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Speaker 1: I hadn't been back to the house in almost two years,

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not since I left for college. The siding was more

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weather worn than I remembered, and the porch steps creaked

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louder under my weight. Everything about it looked smaller, sun faded,

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and tired. My parents didn't live there anymore after the divorce.

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They held on to it out of some quiet mutual guilt,

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neither one wanting to be the one to let it go.

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But now that I was technically an adult, they said

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it was time. I was only there to collect what

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was mine. A few boxes, maybe a crate of old clothes,

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some books, and whatever junk I had left behind in

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the attic. The idea was simple, go in, pack, leave,

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but nothing about stepping through that door felt simple. The

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living room still had that hollow smell, a mix of

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dust an old couch fabric. Most of the furniture was

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already gone, but my feet still knew where to walk

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when not to. I climbed the attic ladder slowly, not

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because it was steep or broken, but because I didn't

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want to see what was up there. The attic had

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always felt stuck in time. Boxes were stacked along the

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walls all of them labeled in my mom's handwriting winter clothes,

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kitchen stuff. There was one that just said toys. The

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marker had bled into the cardboard from years of moisture.

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I peeled it open and sifted through it lazily. The

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first thing I saw was an odd set of plastic binoculars,

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bright green, with one cracked lins and a faded strap.

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I remember using them in the backyard with Daniel calling out,

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but ten sightings of exotic animals shouting through the brush

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like we were explorers. Beneath them, I found a handful

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of scratched hot wheel cars, still chipped in the exact

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same places. I remembered a wooden puzzle with a few

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pieces missing. Our old rubber snake, the one Daniel used

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to hide under my pillow when he wanted to mess

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with me. My throat caught for a second and I

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smiled without meaning too. But then I saw it buried

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under a pile of action figures and a plastic dinosaur.

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Was the old walky talkie. My hand froze before I

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even touched it. I didn't know why. It was just

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a piece of scratched metal, dusty long since broken, but

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my stomach twisted anyway. My mouth went dry. I hadn't

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thought about it in years, not since Daniel. I picked

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it up. It wasn't as heavy as it used to

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be when we were kids, or maybe I'd just grown

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that much. The antenna was bent sideways, and the entire

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thing was a mess. But something in my chest folded

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inward the second I held it. There was no reason

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for the panic that came with it, no reason for

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my hands to start sweating. I sat with the walkie

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talkie for a long time, cross legged on the attic floor,

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staring at it in my palm, A memory floating up

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without warning, Daniel's voice coming through the static of foggy recollections.

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This is Eagle too to base over. His voice was

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all too excited for the game. I used to roll

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my eyes at how seriously he took it, but I

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never told him to stop. I'd play along, ducking behind

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trees and whispering him to my own walkie talkie, pretending

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I couldn't see him even when he was in plain sight.

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Our games of pretend worked so well because we believed

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each other. We spent hours out there in the woods

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behind the fence, where the trees grew close and the

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ground was soft with old leaves. There was never a

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question of what to play. We always went straight for

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the woods, always with walkie talkies. We were explorers and soldiers,

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but most importantly we were brothers. I remember his laugh

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carrying through the branches. Then came the accident. I don't

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let myself think about it. Daniel snuck off into the

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woods alone, maybe chasing a bird, maybe just playing by himself.

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My parents always wondered why he'd go off on his own.

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He slipped near the creek, fell into the water, and

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couldn't get out. He died of hypothermia some time in

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the early hours of the morning, before anyone noticed he

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was missing. I say it the same way every time,

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even though my voice gets tighter with each telling. My

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parents were shattered. They held it together for me, but

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it was never the same. After the funeral, everything felt quieter.

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Nobody used the word haunted, but I felt it in

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the way they looked at the woods, in how no

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one ever stepped past the back fence again. I put

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the one I found in my backpack and climbed back

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down the ladder. I didn't look back at the box.

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I didn't want to see anything else. The drive wasn't long,

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but my head felt heavy the entire way. I kept

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glancing at my backpack in the passenger seat, half expecting

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to hear something from it. The walkie talkie hadn't left

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my mind since I pulled it out of that attic box.

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I couldn't explain why. I dropped the keys on the counter,

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kicked off my shoes, and sat on the edge of

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the couch with a walkie my hands. Again, it looked

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even older under the apartment light. I flipped the switch

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on out of habit. No power, it seemed at first,

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but when I held the talk button down there was

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a faint hiss of static. It buzzed for a second,

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then cut off. I let go, pressed it again, same thing,

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just the faint buzz. The batteries should have been dead,

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that was the first thing I thought. I opened the

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back panel and slid them out. The battery compartment was corroded.

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A sort of green white crust fell out of the

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battery compartment. I let the batteries out, but out of

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some weird curiosity, I pressed the talque button again. Static.

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It was quiet and broken, but it was there. My

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thumb hovered over the button again, but I didn't push it.

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I just set the thing down on the edge of

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my desk and rubbed my eyes. Maybe the walking was

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damaged in some way, feeding on leftover static from nearby frequencies.

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I didn't want to think about it too much. I

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didn't know. I didn't care to dig deep into it.

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It was just a ghost of a toy, nothing more.

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I left it on the shelf near the window. That night,

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I brushed my teeth, plugged in my phone, and got

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into bed. The room was quiet, except for the occasional

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cars outside and the hum of the fridge in the kitchenette.

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I was drifting when I heard it, a low crackle,

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just for a second. I sat up, listened. Nothing followed it.

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I didn't even press the talk button this time. Still,

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I laid back down and tried to sleep. I told

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myself not to overthink it. I wo cup to static,

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not loud, but enough to stir me. I turned my

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head and saw the walky talkie still on the shelf,

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right where i'd left it, A thin, shallow hiss. Again

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I hadn't touched it. I sat up and stared at

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it for a minute, thought about unplugging it, even though

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it wasn't plugged into anything. I laughed to myself as

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I reached over and dropped it into the top drawer

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of my desk, closed it gently, out of sight, out

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of mind. I tried to start my day. Classes were fine.

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I half listened to lectures and nodded in the right places.

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I didn't want to admit it, but the sorrow of

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losing Daniel was hitting me all over again. I met

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up with friends in the afternoon, hung around campus, grabbed

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drinks at a place near the Quad. I laughed at

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jokes I didn't fully hear. By the time we were

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stuffing our faces with greasy sandwiches from a cart that

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only opened after dark, I'd nearly forgotten about the walkie

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talkie altogether. I stumbled back into my apartment just before midnight.

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I dropped my bag, kicked the door close to my heel,

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and leaned against the wall to get my balance. Everything

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felt hazy, in that warm way that comes with drinking.

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Then before I could even get my thoughts straight, I

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heard it again. The drawer was closed, but I heard

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the crackle this time. It wasn't soft. It had an

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edge to it, a sharpness, like something was trying to

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come through. I stood there and listened with a focus

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I didn't know I could have. While inebriated. The sound shifted,

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the static dipped and broke apart, like wind through a microphone.

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There was something else under it, just a murmur, something

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too soft to make out, but too exact to just ignore.

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I practically ran over to it, opened the drawer and

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stared down at it. The walky talkie was cold in

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my hand. The noise didn't stop. It might have even

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gotten louder. It whispered under my fingers. I gripped it tighter,

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waiting for something more, but it just kept crackling. I

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put it back in the drawer and went to the

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bathroom to splash water my face. I tried my face

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with a towel and leaned against the bathroom sink. My

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head was but not from the drinks. Something about that

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sound from the drawer had stuck with me. I hesitated

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before stepping back into the main room. The apartment was

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so quiet it felt loud. I closed the bathroom door

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behind me and walked back toward the desk. The drawer

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was still shut. I stared at it for a long second,

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then turned away to grab a bottle of water from

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the kitchen. That was when I heard it, clearer than

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anything before. Jackie, my heart stopped. It came from the

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drawer through the static. A child's voice, soft but watery,

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froze in the middle of the room. Bottles still in

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my hand. My name. No one called me that anymore,

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not since I was a kid. I took one slow

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step toward the desk. The voice didn't repeat itself. The

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crackle faded, but the echo of the word was still

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alive in my mind. I opened the drawer and stared

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down at the walkie talkie. It hadn't moved, obviously, and

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even the static was not present anymore. But I swear

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the air around it felt different. I reached in, picked

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it up, and almost immediately dropped it. It wasn't hot,

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but it felt wrong in my hand, off like it

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remembered something I didn't. I sat down and just stared

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at it on the floor. My pulled was hammering now,

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and I still gave myself a million excuses. Old electronics

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did weird things. It was probably feeding off static interference

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or some forgotten frequency band, maybe even a neighbor's baby

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monitor somehow I put the walkie talkie back in the drawer,

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but it didn't stop. Every time I was alone, the

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sound came back. Sometimes it was faint static, barely audible

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unless the room was silent. Sometimes it was louder, the

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crackle building into a voice, just at the edge of understanding.

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I'd be brushing my teeth or pouring coffee, and I'd

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hear it behind the door, a soft, rising hiss, then

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sometimes words. Why that one came through clear. I stood

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frozen in my kitchen when I heard it. The voice

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didn't sound angry, it didn't even sound confused, just hurt.

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After that, I moved it to the hall closet. I

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didn't want it near me when I slept after it

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sobbed quiet and fragile. I stood outside the closet and

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listened to the sound of a child crying through lays

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of static. Not sure if I wanted to open the

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door or run, I didn't do either. I just pressed

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my hand to the wood and stayed there. One night,

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I walked past the closet to get to the bathroom

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and heard it again, soft and unmistakable. I'm scared. I

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didn't go back to sleep after that. I needed to

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shut it out. I picked up extra shifts of the

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coffee shop. I went out whenever I could. I stayed

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in motion, worked through lunch, met up with friends in

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the evenings, smoked when I was alone, drank when I wasn't.

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I told jokes, I laughed harder than I felt. I

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hooked up with some one I didn't really want to

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see again, just so I wouldn't be alone in bed.

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But every time I came home, the apartment felt heavier.

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I would avoid the hallway, wouldn't even glance at the

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closet when I walked by. It was now constantly mumbling.

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I could hear it through my front door before I

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even entered. Not loud enough to make out, but constant,

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always there. I couldn't even tell anyone about it. What

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would I tell them I was hearing children through a

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walkie talkie. I wanted to throw it out. I wanted

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to drive to the edge of town and leave it

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in a ditch. But I couldn't because it was ours.

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Because no matter how broken it is, no matter how

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wrong it felt, it still held pieces of him. We

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loved those walkie talkies. I remembered him carrying his everywhere.

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I remembered the look in his face when we got them.

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I still loved him, I always would. So I left

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it there, even though I knew something was wrong, even

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though I could feel it getting worse. The dreams started

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again without warning. I hadn't dreamt about the forest in years,

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but now every night it pulled me back there. The

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trees were always tall and imposing. They leaned inward, bending

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in ways that made the sky vanish. I heard rushing water,

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constant and fast, but I could never see the creak.

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At first, I would just wonder aimlessly until it came

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into view. Daniel lay in the middle of it, face down, motionless.

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The water moved around his legs, dark and fast, tugging

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at the hem of his soaked shirt. His arms hung

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stiff at his side, elbows slightly bent, fingers bent in

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unnatural ways. The skin on his hands looked swollen, loose

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around the knuckles. Eventually he would lift his head. His

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00:19:05,839 --> 00:19:09,640
face was pale and sunken in strange places, as if

238
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,680
parts of it had softened and slipped beneath the surface.

239
00:19:13,759 --> 00:19:17,759
His cheeks bulged around the edges, pockets of water pressing

240
00:19:17,839 --> 00:19:22,880
under the skin. His eyes were clouded, no light in them,

241
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,880
just a dull, gray sheen with no focus. His lips

242
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:31,279
were split, stretched back from the gums, teeth showing through

243
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:35,960
like they hadn't been clenched for hours. Small pieces of

244
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:39,920
hair clung to his forehead in wet clumps, plastered flat

245
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:46,480
against his skin. Sometimes his jaw would shift slightly, twitching

246
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,279
as if he was trying to speak but couldn't remember how.

247
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:57,960
Other times he would scream, the sound didn't match the motion.

248
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,000
His mouth would be barely move yet the noise came

249
00:20:02,039 --> 00:20:07,920
out loud and sharp, tearing through the forest. One night,

250
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,880
when he finally did speak, it was a whisper pressed

251
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:20,680
against my ears. It's not funny anymore. I woke up gasping,

252
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:25,319
drenched in sweat. My sheets were damp. My hands were

253
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:28,880
clenched into fists so tight I had to pry them open.

254
00:20:30,039 --> 00:20:32,240
I left the lights on for the rest of the night.

255
00:20:33,559 --> 00:20:38,079
Still I could hear the water sometimes, not just in

256
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:44,039
my dreams. The thing that would forever change me happened

257
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:48,079
after a long night out, not long after the dream started.

258
00:20:49,519 --> 00:20:53,039
I'd stayed at a friend's place too late, drank too much,

259
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:56,519
and talked to people I barely remembered. By the next morning.

260
00:20:57,839 --> 00:21:01,039
I wanted to feel normal again. I wanted to laugh

261
00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:06,720
and pretend things were fine. That night, I almost pulled

262
00:21:06,759 --> 00:21:10,720
it off, but when I got back to the apartment,

263
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:17,119
something felt off worse than usual. The hallway light was on,

264
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:22,559
though I couldn't remember leaving it that way. I walked

265
00:21:22,599 --> 00:21:25,839
past the closet and paused, half expecting to hear the

266
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:34,599
usual quiet mumbling. Instead, the walky talkie started screaming. Not

267
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:41,559
a voice, not words, just screaming, raw and wet. It

268
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:46,440
sounded full of water, full of pain, stretched thin across static.

269
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,880
My knees buckled. I opened the closet, reached in and

270
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:56,799
grabbed it without thinking. The sound poured out of it,

271
00:21:56,839 --> 00:22:01,640
too loud for something that small. I slammed it against

272
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:09,519
the wall. The screaming stopped. I stood in the middle

273
00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:13,440
of the hall with my chest heaving. I felt sober

274
00:22:13,519 --> 00:22:16,680
in a way that made my skin itch. Bits of

275
00:22:16,799 --> 00:22:20,880
plastic and wire scattered across the floor. The casing was

276
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:29,039
cracked into one half, still buzzing faintly. I couldn't sleep.

277
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:34,599
I felt guilty, and so with shaking hands, I picked

278
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,440
up the pieces and brought them back to my bedroom.

279
00:22:38,599 --> 00:22:41,720
I taped the body back together, wrapped the antennae with

280
00:22:41,839 --> 00:22:44,960
duct tape, did whatever I could to make it whole again.

281
00:22:46,559 --> 00:22:51,799
It didn't take much. The second had held shape, even loosely.

282
00:22:52,680 --> 00:23:01,440
The speaker crackled. Then came the voice, Come back, Jackie,

283
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:08,599
and the screaming started again. It blared through the speaker

284
00:23:08,839 --> 00:23:13,279
so loud I nearly dropped it. Not words, just the wet,

285
00:23:13,559 --> 00:23:19,000
broken scream stretched until it didn't sound human. It tore

286
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,759
through the room and pushed into my skull, the sound

287
00:23:22,799 --> 00:23:26,359
of someone drowning with her mouth open. I tried to

288
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:30,279
turn the knob, nothing happened. I flipped the switch off

289
00:23:30,319 --> 00:23:39,200
and on again. No change. It kept screaming. I stumbled backward,

290
00:23:39,559 --> 00:23:43,200
clutching the thing like it might burn me. The scream

291
00:23:43,319 --> 00:23:47,680
dipped for a moment, then shifted. It didn't stop, but

292
00:23:47,799 --> 00:23:55,319
it changed into something worse. Where are you Danny? The

293
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:59,400
voice was sharp, now, a child's voice trying to speak

294
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:04,880
through water. The speaker gurgled with every syllable. My hands

295
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:08,799
were shaking so badly I could barely hold the walkie.

296
00:24:09,319 --> 00:24:11,839
I set it down on the desk, but the noise

297
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:19,160
didn't stop. I'm scared, it said, again. I'm scared. Again,

298
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:25,200
I'm scared. I packed away, My shoulders hit the edge

299
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:29,240
of the door frame. My chest felt tight. I could

300
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:33,440
hear my own breathing rising over the static, but the

301
00:24:33,559 --> 00:24:44,559
voice kept going. Then everything stopped silence. Three slow knocks

302
00:24:44,599 --> 00:24:49,799
against my bedroom door, my bedroom, just inches from where

303
00:24:49,839 --> 00:24:56,319
I stood. The knocks came again, slower this time. Then

304
00:24:56,599 --> 00:25:01,359
came the dripping, A soft, steady tap tapping on the

305
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:06,240
floorboards right outside the door. I couldn't see it, but

306
00:25:06,319 --> 00:25:11,279
I could hear it, and somehow that was worse. I

307
00:25:11,279 --> 00:25:15,640
imagined bare feet standing on soaked wood. I imagined water

308
00:25:15,839 --> 00:25:19,319
running down the other side of the door. I stared

309
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:24,720
at the handle, convinced it would start turning, And right

310
00:25:24,759 --> 00:25:28,359
before I felt it would, the memories all came back

311
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,599
in a rush, not as a clean memory or a

312
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:35,079
full scene, but as a sinking way to my chest,

313
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,720
a sharp crack in the middle of my thoughts that

314
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:46,720
forced everything else to fall through. We had snuck out

315
00:25:46,759 --> 00:25:51,319
that night. I was the one who planned it, the

316
00:25:51,319 --> 00:25:54,480
one who whispered the idea across the room while her

317
00:25:54,480 --> 00:26:00,160
parents slept behind the wall. Daniel had been hesitant, always

318
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,240
more careful than I was, but when I showed him

319
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,920
the flashlights and told him it would just be a

320
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:09,559
few minutes, just a quick game in the woods, he

321
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:15,839
nodded and smiled and followed me without asking any questions.

322
00:26:16,839 --> 00:26:23,319
He always followed me, even when he shouldn't have. We

323
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,039
went through the back fence the way we always had,

324
00:26:26,519 --> 00:26:29,759
through the loose panel near the shed, and stepped into

325
00:26:29,799 --> 00:26:33,359
the woods with our lights flicking ahead of us, our

326
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:36,720
sneakers pushed through wet grass, and the sound of night

327
00:26:36,839 --> 00:26:40,680
pressing in from all sides. I remember the way his

328
00:26:40,839 --> 00:26:44,440
laugh bounced between the trees, how it made everything feel

329
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,920
safe for a little while. He and I loved the

330
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:52,920
idea of sneaking out being mischievous. He kept his walkie

331
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,799
talkie pressed to his mouth, calling out dumb nicknames, trying

332
00:26:56,839 --> 00:27:00,599
to sound official, trying to make it into a real mission.

333
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,960
I teased him for it, tell him he needed to

334
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:12,119
stop acting like a baby. He just laughed again. At

335
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:15,519
some point I told him we should play hide and seek,

336
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:18,720
that he'd counter thirty and he had to find me,

337
00:27:19,279 --> 00:27:22,920
and that we wouldn't leave until he did. I promised

338
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:26,640
I wouldn't make it too hard for him. He grinned

339
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:30,079
at the idea and bolted into the underbrush with his flashlight,

340
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:34,480
swinging side to side, shouting I'm going to start counting now.

341
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:39,720
As his voice disappeared behind the trees, I turned off

342
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:44,119
my flashlight and walked in the opposite direction, not into

343
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:48,920
the woods, but out through the fence, across the yard

344
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:53,480
and straight into the house. I wanted to mess with

345
00:27:53,559 --> 00:27:57,680
him just a little. I wanted to scare him, let

346
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,880
him call through the walkie talkie and get no resk,

347
00:28:01,079 --> 00:28:03,160
let him think I was hiding from him while I

348
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:08,839
lay warm in my bed. At the time, it felt harmless,

349
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:13,440
funny even I remember thinking I was teaching him something

350
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:19,599
that he needed to toughen up. I left him out there.

351
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,279
I climbed into bed, pulled the covers over my head,

352
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:28,480
and waited for him to break character. I expected to

353
00:28:28,519 --> 00:28:31,720
hear the door creak open, hearing come stomping in with

354
00:28:31,799 --> 00:28:34,920
fake anger in his voice. I thought i'd hear the

355
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:38,839
walkie talkie chirp with one of his goofy catchphrases, some

356
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:46,559
dramatic line about how he'd survived the mission. Instead, I

357
00:28:46,599 --> 00:28:52,079
heard static. The walkie talkie was in my hands, turned

358
00:28:52,119 --> 00:28:56,720
to his frequency. It was just fuzz at first, cutting

359
00:28:56,799 --> 00:29:02,240
in and out, but then something else pushed through. I

360
00:29:02,279 --> 00:29:05,559
couldn't make out the words. Then it didn't sound clear,

361
00:29:06,319 --> 00:29:10,519
just wet and broken, full of wind and distance, her

362
00:29:10,599 --> 00:29:17,039
voice trying to climb through a storm. I fell asleep

363
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:22,519
listening to it. I don't remember when the sound stopped,

364
00:29:23,119 --> 00:29:25,839
only that I was holding the radio when the sun

365
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:30,839
came through the blinds now standing in my room with

366
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:34,039
a dripping still faintly echoing from the other side of

367
00:29:34,079 --> 00:29:37,039
the door, and the walky talkie pulsing with heat in

368
00:29:37,079 --> 00:29:42,039
my hand, I understood exactly what it had been saying.

369
00:29:43,599 --> 00:29:47,319
Those broken phrases, the things I had been hearing for weeks.

370
00:29:48,799 --> 00:29:53,920
They weren't new. I had heard them that night. I

371
00:29:53,960 --> 00:30:00,599
had just chosen to forget. I didn't realize was crying

372
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:04,319
until my voice cracked so hard it collapsed in my throat.

373
00:30:05,359 --> 00:30:07,559
I dropped to the floor with the walk He pressed

374
00:30:07,559 --> 00:30:11,599
against my mouth and shouted into it. I screamed until

375
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,519
spit filled the corners of my mouth and my voice

376
00:30:14,559 --> 00:30:18,640
came out hoarse and shaking. I screamed his name over

377
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:22,160
and over, told him I was sorry, told him I

378
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:25,680
was a coward, told him he didn't deserve what I did.

379
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:29,039
Told him I never stopped thinking about him, even when

380
00:30:29,079 --> 00:30:32,519
I tried to forget. I told him I was wrong,

381
00:30:33,039 --> 00:30:35,640
that I knew I was wrong, that I left him

382
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,079
there because I thought I was better, thought I was clever,

383
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:44,960
thought it was just a joke. My face was soaked,

384
00:30:45,559 --> 00:30:49,279
my cheeks, my chin, my neck. Snot ran from my

385
00:30:49,359 --> 00:30:53,160
nose without stopping, and I didn't wipe it away. My

386
00:30:53,319 --> 00:30:57,519
chest ached, my stomach folded in on itself, and I

387
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:02,359
kept crying until I couldn't breathe. I clutched the walkie

388
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,279
like you could hear me better if I held it tighter.

389
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:08,960
I held it and to my knuckles were pale, and

390
00:31:09,039 --> 00:31:13,839
to my palms started to cramp. Every apology came out

391
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:18,039
heavier than the last, every word spilling through clenched teeth,

392
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:24,400
my body shaking under the weight of it. The walkie

393
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:32,359
talkie went quiet, and outside the door, the drippings stopped.

394
00:31:34,079 --> 00:31:38,359
I sat there in that silence, gasping for air, pulling

395
00:31:38,359 --> 00:31:41,759
it in through teeth, as if oxygen could push down

396
00:31:41,799 --> 00:31:45,559
the gilt, as if saying sorry one more time could

397
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:52,400
rewind anything. I don't know how long I stayed like that, minutes.

398
00:31:52,799 --> 00:31:58,240
Maybe ours time didn't move the same. I didn't notice

399
00:31:58,279 --> 00:32:02,480
when the world went still. I only knew I hadn't

400
00:32:02,519 --> 00:32:11,519
moved and didn't want to. But I kept speaking. I

401
00:32:11,599 --> 00:32:15,359
kept whispering into the walkie even after the sound died.

402
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:20,119
I whispered apologies until my throat gave out. I said

403
00:32:20,119 --> 00:32:22,720
his name until the word didn't sound real any more.

404
00:32:23,599 --> 00:32:26,400
I begged him not to hate me. I begged him

405
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:29,720
to believe I didn't mean it, even though I had

406
00:32:29,759 --> 00:32:34,200
walked away on purpose. The tears kept coming until I

407
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:38,599
had nothing left, Until the words stopped forming, My lips

408
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:42,279
moved without sound, my head slumped forward against the floor,

409
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:50,079
and somewhere in that endless, awful stillness, I fell asleep.

410
00:32:56,079 --> 00:32:59,599
When I woke up, my eyes were crusted shot, and

411
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,680
the light bleeding through the window was cold and gray.

412
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:07,559
My mouth was dry, my back stiff, and the walky

413
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:13,039
talkie was still pressed between my fingers. I sat up, slowly,

414
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:16,480
wiped my nose with a sleeve from my shirt, and

415
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:21,480
stared at the bedroom door. I didn't want to open it,

416
00:33:22,799 --> 00:33:29,519
but I did. Right outside the threshold, the wood floor

417
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:35,279
was soaked. A single puddle stretched across the boards, no trail,

418
00:33:35,599 --> 00:33:42,720
no sauce, just water, clear still and shining faintly under

419
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:47,200
the morning light. I wiped the morning from my eyes

420
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:53,680
and finally decided to confront it all. I went back

421
00:33:53,759 --> 00:33:59,480
to our family house one more time. I didn't turn

422
00:33:59,519 --> 00:34:03,200
any light on. When I stepped inside. The air was stale,

423
00:34:03,599 --> 00:34:06,799
and the carpet still held a scent of whatever candles

424
00:34:06,799 --> 00:34:10,599
my mom used to burn near the holidays. I walked

425
00:34:10,639 --> 00:34:13,800
through the quiet halls, past the photos on the wall,

426
00:34:14,199 --> 00:34:18,039
past the coathogs that held nothing, and into the living room.

427
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:23,280
Whether furniture had already been taken out. The only thing

428
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:26,199
left was the echo of what used to be there.

429
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:32,119
I sat down on the hardwood floor, my legs ached

430
00:34:32,119 --> 00:34:35,400
from the walk my chest heavier than it had been

431
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:38,719
in days. I set the walky, talking on the floor

432
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:44,840
in front of me. I'm sorry, Danny, I was a fool.

433
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:50,760
I walked out into the woods. The next morning. The

434
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:54,039
fence behind the shed was still loose, the boards still

435
00:34:54,079 --> 00:34:58,639
slightly detached where we used to sneak through. It hadn't changed,

436
00:34:59,199 --> 00:35:01,960
though the yard behind me had turned brown from neglect.

437
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,119
I slipped between the trees with the walkie in my

438
00:35:06,199 --> 00:35:10,719
coat pocket, stepping over fallen branches and patches of soft,

439
00:35:11,079 --> 00:35:18,119
sun choked moss. I found the spot easily. I pulled

440
00:35:18,119 --> 00:35:20,960
the walkie out and held it for a while without

441
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:25,719
saying anything. The plastic had softened from the cracks the

442
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,199
tape holding it together, beginning to peel at the edges.

443
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:35,800
I looked down at it and said his name. Then

444
00:35:36,039 --> 00:35:42,159
I said I was sorry, one last time, as if

445
00:35:42,159 --> 00:35:47,719
he heard me. The static finally stopped, and it felt

446
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:53,280
like it had stopped for good. I knelt and dug

447
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:57,159
a small hole beneath the root of a tree, not deep,

448
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:01,639
just enough to place the walky inside. I covered it

449
00:36:01,679 --> 00:36:05,239
with soil, pressed the dirt down with my hands, and

450
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:09,800
sat there with my back against the tree trunk. There

451
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:17,480
were no prayers or closure, only silence. The wind moved

452
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:22,000
through the branches, the leaves overhead swayed gently, the sound

453
00:36:22,079 --> 00:36:26,320
brushing the top of the trees. I sat there until

454
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:29,480
I couldn't feel the weight in my chest anymore, and

455
00:36:29,599 --> 00:36:38,119
everything inside of me emptied out. I go back there, sometimes,

456
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:42,679
not for guilt or out of fear. I sit with

457
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:46,079
the tree and the dirt, the same ground where we

458
00:36:46,119 --> 00:36:52,840
once played, and I talked to him and when I do,

459
00:36:54,519 --> 00:37:00,360
I imagine he's somewhere close by, listening,