WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.840 --> 00:00:02.799 Hey all turn me up just a little bit. 2 00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:06.919 Yeah, it's that Man's Space five. 3 00:00:09.279 --> 00:00:11.679 Step in the song Michael Phone. 4 00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:15.000 Checker Russ and let's got the real intellect talks move 5 00:00:15.080 --> 00:00:18.399 Black Jazz on her late nights with a corboat deep 6 00:00:18.440 --> 00:00:22.480 and the topics come in from the struggles that the winds. 7 00:00:22.519 --> 00:00:25.120 They address it with grat drop. But that's so cool. 8 00:00:25.199 --> 00:00:27.879 You can fill the fans to kings of the graph, 9 00:00:28.120 --> 00:00:31.879 you know the rest kick black Patin, Welcome to the space. 10 00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:38.880 You'll go chillin with bursting less, you will go childing 11 00:00:38.960 --> 00:00:47.679 with bussing less. You'll go chillan with brushing last hang 12 00:00:47.799 --> 00:00:51.320 out Chus now your bother with nothing but the best 13 00:00:51.759 --> 00:00:53.079 space driver. 14 00:00:55.240 --> 00:00:58.640 Welcome, Welcome, Welcome in to another edition of the Man 15 00:00:58.719 --> 00:01:01.799 Space podcast. Now this this is the voice of Russ 16 00:01:02.159 --> 00:01:05.519 and this is another edition of the Russ and Company 17 00:01:05.560 --> 00:01:08.760 series where I take the time to interview some people, 18 00:01:09.319 --> 00:01:14.400 just amazing people all across the globe. And today is 19 00:01:14.599 --> 00:01:20.280 no different because ManSpace Station Today. My guest is a 20 00:01:20.319 --> 00:01:25.840 clinical psychologist and the founder of the Royal Oasis Psychotherapy Institute, 21 00:01:26.400 --> 00:01:30.719 with over fifteen years of helping thousands of people take 22 00:01:30.760 --> 00:01:34.640 back control of their focus, emotions, and decision making. He 23 00:01:34.719 --> 00:01:39.359 brings a powerful mix of science and real world mental 24 00:01:39.400 --> 00:01:42.680 performance tools. He's worked on the front lines of trauma 25 00:01:42.760 --> 00:01:45.879 care and high pressure environments, and he is the host 26 00:01:46.040 --> 00:01:51.200 of the long running podcast Meditations, where he has turned 27 00:01:51.400 --> 00:01:57.040 deep psychological insight into practical everyday strategies manspaceination. This is 28 00:01:57.040 --> 00:02:01.040 a conversation you definitely don't want to miss and welcome 29 00:02:01.120 --> 00:02:11.039 in my guests, Doctor Gregory t Obert, Hello, Rash, Hello, Hello, Oh, 30 00:02:11.159 --> 00:02:11.680 thank you so. 31 00:02:11.680 --> 00:02:14.199 Much for having me. And I got to say that 32 00:02:14.319 --> 00:02:18.719 intro song is just incredible. I love listening to it. 33 00:02:18.719 --> 00:02:21.039 It is so catchy, and I just I feel honored 34 00:02:21.080 --> 00:02:23.960 to be on the air right after such an incredible 35 00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:26.639 song and the very warm intro of course as well. 36 00:02:27.319 --> 00:02:30.280 You know, it's funny because when the song plays, I'm 37 00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:33.080 really trying not to dance while I'm sitting here because 38 00:02:33.080 --> 00:02:35.439 I'm like, I know they can see me dancing, so 39 00:02:35.479 --> 00:02:37.560 I'm just like, let me just kind of I'll try 40 00:02:37.560 --> 00:02:40.560 to keep it as minimal as possible while I'm moving around. 41 00:02:40.639 --> 00:02:44.000 But yeah, that song is very very catchy. I just 42 00:02:44.240 --> 00:02:47.159 I love it so but thank you so much, and 43 00:02:47.199 --> 00:02:50.680 thank you for spending time with me here. So if 44 00:02:50.680 --> 00:02:52.800 you could just kind of share with the man Space 45 00:02:52.879 --> 00:02:56.039 Nation a little bit about yourself and how did you 46 00:02:56.080 --> 00:02:57.960 get into the world of psychology. 47 00:02:59.240 --> 00:03:04.039 Yeah, well, it's sort of a standard story that you 48 00:03:04.039 --> 00:03:09.319 would hear from mental health practitioners. Typically, people get into 49 00:03:09.360 --> 00:03:12.199 mental health for one of two reasons. Either something bad 50 00:03:12.280 --> 00:03:17.520 happened to them or they got some help from somebody 51 00:03:17.560 --> 00:03:19.599 and then they wanted to sort of return the favor. 52 00:03:20.280 --> 00:03:22.199 And in my case, it was a bit of both. 53 00:03:22.280 --> 00:03:24.120 So when I was in high school, my parents ended 54 00:03:24.199 --> 00:03:28.280 up getting divorced, and at that time it was very, 55 00:03:28.360 --> 00:03:31.400 very difficult for me. I was struggling a lot in 56 00:03:31.439 --> 00:03:35.919 school and I ended up seeing a therapist myself, and 57 00:03:36.000 --> 00:03:41.759 she was absolutely wonderful. She really helped me put things 58 00:03:41.800 --> 00:03:45.000 into perspective, gave me that space to work through everything 59 00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:48.879 that I was thinking and feeling. And coincidentally, at the 60 00:03:48.879 --> 00:03:52.360 same time, which was very odd for high schools, at 61 00:03:52.439 --> 00:03:56.639 least from what I've heard, we also had a psychology 62 00:03:56.680 --> 00:03:59.960 course offered, so I took a high school psychology course, 63 00:04:01.000 --> 00:04:04.719 and between both of those things, I just I had 64 00:04:04.719 --> 00:04:06.479 a sense of this is what I want to do, 65 00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:10.240 and once I had that, there was no looking back. 66 00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:16.040 Wow, you know, and to figure it out that early on, 67 00:04:16.279 --> 00:04:19.120 because a lot of times in high school we don't 68 00:04:19.160 --> 00:04:22.079 have a clue that our biggest thought is to graduate. 69 00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:26.800 That's it, very true. So just to figure out what 70 00:04:26.839 --> 00:04:28.759 you want to do at that point in your life, man, 71 00:04:28.839 --> 00:04:31.560 that is fantastic. And especially when you get into a 72 00:04:31.600 --> 00:04:35.399 point of knowing it that early, then going to college 73 00:04:35.480 --> 00:04:38.680 and take and studying that field. Because so many of 74 00:04:38.759 --> 00:04:42.000 us we graduate college and don't work in our fields. 75 00:04:42.519 --> 00:04:47.680 You know, that adds on, like added stress to try 76 00:04:47.680 --> 00:04:51.199 to find something, find a career, just to do something 77 00:04:51.240 --> 00:04:54.199 in general, just to pay the bills, keep a roof 78 00:04:54.240 --> 00:05:00.480 over your head, you know. With that, I mean, we 79 00:05:00.600 --> 00:05:05.480 talk about stress on this show and emotional health and things. 80 00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:10.800 What do you feel is some of the biggest ways 81 00:05:11.199 --> 00:05:14.680 as we could alleviate some of the stress that we 82 00:05:14.759 --> 00:05:18.480 deal with in our lives. I'm jumping right into the 83 00:05:18.519 --> 00:05:18.920 deep end. 84 00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:21.000 I was going to say, well, here's your simples. Just 85 00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:25.959 stop it right there, you go answer your question. No, 86 00:05:26.399 --> 00:05:28.759 of course, it's a little bit more complicated than that. 87 00:05:30.040 --> 00:05:30.519 Stop it. 88 00:05:30.959 --> 00:05:35.240 That's right. I'm sure it will work really well for you. 89 00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:39.199 There will be a new host on ManSpace podcast next week. 90 00:05:40.319 --> 00:05:40.920 Try that one. 91 00:05:42.319 --> 00:05:44.600 We'll salute you to us and say push you well 92 00:05:44.600 --> 00:05:50.319 in the afterlife. No, but in all seriousness, I mean 93 00:05:50.480 --> 00:05:53.040 stress is one of those terms that you know, I 94 00:05:53.120 --> 00:06:00.600 hear a lot, and I haven't often had a insistent 95 00:06:00.759 --> 00:06:04.480 definition thrown at me. So I like to use this 96 00:06:04.639 --> 00:06:07.959 definition with all of the clients that I work with, 97 00:06:08.279 --> 00:06:13.600 and it's this stresses when demands outweigh resources. And that 98 00:06:13.720 --> 00:06:15.759 makes the most sense to me, because of course we 99 00:06:15.839 --> 00:06:19.600 all have demands on our lives. We all have that pressure, 100 00:06:20.079 --> 00:06:23.800 and when we have the necessary resources, we're fine. We 101 00:06:23.800 --> 00:06:26.680 can handle it, it's no problem. It's when we start 102 00:06:26.720 --> 00:06:32.839 to lose out or not have those resources to still 103 00:06:32.879 --> 00:06:35.720 meet those demands that things start to get a little 104 00:06:35.720 --> 00:06:40.279 bit tricky. And of course we can do that for 105 00:06:40.360 --> 00:06:43.240 a little bit. You know, I suspect you and your 106 00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:46.879 listeners as well, have been in spaces where sometimes you 107 00:06:46.959 --> 00:06:49.000 just didn't quite have it an you or you think 108 00:06:49.040 --> 00:06:51.959 you didn't have it any and you just pushed a 109 00:06:51.959 --> 00:06:54.079 little bit more anyways, and you're able to get through. 110 00:06:54.600 --> 00:06:58.079 But if you're someone who's doing that chronically and just 111 00:06:58.120 --> 00:07:01.439 scraping the bottom of the barrel day after day, week 112 00:07:01.560 --> 00:07:04.920 after week, you're going to find yourself in some really 113 00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:06.079 dicey territory. 114 00:07:07.079 --> 00:07:10.920 Yeah. I love that definition and how you put it, 115 00:07:10.920 --> 00:07:16.920 because that is essentially life in general. I mean, we 116 00:07:16.959 --> 00:07:19.439 look at so much of what's going on today from 117 00:07:19.759 --> 00:07:24.000 gas prices, of food prices, you know, all that's increasing, 118 00:07:24.439 --> 00:07:27.079 and your wages are not going with it to help 119 00:07:27.160 --> 00:07:29.360 cover that. So a lot of people are starting to 120 00:07:29.399 --> 00:07:32.839 struggle and start to feel that added pressure and stress 121 00:07:32.920 --> 00:07:36.519 going on. So yeah, that is to me, that's the 122 00:07:36.560 --> 00:07:41.360 perfect definition of it. But I want to ask you 123 00:07:41.560 --> 00:07:47.959 this one. Being a clinical psychologist and helping people deal 124 00:07:48.000 --> 00:07:54.800 with focus and things like that, what is your opinion 125 00:07:54.879 --> 00:08:01.079 when it comes to medicine and this descriptions that a 126 00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:04.920 lot of doctors give to help deal with, you know, 127 00:08:05.000 --> 00:08:08.399 attention deficit and different things like that. 128 00:08:10.839 --> 00:08:16.279 Yeah, huge topic. Now, I suspect it is specifically ADHD. 129 00:08:16.399 --> 00:08:21.079 Were talking just kind of psycho psychotropist in generals. 130 00:08:20.639 --> 00:08:24.279 In general, not so much just in general just ADHD, 131 00:08:24.399 --> 00:08:26.639 but just in general. Yeah. 132 00:08:27.319 --> 00:08:31.720 So the research is pretty clear on medication. Twenty five 133 00:08:31.720 --> 00:08:35.720 percent of people only need medication and they thrive and 134 00:08:35.799 --> 00:08:38.639 that's it. They're good, right, Twenty five percent of people 135 00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:43.360 only need talk therapy, and they're good. Fifty percent of 136 00:08:43.360 --> 00:08:46.639 people need a combination of both. So I think there's 137 00:08:46.639 --> 00:08:49.279 a lot of people out there that we tend to 138 00:08:49.360 --> 00:08:51.799 kind of be very binary with the meds. It's like 139 00:08:51.840 --> 00:08:54.759 go all meds or go you know, no meds. I 140 00:08:55.120 --> 00:08:57.360 kind of think about medication is more like a crutch, 141 00:08:57.600 --> 00:08:59.799 and maybe you need it for a little bit of 142 00:08:59.799 --> 00:09:02.159 time to kind of get through whatever it is that 143 00:09:02.200 --> 00:09:05.720 you're working through, possibly in combination with some sort of 144 00:09:05.720 --> 00:09:09.840 talk therapy, but after a while you may not need it, 145 00:09:10.600 --> 00:09:13.799 though it's okay to get off it. The problem is, 146 00:09:14.279 --> 00:09:17.240 I think what you were speaking to, which is a 147 00:09:17.320 --> 00:09:22.799 lot of medical doctors, and this includes psychiatrists as well. 148 00:09:22.799 --> 00:09:28.759 Because they're mds, they don't really know much about talk therapy, 149 00:09:29.240 --> 00:09:31.679 nor are they supposed to. I mean, they don't go 150 00:09:31.720 --> 00:09:35.279 to school for that. Although I do get a little 151 00:09:35.360 --> 00:09:38.320 judge with the psychiatrists because I can't tell you the 152 00:09:38.399 --> 00:09:42.279 number of times I've run into psychologists who are asked 153 00:09:42.360 --> 00:09:48.240 to teach psychotherapy courses and how these psychiatrists just sleep 154 00:09:48.279 --> 00:09:52.320 through the classes, just don't show up at all. So 155 00:09:52.360 --> 00:09:54.639 they're supposed to know how to do it, but they 156 00:09:54.639 --> 00:09:58.000 don't always so of course, the incentive is there to 157 00:09:58.240 --> 00:10:03.759 just prescribe a medicaltion, and being that our culture is 158 00:10:04.000 --> 00:10:07.519 very instant gratification much of the time, Okay, well I'm 159 00:10:07.559 --> 00:10:08.799 just going to use this pill and I'm going to 160 00:10:08.840 --> 00:10:14.879 feel better. It's a very slippery slope for many people. Now, 161 00:10:14.879 --> 00:10:17.200 if you happen to have a medication that works for you, 162 00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:20.639 it evens you out. Maybe you've been on medication, you're 163 00:10:20.639 --> 00:10:22.360 able to get off it. Maybe you needed to go 164 00:10:22.399 --> 00:10:24.960 back on it for a little bit. That's okay. But 165 00:10:25.000 --> 00:10:26.600 I think if people just tend to go, oh, I'm 166 00:10:26.600 --> 00:10:27.919 going to go to my doctor, I'm going to get 167 00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:30.720 a medication and then I'm going to be fine. Unless 168 00:10:30.720 --> 00:10:33.279 you're part of that twenty five percent of the population, 169 00:10:34.279 --> 00:10:35.960 it's probably not going to be enough. 170 00:10:36.840 --> 00:10:42.519 Wow. A lot of times I do feel that, you know, 171 00:10:42.960 --> 00:10:49.000 sometimes the medication is not necessarily needed, and sometimes some 172 00:10:49.320 --> 00:10:52.480 doctors may not spend enough time with the patient to 173 00:10:52.519 --> 00:10:56.879 get really to know. It's almost like a here, just 174 00:10:57.120 --> 00:10:59.200 throw this at them and they'll be all right, you know, 175 00:10:59.360 --> 00:11:01.679 type of deal. It's kind of my opinion from what 176 00:11:01.679 --> 00:11:06.200 I've seen with some some cases, and you know, it 177 00:11:06.240 --> 00:11:08.960 becomes a little I think that goes back and adds 178 00:11:09.000 --> 00:11:13.320 even more stress into a situation for everybody who's around 179 00:11:13.399 --> 00:11:17.679 the person, you know, trying to make sure oh yeah, 180 00:11:17.720 --> 00:11:18.120 go ahead. 181 00:11:18.519 --> 00:11:20.480 Just to jump in there, I would say that it's 182 00:11:20.519 --> 00:11:22.759 not really your opinion. I mean that that tends to 183 00:11:22.759 --> 00:11:28.279 be the case. I mean, psychiatrists are incentivized to really 184 00:11:28.320 --> 00:11:32.440 prescribe medication a because that's something that they're allowed to 185 00:11:32.480 --> 00:11:36.639 do with their privileges as mds. But then be what's 186 00:11:36.639 --> 00:11:38.559 going to make more money? Right, it's going to be 187 00:11:39.039 --> 00:11:41.480 I'm going to cram three four people into an hour, 188 00:11:41.639 --> 00:11:44.639 see them for fifteen to twenty minutes. How's everything going great? 189 00:11:44.720 --> 00:11:45.000 Cool? 190 00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:47.720 Medication? Find oh you need a change or you know, 191 00:11:48.039 --> 00:11:51.840 and then I'll see in three months. So that does 192 00:11:51.879 --> 00:11:53.840 tend to happen for a lot of people that are 193 00:11:53.919 --> 00:11:55.440 only relying on medication. 194 00:11:56.519 --> 00:12:03.720 Wow wow wow. Well, stress is something that everyone, I 195 00:12:03.720 --> 00:12:07.840 guess feels that they understand. But one of the things 196 00:12:08.279 --> 00:12:12.080 that I've read up on you you say that it 197 00:12:12.240 --> 00:12:17.080 actually quietly takes control of our decisions. Now, what does 198 00:12:17.120 --> 00:12:20.480 that really look like in everyday life? 199 00:12:22.759 --> 00:12:27.919 Well, it can be insidious. So you know, what might 200 00:12:28.200 --> 00:12:31.399 start out as okay, maybe I'm feeling just a little 201 00:12:31.440 --> 00:12:35.679 tense can actually turn into what I've called in the 202 00:12:35.679 --> 00:12:38.759 past amygdala hijack, or the emotional part of your brain 203 00:12:38.840 --> 00:12:42.519 taking over. So I mean, let's start with just let's 204 00:12:42.559 --> 00:12:46.000 say a typical day. Maybe you wake up a little 205 00:12:46.039 --> 00:12:50.159 bit late, or maybe you're a little slow starting, and 206 00:12:50.240 --> 00:12:54.120 you hop on the road, and of course there's traffic 207 00:12:54.399 --> 00:12:58.240 because of all days, maybe there's a minor fender bender, 208 00:12:58.360 --> 00:13:01.240 and naturally everybody's got to and look at it and 209 00:13:01.279 --> 00:13:05.159 go ten miles an hour rather than just keep on going. 210 00:13:05.879 --> 00:13:09.919 And you've taken some time off work recently, so of 211 00:13:09.960 --> 00:13:12.480 course you're late to the office, and your boss has 212 00:13:12.519 --> 00:13:15.080 given you the side eye, thinking that you need to 213 00:13:15.080 --> 00:13:17.960 be on time, especially after you've had all this time off. 214 00:13:18.799 --> 00:13:22.080 And then you sit down open your email and you 215 00:13:22.159 --> 00:13:24.840 have a ton of emails from all the time off 216 00:13:24.879 --> 00:13:28.360 you had. I could keep going, but I suspect you 217 00:13:28.440 --> 00:13:30.480 and maybe some of your listeners have been in this 218 00:13:30.600 --> 00:13:33.720 exact position. Heck, maybe they're in this exact position now 219 00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:37.600 as they listen to this episode. What can start out 220 00:13:37.639 --> 00:13:41.360 as Okay, well, I can handle being you know, a 221 00:13:41.360 --> 00:13:44.919 little bit slow today, maybe a racing thought or two, 222 00:13:45.519 --> 00:13:48.799 you know which which could could be I can handle it. 223 00:13:48.840 --> 00:13:51.440 I might have the resources in that moment. It could 224 00:13:51.519 --> 00:13:55.039 also be what is wrong with me, like I should 225 00:13:55.039 --> 00:13:56.759 have known it, I should have gone to bed earlier. 226 00:13:57.159 --> 00:13:59.000 I should have I should have, And now I'm bringing 227 00:13:59.000 --> 00:14:01.720 the hammer down on my self and judging myself for it. 228 00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:06.480 That can then spiral a little bit more with the 229 00:14:06.519 --> 00:14:10.159 added traffic jam, which can then spiral a little bit 230 00:14:10.200 --> 00:14:13.679 more with the side eye from the boss to the 231 00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:17.840 point where it's almost like death by a thousand cuts, 232 00:14:17.879 --> 00:14:21.320 as they say. Right, So, these these little pieces of 233 00:14:21.360 --> 00:14:26.000 stress add up to the point where your anxiety, which 234 00:14:26.039 --> 00:14:30.919 is just a clinical term for fear, your anxiety is 235 00:14:30.960 --> 00:14:34.759 going to start to raise. And I say you're able 236 00:14:34.799 --> 00:14:39.120 to operate logically in your zero to seven range, because 237 00:14:39.120 --> 00:14:41.600 typically when you're in that range, the logical part of 238 00:14:41.639 --> 00:14:43.720 your brain. This is the most neuroscience I'm going to 239 00:14:43.759 --> 00:14:47.360 give you and your audience. The space right behind your 240 00:14:47.360 --> 00:14:50.960 forehead is the prefrontal cortex, and that has to do 241 00:14:51.000 --> 00:14:54.279 with all of our decision making, our planning. And when 242 00:14:54.320 --> 00:14:58.320 we're in zero to seven, that signal is still pretty loud. 243 00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:01.399 It's able to calm themtional centers of the brain. Or 244 00:15:01.440 --> 00:15:05.720 at least regulated enough that we can get by. As 245 00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:08.480 soon as you find yourself at eight, that part of 246 00:15:08.519 --> 00:15:11.080 the brain gets very quiet, and the emotional part, which 247 00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:13.039 is in the very center of your skull, it just 248 00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:18.720 takes over. And now, instead of responding to the stress, 249 00:15:19.240 --> 00:15:25.799 you know, thoughtfully, consciously, you're just on autopilot. You're reacting, 250 00:15:26.919 --> 00:15:29.960 and this becomes I'm not even really thinking about what 251 00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:32.320 I'm doing. I'm just so worked up and activated and 252 00:15:32.519 --> 00:15:36.720 stressed that I'm just gonna do whatever I need to 253 00:15:36.759 --> 00:15:39.480 do to get that emotion out, which might be snapping 254 00:15:39.519 --> 00:15:43.360 at people, that might mean isolating, that might mean trying 255 00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:46.720 to hurry up and get through your work. And of 256 00:15:46.720 --> 00:15:48.879 course it's not going to stay at work. If it 257 00:15:49.120 --> 00:15:50.720 is coming out at work, it's going to come home 258 00:15:50.799 --> 00:15:54.519 to well, if you're buyers, live by yourself, it's going 259 00:15:54.600 --> 00:15:57.120 to come out in you know, some negative ways. Extreme 260 00:15:57.159 --> 00:16:01.720 ways could be like drinking by yourself. Even with family, 261 00:16:01.799 --> 00:16:03.399 it might be not wanting to spend time with them, 262 00:16:03.480 --> 00:16:07.360 being short with them. So stress is something that can 263 00:16:07.519 --> 00:16:10.279 impact us on the daily and it can start out 264 00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:12.879 very small but ultimately have pretty lasting effects. 265 00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:20.720 So what are some of the signs, Because you know, 266 00:16:20.879 --> 00:16:23.480 we all have loved ones, we all have close friends, 267 00:16:23.559 --> 00:16:28.039 we all have people that that may count on us, 268 00:16:28.200 --> 00:16:33.960 but we or or you know from children that you know, 269 00:16:34.279 --> 00:16:37.799 what are some of the signs that stress is actually 270 00:16:38.399 --> 00:16:40.000 driving the wheel instead of us? 271 00:16:42.639 --> 00:16:45.679 The great question, because I think a lot of times, 272 00:16:46.080 --> 00:16:50.639 especially especially if you're a high achiever out there, you're 273 00:16:50.679 --> 00:16:54.879 going to think that, well, I'm able to handle this, 274 00:16:55.039 --> 00:16:57.840 I can work through it. It's fine, it's fine. Especially 275 00:16:57.879 --> 00:16:59.519 as men, right, we tend to be like, it's fine, 276 00:16:59.559 --> 00:17:01.799 I can handle it. Rub some dirt on it, just 277 00:17:01.919 --> 00:17:02.679 keep going. 278 00:17:05.400 --> 00:17:06.640 On it. There you go. 279 00:17:09.640 --> 00:17:14.119 But unfortunately that's not going to make it go away. 280 00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:18.119 So what are some signs? Well, one of the common 281 00:17:18.160 --> 00:17:23.720 ones is you start to push away fun in your life. 282 00:17:24.279 --> 00:17:27.480 So those things that you used to enjoy you made 283 00:17:27.599 --> 00:17:31.640 time for, whether it's going to the gym, maybe it's 284 00:17:31.720 --> 00:17:35.440 playing sports, going to the theaters, whatever it is, you 285 00:17:35.559 --> 00:17:38.400 start to do less and less of that because well, 286 00:17:38.599 --> 00:17:41.440 you have so many other things going on and those 287 00:17:41.480 --> 00:17:42.759 are now going to take priority. 288 00:17:43.759 --> 00:17:43.880 Right. 289 00:17:44.960 --> 00:17:51.839 Another common sign is over stimulation. So it sounds ridiculous, 290 00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:54.480 but I can't tell you the number of clients I've 291 00:17:54.559 --> 00:17:58.000 talked to about this. They are dealing with so much 292 00:17:58.039 --> 00:18:00.440 stress that when they get home, all they want to 293 00:18:00.519 --> 00:18:02.640 do is just stare at a wall for like an hour. 294 00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:07.400 Oh wow, because there's just so much on their plate 295 00:18:07.759 --> 00:18:11.319 and they're making so many decisions, They're dealing with so 296 00:18:11.440 --> 00:18:13.839 many people who may or may not be competent in 297 00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:17.839 what they're doing, and so I just I need time 298 00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:20.240 away from everything. I don't want to look at a screen, 299 00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:22.480 I don't want to talk to anybody. I'm just going 300 00:18:22.559 --> 00:18:24.759 to stare at the wall for a little bit until 301 00:18:24.880 --> 00:18:32.039 I can decompress. Excuse me, Wow, another thing, I'll give 302 00:18:32.079 --> 00:18:34.359 you this last one or third thing. I could keep going, 303 00:18:34.440 --> 00:18:37.079 but the third thing that you're going to notice when 304 00:18:37.279 --> 00:18:42.839 you're chronically stressed, you're going to notice those physiological changes 305 00:18:42.880 --> 00:18:46.319 in your body. And because we're always in our bodies, 306 00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:50.680 we're not necessarily always aware of the changes, because again 307 00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:53.960 they're subtle and they can build over time. Are you 308 00:18:54.079 --> 00:18:58.559 clenching your jaw a lot more? Are you storing tension 309 00:18:59.079 --> 00:19:02.519 more so than you do? So? For me, it's in 310 00:19:02.599 --> 00:19:05.160 my shoulders, right. I know that if I'm walking around 311 00:19:05.240 --> 00:19:09.400 like a scarecrow, then there's something going on. So if 312 00:19:09.400 --> 00:19:11.519 you're able to pay attention to these signs. It's not, 313 00:19:11.720 --> 00:19:15.000 of course, a surefire away that you're dealing with too 314 00:19:15.079 --> 00:19:20.079 much stress, but it is they are likely signs. They 315 00:19:20.119 --> 00:19:23.400 are signs that you are likely dealing with too much stress. 316 00:19:24.599 --> 00:19:30.200 Wow. Last week I interviewed doctor Gloria Vanderhurst and we 317 00:19:30.319 --> 00:19:32.839 were talking about that just a little bit as well, 318 00:19:33.599 --> 00:19:38.119 and that just made me think of the physiological changes 319 00:19:38.200 --> 00:19:41.240 that you go through. It can also be weight gain, 320 00:19:41.400 --> 00:19:44.839 It can be something as acne and things like that 321 00:19:45.079 --> 00:19:47.759 that you're starting to see in some cases, you know, 322 00:19:47.759 --> 00:19:50.680 it could even be hair loss and things of that 323 00:19:50.920 --> 00:19:55.480 nature that all play into it. Wow. I was also 324 00:19:55.599 --> 00:19:59.839 telling her, well, you made me think of I used 325 00:19:59.839 --> 00:20:01.920 to work it for a company, and I'd been there 326 00:20:01.960 --> 00:20:03.839 for a long time, but I got to the point 327 00:20:03.880 --> 00:20:06.960 where I was just so exhausted and so burnt out 328 00:20:07.039 --> 00:20:10.640 with it that when I would pull into the parking 329 00:20:10.720 --> 00:20:14.200 lot in the mornings, I would sit there in my 330 00:20:14.440 --> 00:20:19.359 car and just have to close my eyes and meditate 331 00:20:19.440 --> 00:20:23.799 for ten to fifteen minutes just to try to make 332 00:20:23.839 --> 00:20:26.640 it through the day, to give myself the strength to 333 00:20:26.720 --> 00:20:29.440 even walk in the building, because I didn't want to 334 00:20:29.519 --> 00:20:33.559 be there and it was just that bad. And when 335 00:20:33.640 --> 00:20:37.839 my wife and I, when we started dating, we would 336 00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:42.880 give ourselves ten minutes. Okay, you got ten minutes, tell 337 00:20:42.920 --> 00:20:45.039 me about your day, you know, get it all out, 338 00:20:45.839 --> 00:20:48.279 and she gets hers out, I get mine out, and 339 00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:50.480 after that we don't talk about work anymore. 340 00:20:51.559 --> 00:20:51.720 You know. 341 00:20:51.960 --> 00:20:54.480 It was just that was the only way that I could, 342 00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:57.400 I could deal with it was just all right, let 343 00:20:57.480 --> 00:21:00.799 me get it out and now it's out. Well it's done, 344 00:21:01.839 --> 00:21:06.359 let me move forward. And that was my coping mechanism 345 00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:09.839 for it. It was just otherwise I probably would have 346 00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:13.559 just completely just lost it over those years. You know, 347 00:21:13.720 --> 00:21:17.519 it just you know, you think of it to a balloon, 348 00:21:18.079 --> 00:21:20.720 and you keep pushing air into that balloon, and sooner 349 00:21:20.759 --> 00:21:22.759 or later that balloon is gonna pop if you don't 350 00:21:23.119 --> 00:21:24.400 start letting some of it out. 351 00:21:25.319 --> 00:21:29.240 Man, it sure is. And I have to say, the 352 00:21:29.960 --> 00:21:32.759 techniques you were using, although they maybe didn't feel like 353 00:21:32.799 --> 00:21:35.960 they were enough at the time, those are some pretty 354 00:21:36.079 --> 00:21:38.319 high level the techniques that you were doing. I mean, 355 00:21:38.960 --> 00:21:42.279 spending time meditating trying to get your focus back is 356 00:21:42.359 --> 00:21:45.839 one thing. Then also having someone you could talk to 357 00:21:46.559 --> 00:21:49.799 to vent to to get all that negative nonsense out. 358 00:21:49.920 --> 00:21:53.200 But then putting it away for the rest of the evening. 359 00:21:54.440 --> 00:21:57.599 That is not always easy to do, yet it is 360 00:21:57.720 --> 00:22:02.680 something that can be extremely helpful well, because imagine if 361 00:22:02.759 --> 00:22:05.400 someone even with the meditation, just came home and just 362 00:22:05.480 --> 00:22:08.519 wanted to rage and kind of vent for the next hour. 363 00:22:08.680 --> 00:22:11.079 I mean, right, that's a whole hour out of the day, 364 00:22:11.640 --> 00:22:14.759 and then maybe you know, as the night goes on, Oh, 365 00:22:14.880 --> 00:22:16.599 this thing reminded me of that other thing that I 366 00:22:16.640 --> 00:22:18.319 forgot to tell you about it working. Now we're right 367 00:22:18.400 --> 00:22:21.960 back on work and it's now we're spending upwards of 368 00:22:22.559 --> 00:22:29.240 one two hours just just simmering in this negativity. And 369 00:22:29.680 --> 00:22:32.319 understandable if you have a job where you're feeling burned out, 370 00:22:32.880 --> 00:22:37.359 it's also not always going to help you through that burnout. 371 00:22:38.200 --> 00:22:41.400 Yeah, that's so true, especially when you look at it 372 00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:45.799 as you're in the office and you're getting off work 373 00:22:45.839 --> 00:22:49.359 at five. Now you're coming home and you've spent forty 374 00:22:49.440 --> 00:22:51.759 five minutes to an hour in a car in traffic 375 00:22:52.200 --> 00:22:55.559 to get home, and now you're home in front of 376 00:22:55.640 --> 00:22:58.799 your spouse and you got kids there that you got 377 00:22:58.920 --> 00:23:02.400 to deal with. But yet you have this negative energy 378 00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:08.160 that you have not gotten out, and now the kids 379 00:23:08.200 --> 00:23:10.039 are starting to fill the brunt of all of this, 380 00:23:10.279 --> 00:23:13.759 and yeah, it's it's a it can be a very 381 00:23:14.039 --> 00:23:16.720 dangerous cycle if we don't deal with it in the 382 00:23:16.839 --> 00:23:17.240 right way. 383 00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:21.559 Agreed wholeheartedly and exactly what you said too. Especially if 384 00:23:21.559 --> 00:23:23.799 you got kids. They pick up on that stuff. Even 385 00:23:23.799 --> 00:23:26.480 if you don't have kids, your significant other is likely 386 00:23:26.599 --> 00:23:29.079 going to know, hey, something's kind of off with you. 387 00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:36.519 Yeah. Yeah, even your pets know. I mean, yeah, I know. 388 00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:39.759 My dog used to come in and look, so Daddy's 389 00:23:39.759 --> 00:23:41.680 something and look at me and let me go the 390 00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:42.119 other way. 391 00:23:45.839 --> 00:23:47.559 I got to give him those ten minutes. 392 00:23:48.319 --> 00:23:51.240 That's right, give me ten I could play with you. 393 00:23:53.759 --> 00:23:57.279 But a lot of times when it comes to stress, 394 00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:03.880 we are way more reactive in our decision makings. 395 00:24:04.759 --> 00:24:10.319 Why do you feel that that is the case, Well, 396 00:24:10.359 --> 00:24:13.480 it goes back to what I mentioned a little bit earlier, 397 00:24:13.759 --> 00:24:19.519 that when we are at a high enough emotional intensity 398 00:24:20.160 --> 00:24:24.839 that right or higher. Yeah, that's just natural. It's human 399 00:24:24.960 --> 00:24:28.119 nature that we're just going to react. Now, if we're 400 00:24:28.160 --> 00:24:31.319 talking about even the zero to seven, maybe we're still 401 00:24:31.359 --> 00:24:34.759