Speaker 1: Andy. You know what that music?
Speaker 2: See, yes, sir, Amos that music say good health to
all from rex All.
Speaker 3: The Amos and Andy Show with Ernestine Wade, Lou Lubin,
Johnny Lee, John Brown will write leo' cleary, Jeff Alexander's
music and radio's all time favorites. Amos and Andy.
Speaker 1: How do you do ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 4: This is Amos, But when I changed my voice from
Amos to my own natural voice, my name is Freeman Gosden.
My partner Charlie Carell, and I want to thank you
for the many wonderful letters you sent us telling us
how you've gotten acquainted with your rex All family druggist
in your town or neighborhood. We are very grateful that
you've done this, and we hope that you'll continue to
do your shopping in a Rexall drug store. And the
reason we feel that way is because we know that
you can depend on any drug product that bears the
name rex Al.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 3: Everything is peaceful in the home of George King Fish Stephens.
His mother in law and brother in law have moved out,
and it looks like a nice quiet spring. He's just
settled back in his easy chair, and his wife's sapphire
has just entered, wearing a printed blouse and a wide
sweeping peasant skirt and twirls around the living room.
Speaker 1: Wo holy mackerel, What was that.
Speaker 5: Sing? George?
Speaker 1: Oh? I thought the cat fell into the bed again.
Speaker 5: Don't you not my singing? You and then come poop? Well,
ain't you gonna say nothing about my new dress?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've been looking at it. What I've been trying
to think of something to say. They won't jeopardize my front.
Speaker 1: Teeth, George.
Speaker 5: This happens to be a pestle dress, the kind of gypsies.
Speaker 4: WoT well, the gypsies wore them things, No wonder they
had to keep moving.
Speaker 1: What y'all dressed up like that? Anyway?
Speaker 5: George?
Speaker 7: This sadady is the day of the annual picnic for
the latch Mammas and the women's Augzildary.
Speaker 1: Oh, the two men festivals coming out again. What a
clam big that was last year?
Speaker 5: Oh, it wasn't so bad, George. We had a lot
of fun playing games.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember young Willard Jackson won the hundred yard dash.
I never see the girl run that fast in my life,
you know. It was until leader that we found out
and it was chasing.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 4: I thought the after last year they called off future
hostilities with that thing.
Speaker 5: Oh of course, not George. It's all set for this Saturday.
Speaker 1: This Saturday. Uh well, uh, where we're gonna get the money?
Speaker 6: Why?
Speaker 5: From the Lodge Hall Picnic fund?
Speaker 1: Picnic fund? Why?
Speaker 5: Yes, George.
Speaker 7: Last January the members collected three hundred and eighty dollars.
Speaker 5: You took it down and put it in the bank.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I did put it in. Yeah.
Speaker 7: The members are really looking forward to it, and it's
wonderful knowing we got that three hundred and eighty dollars down.
Speaker 5: There in the bank.
Speaker 7: Why, Johne, Just think what it would be like if
we didn't have the money there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, thats exactly what I was thinking about it. Oh,
come on in the office, Brotherna.
Speaker 2: Good morning, King Vizier shopping. I getting all set for
the picnic on Saturday.
Speaker 1: Yeah. What you got there in the box on your arm?
Speaker 2: Got a pair of track shoes. I'm getting a flying
start on that wood of Jackson this year.
Speaker 1: Well, listen, Na, I've heard the picnic. There's something that
I think.
Speaker 2: Boy, you know, I'm really looking forward to that picnic,
the baseball game, the gals, the bale beach, or tell you, Kingfish,
between swimming, sliding and smooching. I'm gonna have a busy day,
believe me. I suppose you got everything all laid out
for the picnic.
Speaker 1: Well, it all depends on what you mean by laid out.
Speaker 4: If you was using it in the funeral sense, I
think you hit it on the head.
Speaker 2: Well as you talking about Kingfish, I don't like to
look on your phisy mugnamy.
Speaker 4: Sit down, my lifelong friend, my understanding, old pal, dear
friend who realizes that in every man, along with the
noble and good and the puard, as also a generous.
Speaker 8: Help a dirty dog, Kingfish, you don't spent that picnic money?
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, I ain't.
Speaker 4: No wait a minute, now, last January, I done hit
the money in a good safe place.
Speaker 2: Oh well that's different, ha ha, Just get it out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I don't remember where I hit it.
Speaker 5: Dude.
Speaker 2: Now listen, Kingfish, I isn't kind to believe you, but
on the base of your past record, I don't think
the brothers will now what in the world is you're
gonna do? They're gonna fracture you, Kingfish.
Speaker 4: Well, I was thinking of using the money from the
insurance fund for the picnic fund. But I don't already
use the money from the insurance fund to replace the
money in the welfare fund and that I used to
make up the deficit and the health fund.
Speaker 2: Well, why don't you fall back on the sinking fund.
Speaker 4: Well, I've been drawing on that, and I want to
come to falling back onto I had a six cent.
Speaker 1: That don't give you much.
Speaker 2: Of a cushion, you know, Yeah, you know the thing
this lodge needs is less funds and more money, Kingfish.
You ought to be able to remember where you put
that three hundred and eighty dollars, after all, it was
only six months ago.
Speaker 4: Now, look, I was a married man, and after you've
been hit on the head as many times as I had,
you have trouble remembering what you had for breakfast?
Speaker 9: Blood.
Speaker 2: Well, listen, Kingfish, I'm gonna tell you something using big
trouble because them brothers ain't gonna stand still for this
losing the money story.
Speaker 1: And you don't think they're gonna resort the violence too,
do you?
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know. They kind of got it in
for you. Special after that little incident over the burial
fund last year, after all law and brother Simpson into
the ground, and that mothproof bag didn't set too well with.
Speaker 1: Some of them holding mackerel and what you think they'll
do well.
Speaker 2: I'll tell you to put it blunt kingfish. Unless you
come up with that money by Saturday, you're gonna be
just as morthproof as brother Simpson.
Speaker 4: No means two thirty in the morning, I come out
on the couch here to get some sleep.
Speaker 1: I can't do it. Them brothers will kill me. Oh
where did I hide that money? Where did I hide it?
Speaker 6: Gureorge?
Speaker 1: Who that.
Speaker 6: Me? George? Your conscience?
Speaker 4: Oh for a minute I think it was brother Simpson
coming back to complain about the more you bag.
Speaker 10: What do you want, conscience, George, I know where you
hit that money.
Speaker 1: Oh well, fine, tell me where it is. Nothing like
having the conscience that's got a nose of money.
Speaker 6: Do George? I am not telling you.
Speaker 1: What do you mean? You're telling me? What is your
wise guy? I'll report you to the Conscience Union.
Speaker 6: You know, George, as your conscience.
Speaker 10: I know of all the bad experiences you've had in
handling other people's money.
Speaker 6: In the past.
Speaker 10: If I were to tell you where this money is,
the same thing will happen all over again.
Speaker 4: Oh no, now, look, conscience, just look, if you just
tell me where that money, I promise you I'll do
the right thing this time. I won't try to jip
or chisel with it or nothing. I'll give you my
word as a gentleman. What well, I'll give you my word.
Speaker 6: George. You know that loose board under your desk?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's where I put
the three hundred and eighty dollars in that coffee can
under the loose board. Or thank your conscience, you sweet
darling boy. I'll never forget you for this.
Speaker 6: All right, George, and do the right thing, remember you promise.
Speaker 4: Well, let me get a pencil here and figure out
how I can put on a three hundred and eighty
dollar picnic for around fifty bucks. King Fish, you is
in the driver's seat, now, boy.
Speaker 2: Good evening.
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Speaker 1: Oh, come on into office in and locked the door there.
Speaker 2: Okay, Kinglan, You say you think there's a way we
can swing this picnic and end up with an abnomenal
profit for ourselves.
Speaker 4: Huh yes, And you get a piece of paper there now,
and we'll write down to fix the expenses and we'll
start shaving them from there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, I got it all set.
Speaker 1: We got a nets up motor of this now.
Speaker 4: Now the committee is set on going the Oceanside Park
again this year. Now there's a rental see for the
use of the park and the facilities of one hundred and fifty.
Speaker 2: Dollars use of park one hundred and fifty dollars.
Speaker 4: Now there's something that we can dibble devil with you
see now, come to food and the refreshments they'll wear
with chisel.
Speaker 6: JM.
Speaker 2: Yes, that sound like dibbling stuff all right.
Speaker 4: Unless yea, we spend seventy five bucks for hot dogs,
but I figured this year that we can cut that
down to the boone now, you see, And then I'll
put you behind the hot dog counter. Now, when you
serve a brother hot dog, as you reaches for the
mustard stick with your right hand, you palms the hot
dog out of the road with your left hand.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but the brother's gonna know if he's eating a
hot dog or not.
Speaker 4: Any no, no, And that's where the mustard comes in.
Speaker 1: You see, we loaded was horse reddish, and between the
mustard and the horse reddish, his gums is gonna be
so numb he ain't gonna know what done happens. Yeah.
Speaker 2: In other words, uh, we're gonna be able to serve
two hundred people with one hot dog.
Speaker 4: Well we better take two in kids. The first one
gets tattered or something like that. And now the next
thing it comes to is the sur coat.
Speaker 2: Now, wait a minute, wait a minute, I ain't gonna
palm none of that. I'll tell you that much.
Speaker 1: No, No, you don't have palm, no salad coat. We're
gonna follow the same principle we've done with the mustard.
We're gonna load the stuff in our favor. You see.
Speaker 4: In other words, were gonna have more sour than we does.
Quote that's yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, that take care of that all right. Now what
about the lemonade?
Speaker 4: And listen, and by the time they gets through fighting
the mustard and the sour coat, it ain't gonna be
in no shape to bring no lemonade.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, the way this thing's going here, we
could turn a nice tidy profit on the side there
with a bicarpleent concession. Now about the only sizable food
item we got left shures the cost of the rolls,
and I got.
Speaker 1: That cover too.
Speaker 4: I know where we will buy some weak old rules
a two cents a dozen, and we'll soak them in
water the night before, you see.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and we could throw in a quarter upon
the hamburger in the water, give them that meaty flavor.
Speaker 1: I've been figuring here.
Speaker 4: From a total food last year of one hundred and
two dollars, we has managed to cut it down to
eighteen dollars and sixty cents, and most.
Speaker 1: Of that is for horse readig as he did.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we've still got this item here of one
hundred and fifty dollars rental for the use of Oceanside Park.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: We ain't gonna make no real profit unless we can
save him some of that off.
Speaker 2: Ah, and that's the rock bottom rate because we've been
going out there for the past three years.
Speaker 1: Yeah. If there was just some weed and we could
well shot it. The bober What you doing over here?
I come over with her. I'm wanted to tell you that.
Speaker 11: I just wanted you to know. I'm here to let
you know that. And I can't stay long either. Listen
here now you is interrupting us.
Speaker 8: Here we're figuring out the first step race for the
picnic Sat.
Speaker 12: Day.
Speaker 13: Oh the picnic huh okay, I'm looking forward to that.
If we're going to the ocean Side Park again this year.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, we thinking about it, but there's that rental
of one hundred and fifty dollars we gotta pay.
Speaker 1: They got the nerve charging that much.
Speaker 13: You know, think of the of the free picnic grounds
around that you can have picnics on.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well I don't think though, I don't think uh,
free picnic grounds.
Speaker 1: And is you thinking what I was thinking here?
Speaker 2: Yeah, King Vasion, I think this is better than the
Soukrawd too.
Speaker 1: Jordy, you don't give us the idea, but you don't know.
What did you do? You a idea? I'm always doing
things like that. Well, I gotta get running along.
Speaker 2: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Du is you going
to the picnic this year?
Speaker 6: Shorty?
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know.
Speaker 13: You see, I had quite an experience on the on
the picnic last year. I took my fiancee and my
best friend and after we after we were there for while,
my friend said to me, shorty, why don't you get
us all some hot dogs? So I left him win
for the hot dogs. And you know something, when I
come back with the three hot dogs in my hand,
that was my best friend.
Speaker 1: Kissing and smooching with my fiance What a situation. Yeah, boy,
was I mad?
Speaker 13: I decided to ride there and there to teach them
a lesson was out for all?
Speaker 5: What you do?
Speaker 1: What did I do?
Speaker 13: I took my offense and I bo I hold off
when I slapped, I got that fellow by the car
and I slipped at points I hit.
Speaker 1: I ain't a free hot dog Hello, Hello, Andy, Hello
is your dad? This is the Kingfish.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Kingfish.
Speaker 6: What's up?
Speaker 4: Oh less, Nandy, I don't found a great free picnic
ground that we can use.
Speaker 1: It's got a brook, a link and everything. It's called
Sleepy Valley and it's up to Hudson around West Point.
Speaker 6: Sleepy Valley.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Sleepy Valley.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Fell at the pool hall told me about it and
it is. Will make a tool of two hundred and
fifty dollars.
Speaker 1: We'll make profit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know we ought to hold this annual picnic
six or seven times a year.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, this is great and nobody knows what's going on.
Speaker 6: I do, George, I'll.
Speaker 4: Wait a minute's conscience. You don't start button in now.
You ain't getting no cut out of this.
Speaker 1: This is my deal. Go get your own racket. If
you want something, Norge.
Speaker 6: You promised you do right with this money. You promised,
you promised. You can't go back on your word.
Speaker 1: I tell you can't. Your cart Oh shut up.
Speaker 4: Out of all the consciences in the world, I gotta
get one that thinks he's Spencer Tracy Gorge.
Speaker 10: If you don't hold that picnic at Ocean Side Park,
you're going to regret it.
Speaker 1: Now. Listen, the picnic goes on at Sleepy Valley, and
if you start bothering me on that picnic, I go
eat some of that sow curtain. Make you sick as
a dog. Huh? How do you like that conscience bother me?
The picnic goes on the Sleeper Valley, and my troubles
is over. You sent for me, Colonel Margaret.
Speaker 14: Yes, captain with a defense program stepping up activities here
at West Point, we decided to open up that new
small arms and mortar range.
Speaker 1: Very well, sir.
Speaker 14: Yes, starting Saturday morning, all small arms and mortar practice
will be confined to our new range, Sleepy Valley.
Speaker 15: Yes, sir, I plan on having my platoon fireful record
at eleven thirty Saturday morning.
Speaker 3: And now here's your rex Al family driverists.
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acting aspirin made than rex Al aspirin.
Speaker 5: Well, but exactly what do you mean by fast acting?
Speaker 9: I mean how quickly the aspirin in the tablet is liberated,
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You see, it's bound with an ingredient that will quickly
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Speaker 5: The tablet, and then the asprin can go to work exactly.
Speaker 9: That's why a Rexol scientists developed a binding ingredient so
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Speaker 13: No wonder you say, there's no faster acting aspirin made.
Speaker 1: And no wonder.
Speaker 9: Ten thousand family druggists tell you you can depend on
any drug product that bears the name REXL.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, great, picnic in it bro then there, Oh yeah, yeah,
go and find kingfish. This sleepy valley is the best place.
We don't ever have funny though. When we come in here.
We had to crawl under that bob wire.
Speaker 1: With all of them keep out signing it make it
more private. You see, how are you coming with the
hot dog concession here? And well I served eighteen people
already and I ain't used the second hot dog yet.
He was there, just looking at that dog there on
the grill, looked like a tour in one of two
spots there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that happened with missus van Porter. She got
them protrud and teeth and I didn't palm the dog
fast enough. By the time I got it back on
the grill, I had the prior pivot truth out of it.
Speaker 4: Then I broke down the last minute and brought the
three dozen hot dogs more.
Speaker 1: Uh, we got to gout two hundred people. Yeah, you
better start slipping a hot dog in every third one. Yeah, okay, okay,
Well then.
Speaker 4: This around eleven o'clock. Uh, going to wander round and
see how everybody doing.
Speaker 16: I'll see you later than well.
Speaker 1: Well, well, the baseball game going nice and everybody happen.
Speaker 4: Yeah, King Kingfish, I want to have some words with you,
Oh Calhoun, who's the trouble boy?
Speaker 1: We all?
Speaker 17: I want to raise the complaints about the conduct of
this yet picked me on behalf of a committee of
the brothers. I wants to By the way, King Fish,
is you got any eye die?
Speaker 1: I dine what you want when I done?
Speaker 17: Well, when we calls through the barbed wire coming in
here where I was high, the wire was low.
Speaker 4: When now wear the man, Calhoun, know what complains that
you got on behalf of the brothers.
Speaker 1: You sord you I got them all ripping up your
legal fashion. One hot dogs.
Speaker 5: It is a large that.
Speaker 17: Instead of hot dogs, mustard.
Speaker 1: And horse reddish is being served.
Speaker 17: And it is my contention that sad mustard is a
violation of the Pure Food.
Speaker 1: And Drug Act, and the.
Speaker 17: Aforementioned hot redis horse reddish, is against the best interest
of the brother's gall bladder.
Speaker 1: Well that Harbin took care of Calhoun. We putting hot
dogs in the hot dogs. Now two lemonade.
Speaker 17: This alarged beverage is being after being analyzed, was not
only found to be lemonless, but it contains several farm
objects to wi four bobby pins, a tea strainer, a
golf ball, and an undelified two pigs, a teddy kingfish.
Speaker 4: Some of the brothers had an all the time drinking
that stuff. Wordless little things like that, and make a
picnic a picnic Calhoun.
Speaker 1: Item number three.
Speaker 17: It is further alarged by several of the brothers Kingfish,
I want to show you something over here, Come here.
Speaker 1: And father moll.
Speaker 17: It's been held and the whole affair is mishandled and
misrepresented in the same old fashion.
Speaker 1: And Kingfish, it is further maintain that.
Speaker 15: You you that's funny is I've been talking to this
tree all this time?
Speaker 1: And what are you dragging me away from the picnic?
Way over here?
Speaker 2: For Kingfish, I done stumbled across something on the other
side of this hill here that made my blood turn cold.
I want you to get a look at it and
see if it puts on a frost on your rock
race here we is, Kingfish. Look at that sign.
Speaker 4: Harr n ge range number four and then what'd you
bring me over here for this?
Speaker 12: For this sign just means that this is a cattle
range here. Yeah, but look at the word in front
of range. I had heard of Aberdeen angers and the
Guernsey and the Hereford, but I never heard the nod
cow's name Howardzer before.
Speaker 1: Howartzer.
Speaker 4: Well, that's probably one of them little nord breeds of
cows like roll out in reds.
Speaker 2: You know what, listen, Kingfish, I don't like their looks
of this thing. Read that whole sign there, seventy five
mm Howarzer range.
Speaker 4: Well, that means that the seventy five Howards the cows
on the range.
Speaker 1: That's all it is to that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but what did the mm mean, Well, that's probably.
Speaker 4: A cattle term, and it means some as moors and
some as milkers. I don't know why you dragged me
away from the picnic for a crazy thing like this.
Speaker 2: Well, listen, Kingfish, forgetting the milkers and the moors and
the Horowitz cows.
Speaker 1: Explain something else in me here? Explained to me?
Speaker 8: What them four great big signs on top of the
hill there here where?
Speaker 1: I love that? Oh you mean those with the white
background and the big red circles inside each other.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's billboards, probably an ad for life savers Andy,
you know, the cherry kind.
Speaker 1: That's funny. The sun is out bright as everything, and
I could have swool. I heard Sundays that thunder show
got a mean whip to it, and I was just
looking at the billboards. Yeah, one was gone English.
Speaker 2: I got a sneaking suspicion of them cattlests carrying guns.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Now, now the thing to do is let's be calm.
And that's just John's sitting.
Speaker 7: Terrible and at the back in the picnic grounds, somebody
is shooting at us.
Speaker 5: George, what kind of places this?
Speaker 6: You?
Speaker 5: Brother?
Speaker 6: Now?
Speaker 1: Listen self, I just ain't no time to ask questions.
Round up everybody, and let's go back to the buses.
Speaker 5: Oh josh, this is terrible. Let's get out of here.
Speaker 1: Don't wait for me.
Speaker 8: Now wait if this is hunting season, I don't want
to end up on nobody's living room wall.
Speaker 1: There.
Speaker 4: Now, listen, fellas, quiet down, please, won't you? Everybody is
all right now, listen, the Kingfish has done want to
speak to the man from the army.
Speaker 1: Well, we wants to get hold of him. He done
jepped us. Yeah, we'll fix that chiseler.
Speaker 4: Well, now, look, let's all get back to the buses
and we can settle this thing when we gets.
Speaker 1: Back to New York. I know you're mad at the Kingfish,
but say, wait a minute. Here he comes down. Here's
they can't pay.
Speaker 4: Oh wait a minute now, boys down, Now, calm down, boys,
calm down, everybody.
Speaker 1: This is one of them unfortunate mistakes. But I was
happy to tell you loving brothers that I was.
Speaker 4: Gonna refund everybody damn money they paid in even though
wires losing money.
Speaker 1: Everybody gives every nickelback. Well, i'll ask deaf for all right, Now,
everybody back to the buses. Everybody gonna get every nickelback now, boys, Uh,
oh me, what a day this has been. Oh god,
oh conscience.
Speaker 10: Well, George, you've got in a lot of trouble, but
I must say you redeemed yourself wonderful giving everybody back
their money.
Speaker 4: Well, Conscience, I realized my mistake and it was the
only thing I could do. I lost money on the deal,
but it was the only thing I could do for
my dear friend.
Speaker 10: Yes, your don't you feel much happier this way?
Speaker 4: Yes, consince, I'd never been happier in my whole life.
Speaker 1: Why, Captain Walkan, this is terrible.
Speaker 14: You mean to say that we're people on our target
range and we were firing into them.
Speaker 15: Yes, Colonel, it was a terrible check to me when
this fellow Stephens ran up to me and told me
we ceased firing immediately.
Speaker 1: Well, thank heavens, no one was hurt. Was there any
loss of life?
Speaker 15: Well, no human life. But this fellow Stephens is an
old farmer. He told me our Morrishells killed twelve of
his prize capple and the Army has settled this case
on the spot for seven hundred dollars.
Speaker 3: Tased again, here's your wrecks, all family druggist.
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Speaker 2: Good night, see you next Sunday.
Speaker 1: Attention.
Speaker 3: Then, all this month, Rexall Druggists everywhere are offering the
regular fifty cent jumboll size tube of Stag Brushless shave
cream for only twenty five cents, yes, exactly half price.
Don't miss this money saving chance to get acquainted with
stag brushless shave cream. Remember all this month at rex
All drug stores everywhere, the regular fifty cent jumboll sized
tube of Stag Brushless shaved cream for only two twenty
five cents, exactly half price. The Amos and Andy Show
was written by Joe Connolly, Bob Moser, and Bob Rocks.
This is Ken Nile speaking, This is CBS to cand
on be a broadcasting system