1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:02,000 Speaker 1: A woman should look for a man that lives by 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,839 a principle, that lives by principles. He's a principal man, 3 00:00:05,919 --> 00:00:08,240 you know what I'm saying. Like he stands on principle. 4 00:00:08,279 --> 00:00:12,160 That's big, because you're going you're gonna see that manifest 5 00:00:12,199 --> 00:00:14,759 himself in different areas of his life. He should be 6 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:20,800 a man of integrity. He should be diligent. He should 7 00:00:20,839 --> 00:00:23,519 be a faithful man. So when I say that, I'm 8 00:00:23,559 --> 00:00:27,000 not just speaking in terms of his faithfulness to a woman. 9 00:00:27,039 --> 00:00:29,320 He should be a faithful man. Like whatever he puts 10 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,440 his hand to do, if he says he's going to 11 00:00:31,519 --> 00:00:33,359 do it, you should see the fruit of what he 12 00:00:33,399 --> 00:00:34,920 said he was going to do in his life. You 13 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,280 know what I'm saying. A woman should look for a 14 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,880 man that's driven by something that's greater than himself, right, 15 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,840 a purpose that's greater than himself. Before God gave Adam anything, 16 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,399 he gave him his purpose. Before God gave Adam a woman, 17 00:00:45,399 --> 00:00:47,119 he gave him his purpose. He gave him an assignment. 18 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:48,359 This is what I want you to do. I want 19 00:00:48,359 --> 00:00:50,359 you to name the animals. I want you to keep 20 00:00:50,359 --> 00:00:52,280 the guard, and I want you to oversee it. He 21 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,719 gave him a purpose, you know what I'm saying, by 22 00:00:54,759 --> 00:00:56,920 which he was supposed to. You know what I'm saying, 23 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,840 manifest things. And so when you see a man that 24 00:01:00,119 --> 00:01:02,159 driven by purpose, and not just purpose, but a God 25 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,280 given purpose, because there is also a purpose that the 26 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:07,439 enemy gives us. When you see a man that's driven 27 00:01:07,439 --> 00:01:11,040 by a purpose, that God gives him that purpose to 28 00:01:11,079 --> 00:01:13,159 keep him when he wants to, when he wants to, 29 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,200 you know what I'm saying, go off track. So I 30 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,719 think those things are important for sure. 31 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:36,599 Speaker 2: Hey, y'all, welcome back to Dear to See a First 32 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,480 of all, First things first, okay, get into the dress. 33 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,120 He's to the party dress because you know, I'm really 34 00:01:42,159 --> 00:01:45,640 getting inspired for spring. Also, like my nails are very springish, 35 00:01:45,719 --> 00:01:49,319 I'm also a spring baby. Okay, April twentieth is my birthday. 36 00:01:49,319 --> 00:01:50,879 Shout out to all the tours, even though I know 37 00:01:50,879 --> 00:01:54,519 we're on Capricorn season. Anyways, y'all, we're going to hop 38 00:01:54,599 --> 00:01:57,280 right into our subscription reminders. We want you to follow 39 00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:01,239 Dear to See a podcast on Apple and Spotify. Leave 40 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:06,439 a five star review now one not two five star review. 41 00:02:06,799 --> 00:02:09,520 Then we want you to subscribe to the Relationship restore 42 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:12,719 YouTube channel and my YouTube channel which is under to 43 00:02:12,759 --> 00:02:16,199 see a XBS. We also are trying to get to 44 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:21,000 ten thousand subscribers. Y'all already know how I feel about this. 45 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:26,159 Let's get it rolling, Okay, ten thousand subscribers, we can 46 00:02:26,199 --> 00:02:28,199 do it. I mean, maybe we should make it a 47 00:02:28,199 --> 00:02:31,759 birthday gift at this point. Okay, Between now in April, 48 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,560 we need to be a ten thousand subscribers, and I'm 49 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,360 hoping we'll get there far far far before that. Look, 50 00:02:36,439 --> 00:02:41,400 maybe look, maybe our Peanut Gallery guest or boostar ratings, 51 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:45,520 so get into our Peanut Gallery guests we have from 52 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:49,360 Nate with love. Y'all. Y'all know we let many men 53 00:02:49,479 --> 00:02:52,000 up in here, so if the men come on dear 54 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,800 to see it, that means they're vetted, tried and true. Okay, 55 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,680 And y'all already know like Nate is a very very 56 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:02,039 very good friend to mine, so I always tell them 57 00:03:02,039 --> 00:03:05,439 how I met the Pinat Gallery guest. Okay, And well 58 00:03:05,479 --> 00:03:08,360 it's not really a Pinat Gallery guests, it's our real guest, right, 59 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:13,280 So how I met Nate was we did tonight's conversation 60 00:03:13,439 --> 00:03:17,120 in studio in studio, and Nate was the first person 61 00:03:17,159 --> 00:03:19,280 that I sat next to and we were at like 62 00:03:19,319 --> 00:03:23,120 Buffalo Wower was like Buffalo Wowwing or something like that. 63 00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:25,639 And it was when all the Tonight's Conversation crew was 64 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,919 there and Nate and I have been like locked in 65 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,560 ever since you got Sometimes you just know people's good 66 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:38,400 energy and when people are going to just I don't know, 67 00:03:38,439 --> 00:03:40,280 like you just had a way about you, like your 68 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,080 first or like if you ever encountered Nate. Nate has 69 00:03:43,159 --> 00:03:46,280 the softest aura where it's just like you just feel 70 00:03:46,319 --> 00:03:49,840 immediately safe and protected, like you have just like a 71 00:03:49,879 --> 00:03:55,000 soft safe energy. So anyway, it's now where now we're 72 00:03:55,039 --> 00:04:02,879 besties locked in for life. Anyway, So this is going 73 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,400 to be more in depth because again this is our 74 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,520 real true life guests for dare to see. No penut 75 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,039 gallery here, okay, And so we just want to know 76 00:04:11,159 --> 00:04:15,039 a lot more about Nate and just who is Nate 77 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,800 in this world? So what is something that you want 78 00:04:17,879 --> 00:04:20,920 to people to know about you? Like who is from 79 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,600 Nate with love aka Nathaniel? 80 00:04:23,879 --> 00:04:27,439 Speaker 1: Yeah for sure, for sure. So I would say the 81 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:28,920 biggest thing for me, I want to be known for 82 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,920 my heart, right, Like I think that there are a 83 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,120 lot of superficial things that people can be known for, 84 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,879 you know, things that they take pride in, you know, 85 00:04:39,319 --> 00:04:44,040 financial achievements, you know, career goals. Right, I want to 86 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:45,600 be known from my heart when it's all said and done. 87 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,879 I want people to say, like Nate had a beautiful heart, 88 00:04:47,879 --> 00:04:52,199 a beautiful soul. I love the fact that you described 89 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:54,639 me as safe, because I think that it's important for 90 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:57,800 men to be safe. And so yeah, those are some 91 00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:58,959 some of the things that I want to be known for. 92 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,480 Thank you for having me, by the way, I love 93 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:04,120 I love what you're doing. I'm so proud of what 94 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:05,120 you what you're building. 95 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:15,240 Speaker 2: They can I talk about podcasting, life building, hell, Facebook ads, Yes, streaming, 96 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:20,360 we talk about monetization, digital products, like literally, like. 97 00:05:20,399 --> 00:05:22,160 Speaker 1: We'll call each other out of the blue, like, Yo, 98 00:05:22,439 --> 00:05:24,279 what you think about this and we'll just sit there 99 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:25,480 and what kind of building? 100 00:05:25,879 --> 00:05:28,360 Speaker 2: Yes, Yes, but you talked about you want to be 101 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:33,000 known for your heart. How do you feel like your 102 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,360 heart leads you in life? Like what what are ways 103 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,959 that somebody that has encounter you would be able to 104 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,839 feel that you've led with your heart? 105 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure, I think that's a phenomenal question. I 106 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,560 think it has a lot to do with the way 107 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:50,319 I move, you know, the environments that I create for 108 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:54,000 people to be able to be vulnerable, open up, you 109 00:05:54,079 --> 00:05:57,959 know what I'm saying. I think that it comes across 110 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,600 in the way that I don't judge. I think that's 111 00:05:59,639 --> 00:06:02,839 a big, big one, right because when people are battling 112 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:06,199 things and their life is easy to shut down because 113 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,720 you feel like people are gonna judge you, or they're 114 00:06:07,759 --> 00:06:11,319 gonna you know, or they're going to ostracize you, or 115 00:06:11,319 --> 00:06:13,560 whatever the case may be. I think for me, it's 116 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,920 just you know, creating a space for people where they 117 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:20,160 feel safe. They know that there's no judgment, there's no fear, 118 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,000 there's no shame. You know what I'm saying, You can 119 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,040 be one hundred percent yourself without having to worry about 120 00:06:25,079 --> 00:06:27,240 like you know what I'm saying, how I'm gonna view you. 121 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,120 You know what I'm saying, I'm always gonna view people 122 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,639 through that lens of love. And I feel like when 123 00:06:31,639 --> 00:06:33,360 we do that, we create safety for people. 124 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 2: I think too, though, like when you really care about people, 125 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:43,920 you I think that when our friendship first started, I 126 00:06:43,959 --> 00:06:47,519 think I felt like the safe, you know that safety. 127 00:06:47,759 --> 00:06:49,920 But I think like when you grow a relationship with 128 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,839 somebody and like knowing that are like we care for 129 00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:56,240 each other more. I feel like you are a little 130 00:06:56,439 --> 00:07:00,360 more firm, okay, because like I have to you about 131 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:04,000 guys like yo, you gotta come off that nigga like 132 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:08,839 you gotta stop her, and it's like whoa, Okay, you 133 00:07:08,879 --> 00:07:10,839 know those reals to be like, well, you call your 134 00:07:10,839 --> 00:07:12,959 friend or you call like your guy friend and it's 135 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,439 like you tell them about some guy and it's like 136 00:07:14,439 --> 00:07:17,360 that don't like you, he never liked you, he's never 137 00:07:17,399 --> 00:07:19,199 gonna marry you need it. It's just like and you 138 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,600 don't come off strong like that. But I think that 139 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,720 the more safe you feel with the other person, you 140 00:07:24,839 --> 00:07:28,439 are like more of a straight shooter. I think like 141 00:07:28,519 --> 00:07:32,040 I've had more of like patting with you before in 142 00:07:32,079 --> 00:07:35,680 our initial friendship, but now you're like, yo, nah, that's 143 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:38,439 that's not something that you want to be involved in. 144 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,560 I think you can be more straight too. 145 00:07:40,759 --> 00:07:42,839 Speaker 1: Yeah. I'll say that a part of being safe too 146 00:07:42,959 --> 00:07:43,639 is being honest. 147 00:07:43,959 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 2: Yeah right, yeah, Like. 148 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,959 Speaker 1: When you can when you can share with people from 149 00:07:50,959 --> 00:07:52,839 an honest place and they know that you have their 150 00:07:52,879 --> 00:07:55,399 best interests at heart, Like listen, I love you down, 151 00:07:55,439 --> 00:07:57,519 you know this, right, So if you come to me 152 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,800 about a guy or a situation, I'm always gonna keep 153 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,560 it real with you because I love you, you know 154 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:06,319 what I'm saying. And so the part of love is honesty, 155 00:08:06,399 --> 00:08:08,959 Like I'm gonna I'm gonna keep it real. And it's 156 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:11,279 all about how it's presented as well, you know what 157 00:08:11,319 --> 00:08:15,120 I'm saying, Because some people present truth or honesty in 158 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,879 a very harsh way, and then some people present truth 159 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:20,959 and honesty in a way that's palatable for the person 160 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,399 that's listening. And so I always try to present truth, 161 00:08:24,399 --> 00:08:25,959 but I always try to present it in a way 162 00:08:26,279 --> 00:08:28,120 where the person can take it, you know what I'm saying, 163 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:31,360 Because it is possible to share truth too in a 164 00:08:31,399 --> 00:08:32,840 way that you share it's like I'm not taking it 165 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,519 for them because I don't like the way it came across. 166 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:38,279 So I just try to I try to manage how 167 00:08:38,279 --> 00:08:40,480 I how I communicate it. For sure. 168 00:08:40,639 --> 00:08:42,399 Speaker 2: You know that's a great job at it as well. 169 00:08:42,639 --> 00:08:43,279 Speaker 1: I appreciate it. 170 00:08:43,879 --> 00:08:47,559 Speaker 2: If you could turn back the hands of time, what 171 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:50,879 is a who would you repair a relationship with? 172 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:51,480 Speaker 1: And why? 173 00:08:55,279 --> 00:08:58,320 Speaker 2: Like one relationship that you would go back in time 174 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,559 and salvage and. 175 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,679 Speaker 1: Why does that have to be romantic? 176 00:09:03,159 --> 00:09:04,720 Speaker 2: No talking about people like. 177 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,039 Speaker 1: So I have two? Can I give you two? You 178 00:09:09,039 --> 00:09:10,480 want me to just stick to one one? 179 00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,639 Speaker 2: The pearly gates of heaven are open, and you got one. 180 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:19,600 Speaker 1: Uh, it'll be my father, you know what I'm saying. 181 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:28,879 You know, my relationship with my dad became strained as 182 00:09:28,879 --> 00:09:32,320 an adult, right, And I had a lot to do 183 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:36,120 with his relationship with my mom and how things transpired there. 184 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:41,600 And then also you know how things transpired between my dad, 185 00:09:41,919 --> 00:09:44,679 my sister and I and some of the things that 186 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:48,279 I didn't feel with fair. I think the older that 187 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,879 you get and me and my dad, we repaired our 188 00:09:50,919 --> 00:09:55,360 relationship maybe three years prior to him him dying, and 189 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:58,960 I was with my dad today he died. But my 190 00:09:59,039 --> 00:10:01,559 relationship with my doc my dad was never the same 191 00:10:01,879 --> 00:10:03,679 as it as it was when I was younger, if 192 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,279 that makes sense, right. So we were on good turns, 193 00:10:06,279 --> 00:10:11,919 but we weren't close. And the more I've evolved as 194 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,440 a man, the more I begin to understand his journey, 195 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,320 his plight, you know what I'm saying, what he was 196 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:20,799 dealing with as a man, his his struggles, his fears, 197 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:24,679 and in some ways I've seen some of my dad 198 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:27,600 and me, right, you know, I'm a man of faith, 199 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:30,039 so I you know, I live by a biblical principle, 200 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:35,320 and there is a there's a verse that says the 201 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,279 father bites the sour fruit, and the children's teeth are 202 00:10:38,279 --> 00:10:39,919 set on edge, you know what I'm saying. And so 203 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,480 it's this, it's this idea that the things that the 204 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:47,559 parents deal with a lot of times the children are 205 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:50,320 affected or have to deal with the same thing. They 206 00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:53,600 they bear the consequences of the things that you know, 207 00:10:53,639 --> 00:10:57,399 the parent, the parent experience, and so in some ways 208 00:10:57,399 --> 00:10:59,879 I see a lot of my my dad and me, 209 00:11:00,639 --> 00:11:02,720 and I think it causes me to understand more of 210 00:11:02,759 --> 00:11:04,600 his journey. And I'm like, man, I wish I could 211 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:08,080 just have have a few more conversations with him, you know, 212 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,480 Dallas so powerful. 213 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:14,679 Speaker 2: I was having a conversation with a friend who his 214 00:11:15,039 --> 00:11:18,720 friend's mother passed away, and he was sharing with me 215 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:23,159 that his friend told him that he almost like felt 216 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:27,159 relief that his mother had passed away, and a lot 217 00:11:27,159 --> 00:11:28,759 of it was just a course, like, you know, she 218 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:33,759 was suffering. And for somebody that has experienced a lot 219 00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:38,240 of grief and experienced people taking their last breath. I 220 00:11:38,279 --> 00:11:44,279 don't think we talk enough about almost like the relief 221 00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:47,639 of people dying in a like non guilty kind of way. 222 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,480 And I bring that up because you know, you talk 223 00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:53,279 about like even like having parents, like you said, well, 224 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,480 you bear a fruit, so like now I have to 225 00:11:55,519 --> 00:11:57,960 deal with the chaos that you created in your fucking life. 226 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,360 And I didn't even ask to be here, right, And 227 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,320 so a lot of times our parents, like we can 228 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:07,720 inherit their chaos, like everybody has the same twenty four 229 00:12:07,759 --> 00:12:13,080 hours And I remember sharing this with my friend Angie, 230 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:15,960 Hey Angie that lives in London, and I was telling her. 231 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:20,440 I was like, I feel so much at peace for 232 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:24,080 so many reasons that my parents have passed away, And 233 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,440 it was almost like I was telling her a secret. 234 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,200 And I'm like, why am I ashamed of that? Why 235 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:33,279 does that make me feel guilty? It's like, well, yeah, 236 00:12:33,279 --> 00:12:36,480 it's death, Like death is sad, but it's also like 237 00:12:36,639 --> 00:12:39,600 I think that I was, Oh, first of all, y'all, 238 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:43,480 I'm hormonal and I'm ovulating. I think that like I 239 00:12:43,639 --> 00:12:48,200 was inheriting chaos from my parents, and it made me like, 240 00:12:48,799 --> 00:12:51,759 honestly like relief, and it wasn't even like they were 241 00:12:51,759 --> 00:12:55,240 living a terrible life, but like somebody's illness, like my 242 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,519 mom was in and out of the hospital like all 243 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:00,519 the time. Like my sister and I we be like 244 00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:02,320 even if a family member fall said, We'll be like 245 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,240 did you call this person? Did you call them? Did 246 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:05,799 you ask them to run this test? It's like, why 247 00:13:05,799 --> 00:13:09,279 do we know that much about the medical space? It's 248 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,159 because my whole family then been sick. Half of them 249 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,080 then passed away. And so I think that like the 250 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,120 older that I got and the further removed I got 251 00:13:18,159 --> 00:13:21,399 from family that was bringing chaos into my life and 252 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:26,919 just literally like their life became my life's chaos, I 253 00:13:27,279 --> 00:13:29,519 got like I felt better and it was like a 254 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,720 guilt that I had before because I'm like, well, somebody, 255 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,080 you shouldn't be happy about somebody dying. And it's not 256 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,960 that I'm happy about it, but it's like I did 257 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:42,720 live and inherit a lot of bitter fruit, baby, A 258 00:13:42,879 --> 00:13:47,080 lot of bitter fruit from the way that my parents, 259 00:13:47,399 --> 00:13:51,440 elder than my family, uncles and everybody decide to live 260 00:13:51,519 --> 00:13:55,399 a lot of street life, a lot of death, a 261 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:59,080 lot of drug abuse, a lot of illness that I 262 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,080 felt like I'm heroded a lot of better fruit. And 263 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:06,080 so when those people transition and really freed up my life. 264 00:14:06,159 --> 00:14:08,559 And we don't talk a lot about that because I 265 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:10,360 think people feel guilty for saying it. 266 00:14:10,759 --> 00:14:14,759 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, that's that's real. And I can and I 267 00:14:14,759 --> 00:14:20,200 can tell you that, you know, being with my dad 268 00:14:20,279 --> 00:14:23,759 the day that he died, you know, I was able 269 00:14:23,759 --> 00:14:25,159 to tell him I forgave him for a lot of 270 00:14:25,159 --> 00:14:30,480 different things. You know, we were able to you know, 271 00:14:30,519 --> 00:14:32,799 when the day that he died, he couldn't really he 272 00:14:32,799 --> 00:14:35,960 couldn't really talk, so he could just listen. But I 273 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,440 remember just telling him that I forgave him for you 274 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:42,279 know a lot of different things that that transpired. I 275 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:46,120 think now I would want him to see his son 276 00:14:46,159 --> 00:14:49,399 walking in freedom. You know what I'm saying. And I'm 277 00:14:49,559 --> 00:14:51,279 trying to say this without you know what I'm saying. 278 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 2: But they did not a lot together. Also, m h, 279 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,480 I pay for this makeup to the day, y'all. I cannot. 280 00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,039 I cannot play with y'all. 281 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,759 Speaker 1: Yeah, but I would want him to see his son 282 00:15:02,799 --> 00:15:04,480 walking the freedom. 283 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:10,360 Speaker 2: What was captive about? Like what felt like captivity with 284 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:11,440 the relationship. 285 00:15:11,879 --> 00:15:17,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't even you know, my dad 286 00:15:17,759 --> 00:15:20,320 died with a lot of secrets. He died with a 287 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:20,919 lot of pain. 288 00:15:21,559 --> 00:15:21,759 Speaker 3: You know. 289 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,879 Speaker 1: You know me, I'm a deeply transparent guy, you know 290 00:15:27,919 --> 00:15:30,919 what I'm saying. So I live in my truth, good, 291 00:15:30,919 --> 00:15:32,559 bad and ugly, you know what I'm saying. I'm the 292 00:15:32,559 --> 00:15:34,240 first to tell people where I've messed up and the 293 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,399 lesson that I've learned. I think that with my dad 294 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:44,000 there was so much male ego and pride yea. And 295 00:15:44,039 --> 00:15:46,120 not only that, but there was this image that he 296 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:50,320 fought so, you know, long to maintain, and so I 297 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:55,679 think that, you know, seeing I wish that he could 298 00:15:55,679 --> 00:15:57,600 see me walk in the freedom that I'm walking in now, 299 00:15:57,759 --> 00:15:58,480 you know what I'm saying. 300 00:15:58,639 --> 00:16:04,759 Speaker 2: But so many your father was a pastor. 301 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,279 Speaker 1: He was for fourteen years. 302 00:16:06,639 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, So anyway, right right, right right, Okay, you 303 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:24,799 just knowing you you've talked a lot about fasting, getting 304 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:31,519 deep into prayer, abstaining, and really just curating a new 305 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,720 kind of kind of cultivating a new environment. 306 00:16:33,799 --> 00:16:36,720 Speaker 2: Like why is that so important to you? And what 307 00:16:36,919 --> 00:16:38,360 do you feel like, where do you feel like it's 308 00:16:38,399 --> 00:16:40,960 gonna take you? What's the importance of it? 309 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 1: Okay, so we're getting the spirituality. 310 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,279 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean just your lifestyle. Like you've really talked 311 00:16:46,279 --> 00:16:49,919 about how you just you're not really outside like that, 312 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:54,320 You've kind of been more secluded, just kind of really focusing. 313 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,600 You've been praying a lot, getting really deep into that. 314 00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:01,840 You've been you know, what does that mean? 315 00:17:07,519 --> 00:17:11,640 Speaker 1: You know it's a process, but like what. 316 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:14,079 Speaker 2: What what is bringing you into that, like that little 317 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,559 nook and how do you feel like it's gonna benefit 318 00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:17,720 your your life? 319 00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:23,680 Speaker 1: Yeah? So, you know, I feel like our relationship with 320 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,839 God is everything, you know what I'm saying. We could 321 00:17:25,839 --> 00:17:27,720 try to do it outside of that, but He's really 322 00:17:27,759 --> 00:17:30,680 the source, at least for me. I believe that, And 323 00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:34,240 so I find that the more connected I am to 324 00:17:34,279 --> 00:17:42,519 the Source, the more fruitful I am. Right, because you know, 325 00:17:43,079 --> 00:17:46,119 there's a there's a verse that that talks about being 326 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,079 connected to the vine, the true vine, you know what 327 00:17:48,079 --> 00:17:50,519 I'm saying, Any any branch that's connected to me will 328 00:17:50,559 --> 00:17:54,880 bear fruit. You will be fruitful, you know, will be 329 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,000 like a tree planted by the rivers of living water. 330 00:17:57,079 --> 00:17:59,279 Like I really do believe that the more connected we 331 00:17:59,319 --> 00:18:02,799 are to God, you know, the more direction will have, 332 00:18:03,279 --> 00:18:05,279 the more fruit will bear, the more of our purpose 333 00:18:05,279 --> 00:18:07,720 we can walk in. And so for me, this journey 334 00:18:07,759 --> 00:18:10,160 has been about alignment, you know what I'm saying, Like 335 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:14,319 I could try to do it without him, but doing 336 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,599 it without him is doing it without direction, you know 337 00:18:16,599 --> 00:18:18,559 what I'm saying, It's doing it without guidance. So for me, 338 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:22,680 it's about having that direction. But also I believe that 339 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:27,799 a man becomes the best version of himself, absolutely when 340 00:18:27,799 --> 00:18:31,079 he submits to a higher power. Absolutely, And so for me, 341 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:35,160 this journey is about submission, right, It's about submitting to 342 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:39,160 a higher power so that I can be the best 343 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,160 man that God has called me to be. Like it's 344 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,920 that simple. And so that looks like that looks like praying, 345 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:49,680 That looks like fasting, That looks like being in divine order, 346 00:18:50,079 --> 00:18:52,680 you know what I'm saying. And I think that it's 347 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:56,160 not something that we talk about enough, right, but being 348 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:59,400 a divine order is so important. And then I've talked 349 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:03,680 a little bit about out like not necessarily having a 350 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,640 desire to join my spirit and my soul to people 351 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,440 who are not in alignment with you know what I'm saying, 352 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:13,519 God's playing purpose for my life, and so that is 353 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:20,240 that is the motivation behind at least doing my very 354 00:19:20,279 --> 00:19:23,119 best to stay out of somebody's daughter. You feel what 355 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:27,279 I'm saying, You know what I'm saying. And I'm not 356 00:19:27,319 --> 00:19:30,720 perfect on that journey, but I'm growing and I'm evolving 357 00:19:30,759 --> 00:19:31,119 for sure. 358 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:35,920 Speaker 2: I think too that when you talked about not attaching 359 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,119 yourself to people that are also kind of not walking 360 00:19:39,319 --> 00:19:42,160 that path. And I don't think you're judge or like 361 00:19:42,279 --> 00:19:47,359 a Bible thumper or you know, somebody that really hits 362 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:50,079 people over the head with that, But I think that 363 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:53,400 like when you really find yourself on that journey, you 364 00:19:53,519 --> 00:19:59,359 will innately see people separating from you. It's not even intentional, 365 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:03,279 but the closer that I get to the cross in prayer, 366 00:20:03,559 --> 00:20:07,960 fasting really understanding where I want to be, the the 367 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:13,319 less interested you become in like a lot of worldly things, right, 368 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,960 And I think that I've seen that in my own 369 00:20:17,279 --> 00:20:19,559 in my own life. Like even though like you know, 370 00:20:19,599 --> 00:20:22,200 it's a new year, and now everybody's like, Okay, you 371 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,799 got super Bowl, you got All Star Weekend, you got Afrotech, 372 00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:28,359 you got Essence Festival, you got and I'm like, dog like, 373 00:20:28,759 --> 00:20:30,759 I can't do I can't do the same kind of year. 374 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,119 But I did last year and it's not like, oh, 375 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,319 I'm so churchy and got first, but anybody that knows 376 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,079 me knows like I'm literally a church girl, right, But 377 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:45,039 I don't. It's not. That's another we have to do 378 00:20:45,039 --> 00:20:48,319 with episode about that of like what people who people 379 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:50,920 think I am and who I really I really am, 380 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,839 Like y'all my Bible, I carry it everywhere. But I 381 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:57,359 said all that to say is that I'm not interested 382 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,839 in all of the other things because I feel like 383 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:06,279 you have to have anchors and roots in something, and 384 00:21:06,319 --> 00:21:10,039 the more that I anchor myself and just even just 385 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,440 my business, like the life that I'm trying to live, 386 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,759 the less the more, almost like in a tornado. I 387 00:21:15,799 --> 00:21:18,680 feel with everything going around, I'm like, if I'm not 388 00:21:18,839 --> 00:21:23,960 having a convention, a meet and greet, a something like 389 00:21:24,079 --> 00:21:27,759 I cannot run the city down this year. I just can't. 390 00:21:27,839 --> 00:21:29,720 Like I don't want to be in Houston with y'all 391 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:33,960 popping bottles. I don't like I'm trying. I'm rooting myself, 392 00:21:34,039 --> 00:21:36,440 like I'm not perfect, and there are some things that 393 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,160 I'm just like, yeah, like let's have a good time. 394 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:43,240 But man, you feel almost pressure as a millennium to 395 00:21:43,279 --> 00:21:45,079 be like, okay, girl, you doing this, you're doing that 396 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,000 and getting your calendar down for the year. I looked 397 00:21:48,039 --> 00:21:50,599 at that calendar and I said, Babe, if you think 398 00:21:50,599 --> 00:21:53,759 I'm about to be at super Bowl, then All Star 399 00:21:53,839 --> 00:21:56,039 Weekend then March, I forgot what it was and it 400 00:21:56,079 --> 00:22:00,240 was I was like, yo', it's just not gonna happen, you. 401 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,839 Speaker 1: Know what it is? Though. I think the closer we 402 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,279 get to God, I think our appetite for a lot 403 00:22:05,319 --> 00:22:07,480 of things changes, you know what I'm saying, Like, it's 404 00:22:07,519 --> 00:22:08,880 just that simple. It's just like, yo, the stuff I 405 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,359 used to eat, I don't want that. No, it's not 406 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,240 good for me. You know what I'm saying. It's like 407 00:22:12,279 --> 00:22:14,359 it's like when you start eating healthy, you start eating healthy, 408 00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:16,359 and then you eat something that's that's unhealthy, and it's 409 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:18,839 just like, I actually want some fruit and veggies. You 410 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,480 know what I'm saying. I actually don't want junk food. 411 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,160 I actually have an appetite for something something that's good for me. 412 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,519 But no, I can definitely attest to the fact that, 413 00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:31,960 you know, I remember one time I was getting ready 414 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,079 to do a show. It was a show that I 415 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,559 was on. I think you were on some other shows, 416 00:22:36,599 --> 00:22:38,160 but you weren't on the show that I was on, 417 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:43,039 and I remember one day you sent me a prayer. 418 00:22:44,759 --> 00:22:46,400 You know what I'm saying. You was just like, you know, 419 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:48,200 I'm not gonna repeat what the prayer said, but you 420 00:22:48,319 --> 00:22:51,119 sent me a beautiful prayer saying, God be with Nate 421 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,039 as he's on stage, speak through him, Da da da da. 422 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,640 And that was so that was so special to me. 423 00:22:55,799 --> 00:22:57,640 You know what I'm saying. I'm like, yo, Like you 424 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,000 know what I'm saying, Like this girl really she really 425 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:02,279 rocks with me. And there's a side of you and 426 00:23:02,279 --> 00:23:05,160 we've talked about that. We've talked about this before. There's 427 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:08,279 a side of you that even the people that follow 428 00:23:08,319 --> 00:23:10,279 you on social media and the people that are familiar 429 00:23:10,319 --> 00:23:11,920 with your brand, there's a side of you that you 430 00:23:12,039 --> 00:23:16,359 don't know. A side that's very caring, nurturing, concerned about 431 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,640 your friends, you know what I'm saying, Concerned about their 432 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:21,480 well being, you know what I'm saying, Always doing things 433 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:25,119 to make people understand that they are seen Like that 434 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:28,799 is so beautiful, you know what I'm saying. And I 435 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:36,720 really believe that that is the most uh that is 436 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,200 the most deeply beautiful part of who you are. 437 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,599 Speaker 2: You know why I sent you that prayer because we've 438 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:50,839 talked about just the day and you were you were nervous, 439 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:57,799 and sometimes sometimes in life like we forget who we are. 440 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,839 And I think even recently we've had moments where it's 441 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,680 just like this, like affirming of each other. And I 442 00:24:04,759 --> 00:24:09,279 remember just recently you calling me very excited about something 443 00:24:09,319 --> 00:24:11,200 and just like, you know, man, you ain't gonna believe 444 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,759 what happened. I told you you were that person a 445 00:24:13,839 --> 00:24:16,039 month ago. You know what I'm saying, Like that is 446 00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:19,400 one thing about me. If you could plant a mustard 447 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,680 sty of a dream in me, and I'm gonna be like, yo, 448 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:24,640 we gotta grow the thing out. Don't tell me your 449 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,960 hopes and dreams like I'm the last person. Like I'm like, 450 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,359 I want to put a machine behind it. Like I 451 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,039 really feel like that so many dreams fall on people. 452 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:38,240 And I think that you were like nervous, and I'm like, 453 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:42,680 not my friend, Like I'm like I'm the little sister, 454 00:24:42,839 --> 00:24:44,599 but I feel like like I'm the youngest of my 455 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,440 sister now. But I feel like I love to like 456 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:51,079 just amp people up, like I'm people's biggest cheerleader, and 457 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,200 I had to remind you of who you were, because 458 00:24:54,519 --> 00:24:59,839 as friends sometimes we just we have we I'm not 459 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,839 I just had this conversation with you. Well, I was like, 460 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,279 I don't think I did that well. I had a show, 461 00:25:04,319 --> 00:25:06,160 and I was like, I don't think I did that well. 462 00:25:06,599 --> 00:25:08,039 I feel like I could have done bat. I need 463 00:25:08,039 --> 00:25:10,640 to work on my delivery. My ADHD is fucking with me. 464 00:25:10,799 --> 00:25:13,400 I have I have to get this together. And you 465 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,839 were like, friend, I saw a clip of you, Like 466 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,920 I saw a clip. I thought I thought it was fine, 467 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,680 you know, like I thought it was a good clip. 468 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,440 And I think that like that was just like my 469 00:25:22,559 --> 00:25:26,519 moment to also like bring people back to their safe space, 470 00:25:26,599 --> 00:25:29,759 right And sometimes for my friends it's just like I 471 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,640 just endo money. Like she's like, girl, how you doing? Friends? 472 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,759 She's like, girl, seizonal depression, Like go get your hair done, 473 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:37,519 you know, go get your cause. I know that's gonna 474 00:25:37,519 --> 00:25:41,160 help you. And I knew that just one the prayer 475 00:25:41,279 --> 00:25:43,759 was my source. But also like you have to bring 476 00:25:43,799 --> 00:25:47,400 your friends back to where they where their roots are, 477 00:25:47,559 --> 00:25:50,079 you know, And so I had to remind you that 478 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,920 you like you've been You've been that person, especially when 479 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,519 you're seeing you know, like your friends kind of like 480 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,680 nervous a little bit, and I was like, nah, nah, 481 00:25:58,839 --> 00:26:00,839 I couldn't. I couldn't let you go out like that. 482 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:01,119 Speaker 4: Yeah. 483 00:26:01,279 --> 00:26:03,880 Speaker 1: Another beautiful moment, and I know you got to question 484 00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,240 I have. Another beautiful moment was when you flew into 485 00:26:06,319 --> 00:26:12,160 Dallas to surprise me at the first Heart Room and 486 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:13,799 some of the things that you said that caused me 487 00:26:13,799 --> 00:26:17,119 to cry on stage, I'm like, I just be crying. 488 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,440 I guess whatever it gas may be. But you really 489 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,960 love your people, you know what I'm saying. Like you 490 00:26:23,039 --> 00:26:24,799 really love your friends. You know what I'm saying. You 491 00:26:24,839 --> 00:26:28,920 recently did something for the tour that we all were 492 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:30,960 on that was just a beautiful gesture. And it's just 493 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,640 the way you show up with people is beautiful. It's admirable. 494 00:26:35,839 --> 00:26:38,240 Speaker 2: I'm the first person that's going to remind you of 495 00:26:38,279 --> 00:26:40,880 who you are, you know, And like number one, I 496 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,000 think that one of my biggest gifts is just seeing people. 497 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:47,279 And sometimes it's not just like seeing how powerful and 498 00:26:47,319 --> 00:26:50,160 great people are. It's like a lot of times when 499 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:54,039 people show up in a chaotic space, I'm just like, 500 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:57,480 it's like I see that this is not something that 501 00:26:57,519 --> 00:27:01,480 you have against me, that you just you're just surrounded 502 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:05,759 by pain, trauma, wounds and things like that. And I 503 00:27:05,799 --> 00:27:09,279 think I just have a true gift for like deep empathy, 504 00:27:09,799 --> 00:27:13,680 and I love to reward and champion people, like that's 505 00:27:13,839 --> 00:27:16,240 just one thing. And I think one of the reasons 506 00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:21,400 things was, you know, me gifting a friend of mine 507 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:26,799 just like basically a cake to reward him for like 508 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,680 just a long tour that he had. But it's like 509 00:27:29,759 --> 00:27:32,200 we both know like what he came out of and 510 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,960 I'm just like, man, if I didn't see anything from you, 511 00:27:35,039 --> 00:27:37,400 I saw you get it out the mud and remud 512 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:41,519 get it out the mud and revamp. And the craziest 513 00:27:41,519 --> 00:27:47,200 thing is that, like, because I'm on tour, I'm adjacent 514 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,279 to this person, Like these aren't any deep friendships or 515 00:27:50,319 --> 00:27:53,480 things like that, right, But it's like I see people 516 00:27:53,799 --> 00:27:57,519 and I'm like, man, I always want to remind people that, like, man, 517 00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,720 life is worth living. Anything you said by all your 518 00:28:00,759 --> 00:28:03,799 bad days, right, And that's just that's just something about me. 519 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,240 And I like for people to live in the present 520 00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:12,880 and really and really soak in like you made it 521 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,240 like you you you you got through this, and so 522 00:28:15,799 --> 00:28:18,680 that there's that there's that I do see people, and 523 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,599 I like for people to know that you are exactly 524 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:27,119 who you said that you are. Okay, let's oh, okay, 525 00:28:27,319 --> 00:28:31,640 well this is go on finish the sentence. If I've 526 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:36,519 gotten everything in life wrong, one thing I got right. 527 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:43,480 Speaker 1: Is if I got everything right. If I got everything 528 00:28:43,519 --> 00:28:44,680 in life wrong. 529 00:28:48,039 --> 00:28:49,640 Speaker 2: One thing I did get right. 530 00:28:49,559 --> 00:28:56,279 Speaker 1: Is my ability to bounce back. Well, I'll tell you 531 00:28:56,319 --> 00:28:59,319 that resilience is on a thousand. You know what I'm saying, Like, 532 00:28:59,359 --> 00:29:02,640 I've gone through through several seasons of my life that 533 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:07,720 should have destroyed me. You know what I'm saying, Divorce, 534 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:12,920 You know what I'm saying, reputation shattered. You know what 535 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:16,440 I'm saying, people lost faith and me I mean time 536 00:29:16,519 --> 00:29:19,240 forobbing down and down broke down. You know what I'm saying, 537 00:29:19,279 --> 00:29:23,880 Like my ability to bounce back. And I can't take 538 00:29:24,039 --> 00:29:30,279 full credit for that, obviously, because many are the plans 539 00:29:30,279 --> 00:29:32,680 of a man's heart. But you know what I'm saying, 540 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:34,960 God's purpose will prevail. So a lot of it was 541 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:37,160 in his purpose, you know what I'm saying, regardless of 542 00:29:37,039 --> 00:29:40,960 the setbacks or whatever the case may be. But you 543 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:46,039 know what I'm saying, like just that ability to recover 544 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,720 you know what I'm saying, and recover everything. I'm not 545 00:29:48,799 --> 00:29:50,799 just like not just like recover all. 546 00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:55,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, how did you feel like you disappointed people? Because 547 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,680 that's something that stood out about what you said that 548 00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:01,720 you you know, it was your repids overcoming that and 549 00:30:02,079 --> 00:30:04,079 you know, like you said, divorce, but also like, you 550 00:30:04,119 --> 00:30:06,559 disappointed people, and I know that that's something that's near 551 00:30:06,559 --> 00:30:10,400 and dear to you. How did you how did you 552 00:30:10,839 --> 00:30:15,039 repair those relationships or move forward knowing that whatever those 553 00:30:15,119 --> 00:30:17,240 people thought or how you let them down may have 554 00:30:17,279 --> 00:30:18,680 been your lasting impression. 555 00:30:19,039 --> 00:30:22,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, First and foremost, let me say that lack of 556 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:28,160 integrity is disappointing. MM. So the people that were disappointed 557 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:33,000 were rightfully they were vindicated in their disappointment. So I 558 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,279 think that's the first thing, Just making peace with the 559 00:30:35,279 --> 00:30:37,440 fact that they have the right to feel the way 560 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:44,559 that they feel. I believe that it is possible to 561 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:50,200 be disappointed and still love people through the disappointment. I've 562 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:54,119 been disappointed by many of my friends, and I'm saying this. 563 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,240 I'm saying all of this for a reason. I've been 564 00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:59,880 disappointed by a lot of my friends, but because they 565 00:30:59,880 --> 00:31:02,240 were my friends, I loved them through the disappointment. I 566 00:31:02,319 --> 00:31:05,400 let them know that I was disappointed. I let them 567 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:07,559 know where they messed up, you know what I'm saying 568 00:31:08,599 --> 00:31:12,119 with love, But I continued to fight for them because 569 00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:16,799 they were my friends. I think that the toughest part 570 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:22,079 for me was disappointing people who I had been there 571 00:31:22,119 --> 00:31:25,720 for in some of their lowest seasons and them walking away. 572 00:31:26,559 --> 00:31:29,160 I don't think that there was as much of the 573 00:31:29,279 --> 00:31:33,599 disappointment me disappointing them that was painful. It was the 574 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:36,759 fact that they walked away at a time where I 575 00:31:36,839 --> 00:31:40,160 was extremely vulnerable, at a time where I could have 576 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:43,279 really used the friendships, the support, so folks on, I 577 00:31:43,279 --> 00:31:48,599 think that that was the most painful part. Also, lack 578 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:53,720 of integrity can cause people to view you differently, right. So, 579 00:31:55,519 --> 00:31:58,039 because I lacked integrity at a certain stage in my life, 580 00:31:58,799 --> 00:32:04,039 particularly out of my marriage at the time, I think 581 00:32:04,079 --> 00:32:06,000 that it costs a lot of people to view me 582 00:32:06,039 --> 00:32:09,640 in a different life. Right, And that's just the consequence 583 00:32:09,759 --> 00:32:15,680 of poor character. Right. We've heard before that it takes 584 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,759 years to build a reputation and a moment to destroy it, 585 00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:26,400 and so I experienced that in my life. Now, with 586 00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:34,000 that being said, the fact that God literally maybe not 587 00:32:34,039 --> 00:32:35,680 in the minds and the hearts of the people that 588 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:40,720 knew me closely and were disappointed by some of those failures. 589 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:43,839 But the fact that God has given me a voice 590 00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,160 to be able to speak into the lives of people 591 00:32:46,519 --> 00:32:51,160 to give hope, even for people that have had crazy failures, 592 00:32:51,279 --> 00:32:54,119 crazy journeys. The fact that He's given me a platform 593 00:32:54,119 --> 00:32:57,920 and an opportunity to speak into people's lives shows that 594 00:32:57,960 --> 00:32:59,640 it has more to do with God's purpose than it 595 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:03,480 does my life failure. That God's purpose is stronger than 596 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,079 anything that I could do to mess it up. 597 00:33:06,079 --> 00:33:08,400 Speaker 2: But I mean, I think we've talked about this too, man. 598 00:33:08,519 --> 00:33:12,480 There are so many even for people that just don't 599 00:33:12,519 --> 00:33:15,559 believe in the Bible always written. It was written by men. 600 00:33:15,839 --> 00:33:19,640 But you know there's all these just for people that 601 00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:23,359 may be skeptical about, you know, the Bible. I think 602 00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:29,000 that there are so many redemption stories. Man. Read the 603 00:33:29,039 --> 00:33:31,880 Bible like a book if you look, don't attach it 604 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:35,880 to Jesus, Christianity, religion or nothing. If you just read 605 00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:40,920 the Bible like a book, there are so many. There's 606 00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:45,160 so many redemption stories. Man. I'm talking about people that 607 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,519 they thought God forgot about. I'm talking about the thieves, 608 00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:53,359 the murderers, the the adulterers. Okay, I'm talking about so 609 00:33:53,599 --> 00:33:57,240 many redemption stories in the Bible. Like, man, God wants 610 00:33:57,279 --> 00:33:59,759 the ones that people counted out. Man, God wants the 611 00:33:59,759 --> 00:34:02,880 one that got dirt on their name, blood on their hands. Okay. 612 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:06,920 And I think that when you talk about just relationships 613 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:12,199 and friendships and holding people took a cross for their 614 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:16,119 past and mistakes that they made. Man, y'all just gone 615 00:34:16,159 --> 00:34:18,679 and take a walk through the Bible about how a 616 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,840 lot of those people ended up being the last one 617 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,320 standards and got all the glory. You know. 618 00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:32,039 Speaker 1: Let me tell you one real quick, real quick, real quick. 619 00:34:32,119 --> 00:34:37,239 David King, David Right, King, David had that Sheba's husband killed. 620 00:34:37,599 --> 00:34:37,880 Speaker 2: Yep. 621 00:34:38,079 --> 00:34:41,599 Speaker 1: Right basically took the girl, had had her husband put 622 00:34:41,599 --> 00:34:45,840 on the front line, tried to conceal it, tried to 623 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,639 cover it up, broke all ten of the commandments in 624 00:34:48,639 --> 00:34:52,679 the process of him stealing a man's wife, murdering him. 625 00:34:53,119 --> 00:34:56,800 You know what I'm saying. Obviously he was judged by 626 00:34:56,840 --> 00:35:00,679 God taking one of his sons, and and after that, 627 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,280 you know what I'm saying, Like when when when David 628 00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:07,840 acknowledges his shortcoming, he said, Yo, he said, God, against 629 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,480 you and you alone, have I sined? Listen, I know 630 00:35:10,519 --> 00:35:13,320 what impacted everybody else, but against you and you alone 631 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:17,360 have I sin. I'm remorseful, I repent, I'm sorry. David 632 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,920 to this day goes down as one of the greatest 633 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,119 kings to ever live, absolutely, and and and God literally 634 00:35:23,159 --> 00:35:27,159 told him that his kingdom would reign forever. I'm talking 635 00:35:27,159 --> 00:35:29,239 about when, when, when all of this is gone, it's 636 00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:33,840 said that his kingdom would reign forever. All I'm saying 637 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:37,119 is that if we were looking at David through the 638 00:35:37,119 --> 00:35:38,760 eyes of people, they would have said he's done. 639 00:35:39,079 --> 00:35:39,320 Speaker 2: Yep. 640 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,639 Speaker 1: He lacks character, he lacks integrity. You know what I'm saying. 641 00:35:42,679 --> 00:35:45,079 He's no good, throw him away, you know what I'm saying. 642 00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,559 But God redeems absolutely, you know what I'm saying. And 643 00:35:49,639 --> 00:35:53,480 so my biggest thing is, like, I'm David. I'm not 644 00:35:53,519 --> 00:35:55,960 saying that I'm I'm a I'm a king whose kingdom 645 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:57,800 is going to reign forever. What I am saying is 646 00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,840 that I'm a man that has made terrible mistakes. I'm 647 00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:02,119 a man that has broken all the commandments. I'm a 648 00:36:02,119 --> 00:36:04,599 man that, at a stage in his life lacked integrity. 649 00:36:04,639 --> 00:36:08,039 But when when when when when your heart is turned 650 00:36:08,039 --> 00:36:11,000 towards God, Like he can change your story? 651 00:36:11,199 --> 00:36:15,679 Speaker 2: Absolutely, Oh my goodness, absolutely. 652 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:16,880 Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't even mean to come on. 653 00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:21,840 Speaker 2: Here and like, man, God can change your story. 654 00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:22,480 Speaker 1: Change your story. 655 00:36:22,559 --> 00:36:23,519 Speaker 2: He changed your story. 656 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,559 Speaker 1: And people don't have to like it. There are a 657 00:36:25,599 --> 00:36:27,199 lot of people that don't like that. I'm in the 658 00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:31,440 relationship space after I had a failed marriage. You know 659 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:32,639 what I'm saying. But the heart of the King is 660 00:36:32,639 --> 00:36:33,920 in the hand of the Lord. He turns it whatever 661 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,440 way he wants to. You know what I'm saying, Like 662 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:36,119 it is what it is. 663 00:36:37,639 --> 00:36:43,159 Speaker 2: M So you talked about your divorce right now, I 664 00:36:43,159 --> 00:36:45,760 think we've already discussed like you would love to get 665 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:46,360 married again. 666 00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:47,239 Speaker 1: Absolutely. 667 00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:54,639 Speaker 2: What are the qualities that you think are just baseline 668 00:36:55,239 --> 00:37:00,199 what a woman should be looking for in Ah it's 669 00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:04,199 been particularly a man of God as their person. What 670 00:37:04,559 --> 00:37:07,880 are the qualities that you feel like a woman should 671 00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,360 be I mean, like it gotta go in the kid, 672 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:12,039 Like if you won't get nothing else, you may not 673 00:37:12,079 --> 00:37:14,760 get six feet six fig or six back right, okay, 674 00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:18,800 but you need you need these qualities in a in 675 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,119 a husband. 676 00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:25,320 Speaker 1: Yeah. So God fearing and This is one that we 677 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,360 don't talk about a lot, but I think it's important. 678 00:37:28,679 --> 00:37:30,360 A woman should look for a man that lives by 679 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:34,199 a principle, that lives by principles. He's a principal man, 680 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,599 you know what I'm saying, Like he stands on principle. 681 00:37:36,639 --> 00:37:40,519 That's big because you're gonna you're gonna see that manifest 682 00:37:40,599 --> 00:37:43,159 himself in different areas of his life. He should be 683 00:37:43,159 --> 00:37:49,199 a man of integrity. He should be diligent. He should 684 00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:51,880 be a faithful man. So when I say that, I'm 685 00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:55,400 not just speaking in terms of his faithfulness to a woman. 686 00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,639 He should be a faithful man. Like whatever he puts 687 00:37:57,679 --> 00:37:59,920 his hand to do, if he says he's going to do, 688 00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:02,079 you should see the fruit of what he said he 689 00:38:02,159 --> 00:38:03,480 was going to do in his life. You know what 690 00:38:03,519 --> 00:38:06,199 I'm saying. How many times have I told you I 691 00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,760 was gonna do stuff and you like, yeah, friend, you 692 00:38:10,039 --> 00:38:13,400 actually did exactly what you said you was gonna do. Right, 693 00:38:15,079 --> 00:38:17,880 So he should be a principal man integrity, you know 694 00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,280 what I'm saying? Very deep character? 695 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,199 Speaker 2: Can I say something right there? When you talked about 696 00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:27,039 how many things have I told you that I was 697 00:38:27,039 --> 00:38:29,440 gonna do? And I did, and that was something Nate 698 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:34,159 saying that to me, I think what was so admirable. 699 00:38:34,159 --> 00:38:35,800 And this is why we got to the tears at 700 00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,280 the heart room because I said, man like you are 701 00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,440 exactly who you said you are, but you also want 702 00:38:41,519 --> 00:38:44,320 a man who believes in it. When Nate, you did 703 00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:46,239 it when we didn't even know people was gonna come. 704 00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:48,639 You did it when we didn't know people was gonna 705 00:38:48,639 --> 00:38:51,679 buy them tickets. Also, let me put this in there. 706 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,039 It was a sold out show. That room was packed. 707 00:38:54,039 --> 00:38:56,000 It wasn't an empty seat in that room. People were 708 00:38:56,039 --> 00:38:58,599 standing up on the side in the back. Okay, But 709 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:01,519 Nate put that thing together when you knew. And I 710 00:39:01,559 --> 00:39:05,679 think that when you say faithful like you do the 711 00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:08,039 things that you said you were gonna do and until 712 00:39:08,119 --> 00:39:11,079 they come to fruition. But I mean, I feel like 713 00:39:11,159 --> 00:39:14,239 the real nugget in that is that you was doing 714 00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,559 You was gonna do it whether people came or not. 715 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,119 You did it off a whim, off the humble off 716 00:39:19,159 --> 00:39:21,920 of just like that seed and that passion. And I 717 00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,800 think that that is so important. And I'm telling y'all 718 00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:26,920 when we talk about like our bucket lists, Amen, my 719 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,000 bucket list, I'm gonna talk about it one day. It's 720 00:39:29,039 --> 00:39:31,360 stuff that people don't even talk about, and that this 721 00:39:31,519 --> 00:39:35,199 is one of them. I like a renegade kind of man, 722 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:38,440 where he like, look, I know this sounds crazy to y'all, 723 00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:40,119 but she let me see if it work or not. 724 00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:43,039 That's my type of man. Like, that's my type of husband. 725 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,679 It's like you believe in it's so much that you 726 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:47,880 don't need no other fish to swim with you. You 727 00:39:48,039 --> 00:39:50,559 was gonna do it, Nate, and I watch you do it, 728 00:39:50,599 --> 00:39:54,199 and I feel like, man, that type of faith, I'm 729 00:39:54,199 --> 00:39:57,280 getting emotional, Like that type of faith turns things, man, 730 00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:00,199 And I don't think people realize it. Like the whole 731 00:40:00,599 --> 00:40:03,119 theory of like the faith of a mustard seed. If 732 00:40:03,119 --> 00:40:05,320 anybody ever seen a mustard see I have a necklace 733 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:07,639 that has a mustard seed. Literally, a mustard seed is 734 00:40:07,679 --> 00:40:11,400 like a spectacle. It's it's so small, but like that's 735 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:14,360 all you need to turn things. And people don't realize 736 00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:18,559 that faithful like faith will turn a tide, okay, like 737 00:40:18,639 --> 00:40:22,079 you have to truly, truly believe in it. And I 738 00:40:22,119 --> 00:40:24,639 saw you do it with my own two eyes. I 739 00:40:24,679 --> 00:40:27,079 saw they do it with my own with my own 740 00:40:27,119 --> 00:40:29,239 two eyes, and you didn't and you didn't even know. 741 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,920 And people say faith is taking a step. You can't 742 00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:33,639 even see the rest of the stairs, but you just 743 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:35,840 keep stepping down. And like I saw you do it 744 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,480 when you didn't know what the You didn't know if 745 00:40:37,519 --> 00:40:38,760 it was other steps, you know, if it was two 746 00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:39,639 steps or ten steps. 747 00:40:39,679 --> 00:40:40,840 Speaker 1: I said, listen, I was gonna do it if it 748 00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,159 was five people in that room. But but but, and 749 00:40:43,199 --> 00:40:46,559 this this leads me to the next part. And this 750 00:40:46,639 --> 00:40:48,880 is this is this is for me, the last piece 751 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:53,679 of it. But but probably one of the most important pieces. 752 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:58,519 A woman should look for. A man that's driven by 753 00:40:58,599 --> 00:41:01,599 something that's greater than themselves, a purpose that's greater than himself. 754 00:41:01,639 --> 00:41:04,000 Before God gave Adam anything, he gave him his purpose. 755 00:41:04,199 --> 00:41:06,360 Before God gave Adam a woman, he gave him his purpose. 756 00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:08,039 He gave him an assignment. This is what I want 757 00:41:08,039 --> 00:41:09,280 you to do. I want you to name the animals. 758 00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,199 I want you to keep the guard, and I want 759 00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:14,039 you to oversee it. He gave him a purpose, you 760 00:41:14,039 --> 00:41:16,199 know what I'm saying, by which he was supposed to 761 00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:19,280 You know what I'm saying, manifest things. And so when 762 00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:21,320 you see a man that's driven by purpose, and not 763 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,519 just purpose, but a God given purpose, because there is 764 00:41:23,559 --> 00:41:26,320 also a purpose that the enemy gives us. When you 765 00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,519 see a man that's driven by a purpose, that God 766 00:41:28,559 --> 00:41:32,119 gives him that purpose to keep him when he wants to, 767 00:41:32,639 --> 00:41:34,280 when he wants to. You know what I'm saying, go 768 00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:36,800 off track. So I think those things are important for sure. 769 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,239 Speaker 2: Well, I'm a tag team that just as we come 770 00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:42,960 out of this segment, is that for the women, the 771 00:41:43,039 --> 00:41:46,920 way that you are going to recognize men that are 772 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:51,039 not purpose driven or not purpose led, they're going to 773 00:41:51,199 --> 00:41:55,440 have very low impact in your life. You ever seen 774 00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:57,559 a man that you met, You didn't know this man 775 00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:02,239 six eight, twelve months, nothing has changed. And I want 776 00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:04,360 youry to know this is not just about finance. This 777 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,760 is not just somebody upgrading your lifestyle. This is about 778 00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:10,280 a man that has come in and he's made you 779 00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:15,800 more patient, He's made you more empathetic. This person has 780 00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,960 like planted seeds and he wants to invest in you. 781 00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:21,519 Not talking about finance, because you know, anytime you talk 782 00:42:21,519 --> 00:42:23,800 about finance is a big thing. But I'm telling y'all's 783 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:25,880 so many things that are bigger than this. It's not 784 00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:29,679 just finance, like this person is investing resources into you. 785 00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:29,960 Speaker 4: Right. 786 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:33,760 Speaker 2: And I think that men that are not faith led 787 00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:37,559 and that don't have any purpose, you will spend time 788 00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:41,199 around them, so much time around them, and nothing has 789 00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:44,599 increased in your life, Nothing has increased in your life, 790 00:42:44,639 --> 00:42:47,039 and you want to know why because they don't have 791 00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:51,599 any purpose. Men that have purpose touching the him of 792 00:42:51,639 --> 00:42:54,000 a garment, That's what it's going to feel like. Knowing 793 00:42:54,039 --> 00:42:58,639 them is gonna increase and increase everything about you, right, 794 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,920 And men that don't have have purpose are They're gonna 795 00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,280 feel like low impact men. It's gonna feel like I 796 00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:07,280 could do this without you, like I didnet met you, 797 00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:09,280 and nothing in my life has changed. But when you 798 00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:13,840 find men that are purposed, it's innate to them to amplify, 799 00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:19,000 to multiply, to invest, to incubate to That's a list 800 00:43:19,119 --> 00:43:20,639 that's on my husband list. I'm telling you. 801 00:43:20,679 --> 00:43:27,039 Speaker 1: We talk about we talk about the virtuous woman from 802 00:43:27,079 --> 00:43:31,039 a perspective, it's almost gender specific, you know what I'm saying. 803 00:43:31,039 --> 00:43:33,239 We talk about the Proverbs thirty one woman, But let 804 00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:35,400 me talk about the virtuous man. Come on, now, let 805 00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:37,480 me talk about the virtuous man. Please tell the people 806 00:43:37,519 --> 00:43:39,480 when she touched the hem of his garment. What the 807 00:43:39,559 --> 00:43:43,320 Jesus say? He said, I felt goodness and virtue leave 808 00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:46,360 my body. Listen. As much as we talk about the 809 00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:49,760 virtuous woman, and it's important, I pray to God that 810 00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:53,639 a woman meet a virtuous man. I pray she meets 811 00:43:53,679 --> 00:43:56,400 a generous man. I pray that she meets a man 812 00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:58,360 that can speak into her life. You know what I'm saying, 813 00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:02,360 that that can that can literally sow seeds into her 814 00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,760 life that spring up into gardens. Like I pray that 815 00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:07,800 a woman meets that type of man. I ain't gonna 816 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:10,719 get too much. I ain't gonna get too much into it. 817 00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:13,800 Speaker 2: Our to our next episode, we're gonna we're gonna be 818 00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:18,719 talking about this as well. But man, you're right, we 819 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:20,480 don't talk a lot about that. It's like, oh, when 820 00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,480 you meet a good woman, when you you know a 821 00:44:22,679 --> 00:44:25,239 happy wife, happy life, like he who finds a good wife. 822 00:44:25,519 --> 00:44:30,159 But man, I'm telling you and I've experienced it. I've 823 00:44:30,159 --> 00:44:31,880 experienced it, and I'm gonna tell you this, and I 824 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,360 tell him this to this day, like you done made 825 00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:37,320 it hard for anybody to come after you, because once 826 00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:42,280 you experience that type of man where they are so 827 00:44:42,559 --> 00:44:46,480 purpose led and they're driven, and they're a man of faith. 828 00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:51,599 It is so hard to go back to regular degla. 829 00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:57,880 It is so it's painful. It's painful because it's almost 830 00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:00,480 like everything with them is like a spark, right, And 831 00:45:00,519 --> 00:45:03,239 it's not like chemistry and love is not what I'm 832 00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:06,039 talking about. It's just like you feel. I once told 833 00:45:06,039 --> 00:45:12,239 this man, I said, ever since I've met you, Yes, 834 00:45:13,079 --> 00:45:17,239 when I walked out the house, I felt I walked differently. 835 00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,960 I felt that I had so much more protection just 836 00:45:21,039 --> 00:45:23,480 by encounter. I think it was only maybe a month 837 00:45:23,599 --> 00:45:26,719 or two, and I felt somebody that don't even live 838 00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:29,159 in my same city, I felt more protected than I 839 00:45:29,199 --> 00:45:31,280 felt with a man that I've spent two three years 840 00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:33,360 of my life with. And I'm telling you, when you 841 00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:36,440 meet them type of man, babbit, god, blessing. Now they 842 00:45:36,519 --> 00:45:39,320 say these men is like, let me take my daughter 843 00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:42,599 to all vacation so she's not impressed by this, miyam, 844 00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,559 this going to Miami with somebody's son. That's how I 845 00:45:45,599 --> 00:45:50,360 feel like, That's how I felt about this, Like it's 846 00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:53,559 gonna be hard to impress me after this point. And again, 847 00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:57,679 it wasn't like showering of money and gifts and trips. 848 00:45:57,679 --> 00:45:59,599 Even though that was a part of it, it was 849 00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:05,000 like he increased everything about me and he believed more 850 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:07,119 in me than I did with Once you find out 851 00:46:07,199 --> 00:46:12,800 poof once you find that virtue listen a virtuous man. Anyways, y'all, 852 00:46:13,079 --> 00:46:15,400 let's go on to one of my favorite segments. I 853 00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:17,639 feel like all of all my segments my favorite, but 854 00:46:18,119 --> 00:46:21,800 are dear to See a voicemail and it's entitled I'm 855 00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:24,960 losing myself trying to stay chosen. 856 00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,239 Speaker 5: Dear to see You. I'm writing because I'm struggling to 857 00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:31,599 understand how to say emotionally regulated in a relationship that 858 00:46:31,679 --> 00:46:34,440 feels like it's shifting, and I don't want my emotions 859 00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:37,280 to keep running the show. When my relationship started, everything 860 00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:38,079 felt solid. 861 00:46:38,119 --> 00:46:38,840 Speaker 4: We were very. 862 00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:42,840 Speaker 5: Public, He was very public about us, openly affectionate, consistent, 863 00:46:43,519 --> 00:46:46,719 consistent with his intimacy, holding hands, kissing, doing all of that, 864 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:50,719 and I always felt chosen. There was a lot of passion, reassurance, closeness. 865 00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:54,119 And over time those things change, and I'm trying to 866 00:46:54,159 --> 00:46:56,920 understand how much of that shift is about me versus 867 00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:59,880 the dynamic itself. And as I become more emotionally in 868 00:47:00,079 --> 00:47:03,079 that's it. I noticed that when I express my knees, frustraction, hurt, 869 00:47:03,199 --> 00:47:08,119 or hold him accountable, his demeanor shifts. The affection became inconsistent. 870 00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:11,920 Although our sex life has always been there, the outside 871 00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:16,320 intimacy also feels conditional, more present when sex is involved, 872 00:47:16,639 --> 00:47:18,840 but when or when he perceives a threat such as 873 00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:22,199 another man, less present in day to day connection, and 874 00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:25,239 if I don't initiate affection, especially after a big fight, 875 00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:27,599 like say I love you or I'm sorry, it just 876 00:47:27,639 --> 00:47:31,920 seems like the affection will not happen. I've also noticed 877 00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:34,400 that sometimes important things come up to me, like family 878 00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:38,920 matters or moments that require emotional accountability, and he tends 879 00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:41,360 to shut down the flag or safety forgot rather than 880 00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:45,199 address the impact. That leaves me feeling unprioritized and unsure 881 00:47:45,199 --> 00:47:47,400 where I stand. What's hard is I know that my 882 00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:50,199 emotions can sometimes escalate. I'm not perfect. I can be 883 00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:52,639 very mean and say some really cruel things, especially when 884 00:47:52,679 --> 00:47:53,400 I'm mad. 885 00:47:53,639 --> 00:47:55,920 Speaker 2: But I hate feeling like I'm. 886 00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:59,360 Speaker 5: Mean, unheard, or that he doesn't take me serious. I 887 00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:01,800 sometimes can myself wants to fix the energy, say the 888 00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,559 right things, text the right way, mentally stimulate him. If 889 00:48:04,559 --> 00:48:06,360 I don't, I feel like we will drift further apart. 890 00:48:06,559 --> 00:48:09,159 But I don't like the woman I'm becoming. I don't 891 00:48:09,199 --> 00:48:11,519 want to manipulate or play games. I want to be 892 00:48:11,599 --> 00:48:14,800 emotionally disciplined, and I want my standards. 893 00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:14,880 Speaker 1: To be clear. 894 00:48:15,039 --> 00:48:18,679 Speaker 5: And I want the relationship where access to me reflects effort, 895 00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:22,440 not one where I'm consistently overfunctioning to keep us close. 896 00:48:22,559 --> 00:48:25,159 So my question how do I get strict with myself 897 00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:28,840 my standards without becoming cold, reactive, or feelful? And how 898 00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:32,039 do I regulate my emotions so I'm not chasing reassurance 899 00:48:32,199 --> 00:48:35,280 but also not ignoring my needs. And how do I 900 00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:38,519 tell whether this relationship can be corrected with boundaries and 901 00:48:38,599 --> 00:48:42,119 emotional control or whether it's showing me a deeper mismatch. 902 00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:46,079 I want to grow, not spiral. I want clarity, not control, 903 00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:48,559 And I want to know where I stand firmly and 904 00:48:48,679 --> 00:48:51,519 what I want without losing myself in the process. Thanks 905 00:48:51,519 --> 00:48:54,039 for creating a space where we can have these conversations, 906 00:48:54,079 --> 00:48:56,920 and you know these conversations can be real and honest. 907 00:48:57,119 --> 00:49:00,000 A woman learning to choose herself without shutting down. 908 00:49:02,679 --> 00:49:08,079 Speaker 2: First of all, she wrote us a strawberry letter Okay, ma'am. 909 00:49:09,199 --> 00:49:12,360 Look she said it had it scripted out. Okay, I 910 00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:16,159 ain't mad at it. So before I get to the questions, 911 00:49:16,159 --> 00:49:18,360 and I'll actually read over what the actual question is 912 00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,239 because we lost track because I was very long. What 913 00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:24,920 I found that was so important out of this? She 914 00:49:25,119 --> 00:49:31,760 said that the sex was consistent, but everything else started 915 00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:35,000 to lack. And the reason for that is because sex 916 00:49:35,119 --> 00:49:37,599 is the cheapest thing that you could do, and we 917 00:49:37,639 --> 00:49:42,119 do not understand that the emotional bandwidth of the man 918 00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:47,719 that takes work in time and being present, being patient, 919 00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:54,280 being kind, compromising, conflict resolution, showing people grace, like truly 920 00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:56,760 investing in somebody, and out of all the things that 921 00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:59,920 she named, she said when important things happened in her life, 922 00:50:00,039 --> 00:50:03,079 when she's trying to initiate affection, she said, all of 923 00:50:03,119 --> 00:50:06,840 those things became inconsistent, but the sex was the one thing. 924 00:50:07,119 --> 00:50:10,079 Sex is the cheapest thing a man can do with you. Okay, 925 00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:12,920 and y'all call me crazy, but if you want to 926 00:50:12,960 --> 00:50:16,360 see how important a man truly is, I'm gonna tell you. 927 00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:20,920 Lock it down, close the doors, all right, and you 928 00:50:21,159 --> 00:50:24,480 truly are going to find out right. And it doesn't 929 00:50:24,519 --> 00:50:26,360 mean that if you are having sex with him. He's 930 00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:29,920 not going to be invested, right, but you want to 931 00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:33,519 see whether you're going to get those things in that 932 00:50:33,599 --> 00:50:36,880 deep commitment beforehand, because he's telling you that he doesn't 933 00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:38,960 got he don't have the band with all the other stuff, 934 00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:41,079 but he got the band with to lay down with you. 935 00:50:41,159 --> 00:50:43,519 And I think that that is something that you yourself 936 00:50:43,679 --> 00:50:46,280 should pull out from this. That the one thing that 937 00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:50,639 was consistent was the physical intimacy, the actual act of 938 00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:53,800 having sex, and that is one of the cheapest things 939 00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:55,519 that a man can do with you. And on the 940 00:50:55,639 --> 00:51:01,400 other hand, that can be something that truly amplifies a relationship. 941 00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:07,559 She's trying to regulate her own emotional intensity and establish 942 00:51:07,679 --> 00:51:11,159 healthy standards, and basically she's asking do does she feel 943 00:51:11,159 --> 00:51:14,880 like this relationship can kind of be repaired? I think 944 00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:15,760 a man tapped out. 945 00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:21,880 Speaker 1: So let me let me tell you. The most concerning 946 00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:27,280 part about everything that she said was not the nuances 947 00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:30,320 of what they're going through their in their relationship. It's 948 00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:32,360 the fact that when she tries to hold him accountable, 949 00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:35,880 he shuts down. Right. My whole thing is, you can 950 00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:41,639 fix anything if there's accountability, if there is an acknowledgment 951 00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:45,360 of the fact that you know, I understand where you're 952 00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:48,199 coming from, I see your perspective so far and so on, 953 00:51:48,639 --> 00:51:51,440 then all the other things can begin to be worked out. Okay, 954 00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:53,599 how can we how can we tackle this part of it? 955 00:51:53,599 --> 00:51:56,440 How can we tackle that part of it? I think 956 00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:58,760 that if you have all those things going on, and 957 00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:01,639 when you try to address it, or you try to 958 00:52:01,679 --> 00:52:04,440 talk through it, the person on the other end shuts down, 959 00:52:04,519 --> 00:52:07,360 then it's hard to make emotional progress. It's hard to 960 00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:10,440 fix anything. Yes, So the thing that I would say, right, 961 00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,199 we could break apart all the different pieces of the question, 962 00:52:13,679 --> 00:52:16,639 But the thing that I would say is they need 963 00:52:16,679 --> 00:52:18,280 to get in front of someone that can help to 964 00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:21,880 open him up emotionally, right, whether that's a whether that's 965 00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:27,400 a therapist, a counselor a psychologist, where they can actually 966 00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:30,119 begin to work on the different nuances of the relationship 967 00:52:30,159 --> 00:52:32,000 that are going south. But if he's not willing to 968 00:52:32,039 --> 00:52:35,760 take accountability, then you can't fix it. That's where it starts. 969 00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:38,239 Speaker 2: Well, Nate and I argue on stage about stuff like 970 00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:40,119 this all the time. First of all, y'all always know, 971 00:52:40,199 --> 00:52:41,840 why are you in therapy with that man? This man 972 00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:45,159 as a boyfriend, So that's just number one, Number two, Nate. 973 00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:49,159 He started off with this kind of investment. She didn't 974 00:52:49,159 --> 00:52:54,639 have these problems before. I think that women, we will 975 00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:59,400 hold on like that ponytail. We will hold on for 976 00:52:59,559 --> 00:53:03,440 dear life. I think that their relationship is expiring and 977 00:53:03,519 --> 00:53:06,000 she doesn't want to let it go because there is 978 00:53:06,039 --> 00:53:09,400 attachment issue here. The title of it is I'm losing 979 00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:16,880 myself trying to stay chosen. How can I say this diplomatically? 980 00:53:18,880 --> 00:53:22,079 A lot of women will get into a relationship and 981 00:53:22,119 --> 00:53:27,159 that relationship defines everything that they are, and losing it 982 00:53:27,199 --> 00:53:31,880 becomes an internal failure. And we had a caller call 983 00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:34,239 in where she was scared to go back to her 984 00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:37,360 family to even tell them that she wasn't happy in 985 00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:40,400 a relationship because she grew up in a family where 986 00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:43,440 all of her aunts and mamas and grandmothers was like, 987 00:53:43,559 --> 00:53:45,119 you better be with that man, You better be with 988 00:53:45,159 --> 00:53:49,039 that man. A lot of us women, the relationship becomes 989 00:53:49,039 --> 00:53:53,039 their identity, and I think it's something so problematic about 990 00:53:53,199 --> 00:53:56,960 even wanting to be chosen that deeply to the fact 991 00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:59,679 that to the point that you're losing yourself as well 992 00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:05,239 as as you are internalizing all of his shortcomings. So 993 00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:08,119 now that she's even trying to repair it, it becomes 994 00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:10,280 I don't know if it's something that I'm doing or 995 00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:13,920 if it's something that he innately just has to fix 996 00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:18,639 within himself. And I think that women, we've kind of 997 00:54:18,679 --> 00:54:23,000 really lost our way that the relationship is. It becomes 998 00:54:23,039 --> 00:54:26,000 bigger than ourselves, It becomes our title and our identity. 999 00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:30,880 This is expiring. I think that the relationship is expiring, 1000 00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:33,639 and she doesn't want to let it go. She acknowledges 1001 00:54:33,719 --> 00:54:38,679 her own emotional reactions can be big, sometimes mean, or reactive, 1002 00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:43,360 and she wants to grow. The conflict resolution is one sided. 1003 00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:46,960 She holds space, he deflects or forgets. He doesn't want 1004 00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:53,840 to be there. Nate, he doesn't want to be there. Girling, 1005 00:54:57,400 --> 00:55:02,760 he doesn't want to be there. And also they say 1006 00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:06,400 that finances is the biggest reason for divorce, and it's 1007 00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:09,679 actually not. It is growing in parallel, and this is 1008 00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:13,440 a big thing that most people when you're hitting your 1009 00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:16,880 stage of evolution and you're trying to grow, and you're 1010 00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:19,119 in a point where you're trying to regulate your emotions, 1011 00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:21,639 we think we can do it with the other person, 1012 00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:27,199 and you can't, especially if this is a relationship and 1013 00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:30,800 not a marriage. That's why marriage counseling is such a 1014 00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:34,360 huge thing, because it's gonna teach you how to teach 1015 00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:36,840 you strategies for when you hit those very hard times 1016 00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:39,000 where y'all feel like y'all going like this, and you 1017 00:55:39,079 --> 00:55:41,639 married that man under God at the altar, right, Just 1018 00:55:41,679 --> 00:55:45,000 the relationship in itself is not something that's gonna hold 1019 00:55:45,119 --> 00:55:48,239 up if you have not done the work separately. And 1020 00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:51,320 I think that that's one of the biggest things of relationships. 1021 00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,280 You want to be with somebody that when you hit 1022 00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:55,880 your internal milestone. I just had a conversation with my 1023 00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:59,079 little my little friends, and I was telling him, like, man, 1024 00:55:59,239 --> 00:56:02,679 I like, I feel like I don't have the habits 1025 00:56:02,679 --> 00:56:05,280 of a millionaire. Like I'm saying I want to do this, 1026 00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:07,239 I'm saying I want to monetize. I'm saying I want 1027 00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:10,599 my podcast to take off. But there are things that 1028 00:56:10,639 --> 00:56:12,320 I have in my life that are limited to me, 1029 00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:16,199 and I don't feel like I have the the the 1030 00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:19,639 habits of a millionaire. Imagine trying to do that with 1031 00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:22,119 somebody else. It's either it's either a nigga that's gonna 1032 00:56:22,119 --> 00:56:24,360 hang with you, or he gonna hang a lot of us. 1033 00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:27,039 We are hitting our pivotal moments of growth, and you 1034 00:56:27,079 --> 00:56:30,119 cannot do it with somebody else, like I would only 1035 00:56:30,639 --> 00:56:32,920 imagine if I was married. That's why I'm so glad 1036 00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:34,480 I'm gonna save this. I feel like I got like 1037 00:56:34,519 --> 00:56:36,519 a ninety eight point nine to nine percent chance of 1038 00:56:36,559 --> 00:56:39,679 my marriage working out because I am doing so much 1039 00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:42,480 of the work, and I have so much wisdom and 1040 00:56:42,519 --> 00:56:45,840 wherewithal that when I do get there, and so currently 1041 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:47,800 I feel like I don't have those habits. But I 1042 00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:50,039 always imagine, like what if I had a partner right 1043 00:56:50,079 --> 00:56:53,920 now that would either be a catapult for us to 1044 00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:57,920 grow stronger or a the short that broke the camel's back. 1045 00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:05,000 Speaker 1: You're gonna crucify me when I say that. You're gonna 1046 00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:07,280 crucify me when I say that. Say this, and that's okay. 1047 00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:13,360 When people are dating, they do everything else. What do 1048 00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:15,880 you mean when when people are dating, they have sex, 1049 00:57:16,400 --> 00:57:19,559 They they they take trips together, they around each other's family. 1050 00:57:19,679 --> 00:57:21,320 I think it's okay for them to go to counseling. 1051 00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:23,719 My whole thing is that doesn't mean that the relationship 1052 00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:29,199 has to work out, But I think that sometimes dating 1053 00:57:29,239 --> 00:57:32,400 relationships are good practice for what we're experiencing when we're 1054 00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:36,639 in marriage, right, and so two people sitting in front 1055 00:57:36,679 --> 00:57:38,519 of someone that can help them sort out some of 1056 00:57:38,559 --> 00:57:40,719 the issues that they're having having in their marriage. I 1057 00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:43,199 don't I don't think that them not being married is 1058 00:57:43,199 --> 00:57:46,360 a reason for them to have unresolved issues in the marriage. 1059 00:57:46,840 --> 00:57:50,079 I think that it's an opportunity for them to even 1060 00:57:50,119 --> 00:57:52,599 discover discover further that they're not for each other. Right, 1061 00:57:52,679 --> 00:57:55,559 Sometimes therapy and counseling can help you have that aha 1062 00:57:55,679 --> 00:57:58,840 moment life. He don't really want to do the work, 1063 00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:01,599 you know what I'm saying. And you may say to yourself, well, 1064 00:58:01,639 --> 00:58:04,360 he's showing her that right now that he doesn't want 1065 00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:07,800 to want to do the work that is possible, or 1066 00:58:09,079 --> 00:58:13,760 it could also be a scenario where he's not utilizing 1067 00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:18,079 the right tools. And so I just want to give 1068 00:58:18,159 --> 00:58:21,480 space for because there's some people that are in beautiful 1069 00:58:21,559 --> 00:58:24,679 dating relationships that if they sat down in front of 1070 00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:28,800 a counselor it would actually help to enhance absolutely and 1071 00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:33,280 grow their relationship on the way to engagement and marriage. Now, 1072 00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:35,920 I completely understand where you're coming from in terms of 1073 00:58:36,599 --> 00:58:43,880 marriage being a larger relational investment or emotional investment for 1074 00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:45,719 a lot of people. Right now, y'all got the same 1075 00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:48,400 last name. You know what I'm saying, y'all have assets together. 1076 00:58:48,519 --> 00:58:50,960 Y'all have you know, houses and all that stuff. Like 1077 00:58:51,039 --> 00:58:54,519 it's a more secure relational or seemingly secure, because I 1078 00:58:54,559 --> 00:58:56,760 know a lot of these marriage people still operating like 1079 00:58:56,800 --> 00:59:03,760 they dating. It's a more seemingly cure environment. But I 1080 00:59:03,760 --> 00:59:06,840 don't really see an issue with people doing some counseling. 1081 00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:09,159 Doesn't have to be intensive counseling. 1082 00:59:09,199 --> 00:59:11,880 Speaker 2: But so and I've heard and I've heard, I've actually 1083 00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:13,559 heard your perspective before on this. 1084 00:59:13,639 --> 00:59:14,280 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. 1085 00:59:14,320 --> 00:59:16,760 Speaker 2: They that's when and that's a viral video. Listen. They 1086 00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:19,840 not about the same age at this big age. I'm 1087 00:59:19,880 --> 00:59:23,679 not going to therapy like you. And it's not that 1088 00:59:23,679 --> 00:59:25,159 I'm not willing to go to therapy with a man 1089 00:59:25,199 --> 00:59:29,119 that's not my boyfriend, but I would have had really 1090 00:59:29,199 --> 00:59:32,119 did an audit of that relationship to see if this 1091 00:59:32,199 --> 00:59:36,039 person has a potential to be my long term partner. 1092 00:59:37,119 --> 00:59:38,840 Speaker 1: Man, let me say something, I actually prefer to do 1093 00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:43,840 therapy with someone that i'm dating almost early. 1094 00:59:43,559 --> 00:59:48,440 Speaker 2: On, right, But you have already done like You're not 1095 00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:50,119 just gonna do it with a girl that you think 1096 00:59:50,119 --> 00:59:54,000 you're gonna date. You probably like man, but. 1097 00:59:54,079 --> 00:59:56,480 Speaker 1: Sometimes that's the precursor. That's what I'm saying, like, sometimes 1098 00:59:56,519 --> 00:59:58,960 that's a part of the process. And and let me 1099 00:59:59,119 --> 01:00:00,599 let me tell you, let me tell you, let me 1100 01:00:00,639 --> 01:00:04,519 tell you why I have that perspective. Here's the thing 1101 01:00:04,559 --> 01:00:08,519 about therapy, right, people always talk about like, oh, I'm 1102 01:00:08,519 --> 01:00:10,639 in I'm in therapy. Let's let's not even talk about 1103 01:00:10,639 --> 01:00:13,280 it from the perspective of relationship relationship for a second. 1104 01:00:13,320 --> 01:00:15,760 Let's talk about it from a perspective of someone just 1105 01:00:15,800 --> 01:00:17,960 saying I want to better myself and I go to therapy. 1106 01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:23,159 Therapy is not the real work. The real work is 1107 01:00:23,719 --> 01:00:25,519 are you going to do what the therapist said that 1108 01:00:25,559 --> 01:00:26,760 you should you should be doing? 1109 01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:28,800 Speaker 2: And the crazy thing is that the therapists don't really 1110 01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:29,400 be saying a. 1111 01:00:29,360 --> 01:00:31,000 Speaker 1: Lot And I'll be saying, like, you come a lot 1112 01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:32,679 of times, you come to your own conclusions or you 1113 01:00:32,679 --> 01:00:34,519 come to your own IHA moments of things that you 1114 01:00:34,559 --> 01:00:36,880 need to do. But my whole thing is the realization 1115 01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:39,400 is just the first step, right, are you going to 1116 01:00:39,480 --> 01:00:41,199 actually follow through? This is what I want to know 1117 01:00:41,199 --> 01:00:44,800 when i'm dating someone, I want to know that. I 1118 01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:48,480 want to know that, if the therapist gives gives directives, 1119 01:00:48,559 --> 01:00:50,840 or we come to an aha moment, that you're actually 1120 01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:53,000 willing to do the work. I want to see. I 1121 01:00:53,039 --> 01:00:54,599 want to see what the follow through is like. I 1122 01:00:54,639 --> 01:00:57,000 want to know that prior to actually getting engaged, and 1123 01:00:57,039 --> 01:00:58,960 I want to know that prior to getting married, because 1124 01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:02,079 imagine if we never walked through any of that while 1125 01:01:02,079 --> 01:01:05,920 we're dating, and then I discover that when we're married, 1126 01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:10,159 you actually don't have followed through in these areas. Now 1127 01:01:10,280 --> 01:01:13,159 I'm in a cyclical relationship with someone that's not willing 1128 01:01:13,199 --> 01:01:15,679 to do the work on a consistent basis, especially when 1129 01:01:15,679 --> 01:01:17,440 things get hard. I want to know that up front. 1130 01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:21,800 Speaker 2: I get that, and I think that being you're a man, 1131 01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:25,599 but I think that on the opposite side, for me, 1132 01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:30,159 I feel like a man. I'm always curious about what 1133 01:01:30,239 --> 01:01:31,800 a man would think that I would even want to 1134 01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:34,599 take him into a place like therapy, and I think 1135 01:01:34,599 --> 01:01:39,400 that sometimes I think you are a lot more evolved, 1136 01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:41,639 we have a lot more range. But I think that 1137 01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:44,360 some men only think this far right. And I think 1138 01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:47,400 that if I was to be like, hey, do you 1139 01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:51,880 want to go to therapy. I think that men don't 1140 01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:54,480 like to feel kind of backed into a corner, and 1141 01:01:54,559 --> 01:01:57,599 I think that it's so weird. I think that men 1142 01:01:57,679 --> 01:01:59,800 don't want to know that I feel like they're my 1143 01:02:00,079 --> 01:02:02,639 husband first, if that makes any sense. And so when 1144 01:02:02,679 --> 01:02:06,599 you say come to therapy to him, it's like, Oh, 1145 01:02:06,639 --> 01:02:11,719 she trying to She's trying to lock me down. And 1146 01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:14,079 I'm telling you that you're probably like, Okay, well, what's 1147 01:02:14,119 --> 01:02:16,679 the purpose of that. The purpose of that is that it, 1148 01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:21,000 to me, it offsets the overall aura of the relationship 1149 01:02:21,079 --> 01:02:24,440 on who has the most emotional investment. And to your point, 1150 01:02:24,440 --> 01:02:26,119 which is why I brought this up, is that I 1151 01:02:26,119 --> 01:02:28,000 think you can find out what a nigga's gonna do 1152 01:02:28,320 --> 01:02:30,199 and if he gonna do the work before you sit 1153 01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:32,880 down and take his ass in therapy. There's so many 1154 01:02:32,880 --> 01:02:35,559 ways because even what I was gonna say with this point, 1155 01:02:35,599 --> 01:02:38,679 I'm telling you a man, a man that lacks the 1156 01:02:38,760 --> 01:02:42,920 ability to resolve conflict, to me, is a man that 1157 01:02:43,039 --> 01:02:47,119 also lacks adoration for you. I'm telling you it's hard 1158 01:02:47,159 --> 01:02:51,320 to stay mad nate at a woman you absolutely adoring. 1159 01:02:51,320 --> 01:02:54,079 It so funny because my producer here Dre his wife 1160 01:02:54,079 --> 01:03:01,960 always tell me girl. Soon as I started crying DREMI like, okay, okay, 1161 01:03:02,239 --> 01:03:04,000 we're gonna call it true. He's gonna try to fix it. 1162 01:03:04,039 --> 01:03:08,039 And it's deep love and adoration of somebody that doesn't 1163 01:03:08,079 --> 01:03:11,960 want to actually resolve the conflict. And I personally feel like, baby, 1164 01:03:12,599 --> 01:03:14,760 it don't take a rocket science. It's ways to tell 1165 01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:17,519 that before you even take a man to therapy. 1166 01:03:18,079 --> 01:03:20,159 Speaker 1: Can I speak for the men for a second. I 1167 01:03:20,199 --> 01:03:24,079 think I think that sometimes it's less about willingness and 1168 01:03:24,159 --> 01:03:30,719 more about understanding how right to your point? Right, there 1169 01:03:30,719 --> 01:03:33,719 aren't a lot of men. There are more men that 1170 01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:36,920 haven't done the work than there are men that have 1171 01:03:37,039 --> 01:03:39,199 done the work. Right. I agree with that, and so 1172 01:03:41,440 --> 01:03:44,000 I'm of the perspective like, you want to know as 1173 01:03:44,119 --> 01:03:47,679 much as you can early on. Yeah, tell that nigga 1174 01:03:47,679 --> 01:03:49,440 you want to go to therapy, right and blow it 1175 01:03:49,480 --> 01:03:52,000 all up and see how he responds. You feel what 1176 01:03:52,039 --> 01:03:54,960 I'm saying. Now, Imagine you tell a man, yo, I 1177 01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:56,480 want us to go to therapy and he's like, you 1178 01:03:56,480 --> 01:03:58,519 know what, I think that's a good idea because I 1179 01:03:58,559 --> 01:04:00,440 really want to get to know you better, and and 1180 01:04:00,480 --> 01:04:02,320 I don't really know how to navigate this you know 1181 01:04:02,360 --> 01:04:04,639 what I'm saying, I'm dealing with a woman that I've 1182 01:04:04,679 --> 01:04:05,719 never dealt with before. 1183 01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:08,719 Speaker 2: Okay, so let me tell the danger in that we 1184 01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:10,440 went took this shit too far. Let me tar the 1185 01:04:10,480 --> 01:04:11,079 danger with that. 1186 01:04:11,119 --> 01:04:14,159 Speaker 1: The danger in that is saying that she's the best 1187 01:04:14,199 --> 01:04:16,480 woman that he's ever had, or like he feels like 1188 01:04:16,519 --> 01:04:18,599 she's out of his league. So let me let me 1189 01:04:18,719 --> 01:04:21,719 let me first say that I'm saying that everybody's different. 1190 01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:24,320 Speaker 2: Well, when the danger in that is that when you 1191 01:04:24,400 --> 01:04:27,599 start doing your life's work attached to people, you're more 1192 01:04:27,639 --> 01:04:29,800 prone to stay even when the shit ain't for you. 1193 01:04:30,039 --> 01:04:32,920 And see, women don't have the same emotional it. If 1194 01:04:32,960 --> 01:04:36,679 I start discovering myself, this is why the trauma bonding 1195 01:04:36,880 --> 01:04:39,679 is usually a woman thing, because if I start doing 1196 01:04:39,719 --> 01:04:42,159 my life's work with you, and I'm sitting in front 1197 01:04:42,199 --> 01:04:44,119 of that therapist and I'm finding that shit about how 1198 01:04:44,119 --> 01:04:46,679 my daddy was gone, how Mamma treated me, how I 1199 01:04:46,719 --> 01:04:48,960 have Alli, and I started doing with you, now I'm 1200 01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:52,920 gonna be more. It's a dangerous game, Nate, to really 1201 01:04:52,960 --> 01:04:56,320 start doing your life's work attached to other people, Because 1202 01:04:56,360 --> 01:05:00,760 I'm telling you, women, we just feel differently and we 1203 01:05:00,920 --> 01:05:03,679 invest differently, and now you're gonna start thinking that that's 1204 01:05:03,719 --> 01:05:08,239 your person because you start becoming a different form of 1205 01:05:08,280 --> 01:05:11,039 yourself while you were with them. And that is why 1206 01:05:11,119 --> 01:05:13,679 women trauma bond so much. And so I think it's 1207 01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:18,079 it's even more dangerous to try to untraumatize yourself with 1208 01:05:18,239 --> 01:05:21,719 somebody else, especially a man that you that you're dating. 1209 01:05:22,480 --> 01:05:24,360 If I started doing my life's work, where do you 1210 01:05:24,360 --> 01:05:26,360 think you're going? 1211 01:05:25,719 --> 01:05:25,920 Speaker 1: Say? 1212 01:05:26,559 --> 01:05:28,559 Speaker 2: If I start doing my life's work with you, right, 1213 01:05:29,320 --> 01:05:31,719 we get married. Period. I know why you thought you 1214 01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:36,039 was going because you live, you leave reminiscence with people. 1215 01:05:36,159 --> 01:05:38,679 Right at this age, you don't want people to leave 1216 01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:42,360 with those kind of big nuggets and pockets of you, right, 1217 01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:44,599 And so when you're doing your life's work at this point, 1218 01:05:44,599 --> 01:05:46,239 you're gonna we getting married. 1219 01:05:46,559 --> 01:05:48,280 Speaker 1: But my whole thing is like, when you're dating the 1220 01:05:48,360 --> 01:05:54,000 right person, there's gonna be there's gonna be that evolution anyway, 1221 01:05:54,199 --> 01:05:56,320 there's gonna be that, there's gonna be there's gonna be 1222 01:05:56,400 --> 01:06:00,360 that right and or dating the right type of person. 1223 01:06:00,519 --> 01:06:02,400 Dating the right type of person doesn't mean that they're 1224 01:06:02,400 --> 01:06:06,400 your person, but it means that yo, like, yeah, I 1225 01:06:06,519 --> 01:06:09,079 become a better version of myself as a result of 1226 01:06:09,119 --> 01:06:11,000 the things that I learned in the relationship, as a 1227 01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:13,320 result of being connected with you. You know what I'm saying. 1228 01:06:14,159 --> 01:06:20,559 And so oh no, I think, I know, I know, 1229 01:06:20,599 --> 01:06:22,519 we got there. I know we got different perspectives on that. 1230 01:06:22,639 --> 01:06:26,280 Speaker 2: But they said, they said, go to therapy with the men, 1231 01:06:26,440 --> 01:06:33,159 test them. We'll see, we'll see. Okay, boy's my number two. Okay, perfect, perfect, Okay. 1232 01:06:34,800 --> 01:06:37,400 So this is funny because this is actually my Bitch 1233 01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:41,239 you Smell Good segment where y'all know I love fragrances. However, 1234 01:06:41,960 --> 01:06:46,840 Nate is allergic to a lot of fragrances. So instead 1235 01:06:47,079 --> 01:06:51,599 of our fragrance today, I want Nate to open this 1236 01:06:52,280 --> 01:06:54,639 bag that I have on the side of him, because 1237 01:06:55,039 --> 01:07:01,039 that's yeah, okay, but so Nate has you know, it 1238 01:07:01,079 --> 01:07:03,719 could go left, it could go right with fragrances for him. 1239 01:07:03,719 --> 01:07:07,719 So instead of having him spray all of that, I'm 1240 01:07:07,760 --> 01:07:12,679 going to have him open this gift that I have 1241 01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:13,719 for him. 1242 01:07:14,159 --> 01:07:23,679 Speaker 4: Here you out here buying folls, gifts and stuff. Let's see, 1243 01:07:25,239 --> 01:07:26,679 you got me some sneakers. 1244 01:07:27,679 --> 01:07:28,559 Speaker 2: They love sneakers. 1245 01:07:28,679 --> 01:07:31,480 Speaker 1: I do love sneakers. She'd be looking really really, she'd 1246 01:07:31,519 --> 01:07:38,800 be looking at my feet like niggah. I appreciate this 1247 01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:46,880 so much. Love. I love the colorways too because it 1248 01:07:46,920 --> 01:07:48,880 can go with so many different things. Thank you so much. 1249 01:07:49,039 --> 01:07:53,199 That is so kind to you. Listen, she out here buying, buying. 1250 01:07:55,199 --> 01:07:58,360 Speaker 2: So yes, that's our segment, because Nate, you can't be 1251 01:07:58,519 --> 01:08:01,079 spraying spraying oh here when they want him having no 1252 01:08:01,159 --> 01:08:07,800 allergic reaction out here. Okay, So that's it right, We're 1253 01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:14,280 not doing our red flag okay. Perfect. Anyways, so much 1254 01:08:14,320 --> 01:08:19,039 concluse our segment of there to see you. Thanks Nate 1255 01:08:19,079 --> 01:08:19,640 for coming on. 1256 01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:21,479 Speaker 1: Man, it's been a pleasure. You have me over here 1257 01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:22,600 crying again. 1258 01:08:23,439 --> 01:08:25,199 Speaker 2: Five minutes he we both crying, y'all. 1259 01:08:25,800 --> 01:08:26,039 Speaker 5: Boy. 1260 01:08:27,720 --> 01:08:29,680 Speaker 2: Anyways, y'all see y'all next time. 1261 01:08:29,960 --> 01:08:30,319 Speaker 5: Bye,