
but we do see each other to have intercourse, and

519
00:25:50,279 --> 00:25:53,480
when that's available, He's wide and open for that. I'm

520
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:57,319
not really sure what I should do. I love him

521
00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:58,799
and I feel like I have a lot of love

522
00:25:58,839 --> 00:26:00,640
for him. If you were to put me in a

523
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:05,240
room full of men with more money, more cars than him,

524
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,319
I would still choose this person at the end of

525
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:09,559
the day. That's just how much like I love him

526
00:26:09,599 --> 00:26:11,200
a lot. I have so much love for him. I

527
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:13,079
don't know if I should leave it alone. I don't

528
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:15,000
know if I should give him time to try to

529
00:26:15,039 --> 00:26:19,119
find himself. I'm really not sure what I should do.

530
00:26:19,319 --> 00:26:21,599
I feel stuck, and it's sometimes it's hard for me

531
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,200
to focus because I think about this person all day long.

532
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:25,400
Speaker 6: What did I do wrong?

533
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:29,119
Speaker 2: How can I love him better? I just need help?

534
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:29,799
What should I do?

535
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,680
Speaker 1: First of all, this is like really sad to me.

536
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,559
And you know, a lot of times we keep key

537
00:26:38,759 --> 00:26:42,079
about the women that are calling in and it's just like, girl,

538
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:46,000
leave him alone. But this is actually very sad to hear.

539
00:26:49,599 --> 00:26:52,720
I bet you all the money on my bank account

540
00:26:52,799 --> 00:26:55,240
that if I was to just take a little trip

541
00:26:55,880 --> 00:27:02,200
down memory lane, that you come from a family, whether

542
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:07,640
it's your parents, your siblings, or household that taught taught

543
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,400
you to chase chaos, right, if you grew up in

544
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,599
a family where you didn't feel seen, you didn't feel protected,

545
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,480
and people didn't show up for you, and you didn't

546
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,519
feel like you can make mistakes, and the list goes

547
00:27:17,559 --> 00:27:22,240
on and on. You will chase chaos. This man has

548
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:26,079
gotten you pregnant, only shown up for sex, You've gotten abortions.

549
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:28,799
He never calls, and you're like, what could I do

550
00:27:29,039 --> 00:27:30,960
to get him to like me more? What could I

551
00:27:31,039 --> 00:27:35,440
do to make him feel better to want me. I've

552
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,359
tried to show him that I'm the one that he

553
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,039
should be choosing. And I bet you that you've probably

554
00:27:40,079 --> 00:27:43,000
tried to show your father that's that you're the one

555
00:27:43,039 --> 00:27:46,200
that he should be choosing. Or your mother. A lot

556
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,440
of women have issues with their mom, and that's a

557
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:52,240
whole broken thing. Even just sibling dynamics where you were

558
00:27:52,599 --> 00:27:55,200
the middle child, or you were the child that didn't

559
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,359
go to college, and it's just some type of weird

560
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:02,440
you know, black sheep of the family, a dynamic but somebody.

561
00:28:02,759 --> 00:28:04,920
The best thing you can do right now is find

562
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:08,960
out where is the chaos in your life. And everybody

563
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:14,200
has a fundamental DNA, right a fundamental social DNA, and

564
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:15,759
you need to dig back to the bottom of it

565
00:28:15,799 --> 00:28:18,799
and find out where did you learn to chase this

566
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:22,480
man like this. That's just that when you say that

567
00:28:22,559 --> 00:28:26,559
you are confused, No, you are not. You know exactly

568
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:30,599
exactly what you need to do. And again, I'm gonna

569
00:28:30,599 --> 00:28:33,960
say this because this is my shit. A man sending

570
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:38,000
you to get an abortion repeatedly is a form of

571
00:28:38,119 --> 00:28:42,240
sexual abuse. Do y'all hear me? A man sending you

572
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,920
to get an abortion, Yes, it takes to the tango, okay,

573
00:28:46,519 --> 00:28:50,319
But a man sending you to get an abortion over

574
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:54,039
and over and over again is a form of sexual abuse.

575
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:56,920
And I have had so many conversations with women that

576
00:28:57,079 --> 00:29:00,759
do not know that even just if you act like

577
00:29:00,839 --> 00:29:03,559
you don't want it, it's a problem that's not consensual.

578
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:03,799
Speaker 2: Right.

579
00:29:03,839 --> 00:29:05,839
Speaker 1: There are so many things that I feel like we

580
00:29:06,039 --> 00:29:09,759
miss and it's not just grand things that are happening.

581
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:13,759
But this is a form of abuse, and please guard

582
00:29:13,799 --> 00:29:18,640
your body, Please protect yourself. He is just not that

583
00:29:18,759 --> 00:29:21,319
into you. He does not like you, and he's never

584
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,279
going to make you his girlfriend. I really pray you

585
00:29:24,319 --> 00:29:26,720
said just at twenty three that you do not spend

586
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:31,440
your twenties any more of your any more years chasing

587
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,759
this man. Did she say three years and then oh,

588
00:29:33,839 --> 00:29:36,559
she didn't go on a day for one year? One year.

589
00:29:36,559 --> 00:29:39,119
He hasn't taken you out on a date. That lets

590
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,559
you know that your standard was in the pit of

591
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:45,000
hell because you offered your body, you offered your time,

592
00:29:45,119 --> 00:29:48,119
you offered your heart and emotion, and this man haven't

593
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:52,480
hadn't even courted you properly. And now you're saying that

594
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,440
if you put him in a room full of other people,

595
00:29:55,519 --> 00:29:58,200
Oh my god today, that is so powerful. That you

596
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:00,440
put him in a room with other men that had

597
00:30:00,559 --> 00:30:04,480
more money, that looked better, that were taller, probably that

598
00:30:04,559 --> 00:30:09,799
treated you better, you would still choose him. That means

599
00:30:09,839 --> 00:30:14,400
that you have such low self worth that you do

600
00:30:14,519 --> 00:30:16,960
not value yourself or your life. And I know these

601
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,599
are things that you probably already know and resonate with,

602
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:23,880
but it is just a deep thing to say. Not

603
00:30:24,039 --> 00:30:26,599
that you just are going through something, but if you

604
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,039
could do it again, you would go through it again.

605
00:30:29,359 --> 00:30:37,640
That is a crazy, crazy thing. And this is like

606
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,359
I call this in my group chat a nine to

607
00:30:39,359 --> 00:30:42,720
one one. You gotta get that man out of your life.

608
00:30:42,759 --> 00:30:46,039
You have to really truly leave him alone, and most importantly,

609
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:50,319
do the work, because this is really this is really bad,

610
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:54,559
and honestly, you an abusive relationship. This person is manipulating

611
00:30:54,599 --> 00:31:00,839
you emotionally and really just dropping dick off every now

612
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:04,240
and again and sending you to planned parenthood because he

613
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,480
don't want no kids. He probably got a couple already.

614
00:31:06,519 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 3: Okay, you know it's crazy. This reminds me of young CEC. This.

615
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:19,440
I have had situationships like this exactly minus the abortions,

616
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,839
but almost exactly. Yeah, in my early twenties. This resonated

617
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:28,079
with me so hard because in my early twenties, I

618
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:32,880
also didn't really know my self worth. I was parting

619
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:37,640
a lot. I thought that my value was my sexuality,

620
00:31:37,799 --> 00:31:40,799
the fact that I'm a fun party girl and whatever.

621
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:45,400
And so there were these two situationships specifically that were

622
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:48,000
just like this. It was like I was like kind

623
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:51,599
of like the main girl, but there's always other girls,

624
00:31:51,599 --> 00:31:53,400
and I was always trying to prove to him why

625
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,759
I should be the only girl, and that just was

626
00:31:55,799 --> 00:31:58,400
never going to be the case. They did not want that.

627
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:03,799
They wanted me to be one of the options, but

628
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,480
they wanted to have fun and do whatever they wanted

629
00:32:06,519 --> 00:32:10,319
to do as well, and I did everything I could.

630
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:11,119
Speaker 1: I cried.

631
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 3: I thought, I you know what I'm saying. I yelled.

632
00:32:14,519 --> 00:32:16,960
I tried to make them jealous to like kind of

633
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:20,480
like see that I was the prize. And it never worked, never,

634
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:23,519
never ever ever worked out. The only thing that happened

635
00:32:23,799 --> 00:32:27,440
was I became more depressed.

636
00:32:27,759 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 1: I became desperate, like you.

637
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 3: Know what I'm saying, Like, especially like for like these

638
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,599
men that like and I had so many other suitors

639
00:32:35,599 --> 00:32:38,680
that were just like so kind and sweet and was like.

640
00:32:38,839 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 1: I'll treat you better, and I was like, noah, she's

641
00:32:40,799 --> 00:32:42,400
not here, you know.

642
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:44,519
Speaker 3: So it's like I actually really resonate with her and

643
00:32:44,559 --> 00:32:46,599
I read this like it's sad. And it took me

644
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:50,480
until I was like twenty eight, so like from like

645
00:32:50,599 --> 00:32:54,079
nineteen to twenty eight, like over a decade of going

646
00:32:54,119 --> 00:32:57,759
through this this trauma and like this this cycle of

647
00:32:58,319 --> 00:33:02,000
just you know, rinse repeat with these men who did

648
00:33:02,039 --> 00:33:05,680
not treat me how I should have been treated. And

649
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:07,759
it took me of getting tired of my own shit.

650
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,559
And honestly, like that's really what it takes. It's like

651
00:33:10,599 --> 00:33:12,559
she's gonna have to get tired of her own shit.

652
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,079
She's gonna have to get tired of being treated this way.

653
00:33:15,279 --> 00:33:17,680
She's gonna have to want better for herself. It took

654
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:19,799
me to get to that space to actually start to

655
00:33:19,839 --> 00:33:22,400
do some changes. I also had to change my environment.

656
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,720
I couldn't I couldn't see these dudes anymore. Had to

657
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:28,319
block them from everything. I had to stop going to

658
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,400
places where they frequented, even though that was like where

659
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:32,960
we met, like that was my place too.

660
00:33:33,119 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 1: Like I had to change up everything.

661
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:38,599
Speaker 3: And when I did that, I put myself in better rooms,

662
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:43,000
in different rooms. I met my husband by doing those transitions,

663
00:33:43,079 --> 00:33:45,759
Like but you gotta be tired of your own shit.

664
00:33:46,039 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you had to like hit the floor rock bottom.

665
00:33:49,319 --> 00:33:52,319
And I remember the pivotal moment where I was like,

666
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:56,319
I'm never doing this again. I think it literally changed

667
00:33:56,519 --> 00:34:00,440
who I was. I was never the same person after

668
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,000
dealing with this person. And I think that it's just

669
00:34:03,079 --> 00:34:07,920
gonna take a low, low point where she just feels

670
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,880
like this is I'm running to the ground. It's never

671
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:15,159
gonna change. But I hope that she infuses that as

672
00:34:15,159 --> 00:34:18,679
she's building up her own self worth. Like it at

673
00:34:18,679 --> 00:34:20,960
this day, in this day and age, you have enough

674
00:34:21,559 --> 00:34:24,559
knowledge around you to not like you don't have to

675
00:34:24,599 --> 00:34:26,360
been through what we've been through, you know, like you

676
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,280
don't have to hit rock bottom on the cold concrete

677
00:34:29,559 --> 00:34:32,360
to really start realizing that this has to change. Like

678
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:36,000
she's in a really bad spot, like this man has

679
00:34:36,039 --> 00:34:39,280
done every only shows up for sex. She says, two abortions,

680
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,280
and she knows even though she knows it is in love,

681
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:43,199
she can't let go.

682
00:34:43,639 --> 00:34:46,599
Speaker 3: And the wild part is that she thinks that she's

683
00:34:46,639 --> 00:34:49,960
in love, like she thinks that she loves him. Like, girl,

684
00:34:50,639 --> 00:34:53,440
this is not love, trust me, this is not it.

685
00:34:53,679 --> 00:34:57,000
This is not it. As someone who thought also thought

686
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:58,800
that I was in love with these dudes who treat

687
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,840
me the same way. That's not love. There's love is

688
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:04,239
so much different. Love is so much better. It's kinder,

689
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:07,199
it's easier. It's a little like you know, like my

690
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,000
husband has a saying, it's like it doesn't take all

691
00:35:09,079 --> 00:35:11,280
day to recognize sunshine. You know what I'm saying. He

692
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,880
doesn't see the sunshine in you. So that's not your partner,

693
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,920
that ain't him. So why don't you try to see

694
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,719
the sunshine in yourself and then expose that sunshine to

695
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:22,679
someone else who's going to actually value it.

696
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:27,599
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, and chaos can feel. I think that a

697
00:35:27,639 --> 00:35:30,079
lot of times people are attracted to chaos and that

698
00:35:30,159 --> 00:35:34,039
can feel like love, like that can feel exciting, and

699
00:35:34,079 --> 00:35:37,920
then somebody that's regulating your nervous system, you'll feel bored

700
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,000
and you will feel the urge to like shake stuff

701
00:35:41,079 --> 00:35:44,239
up and be chaotic and you know, bring chaos back

702
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:47,079
to that scene, because that is what you're used to.

703
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:50,360
And I think there's so many women, oh my gosh,

704
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:57,880
so many women have never experienced a calm, loving, non

705
00:35:58,039 --> 00:36:06,559
chaotic support horde of mild tone, mild mannered man ever

706
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:09,639
in their life. Agree with that ever in their life,

707
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:10,920
They've never experienced it.

708
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,079
Speaker 3: That was almost thirty years old until I experienced it.

709
00:36:14,519 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 1: I probably want that far behind you, right listen. I

710
00:36:19,039 --> 00:36:22,119
probably And it's really just a sad and I think

711
00:36:22,119 --> 00:36:25,440
it's a testament too that like black men are also

712
00:36:25,679 --> 00:36:29,079
in the lab as well, working on themselves. But I

713
00:36:29,119 --> 00:36:31,320
think that they're starting to sort out a lot of

714
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:34,639
their anger issues, a lot of their insecurities, a lot

715
00:36:34,679 --> 00:36:39,039
of mental health things that are really helping them sort

716
00:36:39,119 --> 00:36:43,280
through and be a better partner. And I think now

717
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:47,119
women are healing properly and are attracting better. And so

718
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,920
it's almost like we all in the same kind of

719
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,280
boats trying to do better. I think black men have

720
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:56,599
had so much much, so many more spaces to talk

721
00:36:56,679 --> 00:36:59,960
about their feelings, and you know, just I'm not having

722
00:37:00,119 --> 00:37:02,440
a good day. Check on your strong people. You know.

723
00:37:02,519 --> 00:37:04,440
I saw something the other day and it said that

724
00:37:05,079 --> 00:37:10,039
I think seven out of ten men cannot identify having

725
00:37:10,079 --> 00:37:14,000
a best friend. They said, that's so sad. Well, I know,

726
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:19,199
I know. And so I think that they're getting a

727
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:23,320
community now where they're able to talk about those things,

728
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,199
and so you'll see that a lot more. I think

729
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,320
it's like almost like a ripple effect.

730
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 5: You know.

731
00:37:27,599 --> 00:37:29,639
Speaker 1: Black men are in the lab, black women are in

732
00:37:29,679 --> 00:37:32,599
the lab, and now we're just like, you know, coming together,

733
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,320
you know, figuring it out. But this baby is in

734
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:37,639
a it's in a bad spot. Hey look, I don't

735
00:37:37,639 --> 00:37:39,480
know if you're listening, write me, send me a DM.

736
00:37:39,679 --> 00:37:41,719
I will glad you put me put you in my

737
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:44,199
girls chat. I promise you it will change your life

738
00:37:44,199 --> 00:37:45,960
in thirty days. And I mean it. I will glad

739
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,280
you put you in. Put you in my girls chat

740
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:50,519
for free. This is a nine to one one. Because

741
00:37:50,559 --> 00:37:53,199
this man does not love you, and your self worth

742
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:57,159
is so low, and I pray that you can track

743
00:37:57,239 --> 00:38:01,119
the trauma and really figure out where was those initial

744
00:38:02,119 --> 00:38:07,719
that initial break, that initial breach of just not feeling protected.

745
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,360
Like I'm telling you, women like this also were taught

746
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:16,440
to barter, barter for support, barter for love, barter for

747
00:38:16,679 --> 00:38:18,599
And I tell women this all the time. And when

748
00:38:18,599 --> 00:38:20,880
they tell me that, like, girl, yeah I just want

749
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:22,880
to sleep with him, I just want some deed or whatever,

750
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,760
they think it's like this fine thing. I said, what

751
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,920
did you barter for that? What are you bartering? And

752
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:30,559
a lot of women who a lot of women that

753
00:38:30,599 --> 00:38:34,639
are in my plus size community right, they are bartering personality.

754
00:38:34,679 --> 00:38:37,719
They're always the funny girl, They're always very nice, they're

755
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:42,440
a pushover. And I'm like, you're bartering being just easy

756
00:38:42,519 --> 00:38:44,880
going all the time. You can't even stand up for

757
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:47,239
yourself or even say no, I don't want that or

758
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:50,559
I don't like that. You're bartering that to be palatable

759
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:54,400
for other people. And women that let me drop in

760
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:57,360
and drop out, I promise you, they're always bartering something.

761
00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:00,559
So I'm praying for you, girl, and I pray that

762
00:39:00,639 --> 00:39:06,760
you get out this situation quick quick, anyhaw on to

763
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:10,480
our fragrance segment, which is one of my phase. Okay,

764
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:15,440
y'all always say that I don't do affordable, affordable fragrances.

765
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:17,280
This is one of them. I ain't got that many,

766
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,920
I know how I feel, but this is one of them.

767
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:21,960
And this is mont Blanc. You have it over there

768
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:26,320
at CC, Yes, so this is mont Blanc. I like

769
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:30,360
this is like one of my cozy skin, creamy scents. Anyways,

770
00:39:30,559 --> 00:39:34,239
the top notes are clementine, a bright citrus opening, the

771
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:39,000
heart is magnolia, pe andy yang lang orchid and vanilla

772
00:39:39,039 --> 00:39:40,840
in the middle heart and then the base notes are

773
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:46,880
vanilla white musk, benzoin amber, vanilla musky foundation depending on

774
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:47,400
the version.

775
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:48,039
Speaker 3: Child.

776
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:54,119
Speaker 1: Anyways, this is one of my good airport sense I

777
00:39:54,159 --> 00:39:55,679
love an airport.

778
00:39:56,559 --> 00:39:57,599
Speaker 3: I want to see a teacher.

779
00:39:57,679 --> 00:40:01,320
Speaker 1: Something's too good. I feel like it's creamy but grown,

780
00:40:01,639 --> 00:40:08,239
it's fresh but mature. Yes, this this was a popular

781
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:10,800
pick a couple of years ago, two three years ago,

782
00:40:11,079 --> 00:40:13,320
A lot of people were wearing this. This is not

783
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:16,159
one that I reached for a lot, and honestly, it's

784
00:40:16,159 --> 00:40:18,880
probably just because it's not in my eye, like in

785
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:21,599
my view because of you an Adhd Grilly you know,

786
00:40:21,639 --> 00:40:24,199
you gotta see stuff to use it. And so I

787
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:27,239
was like, oh, poured this out the cut, let me

788
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,800
pour her to the front. I'm I love it. I

789
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:34,119
think it's fresh grown, mature and also kind of sultrey.

790
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:36,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you think of it? I love it.

791
00:40:37,079 --> 00:40:40,039
I think it's very it's very soft, it's very feminine.

792
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 6: I love that.

793
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 3: You see, like my my airport said, because you don't

794
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:46,519
even think about that, Like I'm a stickler, like don't

795
00:40:46,559 --> 00:40:49,679
go don't leave your house with your bonnet on, don't

796
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:52,400
go to the airport with your boxes. Make yourself look presentable,

797
00:40:52,559 --> 00:40:55,920
sound good, look good, and so yes, yes, highly recko

798
00:40:57,199 --> 00:40:57,480
love it.

799
00:40:57,679 --> 00:41:00,360
Speaker 1: Any of y'all. This is our Red Flag Report. Okay,

800
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:05,239
no title, but all the vibes. Tiana Taylor an actor,

801
00:41:05,519 --> 00:41:09,480
Aaron Pierre. I don't know why, Aaron Pierre. That's move fossil.

802
00:41:09,519 --> 00:41:11,280
That's gonna always be in my head every time I

803
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:14,480
say this man man name Okay, that Jennifer Hudson walk

804
00:41:14,519 --> 00:41:16,679
down to our things. Listen. I'm always that's gonna always

805
00:41:16,679 --> 00:41:19,039
be in my head. So Aaron Pierre have been giving

806
00:41:19,119 --> 00:41:23,119
us relationship energy all year long, from red carpets to

807
00:41:23,199 --> 00:41:26,480
matching fists to start in each other's creative work. She

808
00:41:26,639 --> 00:41:30,519
calls him my apple pie, he calls her someone he loves.

809
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:34,559
They look good together, but apparently they're not.

810
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:36,719
Speaker 6: Hold on.

811
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 1: In a new interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Tianna said,

812
00:41:41,679 --> 00:41:44,880
we are each other safe space. What me and Aaron

813
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,239
have is very healthy, and it's very gentle, and it's

814
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:49,719
very soft, and it's very kind, and it's very sweet,

815
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:52,000
and it's very warm, and it's one of the best

816
00:41:52,039 --> 00:41:55,760
feelings I've ever had. And most importantly, it's so safe.

817
00:41:56,039 --> 00:41:58,920
Sounds like a relationship, right, But when it comes to

818
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:03,679
titles like boyfriend and girlfriend, she says, if that's something

819
00:42:03,679 --> 00:42:06,039
that I decide to say, then it's going to be

820
00:42:06,159 --> 00:42:11,440
something that we say together. They've been Instagram official for months,

821
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:14,880
but still no label. And it's not because there's tension.

822
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:20,000
It seems intentional. So the question is, if you're doing

823
00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:23,760
everything that looks, feels and sounds like a relationship, isn't

824
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:28,079
a red flag to not say it's a relationship. Let

825
00:42:28,079 --> 00:42:36,519
me tell you this. To me, if a man take

826
00:42:36,559 --> 00:42:40,159
attention to them actions, Okay, Now, I think that there

827
00:42:40,159 --> 00:42:42,840
are people that put the title on it quick and

828
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,400
they all, that's my man, my man, my boyfriend, and

829
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:48,960
you seeing pictures of this man out with another celebrity,

830
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:52,440
out with another Instagram girl. He owned the boat with

831
00:42:52,559 --> 00:42:55,079
somebody else, and these were the people that claimed the

832
00:42:55,159 --> 00:42:59,679
title first. But I think that what she said about

833
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:03,800
him has so much depth. A title ain't gonna ain't

834
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,840
gonna change all of that. Listen, if you are what

835
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:13,000
she said, she said it is healthy, gentle, soft kind,

836
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:17,519
sweet and warm. Bitch. I don't need no title. If

837
00:43:17,559 --> 00:43:19,679
you all of them things to me, maybe I don't

838
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:22,800
need a title, which I'm gonna be whoopedy do to you, Okay,

839
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:26,239
if you're giving me all of these things, I don't

840
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:30,000
need a title. It's about feelings. It's about intentionality, it's

841
00:43:30,039 --> 00:43:37,119
about commitment, connection and actual like somebody's actually pressing the

842
00:43:37,159 --> 00:43:39,559
gas on you. It's not a joke. And I think

843
00:43:39,559 --> 00:43:41,519
you can see it in her face, you can see

844
00:43:41,519 --> 00:43:42,960
it in her eyes. I think we were talking about

845
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:45,320
this on one of the episodes, Like ever since Men

846
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:49,320
got with Clay, she's been out of trouble, and I

847
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,320
feel like Teiana Taylor been out the way too. She

848
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:53,880
been popping out more on the scene, doing more projects,

849
00:43:54,079 --> 00:43:56,840
being in her fashion bag like she used to be. Okay,

850
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,440
and she's just out the way out of trouble. And

851
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:02,079
that's just of a good man by your side. Okay,

852
00:44:02,199 --> 00:44:04,360
gonna keep you levelhead and keep you harmle, keep all

853
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:06,920
their rots of tod look down. Okay, you're not gonna

854
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,920
be out here playing around. That's a sign you got

855
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:12,039
a good man by your side. Okay. I feel like

856
00:44:12,119 --> 00:44:13,920
she don't need the title. I agree.

857
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:18,400
Speaker 3: And look, the thing is with relationships, it's so it's

858
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:22,760
about them, if they are good with like how it feels,

859
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:25,760
how it works, how it flows, and they have made

860
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:27,880
a commitment to each other and whatever that looks like

861
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:30,719
for them, and they have agreed that we don't need

862
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:32,440
to put titles on it right now, but we are

863
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:35,199
going to be intentional with each other. That's their business.

864
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:38,199
They feel good about that, and I love that, Like

865
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:40,480
who are we to be like, oh, they don't got

866
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:42,719
a title, so blah blahlah blah blah. Like no, they

867
00:44:43,639 --> 00:44:46,239
they're loved on each other, real nice. I mean, come

868
00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:48,280
on out all these other terms, Like I wish someone

869
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:49,840
would hope my husband talks about.

870
00:44:49,679 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 6: Me like that.

871
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 1: Hello, I'm hello, And I think it's something powerful, and

872
00:44:54,039 --> 00:44:56,599
it's to a few things that's lingering in here, something

873
00:44:56,719 --> 00:45:00,599
so powerful about when she says, if that's something I'm

874
00:45:00,599 --> 00:45:03,920
gonna say, I'm gonna say it together. That means I'm

875
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:06,239
not claiming a man that ain't claiming me. You're not

876
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:08,519
gonna catch me out here on these interviews in the streets,

877
00:45:08,519 --> 00:45:10,840
claiming a man that's not claiming me. But also, it's

878
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:14,760
one band, one sound, And I think the unity, okay,

879
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:17,280
I think they're gonna handle their highs together and they're

880
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,199
gonna handle their low together. And this is just all

881
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:22,960
a green flag. This is just all a green fact.

882
00:45:23,159 --> 00:45:25,199
Sometimes you've ever seen couples when you knew that they

883
00:45:25,199 --> 00:45:27,199
didn't rehearse, you knew that they got in their room

884
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,400
that interview and one person thought something, the other person

885
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:31,239
thought something else, and you could tell that they know

886
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,800
unity in that damn household, okay, that they actually handle

887
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,480
things like that in their household the same way that

888
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:40,519
they did in the interview. And I just like the

889
00:45:40,559 --> 00:45:43,440
fact that there is a little discretion, it's a little mystery,

890
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:47,159
and that they are on one accord with how they're

891
00:45:47,159 --> 00:45:50,079
gonna handle shit. The paparazzi the media everything.

892
00:45:50,199 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 3: Yep, I agree.

893
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 1: I think they posted each other at the same time.

894
00:45:53,039 --> 00:45:55,559
Let me tell you this, I love a same minute

895
00:45:55,559 --> 00:46:00,360
Instagram drug. Oh my gosh. I love a hard launch

896
00:46:00,519 --> 00:46:02,920
where both of y'all buy y'all phones and y'all like one,

897
00:46:03,119 --> 00:46:07,599
two three, host baby. That's how I'm launched my husband.

898
00:46:08,039 --> 00:46:10,079
Y'all gonna be like, I'm gonna be pregnant already too. Okay,

899
00:46:10,079 --> 00:46:12,360
I'm gonna tell you that. Y'all gonna be like, what, Yes, girl,

900
00:46:12,639 --> 00:46:18,559
keep a little mystery, but I have been through enough anyways.

901
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:20,079
Speaker 2: That's all, folks.

902
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining. That was good.

903
00:46:30,679 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 6: H