WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.600 --> 00:00:04.000 Welcome to Get Big Out Loud Radio, where we explore 2 00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:08.119 living the complex, funny and beautiful ride of life with 3 00:00:08.279 --> 00:00:12.480 me Carrie Knutson and Doctor Pat on Transformation Talk radio 4 00:00:12.679 --> 00:00:13.320 dot com. 5 00:00:14.240 --> 00:00:17.000 Are your thoughts keeping you small? Are you ready to 6 00:00:17.000 --> 00:00:17.519 get big? 7 00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:21.000 I will offer you ideas to transform what you are 8 00:00:21.039 --> 00:00:25.719 thinking into conscious action. Explore what is keeping you small 9 00:00:26.039 --> 00:00:28.160 and how to shift your behaviors. 10 00:00:27.640 --> 00:00:31.480 In order to get big. Learn what is possible for you. 11 00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:35.439 Get ready to get big and live life out loud. 12 00:00:35.600 --> 00:00:41.799 Starting now, Hey, everybody, what a show we have on 13 00:00:41.920 --> 00:00:44.359 Doctor Patt and I take this beautiful ride of life 14 00:00:44.399 --> 00:00:49.119 with the most incredible Carrie Knutsen today. Okay, this is 15 00:00:49.159 --> 00:00:51.359 a good one. This is a good one. I can't 16 00:00:51.399 --> 00:00:53.479 wait to hear what Carrie has to say about it. 17 00:00:54.119 --> 00:01:03.039 The stories we keep editing and editing and editing and editing. 18 00:01:03.640 --> 00:01:07.599 When are we going to publish? So today we're going 19 00:01:07.640 --> 00:01:10.120 to talk about these. You know, we are human beings. 20 00:01:10.159 --> 00:01:13.599 We're natural storytellers, we really are. I mean, whether you're 21 00:01:13.599 --> 00:01:16.760 watching a sports show or you're watching a drama, it 22 00:01:16.760 --> 00:01:19.560 doesn't matter. Or you're listening to something or you're reading something, 23 00:01:19.879 --> 00:01:22.760 or you're maybe talking to your children, or maybe having 24 00:01:22.760 --> 00:01:26.159 a conversation with your family. You know, it's the art 25 00:01:26.239 --> 00:01:30.719 of the story. For centuries, we've done this, we share experience. 26 00:01:31.400 --> 00:01:32.879 But what. 27 00:01:34.319 --> 00:01:38.480 Are the stories we tell us sales? What do we 28 00:01:38.599 --> 00:01:42.159 saying to ourselves? How are we saying it to ourselves? 29 00:01:42.519 --> 00:01:44.719 And in this episode to get big out Loud, We're 30 00:01:44.719 --> 00:01:48.000 going to explore the storytelling. We're going to explore what matters, 31 00:01:48.400 --> 00:01:51.040 what the identities of our stories are, what they tell us, 32 00:01:51.040 --> 00:01:54.480 what we tell ourselves, and how they actually shape the 33 00:01:54.599 --> 00:01:57.400 landscape of our lives. Carrie, thank you for taking this 34 00:01:57.480 --> 00:01:58.000 topic on. 35 00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:02.000 Know, I was really thinking about it, and you know, 36 00:02:02.040 --> 00:02:04.640 I always love to do podcasts related something that I'm 37 00:02:04.680 --> 00:02:07.920 currently really thinking about or using in my talks or 38 00:02:07.920 --> 00:02:11.120 grappling with. And I really thought this idea about the 39 00:02:11.159 --> 00:02:14.319 stories we only tell ourselves with the stories we keep editing, 40 00:02:14.759 --> 00:02:17.360 like you said, when we stop editing them, you know, 41 00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:20.159 and also why do we edit them? And so I 42 00:02:20.199 --> 00:02:23.159 was just thinking about this idea of our natural inclination 43 00:02:23.240 --> 00:02:26.280 to share our stuffs through stories. But then there are 44 00:02:26.280 --> 00:02:29.560 stories that get told like we tell them the greatest hits, 45 00:02:29.879 --> 00:02:33.400 and then there's stories that we never tell for all 46 00:02:33.479 --> 00:02:35.439 kinds of reasons. And then there's stories that we edit 47 00:02:36.000 --> 00:02:38.159 depending on the audience, you know, So I think it 48 00:02:38.280 --> 00:02:40.840 just wanted to like again, not in a good or 49 00:02:40.879 --> 00:02:43.919 bad way, necessarily, just as a curious way. How do 50 00:02:43.960 --> 00:02:47.240 the stories we tell shape our identity? How do the 51 00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:51.479 stories we not tell impact our identity? And then why 52 00:02:51.800 --> 00:02:54.080 do we edit stories for better or for worse? Right? 53 00:02:54.120 --> 00:02:56.120 Like why do we edit our stories? And so that's 54 00:02:56.120 --> 00:02:58.280 what I want to get into today, just and then 55 00:02:58.360 --> 00:03:02.840 through the lens of cure always curiosity, Like it's an interesting, 56 00:03:02.919 --> 00:03:05.439 I think thing to think about, especially if you're trying 57 00:03:05.560 --> 00:03:07.280 as a human being, which most of us I think 58 00:03:07.319 --> 00:03:10.680 are trying to like how do I know myself? How 59 00:03:10.680 --> 00:03:13.400 do I know my identity? Who I am? Also, when 60 00:03:13.400 --> 00:03:17.319 you want to change something about yourself, sometimes we're like, 61 00:03:17.560 --> 00:03:20.439 I'm not that person anymore, but like my friends and 62 00:03:20.479 --> 00:03:22.639 family see me this way, or I even see myself 63 00:03:22.639 --> 00:03:25.080 this way? Am I capable of change? So that's why 64 00:03:25.479 --> 00:03:28.599 explaining stories can also be really powerful. If you think 65 00:03:28.599 --> 00:03:30.599 about parts of your life where you want to change 66 00:03:30.680 --> 00:03:33.439 or shift or really get some insight, looking to your 67 00:03:33.479 --> 00:03:36.919 stories can be very powerful. So that's my whole offering today. 68 00:03:37.400 --> 00:03:40.240 I love it. I love it, so let's get at 69 00:03:40.319 --> 00:03:43.479 it too. Because I noticed something as I was preparing 70 00:03:43.560 --> 00:03:47.280 for this show where I think one of the questions 71 00:03:47.360 --> 00:03:52.560 that I think gets asked are the questions of what 72 00:03:52.639 --> 00:03:55.439 are the stories we tell over and over about ourselves? 73 00:03:55.479 --> 00:03:58.560 What do we repeat? How did they shape us? How 74 00:03:58.599 --> 00:04:02.319 true did they become after time? And let's start at 75 00:04:02.319 --> 00:04:04.960 the beginning where you want to start. What are some 76 00:04:05.080 --> 00:04:07.919 of the stories? What do we know about stories? What 77 00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:11.360 do we know about why we tell them, why we 78 00:04:11.479 --> 00:04:14.000 don't tell them, and why they're important? 79 00:04:14.599 --> 00:04:16.519 Sure, so, like you said to the first story, human 80 00:04:16.600 --> 00:04:20.360 things are storytelling machines. We're natural storytellers. Like we tell 81 00:04:20.399 --> 00:04:25.800 stories to pass down information, to connect our family stories, 82 00:04:25.959 --> 00:04:29.360 so like here's here's your family history. We share stories 83 00:04:29.399 --> 00:04:32.240 to make us laugh, we share stories to scare each other. 84 00:04:32.279 --> 00:04:33.839 Like we still all kinds of stories, right, and you 85 00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:37.319 think about books and movies, we're storytelling machines. It's how 86 00:04:37.319 --> 00:04:41.319 we process our world through story. And sometimes you can 87 00:04:41.360 --> 00:04:44.480 tell a story. Instead of explaining an emotion, you tell 88 00:04:44.519 --> 00:04:48.519 a story that shows the emotion. Like instead of saying, 89 00:04:48.560 --> 00:04:50.920 now we're going to talk about embarrassment, you tell a 90 00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:54.959 story about embarrassment and everyone then can relate to that 91 00:04:55.560 --> 00:04:58.399 rather than embarrassment, is the feeling of when other people 92 00:04:58.600 --> 00:05:01.000 see something they shouldn't see and that you're scared of 93 00:05:01.040 --> 00:05:03.759 them seeing, and then it's weird versus like I think, 94 00:05:03.800 --> 00:05:05.879 like a story I tell about embarrassing and is when 95 00:05:06.399 --> 00:05:09.519 I was giving a presentation and I was wearing tights 96 00:05:09.560 --> 00:05:13.199 and a dress and my tights started coming down on 97 00:05:13.240 --> 00:05:17.079 their own and how I and I tell that in 98 00:05:17.079 --> 00:05:20.759 one of my stories, in one of my presentations, I 99 00:05:20.839 --> 00:05:23.600 use it as an example of how do you get 100 00:05:23.639 --> 00:05:25.920 through an embarrassing moment and be resilient. But I don't 101 00:05:25.920 --> 00:05:27.959 say this is going to be a story about embarrassing 102 00:05:28.040 --> 00:05:30.120 my mirors. I just tell what I did, and you 103 00:05:30.199 --> 00:05:32.839 see people like, oh my god, her tights are coming down. 104 00:05:32.839 --> 00:05:35.040 Her version right. You see the response. So we tell 105 00:05:35.079 --> 00:05:39.360 stories because it connects people in ways that if we 106 00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:43.639 more direct sometimes we lose the ability to capture imagination 107 00:05:43.879 --> 00:05:47.759 or capture the experience. So we're natural storytelling machines. And 108 00:05:47.920 --> 00:05:50.199 what we tend to do too is most of us 109 00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:52.240 have what I again would say, the greatest hits version 110 00:05:52.279 --> 00:05:53.800 of ourselves. So if I said, hey, tell me about 111 00:05:53.800 --> 00:05:58.519 yourself automatically. Most people will go to a few stories 112 00:05:58.639 --> 00:06:02.199 or where'd you go up? Anyway? Tell certain stories when 113 00:06:02.199 --> 00:06:06.240 you're meeting someone new, certain stories and an interview, certain 114 00:06:06.279 --> 00:06:09.360 stories on a first date. Certain stories when you get 115 00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:13.040 together for family gatherings. And these are what I call 116 00:06:13.079 --> 00:06:15.000 like your greatest hits. You just know them, you know 117 00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:18.360 well the well their land, you know the parts that 118 00:06:18.399 --> 00:06:21.959 are funny, you know that people like them. They're time tested. Oh, 119 00:06:21.959 --> 00:06:25.560 everyone loves the story about the time that this happened, right, 120 00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:30.399 Everyone has those moments where we're gonna tell this story 121 00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:33.000 or when you I know, in our sort at our family, 122 00:06:33.000 --> 00:06:36.560 when we tell the story like the kids can finish 123 00:06:36.600 --> 00:06:38.759 this and then do you remember when this happened? Said yes, 124 00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:41.000 and then you said this, and then this, like they 125 00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:45.519 can finish because it's very scripted in a way, we 126 00:06:45.600 --> 00:06:47.439 know what part of the story comes next. And this 127 00:06:47.519 --> 00:06:50.000 it is our greatest hits version. And sometimes what I 128 00:06:50.040 --> 00:06:52.079 like to say too is sometimes we're giving the ted 129 00:06:52.160 --> 00:06:55.920 talk version of ourselves with our greatest stories. Like when 130 00:06:55.959 --> 00:06:58.680 you think of what stories will make me look a 131 00:06:58.680 --> 00:07:03.000 certain way, which stories are appropriate for this group of 132 00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:06.079 people or whatever, we kind of know our stories, And 133 00:07:06.120 --> 00:07:09.160 that's not a bad thing at all. I think it's 134 00:07:09.240 --> 00:07:11.920 just interesting to see if you looked at the stories 135 00:07:11.959 --> 00:07:17.040 you tell, and some of them are might still fit. 136 00:07:17.079 --> 00:07:18.959 You might because some of them though like like if 137 00:07:19.000 --> 00:07:21.800 you're always telling a story, we're so and so, well, 138 00:07:21.800 --> 00:07:23.680 you're always the good one, and you're always do this, 139 00:07:23.759 --> 00:07:26.519 and you always do that, and like we get into 140 00:07:26.519 --> 00:07:30.720 these roles, like if every story is about someone like 141 00:07:31.800 --> 00:07:35.839 who might be the the positive one or the habitat 142 00:07:35.839 --> 00:07:37.480 who always makes finds a way through? 143 00:07:37.879 --> 00:07:40.199 Oh yeah, yeah, and. 144 00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:44.079 Like well do I sometimes not? Am I sometimes not positive? 145 00:07:44.600 --> 00:07:46.600 But then you get into that role in the story, 146 00:07:46.639 --> 00:07:49.160 and then you can't be anything else but the good 147 00:07:49.240 --> 00:07:51.079 kid or the kid that always go through? Like do 148 00:07:51.199 --> 00:07:52.959 I maybe have other feelings or experiences? 149 00:07:52.959 --> 00:07:53.160 Do I? 150 00:07:53.199 --> 00:07:56.160 Maybe not? Sometimes? So like you know that feeling of 151 00:07:56.240 --> 00:07:59.079 like we get sometimes our stories put us into roles 152 00:07:59.759 --> 00:08:02.600 and and we might have outgrown those or we might 153 00:08:02.639 --> 00:08:05.199 be which is what I think is we're more complex 154 00:08:05.240 --> 00:08:08.319 than that. We're not just one thing. We're many things. 155 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:11.439 And that's why it's interesting. The first section is any 156 00:08:11.439 --> 00:08:13.959 of the stories that are our greatest sets, the stories 157 00:08:14.000 --> 00:08:16.639 we tell? What are we telling about ourselves, you know 158 00:08:16.680 --> 00:08:17.519 in those stories. 159 00:08:17.839 --> 00:08:21.720 Yeah, I love this conversation because it's fascinating when I 160 00:08:21.720 --> 00:08:25.279 think about this, and I think about how how I 161 00:08:25.319 --> 00:08:29.560 show up right in different places? And you know, how 162 00:08:29.600 --> 00:08:31.639 do I show up when I'm sitting on an airplane 163 00:08:32.279 --> 00:08:35.879 and somebody sees me doing something on my laptop or 164 00:08:35.919 --> 00:08:38.679 something and makes a comment, And then it turns into 165 00:08:38.720 --> 00:08:42.399 a conversation, who am I in that moment? Am I 166 00:08:42.440 --> 00:08:45.799 the polished story about who I am in that moment? 167 00:08:45.879 --> 00:08:47.080 Am I the funny story? 168 00:08:47.679 --> 00:08:47.879 You know? 169 00:08:48.200 --> 00:08:51.759 Am I the story that's going to share how vulnerable 170 00:08:51.759 --> 00:08:53.879 I am that I have to spend six hours on 171 00:08:53.919 --> 00:08:59.240 a plane working on a spreadsheet, you know? Or do 172 00:08:59.279 --> 00:09:02.360 I want to tell a story that doesn't want another question? 173 00:09:02.639 --> 00:09:04.799 So my story is right to the point, and don't 174 00:09:04.840 --> 00:09:08.039 bother me because I'm working. But all of these have 175 00:09:08.159 --> 00:09:10.840 to do with the level of awareness, and sometimes, Carrie, 176 00:09:11.000 --> 00:09:14.039 and this is to your point, sometimes we're just not 177 00:09:14.159 --> 00:09:17.320 aware enough to know who we are in the moment 178 00:09:17.440 --> 00:09:20.799 of that given story versus who we want to be 179 00:09:21.159 --> 00:09:22.679 in the moment of that given story. 180 00:09:22.759 --> 00:09:25.559 You know what I'm saying, Yeah, totally. And that's again 181 00:09:25.840 --> 00:09:29.519 we kind of get an habitual patterns in our brain 182 00:09:29.600 --> 00:09:32.120 kind of likes to know what it knows, and so 183 00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:35.759 sometimes it's hard when we're trying to shift something, we 184 00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:37.919 just kind of go back to what we know and 185 00:09:38.039 --> 00:09:39.360 what we say and what we do. So, like you 186 00:09:39.360 --> 00:09:42.200 said in that airport situation, depending on what you want 187 00:09:42.240 --> 00:09:46.240 out of a conversation, you might you might keep things short, 188 00:09:46.279 --> 00:09:49.039 you might engage you one if someone on a plan 189 00:09:49.120 --> 00:09:52.320 says what do you do for a living? And you 190 00:09:52.360 --> 00:09:55.519 think I talked to someone recently who was he's essentially 191 00:09:55.600 --> 00:09:59.360 an assessor for taxes on property, He's like, I never 192 00:09:59.559 --> 00:10:03.000 like to with that because then everyone's like hates me 193 00:10:04.039 --> 00:10:06.240 and they and they never like want to get to 194 00:10:06.240 --> 00:10:10.000 tell me as a person, right, yeah, like whatever, it's nay, 195 00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:11.960 I'll call him Rick, all right, So like we're I'm 196 00:10:11.960 --> 00:10:13.639 a person, but the minute I say what I do, 197 00:10:14.519 --> 00:10:17.600 people have a story about me and taxes and money 198 00:10:17.600 --> 00:10:19.679 and property and how horrible it must be. So it's 199 00:10:19.720 --> 00:10:22.399 like I really have to say, like find other things 200 00:10:22.799 --> 00:10:25.720 to redirect people too, because depending on the situation, I 201 00:10:25.799 --> 00:10:28.919 don't the story of myself is something that with my 202 00:10:29.159 --> 00:10:33.960 job turns people away, right, And so that's an interesting thing. 203 00:10:34.039 --> 00:10:36.600 Like what do you want out of the conversation? How 204 00:10:36.639 --> 00:10:38.919 are you trying to connect with somebody or not? And 205 00:10:38.919 --> 00:10:42.480 then like our identities, sometimes we get so wrapped up 206 00:10:42.480 --> 00:10:46.720 in our work that we also think like the story 207 00:10:46.759 --> 00:10:49.159 of our work is our identity, like all I am 208 00:10:49.360 --> 00:10:53.720 is this, and then we again it's hard to like 209 00:10:53.759 --> 00:10:56.480 I think sometimes when people like let's say I'm talking 210 00:10:56.480 --> 00:10:57.960 to someone and I say I'm a therapist, they say 211 00:10:57.960 --> 00:10:59.600 I'm an accountant, and I'm like, okay, well, then now 212 00:10:59.600 --> 00:11:03.039 we have nothing to talk about, yeah, versus the story 213 00:11:03.799 --> 00:11:06.679 of like where are you from? What things interest you? 214 00:11:06.720 --> 00:11:08.799 How long have you been here? Like you know, what's 215 00:11:08.840 --> 00:11:10.519 your favorite thing that you've done in Denver or whatever? 216 00:11:10.519 --> 00:11:12.360 Like other ways we can connect with people that they 217 00:11:12.360 --> 00:11:14.759 can tell us a story about something else where we 218 00:11:14.799 --> 00:11:17.480 can make a connection. And I think usually with our 219 00:11:17.519 --> 00:11:23.399 greatest hits, we know enough about ourselves to like put 220 00:11:23.480 --> 00:11:25.480 up the greatest hits or to put up what we 221 00:11:25.559 --> 00:11:28.320 know in a networking situation versus I'm going to a 222 00:11:28.360 --> 00:11:30.720 party and I've never met these people. What stories are 223 00:11:30.799 --> 00:11:34.600 safe to tell? What stories will people like? What stories 224 00:11:34.919 --> 00:11:37.840 you know? And again, this isn't bad necessarily, it's just 225 00:11:37.919 --> 00:11:41.679 good to think of what stories do I tell time 226 00:11:41.720 --> 00:11:43.879 and again, and to me, what parts of those things 227 00:11:43.879 --> 00:11:47.320 are kind of ingrained in how I think about myself, 228 00:11:47.360 --> 00:11:51.320 And are any of those things more complex than how 229 00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:54.440 I'm presenting them, or can I see myself as like, oh, 230 00:11:54.480 --> 00:11:57.240 in this story, I'm always every story like, I'll say 231 00:11:57.240 --> 00:12:00.000 this for my family and my family, I'm the good 232 00:12:00.120 --> 00:12:02.240 kid and my sister's a bad kid. There it is, 233 00:12:02.960 --> 00:12:04.559 I'm the good one, she's a bad one. I did 234 00:12:04.559 --> 00:12:06.320 this good thing. She always got in trouble, right, And 235 00:12:06.360 --> 00:12:09.799 then that's it. It's so polarized and in fact that 236 00:12:09.840 --> 00:12:13.600 it's not always true, right, think about the family story. 237 00:12:13.639 --> 00:12:15.200 Then she gets to be the kid that always got 238 00:12:15.240 --> 00:12:16.840 in trouble, and I get to be the kid that 239 00:12:16.879 --> 00:12:21.039 always didn't, and that again boxes us in sometimes to 240 00:12:21.120 --> 00:12:23.799 be like, no, that's not the whole story. It's been 241 00:12:23.799 --> 00:12:27.240 in family stories, you usually tell them in a certain way. 242 00:12:27.480 --> 00:12:32.240 So again, it's just an opportunity to connect with your identity. 243 00:12:32.279 --> 00:12:34.840 And sometimes when I'll say, what's the greatest version, greatest 244 00:12:34.879 --> 00:12:37.679 hits version, and if you even wrote down a couple 245 00:12:37.720 --> 00:12:39.879 of like we always tell this at a family gathering, 246 00:12:40.159 --> 00:12:42.639 I'll tell this in a networking thing. I'll tell this 247 00:12:43.639 --> 00:12:47.120 a sense of like how you see yourself in the 248 00:12:47.240 --> 00:12:50.279 stories that are worth telling? And then it gives you 249 00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:54.960 an opportunity to say, what are their stories? Why am 250 00:12:55.000 --> 00:12:56.919 I not telling this story? Like? Is it on purpose? 251 00:12:56.960 --> 00:12:58.799 If I text her way? Have I forgotten about it? 252 00:12:58.840 --> 00:13:01.279 Is it because it doesn't present me in this way? 253 00:13:02.320 --> 00:13:04.720 But it's kind of a good exercise just to think, 254 00:13:04.759 --> 00:13:07.240 what are my greatest hits and the stories that I 255 00:13:07.360 --> 00:13:10.639 keep telling? What does it say about me in a 256 00:13:10.679 --> 00:13:13.360 curious way. We're not looking for judgment, We're looking for insight. 257 00:13:14.200 --> 00:13:18.399 Yeah, I have been on our little rant because I've 258 00:13:18.440 --> 00:13:23.679 been sharing this story about an amazing actor which I 259 00:13:23.679 --> 00:13:26.320 won't go into today, but I've been sharing her story 260 00:13:26.440 --> 00:13:31.320 on what she did to create a technology that fills 261 00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:33.639 in the missing gap of AI. And I'm talking about 262 00:13:33.720 --> 00:13:39.879 Miladjovovich or Djoviovic actor model incredible. And I share that story. 263 00:13:39.919 --> 00:13:42.399 So somebody said to me, because I've shared it a lot, 264 00:13:43.840 --> 00:13:45.960 and they said to me the other day, why do 265 00:13:46.039 --> 00:13:52.799 you keep telling that story? And I said, well, because 266 00:13:53.639 --> 00:13:57.320 once upon a time the Dhali Lamas said that women, 267 00:13:58.879 --> 00:14:02.840 especially women in the West, will become the leaders, will 268 00:14:02.879 --> 00:14:05.919 become the leaders in the world, and I share her 269 00:14:06.000 --> 00:14:08.399 story and what she created and then what she did 270 00:14:08.440 --> 00:14:12.200 with it to demonstrate what the dolly Loma was talking about. 271 00:14:13.080 --> 00:14:15.240 So the person said, I don't get it. I don't 272 00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:15.639 get it. 273 00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:16.080 You know. 274 00:14:16.200 --> 00:14:19.919 So what she created AI memory? She's an actor and 275 00:14:19.960 --> 00:14:21.639 da da da da da, and she could do that. 276 00:14:21.720 --> 00:14:24.159 I said, no, that's not her story. She was rejected 277 00:14:24.159 --> 00:14:26.919 by every developer she asked to work with her, and 278 00:14:27.000 --> 00:14:31.879 she went to a friend and they developed memory for 279 00:14:32.080 --> 00:14:34.840 AI to fill the gap that AI has. Because I 280 00:14:34.840 --> 00:14:37.519 don't know about you, but my AI lost a two 281 00:14:37.600 --> 00:14:42.080 hundred page project. And so Mila comes in and so 282 00:14:42.879 --> 00:14:44.919 then the person said to me, but I still don't 283 00:14:44.919 --> 00:14:48.720 get it. Pat, why, I mean, what is the big deal? 284 00:14:48.919 --> 00:14:52.440 I said, well, you're missing the point. This is a woman. 285 00:14:52.799 --> 00:14:56.440 Why does she stand out as a leader. She didn't 286 00:14:56.480 --> 00:15:00.600 capitalize it. She didn't take it and make a trillion dollars, 287 00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:05.840 which she could have. They developed a superior memory for 288 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:10.080 AI to fill a gap ninety seven to ninety eight 289 00:15:10.159 --> 00:15:15.879 percent performance, developed it and I asked the person, do 290 00:15:15.960 --> 00:15:18.519 you know what she did with that? And they're like, 291 00:15:19.559 --> 00:15:23.080 and I'm like, hello, I keep talking about her because 292 00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:27.559 she gave it away for free. She gave it away, 293 00:15:28.200 --> 00:15:35.399 she made this men Palace freeware Gethub, she gives the 294 00:15:35.440 --> 00:15:39.799 code away. So am I really talking about the technology 295 00:15:40.039 --> 00:15:43.320 or am I telling a story about the role model 296 00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:44.519 of future leadership? 297 00:15:45.840 --> 00:15:48.879 Sure? And like you're telling a story too about someone 298 00:15:48.919 --> 00:15:52.039 a woman, a woman in leadership, a woman who's generous, 299 00:15:52.039 --> 00:15:55.000 a woman who's smart, a woman who struggled, a woman 300 00:15:55.080 --> 00:15:58.000 who had to find another way, a woman who maybe 301 00:15:58.000 --> 00:16:00.240 didn't get recognized this a way and part of that too. 302 00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:02.840 It's like, how does that relate to your own story? Right? 303 00:16:02.879 --> 00:16:04.840 Because sometimes when we see these other stories, it either 304 00:16:04.879 --> 00:16:07.600 inspires us because we're like that just to me is 305 00:16:07.639 --> 00:16:10.480 amazing because something in me wishes I could do that, 306 00:16:10.600 --> 00:16:13.279 or I've had that experience, or it's something that like 307 00:16:13.960 --> 00:16:19.919 we aspire to be like that, those values that someone has, 308 00:16:19.960 --> 00:16:21.720 like the kind of and it's it's I do a 309 00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:24.840 similar thing when I talk about Shackleton. Ernest Shackleton is 310 00:16:24.919 --> 00:16:28.279 a big explorer in Antarctic, and love him, and I 311 00:16:28.360 --> 00:16:31.559 keep bringing him up a lot, and I'm like, he's 312 00:16:31.600 --> 00:16:33.960 like my leadership hero though, because he's someone like his 313 00:16:34.159 --> 00:16:38.679 story is aspirational, right, and so in his story of 314 00:16:38.720 --> 00:16:42.399 survival and getting all the men on his crew didn't 315 00:16:42.440 --> 00:16:44.600 die essentially in a two year journey where they could 316 00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:48.080 have died multiple times, right, and his leadership was attributed 317 00:16:48.120 --> 00:16:51.679 to getting them back home safely. And I tell that 318 00:16:51.799 --> 00:16:54.159 story too. But I'm like, to me, it's inspiring. I'm like, well, 319 00:16:54.159 --> 00:16:55.559 why do I care? Because I want to be an 320 00:16:55.600 --> 00:17:00.039 inspirational leader because I think resilience is important. Because I 321 00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:04.440 so those stories. I think this the story exemplifies that 322 00:17:04.519 --> 00:17:07.200 I get inspired. So those are good. That's good that 323 00:17:07.240 --> 00:17:10.480 you bring this up. Because sometimes there's internal stories that 324 00:17:10.519 --> 00:17:12.799 we tell ourselves, like a greatest sense, and sometimes there's 325 00:17:12.839 --> 00:17:15.039 external things in the world, stories that we connect to, 326 00:17:15.440 --> 00:17:18.960 stories that inspire us, stories that make us think, stories 327 00:17:19.000 --> 00:17:22.519 about people in places, you know, in parts of the 328 00:17:22.519 --> 00:17:26.119 world or in different times and in history. But then 329 00:17:26.160 --> 00:17:31.039 we still connect and like find inspiration. There's there's a 330 00:17:31.079 --> 00:17:34.279 beautiful quote in one of the Indigo Girls songs where 331 00:17:34.279 --> 00:17:38.079 they're talking about a telephone line through time where the 332 00:17:38.240 --> 00:17:40.519 reading of this biography is like a telephone like, oh 333 00:17:40.559 --> 00:17:44.400 my god, I've like, I feel this person who wrote 334 00:17:44.400 --> 00:17:47.160 a book a million years ago like that years ago. 335 00:17:47.240 --> 00:17:49.640 But it's affecting me now. So that whole thing is 336 00:17:49.799 --> 00:17:54.480 stories externally as well kind of shape us. And I 337 00:17:54.519 --> 00:17:58.039 think it's good to look at what inspires you about 338 00:17:58.079 --> 00:17:59.799 other people's stories. Like you said, why do you keep 339 00:17:59.799 --> 00:18:02.680 telling the story? Because I got to because I've inspired 340 00:18:02.720 --> 00:18:05.640 by it, right, either because something I aspire to or 341 00:18:05.680 --> 00:18:08.000 something I feel like I am and I connect with that. 342 00:18:09.200 --> 00:18:12.880 Yeah, And you know, look at storytelling is somebody said 343 00:18:12.880 --> 00:18:14.519 to me, I want, I want your comment on this 344 00:18:14.559 --> 00:18:19.920 for a minute, Carrie. It's fascinating the comments people make 345 00:18:19.960 --> 00:18:21.200 about the stories we tell. 346 00:18:21.799 --> 00:18:22.039 Now. 347 00:18:22.039 --> 00:18:25.799 Clearly me me sharing this meme palace story over and 348 00:18:25.839 --> 00:18:29.799 over again to some people seem obsessive, but for me, 349 00:18:30.079 --> 00:18:32.200 I want to honor this woman, and I have the 350 00:18:32.240 --> 00:18:35.440 platform to do it. The other thing is how many 351 00:18:35.599 --> 00:18:38.440 people I listen to a couple of different people all 352 00:18:38.480 --> 00:18:41.160 the time, right, And I have this one person that 353 00:18:41.319 --> 00:18:45.480 does a daily kind of thing, right, it has thousands 354 00:18:45.519 --> 00:18:49.519 of episodes, right, and what he does and he tells 355 00:18:49.559 --> 00:18:53.279 the same story over and over again. And somebody said 356 00:18:53.319 --> 00:18:55.279 to me, I know why he does that. He doesn't. 357 00:18:55.359 --> 00:18:57.400 He hasn't really had a hard life, so he has 358 00:18:57.440 --> 00:18:59.480 to tell that one story over and over again, because 359 00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:04.039 that's the only story he has. And I said, wow, 360 00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:09.240 I said, that's what that's what you see? I said, yeah, 361 00:19:09.279 --> 00:19:11.200 how many times are we going to hear about this 362 00:19:11.279 --> 00:19:15.519 guy like winning the Compact Center? And I said, is 363 00:19:15.640 --> 00:19:18.279 that what you that's like what you got out of 364 00:19:18.319 --> 00:19:26.799 the story. And then I said something unusual, what part 365 00:19:26.880 --> 00:19:29.079 about that is really bothering you? 366 00:19:31.640 --> 00:19:31.799 Now? 367 00:19:31.839 --> 00:19:38.160 I don't usually go I mean honestly, but I was like, Okay, yeah, 368 00:19:38.160 --> 00:19:40.599 I've heard that story as many times as you, but 369 00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:42.880 I've always heard it from a different perspective and it 370 00:19:42.920 --> 00:19:46.480 always reminds me of what's possible in the world. So 371 00:19:46.599 --> 00:19:48.920 here I am saying to this person, what is it 372 00:19:48.960 --> 00:19:53.799 about him repeating himself that bothers you? And that opened 373 00:19:53.880 --> 00:19:56.440 up a whole lot of a whole lot, And that's 374 00:19:56.519 --> 00:19:57.279 my point to you. 375 00:19:57.400 --> 00:19:57.799 Next. 376 00:19:58.400 --> 00:20:00.759 There are the stories we tell about ourselves and the 377 00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:04.279 stories we don't. But in this person's case, there was 378 00:20:04.319 --> 00:20:07.519 a story that wasn't being told by this person. You know, 379 00:20:07.839 --> 00:20:12.359 he wasn't going to tell the story because it was 380 00:20:12.440 --> 00:20:15.720 too vulnerable. So let's talk about the stories we tell 381 00:20:15.720 --> 00:20:19.640 them the stories we don't. They're equally important. 382 00:20:20.440 --> 00:20:22.720 Yes, And sometimes when you think about the stories we 383 00:20:22.799 --> 00:20:25.440 don't tell. We're doing it for safety. We're doing because 384 00:20:25.480 --> 00:20:28.440 it is vulnerable. It is it's not the right space, 385 00:20:28.480 --> 00:20:31.559 the right people also to protect us. And sometimes the 386 00:20:31.559 --> 00:20:35.599 stories we don't tell are involved because it's traumatic. And 387 00:20:35.599 --> 00:20:38.279 that's definitely a whole category of the stories we don't tell. 388 00:20:38.559 --> 00:20:42.039 There are also stories we don't tell and keep hidden 389 00:20:42.079 --> 00:20:46.680 because we're embarrassed by them. It's too vulnerable because then 390 00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:49.680 what will people think of me? We feel like, oh, 391 00:20:49.720 --> 00:20:51.359 I'm going to if I tell the story, will show 392 00:20:51.400 --> 00:20:53.559 that I changed my mind so I wasn't really committed 393 00:20:53.599 --> 00:20:56.240 to it or something like, it will show things about 394 00:20:56.319 --> 00:21:01.119 us where it doesn't maybe cast us in the best light. 395 00:21:01.319 --> 00:21:05.200 And we can't afford in our relationships to wonder will 396 00:21:05.200 --> 00:21:08.000 now people still think of me the same, So our 397 00:21:08.039 --> 00:21:11.160 brain does a calculation around is it worth it? Is 398 00:21:11.200 --> 00:21:13.160 it worth it? And there's a difference I think I 399 00:21:13.160 --> 00:21:17.160 got to say in our society between like forced vulnerability 400 00:21:17.319 --> 00:21:20.279 and actual vulnerability. And I see this a lot when 401 00:21:20.279 --> 00:21:22.279