WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.360 --> 00:00:08.359 The Pine River Cider Festival starts the same way it 2 00:00:08.400 --> 00:00:11.320 always has, with the blare of the middle school brass 3 00:00:11.359 --> 00:00:14.119 band and the first sharp bite of autumn in the air. 4 00:00:14.960 --> 00:00:17.839 My ankles tingle with the memory of old hallways as 5 00:00:17.839 --> 00:00:20.839 I cross the field toward the tents, the crowd already 6 00:00:20.879 --> 00:00:25.719 thick with faces I've taught, scolded, encouraged, or simply watched 7 00:00:25.839 --> 00:00:29.960 drift through the halls at Pine River Elementary. For thirty 8 00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:34.119 eight years, I watched the town's children rise in stubborn waves, 9 00:00:34.119 --> 00:00:38.399 so many toothy grins and bandaged knees, heads taller each September, 10 00:00:38.759 --> 00:00:41.000 always moving on, just when I'd learned to say their 11 00:00:41.079 --> 00:00:45.119 names without glancing at the list. I'd imagined retirement would 12 00:00:45.200 --> 00:00:48.960 dull those recollections. But here, amid the smoke of grilling 13 00:00:49.000 --> 00:00:51.960 apples and the tumbling laughter of a new year, it 14 00:00:52.039 --> 00:00:55.719 feels as if no time has passed at all. But there, 15 00:00:55.799 --> 00:00:58.799 last in line for the hot cider, Mason Scott. He 16 00:00:58.880 --> 00:01:02.039 fidgets bouncing on the balls of his feet. His shirt 17 00:01:02.079 --> 00:01:04.719 is faded red with a print of a skateboarding moose 18 00:01:04.719 --> 00:01:07.200 I haven't seen anywhere, but on him and his hair, 19 00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:11.359 an unruly sun bleached mop as that stubborn cowlic I 20 00:01:11.439 --> 00:01:14.519 used to despair of ever taming for class photos. His 21 00:01:14.640 --> 00:01:17.799 smile when he spots me is gap toothed and familiar, 22 00:01:18.120 --> 00:01:21.239 the playful grin of a boy about to spring a punchline. 23 00:01:22.079 --> 00:01:26.519 Missus hughes busted sneaking seconds on doughnuts. Ha. Mason's voice 24 00:01:26.519 --> 00:01:29.040 cracks in the middle, just as it always did. But 25 00:01:29.120 --> 00:01:31.840 the fact of it grabs me. I haven't taught Mason 26 00:01:31.879 --> 00:01:35.000 in fifteen years. He should be twenty five, not twelve. 27 00:01:35.519 --> 00:01:37.719 He should tower above me. Perhaps come back with a 28 00:01:37.719 --> 00:01:41.879 college story, maybe a baby. Instead. He squints up still 29 00:01:41.920 --> 00:01:45.280 at that liminal age when boys are all elbows and innocence. 30 00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:50.680 I freeze manners failing me. Well, sometimes a teacher's got 31 00:01:50.680 --> 00:01:54.000 to set an example. Mason, I let the words settle. 32 00:01:54.280 --> 00:01:57.000 Search his face for any hint he's joking that this 33 00:01:57.159 --> 00:01:59.920 is a prank, that someone dressed him up for a laugh. 34 00:02:01.079 --> 00:02:04.319 No recognition passes in his eyes. He gestures to the 35 00:02:04.400 --> 00:02:07.719 tray between us. You want my coupon? I won it 36 00:02:07.760 --> 00:02:12.360 at beanbag toss. Some things never change. Ha. The world 37 00:02:12.439 --> 00:02:16.400 crowds in across the lawn, various alumni and residents wave 38 00:02:16.759 --> 00:02:19.639 their faces. An album of decades layered over the present. 39 00:02:20.159 --> 00:02:23.840 A woman in her forties, notebook in hand records Missus 40 00:02:23.840 --> 00:02:27.719 Gardner's story yet again. By the Pye Contest, teenagers skip 41 00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:30.520 stones by the river, just as they did last year, 42 00:02:30.639 --> 00:02:34.479 last decade. The band strikes up autumn waltz, and the 43 00:02:34.520 --> 00:02:39.360 moment almost flutters away. But Mason lingers, sipping his cider 44 00:02:39.439 --> 00:02:42.879 and chattering about his same old math homework and wanting 45 00:02:42.879 --> 00:02:46.400 to be Goldy again this season. Fifteen years ago, he 46 00:02:46.479 --> 00:02:50.199 said the same. He scratches his wrist absently, an action 47 00:02:50.360 --> 00:02:54.159 that I realize, with quiet unease, he did in fourth grade, 48 00:02:54.240 --> 00:02:57.800 in sixth In every picture I have of him, I 49 00:02:57.879 --> 00:03:00.479 watch for the slip, some mention of all the year's 50 00:03:00.520 --> 00:03:03.439 gone by, some joke at my expense. But there is nothing. 51 00:03:03.879 --> 00:03:07.080 He is neither playing a part nor pretending he belongs here. 52 00:03:07.479 --> 00:03:11.879 Every One around us acts as if nothing's unusual. Hi here, Mason, 53 00:03:12.120 --> 00:03:16.000 A vendor calls, tossing him a caramel apple. Another parent 54 00:03:16.120 --> 00:03:19.400 ruffles his hair. Have you seen your mom to day? 55 00:03:19.680 --> 00:03:23.800 I ask, finally, Oh, she's at home, still fussing over 56 00:03:23.840 --> 00:03:28.560 my science project. The answer is smooth automatic. Half my 57 00:03:28.639 --> 00:03:33.240 brain wonders if I simply don't remember right, well, I say, 58 00:03:33.360 --> 00:03:36.159 voice steady, don't let her go easy on you. She 59 00:03:36.280 --> 00:03:40.719 knows your tricks better than any one. His laughter is bright, earnest, 60 00:03:41.039 --> 00:03:44.800 with no sign that he knows this day should be impossible. Yeah, 61 00:03:45.080 --> 00:03:47.919 she caught me gluing that baking soda volcano to the 62 00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:53.240 kitchen table again, Same old, same old. He darts away, 63 00:03:53.479 --> 00:03:57.439 limitless energy, leaving me rooted beside the doughnut stand. I 64 00:03:57.479 --> 00:04:00.919 feel a faint chill beneath the golden afternoon. I am 65 00:04:00.960 --> 00:04:03.439 a woman who has prided herself on never forgetting a 66 00:04:03.520 --> 00:04:06.840 child's face, and the boy who never changed just called 67 00:04:06.840 --> 00:04:10.599 me by name. Around me, the world is as cheerful 68 00:04:10.680 --> 00:04:14.520 and mildly absurd as ever. I let the sider burn 69 00:04:14.639 --> 00:04:17.560 down to my belly, try to laugh the sensation away. 70 00:04:18.240 --> 00:04:22.279 Yet the image of Mason, impossibly himself, keeps catching at 71 00:04:22.279 --> 00:04:26.480 my mind, a thread I can't quite untangle. If I 72 00:04:26.519 --> 00:04:29.800 hadn't spent my life memorizing the particulars of growing up here, 73 00:04:30.120 --> 00:04:32.759 I might have just let it slip. But in Pine 74 00:04:32.839 --> 00:04:36.759 River nothing is ever lost, not really, which means every 75 00:04:36.759 --> 00:04:39.000 odd piece has a place if you know how to 76 00:04:39.079 --> 00:04:44.079 look retirement, people say is the slow slide toward irrelevance. 77 00:04:44.439 --> 00:04:46.720 But in Pine River it's simply a shift of venue 78 00:04:47.040 --> 00:04:49.920 from the class room to the porch, from raising hands 79 00:04:50.000 --> 00:04:52.199 to raising voices over the price of jam at the 80 00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:56.399 farmer's market. The town is all painted porches and weathered shingles, 81 00:04:56.720 --> 00:05:00.279 cinnamon's smoke drifting down from the bakery, and mornings apped 82 00:05:00.279 --> 00:05:03.160 in river mist. The mountain maples ring us in a 83 00:05:03.160 --> 00:05:07.160 blaze each autumn, so that every errand every routine stroll 84 00:05:07.480 --> 00:05:11.879 feels staged for someone else's nostalgia. My house sits two 85 00:05:11.879 --> 00:05:15.519 blocks from school and three from the river. Most afternoons, 86 00:05:15.560 --> 00:05:18.720 I walk the main street, pausing where children gather under 87 00:05:18.759 --> 00:05:22.800 the old sugar maple, carving initials in its roots. Today 88 00:05:22.839 --> 00:05:26.879 the festival buzz lingers, music, laughter, the slide of apple 89 00:05:26.920 --> 00:05:30.040 peelings on wet grass, and the sharp ping of someone 90 00:05:30.120 --> 00:05:33.560 winning a bottle at the ring toss. Memory is a 91 00:05:33.639 --> 00:05:36.720 second language here. Even the bricks under my feet know 92 00:05:36.839 --> 00:05:40.600 their stories. The old bank, repurposed as the sushi shop, 93 00:05:40.920 --> 00:05:44.600 still called the Vault. The Elm Street B and B 94 00:05:45.000 --> 00:05:48.079 swears its haunted by the smell of marmalade from Missus 95 00:05:48.079 --> 00:05:53.120 Partridge's breakfast room. I pass Principal Lewis fussing in the schoolyard. 96 00:05:53.199 --> 00:05:57.319 He still wears corduroy blazers, elbow patches still sharp as 97 00:05:57.319 --> 00:06:01.240 attack and legendary for his yearbook hoarding. Each year. He 98 00:06:01.319 --> 00:06:04.839 insists the true story of Pine River's children lives in 99 00:06:04.879 --> 00:06:08.399 those pages. Some day history will thank me, he calls 100 00:06:08.439 --> 00:06:13.199 every September, shuffling stacks like playing cards. Down at the 101 00:06:13.240 --> 00:06:16.959 town hall, Stephen Patel stands hunched over his folding table, 102 00:06:17.240 --> 00:06:20.560 greeting passers by with trivia quizzes. Who through the longest 103 00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:25.240 apple peal at Festival zero three? Probably Stephen himself, though 104 00:06:25.240 --> 00:06:28.360 he'll claim it was Missus Blanchard and her lucky knife. 105 00:06:28.399 --> 00:06:31.319 Stephen and I have known each other since algebra class, 106 00:06:31.639 --> 00:06:35.199 when he produced an entire genealogical tree on notebook paper, 107 00:06:35.600 --> 00:06:40.319 linking half the town by improbable marriages. He's more archivist 108 00:06:40.399 --> 00:06:45.160 than historian, hungry for quirks over dates, rumors over facts. 109 00:06:45.759 --> 00:06:49.439 Every town has its memory keepers. Our oldest Missus Gardner, 110 00:06:49.680 --> 00:06:52.879 sits on her porch rain or shine, her lawn overtaken 111 00:06:52.920 --> 00:06:56.439 by chive blossoms. Children flock to her for ghost stories, 112 00:06:56.639 --> 00:06:59.600 though she prefers tales of ration books, when flower was 113 00:06:59.639 --> 00:07:02.040 worth more more than a dollar, or the time every 114 00:07:02.040 --> 00:07:05.879 one in her family turned twelve again just before Thanksgiving. 115 00:07:06.360 --> 00:07:09.800 She claims direct oral lineage from the town's founders, a 116 00:07:09.879 --> 00:07:13.079 claim she's repeated so doggedly that no one bothers to 117 00:07:13.160 --> 00:07:17.680 check the records. The festival threads these lives together. Even 118 00:07:17.720 --> 00:07:22.360 newcomers drawn by Autumn's lure find themselves drafted into history here. 119 00:07:22.920 --> 00:07:26.600 Year books are passed around like post cards. Story swapping 120 00:07:26.680 --> 00:07:30.240 is a competitive sport in Pine River. The only thing 121 00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:34.439 more prize than fresh cider is a good confusing anecdote, 122 00:07:35.279 --> 00:07:37.839 I take pride in my memory. In my catalog of 123 00:07:37.959 --> 00:07:43.319 childhood faces, I can list every valedictorian, every first grade tantrum, 124 00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:47.560 every left handed trumpet player. In a town built on memory, 125 00:07:47.839 --> 00:07:51.600 I've always felt at home until now, with Mason's unbroken 126 00:07:51.680 --> 00:07:54.160 youth gnawing at the edges of what I thought I knew? 127 00:07:55.160 --> 00:07:57.879 What does it mean to remember perfectly in a place 128 00:07:58.079 --> 00:08:02.199 where memory itself might bend? That evening, after the last 129 00:08:02.240 --> 00:08:05.600 banners are rolled and the sticky cider barrels are carted away, 130 00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:08.639 I pour myself a mug of decalf and pull down 131 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:12.600 my old class photos. They sit in careful stacks, a 132 00:08:12.680 --> 00:08:16.399 decade to a binder, snap shots frozen in time, or 133 00:08:16.439 --> 00:08:20.319 so I'd always believed. I page through twelve years of 134 00:08:20.360 --> 00:08:24.560 Mason Scott, fifth grade, always fifth grade. In every photo, 135 00:08:24.720 --> 00:08:27.720 the moose shirt grins from the center row. Sometimes he 136 00:08:27.800 --> 00:08:31.839 stands beside Emma Bright, sometimes near John Fan, but always 137 00:08:31.839 --> 00:08:34.759 his mouth is open in that same gap, tooth, half laugh, 138 00:08:34.840 --> 00:08:38.799 eyes dancing, His hair never submits next to him. Other 139 00:08:38.879 --> 00:08:43.159 students stretch, slouch, or sport awkward braces. As the years pass, 140 00:08:44.279 --> 00:08:47.320 my heart tightens as the numbers betray me. Here is 141 00:08:47.360 --> 00:08:51.399 two thousand six Mason fifth grade moose shirt. Next is 142 00:08:51.440 --> 00:08:55.919 two thousand seven. Again, fifth grade moose shirt, two thousand eight, 143 00:08:56.039 --> 00:08:59.320 two thousand nine, all the way to twenty sixteen, each 144 00:08:59.399 --> 00:09:02.000 bearing the seal of the school, each signed on the 145 00:09:02.039 --> 00:09:06.320 back by Principal Lewis Class of the year. My fingers 146 00:09:06.360 --> 00:09:09.759 flick faster, searching for errors. I cross check the line 147 00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:13.879 up with the school's online archive, the festival programs, even 148 00:09:13.960 --> 00:09:17.799 family pictures clipped from the newspaper. Each one confirms what 149 00:09:17.840 --> 00:09:23.080 the world outside never would. Mason unchanged center row fifth grade. 150 00:09:23.360 --> 00:09:26.519 Year after year, it feels like flipping the pages of 151 00:09:26.519 --> 00:09:29.960 a calendar that's lost its days. But then the next 152 00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:34.440 anomaly slides from the pile. Virginia Parker Ginny, famous for 153 00:09:34.480 --> 00:09:37.600 perfect spelling and an obsession with polka dots. In the 154 00:09:37.639 --> 00:09:40.720 twenty twelve photo, she sits chubby, cheeked and pona tilled, 155 00:09:40.960 --> 00:09:44.279 a gap just opening between her front teeth. The next year, 156 00:09:44.480 --> 00:09:47.600 two thousand and thirteen, she appears almost as tall as me, 157 00:09:48.200 --> 00:09:52.279 tamed hair, a shy smile. Then suddenly she's marked seventh grade, 158 00:09:52.559 --> 00:09:56.000 acne blooming, braces tight as if five years had swept 159 00:09:56.000 --> 00:10:01.080 through her overnight. What in the world, I'm make a chart, 160 00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:06.080 Mason's years, Ginny's leap, Emma's steady progress, Mason's never shifting, 161 00:10:06.399 --> 00:10:09.759 Ginny's sudden acceleration. None of it fits the logic of 162 00:10:09.840 --> 00:10:13.440 grade school, or biology, or even a lifetime of teaching. 163 00:10:14.519 --> 00:10:17.879 I call Stephen, tell me when did Mason Scott move 164 00:10:17.919 --> 00:10:22.720 out of fifth grade? He laughs a wheeze through the phone. Clara, 165 00:10:22.879 --> 00:10:26.720 Come on around here, everyone ages their own way. That's 166 00:10:26.720 --> 00:10:30.799 the joke. Remember, I search his tone for mockery, but 167 00:10:30.960 --> 00:10:35.600 find only mild amusement. I press, was it always like that? 168 00:10:36.759 --> 00:10:40.320 He lets me hang in silence before responding, you're thinking 169 00:10:40.399 --> 00:10:44.000 too hard. Some thing's run on memory, others on the river. 170 00:10:45.080 --> 00:10:48.200 He wishes me good night. My hands press the edges 171 00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:51.279 of the year book until the paper creases. If everyone 172 00:10:51.440 --> 00:10:54.600 ages their own way, and I'd never questioned it, what 173 00:10:54.759 --> 00:10:59.360 else slips quietly by? By midnight, my resolve sharpens into 174 00:10:59.399 --> 00:11:03.480 a point to morrow. I'll check every record, every album, 175 00:11:03.639 --> 00:11:07.200 every story I can find. I want certainty, but I 176 00:11:07.200 --> 00:11:10.639 don't even know what kind of certainty I'm after. The 177 00:11:10.720 --> 00:11:13.320 sun burns away the last of the festival due. As 178 00:11:13.360 --> 00:11:16.240 I stride into the library, one of those former train 179 00:11:16.360 --> 00:11:21.320 stations turned sanctuaries of index cards and grandmother wisdom, the 180 00:11:21.399 --> 00:11:25.480 librarian Bait offers me the research table really just a 181 00:11:25.600 --> 00:11:29.039 sturdy desk under the fan where high schoolers fake essays 182 00:11:29.120 --> 00:11:33.600 during storm season. I start with the cider festival programs 183 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:37.759 back to nineteen seventy one, all in chronological harmony, except 184 00:11:37.799 --> 00:11:40.639 for the recurring name of Teddy Mendes, who, according to 185 00:11:40.679 --> 00:11:43.919 the records, led the sack race for seven years straight 186 00:11:44.120 --> 00:11:48.080 and was annually awarded most Enthusiastic until he one day 187 00:11:48.120 --> 00:11:50.720 aged from ten to sixteen. In the blink of a year, 188 00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:54.679 photos show the same boy, then abruptly a young man. 189 00:11:55.200 --> 00:11:59.519 No one marks the jump. Next I come through census records. 190 00:12:00.320 --> 00:12:03.919 The grocer's son, Charlie, a boy of seven, appears as 191 00:12:03.919 --> 00:12:07.080 a laughing stock boy for over a decade, unchanged in 192 00:12:07.159 --> 00:12:10.720 face and posture. The Mayor's mother, Missus Rowell, is a 193 00:12:10.759 --> 00:12:13.759 trim fifty year old in every block party photo from 194 00:12:13.759 --> 00:12:17.840 the Eisenhower era straight into the mid nineties. Then a gap, 195 00:12:18.120 --> 00:12:21.840 and suddenly she's listed as a beloved great grandmother, as 196 00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:25.039 if fifty had been a kind of holding pattern. At 197 00:12:25.039 --> 00:12:27.799 the coffee shop, I order a scone and linger by 198 00:12:27.799 --> 00:12:31.279 the window. Near the counter. A pair of neighbors chat 199 00:12:31.320 --> 00:12:37.480 over crossword puzzles. When did Adams start needing glasses? One asks, Oh, 200 00:12:37.519 --> 00:12:41.080 that just happens some years, the other says, waving away 201 00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:45.360 the strangeness. At the post office, Missus Whittaker drops her 202 00:12:45.399 --> 00:12:49.200 letters mid sentence, laughing, you know it's my year to 203 00:12:49.240 --> 00:12:52.960 be the older sister again. School records in the town 204 00:12:53.159 --> 00:12:56.840 archive double down on the contradictions. Lists of class officers, 205 00:12:57.080 --> 00:13:01.799 wreck basketball teams. The Science Club photo collage one year 206 00:13:01.879 --> 00:13:05.679 shows Lydia Avery as a third grader, baby roundness, sticking 207 00:13:05.679 --> 00:13:09.360 out among the taller crew. Two years later, she's listed 208 00:13:09.399 --> 00:13:14.159 as class president, taller than the teacher. Family albums reveal 209 00:13:14.279 --> 00:13:18.240 generational cross currents that border on the surreal, cousins who 210 00:13:18.279 --> 00:13:23.360 look like twins, grandfathers who play Little League beside their grandchildren, 211 00:13:23.759 --> 00:13:28.919 birthdays that overlap in sometimes impossible pairings. So it isn't 212 00:13:28.960 --> 00:13:32.799 just Mason or Ginny. It's not one family's secret, nor 213 00:13:32.840 --> 00:13:35.360 a prank played by a spry old principle with too 214 00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:41.080 much free time. People here simply age unpredictably, or rather, 215 00:13:41.519 --> 00:13:46.679 ages seem to get distributed, ricocheted between households, sometimes leaping forward, 216 00:13:46.960 --> 00:13:50.519 sometimes refusing to budge. There are laugh lines where there 217 00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:53.320 should be baby fat, gangly limbs where there was a 218 00:13:53.360 --> 00:13:57.720 broad back just one festival ago. Still life seems to 219 00:13:57.759 --> 00:14:00.759 swirl around the strangeness as if it were back grown music. 220 00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:04.840 The postmaster jokes, I always want to try being twelve again. 221 00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:08.360 Guess this is my lucky year. A mother scolds her 222 00:14:08.360 --> 00:14:11.759 son and her grandfather in the same breath, both look 223 00:14:11.799 --> 00:14:16.399 about seven. I jot names and notes diagrams of age 224 00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:19.360 paths that loop and tangle, trying to pin down a 225 00:14:19.440 --> 00:14:24.320 logic that resists every attempt at order. Even when confronted, 226 00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:28.559 Principal Lewis only shrugs. The yearbooks just capture what the 227 00:14:28.639 --> 00:14:32.399 year is, he says, with a smile, pushing back his glasses. 228 00:14:32.879 --> 00:14:35.919 People try to keep up. Photos are for the moment, 229 00:14:36.080 --> 00:14:40.120 not the story, right. Younger parents treat it as sport. 230 00:14:40.399 --> 00:14:45.399 They swap stories unruffled, as though discussing weather changes. Older folks, 231 00:14:45.440 --> 00:14:50.159 by contrast, seem bemused, sometimes a little wistful. Everything evens 232 00:14:50.200 --> 00:14:52.919 out in the end if you let it. There's no shock, 233 00:14:53.080 --> 00:14:57.759 barely any surprise. No one acts frightened. Somewhere between the 234 00:14:57.759 --> 00:15:00.399 fifth Coffee of the Morning and the seventh Family Album, 235 00:15:00.600 --> 00:15:03.720 I realize the town is full of people whose ages 236 00:15:03.759 --> 00:15:06.480 have mismatched their years at least once, and yet it's 237 00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:09.759 so easily accepted. I'm forced to question if the fault 238 00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:14.200 is in my own expectations. Is this simply Pine River's rhythm? 239 00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:17.240 And I, the woman who thought memory was the fixed, 240 00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:21.480 trustworthy river bed, am only now seeing how the current runs. 241 00:15:22.159 --> 00:15:24.759 It can't just be a mistake, I tell myself, As 242 00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:28.039 twilight falls over my porch and the cricket's song rises. 243 00:15:28.679 --> 00:15:31.519 I invite Stephen over for a glass of wine. He 244 00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:35.399 brings cheese, and, as always, two pages of old Pine 245 00:15:35.440 --> 00:15:39.320 River trivia. He thinks will stump me, But my mind 246 00:15:39.639 --> 00:15:43.799 is on other puzzles. Stephen, do you remember being fifteen? 247 00:15:44.200 --> 00:15:48.840 I ask? He grins. I was fifteen for three wonderful years, 248 00:15:49.320 --> 00:15:53.320 learned guitar, broke the same ankle twice dated Betty oak Well. 249 00:15:53.759 --> 00:15:58.279 Dated is a strong word, he winks, I press. But 250 00:15:58.360 --> 00:16:00.960 didn't your younger brother pass you in age one year? 251 00:16:01.360 --> 00:16:04.720 I see him in the yearbooks, older than you by graduation. 252 00:16:05.919 --> 00:16:10.799 Stephen waves his glass. That's Pine River happens every few families. 253 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:15.360 Age isn't a race, Clara. Then missus Gardner joins us, 254 00:16:15.519 --> 00:16:18.440 wrapped in a shawl bright enough to cause traffic accidents. 255 00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:22.000 Back in my twenties the second time, mind you, I 256 00:16:22.080 --> 00:16:26.559 remember teaching Sunday school to myself darling girl, shy, but 257 00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:29.759 I knew she'd turn out clever. Course I didn't tell 258 00:16:29.799 --> 00:16:34.440 her all my secrets. She cackles, teeth bright against the dusk. 259 00:16:35.440 --> 00:16:38.600 I stare at them, two pillars of the town, both 260 00:16:38.639 --> 00:16:42.679 so sanguine about something so plainly impossible that for a moment, 261 00:16:42.799 --> 00:16:46.559 I feel dizzy. But don't you ever wonder? I ask, 262 00:16:47.039 --> 00:16:49.759 if we all expect to move through time in one direction? 263 00:16:50.159 --> 00:16:54.240 How is this normal? Missus Gardner picks a dandelion from 264 00:16:54.279 --> 00:16:58.320 the garden border. Normal is as normal, does Clara. Some 265 00:16:58.519 --> 00:17:02.759 years go quicker than others. You'll see it isn't denial 266 00:17:03.080 --> 00:17:06.440 or dismissal, but a kind of tranquil acceptance, as if 267 00:17:06.519 --> 00:17:10.559 they're weighing apples at the market, not discussing temporal contradiction. 268 00:17:11.640 --> 00:17:14.519 Stephen leans in, You want to know how it works. 269 00:17:15.039 --> 00:17:18.240 Wait till mark a time, Clara. That's when Pine River 270 00:17:18.359 --> 00:17:22.759 sorts itself mark a time. The phrase hangs loose and 271 00:17:22.839 --> 00:17:27.279 heavy between us. A memory bubbles up. Children huddled in 272 00:17:27.319 --> 00:17:31.519 the shadows of the bandstand during fall's first chill, strange 273 00:17:31.599 --> 00:17:35.359 tokens pressed to their palms. Had I always attributed this 274 00:17:35.480 --> 00:17:39.920 to the fevered invention of small town boredom. I realize 275 00:17:39.920 --> 00:17:42.720 with a sting that I don't know everything about Pine River. 276 00:17:43.279 --> 00:17:46.759 That there is a tradition or logic as carefully tended 277 00:17:46.960 --> 00:17:50.000 and fiercely protected as the apple orchards that I have 278 00:17:50.079 --> 00:17:55.160 never truly seen. In my bones, I feel the organizing principle, 279 00:17:55.240 --> 00:17:59.160 creasing itself into my awareness. It's more than records, more 280 00:17:59.200 --> 00:18:02.359 than tricks of memory or local myth. There is an 281 00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:06.519 engine under this community that rearranges time itself, and every 282 00:18:06.559 --> 00:18:09.480 one but me has learned to ride it without complaint. 283 00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:14.079 Night settles and with it a restless itch. If the 284 00:18:14.119 --> 00:18:17.160 festival mark the public face of Pine River, then the 285 00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:21.599 autumns must hold another quieter procession. I find myself piecing 286 00:18:21.640 --> 00:18:26.279 together threads from missus Gardner's stories, the river bandstand, tokens 287 00:18:26.279 --> 00:18:31.279 by moonlight, cryptic talk of drawing markers. My next destination 288 00:18:31.440 --> 00:18:35.440 is the town Hall's archives, another relic filing cabinets lined 289 00:18:35.480 --> 00:18:39.640 up like dominoes. Pamphlets advertising annual autumn gathering at the 290 00:18:39.720 --> 00:18:43.440 River stretch back decades. But unlike the festival, the events 291 00:18:43.480 --> 00:18:48.519 are always hazily described, private celebratory event for Pine River residents. 292 00:18:48.759 --> 00:18:53.440 Attendance required, reverence encouraged. There are no photos in the 293 00:18:53.440 --> 00:18:57.880 local paper, no lists of winners or honorees, only a 294 00:18:57.920 --> 00:19:01.480 mention of gathering at the riverside as dusk falls, each 295 00:19:01.559 --> 00:19:05.880 person bringing something of their own. I uncover a leather 296 00:19:05.960 --> 00:19:09.119 bound ledger, a remnant of town council meetings from the 297 00:19:09.200 --> 00:19:14.000 late sixties. In rushed handwriting, someone has noted discussed reforms 298 00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:19.640 to mark a draw participation, unchanged concerns about non resident attendants. 299 00:19:20.200 --> 00:19:25.279 Below all agree no outsiders for autumn draw. Tucked in 300 00:19:25.319 --> 00:19:28.759 a folder labeled Bandstand nineteen seventy eight are a few 301 00:19:28.839 --> 00:19:34.160 faded photos. One shows townsfolk, elderly, middle aged infants balancing 302 00:19:34.160 --> 00:19:37.039 on knees, all gathered on the grass by the bandstand's 303 00:19:37.079 --> 00:19:40.279 paint flaked columns. Each holds what looks like a wooden 304 00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:44.319 trinket about palm sized, ornately carved, but no two alike. 305 00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:48.160 Some have ribbons, others are naked cedar, but all are 306 00:19:48.200 --> 00:19:51.240 held with a gravity I recognize from church on Christmas 307 00:19:51.319 --> 00:19:56.480 Eve and funerals alike. Intrigued, I start slipping into conversations 308 00:19:56.519 --> 00:19:59.920 at the hardware store, the bakery, even the dog park. 309 00:20:00.559 --> 00:20:05.000 I ask lightly about the autumn draw. Reactions come in 310 00:20:05.079 --> 00:20:10.440 shades of bemused discomfort. It's just marker drawing, always has been. 311 00:20:11.039 --> 00:20:14.519 Keeps us fresh, says a barrista, sweeping crumbs from a 312 00:20:14.559 --> 00:20:18.039 maple sugar bun. They're tokens that tell you what your 313 00:20:18.119 --> 00:20:21.240 year's for. Offers a butcher giving me a wink as 314 00:20:21.279 --> 00:20:25.039 he wraps my roast at the Riverside market. I prod 315 00:20:25.119 --> 00:20:29.400 Stephen for more. He sighs, patient but guarded. Every One 316 00:20:29.559 --> 00:20:33.240 draws every year. Nobody skips out, Clara, not if they 317 00:20:33.279 --> 00:20:35.880 want to stay in balance. And then the morning after 318 00:20:36.119 --> 00:20:38.880 you wake up and see what you've got to work with. Simple. 319 00:20:39.960 --> 00:20:43.960 But what happens if you miss it? I ask? He shrugs. 320 00:20:44.319 --> 00:20:47.160 If you leave town before mark a Knight, nothing changes, 321 00:20:47.559 --> 00:20:49.400 but you pay it back or catch up when you 322 00:20:49.440 --> 00:20:54.279 come home. No cheatahs in Pine River old rule, I 323 00:20:54.359 --> 00:20:57.759 scribble in my note book. The ceremony is real, annual, 324 00:20:57.880 --> 00:21:03.759 attended by all mechanics. Unclear changes occur after the draw. Outsiders, 325 00:21:03.839 --> 00:21:10.160 unaffected participation creates outcome. I feel my curiosity sharpen, no 326 00:21:10.279 --> 00:21:14.480 longer just a collector of contradictions, but a full blooded investigator. 327 00:21:15.160 --> 00:21:18.279 There is a system, a tradition, a lever behind the 328 00:21:18.279 --> 00:21:22.359 fluidity of age, something played out every autumn beneath the 329 00:21:22.440 --> 00:21:26.720 casual surface of festivals and porch chats. Yet there is 330 00:21:26.839 --> 00:21:30.880 secrecy too. The details, the contents of the draw, the 331 00:21:30.920 --> 00:21:33.480 meaning of the tokens, the why of it all are 332 00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:37.599 protected even Stephen's tone is firm, as if the truth 333 00:21:37.640 --> 00:21:41.559 can only be received by the initiated. I leave town 334 00:21:41.640 --> 00:21:45.319 Hall under a waxing moon, the river running glassy and silent, 335 00:21:45.839 --> 00:21:51.000 a hidden vein beneath all this unremarkable life. As the festivals, 336 00:21:51.000 --> 00:21:54.519 echoes fade and leaves begin to thicken underfoot, an envelope 337 00:21:54.559 --> 00:21:58.400 appears in my mailbox, heavy paper, my name handscripted in 338 00:21:58.519 --> 00:22:03.160 walnut ink, inside a simple card, Join us for your marker, 339 00:22:03.240 --> 00:22:06.559 draw as you always do to morrow. Just after dusk, 340 00:22:07.079 --> 00:22:11.920 riverside bandstand. I fold the cards, slowly, the words as 341 00:22:11.960 --> 00:22:15.119 you always do, pricking like Burrs. I have no memory 342 00:22:15.119 --> 00:22:19.000 of ever attending. Surely I would recall a ceremony so powerful, 343 00:22:19.079 --> 00:22:22.640 so central, and yet at the hardware store, the barista, 344 00:22:22.880 --> 00:22:26.200 the crossing guard, even Principal Lewis seemed to expect me 345 00:22:26.920 --> 00:22:32.839 looking forward to drawing day, Clara. They call it is invitation, expectation, 346 00:22:33.279 --> 00:22:37.160 and dare all wrapped. As one anxious I double check 347 00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:40.960 my records, no sign I've attended before. But when I 348 00:22:41.000 --> 00:22:44.680 ask Stephen, he grins. Don't worry, you never forget your 349 00:22:44.720 --> 00:22:49.480 first draw. Missus Gardner offers only just be honest with yourself. 350 00:22:49.799 --> 00:22:53.400 The marker always knows more than you think. On the 351 00:22:53.400 --> 00:22:56.440 porch that night, I stare at my tea until it's cold. 352 00:22:57.039 --> 00:22:59.839 Am I about to stumble into some mass delusion a 353 00:23:00.079 --> 00:23:03.160 theater piece everyone else is performing with a straight face. 354 00:23:03.920 --> 00:23:06.799 Or is there a truth in this hidden in plain sight, 355 00:23:07.160 --> 00:23:11.799 carried on their laughter, their unshakable acceptance. I lay out 356 00:23:11.799 --> 00:23:16.000 my notes, scan every contradiction and testimony at each step. 357 00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:19.000 What began as a loose thread tugged from festival fun 358 00:23:19.279 --> 00:23:23.839 has become a tapestry of persistent generational agreement. Ages aren't 359 00:23:23.880 --> 00:23:30.240 just recorded, They happen, asterisk, reassigned, distributed, experienced, anew the draw. 360 00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:33.920 The ceremony is not secret for secrecy's sake, but because 361 00:23:33.960 --> 00:23:36.559 it is so foundational that challenging it would be like 362 00:23:36.599 --> 00:23:40.279 denying the river itself. For a last test, I call 363 00:23:40.359 --> 00:23:43.599 up Ginny Parker, now apparently home from her semester at 364 00:23:43.599 --> 00:23:47.240 college three years ago. She was my smallest second grader. 365 00:23:47.759 --> 00:23:50.880 Her laugh chimes down the line, It's all just Pine 366 00:23:50.960 --> 00:23:54.400 river weirdness, missus Hughes. You'll see sometimes you get a 367 00:23:54.480 --> 00:23:57.279 lucky year, sometimes not, but you get what you need. 368 00:23:58.400 --> 00:24:01.119 The next day, I dress in all hiking boots and 369 00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:04.960 a wool coat against the creeping chill. The invitation feels 370 00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:08.799 like an initiation, a crossing point. Gone is any hope 371 00:24:08.839 --> 00:24:12.240 of observing from a distance. I am not outside this story, 372 00:24:12.599 --> 00:24:16.480 I am at its heart. As dusk draws down, I 373 00:24:16.559 --> 00:24:19.359 walk toward the bandstand, over the slick boards of the 374 00:24:19.440 --> 00:24:22.920 riverside bridge, shadows gather at the edges of the grass. 375 00:24:23.440 --> 00:24:28.359 Families stroll quietly, voices pitched low, children hiding grins or 376 00:24:28.440 --> 00:24:33.039 feigning solemnity. Don't think too hard about what you wish for, Clara. 377 00:24:33.319 --> 00:24:36.640 Stephen calls as he passes. You'll know in the morning. 378 00:24:37.680 --> 00:24:41.079 Each footstep feels like a return and a reckoning, a 379 00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:45.480 movement from disbelief to participation for the first time. I 380 00:24:45.559 --> 00:24:48.400 am not a keeper of others memories, but a note 381 00:24:48.440 --> 00:24:52.880 in the melody pine river hums. Each October, the bandstand 382 00:24:52.920 --> 00:24:56.799 glimmers under lanterns strung with red maple leaves. The cedar 383 00:24:56.920 --> 00:25:00.200 chest sits at its center, lid, half open, f filled 384 00:25:00.279 --> 00:25:04.480 with small carved markers, some dark as river mud, others 385 00:25:04.519 --> 00:25:08.720 pale and smooth as apple flesh. My pulse is steady, 386 00:25:09.000 --> 00:25:13.839 almost jubilant. I cross the bandstand threshold, a dozen questions 387 00:25:13.880 --> 00:25:17.079 burning beneath my ribs. No longer just the keeper of 388 00:25:17.160 --> 00:25:20.599 children's faces, I am a player in Pine River's oldest, 389 00:25:20.759 --> 00:25:24.359 strangest tradition, about to draw my own piece of time. 390 00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:28.559 A hush falls over the bandstand as the lanterns tremble 391 00:25:28.599 --> 00:25:31.880 in the slight wind, their reflections jittering across the river. 392 00:25:32.519 --> 00:25:34.559 For a moment, I hover at the edge of the crowd, 393 00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:38.279 hands jammed into my coat pockets, the wood planks cool 394 00:25:38.359 --> 00:25:41.640 against the solis of my boots. All around me, the 395 00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:46.519 townsfolk stream forward, families, couples, college freshmen returned for the 396 00:25:46.519 --> 00:25:49.240 week end. The mare, with her hair tied back and 397 00:25:49.279 --> 00:25:53.440 boots unlaced. They form a loose crescent around the cedar 398 00:25:53.559 --> 00:25:56.799 chest at the center. The anticipation in the air nothing 399 00:25:56.960 --> 00:26:00.839 like fear, more like a gentle current, tugging us all together. 400 00:26:01.880 --> 00:26:04.319 I try to catch Stephen's eye, but he is already 401 00:26:04.319 --> 00:26:07.799