Speaker 1: Hi, this is Christina and Carmen and this is another
episode of his Booky tells the podcast for all Things
is Bookie Hunted, plazas, myths, legends, sometimes to crime, but
today book Club, book book Club. Yes, we are finally
discussing the unworthy. It's been months. It's just what only
our second book of the year and we're halfway into
the year. What is wrong? But that's about how long
it takes for us, like three ish months. Usually it's
not even like we read it so fast and then
we just like delayed that we don't note, write our
recap notes and then sit down to record it. Yeah,
that's what happens, because I finished this so fast. But
you know what, I'm glad that I listened to it
and I read it, and then I sort of reread
it to recap it, and then I listened to other
podcasts about it because oh my god, I miss so
much because I'm down the same same. Yeah, so what
happens to your dumb and you read you know? Yeah,
like I was gonna say, if you don't know how
our book Club episodes work, we do a very short
on spoiler summary that's just the back of the book. Yeah,
so we let you know those synopsis from the book, yes,
the synopsis from the book, and then after that it's
a recap of the book like a recap, then discussion
questions throughout the recap, we do give our opinions. But
I love a recap. So I love a recap because
sometimes we talk about just doing a discussion without a recap,
but then because we love we love a rec I
love to rehash and talk about the same thing over
and over again. And that's kind of what a recap
is because we already talked about it, me and Christina, Yeah,
and I listened to other podcasts talking about it, and
now we are rehashing, rehashing, recapping, yapping. Yeah. Yeah. And
also we did just last minute wish that we had
some Nun outfits ready so we could dress up on theme.
Maybe something we'll explore for the next book club. If
there's a costume that applies to it. I think that
would be fun. But Adam, it was too late for
this one, but this one would have been perfect. It
would Okay, do you want to read the synopo and
I'll do the recap. Of course, I was just gonna say,
should I read the synopsis. Yeah, all right, so here's
the synopsis from her cell. In a mysterious convent, cloistered
away from the climate catastrophe that has plunged the world
into chaos, a woman writes the story of her life
in whatever she can find, discarded ink and even her
own blood. A lower member of the Sacred's Sisterhood, deemed
and unworthy, she dreams of ascending to the ranks of
the enlightened at the center of the convent, and of
pleasing the forbidding superior sister. But when a strange newcomer
joins the ranks of the unworthy, their narrator is forced
to consider her long buried past. As she grows closer
to the newcomer, she is increasingly hunted by questions that
she can no longer ignore. How does she get to
the Sacre's sisterhood, Why can't you remember her life before?
And what really happens when a woman is chosen to
be enlightened? Nundown also, look at this cover. Bam, I'm
glad we have this one and not one of the
other comforts I've seen around. I haven't seen the other one.
The one has like a cockroach. I think, Oh, I
couldnot own that. I would throw up immediately, I or never,
I would not have bought it. No, yeah, no, this
one I really like. I love the ombre too on
the nun out it. Yes, it's pretty and like ominous,
like what is she looking at? And then and then
you turn it and you're like, what are they doing?
This is a cult? Yeah yeah, and then you read
the synopsis and you're like, yeah, this is a cult.
Yeah yeah. Before I guess, before we get to the recap,
did you picture anybody as any specific characters? I actually didn't, Okay,
I didn't until we were talking about it right now,
and I'm not picturing anyone specific, but I'm picturing the
what was the movie you want to watch? The Omen,
the prequel to the Omen, the first Omen, the First No,
I'm picturing like that vibe because of the nuns. Oh yeah,
I like it. I agree. Okay. So we start off
the book very dark and grossly very gross, very gross,
with the narrator who never has a name. We never
find her name out, she's just the narrator. Very interesting,
very interesting choice there. Yeah. The narrator describes screams she
hears and she hopes it's Ludez, another woman in the convent.
And so then the narrator she hates Ludius by the
way Ludeus and her Ludeth is a bitch. Yeah, there's
there's a reason. There's a reason for it. Yeah. So
the narrator then trigger warning puts cockroaches in Ludeth's pillowcase
and she sews it up. And I'm not even going
to describe it. It's disgusting. I was reading and I
was like, oh, because I was reading, Yeah, that part
horrior fine, And it's literally the first like five pages
that was actually like when I was listening to it,
I was able to that out. I think my mind
instinctly turned it out. But then I read it and
I was like, I read that part I didn't listen
so gross, And immediately I'm like, this is the worst
thing I've ever read. Why are they doing this? I
feel attacked? Yeah, personally personally because we hate cockroaches. Raise
your hand. Have you been victimized by Agustina Baserka? But yeah,
it's disgusting, and so yeah, she uses the cockroaches to
torture lure this and then she talks about how she
tortures cockroaches and so again gross will get right and
other parts that I was like. And we then learned
that the narrator is writing in secret. She's living in
a convent, and she talks about the priests or monks
or religious men because they don't know specifically who used
to live there before the world went to shit. And
I don't remember she he mentioned it here, but throughout
the book she talks about some of the women being
haunted by the monks or priests whatever they were. Oh,
that's right, I forgot about that, but yeah, I don't
remember she says a hero, but it is said throughout. Yeah.
So then some kind of ceremony is going on, and
I thought this was a good place to go over
the hierarchy of the Sacred Sisterhood. Yes, perfect, And I
was still kind of confused by some of it, but
we'll get into it. So in the top of the hierarchy,
we have the unseen omnipoent Patriarch, who it's just referred
to as He Capital H or Kim Capital H. Yeah,
and then we have the Sister Superior, who's a raging bitch.
Something is wrong with her. Then we have the wait,
this is where I was confused because they say the enlightened,
But now I think the enlightened encompasses the full auras
or the light in its own thing. No, it's its
own hall, I think. So yeah, yeah, So then we
have the enlightened who locked away unseen. This is what
they're The people in the cult are aspiring to be. Yeah,
they're a spirtos in enlightened. And once they're chosen to
be enlightened, they're locked away in another area of nobody
sees them, but their screams can be heard. No one
knows why. So I'm like, oh my god, what's going on?
What is happening to them? So then after the enlightened,
we have full auras, and these are women who have
been mutilated, but it's like a good thing to them.
And they have their tongues cut out and their ear
dumps destroyed and their eyelids son shut and this is
so they can be closer. I describe it later, but
basically so they can like interpret God's their version of
God's messages. I think that this was the full hours. Yeah,
like I really akin to like the worst versions of
like self flagile yadeline in fulations, yes, flatulation, like flaguline
and then we have Daphnis spirits, who I know they seeing,
but I don't remember what. Right, I think their islands
are so shut as well, if I remembering right, I
don't know. And then there's minor saints, which are different
than Deaf and his spirits, right yeah. And then the unworthy,
who are given shelter but have no honors or privileges.
And then the servants, who are the bottom rung of
the bottom, and they basically serve everybody, even the unworthy.
That's how low they are, yeah, even the gross unworthy. Yeah.
So back to the ceremony. So three minor saints enter
the chapel, which they call the Chapel of Ascension, and
the narrator describes this is just gory right away immediately, yeah. Yeah.
The narrator describes blood running down one of the minor
saints cheeks, and the narrator blames this on another unworthy, Marielle,
saying that Marielle did a shitty job sowing the minor
saint's eyes shut. Oh. So yeah, again, we learn right
away that's a violent, violent place, or where violence is normaliance.
We also learned that the women here are stripped of
their identities, since the narrator wonders what Marielle's name used
to be. So, yeah, they once they get accepted officially
a new name. We then meet the weirdest bitch in
this book, and all of them are kind of weird,
but she takes the cake. Yeah, and I'm like, Okay,
maybe going through the climate wars and the fall society
will do that to a person. I mean, I would
just be dead. I wouldn't I wouldn't make it that.
I would have killed myself immediately. And yeah, we're talking
about the Superior sister. Yeah, the weirdest, craziest bitch in
the book, the craziest bitch in the I just don't
say a monastery again, convent, convent. So and apparently the
Sapier sister dresses like she's in the military, like combat
boots and all. Yeah, so this is like a very
dark cadet. Kelly, tell me why I pictured the from
Matilda is a what's her name? But then yes, you're right,
then later not to say this. You know, the woman
from Matilda, I forgot what her I think people will
know who I'm talking about, the principal or director of
the school in Matilda. Yeah, I forgot what her job
is in the school. That's why I didn't know Thornbul
thurn Bul. Yeah, yeah, I know, I don't remember the name,
but I know that's why I pictured as the peer's sister.
But then the narrator talks about how beautiful a peer
sister is, and that's why I went to Condet Kelly. Yeah,
I think that's maybe more more fitting. But she just
doesn't give off like horrible, mean, crazy vibes like that.
But no, right, you know, I don't know. I was
windul but evil, Yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah. And we
also learned that he or him the patriarch is at
the altar behind the screen very owz like yeah, and
only the chosen and the enlightened have the privilege of
seeing him. So then he goes on to give a sermon,
and basically he's saying that to enlightened, you have to
give up your origin and your belief in the Christian
God and Christianity, who he and everyone in the convent
refers to as the erroneous God, the false Son, and
the negative Mother. I was like, oh, who, snap makes
I love these names? Yeah, like this song the false
Son anyway, and then he calls him unworthy, which he
does basically every time he's at the fucking chapel. He's like,
you freaking unworthy bitches, and I think, bitch, no, I
say that, yes, yes. So the Minor Saints go on
to sing a hymn which a nator narrator calls the
primary hymn, and apparently only the Minor Saints know this
language of the hymn soul. They're the only ones allowed
to sing it. And then he explains to him and
he's saying that it's about God protecting them from contamination
through the enlightened, and this is when he says one
of their favorite phrases, say with me without faith, there
is huge And the narrator goes on to talk about
the Minor Saints and how saintly they are, and we
learn more about the beliefs behind the middilation of the
Minor Saints that you're like, why why, Yeah, you're kind
of like, what the fuck is going on? What is
going on? Like Jim in the episode of the Office,
I forgot, I think it's the fire, yeah, alarm one.
And you know what, reading the book kind of made
you feel like that it was very much what is
going on. Yeah, yeah, so we learned that their eyes
are son shut so that they're not distracted by anything
and can capture the irreverbations of God prolongation of a sound. Yeah,
I mean it sounds just like an excuse to soilverariye,
so of course, Yeah, I just didn't know where robations meant.
Oh but yeah, it's just an excuse to torture. Very unnecessary,
extremely every closed their eyes. Everything that happens here, it's unnecessary. Honestly,
they have to build a hierarchy. They have to. Well
it's a cult, so it is. It's an essential thing
of cults. Yeah. To a reader, you're like, why, what
the fuck? Why the fuck? Yeah, the Minor Saints also
support these sacred crystals and wear white tunics that symbolize
their purity. Back to the ceremony, the Minor Saints, I
start bleeding and in unison again because Marielle did a
shitty job, so in their eyes. She's so all of
their eyes I guess, so these are new Yeah, all
of the minor Saints. I start bleeding, and in the beginning,
only one of them, one of their eyes is bleeding, right, Okay,
And so then the narrator is like fucking Mariel, and
then she starts fantasizing about who will have the honor
of cleaning up the blood of the minor saints because
it's an honor. Yeah, treating the minor Saints' injuries and
punishing Mariel. They're vary into punishing each other very cold
like again, yeah, because this is a cult basically, and
I mean that as extreme as it is in this book,
that is a very realistic thing with a cultea organization,
even if it's not a full blown cult yet any
organization group. Yeah, yes, yes, there's gonna be yeah, people
stepping over each other, rating each other out, and those
are just minor, minor versions of what's going on in
this book. And yeah, there's a system of snitching a
culture snitching on each other that's encouraged, and it's like
of sul the guise of competitive nets, supervising each other
but almost what is a word I'm thinking of another
word like watching each other, but yeah, surveillance in each other. Yes, wow, yeah,
we got that. I was joking with my friend, oh La,
how I only have half a brain cell and she's like,
what where's the other half? And I was like, oh,
Christina has it and together we have fun functioning brains.
So that was a ceremony. The Superior Sister dismisses them
after one of the minor saints faints. The narrator wonders
about him as in capital h him, and she talks
about some rumors, like some say that he's so beautiful
that it hurts to look at him. But again except
Manny Jacinto, he is so beautiful. His cheekbones are amazing.
They almost do her to look at No, so sharp. Yeah. Yeah.
The narrator ends up being the one to clean the blood,
and then she's even like should I lock it? Like
what if it purifies me? And I think she does
if I remember right, Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And
Luis is the one who gets to punish Mariella. And
Lusis loves the ship, she eats, She lives for it. Yeah,
she lives. This is her thing. Very sadistic, yeah, extremely
and so yeah, rumors have it that lure this is
going to have Marielle strip naked again. This is very
gross and stick in her body. And she's like so excited.
Yeah yeah, she's like corny for it. No, there's like
a level of yeah, no, I know, yeah, yeah, we're
too much over this. Yes, while the narrator is cleaning
up the blood, she sees a full aura and we
learn that full auras well. I mentioned it already because
they added it up there. But yeah, they're also mutilated.
Their ear drums are perforated so that noise does not
distract them. And we also learned that the full auras understand,
supposedly understand, supposedly support the supposedly they understand the divine
signals from God, and that's why they have marks kind
of like open wounds on their bodies that never heal.
It's so very much. What's the other thing. There's a
movie with the same name, Stigmata. Oh I never watched that,
but I've heard of it. Yeah, very Stigmata. Like here,
I mean, this is like putting the worst parts of well, again,
we're all religions. I was gonna say the worst parts
of Catholicism. Yeah, Catholic vibes. So yeah, and they have
wounds that never heal because understanding the messages from God
leaves marks on their bodies so that they never forget
his presence. That's the reasoning the logic. We're dealing with here.
So the narrator here is the full Aura talking, but
she doesn't doesn't understand her because full Auras have their
own language, and I believe each kind of rank has
her own language, like the full Oors have a different
language than the migasines. So soon the supier sister comes
in to take the full Aura away because she's supposed
to stay at the full or quarters. See, this is
why I was wondering if the full Ooras are the
same as Enlightened, because then they're also locked away. I
just I understand are both locked away. Okay, that could
be the case. Yeah, but we could both be wrong
and let us know what you don't. Yeah. So then yeah,
they're supposed to be locked away behind the chapel, and
only the Supior sister and he have access to those quarters,
which is why I thought they were the Enlightened as well.
And at first I thought the Lightened was a combination
or not combination, but encompassing the full Ores and the
minor saints. But I'm not sure. Maybe there's levels where
there's like like that. The Enlighten is the top, but
they're all part of the same higher Obviously they're worth
the Chosen. I still think that. Sometimes she says chosen
as well, And so maybe what I'm thinking is that
chosen encompasses. They enlightened the full auras and the minor scenes.
I think that sounds more right. Yeah, maybe we'll go
with that for now. Yeah, unless someone understood it better
than Yeah, again, we're dumb. So yeah, keep that in mind.
Keep that in mind as you listen to any episode. Okay,
So the nator mentions she can't tell any of the
unworthy about seeing the full Aura because then she'll get
in trouble and be sent to the Tower of Silence,
where she'd be ambeddoned without food or water. And this
is like an open air like tower. Yeah, that they
lock people away for punishment. The narrator then talks about
the links that she goes through to write and hide
her written pages, and she says that despite the danger,
she writes because she doesn't want to forget who she
was before coming to the Sacred Sisterhood. The narrators the
next entry talks about the severity severity of the climate
disaster in the world. There's a haze that's cold and sticky.
Some of the women in the convent get skin reactions
like burning and pain from this haze, and it makes
it hard to breathe. So to cope with this or
to try and prove the situation, the unworthy have to
make sacrifices like fasting, walking on their knees, and the
enlightened keep telling everyone it's more like him and tower
puir sister supposedly through the enlighten because they're the ones
that get the messages or whatever. Anyway, they keep telling
everyone that without faith there's no refuge, and that they
also tell the unworthy that they need to keep making
so sacrifices, and some unworthy even offered to clean the
pustels of these servants. And the servants are made servants
because they are like marked from the contamination outside. They
have like pushels, blotches, lumps, black stores, missing teeth. So
this haze doesn't affect everyone, No, it does. But so
you know how they all come from basically outside, They
find their way to the convent and then they either
get a stype that or don't. But then some people
from being outside from the environment, it's just yeah, pustules, blotches, lumps,
missing teeth, hair, and they're the ones that are made
servants because in order to be higher than that, you
have to have basically you can't be like contaminated like that. Okay,
I see, but this haze that is now coming around,
like it's when they're it's like present day, this haze
is happening, and the unworthy are having to make sacrifices
to make it go away supposedly supposedly right, and yeah,
some of them are getting skin reactions, but from it's
not like permanent, like the circy goes away. Yeah, okay,
And so finally eight days later, the Hayes lifts. During
those days, the narrator is lashed by Luddez because their
collected sacrifices weren't enough. She's like, here's more sacrifice, bitch.
Another reason for the narrator to dislike lu this. Yeah. Yeah,
So the narrator goes out into the forest to check
the traps. She said, like sometimes she gets animals and
they use that, you know, for the food. And but
what's interesting is that throughout the book, the narrator crosses
the words and sometimes other phrases and whole sentences or
paragraphs from her writing. She crosses out. I have to
add did you listen to the audiobook? Yeah, and tell
me why I didn't notice. Oh, okay, so in the audiobook,
these parts she whispers yeah, or she'll say it more
like frantically. It's so well done. But yeah, I noticed
how frantic she sounded. The narrator, the voice actor, I know,
you recall it was so good, so good. Yeah, but
in the parts in the book that are crossed out
in the in the audiobook is when she's whispering or
like yeah, whispering and talking faster and more like desperate,
and then she goes back to her other voice and
the parts that are knock crossed out, And I was like, wow,
that's that was so interesting, interesting and you ding yeah,
and so yeah, she crosses the word what's out and
we found out we find out later why and it's horrible. Yeah.
And I didn't put that together until I was reading
so basically my third read. Yeah, I didn't put it
together until I listened to someone else talking about it
and that podcast, and then I was like, oh my god,
that's why she wrote. Yeah, the traps are empty, and
we learned that the enlightened she's just yapping, you know,
about life there and we learned that the enlightened eat
well while everyone else eats crickets and everything of crickets. Yeah,
another reason to want to be enlightened, because you're like,
why do you want to be enlightened? But why wouldn't you?
If they eat better? Sure they you hear them screaming,
but you don't know why. You don't know why they're screaming.
It could be anything. And yeah, they get to eat
actual food or while everyone else eats cricket soup, cricket bread,
cricket snacks, cricket twenty four and seven of course. Yeah,
So while she's out in the woods, she thinks she
sees a silhouette of another person, but she runs away
and fear that that person might be contaminated. She then
recalls another time when a wanderer managed to find their
way into the convent and ended up dying, and the
servant who cared for the wonder was burned alive by
the superior sister because the fear of contamination. Yeah, this
is so gruesome, so sadistic. And we learned that the
Sisterhood doesn't allow children, men, or elderly into their convent. Suspicious,
very suspicious, and he capital h He tells them that
all of the children, men and elderly died from wars, starvation,
or sadness. But here, even here, the narrator is questioning,
beginning to question or this whole time, she's like, some
of these things don't add at it. And you know,
that's why she was never meant to be enlightened. She
was never going to be enlightened. She's out here writing
her past, so she doesn't forget it. She's out here questioning,
like she was never gonna make it. She has too
much critical thinking skills and too much independence. Yeah, and
as much as she says she wanted it and she's
striving for it, she does. She's it the whole time. Yeah. Yeah.
So then she's like, wait, that's not true because she
knows that some of the men have made it to
the wall of the convent and were then killed. So
then we learned that in the past one of the
women let a man in. Oh oh, and she managed
to hide him. But soon the woman that did this
sal oh, she was pregnant. She done got knocked up.
And the way that they write pregnant is so interesting.
Her womb swelled with sin, right, it's all part of
part of the control the cold, the religion, Like of
course they're gonna not just say pregnant swollen with sin. Yes,
that was crazy, mm hmm, fascinating. I was like, yes,
the use of language, I was like, oh my god.
So then the woman ends up being tortured by the
Sapior sister who again, and this is how the narrator
describes it, but the Saperior sister seems to be getting
off on this on this torture, I felt so disgusting,
like I couldn't even like, I just I felt like
I needed to go shower, and like I don't know,
pray actually not pray. Yeah, no, So then and then
we never learned and the narrator never learned what happened
to the man, but probably he was killed. The narrator
briefly recalls her own time as a wonder and that
a woman in the convent named Elena was the one
who led her into the sisterhood. And it's also interesting
the way she refers to Elena. What does she say,
usually like the the not the troubled one, but basically
the one who's she uses specific words. I didn't write
it down, she does. I can't remember either, Yeah, like
treacherous one, something like that, ding like that. Yeah, again,
very interesting because she wasn't supposed to let her in. No,
she wasn't. She'd snuck her in, and so like take
this for example. She said, that's where she is the fearless.
Then she crossed out the fearless. Then she said the
undisciplined one Elena. And you could say she was undisciplined
because she, like our narrator, makes her own rules. She
keeps a part of herself in this environment which is
meant to just like the narrator. Yeah, and who and
the narrator later does the same thing, Yeah, Elena did. So.
Then some more torture and abuse happens, including abuse between
the unworthy. Again, they all seem to value hurting each
other because that's what this culture has. The culture that
has been fostered is basically this. So they hurt each
other in order to be in good standing with him
and the superior's sister. And the narrator finds herself thinking
of Elena and Loki. It sounds like she was in
love with her, right, but yeah, I didn't want to
admit it. She's like, oh, she was so beautiful and
maybe that's why she was so changed, so often changing
the way she describes her in the book, crossing it
out like no, I can't see, I can't I can't
admit to this. But yeah, she definitely wanted her, and
I mean, you know, she was for sure staffag, she
was for sure lesbian. Oh yeah, so because you know
Elena wasn't her only interest. No, she First of all,
she finds she described almost other women at some point.
It is beautiful. So yes, yeah, yeah, which is fine,
yea good for her, except that it's a cult. Yeah,
like this would have been the perfect place for her,
surrounded by beautiful women, but it's a cult. Yeah, and
as we know, in cults only usually the leader is
allowed some sort of unless it's a different kind of coal. Yeah,
I guess specific rules. Yeah. So then the narrator talks
about visiting Elena's grave, and then from what I understood here,
the narrator I think she talks about her again later
from remembering right, the narrator snitched on Elena for still
believing in the false God and in fear that Elena
would stitch on her. Because Elena found the narrator's writings
and I ended up being killed for still believing in
the false God. I forgot what they find, like a
crucifix or something. Maybe, yeah, it's a crucifix. I'm pretty sure.
Later on another women is hiding a crucifix. That's why
I could remember. It's either a crucifix or like a
road yeah, algoascine. Yeah, and so yeah, she's just reminiscing
about that. And then so a minor saint dies and
the sisterhood holds a funeral, and they actually like having
funerals because they get to dress up and they do
they get to eat food they don't normally eat, kind
of like a party. Yeah. So then one wonders here,
one begins to wonder, how often is someone dying? Why
are the minor saints dying? Like what's going on? Well,
it sounds like very often. If like Elena herself was
killed for finding this, right, it seems that the enlightened
eventually are either killed or die a lot. And then
maybe in the violence that they're experiencing with the whole
isiler situation and everything the self like cutting that eventually
the aura or what are the foul uras? Yeah, are
also dying, Like I think there's a lot of them
are dying. Yeah. Yeah. So then he goes on to
deliver a sermon, talking hell of shit, and I found
the sermon, so I don't think fascinating is the right word,
but I want fascinating, so unpleasant, disturbingly fascinating. So this
is on page twenty seven. He says, you are she
wolves and gendering poison, a battalion inseminated by perdition, an atrocity,
a sack of feated putrification, no putre faction, a seedbed
of disgraceful lucubraiters, unworthy, homicidal women. And then he tells
them that one of the minor saints was killed. But
I was like, man, he's such a hater. Oh yeah,
hates these women, he does, he does. So, yeah, one
of the minor saints is killed. He blames the unworthy,
but the unworthy don't know why. The spider SAYT died.
It's probably him. It is him, we find eye later.
You're right, yeah, but he's blaming the woman, you know,
to put off attention from himself. Yeah, and to foster
more fear, more discipline, more examples. So then yeah, this
leads the unworthy to punish themselves, and they like, he
tells them unworthy or a minor saint has been killed
for sacred crystal stolen, and so then there's like an
aspect of performance in these ceremonies and it's encouraged like
by him and the Superior Sister. And so then the
unworthy heard this news and they start pulling their hair out,
scratching at their faces and chests. Oh yeah, it's so disturbing. Yeah,
And so then the Superior Sister orders them to take
off their veils, which is kind of unheard of for
them to do. And then a servant brings the Superior
sister a whip, and the narrator describes how meticulous the
Superior Sister is about choosing the branches for her whips.
And the Superior Sister ends up beating Marielle, who, mind you,
has already been through it more than because she's the
one who was punished by Luis. Yeah, so yeah, she
ends up beating Marielle because supposedly Marielle was someone else
supposed to be watching the minor saints, and supposedly this
minor saint died because she was a being watched. Probably
what I watch, Yeah, and so then while Marielle is
getting beat up, she ends up praying to the false
god in a forbidden language and she gets beating me
wars and again. The narrator described that the Superior Sister
seems to be getting off on this, She's enjoying it.
She even describes she's like, oh her her breast change
and it sounds like she's moaning. I was like, I
got the chose reading that part. Yeah, me too, so disturbing. Yeah,
so more horrible violence. Next, the Superior Sister ends up
setting my Dan on fire with the help of the servants,
and LUTH's on her friends, but more like her minions,
because this is not really a friendly you know, environm friends. Yeah. Yeah,
so Ludths on her minions end up. They start planning
the minor saint funeral, but before the funeral is held,
another environmental hazard happens. There's a poisonous air. So he
delivers another sermon, and I don't know if it's necessarily
a sermon, but he basically tells you worthy it's their
vault for the poisoner. And this is where he calls
them bitches and all this shit. Yeah, unhinged, like you
fucking you're the bitch. Yeah. Yeah. The superior sister sends
the narrator out to the woods to gather mushrooms, and
then on her way over there, the narrator runs into
another deaph in his spirit and she mentions how they're
tongues are cut off, and then here she writes that
she doesn't actually want to be chosen because she doesn't
want to be mutilated. But then she crosses that out
so interesting. It's actually she's like, this is this is
difficult for her. She's like, yeah, she's looking forth grappling.
That's the word than I wanted to say. That's her
thing together with our one brain, so we make words.
So the narrator kind of chose. While she's out there,
she lives in the grass, she thinks about Elena, how
hot Elena was, and how how Lena used to help
her through nightmares from when she was a wonderer, and
she talks about how she hasn't had any more nightmare
since Elena died, and it turns out he Elena died
by being buried alive, so oh my god, terrible. Yeah,
And so once again, while the narrator is out in
the woods, she thinks she sees someone out there, and
she wonders if it's a wonder or if it's a
one of the ghosts of the monks that used to
live there. So then while the narrator is looking for mushrooms,
she thinks again about Elena, and there's a tree trunk
that they used to cuddle in, so she's looking for
that tree. You're thinking about the tree I remember. But anyway,
she finally sees the wonder, who is dirty but doesn't
seem to be contaminated. But the narrator is still afraid
of being contaminated because it's also something that's pushed in
the convent right that the world is contaminated, the world
is carying, dangerous. Yeah. It very much reminds me of
tender as a flesh. Yeah. So then she runs away,
and then the funeral for the matter saying it finally
takes place. They get to eat pastries, bathe in actual
rain water, And this part was kind of wild. She's
talking about rainwater, how they get to bathed in it,
and then the word rain triggers this memory from the narrator,
and she remembers about the time Maria that the name
was being chosen and how she wanted to be named
the rain and then this pissed off the sap her
sisters so bad that she carved rain onto Maria's back,
unhinged either Beloonda unworthy sparrow Maria, and then called her
an insurgent instead of helping her. So yeah, there's like
a culture of animosity, hatred against each other, competition, very
capitalistic if you will. Oh oh, and so yeah, I
again here I wrote that there's a culture of hating
each other and being cruel to each other. And the
narrator shares the rumors that the Superior sister fought in
the water wars, and yeah, people say that she's not Yah,
that would explain her outfit. Yeah yeah, and the women
in the convent also spread rumors that the Sappier sister
is not actually a woman, that she has super strength,
and that he the patriarch, is her brother. Oh, and
then the narrator says something interesting, but she doesn't finish
the sentence, so we're kind of left like wondering what.
But she says that she knows the Superior Sister is
a woman because and then she doesn't finish that, so
we're like what what because what what? What is she
doing it? Yeah? And then there's a little bit more
on that later. Yeah. So they hold the rest of
the funeral and then a banquet follows. They have coffee,
which they never get to have, and the coffee reminds
the narrator of her mom, which I loved these parts
about her mom. Her mom sounds amazing. Yeah, And it's
like the world that she was trying to survive in
and then the mom was trying to get her to
survive in. It is a brutal world. Oh yeah, there's
no there's a reason that she's grappling so hard with Like,
is this a good place? Do I want to be here?
Do I want to be light in? Because out there
it was bad? Yeah, but there was good and she
has good hand bad memories. But man, that bad was bad.
But the bad here is bad. Dude, there's so good here,
not really, no, exactly. So it's very there's a security
in the sense that even if it's cricket food, you're
eating food. You know, it makes you wonder is security
worth it? Or is security a trap? Ooh, I love
the way your mind works. But I was going to say,
it's a very interesting parallel, No it is, yeah, yeah,
so yeah, her mom loved books and despite the state
of the world, her mom taught her to read and write.
And the narrator hasn't thought about her past in a
long time. It seems like she can't remember much of it,
and we'll do that. Yeah, she mentions that she remembers
it all, but it's so overwhelming that she cries. And
so then here she recalls her time with the group
of kids who were all trying to survive. And this
part I love too, like just knowing that these kids
found each other and the kids were just trying to survive.
So they came together and they started calling each other
the Tarantula kids based off books that she read to them.
And these kids they didn't grow up like her, so
they most of them didn't know how to read or write.
They were in the streets, yeare her, Yeah, And so
she would read them stories. And then she came to
be in charge of like picking which books to burn
for fire, and she loved picking out books and reading
to them and they loved it. They helped each other
in a way. She talks about them with such love. Yes, yeah,
And in a world where everyone is trying to survive
and out to get each other. These kids banded together
and they loved each other, They helped each other, went
out here. The adults were like all out for themselves.
These kids were not. These kids were a family. Yeah,
and oh there, what happened to them? I cried? Yeah,
it was sad. And I like this quote she said
about that. She she says burning a book made me
angry because I knew I was setting fire to a world.
And I was like, oh, yes, yes, so then yeah,
she also talks about a group of adults who ended
up killing her group and she managed to get away.
And she did talk about before these adults kill them,
that her group would spy on them and they saw
horrible things they did to children, And she talks about
the children having marks on their bodies and having dead
empty eyes, and I'm like, what the fuck did they
do to these kids? Yeah? Yeah, so they ended up
killing her friends. It's another very It's like she she
lost her mom and then found this new family. Then
after they are all brutally brutally murdered and she finds Circe.
Mm hmmm. And so she mentioned Circe here, but she
says it's too painful to write about. You're like no,
you're like, what happened? Yeah, yeah. So then the narrator
goes out for late night walk and she walks by
where the Alliance stay and she hears him, but she
notes that he's making sounds that are way different from
when he preaches, and she also hears a soft, broken cry,
So I'm like, okay, d it alludes to yeah, yeah, yes, yes,
and it will yeah yeah, very discussing. So then while
she's out and about, the narrator goes up to the
Tower of Silence where the miner saint who died was
left because this whole time she's been planning to steal
the crystal necklace that the minor saint was warning because
this is a this is a valued item, you know. Yeah.
So then she goes up there, and the inl end
apparently in their beliefs, are too pure to bear to
be buried in the ground. So then that's why they
leave them out in the Tower of Silence, like two
decay up there basically. So then she is up there,
you know, because she plans to steal the necklace or
the crystal, and she notices that the miner saint belly
is swollen. So then you're kind of starting to put
two and two together, right, Yes. So then while she's
coming back down, she sees someone and screams, but then
we don't know who she sees, and well we do
find out later later. Yeah. So then she she screams
and then she all she says is I see her
in scream And then later she writes it was the
woman in the woods, Yes, Lucia, Yeah, we find that
out later later. So then once she's back in her
room and this part was it, yes, kind of wild.
So when she's back in her room, someone opens her
door and just stands there watching her while she pretends
to sleep, and you're like what why so yeah, who
who the fuck? So then that narrator assumes that it's
a sapior sister because this is the habit of hers,
and you're like, she is where you connected? Like why
she knows she's a woman. Yeah, Because then she also
describes that the superior sister has done things to her
that she doesn't want to describe. Yes, so then you're
like okay, And of course, of course the Superior sister
and he capital he are both like these depraved discussing people. Yeah,
because sexuality. It's you know, I just thought I hadn't
thought of this until now, so brain cellsome. But later on,
you know, there's some sexual activity I guess, between Lucia
and the narrator. But it's beautiful, it's beautiful, it's consensuous.
Fireflies are surrounding them because they're so in love and
it's a magical, beautiful moment, and so like everything is
so dark, so violent, and then we have this beautiful
moment of sexual connection between Lucia and the narrator. But
then we have like the sexual violence perpetrated by he,
by him and the spirits sister. And it's a juxtaposition,
if you will. My I mean, this book is full
of it. It's like the comparing how she lived with
her mom, Yeah, how she lived with her family, the
tyrential kids, and then you and then you suddenly get
whipped into the whipping of the convent. So it's yeah,
it's all that's what the book was full of, like
the very huge contradictions between her former life and even
like life within the convent once she finds Lucia, right,
so yeah, So then the narrator describes the wonder begging
for help, and the narrator ends up slapping the wonder
for invoking the false god because she's begging for help,
you know, probably please God help me, you know, something
like that. Yeah, And ultimately the narrator agrees to help
the wander and she tells her to stay up there
in the tower and she will bring her food. And anyway,
this is Lucia, so we'll just call her Lucy efrona while,
although she doesn't get ready a little bit later. Yeah,
So then the narrator tells Lucia to go to the
garden and pretend she fainted there, like she found her
way into the convent into the garden. You know what
I'm surprised about is all the wandering that she can do. Yeah. Yeah,
but there's a will, there's a way. You know, if
you're a stinky bitch, she will sneaky. It won't be
a sneaky bitch everywhere. Yeah. So yeah, she tells the
she tells lucieah to pretend she's been there, you know,
she made her own way there. Not that then error
helped her because it's just faint in the garden, so
that a servant can find her and then she can
be welcomed into the Sisterhood. So the narrator also recalls
the path with her mom, and she mentioned that unlike then,
the Sisterhood doesn't keep track of time, and she also
mentions that there are new seasons. So I thought that
was interesting because it's a very cold like feature. I
guess like there people don't have a sense of time
because everything is like within the cult, you know what
I mean. I wanted to read from the book from
that it's on page any one, she says, we don't
know what year it is. I hope that if someone
is reading these pages they live in a world where
time is measured artificially, even though we know it's a construction,
even though we into it that behind the numericals structure,
there's nothing other than right now. So I'm like, Okay,
maybe it's good total time. Yeah, and then yeah. She
also says, why do I care so much of time
and space disappear When the world has come undone? Will
there be borders in countries again in the future? Today here,
right now, the days don't matter, or the months. They disappear,
like the stand between my fingers without a trace, Except
in this book of the night in this clandestine calendar
where this day could be called the day of the
Deer because that's today. She finds Lucia and she calls
her she because at first she thinks it's like a deer,
so she calls her a deer or that she's don't
like features. Yeah, so I just thought that was interesting,
Like she she craves, like, I think, I think more
not structure, because they kind of have structure there, Yeah,
but they have no control. I think she she craves
having control of her own time and knowing, just knowing.
So then during Lucia's naming ceremony, the narrator is so
aware that Lucia is a clear candidate to become enlightened,
and she knows that the other women in the common
will instantly hate Lucien because of that, so then she
vows to protect her and she's right. And so then yeah,
I'm like, are they enlightened chosen from their beauty? Maybe
because at the end of the day, he's you know,
bult on them, a man that's assaulting them, a man
that assaults Yeah, so I think so, I think so.
The narrator then remembers and writes about Circe, but again
she's not ready to fully write about her, so she
just mentions her and then acid rain starts to fall,
and the Superior Sister says that again the unworthy have
to make a sacrifice, repeating their mantra. Without faith, there's
no refuge. At this point, the narrator is starting to
question even more the beliefs of the Secret Sisterhood, but
again she crosses that out because she's not ready to
fully embrace that. You know, there's this hesitation. Yeah, So
for the sacrifice, Lucia offers to walk on burning embers,
like cool, Like how cool? So everyone is left her plexed.
After Lucia walks on the embers and seems to be
like fine, she she needs a fire, her feet are normal,
and he is watching from the tower, Lucy's like, oh no,
he's not Lucia. The narrator's like, no, don't watch her. Yeah,
and get away from her. Get a job for real.
When the Sakra sacrificial ceremony is over, all of the
unworthy follow Lucia to her room and then the narrator
here screams. She's like, what the hell's going on that
she finds out the screams are from Ludus and her minions.
Apparently Ludes left a nest of wasps in Lucia's bed
because she's a jealous hater. But the wasps they just
hover around Lucia without attacking Lucia and her witnesses. They
say that it seemed like Lucia was able to control
the wasps and they attack Ludus and her minions, which
is wild. There's like some magical qualities to Lucia, and
you know, I wonder. I have to wonder because the
narrator is not reliable. She is in love with her,
and she's in love with her, but throughout she's just
in general she's not reliable. So it makes you wonder,
is she placing these magical magical qualities qualities upon to
her after the fact, or were they really there? Or
are they being embellished a little bit. It makes you wonder,
It makes you wonder. So then Lucia and the narrator
have a little moment, a little cute sea moment. They hug,
Lucia strokes the narrator's cheeks. Anyway, they end up walking
out to the garden and it seems like the wasps
are following Lucia, and while they're out there, the narrator
notices a diaphanous spirit and the diaph and his spirit
smiles at Lucia, which is weird because they don't they
don't do that. Yeah, so she was like, what the fuck.
So the next day they're having breakfast and it seems
like the sapper's sister has taken a special interest to Lucia.
She brings your coffee. Nobody gets coffee around there, and
it's not a good thing. Yeah. Next, the narrator is
finally able to write about Circe. She talks about them
traveling together, learning to trust each other. And I thought
Circe was a girl. She's very clearly a cat. She
uh talks about her cat like features and describes them
she hates, which I guess if you're starving that could be. Yeah.
But she catches, like I think she describes her catching
something with her teeth or something like that. Yeah. Yeah,
that's it should have been clear that. It should have
been clear there. So then in the next entry, the
narrator says she's been anxious and she's written less because
she was almost discovered writing. But it was just Lucia
so really it was fine. The narrator mentions that rumors
are spreading that Lucia has powers because of the various
things that have happened, like the wasping, the walking on
the embers thing, and Lucia ends up asking the narrator
to meet her in the garden and the under out
well she really separately, but anyway, on her way out,
the narrator stops to listen at the door where the
Alliance stay, and again she hears like a cry, so
it's like, what the fuck. Then here again the narrator
crosses or she writes, questioning whether she actually wants to
be enlightened. But then she crosses everything out and she
only leaves the words help God, question mark uncrossed. So
that's interesting, very very And so then they meet out
in the woods, the narrator and Lucia. They hold hands.
I thought here that maybe more happened, but no, they're
just holding hands. Yeah, But then the narrator writes and
she questions how she can write about what happened next,
saying that it disappears sister, where to find the pages?
She would be punished severely, and so then that's why
she ripped out the pages and burned the pages that
talk about Elena. So then I'm like, okay, like did
she talk about her attraction to Lena maybe and then
her also her attraction to Lucia. And then she rips
those pages out because it's clear later on that nothing
happens here, like kissing or nothing, because she teks later
about her first kiss. Yeah, it has to be something
like that. Yeah, that's what I think. But you never know,
you never find out, yeah, what those pages were. So
then the narrator writes about how she felt ashamed and
she destroyed the evidence and then turned Elena in and
that's why she can't write about what happened after her
and Lucia I held hands or when her Lucia held hands,
So it's not super clear. Yeah, and next it's the
peer sister, with the help of the servants, raids the rooms.
This is a constant thing that happens. They read the rooms.
That's the uniw worthy and Maria, that's all the dad
who has been through it. She's constantly tortured by Ludus.
She ends up getting punished because they find a diy
crucifix in her room and none of the unworthy helped Maria.
Some of them even spit on her, except of course Lucia,
who is otherworldly, magical, kind, saintly, Yeah, beautiful, And I
wonder if she's just like a normal person because she
hasn't been that long. But because she's so kind, unlike
everyone here who has been hardened by the environment, maybe
that's why she comes off as magical too. Yeah, yeah,
that makes sense. So then the next day, Maria finds
a cockroach in her bowl and she has no reaction
to it. She keeps eating, and then Ludduths and her
gang laugh because they put it there to make fun
of her. So then Lucian's like, you bitch, and she
grabs the cockroach she throws. Yeah, and then they start
calling Lucia cockroach. They're trying to bully. Lucia is too cool,
you know, she doesn't care. Yeah, she's too beautiful, unbothered, amazing. Yeah,
love the brothered queen. Yeah. So then the narrator and
Lucia go into the woods again, and this is Wherely
ends up kissing. It's beautiful power flies around them. The
narrator mentions how no one had ever kissed her, and
then yeah, they end up being surrounded by fireflies during
their encounter, and this just adds to Lucia as like
magical aura. Yes, and they also, I mean think of
the song it does mighty posts us. Yes, that's why
you that that real that we posted and the TikTok
will makes so much more sense. So then the narrator
wonders with Lucia, there's more out there, and I guess
I wrote down that I wanted to talk about a
quote from Lucia from page one seventeen. Let's see. Oh,
they're talking about like what's true and what's not about
the world, because right they constantly hear from him about
how everything is yeah, shambles, contaminated, blah blah. So then
Lucia says, the truth is changeable, It contracts, implodes, it's
powerful like a bullet, and it can be lethal. Oh
and is that I mean? Is that not why a
message information is so dangerous? That is the antidote too fascism,
But telling the truth, you know what I mean? Yeah? Yeah,
Plus she would have more knowledge of she was just
out there. Yeah. Yeah. Once they're back in their rooms,
the narrator expresses her worry that Lucia will get chosen
as an enlightened and then we get another stupid sermon
from him. He's basically again talking shit how he hates women.
But during that sermon, the narrator has a memory of Circe,
and so she describes traveling with Circe. We learn more
about the addition to the world back then, but then again,
we don't know how long she's been in the convent,
but she mentions the earth being dry, people and animals
din of starvation. She the most recent one before Lucia.
I think she might be. I think, so that's the
vibe I got from her. She's oh no, no, uh.
Who was the one that wanted to be named the rain?
Was that Maria? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah she was? Or
the other one that keeps getting beat I forgot her
name right now? There's another one I can't the one
going through it. Yeah, yeah, there's two of them that
are kind of going through it. One of them gets
there after and she talks about her naming ceremony, right yeah, right, okay,
never mind, no worries. You're trying to put a time
frame to how long she's been there. Yeah, So there's
two incidents before the end of the narrator's journey with
Sirce that I think are worth mentioning. But before we
get there, the narrator realizes why she keeps crossing the
word of Wood's out and why she can't really remember
the past. But she experienced something so traumatic that her
mind blocked all of her memory from then. And then
she writes that she remembers, but at this point she's
not ready to talk about it yet, and then yeah,
she remembers that. And then this is also the same
part she describes the journey with Sarci, and she talks
about going into a house or they hear a rocking
chair and discovers something hella disturbing. And I also just
wanted to read this part because I think describing it
doesn't do a justice. If you're right, you're right, Nightmare Funeral,
I mean fuel fuel. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's on page
one seven And let me open my bug too, all right,
So Circe moves back afraid, but I stepped closer. The
first thing I saw was a woman her eyes closed,
who seemed to be nursing a baby ramped in animal skin.
But then I looked closer. What was latch to her
breast seemed to be a rat. It had the teeth
and tail of a rat, but it was bigger. She
was cradling it. This thing was eating her. I moved back,
covering my mouth because I didn't want to scream. I
didn't want that thing to look at me. Circe approached slowly,
prepared to attack, and the things stopped eating and bared
its teeth, teeth stained with blood. I think it growled
or made a noise like stifled laughter. The woman kept
rocking with her eyes closed, back and forth, back and forth.
The way it's written is so interesting to the back
and forth. It's like space one side. Yeah, yeah, if
you're on video, you can see what I'm talking about.
That was so deserving. Now it's like so scary. You know.
I listened to it and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah,
what do you mean. So then the narrator talks about
going to the woods with Lucia. We're back to the
present every night, and then then becoming close. Basically the
narrator ends up telling Lucia about what happened to her
in the woods, and Lucian just there for her in
the most supportive, beautiful way. Yes, and so then she
tells Lucia and she describes it in the journal. So
then after her and Sercy left the rat Lady, they
walk for days in streatch of food, water, and shelter.
Event they find themselves in a strange building and their
narrator finds old cell phones and she knows about them
because of her mom, and her mom told her that
people had become too dependent on their phones, the internet
and Ai AI and that some people even worshiped Ai.
Oh and oh my god, you're going to talk about it. Well,
I haven't watched the video, but I watched it. No, No,
I was busy, but I did see it on my
like you know your way who you're subscribed to uploaded
a new video, and Taylor Lorenz uploaded a video titled
something about worshiping Ai. Right, Yeah, people are worshiping is
Ai the new god or something the new religion? Yeah?
And immediately I was like the unworthy? What? Yeah? But
I just saw another video of some guy who proposed
to a to AI Yeah and cried and he was married?
Is that the one? I saw? Another of someone's like
interviewing a couple, a married couple, And then the news
reporters asking the wife, what does he say, because the
man has a problem with AI, and he's like, if
he proposes, I think to the AI, what would you do?
And then the wife is like, that would be the
last straw. I would leave And then he's how is
the straw already? Not like how I reached the last straw? Right?
But then the reporter asked the husband. He's like, how
did I feel hearing that? And he's like, I'm not
faced by it. He's like, what that should have been?
That she should have walked out right then? And there? Yeah,
and I did watch the Taylor Lorenz video and she
and she talks about how people are basically worshiping AI
but emphasizing how it's not a religion. It's regurgitating existing, repeating,
it's saying things we want to hear because it puts
like it recognizes the language and puts it. That's how
predicts what to say next, you know what I mean.
And it's just it's just it's so creepy that it's
in this book and like, and we just saw that video. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I don't like it. I don't like it all at all.
So then in one of the rooms of the strange building.
The narrator finds a notebook where someone wrote about the
world is sending into destruction basically, and they write about
rain that lasts forever, wildfires, drought, dying wells. And at
first the handwriting is knee and orderly, but then the
writer just starts writing like in all capital letters, just
phrases like chaos, global, blackout. What are we are losing
their minds as the world is falling apart? Yeah, So
then the writer starts writing prayers to Ai, and then
nothing after the prayers, so like we see evidence of
people worshiping Ai, like the narrator's mom told her, it happened.
Soon the narrator hears noises sure out to be everyone's
worst fear, a group of men. I'm saying, no, but yeah,
if I were to find myself somewhere alone with just
my pet and I saw a group of men, I
would fear for my life, honestly. Yeah. And that's like
so serious, you know, oh yeah, yeah. But they managed
to hide it from the men all night, and then
the next day they leave and they make their way
through some metallic woods woods, which is something that rich
people were doing to replicate normal treats the woods that
were falling apart, and yeah, that's you can't just make
robot robot woods. Yeah. So then the narrator and Serci
are going through these metallic woods, and then narrator ends
up getting attacked and sexually assaulted by this group of men.
During the attack, the narrator keeps hoping that Circe stays
away from the danger because she doesn't want her you know,
near it, reveal herself, yeah, and then be subject to
these men. Right. But Circe and every loyal cat wants
to defend her person. Yeah, And she steps in to
protect her friend, and she tries to f I cried.
She tries to fight all the men, but there's too
many of them and they kill her. And the narrator
Birnie Sirce, but she describes her so beautifully. I don't
I didn't put down a page or anything, but I
didn't work it. I think I put a sad face
or a p sarcy when she yes, it was so sad. Okay,
the part, all of it is sad and horrible. But
then because throughout the book, as she's describing Sirce, she
always describes how basically how beautiful Circe's eyes are. And
so then that's why it made me cry when she
because throughout it she's like, oh her, but I forgot
how she says that she's like something like her powerful
eyes her, you know, things like that she describes her eyes,
and as Circe's dying, she says, the last thing I
saw was Circe's eyes. I saw the rabbit ocean, the
sea of savage stars fighting desperately, but behind the consolations
there was no rage, only an eternal dance of light.
And I was like, I am almost crying right now.
My God, that broke me that. I was like, I
have to stuff right here for a minute, like I can.
And then I love how she calls her my intenttress,
my little sorceress. Yeah, she loves and because Circe was
the first thing she found out that her family, her friends, yes,
died and just that trust they build together. Because even
she talks about it, she's all, like people eat in Circe, Yes,
that's what she says, and like people don't feed each other,
they don't help each other in this world. But me
and Circe, we fed each other, like, yeah, brought you
know what I mean like and then the narrator again
and again is not is like defying these new set
of rules for humanity, where humanity is now all each
you know again one for uh what what is a
saying each preserve for themselves? Yeah, each man for himself. Whatever,
she's not following, that's at a rule she from the
moment her mom. She loses her mom, and she finds
this new set of friends, this new family, and they
help each other. And then she finds Circe and they
help Circe and they help each other, and then she
brings Lucia in when she's not like, she's not she's
not meant for this, She's meant for more. Yeah. So yeah,
that's terrible and it was hardbreaking. She ends up burying
Circe and then she kind of just like she doesn't
know how she makes it she but she makes her
way to the sacred sisterhood. Okay, so then a few
things happened Maria. I think it's Maria that ends up
dying or gets killed, I don't remember how, but also
Ludes gets killed because the narrator gives her amanitazos mushrooms
that get you high. And then you know Ludez ends
up acting a fool. She that's naked, and she gets
paid for it and hung by this pair of sister Yeah,
and then the nator. The narrator feels bad because she's like,
I hated this bitch, but even she didn't deserve to
die this way. It was gruesome. Yeah, And Lucia is
so empathetic that she understands the narrator and doesn't judge
her for having given her these mushrooms that yeah, and
I not she would have got punished, but I don't
think she knew she would be killed. I don't think
she did that because she often mentions how Lucas was
a favorite, and so she didn't. She was very much
on her way to become light in until this happened.
But I don't think she was going to get chosen
as night because it seems like she's been here forever.
That's why she's one of the top bitches, you know
what I mean. It's almost as if it's like she
serves a different purpose here, yes, setting the tone yeah. Yeah.
Or maybe maybe Lucas herself thought she was going to
be like in one day, but it was never meant
for her. I think she thought she would yeah, yeah,
but the saparior sister and he knew she was never
going to be that because she was serving another yes
in this control high control. Yeah right, I agree, I agree. Wowow.
So the narrator and Lucian ends up bringing Ludus down
to give her like a more honorable death, you know,
or story dead, but you know what I mean, like goodbye.
So then Lucia ends up getting chosen as Enlightened. And
as you remember, the Enlightened are locked up in a
different area of the convent. So then the narrator breaks
into the refuge of the Enlightened to where they're locked away,
and lo and behold, she walks into the patriarch raping
Lucia while the superior sister watches a whip in hand.
I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? So
fucking gross and statistic. Yeah. So then the narrator also
sees a bunch of pregnant Enlightened and they're all in
the room while this is happening. So and it's like
there waiting to die, right because there's no babies that
are born in this place. Yeah, so that's why I'm like, yeah,
they die here a lot yeah all, and you know
she so she mentions before actually I didn't write it down,
but around the same time that Maria that is killed
and Luda's is killed, and Lucie and the narrator go
out into the woods because they go out almost every
night to make out hook up and the little tree trunk,
the tree hollow where they hide and you know, get together,
you know, for that, they probably have so much time
to sneak around like this because he and their sister
are busy doing this. Yeah. Yeah, they see in one
of the inlian that a marou, which one like a
minor saint or what. But she's like dead out there
and her belly is swollen. And then they kind of
look at each other like, oh, like he's doing this,
like they kind of know. Yeah, yeah, so that's why
they enlightened. And the minor saints and dead and their
bellies are swolen because he gets them pregnant, and then
they kill them and yeah, I'm very disturbing. So then
the narrator jumps into action. She stabs the superior sister,
but the superior sister manages to stab the narrator back,
and the narrator does also get to whip the patriarch
with the whip with the spi sister's whip, and she
does mention like he's so beautiful. What does she say?
It hurt to hit him? Basically, yeah, it hurt to
hurt him. Yeah. So Luciana narrator end up there. They
managed to get away, but the pain is too much
for the narrator to go on because she did get stabbed,
she knows she's not gonna make it any Yeah. So
then she urges Lucia to keep going, and Lucia and
a few of the aliened run away with her. Hopefully
they find a better place and made a better life.
And the narrator dies while writing her last words and
actually wanted to read her last word. Yeah, I'm going
to leave this book of the night, these pages I've
been writing and protecting for so long in the hollow
of the tree, our tree. Maybe one day someone will
find them and read them. Or they'll get wet and
return to their origin, to the trees where they began,
and these words will become the woods, will be purified
by the sap, will glow in the roots, or maybe
they'll disintegrate into a void that caresses governs hurts. I
hear the bells, they're coming amazing. Okay, do you have
anything to say about this last I have some thoughts
about the things go on go on? Okay, it's very
it's very interesting. I keep saying that word. But the woods,
the woods is where she is going to leave these
because from her trauma from yeah and yeah, she couldn't
write the word woods and here it's yea and she
starts causing it out. Yeah, and this is where she,
you know, her life is over in these you know,
in the woods. This is where she's going to leave
these pages in the woods. And it's it's it's fitting
that the word caresses is in here but also governs
and hurts, because this is what the woods have been
for her. Yeah, this is where she found love, but
it's also the biggest source of like pain for her
with Circe, and so it's, uh, it's also I don't know,
like again, what a juxtaposition of the experiences she's had
in the woods all in these last last sentences that
she's written, well last words really not even sentences, like
they're like it's like two sentences. But yeah, also, who's coming?
What are the bells? I figured the Sapir sister and
him that they're coming to make sure she was dead.
I guess maybe it's the I don't think she's dead
because she doesn't stab her that harm. I wish she
was dead. So maybe it's the light at the end
of the tunnel, the belles type of thing. I also
didn't want to mention. Another reason why Lucia and the
narrator thought the world was healing was because they they
hear bees for the first time, to hear it bees. Yeah,
and here I think it's around here where she actually
stops crossing the word what's out? Yeah, but at this
point she's been going like almost nightly with Lucia, so
it's like, you know, they have a new meaning now. Yeah, yeah,
and its not Is that not beautiful? Yes? Truly? Should
we get as to the questions, Yes, let's rush to
these questions. I know we always think so along with
these then and then the questions are like fifteen minutes.
We can also not do all. There are a lot
of questions. They were just all the ones that were
in the book. So more, do you want to talk
about the erroneous god to fall son, the negative mother? Yeah?
So the first question. It's kind of a good well again,
these are all from from the book Guide Like, so
without faith there is no refuge. This phrase is repeatedly
uttered by the members of the Sacred Sisterhood. What do
you think it means? How does their faith differ from
traditional Catholicism? And why do you think they decry the
erroneous God, the false son, and the negative mother. So
without faith there's no refuge. Like, I didn't really think
of a special meeting behind it, but I thought it's
like one of those thoughts stopping. What do they call them.
It's like a thing of cults that they all have phrases.
Oh yeah, they all have like a special thing that
you say and the dy repeat like a motto. But
it's meant to be like a thought stopping because you know,
when in high control groups, people question, they start to
question things when they start to repeat to yourself, and
not just what you repeat to yourself, but what other
cult members and the leaders of the cults repeat to
you to make you stop questioning. And that's why they're
called thoughts stopping something you do. I keep thinking thought
stopping cliche, but I'm not sure if that's the right phrase.
Or not, but they're meant to make you stop thinking
and to just accept things as they are. And there
are also a thing in regular religion. Yes, it is.
It is something that someone repeats themselves when they're like, yeah,
oh my god, yeah, fascinating. I love that you are discussing,
because of course you would say that, and I was
just gonna say, well, it's just like a religious thing.
But yeah, yeah, good answer. I don't have anything to
add to that part. Okay, what about the why do
you think they say erroneous God, the false and the
negative mother? Well, I think they needed to create something
a new religion, knew, something different, something more extreme for
it to be to have this level of control, because
sure the I mean, some cults alone don't need the
extra you know, they are religious Christian religious cults, but
they do take things to an extreme and a different level.
So yeah, I think that's why they needed to make
something new. Also because the world was changing. The world
was different now, it feels for a reason, and they
hear with these beliefs, so they needed to change them. Yes, yes,
And also they needed something to blame, and it's so
easy to if you're trying to control people in this
very extreme way to denounce what they previously believed as
the worst of the worst, and like, well, what if
your god is so special? Why did the world end?
So that's what I think. That makes sense. I'm going
to go with that too. Look at us the next one.
I feel like we kind of talked about throughout as
we did a recap. Why does a narrator want to
be one of the enlightened? What do you think she
and the other members of the Secret systm so really
accept the authority of the superitistor? Oh yeah, we did.
We did talk about that throughout. Yeah, so we don't
need to go through that one. Discuss the world of
the unworthy? What happened to create this dystopian healthscape, which
threats mentioned in the novel feel most prophetic to you?
If the Internet went down permanently tomorrow, how do you
think it would impact our lives? Well, okay, so we
don't ever fully learn what happened. It's just little snippets
here and there, but basically, natural disaster after natural disaster,
then like AI something, and then like a blackout, and
then boom, everything's gone wrong and all of the all
of these are so very much things that because like
we know that maybe your basic AI question, like hey,
what can I make with these ingredients? That's not using
up a time, right, But we know that these very
big like usage of AI is taking water and like
resources and the already yes, not great environmental conditions that
we haven't have cost right, And there's a reason that
so so much dystopian, so many dystopian books focus on
how the world ended, and and because it's not a
far reach, like if you take the parable of the
sower for example, and the California wildfires, and then here
like the dark gas, there's parts of the world in
the United States that don't have access to clean water already. Yeah,
and yeah, have predicted and anyway I want to think
about it. No, but like water water not being available
is a very real thing that is not too far.
And then people like when I made a video when
I talked about mining, and then some and how the
waters from toxic don't like water covers any percent of
the world. How does it ever to be gone? And
I'm like, should they suck up? So just shut your
fucking mouth, you idiot, you fucking idiot. God damn it.
So we will just shut open their fucking mouths or
the little fingers so typely dumb bullshit. I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of it because these are very real threats
and people are out here still denying them. The water's media,
the world's made water. How can we ever been out
of it? What? You're stupid, You're just stupid. Yeah, it's
a very real, real thing. So you pair that with like,
literally were we are right now? And yeah, honestly, and
then and then you add in the video that we
mentioned about AI and yeah, honestly, it all seems a
little too possible, and that's scary. Also, if internet went away,
we would not function, we would die, not we would
like you know how many things control that? When I
was working in healthcare and our internet went down, that
she was a nightmare. There's a I think I talked
about the movie for one of the spooky recommindations, but like,
the whole premise of the movie is that somebody does
a blackout in the US for seven seconds and so
many people die. I thought it was a show. Oh yeah,
my bad, it's a show. Okay, yeah, it is a show.
The show was. I don't fully recommend him, but it
was an interesting but it's it very much is possible,
like with like if everything shuts down at the same time.
I mean, oh, what's that thing called white two k? No,
that's the oh yeah white two k okay yeah, two thousand, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah that was by two k. Yeah. Yeah, there's
a reason people were scared. And that was years ago. Yeah,
now we're even more dependent. Yes, and we say that
from our little internet show, from our computers. But I'm
holding my phone. Yep, yep. Number five. I feel like
we talked about throughout the the family. Yeah, we did.
We Yeah. Number six is interesting. I don't think we
talked about it because I didn't get too much into
Lisa's story. Oh, he was one of the Tarantula kids. Yeah,
he was the leader of the Tarantula kids. Yeah, and
his parents fought in the Water Wars and so they
like trained him basically to survive. And Ulissa's mother tells
him about the water Wars that there were no enemies,
only people trying to survive, people dying of thirsts and hunger. So, yeah,
this is an interesting question what behavior becomes permissible and
a disaster winning world like this one is a self preservation.
Is self preservation justifiable when it comes at a cost
to others' lives? And I think, like obviously what some people,
some of the adults were doing that the narrator describes
like killing the kids doing who knows right, and then
the group of men that assaulted her and left her
for dead and killed Sircy, that is absolutely unjustifiable, no
matter what. And people survived by building a community, not
by attacking each other. So I think for me, stealing
like from stealing from people, I don't think should be allowed,
even if it's find to survive, like and you know, okay.
The interesting thing to me is that each person's definition
of what is justifiable is going to be different, right, right,
But for me, like I don't, I mean like it
ends again it's so like, yeah, it's easy to say,
what is that justifiable? And not from our my comfortable
ac room, right, But if we were in an would
you steal from a kid? No, I couldn't. I would,
I would, And that's the thing to assault and sexually
assault a woman and that's not necessary to survive. That
is not necessary to survive, But neither is one of
their kids. No, No, But I mean, is it not
such a common theme in all these apocalyptic movies shows,
and in the end, what ends up helping them survive? Community? Community? Yeah,
so to me it's not justifiable. But I understand that
other people's answers there are certain things that they're going
to say is justifiable. But I'd rather help and build
a community then steal and kill. Like yeah so, but
I am an idealist. Sometimes I am in the same
opinion as you. Yes, yes, of course, of course, of course.
Of course. We kind of talked about number seven already,
about the truth quote. Oh, yeah we did. Yeah, we
talked about her already as well. Yeah, we did. We
I think we talked about number nine already. What role
does that play in the novel? Discuss the cross out
parts of the narrator's diary. Yeah, we did go through
that throughout the recamp. Yeah, I feel like we sort
of touched on a pretend. What did you think of
the novel's framing device that the book we're reading is
in narrator's diary will motivate her to keep writing even
though she knows it's dangerous. Consider the other diary the
narrator encounters in an abandoned house on pages one, thirty six,
thirty seven. She's trying to hold on to her humanity. Yeah,
and she mentions it throughout, even at the very end
when they're running away. What does she say? Basically, she's like,
I want the memory of me and Circe and Lucia
to stay alive. It's just not the most human thing
ever for us to tell stories, for us to want
these stories to be heard and seen. Yes, oh I
love that. Oh my gosh, what was the context. I
don't remember O my trauma, but yeah, it is such
a human thing, and that's them holding onto her humanity
and her and the journal that she found, they're the same.
There's no difference to me. Sure the writing is different,
the content is different, but in the end, it's people
trying to preserve their memory. And do we not see
this throughout, you know, even the stories and legends that
we're passing on, but also throughout very difficult times in history,
people are still writing, People are still dogumenting, people are
still sharing because it's human nature. And I love it,
me too, Me too. I feel like eleven we kind
of touched on, but were you surprised about it? About
discover the review at the end of the novel about
the mis serious. No, when you're talking about a man
in charge of a cult, there's no other outcome. Yeah,
and then paired with the crying that she's hearing throughout
and then she's like, oh he sounds different. Yeah yeah,
immedia immediately is what I thought of. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you think happened to her and the manuscript
after she stopped writing? That's an interesting question because yeah,
like who found these pages? I want to believe that,
because you know, she died holding onto these pages. I
want to believe that Lucy I came back and buried
her and then got those pages, and then sometime in
the future That's what I want to believe too. And
then sometime in the future she published The Unworthy and
we're holding it out. Yes, yeah, that is what I
want to believe. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go with that. Yes, yes,
because the alternative is that it was burned and she
was found by a wounded but not dead superior sister.
And I don't like that at all. That I don't
like it. And that's the the last question. Which scene
of the book disturbs or find you the most? What
do these elements of horror or fem gore ad to
the story, what is stortainy, all of it, all of
it was so disturbing, but honestly, the worst, yes, the
worst part is the woman on the rocking chair and
the rat ye eating her and she didn't even notice
because she was just that close to death already where
she probably in her in her mind was holding her
baby and that would have been like a beautiful way
to end her, her life to end, but in reality
so disgusting, fucking rat, abomination, abomination of a fucking rat,
a most rat. Yeah. And the disaposition of those two
things where maybe in her mind it's it's like the
Sinners where he's holding in his baby and yeah, Annie,
and that's what yeah, and really reality, Yeah, yeah, that
was the most disturbing scene. I mean. And they add
to me, they add because some people will read this book.
And even though on the Tenders to Fleedge got the
same reception for some people where they were like the violence,
which is unnecessary, this is just trauma porn. I don't
think that's true. I don't think that's true. And I
do understand some people cannot read things like this, but
it just showed you the the conditions that it takes
for this type of violence to be normalized and tender
is a flesh did the same thing for me. We
talked about it during a couple episodes ago. Last episode
it was a bigger recommendation of mine, and we talked
a little bit about it, but like it wasn't unnecessary. No,
not to me, I don't think it was unnecessary. It's
like you said, it's what kind of world has become
that this level of violence is acceptable and normalized. And
then yeah, to me, Tenors of Flesh was like about
who we other and what conditions we allow the others
to live their live in. Yeah, and this is like
a commentary on religion and if you if you take
it ten steps up, you get to unworthy. And it's like, okay, well,
if being worthy was so shocking, and why is this
okay when this is like a very very very extreme
version of the same thing, and versions of the unworthy
have happened in history, and you know, not to reason
like this is like cold behavior, you know, yeah, and
we know yeah, I mean we've heard of the cults
and what they have done to each other and you know, yeah,
so yeah, it's not far fetched at all. I think
we just had the idea added horror from a dystopian world,
and yeah, it makes it that much worse. But I don't.
To me, it's not just unnecessary trauma for trauma's sake,
you know what I mean. Yes, I think that we
have to think about to the context of Agustina. She's
from Aquinina, where they lived in a literal dictatorship, are
now again falling into some something authoritarianism you could say,
from lay and people lived in tortuous conditions and were disappeared,
tortured in Acintena from a dictator backed by the United States,
you know what I mean. So I think that for me,
that's also important context. Yes, same same. Also she talks
about how an interview interview with I think it was
like what's that podcast called Talking Scared, Talking Scared. She
mentions how she went to a Catholic school and she
very much like at the back of writing the Uniworthy,
that experience was in her mind where they were it
was fostered for them to live in this competitive environment
where they were telling about each other. Yeah, and that's
exactly what I'm saying, that this is a version of
what like Catholic schools today. Yes, Catholicism has spread around already, right,
it's like an established religion. But how did it get there?
Through colonization, through colonialism, through violence, through genocide. So we
no matter how much Catholics want to try, and this
is why I will never really be able to come
back to the religion, no matter how much we try.
We can't separate Catholicism from the violence they enacted on
the indigenous and the whole reason why we are here
as you know mesicos today. Yeah, we can't separate the
violence from that. Yeah, and not only in Latin America,
throughout the world. Oh yeah, yeah, so yeah, yeah, And
that was our discussion questions. I love it, those of them, right, Okay,
so rating what what did you rate this? Five cockroaches
out of five cockroaches? Oh my god, I love that.
I was going to say five pages of a journal
out of five. Yeah, it is, it is, Yeah, it
is a five out of five for me. I wouldn't
recommend this to everyone, but it's not for everyone. But
if you don't mind gore and violence, if you want
to feel disgusted while you're reading, then then this is
for you. It was like a combination of feeling like
horrified and like sick to my stomach, but feeling hope
as well. What what a crazy combination? And if you
want to feel that, then we recommend this. Yes, no,
I done? Yeah, oh sorry, I want to add one
more thing. I just remembered. I saw a lot of
reviews that they're like, oh, nothing happens me me, and
like for me, I'm such like if the writing is beautiful,
which it is here and that's why I wanted to
share some of the quotes that I did, like absolutely
nothing can happen in a book, but if the writing
is beautiful, I will love it. And that was another
what do they mean nothing happened, a lot happened, or
a lot happened. Yeah, we saw her. But some people
need like an action packed book. And to those people,
I say, where's your brain? Now? I'm just kidding. I'm
just kidding because I only have half a brain cell,
you know, and again together we have one brain cell. Yes,
but yeah, that's what I saw about the book, and
I agree. But everyone has their own taste. But I
will I will say, if you don't like an unreliable narrator,
who you don't know if you can trust her. She's
crossing things out. She's I fully trusted her. I believe
every word. I don't care. But you and I I
see also like we also love unreliable narrators. Okay, no,
she is she is. We don't know so much. And
if you if you need to know what has happened, okay,
And if you need to know that narrator is I saw. Yeah,
if you need to know, then this is not for you.
But if you want to live in the unknown, if
you want to confuse, absolutely live for that. Yes, the
world is grey. Everything is a question. Why do you
say it like that? Sometimes I just say things weird?
You know, I know I do. It's the it's the
it has to match the expression, you know, the sentence.
But yeah, some people hate it that the cause of
the dystopia is not explained. But it doesn't have to
be explained. And you know what other book is kind
of similar to this in that it's someone telling you
their story. They're not exactly right, are they writing? I
don't remember she's writing or not, But I who have
never known men, it's similar to this, and that we
don't know why they are the situation. Yeah, in that
situation that they are in. We don't know why they
were released. It kind of happens. Yeah, nothing happens in
that one more than this one. But I loved it
because the writing is beautiful and it makes you wonder,
it makes you ponder, you know. Yeah, yeah, Okay, I'm done.
So yeah, that's yeah, that's who I would recommend this
to and who I would not. Yeah. Yeah, all right, okay,
two second book of the year as the time of recording.
By the time I will be like seven months until year.
Oh yes, next week's episode. Yeah yeah, So what what
is our next book? Hopefully we can do two more
books later or this year, because butcha, it's our next book.
But Chica, Okay, it's our next book. And there's two
books I for sure want to read that are coming
out in August that I want to do. But I'm
three two books in the end of the year. I
don't know. We'd have to do almost one a month
because they're it's only I absolutely need to do The
Possession of a Yeah, yes, is that? Yeah? Yes? And
then Celi book The be Witching the Bay coming out
to in August. Yeah, both of them, I think are. Yeah,
we can do both. I wanted to do both. Okay,
I guess we can do one and then the next
one can be the first book for next year. Since
I don't think we'll be able to we'll see how
let's let's shoot, yeah, it's doable. It is it should
be yeah. But yeah, okay, so but Chica and then
The Possession of the Yeah. So if anyone's coming up
her birthday, I know I want to buy both of
them for our birthday. But yeah, if anyone wants to
join in our on our next book club, we are
reading but Chica. Bye, hold on. I bought the book
already because I saw it when I went to that
wine That's right bookstore. Amazing. I heard mixed reviews already,
but I never really pay attention to reviews. I like
to same. But Chica by Carolina Flo said Chiario, Okay, Chiaio,
that's our next book. Yes, that is our next book.
I have. I too have seen mixed reviews, but yeah,
we like forming our own opinions. We shall see. And
you know, there's been one book that we weren't. It
wasn't five out of five so far in the book club.
So I like a three out of five. Three is
alike for a big deal for it's like a love.
Five is like a my life is changed for reading this.
And yeah and even then I had at fives like
candy sometimes, so no, I hand out five is like
candy for sure. Yeah, so yeah, that's our next book.
And then yeah, we already said the one after which
is going to be the position of Albadas. And hopefully
if we still have time to be witching, they'll be
witching by Siria Barcia, who right now has the most
books in our book club. Yeah we love her though,
we do. Yeah, so yeah, you have the books, we
have listed of them. Now we have to read them.
Let's do it. Let's do it. Yes, okay, And other
than that, let us know your thoughts. We love seeing them.
And yeah, stay a spooky and I don't know, watch
out for giant rats and arc and chairs please please yeah, alright,
bye bye. A Book Tells is hosted by Christina and Carmen,
produced and edited by Christina, researched by Christina Carmen and
with the help of Don Shout Out Don. If you
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crap tops, sweaters. It's almost swetter weather. We're nearing a
spookie season, so yeah, get your hoodies. You're gonna need them.
If you don't want to do all that, that's fine too.
You can just listen like you're listening now, and that's
the best support that you can give us, like I
always say in our ad break and yeah, if you
like history, you can follow Estoria's Unknown Mining, Carmen's other podcasts,
and you can find as Spooky tails on all of
our socials at a Spooky Tells All. This is in
the show notes and we appreciate every single listen. Thank
you so much, stay as spooky