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Speaker 1: Hi, this is Christina and Carmen and this is another

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episode of his Booky tells the podcast for all Things

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is Bookie Hunted, plazas, myths, legends, sometimes to crime, but

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today book Club, book book Club. Yes, we are finally

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discussing the unworthy. It's been months. It's just what only

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our second book of the year and we're halfway into

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the year. What is wrong? But that's about how long

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it takes for us, like three ish months. Usually it's

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not even like we read it so fast and then

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we just like delayed that we don't note, write our

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recap notes and then sit down to record it. Yeah,

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that's what happens, because I finished this so fast. But

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you know what, I'm glad that I listened to it

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and I read it, and then I sort of reread

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it to recap it, and then I listened to other

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podcasts about it because oh my god, I miss so

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much because I'm down the same same. Yeah, so what

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happens to your dumb and you read you know? Yeah,

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like I was gonna say, if you don't know how

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our book Club episodes work, we do a very short

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on spoiler summary that's just the back of the book. Yeah,

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so we let you know those synopsis from the book, yes,

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the synopsis from the book, and then after that it's

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a recap of the book like a recap, then discussion

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questions throughout the recap, we do give our opinions. But

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I love a recap. So I love a recap because

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sometimes we talk about just doing a discussion without a recap,

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but then because we love we love a rec I

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love to rehash and talk about the same thing over

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and over again. And that's kind of what a recap

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is because we already talked about it, me and Christina, Yeah,

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and I listened to other podcasts talking about it, and

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now we are rehashing, rehashing, recapping, yapping. Yeah. Yeah. And

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also we did just last minute wish that we had

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some Nun outfits ready so we could dress up on theme.

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Maybe something we'll explore for the next book club. If

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there's a costume that applies to it. I think that

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would be fun. But Adam, it was too late for

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this one, but this one would have been perfect. It

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would Okay, do you want to read the synopo and

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I'll do the recap. Of course, I was just gonna say,

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should I read the synopsis. Yeah, all right, so here's

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the synopsis from her cell. In a mysterious convent, cloistered

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away from the climate catastrophe that has plunged the world

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into chaos, a woman writes the story of her life

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in whatever she can find, discarded ink and even her

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own blood. A lower member of the Sacred's Sisterhood, deemed

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and unworthy, she dreams of ascending to the ranks of

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the enlightened at the center of the convent, and of

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pleasing the forbidding superior sister. But when a strange newcomer

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joins the ranks of the unworthy, their narrator is forced

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to consider her long buried past. As she grows closer

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to the newcomer, she is increasingly hunted by questions that

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she can no longer ignore. How does she get to

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the Sacre's sisterhood, Why can't you remember her life before?

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And what really happens when a woman is chosen to

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be enlightened? Nundown also, look at this cover. Bam, I'm

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glad we have this one and not one of the

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other comforts I've seen around. I haven't seen the other one.

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The one has like a cockroach. I think, Oh, I

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couldnot own that. I would throw up immediately, I or never,

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I would not have bought it. No, yeah, no, this

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one I really like. I love the ombre too on

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the nun out it. Yes, it's pretty and like ominous,

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like what is she looking at? And then and then

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you turn it and you're like, what are they doing?

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This is a cult? Yeah yeah, and then you read

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the synopsis and you're like, yeah, this is a cult.

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Yeah yeah. Before I guess, before we get to the recap,

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did you picture anybody as any specific characters? I actually didn't, Okay,

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I didn't until we were talking about it right now,

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and I'm not picturing anyone specific, but I'm picturing the

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what was the movie you want to watch? The Omen,

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the prequel to the Omen, the first Omen, the First No,

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I'm picturing like that vibe because of the nuns. Oh yeah,

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I like it. I agree. Okay. So we start off

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the book very dark and grossly very gross, very gross,

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with the narrator who never has a name. We never

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find her name out, she's just the narrator. Very interesting,

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very interesting choice there. Yeah. The narrator describes screams she

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hears and she hopes it's Ludez, another woman in the convent.

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And so then the narrator she hates Ludius by the

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way Ludeus and her Ludeth is a bitch. Yeah, there's

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there's a reason. There's a reason for it. Yeah. So

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the narrator then trigger warning puts cockroaches in Ludeth's pillowcase

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and she sews it up. And I'm not even going

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to describe it. It's disgusting. I was reading and I

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was like, oh, because I was reading, Yeah, that part

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horrior fine, And it's literally the first like five pages

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that was actually like when I was listening to it,

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I was able to that out. I think my mind

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instinctly turned it out. But then I read it and

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I was like, I read that part I didn't listen

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so gross, And immediately I'm like, this is the worst

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thing I've ever read. Why are they doing this? I

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feel attacked? Yeah, personally personally because we hate cockroaches. Raise

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your hand. Have you been victimized by Agustina Baserka? But yeah,

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it's disgusting, and so yeah, she uses the cockroaches to

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torture lure this and then she talks about how she

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tortures cockroaches and so again gross will get right and

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other parts that I was like. And we then learned

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that the narrator is writing in secret. She's living in

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a convent, and she talks about the priests or monks

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or religious men because they don't know specifically who used

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to live there before the world went to shit. And

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I don't remember she he mentioned it here, but throughout

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the book she talks about some of the women being

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haunted by the monks or priests whatever they were. Oh,

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that's right, I forgot about that, but yeah, I don't

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remember she says a hero, but it is said throughout. Yeah.

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So then some kind of ceremony is going on, and

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I thought this was a good place to go over

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the hierarchy of the Sacred Sisterhood. Yes, perfect, And I

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was still kind of confused by some of it, but

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we'll get into it. So in the top of the hierarchy,

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we have the unseen omnipoent Patriarch, who it's just referred

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to as He Capital H or Kim Capital H. Yeah,

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and then we have the Sister Superior, who's a raging bitch.

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Something is wrong with her. Then we have the wait,

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this is where I was confused because they say the enlightened,

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But now I think the enlightened encompasses the full auras

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or the light in its own thing. No, it's its

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own hall, I think. So yeah, yeah, So then we

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have the enlightened who locked away unseen. This is what

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they're The people in the cult are aspiring to be. Yeah,

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they're a spirtos in enlightened. And once they're chosen to

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be enlightened, they're locked away in another area of nobody

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sees them, but their screams can be heard. No one

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knows why. So I'm like, oh my god, what's going on?

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What is happening to them? So then after the enlightened,

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we have full auras, and these are women who have

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been mutilated, but it's like a good thing to them.

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And they have their tongues cut out and their ear

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dumps destroyed and their eyelids son shut and this is

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so they can be closer. I describe it later, but

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basically so they can like interpret God's their version of

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God's messages. I think that this was the full hours. Yeah,

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like I really akin to like the worst versions of

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like self flagile yadeline in fulations, yes, flatulation, like flaguline

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and then we have Daphnis spirits, who I know they seeing,

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but I don't remember what. Right, I think their islands

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are so shut as well, if I remembering right, I

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don't know. And then there's minor saints, which are different

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than Deaf and his spirits, right yeah. And then the unworthy,

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who are given shelter but have no honors or privileges.

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And then the servants, who are the bottom rung of

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the bottom, and they basically serve everybody, even the unworthy.

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That's how low they are, yeah, even the gross unworthy. Yeah.

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So back to the ceremony. So three minor saints enter

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the chapel, which they call the Chapel of Ascension, and

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the narrator describes this is just gory right away immediately, yeah. Yeah.

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The narrator describes blood running down one of the minor

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saints cheeks, and the narrator blames this on another unworthy, Marielle,

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saying that Marielle did a shitty job sowing the minor

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saint's eyes shut. Oh. So yeah, again, we learn right

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away that's a violent, violent place, or where violence is normaliance.

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We also learned that the women here are stripped of

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their identities, since the narrator wonders what Marielle's name used

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to be. So, yeah, they once they get accepted officially

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a new name. We then meet the weirdest bitch in

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this book, and all of them are kind of weird,

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but she takes the cake. Yeah, and I'm like, Okay,

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maybe going through the climate wars and the fall society

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will do that to a person. I mean, I would

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just be dead. I wouldn't I wouldn't make it that.

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I would have killed myself immediately. And yeah, we're talking

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about the Superior sister. Yeah, the weirdest, craziest bitch in

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the book, the craziest bitch in the I just don't

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say a monastery again, convent, convent. So and apparently the

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Sapier sister dresses like she's in the military, like combat

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boots and all. Yeah, so this is like a very

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dark cadet. Kelly, tell me why I pictured the from

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Matilda is a what's her name? But then yes, you're right,

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then later not to say this. You know, the woman

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from Matilda, I forgot what her I think people will

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know who I'm talking about, the principal or director of

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the school in Matilda. Yeah, I forgot what her job

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is in the school. That's why I didn't know Thornbul

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thurn Bul. Yeah, yeah, I know, I don't remember the name,

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but I know that's why I pictured as the peer's sister.

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But then the narrator talks about how beautiful a peer

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sister is, and that's why I went to Condet Kelly. Yeah,

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I think that's maybe more more fitting. But she just

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doesn't give off like horrible, mean, crazy vibes like that.

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But no, right, you know, I don't know. I was

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windul but evil, Yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah. And we

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also learned that he or him the patriarch is at

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the altar behind the screen very owz like yeah, and

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only the chosen and the enlightened have the privilege of

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seeing him. So then he goes on to give a sermon,

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and basically he's saying that to enlightened, you have to

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give up your origin and your belief in the Christian

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God and Christianity, who he and everyone in the convent

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refers to as the erroneous God, the false Son, and

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the negative Mother. I was like, oh, who, snap makes

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I love these names? Yeah, like this song the false

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Son anyway, and then he calls him unworthy, which he

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does basically every time he's at the fucking chapel. He's like,

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you freaking unworthy bitches, and I think, bitch, no, I

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say that, yes, yes. So the Minor Saints go on

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to sing a hymn which a nator narrator calls the

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primary hymn, and apparently only the Minor Saints know this

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language of the hymn soul. They're the only ones allowed

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to sing it. And then he explains to him and

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he's saying that it's about God protecting them from contamination

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through the enlightened, and this is when he says one

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of their favorite phrases, say with me without faith, there

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is huge And the narrator goes on to talk about

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the Minor Saints and how saintly they are, and we

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learn more about the beliefs behind the middilation of the

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Minor Saints that you're like, why why, Yeah, you're kind

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of like, what the fuck is going on? What is

213
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going on? Like Jim in the episode of the Office,

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I forgot, I think it's the fire, yeah, alarm one.

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And you know what, reading the book kind of made

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you feel like that it was very much what is

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00:12:29,639 --> 00:12:33,120
going on. Yeah, yeah, so we learned that their eyes

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are son shut so that they're not distracted by anything

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and can capture the irreverbations of God prolongation of a sound. Yeah,

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I mean it sounds just like an excuse to soilverariye,

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so of course, Yeah, I just didn't know where robations meant.

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Oh but yeah, it's just an excuse to torture. Very unnecessary,

223
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extremely every closed their eyes. Everything that happens here, it's unnecessary. Honestly,

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they have to build a hierarchy. They have to. Well

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it's a cult, so it is. It's an essential thing

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of cults. Yeah. To a reader, you're like, why, what

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the fuck? Why the fuck? Yeah, the Minor Saints also

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support these sacred crystals and wear white tunics that symbolize

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their purity. Back to the ceremony, the Minor Saints, I

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start bleeding and in unison again because Marielle did a

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shitty job, so in their eyes. She's so all of

232
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:31,039
their eyes I guess, so these are new Yeah, all

233
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,480
of the minor Saints. I start bleeding, and in the beginning,

234
00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:36,159
only one of them, one of their eyes is bleeding, right, Okay,

235
00:13:36,519 --> 00:13:39,720
And so then the narrator is like fucking Mariel, and

236
00:13:39,799 --> 00:13:42,159
then she starts fantasizing about who will have the honor

237
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,519
of cleaning up the blood of the minor saints because

238
00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:49,200
it's an honor. Yeah, treating the minor Saints' injuries and

239
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:52,559
punishing Mariel. They're vary into punishing each other very cold

240
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,879
like again, yeah, because this is a cult basically, and

241
00:13:56,279 --> 00:13:59,600
I mean that as extreme as it is in this book,

242
00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:06,559
that is a very realistic thing with a cultea organization,

243
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,559
even if it's not a full blown cult yet any

244
00:14:09,799 --> 00:14:15,519
organization group. Yeah, yes, yes, there's gonna be yeah, people

245
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,720
stepping over each other, rating each other out, and those

246
00:14:18,759 --> 00:14:21,320
are just minor, minor versions of what's going on in

247
00:14:21,399 --> 00:14:25,960
this book. And yeah, there's a system of snitching a

248
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:30,120
culture snitching on each other that's encouraged, and it's like

249
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,200
of sul the guise of competitive nets, supervising each other

250
00:14:33,279 --> 00:14:36,240
but almost what is a word I'm thinking of another

251
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:43,000
word like watching each other, but yeah, surveillance in each other. Yes, wow, yeah,

252
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,960
we got that. I was joking with my friend, oh La,

253
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,919
how I only have half a brain cell and she's like,

254
00:14:49,039 --> 00:14:50,639
what where's the other half? And I was like, oh,

255
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,440
Christina has it and together we have fun functioning brains.

256
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,320
So that was a ceremony. The Superior Sister dismisses them

257
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:01,799
after one of the minor saints faints. The narrator wonders

258
00:15:01,879 --> 00:15:06,200
about him as in capital h him, and she talks

259
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:09,000
about some rumors, like some say that he's so beautiful

260
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:13,600
that it hurts to look at him. But again except

261
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:18,519
Manny Jacinto, he is so beautiful. His cheekbones are amazing.

262
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:25,360
They almost do her to look at No, so sharp. Yeah. Yeah.

263
00:15:25,679 --> 00:15:28,240
The narrator ends up being the one to clean the blood,

264
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,519
and then she's even like should I lock it? Like

265
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,240
what if it purifies me? And I think she does

266
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:41,919
if I remember right, Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And

267
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,039
Luis is the one who gets to punish Mariella. And

268
00:15:45,159 --> 00:15:48,399
Lusis loves the ship, she eats, She lives for it. Yeah,

269
00:15:48,559 --> 00:15:53,159
she lives. This is her thing. Very sadistic, yeah, extremely

270
00:15:53,399 --> 00:15:55,519
and so yeah, rumors have it that lure this is

271
00:15:55,559 --> 00:15:58,840
going to have Marielle strip naked again. This is very

272
00:15:58,919 --> 00:16:02,559
gross and stick in her body. And she's like so excited.

273
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,879
Yeah yeah, she's like corny for it. No, there's like

274
00:16:06,919 --> 00:16:14,120
a level of yeah, no, I know, yeah, yeah, we're

275
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:18,759
too much over this. Yes, while the narrator is cleaning

276
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,879
up the blood, she sees a full aura and we

277
00:16:21,039 --> 00:16:23,840
learn that full auras well. I mentioned it already because

278
00:16:23,879 --> 00:16:26,399
they added it up there. But yeah, they're also mutilated.

279
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,840
Their ear drums are perforated so that noise does not

280
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,480
distract them. And we also learned that the full auras understand,

281
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:41,919
supposedly understand, supposedly support the supposedly they understand the divine

282
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:46,039
signals from God, and that's why they have marks kind

283
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,600
of like open wounds on their bodies that never heal.

284
00:16:49,279 --> 00:16:53,279
It's so very much. What's the other thing. There's a

285
00:16:53,399 --> 00:16:56,919
movie with the same name, Stigmata. Oh I never watched that,

286
00:16:57,039 --> 00:16:59,639
but I've heard of it. Yeah, very Stigmata. Like here,

287
00:17:00,039 --> 00:17:03,000
I mean, this is like putting the worst parts of well, again,

288
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,960
we're all religions. I was gonna say the worst parts

289
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:11,599
of Catholicism. Yeah, Catholic vibes. So yeah, and they have

290
00:17:11,759 --> 00:17:15,160
wounds that never heal because understanding the messages from God

291
00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:18,039
leaves marks on their bodies so that they never forget

292
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:22,440
his presence. That's the reasoning the logic. We're dealing with here.

293
00:17:23,799 --> 00:17:28,119
So the narrator here is the full Aura talking, but

294
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,880
she doesn't doesn't understand her because full Auras have their

295
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:34,079
own language, and I believe each kind of rank has

296
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,119
her own language, like the full Oors have a different

297
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:39,400
language than the migasines. So soon the supier sister comes

298
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,720
in to take the full Aura away because she's supposed

299
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,400
to stay at the full or quarters. See, this is

300
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,160
why I was wondering if the full Ooras are the

301
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:50,680
same as Enlightened, because then they're also locked away. I

302
00:17:50,839 --> 00:17:54,400
just I understand are both locked away. Okay, that could

303
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,680
be the case. Yeah, but we could both be wrong

304
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:59,400
and let us know what you don't. Yeah. So then yeah,

305
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,359
they're supposed to be locked away behind the chapel, and

306
00:18:01,519 --> 00:18:05,240
only the Supior sister and he have access to those quarters,

307
00:18:05,279 --> 00:18:07,519
which is why I thought they were the Enlightened as well.

308
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,640
And at first I thought the Lightened was a combination

309
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:16,319
or not combination, but encompassing the full Ores and the

310
00:18:16,519 --> 00:18:20,799
minor saints. But I'm not sure. Maybe there's levels where

311
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,319
there's like like that. The Enlighten is the top, but

312
00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,400
they're all part of the same higher Obviously they're worth

313
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:30,359
the Chosen. I still think that. Sometimes she says chosen

314
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,440
as well, And so maybe what I'm thinking is that

315
00:18:32,559 --> 00:18:36,480
chosen encompasses. They enlightened the full auras and the minor scenes.

316
00:18:36,519 --> 00:18:39,799
I think that sounds more right. Yeah, maybe we'll go

317
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:43,720
with that for now. Yeah, unless someone understood it better

318
00:18:43,799 --> 00:18:47,119
than Yeah, again, we're dumb. So yeah, keep that in mind.

319
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,559
Keep that in mind as you listen to any episode. Okay,

320
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,720
So the nator mentions she can't tell any of the

321
00:18:54,839 --> 00:18:57,079
unworthy about seeing the full Aura because then she'll get

322
00:18:57,079 --> 00:18:59,759
in trouble and be sent to the Tower of Silence,

323
00:19:00,519 --> 00:19:02,720
where she'd be ambeddoned without food or water. And this

324
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,319
is like an open air like tower. Yeah, that they

325
00:19:05,559 --> 00:19:08,640
lock people away for punishment. The narrator then talks about

326
00:19:08,839 --> 00:19:11,279
the links that she goes through to write and hide

327
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,720
her written pages, and she says that despite the danger,

328
00:19:14,839 --> 00:19:16,759
she writes because she doesn't want to forget who she

329
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,680
was before coming to the Sacred Sisterhood. The narrators the

330
00:19:20,799 --> 00:19:24,160
next entry talks about the severity severity of the climate

331
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:28,079
disaster in the world. There's a haze that's cold and sticky.

332
00:19:28,559 --> 00:19:32,880
Some of the women in the convent get skin reactions

333
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,599
like burning and pain from this haze, and it makes

334
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,039
it hard to breathe. So to cope with this or

335
00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:40,799
to try and prove the situation, the unworthy have to

336
00:19:40,839 --> 00:19:44,880
make sacrifices like fasting, walking on their knees, and the

337
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,640
enlightened keep telling everyone it's more like him and tower

338
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,960
puir sister supposedly through the enlighten because they're the ones

339
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,599
that get the messages or whatever. Anyway, they keep telling

340
00:19:54,759 --> 00:19:57,640
everyone that without faith there's no refuge, and that they

341
00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,759
also tell the unworthy that they need to keep making

342
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:03,720
so sacrifices, and some unworthy even offered to clean the

343
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:08,640
pustels of these servants. And the servants are made servants

344
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:13,599
because they are like marked from the contamination outside. They

345
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:17,119
have like pushels, blotches, lumps, black stores, missing teeth. So

346
00:20:17,559 --> 00:20:21,519
this haze doesn't affect everyone, No, it does. But so

347
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,640
you know how they all come from basically outside, They

348
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,640
find their way to the convent and then they either

349
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,480
get a stype that or don't. But then some people

350
00:20:30,079 --> 00:20:35,680
from being outside from the environment, it's just yeah, pustules, blotches, lumps,

351
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,440
missing teeth, hair, and they're the ones that are made

352
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,599
servants because in order to be higher than that, you

353
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:46,720
have to have basically you can't be like contaminated like that. Okay,

354
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:50,119
I see, but this haze that is now coming around,

355
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,160
like it's when they're it's like present day, this haze

356
00:20:53,279 --> 00:20:56,000
is happening, and the unworthy are having to make sacrifices

357
00:20:56,079 --> 00:21:00,480
to make it go away supposedly supposedly right, and yeah,

358
00:21:00,599 --> 00:21:02,799
some of them are getting skin reactions, but from it's

359
00:21:02,839 --> 00:21:05,920
not like permanent, like the circy goes away. Yeah, okay,

360
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,839
And so finally eight days later, the Hayes lifts. During

361
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:13,359
those days, the narrator is lashed by Luddez because their

362
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,599
collected sacrifices weren't enough. She's like, here's more sacrifice, bitch.

363
00:21:18,519 --> 00:21:22,039
Another reason for the narrator to dislike lu this. Yeah. Yeah,

364
00:21:22,319 --> 00:21:25,440
So the narrator goes out into the forest to check

365
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:28,839
the traps. She said, like sometimes she gets animals and

366
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,519
they use that, you know, for the food. And but

367
00:21:30,599 --> 00:21:35,160
what's interesting is that throughout the book, the narrator crosses

368
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:39,480
the words and sometimes other phrases and whole sentences or

369
00:21:39,559 --> 00:21:43,240
paragraphs from her writing. She crosses out. I have to

370
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:46,839
add did you listen to the audiobook? Yeah, and tell

371
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,599
me why I didn't notice. Oh, okay, so in the audiobook,

372
00:21:50,799 --> 00:21:54,079
these parts she whispers yeah, or she'll say it more

373
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:58,240
like frantically. It's so well done. But yeah, I noticed

374
00:21:58,319 --> 00:22:02,640
how frantic she sounded. The narrator, the voice actor, I know,

375
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:06,359
you recall it was so good, so good. Yeah, but

376
00:22:06,599 --> 00:22:08,839
in the parts in the book that are crossed out

377
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:13,559
in the in the audiobook is when she's whispering or

378
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,000
like yeah, whispering and talking faster and more like desperate,

379
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,400
and then she goes back to her other voice and

380
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,319
the parts that are knock crossed out, And I was like, wow,

381
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,319
that's that was so interesting, interesting and you ding yeah,

382
00:22:24,759 --> 00:22:27,680
and so yeah, she crosses the word what's out and

383
00:22:27,799 --> 00:22:31,279
we found out we find out later why and it's horrible. Yeah.

384
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:35,119
And I didn't put that together until I was reading

385
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:39,880
so basically my third read. Yeah, I didn't put it

386
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,440
together until I listened to someone else talking about it

387
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,960
and that podcast, and then I was like, oh my god,

388
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,240
that's why she wrote. Yeah, the traps are empty, and

389
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,440
we learned that the enlightened she's just yapping, you know,

390
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,599
about life there and we learned that the enlightened eat

391
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:59,839
well while everyone else eats crickets and everything of crickets. Yeah,

392
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,440
another reason to want to be enlightened, because you're like,

393
00:23:02,519 --> 00:23:05,000
why do you want to be enlightened? But why wouldn't you?

394
00:23:05,039 --> 00:23:07,839
If they eat better? Sure they you hear them screaming,

395
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:09,880
but you don't know why. You don't know why they're screaming.

396
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,680
It could be anything. And yeah, they get to eat

397
00:23:12,799 --> 00:23:16,839
actual food or while everyone else eats cricket soup, cricket bread,

398
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:21,039
cricket snacks, cricket twenty four and seven of course. Yeah,

399
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,119
So while she's out in the woods, she thinks she

400
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,400
sees a silhouette of another person, but she runs away

401
00:23:28,039 --> 00:23:30,720
and fear that that person might be contaminated. She then

402
00:23:30,839 --> 00:23:34,279
recalls another time when a wanderer managed to find their

403
00:23:34,319 --> 00:23:37,319
way into the convent and ended up dying, and the

404
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,160
servant who cared for the wonder was burned alive by

405
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,200
the superior sister because the fear of contamination. Yeah, this

406
00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:48,559
is so gruesome, so sadistic. And we learned that the

407
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:54,440
Sisterhood doesn't allow children, men, or elderly into their convent. Suspicious,

408
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:59,880
very suspicious, and he capital h He tells them that

409
00:24:00,039 --> 00:24:04,920
all of the children, men and elderly died from wars, starvation,

410
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,839
or sadness. But here, even here, the narrator is questioning,

411
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,400
beginning to question or this whole time, she's like, some

412
00:24:12,559 --> 00:24:14,160
of these things don't add at it. And you know,

413
00:24:14,599 --> 00:24:17,240
that's why she was never meant to be enlightened. She

414
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:19,440
was never going to be enlightened. She's out here writing

415
00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:22,599
her past, so she doesn't forget it. She's out here questioning,

416
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,319
like she was never gonna make it. She has too

417
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:31,720
much critical thinking skills and too much independence. Yeah, and

418
00:24:31,799 --> 00:24:33,799
as much as she says she wanted it and she's

419
00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:37,640
striving for it, she does. She's it the whole time. Yeah. Yeah.

420
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:46,279
So then she's like, wait, that's not true because she

421
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:48,279
knows that some of the men have made it to

422
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,759
the wall of the convent and were then killed. So

423
00:24:50,839 --> 00:24:52,559
then we learned that in the past one of the

424
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,759
women let a man in. Oh oh, and she managed

425
00:24:56,799 --> 00:25:00,079
to hide him. But soon the woman that did this

426
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:05,279
sal oh, she was pregnant. She done got knocked up.

427
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:10,400
And the way that they write pregnant is so interesting.

428
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:15,880
Her womb swelled with sin, right, it's all part of

429
00:25:16,279 --> 00:25:20,079
part of the control the cold, the religion, Like of

430
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:23,680
course they're gonna not just say pregnant swollen with sin. Yes,

431
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:28,039
that was crazy, mm hmm, fascinating. I was like, yes,

432
00:25:28,319 --> 00:25:30,640
the use of language, I was like, oh my god.

433
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,519
So then the woman ends up being tortured by the

434
00:25:36,519 --> 00:25:40,720
Sapior sister who again, and this is how the narrator

435
00:25:40,839 --> 00:25:43,960
describes it, but the Saperior sister seems to be getting

436
00:25:44,079 --> 00:25:49,799
off on this on this torture, I felt so disgusting,

437
00:25:50,519 --> 00:25:53,519
like I couldn't even like, I just I felt like

438
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:56,279
I needed to go shower, and like I don't know,

439
00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:03,880
pray actually not pray. Yeah, no, So then and then

440
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,400
we never learned and the narrator never learned what happened

441
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,599
to the man, but probably he was killed. The narrator

442
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,680
briefly recalls her own time as a wonder and that

443
00:26:13,799 --> 00:26:17,480
a woman in the convent named Elena was the one

444
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,000
who led her into the sisterhood. And it's also interesting

445
00:26:20,039 --> 00:26:21,920
the way she refers to Elena. What does she say,

446
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:25,759
usually like the the not the troubled one, but basically

447
00:26:25,839 --> 00:26:28,799
the one who's she uses specific words. I didn't write

448
00:26:28,799 --> 00:26:32,480
it down, she does. I can't remember either, Yeah, like

449
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:36,680
treacherous one, something like that, ding like that. Yeah, again,

450
00:26:36,839 --> 00:26:39,519
very interesting because she wasn't supposed to let her in. No,

451
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,400
she wasn't. She'd snuck her in, and so like take

452
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,960
this for example. She said, that's where she is the fearless.

453
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,240
Then she crossed out the fearless. Then she said the

454
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:52,200
undisciplined one Elena. And you could say she was undisciplined

455
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:57,000
because she, like our narrator, makes her own rules. She

456
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:59,519
keeps a part of herself in this environment which is

457
00:26:59,599 --> 00:27:01,960
meant to just like the narrator. Yeah, and who and

458
00:27:02,039 --> 00:27:06,160
the narrator later does the same thing, Yeah, Elena did. So.

459
00:27:06,279 --> 00:27:10,000
Then some more torture and abuse happens, including abuse between

460
00:27:10,039 --> 00:27:13,400
the unworthy. Again, they all seem to value hurting each

461
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:17,319
other because that's what this culture has. The culture that

462
00:27:17,319 --> 00:27:22,720
has been fostered is basically this. So they hurt each

463
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,079
other in order to be in good standing with him

464
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:29,079
and the superior's sister. And the narrator finds herself thinking

465
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,720
of Elena and Loki. It sounds like she was in

466
00:27:31,799 --> 00:27:34,200
love with her, right, but yeah, I didn't want to

467
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,599
admit it. She's like, oh, she was so beautiful and

468
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:40,319
maybe that's why she was so changed, so often changing

469
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,759
the way she describes her in the book, crossing it

470
00:27:42,839 --> 00:27:45,160
out like no, I can't see, I can't I can't

471
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:48,400
admit to this. But yeah, she definitely wanted her, and

472
00:27:49,319 --> 00:27:52,160
I mean, you know, she was for sure staffag, she

473
00:27:52,319 --> 00:27:55,839
was for sure lesbian. Oh yeah, so because you know

474
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,880
Elena wasn't her only interest. No, she First of all,

475
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,359
she finds she described almost other women at some point.

476
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:05,000
It is beautiful. So yes, yeah, yeah, which is fine,

477
00:28:05,799 --> 00:28:10,240
yea good for her, except that it's a cult. Yeah,

478
00:28:10,279 --> 00:28:11,839
like this would have been the perfect place for her,

479
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:17,279
surrounded by beautiful women, but it's a cult. Yeah, and

480
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:21,799
as we know, in cults only usually the leader is

481
00:28:21,839 --> 00:28:26,400
allowed some sort of unless it's a different kind of coal. Yeah,

482
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:30,880
I guess specific rules. Yeah. So then the narrator talks

483
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:35,160
about visiting Elena's grave, and then from what I understood here,

484
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,599
the narrator I think she talks about her again later

485
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,160
from remembering right, the narrator snitched on Elena for still

486
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,480
believing in the false God and in fear that Elena

487
00:28:45,519 --> 00:28:49,279
would stitch on her. Because Elena found the narrator's writings

488
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:54,039
and I ended up being killed for still believing in

489
00:28:54,079 --> 00:28:56,799
the false God. I forgot what they find, like a

490
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,799
crucifix or something. Maybe, yeah, it's a crucifix. I'm pretty sure.

491
00:29:00,039 --> 00:29:02,720
Later on another women is hiding a crucifix. That's why

492
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,599
I could remember. It's either a crucifix or like a

493
00:29:04,759 --> 00:29:09,000
road yeah, algoascine. Yeah, and so yeah, she's just reminiscing

494
00:29:09,039 --> 00:29:11,960
about that. And then so a minor saint dies and

495
00:29:12,519 --> 00:29:16,200
the sisterhood holds a funeral, and they actually like having

496
00:29:16,279 --> 00:29:19,480
funerals because they get to dress up and they do

497
00:29:19,839 --> 00:29:23,079
they get to eat food they don't normally eat, kind

498
00:29:23,079 --> 00:29:27,480
of like a party. Yeah. So then one wonders here,

499
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:31,799
one begins to wonder, how often is someone dying? Why

500
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:35,319
are the minor saints dying? Like what's going on? Well,

501
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:38,880
it sounds like very often. If like Elena herself was

502
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:43,000
killed for finding this, right, it seems that the enlightened

503
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,839
eventually are either killed or die a lot. And then

504
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,880
maybe in the violence that they're experiencing with the whole

505
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:54,920
isiler situation and everything the self like cutting that eventually

506
00:29:55,039 --> 00:30:00,160
the aura or what are the foul uras? Yeah, are

507
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,160
also dying, Like I think there's a lot of them

508
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:05,400
are dying. Yeah. Yeah. So then he goes on to

509
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:10,039
deliver a sermon, talking hell of shit, and I found

510
00:30:10,119 --> 00:30:14,319
the sermon, so I don't think fascinating is the right word,

511
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:21,359
but I want fascinating, so unpleasant, disturbingly fascinating. So this

512
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:25,799
is on page twenty seven. He says, you are she

513
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:31,160
wolves and gendering poison, a battalion inseminated by perdition, an atrocity,

514
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:36,759
a sack of feated putrification, no putre faction, a seedbed

515
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:43,079
of disgraceful lucubraiters, unworthy, homicidal women. And then he tells

516
00:30:43,119 --> 00:30:45,000
them that one of the minor saints was killed. But

517
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:48,720
I was like, man, he's such a hater. Oh yeah,

518
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:54,759
hates these women, he does, he does. So, yeah, one

519
00:30:54,839 --> 00:30:59,880
of the minor saints is killed. He blames the unworthy,

520
00:31:00,079 --> 00:31:02,200
but the unworthy don't know why. The spider SAYT died.

521
00:31:02,759 --> 00:31:05,799
It's probably him. It is him, we find eye later.

522
00:31:06,359 --> 00:31:10,160
You're right, yeah, but he's blaming the woman, you know,

523
00:31:10,279 --> 00:31:13,599
to put off attention from himself. Yeah, and to foster

524
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:19,400
more fear, more discipline, more examples. So then yeah, this

525
00:31:19,559 --> 00:31:23,079
leads the unworthy to punish themselves, and they like, he

526
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,279
tells them unworthy or a minor saint has been killed

527
00:31:26,319 --> 00:31:28,880
for sacred crystal stolen, and so then there's like an

528
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:34,079
aspect of performance in these ceremonies and it's encouraged like

529
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,279
by him and the Superior Sister. And so then the

530
00:31:37,359 --> 00:31:41,440
unworthy heard this news and they start pulling their hair out,

531
00:31:41,519 --> 00:31:47,599
scratching at their faces and chests. Oh yeah, it's so disturbing. Yeah,

532
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:51,640
And so then the Superior Sister orders them to take

533
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,839
off their veils, which is kind of unheard of for

534
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:59,359
them to do. And then a servant brings the Superior

535
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:03,680
sister a whip, and the narrator describes how meticulous the

536
00:32:03,759 --> 00:32:08,119
Superior Sister is about choosing the branches for her whips.

537
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:12,319
And the Superior Sister ends up beating Marielle, who, mind you,

538
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,319
has already been through it more than because she's the

539
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:20,319
one who was punished by Luis. Yeah, so yeah, she

540
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:23,599
ends up beating Marielle because supposedly Marielle was someone else

541
00:32:23,599 --> 00:32:26,839
supposed to be watching the minor saints, and supposedly this

542
00:32:27,319 --> 00:32:29,640
minor saint died because she was a being watched. Probably

543
00:32:29,759 --> 00:32:33,079
what I watch, Yeah, and so then while Marielle is

544
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,839
getting beat up, she ends up praying to the false

545
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:39,200
god in a forbidden language and she gets beating me

546
00:32:39,279 --> 00:32:45,960
wars and again. The narrator described that the Superior Sister

547
00:32:46,119 --> 00:32:49,000
seems to be getting off on this, She's enjoying it.

548
00:32:49,319 --> 00:32:52,440
She even describes she's like, oh her her breast change

549
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:56,599
and it sounds like she's moaning. I was like, I

550
00:32:57,759 --> 00:33:06,880
got the chose reading that part. Yeah, me too, so disturbing. Yeah,

551
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:11,480
so more horrible violence. Next, the Superior Sister ends up

552
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:13,720
setting my Dan on fire with the help of the servants,

553
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,079
and LUTH's on her friends, but more like her minions,

554
00:33:18,079 --> 00:33:22,400
because this is not really a friendly you know, environm friends. Yeah. Yeah,

555
00:33:23,079 --> 00:33:27,519
so Ludths on her minions end up. They start planning

556
00:33:27,599 --> 00:33:30,279
the minor saint funeral, but before the funeral is held,

557
00:33:30,519 --> 00:33:35,119
another environmental hazard happens. There's a poisonous air. So he

558
00:33:35,319 --> 00:33:38,759
delivers another sermon, and I don't know if it's necessarily

559
00:33:38,759 --> 00:33:40,759
a sermon, but he basically tells you worthy it's their

560
00:33:40,839 --> 00:33:43,119
vault for the poisoner. And this is where he calls

561
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:46,079
them bitches and all this shit. Yeah, unhinged, like you

562
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:50,279
fucking you're the bitch. Yeah. Yeah. The superior sister sends

563
00:33:50,319 --> 00:33:53,160
the narrator out to the woods to gather mushrooms, and

564
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:56,920
then on her way over there, the narrator runs into

565
00:33:57,279 --> 00:33:59,960
another deaph in his spirit and she mentions how they're

566
00:34:00,119 --> 00:34:03,720
tongues are cut off, and then here she writes that

567
00:34:03,839 --> 00:34:06,559
she doesn't actually want to be chosen because she doesn't

568
00:34:06,599 --> 00:34:08,920
want to be mutilated. But then she crosses that out

569
00:34:09,079 --> 00:34:12,800
so interesting. It's actually she's like, this is this is

570
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:16,159
difficult for her. She's like, yeah, she's looking forth grappling.

571
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,400
That's the word than I wanted to say. That's her

572
00:34:18,519 --> 00:34:24,079
thing together with our one brain, so we make words.

573
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:30,400
So the narrator kind of chose. While she's out there,

574
00:34:30,519 --> 00:34:33,119
she lives in the grass, she thinks about Elena, how

575
00:34:33,159 --> 00:34:35,880
hot Elena was, and how how Lena used to help

576
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:38,239
her through nightmares from when she was a wonderer, and

577
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,000
she talks about how she hasn't had any more nightmare

578
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,480
since Elena died, and it turns out he Elena died

579
00:34:43,559 --> 00:34:48,559
by being buried alive, so oh my god, terrible. Yeah,

580
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,159
And so once again, while the narrator is out in

581
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:54,400
the woods, she thinks she sees someone out there, and

582
00:34:54,519 --> 00:34:57,360
she wonders if it's a wonder or if it's a

583
00:34:57,599 --> 00:34:59,239
one of the ghosts of the monks that used to

584
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:03,679
live there. So then while the narrator is looking for mushrooms,

585
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:07,599
she thinks again about Elena, and there's a tree trunk

586
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:11,119
that they used to cuddle in, so she's looking for

587
00:35:11,199 --> 00:35:13,119
that tree. You're thinking about the tree I remember. But anyway,

588
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:17,039
she finally sees the wonder, who is dirty but doesn't

589
00:35:17,079 --> 00:35:20,159
seem to be contaminated. But the narrator is still afraid

590
00:35:20,199 --> 00:35:23,280
of being contaminated because it's also something that's pushed in

591
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:26,159
the convent right that the world is contaminated, the world

592
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:30,039
is carying, dangerous. Yeah. It very much reminds me of

593
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:33,920
tender as a flesh. Yeah. So then she runs away,

594
00:35:34,079 --> 00:35:36,599
and then the funeral for the matter saying it finally

595
00:35:36,679 --> 00:35:39,360
takes place. They get to eat pastries, bathe in actual

596
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:42,760
rain water, And this part was kind of wild. She's

597
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,719
talking about rainwater, how they get to bathed in it,

598
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:47,920
and then the word rain triggers this memory from the narrator,

599
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,719
and she remembers about the time Maria that the name

600
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,119
was being chosen and how she wanted to be named

601
00:35:54,119 --> 00:35:56,119
the rain and then this pissed off the sap her

602
00:35:56,199 --> 00:35:59,559
sisters so bad that she carved rain onto Maria's back,

603
00:36:00,559 --> 00:36:04,960
unhinged either Beloonda unworthy sparrow Maria, and then called her

604
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,039
an insurgent instead of helping her. So yeah, there's like

605
00:36:07,079 --> 00:36:12,039
a culture of animosity, hatred against each other, competition, very

606
00:36:12,199 --> 00:36:18,519
capitalistic if you will. Oh oh, and so yeah, I

607
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:20,599
again here I wrote that there's a culture of hating

608
00:36:20,639 --> 00:36:23,079
each other and being cruel to each other. And the

609
00:36:23,639 --> 00:36:27,800
narrator shares the rumors that the Superior sister fought in

610
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:31,119
the water wars, and yeah, people say that she's not Yah,

611
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:38,440
that would explain her outfit. Yeah yeah, and the women

612
00:36:38,519 --> 00:36:42,719
in the convent also spread rumors that the Sappier sister

613
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:44,679
is not actually a woman, that she has super strength,

614
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:49,119
and that he the patriarch, is her brother. Oh, and

615
00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:54,280
then the narrator says something interesting, but she doesn't finish

616
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,199
the sentence, so we're kind of left like wondering what.

617
00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:59,840
But she says that she knows the Superior Sister is

618
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,639
a woman because and then she doesn't finish that, so

619
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,679
we're like what what because what what? What is she

620
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,880
doing it? Yeah? And then there's a little bit more

621
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:12,039
on that later. Yeah. So they hold the rest of

622
00:37:12,079 --> 00:37:14,760
the funeral and then a banquet follows. They have coffee,

623
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:17,199
which they never get to have, and the coffee reminds

624
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:20,280
the narrator of her mom, which I loved these parts

625
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:24,119
about her mom. Her mom sounds amazing. Yeah, And it's

626
00:37:24,199 --> 00:37:26,920
like the world that she was trying to survive in

627
00:37:27,039 --> 00:37:28,599
and then the mom was trying to get her to

628
00:37:28,679 --> 00:37:31,719
survive in. It is a brutal world. Oh yeah, there's

629
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,719
no there's a reason that she's grappling so hard with Like,

630
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:36,679
is this a good place? Do I want to be here?

631
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:38,760
Do I want to be light in? Because out there

632
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,159
it was bad? Yeah, but there was good and she

633
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:44,159
has good hand bad memories. But man, that bad was bad.

634
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:47,119
But the bad here is bad. Dude, there's so good here,

635
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:51,760
not really, no, exactly. So it's very there's a security

636
00:37:52,679 --> 00:37:55,320
in the sense that even if it's cricket food, you're

637
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:58,039
eating food. You know, it makes you wonder is security

638
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:04,719
worth it? Or is security a trap? Ooh, I love

639
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:09,239
the way your mind works. But I was going to say,

640
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:13,760
it's a very interesting parallel, No it is, yeah, yeah,

641
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:17,400
so yeah, her mom loved books and despite the state

642
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,920
of the world, her mom taught her to read and write.

643
00:38:20,199 --> 00:38:22,519
And the narrator hasn't thought about her past in a

644
00:38:22,599 --> 00:38:24,880
long time. It seems like she can't remember much of it,

645
00:38:25,599 --> 00:38:29,840
and we'll do that. Yeah, she mentions that she remembers

646
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,480
it all, but it's so overwhelming that she cries. And

647
00:38:32,559 --> 00:38:35,480
so then here she recalls her time with the group

648
00:38:35,519 --> 00:38:37,599
of kids who were all trying to survive. And this

649
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:40,639
part I love too, like just knowing that these kids

650
00:38:40,679 --> 00:38:44,440
found each other and the kids were just trying to survive.

651
00:38:44,599 --> 00:38:46,639
So they came together and they started calling each other

652
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:49,800
the Tarantula kids based off books that she read to them.

653
00:38:50,079 --> 00:38:52,599
And these kids they didn't grow up like her, so

654
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:54,519
they most of them didn't know how to read or write.

655
00:38:54,599 --> 00:38:57,880
They were in the streets, yeare her, Yeah, And so

656
00:38:58,039 --> 00:39:00,280
she would read them stories. And then she came to

657
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:02,559
be in charge of like picking which books to burn

658
00:39:02,679 --> 00:39:05,880
for fire, and she loved picking out books and reading

659
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:09,440
to them and they loved it. They helped each other

660
00:39:09,599 --> 00:39:14,280
in a way. She talks about them with such love. Yes, yeah,

661
00:39:15,159 --> 00:39:17,599
And in a world where everyone is trying to survive

662
00:39:17,639 --> 00:39:20,599
and out to get each other. These kids banded together

663
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:23,400
and they loved each other, They helped each other, went

664
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:27,360
out here. The adults were like all out for themselves.

665
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:31,119
These kids were not. These kids were a family. Yeah,

666
00:39:31,519 --> 00:39:35,639
and oh there, what happened to them? I cried? Yeah,

667
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:38,199
it was sad. And I like this quote she said

668
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:41,320
about that. She she says burning a book made me

669
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,519
angry because I knew I was setting fire to a world.

670
00:39:43,559 --> 00:39:46,639
And I was like, oh, yes, yes, so then yeah,

671
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,840
she also talks about a group of adults who ended

672
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:53,559
up killing her group and she managed to get away.

673
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,800
And she did talk about before these adults kill them,

674
00:39:56,920 --> 00:40:00,840
that her group would spy on them and they saw

675
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:04,360
horrible things they did to children, And she talks about

676
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:08,000
the children having marks on their bodies and having dead

677
00:40:08,079 --> 00:40:10,239
empty eyes, and I'm like, what the fuck did they

678
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:14,719
do to these kids? Yeah? Yeah, so they ended up

679
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:18,119
killing her friends. It's another very It's like she she

680
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,679
lost her mom and then found this new family. Then

681
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:25,840
after they are all brutally brutally murdered and she finds Circe.

682
00:40:26,559 --> 00:40:29,840
Mm hmmm. And so she mentioned Circe here, but she

683
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,480
says it's too painful to write about. You're like no,

684
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:37,639
you're like, what happened? Yeah, yeah. So then the narrator

685
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:40,480
goes out for late night walk and she walks by

686
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:43,840
where the Alliance stay and she hears him, but she

687
00:40:44,159 --> 00:40:48,199
notes that he's making sounds that are way different from

688
00:40:48,199 --> 00:40:52,719
when he preaches, and she also hears a soft, broken cry,

689
00:40:52,840 --> 00:41:00,519
So I'm like, okay, d it alludes to yeah, yeah, yes, yes,

690
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:05,039
and it will yeah yeah, very discussing. So then while

691
00:41:05,039 --> 00:41:07,960
she's out and about, the narrator goes up to the

692
00:41:08,039 --> 00:41:10,599
Tower of Silence where the miner saint who died was

693
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:13,599
left because this whole time she's been planning to steal

694
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:20,079
the crystal necklace that the minor saint was warning because

695
00:41:20,119 --> 00:41:22,880
this is a this is a valued item, you know. Yeah.

696
00:41:23,039 --> 00:41:27,719
So then she goes up there, and the inl end

697
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:30,920
apparently in their beliefs, are too pure to bear to

698
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,920
be buried in the ground. So then that's why they

699
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,800
leave them out in the Tower of Silence, like two

700
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:39,320
decay up there basically. So then she is up there,

701
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,480
you know, because she plans to steal the necklace or

702
00:41:41,559 --> 00:41:45,119
the crystal, and she notices that the miner saint belly

703
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:47,960
is swollen. So then you're kind of starting to put

704
00:41:48,039 --> 00:41:53,039
two and two together, right, Yes. So then while she's

705
00:41:53,159 --> 00:41:56,000
coming back down, she sees someone and screams, but then

706
00:41:56,039 --> 00:41:58,559
we don't know who she sees, and well we do

707
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:04,400
find out later later. Yeah. So then she she screams

708
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,079
and then she all she says is I see her

709
00:42:06,159 --> 00:42:08,880
in scream And then later she writes it was the

710
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:12,960
woman in the woods, Yes, Lucia, Yeah, we find that

711
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:19,920
out later later. So then once she's back in her

712
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,719
room and this part was it, yes, kind of wild.

713
00:42:23,039 --> 00:42:25,079
So when she's back in her room, someone opens her

714
00:42:25,119 --> 00:42:28,840
door and just stands there watching her while she pretends

715
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:32,400
to sleep, and you're like what why so yeah, who

716
00:42:33,039 --> 00:42:36,599
who the fuck? So then that narrator assumes that it's

717
00:42:36,599 --> 00:42:41,599
a sapior sister because this is the habit of hers,

718
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:46,039
and you're like, she is where you connected? Like why

719
00:42:46,159 --> 00:42:48,960
she knows she's a woman. Yeah, Because then she also

720
00:42:49,039 --> 00:42:52,559
describes that the superior sister has done things to her

721
00:42:52,639 --> 00:42:55,079
that she doesn't want to describe. Yes, so then you're

722
00:42:55,159 --> 00:42:58,159
like okay, And of course, of course the Superior sister

723
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:02,760
and he capital he are both like these depraved discussing people. Yeah,

724
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:06,400
because sexuality. It's you know, I just thought I hadn't

725
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:10,599
thought of this until now, so brain cellsome. But later on,

726
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:15,800
you know, there's some sexual activity I guess, between Lucia

727
00:43:16,039 --> 00:43:20,519
and the narrator. But it's beautiful, it's beautiful, it's consensuous.

728
00:43:20,599 --> 00:43:24,199
Fireflies are surrounding them because they're so in love and

729
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:29,719
it's a magical, beautiful moment, and so like everything is

730
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:32,559
so dark, so violent, and then we have this beautiful

731
00:43:32,639 --> 00:43:37,400
moment of sexual connection between Lucia and the narrator. But

732
00:43:37,519 --> 00:43:40,760
then we have like the sexual violence perpetrated by he,

733
00:43:41,559 --> 00:43:45,639
by him and the spirits sister. And it's a juxtaposition,

734
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:48,239
if you will. My I mean, this book is full

735
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,480
of it. It's like the comparing how she lived with

736
00:43:51,519 --> 00:43:54,360
her mom, Yeah, how she lived with her family, the

737
00:43:54,559 --> 00:43:57,679
tyrential kids, and then you and then you suddenly get

738
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:03,280
whipped into the whipping of the convent. So it's yeah,

739
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:06,239
it's all that's what the book was full of, like

740
00:44:06,559 --> 00:44:11,960
the very huge contradictions between her former life and even

741
00:44:12,079 --> 00:44:15,199
like life within the convent once she finds Lucia, right,

742
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:19,960
so yeah, So then the narrator describes the wonder begging

743
00:44:20,039 --> 00:44:22,400
for help, and the narrator ends up slapping the wonder

744
00:44:22,599 --> 00:44:24,960
for invoking the false god because she's begging for help,

745
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,239
you know, probably please God help me, you know, something

746
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:30,199
like that. Yeah, And ultimately the narrator agrees to help

747
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:32,159
the wander and she tells her to stay up there

748
00:44:32,519 --> 00:44:35,000
in the tower and she will bring her food. And anyway,

749
00:44:35,039 --> 00:44:37,039
this is Lucia, so we'll just call her Lucy efrona while,

750
00:44:37,039 --> 00:44:40,119
although she doesn't get ready a little bit later. Yeah,

751
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:44,599
So then the narrator tells Lucia to go to the

752
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:47,519
garden and pretend she fainted there, like she found her

753
00:44:47,559 --> 00:44:50,480
way into the convent into the garden. You know what

754
00:44:50,639 --> 00:44:55,679
I'm surprised about is all the wandering that she can do. Yeah. Yeah,

755
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:58,760
but there's a will, there's a way. You know, if

756
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:00,800
you're a stinky bitch, she will sneaky. It won't be

757
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:05,320
a sneaky bitch everywhere. Yeah. So yeah, she tells the

758
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,719
she tells lucieah to pretend she's been there, you know,

759
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:11,119
she made her own way there. Not that then error

760
00:45:11,199 --> 00:45:13,679
helped her because it's just faint in the garden, so

761
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:16,719
that a servant can find her and then she can

762
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:22,119
be welcomed into the Sisterhood. So the narrator also recalls

763
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:27,760
the path with her mom, and she mentioned that unlike then,

764
00:45:28,039 --> 00:45:30,840
the Sisterhood doesn't keep track of time, and she also

765
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,480
mentions that there are new seasons. So I thought that

766
00:45:33,599 --> 00:45:37,920
was interesting because it's a very cold like feature. I

767
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:41,599
guess like there people don't have a sense of time

768
00:45:41,639 --> 00:45:43,679
because everything is like within the cult, you know what

769
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:45,719
I mean. I wanted to read from the book from

770
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,960
that it's on page any one, she says, we don't

771
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:50,760
know what year it is. I hope that if someone

772
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:53,039
is reading these pages they live in a world where

773
00:45:53,079 --> 00:45:56,800
time is measured artificially, even though we know it's a construction,

774
00:45:57,079 --> 00:46:00,400
even though we into it that behind the numericals structure,

775
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:04,079
there's nothing other than right now. So I'm like, Okay,

776
00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:08,199
maybe it's good total time. Yeah, and then yeah. She

777
00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:10,559
also says, why do I care so much of time

778
00:46:10,639 --> 00:46:13,840
and space disappear When the world has come undone? Will

779
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:16,639
there be borders in countries again in the future? Today here,

780
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:20,039
right now, the days don't matter, or the months. They disappear,

781
00:46:20,159 --> 00:46:22,800
like the stand between my fingers without a trace, Except

782
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:25,320
in this book of the night in this clandestine calendar

783
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:28,079
where this day could be called the day of the

784
00:46:28,199 --> 00:46:30,840
Deer because that's today. She finds Lucia and she calls

785
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:33,320
her she because at first she thinks it's like a deer,

786
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:35,440
so she calls her a deer or that she's don't

787
00:46:35,519 --> 00:46:38,119
like features. Yeah, so I just thought that was interesting,

788
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:41,039
Like she she craves, like, I think, I think more

789
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:44,480
not structure, because they kind of have structure there, Yeah,

790
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,880
but they have no control. I think she she craves

791
00:46:48,119 --> 00:46:53,000
having control of her own time and knowing, just knowing.

792
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:58,280
So then during Lucia's naming ceremony, the narrator is so

793
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:01,679
aware that Lucia is a clear candidate to become enlightened,

794
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:05,760
and she knows that the other women in the common

795
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:08,199
will instantly hate Lucien because of that, so then she

796
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:10,800
vows to protect her and she's right. And so then yeah,

797
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:13,920
I'm like, are they enlightened chosen from their beauty? Maybe

798
00:47:14,159 --> 00:47:16,480
because at the end of the day, he's you know,

799
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:21,320
bult on them, a man that's assaulting them, a man

800
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:24,840
that assaults Yeah, so I think so, I think so.

801
00:47:25,639 --> 00:47:29,639
The narrator then remembers and writes about Circe, but again

802
00:47:29,679 --> 00:47:31,599
she's not ready to fully write about her, so she

803
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:34,079
just mentions her and then acid rain starts to fall,

804
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:36,960
and the Superior Sister says that again the unworthy have

805
00:47:37,039 --> 00:47:40,079
to make a sacrifice, repeating their mantra. Without faith, there's

806
00:47:40,079 --> 00:47:43,079
no refuge. At this point, the narrator is starting to

807
00:47:43,159 --> 00:47:45,920
question even more the beliefs of the Secret Sisterhood, but

808
00:47:46,159 --> 00:47:48,639
again she crosses that out because she's not ready to

809
00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:52,159
fully embrace that. You know, there's this hesitation. Yeah, So

810
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:56,960
for the sacrifice, Lucia offers to walk on burning embers,

811
00:47:57,039 --> 00:48:00,639
like cool, Like how cool? So everyone is left her plexed.

812
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:03,800
After Lucia walks on the embers and seems to be

813
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:09,559
like fine, she she needs a fire, her feet are normal,

814
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:13,239
and he is watching from the tower, Lucy's like, oh no,

815
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:16,320
he's not Lucia. The narrator's like, no, don't watch her. Yeah,

816
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,559
and get away from her. Get a job for real.

817
00:48:20,119 --> 00:48:23,880
When the Sakra sacrificial ceremony is over, all of the

818
00:48:24,039 --> 00:48:27,039
unworthy follow Lucia to her room and then the narrator

819
00:48:27,079 --> 00:48:28,840
here screams. She's like, what the hell's going on that

820
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:32,559
she finds out the screams are from Ludus and her minions.

821
00:48:33,159 --> 00:48:38,480
Apparently Ludes left a nest of wasps in Lucia's bed

822
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:43,239
because she's a jealous hater. But the wasps they just

823
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:48,199
hover around Lucia without attacking Lucia and her witnesses. They

824
00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:51,199
say that it seemed like Lucia was able to control

825
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:55,320
the wasps and they attack Ludus and her minions, which

826
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:59,119
is wild. There's like some magical qualities to Lucia, and

827
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:02,400
you know, I wonder. I have to wonder because the

828
00:49:02,519 --> 00:49:05,320
narrator is not reliable. She is in love with her,

829
00:49:05,679 --> 00:49:07,920
and she's in love with her, but throughout she's just

830
00:49:08,079 --> 00:49:11,000
in general she's not reliable. So it makes you wonder,

831
00:49:11,159 --> 00:49:16,880
is she placing these magical magical qualities qualities upon to

832
00:49:17,039 --> 00:49:20,960
her after the fact, or were they really there? Or

833
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:24,239
are they being embellished a little bit. It makes you wonder,

834
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:27,400
It makes you wonder. So then Lucia and the narrator

835
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:30,280
have a little moment, a little cute sea moment. They hug,

836
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:34,840
Lucia strokes the narrator's cheeks. Anyway, they end up walking

837
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:37,159
out to the garden and it seems like the wasps

838
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:40,960
are following Lucia, and while they're out there, the narrator

839
00:49:41,119 --> 00:49:44,920
notices a diaphanous spirit and the diaph and his spirit

840
00:49:45,039 --> 00:49:47,679
smiles at Lucia, which is weird because they don't they

841
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:50,360
don't do that. Yeah, so she was like, what the fuck.

842
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:53,800
So the next day they're having breakfast and it seems

843
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:57,960
like the sapper's sister has taken a special interest to Lucia.

844
00:49:58,199 --> 00:50:02,239
She brings your coffee. Nobody gets coffee around there, and

845
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:05,000
it's not a good thing. Yeah. Next, the narrator is

846
00:50:05,079 --> 00:50:07,960
finally able to write about Circe. She talks about them

847
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:11,920
traveling together, learning to trust each other. And I thought

848
00:50:12,039 --> 00:50:16,480
Circe was a girl. She's very clearly a cat. She

849
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:20,159
uh talks about her cat like features and describes them

850
00:50:20,679 --> 00:50:24,280
she hates, which I guess if you're starving that could be. Yeah.

851
00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:26,960
But she catches, like I think she describes her catching

852
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,840
something with her teeth or something like that. Yeah. Yeah,

853
00:50:30,079 --> 00:50:32,760
that's it should have been clear that. It should have

854
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:36,320
been clear there. So then in the next entry, the

855
00:50:36,519 --> 00:50:39,480
narrator says she's been anxious and she's written less because

856
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:42,679
she was almost discovered writing. But it was just Lucia

857
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:46,079
so really it was fine. The narrator mentions that rumors

858
00:50:46,119 --> 00:50:49,760
are spreading that Lucia has powers because of the various

859
00:50:49,800 --> 00:50:52,480
things that have happened, like the wasping, the walking on

860
00:50:52,559 --> 00:50:56,920
the embers thing, and Lucia ends up asking the narrator

861
00:50:56,960 --> 00:51:00,360
to meet her in the garden and the under out

862
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:03,719
well she really separately, but anyway, on her way out,

863
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:06,320
the narrator stops to listen at the door where the

864
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:09,519
Alliance stay, and again she hears like a cry, so

865
00:51:09,679 --> 00:51:14,119
it's like, what the fuck. Then here again the narrator

866
00:51:14,519 --> 00:51:19,559
crosses or she writes, questioning whether she actually wants to

867
00:51:19,599 --> 00:51:22,719
be enlightened. But then she crosses everything out and she

868
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:28,800
only leaves the words help God, question mark uncrossed. So

869
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:32,440
that's interesting, very very And so then they meet out

870
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:35,519
in the woods, the narrator and Lucia. They hold hands.

871
00:51:39,679 --> 00:51:42,599
I thought here that maybe more happened, but no, they're

872
00:51:42,679 --> 00:51:46,159
just holding hands. Yeah, But then the narrator writes and

873
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:49,800
she questions how she can write about what happened next,

874
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:53,199
saying that it disappears sister, where to find the pages?

875
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:56,039
She would be punished severely, and so then that's why

876
00:51:56,079 --> 00:51:58,679
she ripped out the pages and burned the pages that

877
00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:02,000
talk about Elena. So then I'm like, okay, like did

878
00:52:02,079 --> 00:52:05,599
she talk about her attraction to Lena maybe and then

879
00:52:05,679 --> 00:52:08,440
her also her attraction to Lucia. And then she rips

880
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:12,519
those pages out because it's clear later on that nothing

881
00:52:12,599 --> 00:52:15,199
happens here, like kissing or nothing, because she teks later

882
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:19,280
about her first kiss. Yeah, it has to be something

883
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:21,840
like that. Yeah, that's what I think. But you never know,

884
00:52:22,039 --> 00:52:25,559
you never find out, yeah, what those pages were. So

885
00:52:25,719 --> 00:52:29,920
then the narrator writes about how she felt ashamed and

886
00:52:30,039 --> 00:52:33,519
she destroyed the evidence and then turned Elena in and

887
00:52:33,639 --> 00:52:35,800
that's why she can't write about what happened after her

888
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,920
and Lucia I held hands or when her Lucia held hands,

889
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:43,440
So it's not super clear. Yeah, and next it's the

890
00:52:43,519 --> 00:52:46,239
peer sister, with the help of the servants, raids the rooms.

891
00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:48,480
This is a constant thing that happens. They read the rooms.

892
00:52:48,519 --> 00:52:50,480
That's the uniw worthy and Maria, that's all the dad

893
00:52:50,559 --> 00:52:54,840
who has been through it. She's constantly tortured by Ludus.

894
00:52:55,519 --> 00:52:58,440
She ends up getting punished because they find a diy

895
00:52:58,559 --> 00:53:03,199
crucifix in her room and none of the unworthy helped Maria.

896
00:53:03,519 --> 00:53:06,239
Some of them even spit on her, except of course Lucia,

897
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:12,320
who is otherworldly, magical, kind, saintly, Yeah, beautiful, And I

898
00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:14,159
wonder if she's just like a normal person because she

899
00:53:14,199 --> 00:53:17,239
hasn't been that long. But because she's so kind, unlike

900
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:20,960
everyone here who has been hardened by the environment, maybe

901
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:24,239
that's why she comes off as magical too. Yeah, yeah,

902
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:27,440
that makes sense. So then the next day, Maria finds

903
00:53:27,559 --> 00:53:32,320
a cockroach in her bowl and she has no reaction

904
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:34,599
to it. She keeps eating, and then Ludduths and her

905
00:53:34,639 --> 00:53:37,039
gang laugh because they put it there to make fun

906
00:53:37,039 --> 00:53:39,840
of her. So then Lucian's like, you bitch, and she

907
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:45,760
grabs the cockroach she throws. Yeah, and then they start

908
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:48,960
calling Lucia cockroach. They're trying to bully. Lucia is too cool,

909
00:53:49,079 --> 00:53:53,280
you know, she doesn't care. Yeah, she's too beautiful, unbothered, amazing. Yeah,

910
00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:56,840
love the brothered queen. Yeah. So then the narrator and

911
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:58,639
Lucia go into the woods again, and this is Wherely

912
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:01,760
ends up kissing. It's beautiful power flies around them. The

913
00:54:02,039 --> 00:54:05,000
narrator mentions how no one had ever kissed her, and

914
00:54:05,199 --> 00:54:09,320
then yeah, they end up being surrounded by fireflies during

915
00:54:09,599 --> 00:54:13,440
their encounter, and this just adds to Lucia as like

916
00:54:13,599 --> 00:54:17,039
magical aura. Yes, and they also, I mean think of

917
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:20,440
the song it does mighty posts us. Yes, that's why

918
00:54:20,519 --> 00:54:24,280
you that that real that we posted and the TikTok

919
00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:27,800
will makes so much more sense. So then the narrator

920
00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:31,920
wonders with Lucia, there's more out there, and I guess

921
00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:33,400
I wrote down that I wanted to talk about a

922
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:37,280
quote from Lucia from page one seventeen. Let's see. Oh,

923
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:39,920
they're talking about like what's true and what's not about

924
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:43,360
the world, because right they constantly hear from him about

925
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:48,280
how everything is yeah, shambles, contaminated, blah blah. So then

926
00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:54,239
Lucia says, the truth is changeable, It contracts, implodes, it's

927
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:57,079
powerful like a bullet, and it can be lethal. Oh

928
00:54:57,559 --> 00:54:59,639
and is that I mean? Is that not why a

929
00:54:59,679 --> 00:55:04,320
message information is so dangerous? That is the antidote too fascism,

930
00:55:07,159 --> 00:55:09,840
But telling the truth, you know what I mean? Yeah? Yeah,

931
00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:12,679
Plus she would have more knowledge of she was just

932
00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:15,440
out there. Yeah. Yeah. Once they're back in their rooms,

933
00:55:15,519 --> 00:55:18,559
the narrator expresses her worry that Lucia will get chosen

934
00:55:18,599 --> 00:55:21,760
as an enlightened and then we get another stupid sermon

935
00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:26,199
from him. He's basically again talking shit how he hates women.

936
00:55:26,639 --> 00:55:31,199
But during that sermon, the narrator has a memory of Circe,

937
00:55:31,559 --> 00:55:34,719
and so she describes traveling with Circe. We learn more

938
00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:38,079
about the addition to the world back then, but then again,

939
00:55:38,119 --> 00:55:39,719
we don't know how long she's been in the convent,

940
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:43,920
but she mentions the earth being dry, people and animals

941
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:47,880
din of starvation. She the most recent one before Lucia.

942
00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:51,119
I think she might be. I think, so that's the

943
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:53,320
vibe I got from her. She's oh no, no, uh.

944
00:55:54,639 --> 00:55:56,400
Who was the one that wanted to be named the rain?

945
00:55:56,559 --> 00:56:00,639
Was that Maria? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah she was? Or

946
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:03,440
the other one that keeps getting beat I forgot her

947
00:56:03,519 --> 00:56:05,719
name right now? There's another one I can't the one

948
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:07,519
going through it. Yeah, yeah, there's two of them that

949
00:56:07,559 --> 00:56:10,400
are kind of going through it. One of them gets

950
00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:14,639
there after and she talks about her naming ceremony, right yeah, right, okay,

951
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:18,199
never mind, no worries. You're trying to put a time

952
00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:22,000
frame to how long she's been there. Yeah, So there's

953
00:56:22,039 --> 00:56:27,440
two incidents before the end of the narrator's journey with

954
00:56:27,559 --> 00:56:30,639
Sirce that I think are worth mentioning. But before we

955
00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:34,599
get there, the narrator realizes why she keeps crossing the

956
00:56:34,639 --> 00:56:36,920
word of Wood's out and why she can't really remember

957
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:40,280
the past. But she experienced something so traumatic that her

958
00:56:40,360 --> 00:56:44,559
mind blocked all of her memory from then. And then

959
00:56:44,599 --> 00:56:47,039
she writes that she remembers, but at this point she's

960
00:56:47,079 --> 00:56:49,000
not ready to talk about it yet, and then yeah,

961
00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:51,280
she remembers that. And then this is also the same

962
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:53,400
part she describes the journey with Sarci, and she talks

963
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:56,360
about going into a house or they hear a rocking

964
00:56:56,440 --> 00:57:00,960
chair and discovers something hella disturbing. And I also just

965
00:57:01,039 --> 00:57:02,960
wanted to read this part because I think describing it

966
00:57:03,159 --> 00:57:07,400
doesn't do a justice. If you're right, you're right, Nightmare Funeral,

967
00:57:07,679 --> 00:57:13,239
I mean fuel fuel. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's on page

968
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:16,760
one seven And let me open my bug too, all right,

969
00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:20,760
So Circe moves back afraid, but I stepped closer. The

970
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:24,119
first thing I saw was a woman her eyes closed,

971
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:28,079
who seemed to be nursing a baby ramped in animal skin.

972
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:31,400
But then I looked closer. What was latch to her

973
00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:35,079
breast seemed to be a rat. It had the teeth

974
00:57:35,239 --> 00:57:37,920
and tail of a rat, but it was bigger. She

975
00:57:38,119 --> 00:57:41,599
was cradling it. This thing was eating her. I moved back,

976
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,480
covering my mouth because I didn't want to scream. I

977
00:57:44,559 --> 00:57:48,159
didn't want that thing to look at me. Circe approached slowly,

978
00:57:48,559 --> 00:57:52,000
prepared to attack, and the things stopped eating and bared

979
00:57:52,039 --> 00:57:56,519
its teeth, teeth stained with blood. I think it growled

980
00:57:56,639 --> 00:58:00,519
or made a noise like stifled laughter. The woman kept

981
00:58:00,599 --> 00:58:06,079
rocking with her eyes closed, back and forth, back and forth.

982
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:12,280
The way it's written is so interesting to the back

983
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:16,880
and forth. It's like space one side. Yeah, yeah, if

984
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:18,800
you're on video, you can see what I'm talking about.

985
00:58:19,239 --> 00:58:22,039
That was so deserving. Now it's like so scary. You know.

986
00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:25,519
I listened to it and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah,

987
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:32,119
what do you mean. So then the narrator talks about

988
00:58:32,360 --> 00:58:36,400
going to the woods with Lucia. We're back to the

989
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:39,760
present every night, and then then becoming close. Basically the

990
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:42,320
narrator ends up telling Lucia about what happened to her

991
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:44,480
in the woods, and Lucian just there for her in

992
00:58:44,519 --> 00:58:49,840
the most supportive, beautiful way. Yes, and so then she

993
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:52,519
tells Lucia and she describes it in the journal. So

994
00:58:52,599 --> 00:58:56,480
then after her and Sercy left the rat Lady, they

995
00:58:56,719 --> 00:58:59,159
walk for days in streatch of food, water, and shelter.

996
00:58:59,599 --> 00:59:02,800
Event they find themselves in a strange building and their

997
00:59:03,440 --> 00:59:06,760
narrator finds old cell phones and she knows about them

998
00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:09,719
because of her mom, and her mom told her that

999
00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:13,360
people had become too dependent on their phones, the internet

1000
00:59:13,519 --> 00:59:19,119
and Ai AI and that some people even worshiped Ai.

1001
00:59:19,679 --> 00:59:23,960
Oh and oh my god, you're going to talk about it. Well,

1002
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:26,559
I haven't watched the video, but I watched it. No, No,

1003
00:59:26,920 --> 00:59:29,639
I was busy, but I did see it on my

1004
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:32,880
like you know your way who you're subscribed to uploaded

1005
00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:37,599
a new video, and Taylor Lorenz uploaded a video titled

1006
00:59:39,039 --> 00:59:42,320
something about worshiping Ai. Right, Yeah, people are worshiping is

1007
00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:45,159
Ai the new god or something the new religion? Yeah?

1008
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:48,480
And immediately I was like the unworthy? What? Yeah? But

1009
00:59:49,119 --> 00:59:52,880
I just saw another video of some guy who proposed

1010
00:59:53,159 --> 00:59:57,360
to a to AI Yeah and cried and he was married?

1011
00:59:58,079 --> 01:00:01,960
Is that the one? I saw? Another of someone's like

1012
01:00:02,079 --> 01:00:07,039
interviewing a couple, a married couple, And then the news

1013
01:00:07,159 --> 01:00:11,119
reporters asking the wife, what does he say, because the

1014
01:00:11,199 --> 01:00:14,199
man has a problem with AI, and he's like, if

1015
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:20,239
he proposes, I think to the AI, what would you do?

1016
01:00:20,480 --> 01:00:22,000
And then the wife is like, that would be the

1017
01:00:22,079 --> 01:00:24,840
last straw. I would leave And then he's how is

1018
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:28,360
the straw already? Not like how I reached the last straw? Right?

1019
01:00:28,559 --> 01:00:32,920
But then the reporter asked the husband. He's like, how

1020
01:00:32,960 --> 01:00:34,920
did I feel hearing that? And he's like, I'm not

1021
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:39,440
faced by it. He's like, what that should have been?

1022
01:00:39,719 --> 01:00:42,440
That she should have walked out right then? And there? Yeah,

1023
01:00:42,760 --> 01:00:45,559
and I did watch the Taylor Lorenz video and she

1024
01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:49,000
and she talks about how people are basically worshiping AI

1025
01:00:49,599 --> 01:00:56,920
but emphasizing how it's not a religion. It's regurgitating existing, repeating,

1026
01:00:57,880 --> 01:01:00,480
it's saying things we want to hear because it puts

1027
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:03,199
like it recognizes the language and puts it. That's how

1028
01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:05,079
predicts what to say next, you know what I mean.

1029
01:01:05,840 --> 01:01:08,760
And it's just it's just it's so creepy that it's

1030
01:01:08,840 --> 01:01:13,159
in this book and like, and we just saw that video. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1031
01:01:13,159 --> 01:01:15,639
I don't like it. I don't like it all at all.

1032
01:01:17,199 --> 01:01:19,440
So then in one of the rooms of the strange building.

1033
01:01:19,639 --> 01:01:22,440
The narrator finds a notebook where someone wrote about the

1034
01:01:22,519 --> 01:01:25,920
world is sending into destruction basically, and they write about

1035
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:30,559
rain that lasts forever, wildfires, drought, dying wells. And at

1036
01:01:30,599 --> 01:01:33,559
first the handwriting is knee and orderly, but then the

1037
01:01:33,639 --> 01:01:37,320
writer just starts writing like in all capital letters, just

1038
01:01:37,440 --> 01:01:41,079
phrases like chaos, global, blackout. What are we are losing

1039
01:01:41,159 --> 01:01:44,400
their minds as the world is falling apart? Yeah, So

1040
01:01:44,480 --> 01:01:49,199
then the writer starts writing prayers to Ai, and then

1041
01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:52,360
nothing after the prayers, so like we see evidence of

1042
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:56,320
people worshiping Ai, like the narrator's mom told her, it happened.

1043
01:01:56,519 --> 01:02:01,519
Soon the narrator hears noises sure out to be everyone's

1044
01:02:01,599 --> 01:02:06,719
worst fear, a group of men. I'm saying, no, but yeah,

1045
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:11,440
if I were to find myself somewhere alone with just

1046
01:02:11,519 --> 01:02:13,079
my pet and I saw a group of men, I

1047
01:02:13,119 --> 01:02:16,440
would fear for my life, honestly. Yeah. And that's like

1048
01:02:16,519 --> 01:02:20,719
so serious, you know, oh yeah, yeah. But they managed

1049
01:02:20,760 --> 01:02:22,519
to hide it from the men all night, and then

1050
01:02:22,559 --> 01:02:25,159
the next day they leave and they make their way

1051
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:29,199
through some metallic woods woods, which is something that rich

1052
01:02:29,239 --> 01:02:34,239
people were doing to replicate normal treats the woods that

1053
01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:38,719
were falling apart, and yeah, that's you can't just make

1054
01:02:39,119 --> 01:02:45,119
robot robot woods. Yeah. So then the narrator and Serci

1055
01:02:45,199 --> 01:02:48,800
are going through these metallic woods, and then narrator ends

1056
01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:53,440
up getting attacked and sexually assaulted by this group of men.

1057
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:57,719
During the attack, the narrator keeps hoping that Circe stays

1058
01:02:57,760 --> 01:03:00,239
away from the danger because she doesn't want her you know,

1059
01:03:01,239 --> 01:03:04,199
near it, reveal herself, yeah, and then be subject to

1060
01:03:04,280 --> 01:03:08,599
these men. Right. But Circe and every loyal cat wants

1061
01:03:08,639 --> 01:03:11,519
to defend her person. Yeah, And she steps in to

1062
01:03:11,639 --> 01:03:14,320
protect her friend, and she tries to f I cried.

1063
01:03:14,960 --> 01:03:16,840
She tries to fight all the men, but there's too

1064
01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:19,599
many of them and they kill her. And the narrator

1065
01:03:19,679 --> 01:03:22,119
Birnie Sirce, but she describes her so beautifully. I don't

1066
01:03:22,239 --> 01:03:24,119
I didn't put down a page or anything, but I

1067
01:03:24,320 --> 01:03:27,559
didn't work it. I think I put a sad face

1068
01:03:27,960 --> 01:03:32,519
or a p sarcy when she yes, it was so sad. Okay,

1069
01:03:32,599 --> 01:03:34,840
the part, all of it is sad and horrible. But

1070
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:38,719
then because throughout the book, as she's describing Sirce, she

1071
01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:44,280
always describes how basically how beautiful Circe's eyes are. And

1072
01:03:44,760 --> 01:03:46,559
so then that's why it made me cry when she

1073
01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:49,599
because throughout it she's like, oh her, but I forgot

1074
01:03:49,639 --> 01:03:51,639
how she says that she's like something like her powerful

1075
01:03:51,679 --> 01:03:54,320
eyes her, you know, things like that she describes her eyes,

1076
01:03:54,800 --> 01:03:57,199
and as Circe's dying, she says, the last thing I

1077
01:03:57,280 --> 01:04:00,159
saw was Circe's eyes. I saw the rabbit ocean, the

1078
01:04:00,239 --> 01:04:04,119
sea of savage stars fighting desperately, but behind the consolations

1079
01:04:04,159 --> 01:04:06,559
there was no rage, only an eternal dance of light.

1080
01:04:06,599 --> 01:04:09,639
And I was like, I am almost crying right now.

1081
01:04:10,480 --> 01:04:14,079
My God, that broke me that. I was like, I

1082
01:04:14,239 --> 01:04:16,599
have to stuff right here for a minute, like I can.

1083
01:04:16,800 --> 01:04:18,760
And then I love how she calls her my intenttress,

1084
01:04:18,840 --> 01:04:24,960
my little sorceress. Yeah, she loves and because Circe was

1085
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:30,039
the first thing she found out that her family, her friends, yes,

1086
01:04:30,599 --> 01:04:34,320
died and just that trust they build together. Because even

1087
01:04:34,360 --> 01:04:38,559
she talks about it, she's all, like people eat in Circe, Yes,

1088
01:04:38,679 --> 01:04:41,280
that's what she says, and like people don't feed each other,

1089
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:43,519
they don't help each other in this world. But me

1090
01:04:43,599 --> 01:04:46,519
and Circe, we fed each other, like, yeah, brought you

1091
01:04:46,599 --> 01:04:49,000
know what I mean like and then the narrator again

1092
01:04:49,159 --> 01:04:53,039
and again is not is like defying these new set

1093
01:04:53,119 --> 01:04:56,800
of rules for humanity, where humanity is now all each

1094
01:04:57,280 --> 01:05:00,159
you know again one for uh what what is a

1095
01:05:00,400 --> 01:05:04,920
saying each preserve for themselves? Yeah, each man for himself. Whatever,

1096
01:05:05,400 --> 01:05:07,719
she's not following, that's at a rule she from the

1097
01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:10,800
moment her mom. She loses her mom, and she finds

1098
01:05:10,880 --> 01:05:13,519
this new set of friends, this new family, and they

1099
01:05:13,679 --> 01:05:16,159
help each other. And then she finds Circe and they

1100
01:05:16,239 --> 01:05:18,719
help Circe and they help each other, and then she

1101
01:05:19,920 --> 01:05:23,280
brings Lucia in when she's not like, she's not she's

1102
01:05:23,360 --> 01:05:26,639
not meant for this, She's meant for more. Yeah. So yeah,

1103
01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:30,880
that's terrible and it was hardbreaking. She ends up burying

1104
01:05:31,639 --> 01:05:34,440
Circe and then she kind of just like she doesn't

1105
01:05:34,480 --> 01:05:38,480
know how she makes it she but she makes her

1106
01:05:38,519 --> 01:05:42,559
way to the sacred sisterhood. Okay, so then a few

1107
01:05:42,599 --> 01:05:46,760
things happened Maria. I think it's Maria that ends up

1108
01:05:46,840 --> 01:05:49,719
dying or gets killed, I don't remember how, but also

1109
01:05:50,320 --> 01:05:55,679
Ludes gets killed because the narrator gives her amanitazos mushrooms

1110
01:05:55,760 --> 01:05:58,519
that get you high. And then you know Ludez ends

1111
01:05:58,599 --> 01:06:01,880
up acting a fool. She that's naked, and she gets

1112
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:05,679
paid for it and hung by this pair of sister Yeah,

1113
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:09,119
and then the nator. The narrator feels bad because she's like,

1114
01:06:09,159 --> 01:06:11,360
I hated this bitch, but even she didn't deserve to

1115
01:06:11,440 --> 01:06:15,159
die this way. It was gruesome. Yeah, And Lucia is

1116
01:06:15,320 --> 01:06:20,480
so empathetic that she understands the narrator and doesn't judge

1117
01:06:20,519 --> 01:06:24,119
her for having given her these mushrooms that yeah, and

1118
01:06:24,280 --> 01:06:26,800
I not she would have got punished, but I don't

1119
01:06:26,800 --> 01:06:28,440
think she knew she would be killed. I don't think

1120
01:06:28,440 --> 01:06:32,400
she did that because she often mentions how Lucas was

1121
01:06:32,440 --> 01:06:35,280
a favorite, and so she didn't. She was very much

1122
01:06:35,360 --> 01:06:38,039
on her way to become light in until this happened.

1123
01:06:38,320 --> 01:06:39,960
But I don't think she was going to get chosen

1124
01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:42,280
as night because it seems like she's been here forever.

1125
01:06:42,760 --> 01:06:44,440
That's why she's one of the top bitches, you know

1126
01:06:44,480 --> 01:06:46,840
what I mean. It's almost as if it's like she

1127
01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:53,559
serves a different purpose here, yes, setting the tone yeah. Yeah.

1128
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:57,119
Or maybe maybe Lucas herself thought she was going to

1129
01:06:57,159 --> 01:06:58,800
be like in one day, but it was never meant

1130
01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:00,920
for her. I think she thought she would yeah, yeah,

1131
01:07:01,239 --> 01:07:03,920
but the saparior sister and he knew she was never

1132
01:07:04,079 --> 01:07:07,239
going to be that because she was serving another yes

1133
01:07:07,480 --> 01:07:12,679
in this control high control. Yeah right, I agree, I agree. Wowow.

1134
01:07:14,199 --> 01:07:17,840
So the narrator and Lucian ends up bringing Ludus down

1135
01:07:17,920 --> 01:07:20,440
to give her like a more honorable death, you know,

1136
01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:23,280
or story dead, but you know what I mean, like goodbye.

1137
01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:30,199
So then Lucia ends up getting chosen as Enlightened. And

1138
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:33,639
as you remember, the Enlightened are locked up in a

1139
01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:36,719
different area of the convent. So then the narrator breaks

1140
01:07:36,760 --> 01:07:39,159
into the refuge of the Enlightened to where they're locked away,

1141
01:07:39,360 --> 01:07:43,679
and lo and behold, she walks into the patriarch raping

1142
01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:47,519
Lucia while the superior sister watches a whip in hand.

1143
01:07:47,679 --> 01:07:49,599
I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? So

1144
01:07:49,880 --> 01:07:53,679
fucking gross and statistic. Yeah. So then the narrator also

1145
01:07:53,760 --> 01:07:56,719
sees a bunch of pregnant Enlightened and they're all in

1146
01:07:56,800 --> 01:07:59,440
the room while this is happening. So and it's like

1147
01:07:59,719 --> 01:08:02,239
there waiting to die, right because there's no babies that

1148
01:08:02,280 --> 01:08:05,559
are born in this place. Yeah, so that's why I'm like, yeah,

1149
01:08:05,800 --> 01:08:08,400
they die here a lot yeah all, and you know

1150
01:08:08,519 --> 01:08:11,920
she so she mentions before actually I didn't write it down,

1151
01:08:12,239 --> 01:08:16,199
but around the same time that Maria that is killed

1152
01:08:16,239 --> 01:08:19,520
and Luda's is killed, and Lucie and the narrator go

1153
01:08:19,640 --> 01:08:21,760
out into the woods because they go out almost every

1154
01:08:21,880 --> 01:08:25,880
night to make out hook up and the little tree trunk,

1155
01:08:26,159 --> 01:08:29,880
the tree hollow where they hide and you know, get together,

1156
01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:32,600
you know, for that, they probably have so much time

1157
01:08:32,720 --> 01:08:35,439
to sneak around like this because he and their sister

1158
01:08:35,520 --> 01:08:41,560
are busy doing this. Yeah. Yeah, they see in one

1159
01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:43,640
of the inlian that a marou, which one like a

1160
01:08:43,720 --> 01:08:45,960
minor saint or what. But she's like dead out there

1161
01:08:46,680 --> 01:08:50,600
and her belly is swollen. And then they kind of

1162
01:08:50,640 --> 01:08:53,279
look at each other like, oh, like he's doing this,

1163
01:08:53,479 --> 01:08:56,479
like they kind of know. Yeah, yeah, so that's why

1164
01:08:56,600 --> 01:09:01,000
they enlightened. And the minor saints and dead and their

1165
01:09:01,199 --> 01:09:03,720
bellies are swolen because he gets them pregnant, and then

1166
01:09:03,760 --> 01:09:07,399
they kill them and yeah, I'm very disturbing. So then

1167
01:09:09,039 --> 01:09:12,800
the narrator jumps into action. She stabs the superior sister,

1168
01:09:13,159 --> 01:09:16,000
but the superior sister manages to stab the narrator back,

1169
01:09:16,640 --> 01:09:19,359
and the narrator does also get to whip the patriarch

1170
01:09:19,800 --> 01:09:22,399
with the whip with the spi sister's whip, and she

1171
01:09:22,520 --> 01:09:25,920
does mention like he's so beautiful. What does she say?

1172
01:09:26,359 --> 01:09:28,600
It hurt to hit him? Basically, yeah, it hurt to

1173
01:09:28,640 --> 01:09:35,680
hurt him. Yeah. So Luciana narrator end up there. They

1174
01:09:35,760 --> 01:09:38,199
managed to get away, but the pain is too much

1175
01:09:38,319 --> 01:09:40,960
for the narrator to go on because she did get stabbed,

1176
01:09:41,279 --> 01:09:43,279
she knows she's not gonna make it any Yeah. So

1177
01:09:43,399 --> 01:09:46,279
then she urges Lucia to keep going, and Lucia and

1178
01:09:46,399 --> 01:09:49,800
a few of the aliened run away with her. Hopefully

1179
01:09:50,319 --> 01:09:53,000
they find a better place and made a better life.

1180
01:09:53,680 --> 01:09:57,039
And the narrator dies while writing her last words and

1181
01:09:57,159 --> 01:10:00,680
actually wanted to read her last word. Yeah, I'm going

1182
01:10:00,760 --> 01:10:03,239
to leave this book of the night, these pages I've

1183
01:10:03,279 --> 01:10:05,800
been writing and protecting for so long in the hollow

1184
01:10:05,880 --> 01:10:08,720
of the tree, our tree. Maybe one day someone will

1185
01:10:08,760 --> 01:10:10,920
find them and read them. Or they'll get wet and

1186
01:10:11,039 --> 01:10:13,479
return to their origin, to the trees where they began,

1187
01:10:13,960 --> 01:10:16,920
and these words will become the woods, will be purified

1188
01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:19,399
by the sap, will glow in the roots, or maybe

1189
01:10:19,479 --> 01:10:24,439
they'll disintegrate into a void that caresses governs hurts. I

1190
01:10:24,560 --> 01:10:31,319
hear the bells, they're coming amazing. Okay, do you have

1191
01:10:31,640 --> 01:10:33,560
anything to say about this last I have some thoughts

1192
01:10:33,600 --> 01:10:36,920
about the things go on go on? Okay, it's very

1193
01:10:37,520 --> 01:10:41,359
it's very interesting. I keep saying that word. But the woods,

1194
01:10:41,960 --> 01:10:44,479
the woods is where she is going to leave these

1195
01:10:45,159 --> 01:10:49,399
because from her trauma from yeah and yeah, she couldn't

1196
01:10:49,399 --> 01:10:52,159
write the word woods and here it's yea and she

1197
01:10:52,279 --> 01:10:56,560
starts causing it out. Yeah, and this is where she,

1198
01:10:57,960 --> 01:11:00,760
you know, her life is over in these you know,

1199
01:11:00,840 --> 01:11:02,520
in the woods. This is where she's going to leave

1200
01:11:02,560 --> 01:11:06,720
these pages in the woods. And it's it's it's fitting

1201
01:11:07,079 --> 01:11:10,239
that the word caresses is in here but also governs

1202
01:11:10,279 --> 01:11:14,000
and hurts, because this is what the woods have been

1203
01:11:14,399 --> 01:11:16,800
for her. Yeah, this is where she found love, but

1204
01:11:16,880 --> 01:11:19,840
it's also the biggest source of like pain for her

1205
01:11:20,159 --> 01:11:24,079
with Circe, and so it's, uh, it's also I don't know,

1206
01:11:24,560 --> 01:11:28,279
like again, what a juxtaposition of the experiences she's had

1207
01:11:28,319 --> 01:11:32,159
in the woods all in these last last sentences that

1208
01:11:32,239 --> 01:11:35,520
she's written, well last words really not even sentences, like

1209
01:11:35,720 --> 01:11:40,680
they're like it's like two sentences. But yeah, also, who's coming?

1210
01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:44,199
What are the bells? I figured the Sapir sister and

1211
01:11:44,279 --> 01:11:47,399
him that they're coming to make sure she was dead.

1212
01:11:47,800 --> 01:11:50,319
I guess maybe it's the I don't think she's dead

1213
01:11:50,479 --> 01:11:53,039
because she doesn't stab her that harm. I wish she

1214
01:11:53,159 --> 01:11:56,880
was dead. So maybe it's the light at the end

1215
01:11:56,880 --> 01:11:59,159
of the tunnel, the belles type of thing. I also

1216
01:11:59,199 --> 01:12:01,720
didn't want to mention. Another reason why Lucia and the

1217
01:12:01,800 --> 01:12:06,199
narrator thought the world was healing was because they they

1218
01:12:06,439 --> 01:12:10,560
hear bees for the first time, to hear it bees. Yeah,

1219
01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:14,439
and here I think it's around here where she actually

1220
01:12:14,439 --> 01:12:17,880
stops crossing the word what's out? Yeah, but at this

1221
01:12:17,960 --> 01:12:20,720
point she's been going like almost nightly with Lucia, so

1222
01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:24,000
it's like, you know, they have a new meaning now. Yeah, yeah,

1223
01:12:24,560 --> 01:12:31,520
and its not Is that not beautiful? Yes? Truly? Should

1224
01:12:31,520 --> 01:12:34,159
we get as to the questions, Yes, let's rush to

1225
01:12:34,239 --> 01:12:38,199
these questions. I know we always think so along with

1226
01:12:38,319 --> 01:12:41,600
these then and then the questions are like fifteen minutes.

1227
01:12:42,760 --> 01:12:44,359
We can also not do all. There are a lot

1228
01:12:44,399 --> 01:12:46,000
of questions. They were just all the ones that were

1229
01:12:46,039 --> 01:12:48,479
in the book. So more, do you want to talk

1230
01:12:48,479 --> 01:12:52,439
about the erroneous god to fall son, the negative mother? Yeah?

1231
01:12:53,439 --> 01:12:57,680
So the first question. It's kind of a good well again,

1232
01:12:57,760 --> 01:13:00,239
these are all from from the book Guide Like, so

1233
01:13:00,680 --> 01:13:03,439
without faith there is no refuge. This phrase is repeatedly

1234
01:13:03,560 --> 01:13:05,840
uttered by the members of the Sacred Sisterhood. What do

1235
01:13:05,880 --> 01:13:08,000
you think it means? How does their faith differ from

1236
01:13:08,119 --> 01:13:11,000
traditional Catholicism? And why do you think they decry the

1237
01:13:11,199 --> 01:13:14,000
erroneous God, the false son, and the negative mother. So

1238
01:13:14,720 --> 01:13:17,159
without faith there's no refuge. Like, I didn't really think

1239
01:13:17,199 --> 01:13:19,319
of a special meeting behind it, but I thought it's

1240
01:13:19,359 --> 01:13:22,479
like one of those thoughts stopping. What do they call them.

1241
01:13:22,600 --> 01:13:25,319
It's like a thing of cults that they all have phrases.

1242
01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:28,159
Oh yeah, they all have like a special thing that

1243
01:13:28,239 --> 01:13:30,600
you say and the dy repeat like a motto. But

1244
01:13:30,720 --> 01:13:34,359
it's meant to be like a thought stopping because you know,

1245
01:13:34,520 --> 01:13:38,000
when in high control groups, people question, they start to

1246
01:13:38,079 --> 01:13:41,760
question things when they start to repeat to yourself, and

1247
01:13:41,880 --> 01:13:44,640
not just what you repeat to yourself, but what other

1248
01:13:44,800 --> 01:13:49,159
cult members and the leaders of the cults repeat to

1249
01:13:49,279 --> 01:13:54,119
you to make you stop questioning. And that's why they're

1250
01:13:54,159 --> 01:13:59,039
called thoughts stopping something you do. I keep thinking thought

1251
01:13:59,079 --> 01:14:02,239
stopping cliche, but I'm not sure if that's the right phrase.

1252
01:14:02,359 --> 01:14:05,720
Or not, but they're meant to make you stop thinking

1253
01:14:05,800 --> 01:14:08,960
and to just accept things as they are. And there

1254
01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:13,479
are also a thing in regular religion. Yes, it is.

1255
01:14:13,720 --> 01:14:17,000
It is something that someone repeats themselves when they're like, yeah,

1256
01:14:17,159 --> 01:14:21,560
oh my god, yeah, fascinating. I love that you are discussing,

1257
01:14:22,000 --> 01:14:23,920
because of course you would say that, and I was

1258
01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:25,840
just gonna say, well, it's just like a religious thing.

1259
01:14:26,800 --> 01:14:29,960
But yeah, yeah, good answer. I don't have anything to

1260
01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:33,960
add to that part. Okay, what about the why do

1261
01:14:34,039 --> 01:14:36,399
you think they say erroneous God, the false and the

1262
01:14:36,439 --> 01:14:40,560
negative mother? Well, I think they needed to create something

1263
01:14:40,800 --> 01:14:45,039
a new religion, knew, something different, something more extreme for

1264
01:14:45,199 --> 01:14:47,840
it to be to have this level of control, because

1265
01:14:48,279 --> 01:14:53,439
sure the I mean, some cults alone don't need the

1266
01:14:53,560 --> 01:14:58,640
extra you know, they are religious Christian religious cults, but

1267
01:14:59,239 --> 01:15:02,000
they do take things to an extreme and a different level.

1268
01:15:02,119 --> 01:15:04,439
So yeah, I think that's why they needed to make

1269
01:15:04,479 --> 01:15:07,159
something new. Also because the world was changing. The world

1270
01:15:07,319 --> 01:15:10,479
was different now, it feels for a reason, and they

1271
01:15:10,560 --> 01:15:14,279
hear with these beliefs, so they needed to change them. Yes, yes,

1272
01:15:14,399 --> 01:15:17,880
And also they needed something to blame, and it's so

1273
01:15:18,079 --> 01:15:21,359
easy to if you're trying to control people in this

1274
01:15:22,039 --> 01:15:27,159
very extreme way to denounce what they previously believed as

1275
01:15:27,720 --> 01:15:30,680
the worst of the worst, and like, well, what if

1276
01:15:30,760 --> 01:15:33,159
your god is so special? Why did the world end?

1277
01:15:33,760 --> 01:15:36,640
So that's what I think. That makes sense. I'm going

1278
01:15:36,680 --> 01:15:40,479
to go with that too. Look at us the next one.

1279
01:15:40,520 --> 01:15:42,920
I feel like we kind of talked about throughout as

1280
01:15:42,960 --> 01:15:45,439
we did a recap. Why does a narrator want to

1281
01:15:45,479 --> 01:15:47,000
be one of the enlightened? What do you think she

1282
01:15:47,199 --> 01:15:49,119
and the other members of the Secret systm so really

1283
01:15:49,159 --> 01:15:51,239
accept the authority of the superitistor? Oh yeah, we did.

1284
01:15:51,319 --> 01:15:54,000
We did talk about that throughout. Yeah, so we don't

1285
01:15:54,000 --> 01:15:56,720
need to go through that one. Discuss the world of

1286
01:15:56,800 --> 01:15:59,960
the unworthy? What happened to create this dystopian healthscape, which

1287
01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:04,560
threats mentioned in the novel feel most prophetic to you?

1288
01:16:05,079 --> 01:16:07,199
If the Internet went down permanently tomorrow, how do you

1289
01:16:07,199 --> 01:16:14,000
think it would impact our lives? Well, okay, so we

1290
01:16:14,479 --> 01:16:18,119
don't ever fully learn what happened. It's just little snippets

1291
01:16:18,159 --> 01:16:21,760
here and there, but basically, natural disaster after natural disaster,

1292
01:16:22,359 --> 01:16:27,119
then like AI something, and then like a blackout, and

1293
01:16:27,239 --> 01:16:34,760
then boom, everything's gone wrong and all of the all

1294
01:16:34,840 --> 01:16:37,479
of these are so very much things that because like

1295
01:16:37,800 --> 01:16:42,000
we know that maybe your basic AI question, like hey,

1296
01:16:42,359 --> 01:16:44,880
what can I make with these ingredients? That's not using

1297
01:16:45,039 --> 01:16:48,479
up a time, right, But we know that these very

1298
01:16:48,920 --> 01:16:52,319
big like usage of AI is taking water and like

1299
01:16:52,520 --> 01:16:58,439
resources and the already yes, not great environmental conditions that

1300
01:16:58,560 --> 01:17:01,239
we haven't have cost right, And there's a reason that

1301
01:17:01,399 --> 01:17:05,600
so so much dystopian, so many dystopian books focus on

1302
01:17:05,760 --> 01:17:08,520
how the world ended, and and because it's not a

1303
01:17:08,640 --> 01:17:11,840
far reach, like if you take the parable of the

1304
01:17:11,920 --> 01:17:16,479
sower for example, and the California wildfires, and then here

1305
01:17:16,800 --> 01:17:21,479
like the dark gas, there's parts of the world in

1306
01:17:21,560 --> 01:17:27,880
the United States that don't have access to clean water already. Yeah,

1307
01:17:28,279 --> 01:17:32,199
and yeah, have predicted and anyway I want to think

1308
01:17:32,199 --> 01:17:36,039
about it. No, but like water water not being available

1309
01:17:36,239 --> 01:17:38,319
is a very real thing that is not too far.

1310
01:17:38,960 --> 01:17:41,079
And then people like when I made a video when

1311
01:17:41,079 --> 01:17:43,439
I talked about mining, and then some and how the

1312
01:17:43,520 --> 01:17:46,600
waters from toxic don't like water covers any percent of

1313
01:17:46,680 --> 01:17:48,479
the world. How does it ever to be gone? And

1314
01:17:48,520 --> 01:17:53,119
I'm like, should they suck up? So just shut your

1315
01:17:53,199 --> 01:17:57,600
fucking mouth, you idiot, you fucking idiot. God damn it.

1316
01:17:57,920 --> 01:18:00,319
So we will just shut open their fucking mouths or

1317
01:18:00,359 --> 01:18:03,960
the little fingers so typely dumb bullshit. I'm sick of it.

1318
01:18:04,079 --> 01:18:06,359
I'm sick of it because these are very real threats

1319
01:18:06,399 --> 01:18:09,640
and people are out here still denying them. The water's media,

1320
01:18:09,800 --> 01:18:11,760
the world's made water. How can we ever been out

1321
01:18:11,800 --> 01:18:20,079
of it? What? You're stupid, You're just stupid. Yeah, it's

1322
01:18:20,119 --> 01:18:22,760
a very real, real thing. So you pair that with like,

1323
01:18:23,439 --> 01:18:27,199
literally were we are right now? And yeah, honestly, and

1324
01:18:27,279 --> 01:18:29,439
then and then you add in the video that we

1325
01:18:29,560 --> 01:18:34,800
mentioned about AI and yeah, honestly, it all seems a

1326
01:18:34,880 --> 01:18:41,680
little too possible, and that's scary. Also, if internet went away,

1327
01:18:41,760 --> 01:18:44,239
we would not function, we would die, not we would

1328
01:18:44,399 --> 01:18:47,920
like you know how many things control that? When I

1329
01:18:48,079 --> 01:18:51,159
was working in healthcare and our internet went down, that

1330
01:18:51,239 --> 01:18:56,039
she was a nightmare. There's a I think I talked

1331
01:18:56,039 --> 01:18:58,279
about the movie for one of the spooky recommindations, but like,

1332
01:18:58,319 --> 01:18:59,920
the whole premise of the movie is that somebody does

1333
01:19:00,399 --> 01:19:02,800
a blackout in the US for seven seconds and so

1334
01:19:02,880 --> 01:19:06,760
many people die. I thought it was a show. Oh yeah,

1335
01:19:06,800 --> 01:19:08,439
my bad, it's a show. Okay, yeah, it is a show.

1336
01:19:09,640 --> 01:19:12,199
The show was. I don't fully recommend him, but it

1337
01:19:12,279 --> 01:19:16,479
was an interesting but it's it very much is possible,

1338
01:19:17,039 --> 01:19:19,159
like with like if everything shuts down at the same time.

1339
01:19:19,560 --> 01:19:23,039
I mean, oh, what's that thing called white two k? No,

1340
01:19:23,319 --> 01:19:27,279
that's the oh yeah white two k okay yeah, two thousand, yeah, yeah, yeah,

1341
01:19:27,319 --> 01:19:30,439
yeah yeah that was by two k. Yeah. Yeah, there's

1342
01:19:30,439 --> 01:19:34,640
a reason people were scared. And that was years ago. Yeah,

1343
01:19:35,079 --> 01:19:38,520
now we're even more dependent. Yes, and we say that

1344
01:19:38,600 --> 01:19:42,039
from our little internet show, from our computers. But I'm

1345
01:19:42,079 --> 01:19:46,600
holding my phone. Yep, yep. Number five. I feel like

1346
01:19:46,640 --> 01:19:50,840
we talked about throughout the the family. Yeah, we did.

1347
01:19:50,960 --> 01:19:53,319
We Yeah. Number six is interesting. I don't think we

1348
01:19:53,359 --> 01:19:55,000
talked about it because I didn't get too much into

1349
01:19:55,319 --> 01:19:58,239
Lisa's story. Oh, he was one of the Tarantula kids. Yeah,

1350
01:19:58,279 --> 01:20:00,800
he was the leader of the Tarantula kids. Yeah, and

1351
01:20:01,319 --> 01:20:04,960
his parents fought in the Water Wars and so they

1352
01:20:05,079 --> 01:20:09,439
like trained him basically to survive. And Ulissa's mother tells

1353
01:20:09,520 --> 01:20:12,359
him about the water Wars that there were no enemies,

1354
01:20:12,439 --> 01:20:17,039
only people trying to survive, people dying of thirsts and hunger. So, yeah,

1355
01:20:17,119 --> 01:20:20,000
this is an interesting question what behavior becomes permissible and

1356
01:20:20,079 --> 01:20:22,840
a disaster winning world like this one is a self preservation.

1357
01:20:23,439 --> 01:20:26,079
Is self preservation justifiable when it comes at a cost

1358
01:20:26,159 --> 01:20:31,520
to others' lives? And I think, like obviously what some people,

1359
01:20:31,720 --> 01:20:34,039
some of the adults were doing that the narrator describes

1360
01:20:34,159 --> 01:20:38,319
like killing the kids doing who knows right, and then

1361
01:20:38,359 --> 01:20:41,319
the group of men that assaulted her and left her

1362
01:20:41,359 --> 01:20:46,159
for dead and killed Sircy, that is absolutely unjustifiable, no

1363
01:20:46,279 --> 01:20:50,640
matter what. And people survived by building a community, not

1364
01:20:50,800 --> 01:20:54,720
by attacking each other. So I think for me, stealing

1365
01:20:55,359 --> 01:20:58,920
like from stealing from people, I don't think should be allowed,

1366
01:20:59,359 --> 01:21:02,520
even if it's find to survive, like and you know, okay.

1367
01:21:02,600 --> 01:21:05,279
The interesting thing to me is that each person's definition

1368
01:21:05,399 --> 01:21:08,439
of what is justifiable is going to be different, right, right,

1369
01:21:09,159 --> 01:21:12,560
But for me, like I don't, I mean like it

1370
01:21:12,720 --> 01:21:15,079
ends again it's so like, yeah, it's easy to say,

1371
01:21:15,399 --> 01:21:19,199
what is that justifiable? And not from our my comfortable

1372
01:21:19,279 --> 01:21:23,920
ac room, right, But if we were in an would

1373
01:21:23,960 --> 01:21:27,159
you steal from a kid? No, I couldn't. I would,

1374
01:21:27,359 --> 01:21:30,960
I would, And that's the thing to assault and sexually

1375
01:21:31,119 --> 01:21:33,840
assault a woman and that's not necessary to survive. That

1376
01:21:34,000 --> 01:21:36,319
is not necessary to survive, But neither is one of

1377
01:21:36,319 --> 01:21:40,359
their kids. No, No, But I mean, is it not

1378
01:21:40,560 --> 01:21:46,159
such a common theme in all these apocalyptic movies shows,

1379
01:21:46,399 --> 01:21:51,199
and in the end, what ends up helping them survive? Community? Community? Yeah,

1380
01:21:51,399 --> 01:21:54,920
so to me it's not justifiable. But I understand that

1381
01:21:55,039 --> 01:21:57,439
other people's answers there are certain things that they're going

1382
01:21:57,520 --> 01:22:00,439
to say is justifiable. But I'd rather help and build

1383
01:22:00,479 --> 01:22:05,079
a community then steal and kill. Like yeah so, but

1384
01:22:05,720 --> 01:22:09,600
I am an idealist. Sometimes I am in the same

1385
01:22:09,760 --> 01:22:13,319
opinion as you. Yes, yes, of course, of course, of course.

1386
01:22:13,680 --> 01:22:16,399
Of course. We kind of talked about number seven already,

1387
01:22:16,439 --> 01:22:20,560
about the truth quote. Oh, yeah we did. Yeah, we

1388
01:22:20,640 --> 01:22:25,880
talked about her already as well. Yeah, we did. We

1389
01:22:26,159 --> 01:22:28,399
I think we talked about number nine already. What role

1390
01:22:28,399 --> 01:22:30,359
does that play in the novel? Discuss the cross out

1391
01:22:30,399 --> 01:22:32,840
parts of the narrator's diary. Yeah, we did go through

1392
01:22:32,880 --> 01:22:35,199
that throughout the recamp. Yeah, I feel like we sort

1393
01:22:35,199 --> 01:22:37,039
of touched on a pretend. What did you think of

1394
01:22:37,079 --> 01:22:39,319
the novel's framing device that the book we're reading is

1395
01:22:39,359 --> 01:22:41,960
in narrator's diary will motivate her to keep writing even

1396
01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:45,359
though she knows it's dangerous. Consider the other diary the

1397
01:22:46,239 --> 01:22:49,520
narrator encounters in an abandoned house on pages one, thirty six,

1398
01:22:49,800 --> 01:22:52,600
thirty seven. She's trying to hold on to her humanity. Yeah,

1399
01:22:52,600 --> 01:22:54,520
and she mentions it throughout, even at the very end

1400
01:22:54,520 --> 01:22:57,640
when they're running away. What does she say? Basically, she's like,

1401
01:22:57,720 --> 01:23:02,239
I want the memory of me and Circe and Lucia

1402
01:23:02,359 --> 01:23:05,359
to stay alive. It's just not the most human thing

1403
01:23:05,439 --> 01:23:07,960
ever for us to tell stories, for us to want

1404
01:23:08,039 --> 01:23:13,760
these stories to be heard and seen. Yes, oh I

1405
01:23:13,920 --> 01:23:18,960
love that. Oh my gosh, what was the context. I

1406
01:23:19,000 --> 01:23:25,239
don't remember O my trauma, but yeah, it is such

1407
01:23:25,279 --> 01:23:28,319
a human thing, and that's them holding onto her humanity

1408
01:23:28,520 --> 01:23:31,760
and her and the journal that she found, they're the same.

1409
01:23:32,159 --> 01:23:35,479
There's no difference to me. Sure the writing is different,

1410
01:23:35,520 --> 01:23:37,199
the content is different, but in the end, it's people

1411
01:23:37,239 --> 01:23:40,840
trying to preserve their memory. And do we not see

1412
01:23:40,880 --> 01:23:44,399
this throughout, you know, even the stories and legends that

1413
01:23:44,479 --> 01:23:48,560
we're passing on, but also throughout very difficult times in history,

1414
01:23:48,720 --> 01:23:51,279
people are still writing, People are still dogumenting, people are

1415
01:23:51,319 --> 01:23:55,239
still sharing because it's human nature. And I love it,

1416
01:23:55,720 --> 01:23:57,920
me too, Me too. I feel like eleven we kind

1417
01:23:57,960 --> 01:24:00,520
of touched on, but were you surprised about it? About

1418
01:24:01,039 --> 01:24:03,199
discover the review at the end of the novel about

1419
01:24:03,199 --> 01:24:05,840
the mis serious. No, when you're talking about a man

1420
01:24:06,000 --> 01:24:09,880
in charge of a cult, there's no other outcome. Yeah,

1421
01:24:10,920 --> 01:24:13,800
and then paired with the crying that she's hearing throughout

1422
01:24:13,960 --> 01:24:17,319
and then she's like, oh he sounds different. Yeah yeah,

1423
01:24:17,479 --> 01:24:21,039
immedia immediately is what I thought of. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1424
01:24:21,479 --> 01:24:23,760
What do you think happened to her and the manuscript

1425
01:24:23,840 --> 01:24:27,079
after she stopped writing? That's an interesting question because yeah,

1426
01:24:27,359 --> 01:24:32,000
like who found these pages? I want to believe that,

1427
01:24:32,319 --> 01:24:36,279
because you know, she died holding onto these pages. I

1428
01:24:36,399 --> 01:24:38,520
want to believe that Lucy I came back and buried

1429
01:24:38,560 --> 01:24:41,000
her and then got those pages, and then sometime in

1430
01:24:41,039 --> 01:24:42,920
the future That's what I want to believe too. And

1431
01:24:43,000 --> 01:24:45,319
then sometime in the future she published The Unworthy and

1432
01:24:45,439 --> 01:24:48,000
we're holding it out. Yes, yeah, that is what I

1433
01:24:48,039 --> 01:24:52,399
want to believe. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go with that. Yes, yes,

1434
01:24:52,439 --> 01:24:55,439
because the alternative is that it was burned and she

1435
01:24:55,760 --> 01:25:00,720
was found by a wounded but not dead superior sister.

1436
01:25:00,800 --> 01:25:02,640
And I don't like that at all. That I don't

1437
01:25:02,800 --> 01:25:11,479
like it. And that's the the last question. Which scene

1438
01:25:11,520 --> 01:25:13,920
of the book disturbs or find you the most? What

1439
01:25:14,159 --> 01:25:16,600
do these elements of horror or fem gore ad to

1440
01:25:16,680 --> 01:25:20,079
the story, what is stortainy, all of it, all of

1441
01:25:20,159 --> 01:25:25,159
it was so disturbing, but honestly, the worst, yes, the

1442
01:25:25,319 --> 01:25:29,479
worst part is the woman on the rocking chair and

1443
01:25:29,560 --> 01:25:32,199
the rat ye eating her and she didn't even notice

1444
01:25:32,239 --> 01:25:35,079
because she was just that close to death already where

1445
01:25:35,640 --> 01:25:38,239
she probably in her in her mind was holding her

1446
01:25:38,279 --> 01:25:40,600
baby and that would have been like a beautiful way

1447
01:25:40,680 --> 01:25:43,399
to end her, her life to end, but in reality

1448
01:25:43,640 --> 01:25:50,359
so disgusting, fucking rat, abomination, abomination of a fucking rat,

1449
01:25:50,600 --> 01:25:55,199
a most rat. Yeah. And the disaposition of those two

1450
01:25:55,279 --> 01:25:58,159
things where maybe in her mind it's it's like the

1451
01:25:58,640 --> 01:26:02,399
Sinners where he's holding in his baby and yeah, Annie,

1452
01:26:02,439 --> 01:26:07,680
and that's what yeah, and really reality, Yeah, yeah, that

1453
01:26:07,880 --> 01:26:10,399
was the most disturbing scene. I mean. And they add

1454
01:26:10,479 --> 01:26:13,319
to me, they add because some people will read this book.

1455
01:26:13,399 --> 01:26:15,920
And even though on the Tenders to Fleedge got the

1456
01:26:15,960 --> 01:26:18,439
same reception for some people where they were like the violence,

1457
01:26:18,439 --> 01:26:20,840
which is unnecessary, this is just trauma porn. I don't

1458
01:26:20,840 --> 01:26:23,199
think that's true. I don't think that's true. And I

1459
01:26:23,239 --> 01:26:25,800
do understand some people cannot read things like this, but

1460
01:26:25,960 --> 01:26:32,239
it just showed you the the conditions that it takes

1461
01:26:32,319 --> 01:26:35,760
for this type of violence to be normalized and tender

1462
01:26:35,880 --> 01:26:37,560
is a flesh did the same thing for me. We

1463
01:26:37,720 --> 01:26:41,119
talked about it during a couple episodes ago. Last episode

1464
01:26:41,119 --> 01:26:43,279
it was a bigger recommendation of mine, and we talked

1465
01:26:43,319 --> 01:26:49,199
a little bit about it, but like it wasn't unnecessary. No,

1466
01:26:49,359 --> 01:26:52,640
not to me, I don't think it was unnecessary. It's

1467
01:26:52,680 --> 01:26:57,119
like you said, it's what kind of world has become

1468
01:26:57,399 --> 01:27:02,760
that this level of violence is acceptable and normalized. And

1469
01:27:02,920 --> 01:27:05,079
then yeah, to me, Tenors of Flesh was like about

1470
01:27:05,880 --> 01:27:09,560
who we other and what conditions we allow the others

1471
01:27:10,399 --> 01:27:14,439
to live their live in. Yeah, and this is like

1472
01:27:14,520 --> 01:27:20,720
a commentary on religion and if you if you take

1473
01:27:20,760 --> 01:27:25,760
it ten steps up, you get to unworthy. And it's like, okay, well,

1474
01:27:25,760 --> 01:27:27,720
if being worthy was so shocking, and why is this

1475
01:27:27,920 --> 01:27:30,520
okay when this is like a very very very extreme

1476
01:27:30,600 --> 01:27:34,560
version of the same thing, and versions of the unworthy

1477
01:27:35,399 --> 01:27:39,720
have happened in history, and you know, not to reason

1478
01:27:39,880 --> 01:27:43,159
like this is like cold behavior, you know, yeah, and

1479
01:27:43,279 --> 01:27:45,439
we know yeah, I mean we've heard of the cults

1480
01:27:45,520 --> 01:27:48,000
and what they have done to each other and you know, yeah,

1481
01:27:48,479 --> 01:27:51,039
so yeah, it's not far fetched at all. I think

1482
01:27:51,079 --> 01:27:56,279
we just had the idea added horror from a dystopian world,

1483
01:27:56,560 --> 01:27:59,920
and yeah, it makes it that much worse. But I don't.

1484
01:28:00,720 --> 01:28:03,479
To me, it's not just unnecessary trauma for trauma's sake,

1485
01:28:03,520 --> 01:28:05,479
you know what I mean. Yes, I think that we

1486
01:28:05,560 --> 01:28:09,319
have to think about to the context of Agustina. She's

1487
01:28:09,359 --> 01:28:15,039
from Aquinina, where they lived in a literal dictatorship, are

1488
01:28:15,159 --> 01:28:20,920
now again falling into some something authoritarianism you could say,

1489
01:28:21,159 --> 01:28:27,359
from lay and people lived in tortuous conditions and were disappeared,

1490
01:28:27,800 --> 01:28:32,640
tortured in Acintena from a dictator backed by the United States,

1491
01:28:32,680 --> 01:28:35,640
you know what I mean. So I think that for me,

1492
01:28:35,840 --> 01:28:41,760
that's also important context. Yes, same same. Also she talks

1493
01:28:41,760 --> 01:28:44,720
about how an interview interview with I think it was

1494
01:28:44,800 --> 01:28:49,359
like what's that podcast called Talking Scared, Talking Scared. She

1495
01:28:49,479 --> 01:28:52,359
mentions how she went to a Catholic school and she

1496
01:28:52,560 --> 01:28:55,079
very much like at the back of writing the Uniworthy,

1497
01:28:55,199 --> 01:29:00,079
that experience was in her mind where they were it

1498
01:29:00,199 --> 01:29:04,840
was fostered for them to live in this competitive environment

1499
01:29:04,920 --> 01:29:08,039
where they were telling about each other. Yeah, and that's

1500
01:29:08,079 --> 01:29:10,359
exactly what I'm saying, that this is a version of

1501
01:29:10,640 --> 01:29:17,880
what like Catholic schools today. Yes, Catholicism has spread around already, right,

1502
01:29:17,960 --> 01:29:20,920
it's like an established religion. But how did it get there?

1503
01:29:21,359 --> 01:29:27,880
Through colonization, through colonialism, through violence, through genocide. So we

1504
01:29:28,199 --> 01:29:31,319
no matter how much Catholics want to try, and this

1505
01:29:31,439 --> 01:29:33,720
is why I will never really be able to come

1506
01:29:33,800 --> 01:29:37,760
back to the religion, no matter how much we try.

1507
01:29:38,359 --> 01:29:41,399
We can't separate Catholicism from the violence they enacted on

1508
01:29:41,520 --> 01:29:44,119
the indigenous and the whole reason why we are here

1509
01:29:44,279 --> 01:29:48,159
as you know mesicos today. Yeah, we can't separate the

1510
01:29:48,239 --> 01:29:51,680
violence from that. Yeah, and not only in Latin America,

1511
01:29:51,760 --> 01:29:58,119
throughout the world. Oh yeah, yeah, so yeah, yeah, And

1512
01:29:58,279 --> 01:30:03,960
that was our discussion questions. I love it, those of them, right, Okay,

1513
01:30:04,119 --> 01:30:07,479
so rating what what did you rate this? Five cockroaches

1514
01:30:07,520 --> 01:30:10,000
out of five cockroaches? Oh my god, I love that.

1515
01:30:10,520 --> 01:30:13,800
I was going to say five pages of a journal

1516
01:30:13,880 --> 01:30:18,520
out of five. Yeah, it is, it is, Yeah, it

1517
01:30:18,640 --> 01:30:21,279
is a five out of five for me. I wouldn't

1518
01:30:21,359 --> 01:30:25,000
recommend this to everyone, but it's not for everyone. But

1519
01:30:25,560 --> 01:30:31,239
if you don't mind gore and violence, if you want

1520
01:30:31,279 --> 01:30:35,520
to feel disgusted while you're reading, then then this is

1521
01:30:35,560 --> 01:30:37,880
for you. It was like a combination of feeling like

1522
01:30:38,039 --> 01:30:41,920
horrified and like sick to my stomach, but feeling hope

1523
01:30:42,760 --> 01:30:46,000
as well. What what a crazy combination? And if you

1524
01:30:46,119 --> 01:30:49,000
want to feel that, then we recommend this. Yes, no,

1525
01:30:49,159 --> 01:30:52,279
I done? Yeah, oh sorry, I want to add one

1526
01:30:52,319 --> 01:30:55,279
more thing. I just remembered. I saw a lot of

1527
01:30:55,359 --> 01:30:58,319
reviews that they're like, oh, nothing happens me me, and

1528
01:30:58,520 --> 01:31:02,319
like for me, I'm such like if the writing is beautiful,

1529
01:31:02,359 --> 01:31:04,319
which it is here and that's why I wanted to

1530
01:31:04,319 --> 01:31:07,399
share some of the quotes that I did, like absolutely

1531
01:31:07,600 --> 01:31:10,880
nothing can happen in a book, but if the writing

1532
01:31:11,000 --> 01:31:13,560
is beautiful, I will love it. And that was another

1533
01:31:14,119 --> 01:31:17,119
what do they mean nothing happened, a lot happened, or

1534
01:31:17,279 --> 01:31:20,159
a lot happened. Yeah, we saw her. But some people

1535
01:31:20,319 --> 01:31:22,640
need like an action packed book. And to those people,

1536
01:31:22,960 --> 01:31:25,319
I say, where's your brain? Now? I'm just kidding. I'm

1537
01:31:25,359 --> 01:31:27,039
just kidding because I only have half a brain cell,

1538
01:31:27,079 --> 01:31:30,159
you know, and again together we have one brain cell. Yes,

1539
01:31:30,800 --> 01:31:33,279
but yeah, that's what I saw about the book, and

1540
01:31:33,399 --> 01:31:37,880
I agree. But everyone has their own taste. But I

1541
01:31:38,039 --> 01:31:43,399
will I will say, if you don't like an unreliable narrator,

1542
01:31:44,479 --> 01:31:46,880
who you don't know if you can trust her. She's

1543
01:31:46,920 --> 01:31:50,159
crossing things out. She's I fully trusted her. I believe

1544
01:31:50,239 --> 01:31:53,800
every word. I don't care. But you and I I

1545
01:31:53,840 --> 01:31:57,319
see also like we also love unreliable narrators. Okay, no,

1546
01:31:57,560 --> 01:32:00,359
she is she is. We don't know so much. And

1547
01:32:00,479 --> 01:32:04,079
if you if you need to know what has happened, okay,

1548
01:32:04,079 --> 01:32:07,239
And if you need to know that narrator is I saw. Yeah,

1549
01:32:07,319 --> 01:32:08,840
if you need to know, then this is not for you.

1550
01:32:08,960 --> 01:32:10,840
But if you want to live in the unknown, if

1551
01:32:10,840 --> 01:32:15,560
you want to confuse, absolutely live for that. Yes, the

1552
01:32:15,640 --> 01:32:21,479
world is grey. Everything is a question. Why do you

1553
01:32:21,560 --> 01:32:24,600
say it like that? Sometimes I just say things weird?

1554
01:32:24,680 --> 01:32:27,199
You know, I know I do. It's the it's the

1555
01:32:27,399 --> 01:32:30,279
it has to match the expression, you know, the sentence.

1556
01:32:31,000 --> 01:32:34,680
But yeah, some people hate it that the cause of

1557
01:32:35,319 --> 01:32:37,640
the dystopia is not explained. But it doesn't have to

1558
01:32:37,680 --> 01:32:39,439
be explained. And you know what other book is kind

1559
01:32:39,479 --> 01:32:44,880
of similar to this in that it's someone telling you

1560
01:32:44,960 --> 01:32:49,600
their story. They're not exactly right, are they writing? I

1561
01:32:49,640 --> 01:32:51,439
don't remember she's writing or not, But I who have

1562
01:32:51,560 --> 01:32:54,079
never known men, it's similar to this, and that we

1563
01:32:54,159 --> 01:32:59,199
don't know why they are the situation. Yeah, in that

1564
01:32:59,279 --> 01:33:01,880
situation that they are in. We don't know why they

1565
01:33:01,920 --> 01:33:07,520
were released. It kind of happens. Yeah, nothing happens in

1566
01:33:07,600 --> 01:33:09,680
that one more than this one. But I loved it

1567
01:33:09,880 --> 01:33:12,239
because the writing is beautiful and it makes you wonder,

1568
01:33:12,319 --> 01:33:16,079
it makes you ponder, you know. Yeah, yeah, Okay, I'm done.

1569
01:33:16,199 --> 01:33:19,079
So yeah, that's yeah, that's who I would recommend this

1570
01:33:19,159 --> 01:33:23,479
to and who I would not. Yeah. Yeah, all right, okay,

1571
01:33:24,760 --> 01:33:29,359
two second book of the year as the time of recording.

1572
01:33:30,239 --> 01:33:32,399
By the time I will be like seven months until year.

1573
01:33:33,920 --> 01:33:39,199
Oh yes, next week's episode. Yeah yeah, So what what

1574
01:33:39,359 --> 01:33:42,239
is our next book? Hopefully we can do two more

1575
01:33:42,279 --> 01:33:47,319
books later or this year, because butcha, it's our next book.

1576
01:33:47,600 --> 01:33:50,079
But Chica, Okay, it's our next book. And there's two

1577
01:33:50,159 --> 01:33:52,039
books I for sure want to read that are coming

1578
01:33:52,079 --> 01:33:54,960
out in August that I want to do. But I'm

1579
01:33:55,399 --> 01:33:57,560
three two books in the end of the year. I

1580
01:33:57,600 --> 01:33:59,439
don't know. We'd have to do almost one a month

1581
01:33:59,560 --> 01:34:03,079
because they're it's only I absolutely need to do The

1582
01:34:03,159 --> 01:34:07,119
Possession of a Yeah, yes, is that? Yeah? Yes? And

1583
01:34:07,239 --> 01:34:11,920
then Celi book The be Witching the Bay coming out

1584
01:34:11,960 --> 01:34:14,840
to in August. Yeah, both of them, I think are. Yeah,

1585
01:34:14,960 --> 01:34:18,560
we can do both. I wanted to do both. Okay,

1586
01:34:18,880 --> 01:34:20,800
I guess we can do one and then the next

1587
01:34:20,840 --> 01:34:22,680
one can be the first book for next year. Since

1588
01:34:22,680 --> 01:34:24,119
I don't think we'll be able to we'll see how

1589
01:34:24,600 --> 01:34:28,800
let's let's shoot, yeah, it's doable. It is it should

1590
01:34:28,840 --> 01:34:33,159
be yeah. But yeah, okay, so but Chica and then

1591
01:34:33,199 --> 01:34:35,760
The Possession of the Yeah. So if anyone's coming up

1592
01:34:36,199 --> 01:34:37,960
her birthday, I know I want to buy both of

1593
01:34:38,000 --> 01:34:40,800
them for our birthday. But yeah, if anyone wants to

1594
01:34:40,960 --> 01:34:43,359
join in our on our next book club, we are

1595
01:34:43,399 --> 01:34:46,239
reading but Chica. Bye, hold on. I bought the book

1596
01:34:46,239 --> 01:34:47,840
already because I saw it when I went to that

1597
01:34:48,439 --> 01:34:53,279
wine That's right bookstore. Amazing. I heard mixed reviews already,

1598
01:34:53,399 --> 01:34:56,119
but I never really pay attention to reviews. I like

1599
01:34:56,159 --> 01:35:02,760
to same. But Chica by Carolina Flo said Chiario, Okay, Chiaio,

1600
01:35:03,359 --> 01:35:06,359
that's our next book. Yes, that is our next book.

1601
01:35:06,399 --> 01:35:08,199
I have. I too have seen mixed reviews, but yeah,

1602
01:35:08,319 --> 01:35:11,920
we like forming our own opinions. We shall see. And

1603
01:35:12,319 --> 01:35:14,600
you know, there's been one book that we weren't. It

1604
01:35:14,680 --> 01:35:16,439
wasn't five out of five so far in the book club.

1605
01:35:16,560 --> 01:35:19,720
So I like a three out of five. Three is

1606
01:35:19,760 --> 01:35:22,920
alike for a big deal for it's like a love.

1607
01:35:23,039 --> 01:35:25,359
Five is like a my life is changed for reading this.

1608
01:35:26,199 --> 01:35:28,000
And yeah and even then I had at fives like

1609
01:35:28,079 --> 01:35:31,520
candy sometimes, so no, I hand out five is like

1610
01:35:31,600 --> 01:35:34,279
candy for sure. Yeah, so yeah, that's our next book.

1611
01:35:34,439 --> 01:35:36,479
And then yeah, we already said the one after which

1612
01:35:36,560 --> 01:35:39,039
is going to be the position of Albadas. And hopefully

1613
01:35:39,159 --> 01:35:41,000
if we still have time to be witching, they'll be

1614
01:35:41,039 --> 01:35:44,680
witching by Siria Barcia, who right now has the most

1615
01:35:44,720 --> 01:35:47,840
books in our book club. Yeah we love her though,

1616
01:35:47,920 --> 01:35:50,960
we do. Yeah, so yeah, you have the books, we

1617
01:35:51,119 --> 01:35:53,479
have listed of them. Now we have to read them.

1618
01:35:53,840 --> 01:35:57,159
Let's do it. Let's do it. Yes, okay, And other

1619
01:35:57,279 --> 01:35:59,840
than that, let us know your thoughts. We love seeing them.

1620
01:36:01,119 --> 01:36:06,560
And yeah, stay a spooky and I don't know, watch

1621
01:36:06,600 --> 01:36:12,560
out for giant rats and arc and chairs please please yeah, alright,

1622
01:36:12,760 --> 01:36:19,239
bye bye. A Book Tells is hosted by Christina and Carmen,

1623
01:36:19,399 --> 01:36:23,039
produced and edited by Christina, researched by Christina Carmen and

1624
01:36:23,279 --> 01:36:25,720
with the help of Don Shout Out Don. If you

1625
01:36:25,760 --> 01:36:28,279
aren't joining the podcast considerably going to say five star review,

1626
01:36:28,359 --> 01:36:30,119
we would really appreciate it. If you don't want to

1627
01:36:30,159 --> 01:36:32,439
the professor review, just don't leave a review, but don't

1628
01:36:32,479 --> 01:36:34,720
leave anything lower than that, please, I'm just kidding. You

1629
01:36:34,840 --> 01:36:37,279
can reach out to the podcast at a spooktos at

1630
01:36:37,319 --> 01:36:39,159
gmail dot com. You can go to our website at

1631
01:36:39,159 --> 01:36:42,399
bookitos dot com and fill out the contact form. If

1632
01:36:42,439 --> 01:36:44,439
you want to support the podcast, you can join our

1633
01:36:44,520 --> 01:36:48,760
Patreon where we send exclusive stickers, have bonus episodes. Eight

1634
01:36:48,800 --> 01:36:52,000
dollar members get an exclusive keychain. It's super cool. I

1635
01:36:52,319 --> 01:36:54,760
got new ones and these ones are huge. And if

1636
01:36:54,840 --> 01:36:57,000
you want to support but you can or don't want

1637
01:36:57,039 --> 01:36:59,279
to join the patreon, that's fine too. You can also

1638
01:36:59,439 --> 01:37:02,520
get some merch you can find suret says say a

1639
01:37:02,600 --> 01:37:05,640
spooky and old English letters. There's a beanie. I love

1640
01:37:05,680 --> 01:37:09,960
the beanie. There's also a hat. There's a no Mamous shirt,

1641
01:37:10,399 --> 01:37:13,279
which is a fan favorite. There's a lot of options,

1642
01:37:13,359 --> 01:37:16,479
crap tops, sweaters. It's almost swetter weather. We're nearing a

1643
01:37:16,520 --> 01:37:19,760
spookie season, so yeah, get your hoodies. You're gonna need them.

1644
01:37:19,840 --> 01:37:21,640
If you don't want to do all that, that's fine too.

1645
01:37:21,880 --> 01:37:24,399
You can just listen like you're listening now, and that's

1646
01:37:24,479 --> 01:37:25,920
the best support that you can give us, like I

1647
01:37:26,039 --> 01:37:28,600
always say in our ad break and yeah, if you

1648
01:37:28,800 --> 01:37:33,439
like history, you can follow Estoria's Unknown Mining, Carmen's other podcasts,

1649
01:37:34,000 --> 01:37:36,119
and you can find as Spooky tails on all of

1650
01:37:36,159 --> 01:37:39,159
our socials at a Spooky Tells All. This is in

1651
01:37:39,279 --> 01:37:42,960
the show notes and we appreciate every single listen. Thank

1652
01:37:43,000 --> 01:37:44,720
you so much, stay as spooky