Speaker 1: This is Pod Popular Podcast for the People, The Great
Speaker 1: Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1: It's a great love to base. Hi again, everyone's Brian.
Speaker 1: How We welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's
Speaker 1: number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I
Speaker 1: am here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular
Speaker 1: Podcast for the People. I am once again at the
Speaker 1: one in Scottsdale, Arizona, which I just love. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be honest with you guys. I'm doing something that I
Speaker 1: consider cheating in the podcasting world. I don't want cheat
Speaker 1: on you, guys, but I'm gonna tell you so. I
Speaker 1: had a I am very very late to record and drop.
Speaker 1: The window between the time I recorded a podcast and
Speaker 1: when I release it to you guys is very very short.
Speaker 1: I like to keep my podcasts fresh. I do not
Speaker 1: bank a bunch. I do not do them six months
Speaker 1: in advance. I do or I bang them out and
Speaker 1: you get them. And the deadline drop them generally is Tuesday,
Speaker 1: very very early in the morning. I am recording this
Speaker 1: on a Monday. I had a couple of guests lined up,
Speaker 1: and at the last minute they flaked and I have
Speaker 1: to get it on airplane. I'm gonna cheat a little.
Speaker 1: As soon as they uh so they had to cancel,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, don't do that. And then
Speaker 1: I remember an episode I did about a year and
Speaker 1: a half GOAT that was entitled please don't do that,
Speaker 1: and I really liked it and I got a bunch
Speaker 1: of feedback on it, so I'm gonna run it again
Speaker 1: as sort of a rerun. This is an intro to
Speaker 1: that rerun. And sorry if that seems like cheating, but
Speaker 1: a lot of guys didn't listen to that. A lot
Speaker 1: of you guys are new, so please forgive me if
Speaker 1: you've heard it before. If you have, If you haven't
Speaker 1: heard it before, take notes. If you have heard it before,
Speaker 1: good refresher for you. A whole bunch of things that
Speaker 1: I got submitted from you, weird questions, and I did
Speaker 1: a whole episode called please don't do that. Don't cancel
Speaker 1: on a podcast guests, because it really screws up the timing,
Speaker 1: and that trickles down to you guys. So without further ado,
Speaker 1: we're gonna roll it back again. And I appreciate it,
Speaker 1: thank you, So I'm gonna hit you guys with a
Speaker 1: whole bunch of scenarios and questions and habits that a
Speaker 1: lot of people either have been asking about or that
Speaker 1: I have noticed that they're doing. And my answer is,
Speaker 1: oh my god, please don't do that. So the first
Speaker 1: one I got because I noticed it and somebody asked
Speaker 1: my opinion on it, which really doesn't have anything to
Speaker 1: do with Great Love debate. They just socially ask my
Speaker 1: opinion about the married people. And there are quite a
Speaker 1: few of you who listen to this show, and you
Speaker 1: are a couple who I'm going to rule out Grandma
Speaker 1: and grandpa who are eighty five years old, and they
Speaker 1: do this, But say you are under sixty five, and
Speaker 1: you do this if you're a couple who combines your
Speaker 1: email address or your social media accounts, so it's Dave
Speaker 1: Brenda New York, or it's you know, and Andy a Gmail,
Speaker 1: And it's to say, please don't do that, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: please don't do that. Be people. Just because you got married,
Speaker 1: that shouldn't be your defining characteristic. You are not Siamese married.
Speaker 1: Can I is Siamese twins still an acceptable term? Is
Speaker 1: that offensive? Too? Conjoined? I think conjoined is the term sorry,
Speaker 1: any of our conjoined people out there who are listening,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but please don't do that. Be individual. People
Speaker 1: have your own thoughts and hobbies and habits and friends
Speaker 1: and people you want to communicate with. I can't even
Speaker 1: imagine the practicality of something like that, like honey email,
Speaker 1: Oh that's for you, did you answer it? It's ridiculous,
Speaker 1: it's dumb. You're far more likely to break up if
Speaker 1: you do something like this. I do believe that. So
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to start a new one anyway. So
Speaker 1: start now, save time. Sarah and John together forever at Gmail.
Speaker 1: Don't be together, not like that. That's the one that
Speaker 1: you can easily control. Set up your own social media.
Speaker 1: You're not an LLC, you know, under one umbrella, you
Speaker 1: could do your own thing. Set up your own emails,
Speaker 1: because if you don't get that an email that many emails,
Speaker 1: it is not a big deal. And if you get
Speaker 1: a ton of emails, it is a big deal that
Speaker 1: you're sharing it. It's ridiculous. Stop doing that. Please don't
Speaker 1: do that. The next thing, and I'm gonna give you
Speaker 1: is I'm watching the local news the other day, the
Speaker 1: morning news. I like the morning news. I like to
Speaker 1: know what's happening in whatever community I'm in. I like it.
Speaker 1: I like to take the temperature of it. I like
Speaker 1: how they do the weather in the traffic. I like it.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I'm watching the local news and they had
Speaker 1: a story on Devin Booker, of the of the Phoenix Suns,
Speaker 1: the basketball player breaking up with Kendra Kylie Kendall is there,
Speaker 1: Kendrick Kardashian Jenner a jet one of one of Kim's sisters,
Speaker 1: Kim's younger sisters. I don't know if she's a Jener Kardashian.
Speaker 1: Devin Booker was dating a Jenner Kardashian. I think it
Speaker 1: was Kendall. That's my final answer. Kendall. Sorry, Kim is
Speaker 1: top dog and then everybody else is everybody else. But anyway,
Speaker 1: the news people were reporting it as a news story,
Speaker 1: and I don't care how slow a news day. Your
Speaker 1: news story is. Devin Booker breaking up with whichever one
Speaker 1: of the Kim's sisters. That's not a news story. But
Speaker 1: that's not really my point. My point is if you
Speaker 1: were watching this and you had some sort of emotional
Speaker 1: reaction to it, please don't do that. You should never
Speaker 1: care about any relationship other than the one you're in,
Speaker 1: and if you aren't in one, you should care even
Speaker 1: less about other people's. So when you look at celebrities marriages,
Speaker 1: or your friend's relationships, or things you see on social media,
Speaker 1: or even your siblings or your parents or your grandparents,
Speaker 1: I think you know you know what is good and
Speaker 1: bad or going on with them. You think you know,
Speaker 1: and you're like, I want to be like them and
Speaker 1: root for them. Whether it's celebrities or even mom and dad.
Speaker 1: You don't have any idea what is going on. And
Speaker 1: I'm serious about that. People like you don't know. You
Speaker 1: don't know, you're not that close with your parents. Maybe
Speaker 1: I don't think you're as close with your parents as
Speaker 1: you think they are that you know the status of
Speaker 1: their relationship. Maybe Mom is secretly unhappy, she doesn't want
Speaker 1: to tell you necessarily, and she probably doesn't want to
Speaker 1: tell dad. Or maybe Dad has lost his feelings and
Speaker 1: that's why he fishes all the time. So you should
Speaker 1: root for their happiness, but you should root for everybody's happiness.
Speaker 1: You should want everybody to be happy and find love.
Speaker 1: That's what we're doing here. We want everybody to be
Speaker 1: happy and everybody to find love. But if you're trying
Speaker 1: to be like, oh my god, that I love that
Speaker 1: couple so much. I love them together. I loved j
Speaker 1: Lo and Ben Affleck. That's what she's still on Benefleck, right,
Speaker 1: Ben Affleck, I love them together. That's insane to me.
Speaker 1: Please don't do that. If you're someone who's spent one second,
Speaker 1: and there are a lot of you out there who
Speaker 1: spent far more than one second hoping that that Jennifer
Speaker 1: Aniston and Brad Pitt will get back together, please don't
Speaker 1: do that. They don't do that. I don't think Jen
Speaker 1: Anniston sits around wondering if she's gonna get back together
Speaker 1: with Brad Pitt. He's like fifteen boyfriends ago and a
Speaker 1: marriage ago and twenty years ago. So if they don't
Speaker 1: do that, why do you do that? Don't do that.
Speaker 1: Or you looked at pictures from your friend's vacation with
Speaker 1: her husband and think I want that. You don't even
Speaker 1: know what that is or who they are together. Please
Speaker 1: don't do that. Their business is not your business, and
Speaker 1: the reason for that is you truly have no idea
Speaker 1: about their business. So I have a little bit of
Speaker 1: idea about our business. I gotta take a quick break,
Speaker 1: because this is, after all, a business, even though I'm
Speaker 1: passionate curious as a business. And we'll get into some
Speaker 1: more of these things that you should please not do
Speaker 1: right after this, and we are back and I'm running
Speaker 1: through a whole bunch of things, a grabag full of
Speaker 1: things that please don't do that. So we've done whole
Speaker 1: episodes on this before. But if you go up to
Speaker 1: an X, or not even an X, maybe it's someone
Speaker 1: who just stopped calling you back, whether they ghosted you
Speaker 1: or not. You don't talk to them anymore when you
Speaker 1: see them at the supermarketer, you see them at a
Speaker 1: bar or a club, and you want to go up
Speaker 1: to and say, hey, why did you do that? Please
Speaker 1: don't do that. Don't do that. You won't get the
Speaker 1: answer you want. You're not Chris Hansen. These gotcha techniques,
Speaker 1: they are pointless with people who don't care about you,
Speaker 1: and they clearly don't care about you, certainly not now,
Speaker 1: probably not ever. If you do something because you're looking
Speaker 1: for answers, please don't do that. You're not getting them,
Speaker 1: not in the way you want, not what you want.
Speaker 1: It's just more wasted time thinking wondering, worrying, missing, someone
Speaker 1: who doesn't think, wonder, worry or miss you. If you're
Speaker 1: someone who's online dating, opener a lot of people. I
Speaker 1: ask people all this time online dating, what do you
Speaker 1: open with? What do you reach out with? And if
Speaker 1: your first line is how is your day? My god,
Speaker 1: please don't do that. Don't do that in person, and
Speaker 1: don't do that online. It is the laziest form of conversation.
Speaker 1: It does not show that you care. It shows that
Speaker 1: you don't care because you gave it no thought. Their
Speaker 1: answer won't matter because your question has already shown you
Speaker 1: were too boring to be dated in the first place.
Speaker 1: If that's what you're opening up with, small talk kills
Speaker 1: a friendship and it kills a potential relationship because you
Speaker 1: started things on a dull note. So I'm not going
Speaker 1: to get back into all the things that we've told
Speaker 1: you that you need to say and that you should say.
Speaker 1: Go listen to all of the episodes if you want those.
Speaker 1: But that is something you should never say or ask,
Speaker 1: how is your day? Use your imagination. Even if you're
Speaker 1: really curious about how someone's day was because you knew
Speaker 1: they had a tough day, ask it in a better way,
Speaker 1: or honestly, just say hi, how are you doing. That's better.
Speaker 1: It's not an assessment of their day, and you're asking
Speaker 1: somebody how is my day? I don't fucking know. It's
Speaker 1: two o'clock. It's not over. It's nails on a chalkboard.
Speaker 1: It's excruciating. Please don't do that. Do better. One of
Speaker 1: the oldest tenets we have around here at the GLD
Speaker 1: is to get rid of the words not my type.
Speaker 1: If you're over thirty and you're still single, you have
Speaker 1: no type. Your type is not working out for you.
Speaker 1: Please don't do that. Please stop saying or thinking I
Speaker 1: need this, this, and this. You don't because you've probably
Speaker 1: had some version of this, this and this before and
Speaker 1: it didn't work out for you. Because if you're looking
Speaker 1: for this, this, and this, you're missing out on that.
Speaker 1: That and that and that is definitely better than this,
Speaker 1: because you even't had that yet you had this. You're
Speaker 1: still here, still here saying so and so is not
Speaker 1: my type? Too big, too small, tublonde to this, do
Speaker 1: that all of it, Get rid of these, don't do
Speaker 1: that anymore. That is probably number one on the things
Speaker 1: people like, what piece of advice do you gotta give people.
Speaker 1: Get rid of the words not my type generally speaking. Also,
Speaker 1: just get rid of all your dumb rules when when
Speaker 1: when you will call them? When you think, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna call them now now it's time for me to
Speaker 1: say I love you, And most importantly now is when
Speaker 1: I think I will have sex with them. All these
Speaker 1: pre calculated formulaic equations that you've mapped out, if I
Speaker 1: do this, this and this, it's gonna make them do this,
Speaker 1: this and this. It's never going to be that. Ever,
Speaker 1: some woman emailed me the other day with I have
Speaker 1: a firm three month rule, no sex for three months
Speaker 1: of a new relationship. She meets somebody, she goes out
Speaker 1: of them. She want to have sex someone for three months,
Speaker 1: which which is absurd and insane and inconsistent. Not the
Speaker 1: three months, but because I guarantee you she has never
Speaker 1: waited three months for sex. Ever, It's just an arbitrary
Speaker 1: line in the sand that she decided to draw up
Speaker 1: one day to see if it sort of magically changed
Speaker 1: things for her. Please don't do that, because what does
Speaker 1: three months mean? What if you saw somebody four times
Speaker 1: in three months, you still go by the three months
Speaker 1: I say that people in long distance relationships. So I go,
Speaker 1: how long you've been dating? In like two years? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, when do you see each other like every
Speaker 1: other weekend? Unless you've seen each other like like forty times.
Speaker 1: So I'm not sure that's a relationship. Anybody can see
Speaker 1: anybody on weekends and holidays, that's easy. It's Tuesday morning
Speaker 1: when you gotta get up and go to work. That's
Speaker 1: a relationship anyway. So if you saw somebody four times
Speaker 1: in three months, I don't know. Is that three months? Well?
Speaker 1: What if you saw somebody every single day for eleven weeks?
Speaker 1: You still need to wait that last week because of
Speaker 1: this random thing you decided three months was magically going
Speaker 1: to change the outcome of your relationships. No, And the
Speaker 1: sex thing comes up so much at our live shows,
Speaker 1: the aforementioned live shows, and I usually steer away from it.
Speaker 1: And it's not I steer ever him because it's lazy
Speaker 1: or I'm aprud or anything. It's just such a random
Speaker 1: hole to go down, no pun intended. People are so
Speaker 1: nonsensical about it. So I'll just say this, if you
Speaker 1: are using sex as a referendum or a reward, please
Speaker 1: don't do that. Don't do that making him her wait.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean you know them better. It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: they like you better. It doesn't mean they respect you more.
Speaker 1: It just means they waited a little longer for sex
Speaker 1: after a while. For a lot of especially dudes, it's
Speaker 1: ROI like, you know what, I've been eighteen times. I
Speaker 1: guess I gotta wait eighteen times more. But eventually I'm
Speaker 1: I'm going to get that ROI I'm gonn get some
Speaker 1: return on this. It doesn't mean anything other than they
Speaker 1: just wait a little longer, and you're just as likely
Speaker 1: to break up the day after you had sex for
Speaker 1: the first time if you waited five years to do
Speaker 1: it as if you waited five hours to do it. It's
Speaker 1: the same. You don't know them well enough to commit
Speaker 1: to them or to be in a quote unquote monogamous
Speaker 1: relationship with them until you've had sex, because the sex
Speaker 1: changes everything. Everything prior to the sex is just ping
Speaker 1: pong warm up. It's fine, it helps, there's some feelings involved,
Speaker 1: but ultimately it's irrelevant until you find out about the
Speaker 1: sex and how that changes things. People get crazy both ways.
Speaker 1: It always changes things for him, for her, for you,
Speaker 1: so if you're playing games with it, please stop doing that.
Speaker 1: It's a dangerous game to play with yourself emotionally. You
Speaker 1: do it when you want to do it and when
Speaker 1: you're comfortable to do it, and has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with the other person and their feelings that they may
Speaker 1: or may not have for you. If you do it
Speaker 1: or don't do it, take ownership of it. If you're
Speaker 1: playing games with it, you're gotta get hurt. You wait
Speaker 1: three months great doesn't make you any more likely to
Speaker 1: be his girlfriend or fiance or wife. It just means
Speaker 1: you simply didn't have sex with somebody for three months,
Speaker 1: and then when you do, the clock starts again on
Speaker 1: some other avenue of your relationship. That's really the extent
Speaker 1: of it. It's a footnote in the paragraph in the
Speaker 1: chapter in the book on that note. Run of these people.
Speaker 1: If you're constantly taking the temperature of your status or
Speaker 1: how the other person feels, please don't do that. Am
Speaker 1: I your boyfriend? Do you see us together for five years?
Speaker 1: What are your hopes for us? Please stop doing that.
Speaker 1: People hate quizzes. People hate summing up feelings in words
Speaker 1: when you want them. Everybody's good at it. I'm pretty
Speaker 1: good at it because I spend a lot of time
Speaker 1: thinking about it. But most people when you ask them
Speaker 1: a question on the spot and they know that that
Speaker 1: question is you want to hear a certain answer in
Speaker 1: a certain way. It's not an honest conversation. It's not
Speaker 1: honest for you to ask it, and the answer you're
Speaker 1: going to give is probably not fully formulated. Words take
Speaker 1: time and they are private in their formation. To get
Speaker 1: the articulation. It's hard for people to do that. It's
Speaker 1: hard for people to write it, it's hard for people
Speaker 1: to say it, and it's certainly hard for you to
Speaker 1: boom get exactly what you want. Please don't do that.
Speaker 1: Putting somebody on the spot won't get you that. Asking
Speaker 1: how they feel in a moment might not say anything
Speaker 1: about how have I all feel in the morning. You're
Speaker 1: asking somebody guess about the future when they're still getting
Speaker 1: comfortable with the present and with you and with the
Speaker 1: two of you. Just focus on the feelings, not the
Speaker 1: expression of them. And a lot of people just really
Speaker 1: need to know because they want to give an answer
Speaker 1: to other people who are asking that, what's the deal
Speaker 1: with you two? Are you guys exclusive? Are you gonna
Speaker 1: get engaged, Are you gonna get married, You're gonna have kids,
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah blah blah, everybody, all the outsiders
Speaker 1: want to know. Takes me back to the beginning where
Speaker 1: you got to ignore everybody else doing it. Fuck them,
Speaker 1: fuck them, your need to announce every aspect of relationship
Speaker 1: all over our social media. Please don't do that. It's
Speaker 1: not necessary. Nobody cares, or the people who do care,
Speaker 1: you don't really want them to care. I'm not sure
Speaker 1: everybody's rooting for you. I'm not sure everybody's noticing what
Speaker 1: you want them to notice or the way you want
Speaker 1: them to. Like, stop doing that. Just be present in
Speaker 1: the moment, in the relationship and see where it goes.
Speaker 1: Not everything means something, Not everything has to mean something,
Speaker 1: And not every question has an answer, which is fine too.
Speaker 1: We raise there's a lot of questions around here, and
Speaker 1: we don't always have answers, and there's just as much
Speaker 1: value in that. And I really like that. So you
Speaker 1: asked me where my passion and curiosity is in this
Speaker 1: whole thing where I started out them. It's raising the questions.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we find the answers, sometimes we don't. Sometimes we
Speaker 1: share possibilities. That's all part of it, and that's what
Speaker 1: I like about it. Everything else, all these other little
Speaker 1: tricks and techniques and things you're trying to do, please
Speaker 1: don't do them, all of them. Most importantly, as always, likes, Share, subscribe,
Speaker 1: please review this podcast. Your reviews will always be appreciated
Speaker 1: and meet a lot in the podcasting ecosystem, because, as always,
Speaker 1: at the Great Love Debate, we never stop making love.
Speaker 1: See next time the Great Love Debate. It's the Great
Speaker 1: Love Debate, Great Love Debate. It's a great love Toby