WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.200 --> 00:00:08.080 Hello, I'm welcaned stories all the time. The glad you 2 00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:11.199 are here. Let's get into it. The first time I 3 00:00:11.199 --> 00:00:13.519 sought Alvoldo Lane on my manifest I thought it was 4 00:00:13.560 --> 00:00:15.439 a type of just another small glitch in the mildly 5 00:00:15.480 --> 00:00:18.280 chaotic morning churn at the deeper out here, dust and 6 00:00:18.280 --> 00:00:20.519 coffee spill across both the warehouse floor and the edges 7 00:00:20.559 --> 00:00:23.760 of our screens, and even the supposedly automated routing software 8 00:00:23.839 --> 00:00:25.920 is forever making up new towns or deciding I can 9 00:00:25.960 --> 00:00:28.280 reach two hill farms fifteen miles apart in the span 10 00:00:28.320 --> 00:00:31.839 of twenty minutes. Usually I shrug it off, but this 11 00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:34.200 stop sat squarely in the middle of my list, wedged 12 00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:36.799 between routine holes to bent Swamp Road and little River 13 00:00:36.880 --> 00:00:39.679 turned frouts I knew by heart. I thumbed through my 14 00:00:39.719 --> 00:00:41.679 stack of beat up paper maps, a habit from before 15 00:00:41.719 --> 00:00:43.799 the company upgraded to the tablets we all now use. 16 00:00:44.759 --> 00:00:46.799 I trust those cracked atlasses and tan in so it's 17 00:00:46.799 --> 00:00:49.719 more than any set of glowing pixels. No sign of 18 00:00:49.719 --> 00:00:52.240 old Olane anywhere in the zone marked for that day's wrote. 19 00:00:52.759 --> 00:00:55.079 I tried the GPS, not because I believed it would 20 00:00:55.079 --> 00:00:57.600 know better, but because habit is stubborn. It wanted to 21 00:00:57.600 --> 00:01:00.159 redirect me to order drive two counties away. Then Alda 22 00:01:00.159 --> 00:01:03.119 would lane somewhere up near the Canadian line. But Alder 23 00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:06.120 Layne north will out of VITTI flat out didn't exist. 24 00:01:06.920 --> 00:01:09.920 Drivers filtered in. Kenny already winded from shovelin a spot 25 00:01:09.920 --> 00:01:12.519 clear first aiding forward lelad heads had slung so low 26 00:01:12.560 --> 00:01:14.879 she might trip on it, handing out double shot espressos 27 00:01:14.920 --> 00:01:17.840 and half joking for its of manifest swaps. I try 28 00:01:17.879 --> 00:01:20.120 to snide. Anyone know where Alder Lane went missing to. 29 00:01:20.840 --> 00:01:24.519 No one batted an. I no Alder that's north Willard, 30 00:01:24.719 --> 00:01:28.280 said Lee, barely looking up from her phone. Tickle lefted 31 00:01:28.319 --> 00:01:31.680 the big sycamore, can't miss it. Kenny, lacing his boots, 32 00:01:31.799 --> 00:01:34.959 disagreed with a practice grunt. No, as the cut off 33 00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:37.079 pass Miller Road used to be the short cut before 34 00:01:37.120 --> 00:01:39.120 the new covet washed the old bridge out past the 35 00:01:39.159 --> 00:01:42.760 feet store. Kenny, rattling her clipward in the far corner, 36 00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:46.319 called over, just follow the directions. It's always in there somewhere. 37 00:01:47.000 --> 00:01:49.120 She waved vaguely at the general direction of the welter 38 00:01:49.319 --> 00:01:52.200 version of encouragement. What struck me wasn't just that they 39 00:01:52.200 --> 00:01:54.480 all claimed no older lane, or that no two could 40 00:01:54.519 --> 00:01:56.879 agree on word lay. It was that no one seemed 41 00:01:56.879 --> 00:01:59.799 the least big curious about the contradiction. They offered their 42 00:01:59.879 --> 00:02:03.120 not matching directions. They're confident shrugs, then moved right back 43 00:02:03.159 --> 00:02:06.200 to the breakfast sandwiches, door stow, stable guns and last 44 00:02:06.239 --> 00:02:09.400 minute lottery pool squabbles. As if Older Lane was an 45 00:02:09.400 --> 00:02:11.919 old Neighborho's house kept moving around, but forgetting where it 46 00:02:12.039 --> 00:02:14.960 was supposed to be, never matted. I circled Older Lane 47 00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:17.280 on my planner and all caps unknown to investigate and 48 00:02:17.360 --> 00:02:19.280 resolve that to day, on my watch, I'd get to 49 00:02:19.319 --> 00:02:21.639 the bottom of it, even if it meant circling a 50 00:02:21.719 --> 00:02:24.240 village three times, eating cold lunch in the cab, and 51 00:02:24.319 --> 00:02:27.560 risking jokes at my expense during afternoon check in. Routines 52 00:02:27.599 --> 00:02:29.800 are sacred, and I prided myself on knowing every ditch, 53 00:02:29.919 --> 00:02:33.159 knuckle and barn shaped shadow on these roads. If there 54 00:02:33.199 --> 00:02:35.400 was a lane I didn't recognize, it wasn't because it 55 00:02:35.479 --> 00:02:40.360 was simply lost. There had to be an explanation. Asterisk, asterisk, astorisk. 56 00:02:40.919 --> 00:02:43.879 Maybe I should introduce myself properly. Jack Channel thirty eight 57 00:02:43.879 --> 00:02:46.439 to warn devty of practical shoes and higher octane feel. 58 00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:49.479 I've run regional delivery for green Man to Midline twelve 59 00:02:49.560 --> 00:02:52.280 years in change, enough time to memorize every fathom of 60 00:02:52.319 --> 00:02:55.319 back road between the Massachusetts border and the Lake Champlain Narrows. 61 00:02:56.000 --> 00:02:58.120 Not that I'm local born, but you'd be hard pressed 62 00:02:58.120 --> 00:03:01.159 to find someone who remembers more birthdays, farm reopenings, or 63 00:03:01.199 --> 00:03:04.000 crack drivers than I do. Our outfit does not mix 64 00:03:04.080 --> 00:03:06.000 a little too big to know every one by name, 65 00:03:06.120 --> 00:03:08.159 a little too small to have its own HR department, 66 00:03:08.840 --> 00:03:11.120 with a difference between your package actually landing at your 67 00:03:11.159 --> 00:03:14.280 door and the post office neighbor three towns over. Because 68 00:03:14.319 --> 00:03:17.080 out here, distances aren't measured in exact miles, but in stories. 69 00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:19.240 Who loves wherein Whose mother had the best apple cido 70 00:03:19.280 --> 00:03:22.120 when the snow came early? The company trucks are reliable, 71 00:03:22.240 --> 00:03:25.360 if relics. We have more bungee cords than spare parts, 72 00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:29.080 but somehow always wrangle a solution. Each day starts with Penny, 73 00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:32.240 who handles dispatch on weekdays, karaoke on weekends, rattling off 74 00:03:32.319 --> 00:03:34.400 lists that sound to outsiders as if fruit and by 75 00:03:34.439 --> 00:03:38.080 a tipsy poured Walcott's Corners, sun Golden Lane, Quail Hollow, 76 00:03:38.280 --> 00:03:40.000 the hollow by the old in mail books, then back 77 00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:43.000 forbake goods at the Cookson's. Only some of those exist 78 00:03:43.080 --> 00:03:45.919 on any map, a value precision for reasons that go 79 00:03:46.039 --> 00:03:49.159 beyond job pride. These roads aren't just lined on paper. 80 00:03:49.240 --> 00:03:52.159 They are the shape of living memory. When mud season hits. 81 00:03:52.280 --> 00:03:54.439 If you say, take the back wrap past Duncan's pond, 82 00:03:54.599 --> 00:03:56.319 I picture the angle of ruts in the south side 83 00:03:56.360 --> 00:03:59.280 turn away fog lifts before noon, a split trung gash tree. 84 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:01.639 My mental map is sharper than most. This is my 85 00:04:01.719 --> 00:04:04.520 daily claim to solace and skill, my field of control. 86 00:04:04.560 --> 00:04:07.479 In a message shifting network, lel Out, sharp eyed and 87 00:04:07.560 --> 00:04:11.120 chronically caffeine deficient, rolls the loading dock. If I ask 88 00:04:11.159 --> 00:04:13.599 about an address, she crossed references on two screens in 89 00:04:13.639 --> 00:04:16.800 a battered index box. Once she caught a routing error 90 00:04:16.839 --> 00:04:18.560 that would have sent a father's birthday cart on an 91 00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:21.560 accidental of a night trek to Indiana. Her answer to 92 00:04:21.680 --> 00:04:23.959 older Lane, however, was a shrug. It must have been 93 00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:26.279 added to the system last year. New neighborhoods pop up 94 00:04:26.279 --> 00:04:28.399 all the time out here, but we both knew that 95 00:04:28.519 --> 00:04:31.839 was nonsense. Kenny who remembers the Big storm of ninety 96 00:04:31.879 --> 00:04:33.759 three as if he carved upon too. Every organ town 97 00:04:33.879 --> 00:04:36.120 tells stories of roads for shuffle by time and weather, 98 00:04:36.800 --> 00:04:39.000 But any time I pressed for details on older lane, 99 00:04:39.120 --> 00:04:41.759 his face clouded stories. They mean to half remembered sketches 100 00:04:41.759 --> 00:04:44.120 about their curve past the old Twinson place. Or maybe 101 00:04:44.199 --> 00:04:46.959 it was after he gesture vaguely with a gloved hand, 102 00:04:47.120 --> 00:04:50.319 eyes already sliding to the next topic. Here is the truth. 103 00:04:50.519 --> 00:04:53.240 In this region, directions are inherited and only half anchored 104 00:04:53.279 --> 00:04:56.480 to landmarks, local swap stories about the house with the 105 00:04:56.480 --> 00:04:59.000 Blue Hyde Rangers, or where Grammar got lost just before 106 00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:01.439 the covered bridge gave out. The gaps in the map 107 00:05:01.519 --> 00:05:04.360 are filled not by coordinates but by colloquial glue in memory. 108 00:05:05.000 --> 00:05:07.279 Yet this address fold olane through sand in my gears, 109 00:05:08.040 --> 00:05:10.600 not just because it was unfamiliar, but because everyone acted 110 00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:12.800 as if it should be familiar, and treated my confusion 111 00:05:12.839 --> 00:05:15.759 as odd, not the lanes. I'm not sentimental, or at 112 00:05:15.800 --> 00:05:17.680 least try not to be. But when something pokes a 113 00:05:17.720 --> 00:05:19.480 hole in your idea of order, you don't just let 114 00:05:19.519 --> 00:05:22.120 it seal itself up. I decided as I pulled the 115 00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:24.680 box truck away from the deeper that morning. That outsettled 116 00:05:24.680 --> 00:05:27.319 the Old Olaine question for good, for my pride, and 117 00:05:27.399 --> 00:05:29.959 for the quiet, nerdyjoy that comes from finding sense tuck 118 00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:34.759 just beneath confusion astoris astrus asterisk. Driving out past not 119 00:05:34.920 --> 00:05:37.360 will Aard, framed by mourning haze and the good, sharp 120 00:05:37.439 --> 00:05:40.000 green of early grass, I scanned for side roads with 121 00:05:40.040 --> 00:05:43.160 an intensity that bordered uncomical. If Old Olane was just 122 00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:45.879 a paperwork relic or someone's misremembered street, I'd find the 123 00:05:45.920 --> 00:05:48.959 closest match and report it for deletion. If it was real, 124 00:05:49.120 --> 00:05:51.480 it belonged in my mental ledger, complete with utended which 125 00:05:51.480 --> 00:05:53.839 mail books and how deep the snowblower ruts run come march. 126 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:57.439 My route suggestions paradoxical as ever, pointed me in three 127 00:05:57.519 --> 00:06:00.360 directions at once. One set of driving instructions wanted me 128 00:06:00.439 --> 00:06:03.240 up by Miller Road after the feed store Perkanny's earler claim, 129 00:06:03.319 --> 00:06:06.120 another back horser to the town line. I took the 130 00:06:06.160 --> 00:06:08.680 approach that experience has drilled deep trussed my eyes, not 131 00:06:08.800 --> 00:06:12.040 the allegedly smart device. There are only so many ways 132 00:06:12.079 --> 00:06:13.920 for North will Arder too. If you want to avoid 133 00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:16.680 the dirt track that washes out every spring. I counted 134 00:06:16.720 --> 00:06:18.720 each lane and spur off the main route, consulting my 135 00:06:18.800 --> 00:06:20.800 paper maps, and none wore the name. I saw it 136 00:06:21.399 --> 00:06:23.800 on Miller Road, there was no older lane to be found. 137 00:06:24.519 --> 00:06:26.959 I spotted the Feet store, long since closed, it painted, 138 00:06:26.959 --> 00:06:29.319 peeled and its lock colonized by dandelions, and scanned the 139 00:06:29.360 --> 00:06:33.399 adjacent lanes old stone postmark drivers for a Cumb's o'reiley 140 00:06:33.560 --> 00:06:36.879 and Timbrook, but nothing for Alder. Trying another angle, I 141 00:06:36.959 --> 00:06:39.920 parked at the general store. In these towns, the general 142 00:06:39.959 --> 00:06:43.399 store is equal parts supply cache, social hub, and memory bank. 143 00:06:44.120 --> 00:06:46.199 The clerk behind the register, a trim woman in a 144 00:06:46.279 --> 00:06:48.720 red sox hat, offered the kind of customer service reserved 145 00:06:48.759 --> 00:06:52.120 for locals. I explained my predicament, expecting laughter or at 146 00:06:52.199 --> 00:06:55.720 least sympathy. Oh, Alder Lane, as past Maple Drive, you 147 00:06:55.879 --> 00:06:57.600 just take a right once you see the big blue barn, 148 00:06:57.839 --> 00:07:00.680 can't miss it. She offered the advice of brie usy certainty, 149 00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:03.600 as if all delane were as tangible, so countertop. I 150 00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:07.000 thanked her, and what back out curiosity sharpening Maple Drive? 151 00:07:07.120 --> 00:07:09.519 Was there? True enough? I left off the center green, 152 00:07:10.120 --> 00:07:12.519 but no blue barn appeared, and no right hand turn 153 00:07:12.560 --> 00:07:14.759 greeted me, just a half mile of overgrown thicket and 154 00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:16.879 a lurking sense that my wrote a place book once 155 00:07:16.920 --> 00:07:20.160 as solid as bedrock, was slouching sideways. I looped back 156 00:07:20.199 --> 00:07:22.160 through town, trusting the miles in my veins, if not 157 00:07:22.240 --> 00:07:24.759 the directions in my hands, and realized, with the tickle 158 00:07:24.800 --> 00:07:27.199 of contradiction, that I had ended up miles away, staring 159 00:07:27.199 --> 00:07:29.720 at community garden plotted between two street names had never 160 00:07:29.800 --> 00:07:32.759 seen before, neither of which led to older lane. By 161 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:36.160 a lunch time, Mionnees had gradually shifted gears, not fear, 162 00:07:36.279 --> 00:07:38.600 but something invigorating, as if I discovered the start of 163 00:07:38.639 --> 00:07:41.519 a puzzle too odd to be menacing. Sometimes you don't 164 00:07:41.519 --> 00:07:43.480 want comfort, you want the thrill of the missing piece. 165 00:07:44.240 --> 00:07:46.839 Returning to the depot, slinging empties from the trap bed, 166 00:07:46.920 --> 00:07:49.759 I received an avalanche of conflicting advice from the other drivers. 167 00:07:50.439 --> 00:07:52.800 Should have cut through the corn fills, Someone call not 168 00:07:52.959 --> 00:07:56.279 bothering to clarify, No, you missed it as passomal pond. 169 00:07:56.439 --> 00:08:00.199 Another opined no. Two suggestions aligned, and none line ended 170 00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:01.720 up with what I had actually seen on the road. 171 00:08:02.480 --> 00:08:04.639 That night, I sat at my desk, with the manifest 172 00:08:04.759 --> 00:08:07.319 a red pen and the slowly sharpening realization that either 173 00:08:07.360 --> 00:08:09.199 Old Olain was a secret known to all but mere 174 00:08:09.279 --> 00:08:11.560 notion I found unlikely, or there was some deeper confusion 175 00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:14.600 running under the surface. Maybe I'd missed a renaming, a 176 00:08:14.720 --> 00:08:17.720 local joke, or a seasonal short cut out overlooked, but 177 00:08:17.839 --> 00:08:19.680 the idea it might not really be there at all. 178 00:08:19.839 --> 00:08:22.319 In a way, streets usually are moved from barely considered 179 00:08:22.439 --> 00:08:25.439 error to real humming question. Ask all's a note for tomorrow, 180 00:08:25.600 --> 00:08:30.240 test all known theories. The chase was on Astus asterus asterisk. 181 00:08:30.800 --> 00:08:33.080 I gave Old Olaine another week of my best efforts. 182 00:08:33.799 --> 00:08:37.320 Each morning brought a new approach. My TABIS GPS, typically 183 00:08:37.399 --> 00:08:40.240 grudging second opinion, displayed a fresh route suggestion every day, 184 00:08:40.360 --> 00:08:44.519 each new path pausable, no unrepeatable. I tried following their prompts, 185 00:08:44.799 --> 00:08:46.960 just to see if the system might know something I didn't. 186 00:08:47.720 --> 00:08:50.039 Sometimes it shot me past what should have been Old Elaine, 187 00:08:50.120 --> 00:08:52.480 then urged me into a driveway labeled private and no outlet. 188 00:08:53.159 --> 00:08:56.519 Sometimes it feared me through unrelated residential clusters, or spun 189 00:08:56.600 --> 00:08:58.519 me out on county roads that coiled and did before 190 00:08:58.519 --> 00:09:01.320 offering me a way back to town. Dispin took over. 191 00:09:02.080 --> 00:09:04.240 I dug out every map in my collection, spread them 192 00:09:04.240 --> 00:09:07.039 across the passenger seat, and started overlaying each with delivery 193 00:09:07.080 --> 00:09:09.519 locks dating back as far as I kept them. I 194 00:09:09.679 --> 00:09:12.159 marked every pause, but spot of lane could sprout, highlighted 195 00:09:12.200 --> 00:09:14.480 any marginal track or half remembered old right of way. 196 00:09:15.120 --> 00:09:17.159 Every time I thought I boxed it in alder lane 197 00:09:17.159 --> 00:09:20.480 wriggled out. No consistency, no cross reference stronger than rumor. 198 00:09:21.080 --> 00:09:23.759 Determined not to rely only on my own stubbornness, I 199 00:09:23.840 --> 00:09:26.320 went to this sours three residents whose addresses placed them 200 00:09:26.360 --> 00:09:29.960 near every supposed version of older Laine. Missus Udoel, wrapped 201 00:09:29.960 --> 00:09:32.039 in a Paisley shawl on her porch, smiled as if 202 00:09:32.080 --> 00:09:35.840 recalling the flavor of a beloved pie. It's right after Stoneybridge. Dear, 203 00:09:35.879 --> 00:09:38.320 you won't see any houses, just wall Colmbine, the prettiest 204 00:09:38.320 --> 00:09:41.240 come late, Jean, I thanked her, remembering there hadn't been 205 00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:43.840 a stony bridge anywhere between the post office and Miller Road, 206 00:09:44.039 --> 00:09:47.879 let alone Columbine in that tangle of swampy grass. Mister Gustaff, 207 00:09:47.919 --> 00:09:51.000 the postman, was more forthright, flucking through his own sorting bin. 208 00:09:51.200 --> 00:09:54.159 Being there a hundred times old white farmhouse left side, 209 00:09:54.600 --> 00:09:57.200 watched the dark, nice old man somewhat of vane on 210 00:09:57.240 --> 00:10:00.159 the barn, delivered a package there just last month. I 211 00:10:00.279 --> 00:10:02.679 wondered if his memory had simply blured together any lamee 212 00:10:02.679 --> 00:10:05.639 of white farmhouses and ill temper dogs. But if so, 213 00:10:05.840 --> 00:10:09.120 his conviction was complete. On a hunch, I swung by 214 00:10:09.159 --> 00:10:11.080 a garage where teens glustered to tinker on their beat 215 00:10:11.159 --> 00:10:13.960 up Chevy balder Lane the boy in a raider's being, 216 00:10:14.000 --> 00:10:17.240 he repeated, isn't that behind the bakery lot like towntown? 217 00:10:17.879 --> 00:10:20.039 When I pressed for more, he shrot could be, or 218 00:10:20.080 --> 00:10:22.720 maybe that was where my cousin crashed his back. His 219 00:10:22.879 --> 00:10:25.200 friends board added their own color. Maybe it's the dirt 220 00:10:25.279 --> 00:10:28.320 road by the stream, or as that Martin's patna. Their 221 00:10:28.360 --> 00:10:31.679 responses seemed to cancel each other out. Alder Lane grew 222 00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:35.799 more substantial, more geographically flexible, with every retelling one evening 223 00:10:35.879 --> 00:10:38.720 that weak determination edged with near obsession. I drove back 224 00:10:38.759 --> 00:10:41.519 out after must shift with a new paper map. Seeing 225 00:10:41.559 --> 00:10:43.480 the same town in brand and green roade, my eyes 226 00:10:43.559 --> 00:10:45.919 nearly missed it. A green and white street sign ald 227 00:10:45.960 --> 00:10:47.720 O' lane posted at the edge of a dirt for 228 00:10:47.840 --> 00:10:52.159 Cough Miller Road. I squinted, half suspecting a prancropor shift hallucination. 229 00:10:52.799 --> 00:10:55.080 The sign looked as fixed and municipal as any in town. 230 00:10:55.720 --> 00:10:58.279 Pulling over, I took a photo with my phone, circling 231 00:10:58.320 --> 00:11:01.519 the sign in the battered wooden mail books beside. Satisfied, 232 00:11:01.639 --> 00:11:04.600 I told myself I could close this case another quirk 233 00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:07.360 of inconsistent signage. Tomorrow I'd show the others and collect 234 00:11:07.399 --> 00:11:09.679 my gentle ribbing, but at least put the mystery to rest. 235 00:11:10.399 --> 00:11:12.519 But when I returned the following morning, armed with the 236 00:11:12.559 --> 00:11:15.480 photo for proof, there was no sign, no lane with 237 00:11:15.559 --> 00:11:17.240 a sign post that stood, was only a patch of 238 00:11:17.279 --> 00:11:20.080 intended sumac and a half buried rock crusted with lichen. 239 00:11:20.600 --> 00:11:22.639 I checked my phones in which gallery, only to find 240 00:11:22.679 --> 00:11:24.600 that the shot taken the night before now sure nothing 241 00:11:24.679 --> 00:11:27.440 more than the shadow line of roads i'd brush, no sign, 242 00:11:27.840 --> 00:11:31.360 no mail box, nothing. I triple checked the time stamp 243 00:11:31.480 --> 00:11:33.919 and location. The photo itself had stripped out any evidence 244 00:11:33.960 --> 00:11:36.519 of what I'd seen. My notes laid out of a 245 00:11:36.600 --> 00:11:39.399 cheap diner paper napkins, and increasingly dense with question marks 246 00:11:39.440 --> 00:11:42.360 and exclamations. Now told the story whose contradictions were both 247 00:11:42.399 --> 00:11:45.480 thrilling and maddening. The houses described by others seemed to 248 00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:48.840 belong to no one and everyone. The antique dealer noras Antiques, 249 00:11:49.080 --> 00:11:51.440 a business that, as far as I could investigate, and 250 00:11:51.600 --> 00:11:54.799 never opened in North Willard. Yet older locals recalled it 251 00:11:54.840 --> 00:11:58.759 as if they browsed those asals just last year. The others, drivers, clerks, 252 00:11:58.840 --> 00:12:01.720 neighbors acted as if Old Olaine's existence was obvious but 253 00:12:01.879 --> 00:12:04.519 never seemed un settled. When it couldn't be found, it 254 00:12:04.679 --> 00:12:06.799 was as though a moving spot and communal memory kept 255 00:12:06.799 --> 00:12:08.919 shifting out of reach. Always some were just round the 256 00:12:08.960 --> 00:12:12.000 next bend. The possibility struck me. Then this wasn't a 257 00:12:12.080 --> 00:12:14.600 mere mapping error on a monic slip. There was a 258 00:12:14.639 --> 00:12:16.639 blind spot, a play here, a share of fiction, or 259 00:12:16.679 --> 00:12:19.600 collectively maintained illusion that no one cared to question. That 260 00:12:19.799 --> 00:12:22.399 sense of mystery, that pressure of curiosity building behind the 261 00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:24.919 dam of routine, set the direction for every speer minute 262 00:12:24.960 --> 00:12:27.559 I had. I wanted to know why Old olaine hovered 263 00:12:27.639 --> 00:12:29.720 rather than landed, and why no one else found that 264 00:12:29.840 --> 00:12:34.480 strange asterisk asterisk asterisk. I spent an evening at my desk, 265 00:12:34.519 --> 00:12:37.679 a place usually reserved for tax wrangling, radio static and 266 00:12:37.720 --> 00:12:40.720 the half resigned tracking of Appliant's warranties. Up came the 267 00:12:40.759 --> 00:12:43.519 paper manifests, some so old the carb and copies blurred 268 00:12:43.559 --> 00:12:46.440 all but the wable's last four digits. I cross checked 269 00:12:46.480 --> 00:12:48.799 these against the digital logs that started years ago, then 270 00:12:48.840 --> 00:12:51.799 compared the names and times against notes from recent conversations 271 00:12:52.519 --> 00:12:54.879 to my grown unease. I found not just one, but 272 00:12:55.000 --> 00:12:58.080 several records of deliveries to Old Olaine, stretching back several years. 273 00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:00.200 Tuck neatly among the data for rutz I Genuine, they 274 00:13:00.279 --> 00:13:04.240 recalled the older manifest included printed stops of twelve olds Elaine, 275 00:13:04.320 --> 00:13:06.559 a fourteen older Olane, with my own initial scrolled in 276 00:13:06.600 --> 00:13:09.879 the trick completion boxes. There was even a slip ridden 277 00:13:09.919 --> 00:13:12.279 in my familiar jagged hand for a late December package 278 00:13:12.279 --> 00:13:15.399 address too j Morse fourteen older Lane. The meditator in 279 00:13:15.440 --> 00:13:17.240 the lock had a note as now delay plug by 280 00:13:17.279 --> 00:13:20.480 three p m. That same day, my memory insisted I'd 281 00:13:20.519 --> 00:13:23.080 run the east loop only after dodging two jackknife trucks 282 00:13:23.120 --> 00:13:25.679 near the junction. I would swear I'd never been down 283 00:13:25.679 --> 00:13:28.360 any Old Olane. I brought the slip to leelat more 284 00:13:28.360 --> 00:13:30.879 out of Habitan hope. She pored over it on her 285 00:13:30.960 --> 00:13:33.600 terminal fingers, flicking through log after a log, her bro 286 00:13:33.720 --> 00:13:37.639 pocket and growing amusement. I found scanned signatures for these here, Eh, 287 00:13:37.759 --> 00:13:40.440 Douglas and j Most, she said, pointing to too perfect 288 00:13:40.559 --> 00:13:43.960 Liby scrolls, an elegant print the jennerknines set my teeth 289 00:13:44.000 --> 00:13:47.679 on edge, Tye Britton names, but the signatures just look practiced, 290 00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:50.759 as if if old sample sheet in advance. She shrugged, 291 00:13:50.799 --> 00:13:53.799 passing my slip back. There was something deeply out here. 292 00:13:54.519 --> 00:13:56.879 Not only did the geography of Old Olane shift depending 293 00:13:56.919 --> 00:13:59.720 up who recalled it, the documentary trail itself dates times 294 00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:03.759 bridge as flex to accommodated, not fabricated exactly, but quietly 295 00:14:03.799 --> 00:14:07.200 were written to pass muster during routine audits my paper, Ricker, 296 00:14:07.360 --> 00:14:09.759 if trusted, declared that I had performed my duties and 297 00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:12.639 delivered to Old Olaine on several occasions in the teeth 298 00:14:12.679 --> 00:14:14.639 of storms and at the height of summer flash floods. 299 00:14:15.360 --> 00:14:17.600 For the first time, the question changed shape. Maybe Old 300 00:14:17.600 --> 00:14:20.639 Olaine didn't just elute geography. Maybe you actually insert itself 301 00:14:20.679 --> 00:14:23.480 into routine, even into my private Handreton notes and collective 302 00:14:23.519 --> 00:14:26.399 company memory. If that was true, what else could be 303 00:14:26.480 --> 00:14:28.799 quietly revised by the need for a road or recipient 304 00:14:28.879 --> 00:14:31.519 as solution to a gap in expectation or story. The 305 00:14:31.600 --> 00:14:33.759 mystery tilted. It was no longer a matter of just 306 00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:36.879 finding Old Olaine somewhere out there between streams and Fieldston foundations. 307 00:14:37.559 --> 00:14:39.799 It was about learning how many versions of Older Olaine 308 00:14:39.799 --> 00:14:42.679 could exist alongside each other, and whose vision shaped dech iteration. 309 00:14:43.360 --> 00:14:46.559 The hunt became about memory, how its constructed, stored were written. 310 00:14:47.000 --> 00:14:49.480 I wondered for the first time if for those beside 311 00:14:49.519 --> 00:14:51.360 me had ever tried to nail down such a place, 312 00:14:51.600 --> 00:14:53.559 or if they simply accepted the contradiction as a matter 313 00:14:53.600 --> 00:14:58.519 of course astoris astoris asterus. I needed outside perspective, someone 314 00:14:58.559 --> 00:15:01.159 with knowledge older than electric rapp planning, who measured land 315 00:15:01.200 --> 00:15:04.840 and paces in postmarks. The next afternoon I decided to 316 00:15:04.919 --> 00:15:07.960 visit the local historical Society. An odd ball archive crowded 317 00:15:07.960 --> 00:15:10.840 into the town's octagonal brick school house. An air of 318 00:15:10.919 --> 00:15:13.320 dusty authority hung over it, thick with map drawers and 319 00:15:13.360 --> 00:15:16.759 surple sculptures, stacks of forgotten grand applications, and feeded town 320 00:15:16.840 --> 00:15:20.559 chatters if all Doolane ever existed or almost existed, they'd 321 00:15:20.600 --> 00:15:22.679 have the record, or at least an institutional memory, of 322 00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:25.480 where it might once have been. Kenny, it turned out, 323 00:15:25.799 --> 00:15:28.200 was there off duty, elbows deep in the Society's box 324 00:15:28.240 --> 00:15:31.440 of black and white photographs. Surprised to see me arrive 325 00:15:31.559 --> 00:15:34.080 on my own time, he gestured me over, handing me 326 00:15:34.120 --> 00:15:36.000 a mug of watery coffee that might have been bruined 327 00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:38.679 since the last town's leacktward meeting. He still after that 328 00:15:38.799 --> 00:15:41.159 lane a he grin, but softer this time, as if 329 00:15:41.200 --> 00:15:43.519 by someone spoke in agreement. The joke had lost its bark. 330 00:15:44.240 --> 00:15:46.720 A few of the society's old timers welcomed the diversion 331 00:15:46.720 --> 00:15:50.039 from cataloging a box of water damage tax receipts. I 332 00:15:50.120 --> 00:15:53.279 explained my problem as succinctly as possible, worry of disuspecting 333 00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:56.279 any family tales. The response I got was warmer than 334 00:15:56.320 --> 00:16:00.480 I'd expected. Oh, old Delane, missus elkins ady three and 335 00:16:00.519 --> 00:16:04.360 sharp as Rye whiskey said, I remember that well used 336 00:16:04.360 --> 00:16:06.120 to be duck pond. Write there my sister and I 337 00:16:06.200 --> 00:16:08.519 caught frogs every June till my mother chased us out. 338 00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:11.559 There were willows and missus littles daffodils all along the verge, 339 00:16:11.759 --> 00:16:16.879 birthday parties, Fourth of July lanterns, the works. Another Society member, Reggie, 340 00:16:17.039 --> 00:16:19.200 offered a different vision, a lane running past a hand 341 00:16:19.240 --> 00:16:21.639 hewn barn where the limestone jutted up while behind a 342 00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:24.480 porch wing. When I asked for details where exactly it 343 00:16:24.600 --> 00:16:27.200 was the slain, the answers tumbled out in a course 344 00:16:27.240 --> 00:16:30.480 of memory, each account distinct, vivid, but never overlapping. In fact, 345 00:16:31.240 --> 00:16:34.080 we pulled out faded envelopes from an old correspondence file 346 00:16:34.279 --> 00:16:37.879 meant for displays on historic will Odd businesses. Several were 347 00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:40.279 dressed to old Olaine dates spanning the nineteen forties to 348 00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:43.600 the seventies, each listing a different retain address. Some bore 349 00:16:43.679 --> 00:16:46.120 stamps from a hardware store that had apparently moved or 350 00:16:46.200 --> 00:16:49.679 vanished decades prior. The handwriting on the old envelopes was 351 00:16:49.759 --> 00:16:53.039 neither childish nor deliberately false, but Robustfordinary's goop sent in 352 00:16:53.120 --> 00:16:55.440 expectation that the road and its house numbers would be 353 00:16:55.480 --> 00:16:59.039 understood by the intended bussippiine. I asked about official records, 354 00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:02.519 deeds or tax file. Miss sss Elkins smiled shook her head. 355 00:17:02.639 --> 00:17:05.119 My nephews checked every book. Dear, no older lane in 356 00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:07.359 the land records, but everyone knows someone who had a 357 00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:10.480 reason to find at once. She seemed more delighted by 358 00:17:10.519 --> 00:17:13.920 the contradiction than troubled. I pressed for recent recollections. Had 359 00:17:13.960 --> 00:17:16.559 any one spoken of Alder Lane lately? Miss s S. 360 00:17:16.559 --> 00:17:19.359 Elkins recited a memory so detailed they fell to come alive. 361 00:17:19.559 --> 00:17:21.960 You know, my friend Mabel, before she passed, said she 362 00:17:22.039 --> 00:17:24.160 brought soup to someone on Alder Lane. Must have been 363 00:17:24.200 --> 00:17:26.079 five or six years ago. She thought there was a 364 00:17:26.160 --> 00:17:27.960 ponder tho or no map agrees. I used to go 365 00:17:28.039 --> 00:17:30.240 walking alone there as a girl, and I swear there 366 00:17:30.279 --> 00:17:32.240 was a swing hanging from a beach. My father said. 367 00:17:32.279 --> 00:17:34.119 The lane ran right through the old occhard before the 368 00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:37.599 blight took those trees. The images from their recollections didn't 369 00:17:37.640 --> 00:17:39.480 line up with each other, or with anything I traced 370 00:17:39.519 --> 00:17:42.640 in the tangible world. The older lane of missus Elkins 371 00:17:42.759 --> 00:17:44.920 was different from the one in Reggie stories, or from 372 00:17:44.960 --> 00:17:48.519 the route others described after the blizzard or the spring flood. Still, 373 00:17:48.680 --> 00:17:51.119 each book with a note of fondness, not confusion, as 374 00:17:51.160 --> 00:17:53.480 if Alder Lane was simply about rupt to moments of meaning, 375 00:17:53.519 --> 00:17:56.799 deliveries made, neighbors visited, comfort offered in times of need. 376 00:17:57.799 --> 00:18:01.079 I shifted my search to the contemporary. On social media. 377 00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:03.759 I found posts photos tagged all de Olane drop off 378 00:18:04.039 --> 00:18:06.480 hopee like the Pie or Loftier Medicine in the blue 379 00:18:06.519 --> 00:18:09.519 mail box on alder. The photos, when I tried to 380 00:18:09.599 --> 00:18:12.359 match them, were always cheerful but undescript. Boxes on porches, 381 00:18:12.400 --> 00:18:15.640 a field of wildflorrors, a driveway wash in sunlight. When 382 00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:17.519 I asked in the comments if some one could say 383 00:18:17.519 --> 00:18:20.079 which town Old Alane belonged to, there were no responses. 384 00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:22.319 Only it's just around the bend. Every one knows that 385 00:18:23.079 --> 00:18:26.000 every story was heartfelt, but imphrecise, an emotional anchor with 386 00:18:26.119 --> 00:18:28.279 just enough detail to be believed, but not enough to 387 00:18:28.319 --> 00:18:29.960 be pinto a spot on any map I could lay 388 00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:33.640 my hands on, vivid in memory nowhere. In fact, it 389 00:18:33.799 --> 00:18:36.079 wasn't just my own sense of geography that had failed. 390 00:18:36.319 --> 00:18:38.039 It was as if the lane existed only at the 391 00:18:38.039 --> 00:18:41.119 blurry edge between story and need. That day, I sat 392 00:18:41.160 --> 00:18:44.200 in my truck, window down, wrestling not with frustration but 393 00:18:44.279 --> 00:18:47.640 an odd, giddy sense of perspective. If old Olaine existed 394 00:18:47.680 --> 00:18:49.839 at all. It existed as a network of recollections, a 395 00:18:49.960 --> 00:18:53.000 possibility space like some towns people described a church picnic 396 00:18:53.119 --> 00:18:56.359 or the return of bluebirds in spring, Always do, never certain. 397 00:18:57.000 --> 00:18:59.240 I turned the questions over, shifting from the word to though. 398 00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:02.319 Why in a place where distances are measured by stories, 399 00:19:02.480 --> 00:19:05.119 why did Olderlaine remain so tenacious, so common in every 400 00:19:05.119 --> 00:19:08.880 one's experience, yet scattershot and unvexed? In fact? Had every 401 00:19:08.920 --> 00:19:11.079