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<v Speaker 1>This is Pod Popular Podcast for the People, The Great

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<v Speaker 1>Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a great love to base. Hi again, everyone's Brian.

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<v Speaker 1>How We welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's

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<v Speaker 1>number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I

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<v Speaker 1>am here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular

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<v Speaker 1>Podcast for the People. I am once again at the

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<v Speaker 1>one in Scottsdale, Arizona, which I just love. I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 1>be honest with you guys. I'm doing something that I

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<v Speaker 1>consider cheating in the podcasting world. I don't want cheat

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<v Speaker 1>on you, guys, but I'm gonna tell you so. I

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<v Speaker 1>had a I am very very late to record and drop.

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<v Speaker 1>The window between the time I recorded a podcast and

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<v Speaker 1>when I release it to you guys is very very short.

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<v Speaker 1>I like to keep my podcasts fresh. I do not

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<v Speaker 1>bank a bunch. I do not do them six months

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<v Speaker 1>in advance. I do or I bang them out and

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<v Speaker 1>you get them. And the deadline drop them generally is Tuesday,

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<v Speaker 1>very very early in the morning. I am recording this

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<v Speaker 1>on a Monday. I had a couple of guests lined up,

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<v Speaker 1>and at the last minute they flaked and I have

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<v Speaker 1>to get it on airplane. I'm gonna cheat a little.

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<v Speaker 1>As soon as they uh so they had to cancel,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, oh my god, don't do that. And then

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<v Speaker 1>I remember an episode I did about a year and

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<v Speaker 1>a half GOAT that was entitled please don't do that,

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<v Speaker 1>and I really liked it and I got a bunch

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<v Speaker 1>of feedback on it, so I'm gonna run it again

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<v Speaker 1>as sort of a rerun. This is an intro to

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<v Speaker 1>that rerun. And sorry if that seems like cheating, but

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of guys didn't listen to that. A lot

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<v Speaker 1>of you guys are new, so please forgive me if

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<v Speaker 1>you've heard it before. If you have, If you haven't

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<v Speaker 1>heard it before, take notes. If you have heard it before,

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<v Speaker 1>good refresher for you. A whole bunch of things that

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<v Speaker 1>I got submitted from you, weird questions, and I did

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<v Speaker 1>a whole episode called please don't do that. Don't cancel

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<v Speaker 1>on a podcast guests, because it really screws up the timing,

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<v Speaker 1>and that trickles down to you guys. So without further ado,

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<v Speaker 1>we're gonna roll it back again. And I appreciate it,

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<v Speaker 1>thank you, So I'm gonna hit you guys with a

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<v Speaker 1>whole bunch of scenarios and questions and habits that a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people either have been asking about or that

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<v Speaker 1>I have noticed that they're doing. And my answer is,

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<v Speaker 1>oh my god, please don't do that. So the first

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<v Speaker 1>one I got because I noticed it and somebody asked

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<v Speaker 1>my opinion on it, which really doesn't have anything to

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<v Speaker 1>do with Great Love debate. They just socially ask my

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<v Speaker 1>opinion about the married people. And there are quite a

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<v Speaker 1>few of you who listen to this show, and you

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<v Speaker 1>are a couple who I'm going to rule out Grandma

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<v Speaker 1>and grandpa who are eighty five years old, and they

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<v Speaker 1>do this, But say you are under sixty five, and

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<v Speaker 1>you do this if you're a couple who combines your

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<v Speaker 1>email address or your social media accounts, so it's Dave

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<v Speaker 1>Brenda New York, or it's you know, and Andy a Gmail,

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<v Speaker 1>And it's to say, please don't do that, Oh my god,

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<v Speaker 1>please don't do that. Be people. Just because you got married,

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<v Speaker 1>that shouldn't be your defining characteristic. You are not Siamese married.

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<v Speaker 1>Can I is Siamese twins still an acceptable term? Is

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<v Speaker 1>that offensive? Too? Conjoined? I think conjoined is the term sorry,

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<v Speaker 1>any of our conjoined people out there who are listening,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry, but please don't do that. Be individual. People

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<v Speaker 1>have your own thoughts and hobbies and habits and friends

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<v Speaker 1>and people you want to communicate with. I can't even

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<v Speaker 1>imagine the practicality of something like that, like honey email,

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<v Speaker 1>Oh that's for you, did you answer it? It's ridiculous,

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<v Speaker 1>it's dumb. You're far more likely to break up if

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<v Speaker 1>you do something like this. I do believe that. So

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<v Speaker 1>you're gonna have to start a new one anyway. So

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<v Speaker 1>start now, save time. Sarah and John together forever at Gmail.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't be together, not like that. That's the one that

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<v Speaker 1>you can easily control. Set up your own social media.

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<v Speaker 1>You're not an LLC, you know, under one umbrella, you

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<v Speaker 1>could do your own thing. Set up your own emails,

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<v Speaker 1>because if you don't get that an email that many emails,

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<v Speaker 1>it is not a big deal. And if you get

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<v Speaker 1>a ton of emails, it is a big deal that

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<v Speaker 1>you're sharing it. It's ridiculous. Stop doing that. Please don't

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<v Speaker 1>do that. The next thing, and I'm gonna give you

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<v Speaker 1>is I'm watching the local news the other day, the

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<v Speaker 1>morning news. I like the morning news. I like to

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<v Speaker 1>know what's happening in whatever community I'm in. I like it.

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<v Speaker 1>I like to take the temperature of it. I like

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<v Speaker 1>how they do the weather in the traffic. I like it.

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<v Speaker 1>But anyway, I'm watching the local news and they had

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<v Speaker 1>a story on Devin Booker, of the of the Phoenix Suns,

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<v Speaker 1>the basketball player breaking up with Kendra Kylie Kendall is there,

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<v Speaker 1>Kendrick Kardashian Jenner a jet one of one of Kim's sisters,

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<v Speaker 1>Kim's younger sisters. I don't know if she's a Jener Kardashian.

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<v Speaker 1>Devin Booker was dating a Jenner Kardashian. I think it

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<v Speaker 1>was Kendall. That's my final answer. Kendall. Sorry, Kim is

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<v Speaker 1>top dog and then everybody else is everybody else. But anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>the news people were reporting it as a news story,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't care how slow a news day. Your

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<v Speaker 1>news story is. Devin Booker breaking up with whichever one

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<v Speaker 1>of the Kim's sisters. That's not a news story. But

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<v Speaker 1>that's not really my point. My point is if you

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<v Speaker 1>were watching this and you had some sort of emotional

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<v Speaker 1>reaction to it, please don't do that. You should never

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<v Speaker 1>care about any relationship other than the one you're in,

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<v Speaker 1>and if you aren't in one, you should care even

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<v Speaker 1>less about other people's. So when you look at celebrities marriages,

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<v Speaker 1>or your friend's relationships, or things you see on social media,

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<v Speaker 1>or even your siblings or your parents or your grandparents,

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<v Speaker 1>I think you know you know what is good and

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<v Speaker 1>bad or going on with them. You think you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and you're like, I want to be like them and

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<v Speaker 1>root for them. Whether it's celebrities or even mom and dad.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't have any idea what is going on. And

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<v Speaker 1>I'm serious about that. People like you don't know. You

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<v Speaker 1>don't know, you're not that close with your parents. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think you're as close with your parents as

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<v Speaker 1>you think they are that you know the status of

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<v Speaker 1>their relationship. Maybe Mom is secretly unhappy, she doesn't want

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<v Speaker 1>to tell you necessarily, and she probably doesn't want to

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<v Speaker 1>tell dad. Or maybe Dad has lost his feelings and

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<v Speaker 1>that's why he fishes all the time. So you should

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<v Speaker 1>root for their happiness, but you should root for everybody's happiness.

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<v Speaker 1>You should want everybody to be happy and find love.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what we're doing here. We want everybody to be

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<v Speaker 1>happy and everybody to find love. But if you're trying

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<v Speaker 1>to be like, oh my god, that I love that

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<v Speaker 1>couple so much. I love them together. I loved j

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<v Speaker 1>Lo and Ben Affleck. That's what she's still on Benefleck, right,

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<v Speaker 1>Ben Affleck, I love them together. That's insane to me.

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<v Speaker 1>Please don't do that. If you're someone who's spent one second,

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<v Speaker 1>and there are a lot of you out there who

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<v Speaker 1>spent far more than one second hoping that that Jennifer

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<v Speaker 1>Aniston and Brad Pitt will get back together, please don't

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<v Speaker 1>do that. They don't do that. I don't think Jen

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<v Speaker 1>Anniston sits around wondering if she's gonna get back together

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<v Speaker 1>with Brad Pitt. He's like fifteen boyfriends ago and a

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<v Speaker 1>marriage ago and twenty years ago. So if they don't

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<v Speaker 1>do that, why do you do that? Don't do that.

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<v Speaker 1>Or you looked at pictures from your friend's vacation with

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<v Speaker 1>her husband and think I want that. You don't even

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<v Speaker 1>know what that is or who they are together. Please

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<v Speaker 1>don't do that. Their business is not your business, and

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<v Speaker 1>the reason for that is you truly have no idea

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<v Speaker 1>about their business. So I have a little bit of

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<v Speaker 1>idea about our business. I gotta take a quick break,

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<v Speaker 1>because this is, after all, a business, even though I'm

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<v Speaker 1>passionate curious as a business. And we'll get into some

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<v Speaker 1>more of these things that you should please not do

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<v Speaker 1>right after this, and we are back and I'm running

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<v Speaker 1>through a whole bunch of things, a grabag full of

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<v Speaker 1>things that please don't do that. So we've done whole

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<v Speaker 1>episodes on this before. But if you go up to

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<v Speaker 1>an X, or not even an X, maybe it's someone

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<v Speaker 1>who just stopped calling you back, whether they ghosted you

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<v Speaker 1>or not. You don't talk to them anymore when you

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<v Speaker 1>see them at the supermarketer, you see them at a

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<v Speaker 1>bar or a club, and you want to go up

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<v Speaker 1>to and say, hey, why did you do that? Please

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<v Speaker 1>don't do that. Don't do that. You won't get the

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<v Speaker 1>answer you want. You're not Chris Hansen. These gotcha techniques,

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<v Speaker 1>they are pointless with people who don't care about you,

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<v Speaker 1>and they clearly don't care about you, certainly not now,

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<v Speaker 1>probably not ever. If you do something because you're looking

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<v Speaker 1>for answers, please don't do that. You're not getting them,

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<v Speaker 1>not in the way you want, not what you want.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just more wasted time thinking wondering, worrying, missing, someone

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<v Speaker 1>who doesn't think, wonder, worry or miss you. If you're

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<v Speaker 1>someone who's online dating, opener a lot of people. I

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<v Speaker 1>ask people all this time online dating, what do you

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<v Speaker 1>open with? What do you reach out with? And if

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<v Speaker 1>your first line is how is your day? My god,

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<v Speaker 1>please don't do that. Don't do that in person, and

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<v Speaker 1>don't do that online. It is the laziest form of conversation.

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<v Speaker 1>It does not show that you care. It shows that

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<v Speaker 1>you don't care because you gave it no thought. Their

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<v Speaker 1>answer won't matter because your question has already shown you

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<v Speaker 1>were too boring to be dated in the first place.

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<v Speaker 1>If that's what you're opening up with, small talk kills

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<v Speaker 1>a friendship and it kills a potential relationship because you

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<v Speaker 1>started things on a dull note. So I'm not going

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<v Speaker 1>to get back into all the things that we've told

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<v Speaker 1>you that you need to say and that you should say.

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<v Speaker 1>Go listen to all of the episodes if you want those.

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<v Speaker 1>But that is something you should never say or ask,

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<v Speaker 1>how is your day? Use your imagination. Even if you're

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<v Speaker 1>really curious about how someone's day was because you knew

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<v Speaker 1>they had a tough day, ask it in a better way,

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<v Speaker 1>or honestly, just say hi, how are you doing. That's better.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not an assessment of their day, and you're asking

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<v Speaker 1>somebody how is my day? I don't fucking know. It's

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<v Speaker 1>two o'clock. It's not over. It's nails on a chalkboard.

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<v Speaker 1>It's excruciating. Please don't do that. Do better. One of

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<v Speaker 1>the oldest tenets we have around here at the GLD

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<v Speaker 1>is to get rid of the words not my type.

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<v Speaker 1>If you're over thirty and you're still single, you have

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<v Speaker 1>no type. Your type is not working out for you.

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<v Speaker 1>Please don't do that. Please stop saying or thinking I

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<v Speaker 1>need this, this, and this. You don't because you've probably

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<v Speaker 1>had some version of this, this and this before and

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<v Speaker 1>it didn't work out for you. Because if you're looking

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<v Speaker 1>for this, this, and this, you're missing out on that.

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<v Speaker 1>That and that and that is definitely better than this,

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<v Speaker 1>because you even't had that yet you had this. You're

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<v Speaker 1>still here, still here saying so and so is not

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<v Speaker 1>my type? Too big, too small, tublonde to this, do

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<v Speaker 1>that all of it, Get rid of these, don't do

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<v Speaker 1>that anymore. That is probably number one on the things

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<v Speaker 1>people like, what piece of advice do you gotta give people.

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<v Speaker 1>Get rid of the words not my type generally speaking. Also,

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<v Speaker 1>just get rid of all your dumb rules when when

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<v Speaker 1>when you will call them? When you think, oh, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>gonna call them now now it's time for me to

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<v Speaker 1>say I love you, And most importantly now is when

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<v Speaker 1>I think I will have sex with them. All these

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<v Speaker 1>pre calculated formulaic equations that you've mapped out, if I

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<v Speaker 1>do this, this and this, it's gonna make them do this,

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<v Speaker 1>this and this. It's never going to be that. Ever,

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<v Speaker 1>some woman emailed me the other day with I have

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<v Speaker 1>a firm three month rule, no sex for three months

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<v Speaker 1>of a new relationship. She meets somebody, she goes out

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<v Speaker 1>of them. She want to have sex someone for three months,

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<v Speaker 1>which which is absurd and insane and inconsistent. Not the

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<v Speaker 1>three months, but because I guarantee you she has never

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<v Speaker 1>waited three months for sex. Ever, It's just an arbitrary

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<v Speaker 1>line in the sand that she decided to draw up

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<v Speaker 1>one day to see if it sort of magically changed

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<v Speaker 1>things for her. Please don't do that, because what does

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<v Speaker 1>three months mean? What if you saw somebody four times

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<v Speaker 1>in three months, you still go by the three months

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<v Speaker 1>I say that people in long distance relationships. So I go,

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<v Speaker 1>how long you've been dating? In like two years? And

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, when do you see each other like every

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<v Speaker 1>other weekend? Unless you've seen each other like like forty times.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm not sure that's a relationship. Anybody can see

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<v Speaker 1>anybody on weekends and holidays, that's easy. It's Tuesday morning

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<v Speaker 1>when you gotta get up and go to work. That's

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<v Speaker 1>a relationship anyway. So if you saw somebody four times

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<v Speaker 1>in three months, I don't know. Is that three months? Well?

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<v Speaker 1>What if you saw somebody every single day for eleven weeks?

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<v Speaker 1>You still need to wait that last week because of

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<v Speaker 1>this random thing you decided three months was magically going

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<v Speaker 1>to change the outcome of your relationships. No, And the

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<v Speaker 1>sex thing comes up so much at our live shows,

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<v Speaker 1>the aforementioned live shows, and I usually steer away from it.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's not I steer ever him because it's lazy

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<v Speaker 1>or I'm aprud or anything. It's just such a random

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<v Speaker 1>hole to go down, no pun intended. People are so

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<v Speaker 1>nonsensical about it. So I'll just say this, if you

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<v Speaker 1>are using sex as a referendum or a reward, please

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<v Speaker 1>don't do that. Don't do that making him her wait.

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<v Speaker 1>It doesn't mean you know them better. It doesn't mean

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<v Speaker 1>they like you better. It doesn't mean they respect you more.

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<v Speaker 1>It just means they waited a little longer for sex

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<v Speaker 1>after a while. For a lot of especially dudes, it's

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<v Speaker 1>ROI like, you know what, I've been eighteen times. I

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<v Speaker 1>guess I gotta wait eighteen times more. But eventually I'm

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to get that ROI I'm gonn get some

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<v Speaker 1>return on this. It doesn't mean anything other than they

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<v Speaker 1>just wait a little longer, and you're just as likely

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<v Speaker 1>to break up the day after you had sex for

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<v Speaker 1>the first time if you waited five years to do

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<v Speaker 1>it as if you waited five hours to do it. It's

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<v Speaker 1>the same. You don't know them well enough to commit

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<v Speaker 1>to them or to be in a quote unquote monogamous

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<v Speaker 1>relationship with them until you've had sex, because the sex

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<v Speaker 1>changes everything. Everything prior to the sex is just ping

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<v Speaker 1>pong warm up. It's fine, it helps, there's some feelings involved,

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<v Speaker 1>but ultimately it's irrelevant until you find out about the

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<v Speaker 1>sex and how that changes things. People get crazy both ways.

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<v Speaker 1>It always changes things for him, for her, for you,

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<v Speaker 1>so if you're playing games with it, please stop doing that.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a dangerous game to play with yourself emotionally. You

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<v Speaker 1>do it when you want to do it and when

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<v Speaker 1>you're comfortable to do it, and has nothing to do

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<v Speaker 1>with the other person and their feelings that they may

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<v Speaker 1>or may not have for you. If you do it

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<v Speaker 1>or don't do it, take ownership of it. If you're

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<v Speaker 1>playing games with it, you're gotta get hurt. You wait

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<v Speaker 1>three months great doesn't make you any more likely to

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<v Speaker 1>be his girlfriend or fiance or wife. It just means

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<v Speaker 1>you simply didn't have sex with somebody for three months,

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<v Speaker 1>and then when you do, the clock starts again on

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<v Speaker 1>some other avenue of your relationship. That's really the extent

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<v Speaker 1>of it. It's a footnote in the paragraph in the

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<v Speaker 1>chapter in the book on that note. Run of these people.

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<v Speaker 1>If you're constantly taking the temperature of your status or

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<v Speaker 1>how the other person feels, please don't do that. Am

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<v Speaker 1>I your boyfriend? Do you see us together for five years?

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<v Speaker 1>What are your hopes for us? Please stop doing that.

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<v Speaker 1>People hate quizzes. People hate summing up feelings in words

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<v Speaker 1>when you want them. Everybody's good at it. I'm pretty

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<v Speaker 1>good at it because I spend a lot of time

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<v Speaker 1>thinking about it. But most people when you ask them

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<v Speaker 1>a question on the spot and they know that that

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<v Speaker 1>question is you want to hear a certain answer in

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<v Speaker 1>a certain way. It's not an honest conversation. It's not

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<v Speaker 1>honest for you to ask it, and the answer you're

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<v Speaker 1>going to give is probably not fully formulated. Words take

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<v Speaker 1>time and they are private in their formation. To get

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<v Speaker 1>the articulation. It's hard for people to do that. It's

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<v Speaker 1>hard for people to write it, it's hard for people

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<v Speaker 1>to say it, and it's certainly hard for you to

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<v Speaker 1>boom get exactly what you want. Please don't do that.

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<v Speaker 1>Putting somebody on the spot won't get you that. Asking

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<v Speaker 1>how they feel in a moment might not say anything

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<v Speaker 1>about how have I all feel in the morning. You're

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<v Speaker 1>asking somebody guess about the future when they're still getting

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<v Speaker 1>comfortable with the present and with you and with the

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<v Speaker 1>two of you. Just focus on the feelings, not the

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<v Speaker 1>expression of them. And a lot of people just really

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<v Speaker 1>need to know because they want to give an answer

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<v Speaker 1>to other people who are asking that, what's the deal

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<v Speaker 1>with you two? Are you guys exclusive? Are you gonna

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<v Speaker 1>get engaged, Are you gonna get married, You're gonna have kids,

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<v Speaker 1>and blah blah blah blah blah, everybody, all the outsiders

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<v Speaker 1>want to know. Takes me back to the beginning where

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<v Speaker 1>you got to ignore everybody else doing it. Fuck them,

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<v Speaker 1>fuck them, your need to announce every aspect of relationship

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<v Speaker 1>all over our social media. Please don't do that. It's

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<v Speaker 1>not necessary. Nobody cares, or the people who do care,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't really want them to care. I'm not sure

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<v Speaker 1>everybody's rooting for you. I'm not sure everybody's noticing what

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<v Speaker 1>you want them to notice or the way you want

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<v Speaker 1>them to. Like, stop doing that. Just be present in

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<v Speaker 1>the moment, in the relationship and see where it goes.

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<v Speaker 1>Not everything means something, Not everything has to mean something,

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<v Speaker 1>And not every question has an answer, which is fine too.

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<v Speaker 1>We raise there's a lot of questions around here, and

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<v Speaker 1>we don't always have answers, and there's just as much

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<v Speaker 1>value in that. And I really like that. So you

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<v Speaker 1>asked me where my passion and curiosity is in this

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<v Speaker 1>whole thing where I started out them. It's raising the questions.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes we find the answers, sometimes we don't. Sometimes we

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<v Speaker 1>share possibilities. That's all part of it, and that's what

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<v Speaker 1>I like about it. Everything else, all these other little

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<v Speaker 1>tricks and techniques and things you're trying to do, please

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<v Speaker 1>don't do them, all of them. Most importantly, as always, likes, Share, subscribe,

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<v Speaker 1>please review this podcast. Your reviews will always be appreciated

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<v Speaker 1>and meet a lot in the podcasting ecosystem, because, as always,

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<v Speaker 1>at the Great Love Debate, we never stop making love.

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<v Speaker 1>See next time the Great Love Debate. It's the Great

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<v Speaker 1>Love Debate, Great Love Debate. It's a great love Toby