Speaker 1: Doc.
Speaker 2: Here's what your mouth said when he ran up the clock.
Speaker 2: You won't know what you're missing if you don't see.
Speaker 2: Norge transcribe from Hollywood. Norge Division at BorgWarner, Manufacturers of
Speaker 2: America's most modern automatic and ringer washers, water heaters and
Speaker 2: home freezers, gas and electric ranges originators, and world's largest
Speaker 2: manufacturers of self defrosting refrigerators. Norge presents The Red Skelton
Speaker 2: Show with Red Skelton, David Rose and his orchestra, Lorene Puddle,
Speaker 2: Pat mcgehan and the Smith clans. Will be me, Rod O'Connor,
Speaker 2: and now the star of our program, Red Skelton. Thank
Speaker 2: you very much. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, Hire rod Hire, Red,
Speaker 2: what's up? Well, I've.
Speaker 3: What's up?
Speaker 1: Have you tried to buy meat lately?
Speaker 2: Hey?
Speaker 1: It reminds me I haven't eaten.
Speaker 2: I gotta go over to the Turkish bath and see
Speaker 2: if my hot dogs are done. I gotta be carefully
Speaker 2: and that's where I do all the cookings.
Speaker 1: Over that steam room.
Speaker 2: Last week I went in there and mistake, I got
Speaker 2: two sunburned midgets. Y. Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1: Look just read don't agree.
Speaker 2: You know there must be a more honorable way of.
Speaker 1: Making a living, meaning what we're doing right here. That's right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right.
Speaker 2: See how about you and me getting in a little
Speaker 2: business and we kind of team up.
Speaker 4: Huh?
Speaker 2: Well what sort of business did you want to go into?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Should be something that we're both capable of doing. Oh no,
Speaker 2: I'm not going back to Fresno, to those wine factories.
Speaker 2: I used to be known as Redfoot. I used to
Speaker 2: stop grafully. You see my feet were so big. No,
Speaker 2: you think I got big feet though? You should see
Speaker 2: my follower. He'd got feet so big he has to
Speaker 2: put his.
Speaker 1: Fans on where his head.
Speaker 2: Well, let's see, let's let's do the want to add
Speaker 2: section of the morning paper and see if there any
Speaker 2: businesses for sale. Oh a bully idea, Bully, good show,
Speaker 2: Good show.
Speaker 1: England.
Speaker 2: You can see I haven't been wasting my time looking
Speaker 2: at those British pictures on television. Bully, Hey, get a
Speaker 2: load of this. It him in the personal column here
Speaker 2: it says young man with pet skunk would like to
Speaker 2: meet young lady with air wigs mutch it be a
Speaker 2: whirlwind cordship.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, hey, how about this for sale?
Speaker 2: A rabbit ranch stock includes two rabbits in an adding machine.
Speaker 2: We don't want a business like that. You have to count, remember, dear,
Speaker 2: they get ahead of you. Yeah, this one looks good.
Speaker 2: High class restaurant and an exclusive neighborhood owner must sell
Speaker 2: because of ill health. He probably been eating his own flud.
Speaker 2: Let's call that restaurant. See what's cooking?
Speaker 5: Huh?
Speaker 2: What would we do in a restauran?
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know. I love to cook. And remember
Speaker 1: the birthday cake I baked for you.
Speaker 2: I sure do. The only part I could eat was
Speaker 2: the candles.
Speaker 1: You kidding, boy, I can really cook.
Speaker 2: Think you may not believe any of your lady's got
Speaker 2: a pencil on paper.
Speaker 1: Take this down.
Speaker 2: I'll give you a recipe for a cake that's wonderful.
Speaker 2: You take a pound of flour save and then you.
Speaker 1: Take four eggs, just the whites.
Speaker 2: You add the yellows later, and then you take a
Speaker 2: cup of sugar and some shortening, and you mix it
Speaker 2: up real good, and then sprinkle Papa.
Speaker 1: Rica all over that.
Speaker 2: I've taken an oven temperature of five hundred the finest
Speaker 2: slab of Italian marble you've ever tasted. Fact, I think
Speaker 2: I could sell that recipe to CBS, they can make
Speaker 2: a cornerstone for their news studio. Well, maybe we better
Speaker 2: just stick to the jobs we've got. Red. What do
Speaker 2: you say, Oh, if the sponsors heard what's going on,
Speaker 2: soul War, we may not even have a job anymore.
Speaker 1: We'd better call on Dave Rose to save this.
Speaker 2: Dave, strike up the band and let's hear your arrangement
Speaker 2: of the portrait of.
Speaker 4: A flirt the.
Speaker 6: Cold Attack the.
Speaker 2: Let's take a minute to talk about a real buy
Speaker 2: the Norge triple action washer in the new pyramid model.
Speaker 2: It's not only streamlined and looks, it's streamlined in action too.
Speaker 2: The trouble with most ringer washers that have the new
Speaker 2: full length skirt instead of legs is they're too easy
Speaker 2: to tip over. But not this new Norge pyramid model.
Speaker 2: Norge is the only streamlined ringer washer designed with a
Speaker 2: wider base and five instead of the usual forecasters that
Speaker 2: prevents tipping. But this new Norge doesn't take up an
Speaker 2: more floor space and it rolls just like a baby carriage.
Speaker 2: Or you can anchor it from either side instantly because
Speaker 2: two of the five castors are self locking. Now, then
Speaker 2: what about the washing action Norge triple action agitation has
Speaker 2: always been famous for getting clothes cleaner and doing it faster.
Speaker 2: Norge really gets the deep down dirt, but it does
Speaker 2: an average load in only seven minutes. I wish you'd
Speaker 2: compare this new Norge with any other ringer washer on
Speaker 2: the market, for you won't know what you're missing if
Speaker 2: you don't see Norge. From the Skeleton scrap Book of Satire,
Speaker 2: we present a story entitled job Hunting. Chapter one is
Speaker 2: entitled help Wanted Cowhan, and it concerns the poor Man's
Speaker 2: Gabby Hayes deada high from Texas.
Speaker 5: Hey, hey, you deedie, whoa whoa? Come on? Horse warm?
Speaker 3: You know that I that horse gets skin air every
Speaker 3: time I feel well.
Speaker 2: You see, it's this way.
Speaker 1: I flip a coin every day.
Speaker 2: You see heads, He gets oats and tails. I get beer.
Speaker 2: You know he's the unluckiest horse I ever see. He
Speaker 2: lost ten times in a row. You know, say you
Speaker 2: haven't seen any of the law around.
Speaker 1: Here, have you? I know?
Speaker 3: Tell me why are you so afraid of the law.
Speaker 2: Of course I'm wanted in Texas, but they don't never
Speaker 2: take me back there. Of course, the way Texas is
Speaker 2: growing I may not have to go back. It'll come
Speaker 2: and get me.
Speaker 1: Thank you representatives from Dallas.
Speaker 3: You know dead I you look different from both the
Speaker 3: cowboy down. Tell me what's wrong with your leg?
Speaker 2: One bull legged?
Speaker 5: That's all.
Speaker 2: Everybody in my family was bull legged. More used to
Speaker 2: hitch rides on oil trucks. Well, I haven't got time
Speaker 2: to stand there in chat. I gotta go round up
Speaker 2: some of the actors for a western show out putting
Speaker 2: a oh well look, that's what I wanted to see about.
Speaker 1: Corny.
Speaker 2: Uh, you can count me in. You know I can
Speaker 2: do some fancy shooting, and I can sing a song
Speaker 2: with my educated hort.
Speaker 3: You really can handle them sick shooters.
Speaker 2: Well you just start counting. I'll show you how fast
Speaker 2: I am on the drove. All right, Eat one, two,
Speaker 2: three or grunt? What it says here? Grunt? You know
Speaker 2: it ain't as easy as it looks.
Speaker 6: Five.
Speaker 1: You know they get heavier every day.
Speaker 2: Grunt, say tell hey, die, well, don't stand here, help
Speaker 2: me win. Just as I thought, you're nothing but a
Speaker 2: big blowhard boy. Yeah you mean that I'm a blow hard.
Speaker 2: I ain't right you say that to a Texan. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: I just ain't taking no foolishness today, So we'll see
Speaker 2: about that though.
Speaker 3: Why say you got before you poured your dog? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I think I lost another too? You got an open
Speaker 2: toe boot here? Helly, help me take my boot off?
Speaker 3: Were you a right?
Speaker 2: You could have my leg back? Count of toes for me?
Speaker 5: Would you have one?
Speaker 3: Two, three, board, five, six, seven seven?
Speaker 2: I lost two of meta.
Speaker 3: I think we'd better forget about that fancy shoe.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: You tell me that that's an educated heart, as.
Speaker 2: You're that's really an educated horse. And watch this now,
Speaker 2: hey boy, now pay attention forci What is to end?
Speaker 1: Two? Come?
Speaker 2: One boy?
Speaker 5: One more?
Speaker 2: Please see you?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 2: Thanks, just the same, did I? But this is a
Speaker 2: play we're putting on. I only need actors, so thank okay.
Speaker 2: Gidea boy, Gidea.
Speaker 7: Chapter two of Job Hunting is about a punchdrung fighter
Speaker 7: but the name of Califlar mcpug who's always imagining. He
Speaker 7: hears Belsenberg anyway, it seems one day he saw a
Speaker 7: health wandered sign hanging in the restaurant window.
Speaker 2: You knew you you.
Speaker 8: Get to do the mocking boy, the mocking boy. You
Speaker 8: can do the mocking boy.
Speaker 1: I tell like Margaret being dragged through a not holed.
Speaker 2: He you want to have a bell put on that door,
Speaker 2: then you could tell when somebody come in.
Speaker 1: Get to my boy, put a bell on that door?
Speaker 2: Where's a bell on that door? Didn't you hear it
Speaker 2: ring when you came in?
Speaker 1: What do you want?
Speaker 2: I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I didn't hear no bell. What do you think? I'm
Speaker 1: funky dumping?
Speaker 2: And what are you running a pet door here in
Speaker 2: parakeet to making awful out of noise? Cat a fire?
Speaker 2: For your information, this is a restaurant. Well, from what
Speaker 2: I am hearing, you're catering to nothing but boys.
Speaker 1: Why don't you wait on them? Canary? They're thing for.
Speaker 2: I saw you're looking at that sign in the window?
Speaker 2: Is that what you came in? Here? About?
Speaker 1: What I came in?
Speaker 9: Mind?
Speaker 1: I came in to tea about that time? How long
Speaker 1: does your clearance sale land?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 2: Sign doesn't say anything about clear and sale. That's say
Speaker 2: a short order cook water? Can't you read?
Speaker 1: Do I step aside?
Speaker 2: You come to troop with te do.
Speaker 1: Oh a flamingo?
Speaker 2: When did you ask me get a minute to go
Speaker 2: with your mind?
Speaker 1: You would wait again?
Speaker 2: I said, can't you read. I can't read. I can
Speaker 2: read very reading, but I can't read write and yet
Speaker 2: right and right and not putting? Hey grab an apple
Speaker 2: for the teacher.
Speaker 1: The cool bells w.
Speaker 2: How punchy can you get? I said, how punchy can
Speaker 2: you get?
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's pretty hard to tell. I'm still
Speaker 1: rather young.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: You need a cook?
Speaker 1: How about hiring me?
Speaker 2: Well, what do you know about cooking?
Speaker 1: I know, pretty boy? I will did three years of
Speaker 1: KP and you arm me? Why do we have to
Speaker 1: cook for food? For the whole regiment? And they get you?
Speaker 1: Number it comb me? The boy? Did you nick my hand?
Speaker 1: I was the pride of the canine core.
Speaker 2: The canine car. Huh what were you a dog face?
Speaker 2: Thank you?
Speaker 5: You didn't get a laugh.
Speaker 1: But it's cue.
Speaker 2: Why do you want to work here? Aren't you fighting anymore?
Speaker 1: I fight a couple of nights a week at the board.
Speaker 2: He said, stop it stuff. You always say, Oh.
Speaker 1: That's going playing twick on me. He worked up me
Speaker 1: appening the back of their head. But when I turn
Speaker 1: you around him.
Speaker 2: Say you fight two nights a week, then you'll want
Speaker 2: two nights a week off from this job? You get
Speaker 2: two minutes, just two minutes. I'll get the bout over
Speaker 2: with in a hurry. I'll feed up my fall up,
Speaker 2: picking up the lines when they don't get a laugh
Speaker 2: to him. But after, after the fight, there will you
Speaker 2: feel like working? Believe me, I won't see anything boy
Speaker 2: like one thing about me. I come out of a
Speaker 2: fight the thame condition that guy go in unconjured.
Speaker 1: Dear boy, I'm quite a fighting you know, are you
Speaker 1: the boy a flock?
Speaker 8: Wait?
Speaker 1: Never came Dan. Now you take my fight?
Speaker 2: And I had in Burbank that week.
Speaker 1: I was fighting Irish Irving.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And the way he went after me, you think.
Speaker 2: He was drooming a business for some mortuary. He hit
Speaker 2: me and a no too hard and everything. Then I've
Speaker 2: been breathing down my own neck. I hit the can
Speaker 2: with I bounced for five minutes. It keet bouncing their
Speaker 2: Finally my manager had to dribble me to my wretting room.
Speaker 1: I like the better when they're not there.
Speaker 2: Hello, honey, you walk around on your heels. Your brains
Speaker 2: are scrambled. Oh you take I'm you want a geanut
Speaker 2: whackler my room with that long haired monkey, yeah him
Speaker 2: and then beautiful back robe before.
Speaker 1: You're rounding on a time, can't for it? Don't?
Speaker 2: What's the matter with him? Oh he likes to show
Speaker 2: people that he's not about flying an airplane and jeans
Speaker 2: and he's always flying all over down.
Speaker 1: Get to tell everybody how good he is. Butt in
Speaker 1: the neighborhood, Know that poor looking?
Speaker 2: What's wrong with that?
Speaker 1: You ain't got no air from me? I know, I
Speaker 1: tune up with motor for.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm sorry, colar plown, I can't hire you for
Speaker 2: a cook, but we need a dishwasher and the jobs yours?
Speaker 2: If your water, how much you do pay?
Speaker 1: How much you get pay? How much you do pay?
Speaker 2: Topic it pay us four dollars a day next week
Speaker 2: a week nepoo. Of course out of that I did
Speaker 2: duck three dollars a day for your meals that week. Boom.
Speaker 2: And there's another deduction for income tax, social security and
Speaker 2: medical insurance that comes to ninety two cents a day.
Speaker 2: Let's see. That leaves you a net earning of eight
Speaker 2: cents a day. And that's not counting your car fare.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, what actually to day?
Speaker 2: Are you sure you want the job, coularfarers?
Speaker 1: Sure I need the money?
Speaker 5: Colar?
Speaker 2: On second, that I don't think I can use you
Speaker 2: as a dish work okay, No, but day I gotta
Speaker 2: run anyhow, I'm a volunteer fireman, and I've heard a third.
Speaker 7: Alarm bell ring for I gotta go, okay, which brings
Speaker 7: us now to the smith Twins or will sing down yonder.
Speaker 1: Yonder smon beacons to me.
Speaker 5: Yonder racons on me.
Speaker 8: I need to see your racing never read between the
Speaker 8: Letchers and the Robert.
Speaker 2: Wan.
Speaker 8: Sure I miss Shimon and every.
Speaker 6: Day, my mammy Land, you're simply Grandjoon.
Speaker 5: Under when the focus the news don't wonder.
Speaker 2: At the Hall of b Loon is Daddy and Mammy.
Speaker 8: There's and Sammy waiting down yonder for me, way down yonder,
Speaker 8: in the land of Cotton, waiting for.
Speaker 10: Me way down yonder.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm not forgotten.
Speaker 5: Just wait and see.
Speaker 2: I seem to see your racing memory me waiting south
Speaker 2: between the Natches and the robberty.
Speaker 5: Fanny Shaw. I missed small and Mark every day, my
Speaker 5: mammy Land, see.
Speaker 8: Your simply Grandjoe where on yonder when the focus the
Speaker 8: news don't ever wonder at the Hall.
Speaker 5: Of Lows, there's Daddy and Mammy and Sammy.
Speaker 2: Waiting down yonder. For waiting down, waiting down yonder.
Speaker 8: Call me.
Speaker 1: And now.
Speaker 2: Jesse Cartwright, co director of the Norge Home Economics Department,
Speaker 2: has a wash day hint for homemakers.
Speaker 11: If washing handkerchiefs is a chore you dislike, try this
Speaker 11: easy trick. Before you put the handkerchiefs in the washing machine,
Speaker 11: soak them in lukewarm salt water.
Speaker 1: Use about a tablespoon of salt to each quart of water.
Speaker 11: Of course, if you have a Nordge triple action washer,
Speaker 11: you'll never have any real problem in getting close sparkling clean.
Speaker 2: You bet Nord's triple action washes clothes cleaner, and it
Speaker 2: washes them faster. Seven minutes is average, and many loads
Speaker 2: take even less time.
Speaker 11: Right, don't forget the automatic timer on the new Norge
Speaker 11: pyramid model.
Speaker 2: Yes, with Nords you can wash clothes automatically for any
Speaker 2: of five different washing times lightly soiled, average and so on.
Speaker 2: You just set the timer and Nord shuts itself off automatically.
Speaker 2: Every single feature this new Norde Bringer washer, with its
Speaker 2: non tip pyramid construction is streamline. Why don't you go
Speaker 2: down to your dealers and look it over. You won't
Speaker 2: know what you're missing if you don't see Nords.
Speaker 9: Our final chapter is entitled Competition Junior Grade, and of
Speaker 9: course it's about Junior, the mean little kid.
Speaker 2: Oh there's that fat ol'connor standing in front of He's
Speaker 2: new Western. I gotta talk to that guy. You, mister O'Connor,
Speaker 2: stay right where you live. I'm coming across the street. No, Junior, No, well,
Speaker 2: good heavens, I better see these all right, Junior, Junior?
Speaker 2: All right, No, I didn't get a scratch. I didn't
Speaker 2: get a scratched. But did you notice that Cadillac wearing
Speaker 2: that off the shoulder chevel name.
Speaker 1: I read that like they were a sponsor, Junior.
Speaker 2: You know better than the run out of the street
Speaker 2: like that. Never mind, fact, Joe, I came over here
Speaker 2: to talk about your business with you.
Speaker 1: You it's definitely your place of establishment here.
Speaker 2: Well, come on in, Junior, but don't slam the door
Speaker 2: because I just put a new glass in. It might break.
Speaker 2: Oh you can't wake a glass by slamming your door.
Speaker 2: Oh yes you can.
Speaker 3: I can.
Speaker 2: Well, thanks for your permission, Junior. How could you Well
Speaker 2: you told me I could.
Speaker 1: If you want another demonstration, you had to put another.
Speaker 2: Glass in that door for two cents, I'd give you
Speaker 2: a whipping. I should give you two cents for a whipping,
Speaker 2: and get all I want from home for nothing, one way,
Speaker 2: and don't bother me, jun your ambusy, you're busy.
Speaker 1: That's what I happened to come over to see you about.
Speaker 1: Fat Joe.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry to say, but this restaurant has to go.
Speaker 2: Why does it have to go because I happen to
Speaker 2: run your lemonade down across the street and I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna stand for any competition. Watch who well you see now,
Speaker 2: I'll give you just twenty four hours to clear out
Speaker 2: of this neighborhood. What if I don't feel like clearing out, Well,
Speaker 2: look at this book back I'm looking. Now, take a
Speaker 2: look at that big window, not yours, the one on
Speaker 2: your door.
Speaker 3: You'll do me that, Yes, well, put two and two.
Speaker 2: Together, your big, stupid fat snob, and imagine how drafty
Speaker 2: it's gonna.
Speaker 5: Be in here.
Speaker 2: Now, Junior, there's no need to threaten me. I'm sure
Speaker 2: we can get along doing business in the same neighborhood.
Speaker 2: After all, I don't sell lemonade and you don't sell food.
Speaker 1: I do too, sell food.
Speaker 2: My we do stand is noticeable. It is Will's famous
Speaker 2: mud pie. Through over my counter comes the most beautiful
Speaker 2: mud pie.
Speaker 1: In the world.
Speaker 2: Who would buy mud pies? I'll tell you who by
Speaker 2: just get people that drink my lemonade. Because you can't
Speaker 2: show what that They buy a mud pie just to
Speaker 2: show you can see me after a busy day, boy,
Speaker 2: I'm loaded with anything.
Speaker 1: I'm covered with mud is known as the filthy wit.
Speaker 2: Well, Junior, to show you there's no hard feelings. I'll
Speaker 2: give you some sugar. If you're a lemonade. How's that? Well?
Speaker 2: Now that's mighty neighbor, are you? Could you give me
Speaker 2: a lemon two?
Speaker 1: The one I has been using is getting there with
Speaker 1: a moldy.
Speaker 2: I don't know why.
Speaker 1: I've only had it for two months.
Speaker 2: Jr. Don't look now, but here comes your mother.
Speaker 1: Oh the hair brush kid rides again.
Speaker 2: I was wondering how long it's going to take her
Speaker 2: to discover that. I figured out the combination on the crib. Oh,
Speaker 2: oh you know.
Speaker 1: Rod, Have you been Junior?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 2: He was here a minute ago. Ah, there he is,
Speaker 2: picking out of the garbage disposal stool pigeon changer. I
Speaker 2: get this half a great food off.
Speaker 1: Of my head.
Speaker 2: Now you get out of that garbage disposal.
Speaker 10: Somebody is able to turn the switch off and you'll
Speaker 10: clog up the plumbing.
Speaker 1: Well, it's nice now that somebody cares for me.
Speaker 5: Hey, Mom, you two look.
Speaker 10: Pretty, Oh, Risk, I don't start that huffy, magusty stuff
Speaker 10: with me.
Speaker 1: What's your language? This Jo goos through? Pasha?
Speaker 10: Stop trying to change the subtic? How many times have
Speaker 10: I told you never to cross that street alone?
Speaker 3: Rod?
Speaker 10: What am I going to do with him?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: I know a good taxidermis where you can have him
Speaker 2: stuff cheap?
Speaker 10: H How can you ever think of such a thing.
Speaker 10: He wouldn't look good hanging over the fireplace.
Speaker 2: Way, Look, if you both some answers to stuffed me,
Speaker 2: how about doing it with ice cream and cake or
Speaker 2: a please your fire or something? Step banana pie cream pier. Look,
Speaker 2: get your hands off of that. I want it. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna stuff me, Chelsey. You folks have ever watched the
Speaker 2: comedies on television?
Speaker 1: You know how this is gonna end.
Speaker 6: Now, let's throw of that pie you as you right?
Speaker 1: You didn't.
Speaker 2: Let's go the first time I've ever enjoyed a baning
Speaker 2: you Just get my hands on you make me swam
Speaker 2: a junior. That's funny, it didn't break.
Speaker 1: Let's fat.
Speaker 2: They don't make glass like they used to. Let This
Speaker 2: is Ron O'Connor saying, remember in refrigerator's, home freezer's, gas
Speaker 2: and electric ranges, washers and water heaters. Everything Norge makes,
Speaker 2: Norge makes right. Why don't you stopping at your local
Speaker 2: Norge dealers soon? See the washer that's streamlined in looks
Speaker 2: and action, the new Norge pyramid model with triple action
Speaker 2: that gets close cleaner and less time. And the new
Speaker 2: gentle touch ringer that gets closed dryer with less wear
Speaker 2: and tear.
Speaker 3: See this new.
Speaker 2: Norge triple action washer now at your Norge dealers, and
Speaker 2: now until next week. This is Red Skelton saying thanks
Speaker 2: for listening and reminding you that you won't know what
Speaker 2: you're missing if you don't see Norge. Join us again
Speaker 2: next week for the Red Skelton Show. Let's help has
Speaker 2: turned the program to the courtesy of me Proball the
Speaker 2: Mayor Studio. This is a copyrighted feature transpired from Hollywood.
Speaker 10: Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: This is the CBS Radio Network
Speaker 1: M HM